Backpage

How BACKPAGE ill to be

Nury Vittachi can be contacted at nury@vittachi. com or through his Facebook page

Award-winning author Nury Vittachi looks back on the month

I DON’T ALWAYS Google my cold symptoms but when I do I have the Black Death, pregnancy and a disease only horses get.

This is not actually that surprising. I’ve had every disease known to man, except hypochondria, and I’ll probably get that from a toilet seat later today.

The problem is that we human beings “feel a bit meh” pretty much all the time, and medical websites have to generalize to make sure they get lots of clicks: “Feel a bit meh? Click here to find out if it’s Ebola or COVID-19.”

Then, as soon as you click the button, the targeted advertising algorithm kicks in: “20% off best COVID-19 now.” in Toronto, the self-same WHO diagnosed a program of tea, sympathy, and lots of hugs.

Over the decades, I’ve noticed a marked difference in attitudes to Eastern and Western outbreaks. To this end, I provide below an exclusive record of an important briefing between world leaders and health specialists that took place recently in this writer’s imagination.

Q: How should we react to the arrival of a virus such as the one from Wuhan? A: Organize for people to run around in radiation suits.

Q: The virus gives you radiation sickness? A: No, you fool! It just looks good.

My doctor tells me I should never trust Dr Google, but I asked it why my left knee had started clicking, and it took me to a conversation where someone said that it will go away by itself in a couple of weeks. It did.

The following week my daughter broke her arm. I reached for my laptop, but my wife forced me to call an ambulance instead.

Yes, some people are trapped in The Old Ways.

The recent virus panic brought back memories of being a reporter covering the SARS outbreak 16 years ago. It was found to be killing dozens of people in Hong Kong and Toronto in 2003. The World Health Organization instructed everyone to shun Hong Kongers as if we were lepers or members of 1980s boy bands. For people Q: People closed their borders to mainlanders. If the virus starts spreading in Western countries should we do the same? A: Don’t be ridiculous! Western people wouldn’t stand for that sort of thing.

Q: But doctors say we should have sealed off the US and Mexico in 2009, before the swine flu virus became a worldwide problem. A: Are you honestly telling me that you would ask North Americans to cancel their vacations just because it may be the end of humanity? Be reasonable, man.

Q: Good point. Incidentally, could you comment on the fact that the recent virus seems to have many names, from Chinese SARS to COVID-19 to the novel coronavirus and so on? A: The problem is that lawyers representing the SARS virus released a statement back in January: “Our client reserves all rights to the exclusive use of the name SARS.”

Going back to 2009, I remember that the Hong Kong authorities suggested calling that virus “the human swine flu”.

I gave it the thumbs down. “Human swine” was what we called my boss. In fact, it was the NICEST thing we called him.

A reader suggested we call it “The Disease Formerly Known as Swine Flu”, or “Prince” for short.

Anyway, Hong Kong is resilient. We have more experience than anywhere else of eradicating our home of dangerous infestations. We got rid of bird flu, we got rid of SARS, we got rid of MERS, we got rid of the British, we got rid of democracy, we got rid of gangnam style, right?

And the fact is, even a Dr Google fan like me has to admit that many diseases are definitely all in the mind.

I once saw a sign hanging up at the Tung Wah Hospital in Sheung Wan which said: “Beware of your head.” I think that’s the best medical advice I have ever had.

*** Send ideas to our columnist via his Facebook page or that of Hong Kong Living.

 is open all day, all night, every day of the week!  will always be here to oer .

Consultation by Appointment.Consultation by Appointment.

SAI KUNG 8AM-9PM 27920833 24-HOUR NURSING CARE & CAT & DOG BOARDING SAI KUNG 8AM-9PM 27920833 24-HOUR NURSING CARE & CAT & DOG BOARDING

NORTH POINT 28118907 24-HOUR EMERGENCY CARE NORTH POINT 28118907 24-HOUR EMERGENCY CARE

MONG KOK 8AM-11PM 23092139 24-HOUR NURSING CARE MONG KOK 8AM-11PM 23092139 24-HOUR NURSING CARE

TSEUNG KWAN O 9AM-9PM, MON TO SUN 22446684TSEUNG KWAN O 9AM-9PM, MON TO SUN 22446684

PARK ISLAND MOBILE CLINIC 11AM-8PM WED & SUN 62230903PARK ISLAND MOBILE CLINIC 11AM-8PM WED & SUN 62230903

FAIRVIEW PARK MOBILE CLINIC 10AM-6PM SAT 62230903FAIRVIEW PARK MOBILE CLINIC 10AM-6PM SAT 62230903