Four levels of Com

8 RuralLeaderMagazine.com | NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015 Have you ever had someone say, "In response to your comment ... "I understand..."And you were quite sure they didn't? Of course you have. How did you feel at that moment? Most likely, not very good. Something was probably screaming inside you, saying "No, you don't," because you knew they were simply throwing out a cliché. They didn't really understand you. Unless you realize there are four levels of communication, and until you know how to take people through those four levels, your conversations at work and at home will be littered with misunderstandings. And that is not acceptable -- if you want your team to function well, if you want your customer service to shine, and if you want your relationships to work.

So let's take a quick look at those four levels. (P. S. If you want an in-depth explanation and if you want to learn all the skills that go with each level, I suggest you attend my "Journey to the Extraordinary" experience, which has a lot more time to deal with the issue than a brief tip could ever do.)

1. Cliché Level. This is the most superficial level of conversation and is limited to unimportant chit-chat. It includes comments such as: "How are you? ... Some weather out there .... See you around ... and ... Take care." This level of communication may feel safe because nothing is ever said that could be offensive. The problem is nothing is ever said that could be useful. If, for example, you are a salesperson talking to prospective customer, and if you stay on this level of communication, you miss an opportunity to understand your prospect's problem and help her solve it. You see this take place at restaurants everywhere. The server will come by after you have begun eating and ask "How is everything?" The typical customer responds with a cliché -- "Everything is fine." And the typical customer says everything is fine whether or not it is. If the food isn't "fine" but "not bad enough to send back," he simply decides ... privately ... that he'll never come back to that restaurant again. The server has failed to learn some very important information and the restaurant has lost a customer. But that's not all. The customer loses as well ... because he's had an unsatisfactory experience and may even feel like he wasted his money. So if you're hoping to build better relationships on and off the job, the cliché level won't do it for you. A little deeper communication would be the.

2. Fact Level. On this level, some basic information is shared. For example, if I was talking to you over the phone and asked "How's the weather at your end?" and you replied "Great," you would be giving me a cliché. But if you said "It's 73 degrees," you would be giving me a fact. 4 Levels of Communication That Ensure Understanding By Dr. Alan Zimmerman

Facts can be useful. If you're in the customer service business, you may talk about the features of your product or service. Those may be useful facts for the prospective customer. If you're trying to build your team, you may work on getting more acquainted with each other by sharing some information about your family, your schooling, and your hobbies. Those are useful facts so the team members start to "feel like they know each other."

Most of the time, the fact level of communication is fairly comfortable and non-threatening. In a sales situation, the customer doesn't feel "too high pressured," and the salesperson learns a few things that will help him/her take the conversation a bit further. Just be careful. Don't read too much into the facts. Suppose one of your friends said, "When I was a kid, my Dad did some things that scared me. Can you relate to that?" And suppose you answered, "Yes, I understand. I can relate to that." Do you really understand or just think you do? Let's say your friend went on to say, "My Dad was a coal miner from early in the morning until late in the afternoon, six days a week, for 23 years. When he finished his shift, he and his buddies would all go to the bar, drink until midnight, and then he would come home drunk. Of course, I would be asleep, but he would pull me by the hair, wake me up, and shoot an unloaded pistol at my head. That scared me." Is that what you had in mind when you said you could "relate" to your friend. I doubt it. That's why Jeff Thull is so right when he says, "Never say, 'I understand' until you really do." Even if you're communicating on the fact level, there is so much more you need to understand for the communication to be highly effective. You need to get to the third level or beyond.

3. Opinion Level. This is where you to start make sense of the facts. In other words, you talk about what the facts mean to you or the other person. If I ask you "How's business?" and you say "Okay," you've given me a cliché answer. If you answer "Our sales are up by 14% over last year at this time," you've given me a fact. But if I probe a little bit and ask "What do you think of that 14% increase?" I start to get to the real meaning. If you tell me what you think about that, if you give me your opinion and say "I think a 14% increase is okay, but it doesn't seem that great when I know my competitors are up by 27%," I'll have a much fuller understanding.

In one group I was attending, the people shared the "fact" they had children, and then some people shared their "opinions" on children. I'm sure you can see the difference. The people said such things as: • Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your children. • Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

10 RuralLeaderMagazine.com | NOVEMBER/DECEMBER 2015 Four Levels of Communication continued from page 9 • Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. • The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own. • We childproofed our home 3 years ago and they're still getting in! • Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

Obviously, opinions are better than pure old facts all by themselves, but your clearest, deepest, most helpful communication will take place on the.

4. Feeling Level. This is where emotions are shared. This is where you tell someone how the "facts" have affected you personally. And until someone knows your feelings, he/she doesn't really know you. For example, you and I could be coworkers, and I might know you have a high I.Q. That would be a fact. I may think you're capable of achieving so much more in life. That would be my opinion. But you wouldn't know me until I shared my feelings about that fact and that opinion. I may think you're capable of achieving so much more, and I may feel sorry for you. Or I may feel challenged to motivate you. I may feel concerned about your apparent burnout. I may feel relieved that you aren't outshining me on the job. I may feel delighted to have a coworker in the same rut I'm in. Or I may feel a hundred other things. When I share my feelings, you get to know me. We've reached the level of genuine communication. And the same is true of you and every relationship you have. When you share your feelings with someone and he shares his feelings with you, it is then ... and only then ... that you get to know each other. So don't get all creeped-out when someone shares their feelings. Indeed, if one of your coworkers or customers shares their feelings of delight, disappointment, anger, frustration, or anticipation, they're essentially saying they trust you. They feel safe enough to open up and share some very important as well as some very personal information. Unfortunately, as noted in the book "Exceptional Selling" by Thull, "Only a small percentage of people are naturally open to expressing their feelings.

Another small percentage will open up if given the opportunity. The rest need to be gradually led to talk about what they feel." That's done through the art of questioning. And you can learn to do that just like you learned about the four levels of communication. Now it’s time to ask yourself, “On which level of communication do you spend most of your time at work at home? And where do you need to spend more time?” — About the Author Dr. Alan Zimmerman, is an author and professional speaker, has delivered more than 200 programs to a million people in 48 states and 22 countries. His Internet newsletter, the “Tuesday Tip,” is read by 70,000 people across the world every week.

America's Small Town Twenty Fifteen

100

GetRuralLeaderMag.com | NOVEMBER /DECEMBER 2015 11 It is with great pleasure that we present the 2015 Small Town America’s 100 Most Influential People. For the second year, our anonymous panel of judges received scores of nominations with the daunting task to select 100 individuals who met the following baseline criteria: 1) nominee must reside within the United States and live or work within a small town or city with a population of 80,000 or less; (Note: we included a number of individuals from larger urban areas with considerable more population, however, may be considered small by other standards; and 2) be least 18 years of age and have made a significant contribution to community in his or her genre. Honorees self-nominated or were nominated by an individual, group, or organization. Nominations were accepted June 1st through July 31st.

We thought it important to convey a broad range of successful and influential people whose level of involvement, commitment, and intense effort to improve their communities sometimes go unnoticed. This year’s class includes influential people from a variety of sectors including business, art, music, theatre, health, government, law enforcement, education, and the faith community. They are everyday people doing extraordinary things. The full scope of their individual contributions may never be fully realized by those who do not understand the small town dynamic. Collectively, these exemplary individuals represent the heart and soul of small communities. Congratulations to all honorees!—

Jessica E. Anderson Airline Pilot and Flight Instructor Phelan, California Jerry "Pops" Barns Councilor District 1 Columbus, Georgia Regina Benjamin, MD Former U. S. Surgeon General Mobile, AL Harry Jim Blevin Mayor City of Pascagoula Pascagoula, MS

Jimmy Bradley Chair Randolph County Board of Commissioners Cuthbert, Georgia

John C. Bravman President Bucknell University Lewisburg, PA

Nancy Tia Brown Mayor City of Cody Cody, WY

Tary Brown Former CEO Albany Area Primary Health Care Albany, Georgia

Luke Bryan Singer and Song Writer Lessburg, GA

Bernard Burke Pastor Bride of Christ Church Bainbridge, Georgia

George K. Butterfield U. S. Rep. NC 1st District Wilson, North Carolina Casey Cagle Lieutenant Governor State of Georgia Gainsville, Georgia David Chavez, Ph.D. Chair Taos Board of Education Taos, New Mexico Jimmy Chen Professor Bucknell University Lewisburg, PA Kauila Clark Certified Hawaiian Practitioner WCCC Health Center Waiana, HI

Emanuel Cleaver U. S. Representative MO 5th District Waxahachie, TX James E. "Jim" Clyburn US Rep. 6th District South Carolina Assistant Minority Leader Sumter, SC

Gretchen Corbin Commissioner Technical College System of GA Atlanta, GA

Carlos Collins Pastor Higher Dimension Church Tallahassee, Inc. Plant City, Florida Nickey E. Collins, Ph.D Pastor Higher Dimension Church Tallahassee, Inc. Jacksonville, FL

Mark C. Crowley Leadership Guru/ Author/Consultant La Jolla, California

Jerry Cummins Mayor City of Walla Walla Walla Walla, Washington Cassandra Davis aka "Cassi" Actress Holly Springs, MS Danny K. Davis U. S. Representative 7th District Illinois Parkdale, AR Thomas Davis aka "Pokey" Professional Athlete Shellman, Georgia

Claudette Dixon Apostle Foley, Alabama John F. Dunbar Mayor City of Yountville Yountville, CA Carla Duran Taos Board of Education Member Taos, New Mexico Becky Elder Council Member City of Manitou Springs Manitou Springs, CO Derrick Frazier CEO Homer Medical Hospital Homer, LA

Donna Ford Council Member City of Manitou Spring Manitou, Springs, CO Mark Flores Board of ED Member Taoes Schools Taoes, New Mexico Santina Marcello Fryer CEO/Lead Consultant Ladder to Success, LLC Baxley, Georgia Eddie Fairbanks Sheriff Randolph County, GA

Alfred Gaines Apostle Orlando, Flordia

Shirley Gilbert Minister Springvale, Georgia Whitney Goler Board of ED Member Taos Schools Taos New, Mexico Patricia Goodman President RC Chamber of Commerce Cuthbert, Georgia

Donny Green, Ph.D. Minister Albany, Georgia Lori Griffin Principal Ballman Elementary School Van Buren, AR

Nikki Haley Governor South Carolina Bamburg, South Carolina

Will Harris Business Owner White Oaks Pastures Bluffton, Georgia Donnell Harvey Professional Athlete Shellman, Georgia

Burt Hill Council Member City of Pascagoula Pascagoula, MS Randy Hodges Council Member City of Manitou Springs Manitou Springs, CO

Russell L. Honore' Retired Lieutenant General U. S. First Army at Ft. Gillem, GA Lakeland, LA James Hotz, MD East Albany Medical Center Albany, Georgia

Dorothy Hubbard Mayor City of Albany Albany, Georgia

Freddy Jackson Council Member City of Pascagoula Pascagoula, MS

Tanya Johnson Principal Carnell Elementary School Ft. Smith, AR

Buruti K. Kafele a.k.a. Principal Kafele Educator/Author/ Consultant East Orange, NJ

Len Kiese Morning Anchor WIS-TV West Columbia, SC Christine B. Knighton Colonel U. S. Army and Executive Coach Benevolence & Cuthbert, GA

Sylvia Lafair, Ph.D. Co-Founder and President Creative Energy Options Winter Haven, CT

Paul Langford Mayor City of Shellman Shellman, Georgia

Jeannette Maw Coach/Consultant Good Vibe University South Jordan, UT

John C. Maxwell Leadership Guru/ Author/Consultant Garden City, MI Terry McAuliffe Governor State of Virginia McLean, VA Duncan McCoy Councilman Boulder City, Nevada Rosalyn Montgomery Airline Pilot Waco, TX

Marlyn Mosby State's Attorney Baltimore, Maryland Robin S. Nicholson Educator Randolph Co. Schools Fort, Gaines, GA Nicole Nicoletta Council Member City of Manitou Springs Manitou Springs, CO

Rick Olson Mayor City of McMinnville McMinnville, OR Marvin Pickett Council Member City of Pascagoula Pascagoula, MS

Philip Phillips Singer and Songwriter Leesburg, Geogia Jason Porter Prophet/Founder and CEO Believer's Circle Ministries Olive Branch, MS

Tracey Quintana Prophetess Tracey Quintana Ministries Colorado Springs, Co

Mark Renkert Economic Development Advisor Burlington, Vermont James Sanders Taos School Board Member Taos, New Mexico

David Satcher, MD Former U.S. Surgeon General Anniston, Alabama

Sandra L. Schroeder Mayor Sag Harbor Village, NY Jason Silva School Board Member Taos Schools Taos, New Mexico Brenda Simkins Council Member City of Pascagoula Pascagoula, MS Timothy Slottow President University of Phoenix Phoenix, AZ

Gary Smith Council Member City of Manitou Springs Manitou, CO Gaye Morris Smith Executive Director Georgia Family Connection Partnership Athens, GA Shelley Spires CEO Albany Areas Primary Health Care Albany, Georgia Jay Stalnaker Founder Three Blue Strategies Butler, GA Alfred Starling Minister Cuthbert, Georgia

Freddie Starling Minister Cuthbert, Georgia

Patricia Swain Secretary GA State AA Chamber of Commerce Albany, Georgia

Thomas Swain Founder & Chairman GA State AA Chamber of Commerce Albany, Georgia

Marc A. Synder Mayor City of Manitou Springs Manitou Springs, CO David Tadlock Council Member City of Pascagoula Pascagoula, MS

Cole Taylor Singer and Songwriter Cuthbert, GA

Scot Tipton Council Member City of Pascagoula Pascagoula, MS

Coreen Toll Mayor Pro Tem City of Manitou Springs Manitou Springs, CO Jackie Toye Senior VP of Sales iHeartRadio Tuscaloosa, AL Jasmine Twitty Judge Easley, South Carolina

Terry A. Weems Prophet Bradenton, Florida Steve Whatley Mayor City of Cuthbert Cuthbert, Georgia

Dianna Williams Founder The Dancing Dolls Jackson, MS James Williams Lieutenant Retired Police Officer Albany, Georgia Lee Williams Singer and Songwriter Tupelo, MS

Gary Wiltz, MD LA Teche Action Clinic Franklin, Louisana Terry Wise Artist Stockbridge, MA Demond Wilson Actor/Author Valdosta, Georgia Rod Woodbury Mayor Boulder City Boulder City, Nevada Eric Wright, Ph.D. Superintendent Fredericksburg Independent School District Fredericksburg, Texas