Salient Issue 12 - Volume 87

got something to Salient, is run by students for students. Without the involvement of students, we wouldn't be able to operate. Every year, we welcome pitches and inquiries from individuals who are interested in writing for us. For more information, please email editor@salient. org.nz or visit our website at salient.org.nz.

Mauatua Fa'ara-Reynolds (she/they)

Ashleigh Putt-Fallows (she/her/ia)

Sean Burnett Dugdale-Martin (they/he)

Kaleb Evans-Lao (he/him)

complaints

Complaints regarding the material published in Salient should first be brought to the CEO in writing (ceo@vuwsa.org. nz). If not satisfied with the response, complaints should be directed to the Media Council (info@ mediacouncil.org.nz).

about us

Salient is published by, but remains editorially independent from, the Victoria University of Wellington Student's Association (VUWSA). Salient is funded in part by VUWSA through Student Services Levy. Salient is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

The views expressed in Salient do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, VUWSA, or the University.

EDITORIAL

This week we’re talking about boys. Since its inception, Salient has received criticism for being “anti-man” (usually whenever we call certain powerful men out on their bullshit). Whilst we make no apologies for holding people accountable, in this issue we’ve chosen to spend a bit of time celebrating the men in our lives, and the beauty and joy of being a boy.

nation be willing to expose the harsh reality that patriarchy has damaged men in the past and continues to damage them in the present.” She goes on to remind us that this is not to dismiss men’s role as perpetrators of immense violence in the system of patriarchy, but merely to allow us to recognise that patriarchy brutalises everyone. It is a system in which nobody wins.

I spent a long time struggling with my own relationship with gender and masculinity. For a very long time, it seemed impossible that I could exist as a man without being an overwhelmingly harmful presence in people’s lives. For me, part of growing up was unlearning the idea that masculinity meant dominance. Instead, I learnt that I could be nurturing, caring, and kind in a way that felt real and authentic to myself. I wasn’t removing masculinity from my life. I was removing domination. And I am all the better for it.

In her 2004 essay “Understanding Patriarchy”, Black feminist author bell hooks tells us that “Patriarchy as a system has denied males access to full emotional well-being, which is not the same as feeling rewarded, successful, or powerful because of one’s capacity to assert control over others. To truly address male pain and male crisis we must as a

bird of the week

Giraffe Weevil

It is absolutely true that the current construction of masculinity in culture is deeply toxic and harmful for both young men and those around them. But it is equally true that men have a unique beauty and kindness that often remains unseen behind the curtain of toxic masculinity.

So that’s what this issue is about. We want to celebrate wholesome, healthy, and rewarding masculinity. We want to show aroha to the men in our lives, and recognise that no liberatory struggle is complete without action on both ends of the system.

Nga mihi nui ki a koutou, And yeah the fucking boyz

Will Irvine (he/him) News Editor at

New Zealand giraffe weevils, (not to be mistaken with the giraffe weevils in Madagascar) or Lasiorhynchus barbicornis, are incredibly cute critters with giant noses. The species is an extreme example of sexual dimorphism, with male snouts measuring up to 90mm (which is quite frankly, a lot) compared to a maximum of just 50mm for the females. Males will battle over potential mates with their large snouts in a similar way to how giraffes fight with their necks, though smaller-snouted males can sometimes sneak literally underneath the nose of male giraffe weevils to mate with a female. Their larvae grow over the course of two years, but post-pupation these weevils only live for a couple of weeks. They can be found throughout both North and South Island.

“Ladies, if he isn’t injuring another man with his nose for your attention, then he isn’t worth keeping.”—a female giraffe weevil, probably.

LETTER

to the editor

How Phoebe Robertson gets it wrong on the free speech panel debacle

Words by Dr Jack Heinemann FHEA | Professor, University of Canterbury

In her 6 May commentary, Salient editor Phoebe Robertson describes the process by which Victoria University of Wellington has convened a panel discussion on free speech. The Vice-Chancellor since confirmed a date following an awkward postponement.

The process has attracted similar metaphoric condemnation from both Roberston, who referred to Vice-Chancellor Nick Smith as “spineless”, and Associate Education Minister David Seymour who said that he’d “read about lions on the yellow brick road showing more courage than the university leadership.”

Robertson wrote that “[Vice-Chancellor Smith is] left with two options: cancel the event and receive backlash, or keep the event running and receive backlash.”

Robertson gets it wrong though when she says “… Smith has a responsibility to, at the very least, show respect to his students.”

No. At the very least he has an obligation to uphold the law and prioritise the legislated right to protected academic speech of students (and staff). This is above a general public expectation that universities host the speech of others.

In other words, in my view Robertson is too soft in her criticisms and the Vice-Chancellor has committed university resources and reputation to host the speech of an external organisation that has its own financial and political means to broadcast its views.

Robertson nails it when she asks “whose merit holds more weight? That of a panelist who actively supports transphobic rhetoric? Or that of an LGBTQIA+ student, under their care, who is adversely affected by that rhetoric?”

This is academic criticism, not students fearing “new ideas”. Academic speech is protected by the Education and Training Act (2020). It has boundaries that do not apply to those using free speech. Those boundaries create a higher accountability from those who use their academic freedom for “on-campus” expression than from guests on university grounds.

Those boundaries are a trade-off. The protections of academic freedom for the use of academic speech requires prioritising the good of society, especially I think the weakest members, rather than the speaker. There can be an overlap of interest behind academic speech, but free speech comes with no specific obligations to declare personal interests, or even to rely on facts.

Students have a right to criticise their university when it takes a decision. This isn’t because they pay fees to enrol. It is because it is a statutory right derived from legislation that aligns New Zealand with its international commitments.

The university isn’t the Vice-Chancellor. It is a body corporate and one of the member bodies is the students. The Vice-Chancellor has a delegated power to make certain decisions, but is accountable to the body corporate for them.

The backlash from students over the University continuing with an event that they allege did not fulfil obligations to consult broadly with the academic community, challenges all our universities to walk the talk on academic freedom. I believe that the question isn’t whether students have been respected, but rather have their rights been.

Share your thoughts

Got some strong opinions on Salient or just want to stir the pot? Send your love letters to letters@salient.org.nz to have them published every week.

gig guide

WED | Cable Top | 5-7.30pm

Live at 5 Wednesdays: Mark Lockett, Daniel Yeabsley, Ayrton Foote

For the last week of our gig planner before the break you can have a little bit of jazz, for a treat. Every Wednesday at 5pm three legends of the Pōneke scene set up at the Cable Top Eatery. Wrap up your uni day, walk up through the gardens, and get treated to two hours of jazz with a view, from a trio of excellent musicians. It’s free, and they take requests! FREE!

SAT | Great Hall, Massey | 8pm

Voom • Reb Fountain • Vera Ellen

Three absolutely exceptional Aotearoa musicians will be performing at Massey's Great Hall this Saturday. From Tāmaki Makaurau comes Voom, kings of thoughtful, frequently beautiful art-pop. They’ll be joined by Ōtautahibased songwriting legend Reb Fountain, and (last but decidedly not least) Te Whanganui-a-Tara’s very own Vera Ellen—an incredibly exciting up and coming force in Aotearoa’s indie scene.

Tickets $70

Enjoy our small, lovingly curated selection of gigs.

FRI | MOON | 8pm

Side Eye • BXRT • Jilter Off Kilter

Pōneke post-punks Side Eye are putting on a gig to celebrate the release of their newest EP, ‘Monster’—expect fun, thrashy post-punk/noise-pop, with great vocals. Joining them for the evening will be BXRT (alternative hardcore) and, for the first of three final live shows, prog-rock legends Jilter Off Kilter. Well worth the pilgrimage to Riddiford Street.

Tickets $10

SAT | Pyramid Club | 8pm

Deaf Edge • Ritual Heaps • Zak Argabrite

Feeling exploratory? Head over to Pyramid Club this weekend—an artist-run live venue, dedicated to experimental practice. This Saturday they’ll be hosting three sets by pioneering musicians. Deaf Edge are Simon Cuming and deaf artist MaryJane Thomson, who together make deeply experimental, ambient electronica. Ritual Heaps creates synth-heavy, self-described “psychic defence music”. Zak Argabrite, hailing from the US, is a multidisciplinary artist who combines tenor sax, clarinet, and circuitbending. Expect an exciting, unique sonic landscape.

Tickets $15

protest calendar

FRI | Rogue & Vagabond | 9pm

Star Time

There’s a new soul/funk/Afro Jazz ensemble on the scene! Star Time joined this Friday at Rogue by Francois Judah (vocals) and Modi Shemi (percussion)—both masters of their respective mediums. Expect a mix of original arrangements, classic Fela Kuti covers, and a super fun dance floor. Entry is free, and kickoff is slated for 9:30pm. Get dancing!

SAT

| MOON | 8pm

The Dark Eighties | Four Year Anniversary Head out to MOON this Saturday for perhaps the most fun you can have in a mosh. It’s the Dark Eighties! This little institution is celebrating four years of dancing to 80s cult hits—raise a glass for them! Expect an excellent night of 80s dance bangers, dance-edm, italo disco(!!), new romantics, new wave, post-punk, and more. Tickets can be found on UTR; the night will run until 2am.

Salient will be highlighting protest and direct action throughout 2024. In print will be a small selection.

Goodbye! (for now)

This is our last issue at Salient before the break—and we won’t return to the stands until Monday July 8th. We’ll miss you! While Salient takes a breather though, protests will not—in the meantime, find your local activists and organisers on Instagram. A short list to start you off: @ponekeantifa, @toitu_te_tiriti, @ sjp.poneke, @queer_endurance_defiance, @ahw4p, @internationalsocialistsaotearo, @fridaysforfuture_wlg

WED | Law School—GBLT4 | 12pm

Popular Resistance in Palestine: A Lecture By Professor Mazin Qumsiyeh

This Wednesday the renowned Palestinian scientist and author Mazin Qumsiyeh will be presenting a lecture at the Vic Law School, on the topic of popular resistance in Palestine. Qumsiyeh has been described as “the most important chronicler of contemporary popular resistance in Palestine”. He currently teaches and researches at Birzeit and Bethlehem Universities, in the occupied West Bank.

Tickets $11

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Scan this QR Code to email our vice chancellor.

IT’S THE FUCKING NEWS

kawepūrongo

Kanaky Fights Back Against French Colonialism

WILL IRVINE (HE/HIM)

There are a lot of players in the colonisation game (Britain, the USA, Spain, and Japan come to mind), but perhaps amongst the most brutal and horrific are those snivelling snail-munchers— the French. Unsatisfied with ruining their own nation, the French government has decided to ruin another—the occupied indigenous nation of Kanaky (also known as New Caledonia).

Kanaky has been illegally and immorally occupied by France since 1854, just 14 years after Aotearoa was occupied by the UK. In the time since, the indigenous Kanak people have been systematically oppressed in a number of ways, including exclusion from the economy and violent crackdowns against protestors.

In the 1980s, Kanak Socialist freedom fighters rebelled, seizing control of the majority of the nation and sparking a decade-long conflict in which the French sought to erode popular sovereignty by any means possible. This conflict culminated in the signing of the Noumea Accords, which provided a means for a gradual transition towards independence.

Unfortunately, the French government has shown little regard for the accords, and held a final independence referendum in 2021, among mass Kanak COVID deaths and a total boycott by the independence movement. Then, this year, the French government decided to extend the vote to European colonists who have lived in Kanaky for more than 10 years. This decision effectively makes Kanak a minority in their own country, and dashes any hopes for a future independence referendum.

Earlier this month, widespread protests against the electoral reforms turned violent, with white settler militias clashing against indigenous protestors. The French responded by militarising the entire island and cracking down on social media, including a total TikTok ban. At time of writing, the situation is still evolving. French President Emmanuel Macron landed in Nouveau on the 22nd of May, attempting to calm tensions, but the Kanak people remain unconvinced, and a lack of trust in the French occupiers still persists.

ICC Seeks Arrest Warrants for Israeli, Hamas Leaders

WILL IRVINE (HE/HIM)

Just five years ago, it would’ve seemed impossible to prosecute Israeli leaders for the heinous and continuous war crimes they perpetrate against the Palestinian people. Perhaps, then, the ICC’s declaration that they will seek arrest warrants against PM Benjamin Netanyahu and IDF Chief Yoav Gallant is the closest sign of the crumbling US-Israeli imperial project that we have yet seen.

In an exclusive interview with CNN, Chief Prosecutor Karim Khan of the International Criminal Court told media he would be seeking the issue of arrest warrants against several prominent leaders in the ongoing Israel-Gaza conflict, including several Hamas and Israeli politicians.

The most recent and prominent arrest warrant filed by the ICC concerns Vlamdimir Putin, who is charged with war crimes related to illegal child abductions during the Russian invasion of Ukraine. 124 signatory nations of the ICC, including Aotearoa and all of Europe except Turkey, are obligated to arrest individuals charged under the ICC if they set foot within their borders.

Detainees will then be returned to the Hague in the Netherlands, where they face trial for their crimes and possible sentencing. While Israel and the US are not signatories to the ICC, Palestinian leaders (including Hamas) are, and the ICC claims jurisdiction over Gaza and the West Bank, where Israel’s war crimes have taken place.

While it is unlikely that Netanyahu will be successfully arrested, the decision severely limits both his personal freedom of movement and the international legitimacy of his government. The question remains - is Israel equipped to deal with international accountability for the first time in their brief existence? Or will this further escalate the divide between the democratic world and the US-Israel hegemony?

What the Hell is an Appropriation Anyway???

Your Budget 2024 Explainer

It is once again time for MPs to show off that they can, indeed, count above three. That’s right: it's Budget season! Wait, don’t run away—this stuff matters and is kind of interesting, I swear! This Thursday, the 30th of May, Minister of Finance Nicola Willis will release the Government’s Budget, setting out how much money it expects to earn, and what it plans to spend that money on. Don’t worry if you’re confused: we’ve got you covered.

What is the Budget?

At its core, the Budget is the document that keeps Aotearoa going by giving the Government the money it needs to do stuff: it's what keeps hospitals open, what funds our schools, and keeps our country moving. Plainly, it’s the statement of how much money the government has—factoring in debt, revenue from taxes, and other stuff—and what it intends to spend that money on.

The Budget sets out how the Government expects to make money. This is done through a bunch of levers, but the Coalition have been pushing hard on the idea of ‘making savings in the public service’— basically, laying off government staff in order to fund their policies.

The Government allocates sets of money to smaller, specific areas of policy; this is called an ‘Appropriation’. These Appropriations are then further grouped into larger collections, all in a certain area of Government spending. These groups of Appropriations are, confusingly, called ‘Votes’. Some of these areas include Tertiary Education, Health, Serious Fraud, Māori Development, Defence, and so on (the 2023 Budget had 45 distinct Votes).

ETHAN ROGACION (HE/HIM)

What happens on Budget Day?

On Thursday, Willis will make a speech to Parliament explaining the content of her Budget. But before then, journalists enter the lock up. This doesn’t, in fact, refer to Winston Peters’ dream of arresting all the journos that annoy him. Instead, it refers to the nation’s newsies being locked up in a big room in Parliament with the Budget documents, prior to them being publicly shared.

At 2pm, the documents get released, journalists break down what’s in store, and Parliament debates the Appropriation Bill. Parliament plays an important role in the scrutiny of the Government’s spending, so get ready for… some boring ass debate about the specifics of spreadsheets!

What can I expect from this year’s Budget?

Since the Budget is confidential until Thursday, we have no idea about the specifics of anything that the Government is planning on announcing. But, we can make some inferences based on things like previous policy. For example, their decision to bring back tax deductibility for landlords, and marginal tax cuts for some people, are pretty much guaranteed to be part of the package.

Furthermore, this budget is being delivered in the midst of the cost-of-living crisis, which is hitting tertiary students especially hard. It comes at the same time as students at the University of Auckland are striking in protest of increasing accommodation fees, and as students rally for paid placements: evidently, students need more support from the Government to make ends meet. As Greens co-leader Chlöe Swarbrick told Salient, “Poverty is a barrier to education, far from being the pathway out of it.”

So, what’s in store for students? We genuinely have no idea! Salient reached out to Minister for Tertiary Education Penny Simmonds but have not received a reply in time for publication. So, keep an eye out Thursday, I guess! Will the Government give uni students direct, targeted support? Probably not.

Pōneke. Protest!

HENRY BROADBENT (HE/HIM)

OPINION: On Saturday the 18th of May, Inflection Point, which identifies itself as “a group for middle NZ that has become ‘The oppressed majority”, hosted an event at Wellington's Tākina convention centre. The event, titled ‘Unsilenced: Middle New Zealand on Ideology’, was attended by a delightful collection of virulent anti-trans campaigners, including the frothingly homophobic culture war ‘apostle’ Brian Tamaki, celebrity bigot ‘Posie Parker’ (via video-link), Tanya Unkovich, a current MP for NZF, and Simon O’Conner, a former MP for National.

But that event has got enough oxygen already and, based on its estimated audience size (~200 people), further discussing it with Salient readership would increase its reach by more than a factor of 10. If you’re truly dying to know more, Joel MacManus, of Spinoff fame, has written a detailed (if stinky) runthrough.

Anyways! Across the street far more interesting things were going on, amid a significantly larger crowd.

Queer Endurance Defiance and the Pōneke AntiFascist Coalition collectively mobilised in response, and Wellington showed up (with a way cooler title, too: ‘Trans Community Defence!’). Saturday’s emcee, Tris, explained to Salient that the aim of the protest was not to disrupt the event, but to make a show of support for the trans community. Knowing an event like that is on could make people feel unsafe—

Saturday’s rally aimed to display that Wellington is an inclusive city; a city that will stand up and defend trans and queer rights.

While Tamaki and friends sat in the (stinky) darkness sharing conspiracy theories, the sun shone down on a crowd of dancing, colourfully dressed protestors. The protest, though provoked, was celebratory—an expression of queer joy and solidarity, defiant in the face of intolerance. Amidst the ABBA were a series of kōrero, from a range of speakers. Vixen Temple— activist and member of Fired Up Stilettos—spoke about bodily autonomy, and later sat down with Salient for a chat about the protest. She described a strong sense of hope and optimism at the rally, and joy in seeing “so many people show up: their power, and their mana, and their passion, and their authenticity.” She encourages people to head along to similar protests—and to keep showing up:

“You really see people who you've constantly been told are bad or this or that, just living their authentic lives. Being unapologetically gay, or a sex worker, or trans, or having an abortion—whatever it is, whatever rights are being attacked. It's just really powerful to be surrounded by people that are so unafraid to show up and say: I deserve rights. I'm a human being, I deserve love. I deserve bodily autonomy, and I deserve self sovereignty.”

PICTURED: Protests cut shapes on the Te Papa forecourt.

But wait, there’s more!

Last Saturday’s protest was one of many actions occurring in the city. On Friday Student Justice for Palestine collaborated with academic staff on a protest in the Hub courtyard. Less than an hour after the Tākina rally, Aotearoa for Tino Rangatiratanga held a protest outside the Old Bank Arcade, on Lambton. The previous morning, at 7:15, they held their weekly protest at the Hill Street Bridge, a high-visibility action, greeting the day's incoming commuter traffic with an overpass populated by Palestinian flags.

Meghana Amarnath, an organiser, told Salient “we protest because we as a community have the shared vision of a better world. We understand that this world will not be created by our so-called leaders as they are driven by capitalistic greed in a settler colonial state that is called NZ. We understand that we need to raise awareness, build community and demand this better world that we want to live in. We might be protesting for Palestine, but really the struggle is beyond that … all decolonial struggles are driven by the fight against a world driven by economic gain and white supremacy. It’s for the liberation of all oppressed people”.

For the civic-minded among us, Unions Wellington last Thursday presented their submission to the Council for keeping the airport shares public, as part of their Keep the Airport Ours campaign. About thirty people crammed into a series of elevators, and then the chambers, hoisting banners and wearing ‘Keep the Airport Ours’ t-shirts. They were there, on a rainy Thursday, to support three speakers, who together made a strong case against the privatisation of a key public asset. Sabina, from Unions Wellington, gave a speech stressing the airport’s status as public infrastructure, “not simply an investment for the council's portfolio”. Her speech was followed by Nicola Campbell from 350 Aotearoa, and Craig Renney from NZCTU, who made compelling environmental and economic arguments, respectively.

These are just the ones this harried reporter/photographer/subeditor could make it to. The list of those he did not get to is larger. The point of this is to gently encourage you, dear reader, to seek out similar actions, during the uni break and beyond. A big march is a vital and important statement, but the act of community building really takes place at smaller events like those above. Those in power seek to sow fear and division. Reject this, and get to know your city. Also, activists are lovely! Not only will they not bite, they will welcome you with open arms—it is their kaupapa. Before you know it, you might be one.

PICTURED: (top to bottom) Protestors raise a trans flag and Tino Rangatiratanga opposite Tākina; Activists wave flags on Hill Street Bridge; A protester raises a placard on Lambton Quay.

Metlink Encourages Early Bedtimes for Students—Without Consultation

Night buses to be phased out from October

Students having a night out will soon no longer be able to take the night bus home, after the Greater Wellington Regional Council agreed to scrap the service last week. Neither VUWSA nor Te Tira Ahu Pae—the Massey equivalent—were consulted on the changes.

Metlink’s night buses run between 1 and 4.30am on Saturday and Sunday mornings, providing a cheap(ish) option for students and others in town to get home safely.

With low patronage, Metlink made the call to ax them in favour of high-frequency (the 1, 2, 7, ect.) services running later into the night and starting earlier in the morning.

“We are more likely to provide a safe way home for more people if the existing bus services go later at night and start earlier in the morning than if we carry on with a service which isn't getting used,” said councillor Thomas Nash, who is head of GWRC’s transport committee.

As Nash points out, night bus patronage has fallen 76% since 2006.

“If you know your regular bus service is on the timetable and just running later at night, we think you're more likely to actually use it,” said Nash.

Students’ fondness for town is a subject of much renown—they will thus be disproportionately affected by Metlink’s changes. However, both VUWSA and Te Tira Ahu Pae were caught off-guard by the announcement, as neither association was consulted about the changes.

“While it is unfortunate that the Night Bus program will be coming to an end, we recognise how its declining patronage may make a replacement service more feasible,” said VUWSA’s Pierson Palmer in a statement.

“We urge GWRC to ensure they have a replacement ready to start, ensuring a smooth transition and preventing both students and the rest of the general public from being caught out.”

DAN MOSKOVITZ (HE/HIM)

Palmer expressed hope for Metlink’s on-demand service currently being trialled in Tawa as a potential replacement, but Nash poured cold water on this idea, saying on-demand only worked in “specific situations with specific circumstances.”

Te Tira Ahu Pae’s Wellington president Tim Wilson was more critical of the reforms.

“Cutting the night bus services will put vulnerable Massey students at an increased risk of harm. If students are now forced to walk home during these hours, they face a multitude of different harms.

“I believe cutting night bus services will particularly put young women and our rainbow community at an increased risk of violent attacks."

Part of the issue stems from the way the council operates - we don’t know the exact timetables the replacements will be running on. This is because, according to Nash, GWRC needs to make the initial change of ending night buses in their Regional Public Transport Plan before they could work on creating the replacements.

The changes will begin in October, with later and earlier 2s and 4s replacing the N2 and N3. However, these bus routes are not identical. The N3 services the area around both Wrights Hill and Mākara Hill, an area which neither the 2 nor the 4 covers.

The rest of Wellington city’s night buses will be phased out in 2025, and those servicing Porirua and the Hutt to follow after that.

For the Porirua and Hutt Valley replacements, Metlink indicated later rail services could also be an option alongside later buses.

Most bars and clubs are on Courtenay Place which, according to Google Maps, can be as much as a 26-minute walk to the train station.

REVEALED:

The MP's who can read

In a recent interview with Newsroom, Todd Stephenson, ACT's representative for the arts, spent 20 minutes attempting to remember the name of a single Aotearoa author or book. He eventually named Once Were Warriors, though it remains unclear whether he has just seen the movie.

He also struggled to recall (any) other details, such as the most recent musical he had seen (Hamilton in New York) and any poems by Tusiata Avia (recipient of the CNZ Prime Minister's award for Poetry). In spite of his party's support for the right to free speech, he objects to one of Avia's poems (subject matter: James Cook). However, to his credit, he does acknowledge that he has read it, so there's one.

Being involved in the arts feels particularly dismal at the moment. Universities are cutting courses, funding is terrible, and the aftermath of the pandemic has left consumer confidence at an all-time low. Why bother going out to an event when you can stay home and watch Hamilton on Disney+? As someone working in journalism (may it rest in peace) and pursuing a career as an author (may it also rest in peace), I decided to shine a spotlight on the Members of Parliament (MPs) who could potentially serve as our next spokespersons for the arts.

How did I go about this? Simple—I emailed every MP I could find and asked them to name their favorite New Zealand author/book, which I will now judge them for.

Most indecisive: Green MP (and former Wellington mayor) Celia Wade-Brown who said it was “impossible to choose a favorite.” She named Hone Tuwhare, Patricia Grace, Maurice Gee and Witi Ihimaera as notable authors. Her most recently read novels were Pet and The Axeman's Carnival, both by Catherine Chidgey.

The coalition pick: Unsurprisingly, ACT and National came together—several of their MP’s chose the Hairy McClary series as their favorites. They also listed their children as their reasoning for this choice. They would have liked my crossword.

POLLED BY PHOEBE ROBERTSON (SHE/HER)

Most popular: The Axeman's Carnival by Catherine Chidgey. Paul Goldsmith explained it was “an interesting perspective from a magpie.” Perhaps our minister responsible for treaty negotiations empathizes with stealing things from the public. As bird lovers here at Salient, we approve of this choice.

Double take: Chris Bishop, picked The Halfmen of O by Maurice Gee—a novel that, just like his Snapchat history, is targeted toward teenagers.

Biggest flex: Ginny Andersen, who has a first edition of Janet Frame’s 1957 novel Owls Do Cry. It’s a modernist novel, telling the story of the Withers siblings over 20 years of their lives on a coastal town in the South Island. It draws upon Frame’s life, particularly her time spent in mental asylums.

Lovebirds: Rachael Brooking had a Hone Tuwhare poem read at her wedding.

Runner up: The runner up for popular choice was Birnam Wood by Eleanor Catton. A quite topical pick, focusing on billionaires and the climate crisis.

Closest to home: Green MP Teanau Tuiono, who named Where the Rekohu Bone Sings by Tina Makereti. For those of you who don’t know, Tina Makereti is a lecturer here at Te Herenga Waka under the International Institute of Modern Letters—and a brilliant writer.

Governments pick: The highest ranking person to respond to my email was Winston Peters, who named the memoir Simple on a Soap-Box by John A. Lee. A (brief) overview of John A. Lee’s career: he was known for his strong socialist beliefs and advocacy for social justice, and championed state housing and welfare reforms as a Labour Party member—but his radical views and criticisms of party leadership eventually led to his expulsion in 1940. He then went on to found his own left-wing party, the Democratic Labour Party. I hope you learned something from that history lesson. I’m not convinced that Peters did.

My pick for next Arts spokesperson: (to no one's surprise) Chlöe Swarbrick with Coco Solid’s (Ngāpuhi/ Sāmoa) debut novel How to Loiter In a Turf War. I first read this book in one sitting, and would recommend it to anyone wanting to dive into Aotearoa literature.

Sāmoan Citizenship Bill

words by Ashleigh Putt-Fallows (she/her/ia) Ngāti Whātua, Ngāpuhi-Ngāti Hine, Tūhoe

The Christchurch Sāmoan community convened to deliberate on Green MP Teanau Tuiono's proposed bill aimed at overturning the nearly four-decade-old Western Samoa Citizenship Act. This legislation, enacted under the National Party-led government, stripped New Zealand citizenship from those born in Western Sāmoa, counteracting a prior Privy Council decision. Fonomaaitu Tuvalu Fuimaono emphasized the moral imperative of restoring citizenship, urging politicians to align with the Privy Council's ruling. Despite complexities cited by National, supporters advocate for extending citizenship rights beyond surviving elders, fostering a vital discourse anticipated in the select committee. Submissions for the bill close this month.

Willie Apiata Appointed to Special Role at NZDF

words by Te Huihui o Matariki Chi Huy Tran (he/him) Taranaki Tūturu, Te iwi o Maruwharanui, Ngāti Maniapoto

Willie Apiata, the only living Victoria Cross recipient in New Zealand, was recently appointed as the Special Representative to the NZDF, and promoted to Honorary Warrant Officer Class One. The ceremony took place at Papakura Military Camp, where he received his new rank in front of family. Apiata became emotional at the ceremony, telling the audience it felt like reliving his Victoria Cross moment. The new role will have him working to contribute to the mana of the NZDF. An inspiring story of dedication and service.

First Māori Architect Huia Reriti Set to Lead New Zealand Institute of Architects

words by Te Huihui o Matariki Chi Huy Tran (he/him) Taranaki Tūturu, Te iwi o Maruwharanui, Ngāti Maniapoto

Huia Reriti (Ngāi Tahu) will be the first Māori president of the New Zealand Institute of Architects, with a career spanning over 40 years. Proud of his heritage, Reriti credits his mother and taua for guidance. Respected by peers, he aims to elevate Māori and other ethnicities within the profession. Outgoing president Judith Taylor and colleague Peter Townsend praise Reriti's abilities and vision. His presidency begins with a ceremony in Christchurch, signalling a new era for the Institute, and for indigenous architecture.

Smoke Signals: Cook Islands Tighten Tobacco Laws

words by Te Huihui o Matariki Chi Huy Tran (he/him) Taranaki Tūturu, Te iwi o Maruwharanui, Ngāti Maniapoto

The Cook Islands are cracking down on tobacco products! They've banned imitation tobacco like e-cigs , vapes and upped the smoking age to 21. Heavy fines or jail time can be imposed for importing these products! Businesses could get fined up to $1,000,000. Visitors over 21 can bring one e-cig. Rules also cover tobacco sales, public smoking, and licensing for sellers. MPs are split—some quitting smoking, others debating personal freedoms and health impact. It's a big move to protect public health in this island nation!

Waka Ama: Tuna e Hoe Ana

words by Ashleigh Putt-Fallows (she/her/ia) Ngāti Whātua, Ngāpuhi-Ngāti Hine, Tūhoe

The 15th annual “Tuna e Hoe Ana'' regatta recently graced Lake Rotoiti's waters, hosted by Maitahi Outrigger Canoe Club. There were nearly 200 competitors, from 5-85 years of age. Ngāti Apa ki te Rā Tō Trust's Aaron Hemi highlighted the cultural significance of being able to hold this event at the Rotoiti, contribute to Waka Ama's growth, foster community bonds, and preserve Māori culture.

This week is Gagana Sāmoa (Sāmoan) Language week, so obviously we have to match. Sāmoan language week is celebrated from the 26th of May to 1st of June 2024, and the theme is 'Tautua i le alofa, manuia le lumana’i—Serve in love for a blessed future'. The theme focuses around sustainability, a foundation of love, force of service and consistent development. This language week has been around since 2007.

Sāmoa consists of two main islands, Upolu and Savai'i, along with several smaller islets. Sāmoa's culture is deeply rooted in traditions such as fa'a Sāmoa, which emphasizes respect for elders, communal living, and strong family ties. Traditional Sāmoan arts, tatau and siva, reflect a rich cultural identity. A nickname for the nation is the “cradle of polynesia '' due to some legends naming the island Savai’i as a possible Hawakii. Amerika Sāmoa (American Samoa) is technically an unincorporated territory under the USA. It consists of five main islands including Tutulia, and is mainly populated by native Sāmoans.

Basics

Tālofa Lava = Greetings/Hello

Tōfā = Goodbye

Fa’amolemole = Please

Fa’afetai = Thank you

Malie/ Fa’amalie atu/ Fa’amālūlū atu = Sorry

Tulou = Excuse me

Special Phrases

Mālō Lava = Well done/thumbs up

Sāmoa’s official language is Gagana fa'a Sāmoa or Gagana Sāmoa (Sāmoan). Amerika Sāmoa’s official languages are Gagana fa'a Sāmoa or Gagana Sāmoa (Sāmoan), and English.

Seki Uso = Cool/good as/sweet/chill brother

Alofa aku ma lou aiga = Love you and your family

The basic phrases were retrieved from the Ministry of Pacific Peoples website and resources provided. The special phrases were provided by tōku matua whāngai (my adopted dad). He added a kōrero talking about the difference of growing up away from Sāmoa—in Aotearoa, without as strong of a connection to his family, language and culture—and despite that being for me to read, and not our audience, I think the mention is worthwhile. I hope the plan to take us to visit his whānau in Vaimoso, Apia is coming soon.

It’s important to recognise that all cultures and languages are incredibly diverse. There are different dialects within languages, unrecognized languages, and peoples. Polynesia is vast, and spread out across large and small islands and villages—it contains an unimaginable amount of culture that simply can’t be fully appreciated with just words. We encourage everyone to be respectful, open minded and always keep learning <3

Mauatua Fa'ara-Reynolds (she/they)

Ashleigh Putt-Fallows (she/her/ia)

Eulogised by Will Tickner (he/him)

DO NOT SWIM AT BREAKER BAY

Hello, my name is Will. I’m a second year in Theatre and Film, I am 6,3ft, and I may be a dominatrix the way I’ve edged the Grim Reaper. I think I am the dumbest person in New Zealand; I believed the word “chameleon” was spelt with a silent “B.” I thought Napier was in the South Island. I have nearly died multiple times. Each time I zoot past Death on a Beam scooter, I usually learn a valuable lesson. Some of my “near deaths” are literal, others are metaphorical, most are hysterical. Regardless, I hope the morals I’ve learnt will help readers not to make the same mistakes, such as swimming at Breaker Bay.

#1 Sabrina Carpenter Nearly Killed Me

I love my noise-cancelling headphones. I love the way I can listen to Sabrina Carpenter’s "Espresso” as if I’m not the one who gets obsessed. If you see me wearing them around campus, please feel free to not approach me. I am having enrichment time in my enclosure. Two months ago, I left my flat to go to work. I was wearing my headphones, and when I stepped out on the road, some fuckhead’s 2003 rustbucket came out of nowhere at full speed. I froze like a deer in headlights, and I heard his tires screech to a halt over Sabrina Carpenter’s sexy sexy vocals. I sheepishly moved off the road as he cussed me out (valid). It wasn’t until he was out of sight I realised it could have been avoided, if I could hear him coming.

Lesson: There’s a time and place for Sabrina Carpenter.

#2 That Guy With The Knife

Just before I started my first year at uni, I decided I wanted to explore my sexual identity and spread my wings.

In other words I started my whore era, and spread my legs.

Early in this era, I met up with a man. He was welloff, attractive, and an age I’m not willing to disclose. I soon realised after I parked my car in his driveway that he might as well have been the national banner of China because he was a walking red flag. He lived in a spotless house (weird). He only wanted to do stuff on the single bed despite having two larger beds (so weird). He also started to make some very racist comments about Māori, unprompted (wtf wtf wtf). I decided I needed to pull an Irish goodbye when he started making a gin and tonic with lemons (the sign of the devil). As he cut them up in the kitchen, I snuck into the bedroom to get my car keys. When I turned around, there he was standing in the doorway still half-naked, holding the large serrated knife like Billy Loomis, and asking what I’m doing. I then put my acting skills to the test as I awkwardly said my brother called, asking why I’m not home and I need to go. After hearing that, he let me leave. It wasn’t until I was speeding home that I realised that were I to become one of his little lemons, no one would know where I was.

Lesson: When whoring around, turn your location on.

#3 My Grandfather is An Asshole

I grew up somewhat rural, and my grandparents owned a large farm. We lived close to them, so every weekend my parents forced my grandparents to look after The Two Shitheads (me and my brother). One of these days when I was five, I was helping my grandfather with his cattle. Unprompted, he grumbled to me, “Don’t touch the electric fence.”

I touched the electric fence.

It was a little zap, and I thought it was funny. I kept touching it for another five minutes, zapping myself. My grandfather clocked this, and crept over to the control box where he immediately upped the ante. I was told years later it was “OnLy TuRnEd Up A FeW NOtcHeS,” but looking back I’m pretty sure he fried a few of my brain cells.

Lesson: Listen to your elders.

#4 Do Not Swim At Breaker Bay

If the title of this isn’t clear, let me spell it for you.

Don’t go swimming at the nudist beach, Breaker Bay, with your friends.

Don’t think that it’s a good idea.

Don’t go during the evening, when there’s barely anyone around.

Don’t listen to your friend when she points out a really hot naked guy heading to the water. Don’t think it’s a good idea to follow him.

Don’t push past the three metre waves, as if it's not a warning.

Don’t swim out into the sea where it's calmer, looking for the hot naked guy. Don’t relax together, laughing as it gets dark.

If you’ve done this, you’re already screwed.

When you decide to head back to shore you can’t, because you’re stuck in a rip. When you and your friends try to, you won’t make progress because you’re stuck in a rip. When you swim for another ten minutes, you still won’t get further because you’re stuck in a rip. When you stop to catch your breath, you’ll be sucked out further because you’re stuck in a rip. When you yell for your friends to help you, they can’t help because they’re also stuck in the rip. Suddenly, you remember that Breaker Bay is known for lethal waters.

That’s when you realise that you are—in fact—stuck in a rip.

I do not know how we managed to make it back to shore. What was worse than getting stuck in the rip was getting back through the waves again. I had never been bowled by a wave before, and let me tell you it’s a religious experience. You will see God. When we finally made it back to shore, coughing up salt water, we realised one of us had sliced their foot open on the rocks.

The hot naked guy had disappeared; I'm fairly certain he was a siren who led horny teenagers into the water to drown them. Me and my mates then proceeded to tidy ourselves up and drive home in silence with nothing but a bleeding foot and kelp in our lungs.

Lesson: … Take a guess.

In conclusion, life is short. Scarily short. Sometimes life knocks you off early, and sometimes it grazes you by. Yet, I believe you can’t truly understand your own mortality until you’ve had a near death experience, or polished off three bottles of Soju. The times that you are blessed to live another day on this planet, you’ll learn lessons which will help you to not make the same mistakes again.

You also get to tell the funny story of nearly drowning at Breaker Bay because of a hot mermaid.

With delusion and confusion, Will Tickner x

The Peripatus

lovingly crafted by Dan Moskovitz (he/him)

In the undergrowth, there is a predator. Silently waiting, it eventually senses its prey. A soft step on one leg. A second on another. More on the third, fourth, and fifth legs. Then, suddenly, it shoots two jets of white sticky fluid which traps the unfortunate beetle. The fluid keeps the beetle immobilized while the peripatus injects its catch with saliva, which digests its soft tissue. The peripatus then sucks it

My favourite spineless

skin. I had never heard of them until last summer when I was frantically applying for an internship somewhere, anywhere. I stumbled upon one all about peripatus in Te Herenga Waka’s own school of biology. While applying, I looked them up and quickly got obsessed. It didn’t take long to realize how I wanted the internship more than anything. I was lucky enough to get it, and since then my love for these creatures, also called velvet worms, has only grown.

Ngāokeoke inhabit forested areas, usually inside a bit of rotting wood. They head out at night to hunt and require humid, damp, and warm conditions. As peripatuses’ pores are perennially open, they have no mechanisms to stop themselves from drying out— hence why they spend most of their time nestled in a nice damp rotting log. They are native but not endemic to New Zealand, and are usually between two to eight centimeters long, though ones in the Caribbean can get up to a whopping 22cm.

While called velvet worms, peripatus aren’t worms, and you should feel silly for thinking so. They may look like caterpillars, but they aren’t those either. Rather, ngāokeoke is something far odder. Neither worm nor insect, but something in between.

To be between a worm and an insect is a whole order of uniqueness. Peripatus are in their own separate phylum, Onychophora. Which leads to the creature with already too many names also being called Onychophorans. But more importantly, a phylum is about the highest level of biological categorisation there is. Peripatus constitutes one, insects are in another, and the true worms are split up between four other phyla, but that’s a different kettle of chordates.

For comparison purposes, humans sit in phylum Chordata. Our flatmates in phylum Chordata include all other mammals, birds, reptiles, amphibians, fish, tunicates, and lancelets. Tunicates, for reference, are immobile marine filter feeders. That’s our flatmate.

PICTURED: A peripatus. Image credit: Perran Coppard.

spineless creature:

PICTURED: Screenshot from Oncyohpora Wikipedia page.

As ambush predators, ngāokeoke shoots said slime to catch their prey. Range varies, but has been reported to usually be around a centimeter—a big shot for a small invertebrate. The closest analogue to said slime is spider silk. Which is why I like to describe velvet worms as spiders with guns.

Can you imagine the fame a creature like this would have if it wasn’t tiny? Imagine a lion prowling the savannah who will shoot you from range, immobilize you, inject you with spit, and then watch and wait while you are digested alive from the inside out. That’s what we’re talking about on the small scale.

The uniqueness of peripatuses doesn’t end there. You may recall from high school biology how one of mammals’ distinctive traits is our ability to give birth to live young. Well, we’re not special. Velvet worms were doing it for millions of years before us. In fact, the females of some species have two uteri (uteruses). Meaning they can be raising different baby onychophorans at different stages of development. This is one area of extraordinary diversity throughout the Onychophorans; some lay eggs. Some have eggs which hatch inside the mother’s body before she gives birth to the young. One (non-NZ) species even reproduce through parthenogenesis, an interesting and complicated method of reproduction where young grow from unfertilized eggs and males are not required.

One area of my research is: ‘where on earth are Wellington’s peripatuses?’. We know they’re hanging out in rotting logs in both Zealandia and Ōtari-Wilton’s bush, but beyond that, dunno. Do they prefer native bush or introduced flora? Also no idea. Because like most invertebrates, they’re criminally understudied. Vertebrates tend to get six times the overall financial investment of invertebrates. Personally, I find that really sad; velvet worms are just one example of the incredible biodiversity lurking in our undergrowth.

Who knows what other amazing things are beneath your notice.

Last summer, in what feels like an oddly distant past, Phoebe and I spent our New Year’s poolside with her partner, just outside of Tauranga. The two of them had picked me up from Rotorua in a borrowed, slightly beaten-up Toyota Vitz. Her and I spent part of the drive earnestly pledging not to let the looming Salient contract get in the way of the break. We weren’t going to spend it talking shop. Perhaps unsurprisingly, simply sitting beside a pool was not enough to transform us from anxious writers into Jennifer Coolidge in A Cinderella Story. We talked shop.

All My Homies Hate the Binary

Rambled by Henry Broadbent (he/him)

During one of these brainstorming sessions she asked me if I could write a feature for the Boys Boys Boys issue. My first feeling was reluctance, and I eventually realised its source: the fact that, as far as I could tell, the loudest voices in any explicitly ‘male’ space were, almost universally, cashing in on some sense of grievance and victimhood.

This was a narrative I didn’t want to contribute to, even unwittingly—and I felt on some level that to centre maleness, to discuss ‘men's problems’, might somehow do this. In thinking all this, I realised I couldn’t turn down an opportunity to expand the conversation.

I won’t linger on the Andrew Tates and Ben Shapiros of the world—however much any conversation about modern masculinity has their neo-misogyny as its inescapable, squalid subtext. Instead I want to encourage, relatively indirectly, a critical lens toward a structure that enables their emergence, and propels their narratives: the good ole gender binary.

It’s vitally important that all of us critically assess the world we live within, and the concepts we take for granted. Especially if they seem all-encompassing. This is particularly true of anyone occupying a place of privilege—gender normative presentation being, I hope, an undeniable example. Look at those structures,

and you’ll find deep contradictions. Look at a binary, and you’ll find mere approximation. Binaries can be helpful, but they are ultimately tools, descriptors. A binary is always the symbol, never the object.

Descartes Did us Dirty

I was reading the other day about something certain scientists—or at least science communication people—have been excitedly referring to as a ‘second brain’. It is, as far as I can tell, a shitload of neurons (around 600 million) that hang about in the walls of our entire digestive tract, in two thin layers. We’ve known about it for a while, apparently, but new shit has come to light. It’s becoming apparent that this weird network—the enteric nervous system—does a lot more than just help us eat day-old kebabs.

There’s an increasing body of research tying this setup, and gut health more generally, to emotional regulation, depression, anxiety, cognition, and even memory. IBS in particular correlates heavily with ‘mood disorders’, and doctors are increasingly prescribing antidepressants to treat IBS. If you feel seen by this then like, case in point.

Wild right?! Oh yeah, and I promise I’m getting somewhere with it, too. See it got me thinking about

another binary that has been relatively entrenched in Western thought for centuries—mind / body dualism: a clean distinction between our physical body, and our consciousness. Allow me a rant:

This particular binary, in claiming to be a model of reality, has become an insidious structure actively working to strip our collective imaginative potential.

Take medical practice, which has been affected to massive detriment. Under a ‘mind / body’ framework, psychiatric issues are seen as purely disorders of the mind. They are treated separately to physical disorders, with separate methodologies. Holistic healthcare becomes functionally impossible. Psychiatry is placed on the margins of medicine, often underfunded. Genuine mental health problems become a massively stigmatised issue of willpower, or become so mystified that treatment becomes difficult to conceive of. To tick off both, see: 20th century mental asylums.

A further binary then emerges, between pathologized behaviour (which can be a valid response to environmental stimulus), and ‘normalcy’ (the goalposts of which always shift). This binary can and has been weaponized as a tool of oppression.

It also, as we’ve learned from the large, thin digestivetract-brain (body positivity but seriously wtf), fails to map onto the ‘real’. The mind/body model is being challenged, alongside a deepening awareness of the social and environmental nature of wellbeing. In short, we’re learning that our mind is our body, and our body is our mind. Incidentally, a number of non-Western medical frameworks have been insisting on this for the whole time.

From the Large Intestine… to the Patriarchy?

Okay! Fair enough. I haven’t written a feature in a while and I got a bit excited. But I’m bringing this up for a reason—not just to show how reductive binaries can be, but to illustrate the damage they can inflict when they are mistaken for reality.

A reality which, unsurprisingly, will continue to resist them. It, like us, is simply too disorderly, too full of nuance. Too damn interesting! The world always lies as much in the ‘middle’ as at either pole—and there is so much joy and potential to be found in these spaces of uncertainty.

So where do The Boys fit into all of this? Well binaries are, in their reductiveness, ready tools for oppression, and the gender binary is no different. It is an ultimately arbitrary tool that approximates our reality, and it has been mistaken for (enforced as) reality itself. Why? Categorisation allows for control. Patriarchy rests on us accepting this model as fact. Participating in dismantling it relies on us questioning it.

We’re here at uni to think critically. Simple awareness of the gender binary as a rough approximation of reality, not reality itself, is like cracking open a (very cool and exciting) door. It’s no coincidence this is one the status-quo would prefer to keep closed.

So assess yourself, your childhood socialisation, your hobbies, behaviours and mannerisms (and maybe your Dad) against this mere dualism. As you do, the sheer absurdity of these constructs becomes far easier to perceive. You might even feel some frustration at being reduced to one data point. You are a whole-ass human being, after all. Oh yeah, and try talking to your mates about it.

Just to get ahead of the haters—I’m not out here trying to turn the frogs gay. I’m not even trying to turn the lads non-binary (but go hard). What I am trying to do is encourage a critical view of a construct that has done nothing but harm us—people in the aggregate—through its constant, cruel reductionism. By instead pouring our imaginative potential into the nuanced, sometimes scary ‘middle’ space, we can free ourselves, and our communities. We can open up a future full of possibility.

Speaking of nuance, I do have one final note. Acknowledgement of the gender binary as an arbitrary social construct paves the way for work toward an aspirational future. It does not negate the lived realities of the present. There is a well established historical pattern of groups in power insisting on universal experience, while marginalised groups insist on the validity of the specific (see the coalition governments ‘I don’t see race’ crap, at the intentional expense of Māori).

Gender and patriarchy may be social constructs, but they’re also facts expressed in our legal system and social structure. For as long as this remains the case, critically assess your identity as a man, but please don’t pretend we’ve made it to the post-gender utopia. As long as patriarchy persists, women will continue to have experiences that men will not. Acknowledging this does not uphold the binary—it gets us all closer to dismantling it.

About this week's Artist

This week's centrefold is designed by Murphy Hi!! my name is Murphy (@murkymurph online and baldestboy on Instagram). I am haunted by short stories, old episodes of CW classics, and my online footprint. I don’t believe in measure twice cut once but I do like having to make the same thing twice.

Thank you to all of our centrefold and comic artists of trimester one! If you'd like to see more of their work, we have tagged their social media profiles on various posts on the Salient Instagram.

Have a lovely mid-year break, we'll be back with more art next trimester.

place. U-hauling can be cute but not when someone’s using up all the hot water.

When the time is right, the stars will align and you will create something truly wonderful. presented to you, and make the most of them.

Cleveland, 2016. The arena is packed with roaring fans, sporting the merchandise of their favourite champions. Across the USA, millions are glued to their TVs. Despite the beer sloshing from their cups and the vomit stains on their crisp white shirts, they are not stupid. They know tonight is different. Something’s in the air. This is the place where legends come to win and heroes come to die, and tonight it’s their turn. Tonight it’s all going to change.

The 2016 Republican National Convention, with the rise of a vicious new kind of aggressive conservative, felt like a marked change from any election most US commentators had experienced before. Yet for one man who took the stage that evening, it felt just like home. UFC President Dana White had spent years building a rabid fanbase of disaffected men, usually white and working-class, who felt that society was restraining them at every corner. In doing so, he’d made some very powerful political connections. As he took the stage in Cleveland that night, it felt like everything was falling into place. “I know fighters”, he said, “Ladies and gentleman, Donald Trump is a fighter”.

The UFC’s endorsement of Trump in 2016 might have been uncommon for a sporting league, but the UFC has never been a normal sporting league. Founded in 1993, the Ultimate Fighting Championship built its reputation on a transgressive form of combat sport that satisfied the American, male, ego-driven thirst

of athletes from different backgrounds, laying the stage for an unusually politically charged atmosphere.

The first UFC event predated the establishment of MMA as a major sport, and instead pitted various kinds of athletes against one another in order to determine an ultimate fighter. Boxers, kickboxers, WWE champions, and sumo wrestlers met in the ring; Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu’s prodigal son Royce Gracie was crowned winner. Whilst many fighters now train specifically for MMA, massive regional differences still prevail, which is part of what makes the sport so exciting. Brazilian fighters perform differently to Dagestanis, who, in leagues like the ONE Champion ship, have to match up against formidable Thai kickboxers.

This diverse roster of fighters often brings the UFC into close brushes with political controversy. Muslim fighter Khamzat Chimaev, after his victory at UFC 294 in October 2023, turned to the camera and directly addressed Ramzan Kadryov, the totalitarian Chechen despot who employs Chimaev as a personal trainer and member of his inner circle. “If Allah allows me to, wallahi I will go there as the first person. By Allah, give me a rifle and let me go to Palestine… I’m not

fans both in Aotearoa and abroad. We cannot allow ourselves to accept sporting role models that promote violent attitudes towards women—especially in a sport that already faces criticism for glorifying violence, and especially when the cultural divide between young men and young women grows increasingly large. With Israel Folau’s prominent homophobic tirades, and the increasing toxicity of the UFC, it’s easy to forget that sporting role models can be positive figures. But heroes are still there—you just need to look for them.

Tarot by Jake Arthur

Words by: Phoebe Robertson (she/her)

Tarot is Jake Arthur's second poetry collection, published by Te Herenga Waka Press. I was lucky enough to get an advanced copy, and I read it by snuggling up to a heater on an overcast day, sipping a cup of tea (as suggested by the book itself in the first poem). I truly believe this is the best way to read this collection.

As the title suggests, this collection is structured around Tarot. Each poem has a title, followed by an alternative title that correlates with a specific tarot card. Being a thespian myself, I skimmed the collection to find the poems with the most interesting (destructive) cards. I found The Empress, The Fool, The Devil and The Tower, just to name a few.

But you don’t need knowledge of Tarot to enjoy this collection. It takes us on an adventure through different lives—a woman trying to train a robin; parents anxiously attending a parent-teacher conference; a man cast overboard wondering if he will ever be found. Each story lives in its own little world, which makes it a joy to read.

At $25, it’s a collection of poems I would recommend to any English Literature or Theatre major. You’ll get the cards to nerd out about, and enough emotional substance to keep you invested.

time. It’s edited by Ane Kennedy, and includes a foreword by her.

Tessa Keenan (Te Ātiawa) is described in the foreword as looking “out from the raw now at a landscape peopled with her tūpuna … her poems form a kind of bridge between those two realities.” She’s a fantastic poet; her work is well-defined and confident. My favorite piece in the collection is Killing Time at the Canterbury Museum (after Ana Iti) for the way Keenan describes absence.

romesh dissanayake explores “his early years in post-war Sri Lanka and his adult life in Aotearoa.” My favorite piece in the collection from him is The Mumma. I love everything about it. His debut novel, When I Open the Shop, is also available for purchase, and it’s my favorite piece of writing that I’ve read this year. I’d not only recommend that you purchase this collection for his work, but also that you turn toward his novel.

Sadie Lawrence rounds off this collection, exploring “the anguish of rite-of-passage in a complicated world”, with just enough hope to keep the reader optimistic. My favorite poem of hers is Puppy. I’d love to be able to describe in words why it’s my favorite, but really it’s because of the feeling it gives me. This reviewer says ‘read it’, I guess.

At $29.99, it’s a collection of poems I would recommend to anyone looking to dip their toes into Aotearoa poetry. You’ll get a variety of voices, and some truly excellent poetry.

A SUMMARY OF QUEERNESS WITHIN

I recently read Frank Herbert’s Dune, much like many others would have after the release of the films. However I didn’t stop with the first one! I read through all six of Herbert’s original sci-fi saga and, even though the first three were quite queerless, the last three books actually kinda slayed? I became excited reading them—I started to think the queerness explored in the second half of the series was almost a critique on how queerness was depicted in the first half of the series. There was a non-binary sandworm emperor, a lesbian army, and hot takes on homophobia in the military. After I had finished all six I ended up doing some sleuthing about the author and… Turns out Herbert was a homophobe. How did I get such a misguided idea from Herbert’s work?

In the Dune universe, the two films currently released tell the story of the first novel. From here there are two sequel novels, Dune Messiah and Children of Dune. Then, there is a three and a half thousand year time jump into God Emperor of Dune, and another one and a half thousand year jump into Heretics of Dune—which flows immediately into Chapterhouse: Dune. Sound complicated? It is.

Within the first three books there is only one example of queerness and, considering the historical context in which it was written, it’s not a great one. The Baron Harkonnen (character) was a homosexual paedophilic sadist who had young boys sent to his room where he would have sex with and torture them. Not great! In the film this was shifted into a heteronormative dynamic, but the torturous aspect was kept. Boo! Since this was written in the 60s I can imagine that the character was given this queer spin as a way to make them seem more immoral. Think Ursula from The Little Mermaid!

That was pretty d-buzz to read, particularly because I could understand where it came from. As I continued to read I had accepted it as a huge flaw in a classic novel (which pretty much all age poorly) and largely ignored it, so that it wouldn’t frustrate me. That was

until the big time jump into the second half of the series.

God Emperor of Dune, Heretics of Dune and Chapterhouse: Dune are huge novels, spanning continuations of the universe Herbert created. These three books, for me, served as a detailed response to many of the flaws in humankind set up in the first three books. Fair warning: from here on out I will refer to characters by their actors (if they have been cast) since that’s the only way my partner (and probably you) will know who I’m talking about. What follows is my initial reading of these final three books.

God Emperor of Dune is about Timothee Chalamet and Zendaya’s kid, Leto II—who moulded themselves with a million little sandworm babies at the end of Children of Dune. They have since lived for thousands of years, because of the regenerative benefits of the baby worms. It’s explicitly mentioned that Leto II is a very large “more worm than human” creature, with no genitalia. As a child of Timothee Chalamet, Leto II also has the ability to predict the future. Timothee Chalamet wasn’t great at this, but because Leto II has had it since birth and has lived with it for thousands of years they have achieved omnipotence and can see entirely into the future. Herbert, strangely, uses he/him pronouns for a genitalia-less worm-person. I know genitalia does not designate gender, but it’s interesting to note that, while Herbert and his characters refer to Leto II as he/him, Leto II refers to themselves as other, or without binary.

Another consequence of Leto II omnipotence is that they also contain every consciousness from every ancestor in their head. It’s explained that the consciousnesses communicate not just to Leto II, but to each other, and are a way of keeping dead ancestors alive. Think Avatar: The Last Airbender (is anything original?)

So, to recap: Leto II is a gender-morphing genitalialess omnipotent God Emperor of the universe who controls all the spice on Dune and can see into the future. Herbert, by my reading, built this character as a response to the errors of Timothee Chalamet. Leto II, being able to see into the future and know all, is orchestrating a galaxy in order to correct the mistakes of his father. This is referred to in the books by Leto II, when they mention humanity would be extinct without Leto II’s intervention. This is where my interest really started to kick in. As a genderless person myself I began to relate to Leto II in a weird

way. I wondered if Herbert was perhaps suggesting that to know more about the world and the future is to end up abandoning gender and its binary. I started to allow myself to engage, as my hope grew in the final three instalments.

In this, the fourth book in the franchise, Leto II has an army of women called Fish Speakers, and routinely brings back to life Jason Momoa to be his personal friend and bodyguard. Jason is quite challenged by how much lesbianism is going on in the army, and it’s explained to him that suppressing homosexuality was a tool used by ancient militaries in order to make their soldiers more powerful, since those who are being tortured or suppressed emotionally are more cruel because of it. The God Emperor, by virtue of their omnipotence, has no real enemies—so there is no reason to have a strong army, and no reason to suppress homosexuality.

The thing is—I misunderstood.

I had misread the conversation between Jason Momoa and the right-hand of Leto II. I had read Leto II as a non-binary true leader who I thought was the omnipotent saviour correcting the tragedy set in motion by Timothee Chalamet. I wished I had not learned more about Herbert.

Hell, in the fifth and sixth books Jason Momoa outlives Leto II and is trained in the ways of sex magic so that he can defeat (have sex more ‘powerfully’ than) sex witches from deep space. That isn’t a joke. It got very weird. I have never read a sex scene so explicit as the one at the end of Heretics of Dune have to be written by some homophobe?

It was a bitter taste to realise I had misinterpreted his writing so badly. I have since resolved to look upon the books as I wish to. Herbert may have been homophobic, but I guess since he’s dead now he won’t be getting any royalties from me! The author is literally dead, so our queer readings of Dune can be as valid as we want.

" It is also nice to be anonymous in cosplay— no one knows who you are under the mask, and I think kigurumi would be great for those who may be anxious but still want to cosplay."

Let's make one thing clear: this article will be discussing Animegao Kigurumi. If you look up ‘kigurumi’ online, you’re mainly going to see onesies. However if you want to know more about this style of cosplay you’ll have to look up ‘Animegao Kigurumi’ specifically.

Now that we have that out of the way, it’s time to explore the niche genre of cosplay that is picking up steam. Kigurumi is a Japanese word generally meaning costumed character, and Animegao means “anime face”—the two words compound to give us Animegao Kigurumi (shorthand referred to as kigurumi or kig). Kigurumi is a form of cosplay where the idea is to look like an anime doll. This is achieved via a kigurumi mask. Which is often coupled with a hadatai, a sort of full body “sock” that makes your skin look much smoother and less detailed.

Both of these elements combine to create a stunning level of accuracy to the character—it's arguably the closest thing you’ll get to IRL anime women (or men). Of course it's not all about accuracy. As Polyblank (@Catchmesnapper on insta) says “it takes away the stress or worrying about makeup, facial expression and insecurities, you surprise yourself with how confident you become while wearing a mask of your favourite character.” Alastrina (@alistairk1 on twitter) adds “in a sense it's ageless. It allows you to cosplay identifiably and accurately as your favourite anime character regardless of your own gender or age”. I personally enjoy kigurumi purely because how much you can mess with people. Everyone stares at you, but they don't know that under the mask you’re staring right back. It is also nice to be anonymous in cosplay—no one knows who you are under the mask, and I think kigurumi would be great for those who may be anxious but still want to cosplay.

There are however downsides, the main ones being that it's impossible to verbally communicate through the mask, and your vision is limited. With practice one can mitigate these issues slightly, but it's best if you have a friend to be your eyes and voice. Also, you don't tend to fare too well in the heat, but that won't be a problem in Wellington.

Another big barrier for many is the cost of getting a mask. Admittedly there are cheap options, if you're

willing to do a bit of DIY you may be able to get one for under $300 (a good chunk of that is shipping) but there are pre-made ones for a similar price. Polyblank sums it up well: “Start small! Your first kig doesn't have to be perfect or greatly detailed, all that matters is that you enjoy wearing it.”. Alastina also says “take your time to research the characters you love. think about the most appropriate mask builder with the style that suits best. Think about how you are going to get into the cosplay and manoeuvre with the mask/suit and cosplay—otherwise go for it. Also it's worth saving and focusing on quality for kigurumi. Good masks can be expensive, but when you weigh that against the cost of everything else—I think it's worthwhile”. It's always good to research before you make any big purchase, and I would suggest seeing videos of people demonstrating mask vision so you can experience what it's like to wear it before you commit to a mask yourself (if you ask really nicely you may borrow mine: @the_casual_kig on insta).

Kigurumi is a niche hobby to say the least, even in its origin country of Japan it is still relatively underground. Here in Aotearoa such obscurity is exacerbated—there are only seven publicly known kigurumi cosplayers (including myself) in New Zealand, but I was pleasantly surprised during this year's Armageddon how many people recognized the style of cosplay.

If you’ve read this far, thank you. If you are even a little bit interested in this hobby, I encourage you to contact me via my insta. From there I can direct you to people who know much more than me (such as Alastina and Polyblank, who were a great help writing this article). Kigurumi is a lot of fun, and it's a cosplay type that is open to anyone, any age, any gender, any colour. As Alastrina puts it “I'm over 50 and I can do a reasonable job of cosplaying the characters I love”. But whether your portraying your favourite hololive member, genshin impact four star, manga character, or an OC brewed from your repressed angst, I think the most important thing about kigurumi is summed up nicely with this quote from Polyblank “don't let others bother you about it either, sure, it's a unique hobby, that just makes you a little more cooler than everyone else.”

Party With Lipstick

Raved by Jia Sharma (she/her)

Photographed by Michael Thomas

How do I even begin to describe this band? I’ve been dying to write about Lipstick since I saw them for the first time at Valhalla in April. Without a doubt, Lipstick has become my favorite band to see live, and I’ve been hooked since that very first show. Since their live debut as a band at the end of March, they’ve become a prominent presence in the gig scene—and for good reason.

Most of the band members met in high school, but it wasn’t until last year that they began playing together as a group. Watching them on stage, you would think they had been performing together for years. The energy they bring to their shows is electric. The chemistry among the band members is evident, and their interactions during performances make it feel like you're watching a group of friends jamming in their garage—an insanely talented group of friends, that is. Their sound is reminiscent of early 2000s alt-rock, with infectious energy and rhythm that makes it impossible not to at least nod your head along.

Lipstick’s debut single “Party” is set to be released on the 31st of May, and I couldn’t be more excited. The song is a narrative in itself, with lead guitarist Harry describing it as a story of “juvenile love and heartbreak” which, after listening to the song, is a perfect description. Produced at Massey University’s studio by Anton Parker, the single has a distinct 80’s feel and was recorded to authentically capture the sound of their live performances. Hearing “Party” live at Valhalla and San Fran was sick, and now I’m thrilled to be able to listen to it anytime I want. The song brims with energy, and the guitar instrumental is particularly standout. You can hear and appreciate each instrument in the song, which is one of my favorite things about Lipstick. Each member gets their moment to shine.

The band also has an EP that is set to release soon, and I already have a list of their live songs I can’t wait to hear recorded. I'm eager to see if they continue to replicate the vibrant live sound they've perfected.

Lipstick is a band I cannot recommend you see enough. I find myself mentioning them in every conversation I have about Wellington’s music scene. Few bands have as much raw synergy and authenticity as Lipstick. According to lead singer Oliver, “the people deserve Lipstick”, which could not be more true. Be sure to keep an eye out for their upcoming gigs and remember to pre-save “Party” for when it comes out on the 31st of May.

Review:

Trying to Have a Good Night Out at Willis Lane

Good Times Had by Ethan Rogacion and Will Irvine | This article is sponsored by Willis Lane.

The unthinkable has happened and Salient has finally gone outside! We haven’t gone so far as to go out into nature or anything—Will would get culture shock. Instead, we bravely ventured where (probably) no student has ever been before: Willis Lane on a Friday night.

Opening last year to rave reviews, Wellington’s (relatively) new entertainment venue is home to a number of restaurants, activities, and bars. Thanks to our friends at Willis Lane, the Salient team enjoyed a night on the town, underground: as the trimester wraps up, our honest take is that Willis Lane is a pretty good spot to have a little end-of-tri treat!

Food | Eaten by Will

Wilson's BBQ | BBQ Loaded Fries

It would take a cold day in hell to convince me to like barbeque sauce. Fortunately, this dish did exactly that. When I tell you cheesy goodness, well-grilled meat, and layers and layers of sauce, you'd better believe it. I've only ever really had meat on chips in a Turkish context, so this was a delightful and welcome surprise. My only quibble was the texture of the chips, which felt oily and undercooked. Fortunately, the sheer luxury of the toppings made up for it.

Angry Ramen | Kimchi Karaage Bowl

Ah, Kimchi. The sauerkraut of the far East. You beautiful, spicy, flirtatious little minx. I’ve never hated kimchi, but perhaps at times I have feared it—its boldness, its lack of boundaries. As for the humble karaage donburi, I feared that years of TJ Katsu exposure therapy had conditioned me to expect oily, saucy noodles, and turn away at anything dryer. Not so! The tart and slightly spicy Kimchi drew me in to the warm, rich flavours of the karaage chicken. In a word? Entranced.

Crack Chicken | Garlic Soy Chicken

When I tell you this is my favourite type of crack on the market, let it be known that there is tough competition. I had already hyped myself up for Crack Chicken—I’m a frequent user of their product (some would say a Crack addict) and I was shivering, sweating, and drooling to go back. I wasn’t disappointed. The chicken was delightfully sweet and perfectly cooked. I’m already experiencing the cravings—someone put me in rehab before it’s too late.

Rick’s Cheese Steaks - Philly Cheesesteak

Two words. Cheese. Steak. If you’re not sold by now, only God can help you. The Cheesesteak is an invention straight from the city that brought you Gritty, Always Sunny, and the Kelce brothers. It matches up to all three of those in its sheer audacity—mountains of cheese in soft baguette bread smeared over shredded steak. Folks, there really is nothing else to it. This, amongst all foods we sampled, was crowned the greatest hangover food —if your night amongst the delights of Willis Lane left you with a mean headache and a sore tummy, venture on down to Rick’s and get yourself a little slice of Nirvana. Nothing could be more simple. Nothing could be better.

Activities | Enjoyed by Ethan

Archie Brothers - Bowling and Arcade Games

God I love an arcade. Truly, nothing says fun to me more than a room of colourful lights, loud machines, and poorly localised Japanese games. Wellington is pretty dry on arcades: while Aucklanders seemingly just need to round a corner to gamble away their life savings on claw machines, we only have… one or MAYBE two arcades. Well, Archie Brothers certainly outshines the competition: we were treated to Archie’s “Fun Bundle”, which is an hour of unlimited arcade games, a round of bowling, and a round of minigolf. It was, in fact, a bundle of fun

It turns out that bowling, a relatively boring sport, is made a lot more interesting when everyone is pretty shit at it! Despite my very best efforts, I hit a number of gutterballs, which becomes a lot less embarrassing when everyone else is also getting a number of gutterballs. Who would have guessed that being drunk would mean that it's harder to hit a strike! I did manage to lock in, though, hitting a couple of strikes, because I am cool and awesome. However, it wasn’t enough, and in the end—after hitting two gutters and then accidentally rolling for Henry—I had no choice but to concede defeat. Congratulations to Cedar, Salient’s bowling champion.

After a quick stop to the bar—yes, this place has real grown-up alcohol—we headed into the arcade! Archie Brothers is home to all your favourite video game characters: Mario from Mario Kart, the hippos from Hungry Hungry Hippos, and the arrows from Dance Dance Revolution! Honestly, if you aren’t convinced by the concept of having competitive fun with your friends, while having easy access to whatever spirits you wish to imbibe, I don’t know what to tell you. Go do some karaoke or something… oh wait! Archie’s has that too! Gotcha.

Holey Moley - Mini Golf

Okay, mini golf is a tough ask at the best of times. It is, I think, the Cards Against Humanity of sports: fun for the first few rounds, but gets drier and drier as you go on. And when you factor in that Holey Moley’s main competition in the tough and competitive mini golf market is Carlucci Land—with its avant-garde sculptures and lighting displays—it isn’t poised for the greatest success. [Editor's note: The biggest competition is Witching Hour. You will be terrified by a life-size animatronic clown that screams at you. Or maybe it only screams in my nightmares…] Unfortunately, Holey Moley left a bit to be desired. While the designs were all fun, the holes were a bit… small and not challenging. I guess when you’ve been tasked with fitting as many mini golf courses into a room as possible, you can only do so much, but still. We still enjoyed it, but whether it warrants a repeat is dubious. Congratulations to Gemma, the editor’s brother's girlfriend, for winning the round (she doesn't even go here).

Final Thoughts

In all honesty, I barely go out to town nowadays. I much more enjoy a flat party, where I can just have some fun and meet some people in a more intimate (cheap) environment, compared to the loud, fresher-filled chaos of a nightclub. But, I feel like Willis Lane captures the fun of both—activities, good food, good drink—and, better still, has it all under the same roof. While, yes, we were sponsored to go, these are our true honest thoughts. And! They have student deals on Wednesdays! I genuinely didn’t know that until I started writing this review: cheap drinks and food. Who could possibly complain about that?

rx: your love.

there’s a beautiful myth wherein werewolves are simply men in love, and if those whom they love call their names, they can reverse their monstrosities and make them man again. a myth is a story which concerns the histories of people, usually involving supernatural beings, or events. usually they are lies. interestingly enough, i don’t think this one is a myth, because every time you say my name i forget what it’s like to rip muscle and tendon with my teeth.

i would bleed for you. that’s silly to say. bleeding here is such a vague term. when i say that i would bleed for you, i mean that if i needed to, i would kill for you. we haven’t known each other very long, that is true, but what is time if not an endless cycle, and why should it matter in the face of love? why must a certain amount of time pass before i can tell you that my heart beats in my chest for only you? that i’d cut it out and give it to you if you asked?

time is too short to not allow myself to feel this. to not allow myself to feel my claws sink back into my fingers at the sound of your breath. time is too short to wait months until i can tell you what it’s like to be in your presence, staring at the clock with my teeth bulging out of my too-small maw, drool pooling at my feet as the seconds tick by. apparently, it’s the “appropriate” amount of “time.” what is “appropriate” to a beast like me? if time is so endless, if nothing really matters anyway, why should i care?

i will let you call my name, and when i am a man again i will give you my heart, and hopefully then, you’ll understand.

Rex (he)

2 Little green man, rhymes with pawn (10)

3 Masculinising hormone (13)

5 Starts with P, ends with cushion (10)

6 He was like "Baby, baby, baby, oh!" (6,6)

7 Colour, also a singer (4)

9 Terrible event, causing sudden damage (8)

12 Patriarchal dream house (4,4,4,5)

13 Salient's Podcast boy (5)

16 Rectangle but more formal (6)

BOYS BOYS BOYS

CROSSWORD MADE BY T-DAWG FOR COMPLAINTS - podcasts@salient.org.nz

ACROSS

1 First rule: We don't talk about it (9)

4 Disney film that deserved better, released in 2002 (Second hottest Disney Prince) (8,6)

8 90's Boyband, features Timberlake (5)

10 I'm just... (3)

11 The most annoying kind of man (3,7)

13 Dogs Out (4)

14 Wellington team, just lost to the Victory :( (7)

15 Salient Staff Writer lad (3)

17 Colour, also Taylor Swift album (3)

20 Emoji that looks like a certain masculine appendage (8)

21 UK's Sexiest Man 2024, Jeremy ? (8)

23 Save a ?, ride a cowboy! (5)

25 "Leave the gun, take the cannoli." (3,9)

28 Surname of Top G, Andrew ? (4)

29 Salient Co-Te Ao Māori Editor boy (3)

32 Anthony Hopkins & Mads Mikkelson ATE (8)

33 Smelly Elon (4)

34 Flesh eating disease (7)

18 Salient's Chief News Reporter boy (3)

19 What day is for the boys? (8)

22 Hottest Disney prince, (according to Salient) (5)

24 These aquatic baddies have cartilage skeletons (6)

26 News Co-Editor boy (5)

27 Salient's Sub-editor old man (5)

30 News Co-Editor lad (4)

31 Salient News Intern boy (5)

For the best pizza, pool, and bevvies on campus, pop in on your next trip up the hill!

WORD SCRAMBLE

How many words (of three letters or more) can you make from these letters (according to the Scrabble UK dictionary)?

Good: 15 | Very Good: 20 | Excellent: 23+

How many inverterbrates of the week can you find in this issue? Flick through the magazine, count them all

What is the largest island in the world?

What is the chemical symbol for silver?

Who painted “The Persistence of Memory”?

What is the largest bone in the human body?

In which year did the Titanic sink? Femur ;

podcasts.

with Speaker of the House Teddy O'Neill

Round up the boyz and tune into this week's Salient Podcasts.

"Tough times make strong men. Easy times make soft men. And I am always rock hard."

Unedited Sessions 2.0 This week, Will is back and he's ready to share some more alpha male content* with you all! Join Teddy and Ethan on a journey where they must attempt to both restrain Will from being almost too satirical, and also talk to you about the BTS of this week's issue, Boys Boys Boys!

*Disclaimer: Salient promises you this is a bit. We hope. CW: Brief mentions of suicide.

"What's the difference between a walking bus and a... bus?"

VUWSA Unedited This week, Teddy and Will talk to Josh, the Equity Officer for VUWSA 2024! We talked about equity, we talked about equality, we talked about boarding school boys pissing in their drawers, and most importantly, Josh and Teddy spent ten minutes talking about Animal Jam.

SALIENT TEAM 2024

Second Row: Office Ghost (she/her) ; Phoebe Robertson (she/her, Editor) ; Te Huihui Tran (he/him, Te Ao Māori Co-Editor) ; Ashleigh Putt-Fallows (she/her, Te Ao Māori Co-Editor) ; M&M (Ash's cat) ; Guy van Egmond (he/him, Contributing Writer) ; Jia Sharma (she/her, Music Editor); Mauatua Fa'ara-Reynolds (she/her, Staff Writer) ; Henry Broadbent (he/him, Sub-Editor)

Front Row: Teddy O'Neill (he/it/ia, Speaker of the House) ; Ava O'Brien (she/her, Distributor) ; Ethan Rogacion (he/him, News Co-Editor) ; Dan Moskovitz (he/him, Chief Reporter) ; Will Irvine (he/him, News Co-Editor) ; Kate Seager (she/her, Designer)

This week's comic artist: Friday

Submit a comic: designer@salient.org.nz

Third Row: Ngan Dang (she/they, Staff Writer Intern) ; Monisha Dahya (she/her, Podcast Intern) ; Darcy Lawrey (he/him, Online & News Intern) ; Prunella Azzahra (she/her, Design Intern) ; Cedar Porteous (she/her, Staff Writer Intern) ; Phoebe's Dog