Salient Issue 01 Beauty by Salient

CONTENTS

The Team Editors: Asher Emanuel & Ollie Neas editor@salient.org.nz Designer: Racheal Reeves designer@salient.org.nz News Editor: Stella Blake-Kelly news@salient.org.nz Arts Editor: Adam Goodall arts@salient.org.nz Film Editor: Gerald Lee Books Editor: Kurt Barber Visual Arts Editor: Rob Kelly Theatre Editor: Neal Barber Chief Feature Writer: Elle Hunt Junior Feature Writer: Fairooz Samy Chief Sub-Editor: Carlo Salizzo

C o n ta c t Level 2, Student Union Building Victoria University PO Box 600, Wellington Phone: 04 463 6766 Email: editor@salient.org.nz

"...we need to

subsidise dates; give free hand outs of

facial cleanser;

Advertising Contact: Mark Maguire Phone: 04 463 6982 Email: sales@vuwsa.org.nz ABOUT US Salient is produced by independent student journalists, employed by, but editorially independent from, the Victoria University of Wellington Students’ Association (VUWSA). Salient is a member of, syndicated and supported by the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). Salient is funded by Victoria University of Wellington students, through the student services levy. It is printed by Printcorp of Tauranga. Opinions expressed are not necessarily representative of those of ASPA, VUWSA, Printcorp or 21 year old straight dudebros, but we of Salient are proud of our beliefs and take full responsibility for them.

redistribute looks..."

Partisan Hacks Political Porn with Hamish Mulled Whine With H.G. Beattie Science - What's It Up To? C.R.E.A.M Things You Already Know But Just Need To Be Told Roxy Heart & Prudence Lovelock Eat Your Fucking Greens

THE BEAUTY ISSUE

16. 19. 20. 24. 25. 28. 29. 30.

Living in the Future? No, the Present is my Past Natural Beauty Shaky Foundations High Cheekbones & Human Rights Blight on the Landscape Dude looks like a Lady I was Wandering... The Man who Brought down Communism

33. 34. 35. 36. 38.

Music Film Visual Arts Theatre Books

REPRESENTATION & SERVICES

38. 39. 39. 42. 42.

Presidential Address Vice President (Welfare) Student Counselling Ngai Tauira Bent

SALIENT LOVES YOU

43. 44. 46. 47.

Continued page 24

This issue is dedicated to looking a little closer.

www.salient.org.nz

12. 13. 14. 15. 15. 40. 41. 41.

The Arts

even

Other Subscriptions: Too lazy to walk to uni to pick up a copy of your favourite mag? We can post them out to you for a nominal fee. $40 for Vic student, $55 for everyone else. Please send an email containing your contact details with ‘subscription’ in the subject line to editor@salient.org.nz

The Columns

youtube.com/salienttv

@salientmagazine

facebook.com/salientmagazine

Notices Letters Puzzles Radio & Gig Guide

BEAUTITORIAL. ☞ ASHER & OLLIE When at primary school, [one of the coeditors] would often receive a peculiar taunt from the other children. In cruel chorus, they would sing: “U-G-L-Y, you ain’t got no alibi, you ugly! Aye, aye, you ugly!” At the time, he wept profusely. Now, he just weeps quietly. During one recent deluge of tears, he stopped and a series of thoughts crossed his mind. He asked: am I actually ugly? Can anything really be ugly? Am I beautiful inside? The answers to the questions were, in fact: yes, yes, and probably not. Though answered, these were some interesting questions. Interesting enough at least to devote an issue of Salient to! Because, you see, the thing is, we care quite a lot about these kind of things. We care how we look ourselves, how others look, and even how our life as a whole looks from the outside. It’s care of this kind that makes us wear certain clothes, makes us hang certain things on the wall, and even makes us listen to particular music and read particular books. All of these are behaviours motivated by a concern for a certain quality we call beauty. And it’s something that matters to all of us.

Indeed, it’s because of beauty that many of us are at university. Most obviously, those of you who study design or architecture are explicitly learning how to make beautiful things. But it’s not only the artsy crowd. Slightly further out, much of the humanities are all about finding what’s of value through some assessment of beauty. Powerful words, elegant theories and accounts of history are all beautiful in their own right. And even in the sciences and mathematics, this is true: who would deny that the search for truths about our world is a search for something beautiful? But that which is truly beautiful is hard to come by. And when you do find it, whatever it may be, knowing what makes the thing beautiful is even more tricky. You see, high cheekbones are said to be beautiful. Likewise long legs. But there’s more to beauty than that (apparently). An honourable life could be described as beautiful, even if the person who lived it had sub-par cheekbones and no legs. These are difficult questions to answer, as we unfortunately discovered while putting this issue together. The more difficult the question, the more important the answer.

Contributor of the week: Molly McCarthy. Thanks for putting up with our shit.

3. Editorial 4. Top 10 5. News 7. News on the March 9. LOL News 10. Ver Serious Business 11. Overheard At Vic 11. The Week That Wasn't

Photo taken at The Powder Room

Contributors Nathan Allan, Hayley Adams, Nick Cross, Hilar y Beattie, Richard D’Ath, Uther Dean, Martin Doyle, Zack Dorner, Andrew Donnelly, Harriet Farquhar, Reed Fleming, Rebekah Galbraith, Amy Hodgkinson, Roxy Heart, Patrick Hunn, Bridie Hood, Rewiti Kohere, Prudence Lovelock, Tokey Madness, Molly McCarthy, Hamish McConnochie, Callum McDougal, Hugo McKinnon, Duncan McLachlan, Udayan Mukherjee, Livvy Nonoa, Sam Northcott, Sam Phillips, Will Robertson, Michael Sergel, Rajnesh Singh, Bas Suckling, Breanna ‘Uruk-hai’ Urquhart, Lewis Van Den Berg-Shaw, Ta’ase Vaoga, Ellen Walker, Nicola Wood.

NEWS

⊗ NEWS ⊗

FRESHERS CLAIM o WEEK FRESH

WAYS TO STAY

BEAUTIFUL

☞ MOLLY McCARTHY Alongside drinking too much and pashing strangers, last week hundreds of Victoria students enjoyed the Neon Toga Party, UK rapper Roots Manuva, and New Zealand dubstep group Mt Eden at the Hunter Lounge.

☞ Carlo Salizzo

everybody else suprisingly cynical

TEN The perfect duckface

NINE Angle grinder exfoliation

EIGHT Prayer

SEVEN Sunbeds

SIX Self-flagellation

FIVE Tobacco sauna treatment

FOUR Wrap around sunglasses and leather trench coats

THREE Prison

TWO Ugly friends

ONE Crystal Meth.

Student responses to the line-up were mixed, with many disappointed by the 2012 O Week in comparison to Otago University's O Week. This year, students at Otago University were treated to Shapeshifter, Shihad, David Dallas, Homebrew, and P-Money and PNC, amongst other big-name acts. Many students also felt that VUWSA's 2012 line-up was weak following the 2011 O Week, which included big-name acts MGMT, De La Soul and Ministry of Sound's Tom Piper, amongst others. O Week seemed to be relatively successful nonetheless, with two of last week's three main events sold out, and Roots Manuva well-attended. Last Tuesday, Salient's Co-Editors Asher Emanuel and Ollie Neas and News Editor Stella Blake-Kelly donned bedsheets and spoke to students at the Neon Toga Party about how they were finding VUWSA O Week. Most of the crowd there were first years, many of whom were very impressed with how the week was going so far. “We love it! It's pretty good... Yeah, I mean, being drunk by 9pm, it's pretty intense and kinda sad... But it's like, in O Week, you need to drink, go to an event, drink again, and go to town,” explained a Weir House resident from Palmerston North.

All students spoken to by Salient were overwhelmingly positive about the Neon Toga Party in particular. “It's going really really really good! Really really really really good. And my name's Angeli and I do commerce. Will I be famous now?” Despite the enthusiastic responses from first years spoken to by Salient, Victoria's 2012 O Week had left others disappointed. “[It's] horribly underwhelming. The Otago one takes a dump all over it,” said one student. In a poll run on the Salient Facebook page asking how students felt about the O Week line-up, the second most popular response after “I am incapable of emotion”, was “Outrage. I'm transferring to Otago, even though it's shit.” Of eleven votes for “Happiness” and “Contentment”, four of these were from members of the VUWSA Executive. Despite this criticism, VUWSA President Bridie Hood remained positive about O Week when spoken to by Salient last week. “Orientation has been a great start to the 2012 academic year ... It’s great to see students getting involved and getting amongst it.” When asked why VUWSA's O Week was less impressive than both last year's and other universities' orientation weeks, Hood explained that funding and timing constraints had been major factors. “We started planning for O Week 2012 in the middle of last year. As you know,

[Voluntary Student Membership] was passed in late September... So we discussed with the University about sorting out a contract; that contract took time to sort out. “Associations and institutions have all dealt with VSM and the challenges that it brings in a different way, and this is the way that VUWSA and Vic have worked together in our new environment.” In his blog, VUWSA Treasurer William Guzzo explained the situation in more detail. “Negotiations [stalled] as the University [became] painstakingly bureaucratic. Emails from VUWSA are not replied to; people politics get in the way... [Association Manager Mark Maguire was] unable to get big bands due to not having any money to give them, as the University kept on mucking VUWSA around.” Guzzo concluded that VUWSA had “done a fantastic job with O Week, given the context”. This week orientation events continue, with VUWSA Clubs Week, Comedy Night, Hypnotist Show, and Sounds in the Sun taking place across Victoria Universities campuses. As Salient went to print, the sold-out Mt Eden show appeared to be “going off”, with a sea of fist-pumps able to be seen every time the strobe light flashed. Outside a female fan was heard yelling, “Suck my dick!”, whilst another stumbled into the Salient office, Blue V in hand, asking if staffers knew where the toilets were. Salient staff seemed disappointed when Emanuel sent her away.

⊗ NEWS ⊗

VUWSA STRIVES FOR GREATER EFFICIENCY Committee To Solve All Problems

☞ STELLA BLAKE-KELLY Years of fluffed out work reports and executive work deficits may soon come to an end following a change in the way VUWSA executive members are paid. In previous years, work reports have been scrutinised and passed during meetings of the general executive; this process will now be undertaken by the newly established Executive Reporting Committee. Comprised of President Bridie Hood, Vice-President (Academic) Josh Wright and Treasurer William Guzzo, the committee will meet fortnightly to discuss work reports before being sent to general exec meetings for approval. Hood said the smaller committee would make it possible for individual work reports to receive greater scrutiny, as well

as bypassing the inefficiencies of roundtable interpersonal analysis.

rather than being expected to make up deficits.

“There were concerns raised by executive members last year that there was a feeling of intimidation within

“There were instances last year when executive members were paid on the proviso that they would make up the

“There were instances last year when executive members were paid on the proviso that they would make up the owing hours, but not all those hours were made up." the executive meetings. In that if you questioned someone’s work report, that they would therefore question yours,” Hood said.

owing hours, but not all those hours were made up. So this policy was brought in so that all executive members are accountable and transparent,” Hood said.

Executive members will also now have the option of being paid pro rata, whereby they are paid for the amount of hours worked over a reporting period

Coinciding with this change is a reduction in general executive meetings to once a month - the minimum required by the VUWSA constitution - in a bid to become more efficient.

Campaign REnewed IN TIME FOR O WEEK

☞ MICHAEL SERGEL

ON THE

Victoria students are among those targeted by a new nationwide campaign aimed at spreading the message that everyone has a responsibility to notice and prevent sexual violence.

It includes a short film, which presents a scenario in which a young woman is sexually assaulted, and several alternative scenarios where bystanders intervene to prevent the assault.

MARCH

Originally developed to coincide with the Rugby World Cup, the Who Are You? campaign has been renewed throughout late February and early March to coincide with university Orientation Weeks around the country.

“It is not about being the hero or putting yourself at risk, but it is about preventing sexual violence,” says spokesperson Kim Lund from Sexual Abuse

THE WORLD THIS WEEK

Assessment and Treatment Services.

“Offenders are most often known to the victim and the events leading up to anassault are often “An estimated one in four women and witnessed by others,” says one in twenty men in New Zealand will Lund. These witnesses are in an ideal position to intervene bevictims of a sexual assault...” which could save potential victims, most of which are young women. police, sexual abuse support groups and “An estimated one in four women and health services aims to encourage young one in twenty men in New Zealand will people to be ‘ethical bystanders’ and to bevictims of a sexual assault at some intervene in cases of unwanted sexual point in their lives.” conduct. Who Are You? a collaborative project by

UNIVERSITY BUSES IN JEOPARDY Students MAY HAVE TO WALK UP MOUNT STREET

☞ NICOLA WOOD Students are being urged to engage in Greater Wellington Regional Council's consultation on an upcoming major overhaul of the city's bus system. In its largest review of the system in twenty years, the Council is proposing the creation of new bus routes, as well as the cancellation of existing ones, most notably the #18 'Campus Connection' service. The Campus Connection currently runs between Karori and Miramar, servicing all of Victoria's Campuses as well as Massey University.

☞ AARRON HARLAND

NEWS

VUWSA President Bridie Hood says it is important students look carefully at the proposed changes to bus routes and fares, which could have a significant impact on those who travel to Victoria University by bus. “The proposed changes will drastically alter the way students travel to and in between campuses, and it’s important they make their concerns known,” Hood says. VUWSA is currently running an online survey to gauge student opinion on the

proposed changes, the results of which will be used to form a submission to the Council. Some students have contacted Salient to express their concern that under the proposed plan the only bus stop described as “near Kelburn Campus” for some routes will be on The Terrace, meaning Mount Street will stand between commuters and their classes. One student calling themselves a busenthusiast student gave their thoughts on the impact he believes the restructuring will have on those who study in Kelburn. “Right now there are lots of buses to Kelburn campus, and they link useful places, especially through the #18 and #47 which go out to popular suburbs avoiding the CBD”, they explained. “Under the new plan, these buses will either disappear or be replaced by other ones that continue up the hill from Kelburn to useful places, but going down the hill will only go to the railway station.”

☛☛ In a groundbreaking deal of human reasonableness, North Korea has agreed to suspend its uranium enrichment programme and longrange missile testing in exchange for US food aid to feed its millions of starving citizens. Supreme Leader, Kim Jong Un, isn’t sharing his nuclear weapon toys though. ☛☛ Australian PM Julia Gillard fucks over ex-PM K-Rudd’s bid for a return to office. K-Rudd shuffles awkwardly to the backbench, while Julia Gillard glares ominously. ☛☛ James Murdoch, son of Rupert ‘Randolph Hurst’ Murdoch, steps down as executive-chairman of News International, the parent company of The Sun and The Times newspapers. He plans to join his dad in managing global Illuminati propaganda. ☛☛ Angry passengers from the stricken cruise ship that has been stranded in the Indian Ocean without power for three days face further turmoil as a mere two showers become available for all 1000 passengers. Some passengers are more excited about this than others. ☛☛ Governor of Maryland, Martin O’Malley prepares to sign a bill passed by the state assembly to legalise same-sex marriage. Haters keep hating, as churchgoers gather signatures to return to Old Testament , or “glory”, days. ☛☛ Young Bret McKenzie from down in Aro wins a prize overseas in America at the movie award things for his music. Mum is very proud. ☛☛ A Nissan van crashes into the back of another car on Nelson St in Blenheim during a mild bout of rain. Nobody is injured.

⊗ NEWS ⊗

LOL ☞ Carlo Salizzo, Molly McCarthy and Stella Blake-Kelly

Drunk and crying in the VUWSA offices, this time it’s not Bridie. VUWSA’s Kelburn office was broken into during last Thursday’s Orientation dubstep event at the Hunter Lounge. 8

Salient staffers were alerted to the presence of trespassers by the sound of giggling traveling up the internal stairwell. Upon further investigation, two highly inebriated first years were discovered clutching each other in the heart of VUWSA HQ. When quizzed as to why they were there, the girls responded that they had in fact been let into the locked offices. “We got let in here cause I’ve been crying,” a teary-eyed girl explained. “I’m very emotional, I’ve been drinking gin,” she added. Despite attempts to escort them out, the most emotional of the pair insisted on going to the toilet “again”, yelling to her friend to wait for her before heading to the ‘Kumara’.

Fraudster Attempts to Steal Jack Nicholson's Identity “There's Johnny!” A Brazilian man was forced to handle the truth when arrested by police for forgery, following his attempt to start a business and open a bank account using a fake ID featuring actor Jack Nicholson's photo. Something had to give for 41-year-old Ricardo Sergio Freere de Barros, who was also carrying a number of identification documents belonging to other people. For police, who had already been investigating de Barros, his shining example of how not to steal someone's identity was as good as it gets, giving them the evidence they needed to make an arrest.

⊗ NEWS ⊗

Very

Serious Business ☞ STELLA BLAKE-KELLY

VUWSA Adopts Greek Fiscal Practices VUWSA’s 2012 projected expenditure could see them spending more than they’re earning, creating a large deficit in their budget. At $360 a day, current expenses will see them $130,000 in the red by the end of the year. VUWSA President Bridie Hood says this was due to the planning of the previous administration. 10

“The 2012 budget was not presented to the incoming executive by the 2011 executive taking into account changes caused by voluntary student membership,” Hood said. Despite not having the usual $2 million guaranteed revenue from compulsory membership fees, the expenditure has remained the same. Though VUWSA has reserves from previous years’ surpluses, Hood says it would be unsustainable to carry on in this manner. The executive intends to look into new revenue streams and find ways of reducing costs.

⊗ NEWS ⊗

STEVEN Joyce Hammered Protesters SPEND BIG ON ICE

☞ NICOLA WOOD Students at the University of Auckland took a hammer to an ice sculpture of Tertiary Education Minister Steven Joyce last Wednesday in an effort to draw attention to rising course fees. The Auckland University Students' Association (AUSA) provided the frozen likeness of the Minister, and invited the student who came forward with the highest fees to smash it. AUSA President Arena Williams said the stunt was a metaphor for the need for university fees to be frozen, and a warning that future generations would need to “pick up the pieces” of what she

described as under-investment in tertiary education by the Government. The students' association's vice president Dan Haines suggested that although decisions made by the University played a part in fees having risen 13 per cent since 2007, the phenomenon is a result of policy-making at a national level.

“OVERHEARD” VIC

“Some of the blame for fee increases must lie with the institutions, but the real problem lies in a short-sighted economic plan,” he said. About 50 students turned out to witness the stunt.

Overheard outside VUWSA office during Mt Eden: Drunk girl (on phone to friend): “You guys wanna say hi to Amy?!” People: “...” Drunk girl: “Amy, everyone LOVES YOU! Okay, I’m going to the toilet again.”

Overheard at the Neon Toga Party: Alone toga wearer: “Being drunk by nine o’clock: pretty intense and kinda sad but hey, it’s O Week” Giggling girl" “This is so funny. It's so funny. IT'S WAY TOO FUNNY!” Guy pashing girl: “So what was your name?” Guy yarning about O Week: “I think so far the toga party's been the best. Even though we didn't get tickets.”

Overheard at Kelburn:

University makes strange foray into web 2.0; retreats swiftly to Hunter building

Coffee drinker: “So when’s winter supposed to end?”

Overheard on Mount Street: “We tricked that guy that we're brother and sister. Even though we're not. He kept turning around and seeing us making out. That was the best part of the night.”

Email snippets of Vic life to overheard@salient.org.nz, or find overheard@vic on Facebook.

Bingo Night At Te Puni; Mature Student Teaches Meddling Kids How To Party ☞ OLLIE NEAS Those who live fast don’t necessarily die young, the mature student at the centre of a damning Te Puni administrative gaffe told Salient this week. Bachelor of Arts student Rosemary Stratford (82 yrs) was admitted to the exclusively first year hall of residence, Te Puni Village, rather than the University housing she had applied for at the start of last week. Student Housing Services have claimed the admission was due to a Te Puni administrative error, but Head of House Peter Tuiasu has denied the accusations. He claims that Mrs Stratford wandered in alone on the first day of Orientation. “She just turned up on our doorstep cradling three cats claiming she lived here,” Tuiasa said. “We tried to turn her away, but she was so darn motherly that I felt bloody ashamed to reuse her.” Mrs Stratford was later found in a double room, having covered the wall in garish tapestries of cats that have been described by one resident as “some freaky-ass shit”. She was unable to shed much light on the situation. “I do remember somebody bringing me here,” she said, “but then everything before last week is a little hazy.” Though Mrs Stratford has not let the mix-up disrupt her enjoyment of her first week back at university since 1950. She says she’s been “getting right in there” and has been “teaching the kids the odd trick or two”.

Her hall neighbour, Henry Scott, explained that Mrs. Stratford had attended every orientation event religiously, describing her as a “total good bitch”. “The first night we had a little bit of a party on our floor and she was like fucking off the chain!” Scott said. “She just sat in the hall sipping on a fucking shandy ‘til everyone else was fucking wasted as fuck. I was so fucked that I forgot all about it ‘til I saw all the fucking self-takes she took.” Mrs. Stratford remembered the night a little more vividly. “Oh, yes, that was delightful,” she chuckled, “things did take a turn for the worse when we went to that kumara bar though. I was having a jig on the table and then, smash bang, there goes my hip!” “The Roman dress up night was a gay affair,” Mrs. Stratford said, describing the Neon Toga Party. “The Dionysus worship was very convincing if not historically accurate.” “I did find the Mountain Eden event quite distressing. The flashing lights didn’t go down too well with my medication. A lovely young man gave me a curious little pill, but I think he must have gave me the wrong one because it did make me feel awful funny.” “I went to the floral arrangement workshop–the root manoeuvring one–and was a little disappointed to find a bunch of kids doing their hip-hop songs. But the man on the stage doing the chanting was very nice. He invited me behind the stage for drinkies.”

⚡ COLUMNS ⚡

POLITICAL

PORN WITH HAMISH Salient asked, "What is the role of government in making public spaces beautiful?" The Hacks respond...

NZ FIRST

GREENS @ VIC

VIC NATS

The government should be encouraging local government to beautify & maintain public spaces that everybody can enjoy. NZF would empower regions to develop local initiatives for their public spaces, which meet local needs and utilises local talents. There are examples around the country where local communities have banded together to beautify their public spaces to make them more enjoyable for people to play sport, picnic with friends & family and to relax in the sun. ☞ AMY HODGKINSON

Government has a critical role in beautifying public spaces, primarily through funding the development and care of parks, streetscapes and public art.

First let me state that it is not the role of government to define what is ‘beautiful’ – beauty is a cultural construct and entirely subjective (see the music reviews in this magazine for further proof of this).

VIC LABOUR Maintenance and beautification public spaces by government should be done in a way that makes spaces desirable and enjoyable to be in and such spaces are important facilities for recreation, relaxation and community activities. The current government are currently dragging their feet on the redevelopment of the National War Memorial at Buckle Street - a development of public space already planned and wanted by the public but being stalled.

☞ REED FLEMING

Such funding is not a ‘frill’, but rather plays a key part in the Government’s greater social and economic development programme. Public spaces which are aesthetically pleasing attract residents, businesses and visitors, make neighbourhoods safer, and encourage community engagement. This makes them an integral tool for achieving social and economic enhancement for communities. ☞ HARRIET FARQUHAR

The government has an incentive and a responsibility to maintain the value the public holds in its public spaces, while also ensuring that this value is not overstated or degraded by needless and costly pet projects. A fine balance must be struck between style and substance - I like to think Wellington has found this sweet spot, though I guess this too is subjective. ☞ RAJNESH SINGH

ACT ON CAMPUS Act on Campus did not respond to Salient's request for comment. Shame, that.

GILLARD MONSTERS RUDD ☞ HAMISH MCCONNOCHIE If you did not find last week’s Australian Labor Party leadership spill exciting, you weren’t looking in the right place. The parody YouTube videos and Twitter accounts—along with television commercials and newspaper cartoons—proved, at least across the ditch, that political satire is alive and well. Suitably, YouTube provided much of the humour, as seen in the Kevin Rudd and Julia Gillard 'cover' of Gotye’s 'Somebody I Used to Know', which was featured on the Age and Sydney Morning Herald websites. The challenge itself was sparked online, with a video of a frustrated Kevin Rudd surfacing and quickly circulated by the media. Whether the video was leaked by Ms Gillard or, in a Machiavellian move, Mr Rudd, is still unclear. For many of you, this will be your first week at Victoria University. Some of you will have chosen Victoria due to its law or design school. Others will have migrated here due to their interest in politics and Wellington’s status as the capital. To those students, welcome; this column is dedicated to you. Your choice to come to Victoria benefits me in two ways: firstly by providing this column with a reader

base and secondly because I find the large tables of Weir House residents who attend Back Bencher's humourous. Unfortunately, the ALP spill has shown to me that you don’t need to live in Wellington to enjoy politics. The drama of the leadership spill was covered by round the clock updates on Sky channel 90 (Sky News “New Zealand”) and several Australian news websites ran live blogs, my favourite being ABC’s 'Labor at War'.

humourous content, commenting on the political issues of the day. This has been perhaps spearheaded by the Chasers comedy group. The Chasers, who are best known in New Zealand for their 2007 APEC stunt in Sydney, created the 'Yes We Canberra', which appeared on taxpayer-funded ABC. Without a fully taxpayer-funded television channel, the Chasers would perhaps not survive, due to their abrasive and offensive content deterring potential advertisers. Not since Facelift produced its last season in 2007 has New Zealand produced anything close to what’s been in Australia. Wellington, via its city council, refers to itself as the creative capital of the country. Considering it's also the 'real' capital, are the creative people with offices in Te Aro not interested in what’s happening in the corridors in Pipitea?

Therefore, to the first year students starting 100-level POLS papers this week, please consider taking a parttime job at a social media agency, or 1.30 am resignations in Washington DC, changing your degree to something press conferences galore, gossip and more creative. That way, we might see some more "Whether the video was leaked by Ms political satire and there will Gillard or, in a Machiavellian move, Mr be less congestion outside KK 303. It also might mean Rudd, is still unclear." you avoid the trap which leaked videos saw the one week build-up former ACT on Campus Auckland Viceto the leadership challenge provide much President Cameron Wayne Browne has more excitement than November and the fallen into. According to Prime News, he’s New Zealand general election did. under investigation by the Police, after posting “John Banks for Epsom! (Stuff As I’ve said though, you didn’t need to the Electoral Act 1993)” as his Facebook watch the traditional media’s coverage status on election day. It should make for to enjoy the spill. Unlike New Zealand, an interesting precedent. where Kurt Sharpe’s YouTube channel(s) seem to provide the extent of our satire, Australians have created an array of

⚡ COLUMNS ⚡

SCIENCE WHATS IT UP TO?

OPEN YOUR EYES

☞ Bas Suckling

be overturned as the boundaries of our understanding are expanded. These continual breakthroughs are (usually) welcome kitchen extensions to the house of knowledge. Today there are many lecturers teaching theories which are unanimously accepted across the scientific community, theories which were labeled outlandish and unproven back when our esteemed teachers had long hair and dreams.

I see miracles every day, magnets man, how do they work? But seriously, understanding how the universe works is the coolest shit ever. Science is a systematic enterprise that builds and organises knowledge in the form of testable explanations and predictions about the universe. These explanations are based on the available evidence, and it is common for them to

This week, we at the Hawaii Institute of Marine Bonesology thought we would investigate the inner workings of the eye, a tool often used in such exercises as looking and seeing. You may take seeing shit for granted, but it is the result of quite the complex process, brought about by some badass evolution. When you are absently staring at that nice pair of personalities over there, a whole mess of stuff is going on.

Firstly, your cornea (convex transparent external part of your eye) receives light from whatever you’re looking at and that light is bent as it enters your eye. The iris (coloured bit of your eye) adjusts to the appropriate size to let the right amount of light in through the pupil (black center part of your eye). The light then hits the lens (transparent bi-convex disc) and is focused onto the retina. The retina is the lining at the back of your eye which contains light receptors, and receives the focused image. The optic nerve (a bundle of sensory neurons at the back of the eye) transforms this image into electrical impulses and sends them to the brain. This complex system had a grassroots beginning millions of years ago as a flat patch of photosensitive cells, only capable of detecting the presence of ambient light. Pretty sneaky sis! But your brain is even sneakier! The images projected onto your retina are actually upside down, and your brain turns them over to make sure the world is the right way up just for you.

INTROVERSION (OR, Thank you for your kind offer of $1 wines at Estab but I was thinking I’d read about Henry VIII in the bath) Early last year, I took the Myers-Briggs personality test. The link’s at the bottom. As a complete ignorant, I’d previously thought that type of stuff was only taken seriously in IBM branches that had lost their economies of scale. The taking of the test was the first prong of a Concerted Effort on part of a psychologist (incentive: monetary, courtesy of anxious parents) to get me enthusiastic about myself. At the time, I wasn’t. I’m only vaguely mental. It’s endearing. And hereditary, so your wife hunt ends here. I’ve no idea how much money changed hands, and I’m aware of the insensitivity of my crude critique of psychology. However, as a first prong this was ruthlessly efficient. Being fed information sanctioned by the old and bearded is reassuring. I got told that I’m an INTJ. I for introvert. The other letters mean stuff too: look them up, I’ve got a word count. All together, they basically confirmed my suspicion that being a twenty-year-old female with the mindset of a forty-yearold man doesn’t pull.

Carl Jung—woefully beardless—defined introversion as an “attitude-type characterized by orientation in life through subjective psychic contents". Thanks for getting the ball rolling, bucko, but in the Queen’s ‘glish I am “wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in [my] own mental life.” (Selfishness sanctioned by boffins, result). Learning about oneself in an elementary psychological context can be quite enlightening. You’ll pick up on stuff and say “Lawks a mercy, (because this is my hypothetical, not yours)—that sounds like me.” As with horoscopes, selective

prefer substantial to frequent interaction means that I can violate people with heart-to-hearts and then not see them for six months. Not particularly sentimental but rather good for timing haircuts. Most importantly, I now have a sounder excuse than the “I’ve had work all day/I’ve got work in the morning/Look I’m just not a night person/YOU DON’T KNOW ME” medley that I’ve had on repeat since I was seventeen.

Essentially, while you’re at parties, I’m at home and listening to an Aerosmith cover (by Macy Gray—credibility downgrade ahoy.) Lady looks like a dude, but the groovathon is intensity in "...while you’re at parties, I’m at home and ten cities. And all of this is listening to an Aerosmith cover (by Macy fine, because I’m allowed to dig uninterrupted Gray - credibility downgrade ahoy.)" reflection. In a moment of interrupted reflection last hearing can only be a good thing. Feel week, my David-Attenborough-but-withfree to ignore the “needs to face reality a-Mooncup flatmate told me to mention and acknowledge others” side of yourself the six-inch clitoris of the red spotted in favour of its “individualistic and hyena, which is a Fact Worth Knowing. determined” counterpart. I know I have. Someone at Subway will shortly be This discovery has heralded some srs receiving a better work story. excitement for me. The notion that I test yo self: http://goo.gl/oW1wX

C.R.E.A.M.

CASH RULES EVERYTHING AROUND ME Defending the Litterer

☞ NICK CROSS Society is defined by two clashing spheres: the public—our social expectations and values—and the private —how we perform as individuals. One fascinating study of this is the vilification of the litterer. In public, the litterer will find few defenders: he is denigrated by ‘Keep New Zealand Beautiful’ public service advertisements and ‘thou shalt not litter’ is indoctrinated from the early days of primary school, with any violation being a detention-worthy offence. In a world where almost any practice will be defended and attacked, nobody will fight for the person with the empty coke bottle who can’t be bothered finding a bin. But the private sphere has more tolerance towards littering. Think about your flat right now: has every piece of

clothing been put in its proper place? Is the kitchen-bench spotless? For many Salient readers, the answer will a resounding (if somewhat embarrassed) ‘no’. This far greater tolerance of littering applies beyond your bedroom: the carpenter doesn’t clean up every wood shaving as he crafts a new table, McDonald's doesn’t launch campaigns pleading with customers to wipe their tables after eating and the stadium owner doesn’t seem to care if you leave chips on the ground after the rugby. It seems that, in the private sphere, litter doesn’t count as litter at all. Why is this? In most situations, littering simply makes sense. The accumulation of most pedestrian litter has a very low cost; nobody really suffers because of

cigarette butts on the street. Further, the cost of litter collection would be lower if done by a few professionals with proper equipment than if crowd-sourced to thousands of people. When comparing a society in which everybody litters, to one in which nobody litters, the former would surely maximise social benefit. The benefits of the littering-society are even greater when compared with the status quo, in which some people litter and others do not, because at the moment we end up paying for cleaning services but not utilising them fully. In private, we all understand this: that’s why our flats are so messy. So why don’t we acknowledge this in public? My guess: politics is based far more on emotion and how people ‘feel’ about a policy. Think about how you voted in the last election: you probably based your vote on which party you felt aligned most with your values rather than studying policy, even if you try to rationalise it differently. Littering just feels wrong. No politician is going to publicly proclaim their opposition to anti-littering campaigns because most voters will reject that. But we have to get over our emotional baggage: we cannot dismiss the possibility that, for our society and for us as individuals, littering is good.

BEAUTY

Living In The

Future? No, THE

Present

Is My

Past

Yes, that’s a reference to a Kanye West lyric from 2010. In case you needed more proof that we’re regressing

☞ ELLE HUNT

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but also—as the pillbox hats of the 1960s, platform shoes of the 1970s and perms of the 1980s go to show—as dependent on the decade. But what’s the defining aesthetic of the 20th and 21st centuries?

According to novelist and critic Kurt Andersen, there isn’t one. In a 3,500-word cover story in Vanity Fair earlier this year (http://is.gd/JTaKvk), Andersen argues that, in recent history, “the appearance of the world (computers, TVs, telephones, and music players aside) has changed hardly at all—less than it did during any 20-year period for at least a century”. The past, he continues, is a “foreign country”, populated with platforms and perms, “but the recent past—the ’00s, the ’90s, even a lot of the ’80s—looks almost identical to the present”. Andersen’s article, some readers maintain, makes too sweeping an assessment to pick up on the cultural cues of today, but others agree with his assessment that, in an environment of otherwise rapid change, “people are comforted by a world that at least still looks the way it did in the past”. Salient chief feature writer Elle Hunt looks at whether his theory can be applied closer to home. Follow a certain route around Victoria University, and the decades pass before one’s eyes. Start at the Hunter building on top of Kelburn hill: the first of Vic’s structures, its late nineteenth-century revival, "collegiate Gothic" appearance reflects its 1902 construction date. On the right is Weir House, designed in true ‘English renaissance’ style in 1931; on the left, Easterfield, which the Evening Post said “could well have been imported direct from the United States of America” upon its opening in 1958. Further up the hill is Von Zedlitz, constructed in the

late 1970s; Laby in 1984; the Student Union Building extension in 1985; and Murphy in 1986. Each building reflects the aesthetics in favour at the time of its design and construction, and—bar some standardising modernisations—each looks different. So far, so in favour of writer Kurt Andersen’s argument that, in the past,

Room, Arthur’s, Emporium, Iko Iko, Havana Bar, Espressoholic and Midnight Espresso are among the Cuba Street destinations that look to the past for their interior inspiration, while photographs on the wall at Fidel’s suggest it’s much the same today as it was when it opened in the 1990s. And it’s not just architecture, interior design and fashion that seems to be stagnating. Pop into “The future has arrived and it’s all about the Mighty Mighty on a Friday or Saturday night dreaming of the past...” and hear bands that sound like The Modern Lovers “just 20 years made all the difference in (1970s-1980s), Pixies (1980s-1990s), serious cultural output”. You don’t need or The Strokes (2000s-2010s). So what to have aced, or even sat ARCH101 to are the big, defining differences between see that Weir House looks nothing like the Wellington of 2012 and that of neither that “handsome pile” Hunter 2002—or even 1992? nor Easterfield; you just have to have a pair of eyes. But then there’s the latest Andersen would argue that there aren’t round of additions to Vic: 2010’s Alan any; that New Zealand, like the United MacDiarmid building and 2011’s Hunter States, has found itself in a “period Lounge. MacDiarmid resembles a bunker of stylistic paralysis”. Moreover, the from outside and a departure lounge cultural landscapes of both countries from within; the Hunter Lounge combines haven’t just stalled: they’ve started polished wooden floors and Scandinavian looking back. “The future has arrived influences with discounted Castlepoints and it’s all about dreaming of the past,” to serve as the site of the perfect student Andersen writes, pointing to the trend of experience. The spaciousness and linear “reviving and rejiggering” old television elements of both are indicative of their series and films instead of generating being designed and constructed in original content. (That said, glancing at the present day, but what, in particular, a Reading Cinemas schedule, there’s defines their look? nothing contemporary about Margaret Now venture into the heart of Wellington’s Thatcher, Marilyn Monroe or a silent, black-and-white film set between 1927 cultural landscape: Cuba Street. You see and 1932, Oscar or not). Even Mad Men, plaid. You see facial hair. Then there’s he suggests, is a hit not because of its the mainstream uniform of jeans and characters or stories, but because of its T-shirts—a constant for the past three decades. Martha’s Pantry, The Powder

BEAUTY

All you can eat pizza $12 Every Monday

☞ ZACK DORNER

“’60s-fetishising” production design and wardrobe. It’s easy to see Andersen’s point when it’s applied to a hipster rats’ nest such as Wellington, where so much of what is considered ‘cool’ is a relic from past decades. Case in point: the multitude of film cameras toted around the music festival Camp A Low Hum, in spite of their impracticality and expense. Even the reputation of the iPhone as a futureforward technology is called into question by the popularity of Hipstamatic, an app that makes uninteresting photographs look like Polaroids and therefore vaguely ‘arty’. (For the truly inane, there’s Hipstamatic Disposable, where one has to finish a ‘reel’ of 24 shots in order to view them, just as with a traditional film camera.) This predilection to live what Andersen dubs “make-believe-old-fashioned lives” becomes more bizarre when one takes into account that people are devoting more time, energy and money to matters of appearance than ever before. It’s hard to imagine the phrase ‘personal style statement’ being said with a straight face prior to the 21st century, but today, 11.7 million people are posting pictures of Chloe Sevigny and Alexander McQueen to their Pinterest ‘mood boards’. Andersen believes this pervasive desire for ‘authenticity’ is a bid to offset rapid change in other parts of society—that is, “the profound non-stop newness we’re experiencing on the tech and geopolitical and economic fronts”. “[T]he more certain things change for real (technology, the global political economy),” writes Andersen, “the more other things (style, culture) stay the same.” But Andersen’s own “nostalgic cultural gaze” could well be clouding his perspective. As detractors of his article have pointed out, it is more than tinged

with sentimentality for the land of the free’s golden years of industry. “It appears to me that Andersen wants to both maintain America’s cultural power as well as its reach,” says Dr Geoff Stahl, a lecturer in cultural and media studies at Victoria University. “The argument is one of a long string of treatises on the waning of America and its culture, a legacy which has always tied itself to consumption.” As a writer that came of age in the 1970s, it’s not surprising that Andersen laments the decline of the US of A’s

For this reason, Stahl says, it’s difficult to imagine how Andersen’s argument might fit into a New Zealand context, for all the apparent signifiers on Kelburn campus and along Cuba Street. He suggests that, instead, the cultural landscape closer to home is shaped by other, related forces. Stahl, who hails from Canada, has identified the fear of being derivative or unoriginal as a “central anxiety in New Zealand culture”, to which the collective response has been to “rely upon DIY culture—enterepreneurialism in another guise”. “There’s a perception that culture "There’s a perception that culture in in New Zealand is simply a New Zealand is simply a pale imitation of pale imitation of something something from elsewhere..." from elsewhere... so the kind of anxiety pointed to in Andersen’s article is something that innovation-driven empire, but his portrait of its current cultural landscape is painted has always existed here,” he says. “This always seems disingenuous to me… with broad brush strokes. In a response published on Salon.com, New York Times because cultural is always mimetic in the first instance.” Book Review contributor Maria Russo argues that Andersen’s “glum” piece puts This point, that new cultural output is too much stead in external change and shaped by that which went before it, is ignores the more subtle and significant glossed over in Andersen’s piece, if not developments of the 21st century. Sure, ignored altogether. No-one can deny she reasons, car design “might not be that the pace of change between 1914 as brash as it was in 1957”, but in an and 1989 was noticeably more frantic, accident, “you’re unlikely to be impaled but Andersen appears to be oblivious to by your steering wheel, or see your trunk the more subtle, structural change the burst into flames”. “In 2011, usefulness early decades of the 21st century are setting the stage for. The modern cultural and thoughtful details, and what’s under landscape, Stahl argues, emanates “from the hood, matter more than radical nodes and sources, real and virtual”, transformations of style,” retorts Russo. rather than one particular “centre”; Though Stahl found much about its aesthetic is therefore less distinct, Andersen’s article “very compelling”, but not less valuable. Above all, what he remarks that it “suffers, in many Andersen inadequately accounts for is respects, from two kinds of myopia: that difference and innovation are just as one geographic and one historical”: “It subjective as beauty. Jeans might well imagines an American barely in touch have been the sartorial mainstay of the with, and only lightly touched by, the rest of the world,” he explains. “It seems rather masses for the past three decades, but while the concept remains the same, the shrill to be making claims about the end cut is completely different. ▲ of cultural innovation from such a narrow sliver of time and space.”

Do you think Maths is Sexy? What if I said a+b is to a, as a is to b? That float your boat? No? Perhaps you should read on. In our relentless search for ways of measuring things throughout history, its no wonder many smart people have tried to measure beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but why is it that most people would rate Megan Fox 10/10? There may be disputes about which famous people are more or less attractive, but they're all generally recognised as universally beautiful. From Pythagoras to da Vinci, time and time again the golden ratio kept coming up. It allows a+b to be to a as a is to b, or 1:1.618. There are many properties to the golden ratio – it is mathematically very pure. And sexy, oh so sexy. Go online and there are tonnes of examples of where the golden ratio occurs. Wikipedia talks about how it has been used and admired throughout the ages by artists and smart people. (However, according to the Wikipedia entry about Wikipedia, “critics of Wikipedia ... [question] its reliability and accuracy”, so look elsewhere for your essay references, young first years). Dolphins, flowers, DNA, the solar system, music, and even not so beautiful things like the stock market all have been given the golden ratio treatment. I first came across the golden ratio whilst watching the fascinating BBC series The Human Face. In Part Three: Survival of the Prettiest, The Human Face tells the fairytale story of Dr Stephen R Marquardt. In his search for beauty, like all good beasts, he conducted an international study searching for the secrets to beauty. He’s a plastic surgeon – but mainly for reconstruction and stuff. Anyway, in the international survey he got people to rank

photos of women from hottest to nottest. To his surprise, in his photos he had found his beauty. And his second most beauty, and third most beauty and so on. Ninety-seven percent of people in his study ranked the ladies exactly the same—no matter whether they were from the USA or China.

6-8pm

18+

After some soul searching, some more plastic surgery, and probably heaps of research—which is always time well spent—he stumbled upon the key to beauty—1:1.618. Not only is it found all throughout nature, but also throughout the human body. So, so sexy.

A well proportioned person will likely have their waist to the top of their head 1.618 times their waist to the floor. If the distance between the end of your finger and your first knuckle is 1, then the distance between your first knuckle and your second is 1.618. And so on. So, in his wisdom, Dr Marquardt decided to apply this rule to the face. He developed, and patented, a facial mask that was made using the ratio 1:1.618 all over the show. And he found that it fit beautiful peoples’ faces real good. Their lips are 1.618 times the width of their noses. Their noses form golden triangles, made from the same ratio. And so on, and so on and so on. And it works for men’s faces too! And thus, Dr Marquardt developed a facial mask that can be used to determine how beautiful you are. Or to be used in Photoshop to make you look hotter. Dr Marquardt had found his beauty, in whoever he gave plastic surgery to. So you don’t believe maths hold the secret to sexiness? Just search the magical world of the internet—you might be surprised what you find! ▲

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BEAUTY

The topic, vaguely, was something to do with the way depictions of feminine beauty are controlled and manipulated by the mass media. At one point, a reasonably inebriated dudebro gifted this snippet of wisdom to the audience; "Women look so much better without any make-up. Heavy make-up is like a total turn off". The reaction from the ladies present was sharply divided; one girl tittered and swooned over this newfound well of man-feminism and his contribution to the dialogue because, you know, make-up is for covering up and therefore essentially wrong and unnatural. In stark contrast to this, another girl rolled her eyes and pointed out that, really, that was a slightly absurd claim to make as it relied on the existence of one objective beauty ideal. That was what really irritated her, I think; yeah, it might have been his prerogative to find women free of cosmetics aesthetically preferable but his comment somehow implied that he was making a moral judgement about women who weren't. This doesn’t mean, of course, that everyone looks good in makeup, or vice versa, or whatever. Some find themselves hypnotised by the alluring world of cosmetic delights and over indulge. I think most of us have encountered people whose amorous inclinations towards cosmetics mean that you’d be hard-pressed to call aesthetically successful. Quivering, gelatinous curtains of foundation applied so thickly that they change the shape of a person’s face are more '80s B-grade horror monster than Parisian chic. That said, makeup is just makeup. Some people like it, and some people don’t.

In the end, dudebro was actually pretty cool because he made me think about the way in which we talk about beauty. I think that most of us go through life with the general understanding that beauty is some sort of universally acknowledged quality that we all desire or value. For

some, this might be different but I think that by and large most people are self-consciously always keeping track of the way we, and others, look. This is what causes tension. This makes us snarky. We assume that because we are so conscious of the ways in which we construct our image that others must be doing the same thing, so we read all sorts of things into other’s appearances. I was struck by this recently when I was looking at an image gallery on Vice. com under the headline “Topographic Moratorium: Unshaven Armpits”. It featured a series of blurry webcam pictures of topless girls with nose piercings and punky undercuts primping and posing in their bedrooms. The article took (carefully apathetic) issue with the way in which these women were proudly displaying their unshaven armpits. It was accompanied by waspish commentary which criticized these women for their “painstakingly pouting GPOY you took to tell the internet that you don't conform to contemporary impositions of "beauty". Put 'em away, grrrls.” I mean,

The YouTube hit 'Shit Girls Say', and the accompanying phenomena it spawned, have already faded into the depths of internet obscurity. What was interesting about the troupe of me-too clones it spawned is that many of them contained a streak of frustration and resentment. For instance; 'Shit Girls Say' became 'Shit Black Girls Say', which inspired 'Shit White Girls Say To Black Girls'. These videos were actually weirdly accurate in depicting the way we perceive negatively the actions of others that they think are harmless. The videos illuminate the situations in everyday life where we might make what we think is a flippant, unimportant comment on someone’s appearance, which actually speaks to something that person has a complex emotional relationship with. It’s mortifying to watch a white woman cheerily patting a black woman’s head and going “oooh, is it real?” or giggling and crying “I am so ghetto right now!” but a careful dissection of your daily interactions might reveal that you, too, tread on more than a few social landmines that you didn’t know existed.

"Quivering, gelatinous curtains of foundation applied so thickly that they change the shape of a person’s face are more 80’s B-grade horror monster than Parisian chic." how revealing is that? Doesn’t this need to undermine the possibly completely sincere motivations of others regarding their image seem just a little bit messed up? More than anything, it shows that the person who put it together is struggling with their own insecurities regarding the way they look. This sort of thing makes you realise that even groups of people who consider themselves atypical and outside of conventional beauty norms are actually just as conflicted about appearances as everyone else.

At the end of the day, I think the message is clear. If I hypothetically woke up one morning and decided to go to university in an exact replica of Princess Diana’s wedding dress, replete with twelve foot train, that’s not really your concern. I’d look like a total pillock, granted (I don’t have the waist to pull it off), but at least I’d be content and happy and satisfied looking like a pillock. Unless someone’s appearance is genuinely offensive for reasons other than they stir the soup of insecurity floating around in your mind, then you don’t reeeally get to judge them. You don’t have to like it, you can totes hate it; but you can at least shut up about it. It’s nobody’s fucking business, really. ▲

WHY YOU SHOULDN'T GIVE A FUCK

☞ PATRICK HUNN

Some time ago I was at a party having one of those pseudo-intellectual discussions that people of an undergraduate age are apt to do; perhaps in order to justify their degrees in Critical Thinking.

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BEAUTY

The discussion of discrimination and equal rights has ignored perhaps the most pervasive form of discrimination. Discrimination based on one’s appearance, beauty discrimination, permeates throughout the job market, whether it be as a waiter or at a quietly boring office job. This human rights deficit has consequences for our broader treatment of those not predisposed with good looks and the way, as a community, we seek to help them. Obviously, beauty is subjective. Yet that doesn’t mean there can’t be subjective ideals of beauty, which are accepted by the majority: attributes likes having high cheekbones, or being tall or slim or tanned. For in the job market, you require more than one person in the world to think you have a respectable appearance. It is interesting that those who purport to care about the least well-off have done nothing to improve the lives of those not blessed with good looks. They are a group for which our current welfare state doesn’t cater. It may help them when they’re unemployed but it ignores the reality that their life will probably be worse emotionally as well. A real rascal of a philosopher, Robert Nozick, once sought to belittle the welfare state by comparing it to a beauty transfer. The parallel is stark but isn’t a reason to devolve welfare; rather a reason to extend it. If we believe that redistribution is moral (and not theft) and that it helps people (rather than trapping them in poverty by distorting their incentives) then we ought to redistribute specially to those who do not possess the general characteristics

THE OPPRESSION OF THE UGLY

☞ DUNCAN McLACHLAN

Next time you pop into a store in Wellington, whilst perusing the clothes, stop and consider the people serving you. They probably weren’t hired because of the colour of their skin; they may have been hired because of their gender; but more often than not, the great sales staff selling you clothes and wearing the business’ merchandise, will have got the job due to the sheer brilliance of being born with good looks. The miraculous skill of their DNA ordering itself in a manner, that we find attractive.

that she was fired because she was too attractive and distracted the male colleagues too much. An exception to the general rule, the Lorenzana example only reiterates the pervasive influence of looks within the workplace. Just as it is harder to get a job if you’re not clever, it "...those who purport to care about is also harder to get a job the least well off have done nothing to if you’re not good looking; improve the lives of those not blessed yet looks and brains are importantly different. Brains with good looks." are far more meritocratic. With effort, anyone can up skill or retrain have a disproportionate effect upon in order to pursue their good life. This their appearance. In a competitive option does not exist for beauty. Apart marketplace, first impressions are crucial from applying another moisturiser or in order to gain a returning customer. going for one more run, the opportunities That first impression is fostered from available to look good are few: what the many aspects of the experience but lottery of life gives us, we are stuck with; people too often ignore the pervasive this means that we should consider looks influence of the employee’s appearance arbitrary in a similar way as regards race in garnering the right impression. You’re and gender. They are characteristics that more likely to be a waiter if you’re good are completely beyond our control. looking; you could well be hopeless at plate-carrying and remembering people’s Our society cripples the ugly further, names but if you’re a bit handsome, the when it discriminates against them in job is yours. the social arena. It is objectively harder policy that involves one’s appearance occurs everywhere. Everyday you will see it whether wandering into Levi’s or Moore Wilsons or some fancy shmancy restaurant: businesses value their appearance and their employees

This disgusting treatment of the ugly extends to office jobs as well. Employers routinely fall back on simplistic signaling gained from someone’s appearance. In the short space of an interview, it is difficult to gauge the personality of the person before them; how nice they are to be around; how comfortable you will be to work with them: all crucial characteristics for an employer. Human beings have a bad habit of relying on one’s appearance to deduce completely distinct traits. We more easily warm to someone who is good looking and fits our conception of beauty. "...we need to subsidise dates; give free Furthermore, as Jeremy hand outs of facial cleanser; even Pope, a member of the NZ Human Rights Commission, redistribute looks..." suggested, ”perhaps an absence of glamour leads to a feeling of of beauty. That doesn’t just mean token financial payments; to really help them we vulnerability, which in turn undermines confidence when it comes to facing an need to subsidise dates; give free handinterview panel[.]” In that immediate, outs of facial cleanser; even redistribute short space of time, looks matter. In the looks, if plastic surgery becomes good long run, employers may realize too late enough. that the bimbo they hired isn’t in fact A few years back, Abercrombie and a caring, considerate Buddhist but, in Fitch were famously found to have the interview, appearance often equals a policy of looking at photos of their personality. employees. They would search for skin However, beauty discrimination does also problems, weight gains and other less occur in reverse. Debrahlee Lorenzana aesthetically pleasing traits, and fire filed a court case in 2010 against those who had let themselves down in her past employer, Citigroup, alleging the looks department. Yet a selection

to have a partner with whom you want genuinely to spend the rest of your life, if you are ugly. People dismiss you at the first date; before you’ve even met; before you’ve had time to explain how you’re incredibly cool and have read all these amazing books, can cook incredible food and like all the same songs that she does. Personality doesn’t even get a shoe in the door. Hugh Jackman will always be more likely to marry Scarlett Johansson than I am, even after I have a library and complete my record collection. People without good looks are down trodden— they feel more self conscious; are less confident; they are more likely to spend their life alone and without a job. Life is tough. The mere fact that one man is born beautiful and the next is born ugly should not determine their respective futures. Our society perpetuates a gross patriarchal oppression, where looks get you places, just as your last name used to decide your future back in past eras of social hierarchy. Being ugly does not mean that you’re not cool or friendly or compassionate, yet our community allows looks to signal personality to the extent that you struggle to get a job or a partner without good looks. Beautiful people are not that great. ▲

BEAUTY

BEAUTY At the entrance to the Denver International Airport stands a blue monstrosity. Eyes glowing red and rearing in wild anger, the famous (and publically funded) blue mustang sculpture stands at 32 feet tall, perplexing flight passengers as their last reminder of the city’s artistic prowess—or lack thereof.

Keeping Wellington beautiful in spite of bad public art. ☞ FAIROOZ SAMY

highly regarded internationally and we have successfully partnered with them on another sculpture project in the past (i.e. Tripod in Courtenay Place)”.

and community”. When it comes to something as visible—and expensive—as sculptural pieces, should the public play a more integral role in the selection of our visual atmosphere? Would we even want to? The subjective nature of art makes it impossible to create an aesthetic which pleases everyone. Yet bad art is like pornography—“you’ll know it when you see it”.

Though the sculpture’s appearance has polarised many who wondered about the level of public input, Ms Armstrong stressed its collaborative aspect, “The concept was also made Artistic prowess is something Wellington public and media stories featured the has never been short of. Known as Aside from obvious expenses like design and proposed costs. Local and the cultural capital of New Zealand, it’s materials, the Council cited the scale international sculptors were involved in earned itself a reputation for its quirky and longevity of the artwork, site the creation of the Rugby World Cup creativity and modern aesthetics, much issues (engineering, installation, health sculpture”. The partnership between of which is manifested in the city’s and safety) and the experience and the WCC and the Wellington Sculpture reputation of the artists as standard Trust (WST) has usually "...bad art is like pornography—you’ll yielded aesthetically issues taken into account when spending public money. Yet the funding in-tune pieces, such as know it when you see it'." question re-emerges. Does the monetary the Botanical Garden’s public art. Despite budget cuts and civic sculpture walk. So what went wrong with value of a public work of art equate to scrutiny, expenditure on public art is the level of importance of the event the RWCS? The issue is public input, or justified by governing bodies all over the that it was selected to commemorate? rather, public apathy. Though the funds world because the visual attraction of “In this case, the Council did wish to used to beautify our city are our own, the any living area is an important part of its longstanding precedent in artistic matters have a large scale sculpture for the appeal and reputation. This is particularly Rugby World Cup so that it would be the is to let 'the experts' handle it. In order true of Wellington. Currently, over 73 centrepiece of our celebrations and a to prevent public art from becoming a publically funded sculptures are featured draw card for visitors. Once the concept tacky homage to the collective bad taste around the city, and while some—like was developed, Weta Workshop costed of the masses, the WCC relies on the the ‘Ferns’ Civic Square sphere—are it and this subsequently formed the 'expert' advice of the Public Arts Panel popular and iconic, others have been basis for the budget request that was and the WST. These bodies guide the criticised for their damning combination consulted on in our Annual Plan. The development of public art activity, with of unsightliness and cost. funding for the sculpture was specifically one exception. Murals. consulted as part of our draft 2010-11 While not as disturbing as Denver’s Without exploring the high art/low art Annual Plan. Councillors voted for to satanic Blue Mustang (which killed dichotomy, murals—the lowliest form fund this project which was paid for by its sculptor by falling on his head), of public art—are deemed lowbrow commercial ratepayers” Wellington’s most recent public art enough to warrant public involvement. disaster was the Rugby World Cup For $350,000, the Wellington public As described by Ms Armstrong, “In Sculpture. Despite the hefty $350,000 have an unsightly permanent reminder other cases, such as a mural, Council price tag, public disdain pooled around of an event that—while important will facilitate a consultation process its subject matter and unattractiveness. nationally—has had little impact on the that allows the local residents and Officially unveiled in August 2011 by city’s cultural identity a beaming Mayor Wade-Brown, the and short-changed "...one has to wonder if the RWCS was Wellington City Council-commissioned businesses who had commissioned in a moment of hype-fuelled piece claims to show rugby players expected an economic contesting a line-out as the Tasman Sea folly." boost. The ultimate and Pacific Ocean swirl beneath them. insult is the city’s own Less a tribute to sporting ethos, the representation within the sculpture. If relevant stakeholders to have input. zombie-like players rising from cartoon viewers look closely, they can make out a This consultation is typically through the waves not only display dubious technique simplistic Beehive, surrounded by a tiny, local residents’ association, community but look disproportionate from various non-descript cityscape. With factors like centres and other relevant groups angles, which is what one might expect “benefit to Wellington” and “uniqueness e.g. mana whenua, schools, business from a company that specialises in film to Wellington” listed as funding criteria owners. This process can involve sharing props. For this, we can blame Weta for public art, one has to wonder if the and discussing the artist’s concept Workshop. The concept and construction RWCS was commissioned in a moment and designs with members of the were left in the hands of the special of hype-fuelled folly. Because public local community. Once again, there is effects leader, where Sir Richard Taylor art is important. Wellington is currently no single way to do this. Some mural and a team of 35 others spent over a hosting an international arts festival, projects directly involve local residents year crafting the bronze and concrete and its aesthetic beauty is, in many in the creation of the mural—this may be artwork. When asked about the choice ways, a reflection of us. Which is why through generating ideas or participating of artistic direction, WCC Arts Advisor ugly art—like the RWCS—ruins it for in painting the mural. Other murals Eve Armstrong praised the company as everyone. ▲ can involve a direct commission for “an outstanding example of a creative a single artist. In all cases, artists are enterprise based in the city, they are asked to respond to the local context

BEAUTY

dude looks like a

☞ REWETI KOHERE

Jean Paul Gaultier had his muse close his Haute Couture Spring/Summer 2011 show. Amidst an opera singer’s undulating voice and a backdrop of soft lavender light, a bride appeared. Dressed in skin-tight ruffled tulle with a feather headdress, she briefly paused before sauntering down the catwalk. The audience immediately applauded. Hourglass in figure, poised in manner, supermodel in face, she looked every bit like the bride Gaultier had envisaged. Post show, everyone asked, “who is that girl?” They would discover not all was as it seemed. Google Gaultier’s show and you will find photographs of her. She’s beautiful, right? So what do they say about assumptions? “When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.” The word “ass” is now stuck to our heads. It turns out she isn’t a woman. Nor is she transgender. She is actually a he. And fashion’s latest poster boy for androgyny. Andrej Pejic stands at a long and lean six-foot-two. Blue-eyed with platinum blonde hair, his impeccably high cheekbones, the Cindy Crawford beauty spots and Lana Del Rey-like lips offer a challenge in discerning his gender. The only indication of his masculinity is his Adam’s apple. Early on the Bosnian-turned-Australian felt he had to be somebody else. At 14, a wish to be happy saw him start to experiment with his ‘look’. By 17, he was signed to a model agency after being scouted whilst working part-time at McDonalds. The rest is history. Fashion’s constant quest for a new kind of beauty guarantees that controversy is not far away. Time declared Pejic the

lady only “top-tier” fashion model who can walk down the runway either as a man or a woman. Of the 14 magazine covers he appeared on last year, Out magazine had him wearing a bridal veil and red lipstick, with his locks full of flowers. The magazine named him “stylemaker of the year.” He even had the balls to model an ad campaign for a Dutch pushup bra (it really makes a difference, even to the boob-less). In a showing of either acceptance or mockery, FHM readers voted Pejic the 98th Sexiest Woman in the World. I wonder if they knew Pejic was a guy.

looks than fashion models? But when designers got tired of the old, the typical, the conservative, and craved the new, the atypical, the progressive, androgyny was hailed as the next big thing. Initially it applied only to male models. Androgyny gave menswear a thinner silhouette to fall in line with the feminine ideal—strong jawed turned to gaunt looking, broad shoulders were narrowed, chiselled and athletic were now bony and lanky. Still, males modelled menswear and females modelled womenswear. Only in the last two years has androgyny dared to do the unthinkable. Pejic merely opened the lamp and let spots and the genie out.

"...the Cindy Crawford beauty Lana Del Rey-like lips offer a challenge in discerning his gender. The only indication of his masculinity is his Adam’s apple." In less than two years, Pejic has commanded more attention than any other model. There is no denying his beauty, a pre-requisite for his job. But it is his ability to manipulate his aesthetic that fools us. If the saying is true, that “appearances can be deceiving,” then we have been deceived. For too long, the fashion world’s concept of beauty and gender had been blackand-white. Appearances never deceived, you got what you saw and that was that. As paraders of beauty, designers provided an ideal that we took to heart. Beautiful men were ideally masculine: strong-jawed, broad-shouldered, chiselled and athletic. Beautiful women were ideally feminine: those impeccably high cheek-bones, a delicate waist, curvy yet slender. Who better to represent those

photographed and archived beauty in the world. But what truly makes cities beautiful is not made out of old bricks or new plaster; it cannot be indexed in a guide book. A city’s beauty exists in its fleeting moments and is made out of things like detergent.

Because androgyny refers to the combination of masculine and feminine characteristics, its blurred nature plays upon, and tests the limits of, those gender concepts. Some will vehemently take a ‘pigeonhole’ approach, some will see things a little more fluid. And others will either pity or not care. In the end androgyny celebrates the blurriness, takes pride in its tolerance and patience, and advocates for the freedom to represent both sides of the coin. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and in the fashion world’s eye, beauty must always be unique. Gaultier witnessed beauty in Pejic. And in that, the French fashion designer witnessed beauty in androgyny. Whether Pejic is a bride, an incarnation of Amy Winehouse, or the face of Gaultier’s new men’s fragrance, you are assured that beauty is on full display. I wonder what’s next for him. Victoria’s Secret? ▲

☞ Hugo McKINNON

years of living in New Zealand.

... around Wellington on a drizzly night last October. I walked to the waterfront where the Occupy protesters had started camping that day. There, a man had two poles joined by a piece of string. He dipped the string into a bucket of detergent and proceeded to make the largest yet least round bubbles I have ever seen, like three moon hoppers melting into one. They required several people to fan them upwards towards the sky, taking great care not to pop them. But once they were in the air they wobbled their way across Civic Square reflecting every single light in the city. It was strange that something so serene could come of a place that had emerged out of discontent and anger. But that’s what made it beautiful.

It reminded me of a time when I was on holiday in San Francisco as a kid. I was walking down a street having just decided that it was the most fantastic city I had ever seen. As far as I was concerned my high school years would be spent trying to get a scholarship to a university there. Two teenage girls were walking in front of me. One said to the other,

This year you may find yourself eager to move away from Wellington, or the country altogether. Milan is stunning; my flatmate said so. She’s been, or at least she knows someone who has. Maybe she just saw Roman Holiday one time. I know she’s definitely seen a picture. Either way she was busy on an Au Pair matchmaking website trying to escape Wellington a mere six months after having moved here. Wellington was meant to be the cure for 18 years of living in the Waikato. I guess Milan was meant to be the cure for 19

“I’d like to go to college anywhere in the world but San Francisco.” What becomes familiar to us becomes boring, and what is boring no longer seems beautiful. A love affair with a city is much like a love affair with a person; make your decision solely on physical attraction and you’ll find yourself disappointed and wanting to move on.

So next time you feel the urge to run away from it all I dare you to take a walk and find those moments. Sit outside TSB Bank Arena and you will hear bagpipes play. You might see a girl drop some bits of paper and watch a boy chase them as they’re blown away. Talk to tourists and let backpackers into your house. Climb Mount Victoria and enjoy the split second where you think you’ve found the roof of your flat. Watch the man who juggles four tennis balls—five seconds at a time—on Courtenay Place. Go to galleries, cinemas, second hand book shops and cheap restaurants all teeming with hilarious people, beautiful people, and their loud conversations. Or just stay home and next time Mrs Doubtfire is on television watch the whole thing with ads like it’s a Colgate Saturday Feature. It’s much better without Italian dubbing.

Wellington is like those bubbles. It is forever morphing and trembling, and So what would’ve happened when my no-one knows where it will drift. But if "What becomes familiar to us becomes those people had chosen not to support the first bubble because boring, and what is boring no longer it wasn’t perfectly round, then seems beautiful. " they would have never seen the reflected lights that made it flatmate got to Milan? She would have beautiful. And if you don’t give this city a seen the magnificent buildings firstchance because it lacks the architecture hand. But buildings remain fixed and of Europe and America, then you will stagnant. Eventually she would have been never experience the moments that make trying to get to another brighter, more Wellington beautiful. ▲ colourful city, then another and another until she had seen all the categorized,

BEAUTY

THE

MAN WHO

BROUGHT DOWN

COMMUNISM THE STORY OF A BEAUTIFUL LIFE

☞ NATHAN ALLAN

What is beauty? I think it is better to define beauty with a practical example; a specimen of perfect beauty in the real, human world. This is a kind of provable discussion that has more common ground for us, as opposed to showy, airy intellectualism. In other words, I’m going to paint a picture of how to live beautifully by talking about one man who came closer to living beautifully than perhaps any other individual in living memory, who worked mostly in the latter quarter of the twentieth century, a time when humanity struggled in a way that we of the post-Cold War generations cannot understand, or at least not yet.

BEAUTY This individual and those who shared his thoughts, with a few beautiful pen strokes and remarks in public, caused the implosion of the Soviet system, destroyed

the name Václav Havel, a playwright in Soviet Czechoslovakia.

corrupting, aggressive and deceitful, happened to live in a period when people were encouraged to give up power over Not a beautiful name to our eyes and their individual voices and thoughts. At ears, perhaps, but please bear with me. this point in the story he "This individual...with a few beautiful pen strokes and remarks in public, might have given up and But he didn’t care caused the implosion of the Soviet system, destroyed Soviet tyranny over submitted. what the Communists did Europe and the wider world, and thus brought an end to the unreasoning to him for saying what he wanted to say and thinking animosity that defined the second half of the last century. " what he wanted to think. Soviet tyranny over Europe and the Political, cultural, spiritual and intellectual The Communists seized the Havel family wider world, and thus brought an end to leadership flowed from him and sparked property when Václav was still a boy the unreasoning animosity that defined so many simply because when he really in the 1950s. His family were not old the second half of the last century. didn’t like things, he called it as he saw it barons or corrupt industrialists; they were Perhaps it was an accident of fate that and did not worry about his own safety. hard-working middle class people who he was the spark that burnt the whole In the words of one US President who rose with modernisation in Prague, the ugly thing down, but if we look at that Czech capital. Eventually, Havel was even valiantly attempted to do the same, “the man’s beautiful character and the ugly expelled from the school system because only thing we have to fear is fear itself.” environment he found himself in, it looks of his class background; the Communists You might ask, why is ‘honest, less like an accident of chance and more didn’t think it was safe to educate the considerate and unwavering’ the one like an accident so inevitable that it was sons and daughters of the formerly-rich and only definition of ‘living beautifully’? ordained by some kind of discoverable families. Why Havel’s example, rather than, say, fate or simple rule about human society. being reward-driven no matter the cost That was the '50s. Fast-forward to I’m not claiming that he was Jesus to others, or kneeling to the powerful, the year 2000, when the Communist resurrected or that he embodied or being unsure of the existence of puppets of Moscow are gone and a something divine; he had his flaws like true beauty at all, or a feeling of apathy healthy Czech Republic stands in their everyone, and I won’t claim he represents about the whole question? Well, men place. If you happened to be walking some kind of beauty that exists outside and women like Havel each certainly down the main street of Prague in of or above humanity, but he is very found an answer for their time and 2000 you would see advertisements certainly the literal embodiment of human for plays written and produced by the place. It helped them remain optimistic beauty in human action and words; he and constructive in the face of German country’s head of state, the President of embodied what the average person was invasions, the total destruction of Europe the Czech Republic. You can probably struggling to do in that time period. You by the Second World War, and worst of guess who this man is, a playwright and have your Nelson Mandelas and your all the Orwellian oppression of Stalinists. the President of the now-free republic? Dalai Lamas, but the thing about our man It’s our Václav Havel. If you were to look In Czechoslovakia, they overcame apathy that adds that degree of perfection is in good time, solved their big problems, out the door of the theatre, head over how he seems to have individually and and began living beautifully again. If this the river, and walk up to Prague Castle, very quickly in his life found his way to still doesn’t make sense to you, maybe that same day you would find a different being beautiful and not strayed. Others kind of theatre being put on by that same your diet is a bit too heavy on fear and didn’t need to impose an understanding self-loathing. Try thinking like Havel; or President Havel: a three day international on him from childhood, or lecture him in at least have a go at the things he was conference on globalisation, human civic values as a young adult. He came to known for, like the following: perhaps rights, education, poverty etc., with a cast live beautifully on his own terms. every day you could deceive a little of heads of state, pop icons and spiritual less habitually, at the risk of people You have probably heard this man’s leaders. In a healthy, young democracy, name on the news occasionally, and what does it mean when the vast majority knowing your thoughts too well for your self-esteem or safety; or give when no sadly he passed away late last year, put their hopes in a playwright? It is itself one is looking, at the risk of not being probably a happy casualty of healthy the stuff of fairy tales that somehow complimented on your ‘charity’. Give old age, untouched in body and spirit by came true. What was the ‘somehow’? community service a go, not necessarily the thorns of the repressive systems he In the 50 years between when Havel the 'big stuff' like being a candidate for fought against his whole life. Because was an expelled student and jobless, political offices, but give something of that was just how he operated, he was and when Havel was the President, yourself to others, in an effort to see it so beautiful in his truth and the mild, what happened? Back in the '50s and all as an extension of your self, at the articulate expression of it that he was '60s, going about his life in Prague, risk of being lost in something bigger untouchable; his enemies found the idea in all honesty and legitimacy, Havel than yourself. If you consider yourself of violence against him so daunting that found himself working in the theatre open-minded, be open-minded about they preferred to ignore or submit to him, business, found himself having certain the possibility of beauty in the grander and mud thrown at his name could not ideas, which led to him being called a scheme of things, and follow the example stick. The system could not beat him so ‘dissident ringleader’ and a criminal by the of unmistakably beautiful people like it had to join him. That man was many Communists. A man content with having Václav Havel. ▲ things to many people, but for the people no power beyond his own voice of Europe he is their Mahatma Gandhi, and art, who wrote about ideas "If this still doesn’t make sense to Martin Luther King Jr. and Tolstoy but did not force them on others, you, maybe your diet is a bit too heavy wrapped up into one. We knew him by who had a distaste for anything

on fear and self-loathing."

✏ ARTS ✏

MUS IC

QUESTION OF

SOUL 32

☞ ROB KELLY Mayer Hawthorne is not a name that screams of Detroit or of neo-soul music, but on a rainy Wellington Wednesday evening he got up on stage and made it clear that a bespectacled white boy in a cardigan can indeed jump. If you’re not familiar with the name you are by no means alone. While causing quite a stir in the States and despite having headlined Splore in 2011, his name has yet to particularly ring out. At the beginning of his set, Hawthorne strolled out nonchalantly in front of his effortlessly cool four-piece backing band and proclaimed to the braying crowd that they were going to “put on a show, not a concert”. This is exactly what Hawthorne and his accomplices delivered, a heartpumping, exhilarating and frankly quite sensual set of smooth and exceptionally tight soul and funk. The band was clearly comfortable playing with each other and exhibited a clear sense of fun in their music. However, this only seemed genuine in the isolated moments where they were allowed to jam and solo inside what seemed like a set list cast in rigid steel. The musicianship on show was absolutely excellent and superbly smooth, but I was constantly set on edge by the fact that that this professionalism had been achieved through the sacrifice of the music itself. Apart from ‘Green Eyed Love’, a hazy ballad about the relationship

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between absinthe and its drinker, and the break up ballad ‘Just Ain’t Gonna Work Out’, the songs all sounded identical and thoroughly played to death. The real pity was that Hawthorne is clearly an excellent songwriter and musician, but he failed to exhibit those talents on the stage at San Francisco Bathhouse. As one friend said to me it could have been easily have been any other musician singing the vocals and it would not have altered the gig particularly.

by immersing himself in the songs and allowing his musicians’ virtuosity to shine out. The latter part of the show also featured more works from Hawthorne’s first album, A Strange Arrangement, which carried a lot more gravitas and punch than the pieces from his recent album, How Do You Do. The live incarnations of these songs illustrate that Hawthorne’s approach to performance and audience expectations have evolved alongside the growth of his support base. The older songs were "...the hijinks of the band, swinging the looser, less manicured; instruments from side to side in unison all in all far more musical. Whether this reflects a like happy clappy zombies, proved equal neurosis of Hawthorne’s, in terms of a lack of faith part horrific and dreamlike." in the new material, or a reflection on the way he is changing as a This may seem harsh on Hawthorne, musician, it was disappointing to see the but the hijinks of the band, swinging new songs falter rather than fly. the instruments from side to side in unison like happy clappy zombies, proved This said, Hawthorne is a natural equal part horrific and dreamlike. About showman and he had a near packed halfway through the show I felt like I was house eating out of his hand. He in a form of purgatory, stuck in a musical managed to maintain a laid back rapport loop that kept repeating and repeating, with the audience and put on exactly to the point where either hysteria or what they wanted; a funky, sensuous crippling boredom were about to take and jubilant show. The downside is that control. in his desire to create this experience, Hawthorne checked the essence of what In the second half of the show, however, makes him an interesting and vibrant Hawthorne began to redeem himself musician at the door.

"When he finally took to the stage there was eruption of adoration for the man from South London. He was wearing a doo rag, black shades and a giant black trench coat, the kind of outfit that only a guy like him could pull off without looking like he thinks he’s in The Matrix." Nick Petricevic reviews Roots Manuva.

✏ ARTS ✏

FILM

✏ ARTS ✏

WHAT's ON

KIM DOTCOM FAILS TO DESTROY FILM INDUSTRY

☞ ROB KELLY Toi Poneke Gallery:

Pam Brabants and Douglas Crane both investigate the minutiae of the worlds around them and frame them in bizarre and interesting ways. The Amazing BraPants by Brabants utilizes pencil drawings, comic book stylings and even needlework to narrate a fictional world, while Crane’s Tutti Time focuses on found object sculpture to plunge the viewer into a fantastical plane with drawstrings back to reality.

City Gallery Wellington:

THE DISCERNING/PRETENTIOUS GUIDE TO FILM IN 2012

☞ GERALD LEE (FILM EDITOR)

Django Unchained.

I am an exceedingly opinionated person. My views on movies are rarely mixed but often fall at the extreme ends of the spectrum. I adore films rather than like them, and loathe films rather than find them disagreeable. From your humble reviewer’s point of view, in 2011 there was a dearth of quality films for the discerning cinemagoer. Luckily 2012 is shaping up to be a substantially better year. From big-budget blockbusters to daring independent dramas, this year has something for everyone. In case you’re not an obsessive cinephile who spends their time trawling through the film archives let me educate you with Salient’s guide to what’s on at the movies this year.

The Hobbit, An Unexpected Journey.

Another of Tolkien’s works is brought to the silver screen by Peter Jackson. Many New Zealanders will be thrilled to take another journey into Middle Earth, but I won’t. Why you ask? Simply because I find Jackson’s films to be self-indulgent and in need of some major editing. However I realise I’m in the minority, and Weta's designs do fantastically encapsulate the world Tolkien envisaged. I may not be enthusiastic, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be.

Quentin Tarantino generates a very mixed response amongst critics. Some relish his irreverent sense of style and snappy dialogue. Others dislike the perceived shallowness of his films. I identify with the former, and eagerly anticipate his attempt at a spaghetti western. His gift for constructing scenes laden with tension and throwing in a variety of film references will undoubtedly please film obsessives. At the very least there’s a chance Leonardo DiCaprio will be shot. Here’s hoping.

The Dark Knight Rises.

We Need To Talk About Kevin.

Battleship.

Here comes the final film in Christopher Nolan’s stunning Batman trilogy. Christian Bale will once again fight the super villains of Gotham with fists, gadgets and low-pitched growls. Nolan has a reputation for producing blockbusters that don’t sacrifice intelligence or story in the name of entertainment. Let’s hope The Dark Knight Rises continues that trend.

Prometheus.

Ridley Scott returns to his science fiction roots in this quasi-prequel to Alien. Filled with a cast of Hollywood heavyweights, Scott’s visual flair and mastery of suspense are sure to make this an engaging watch, regardless of the state of the story. The haunting screams within the trailer are enough to make your skin crawl.

Tilda Swinton’s portrayal of the troubled mother, who has to deal with her sociopathic son, has been hailed by critics worldwide as yet another milestone in this actress’s impressive career. Based on Lionel Shriver’s book, it looks set to be a superb psychological thriller that will make for disturbing, yet rewarding viewing.

I include this only to deter you from wasting your hard-earned cash. Borne from the minds of unimaginative Hollywood executives, it will likely be an abomination on a scale not seen since the odious 2012. Perhaps if we are lucky then like 2012 it might be hilariously terrible. Otherwise, if you value your sanity then avoid at all costs.

The Avengers.

On The Road.

Yet another comic book movie, which brings together all of Marvel’s heroes in one picture. There’s a chance it could be an exhilarating ride, but there’s also the possibility of it being an incoherent piece of nonsense. With the much-loved Joss Whedon (Firefly) at the helm there’s a good chance it’ll be the former. Fingers crossed.

After years of speculation the long awaited adaptation of Jack Kerouac’s much-loved novel is finally close to release. There is much to indicate that this film will aptly capture the flair of Kerouac’s prose, with acclaimed Brazilian director Walter Salles behind the camera. Let’s just hope that the book’s unique and defiant message isn’t overwhelmed by the all-star Hollywood cast.

V IS UAL ARTS

A PERSONAL QUALITY ☞ ROB KELLY (VISUAL ARTS EDITOR) In the sphere of the visual arts, beauty is a concept that is thrown around far too freely. The problem with the term is that it's so entirely subjective; what seems endlessly beautiful to one individual can, to the next person, seem like a derivative pile of shit. The wonderful thing about it, though, is that through this

with the work in Paris’ Musee d’Orsay. The painting was clearly appreciated by others in the gallery, but for me it was mind-blowing, spectacularly beautiful. The personal context I took into that gallery created the beauty, a kind of chemical reaction between myself and the subject. The knife, however, cuts both ways; personal contexts and experiences can lead you towards objects or spheres of beauty, but they can also prevent you from seeing it in other areas. I am assured by many that there is great beauty and artistry in a well-played game of football, or in the endorphin rush experienced during a run; I myself have never been able to see it. The point is that it is not for me to dispute the power that those people see in those experiences, just as much as they have no place to question where I see beauty. The term may lose influence through overuse, but the actual experience of the presence of beauty will never diminish as long as people continue to observe and make their own observations about the world around them.

"The knife however cuts both ways, your personal context and experiences can lead you towards objects or spheres of beauty, but they can also prevent you from seeing it in other areas." subjectivity we are able to create a world where many different beauties can exist alongside each other, not competing, but instead, augmenting. These conceptions of beauty are intensely personal. When I was a fresh faced thirteenyear-old, I carried out a maths project on a work by Cezanne called ‘Bridge at Maincy’, a work that played very thoughtfully with geography and composition. I studied this work from an academic viewpoint and did not consider it as a piece of art at the time. Two years later, I was suddenly face-to-face

The Obstinate Object presents a wideranging investigation of New Zealand sculpture and the practitioners who are responsible for it. The works aim to question the line between object and art, and to assess the future of the medium in a world where the lines between forms are increasingly fragile.

Left Bank off Cuba:

The All Corners art project presents Life Stills in Wellington’s infamous Left Bank arcade, placing art about Wellington and the people who inhabit it in the middle of the city itself. Life Stills features works by twelve different photographers who have followed twelve different Wellingtonians, documenting their daily lives. The installation is intriguing and worth a look, as it plunges the viewer deep into different perspectives. While the presentation is rudimentary, the subject matter is scintillating, and it is great to see art like this injected into the streets of our city.

Te Papa Exterior:

Michael Tuffery is a wonderful artist in his own right, but for this monumental work he turns the focus on portraying the art that informs his work. From dusk every day until March 18 works from the Toi Te Papa collection will be projected onto the canvas of the outside walls of Te Papa on an epic scale. A mix of collected works and Tuffery’s own works, accompanied by a soundtrack of collected sound bites, will grace the waterfront slap-bang in the middle of the Festival of the Arts. This should be absolutely incredible and a work of this scale is very rare for Wellington, so it is definitely worth a look.

THEATRE

✏ ARTS ✏

BOOKS

A MADE-UP PLACE ☞ KURT BARBER (BOOKS EDITOR) Put two academics in a room together and a squabble of Old Testament proportions is likely to break out. Set five to the task of writing a single groundbreaking textbook, and one would expect the surrounding area to be uninhabitable for the next few hundred years.

SOME

FREQUENTLY

Yet English Literature lecturers Harry Ricketts, Anna Thompson, Tatjana Shaefer, Geoff Miles and Kathryn Walls say that writing their book A Made-Up Place: New Zealand in Young Adult Literature was extremely enjoyable. “Our discussions were invaluable,” Harry said. “And hopefully that organic sense of development came out in the book."

ASKED

QUESTIONS

The book is a critical analysis of New Zealand children’s literature: specifically on our ideas of “New Zealandness”, a field of study which the authors say has

☞ Neal Barber (THEATRE EDITOR)

…a poor player/ That struts and frets his hour upon the stage… FAQ is Hurst’s first outing in a solo piece despite experience in lead roles on both stage and screen. With a solo production, however, there is “nowhere to hide” but Hurst has enjoyed the greater challenge that such a project provides. The play sees him portray an actor “having a Shakespearean breakdown.” But don’t expect this to be solely in earlymodern English; although Shakespeare is credited as one of the authors, FAQ selects choice snippets of Bill’s ramblings and combines them with modern speech to create a sort of “stream of consciousness.” I am but mad north-north-west…

The main character in this production grapples with the most vital, and visceral, of human motivations: that of our own demise. He gets a little helping-hand from other great tragic figures—Macbeth, Othello, King Lear—who help him “adventure into the Shakespearean after-life, or half-life” through the everuseful art of questioning. Confronted by an end to our own existence, we begin to interrogate the larger meanings; impending death forces us to concentrate on the Frequently Asked Questions. …as thin of substance as the air / And more inconstant than the wind… The germ of this production was Hurst’s concept of a solo Shakespeare production. In the early planning stages,

After spending around two weeks watching Hurst improvising, Medlock and Musgrove developed a small concept performance that won approval from Festival management.

"The play sees him portray an actor 'having a Shakespearean breakdown'.” Frequently Asked Questions: To he engaged Natalie Medlock and Dan Musgrove—graduates of Toi Whakaari— who wrote the script with the aid of a small sum from Creative New Zealand.

Be or Not To Be, etc. plays at Downstage at 9:30 pm on 2 March, 8:30pm on 3 March, 7pm 6-8 March, and 8pm on 9-11 March (there is also a 2pm matinee on 11 March).

"We took quite a relaxed approach to any disagreements between the chapters—well I don’t think there were any disagreements—but people were taking different approaches to the same effect, and we were very open-ended in that way,” Kathryn said.

said. “We each wrote together knowing what everyone else was doing, and that meant we were able to refer to each other’s chapters or pick up on points we had made in previous chapters. It was as close as you can get to having five

“We decided that if we were going to disagree we would disagree between the chapters, saying something like ‘Geoff read this book in his chapter in this way, but I’m going to read it in a different way',” Tatjana said. The full interview is available online at salient.org.nz 37 poetry carries warmth, but this belies an altogether sinister undertone. Brown’s amazing talent for creating poetry that simultaneously carries two perspectives was enlightening. The final speaker was Ian Wedde, New Zealand’s Poet Laureate, whose reading focused primarily on the theme of memory. The function of memory takes on many forms in his work, being represented as both vivid and dreamlike. Wedde’s reading created a profound and intimate piece which was heavy with intense emotion, and the raw honesty in Wedde’s poetry struck me as extremely effective.

"Her work is often political, and her signature style is dark and forboding, bringing in influences from endless subjects."

I see Queen Mab hath been with you… Frequently Asked Questions then spent the following year developing the script. After two further concentrated writing periods, the team now has a fully-developed script to present. Hurst assures me that the production will not only entertain but will also challenge what you expect from a Shakespearean performance. And, in good Shakespearean tradition, Frequently Asked Questions combines tragedy and comedy or, as Hurst put it, “is comedy and pathos.”

people writing a book that was also by one person.”

"Put two academics in a room together and a squabble of Old Testament proportions is likely to break out."

The onstage presence of the first poet, Jenner, was enhanced by the accompaniment of three musicians. She immediately delved into her poem’s narrative, a common structural theme in

SALIENT MEETS MICHAEL HURST It is with some trepidation one interviews Michael Hurst—ONZM, actor, and director— who has previously directed episodes of both Spartacus: Blood and Sand and Hercules. He brings to Wellington a new production for the New Zealand Festival of the Arts: Frequently Asked Questions: To Be or Not To Be, Etc.

a great deal of precedent overseas, but none in New Zealand. Each author wrote two chapters each, with an additional introductory chapter written by Anna, so communication was the key to keeping the work cohesive. “We didn’t each write our own things and then have somebody stitch them together,” Tatjana

WORDS ON EDGE ☞ ELLEN WALKER The Fringe Festival event Words on Edge proved that Wellington is filled with poetry enthusiasts, drawing a capacity crowd to Meow Café. The event, a night of “high alert” poetry delivered by local poets Lynn Jenner, Amy Brown, Aleksandra Lane, and New Zealand Poet Laureate Ian Wedde, was filled with narrative dynamism, colourful characters, and the greatest tricks of the trade, but, above all else, the power of words.

all of her work, and as a lover of stories and storytelling I was impressed by Jenner’s unique and effective poetic style. Her love for narrative poetry and passion for certain historical characters made her words alluring and irresistible. The next poet, Lane, read from her recent book, Birds of Clay, with impressive speed, subtly revealing her talent as a writer. Her work is often political, and her signature style is dark and foreboding, bringing in influences from endless subjects. Amy Brown, the third reader, has an uncanny capacity for creating subtle and detailed pictures through a careful selection of words, an ability enhanced by her equally delicate delivery. Her

Words on Edge was an excellent event. The readings lived up to the expectations of an enthusiastic audience, filled as they were with humour and intrigue. The poets read and commented upon each other’s work, giving unique insight into the poetry from a professional perspective.Words on Edge demonstrated that the importance in poetry writing is the profound thought, moving themes and relation to the readers, or, more effectively, its listeners.

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REPRESENTATION & SERVICES ✋

✋

This week, the more obvious and visible stuff like our awesome O Week events are happening. We have the comedy and hypnotist gigs on that will be a barrel of laughs, there is also Clubs Week Monday through Friday 11-2pm. Also in a couple of weeks our Free Flu shot clinics will be kicking off. If you are living in a Hall we will be visiting you in the evenings from March 12—check out your noticeboards for details soon. We will be having clinics at Te Aro and Karori campuses too. Karori, we’ll see you on the 15th; and Te Aro on Monday 2nd April. Kelburn clinics will run from 19th to the 22nd.

VICE

L A I T N E D I S PR E ADDRESS

The STATE OF THE UNION

☞ Bridie Hood 38

Ohai! To those students who didn’t pick up the Orientation issue of Salient last week welcome to, or welcome back to Vic for 2012. My name is Bridie Hood and I am the President of VUWSA – your Students’ Association. I’m sitting here in the VUWSA President’s Office at 10.55pm on a Wednesday night. The office is shaking from the Roots Manuva O Week 2012 gig upstairs, my office looks like a bomb site and Academic VP Josh Wright and I are preparing for another full day of O Week activities. This first week of Orientation has been MASSIVE! I kicked off the week by addressing new students at the Civic Welcome on Kelburn Park alongside the Wellington Mayor, Celia Wade-Brown; ViceChancellor, Pat Walsh and Pro ViceChancellor (Maori), Piri Sciascia. It was a great start to the year with several thousand students in attendance. I am especially proud to see my old Halls of Residence, Victoria House still murdering it on the chants-floor (thanks for that Josh). Update, it's 11:07pm. Welfare VP Ta’ase has just rushed into the office after being upstairs in the Hunter Lounge. She’s come to get another V after being trampled and gettin’ sweaty in the mosh pit—she’s totally, ‘getting amongst it’. But that’s what O Week and the University experience is all about. Enrolling in University isn’t just a one-way

ticket to a $20,000 student loan, but it’s also an amazing opportunity for you to really experience what Vic and Wellington have to offer. The opportunities and experiences you will have here will never come around again—so make sure you make the most of it! 11.26pm: Roots has just started playing ‘Witness the Fitness’—the Office is shaking more than it has all night. Josh is bopping along and breaking out some dance moves. Salient co-Editor Asher runs through the VUWSA Office frantically to get into the Hunter Lounge. Looking back over my three years as a student at Vic, one of the best decisions I made was to join a club on campus. Not only was joining a club a great way to spend time inbetween lectures and assignments, but having moved from Hamilton to Wellington, I knew very few people in Wellington, so it was also a great way to make friends. Some of the people I met at my first few club meetings I still talk to on a daily basis. Regardless of what you are interested in there will be a Club on campus fit for you (if there isn’t talk to our Clubs and Events Manager, Melissa to find out how to start a new Club up). You’ll be able to check out what clubs have on offer this week during Clubs week. It’s being held on the road behind the Library from 11-2, Monday to Friday. Word on the street is that there will also be a free BBQ around.

But maybe Clubs aren’t your thing? That’s OK; there is still plenty of stuff to get involved in on campus. Consider buying tickets to the O Week Comedy Night (Tuesday 6th March) or the O Week Hypnotist Show (Thursday 15th March); become one of the 1200 student representatives on campus; talk to us and learn how to become a member of VUWSA; pick up, read or even write for Salient; tune into the VBC 88.3FM; sign up for Vic Plus; play a game of basketball at the Recreation Centre; consider becoming a mentor for Te Patahi Atawhai or volunteer as a note taker for Disability Support Services—just do something! It’s up to each and every one of you to look at the opportunities on offer and choose one that best suits you. In doing so you will make your time at Victoria the most rewarding experience you will ever have. 12.30am. As you may have guessed I got somewhat distracted in the middle of writing this. Time to go home. I’ll be over at the VUWSA stall during Clubs Week—so make sure you come up and say hi—or as always if you have any questions or concerns you can always email me—president@vuwsa.org.nz. Have a great first week of class!

REPRESENTATION & SERVICES ✋

PRESIDENT (WELFARE)

☞ TA'ASE VAOGA When I think back to my first year of study, I have no idea how I made it through. I wasn’t eligible for the student allowance so I worked 20-30 hours a week and took seven papers over the year. I thought I was crazy and probably thought I was Superwoman, but I did it. I managed to get through it and I know you will too! Today for many of you, it is the first day of what will be a challenging, long, yet incredibly fast-paced year. Come November, you will look back and wonder where on Earth the year went. Managing your time without going stir crazy is a process that you will have to go through. I hope that VUWSA can be part of that experience for you! And there are so many ways in which we can make your university life more fulfilling.

freebies—plus the famous VUWSA BBQ will make it all the more worth your while checking it out! In addition to all this we have ongoing services to keep you going. If you are roughing it for a week because of extra bills come and grab a food parcel from us. No questions asked, you can get one from us up to four times a year. We also have a free bread service. Local bakeries donate their left over goods at the end of the day and we pass this on to you! Come to the office 9am Wednesday and Friday to get some delicious fresh bread—don’t be late, this is a very popular service.

"Today for many of you, it is the first day of what will be a challenging, long, yet incredibly fast paced year." As mentioned earlier, we have Clubs Week happening this week. This is your opportunity to check out the extracurricular activities on campus. There are just so many clubs on campus I wouldn’t even know where to start! There is something for everyone and clubs week is a chance to let current club members woo you into their fold. So many

We also have a Student Advocate who can help you out with the tiniest of problems you might be having or ongoing stuff. For instance, if you are having problems in your flat or with your landlord our expert Lorraine is here to help. Please contact our office to make an appointment with her! Here’s to a great 2012. Enjoy your first week!, Ta’ase

STUDENT COUNSELLING On behalf of Student Counselling Service, welcome to campus! Our team wishes you the best as you kick off this new academic year. During your studies, there may be a time when you would benefit from using the Student Counselling Service. We want to introduce you to the service, what we offer, and how to use our services.

In addition to sixty minute counselling appointments we offer brief appointments if you need to speak to someone about a quick question, want to find out where to go for further assistance or need a letter of support to your course coordinator. The reception staff will help you to decide which appointment is right for you.

The shared passion of the staff is to support your academic and personal success. In times of stress, it can be comforting to talk to an objective person in a safe and confidential setting.

The service also provides free educational groups that cover a range of helpful topics and teach useful skills that will help you both at University and throughout life. These groups run each trimester. Check our website or contact the service to learn more and sign up.

Study can be challenging both academically and personally. At each stage of study, whether you are just beginning your academic career, in the middle of your degree program, or preparing to graduate and seek employment, challenges exist. Students contact us for a variety of reasons, such as: ፖፖ ፖፖ ፖፖ ፖፖ ፖፖ ፖፖ

low mood loss of motivationsstress stress isolation family problems flatmate issues

ፖፖ ፖፖ ፖፖ ፖፖ ፖፖ ፖፖ

anxiety homesickness exam anxiety identity sexuality drug and/or alcohol use

The service also works with The Recreation Centre to design a free individual fitness and wellbeing program for students who experience low mood. Your counsellor can refer you to this program. Some people may feel uncomfortable or reluctant to seek help at the onset of a concern as they fear that seeing a counsellor means that something is “wrong” with them. Students tell us that talking to someone results in a sense of relief knowing that someone is available to help design a workable plan that will increase the probability of success. ✉EMAIL: ☞WEBSITE:

counselling-service@vuw.ac.nz vuw.ac.nz/st_services/counselling/

⚡ COLUMNS ⚡

Roxy

Heart THINGS

YOU ALREADY Know But Just NEed

TO BE TOLD We just have to get over the fact that most people are wrong most of the time. 40

☞ UTHER DEAN (CHIEF SAGE) I have been thinking about Tommy Wiseau a lot recently. In case you don’t know, he’s the guy who wrote, directed, produced and starred in The Room. It’s terrible. The Room, that is. It is a badly written, misshapen, offensive in as many ways as you could possibly think of, hate-filled lump of a film. It’s the kind of bad that can only have attracted a cult audience. Screenings sell out, dubstep remixes abound on YouTube. People will verbally spar over just how much they hate it. Is the point when one of the characters reveals they have breast cancer that is never referred to again the film’s nadir? Or is it when Wiseau memetically yells that “you’re tearing me APAAAAAAAAAHT”? It would be easy to assume from the culture around The Room that it had always been an intentional comedy. It is so bad, so appalling that it feels like it has to be at least partially deliberate. But, when you look at it and Wiseau for long and hard enough it becomes readily apparent that was never the case. The Room is not like Troll 2 or Plan 9 from Outer Space. In those cases, the filmmakers, at best, didn’t care and wanted their work to have a sense of humour about itself. Wiseau wanted to make a masterpiece. He struggled for

years on his own to raise the several million dollars to make the film. There is an interesting transition to watch over the years in the interviews with the man. At first, he is clearly baffled by the fact that people are laughing at his film but he’s going along with it because, well, a ticket sold is a ticket sold. Then you see him despair—he spent a good chunk of his life trying to tell that story (as woefully misjudged and technically incompetent as it is) and not only is it a nexus of ridicule, that is the only thing it is known for. And then he changes his tune. It was always meant to be funny, he claims. He says he always wanted to make a comedy. He began to play the role that the mass hatred of his work has cast of him. He didn’t just give up, he became a joke of himself. And my heart kinda breaks for him. Now, this isn’t a Rebecca Black level of obscene, horrible, unwarranted bullying by any means, but just imagine what it would be like to be him. To have something you had worked so hard on, something you had put so much of yourself in, something you were really trying to say something with, ripped apart on such a massive and public level without remorse that your only choice was to reject that you had

ever aspired for it to be anything. Wiseau is probably a monster, but we all kind of are. We are all so insecure about our own work, life and value that we are quick to attack any deficiencies we find in other people as a defense. That’s why 90 per cent of internet discourse is people telling each other that they are wrong due to their spelling. That’s why you’ll always find one thing over which to totally write off a person who’s disagreed with you. It might be how they dress, how they vote, the music they like, one thing they said one time—you’ll find a reason. We have to own our insecurity and the first step towards that is recognising that the failure of others is not a cause of joy. We just have to get over the fact that most people are wrong most of the time. You fail. You fuck up. You mis-step and fumble. People need to be allowed to not be perfect without fear of mass hate. We are all more similar that we think and while you already know that you should put yourself in other people’s shoes, that doesn’t mean you don’t still need to be told to. All of that said, The Room is still fucking hilarious.

AND

PRUDENCE

LOVELOCK

Hi Roxy, I’m a 22 year-old guy with a bit of a problem. My girlfriend of two years is amazing, and I think I love her, but she’s way more into sex than I am. I’ve always been a guy who’d be happy with doing it maybe once every week or two, but she seems to want it all the time! We haven’t really talked about it, but I think it’s starting to piss her off, and I’m getting stressed that she might cheat if she gets the chance. What should I do? Lad Experiencing Sexual Surplus

ROXY While everyone pretends a good relationship is really about romance and friendship, Roxy knows that a big part of it is fucking. Not necessarily lots of fucking, but a frequency and type of fucking that leaves both parties satisfied. At the moment, neither of you are satisfied: she can’t get the action she wants, and because you care for her, you’re unhappy too. So, what’s Roxy’s prescription? First, you need to talk about it. You’ve already noticed that she’s getting pissed off, and you can’t let a wound in your relationship fester in the hope it will somehow all be alright: it won’t be. You need to have a free and frank discussion about what her needs are. She needs to know that you care. Now, since your libido has always been lower, Roxy’s going to assume it isn’t just a response to stress or other shittiness in your life. Do still consider going to a doctor to get your hormones checked though, since it may turn out that all you need is some treatment to turn you into the love-stallion your girlfriend wants. Otherwise you’re going to have to rely on other methods to try and help. First, make sure that you’re spontaneous. If you only get urges occasionally, be sure

to capitalise on them. Also, try increasing the range of dirty stuff you can do together as a sort of compromise. Jerking off while she fucks herself with a vibrator may satisfy her every now and then, and not involve a huge amount of being “in the mood” from you. Perhaps try figuring out what about her turns you on, and try and get in on those situations more often, be they romantic candlelit dinners, or the back seat of your car. If nothing seems to work, however, and it remains obvious that you are simply not able to satisfy each other, Roxy presents you with two choices: let her get some action on the side, or end the relationship. Love, Roxy <3

PRUDENCE Oh LESS, I’m so sorry. I hate to be the one to tell you this, but I think you might be a homosexual. It might not seem obvious to you right now, since you are so deep in denial you could be easily classified mentally unwell, but just stop and think about it. You have a lovely girlfriend of two years, and the full cocktail of God-given male hormones directing you down the path to holy matrimony, yet you reject those commandments. Why? It’s obvious that Satan has possessed your penis and

made you into a homosexually orientated gay man. Don’t worry, though, there is hope. The gay, like any illness, can be cured. First, beware of other triggers of deviant behaviour in your life. Stop dressing well; particularly if you tend to wear tight jeans (they restrict testosterone production). Also, be sure to not vote for the Greens, value your girl’s views on issues not related to cleaning or cooking, or listen to modern popular music: all of these things correlate with the homosexual gay pathology. Once this detox process is underway, be sure to go talk to your pastor. He (and if it’s not a he, leave that temple to Satan right away) should be able to give you advice on how best to purge these demons through prayer and a healthy diet of beef. xoxo Prudence. If you have issues or concerns that you wish to discuss privately and confidentially with a professional, rather than a magazine columnist, Student Counselling Service can provide a safe place to explore such aspects of your life. The service is free and confidential. Phone 04 463 5310. Email counselling-service@vuw.ac.nz. Visit Mauri Ora, Level 1, Student Union Building.

EAT YOUR FUCKING GREENS Go online to see this week's recipe for Vegan Chocolate Cake by Hayley Adams

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REPRESENTATION & SERVICES ✋

It’s important to realise that at some point we all fail; failure is something that is common to all of us. Therefore, if we all fail then how can anyone be beautiful? All of us are different; this trait we also share as people. This difference goes beyond us, every animal and every tree, everything around us is unique. There is no point of reference we can see around to judge beauty. This is where I propose character as one point of reference; it is in the individual. It is those things that are relevant to their life and the circumstances they have faced.

NGAI TAUIRA THE BEAUTY OF PURITY

☞ ANDREW DONNELLY Is it in an outward appearance or can we judge something to be beautiful by its character? To be without blemish is a beautiful thing, yet we live in a world where everything deteriorates, where everything at some point fails. We as people age and we often fail; our bodies become scarred and get out of shape. Tragedies happen and failures arise.

There is always a reason why someone ends up in the position they are in. There are consequences to our actions and our actions can affect others. It is important to realise that our actions don’t just affect ourselves. We have the ability to build up or tear down the hopes of others; we have the ability to see them as beautiful or ugly. When we realise that we all fail it puts us in a position to forgive; it gives us an opportunity to overlook the failures of others. When one person owes something to another, they are both bound by an agreement and neither of them can move on until the debt is repaid.

☻ SALIENT LOVES YOU ☻

If we choose forgiveness, we also choose freedom. Forgiveness frees us all to get on with the job that we are assigned to do. When things go wrong, we are tested. It is in these times we get the opportunity to look inside ourselves and we get the opportunity to look at one another. This is when character comes to the surface. Do we sit around pointing the finger, shouting through a loudspeaker or do we get on with the job? It is time to stop being armchair critics and activists and start getting the job done. This is where beauty shines through; in the purity of one’s intentions. An honest person will get the job done, they have a goal, they have vision, they are content with what they have and they have learnt to let go. Someone whose intentions are pure will not hold others accountable. Still they will detest selfishness, they will stand up against injustice and they will do this simply by doing their job. As we embark on the year ahead let us put aside the finger pointing and let us work together. With pure hearts we can create something beautiful.

NOTICES Studen t Exchan ge

TWISTED VINTAGE!

RECRUIT M ENT

Fair 2012 – March 21st & 22nd!

UniQ Presents the ‘Twisted Vintage’ O Week Party!

Recruitment for Internships and Graduate Jobs has started!

Kirk Foyer 11am-2pm ፖፖ Win Prizes! Find out about 100+ exchange destinations. ፖፖ Why not study overseas as part of your degree?! ፖፖ Earn Vic credit, get Studylink & grants, explore the world!

Wed 21st March – Europe, Asia & Oceania Thur 22nd March – North America & Latin America Country specific info sessions each day! ✉Email: VicOE@vuw.ac.nz ☞Find out more: www.victoria.ac.nz/exchange ☞Facebook search: Vic OE

AMAZING RACE Are you up to the challenge of the Amazing Race? For all the adventure of the TV show without the jet lag, join us for the Amazing Race Kelburn!

BENT ☞ REBEKAH GALBRAITH I don’t mean to alarm you, but lesbians are everywhere. From Sappho to the hushed Sewing Circles of Hollywood’s golden age, lesbians have been tipping the velvet underground throughout history, with not so much as a second glance. So why now? Why have we suddenly been thrust into the pink spotlight? Bisexual chic is by no means a new thing, but it wasn’t until the nineties that the male ambisextrous glam rockers moved aside for the West End thespians. Melissa Etheridge, Ellen and Margaret Cho came into our lives during a decade of plaid, Docs, and denim. But even these women, cherished though they are, are hardly indicative of the archetypal lesbian in the mainstream. The femme has unconditionally made

Almost (Suddenly) Famous it onto conventional pop culture’s radar, but the result is hardly authentic. Black Swan, Katy Perry’s adventures in cherry chapstick, and a flurry of ‘lesbian kiss episodes’ dress the fuzz bumper as the latest fashion trend; a fundamentally feminine entity. Honestly, it’s as if we’re written by men who believe sneans are socially acceptable in the boardroom. And perhaps that’s the underlying critique; men are the majority of writers who pen the femme into popular history. It’s a serious risk these writers are taking, bronzing the lesbian in such a limited mould. We’ve been hijacked for the 18-to 35-year-old male demographic, making representations of the ready-to-drink lipstick lesbian overshadow those of the delightful tomboi, loveable trans, and magnificent butch. Variety is the spice of life, and the scissors sisters of Sappho

come in all shapes, all sizes, and all deserve equal adoration. The attention we’re getting is flattering, but the truth is we’ve been here all along. While I applaud lesbian chic for giving us the spotlight, we’re treated with a degree of insincerity. In favour of a bi-curious house-wife or confused teen sub-plot, the crucial matters of sexual health, marriage equality, and the heartbreaking reality of LGBT suicides are too easily glossed over. So I’ll keep my reservations about our rise to stardom. Short term, this could just be a fad, gone by lunchtime. I live in hope that if our 15 minutes are signed on for a second season, we choose to shatter the illusion of the male college population and address the delightfully diverse reality of female lady lovin’. Lesbihonest, we’re here to stay.

Teams will race around Kelburn, following clues and completing challenges. Free and open entry to all, so get some friends together. Your first clue: Get yourself to Kelburn Park (corner nearest to the uni buildings) at 3pm, Thursday 8th March. ☞FACEBOOK: For more info, check out the Facebook event: The Amazing Race Kelburn. ✉Email: vuwchristianunion@gmail.com. This event is proudly brought to you by the VUW Chrisian Union.

SQUASH CL UB Interested in playing Squash? Join the Victoria Squash Club! We have a Social league starting 21 March for players of all abilities. Join us on facebook to meet other players here at uni and get involved! Great student squash deals at Club K.

For more information please email: vicsquashclub@gmail.com

What you need to do:

Friday 9 March,

S&M Cocktail Bar, 9pm-2am.

Free entry, complimentary dirty cupcakes and drink deals all night. Dress up in your most prim and proper burlesque threads and dance the night away with DJ H’s dapper remixes. Prizes from D-Vice for Best Dressed and performances from the fabulous Prof. Monty Wildblood and Fanciforia Foxglove at midnight. Due to some venue issues, the Back To School Disco has been rescheduled from this night to April 23rd. Our executive team sends apologies for any inconvenience caused.

TEA TIME International Working Women’s Day Morning Tea

ፖፖ Register/keep checking on CareerHub: http://careerhub.victoria.ac.nz ፖፖ Attend Commerce and Law Careers Expo - 13 March, 11am-2pm, Rutherford House! ፖፖ Start preparing your CV - attend workshops, get your CV checked… Applications closing in March: Organisations

Closing Date

First NZ Capital

8-Mar

Bain & Company

9-Mar

Goldman Sachs

9-Mar

L.E.K Consulting

10-Mar

Forsyth Barr

16-Mar

Careers Events – book on CareerHub: Employer Presentation

Date

First NZ Capital

5-Mar

Forsyth Barr

6-Mar

Deloitte Consulting

7-Mar

Pricewaterhouse Coopers

12-Mar

Deloitte

13-Mar

KPMG

14-Mar

NZICA

15-Mar

While primarily focused on women’s clubs and events, this event is open to all who are supportive and interested.

CAREERS IN FOCUS SEMINAR

Date

LAW - Working in SME Firms

14-Mar

VICTORIA RESCUE

LAW - Working in Public Sector

27-Mar

Held by your 2012 VUWSA Women’s Officer Thursday March 8, 10am-12pm, SU220

Come along to meet some of your representatives on the VUWSA executive, join some women-oriented clubs, learn about events for women in 2012 and make requests or suggestions, enjoy a free morning tea and most importantly, make some like-minded friends!

NEW MEMBERS MEETING Victoria Rescue is a volunteer group of staff and students who train every Monday night (during T1&2 teaching weeks), and learn a wide variety of skills including recon, leadership, casualty extraction and knots. Victoria Rescue will have an information evening for new members on Monday, March 12 from 5:30pm to 7:30pm. The information evening will be held in AM101.

No prior experience is needed.

Contact nzrt7-admin@ecs.vuw.ac.nz if you have any questions, or visit www.rescue.vuw.ac.nz

TAEKWONDO C LU B VICTORIA UNIVERSITY Taekwondo Club Interested in Taekwondo? New to Taekwondo? Learned Taekwondo before? Come along and join us! Training times:

Tuesday 6.30pm - 8.00pm Long Room, Victoria University Recreation Centre Saturday 3.30pm - 5.30pm Dance Room, Victoria University Recreation Centre Contact Us! ✉Email: vuwtkd@hotmail.com

OF THE

W EEK !

Indifferent about the black caps? Implausible Dear Salient, I like you, I really do. I like your hardhitting journalism on the trivialities of life, and your cynical apathy of the world’s events. I like the articles on subjects I know nothing about, which allow me to thereafter feign knowledge. I like that you require little thinking and do not tax my brain too much on a Monday morning. I like that your pages can be a wall that separates me from the outside world and means that I don’t need to interact with people. Because people are weird. But I think I want to change this.

Send to: letters@salient.org.nz Salient c/ Victoria University PO Box 600, Wellington

LETTERS

LETTER OF THE WEEK WINS TWO FREE COFFEES FROM VIC BOOKS!

LETTER

☻ SALIENT LOVES YOU ☻

I want to meet people. Because people are weirdly awesome. They know stuff about the constellations of the stars, and the brewing of beer, and the symphonies of Beethoven. The person on the other side of that paper-thin wall may love their cat, hate their nose and be completely indifferent about the Black Caps. They have dreams and doubts, fears and faith. Just like me. I am interesting too. I can talk about the best reality TV shows, the coolest parts of maths, and the awesome fort we made in the backyard last weekend. Maybe it won’t work. Maybe it will be awkward. Maybe that person is too stressed or tired or scared for friendship. But maybe they just need to know that someone cares. It would be really sad if the only thing we got out of university was a fancy bit of paper and a funny hat, and we missed out on meeting the wonderful people we see but ignore everyday. So, wanna chat? Hopeful Cynic

MAybe after the wine Dear Salient, I’ve discovered that people can be incredibly cruel and callous. I fear that I may end up drowning my sorrows by downing a bottle of wine. Will you give me a hug? Yours faithfully, Gerald

A Damning Response Dear Salient, Long time reader, first time writer. It takes courage to put yourself out there and write an article in salient but I had problems with the article on partial privatisation. It failed to accurately explain why we should/shouldn’t care about partial asset sales. I would like to say I’m not the biggest fan of asset sales, but to me it seems obvious that the government wants to free up cash, look good and hopefully become a 3+ term government. Wilbur stated the value of our SOE’s is the value they return. This isn’t the case. While it is a primary value it is not the sole value. He forgot to mention the value of capital. If you sell a hydrodamn, the value is not simply in the electricity generated, the damn itself is worth a huge amount on its own. So the value is actually capital + returns. Wilbur wondered why an Electricity generator is different from “any other business”. Well Electricity generators are different because there are relatively few of them and they provide a lot of income for the owner, hence the term strategic asset. Furthermore electricity generators can hold their customers to ransom by charging them exorbitant amounts or charging them more each year (as

Salient Letters Policy 2012 Salient welcomes, encourages and thrives on public debate—be it serious or otherwise—through the letters pages. Write about what inspires you, enrages you, makes you laugh, makes you cry. Send us feedback, send us abuse. Anything. Letters must be received before 5pm Tuesday, for publication the following week. Letters must be no more than 250 words. Pseudonyms are fine, but all letters must include your real name, address and telephone number. These will not be printed. Please note that letters

will not be corrected for spelling or grammar. The Editors reserve the right to edit, abridge or decline any letters without explanation.

Letters can be sent to ✉ EMAIL: letters@salient.org.nz ✍ POSTED: Salient, c/- Victoria University, PO Box 600, Wellington ☞ dropped into: the Salient office on the third floor of the Student Union Building.

contact energy consistently does) and we can’t do anything about it. I do agree that there are far worse problems than partial privatisation. But NZers are rightfully concerned, especially when considering our 100% kiwi made. Regards Josiah Krueger

Fucking Nerds, Bro Dear Nerdfighteria! cc Nermie Army (via Salient) Are there any of you out there? Surely I can’t be the only one on campus who was waiting impatiently for the TFiOS release last year? There MUST be someone else who devoted their weekend to helping end worl-suck with the Project For Awesome?! We must make our presence known to one another. Maybe we should all walk around with things on our heads or Pizza John shirts. Or all read John Green books and watch Hank Games on the Overbridge. Sing Chameleon Circuit songs in the hallways?

STREUTH With the antediluvian state of student media as it is, one cannot be surprised to note that Victoria's "organ" of student opinion is neglecting that most important of the biological faculties – the pineal gland. Wake up, sheeple. That is, if the noxious additives of jet contrails haven't gamed your melatonin secretion into convincing you that you need at least 3 hours of sleep a night. Every second that your eyes are closed gives free reign to skinwalking lizards in human clothing. Why do we university a place of higher learning? Does it imply elevation of understanding and knowledge? Or simply a semantical sideswipe by sarcastic reptiloid overlords? Barack Obama went to a university. George W Bush went to a university. You do the math. Stevia – a plant 10X sweeter than sugar – is capable of replacing ANY nutrition you “think” you gain from your diet. By doing this you can completely avoid the fearmongering feminazi campaign of forced flurodation, anticipated to reach

LETTERS ☞ Will Robertson, SAM PHILLIPS & Livvy Nonoa

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new levels during the visit of Germaine Greer (MONITOR 3) next week. Avoid Wellington this 12/3/12. Prepare now. Only eat foods grown, prepared and fertilized from your own body. Fungal scrapings from damp patches in your skin will grow into edible mossy tubers within the week, given appropriate care and attention. Remain vigilant. Always question. Never surrender.

To the bahamas! This Email is to inform you that you emerged a winner of the sum of 750,000.00 Pounds in the Heineken grant donations with the following numbers attached Ref Number: PW 9590 ES 9312,Batch Number:573881547NL/2012 and Ticket Number: PP3502 /8707-01 on our online draws which was played on the year 2012. Mr. Wine Gudvanson

That way we can enjoy together! You know you can fix that chameleon circuit if you try hot wiring the fragment links and superceding the binar..binary.. binary..binary DFTBA, No Cake

FUCKING OLD PEOPLE, BRO To the editor I use to belong to the Victoria University Christian Club or VUCC which operates at 258 the Terrace, Wellington, New Zealand. Thinking that it was set up by students for students have now fallen into the hands of old people that are currently not registered at VUW and operate openly on campus. They no longer have students running the club nor have they had a AGM since I have joined. I believe this is wrong as I thought that the christian club organised and operated by students for students is now run by people who are not students but strangers on campus. Anon

☞ UDAYAN MUKHERJEE Society spends a tremendous amount of time in engaging with art. We sit in front of screens with tubs of junk food basking in the glow of fictions. We slobber some paint across a canvas or go to galleries to observe others' slobbered offerings. We put on our hipster chinos and head down to groove to the latest anointed band from Pitchfork. But though the existence of our aesthetic urges seems to be universal, the standards of taste which determine how these urges are expressed seems to vary maddeningly between cultures and across times. Its doesn't seem like the parochial forms of popular art described above share much at all with the beauty that is manifest in Japanese Tea ceremonies or Masai body painting. Nor even within the Western tradition are these similarities necessarily found—Homer Simpson isn't much at all like Homer of Ancient Greece. Observations like these typically lead to the suggestion that standards

of aesthetics are pretty much culturally relative and contingent on the societies in which they appear. But this piece of folk wisdom isn't as resilient as you might think. A striking challenge comes from the work of artists Vitaly Komar and Alexander Melamid. In the early 1990s they produced a painting which they claimed captured some essential artistic universals. What was in the painting? They had found that people in vastly different cultures gravitate toward the same general type of pictorial representation: a landscape with trees and open areas, water, human figures, and animals. What they produced was calendar art—the kind of picture that is so familiar that it takes pride of place in motels and waiting rooms all over the world. It turns out that people just like a generic, lushly forested scene of hills surrounding water whether they be from

Iceland or Kenya, New York or New Delhi. One explanation of this phenomenon is that we have been socially programmed into preferring these kinds of images. Perhaps this is a consequence of the powerful calendar lobby exerting their corporate power in a globalising world. But a more intriguing possibility is the idea that these images point to some innate aesthetic preferences that are cross-culturally robust and really reveal something about the structure of our minds and our engagement with art. For if there truly are some tastes that we all share, this would undercut the notion that art and beauty are endlessly culturally relative. It would allow us to place the common artistic urges we all seem to share against a backdrop of some basic universal standards of art. Culture might sketch in the details, but humanity at large paints with the broad brush that makes art beautiful in the first place.

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