CAMPUS CALENDAR

APRIL 2-6: Anti-Geek Week. “Sorry, losers. Your dork week is over. It’s time for ANTI-GEEK WEEK. An entire week dedicated to obliterating fucking nerds. Prepare to meet your worst nightmares, nerds. I’m talking wedgies, noogies, and swirlies. You’re gonna regret ever playing D&D. And there’s no saving throw to get out of this.”President Holloway

WEDNESDAY APRIL 10: TOO MUCH LASAGNA! Following an ordering error with dining services, Brower Dining Hall is now dangerously oversupplied with the ingredients needed for lasagna. To help offset this surplus, an event will be held to serve as much lasagna as possible. Lasagna will be served all day at the dining hall. Come at 12 o’clock for the lasagna eating where the winner will receive a $5 gift card to the Rutgers merch store.

FRIDAY APRIL 16: Breaking Bad LIVE! The Breaking Bad Roleplay Club is holding their annual live performance of Breaking Bad at 8 pm in Van Dyke Hall. The episodes being performed will be “Ozymandias” and “Felina”. The Better Call Saul Roleplay Club will also perform the episode “Breaking Bad” from Better Call Saul. The event will be BYOM (bring your own meth).

THURSDAY APRIL 22: Holes For Poles. How many poles does it take to drill a hole in your skull? Three. One to hold the drill, and two to turn your body. The Trepanation Club has teamed up with the Polish Club to raise money for Ukrainian refugees in Poland. From 11 am to 5 pm at The Yard, the Trepanation Club will drill a hole in your head for $5. Have you ever needed something like “you need a hole in the head”? Well, this is the event for you!

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About The Weather

The Intellistar 1 was the fifth generation successor to the Weather Star systems. You know, the system that makes the Local on the 8s segments on The Weather Channel? The thing we all grew up watching and are all concerningly obsessed with. No, just me? Oh okay. Anyway, the Intellistar 1 is obviously the best iteration of the Weather Star systems, it built upon the foundation of the Weather Star XL and the Weather Star 4000 by adding the voice of Allen Jackson to announce the weather as it appeared on the screen. However, on November 16th 2015, tragedy struck as the Intellistar 1 was officially retired and the Weather Channel started using the Intellistar 2. A obvious fucking downgrade, as they replaced Allen Jackson’s voice with Jim Cantore. I understand that Jim Cantore has been working at The Weather Channel since 1986, but that doesn’t mean he is fit to be the voice of Local on the 8s! Just because someone works at a company for a certain number of years, does not mean that they get to just become the CEO.