Transformations A News Magazine about Safe Places Volume 7, Number 3
September 2012
Alindria Carroll Shares Her Story of Courage and Hope
The mission of Safe Places is to create communities where every child is protected, every home is a safe place, and where every person
A News Magazine about Safe Places
can live a life free from violence.
Volume 7, Number 3
September 2012
In This Issue Page 1
Safe Places Volunteer Alindria Carroll Talks about Joy after Violence
Page 4
Support Groups Beginning in September
Page 5
The Invisible War: An Acclaimed Documentary on Sexual Military Trauma Coming to Little Rock this Month
Page 6
Domestic Violence Awareness Month: Clothesline Pins September Volunteer Training Scheduled
Page 7
UALR Students Participate in Service Learning Project Thanks to Our Recent Donors
Page 8
From the Executive Director
Safe Places
1609 Broadway
Little Rock, AR 72206
501-374-SAFE (7233) 24-Hour Crisis Line: 501-801-2700 Statewide, Toll-free SafeLine: 1-877-432-5368 www.SafePlacesLR.org Copyright
C
Safe Places 2012
Please donate to Safe Places by clicking here.
“ I came across Psalms 30: 11-12 ‘You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing.
You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.”
Page One www.SafeplacesLR.org
Finding Joy after Violence
SP: Would you mind introducing yourself to our readers by telling us a little about yourself. Alindria: I graduated from the University of Arkansas at Pine Bluff with a Bachelor of Science Degree in Biology. I started my career as a Research Assistant for a breast and prostate cancer research study at University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences. From there I went to the State Crime Lab and worked as a Forensic Biologist. I completed a Master of Public Health Degree at UAMS which led to my current job as Microbiologist at ADH Public Health Lab. I'm a member of St. Mark Baptist Church where I am a Deaf Ministry Interpreter and Director of Expressions Teen Dance Ministry. I'm also a member of Alpha Kappa Alpha Sorority, Inc. Most of my time is spent with my son, but in my spare time I teach dance, volunteer, and help raise funds with agencies that advocate for victims. SP: We really appreciate you for agreeing to take on an important role for Safe Places as support group facilitator. What led you to volunteer for and what do you hope to gain from it? Alindria: Victims of domestic abuse deal with a tremendous amount of emotions. It's not easy leaving. Sometimes you're hoping things will change and at other times you know they won't ever change. There are feelings of guilt, shame, anger, fear. And making a decision to leave can be confusing especially since so many abusers are very manipulative. They make promises to change, get help, or appear to be loving and caring one minute but become explosive the next. We call it the Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde.
An Interview with Alindria Carroll, One of Our New Volunteer Group Facilitators at Safe Places When I filed for an Order of Protection, I recall not knowing what to expect afterwards. I went through that whole process alone, and it was frustrating and overwhelming. That's why I think support groups are important. It helps to have a support system and peer counseling from those who have experienced it or someone who is trained to walk you through it. Emotional support is the biggest thing a victim should have. Unfortunately, many victims suffer in silence which can lead to depression, anxiety, PTSD, and it can take a lot of therapy/treatment to recover. I'm so thankful to have the strength to bounce back. And I've love to see other victims gain that same strength. An important part of any support groups is allowing participants to be empowered to tell their own stories, and then to enable each participant to change the ending of her personal story. What is your story? For four and half years I was in an abusive relationship. More emotional and verbal abuse than physical. But there were times when things would escalate to violence. There were warning signs from the beginning but I chose to ignore them. We got involved quickly. At the start of the relationship, he had been involved in an incident with his first wife, but because he was acquitted, I chose not to believe it and continued the relationship. Within a few months he had already moved in and shortly after that the abuse started. There were many lies, manipulation, and threats. When confronted, he'd explode and convince me that it was something I had done. So I'd tell him I was sorry. After every argument I was confused and mentally exhausted. Things didn't become physical until a year later. I still remember the first time he slapped me. That was followed by incidents of shoving and more verbal abuse. There were times I'd try to call for help, but he'd grab the cell phone and break it in the process. One incident he grabbed me by the neck, pulled me off of the toilet and slammed my head into the bathroom wall. I'd beg him to leave, but he'd tell me he didn't have anywhere to go or he was sorry. Continued . . .
Page Two www.SafeplacesLR.org
Alindria Carroll continued . . .
Once I left and stayed in a hotel, and on another occasion an officer gave me the number to two local shelters. One was full. The other no one answered. So he took me to the police station and gave me a business card to contact the Domestic Violence Officer. I never did. Shortly after our child was born, I was slapped, pushed down, and choked. That time I took pictures of the scratches and bruises. But I was too afraid to call the police because I knew he'd be in trouble. I left for a week, but again I went back. They say on average, victims will leave and return 7 to 8 times before leaving for good. I finally left when our son was six months old. He was the reason I left. And although I physically left the relationship, he still tried to control me even though he had moved on with another woman. I've had property damaged and even threats that I would be shot in the face and killed. I finally filed an Order of Protection a year and a half after I left. I wasn't his first, second, or last victim. There have been two Order of Protections filed from two women after me. SP: How has all of this affected your life? A lot has changed; both good and bad. However the good definitely outweighs the bad. I was constantly checking windows, doors, and around while I was driving. Sudden noises would keep me up night. I was angry at him, myself, the judicial system, and even God. But I was at a Women's Conference at my church and remembered the speaker's message, “I Refuse to Remain Silent”. God didn't bring me out of that to stay broken but to become better. What I experienced was for someone else's recovery. Once healing took place, I've been asked to share my story at different conferences and workshops. While reading my Bible, I came across Psalms 30:11-12: “You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy, that I might sing praises to you and not be silent.” It became so clear to me that one of my purposes was to develop the Joyful D.A.N.C.E. Ministry (Domestic Abuse: Now the Cycle Ends). Page Three www.SafeplacesLR.org
SP: Do you believe that violence in a family affects the children and if so, in what ways? Alindria: Absolutely! Children become victims even if they aren't the ones being physically abused. They may not see it, but they hear it. Children exposed directly or indirectly to violence can suffer psychological and behavioral problems. They can develop poor learning and social skills, show violent behaviors, and become at risk for depression and anxiety. There was time my toddler's teacher was concerned because he would yell and get really angry. That really concerned me because I was no longer with his father. I contacted a therapist, not knowing if he was experiencing Terrible Twos or if he had been exposed to the violence. One night after an overnight visit, he told me “Daddy pushed Step Mommy in the bathtub.” Without overreacting, I asked a few more questions and he was able to tell me the best way he knew how about what he saw. That became a teaching moment on how Dads don't hit Mommies and we don't hit our friends and family. SP: Do you believe we can end family violence, and if so, how do we start? Alindria: I do believe it's a cycle, and the only way we break that cycle is through awareness, education, and providing services to those who are victims and teaching skills necessary to rebuild and restore. For instance, Safe Places is definitely needed in our communities, schools, and homes. Children and families who are victims of domestic violence or sexual assault need a place where they can come and feel safe. And know that there are compassionate people who care about and support them. When I came to Safe Places, I was seeking advice on supervised visitation. After visiting the website and speaking with the staff, I was impressed with the wide range of services to clients as well as curricula for those in preschool all the way to adult support groups. SP: What advice would you offer to a person experiencing violence from an intimate partner? Alindria: My advice is to tell them there are times when it's not going to be easy but leaving is definitely worth it. Don't do it alone, but take that first step to contact a shelter, a police officer, or a Safe Places advocate, and they will walk with you.
Support Groups Beginning This Month
NEW SUPPORT GROUP OFFERINGS Survivors of Trauma and Abuse 6:00 - 7:30 PM Begins Tuesday: 9.18.12 For Adult Female Survivors of Trauma Facilitator: Dr. Esia D. Anders
Teen Girls Trauma Support Group 6:00 - 7:30 PM Begins Tuesday: 9.18.12 Facilitator: Seasha Askew
Home Should Be a Safe Place 6:00 - 7:30 PM Begins Thursday: 9.20.12 Domestic Violence for Women Facilitator: Alindria Carroll
Caring for My Child After Sexual Abuse TBA
Please call Safe Places for information on support group dates and times. 501-374-7233
For Parents or Caregivers of Children who have been sexually abused Facilitator: Cassondra Neal
The number of group participants is limited. Please register for any of these groups by contacting Rhonda Johnson at 501.374.7233.
Page Four www.SafeplacesLR.org
SAFE PLACES PRESENTS . . . A Compelling Film about abuse in the military. DON’T MISS THIS FILM, A 2012 SUNDANCE FESTIVAL AWARD WINNER Premiering in Little Rock for a Private Showing on September 26 and the Public Premier on September 28 at the Market Street Cinema. For more information, contact, Ginny at 501.326.4247. View the Film Trailer at http://invisiblewarmovie.com/index.cfm
Page Five www.SafeplacesLR.org
Miscellaneous . . . . October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Order these special Clothesline Pins now.
The Cloisonné Clothesline Pin
$7
A special design created especially for Safe Places, cast in elegant cloisonné with silver metal trim. Teal symbolizes victims of sexual assault. Purple is symbolic of domestic violence. The blue pinwheel symbolizes children who have been abused and reminds us that childhood should be a carefree and safe time of life. To order your Cloisonné Clothesline Pin, call Safe Places at 501-374-SAFE (7233) OR order by email at rjohnson@SafePlacesLR.org.
Volunteer Training Scheduled for September 15th Safe Places is so fortunate to have dozens of new volunteers who have made it possible to continue our work, and in some cases even expand our services. We are proud of our volunteer Coordinator, Rhonda Johnson, who has done a stellar job of recruiting, orienting, training and getting these volunteers in places of significant and meaningful service. Our next volunteer orientation will be held at Safe Places on Saturday, September 15th, from 10am until 12 noon. For more information, contact Rhonda at rjohnson@safeplaceslr.org or call Safe Places at 501-351-7233.
Page Six www.SafeplacesLR.org
Safe Places Partners with Fourteen UALR Students in Service Learning Project Spanish 4361: Violence in Latin American Literature is a literary seminar at UALR. Students enrolled in that class are serving five hours of volunteer activity for Safe Places, and we are delighted to have them on board this semester. The needs the students will help with are great and range from painting and grounds maintenance to fund raising and leading support and education groups. Dr. Erin Finzer and Kathy Findley will work together to ensure that students have meaningful volunteer experiences that resonate with the course content and correspond with students' individual talents and comfort levels. Safe Places provides services for people of all ages who have experienced all kinds of violent crime, including partner abuse, sexual violence, and human trafficking and serves a significant Spanish-speaking population, which sometimes presents challenges in terms of language and cultural barriers, as well as immigration. For these reasons and because of its critical need for volunteers, Safe Places is the ideal partner for service learning with this seminar. On September 5, Kathy Findley met with the class for a training and orientation on victim. Now the volunteer efforts begin and we are very excited about the gifts these students will bring to Safe Places and our clients this semester.
Thanks to Our Donors (Contributiors since May 1, 2012) We truly appreciate the difference you make for children and families. N J Talantis Latonia Mitchell Jean Woods Jennifer Patterson Ann Katros Anne Marie Sobin Anonymous Sandy Bainbridge Teeter Motor Company Leighsan Harrod Mickey and Julie Garrett Sharon Barber Craig Wiester Edward Marks In Kind Donors Mercedes Clements and The Book Club Belinda Dougan Arkansas Quilter's Guild Marsha Brown Sandy Bainbridge
Page Seven www.SafeplacesLR.org
Gayle and Noah Williamson Hollon Crum Jennifer Reed Mary L. Kenaston Nancy Streit Atkinson William J. Monagle The Date Safe Project, Inc. VP Medical Consulting, LLP Marvin Black Erica A. Vinson Shannon R. Stone Joanna and Robert Seibert Jerry and Mary Anne Hodge Darrell and Kay Coleman Carolyn Staley The Alliance of Baptists Bonita and Michael Barnes Nadine Ledet Jerry and Betty Herron Donna Rountree Julie Tapp Dr. Erin Finzer
I love this image of a young girl with the wind in her hair just celebrating life. It’s a comforting image for those of us who work with so many children and young people who are beaten down from violence and abuse. Since losing our funding in May, we have not been in the most celebrative mood. But believe it or not, there’s always something to celebrate at Safe Places, even in the most difficult times. Today, I am celebrating a young woman who recently visited me. I had not seen her in eight years. At that time, she was my client, a 12 year old child going through a terrible experience. A couple of weeks ago, she was my hero. And she reminded me why we do what we do at Safe Places, and why we continue to do it against all odds. You see, she might have taken a different path if help had not been available for her. She found her safe place with us where she began a healing process that resulted in the young woman I saw two weeks ago . . . confident, half finished with her college education, starting a new job and grateful that there was someone to catch her when she fell at age twelve. I also celebrate YOU, all of you who have helped us through rough times and who continue to help through your volunteer service, your support and encouragement, and your financial contributions. Since we lost six staff persons in May, we have trained 31 volunteer professionals who are now helping us provide many of the same services we have always provided. That’s something to celebrate! Since May, five new supporters have been working hard to plan some needed fund raising events for Safe Places. That’s truly something to celebrate! Fourteen UALR students are working with us in various service learning projects, five new support groups begin this month, and we are premiering the documentary film, “The Invisible War”in Little Rock this month. That is something to celebrate! In May, when we lost grant funding amounting to about $169,000 annually, most people counted us out. Finished! Washed up this time! And they were wrong again, because we have continued helping people for almost five months since that day. You see Safe Places is not here because of funding, although we need it just like any other organization. Safe Places is here because of heart, and commitment to a mission and vision that still matters in spite of the gains and losses. That’s who we are, and that’s who we have always been. We are cut to the bare bones now, a service organization with only one salaried volunteer coordinator. And today, even that budget is more than we can handle without your help. Currently, we receive not one penny of government funding, so our community is all we have. But victims of sexual violence, family violence, child sexual abuse and human trafficking still come to us in droves needing help. Crime victims from the Latino community still come to Safe Places where they have received compassion and care since 2006. and fortunately, two Spanish-speaking victim advocates came to us to be trained to help, just in time. So I am trusting that what we need will come to us, and I celebrate that. I do not know what is in the future for Safe Places. But I do know that many of you are here at Safe Places giving of your time and talents, and that new support groups will begin this month. I know faith communities that are partnering with us to make sure these services are here for the children in our community who need them so desperately. So will you consider your part in helping us continue? Will you volunteer or commit your prayer support? Will you put us in your budget for even a small monthly contribution? We need your help. Please donate at www.safeplacesLR.org. Help us ensure hope-filled futures for so many children and families, and celebrate their lives with us.
Safe Places
Transformations www.SafePlacesLR.org