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My wife’s car is not silly

Nury Vittachi on unique names for cars

When my wife bought a Japanese car five years ago, I was pleasantly surprised by its name. “Prius” wasn’t silly. “That’s a first,” I thought.

Japan has given us vehicles like the Honda Life Dunk and the Daihatsu Naked. Isuzu makes or made vehicles called the Mysterious Utility. Mazda’s list includes the Bongo. Toyota has the Deliboy. Nissan has the Prairie Joy. Mitsubishi’s list of vehicles includes a car called the Pistachio. Why would anyone name a car after something small, green and wrinkled? Is ET the target market?

A friend of a friend in Japan used to have a Light Dump—no, that’s not a bodily function but the brand name of a truck.

In contrast, Prius was a clever name, being Latin for “first step” – and the car was widely successful as the first step towards moving the public to electric vehicles.

Several neighbours also bought one which created a new challenge: what’s the plural of Prius? Is it Priuses, or do we follow the octopus/ octopi model, in which case the word is Prii?

Anyway, a mere five years later, Hong Kong car parks are filling up with electric cars, mostly Teslas, so all those Prii had literally been the first step for many.

Car names are important in cultural terms, as can be seen from the way they are often iconically used in songs: “Drove my Chevy to the levy” was a history-making rhyme.

But they have triggered east-west tension. UK TV presenter Jeremy Clarkson, not famous for racial sensitivity, assumed the Starion (a Japanese car) was meant to be “Stallion” spoken in an East Asian accent. In fact it was derived from Greek mythology, short for “Star of Arion”.

Fact is, the west has also had its share of silly names, Mr Clarkson. Cars from GM had names associated with burning, like Pontiac Firebird and Trailblazer. That was kinda weird. GM also had the Avalanche, a car named after a type of disaster, and the Citation, seemingly named after a traffic offence. The American Motor Corp once launched a car called the Gremlin, a word which means “irritating problem”.

European cars were worse. They have codes for names, so cannot be mentioned in songs: “Oh what fun it is to ride in my BMW E9 2800CS.” See what I mean? A few European cars do have names. There’s a car in Italy called the Volugrafo Bimbo (Italian for “Car with politically incorrect name”.)

But I have to admit, some Chinese cars have names which are just daft. From China comes a brand of pick-up truck called the Rural Nanny. Geely, a major car maker in China, makes a car called the King Kong. This might make sense if it was big and dangerous, but it’s as tiny and meek as a Japanese Prime Minister. Indian car names are sleep-inducing: there’s the Mahindra Classic and the Padmini.

I still can’t see how an Asian car could fit into a song like American Pie. “Drove my Daihatsu Charade to the levy but the levy was dry.” It just didn’t have the right ring to it.

But there needs to be songs about eastern cars. The biggest market for motors is Asia, and the biggest selling global brand is Toyota.

So I set to work. I found two problems. First, the top Asian cars, such as Toyota, are reliable, but ugly and boring. Second, not many words rhyme with Toyota. The best I could do is this:

My car is really dull, yes, it is a Toyota I had to pay a premium (there’s an import quota) I wash it every Sunday on a cleaning rota I think I’ll buy a Chevy and move to Dakota.

Somehow I don’t think it’s gonna be as big as American Pie.

Nury Vittachi is an award-winning author and journalist based in Hong Kong. He is best known for his novel series, The Feng Shui Detective and is now editor of Friday Magazine. Contact him via nury@vittachi.com or through his public Facebook page.