I Do Everything Humanly by s.dekoninck

I Do Everything Humanly

Sasha de Koninck

Thank you: Paul Long Thomas Jones Jennifer Wallace

“History repeats itself, first as tragedy, second as farce,” – Karl Marx.

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. They are having sex above me, And I am underneath, dying. I drown out the sounds, Shove fingers in my ears. But the fire and the elephant and the bells Keep calling to me. I answered their calls. Brought rope to smooth skin And flew for a thousand years.

H G

Y P L I T

E C

R H

I dug through my pockets, where my knife usually stays. He disappeared around the corner. He came back with a box cutter. â&#x20AC;&#x153;I have a knifeâ&#x20AC;?. He walked away. I found it in my backpack. And then I cut through the tape on the box. And I punctured the plastic air bags. The sound whistled out, and faded into the air.

01001001 01101000 01101101 01110100 01110010 01101001 01101100 01110011 01110011 01100100 00100000 01101110 01100011 01101011 00100000 01110100 01001001 00100000 10011101 01101100 01111001 01101110 00100000 01110000 01100100 00100000 01101111 00100000 00100000 00101110 01110000 01100100 01100001 01110010 01010100 01100100 01100101 01100001 01100100 01101000

00100000 01100100 01110101 01100111 00100000 01110010 01101111 01110101 01100111 01101000 01111001 00100000 01110000 01101111 01100011 01101011 01110011 00101100 00100000 01110111 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101011 01100110 01100101 00100000 01110101 01110011 01110101 01101100 01111001 00100000 01110011 01110100 01100001 00101110 00100000 01001000 01100101 00100000 01100100 01100001 01110000 01110000 01100101 01100001 01110010 00100000 01100001 01110010 01101111 01110101 01101110 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100011 01101111 01100101 01110010 00101110 00100000 01001000 01100101 01100001 01101101 01100101 00100000 01100010 01100001 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01100010 01101111 01111000 00100000 01100011 01110101 01100101 01110010 00101110 00100000 11100010 10000000 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01101011 01101110 01101001 01100110 01100101 11100010 00101110 00100000 01001000 01100101 00100000 01110111 01101011 01100101 01100100 00100000 01100001 01110111 00101110 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100110 01101111 01100100 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 01101001 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100010 01100001 01100011 01100001 01100011 01101011 00101110 00100000 01000001 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 01101110 00100000 01100011 01110101 01110100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01110101 01100111 01101000 00100000 01110100 01101000 01110100 01100001 01110000 01100101 00100000 01101111 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100010 01101111 00100000 01000001 01101110 01100100 00100000 01001001 01110101 01101110 01100011 01110100 01110101 01110010 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110000 01110011 01110100 01101001 01100011 00100000 01100001 00100000 01100010 01100001 01100111 01110011 00101110 01101000 01100101 00100000 01110011 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110111 01101000 01101001 01110011 01110100 01100100 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110100 00101100 01101110 01100100 00100000 01100110 01100001 01100100 00100000 01101001 01101110 01110100 01101111 00100000 01100101 00100000 01100001 01101001 01110010 00101110

01110100 00100000 01100101 01100101 01101110 01100001 01111001 01101001 01100101 01100100 01110010 00100000 01100011 01100001 01110100 10011100 01100001 10000000 01100001 01100001 01110101 01101110 01101011 01101110 01001001 01110010 01100101 01101110 01111000 00100000 01100101 01101100 01101001 00100000 01101110 01101100 00100000 01100101 01110100 00100000

surroundings

can

longer

trusted.

49 63 69 48 6e 61 20 20 6c 69 20 72 68 75 69 77 61

20 64 75 67 20 74 68 72 6f 75 67 68 20 6d 79 20 70 6f 6b 65 74 73 2c 20 77 68 65 72 65 20 6d 79 20 6b 6e 66 65 20 75 73 75 61 6c 6c 79 20 73 74 61 79 73 2e 20 65 20 64 69 73 61 70 70 65 61 72 65 64 20 61 72 6f 75 64 20 74 68 65 20 63 6f 72 6e 65 72 2e 20 48 65 20 63 6d 65 20 62 61 63 6b 20 77 69 74 68 20 61 20 62 6f 78 63 75 74 74 65 72 2e 20 e2 80 9c 49 20 68 61 76 65 61 20 6b 6e 69 66 65 e2 80 9d 2e 20 48 65 20 77 61 6b 65 64 20 61 77 61 79 2e 20 49 20 66 6f 75 6e 64 20 74 20 69 6e 20 6d 79 20 62 61 63 6b 70 61 63 6b 2e 41 6e 64 20 74 68 65 6e 20 49 20 63 75 74 20 74 68 6f 75 67 68 20 74 68 65 20 74 61 70 65 20 6f 6e 20 74 65 20 62 6f 78 2e 20 41 6e 64 20 49 20 70 75 6e 63 74 72 65 64 20 74 68 65 20 70 6c 61 73 74 69 63 20 61 72 20 62 61 67 73 2e 20 54 68 65 20 73 6f 75 6e 64 20 68 69 73 74 6c 65 64 20 6f 75 74 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 66 64 65 64 20 69 6e 74 6f 20 74 68 65 20 61 69 72 2e 20

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73 32 100 117 103 32 116 104 114 111 117 103 104 32 109 121 32 112 111 99 107 101 116 115 44 32 119 104 101 114 101 32 109 121 32 107 110 105 102 101 32 117 115 117 97 108 108 121 32 115 116 97 121 115 46 32 72 101 32 100 105 115 97 112 112 101 97 114 101 100 32 97 114 111 117 110 100 32 116 104 101 32 99 111 114 110 101 114 46 32 72 101 32 99 97 109 101 32 98 97 99 107 32 119 105 116 104 32 97 32 98 111 120 32 99 117 116 116 101 114 46 32 226 128 156 73 32 104 97 118 101 32 97 32 107 110 105 102 101 226 128 157 46 32 72 101 32 119 97 108 107 101 100 32 97 119 97 121 46 32 73 32 102 111 117 110 100 32 105 116 32 105 110 32 109 121 32 98 97 99 107 112 97 99 107 46 32 65 110 100 32 116 104 101 110 32 73 32 99 117 116 32 116 104 114 111 117 103 104 32 116 104 101 32 116 97 112 101 32 111 110 32 116 104 101 32 98 111 120 46 32 65 110 100 32 73 32 112 117 110 99 116 117 114 101 100 32 116 104 101 32 112 108 97 115 116 105 99 32 97 105 114 32 98 97 103 115 46 32 84 104 101 32 115 111 117 110 100 32 119 104 105 115 116 108 101 100 32 111 117 116 44 32 97 110 100 32 102 97 100 101 100 32 105 110 116 111 32 116 104 101 32 97 105 114 46 32 M

MD4:

b35d18776df63291b28cb27bb3045259

MD5:

97f244b94fc370cbc070d866e39c538a

CRC

CRYPT

ccitt,

(form:

16,

MD5?

SALT

: CRYPT):

$ 1 $ o c 2 c C u Q M $ m u w O X x p E T 5 N E v Yq R J j A 8 C 0 (form: p

SHA1: R

SALT[2] T

CRYPT[11]):

011d534b46e5662060cc35a968b553863cb1d08d I

c228235f1984c20626468e8a97693d29fc2b9d99

I walked out of my building, my hair in a knot on top of my head, dress, no bra, tights and Doc Martens. I had just spent the last 30 minutes masturbating. A group of 12 year olds were huddled on my corner. I dialed my dad on his cell phone. One of the kids got in my face.

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01100100

01110011

00100000

01110111

01100101

01110010

01100101

00100000 01101000 01110101 01100100 01100100 01101100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110010 01101110 01100101 01110010 00101110 00100000 01001001 00100000 01100100 01101001 01100001 01101100 01100101 01100100 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100100 01100001 01100100 00100000 01101111 01101110 00100000 01101000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100011 01100101 01101100 01101100 00100000 01110000 01101000 01101111 01101110 01100101 00101110 00100000 01001111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01101111 01100110 00100000 01110100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01101011 01101001 01100100 01110011 00100000 01100111 01101111 01110100 00100000 01101001 01101110 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100110 01100001 01100011 01100101 00101110 00100000

deep

breath

in.

deep

breath

out.

49 20 77 61 6c 6b 65 64 20 6f 75 74 20 6f 66 20 6d 79 20 62 75 69 6c 64 69 6e 67 2c 20 6d 79 20 68 61 69 72 20 69 6e 20 61 20 6b 6e 6f 74 20 6f 6e 20 74 6f 70 20 6f 66 20 6d 79 20 68 65 61 64 2c 20 64 72 65 73 73 2c 20 6e 6f 20 62 72 61 2c 20 74 69 67 68 74 73 20 61 6e 64 20 64 6f 63 20 6d 61 72 74 65 6e 73 2e 20 49 20 68 61 64 20 6a 75 73 74 20 73 70 65 6e 74 20 74 68 65 20 6c 61 73 74 20 74 68 69 72 74 79 20 6d 69 6e 75 74 65 73 20 6d 61 73 74 75 72 62 61 74 69 6e 67 2e 20 41 20 67 72 6f 75 70 20 6f 66 20 31 32 20 79 65 61 72 20 6f 6c 64 73 20 77 65 72 65 20 68 75 64 64 6c 65 64 20 6f 6e 20 6d 79 20 63 6f 72 6e 65 72 2e 20 49 20 64 69 61 6c 65 64 20 6d 79 20 64 61 64 20 6f 6e 20 68 69 73 20 63 65 6c 6c 20 70 68 6f 6e 65 2e 20 4f 6e 65 20 6f 66 20 74 68 65 20 6b 69 64 73 20 67 6f 74 20 69 6e 20 6d 79 20 66 61 63 65 2e 20

SSB3YWxrZWQgb3V0IG9mIG15I GJ1aWxkaW5nLCBteSBoYWlyIGl uIGEga25vdCBvbiB0b3Agb2YgbX kgaGVhZCwgZHJlc3MsIG5vIGJyYSw gdGlnaHRzIGFuZCBkb2MgbWFydGV u c y 4 g S S B o Y W Q g a n V z d C B z c G Vu d CB0aGUgbGFzdCB0aGlydHkgbWludX RlcyBtYXN0dXJiYXRpbmcuIEEg Z3JvdXAgb2YgMTIgeWVhciBvbG RzIHdlcmUgaHVkZGxlZCBvbiBte SBjb3JuZXIuIEkgZGlhbGVkIG15 IGRhZCBvbiBoaXMgY2VsbC BwaG9uZS4gT25lIG9mIHRoZSBra WRzIGdvdCBpbiBteSBmYWNlLiA=

73 32 119 97 108 107 101 100 32 111 117 116 32 111 102 32 109 121 32 98 117 105 108 100 105 110 103 44 32 109 121 32 104 97 105 114 32 105 110 32 97 32 107 110 111 116 32 111 110 32 116 111 112 32 111 102 32 109 121 32 104 101 97 100 44 32 100 114 101 115 115 44 32 110 111 32 98 114 97 44 32 116 105 103 104 116 115 32 97 110 100 32 100 111 99 32 109 97 114 116 101 110 115 46 32 73 32 104 97 100 32 106 117 115 116 32 115 112 101 110 116 32 116 104 101 32 108 97 115 116 32 116 104 105 114 116 121 32 109 105 110 117 116 101 115 32 109 97 115 116 117 114 98 97 116 105 110 103 46 32 65 32 103 114 111 117 112 32 111 102 32 49 50 32 121 101 97 114 32 111 108 100 115 32 119 101 114 101 32 104 117 100 100 108 101 100 32 111 110 32 109 121 32 99 111 114 110 101 114 46 32 73 32 100 105 97 108 101 100 32 109 121 32 100 97 100 32 111 110 32 104 105 115 32 99 101 108 108 32 112 104 111 110 101 46 32 79 110 101 32 111 102 32 116 104 101 32 107 105 100 115 32 103 111 116 32 105 110 32 109 121 32 102 97 99 101 46 32

M MD4: MD5: CRC

D 2 : 7ade6953c77e60c29e49d640b47d9e54 a0c503c9d0825c6cc0a5808bc84285ae ccitt, 16, 32 :

CRYPT (form: $ MD5? $ SALT $ CRYPT): $1$1XcowrnE$MutcoIpXDJ4MqJR7.YEoq0 (form: SALT[2] CRYPT[11]): p s 0 w N i O F r r Q X Y SHA1: R I

fab8e0f18d83cf93c5e0bf344f02a06d94d43e17 P E M D 1 6 0 : 183f4eb8f4d1c15c39971a46c294e8c4cb80ed06

“Hi”. “Hello”. “Hi.” “Damn you sexy.” “Where are you?” “On my corner.”

11100010 10000000 10011100 01001000 01101001 11100010 10000000 10011101 00001101 00001010 11100010 10000000 10011100 01001000 01100101 01101100 01101100 01101111 11100010 10000000 10011101 00101110 00100000 00001101 00001010 11100010 10000000 10011100 01001000 01101001 00101110 11100010 10000000 10011101 00100000 00001101 00001010 11100010 10000000 10011100 01000100 01100001 01101101 01101110 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110011 01100101 01111000 01111001 00101110 11100010 10000000 10011101 00001101 00001010 11100010 10000000 10011100 01010111 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00111111 11100010 10000000 10011101 00100000 00001101 00001010 11100010 10000000 10011100 01001111 01101110 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01100011 01101111 01110010 01101110 01100101 01110010 00101110 11100010 10000000 10011101 00001101 00001010 00001101 00001010

e2 80 9c 48 69 e2 80 9d 0d 0a e2 80 9c 48 6c 6c 6f e2 80 9d 2e 20 0d 0a e2 80 9c 48 2e e2 80 9d 20 0d 0a e2 80 9c 44 61 6d 6e 79 6f 75 20 73 65 78 79 2e e2 80 9d 0d 0a 80 9c 57 68 65 72 65 20 61 72 65 20 79 6f 3f e2 80 9d 20 0d 0a e2 80 9c 4f 6e 20 6d 20 63 6f 72 6e 65 72 2e e2 80 9d 0d 0a 0d

65 69 20 e2 75 79 0a

4oCcSGnigJ0NCuKAnEhlbGxv4o CdLiANCuKAnEhpLuKAnSANCuKAnE RhbW4geW91IHNleHku4oCdDQrigJx XaGVyZSBhcmUgeW91P+KAnSANC uKAnE9uIG15IGNvcm5lci7igJ0NCg0K

226 128 156 72 105 226 128 157 13 10 226 128 156 72 101 108 108 111 226 128 157 46 32 13 10 226 128 156 72 105 46 226 128 157 32 13 10 226 128 156 68 97 109 110 32 121 111 117 32 115 101 120 121 46 226 128 157 13 10 226 128 156 87 104 101 114 101 32 97 114 101 32 121 111 117 63 226 128 157 32 13 10 226 128 156 79 110 32 109 121 32 99 111 114 110 101 114 46 226 128 157 13 10 13 10

M D 2 : MD4: b899076f301799d4 6 5 7 6 6 4 1 d e 8 e 9 3 7 d 5 MD5: 1b6dd026c63e395d1 1 5 8 3 2 d e 8 1 6 3 4 3 3 1 CRC 8, ccitt, 16, 32 : CRYPT (form: $ MD5? $ SALT $ CRYPT): $1$CSNsuFuU$hCEvMPvY.Q1P.D/0oKIj/1 (form: SALT[2] CRYPT[11]): p s 3 B 6 N . . 3 Q d 0 M SHA1: ef686380603287e342983158e83fa 9 c 6 a 1 7 4 b f a 6 R I P E M D - 1 6 0 : 9fc9a44582d0dae1f5044d085e2cf0db2541e79c

Sitting in my rocking chair, I clicked through pictures of you. Every time I looked at your face, and tried to penetrate that smile, my head grew lighter and lighter. Soon it might just take off. My eyelids grew heavy. Weighing 5 tons, it was an Olympic feat just to keep them open. And then all of a sudden I threw up. It was on the chair, on my lap, soaked into my clothes, and a little bit was there, just above your lip.

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53 69 74 74 69 6e 67 20 69 6e 20 6d 79 20 72 6f 63 6b 69 6e 67 20 63 68 61 69 72 2c 20 49 20 63 6c 69 63 6b 65 64 20 74 68 72 6f 75 67 68 20 70 69 63 74 75 72 65 73 20 6f 66 20 79 6f 75 2e 20 45 76 65 72 79 20 74 69 6d 65 20 49 20 6c 6f 6f 6b 65 64 20 61 74 20 79 6f 75 72 20 66 61 63 65 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 74 72 69 65 64 20 74 6f 20 70 65 6e 65 74 72 61 74 65 20 74 68 61 74 20 73 6d 69 6c 65 2c 20 6d 79 20 68 65 61 64 20 67 72 65 77 20 6c 69 67 68 74 65 72 20 61 6e 64 20 6c 69 67 68 74 65 72 2e 20 53 6f 6f 6e 20 69 74 20 6d 69 67 68 74 20 6a 75 73 74 20 74 61 6b 65 20 6f 66 66 2e 20 4d 79 20 65 79 65 6c 69 64 73 20 67 72 65 77 20 68 65 61 76 79 2e 20 57 65 69 67 68 69 6e 67 20 35 20 74 6f 6e 73 2c 20 69 74 20 77 61 73 20 61 6e 20 4f 6c 79 6d 70 69 63 20 66 65 61 74 20 6a 75 73 74 20 74 6f 20 6b 65 65 70 20 74 68 65 6d 20 6f 70 65 6e 2e 20 41 6e 64 20 74 68 65 6e 20 61 6c 6c 20 6f 66 20 61 20 73 75 64 64 65 6e 20 49 20 74 68 72 65 77 20 75 70 2e 20 49 74 20 77 61 73 20 6f 6e 20 74 68 65 20 63 68 61 69 72 2c 20 6f 6e 20 6d 79 20 6c 61 70 2c 20 73 6f 61 6b 65 64 20 69 6e 74 6f 20 6d 79 20 63 6c 6f 74 68 65 73 2c 20 61 6e 64 20 61 20 6c 69 74 74 6c 65 20 62 69 74 20 77 61 73 20 74 68 65 72 65 2c 20 6a 75 73 74 20 61 62 6f 76 65 20 79 6f 75 72 20 6c 69 70 2e 20

U2l0dGluZyBpbiBteSByb2NraW5nIGNoYWlyLCBJIGNsaWNrZWQ gdGhyb3VnaCBwaWN0dXJlcyBvZiB5b3UuIEV2ZXJ5IHRpbWUgSSB sb29rZWQgYXQgeW91ciBmYWNlLCBhbmQgdHJpZWQ g d G 8 g c G Vu Z X R y Y X R l I H R o Y X Q g c 2 1 p b G U s I G 1 5 I G h l Y W Q gZ3JldyBsaWdodGVyIGFuZCBsaWdodGVyLiBTb29uIGl0I G1pZ2h0IGp1c3QgdGFrZSBvZmYuIE15IGV5ZWxpZHMgZ3Jld yBoZWF2eS4gV2VpZ2hpbmcgNSB0b25zLCBpdCB3YXMgY W4gT2x5bXBpYyBmZWF0IGp1c3QgdG8ga2VlcCB0aGVtIG9 wZW4uIEFuZCB0aGVuIGFsbCBvZiBhIHN1ZGRlbiBJIHRocmV3 IHVwLiBJdCB3YXMgb24gdGhlIGNoYWlyLCBvbiBteSBsYXA sIHNvYWtlZCBpbnRvIG15IGNsb3RoZXMsIGFuZCBhIGxpdHRsZ SBiaXQgd2FzIHRoZXJlLCBqdXN0IGFib3ZlIHlvdXIgbGlwLiA=

83 105 116 116 105 110 103 32 105 110 32 109 121 32 114 111 99 107 105 110 103 32 99 104 97 105 114 44 32 73 32 99 108 105 99 107 101 100 32 116 104 114 111 117 103 104 32 112 105 99 116 117 114 101 115 32 111 102 32 121 111 117 46 32 69 118 101 114 121 32 116 105 109 101 32 73 32 108 111 111 107 101 100 32 97 116 32 121 111 117 114 32 102 97 99 101 44 32 97 110 100 32 116 114 105 101 100 32 116 111 32 112 101 110 101 116 114 97 116 101 32 116 104 97 116 32 115 109 105 108 101 44 32 109 121 32 104 101 97 100 32 103 114 101 119 32 108 105 103 104 116 101 114 32 97 110 100 32 108 105 103 104 116 101 114 46 32 83 111 111 110 32 105 116 32 109 105 103 104 116 32 106 117 115 116 32 116 97 107 101 32 111 102 102 46 32 77 121 32 101 121 101 108 105 100 115 32 103 114 101 119 32 104 101 97 118 121 46 32 87 101 105 103 104 105 110 103 32 53 32 116 111 110 115 44 32 105 116 32 119 97 115 32 97 110 32 79 108 121 109 112 105 99 32 102 101 97 116 32 106 117 115 116 32 116 111 32 107 101 101 112 32 116 104 101 109 32 111 112 101 110 46 32 65 110 100 32 116 104 101 110 32 97 108 108 32 111 102 32 97 32 115 117 100 100 101 110 32 73 32 116 104 114 101 119 32 117 112 46 32 73 116 32 119 97 115 32 111 110 32 116 104 101 32 99 104 97 105 114 44 32 111 110 32 109 121 32 108 97 112 44 32 115 111 97 107 101 100 32 105 110 116 111 32 109 121 32 99 108 111 116 104 101 115 44 32 97 110 100 32 97 32 108 105 116 116 108 101 32 98 105 116 32 119 97 115 32 116 104 101 114 101 44 32 106 117 115 116 32 97 98 111 118 101 32 121 111 117 114 32 108 105 112 46 32

MD4:

f8051aaa823a9f5acd12f97f8e6b27a6

MD5:

c97f1a4bd8213061a6f8abd8249586ed

CRC

CRYPT

ccitt,

(form:

16,

MD5?

32 SALT

: CRYPT):

$ 1 $ 4 o G 1 t 6 6 S $ . l Q F m 1 x . 1 r v U E 8 s f O s S k M 0 (form: p

SHA1: R

SALT[2]

CRYPT[11]):

f15c4e7a95c647c6b444dfc0a3630501b979441a I

a3d351804d65696b5630c4b88a4cb0a57ad7e699

when

eyelids

close,

empires

will

fall.

Joan Didion is taunting me. She is sitting on my nightstand, legs crossed, her knees peeking out from the hem of her skirt. She’s watching me. Waiting for me to pay attention to her. I know she’s there, but I just can’t look. She’s smoking a cigarette and drinking a martini. I’ve been watching too much ‘Sex and the City’. Didion reaches over and touches my shoulder. I do everything humanly possible to ignore her. I am stoic. I never look at her. Yet there she is, looming over me. He was in my building yesterday. It is quite possible that he was there, while I was throwing up into my lap.

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00100000 01110100 00101110 01110011 01101101 01101110 01101111 01101011 01101110 00100000 00100000 00100000 01110100 01010111 00100000 01101000 01101111 01110011 01110010 01110101 00100000 10000000 00100000 01100101 01101001 01101110 01100010 01101110 00100000 00100000 10011001 01100101 00100000 01110011 01100101 01100101 01101101 01100010 01110010 01101101 01101110 01100001 01100101 01100101 01101110 00100000 01101110 01101110 01111001 01101001 01100101 01100001 01101000 01110100 00100000 01110101

01000100 01100001 00100000 01101001 01111001 01100100 01110011 01101110 01100111 01110100 01101000 01010011 01100011 01100001 01101101 01100101 01101110 01101000 01100101 01110011 01101100 10011001 01100001 00100000 01101110 01101001 01100101 01100111 11100010 01110100 00101110 01100001 01100001 00100000 01110010 01110010 01100001 01101100 01100101 00100000 01100101 01110100 01110100 00100000 01100111 00001101 00100000 01100111 00101110 01110100 00100000 01110011 01101001 01101000 01101001 01110100

01101001 01110101 01010011 01110100 00100000 00101100 01110011 01100101 00100000 01101000 01100101 01101000 01101000 01101001 01100101 01110010 00101110 01100101 00101100 01110100 01101111 01110011 00100000 01100001 01100111 00101110 01100101 00100000 10000000 01101000 00100000 01100011 01101110 01101101 00101110 01111001 01101110 01100101 00100000 01110011 01110110 00100000 00100000 01101001 00100000 00001010 01101101 00100000 00100000 01100101 01110100 00100000 01101100 01110010 01101110 01101000

01100100 01101110 01101000 01110100 01101110 00100000 01100101 01100101 01101111 01100101 01110010 01100101 01101001 01110100 00100000 00100000 00100000 11100010 00100000 00100000 01101111 00100000 01100011 01101110 00100000 00100000 01101110 01110100 10011000 01100101 01000100 01101000 01100100 01111001 00100000 01110100 01101100 00100000 01101000 01110100 01100101 01110100 01110100 01110011 01101111 01001000 01111001 01111001 01001001 00100000 01101000 01110100 01100101 01101111 01110100 00101110

01101001 01110100 01100101 01101001 01101001 01101100 01100100 01110011 01110101 00100000 00100000 11100010 01101110 01101001 01110100 01100001 01001001 10000000 01100010 01100011 01101011 01110011 01101001 01100100 01100001 01001001 00100000 01101111 01010011 00100000 01101001 01100101 00100000 00100000 01001001 01101000 01111001 01110100 01100101 01101111 01110010 01101000 01101000 00101100 01110110 01100101 00100000 01100101 01110100 01110000 01100001 01101000 00100000 01110111 01101111 00100000

01101111 01101001 00100000 01101110 01100111 01100101 00101100 00100000 01110100 01101000 01110011 10000000 01100111 01101110 01101111 01110100 00100000 10011001 01110101 01100001 00101110 01101101 01100111 00100000 00100000 11100010 01110111 01101111 01100101 01000011 01100100 01110011 01110100 01110011 00100000 01101001 00100000 01101111 01110010 01101001 00100000 01100101 01100101 00100000 01100101 00100000 01100010 01110011 00100000 01101111 01110100 01100101 01001001 01101001 00100000 00001101

01101110 01101110 01101001 01100111 01101000 01100111 00100000 01110000 00100000 01100101 01101011 10011001 00100000 01100111 00100000 01110100 01101011 01110011 01110100 01101110 00100000 01101111 01100001 01100100 01101101 10000000 01100001 00100000 01111000 01101001 01101001 00100000 01101111 01101000 01100100 01101110 01110000 00100000 00101110 01100011 01101100 01110010 01110010 01101100 01110010 01110111 01110101 01110100 01101001 01110011 00100000 01110010 00100000 01101110 01101101 00001010

4a 6f 61 6e 20 44 69 64 69 6f 6e 20 69 73 20 74 61 75 6e 74 69 6e 67 20 6d 65 2e 20 53 68 65 20 69 73 20 0d 0a 73 69 74 74 69 6e 67 20 6f 6e 20 6d 79 20 6e 69 67 68 74 73 74 61 6e 64 2c 20 6c 65 67 73 20 63 72 6f 73 73 65 64 2c 20 68 65 72 20 6b 6e 65 65 73 20 70 65 61 6b 69 6e 67 20 6f 75 74 20 66 72 6f 6d 20 74 68 65 20 68 65 6d 20 6f 66 20 68 65 72 20 73 6b 69 72 74 2e 20 53 68 65 e2 80 99 73 20 77 61 74 63 68 69 6e 67 20 6d 65 2e 20 57 61 69 74 69 6e 67 20 66 6f 72 20 6d 65 20 74 6f 20 70 61 79 20 68 65 72 20 61 74 74 65 6e 74 69 6f 6e 2e 20 49 20 6b 6e 6f 77 20 73 68 65 e2 80 99 73 20 74 68 65 72 65 2c 20 62 75 74 20 49 20 6a 75 73 74 20 63 61 6e e2 80 99 74 20 6c 6f 6f 6b 2e 20 53 68 65 e2 80 99 73 20 73 6d 6f 6b 69 6e 67 20 61 20 63 69 67 61 72 65 74 74 65 20 61 6e 64 20 64 72 69 6e 6b 69 6e 67 20 61 20 6d 61 72 74 69 6e 69 2e 20 49 e2 80 99 76 65 20 62 65 65 6e 20 77 61 74 63 68 69 6e 67 20 74 6f 6f 20 6d 75 63 68 20 e2 80 98 53 65 78 20 61 6e 64 20 74 68 65 20 43 69 74 79 e2 80 99 2e 20 44 69 64 69 6f 6e 20 72 65 61 63 68 65 73 20 6f 76 65 72 20 61 6e 64 20 74 6f 75 63 68 65 73 20 6d 79 20 73 68 6f 75 6c 64 65 72 2e 20 49 20 64 6f 20 65 76 65 72 79 74 68 69 6e 67 20 68 75 6d 61 6e 6c 79 20 70 6f 73 73 69 62 6c 65 20 74 6f 20 69 67 6e 6f 72 65 20 68 65 72 2e 20 49 20 61 6d 20 73 74 6f 69 63 2e 20 49 20 6e 65 76 65 72 20 6c 6f 6f 6b 20 61 74 20 74 68 65 72 65 2e 20 59 65 74 20 74 68 65 72 65 20 73 68 65 20 69 73 2c 20 6c 6f 6f 6d 69 6e 67 20 6f 76 65 72 20 6d 65 2e 20 0d 0a 48 65 20 77 61 73 20 69 6e 20 6d 79 20 62 75 69 6c 64 69 6e 67 20 79 65 73 74 65 72 64 61 79 2e 20 49 74 20 69 73 20 71 75 69 74 65 20 70 6f 73 73 69 62 6c 65 20 74 68 61 74 20 68 65 20 77 61 73 20 74 68 65 72 65 2c 20 77 68 69 6c 65 20 49 20 77 61 73 20 74 68 72 6f 77 69 6e 67 20 75 70 20 69 6e 74 6f 20 6d 79 20 6d 6f 75 74 68 2e 20 0d 0a

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74 111 97 110 32 68 105 100 105 111 110 32 105 115 32 116 97 117 110 116 105 110 103 32 109 101 46 32 83 104 101 32 105 115 32 13 10 115 105 116 116 105 110 103 32 111 110 32 109 121 32 110 105 103 104 116 115 116 97 110 100 44 32 108 101 103 115 32 99 114 111 115 115 101 100 44 32 104 101 114 32 107 110 101 101 115 32 112 101 97 107 105 110 103 32 111 117 116 32 102 114 111 109 32 116 104 101 32 104 101 109 32 111 102 32 104 101 114 32 115 107 105 114 116 46 32 83 104 101 226 128 153 115 32 119 97 116 99 104 105 110 103 32 109 101 46 32 87 97 105 116 105 110 103 32 102 111 114 32 109 101 32 116 111 32 112 97 121 32 104 101 114 32 97 116 116 101 110 116 105 111 110 46 32 73 32 107 110 111 119 32 115 104 101 226 128 153 115 32 116 104 101 114 101 44 32 98 117 116 32 73 32 106 117 115 116 32 99 97 110 226 128 153 116 32 108 111 111 107 46 32 83 104 101 226 128 153 115 32 115 109 111 107 105 110 103 32 97 32 99 105 103 97 114 101 116 116 101 32 97 110 100 32 100 114 105 110 107 105 110 103 32 97 32 109 97 114 116 105 110 105 46 32 73 226 128 153 118 101 32 98 101 101 110 32 119 97 116 99 104 105 110 103 32 116 111 111 32 109 117 99 104 32 226 128 152 83 101 120 32 97 110 100 32 116 104 101 32 67 105 116 121 226 128 153 46 32 68 105 100 105 111 110 32 114 101 97 99 104 101 115 32 111 118 101 114 32 97 110 100 32 116 111 117 99 104 101 115 32 109 121 32 115 104 111 117 108 100 101 114 46 32 73 32 100 111 32 101 118 101 114 121 116 104 105 110 103 32 104 117 109 97 110 108 121 32 112 111 115 115 105 98 108 101 32 116 111 32 105 103 110 111 114 101 32 104 101 114 46 32 73 32 97 109 32 115 116 111 105 99 46 32 73 32 110 101 118 101 114 32 108 111 111 107 32 97 116 32 116 104 101 114 101 46 32 89 101 116 32 116 104 101 114 101 32 115 104 101 32 105 115 44 32 108 111 111 109 105 110 103 32 111 118 101 114 32 109 101 46 32 13 10 72 101 32 119 97 115 32 105 110 32 109 121 32 98 117 105 108 100 105 110 103 32 121 101 115 116 101 114 100 97 121 46 32 73 116 32 105 115 32 113 117 105 116 101 32 112 111 115 115 105 98 108 101 32 116 104 97 116 32 104 101 32 119 97 115 32 116 104 101 114 101 44 32 119 104 105 108 101 32 73 32 119 97 115 32 116 104 114 111 119 105 110 103 32 117 112 32 105 110 116 111 32 109 121 32 109 111 117 116 104 46 32 13 10

immortality

couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t

satisfy

you.

will

anything?

M MD4: MD5: CRC

D 2 : c23536adba353e838810c62605959d71 5517915ef73ea468210e68672428efc0 ccitt, 16, 32 :

CRYPT (form: $ MD5? $ SALT $ CRYPT): $ 1 $ I J f k l h V m $ t D p . x e w 0 / o A o Y 7 P R F M . w Y. (form: SALT[2] CRYPT[11]): p s 8 s . V H N 1 V k x k SHA1: R I

754bc3bb8676d57319325a11a7fdb2cf049811ab P E M D 1 6 0 : 1a491431823809f63882f6cd6eee831a4a59b845

Two trains pass each other I wonder what it is To stand between them

HEAT MEDITATION

Last night I did not dream.

This morning as I made breakfast, I burnt my hand. I see only the heat waves. I leave the stove on, but with nothing on it. I sit down on the couch with my palms facing up on my lap. As I stare at my hands, you walk into the room. Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re already dressed. Pressed suit and tie and expectant of food. I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t notice you as you kiss the top of my head and leave. I sit on the couch with my palms facing up on my lap for the rest of the day.

You return home. I am still in the same position- all that has changed is the light. You must have turned off the stove on your way out. Then, not at all surprised, I break my trance, go into the kitchen and turn the stove back on. You stand in the doorway, loosening your tie. I put oil in the pan and watch it slide around. You lean in the doorway, monitoring my every move. My wrists are bandaged. I have purple crescents under my eyes. I throw some bacon in the pan. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s breakfast for dinner.

You take over in the kitchen. The temptation is just too much for me. Before leaving, I run my fingers along the top of the burner just to feel that sensation briefly, one last time. I go back to the couch and sit there with my palms facing up on my lap.

Dreams donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t visit my sleep anymore.

sweetheart

sits

silently,

doing

her

best.

I have these thoughts often

A SERIES OF HEATED EVENTS

I. I slowly allowed my body to lean up against the wall. I tried to be careful of the heater. But I was not careful enough. The front of my shins touched the hot metal. They sat there for a second, contemplating the heat. I have noticed that my reactions are slower these days. The front of my legs jumped back, but the rest of my body stayed up against the warm wall. I tried moving my legs again.

II. The page is searing with my personal thoughts, layered on top of one another. I felt more vulnerable than ever. Although most of the words were not legible, I felt the most personal ones were out there, in the open. I stood there, feeling exposed, even though others might say I am hardly revealing myself at all. I cut my arm and opened it up, hoping to reveal muscle, veins, bone, down to the marrow. Instead a heat wave rolled out and crashed to the ground. Even if I stood there in the nude, I wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t feel as vulnerable as my words make me feel.

III. The other night, I set my kitchen on fire. At first, it was an innocent action. I was making popcorn. I poured oil into the pot, and then placed the pot onto the stove. I checked the pot, and the flame jumped out. Bright orange danced in the air. It taunted me. The fire called to me by name, it invited me to dance with it. And so I danced. I danced until the entire kitchen was engulfed in orange, which was not for very long, because it was a small kitchen.

I see a bridge And wonder what it is To feel that rush of wind On the way down

CRITIQUES

I. As I sat there, the green paint started to take over my body. The stairs felt like they were giving way beneath me. Words were swarming inside my head. I rubbed my temples. The swarming just got worse. I squeezed between my right thumb and index finger. The words started to evaporate out of my ears. I stopped squeezing. The place where my nail dug in was bleeding. I tried to stand up. But I could not stabilize myself. My head began to swarm with words. I could not take it. I considered throwing myself off of the stairs.

squeeze

tight,

hold

on,

and

pull.

II. I picked my bra off of the bed and brought it to my nose, to smell if it was clean. It smelled like a rental car.

III. A broken necklace- it lay on the sidewalk, separated from its neck- its place of resting. Now it rests on the cold cement, where people will walk around it. The stringâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s ends are frayed. The beads lay there, separated from the company of others. And it will lay there, broken, on the sidewalk. A fragment of someone elseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s memory that no one wants to pick up and tie around their necks.

But I do not wonder About the landing Because I already know How it feels

THINGS THAT HAPPEN ON A WEDNESDAY

I. You are constantly eating your words. They must taste good. That has to be the reason you do it so often. Sometimes, I feel like you canâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t help it. Maybe that is better than saying them. You cannot control your words. They come out so rapidly, so many at once, that you have to start chewing them. Instead of speaking your words, you chew and you choke and you swallow and then digest them. Your bladder must be full of words. There is probably a new language in there. But there are times when I wish you would spit it out. I want to stand over you, reach my arms down your throat and pull those words out of your gut before they get digested. Before they get turned into something new.

II. I went to order my food. He touched my hand as I handed him your card. Maybe he didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know it was your card.

III. The chair started out light in my arms. I felt like I was a parade marshal. Behind me was a marching band made up of stolen utensils, strangerâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s keys, sticky bottle caps and broken soda tabs. We marched on. The chair grew heavy in my arms. The streets were empty. No one peered out through lit windows. Only the barren trees and their piles of leaves could enjoy our sounds.

Not because Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve tried But because I havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t

scratching mosquito bites to orgasmic satisfaction.

DONâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;T BE A HERO

We had wanted to go to a bar, but ended up in a restaurant. There was no else seated at the bar, but the restaurant was packed. There was a palpable discomfort in the air most likely stemming from the language barrier. Thank goodness the bartender spoke English. We were served our beers, Charley upset that he always got the one with the most head. It was hard to hear each other across the bar. Charley would say something to me and I would have to pass it on to Nora. Something was bound to be lost in this game of telephone. A couple seated at a high table behind us left, and we swooped in on it like vultures. Nora wouldn’t stop talking about apple pie. But she was too afraid to call over a waiter. Charley and I kept taunting her. Finally, halfway through her beer she had worked up enough courage to order her apple pie. I requested it be served with ‘extra slag’.

Soon after the pie arrived, the couple seated at a low table next to us left. I glanced over to where they had been seated, and discovered they had forgotten something. I turned to Charley and Nora and pointed to the greenish tube next to their vacant seat. â&#x20AC;&#x153;They forgot something. Should I give it to them?â&#x20AC;? I do not remember their response. I jumped up from my seat and grabbed the green tube. Thankfully the people seated next to the empty table spoke English. The green tube did not belong to them. From then on, I knew my mission was to return the tube to the couple that had just left. I started running towards the nearest exit. One thing I did not see on my way to the door, was a spot on the ground. Barely perceptible, one must concentrate very hard to notice it.

There was a loud boom as I hit the floor, face down, landing on my knee. I do not know how long I lay there for. No one came to help me. I looked up. The restaurant was silent. Immediately after collecting myself, I rolled onto my back and jumped up, green tube still in hand, and bolted for the exit. The couple was just about to cross the street. “Excuse me! Excuse me! I think you forgot something”. Realizing I was talking to them, the couple turned around, saw the green tube I was feverishly waving at them and shook their heads. No. They did not forget the green tube. I had to take a moment to compose myself before returning inside. Unfortunately, I could not just keep running. I was in a foreign country with no phone, my wallet and passport inside. I couldn’t just text my friends and tell them to pay the bill and leave. I had to go back inside. Before re-entering, I looked down at what I was holding, at what I had believed to be so precious. It was a tube of colored pencils, from IKEA.

Enough time had passed that people had resumed their meal. They probably had a more exciting dinner conversation than they were having before. I walked in, with mental blinders on, making a beeline for our table. My face was bright red. “Turns out they didn’t forget anything.” And I plopped the tube of colored pencils on the table. Looking at Charley and Nora, I immediately burst into laughter. It was contagious. The three of us were laughing uncontrollably. As soon as we would make eye contact with one another, the laughing would begin all over again, no matter how hard we tried to suppress it. Using the colored pencils, I wrote on the back of a coaster, “Sorry- the Drunk American Girl” and left it alongside the bill.

mysteries

have

fallen

into

lap.

While Nora was busy fretting over her pie, I was people watching the other customers. There was a table of Americans seated near the door. Everyone else seemed like locals. The couple at the table next to us got up. Next to the womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s empty seat was a green tube. Should I return it? What if it is something really important? What if I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t return it, and no one else notices and this important thing gets tossed with all the other things left behind? I just could not bear the thought of this tube, possibly containing something incredibly important to that couple being tossed away. Forgotten. Unfortunately, what happened next is bound to never be forgotten.

I checked with the couple at the next table over, to make sure I did not run off with their important green tube. My English disrupted their meal and the woman turned to me, and barked, “No”. I grabbed the tube and made for the door like I was running a relay race in the Olympics. To get the gold medal, I had to return the tube to its rightful owner. In my mad dash to the door, I did not notice a spot on the floor and went flying forward. My knee broke the fall. All I could hear was the sound of my body crashing into the wooden floor. As soon as I figured out what happened, I rolled onto my back. I saw the bartender and waiters all staring at me. At that moment, I sprang up, and kept running to the door. I couldn’t just walk out, like nothing happened. I had to keep my momentum. Who knows how far they had gotten by now.

Turns out, they didn’t get very far. The couple was at the corner, about to cross the street. I ran up to them, yelling, “Excuse me! Excuse me! I think you forgot something!”. The couple turned around, realizing this American girl was yelling at them. “Did you forget this?” I asked, waving the tube in their faces the same way a dog waves a retrieved stick around. No. They did not forget the green tube; this all-important green tube that I went to the ends of the earth to return. This tube, which contained something so important to the couple, that it would be earth shattering for them to loose. No. They did not forget it. Not realizing the restaurant had huge windows overlooking the street, I felt I could somewhat recover without anyone noticing that I would soon re-enter carrying the same tube I left with.

Before going back inside, I took a closer look at the tube. Inside were colored pencils, from IKEA. I could not bear the humiliation I had just experienced. I rejoined my friends, but all I wanted to do was leave. My cheeks were burning up from the stares of the people in the restaurant. I was sure I had made their nights so much more exciting. They would have stories to tell over breakfast the next morning. Finally the check came. Along with the money, I left a note written on the back of the coaster with one of my new colored pencils. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Sorry- the Drunk American Girl.â&#x20AC;?

tug-of-war-

dangerous

method.

The stage was set. The floors had recently been cleaned and the lighting adjusted. The audience was filing into their seats, rustling the programs and chatting amongst one another. The ushers were ushering people into their seats, everything was about to begin. It was opening night. I took my position, stage right. I checked my costume to make sure everything was okay. Nerves were kicking in, and butterflies filled my stomach. Shoes were tied. Jeans cuffed and in position. Sweater was a little small, but nothing we could do about that now. My palms became incredibly sweaty. Where was the prop-master? I needed my prop.

This was about to be my greatest performance ever, or at least, for right now. All I had to do was run across stage, green tube in hand, and hand it to the actors on stage left, front and center. The lights dimmed. Everyone was in position. A hush came over the audience. The spotlight was shining on my corner. All I had to do was make my entrance. I moved back slightly so I could get a good running head start. I looked out onto the stage. The hard wood glimmered, as it had been mopped and waxed earlier. I had had a half a beer earlier, as a confidence booster. This was a difficult act to perfect, and I was incredibly nervous. I glanced out at the audience. They were so elegantly dressed. Pearls shimmered and diamonds glittered. All eyes were on the empty stage.

There were no lines to learn, which took a lot of pressure off of me. But the running had to be perfect. The steps had been carefully counted and practiced and practiced and practiced. We had worked very hard on the dismount, how I was to stop and not run into the other actors with the energy I had built up. The sound of voices whispering began filtering in on the speakers. As it built up in volume, I knew my cue to start would be coming soon. I checked my shoes one last time. And action!

I started running, the spotlight following me. And crash! The spotlight had stopped over my body, splayed out on center stage. I froze up. There was no way I could recuperate from this. The other actors seemed to be frozen as well. No one came to help me. The crew was staring at me from backstage. I had ruined everything. To try and save the performance, I rolled onto my back and jumped up. I continued running towards the actors. The audience did not clap for my recovery.

why

did

ever

that?

A man collapsed. The performance was so beautiful is could induce death.

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00001010 00001010 00001010 00100000 01100001 00100000 01101111 01101100 01110000 01100101 00101110 01010100 01100101 01110000 01110010 01101111 01101101 01101110 01100101 01110111 01110011 01110011 00100000 00001010 01100101 01110101 01101001 01100011

SUPER FRESH

The last time we went out it was February. Now it is April. We have been planning our third date for a month. My friend’s get mad because I will only call him by his stupid code name, and they continually remind me that he does have a real name. I say he doesn’t deserve it. He is twenty-five, and works at a grocery store. There is a big box grocery store that I live closer to, but I go to his so I can see him. My friend’s say I’m ridiculous. I tell them that if I didn’t go there ALL the time, we would have never gone out. This is how it happened:

He would say hi to me as soon as he noticed me. We’d talk for a while and when the conversation seemed to dwindle into long, silent pauses, I would walk away. This was our way of flirting. One afternoon, I, along with the help of a shot of flavored rum, worked up the courage to ask him out. I was nervous to do it in his work place. I didn’t want to embarrass him and then he’d have to say yes to avoid an awkward decline. I didn’t want to be publicly turned down. I slowly worked my way through the store, calming my nerves. I walked up to the checkout and there he was, with the same dorky smile on his face. He was always so cheerful. I never understood people who were always happy.

time

put

everything

back

together?

I couldn’t do it. My fear of rejection beat out the shot of rum. I smiled and walked away. I kept going to the store, thinking maybe I could do it. A few weeks passed. I never did. And then I ran into him at a party. We were drunk and nervous. The left side of my face was twitching into a horribly disfigured shape. I kept reaching up to touch my eye and cheek. I needed to calm my nerves. But it didn’t help. My face was distorting in ways that not even Photoshop effects would create. I was determined to ruin my own night. He had to hunch over to hear me, although I’m most positive that instead of speaking, I was running mywordsintooneanotherandnotannunciating. I told him how we had shown up to this house show in the next neighborhood over and no one was home. And then there was the longest, most awkward pause in the history of long-awkward pauses. Another girl said hi to him. I stood there, twitching away, trying to distract myself by swilling my red wine around in my glass. He was probably looking for a way to escape. And then I walked away.

Because I was going away the following weekend, I asked him out the next day. Who was I kidding, I knew I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t wait until Monday. He already had plans with friends, so we got dinner the next night. Dinner went well. Right before it ended, I realized that we were going to go to my apartment and he was going to say goodbye and we were going to kiss. I had the same realization when we were standing outside my apartment. Except we didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t kiss.

We got lunch together on Wednesday, but his break was only thirty minutes long. And then I went away for the weekend. And then he had towork overtime. And then he had to go out for birthday drinks. And then I went out of the country. And then he had a birthday dinner. I ran into him that night at a fundraiser party. I was talking to my designer friend. He came up from behind and put his hand on my shoulder, said hi, and headed up the stairs to pee. My friend turned to me and told me to â&#x20AC;&#x153;get it girl.â&#x20AC;? The party ended. I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t get anything. And then he got food poisoning.

I hadnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t seen him since Wednesday. It was Friday and I was at a friendâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gallery opening. I saw some of his friends come in and kept expecting to see him. I was constantly looking towards the door, to see if his figure would be looming above the crowd. It never appeared.