17: The Arts

74 issue

17

Issue 17 The Arts

volume

1 august

08 20 11

salient.org.nz

The Team

Editors: Elle Hunt and Uther Dean editor@salient.org.nz Designer: Dan Hutchinson designer@salient.org.nz News Editor: Stella Blake-Kelly news@salient.org.nz Chief Reporter: Natalie Powlesland natalie@salient.org.nz Feature Writer: Selina Powell selina@salient.org.nz Feature Writer: Zoe Reid zoe@salient.org.nz Chief Sub-Editor: Carlo Salizzo carlo@salient.org.nz Online Editor: James Hurndell james@salient.org.nz Arts Editor: Louise Burston arts@salient.org.nz

Contributors

Hayley Adams, Sally Anderson, Auntie Sharon, Stuart Baker, Hera Lindsay Bird, Michael Boyes, Seamus Brady, Jennifer Brasch, David Burr, Barney Chunn, Paul Comrie-Thomson, Thomas Coughlan, Constance Cravings, Johnny Crawford, Nathan Donaldson, Martin Doyle, Oisin Duke, Dave the Beer Guy, Micah Timona Ferris, Judah Finnigan, Joe Gallagher, Ally Garrett, Astrid Gjerde, Jason Govenlock, Harry Greenfield, Ryan Hammond, Necia Johnston, Ryan Johnson, Eli Joseph, Russ Kale, Robert Kelly, Robyn Kenealy, Jane King, Michael Kumove, Mikey Langdon, Sarita Lewis, Renee Lyons, Molly McClassy, Callum McDougal, Alastair Moore, Marina Nicola, Sam Northcott, Michelle Ny, Angharad O’Flynn, Sam Phillips, Adam Poulopoulos, Fairooz Samy, Romany Tasker-Poland, Ihaka Tunui, Doc Watson, Flobocop Wilson, David Wood, Nicola Wood, and Ben Wylie-van Eerd.

Contributor of the week:

Michelle! Our last minute saviour! Your pictures are pretty! Take more for us!

About Us

Salient is produced by independent student journalists, employed by, but editorially independent from, the Victoria University of Wellington Students’ Association (VUWSA). Salient is a member of, syndicated and supported by the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). It is printed by APN Print of Tauranga. Opinions expressed are not necessarily representative of those of ASPA, VUWSA, Printcorp, or anyone who uses the phrase “knee deep in some premium Manapouri ‘Magic’” but we of Salient are proud of our beliefs and take full responsibility for them.

Contact

VUWSA Student Media Centre Level 3, Student Union Building Victoria University PO Box 600, Wellington Phone: 04 463 6766 Email: editor@salient.org.nz

Advertising

Contact: Howard Pauling Phone: 04 463 6982 Email: sales@vuwsa.org.nz

2

Salient Vol. 74

Other

Subscriptions: Too lazy to walk to uni to pick up a copy of your favourite mag? We can post them out to you for a nominal fee. $40 for Vic student, $55 for everyone else. Please send an email containing your contact details with ‘subscription’ in the subject line to editor@salient.org.nz

Is it just me or is Google+ solely populated with the people who I blocked from my Facebook feed for good reason?

This issue is dedicated to Elle’s impression of Moby.

We miss you, Moby. Come back soon, and bring Björk with you.

3

The Columns

Issue 17 The Arts

The Regular Bits

5

YouthLaw 15

VUWSA President 4

38

VUWSA Women’s Rights Officer

38

Editorial 3

The Week That Wasn’t

13

Failure to Communicate

Ngāi Tauira 6

Overheard @ Vic

The 7th Inning Stretch

12

Faces to Deface 34

40

Bent 39

14

Notices 43

Peas & Queues

It’s easy to place too much emphasis on the wrong question as we trudge through life— especially when the bulk of tertiary education focuses on the ‘how’s. The arts are the study of ‘why’. Like some liminal Lycra, culture holds everything in place; it is so total and ever-present that it becomes—as any real omnipotent concept tends to do—more or less invisible.

Almost everything we do can be traced along a trail of sources or ideas back to the arts.

The arts are just as vital and all-pervading a force as the tides, space, and photosynthesis. The very act of living is, on at least some level, performative and creative. There’s something rather reassuring in the idea that we are all creating art, all the time—even if it’s just a particularly poetic tweet or an animated conversation.

Animal of the Week

Letters 44

40

Ask Constance 41

The arts are important. Important with a big, pretentious, Neil Gaiman capital ‘I’.

Politics with Paul

Puzzles 46

I Am Offended Because...

42

Uther & Elle

13

Comics 47

42

17

The Arts

News 7

The Profiles Beer Will Be Beer

The Arts

Games 26

Books 28

Visual Arts 29

Lovin’ From The Oven

The Eversons

Paul Waggott 18

Jane Wenley 19

Mason Ward 20

Reuben Friend 21

Music 30

22

Sam “Dinocop” Northcott

35

Film 32

The Scrawl 2010 Winners

The Memory of Light

Apples 36

Theatre 31

Like Salient on Facebook! 1784 people can’t be wrong!

Dr. Sketchy 24

itter! on Tw e!

We’re tmagazin en @sali

Art is one of the few aspects of life where there genuinely are no rules: if you wanted to (and we most certainly do), you could argue that ‘Like a G6’ is as valid an artistic creation as Van Gogh’s ‘Wheatfield with Crows’. Moreover, art is accessible, and as hard to avoid, as scientific principles such as gravity: even if you don’t identify with art history or theatre, you engage with an artistic creation every time you stream an episode of True Blood on MegaVideo or laugh at Date My Mom at 3am on MTV. There is no good art or bad art. There is no right art or wrong art. It just is. To appreciate art and to understand why it is important for its own sake is not synonymous with pretension and haughtiness. It is not an act of looking down; it is just an act of looking. And sometimes that’s all we need to do.

They be actin’ like they drunk, actin’-actin’ like they drunk, sober girls around me, they be actin’ like they dru-uh-unk, Eleanor Alice Hunt (Freelance Writer) & Uther Charles Allen Dean (Lover. Fighter. Theatre.

Writer)

*

salient.org.nz

Seamus Brady president@vuwsa.org.nz vuwsa.org.nz facebook.com/vuwsa

VUWSA works to get you the best deal from Victoria and the Government.

B

4

Salient Vol. 74

ut the ability for us to do that has been under threat by an ACT Party Bill to bring an end of automatic membership of VUWSA and most other students’ associations across New Zealand.

Slowly making its way through Parliament since 2009, Heather Roy’s VSM Bill was looking unlikely to pass before the election, until she discovered her golden ticket—a procedural motion that (with the support of the Government) allowed debate on the Bill before hers to end and allow her destructive and unwanted VSM Bill to continue being debated.

This opportunistic move has put VUWSA at considerable threat, without time to properly consult students (knowing the exact status of the Bill) on potential changes and for VUWSA and the University to negotiate thorough and robust arrangements on how vital representation and services like support for clubs, rep groups, events, and other services can continue if the Bill is passed.

What’s more is that National MPs across the country have been telling students, no longer than two weeks ago, that this Bill would not pass before the election, and that they liked the idea of a compromise that satisfied both sides of the debate—not just one extreme.

Our national reps at NZUSA have been working achieve a fair alternative with the Government which addresses their concerns around the status-quo while ensuring our voice, our services, and our choice around how we as students organise ourselves on our campus is not lost.

Under the current law you can opt out of VUWSA and can request a referendum to change our membership system. This Bill will take away your choice without regard to your welfare or quality of education.

VUWSA has been planning for the worst, but there is only so much planning you can do when you are boxing with ghosts. We’ve had countless meetings with the University to discuss various scenarios about how we can protect vital services, an outstanding student experience, and an independent voice for all students if the universal nature of VUWSA forcibly ended by Parliament.

This Bill could pass as soon as September. Its current implementation date of January 1st 2012 is destructive and impractical. Institutional milestones have been missed—consultation on the 2012 Student Services Levy was completed three weeks ago, there are only eight weeks of classes left and our AGM is this Thursday.

The National Party needs to stop rewarding a discredited ACT Party. John Key and Steven Joyce must forge an enduring compromise on the issue for the benefit of all students and institutions around the country.

VUWSA will keep pushing for them to see sense, but we need your help too. Email John and Steve to tell them not to jeopardise what we all currently enjoy from having an independent and accountable student voice for the sake of throwing the ACT Party an ideological legislative bone.

VUWSA AGM! Grab a free pizza lunch and BBQ and come to along to VUWSA’s AGM this Thursday, 1pm in the Clubs Lounge in the Student Union Building. More information on the AGM is on our website. At least 100 students need to be present for the magic to happen—so make sure you come along!

*

W

omen have been closely tied to the arts since the arts were any good.

The nine muses were some beautiful, intelligent, and—from what I can tell from their name—very inspiring women. But, of course, many of the artists were men. In the patriarchal society there was no tolerance for women to create, except tapestries and children. While times have changed since Exekias, women artists have still had a rough time.

In the 70s, Suzanne Santoro produced vaginal imagery, which was declared pornographic. It’s interesting how sexualised the female body has become. You’ve probably heard the ‘scandal’ over Andrej Pejic. The androgynous model who has successfully modelled female and male clothing was placed on the cover of a magazine with his hair in curlers, taking off his shirt. The cover was censored.

Just give people a hint that there may be a glimpse of a female nipple and people freak out.

But, I guess I’m biased towards artists because I study English. I have to say, I’m a big fan of Janet Frame and Sue Monk Kidd. They push the boundaries. Check out The World’s Wife by Carol Ann Duffy, or anything by Edith Sitwell. You may be intrigued. And, until relatively recently, it was deemed unsuitable for a woman to write poems or novels, and so they used a pen name. J.K. Rowling isn’t just J.K. Rowling because Joanne Kathleen is a mouthful, but because she was advised to abbreviate it so it could be gender neutral. It was feared that young boys would cast aside a book written by a woman, of all things.

The world is still progressing! You can look forward to Women’s Fest coming up the second week back after the break (12—16 September), and there will be lots of free and women-oriented funness for all to enjoy. You can even try your hand at our stencilling workshop! So much fun!

Necia Johnston womens.officer@vuwsa.org.nz

5

Necia Johnston

Issue 17 The Arts

The VBC 88.3FM

needs a Station Manager!

If you like the sound of your own voice being heard across Wellington or like the thought of enabling a bunch of opinionated hipsters, slackers and students to do so, then this job will reward you in swathes of cultural capital, whilst only modestly in actual capital (depending how good you are at selling ads).

The Station Manager is a part time role starting in August that requires overseeing the day to day operations and leadership of the station.

You will need all the skills that get listed in job notices (e.g. time management, interpersonal skills, attention to detail), an interest and passion for music and trends old people hate, as well as the ability to manage a wide range of volunteers, and represent the diverse interests of both Victoria University’s student body and the wider Wellington community. You might also have to be handy with a soldering iron.

For more details and a job description please contact president@vuwsa.org.nz

*

salient.org.nz

Wellington: A City of Arts Ihaka Tunui

6

Salient Vol. 74

W

ellington, the southern most capital city in the world and the place of New Zealand’s Government, is located at the head of Te Ika a Māui. With spectacular views overlooking the city and dodgy car parking on the hillsides, Wellington is truly a wonder to behold. Nowadays some people call it Wellywood—a rip-off from America—but can you blame them? Wellington produces blockbuster films and our current Prime Minister pays a sum of money to big film conglomerates to keep such films as The Hobbit in the city.

Wellington also happens to be a city with many names: Te Whanga-nui-a-Tara referring to ‘The Great Harbour of Tara’, Pōneke refers to the transliteration of ‘Port Nick’ short for Port Nicholson and Te Upoko-o-te-Ika-a-Māui refers to ‘The Head of the Fish of Māui’.

Wellington itself was named after Arthur Wellesley, the first Duke of Wellington and victor of the Battle of Waterloo. Last but not least, there’s the unofficial 2011 name Wellywood. How exciting it must be to have a city with five names—quite the artistic approach, really, but not uncommon for this little capital.

Just being in the city gives off an artistic vibe. When people in Wellington say that there is nothing to do or that they are bored, it doesn’t necessarily mean they are bored full stop—for there’s being bored, and then there’s Wellington bored. There is always something to do, whether you’re doing it or not: walking up to the top of Mt Victoria; taking the cable car to the top of Kelburn; visiting Te Papa for the fourteenth time that week; or casually strolling through the Botanical Gardens. No matter how many times you do these things, you still seem to appreciate them. What’s more is that you are bound to encounter some sort of monument around the city. There are various poems spread among the waterfront; sculptures here, there and everywhere; and architectural buildings you can stare at while pretending to be a visitor and have nothing else to do. The approach to art seems limitless.

Another iconic place for Wellington in its many wonders would no doubt be Cuba Mall, located in the suburb of Te Aro. Here we get to see many kinds of things, most notably buskers singing or playing away.

They could be flat or out of tune, but what’s dinner without entertainment? It could be argued that there is a piece of Wellington that is not yet mentioned in this article. Like Te Papa and the Botanical Gardens there is another that comes with the city, and who even has his own Wiki page—none other than Blanket Man. But is Blanket Man really some form of art that we can take photos of? Some people certainly think so.

With that many photos of him out there, someone should no doubt put on an art exhibition—another thing Wellington is known for.

So when you think of Wellington, don’t just think of that hill you have to climb everyday to get to uni. Rather, think how interestingly art is intertwined into this city. The people that put it there and the land it is on. After all, Wellington is not just a city, but a city of arts.

*

Issue 17 The Arts

7

Edited by Stella Blake-kelly

VSM

is probs happening Student unions: “FFFFFUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUU Natalie Powlesland

A future of voluntary student membership looks nearly certain after Labour’s attempts to delay the bill were thwarted last week.

Until last Thursday’s Members’ Day, Labour had been filibustering on the Royal Society of New Zealand Amendment Bill. This consequently delayed the debate on Heather Roy’s Freedom of Association Bill, which makes membership of students’ associations voluntary. They were hoping that this tactic would prevent the Bill being passed before the election.

On Wednesday afternoon ACT MP Heather Roy moved that the Committee of the House ‘report progress’ on the Royal Society Bill. This meant that debate on the Bill was postponed until the next Member’s Day. As a result the VSM Bill was debated.

“National MPs have told us as recently as two weeks ago that this Bill would not pass before the election,” said David Do, co-president of NZUSA. “We have been negotiating very hard and in good faith with National and ACT to get better solutions on the table. The actions of the Government fly in the face of these discussions, reneging on commitments we’ve had from National Government MPs that the Bill would not pass,” said co-president Max Hardy.

They say they still want to negotiate with the Government to find a workable alternative to the current bill.

“Students’ associations will be continuing to seek a sensible solution and are imploring the Government to work with us on achieving this. We call on the Government to see sense, to prioritise education over politics,” says Hardy.

NZUSA say this will mean students’ associations will now not have adequate time to prepare for the massive changes VSM will cause. This call has been echoed by VUWSA President Seamus Brady.

“The timing of the Bill’s current implementation date (January 1st 2012) is destructive and impractical. Institutional milestones have been missed— consultation on the 2012 Student Services Levy was completed three weeks ago.”

However, supporters of the Bill are celebrating its imminent passage.

“It's fantastic that more than two decades after the end of compulsory trade unionism, student unions will also finally become voluntary and students will no longer be the only group in New Zealand forced to join an organisation against their will,” says ACT on Campus President Peter McCaffrey.

“VSM will mean that each year students will be free to decide, for themselves, whether to join their students' association or not. They can find out what services the association provides, what issues they focus on, and what the benefits of joining are, and then compare that with the membership fee, and decide whether they think joining would be worthwhile.”

The Bill will again be debated on the next Members’ Day on 17 August, with it expected to receive the Royal Assent in mid-September.

Labour attempted to delay the Bill but debate reached Clause 9 (of 10) before the House adjourned for the night. This means that the Bill is extremely likely to pass before the end of the year.

NZUSA are very disappointed that the Government supported Roy’s motion to debate the Bill and say it breaks the promise the National Party made with NZUSA. salient.org.nz

EYE on Exec 01/08/11

Stella Blake-Kelly

The 13th meeting of the VUWSA Executive saw Salient sit through a two hour meeting, but most of which was in committee so can’t report on it.

Minutes from the previous meeting were not passed, as the one submitted was half correct and half one from an older meeting.

Some work reports were passed. Some hadn’t done them, so gave oral presentations instead.

President Seamus told the exec to try get them in on time, “cause this is embarrassing.” That it is Seamus, that it is.

The only item of urgent business saw VUWSA direct the VUWSA Trust to pay $690 for the restoration of a bust of some guy called Mr Dixon. The student body waits with bated breath for its return.

Then they passed a whole lot of half-yearly work reports and gave each other bonuses totaling $4750, for going ‘above and beyond the call of duty’.

Check out next week’s Salient as we review the half-yearly work reports with the scrupulous eyes of accountability.

The Gofficial Q+A Stella Blake-Kelly Are you concerned with the low voter turn out and apathy among the young?

Phil Goff: People shouldn't overlook the importance of getting out and voting.

Particularly in that age bracket when you've got an open mind, you're looking at the world ahead of you and you've got ideas of what you'd like to see happen. Getting out there and having your vote is really important, particularly with some of the issues that are up today with the fairness of the taxation system and where the economy is going. The sort of New Zealand that we want to build, the high-tech, high-evaluated, high-wage economy—those are the things that the new generation of New Zealanders have got a huge vested interest in. And if your voice isn't heard, then your voice will be overlooked by the Government.

VSM. Where to from here? You've been filibustering for so long!

Goff: We will continue to oppose it down to the ditch, because we think that, at the moment, if 10 per cent of students want to have vote on membership, they can do so—that's the democratic process. There is not currently enforced compulsory membership of students’ unions in the sense that students themselves can change the situation if they so choose. They act for advocates for you, and you need advocates, because otherwise your interests will be overlooked.

8

Salient Vol. 74

What are you going to do for students?

Goff: The critical things that we will do for students is first of all, it'll be the extra $520 in your pocket that you get from the first $5000 being tax free. Secondly, the increase in the minimum wage will help a hell of a lot of students working part-time; that will give them real extra dollars in their pocket with which to meet the additional costs of living.

Issue 17 The Arts

9

Students Register Their Dislike of Vic’s Change Proposal in Protest Form Natalie Powlesland Photo by Oisin Duke

A mob of students and staff descended on Victoria’s Kelburn Campus last Thursday to protest the changes proposed for a number of university programmes.

The protest was organised by the Tertiary Education Union (TEU) as a way to voice the opposition of staff and students to the restructuring of the International Relations Programme and the disestablishment of the Criminal and Justice Research Centre (CJRC).

About 350 students and staff members chanted “No voice, no choice” outside the Hunter and Murphy buildings to demonstrate the lack of consultation there has been on the proposals.

The crowd also used the University’s motto to show their opposition to some of the changes which are proposed for financial reasons.

“Wisdom is to be more desired than gold. Yeah right!” they chanted.

The group was addressed by a number of prominent speakers, including Head of the TEU Sue Kelly, President of the Council of Trade Unions Helen Kelly and Green Party MP David Clendon.

The changes were not driven by “anything sensible or justified” Kelly told the crowd.

In regards to the CJRC, David Clendon said “I cannot get my head around why they want to shut down such a rich resource.”

To much applause, one affected student also shared her views with the group.

“We don’t get to study things like human rights, international development and gender because it is not in the University’s strategic plan,” she said.

Salient spoke to a number of international relations students participating in the protest.

“I chose Vic for the international relations major. If I can’t do the courses I want to do I would consider dropping my BA,” one student said.

“The University is ruining the wonderful choices and diversity we have had at Vic until now,” another told Salient.

Many in the crowd also opposed the closure of the CJRC. “The centre has produced over 100 amazing reports that have been recognised internationally,” says one student. “Are we just going to wave goodbye to that independent voice?”

VUWSA also took part in the protest with President Seamus Brady addressing the crowd. He described the proposal process as ‘disgusting’ and that it would have a “severe impact on both undergrads and postgrads.”

salient.org.nz

Binge drinking “bad”, says Australian

Cancellation of all future fun planned Jennifer Brasch

‘Hello Sunday Morning’ is challenging people to give up alcohol for three months in an attempt to combat the Kiwi binge drinking culture.

Smart Brit disses science

Science looks down, mutters comeback under breath Michael Kumove

Salient spoke to several Victoria University students who would not accept the challenge to give up alcohol for three months.

Famed science professor and presenter of Child of Our Time and The Human Body, Lord Robert Winston, delivered a free public lecture at the Wellington Opera House on Tuesday afternoon.

“It’s nice to go down to the pub and have a few beers with mates,” one student said, adding that “the message will fall on deaf ears”.

The lecture focused on the fallibility of science and, especially, the scientists who perform it.

Raine, who considers himself to have once been a heavy drinker, said, "If I’m hungover every weekend, then I'm missing out on something much more important, and that's living the dream."

“Scientists are not heroes,” Lord Winston pointed out.

He emphasised that science is not the noble, selfless profession we like to imagine it as—on the contrary, it is just as competitive and testosterone-fuelled as any other profession.

The brainchild of Brisbane-based Chris Raine, 24, the movement was launched in New Zealand last week, beginning with a presentation at Canterbury University.

The movement is not an anti-drinking campaign, but an opportunity to change society’s attitudes towards drinking, Raine said.

He believes that participating in ‘Hello Sunday Morning’ is an “opportunity for people to really commit through an online process.”

Two years after its initial release, Raine’s movement has almost 2000 followers on Facebook. Once people have signed up to the website and vow not to drink for three months, they can make blog entries about their experience.

The movement comes after a weekend of disorder and assault in Christchurch two weeks ago, with more than 1000 intoxicated students from the University of Canterbury’s Engineering Society wreaking havoc in Riccarton.

In their desperation to be the “first” to discover something, scientists often transgress ethical norms. The most prominent example given by Lord Winston was Dr Joseph Mengele, the Nazi “Angel of Death”.

Lord Winston also emphasised that the inventions which come out of scientific endeavour are often unpredictable and can have negative consequences if not utilised responsibly.

Examples included the use of evermore efficient trawling technology leading to the overfishing of European fish stocks, to the point where once-common species are now threatened with extinction.

10

Salient Vol. 74

However, the lecture was not all doom-and-gloom.

Lord Winston also drew attention to some of science’s most astonishing achievements—such as a geneticallyengineered mouse which could run at sprint speed, much faster than a normal mouse, for three hours straight.

Such technology, he said, has great potential to increase the quality of human life, but the key was to ensure that it is used ethically and responsibly.

Adam Poulopoulos

Former New Zealand First (NZF) leader Winston Peters has continued to make policy announcements as he hopes to win a return to Parliament.

The unconventional Peters, who sat in Parliament for the best part of three decades before NZF was ousted in the last election, has honed in on the student demographic. Targeting the issue of student debt, he announced the intention to match borrowers’ loan repayments cent for cent.

This has been noticed and endorsed by student leaders across the country. New Zealand Union of Students’ Association co-president, David Do was especially happy.

“Student debt will hit $12 billion this year. Policies that will help reduce the massive student debt held in our communities will have huge benefits for the country. It would assist graduates in becoming debt-free faster, help fill workforce shortages by keeping skilled workers in New Zealand, and would attract overseas-based graduates back home,” Do says.

The impact of student debt was gauged by a survey of students last week. It found the three highest factors affected by debt were the ability to buy a house, deciding when to go overseas and saving for the future.

NZF is merely the latest party to come forth with a policy against student debt, as the Greens, United Future and the Maori Party have also announced progressive anti-debt policies.

11

Backwards cap, piercing to debut soon

Issue 17 The Arts

Peters down with kids

Auckland Uni spent a lot of money on travel Like, a lot Take however much you’re thinking it was and times it by, like, a hundred Astrid Gjerde Auckland University has come under fire after it was revealed to have spent more than $70 million on staff travel over the past three years.

Though the University says it is an essential part of research and networking, the amount has received criticism from students.

New Zealand Union of Students’ Association co-president David Do says universities need to be more sensible with this kind of spending.

“For students who are finding it hard during these economic times, it's important institutions are responsible with all the money they spend.

Because figures like this are admittedly not a good look when students are finding it hard to make ends meet,” Do says.

Figures from other universities also expose considerable travel bills, with Massey University spending $11 million last year and Victoria University $9 million.

Tertiary Education Minister Steven Joyce refused to give comment on the issue, saying it was up to universities to manage their own money.

salient.org.nz

Yet Another Bus Story in Salient Bus Fans Rapturous, Everyone Else Indifferent Nicola Wood

Wellington City Councillors want public transport to be more affordable for tertiary students.

In a submission on Greater Wellington Regional Council's Public Transport Plan they called for concession fares for students on buses and trains.

The goal of the policy is to encourage a rise in the use of public transport.

“Patronage has not been growing in recent years, partly as a result of reliability issues and fare increases,” the submission said.

VUWSA and Victoria University will both be arguing for concession fares for students in oral submissions on the Plan this week.

“VUWSA and Victoria have been calling for affordable public transport for students for years, but the Regional Council hasn’t moved,” VUWSA President Seamus Brady said.

“The average student has a weekly income of around $240. Many can only work part time (if at all) and most of their income is eaten up by rents, flat expenses and travel costs getting to study or work.”

Wellington is already late to the game on helping its students out, with Auckland tertiary students having their transport subsidised, and ones in Palmerston North getting it free.

Brady will likely have a tough time convincing some Regional Councillors like Peter Glensor who questioned the proposed concession fares.

Like Anim al of the Wee ko Faceboo n k!

the Malayan Tapir.

David Burr

I

magine an animal that looks like a pig, with the trunk of an anteater and the body of a panda, but is closely related to horses and rhinoceroses and is nick-named the “Asian Mountain Cow”. This eclectic combination of animals in fact describes the Malayan tapir—this week’s Animal of the Week.

This is the largest of the four tapir species, growing up to 2.5 metres in length and weighing up to 500kg. The skull of these odd-looking creatures is vastly different from the typical mammalian skull. The proboscis (large, trunk-like nose) caused the bones in the tapir’s face to retract over time, making way for strong musculature. These strong muscles allow the proboscis to be used as an excellent digging and foraging tool.

To add to the Malayan tapir’s cosmopolitan nature, these animals are excellent swimmers.

They have been known to not only swim to cool off, but to dive completely underwater and walk along the bottom in search of food.

Despite their appearance, tapir are extremely agile. The combination of this speed, their size and their incredibly thick hide makes them invulnerable to almost all predation. Even reports of tiger predation are scarce. However, tapir are hugely threatened by human activities such as poaching and deforestation. As such, there is now a World Tapir Day—so next April 27, take a moment to think of the Malayan tapir.

*

“Why is a university student more needy than a person earning the minimum wage?” Glensor asked.

However this view is not shared by all the Regional Councillors.

Councillor Daran Ponter voted against fare increase in June, citing unfairness to students as one of his objections.

12

Salient Vol. 74

He suggested at the time that lowering off-peak fares could be one way to help students and other vulnerable people like those who are unemployed.

Concern about the issue has also been voiced from Parliament, with Labour MP Charles Chauvel calling for a freeze on fares at the time of the increase.

“At a time when people are struggling to make ends meet, for those who rely on public transport to get by, this will be a heavy blow,” Chauvel said.

CT AL FA ANIM ies are p p u p is Female ts. This puppe asily called e o s ey are why th lled. contro

on Facebo ok ject line, o r find Overh

Email snip

pets of life

at Vic to ed

itor@salien t.org.nz wit h

‘Overheard

’ in the sub

Langdon

hird-year p sychology student Te in an awkw rence David ard and anno son found ying situatio physical ap himself n on the w pearance ca eekend whe used passe attempt at n his rs-by to all humour dur make the sa ing his walk Davidson, w m e lame ho m e. ho had just pla endured a long walk ho yed a game of soccer for the VUW me to Thorn random peo Football Clu don in his m ple in the st b, uddy game reet yelled some varia clothes whi at him “Har tion thereo le d day at the f, in an atte offi m p ce t to be orig , eh son?”, or “I’ll admit, th inal and funn e first two tim y. es it was a Salient. “The lit tle funny,” D n it got wei avidson ex rd and kind got kind of plained to of—YES, HA annoying.”

HA, VERY FU NNY—sorry, This is not th it e first time that a situat same hum io n has caused orous remar k. In 2008, observers to through th Wellington all make th e Central B ian Andrew e us iness Distric with a scra Bremner w t with his th tch on his fa alked en -3 ce -y , w ea fights while hile people r-old daugh told him no they’re so yo ter Sally t to “let them ung, or [he’ SHAAAAM s] screwed win the E!!!” comm ,” and, just la ents increa st year, “WA sed by 27% Davidson ex LK OF . plained that th happen, bec e attempts of observat ause that m ional humou orni THAT ONE r didn’t usua BEFORE slep ng he had OH, RIGHT, lly LIKE [HE H t in and did ADN’T] HE n’ t bring a ch “Eventually ARD ange of clot I just starte hes to the ga d preemptin about to as me. g people... k about my If they look rough day ROUGH DA ed like they w at the office Y AT THE O ere , I would go FFICE MAT fun, but it go , ‘I’VE JUST E, YOU WO t quite old q HAD A ULDN’T BE uite fast.

LI E VE IT!’ Tha “I can under t was stand why this thing ha muddy socc ppens. It’s ju er clothes in st everyone town, which funny abou sees me in is odd, and t it. Only th my at everyone then tries to deep down, co say somethi mes up with we’re all es ng sentially th th e sa m e thing. I gu e same bor When querie ess ing person. d as to whe ” ther or not told Salient he had a ha to go fuck a rd day at th stick. e office, Dav idson

*

13

T

eard @ Vic

the same w comment itty MiCHAEL

Issue 17 The Arts

situation c passers-byauses to all make

BIOL 114 lecturer speaking to stairs: “You are going to kill me. I’m an old man!”

Nika Thomson Student in Murphy: “I’m late as usual for a lecture... I should be punished.”

Sarajane McCreath Smith ANTH 102 lecturer: “My biological cock is ticking.”

Krystal Mokaraka BIOL 227 lecturer about lending DVDs to students: “Just leave me your student ID number, then I can go and bomb your letterbox if you don’t bring it back.”

Rachel Wilcox MDIA 102 lecturer: “What are the rules for playing with a big blow-up doll? You jump up and down on it...”

Anna Selvarajan BIOL 116 lecturer: “Before dates, Eastern European women sometimes place their vaginal fluids on their faces to smell more attractive to men.”

Jonathan-Ashley Harris PSYC lecturer: “Repetition is good. I say this, because repetition is good. That is: it is good to repeat things.”

Vera Lingonis CLAS 102 lecturer: “That’s how you kill a king, obviously—with his dead grandson.”

Emily Gott Girl on overbridge: “I’ve been listening to 50 Cent a lot these days. I think I'm turning into a gangsta.”

Deborah Leao Tuitama

y

ENGL 114 tutor: “Try and squeeze as much as you can out of one passage.”

Mitchell Denham Overheard in an NWEN 302 lecture: Lecturer: What made the internet so popular?

Student: Porn.

Chuck DeMorgan salient.org.nz

Televised Leaders’ Debates

Paul Comrie-Thomson, that is

14

Salient Vol. 74

E

mulating the 2008 agreement between Helen Clark and John Key, the Prime Minister pulled out of a planned TV3 multi-party leaders’ debate last week, announcing he would only debate Phil Goff one-on-one in the lead-up to the election. Goff subsequently said he would only participate in a multi-party debate if Key did, and consequently the debate has been scrapped. This leaves the voters with only two presidentialstyle (read: one-on-one) televised leaders’ debates to be held by TVNZ. Since first being broadcast in 1984, televised leaders’ debates have become a central fixture of election campaigns in New Zealand. With the introduction of MMP in 1996, and consistent with a key premise behind the electoral system, there have generally been efforts to represent a multiplicity of views in these influential affairs. Until 2008.

To be sure, there are undeniable benefits from having Goff and Key debate one another exclusively. As David Farrar over at Kiwiblog points out, this gives the two leaders the opportunity to explain themselves thoroughly, and respond to the opposing leader’s assertions, creating a real ‘debate’. The all-inclusive debates, by contrast, can turn into trivial affairs characterised by populist soundbites rather than policy clarification and discussion.

However, there were always going to be one-on-one debates regardless, so the point is redundant.

Moreover, multi-party debate is crucial in the era of MMP, where the post-Election landscape is characterised by coalition deals forged between the victorious dominant party, and generally like-minded minor parties. It therefore follows logically that voters should be able to make their decision based not only on the policies of that dominant party, but also on the policies of potential support parties, which bar a few exceptions, are relatively predictable in their affiliations.

“A spit in the eye of democracy,” is how Victoria University’s Steven Price—an adjunct lecturer in media law—put it in a discussion of the 2008 decision.

In a political environment no longer (entirely) monopolised by National and Labour, the voting public should have the opportunity to compare Key with Brash, with Dunne, and with Tariana Turia. Likewise, the public should be able to witness Brash and Turia facing off to see how that dynamic’s working out for them.

On the other side of the equation, the voters should be able to evaluate the dynamic between Goff and Norman/Turei and Goff and Harawira. Goff and Turia would be a particularly fascinating one, helping voters to determine whether Helen Clark’s departure from Labour means that Turia’s animosity over the 2004 Foreshore and Seabed legislation has now been laid to rest.

Voters might have also gained clarity in whether there is any actual potential of a deal being struck between the Greens and National, as suggested earlier in the year.

In an election accompanied by a referendum on our electoral system, this is a move that undermines both the purpose and effectiveness of MMP in highlighting and encouraging the continuing dominance of the two major parties. Accordingly, for someone who purports to support MMP, Goff’s complicity in the decision is astonishing.

Goff should have refused to take Key’s bait. Had Goff stuck with the planned debate, Key would have been forced back to the table. A non-appearance when Goff was appearing simply wouldn’t be an option for the Prime Minister. As Green co-leader Russell Norman argued, “John Key would look like an idiot if Phil Goff and everyone turned up to the debate and John Key didn’t.”

Finally, if this announcement reveals anything about potential outcomes for the election itself, it’s simply that Goff’s decision has just deepened Labour’s grave by another foot, as alluded to in the No Right Turn blog last week: “Both leaders have reasons to favour this arrangement—Key because he looks good next to Goff, and Goff because he’s a moron who doesn’t understand that he looks bad next to Key.” Bad move indeed.

*

YouthLaw is a free national legal service for under 25s. Contact us for FREE on 0800 UTHLAW (884 529) or info@ youthlaw.co.nz for help with almost any legal problem. Each issue we answer your questions on a particular area of law. This issue: ARTS.

For the most part, downloading music from the internet has always been illegal; however, copyright owners have lacked the ability to enforce this. Earlier this year a new law was enacted which enables copyright owners to approach your Internet Service Provider if they think you have been illegally downloading their material. Your Internet provider will give you three warnings before the music owner can take you to the copyright tribunal.

What if their website says that it’s legal?

For websites such as Kazaa and Limewire, the service and software provided by them is legal. All they are doing is providing an avenue for music to be downloaded. However, the actual downloading of music using these services is illegal. If you sign up to a website to pay a small monthly fee, this could still involve illegal downloading if the money does not get passed on to the music artist as royalties for their music.

To ensure you are downloading music legally, use legitimate sources such as iTunes, where you pay per song or album that you download.

Can I make copies of albums I own?

You are allowed to make one copy for each device that the music is copied to. For example, you can only make one CD, and an album can only be copied onto any computer once. These individual copies are only allowed for your personal use and cannot be sold or lent to anyone else.

What about DVDs? It is illegal to copy DVDs in any shape or form unless you have been given permission by the owner of the material.

*

If you have a legal question, email it to jett@youthlaw. co.nz. We may not print each question, but we will always reply. Printed questions will be vaguely related to issue themes, as far as possible. Next issue theme: ­­­­tertiary education.

free legal services for under 25s

But I’ve been downloading music off the internet for years?

SEND US YOUR QUESTIONS

0800 uthlaw | youthlaw.co.nz | info@youthlaw.co.nz

15

tino rangatiratanga taitamariki

Only if you pay for it. It is illegal to download music from websites or using file sharing software like Kazaa and Limewire. The Copyright (Infringing File Sharing) Amendment Act repeals Section 92A of the Copyright Act and means that from 1 September, people that are believed to be downloading copyright-protected material will be given three warnings before action is taken, including a potential fine of up to $15,000.

Issue 17 The Arts

Can I download music off the internet?

salient.org.nz

16

Salient Vol. 74

Issue 17 The Arts

17

Barney Chunn The Eversons could well be Wellington’s newest hot ticket if their lyrical, satirical, and downright enjoyable EP is anything to go by. Having been together since November last year, The Eversons have released some of Wellington’s catchiest and cleverest pop in recent memory.

Blair: We’d recorded the tracks for the hell of it, and then it was like ‘maybe this could be an EP’. Then Lil Chief came on board, so yeah—it all just happened accidentally, I suppose.

Tim: We just recorded it ourselves—I’ve got a studio up in the Hutt and we did it out there. It was real lowkey. We never meant for anyone to hear it.

Within the first 30 seconds of listening to the EP, two things are obvious: the unusually funny narrative style of the lyrics, and the flagrant Kiwiness of the band’s sound.

Blair: We’re very conscious of that. I remember lots of times Mark [Turner, vocalist] saying, ‘we have to sing in our NZ accents’. I think that rather than consciously making it sound like it’s from NZ, it makes it sound like we’re not trying to be anything else.

What does the future hold for The Eversons?

Blair: We’ve got about 19 songs or so for an album. We’ve got about six learnt, so we’re just learning the rest of those. Mark’s pretty self sufficient, so he writes the songs, records it all and sends us the demos. It will probably be quite cheesy cause Mark’s quite a cheesy guy, and then we’ll inject the band coolness. So we’re going to record the album in December, release it early next year, then go on tour after that.

Tim: The plan is to do it totally live. We might have to do vocals later but definitely everything else live.

If you could host a dinner party for three, with one New Zealander, anyone alive, and anyone dead, who would you invite and what would you serve?

Blair: I think I might take all New Zealanders. Sir Edmund Hillary would be my New Zealander, dead person Sir Peter Blake, live person would be Sir Richard Hadlee. I would probably serve a game meat… probably duck. I’ve got a moustache today so I think those three and I are on the same level.

Tim: I’d have Dane Rumble, Stanley Kubrick and Scott Walker. I’d serve mild butter chicken. We’d all rip on Dane.

*

salient.org.nz

Sam Phillips Paul Waggott has graced the stages of his Whangarei High school, 77 Fairlie Terrace, BATS, Downstage, and now Circa Theatre. You may have seen him in DOORS. WALLS. AND ALSO SILENCE., Dog Sees God (for which he won Most Promising Male Newcomer at the Chapman Tripp Theatre Awards), think of all the fun you’ll find in the rubber room and, most recently, Death and the Dreamlife of Elephants at Downstage.

Sam Phillips sat down for a chat in between rehearsals for his new play at Circa, Eight.

18

Salient Vol. 74

Tell us about Eight.

Well, it’s a new play from a young British writer who is trying to give a voice to this new generation. The gimmick, I suppose, is that each night the audience votes on what characters get to perform. So we each have two characters with monologues, and each character is dressed by a different Wellington fashion label.

You have received some impressive praise for your work in the last few years, but what stands out as your favourite play?

Oh wow, I’ve got to be careful not to offend anyone here! I think Death and the Dreamlife of Elephants was the most rewarding play I’ve done, but last year I was in a Fringe show called Sometimes I Don’t Like Yellow all about a guy who starts turning people into pineapples. It was hilarious and crazy!

Tell us about Dog Sees God, which won you the Chapman Tripp best newcomer award.

That was a hard role, and I had to bleach my hair, which stung. But it was great to get that award; it was a real affirmation that I’m not the only one who thinks me acting is a good idea.

What does it mean to be an ‘artist’ in Wellington?

Wellington is such a big family; you know there’s the nice, advice giving grandparents, and the aunties who drink too much... But BATS is awesome—to have a theatre like that with an open door policy is just such a gift.

Do you have any advice for Salient’s readers on what it takes to be a working actor in Wellington?

At the moment my aim is to make it as a full-time actor, so I don’t feel like I am in a position to be giving advice. But I will say that you need to be able to back yourself—you need to believe that you have a story to tell.

Because it is tough, finding that next job. And you cannot want to do it because “you want to get famous”. You need to do the sort of acting that fills your soul.

*

Eight is on at Circa Theatre—circa.co.nz—until 3 September

Issue 17 The Arts

Michael Boyes

19

Ladies and gentlemen: Jane Wenley, the girl with a favourite blue bonnet who allowed me to print this: “I am on a bus! So sorry about this. Wil b there in 10. Feel free to say i am a late bitch in th interview!”

So. What makes you laugh?

Most things.

Really?

Yes. Tell me a joke!

I don’t know any. *giggle* See! I’m laughing already.

Golly. I’m doing good. All right Jane.

You studied, yes?

I had no idea what I wanted to do and my parents wouldn’t let me take a gap year, so I thought “oh, I’ll do a BA in English Literature!”

It ended up being a double major in English Literature and Theatre, which I really enjoyed.

Oh good. Meanwhile you paint, draw, model, act AND dance. So, you are a dancer?

Yeah, I’ve had formal dance training since I was ten.

And you’re not from Wellington?

No I’m from Hawkes Bay originally— I moved down four years ago to study. I had my creative outlet doing some Napier Operatic performances—I was a dancing plate in Beauty and the Beast in my last year of school.

Good. So is there more dance in the future for you?

Yes. Hopefully as soon as I finish with WOW. Have you ever performed for anyone naked?

Almost—in Master and Magherita I danced in a really see-through top and pants. So it didn’t feel naked but I probably looked fairly nude.

But you were with a core cast of other actors, right?

Yes, yes. I was the only one with my titties out, though...

Hey! Strong women!

Well, I turned into a witch, so it needed to be done.

Will you ever get married, Jane?

Oh gosh, no. Civil union, maybe.

But I will not be walking down the church aisle to my ‘groom’.

Absolutely not.

What question would you like me to ask you?

Should we go for another drink?

*

You were a dancing plate in Beauty and the Beast?

I didn’t think I’d get in at all because I couldn’t sing.

This was with the Napier Operatic?

I think I read about that—about the man who played Gaston.

Yes! The director found him in her kitchen singing... We didn’t have a Gaston for weeks until she came in saying “Here is your Gaston: my plumber”.

And this entire time you were in your flouncy skirt with heels flying, playing a plate?

Doing the can-can with a light-up plate with fairy lights around the edge and a big teacup on my head.

salient.org.nz

Louise Burston

20

Salient Vol. 74

When I was told that Mason Ward fashions art out of sheet metal, I envisioned some terrifying creations. I was not expecting silver bunnies and the most adorable dragon I’ve ever clapped eyes on.

Did you know while you were at school that you were into art?

Yeah, I knew I was. But when I was about 13, going over to college, I didn’t take art because I didn’t really think you’d get a job in it, and so I took up a trade.

But I’ve always been doodling and drawing. I’ve always been interested in doing cartoon characters and making stories. I love the narrative of stories, so with these things, I just try to create a story behind them.

I love the story of how you worked with sheet metal for a long time and then one day threw it in to do what you love.

So can you tell me how that decision came about?

I did 11 years in the sheet metal trade. It was a really good time and I really enjoyed it because of the skills and some of the things you learn—it’s really awesome.

It got to the stage where I’d just had enough of it so I went to see what else I could do. It got to a point where I was going to go on the dole but I thought, well, if I was going to go on the dole then I might as well just get a student allowance. That’s when I found The Learning Connexion and I

thought I’d just try something I really liked to do. And what I really want to do is write and illustrate kids’ books.

Do you have a favourite children’s book so far— something you’d like to model it on?

I love Roald Dahl’s books and Quentin Blake’s illustrations. A A Milne’s Winnie the Pooh is a favourite of mine as well. They’re quite whimsical and fun but at the same time have something really good to say.

If you could give your 16-year-old self a piece of advice, what would it be?

Ahhh, man...

Yeah, bit of a deep one there.

It is pretty deep! I just think that, like, you need to follow what you’re passionate about and follow what you want to do but at the same time you’ve got to be responsible.

Part of something I’ve learnt is that everyone’s got a gift and everyone’s got an ability to do something, but what’s more important is the actual hard work you put behind it.

*

21

Reuben Friend is that great breath of fresh air that galleries so often need and should have. Having trained as an artist, Friend brings a different perspective to the Wellington City Gallery. I was lucky enough to interview Friend while he prepares for the upcoming Oceania: Imagining the Pacific which is opening on August 6 at the City Gallery in collaboration with Te Papa.

The journey that led him to his current position as the curator of the Deane Gallery, a space set aside solely for Māori and Pacific art, began in Gisborne.

Friend did a Visual Arts Degree in Māori Visual Arts at Toihoukura, Tairawhiti Polytechnic which he finished at Toimairangi, Te Wananga o Aotearoa at the Hastings Campus. To broaden and expand his arts education he completed a postgraduate degree in Museum Studies at Massey University in Palmerston North with a Masters in Māori Visual Arts. He spent a period of time working at Hawke’s Bay Museum and Art Gallery and the Palmerston North Museum.

Friend was then lucky enough to win an internship at The New Dowse which enabled him to curate an exhibition called Plastic Māori: Tradition of Innovation which looked at synthetic materials in Maori art, which raised questions of authenticity of Māori art and who can make it. He believes that “internships are a really good opportunity for people to explore and experiment with their curatorial ideas”. Friend attributes the strength of Plastic Māori for winning him the job at the Wellington City Gallery.

Friend explains that the Deane Gallery came as a result of the director Paula Savage pushing for a space for young Māori and Pacific island artists’ work to be shown. “I think Māori and Pacific island artists are kind of overlooked in the art world,” argues Friend. “Not because of any kind of racism or the quality of their works, but I think it is because the art world is predominantly a Pakeha community. So Pacific people make works about Pasifika things and unless you are really fitting into that mould, maybe things get missed or are not as valued.” The works are experimental and push the audience to broaden their ideas on art. The experience has meant that Friend has been able to explore issues around how such a space should operate and whether or not it is right to have a space that is dedicated to an ethnic grouping.

So where does Reuben Friend fit into this discussion? I think it is his honest and diverse point of view that comes from an artistic background rather than an academic one, which brings something different to the table as he helps to establish the new space. He notes that a practicing artist will come into the gallery and proclaim “I like that” or “that sucks”.

In this way, I believe artists can present a view of the art world in a way that the general public can easily contemplate and understand.

Issue 17 The Arts

Sally Anderson

*

salient.org.nz

22

Salient Vol. 74

Issue 17 The Arts

23

SummeR ReSeaRCh SChOlaRShIpS Applications open This is an exceptional research opportunity for undergraduate and honours students, providing insight into studying for honours or a graduate research degree.

You will have the opportunity to work for eight to ten weeks between November and February with staff who are leaders in their field of research.

To be considered for a Summer Research Scholarship, submit an application online between 1 August and 31 August 2011. www.anu.edu.au/scholarships CRICOS #00120C 160511NZ

The scholarship includes full board on campus, a weekly stipend, return travel to Canberra and an opportunity to undertake a short research project on an approved topic.

R E E R A C GREAT AY P T A E R G L O R T N O TAKE C Trainee Air Traffic Controllers

For great money and a great life text SALIENT to 515 or visit

www.airways.co.nz/atccareers

Not sure what you’re going to be once Uni’s all over? Don’t start out with some boring job… get straight into a career as an Air Traffic Controller! Training only takes around 12 months, and once you’re qualified you’ll be earning over seventy grand a year! You’ll get heaps of leave… and have a qualification that’s internationally recognized and a professional career in one of the world’s fastest growing industries!

to see if you’ve got what it takes.

AWVU2011

salient.org.nz

24

Salient Vol. 74

Issue 17 The Arts

3.

25

1.

2.

Zoe Reid

The international Dr Sketchy movement was founded in 2005 by artists Molly Crabapple and A.V. Phibes.

4.

5.

Photos by Alastair Moore (1, 3, 4, 7) & Nathand Donaldson (2, 5) Models are Venus Starr (4), Kate Clarkin (5), Sonia Hardie (6) & Eva Stranglove (7)

6.

oth were Art School dropouts who had a passion for art, founding Dr Sketchy, effectively a live drawing class where the shows have a distinct lack of boring naked 50-yearolds, with a whole lot more bouncing burlesque dancers with balloons. Generally held in bars, Dr Sketchy serves to make art fun, and encourages those from the very talented and well-known, to those who have just learned that pencils meet paper, to have a go at drawing something interesting. Going beyond the mere model-on-stage formula, events overseas have included flash mobs, live art installations for art galleries, and impromptu public performances.

Themes have included steampunk, candy, boxing, and, more recently, Obama vs Palin.

Dr Sketchy Wellington is monthly and hosted by Mighty Mighty. For $12/$14, anyone can come in and experience a wealth of colour, models and atmosphere with a sketch book in hand. The talented Wellington scene brings a variety to the table, with costumers and dancers doing their thing to avoid mere traditional poses, and some pictures are simply breathtaking. Rachel Rouge began Dr Sketchy Wellington in 2009, and will be retiring in October of this year.

Venus Starr will be taking the reins of Dr Sketchy, with big boots to fill. Starr has over six years of circus performance under her belt from the Circus Trust in Miramar, in addition to lengthy stints teaching and performing worldwide on the burlesque and circus scene. Among her talents, she can do aerial silks, hula, and swinging trapeze, which she enjoys bringing to Burlesque in Wellington. She aims to bring a more circus-style feel to performances in Wellington, avoiding mere ‘striptease’ style shows for full, high-calibre burlesque shows, often combining talents such as aerial silks, pole, or hula. In addition to this, in a moment of boredom when pregnant, the high energy Starr formed the monthly event Carousel Cabaret to remain active when unable to perform in the Wellington burlesque scene.

One of the best things about the Wellington burlesque scene, and Venus in particular, is that she knows most performers well enough to push the boundaries. Venus knows her performers’ limits and can tailor each session to each performer, and vice versa. Wellington Dr Sketchy artists are becoming well known for drawing more detailed, beautiful pictures owing to each performer’s ability to hold poses for five to seven minutes, as opposed to one or two. Combining this with a passion for extending the common view of burlesque as simply striptease, shows at Mighty Mighty combine a range of concepts appealing to increasing numbers of Wellingtonians. Rachel Rouge has organised her final Dr Sketchy to be Zombie themed, ending with the symbolic killing of Rouge

by Starr, as she takes the spotlight.

Venus’ monthly Burlesque show, Carousel Cabaret, is a work of art combining traditional Burlesque with more circus-style entertainment, with a healthy dose of comedy. It is next held at Garden Bar at 7pm, August 26.

*

The next Dr Sketchy Wellington is held at Mighty Mighty, 4-7pm on Friday 12 August, 2011.

7.

salient.org.nz

Anomalous Materials Donnie Cuzens

26

Salient Vol. 74

A

s video games have evolved over the past 50-odd years, from curious experiments like the “cathode ray tube amusement device” and Pong ancestor Tennis for Two, to the sprawling and epic spectacle we behold today, so too has our relationship with them. Despite how advanced and complex the games we play have become, we still interact with them through physical controls—be it the ever-present and trusty button, in all its varied configurations, or other less-used technologies like motion control. Even these have undergone continual metamorphosis throughout the years, buttons spreading like pimples over controllers and keyboards, their complexity growing in tandem with that of the virtual universes they allow you to control.

At this point in time, we sit on the cusp of what is possibly the biggest change to how we control games since the joystick gracefully gave way to the controller. The catalyst for such a change can be found in a corner of gaming that has been growing at a rate of knots that’s as startling to gamers as it is developers: mobile gaming. A soaring rise in the ubiquity and popularity of touch-screen phones and tablets has busted a hole wide open in the games market, and there are plenty of companies like Farmville creators Zynga, who are there to eagerly fill the gap and take your money. Personally I think the spreading of games and gaming culture, if only on a casual basis, to as many technologies as possible is a fantastic thing for the industry at large. But it is not without its effects on more dedicated gaming platforms, as the next generation of consoles can show us.

On the not-so-distant shores of 2012 lies the first in a new generation of gaming consoles: Nintendo’s attempt to leap back into the “hardcore” gaming market, the Wii-u. The Wii-u is a sleek-looking little box, boasting high-definition graphics for the first time on a Nintendo console and controlled by what is essentially a touch-screen tablet with the standard controller configuration of buttons on the sides and back of it.

Pretty nifty, but the most interesting part about this console is what Nintendo say they are planning to do with that extra screen. Have you ever been playing your favourite Zelda game and started to get bored of having to access your inventory through a menu function in-game? No? Well, er, now you never will be. Because look down. There’s your inventory, your stats, your quest log, whatever you want! Right in front of you! You never have to deal with a fiddly in-game interface again. Now I may be exaggerating a little, but the concept of a personal screen outside of the main game itself is exciting if only in terms of its potential. Another fancy feature: you’re

playing a game on your big-ass HD television, but person X wants to use said television for something other than watching you play videogames. Turn off the console and concede to Shortland Street? Fuck no. You can stream the game straight to the controller’s screen, in full HD, just as you were playing it ten seconds ago. That’s pretty cool. Let’s just hope that there are some decent release titles for the console, and that it won’t end up like the half-baked reception that the company’s recently released 3DS handheld received.

As far as the next generation of consoles goes for Sony and Microsoft, there have only been whisperings and rumours at this stage. It’s entirely likely that both companies will sit back and let the pre- and post-sale hype for the Wii-u wash over them, biding their time and seeing how gamers respond to the innovative new control scheme which, besides being incredibly costly to produce, is also fairly risky. See, buttons have been the mainstay of game controllers over the past few decades for a good reason. Having something rest comfortably in your palms allowing you the least possible movement to control your game avatar brings you far closer to the dream of seamless man-machine interface than waving your arms around in your living room or pawing at a touch screen ever can be. In saying this though, there are so many opportunities presented with Nintendo’s new gamble that it’s almost difficult to comprehend right now. Interaction between the Sony’s handheld PS-Vita and the PS3 may pave the way for a similar experience in the near future, but until something more solid comes out of Sony and Microsoft, we will have to keep, as they say, watching the skies.

*

Issue 17 The Arts

Doc Watson

27

Interactive art. Whoa, don’t drool over the page there, handsome. Think about it—a medium where the person participating is actively involved in the creation of the experience. A medium where an active role is required of the player to cause a decision, and that decision dictates where the experience leads them. Wouldn’t it be awesome to have a participatory art medium where a person can shape their own experience, instead of having one heaped at them a dime a dozen?

I’m loathe to say that video games can fill this gaping Nirvana, but I’m not going to piss on the motion.

As an avid gamer I can see the potential of video games being considered art. People adverse to this idea will instantly slap me across the jaw with rebuttals claiming Call of Duty is nowhere near artistic, but these people are somewhat absolutist. It is akin to a comparison between Ulysses and The Da Vinci Code. There is always a medium’s magnum opus and, in turn, a medium’s retarded burlap sack. It seems unfair to judge a medium’s artistic merit based on one example.

Of course, we’re using art as a humdrum definition of art—that is to say, a standalone, completed piece of painting, literature or cinema that people haughtily critique over another spoonful of baby seal canapés. We can’t quite do this for games. In fact, games are, by necessity, incomplete. Hell, the protagonist is all but absent in some games until you sit down and finish the game, the lazy bastards. They need the player to put in the hard yards to fully appreciate the impact of a work of video game artistry. But, if we backpedal and agree that games are in fact a standalone, complete piece of art, it stands to reason that the player is just as valuable to the completeness of a game as anything else.

Now, obviously if you give people absolute freedom to question paint their own experience, there is a risk of things going is, what bat shit bonkers, so the amount of input a player has does it in an experience can vary. In RPGs, the canvas is laid do for the down for you to finger paint your imagination medium? Well, all over it, while in games like Call of Duty you as much as we merely put the cherry on top of aspects that have all looked into aren’t quite complete. In any case, the how much a story can player is the artist and the catalyst to affect the listener, we have the game’s events. This is true for all somewhat neglected the games, from Pong to Mass Effect. importance of the storyteller. In Participation is mandatory, but games, the player works overtime, not forced—it invites people to being the writer trumpeting their tinker with the experience own horn and the listener taking it all in. to get the maximum Everyone knows how awesome it feels to benefit from the game. have personally completed that one project So now the you’ve been grinding at for years. To integrate receiver works this into a deckchair afternoon and still achieve for their something through hard work is a feat that no other experience. medium has come up with yet.

The

Alas, the medium hasn’t quite clued in on this advantage yet.

It still acts like the angsty teenager in the schoolyard of media slapping its bum in an attempt to please the big boys, trying to stick to a standardised definition. And true, some game companies like Square Enix are just screaming for film licenses with their finished products. But games hold a power that no other medium can and that needs to be given more recognition – the power of choice, and its effect on experience.

After all, what ends a game of Pac Man—those technicolour, whirring ghosts from hell, or your own screw ups?

*

salient.org.nz

for me, and as much as I enjoy the writing process, to hear the Bond fans who had never read a Deaver book before now say, “I’m going to read your books, I enjoyed this very much”, it’s wonderful.

Interview Salient’s Fairooz Samy interviews Jeffery Deaver on his addition to the James Bond series, Carte Blanche

When it comes to writing a Bond villain, where do you begin? Do you think they all share a defining characteristic?

That’s a very good point, and it’s true. In creating Severan Hydt I again did two things. One, I had a Deaver villain, which is somebody who’s very sick and twisted, as you’d have gathered from his interests.

However, I did want to do exactly as you suggested, get the typical Bond villain, who has other elements in addition to his twistedness, geo-political elements, because the Bond villain has to transcend petty crime. He doesn’t have to be involved in world domination, although Hydt is to some extent with his recycling business. I thought it was a very interesting idea to have somebody who didn’t sit in a control room and twirl his moustache, and dream about dropping nuclear bombs on various cities. I wanted someone who had a different approach to exerting power in the world—but he did have to exert power. He couldn’t just be a sick necrophiliac, he needed to be broader than that, and therefore present a risk to many people.

Read the rest online!

*

The Bond series has such a rich mass of plot threads, characters, and iconography. How did you prioritise which facets of the novels to emphasise and which to downplay?

I pretty much threw everything out. I wanted to write a typical Jeffery Deaver novel, which is very fast paced, takes place over a short time frame, is, like my traditional novels have been, built with deadlines every few chapters and big surprise endings, plural- ending after ending after ending. I knew that was not the way Ian Fleming wrote. He wrote very character driven stories. His novels were quite linear. They were brilliant—but he was more concerned with bringing the characters to life.

And I chose to write a typical Deaver book. What I wanted to bring from those earlier books though, was the persona of Bond, even though the storylines were quite different.

28

Salient Vol. 74

In another interview, you spoke about “immersing yourself in Britishness”. How did you go about that?

I’ve written about 28 novels now and several collections of short stories and I always do research. Part of the research is getting in to the minds of the characters. With Bond, I had read the books for a long time, reread them for this project, but none the less, I still felt, ‘I am an American. I’m going to be looked at much more carefully writing about a British character’. So I spent time in England. I go there quite frequently, England and Scotland, but to get the expressions right, I rented a lot of DVDs. For example, Spooks, which is a wonderful programme, and the original BBC Office, which is also wonderful—Coronation Street, Eastenders. I have people from Liverpool and Birmingham in the book, various locations, and I wanted to make sure I had the repertoire right.

But the interesting thing is that Ian Fleming was more of an international writer. Bond for instance, when he’s in America, gets in to an elevator, he doesn’t get in to the lift. That’s the way Fleming wrote. So I thought, I don’t want to be too self-conscious about the Britishness of the book, and draw attention to the fact that, here I am, an American, I know how to say ‘Jolly good’, because that would be affective. I think I walked a fine line between getting the Britishness right and writing a book that could have been written by anybody.

Which part of crafting the Bond experience have you most enjoyed?

This can be anything: the gadgets, the character history, the style.

That’s really interesting, of all the hundreds of journalists no one’s ever asked me that and it’s a brilliant question. I think I would have to say, meeting the fans, because I write for readers, that’s what it’s all about, I don’t write for myself. I’m just absolutely delighted when a person reads my book and says, “I had an enjoyable experience”, that’s just a delight

A Dance with Dragons

by George R. R. Martin – Louise Burston What we’ve got right here is crack on paper. It’s the sort of book which will not only have you reading through the night, rapturously flying through each plot twist, but also seriously questioning whether to finish the chapter or to show up to that 50% exam. George R. R. Martin’s fifth book in his A Song of Ice and Fire series, A Dance with Dragons, has proven to be just as all-consuming as its predecessors...

Read the rest online!

*

Issue 17 The Arts

Right: Star Gossage, Moana, 2006.

Collection of the Museum of New Zealand Te Papa Tongarewa.

29

Below: Installation of Oceania: Imagining the Pacific, showing the installation of Richard Killeen, Island Mentality No. 1, 1982. Bank of New Zealand Collection.

Sally Anderson

T

his month’s opening of Oceania is a landmark collaboration for two of New Zealand’s major public art institutions. The Wellington City Gallery and Te Papa have collaborated on an captivating new exhibition that celebrates the culture and artistic traditions of New Zealand and the surrounding Pacific region. Oceania is timed perfectly to run during the Rugby World Cup season so locals and tourists alike will have the opportunity to imbibe a little culture amongst the sport and the boozing.

The two exhibitions are distinct in their focus but are linked in their overall exploration of the rich resource that artists in the region have provided. Te Papa examines heritage objects, calling on works from the time of early contact when Pacific cultures were influenced by Western materials and the new visual imagery that these visitors brought. The City Gallery provides an exploration of modern and contemporary art that takes life in Oceania as a key influence. Reuben Friend, a curator of Māori and Pacific Art at the City Gallery describes the show as a two-way dialogue, looking at “Western artists being influenced by, and sometimes appropriating from, Oceania and the reverse.” It is not a survey exhibition, but rather it looks at key times in New Zealand art history and key artists that have had interesting conversations.

Oceania mostly draws on New Zealand based practitioners but there are a number of exceptions, including the work by Papua New Guinean Mathias Kauage. His works are remarkable in their vibrant colour and telling symbolic imagery. Other works to note include the iconic work Black Phoenix, 1984-88 by Ralph Hotere. I personally love the work of Lisa Reihanna, who places young Māori women in glossy advertorial photographs, while still clothing them in traditional dress. This raises questions over identity of contemporary women and the commercial exploitation of indigenous images.

I think the significance of this exhibition lies in the unveiling of some lesser-known artists, whose impact on our cultural heritage should be realised. Secondly, the collaboration of the City Gallery and Te Papa is an important step in the strengthening of the arts in New Zealand. After past criticism that these two institutions have faced about their limited relationship, hopefully this is a sign of things to come with possible future crossover in collections and curatorial practice.

*

Oceania: Imagining the Pacific at the Wellington City Gallery and Oceania: Early Encounters at Te Papa, starting 6 August 2011 through to 6 November 2011. $10 for entry to both exhibitions. Free to Wellington residents.

salient.org.nz

Music Industry Fail Stuart Baker he old ways are decaying. The music industry is collapsing around us, chunks of debris trapping some bands, whilst dust blinds others to a way out. The music industry is dead.

Yeah right. The movie industry thought VHS would kill cinema, and look how that turned out. The only thing I use my VHS tapes for now is holding doors open, and most of the films I own on DVD I saw at the cinema. The music industry will never die, as unfortunate as that may seem to those who despise popular music, but it will change.

Industry means work, manufacturing, and music is sound artistically arranged.

Industry really refers to the way music is communicated from the artist to the audience, and there does not have to be one form above all others. With the advent of the internet, the music industry—moreso than most other industries—has had to adapt. A lot. And so far it’s done a piss-poor job. But I just want to talk about what comes next—from the musicians bored with waiting for the ‘industry’ to catch up with their music.

When Radiohead released In Rainbows for free via the internet in 2007, it blew everyone’s minds. They released their music for free, with no label support, and they still made a ton of money. Critics pointed out they’re a huge band, whose fanbase have a taste for the avant-garde—just because they could achieve success with this method doesn’t mean all bands could.

But not all bands can achieve success via the traditional music industry either.

And the smart musicians are on to it. Amanda Palmer cultures an intensely loyal fanbase using social networking sites like Twitter, and giving her music away for free via bandcamp. She got bored with the industry when it told her she had too much flab showing in her latest music video, and her fans staged a ‘rebellyon’ to get her out of her contract. Her career hasn’t faltered since, with a massive crowd watching her ninja-gig in Civic Square last February, to promote her latest, self-produced album.

Kim Boekbinder, the Impossible Girl, recently had a startling simple epiphany over $12.50 worth of whiskey. It was the only money she’d made from a gig playing to an almost empty room. Musicians get that in their career—but as she put it herself, she’s “actually famous”. Not having a full house didn’t make sense. Her solution: Pre-sell the shows before they are even booked.

It’s a win-win-win situation, the fans can get the artist to tour wherever they want, the artist makes money performing to full houses of supportive fans, and the venues are filled and make their money. Sure, it’s not perfect, and it may not work for everybody. It may not work. But its another example of the wondrous artistic industry new technology can enable, and a reminder that just because the music industry is ‘failing’, it doesn’t mean harm will befall the music. In fact, it might just improve it.

T

30

• Lady GaGa has recently revealed in an interview when she goes bowling she refuses to take off her heels, stating ‘What if one of my fans walked in to the bowling alley and saw me in flats? I think they’d have a heart attack’.

*

*

• Britain temporarily suspends its disgust with tabloid newspapers to read wild and inappropriate media speculation about Amy Winehouse.

Salient Vol. 74

W

• A crazed Finn fan has started a trend with several hopeful mothers attempting to buy Liam Finn’s semen. Finn has said he’s ‘starting to feel a bit weird’.

hat does Dunedin actually sound like? The lo-fi, garage, experimental ethos is something which the South Island’s second largest city has been associated with since Toy Love started letting loose those sweet jangly guitar licks ages ago (or perhaps more accurately, the 80s).

Dunedin is responsible for some of the most eclectic and influential music in our fair country’s history. More recently, Dunedin band TFF have upped the anti with their atonal, memerising (or, to others, perhaps nonsensical) jams that move in and out of the kind of experimental music ‘that people hate’.

To my knowledge, TFF are partially responsible for re-drawing national attention back to the city with a long-standing tradition for its eclectic garage punky post-Flying Nun kickass. You may not have understood TFF, but hell, they pulled off a high-energy show. However, TFF’s former drummer Rory MacMurdo has relocated to Auckland and since begun a project of his own in the fashion of TFF: noise meets near-alien tonalities meets volume in a sound the kids call ‘no core’. Axe Handal + Blade is the collaboration of MacMurdo and Mickey Treadwell. On hearing Axe Handal, I got the feeling that MacMurdo was largely responsible for the explicit jams that had been TFF’s signature. MacMurdo is an absolute beast on the drums, and seems to gravitate stylistically from loud to louder. He has a blatently anti-commercial radio approach with his distorted sound—probably not a gig you’d take your granny to, but filled with the spirit and energy of an entire band ripping a room to shreds. His live performances seem to exceed his recordings in sheer energy and sound level, but hey, it’s hard to beat the amount of speed and sweat the guy puts out in his never-ending fills—it’s near bloodshed. Combined with distorted synths and a microphone strapped to his face, it falls impressively between musical insanity and post-punk noise synth-core (or something). While the recent of addition of Treadwell/Blade is yet to make its musical debut online, I suspect that it will not deviate too far from the MacMurdo’s signature no-core style—blood, sweat, tears and all.

• Gucci Mane has celebrated his release from a mental institution by tattooing an ice cream cone on his cheek.

Flo Wilson

• Miley Cyrus has recently tattooed an equals sign on her wrist. She has stated it’s to show solidarity with the gay rights movement. Others have commented on its resemblance to two short planks…

Axe Handal + Blade

Gossip Column

Spotlight on:

Issue 17 The Arts

Michael Boyes

A

fter a hefty splurge at taking the theatre world by storm, Andrew Bovell’s surprise masterpiece When The Rain Stops Falling has finally made a debut in Wellington. Circa One’s staging of this staggeringly beautiful play is a credit to an already burgeoning array of challenging work, and believe me when I say we aught to stand behind and support this daring accomplishment.

As a father prepares to lunch with the son he hasn’t seen since the boy’s childhood—”Lunch seems hardly the point”— we delve into an intricate crossroads of familial ties, spanning 1960s Britain to an austere Australian future. We are led to observe the family genealogy of the Laws and the Yorks, and just how these two families came about to meet.

Donna Akersten and Jude Gibson as the two elder matrons deliver gut-wrenchingly harsh counterparts; Akersten graced by an iron cloak of British composure, whilst Gibson gently falters amidst a battle with Alzheimer’s (with an Australian drawl to boot). Both roles ascend the line of comedy to tragedy with extraordinary finesse.

Playing the same roles, but set in a distant past, Alison Walls and Sophie Hambleton both reflect and challenge their elder selves with the same gravitas. Walls’ emotional naivety, contrasted by stunning intellectual prowess, is as endearing as it is tragic. Hambleton’s Gabrielle—”it’s Biblical”—having spent her life alone on the Coorong, is imbued with a no-nonsense, matter-of-fact air that lends the role beauty and selflessness.

31

When the Rain Stops Falling

Jason Whyte opens the show with a miracle, and from that point on plays the Father role, a character that reappears further down the family tree. With the exception of a sometimes drooping British accent, he is a marvellous performer, undergoing constant change between being witty, lovable, helpless and strong. Richard Chapman as the parallel— the proverbial son—echoes many of those same traits and just like his father, he too goes on a journey of discovery. In a clumsily genteel sort of way Chapman’s performance is just what the part requires.

Christopher Brougham playing the out-of-the-blue simple Joe Ryan, brings yet another delicious thick aussie twang, a tender heart, and a solid consistency over which the rest of this delirious world seems to operate.

The only want for improvement relies upon an unfortunate set that leaves much to be desired. At times the play becomes difficult to follow simply at the lack of any visual stimulation. The projection screen that forms the backdrop, the long brown dining room table, black chairs, and rusty orange floor boards all stick out as an attempt to merge several concepts to make one über concept. It is neither successful nor attractive. This fault is gratefully alleviated somewhat by Gareth Hobbs’ flawless score and Marcus McShane’s crisp lighting design.

For an evening of searing comedy, tragedy, beauty, and talent, do not miss out on the sheer force of this exemplary stage craft. When The Rain Stops Falling. Do it.

When the Rain Stops Falling

By Andrew Bovell 29 July - 27 August at Circa One

best Zealand's� New�

job! holiday� summer�

Do you love a challenge, work hard and want to make the most of an amazing summer job opportunity? Then selling Christmas Cookies is for you!

Learn about running your own business, have fantastic earning potential, and be well rewarded! Positions are available in towns and cities across New Zealand for the seven weeks leading up to Christmas.

*

c opmleic�a Ap atnio dn �sH�AEVE xt� eAn� CdH�At de O � To� T H ST unday�E � T A M i4�AE : ugu

st FDR oInD'AtY�� 2 m 2 is � s J�U i0am� oLy,!� -� 3 pp ml,y�at� ut ap tah �tod y!e�link FFoor�m o

r�morre�in oh,e�hea sjs�o e�infof,� ad�to d�to� r�� or c h c e heck� coku�ou �sjs� www. t: t : c wwwo kkiie .co et oo imee tim c.n o.nz .c.o z

salient.org.nz

PAGE ONE: INSIDE THE NEW YORK TIMES

THE TREE OF LIFE

Thomas Coughlan

Johnny Crawford

32

Salient Vol. 74

O

n November 1, 1765, The British Parliament was set to levy a Stamp Act on the Thirteen American Colonies.

This stamp tax, which would tax the printed page, hit the fledging American newspaper industry particularly hard. Many believed they were witnessing the ‘death of the newspaper’. This, of course, was partly the intention—to nip America’s emerging free press in the bud. Of course, few things in history work as intended; the stamp tax backfired and resulted in a string of cataclysmic events that fed into the Boston Tea Party and the War of Independence. It is no coincidence, therefore, that when Thomas Jefferson penned the Bill of Rights in 1789, he would enshrine the press’ right to freedom in the First Amendment as a cornerstone of American democracy. Page One: Inside the New York Times attempts to make this argument as to the American press’ pivotal role in modern democracy. The documentary is a verbose, if ineloquent, defence of the power of the traditional newspaper, not unlike its protagonist, New York Times editor David Carr. With a line up of the usual suspects in the ‘Death of the Newspaper’—Twitter, Facebook, online newspapers, WikiLeaks— Rossi gives a convincing, if fractured, argument as to what would be lost should they successfully kill the traditional newspaper.

However, in a climate where we (again) have politicians crying doom for the newspaper and a new Tea Party opposing new taxes, it is disappointing that Andrew Rossi does not make more of the historical argument for the newspapers’ survival. This was just one of the many blind spots and structural issues arising from a film that felt, at times, like following the Gordian knot.

As a piece of drama, the film is highly enjoyable. The verbal tomfoolery of its characters plays out like vintage Woody Allen.

David Carr, an ex coke-addict turned newspaper man, provides enough laughter to soften an otherwise sombre film. However, Rossi makes poor use of digital photography, unlike R.J. Cutter, whose September Issue felt lush and avant garde—the low resolution of Rossi’s images plagues even the tiny Paramount screen. That said, it is ultimately the importance of Rossi’s argument and the fun that he seems to have making that is too contagious to resist and I (and many of the audience it seemed) left the cinema satisfied.

*

N

ick Cave begins one of the greatest love songs ever written by claiming “I don’t believe in an interventionist God.” Terrence Malick’s beautiful agnostic prayer, The Tree of Life, opens with similar concerns. With the death of a child, his mother cannot begin to comprehend what kind of God could let this happen. Over two hours later, the film ends, like Cave’s song, with an affirmation of love. But first we see the history of the universe, a cynical man looking back on his childhood with a boy’s spirituality and—of course—CGI dinosaurs.

The poetic mise-en-scene of Malick’s earlier films often conceals a deceptively conventional narrative: a Bonnie and Clyde story, a Second World War genre piece, a retelling of Pocahontas.

His camera, however, doesn’t concentrate on this narrative and with the attention span of a child it seems as interested in the intricacies of nature as the destructiveness of humankind.

Ignoring narrative altogether, The Tree of Life is perhaps Malick’s most idiosyncratic film. The child’s perspective becomes literal and his loss of grace and innocence is put into context with all that has gone before it.

Always fixated on the human condition, this is nonetheless Malick’s most thematically universal film. He famously excluded any overt nostalgic elements from his feature debut Badlands, fearing that its specificity would distract the audience. He follows his own lead in The Tree of Life to an even greater extent. Sure, we can tell the film is set in small-town suburban America, probably the late 1950s, but we don’t hear any period music or see anything that would pin this down. We know the characters’ names only because the credits disclose them. Brad Pitt and Sean Penn appear but the camera doesn’t linger on their faces any longer than it did on battle scenes in The Thin Red Line. The characters and situations are archetypes, granted universality through simplicity.

Scored throughout by operatic hymns and playing like a montage in every sense of the word, dialogue is scarce.

Characters address God much more than each other. Perhaps the fact that God doesn’t answer and the emphasis on the immensity of evolution justify an existentialist reading of this film. Perhaps Malick sees God in the beauty of all that is around the characters and all that has preceded them. Or perhaps, if God is truly unknowable then the sublime can be known through love.

*

*

*

erner Herzog’s Cave of Forgotten Dreams is an effort by the eclectic German filmmaker to immortalize and expound the beauty and value of the oldest known artworks in the world—the wall paintings of the Chauvet Caves.

The images are shown in captivating 3D, revealing the contours of the caves as well as the truly stunning illustrations themselves.

The subject matter of this documentary is deeply valuable and, personally, I felt like a better human being for having seen a reproduction of the Paleolithic artworks in film.

The major downside is that the whole film is in 3D, including the interviews. This may not sound like a massive deal to some, but there is absolutely nothing more disturbing than watching a tall, pale former circus performer-cum-archeologist explain carbon dating with his arms reaching out to grab you on every emphasis. Herzog, too, is out for lunch for the entire film, his narration feeling like an episode of Time Team on crack. The film’s bizarre tone is consolidated by moments where Herzog tries to blatantly elicit an emotional response in his audience when there really is no need. The most egregious example of this is when he calls for silence in the cave, asserting that we might be able to “hear our heartbeats”. This genius piece of directing was followed by a period of silence which was pierced halfway through by an inserted heartbeat soundtrack; needless to say the entire cinema dissolved in laughter.

Herzog is trying so hard to create a masterpiece that he has forgotten he doesn’t need to; the masterpieces are on the cave walls and speak fluently for themselves. Having said this, the film is an exciting time, as the existence of an “executive producer for creative differences” credit for it suggests. This film is an excellent, historic document and is really worth seeing as the Chauvet caves are almost impossible to view for most of the world’s population; unfortunately, the film itself was far too surreal for me to take at all seriously. riter/director/actor Lena Dunham’s debut film, Tiny Furniture, is honest in its self-reflection. Whilst most ‘indie’ films attack self-reflection with a hand-held camera and blunt recognition of awkward character intrigues, Tiny Furniture gives precedence to the embarrassing moments of reality that secretly (but not so secretly) guide most of our lives.

Dunham plays the lead role of Aura and invites us to be a part of her post-graduate slump. Her story unfolds leisurely as she drifts back into her past existence in her family’s white-walled apartment with a mother and sister who both stand as monuments of success (and are also played by Durham’s real kin). Aura meanders in this past—so much so that, as you sit and wait for a real story to kick in, it never comes. Dunham’s film is not a narrative piece packaged with a bow of meaningful messages or epitomising influence; instead, it is a documentation of what is existence in identity.

Dunham’s role is as honest as it is embarrassing, giving rise to potentially my favourite aspect of the film. Lena Durham succeeds in her portrayal of Aura, a character with cellulite, a food belly, a useless film degree, a need for want and a want for desire.

The film invites us to witness her post-graduation existence, filled with, among other things, the most unromantic act of spontaneous, unprotected public sex; the presence of internet, complete with its ridicule and welcoming of misfortune; the question of friendship versus self; and the wait for the answer to the now. The film ultimately brings together all of Aura’s indignities, succeeding in driving home a closely-observed representation of today’s average graduate, an individual steeped in aimlessness, vulnerability, and self-loathing. Further to Dunham’s credit, she brings a humour and unapologetic lack of self-awareness to her female protagonist, making universal the concerns of Judd Apatow and the male-driven world of comedy. A film I would recommend, but not a film to live by.

W

Robert Kelly

Jane King

W

CAVE OF FORGOTTEN DREAMS

33

TINY FURNITURE

Issue 17 The Arts

34

Salient Vol. 74

Issue 17 The Arts

the memory of light

I

poetry

35

For students, the way of the written word is often burdened by necessity and caffeine-fuelled sprints for deadlines. vicbooks wanted students to remind us what else they can do with words, how pages can be filled and worlds created. And we wanted to give them prizes for this, so we created Scrawl: vicbooks’ annual poetry and short story writing competition. These are this year’s winners.

Hera Lindsay Bird

know you think this is about love and you’re probably right but it’s also about all the horses in their new armour, and how many of the stars we see are already gone so what we’re looking at is the memory of their light, but we can still see them which is basically the same thing so why split hairs? This is about my mother’s miniature cactus collection, and to a lesser extent the taste of cashews which I can eat again now you are gone. This is about the miniature Christmas exhibition my grandmother took me to. This is about camels the size of grasshoppers and how they looked in her hand. This is about Christmas and what I wouldn’t trade for you. Beagles. Brass bands. Paintings in fat gold frames. How my brother came to visit the other day and told me about the way our father spent half an hour trying to photocopy something with the fax machine. The haikus my father sends me about blue flowers and needing to feed the cat and speaking of blue flowers, Frank O’Hara’s bank of violets, which admittedly makes me think of you, but the truth is I’d rather be alone with the line than in your arms without it. Rocking horses. Riding on trams.

The smell of sawdust. My father making pancakes in the shape of continents and the ensuing fight over who got to eat Antarctica.

35 salient.org.nz

short story

T

apples Micah Timona Ferris

36

Salient Vol. 74

he day she was due to arrive from the other end of the world, mum went grocery shopping. It was autumn and the leaves were nearly all brown, their little bodies curling inwards. That’s what happens when you die, you curl inwards, you swallow yourself up. That’s why grandparents were so small and short, because they were old and had absorbed everything in world.

‘The pantry must be full,’ she said. ‘The food must be fresh and the labels, as much as possible, must be in German.’ She laughed at us when we asked why. She told us, my mother is particular!

That day she bought so much food that the pantry door couldn’t be closed. Instead, it lent open ever-so-slightly, its little tummy full, like our mother’s, which peeped out sometimes from underneath her jersey, because she was pregnant with our new sister. We knew the bump was a girl because mum checked with the doctor. She didn’t like surprises.

That afternoon mum baked Apfelstrudel. She told us that is how you say apple strudel in German. We helped her peel all the apples and she tried to teach us how to peel one whole apple without breaking the skin so that you were left with twisty and twirly apple peels that were long and joined together. Mum could control the width of the peel and she made little thin rings out of her apples, but mine and Claudia’s were fat and short. Claudia and I surprised our dad when he came home with apple ringlets for hair.

‘Apfelhaar,’ mum told us and we said it back to her: Ap-ful-har. ‘Gut,’ she said, ‘very gut! We will try to use as many German words as we can when Oma gets here.’

Dad spun the keys on his finger. ‘I’m going to the airport to pick her up,’ he said.

You two can go with your father,’ mum said. ‘I need to clean the kitchen before she arrives.

Can we take the apple rings with us?’ Caludia asked, but mum said no and when her back was turned, Claudia took a big handful of ringlets and stuffed them into her pockets.

When Oma walked out from the special tunnel at the airport, she flung her arms open and cry-sung when she saw us. She took me and Claudia in her arms, which were big enough to wrap around us both and kissed us on the heads and the cheeks. She looked at our faces and patted our chins. Then she hugged us one by one.

My arms were too small to fit even halfway around her. She was a big, soft, giant woman, my Oma, not small and bony like our New Zealand grandmum, dad’s mum. And she smelled just like the parcels of clothes she sent to us on our birthdays and at the start of winter and Christmastime. All the clothes were so colourful and different from the ones our friends wore but they were all far too large for me and Claudia.

‘Oma look,’ I said, and me and Claudia held the apple rings up over our foreheads so they looked like we had curly hair.

‘Apfelhaar!’

Some of the rings were broken and they had turned brown but Oma laughed and kissed us again.

Then she hugged and kissed dad and he said, ‘welcome to New Zealand!’

She patted him on the shoulders and said, ‘gut!’

Me and Claudia ate the apple rings on the way home.

At home, mum had wiped away all the flour and apple cores and pips and the house smelled like caramel and cinnamon and warm buttery pastry.

36

Issue 17 The Arts

37

Oma cried when she saw mum. She wrapped her daughter, our mum, right up inside her and rocked her from side to side and cry-sung and kissed and kissed and kissed her and patted her tummy and cried again. Then she patted her own tummy and walked to the pantry and flung open the door. A packet of gingernuts fell out and crunched when they hit the floor.

‘No! Oh No!’ she said when she looked in the pantry (she was learning English). Mum asked her what the matter was.

‘No, No, No,’ said Oma. ‘Why no food?’

Then she asked where the basement was and mum told her that we didn’t have one.

That no one has basements in New Zealand and we don’t need extra food because the supermarket is just around the corner. Then she started talking so quickly in German that I couldn’t understand her and dad asked us to go to the lounge while they talked.

Oma was angry. She was shouting at my mother and pointing at us two girls standing in the doorway and telling our mum that we were too small.

‘What mother are you,’ she told her. ‘You have not think of the children? Look at small, small body. Children are not well, they do not eat enough. They eat Apfelschale in automobile, Nicola! You give them Apfelschale to eat!’

Mum was crying and holding onto her tummy. She was crying and crying and crying and Oma was saying ‘No! No!’ Her face was pink.

Dad took Oma into the lounge and sat us all down. I will make coffee, he said. Oma wrapped both her arms around me and Caludia and patted our arms. She squeezed my shoulders.

‘No, no. Too small you are,’ she said.

We had apfelstrudel that night, with crème fraiche and hot coffee for the adults. Mum had come back from her walk and she was quieter when she spoke to Oma. Oma loved mum’s baking. It made her happy again. She nodded as she ate.

‘Gut,’ she said, ‘is gut Nicola!’

I was so full from dinner that I couldn’t finish my desert. ‘You eat,’ Oma said. And I made myself finish so I would grow up to be big like her.

Mum had to go to hospital the next day and she stayed there overnight. In the morning, dad woke us very early and drove us there to visit.

‘We have a surprise,’ he said. Claudia thought it was lollies, but I knew what he meant.

‘Oma, you will live for a very long time,’ I said.

‘Why do you say that?’ dad asked.

‘Because she is very big.’

Oma didn’t understand because I used too many English words and then dad told me it was rude to say things like that.

At the hospital mum was in bed and Oma was sitting on the bed end and dad said, ‘you have a new sister,’ which wasn’t really a surprise because mum had told us she would be a girl.

Oma was holding the little baby, its pink head nestled deep into the palms of her hands and when she held our sister close up to her, she almost disappeared into Oma’s chest. Oma was singing a German nursery rhyme to her very gently and swaying her back and forth.

‘Lora, Claudia,’ she said when she saw us and smiled. Then she took our mum’s small, white hands in hers and looked at mum for a very long time and said, ‘yes, Nicola, yes.’

37

salient.org.nz

a policeman on every corner,

an algal bloom in every lake!

Ben Wylie-van Eerd

T

38

Salient Vol. 74

he subject of today’s column is the science in a speech given at the end of June by the outgoing head of New Zealand Federated Farmers, Lachlan McKenzie.

Obviously upset at the bad reputation farmers are getting for the condition of our waterways, he decided to tell us a few things. He raises a few interesting points, but there are some definite flaws in the conclusions we are being asked to draw from the facts that he presents. Let’s see what they are!

Lachlan seeks to show us, presumably, that the condition of New Zealand waterways is not the fault of intensive agriculture—or at least that agriculture’s part in it is smaller than we thought. He has two main pillars on which he bases his argument. The first is that trout rather than dairy cows are the agents causing our rivers to become dirtier. The second is that the impact of nitrates on water is not as great as was first thought.

Lachlan makes a pretty convincing case with his first point. He quotes research which compared waterways with trout to those without, and found that algal growth was six times higher in streams where trout had been introduced. There’s no denying that that is a significant difference. However, and this is the main problem I have with most of the facts raised by Mr McKenzie, the amount of algal growth is the only indicator of waterway health that he has presented. As is usual with biological systems, there are a huge number of factors that can contribute to the health of a waterway. We want to know, for example, how much biodiversity is present in the waterway, whether the plants and animals in it grow healthy, and if it is safe for humans to go swimming in. Six times more algal growth is all well and good, but it’s not a great answer to the question: is this waterway healthy?

Nevertheless, that doesn’t invalidate the facts presented; they are certainly something to keep in mind.

Point number two is that the impact of nitrates on our waterways is not as big as we thought, and to convince us of this he presents us with a long-term study of over a thousand water sites (large sample size with a long duration—sounds good to me!). The finding he highlights from this study is that in 66 per cent of the studied sites, the amount of nitrogen in the waterways is not the limiting factor for algal growth. Take note—once again, it’s only algal growth data that has been presented, but here I see a bigger flaw as well. If in a waterway the amount of nitrates is not a limiting factor for algal growth, this must mean that there is already an overabundance of nitrates present. In effect he is trumpeting the fact that 66% of the sites are already flooded with nitrates—hardly a convincing reason to allow continued, let alone intensified leaching of nitrates from farms into our waterways!

Mr McKenzie raises a few interesting points in his speech, but I fail to see how any of them constitute an argument that dairy farming is not detrimental to waterway quality.

*

Further reading: Transcript of Mr McKenzie’s speech: scoop. co.nz/stories/BU1106/ S00969/algal-growthdistinguish-fact-fromopinion.htm Some other scientists’ responses: sciencemediacentre. co.nz/2011/07/05/are-troutto-blame-for-decliningwater-quality/

Joe Gallagher

L

ast weekend it was made clear how the All White’s pathway to the next World Cup in Brazil will look by a draw made by a shockingly fat Ronaldo in Rio. To my surprise, the draw was conducted corruption-free (a FIFA first), leaving the All Whites a pretty positive scenario: win in Oceania, and beat the fourth best side in North America.

The first part of the job is straightforward. The second would involve a playoff against somebody like Honduras, Panama, or Costa Rica. And that is, well, doable. That’s the scary thing. We actually have a chance.

Compare that with what might have been—Paraguay, Peru, or Colombia—and you’d be forgiven for thinking the same thing as me: hope.

So between now and 2014, there will be a handful of competitive international matches in the country. There’ll be matches against the likes of Fiji, Vanuatu and New Caledonia. And then the biggie: the playoff. There’ll be the hype of that one game, much like the Bahrain match in 2009. It’ll be massive.

But as exciting as it is to look ahead to that one match, the fact is that, barring a minor miracle in terms of organising ‘friendly’ matches, the football fans of New Zealand really have only one international match to look forward to over the next three years. If the Phoenix falter, or even die out, it might be three very long years for soccer.

The matches against Oceanian nations, while still important, aren’t really much of a challenge. It would take a performance of enormous proportions for the likes of Fiji to topple New Zealand over the course of three footballing years. Which brings me to the solution: we need to move into Asia.

Australia did it in 2005—and look at them now. They’re somewhere near the summit of Asia, and their qualification route will be a heck of a lot more interesting than ours.

Put it in perspective—by beating Bahrain and qualifying for South Africa, we were effectively beating Asia’s fifth best side.

Their top four qualified for the Cup. I daresay the All Whites would compete against the likes of North Korea—who, somehow, qualified.

Sure, it might restrict the All Whites from that almostguaranteed quadrennial playoff match. It may even delay our next appearance at a Football World Cup but in the long run, it’s a no-brainer.

It would give NZ Football a handful of competitive, marketable matches over the course of the four years. It throws up the very real possibility of trans-Tasman matches. It gives us entry into the Asia Cup. And it does my beloved Phoenix a world of good, relieving the tension between the Asian Football Confederation and NZ Soccer.

I understand there are issues in doing so: logistics, FIFA’s reluctance and maybe the sacrifice of ever seeing an ‘Oceanian’ nation at the World Cup again. But from a completely selfish, footballhungry sports nut’s perspective, it needs to happen—and soon.

But until it happens, best of luck to the All Whites in their playoff in 2013.

*

39

Eli Joseph

Issue 17 The Arts

I am a…?

I

’m going to go out on a limb and guess that everyone reading knows what the word ‘homo’ refers to. Ditto for ‘dyke’. But just in case you don’t, they’re oft-pejorative terms for men and women who have sex with others of their own gender. Glad we’ve got that cleared up.

The reason most people are familiar with these terms is because they’re, unfortunately, in common use. And if you’re anything like me, at school you found yourself perving on the wrong kids in class. There was a word for what you were—and being able to label your sexuality or gender is a major step in establishing your identity.

Labels like ‘gay’, ‘lesbian’ or ‘bisexual’ give us guidance, and definitions for who we are, just like ‘boy’ and ‘girl’ also help many people to develop a sense of identity. In being able to say “I am a…” we are able to define ourselves, giving us a sense of identity within the wider world around us.

We know where we fit.

The problem with this system is that only works if you have the right words. “I am a homosexual male.” Sweet. Problem solved. Everyone knows what that means, even if they don’t like it. I can place myself within the spectrum of both gender and sexuality quite easily because the words which fit—the ones which I use to define myself—are readily available.

But what if your words aren’t readily available? Many people in the queer community have grown up in environments completely lacking in dialogue around alternative sexuality or gender identity. For many, it’s never been as simple as “I am a boy. I like boys.” How are you supposed to communicate deeply personal and complicated concepts to those around you when you can’t even describe them to yourself? You’re missing that last piece of the puzzle: “I am…?”

Spare a thought for the kids growing up without a definition that fits, never realising there’s a word for people who feel the way they do.

June had been in lesbian relationships before, but oddly enough whenever she had sex with a male it felt somehow ‘homosexual’ to her.

She had problems interacting with other women and when she looked in the mirror she looked ‘wrong’.

Then she heard the word “transsexual” and it all made sense. By the time I met her, June was happily a dude, but none of that would have happened if he had never found a word that accurately described his place in the gender/sexuality spectrum. He used to be an uncomfortable lesbian, but he changed, and is now a happy heterosexual male.

Karen faced a similar problem, not with gender, but sexuality. The problem with sexuality is its pre-occupation with attraction. Its prevalence in society, particularly advertising, makes it somewhat unavoidable; “Sex! Sex sex sex! It was everywhere, being shoved in my face. I didn’t want it, I didn’t care. And that makes you a freak, apparently.”

Karen was 19 before she accidentally found a word that fit. She was watching 20/20 with her mother when an article came on where a man described the same feelings she was having. After watching the article Karen now she had her word, and it became easier to understand why she was different, but more importantly that she wasn’t a freak. She’s just asexual.

Having to squeeze yourself into the role of ‘homo’, ‘dyke’ or ‘bi’ is no less damaging or invalidating to your identity than it is for any run of the mill gay to pretend that they’re straight. It can cause severe mental, emotional and personal damage. Which sucks.

The problem is a lot of people simply don’t realise there are other options available. There’s an entire GLBT-ABC available for you to choose from, and if you have any questions the good folks at UniQ will be more than willing to help you out. Drop them a line, they don’t bite (unless you’re into that, then ask for Genevieve).

*

[Names have been changed.]

salient.org.nz

with Auntie Sharon

Dear Doc, The young readers of Salient, many new to Wellington, are looking to score. Aside from lurking outside Wellington High, how do you suggest they get their innocent hands on a tinny that might warm their winter cockles?

Love, Shaz

I

Hi Auntie,

f looking to buy ganja, anyone who advertises they smoke, will nine times out of 10 know where to get it. Keep your eyes open for anyone emblazoned with dope leaf regalia. If looking to cop on campus, the weekly 420 meetings are a good one to mix in.

If venturing out of the nest, the Red Light district is always a winner. Strippers, street walkers, and those who hang around workers (with clients the exception) will usually know someone handy. Try not to appear too eager. Just chatting to a street walker nicely and asking if they know of anything about should work. Offering them a slice of the action can also bring about good things.

The local gang HQ—sometimes just bowling straight up and asking with these guys is actually the best bet. Anyone in the business of selling drugs wants repeat bizzo and students are repeat bizzo.

Bars—any bouncer or bar staff worth their salt will usually know if someone inside is on the make. If you ask, they won’t usually tell you on the spot, but once you order a drink and wait a little bit someone usually sidles up and asks what you’re chasing.

The local methadone clinic, CADS and needle exchange are always good networking spots, although if you are noticeably uncomfortable people may keep their distance—no-one likes to feel like a freak.

Sometimes you’re just lucky and notice a lot of activity, comings and goings, from a particular property. These are usually tell-tale signs of a drug house. The busier it is, the more likely you can just walk in and buy.

Usually if you just ask around somebody will know somebody and an introduction will get made (without making generalisations, skaters are pretty useful). A lot of dealers deliver now as it brings less attention, so if you meet someone who’s in the know offer them a smoke if they can hook you up.

Scoring drugs is a risk, both legally and in terms of getting ripped off. But as they say: no risk, no reward.

*

40

Five People to Wikipedia

When You’re Really, Really Bored

H

i Salient. Now look, I know this column is kind of slack. Sorry Elle. Sorry Uther. Sorry readers. I just had quite a big weekend because my friend Scarlett was here visiting from Japan and I spontaneously reverted back to my 19-year-old self. One minute Scarlett was getting off the plane and the next minute I was in the Mill spending $94 on the ingredients for ‘Liquid Cocaine’. (By the way, if any readers know Leng, the Cambodian taxi driver who patiently waited for my friends and me to vomit on the side of the road before driving us to Cuba Street, please tell him I’m sorry.) Thus, my emaciated liver and I bring to you a column which probably isn’t going to change the world, but it might be okay to read in a lecture. From one procrastinator to another, here are five people you should Wikipedia when you’re really, really bored.

Albert Fish

Do you guys like reading about serial killers? I know I do. I can’t handle scary films (to the point that once I screamed out loud during Jurassic Park) but holy shit, do I love to spook myself by reading about SENSATIONALISED TRUE CRIME. This habit started when I had a desk job that was so boring that the only way I could forget I was at work was by reading about Ted Bundy. I’ve done my research, and trust, Albert Fish is the worst serial killer. Two words: roasted buttocks.

Hedy Lamarr

Salient Vol. 74

Yours sincerely, Dr. Quaffer, Head of The Virago Libation Front

Ally Garrett

Keep it in moderation kids, and stay safe! If you’ve got a tough question, email auntiesharon@salient.org.nz

Do you feel like reading about a bad ass Austrian lady who fled an abusive, Nazi-sympathising husband by disguising herself as a maid and went on to be a famous film star? AND she invented some kind of Wi-Fi network computer technology like 60 years

I hate animal cruelty as much as the next free-range-egg-buying person but let me just say, if you’re feeling bored and boring the person to spice up your afternoon might just be Mabel Stark. She was the world’s first female tiger trainer. No biggie.

Cher

I know that people like to go on about Anna Karenina and other people like to wax lyrical about Joseph Franzen but as far as I’m concerned the Cher Wikipedia page is all the novel I need. Some people like chapters and motifs and linguistic prowess but at the end of the day usually I just want to read about Cher’s midriff fashions and Cher’s dabbling in Buddhism and Cher’s multiple cameos on Will & Grace. Any Wikipedia that has an entire section dedicated to the song ‘Believe’ is fine by me. If you ask me, Tolstoy could only have improved if he added a few paragraphs about believing in life after love.

Annie Sprinkle

Annie Sprinkle is one of my heroes. She has made a living out of showing people her cervix.

If that doesn’t get thee to Google, I don’t know what will.

*

Constance Cravings Dear Constance Cravings, I am a young woman whose had one simple dream since she turned 16: to have a mmf threesome. People say it shouldn't be too hard to find two guys looking for a good time, but the thing is, I'd like them to be just as into each other as they are into me. And I'd like it to be a long-term thing. Drama-free, if that's romantically possible.

After ten years, I think it's time I lived the dream, but I don't know how to go about it. I've looked at the internet, and now you're my last resort. How can I initiate an mmf threesome? (Or mfm threesome, depending on how we feel at the time.)

Whenever I suggest to guys in bars that they should do each other, they look at me funny. I don't understand why, as two gorgeous men making love is probably the second most beautiful thing in the world.

Sincerely, Anonymous-Yet-Horny

41

Mabel Stark

adyface, try and widen your social circle and experiences.

Don’t expect to find a Dudes Who May Possibly Like Other Dudes Club, because I’m pretty sure that doesn’t exist (though that would be awesome). Maybe just start finding out about queer social/dating groups and queer events—go along, make some friends and see where it takes you. Take risks and go to things you wouldn’t usually attend, join in on groups you wouldn’t usually join in on, and just generally widen your networks.

I wouldn’t go out purely to scout for threesome participants (probs not the best social etiquette) but if you are interested in making new friends then you may get the added bonus of some new experiences, too.

Also, investigate swingers clubs. I’m pretty sure there are bi guys involved, and while it may facilitate sexual experiences more than long-term relationships (though I’m sure those happen too), that is definitely one space where you can be up front about your fantasy without people judging.

Also, if you make guy friends who are straight but open-minded, I don’t see the harm in having an open honest chat about your fantasy to them and asking if they’d be keen to give it a go with you. You’re all on the same level of experience with this (that is, none) and if you framed it as a “why the fuck not?

If we hate it, we quit, but it could be a bit of fun” I am sure you will start to plant some seeds of interest.

Issue 17 The Arts

L

before Wi-Fi networks were even a thing. I’m hazy on the details but seriously, her Wikipedia page is one hell of a trip.

*

Got a sex question?

Want to ask anonymously and see it in Salient? Go to askconstance.com for your hard-earned 15 minutes of faceless, pantsless fame.

salient.org.nz

A Tale of Three Matts and a ParrotDog

O

Dave the beer guy

42

Salient Vol. 74

nce upon a time, two Victoria University students had a dream—to sell their homebrew commercially in New Zealand.

And that dream has recently come true—despite the fact they’re still studying.

A few months after starting home brewing myself, I met Matt Warner and Matt Kristovski, who lived down the road from me.

They came over one day to check out my equipment, because they were planning to build their own brew kit for their home brewery, dubbed ParrotDog. After much trial and error, Matt and Matt hammered out a few solid recipes and the urge to share their successes with the public grew and grew. Eventually they approached their mate Matt Stevens (who is conveniently a chartered accountant), and went thirds in creating a real-life company: ParrotDog Brewing Limited.

They followed the growing trend of contract brewing and brewed their first beer, BitterBitch, at Mike’s Brewery in Taranaki.

The brew went well, and the resulting beer was recently launched at a record-setting night at Hashigo Zake.

The launch night packed out the bar, and after the Matts poured the first ever pints of ParrotDog BitterBitch, kegs emptied as fast as they could be changed, with all 120 litres of the launch beer being drained in one hour and 26 minutes—a new Hashigo Zake record.

I managed to get a taste of the ParrotDog Bitterbitch (5.8%) before it seemingly evaporated, and what I experienced was just as good as their homebrew. The Matts went against the Mike’s brewer’s advice, and added more than 10kg of dry hops.

This “add more hops” approach did wonders for the beer, with an intense passionfruit aroma and grass characteristics coming through from the Motueka and Nelson Sauvin hops used. The beer lives up to its name with an intense bitterness, but this is offset well by the rich Maris Otter malt and a perceived sweetness from the fruity hops.

It’s been a pleasure watching ParrotDog go from a twinkle in the Matts’ eyes to a resounding success, which I’m sure will continue. The next ParrotDog offering is on its way with ParrotDog IPA being brewed just two weekends ago. Check this one out in late August.

*

Hot Stuff

T

Hayley Adams

he winter blues are most certainly kicking in. I have had to sit next to too many snifflers in lectures and coughers in the computer lab! So, here is something a little unconventional (not from an oven) and a bit cheeky to try and frighten away those winter sniffles.

Traditional Hot Toddy

A hot toddy is alcoholic drink to scare away your winter blues.

Wikipedia describes it as a hot drink, usually including alcohol, enjoyed before bed or during cold weather. They were once believed to provide some relief from a nasty cold, but it is now recommended we don’t treat ailments with alcohol as they cause dehydration... oh well.

This hearty beverage certainly won’t go down smooth if you have had too many rough nights with our good friend whiskey, but for those of you who still have a tolerance, she will taste mighty sweet on those sore tonsils.

• 45ml of whiskey. Jameson’s is always a good way to go. (Gin or brandy will be all good too.)

• 1 big ol’ tablespoon of honey • Half a lemon, squeezed like no-one’s business • A few slices of fresh ginger (some people aren’t so keen on ginger, so leave it out if you prefer) • 200ml boiling water

Throw it all in a mug and mix it up until all the honey is dissolved.

Enjoy.

Not so long ago, I was feeling a little worse for wear and was in the mood for some hot toddy action myself. But alas, I was missing a few ingredients. The good news is, a delicious new beverage was born.

Hot Hayley

• 45ml Captain Morgan Spiced Rum (oh yeah) • 1 super heaped tablespoon of honey • 1 lime, squeezed like you have never squeezed before • a few slices of fresh ginger • 200ml boiling water

Build in much the same way as hot toddy and enjoy in good company.

*

Wednesdays, 12-1pm, Room 218, Student Union Building Because communication isn’t optional, Toastmasters is a club dedicated to helping people practice public speaking in a fun and supportive environment.

Visit us online at vicuni.freetoasthost.info

Bakers Unite!

The annual SPCA cupcake day is soon approaching and I need your help in preparing tasty baking treats to sell to VUW students to raise funds for Wellington SPCA. Thursday 18th August is cupcake day at VUW.

Drinking getting you down?

Baking will be sold to students and all funds raised will go directly to your local animal shelter. Email vuw4spca@gmail.com for more information.

AA Student Meeting Every Thursday Student Union Building Room SU219 Noon email: aameetingstudent@gmail.com

Students for Palestine presents: PALESTINE SOLIDARITY

Science Careers Expo The Science Careers Expo being held on 11 August is a MUST for students looking for summer internships and final year graduate positions. 30+ Employers have already signed up.

When: Thursday 11 August Where: Alan MacDiarmid Building Time: 11am – 2pm

Vic OE – Vic Student Exchange Programme Why not study overseas as part of your degree?!

Earn Vic credit, get Studylink & grants, explore the world!

Weekly seminars on Wednesdays, Level 2, Easterfield Building, 12.55pm – 1.05pm Upcoming Deadlines: For Tri 1, 2012 exchange - July 16th, (UC June 30th) Email: exchangestudents@vuw.ac.nz Website: victoria.ac.nz/exchange

This week: SATURDAY 13th: Palestine Solidarity Gig, presented in association with Concerned Citizens. FEATURING: Seth Frightening, Numbskull, Cosby Pills and Hash, Uncle Thundermaker, Big Rik, The Shadow Blasters, Tommy and the Fallen Horses, Albert Williams, The All-Seeing Hand, Nervous System, Mongo Skato.

Raising funds for nationwide photography exhibitions to raise awareness about New Zealand’s role in the upcoming UN decision on the recognition/non-recognitio​n of Palestine as a state.

Early start! Bands at 3pm 13 Garrett St, Te Aro (above People’s Coffee) For more information contact: vicpalestine@gmail.co

Careers and Jobs 2011/12 Internships and 2012 Graduate Jobs: Applications Closing Soon (details on CareerHub careerhub.victoria.ac.nz): 8/8 – Auckland Council

Visit us: Level 2, Easterfield Building

11/8 – Russell McVeagh; Microsoft Corp.

(Internship)

Drop-in hours: Mon & Tues 9-12, Wed-Fri 10-12

12/8 – ANZ; Microsoft Corp. (Graduate)

UNRECOGNISED benefit show at Garrett St

24/8 – Deans and Rees

Where: Garrett St, above People’s Coffee What: Benefit show for nationwide Unrecognised photography exhibitions to raise awareness about NZ’s role in upcoming UN decision on the recognition/ non-recognition of Palestinian statehood.

When: Early start! 3pm. Saturday August 13th.

Cost: $5 suggested minimum donation.

Bands: Seth Frightening, Numbskull, Uncle Thundermaker, Mongo Skato, Nervous System, The All-Seeing Hand, Big Rik, Tommy and the Fallen Horses, The Shadow Blasters, Albert Polaczuk

14/8 – ExxonMobil

31/8 – Embassy of France; The Australian National University; Orion Health; Newmont Asia Pacific 10/9 – United Nations 19/9 - AIESEC 30/11 – Jet Programme Careers Expos – check details CareerHub: 11/8 – Science Careers Expo, 11am – 12pm, Alan MacDiarmid, 30+ Employers (FREE ENTRY) 16/8 – FCA: Post-experience Careers Expo, 5 – 7.30pm, Rutherford House, email claire. angliss@vuw.ac.nz to RSVP Employer Presentations - check details CareerHub:

6/9 – ASB – all disciplines, 5.30pm Get expert advice from Vic Careers on: - what to do with your degree - how to put together a CV - what to expect at an interview - how to get a job

Are you smarter than a fifth former?

The VUW Science Society Presents: Second Annual Quiz Night 11th August, 7pm The Hunter Lounge

Vic Careers: 463-5393, careers-service@ vuw.ac.nz, 14 Kelburn Parade

Last year’s quiz was a raging drunken success and this year will see the tradition continue.

Quiz Night!

Quiz tickets $5 - available at the door, or get in quick by emailing us at vuwsciencesociety@gmail.com.

Get some mates together for a fun night of tantalising trivia and perplexing problems.

Teams of 6-8 people, $10 per person for students ($15 otherwise).

7:00pm, Thursday the 11th Downstairs at Central Baptist Church, 46-48 Boulcott St.

A $100 bar tab is up for grabs, with a $50 bar tab for second place.

We also have subsidised drinks, free food, spot prizes for epic costumes, and will be giving away two tickets to the first ever Science Ball.

This event is being held by the VUW Christian Union. Check out the page on Facebook for more info.

Science Society - helping science students get a life since 2010

Organise yourself a table or just come along and we’ll slot you into a group. See you there!

Impact Abroad Summer Internship Programme

Film Society

Applications for this round of our Impact Abroad Summer Internship Programme are closing soon, so get in quick!

Do you want a chance to watch a vast range of weekly movies with fellow students?

Do you want to eat homemade popcorn while doing so?

Do you want to pay dirt cheap prices for it?

If the answer to these questions is ‘yes’ then come along to Film Society.

Thursday Night 6:30pm Room 203, 83 Fairlie Terrace This week, pay only $15 for a year’s worth of films (carrying through semester 1, 2012) or $2 for a single non-membership screening and watch the epic Bollywood extraordinaire Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India.

Film Society: All the cool kids are doing it.

43

Salient provides a free notice service for all Victoria University of Wellington students, VUWSAaffiliated clubs and not-for-profit organisations. Notices should be received by 5pm Tuesday the week before publication. Notices should be fewer than 100 words.

For-profit organisations will be charged $10 per notice. Send notices to editor@salient.org.nz, with ‘Notice’ in the subject line.

Everyone - no matter what your current public speaking ability – is welcome. Come along and see what Toastmasters is all about.

9/8 – Clemenger Group – all disciplines, 6pm

Issue 17 The Arts

Toastmasters!!!

Applications closing soon!!

Challenge yourself by volunteering abroad this summer with one of our community development projects. Make a real difference!

Either apply online at impactabroad.org.nz Or come to our information session This TUESDAY Student Union Building Room 218 12pm and 1pm Interviews for the programme will be held THIS Saturday so make sure you register either online or by emailing nicola. johnson@aiesec.org.nz!!

We will be at the Science Careers Expo this Thursday as well, so come find us!

Brought to you by AIESEC Victoria

Flatmate Wanted We’ve got a double bedroom with walk-in cuboard available in our flat on Adams Terrace, which is literally 5 minutes from VUW away. Rent is $150pw plus $20 expenses. We are 3 third-year students, a Kiwi, German and Chilean, all pretty busy with our studies but who enjoy hanging out in the lounge for dinner etc (but it’s not a party-flat). Ideally we’re looking for a 20-25 year old guy to even out numbers. If you’re interested, please text me 0277 1010 42 to arrange a viewing. Thanks :-)

VicIDS hosts Fundraiser for Horn of Africa Famine Saturday 13 August, 6pm-, Thistle Hall (cnr cuba st) Tickets: Student/concession $8; Adult $12 (includes a plate of food) Come along to this vibrant evening of African music, food and poetry. All money raised will be used to alleviate the current food crisis in the Horn of Africa. Dennis McKinlay (Executive Director of UNICEF NZ) will speak from 6.30pm and African musicians will perform from 6.45pm. At least one business will be matching what we raise dollar for dollar - so the money you give is doubled!

RSVP on Facebook or e-mail info@vicids. org.nz

Mayor’s Presentation: Toward 2040: Smart Green Wellington Mayor Celia Wade-Brown would like to invite Victoria University students to a presentation on Friday 12 August from 12 noon –1pm.

The Mayor is keen to hear your ideas about how Wellington could develop over the next 30 years.

For more information visit wellington2040. co.nz RSVP to sandra.crews@wcc.govt.nz or text: 021 247 9723 by 5pm, Wednesday 10 August for venue details.

Flatmate Wanted We are looking for a new flatmate for our 11 bedroom 3 bathroom palace on Kent Terrace. We would like another student to go with the other 10 of us.

Room is internal and medium size but a double bed and desk will fit. $125 which includes expenses (Phone, net, power) Will need to pay $330 bond and 2 weeks ($250) in advance Contact number = 04 8024161 No noobs please....

salient.org.nz

them from me). Batman would be so disappointed.

Grudging Regards, Superhero aficionado as-yet-undecided-ona-witty-pseudonym, they're-difficult-okay.

An abundance of capitals Dear Salient I herd u liek letterz.

Nexus is rather good if you ask us Dear Spy-lient, Last week I spent a few days at Waikato uni. Don’t ask me why I was there because that would blow the covers off my cover.

But anyway, what I wanted to say was that I managed to snag a copy of their student rag-mag, Nexus.

It wasn’t a bad read, but I couldn’t help comparing it to the Salient that I was brought up with. In comparison it lacked a lot. For starters, the puzzles page was somewhere in the middle of the mag as opposed to the more convenient back page. It also only had a wordsearch and two sudoku puzzles. And no Dinocop. Yawn.

And other failings? Glossy pages. Flash looking, but talk about annoying smudges of fingerprints. Really annoying. And although their executive pages read the same - boring - they have their version of Faces to Deface but they call it something else that’s not as catchy as F2D (Draw on the mugs? Mug them up? Something along those lines... but less funnier). Oh AND they don’t have much - if any - Maori content despite having the highest percentage of enrolled Maori students of any university in the country.

Disappointing.

So missing you guys while I’m undercover brother up north, but will keep you posted on things when I get bored.

Signing off, Spy-ana

Better luck next time!

Dear Failient I failed Anon.

We just thought it would look cool False advertising!

44

Salient Vol. 74

Justice league all over the cover and nary a mention of Superheroes(that I could find, my rage at being tricked may have hidden

So here are a few: D, F, T, B and A. :)

Poetry is amazing To Salient, You ask for letters, So I wrote you this haiku, Monday morning friend.

From some excuse for a poet.

Listen. I know it’s scary and you really feel like no matter what you do you are going to get hurt but there is a really simple way out of this mess of unrequieted love: tell them how you feel. Really. You need to ask them if the possibility of anything between you exists. It’s a terrifying thought, I know. But you have to understand that it is going to be nowhere near as bad as you think. You need to understand that you don’t want or deserve anyone who doesn’t equally want you back. If they say ‘No,’ then you know to move on and find someone who deserves your affection. If ‘Yes,’ then, well, Awesome.

Dear Sa-it isn't so-Lient.

You know what sucks? Catching your crush staring at their ex. Not like "I'm going to follow you home and steal all your left socks and sniff them while masturbating" stare.

I mean the "I want you to look at me and talk to me but I don't want you to know" stare.

It sucks cos; one, they're not looking at you like that, and two, that means they're still

hung up on their ex. Which means they probably aren't looking to get involved with anyone new. Which means you're shit out of luck. Which is never fun.

Makes me wanna grab them and shake them and say "it's over she's gone! Come be happy with me now!"

But that would be rude.

From Still Searching For Signs.

Shameless self-promotion Dear Salient and everyone else on campus.

Do you know what you should do?

You should check out Carousel Cabaret.

It's a local burlesque show held once a month.

This month it's on the 26th and one of our students may just be making her debut performance.

So you should go.

Because if you don't, you're missing out.

See you there, Lila Rose.

We miss you too Oh Salient, How I miss thee, too long has it been since I fondled your pleasingly low-budget pages. Your electronic counterpart doesn't ever quite compare to your ink-andpaper loveliness. Such spiffy prose and such swell entertainment, there is a A5-sized hole in my life now that I can no longer stroll through campus and thumb through your treats each week. Perhaps I ought to shell out to have it delivered?

Or would you be so kind as to arrange to have Hedwig (or a suitable substitute, I suppose) deliver it to me bound in parchment with a wax seal- look into that will you?

S'wonderful, s'marvelous, Salient.

We absoluelty endorse this sentiment Sear Salient, Burgerfuel should deliver.

Yours, Hungry

Rawl dressed up and nowhere to go Salient I was disappointed on reading the justice issue last week without finding

any articles on Rawl's Theory of Justice.

Any justice themed issue worth its salt should have had at least some mention of perhaps the most important work in political philosophy of the last 50 years..

Especially as it is all about Justice.

Yours in Justice, JLA

The expected token atheist response to Harriet’s feature So, Harriet Campbell thinks "don't worry if your situation in life isshit, justice will come after death if you believe in Jesus".

Her example of an Afghani prostitute (p.s., most Afghani's are not Christian, yet she is apparently not trying to convert anyonecoincidence? Or something more sinister?

Anyway...) who should basically shut up and hope for eternity in heaven smacks of bullshit.

An Afghani prostitute, in all likeliness, finds herself in that situation due to terrible decisions made by fellow human beings (for example: poverty due to economic exploitation and underdevelopment, living in a patriarchal society which restricts women's access to other job prospects, living in a society which has been disrupted by war which makes stable access to education or other employment difficult or impossible). And she should damn well be angry about that and make some noise- she has the RIGHT to be angry and make some noise, because nothing about her situation was inevitable or deserved-not by Karma and not by God. Which, by the way, are not the only two 'ways of believing', as the author seems to be saying. I am an atheist who also dismisses the idea of Karma- although if I ever actually heard someone say "She slept with so many guys, she had syphilis coming" (as is featured next to the title of the article) I would engineer some immediate 'karmic' retribution by flicking them on the forehead for being a slut-shaming jerk.

Not Convinced.

Isn’t that what that ‘blah blah blah’ thing is? sa-lalala-lient!

Hunter lounge should totes have a open mic night. I have a feeling theres a lot of talent lurking around the halls of our fine establishment.

Peace, cats-rule-boys-drool.

Dear Salient

The Palestinian side is comparatively more represented at Vic than the Israeli and it is a shame these posters have had ‘murderers’ and Nazi symbols scrawled over them. To the people that have done this – your hate is exactly what is fuelling the conflict and barring any communication between the two sides. Do some balanced research and try some empathy; both sides are guilty of many crimes. Our generation should be trying to find a compromise for all peoples’ benefit; a good starting point would be to stop the petty graffiti.

Regards, Neutral

[headline] Dear [publication], I am disgusted and appalled by your decision to publish [article name] by [author] in issue number [number] of your [media format]. This article was in extremely poor taste, highly offensive and clearly calculated to encourage discrimination against [minority group].

The author of [article name] [ad hominem attack] also completely relied on biased information and failed to take into account [equally if not more biased data], not to mention [lengthy personal anecdote with only passing relevance to the topic].

Yet another example of [publication] catering to the interests of [social group]. [extension of ad hominem to editorial staff and members of aforementioned social group].

Yours [negative adverb], [pseudonym] in [suburb].

James Joyce is a character in this really kickass Tom Stoppard play called Travesties. You should check it out My Irish rose, E. Clery, I was overjoyed to recieve your correspondence, and since then have laboured to concieve quite a number of novel synonyms for sex, many of them rather obscene.

I'm sure it would be in both our interests to discuss them in person, likely at considerable length.

Yours in dubious repute, J. Joyce.

Israel? Then someone should take Ray to the doctor!

Dear Salient, THIS IS ZIONISM. Sincerely, Controversy.

Dear Salient Personals, I'm looking for a girl with an in-depth and comprehensive knowledge of New Zealand politics who is willing to explain it to me in exchange for sex and potentially other favours. I am a good-looking, well connected man, a consummate professional with excellent references available on demand.

Serious inquires only, Johnathan Keystone

Hot Dear Salient, You make me so wet I am forced to dehydrate on weekends, and spend my Mondays sitting on a throne of towels in a room wallpapered with packets of silica gel.

You are driving innovation in absorbant materials.

Yours, Jessica Atreides

Dinocop is amazing. Not as amazing as this letter though Dear Salient, I love dinocop. If i had the chance to meet this reptilian law enforcer, I would let him rip me apart in the back of his 1968 Charger. There would be scales and semen everywhere, and he would never call me again. I would pine away in a filthy hotel room, never washing away the traces of our brutal sexual encounter. The sheets would smell of Taco Bell and bloody orchids.

Please phone me dinocop.

There is no heading we can use here that won’t make us seem like dicks I think i am going to stop reading this magazine. It just depresses me, the reason being that the editor(s) are so negative. Take for example the title of this letter, which if it’s like any of the other titles of the past year, will be negative. A stab at the actual writer.

It’s really pathetic and makes me nervous to write in. And another example (in case the first one didn’t work) was in the flatting issue – did you not have one nice thing to say about flatting? Yes blah blah it can suck sometimes, but it’s actually not that bad, sometimes even fun. Way to boost the student moral.

The negativity found in Salient can also be reflected in the student body. So many people (i know, university is hard) seem so unhappy with everything, and chances are no one’s mood will be brightened by this letter, but if it affects at least one person that’s good enough for me. Life is good. Wellington is actually kind of sunny these days. There are sexy people at university. We are all doing something to improve the rest of our lives.

Blah blah. Rhubarb rhubarb.

Stop being such a grump Salient.

Love, Lucy Blue

this lady’s predicament having had a variety of neighbours in the past and present too!

My neighbours across the road have all night parties that finish about 5am. Bloody annoying especially when I have to get up to go to work on the Sunday! Previous neighbours used to smash windows and chuck pots around! Anyway thats life I suppose - takes all sorts to make a world!

Cheers Cameo’s mum!

An open letter to the resident ‘tagger’ of Kelburn, Your time as having the monopoly on truth and biochemical ethics is up A new truth I give to you Humpty Dumpty Was Pushed!

Sincerely, Lee Black

TL; DR Hey Salient, When my phone is running low on battery, it vibrates every two minutes so that I know this. As a feature, this seems pretty counter-productive because the increased vibrating and screen flashing run the battery down even faster...

Also, when I was reading the Flatting issue, I found a spelling mistake, not going to tell you where, but needless to say I was highly disappointed in you. I could do a better job.

Sincerely, Not-affiliated-with-Salient-in-any-way P.S. I recently had the misfortune of reading not one but two issues of Canta. Salient is 3-ply compared to that mag.

P.P.S. I'm not sure but I think the university blocks Steam. If this is true, I'm going to be pissed.

Where else am I supposed to download games? I can't afford to do it on my own bandwidth connection because plans in NZ don't take into account poor students like me who like to game.

Guess I'll have to go back to borrowing downloads off others.

That ends my attempt at legally obtaining my games.

Salient Letters Policy 2011 Salient welcomes, encourages and thrives on public debate—be it serious or otherwise—through the letters pages. Write about what inspires you, enrages you, makes you laugh, makes you cry. Send us feedback, send us abuse. Anything.

Letters must be received before 5pm Tuesday, for publication the following week.

Letters must be no more than 250 words. Pseudonyms are fine, but all letters must include your real name, address and telephone number. These will not be printed.

Please note that letters will not be corrected for spelling or grammar.

The Editors reserve the right to edit, abridge or decline any letters without explanation.

Letters can be sent to letters@ salient.org.nz, posted to Salient, c/- Victoria University, PO Box 600, Wellington or dropped into the Salient office on the third floor of the Student Union Building.

m to ~

Send ‘e

.nz nt.org @salie letters / tc Salien ity nivers U ia r Victo 0 x 60 PO Bo ton

g Wellin

P.P.P.P.P.S. I read all of your articles about gay rights and I'm pretty sure that they have enough rights because we don't stone them and they should be thankful for that, there are people in other countries who don't even have the luxury of not being stoned every morning.

Not my fault.

Luckily, we have whiskey in the office

It's probably the government's fault.

Dear Salient,

I should be entitled to free internet damnit!

We are under the impression that the Salient writers are a dardy crew. As a pair of shy, socially awkward first years who find it difficult to turn up to social occasions without first pre-gaming with whiskey—we were wondering how we might seek to join your illustrious ranks?

P.P.P.S. I totally couldn't read that one issue of Salient that wasn't printed in my language.

I was completely outraged that Salient should try to cater for anyone other than myself and people who look like me and share the same views as me.

P.P.P.P.S. for the record, I feel the same way about paying the Maori for the land that was stolen from them. I mean, if I went out and stole your cattle, you wouldn't deserve any compensation from me.

45

I am impressed with the Zionist posters that have appeared around university. I am not a supporter of either side in the Israel-Palestine conflict, but I like that they positively focus on the development and aid the Israeli state can give to the wider region.

Man Seeks Pol Sci Sex Kitten

Issue 17 The Arts

Compromise in the Middle East?! Why has no one suggested this before?!

Regards, Awkwardly Anonymous

Gosh, it is annoying when people are annoying Dear Salient I was reading the letter from the lady flatting with her boyfriend and the trouble with the bloke upstairs! Well, I can really identify with

salient.org.nz

Salient Vol. 74

DOWN:

1. Help (10)

1. Fury (5)

5. Praise highly (5)

2. Involvement (9)

7. A rupture (6)

3. As well (4)

9. To mesmerize (9)

4. A large plot of land (6)

10. Reimbursement (6)

5. Complete (6)

12. A circular frame on an axis (5)

6. Written material on a topic (10)

15. Bench (4)

8. Annul (6)

16. Fame and glory (6)

11. Virtuous (6)

17. Writhe (6)

13. To mope (5)

21. To assault sexually (6)

14. A profession (5)

23. The periphery (6)

16. Lying flat (10)

24. A metal (4)

18. Scruffy (6)

26. To bear (5)

19. Analysis (9)

28. Honest (6)

20. Inform (6)

30. Wicked (9)

25. Tasteless (6)

32. Disappear (6)

27. Spring back (6)

33. A lock (5)

29. Evil spirit (5)

34. An idiom (10)

31. A couple (4)

CRYPTIC DOWN:

1. The donkey is darkening spray starting to centre on aid (10)

1. Incense nature by gnawing back (5)

5. Let a bovine animal worship (5)

2. Incorporated deluge under the state of being a part (9)

7. The division of hot and cold in an unmarried girl (6)

3. Additionally linking stuff on (4)

9. Enthral the twisted pact you have eaten after four (9)

4. Accident and Emergency test property of the deceased (6)

10. Pay back money for entertainment in communist paint (6)

5. Merit necessitates having all the parts (6)

12. Sounds like you tire of fortune (5)

6. Drop rubbish at your books (10)

15. Nauseating chair (4)

8. Abandon a clean century (6)

16. No, in sixty minutes for a privilege (6)

11. The innocent have been pursued (6)

17. Wriggle the worm after a little whisk (6)

13. Be rude to a group of chickens (5)

21. Inappropriately accost some guacamole by the street (6)

14. To make Latin about a raft (5)

23. The edge of a ring in iron (6)

16. From the whorey zone, tall is level (10)

24. Flatten the snoring (4)

18. Messy nut, do it yourself! (6)

26. Tolerate the greed I battle (5)

19. I do sing as judgment (9)

28. The sincere tin has done (6)

20. Tell me that it is not mostly doubtful (6)

30. Evil urine sofa (9)

25. The tawdry cigar is his (6)

32. The pirate in glossy coatings does go missing (6)

27. You see in my clavicle that I move in a lively manner (6)

33. A bolt on later challenges (5)

29. An imp of the French world! (5)

34. Articulation of rapid initially odd notes (10)

31. Two begin picturing air (4)

...then consider this an entrance exam. Each entry on the word list has lost a letter before being placed in the grid.

The missing letters spell one message; the leftover letters in the grid will tell you what to do next.

46

ACROSS:

CRYPTIC ACROSS:

If You Like Puzzles…

G

Y

A

M

Y

E

S

E

M

O

R

N

I

L

A

P

C

B

T

L

H

L

U

B

V

E

F

I

N

E

T

P

H

U

O

I

Z

G

S

A

Z

L

L

E

H

O

U

N

C

N

R

L

I

T

U

U

N

G

O

O

P

T

O

E

R

R

U

F

E

L

G

O

O

S

T

S

H

E

R

W

A

I

O

E

B

D

A

S

R

I

E

I

T

O

E

T

E

K

T

S

E

E

O

V

O

H

V

R

H

S

H

D

S

A

T

J

S

D

W

V

S

S

D

O

S

I

E

E

D

B

H

U

N

O

A

K

E

P

U

A

R

I

A

T

R

E

G

M

Z

E

R

R

Y

R

P

D

E

S

D

U

W

A

I

B

N

A

D

D

P

I

A

L

K

R

C

Q

L

T

N

L

M

E

T

A

P

U

Z

Z

E

U

H

H

A

T

K

X

E

T

R

U

O

V

A

L

F

J

E

A

Z

E

N

C

D

I

N

G

Z

N

I

T

I

K

O

L

answers

Crossword

ANSWERS BOWLED OVER CROSSWORD DEFINE ENCODING FLAVOURTEXT GOOGLE FU HEADACHE IMPASSE JUMBLE KNIGHT’S TOUR LOCK IT IN METAPUZZLE NURIKABE OBVIOUSLY PALINDROME QUOTED READTHROUGH SUDOKU TESTSOLVER UPGRADE VALIDITY WORD SEARCH X MARKS THE SPOT YES OR NO ZERO HOUR

DOWN: 1. NEGATIVE 3. CREDIT 4. EBB 6. SHRINK 7. CONTRACT 9. ASPECT 11. SPIKE 13. PATRON 15. ELATE 22. TREAT 23. MORTGAGE 24. FINISH 26. IMMUNE 27. ELOQUENT 28. TEMPT 30. WALRUS 31. LISTEN 35. FIB

ACROSS: 2. SCALE 5. WORST 8. GLARE 10. ABYSS 12. RIPEN 14. SECTION 16. INERT 17. KARMA 18. ANTE 19. EXTEND 20. BONNET 21. ZESTY 23. MUFFIN 25. EMPIRE 28. TYPE 29. RENEW 31. LIMBO 32. MARTINI 33. ABHOR 34. THEFT 36. THEME 37. ASIDE 38. BLUNT

Word Find “I don’t like jail. They got the wrong kind of bars in there.”

-Charles Bukowski Puzzle 1 (Very hard, difficulty rating 0.78)

3

1

5

8

4

7

5

3

8

6 2 9 1

4 7

Sudoku

9

7 6

6

9

8

2

4

7

5

1

2

9

3

6

2

7

1

9

4

4 1

3 8 2

1

6

9

2

6

9

7

5

2

9

3

5

7 1

3 6

3

9

2

4

8

7

8

8 2

6

4

1

3

6 3

5

5

7

5

8

4

8

5 1 4

Issue 17 The Arts

47

salient.org.nz

Salient and Vic ITS present

One person’s trash is... another person’s home entertainment system

48

Salient Vol. 74

Salient and ITS have teamed up to locate the worst lounge in the student body, which we will pimp out with some of the second-hand stuff we’ve got lying around, including a Sony data projector, a DVD/ CD/MP3 player, speakers, and a screen (of sorts). We’ll even throw in a multi-point power plug and an extension cord!

Just send a picture of you holding an issue of Salient in your poor excuse for a lounge to editor@salient.org.nz with PIMP MY LOUNGE in the subject line and you’re in the competition. The mankiest lounges will be featured in an upcoming issue of Salient. The one voted by ITS and Salient staff to be the worst will win the whole package. We’ll even deliver and set up your prize in person. Photos by the 26th of August please. For terms and conditions, go to victoria.ac.nz/its/studentservices/student-promotions.aspx.

Win a S data pr ony o a DVD/ jector, CD/MP 3 player, speake rs, and a s creen