Issue 22 - Power

THE POWER ISSUE

WINSTON BILL

MANH IRE

BARRIE

SAU NDERS

ISSUE 22

JOH N

JU D ITH MARK

OCTOBER 1 ST 2012

PETER S

KIRWAN COLLINS

SAINSBU R Y

THE TEAM Editors: Asher Emanuel & Ollie Neas editor@salient.org.nz Designer: Racheal Reeves designer@salient.org.nz News Editor: Hugo McKinnon news@salient.org.nz Arts Editor: Adam Goodall arts@salient.org.nz Film Editor: Gerald Lee Books Editor: Kurt Barber Visual Arts Editor: Rob Kelly Theatre Editor: Jonothan Price Music Editor: Philip McSweeny Feature Writers: Fairooz Samy Chris McIntyre News Interns: Grace Tong Shilpa Bhim, Phillipa Webb Chief Sub-Editor: Carlo Salizzo Distriubution Specialist: Michael Graham CONTRIBUTORS Hayley Adams, Todd Atticus, Hilary Beattie, Shilpa Bhim, Rose Burrowes, Tom Clarke, Choaty, Nicholas Cross, Richard D’Ath, Uther Dean, Martin Doyle, Ryan Hammond, Student Health, Roxy Heart, Bridie Hood, Patrick Hunn, Russ Kale, Molly McCarthy, Hamish McConnochie, Callum McDougal, Chandra Miller, Phoebe Morris, Udayan Mukherjee, Livvy Nonoa, Sam Northcott, Vincent Olsen-Reeder, Conrad Reyners, Will Robertson, Carlo Salizzo, Kent Smith, Bas Suckling, Jack Sutherland, Grace Tong, Philippa Webb, Matt White, the VBC 88.3FM.

“THE DEVIL NEVER RESTS. NOT IN LIFE AND NOT IN POLITICS.”

Contributor of the Week: Chris ‘Sometimes Tolerable’ McIntyre CONTACT Level 2, Student Union Building Victoria University PO Box 600, Wellington Phone: 04 463 6766 Email: editor@salient.org.nz ADVERTISING Contact: Mark Maguire Phone: 04 463 6982 Email: sales@vuwsa.org.nz ABOUT US Salient is produced by independent student journalists, employed by, but editorially independent from, the Victoria University of Wellington Students’ Association (VUWSA).

Salient is a member of, syndicated and supported by the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). Salient is funded by Victoria University of Wellington students, through the student services levy. It is printed by Printcorp of Tauranga. Opinions expressed are not necessarily representative of those of ASPA, VUWSA, Printcorp, Kanye West, Baycorp, Uncle Bernie Madoff or Huey Lewis, but we at Salient are proud of our beliefs and take full responsibility for them.

OTHER Subscriptions: Too lazy to walk to uni to pick up a copy of your favourite mag? We can post them out to you for a nominal fee. $40 for Vic student, $55 for everyone else. Please send an email containing your contact details with ‘subscription’ in the subject line to editor@salient.org.nz

´ This issue is dedicated to

DRINKING RESPONSIBLY

PG 16

editorial ASHER & OLLIE

“Power has got many faces. Power, as understood by the community, has rather eerie connotations, and rightly so. But the power to do good is something else.”

This quote, from our interview with Winston Peters (which you can find on page 16), says a lot about this issue.

Power is a hard thing to figure out.

But it is often those ideas that are most interesting.

This issue was on the drawing board from day one. Indeed, we first planned for this to be one of the first issues of the year. The idea being to collate a selection of some of NZ’s most interesting people of influence from a range of fields—whether it be politics, sport or literature—and talk to them

THE POWER ISSUE 16.

You Winston You Lose Some 20.

about exactly what it is like to be such a person.

But it turns out that pinning down the country’s hottest movers and shakers is a little tricky. What resulted was something quite different than that originally envisaged, though in many ways, something far more fascinating.

You may notice though a distinct dearth of diversity among our interview subjects. It is unfortunate, but it serves as a lesson in itself about the true locus of power in our fair land.

Those with their claws on the levers are, as a general rule, not representative of the great reaches of diversity and difference with which our community is blessed. That’s slowly changing, but

we owe it to ourselves to be aware of the inequities of the current distribution of power.

That the Power Issue coincides with the VUWSA General Election is a delightful but unintentional irony. It’s not our job (during the election) to pass comment or endorse candidates. We’ve done our utmost to provide you with even-handed coverage in the news section, and you can hear from the candidates themselves in the special election season pull-out (treats! treats! treats!).

While elections are relentlessly entertaining affairs in their own right, it is the outcome that is of vital importance. However, a strong executive alone does not make a good VUWSA.

THE NEWS

THE COLUMNS

5. News

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6. LOL

13.

Political Porn With Hamish

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World Watch

11.

The Week That Wasn’t

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Overheard At Vic

The Measure of a Manhire

IN REVIEW

22.

How About a Cheeky Lobby?

24.

Sir John Kirwan? Lol JK

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Only Judith Will Judge Me

29.

I Moustache You Some Questions

www.Salient.org.nz

31. Music 32. Film 33. Books 34. Theatre 35.

Visual Arts

Salient Probes The Punters

14.

Mulled Whine With H.G. Beattie

The Association is the sum of its members, not the student politicians at the helm. Participation in the collective student voice is probably as important a contribution as any that us individuals can make to the student community.

A well-mandated and respectable student voice gets us half-way to ensuring that we get a quality education. And that is—at least in part—why we are here after all.

So when you get that email, be heard. Make a vote. Even if it is for everyone’s old favourite, No Confidence.

O &A

VUWSA & FRIENDS 36.

Presidential Address

36.

Ngai Taiura

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Student Health

15. C.R.E.A.M 15.

Science: What's It Up To?

39.

Roxy Heart

40.

Things I Already Know But Just Need To Be Told

40.

Eat Your Fucking Greens

41. Philosoraptor 41.

On Campus

42.

Nothin' But Net

42.

Lovin' From The Oven

42.

Of The Week

Facebook.com/SalientMagazine

@SalientMagazine

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SALIENT ♥ YOU 4. Dinocop 43. Notices 44. Letters 46. Puzzles 47.

Radio & Gig Guide

☞ Election Pull Out At Centre ☜

Youtube.com/SalientTv

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things loosely connected

TO POWER CARLO SALIZZO

TEN AC/DC

NINE Shoulderpads

EIGHT My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

SEVEN The Patriarchy

SIX Powerade

FIVE Points

FOUR Paua

THREE VUWSA

TWO Frayed Electrical Cords

ONE Jeremy Wells

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nEWS NEWS

SEND ANY PERTINENT ☞NEWS LEADS OR GOSSIP TO ☜

NEWS@SALIENT.ORG.NZ ╳ Salient never sleeps. ╳ 

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all the

NEWS

UNfit for print 

TAKE ME TO YOUR LEADER

ELECTION CANDIDATES VIE FOR YOUR VOTE; DICKS MEASURED G R AC E TO N G

Presidential candidates Rory McCourt and Jackson Freeman went head to head at the VUWSA Candidates’ Forum on Wednesday.

The two debated VUWSA’s financial position, personal politics and Freeman’s facebook profile.

About 70 students were in attendance.

The other positions on the VUWSA executive were also contested. Each candidate was given five minutes to give a speech and answer questions from the audience. The candidates campaigned on support for healthy flats, to lower bus fares, and sustainability on campus.

Of the two presidential candidates, McCourt was the first to give his speech.

“It is because of the potential of VUWSA that I am running for President. It is because I know I can lead this association to give you a better deal,” he said.

He cited his experience as Vice-President (Welfare) as his qualification for the job, and expressed concern that the Student Services Levy review, due to take place next year, would be “squandered” if the President “doesn’t know what’s up”.

Freeman claimed to be the “the average student here to cater for the average student.”

He went on to emphasise the importance of being financially independent, and moving VUWSA away from its reliance on service

contracts with the University.

McCourt and Freeman both had strong support from the audience. Although Freeman’s online presence was brought into question. Freeman’s Facebook profile lists “jousting sluts in the face” and “tooting at fat chicks to boost their self-esteem” as two of his ‘likes’.

SALIENT POLLING AT CANDIDATES FORUM

PREFERS BEFORE

McCourt stood by his claims that Freeman was a bigot and woman-hater, accusations he had made in an email to VicLabour.

Rory:

29.6%

“No, I am not a woman-hater,” said Freeman who said his Facebook page had been ‘hacked’ “like ninety percent of the people in this room.”

In the same email, McCourt asked VicLabour to “keep VUWSA red”. When queried about the statement, he said there was a consistency between Labour and VUWSA’s values, but promised to make sure he was “always wearing the right hat, at the right time.”

Freeman is a member of the Young Nats, but did not support their cuts to the tertiary education budget.

He was unaware of this years’ clubs review, but “so were some of the clubs,” he said.

He also confessed ignorance as to what the student forum was.

Video from the candidates’ forum can be found at facebook.com/vuwsa

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Jackson:

22.2% Don’t know:

48.1% PREFERS AFTER

Rory:

77.8% Jackson:

11.1% Don’t know:

11.1%

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UNION IN A PICKLE STUDENTS TO BRING AUSA TO ITS KNEES

LOL

HUGO MCKINNON

AUSA could be insolvent by the end of October, according to its own executive. If it becomes insolvent, the buildings it owns around the Quad will become the property of the University of Auckland.

“This is something the Executive should be able to decide, it’s got nothing to do with democracy. We have consulted club presidents and faculty associations as much as we could have.”

However, We Are The University in Auckland has called for an SGM where they hope to pass a motion which would see no compromise reached “until such time as any proposed agreements have been made publicly available to all association members and ratified by a simple majority at another general meeting by the association."

“Management intend to exploit the situation by using the inexperience of this year's executive to once and for all end student control over student affairs,” says their Facebook event for an emergency public assembly to save AUSA.

The AUSA Executive has been in negotiations with the University to secure funding for next year.

President Arena Williams believes that this motion will be to the overall detriment of the association.

“The problem is that if the motion is to pass, there is no time in the rest of the semester to pass the agreement needed with the University. AUSA will become functionally insolvent,” she said.

Because they are elected by the student body, Williams said that the Executive should have the power to make the agreements.

But We Are The University in Auckland believes that the University intends to exploit the situation.

Williams feels that the petition is a bullying tactic from a group of students intended to diminish the role of the Executive.

However, the group says that students need to take control of the situation, and calls for “student control over student affairs”.

“It is time students took control of the situation with direct democracy. It is time to end the broken practice of weak representation and immature personal politics,” said We Are The University.

The SGM will be held on Wednesday 3 October.

MITT ROMNEY HAS GREAT IDEA MOLOLY MCC ARTHY

US Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has blown us away again with his latest big idea - to develop aeroplane windows that can be rolled down.

The comments were made following an electrical fire on board an aeroplane that his wife Ann was travelling in. Fortunately the plane was able to make an emergency landing and no one was harmed, but the incident left Romney with a some great insight.

“When you have a fire in an aircraft, there’s no place to go, exactly, there’s no — and you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem,” said Romney, speaking at a Beverly Hills fundraiser.

The comments inspired Scientific American to publish an article entitled ‘Why Airplane Windows Don't Roll Down’, in which they succinctly explained that if the windows were to open, “everybody would die”.

Hours after this story had hit the headlines, claims that Romney was only “joking” began to surface. Nice try, Mitt, but that's just seems a little too convenient - especially coming from a man who strapped his dog to the roof of his car; loves Michigan because the trees are “the right height”, and had the good sense to tell a room full of unemployed people that he too was unemployed, despite having a net worth of over $200 million.

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NEWS

WHEN JACKSON MET RORY GETTING TO KNOW YOUR VUWSA PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATES HUGO MCKINNON

Having had some time to cool from off from the candidate’s forum earlier in the day, Salient went to the Hunter Lounge for a beer and a catch up with presidential hopefuls Jackson Freeman and Rory McCourt, and to discuss their campaigns in greater depth.

Jackson urged everyone to listen to Danny Brown; Rory told us that he quite likes Queen.

Hugo: Why do you want to run for President?

Rory: I’m running for President because I think I’ve got the confidence leadership and experience VUWSA needs to take advantage of opportunities and get the best deal for students.

Jackson: I think it’s kind of poor that only a small fraction of students turn out to vote.

I think that’s really sad, I’d like to see that change.

H: What do you think is the role VUWSA? Has VUWSA assumed the appropriate role this year?

J: I think its primary role is to represent students.

R: [The representative] role may have been appropriate when we had compulsory

membership, but now there’s some changes we’ve got to make to be relevant to students, to have high membership, and so the University respects and recognises us as the best voice for students.

H: Jackson, earlier today you confessed you did not know what the Student Forum was, have you since done some research?

J: I am aware that the University appoints students to the forum[....] I don’t think that’s fair. I think VUWSA’s role as a students association is to represent students. That the forum is taking over that role just isn’t good enough in my opinion.

R: There is a place for consultation in a postVSM environment, that has VUWSA and other people around the table. We can’t be in the same mindset that we had when we had compulsory membership, that we were top dog, and nobody else’s voices counted. We should sit down with the University and work out a truly representative model that rewards people who organise and get the support of their fellow students.

H: If the Forum were legitimate would you be willing to cooperate with it?

J: Absolutely, the fundamental thing is that its democratically elected. Essentially they are

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representing students, that they’re currently appointed by the University doesn’t make sense. To be honest there are still a lot of things I still don’t understand, and I can say the same for most students who get involved and everyone who doesn’t get involved. They don’t know the Student Forum exists. To most of them the fundamental representation they have at uni is VUWSA. We need to look at legitimising VUWSA’s power on the same level.

H: How do you propose doing that?

J: I’m not entirely sure. As Bridie said, you can’t expect someone who’s new to this to know the ins and outs.

R: I think you can reasonably expect someone to have some grasp of knowledge about what these organisations are.

J: Absolutely. I’ve spent a week researching these things. What I do know is the forum is not democratically elected, and it needs to be.

H: Jackson, you’ve said you would like to see VUWSA move away from its reliance on University contracts which are its main source of revenue. But you’ve also said you would like it to become more fiscally responsible.

How are these views consistent?

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COUNCIL ELECTIONS 2012– ELECTION BY THE STUDENTS

RORY

ELECTION OF ONE MEMBER TO THE UNIVERSITY COUNCIL BY THE STUDENTS Nominations for the election of student member to the University Council closed on Wednesday 5 September at 5pm. Four nominations were received.

An election will be conducted electronically and the candidates will be elected according to the votes cast by the single transferable vote (STV) system.

The candidates for this election are: David ALSOP Rory MCCOURT David REKTORYS Darren ZHANG

J: I don’t think we’re ever going to be in a position, especially post VSM, where we’re not going to have to rely on the University for some sort of funding, that’s completely unrealistic.

My point was, there’s not enough being done about at least attempting to become self-sustainable and doing work as a group to look after our best interests.

R: Do you know how much was cut from the budget this year?

Profiles for the candidates are available on the University website.

J: No, sorry.

R: $100,000 dollars.

All students are included on the Student Roll and are eligible to vote in the election. The Student Roll has now closed.

J: And how much of a deficit are we still running?

R: We don’t have a deficit.

Electronic Voting Voting documents will be sent in early October to the University email addresses of all students on the Student Roll. Students are invited to cast their votes once they receive voting documents, before the closing of the polls.

J: Because of the VUWSA trust.

H: Without the input of the VUWSA trust, which has pledged to give the association up to $250,000, it would be running a deficit of $200,000.

J: How long can we rely on them to bail us out?

R: We have one million dollars in reserves—

The polls will close at 5pm on Thursday 25 October 2012.

J: This is the problem with VUWSA, you’re relying on what you’ve got saved up and just bailing yourself out. This is not how we have to look at this anymore. You need to look at ways of manipulating the resources we do have to generate our own sources of income.

The voting site is an external site on a secure server owned by electionz.com, which the University has contracted to handle the voting process. Voters will be able to view the profiles of the candidates and information on the voting procedure on this website before submitting their vote.

R: We have an association with the VUWSA Trust because they are the best people to run business[....] This Hunter Lounge we’re in; run by the VUWSA Trust, for profit. That’s why we have them, that’s why we’re getting money back from them, because we have invested those surpluses in the past, and these are the rainy days.

Read about the Council on the University’s website at www.victoria.ac.nz/home/about/council

H: It seems unrealistic Jackson, to expect VUWSA to replace the revenue from a $180,000 representation contract by hosting events at the Hunter Lounge.

These elections are governed by the Council Election Statute.

J: As I said before, it is unrealistic to expect to move away from our main source of income in one year. But we’re not doing enough to secure some kind of sustainable future[....] The only real income that keeps us afloat is from the University.

For more information contact: Leah Gifford Secretary to Council and Returning Officer leah.gifford@vuw.ac.nz 04-463 5196

R: It’s not from the University, it’s from the Student Services Levy, which students pay into. I propose we take advantage of the review Editors Note: The advertisement that appeared in this space last week was rendered illegible

following a technical error. The editors apologise to the candidates and the University for this unfortunate interference with the University Council election.

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NEWS

JACKSON

what NZUSA really has done for us, and whether a cheaper associate membership is a better alternative. I’m not saying that it is.

I’m aware they signed us up to the Keep Our Assets campaign without consulting any Presidents. I don’t think that’s good enough.

R: I was really pissed off when NZUSA did that. But I think NZUSA is incredibly valuable, it fights for students, allowances and loans in a really difficult time with the National government who is cutting loans and allowance entitlements. But NZUSA stuffed up on that one, I was one of the first people to pull them up on that one and say “Hey you haven’t consulted with members or students.”

H: Would you consider not being a member?

R: I think it’s such a valuable organisation, we can’t afford not to support it.

H: Is the $45,000 worth it?

R: I think at times its a very difficult thing to fund, especially at the moment with our tight budget. I think at the end of the day I think you’ve got to decide if you’re going to abandon students on allowances, students who are paying their loans off, or if you’re going to back them one hundred per cent. I think at the end of the day, we’ve got to back our students.

Asher: So we pay this organisation $45,000 that then pretends that all of our students adopted a political stance, which they didn’t. How do we hold an organisation like that accountable? Are you going to keep paying them $45,000 a year to do it, or are you going to find a way to keep them in check?

R: So, an organisation is going to take positions regardless of whether we’re a member or not, if we pull out they’re still going to say all students stand for x y and z-A: But if you pull out, they can’t say “VUWSA’s behind us”, because you’re no longer a member.

next year, that Bridie and I have secured, and we move the SSL into a place where students can contest what [it is used for].

R: We should be at the table to make sure NZUSA is run as efficiently and as consultatively and as democratically VUWSA is, because we get it right and I think NZUSA can too. If we leave the table, nothing changes.

H: Jackson, do you have any gripes with the SSL? J: I have gripes that it’s being increased, when really there is no visible improvement to the services. I applaud the work that Rory and Bridie have done, I really do. What I do query though is how the review is going to secure the levy for us to control.

J: Except for the fact they’ll no longer represent us, so it doesn’t matter. And then maybe we pave the way for a more efficient national voice.

R: Because we voted, like you’ve criticised us so much for, for the 4% increase, and we did that because we got the review, and that’s a huge win for students.

R: I thought you were advocating for associate membership, are you proposing we pull out completely?

J: I’m not ruling it out. The way NZUSA stands now, signing us up for things without asking us, they’re essentially a political lobbying group, that in some cases don’t have a mandate to put our name forward for things that they have.

J: So when they turn around and say “No, we’re keeping the levy and you have no control over it. We’ve already got a forum in place that takes care of the student voice,” which they are likely to do, what happens then? You’ve already voted for the 4%.

An extended version is available at salient.org.nz.

R: I think it’s important not to be too hysterical about this.

J: I think it’s a little bit important to be skeptical of the people who take our money and in many respects have taken our voice away.

R: That’s why it’s really important to run a respectable organisation that takes things seriously and takes itself seriously, and then we can deal with the university in a way they appreciate, so they value our partnership, and we actually negotiate from a place of strength. If we look like idiots, we’ll be treated like idiots.

H: Jackson, you’ve said you’d like to see VUWSA’s $45,000 membership with NZUSA downgraded to associate membership— J: No no, I suggested that as an option. We’ve seen a lot of organisations withdraw their full membership. I feel like post-VSM when a lot of associations were getting tight for cash, they thought that money was better used elsewhere. I think it’s important to review

BEST FRIENDS!

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PLANET EARTH IS A COMPLICATED PLACE AND A LOT

WORL

OF COMPLEX BUSINESS goes down. It can be hard to ✷ KEEP UP AND EASY TO ✷ SOUND LIKE A DICK WHEN YOU

OPEN YOUR MOUTH.

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Salient considers it ITS GOD-GRANTED DUTY to provide you, dear reader, all OF THE BASIC FACTS ABOUT THE biggest ongoing world issues so ➢ YOU CAN APPEAR ➣ MORE KNOWLEDGEABLE THAN YOU actually are—just like us.

oriental diplomacy

NEWS M ARCH ON THE

In Berkeley, scientists reveal that the pair of massive earthquakes that struck Sumatra in April probably triggered other quakes all over the planet—not just locally. The finding rams home the unfortunate truth that we are in fact living on an inhospitable seething lava ball in the depths of desolate space that will not stop until it has killed us all.

SOMETHING FISHY'S GOING ON IN THE EAST CHINA SEA P H I L L I PA W E B B

In the UN’s NY HQ, President Obama declares, “toleration Good, violence Bad”, in a speech to the general assembly on the recent anti-American anger in the Muslim world. Unsurprisingly, everybody from Julian Assange to the American Right finds something to be offended about in Barrack’s words of moderation.

Discontent is brewing in the East China Sea, as China and Japan dispute the ownership of a group of uninhabited islands and their surrounding waters.

In Athens, hundreds of thousands of Greeks take to the streets to protest the Government’s continued brutal austerity measures. The question remains: is it cool 2 punish all yo people cos u fuked up the country?

Last week, Japan announced it had nationalised the Senkaku Islands, known as the Diaoyu Islands in China. The announcement sparked large protests in Beijing where more than 1000 protesters marched outside the Japanese embassy, hurling eggs and bottles. Some shouted, “Return our Islands! Japanese devils get out!”

While others held signs that read “For the respect of the motherland, we must go to war with Japan.”

In North Korea, photos have emerged of the barren and distinctly prison-like interior of the notably pyramidal Ryugyong hotel, still incomplete 25 years after construction began in 1987. Possibly the world’s bleakest building, while initially intended to be a symbol of the country’s ‘immense wealth’ has become a counterproductive monument to failed dreams and impotence, dubbed by some the “Hotel of Doom”.

In coldest Invercargill, a suspect is detained following a mysterious chimney fire in an empty house. Senior Sergeant Raynes of the ‘Cargill police squad says of the crime: “He’s lit a fire in the chimney”.

Why care about uninhabited rocks? Primarily, because they’re located near rich fishing grounds and a potentially huge oil reserve.

Some have equated the situation as similar to the tension between Germany and the British-French Entente prior to WWI, but most experts agree that war is highly unlikely (although they said the same thing in 1914).

Both Asian superpowers have been throwing their toys out of the cot. Two Japanese nationals briefly landed on the biggest Island, Uotsuri. Chinese officials condemned the act as “provocation” and responded by sending three patrol ships to the island. Japanese ships retaliated by turning giant hoses against the

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Chinese, in what must’ve been the world’s most grown-up waterfight.

Because both China and Japan are soon to face domestic political changes, neither side wants to back down.

The Japanese government signed a deal to purchase the Islands from Japanese businessman Kunioki Kurihara, in response to an even more provocative plan by rightwing Tokyo Governor Shintaro Ishihara to buy and develop the Islands using public donations.

Yet China claims it discovered the Islands in the 14th century. But since WWII, the Islands have been passed between the US and Japan like a hot potato.

The US is trying to stay impartial, but should anything happen it will have to take the side of Japan, with whom it holds a security alliance.

However, international observers are hopeful that diplomatic talks between the countries will result in a “sharing is caring” approach to the Island’s resources, while some hope the US will use the situation as an opportunity to draw China peacefully into a system of world governance.

But putting China, Japan, and the U.S in a room to talk it all out? Easier said than done.

NEWS

OvER HEaRD A T VI C Overheard in Lecture: Girl: “so are you not allowed to have anal sex with a guy if you’re religious?”

Guy: “nah, you’re not allowed to lie with another man.”

Girl: “well just don’t lie down. Avoids the whole issue. Said by a true catholic.”

Jack Winter

the

WEEK 

that

Overheard on the Murphy overbridge: Guy 1: That Rory fulla looks and sounds like my grandma Guy 2: Yeah hard I’m gonna vote for that Jackson Freemoney Michael Ealse

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WASN'T

Girl to her friend in the library: “I feel like you’ve always got to watch what you say in the library, just in case you end up on overheard at vic or something...” *looks around suspiciously.

Arekisanda Reid Overseen IN BMSC 117: A lecture powerpoint titled Sex, diarrhea and cats.

Fintan Perrett Over heard out side vic books: Lady calling to her roaming todler: “come here now Nagini!”

William Holmes

JUST DROP IT, MOPPING STOPPED. HUGO McKINNON

Overheard in the library on level 6: A person snoring while awake...

Catherine Larsen Overseen in MC103: Graffiti on the desk of a button with a label saying ‘Press to mute mature student’.

Kate Mountcastle

“Why does no-one else mop the floor?” asked Aro Valley resident Patricia Jones to her flatmates, in late July.

mop the floor, because it’s never dirty,” said McCoy.

“But that’s because I’ve been mopping!” exclaimed the bewildered Jones, “I’m not your servant, and I refuse to be the only one to mop, I’m stopping mopping.”

Jones said she’d consider mopping again as long as someone else agreed to mop too, and McCoy agreed to mop it in conjunction with Jones.

Overseen glascow street on way to uni: Two asians having sex in their car. wtf not even joking most bizzare thing iv ever witnessed i thought the girl was having a seizure and then when i realised what was actually happening i freaked out.”

Libby Davidson

“So I’m stopping mopping.”

Overheard on Overbridge: Girl 1: Yeah my back hurts soo much ae Girl 2: oh true whys that?

Girl 1: Fuckn anal...that shit hurts!

Cam Wakefield

“Because it’s never dirty,” replied flatmate Paul Kilmer, earnestly.

Overheard in Geo: “Sustainable development is like teenage sex - everybody claims they are doing it but most people aren’t, and those that are, are doing it very badly”.

Alyssa Trible

“Because it’s never dirty,” replied flatmate Aaron McCoy, earnestly.

Aaron McCoy said to Salient “I told her I’d mop it if I saw it got dirty, so go ahead I said, stop mopping I don’t care.”

Jones reportedly stopped mopping the floor that afternoon.

“Then one day in August I saw the floor actually was dirty, it was clear that no-one had mopped it for awhile,” said McCoy.

“But I’m not mopping, I refuse to be the only one to mop.”

McCoy said he’d consider mopping as long as someone else agreed to mop too, and Jones agreed to mop in conjunction with McCoy. “But since then I’ve never had a chance to

“Why does no-one else mop the floor?” said Jones, “I refuse to be the only one who mops it, I’m stopping mopping.”

“I kind of understand where Aaron’s coming from,” said Jones two weeks ago, “since we came to our agreement, I’ve noticed the floor is really is never dirty.

“Why does no-one else mop the floor?” asked Aro Valley resident Aaron McCoy of his flatmates in late July.

“But that’s because I’ve been mopping!” said McCoy, puzzled by the lack of simple logic displayed by his friend.

“Isn’t it obvious?”

11

Email snippets of Vic life to overheard@salient.org.nz, or find overheard@vic on Facebook.

S AL I E N T P RO B ES THE

punters THE FIVE QUICKIES 1. What are two things that just don’t mix?

4. What is love?

2. What is the greatest injustice that has ever been done to you?

5. Have you ever been in a fight? If you’re a regular

3. Who was your first kiss and how was it?

scrapper, tell us ‘bout the latest.

MATT 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

AMY 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Me and science or maths No explanation for B grade offered, only positives! Wtf?!

George Western. I was drunk; he was terrible.

[Confers with friends.] You guys just trapped me. Soulmate.

Bruno the flatmate—we had a domestic last night over what to watch. It got quite heated actually.

Me and red wine.

Getting blamed for stuff I haven’t even done, hall dramas last year. I got caught in the middle of ‘drams’ I had no part in.

Intermediate [school]—girl named Kayla You like them so much.

Never been in a fight, I’m a teddybear. I’m a Nice Guy... don’t fight.

BEN 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

“DUDE” 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Italian pasta and tuna.

Insurance company being cunts, not paying out.

Stacey was messy.

No comment.

I used to work as a bouncer so quite a few. A guy tried to jump the fence at Sandwhiches, so I decked him.

Sorry, man. The recorder broke so we lost your name. You are henceforth "dude".

12

Oil and water. [Note, science student.]

No comment.

Have to say names? It was good.

Don’t hurt me, don’t hurt me. Please.

I have—primary school—some kid was bullying me so I punched him.

LEAH 1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

Sammy today—tuna fish and pickle, it wasn’t very nice.

I dunno, in subtle ways people have tried to take away my freedoms and tried to restrain me.

James White and I was forced to by a friend.

It was down a dark alley.

Love is family and happiness.

There was some girls and they didn’t like me, they said you cant go to the security because they’re my family. Got punched, ran away. Chur.

King Dotcom: Will he bring down the Government?

HAMISH MCCONNOCHIE

New Zealanders love an underdog. It’s why we haven’t gotten all tall poppy on Kim yet. The GCSB’s misuse of power is simply another tick against Dotcom’s name when it comes to him being the firm underdog against the might of Hollywood and the United States Government.

Dotcom isn’t going away—when he’s not in the news due to someone else’s actions, he finds his own way in. A bad rash that won’t go away for Key and Banks. But is he harming them in the polls? Is he going to bring down the government?

It’s not necessarily Kim Dotcom that will harm the government though; it’s the Government that will harm the Government.

John Banks, whilst acting on the advice of his legal team, was the master of his own misfortune whilst this whole affair leaves an impression on the electorate of a Government getting a little too fond of working with (or directed by) the United States.

The mere fact that these blunders around Dotcom raises questions about the competency of the agencies involved, from police, to Immigration, the Overseas Investment Office and the GCSB— whether or not they’ve actually been at fault. Ministers in turn are being examined when their agency comes under scrutiny.

As long as Dotcom is in the country, he’s 3 11 3

going to remain a media darling and the saga will continue. The Government is yet to find a way to media manage the extroverted foreign national, despite it now being October and his arrest occurring in January.

He’s not going to bring the Government down, but he seems determined to create some nuisance as long as he’s fighting off extradition.

Romney Gaffe of the week For the remaining issues of Salient for 2012, Political Porn will bring you the “Romney Gaffe of the week”.

This week’s is Romney’s comments following a small electrical fire occurring on-board a flight his wife was on.

When you have a fire in an aircraft, there’s no place to go, exactly, there’s no—and you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that.

It’s a real problem.

Last time I checked, you don’t want to open windows to a pressurised cabin 10 kilometres up in the air.

Hamish is generally wrong. 

@mishviews



PHOTO BY CHANDRA MILLER

He’s the gift that keeps on giving. Kim Dotcom is yet again at the centre of attention, this time over the Government Communications and Security Bureau (GCSB) relying on external agencies to determine his residency status. Failing to understand where Dotcom’s visa category fitted within their own legal framework has resulted in fresh material for opposition parties to once more bait the government.

Labour, and in particular, Grant Robertson, have tried to hold the Prime Minister to account over the GCSB’s actions—they fall within his Ministerial responsibilities. Key maintains he only became aware of the illegal spying actions when the agency told him of their mistakes, something apparently not brought up at any of his 15 meetings with them. Labour finds this hard to believe, as they do with Key’s claim he wasn’t aware of the large German until immediately prior to the police raid.

Whether or not Key needed to take a greater role in overseeing the GCSB isn’t of huge consequence. It’s the public opinion which is.

For a party whose most commonly received taunt is that it governs by opinion polls, this is bad. John Campbell has done a great job helping Dotcom with his PR—many Kiwis became supporters for the man whose wardrobe consists of black vests and light blue sunglasses.

review

an open letter to steven joyce It is a truth universally swept under the rug that a single man in possession of a large fortune need not be pestered by a wife, because he has his sights set on the acquisition of power and—quite understandably—wants to spend his days aiming to once, just once, have a Harvey Specter moment in public.

Quivering on the cusp of double digits, I read the first Harry Potter book. Voldemort was all “there is no good or evil, there is only power, and those too weak to seek it”. I remember repeating this line to the family. My mother’s God-fearing eldest sister, who was staying with us at the time, sent me out of the room, presumably for blasphemy. Way to cast a blanket over discussion. This same aunt later cornered me in the bathroom and told me that the reason I am anxious by nature is because my mother neglected me after my younger brother was born.* “He cried a lot, you see.” Imagine that. The point is, power is a divisive issue.

‘Getting what one wants does not always require that one be in power. (Cynicism is an ugly filter, mes chers.) Think of it as power conferred upon the powerful to give you what you want. This might occasion as a result of heavily expended time and effort.

Could just be a stroke of luck. Most likely, month for people to be wearing denim though, it will have been a well-drafted letter cutoffs? Steven, I’m increasingly concerned to an elected representative that did it. By that there’s no New Zealand equivalent of way of logical corollary, getting what you want Malcolm Tucker. Care to confirm or deny?

AND what you didn’t even know you wanted Steven, is it dysfunctional to conceptualise my requires a letter to Joyce. (Joyce as puppet life as some kind of balancing act that looks master. Groundbreaking. I think on some level like a baby’s mobile, made up of a series of I’ve always been more zero-sum interests, the jam roll than honour roll.)

“Steven, don’t you think that improvement of one It took a lot of restraint October is a tenuous month for of which means the to deny my creative side people to be wearing denim inevitable compromise cutoffs?” the indulgence of a lyrical of another? Steven, reworking of the Taylor while it’s surely indicative Swift song ‘Hey Stephen’, but I suppose the of your ability that you’re given all the sexy reference is in there now regardless. portfolios, don’t you sometimes lie awake at Steven, the nub and the gist of it is, I’m starting night thinking you could make a decent crack to think that no one will ever ‘get’ me. I at Tourism? Steven, can you put in a good no longer even have the cloak of teenage word for the subsidization of Nurofen Period irrelevance in which to shroud myself. Steven, Pain? Steven, my family’s dog is called Gemma why do I always have dark circles under my too, don’t you have a hunch that it’s kind of a eyes regardless of how much sleep I get? person’s name? Steven, why do people insist Steven, why did someone look at me strangely on asking me what I’m doing for News Year’s after they said that my degree was ‘classic Eve? Steven, can you get your PA’s PA’s PA to civil servant stuff’ and I rejoined with ‘ah, well, courier me a hug? you see, I hope to one day end up in the * Let me reiterate: there was no neglect. Nigel bowels of a government department, shunted Latta reckons it’s quite common to spend less sideways into some kind of not-quite-middletime with your first child once you have a second. management tax-related capacity?’ Steven, And God knows, he knows. don’t you think that October is a tenuous 14

SCIENCE

TERRORS OF THE DEEP

what's it up to?

BAS SUCKLING

What do we know about the deep ocean?

Fuck all really. Some people say we know more about space then we do about the ocean. It is unimaginably cold and cloaked in near-total darkness. Yet the blackness is alive, swarming with untold armies of fantastical creatures. Some real weird shit goes on down there.

THE GULPER EEL Known scientifically as Eurypharynx pelecanoides, perhaps one of the most bizarre looking creatures in the deep ocean. Its most notable attribute is the large mouth. The eel’s mouth is loosely hinged, and can be opened wide enough to swallow an animal much larger than itself. The hapless fish is then deposited into a pouch-like lower jaw, which resembles that of a pelican. The gulper’s stomach can also stretch to accommodate its large meals.

The eel also has a very long, whip-like tail that

goes to a fine point. Specimens that have been brought to the surface in fishing nets are up to 2m long and have been known to have their long tails tied into several knots.

THE DEEP SEA ANGLER Melanocetus johnsoni, a grotesque-looking fish that lives in the extreme depths of the ocean. Its round body resembles a basketball, and indeed, it looks like it could easily swallow one. It has a large mouth likes with sharp, fanglike teeth. Despite its ferocious appearance, the angler only reaches a maximum length of about five inches. The angler gets its name from the long, modified dorsal spine which is tipped with a light producing organ known as a photophore. Like many other deep-water fish, the angler uses this organ like a lure to attract its prey. It will flash its light on and off while waving it back and forth like a fishing pole.

When the prey fish gets close enough, the

angler snaps it up with its powerful jaws.

It’s lonely at depth, individuals are presumably locally rare and encounters doubly so, finding a mate is problematic. When scientists first started capturing anglerfish, they noticed that all of the specimens were female. These individuals were a few centimetres in size and almost all of them had what appeared to be parasites attached to them. It turned out that these “parasites” were highly reduced males.

When a male finds a female, he bites into her skin, and releases an enzyme that digests the skin of his mouth and her body, fusing the pair down to the blood-vessel level. The male then slowly atrophies, first losing his digestive organs, then his brain, heart, and eyes, and ends as nothing more than a pair of gonads, which release sperm in response to hormones in the female’s bloodstream indicating egg release. Sound familiar? Bros before hos.

P U T Y O U R M O N E Y W H E R E YOUR M OUTH IS NICHOLAS CROSS

You may have heard of ipredict.co.nz: New Zealand’s own online prediction market. It allows anyone who wants to join to bet real money on real world political, economic and scientific outcomes, and generates probabilities of a particular event occurring. There are hundreds of ‘stocks’ ranging from a Labour victory at the next election (42 per cent chance at time of writing) to Kim Dotcom being extradited by 2014 (20 per cent).

A broad array of academic literature suggests that in the right circumstances prediction markets can accurately assess the probabilities of real world outcomes. Take for example a study examining events following the 1986 Challenger disaster: After the space shuttle crash it took a panel of government experts several months to examine the evidence and determine which part of the shuttle failed. But within days of the crash the share price of the firm which supplied the faulty parts had collapsed (other suppliers did not experience the same fall), suggesting that those with inside

information had worked out the cause of the fault much more quickly.

The potential for prediction markets in policy making has not gone unnoticed. In 2001 the US Department of Defence started experimenting with a project called ‘Future Markets Applied to Prediction’ (FutureMAP) to gather strategic intelligence on future political and economic indicators in Middle Eastern countries, and conditional probabilities of future events, e.g. the likelihood of a major terrorist attack on US soil, the probability of top Al Qaeda officials being found or whether Israel will launch a pre-emptive strike on Iran.

It doesn’t take a genius to see the policymaking potential of FutureMAP. Imagine the stock ‘Nuclear weapons to be discovered in Iraq by December 31 2005 if America invades in 2003’. Knowing that such weapons did not exist, Iraqi military officials could bet heavily against the stock, making money from the defence department but giving away information many times more valuable.

15

So why haven’t you heard of FutureMAP? The programme was cancelled in the summer of 2003 under a barrage of congressional criticism. Two Democratic senators attacked the program, describing it as a “terrorism betting parlour” and asking why America was “spending millions of dollars on some kind of fantasy league terror game”.

These criticisms are clearly ridiculous, but they made me wonder what these senators would think of ‘Futarchy’, a system of government designed by economist Robin Hansen based on prediction markets. A Futarchy would still have elected politicians, but only to define measures of national welfare. Prediction markets would determine which policies to implement to achieve national welfare targets.

Is this a plausible replacement for western democracy? Almost certainly not, but the public service could do worse than considering FutureMAP as a tool in their policy analysis armoury.

YOU WINSTON YOU LOSE SOME

Winston Peters has received many labels over his thirty-seven years in politics. Charming, cheeky, charismatic, slippery, stubborn; his politics is an art so much his own that his name has nearly become an adjective. Sacked from Cabinet in 1991 due to a troublesome tendency to speak his mind, Peters’ left the National Party to form what has become one of the country’s most dominant minority parties, NZ First. Twenty years later, Winnie remains on the scene.

✏OLLIE NEAS

power

— 16 —

WINSTON PETERS

Outside His offices on Lambton Quay, He was recognised immediately. “Winnie!” shouted a child of about ten, launching upon Him with a hug. Unphased, Winston hugged back. “I voted for you!” yelled an older woman, delirious, “Remember From New Brighton? At the hair salon?” Always suave, Winston acknowledged the praise then strode across the street. At The Occidental, He was kind enough to offer your correspondent a coffee before ordering Himself a cappuccino and sitting down for a cigarette. His smoke of choice?

Horizons.† Ollie: Two of your brothers were in Parliament at various points—which a lot of students wouldn’t recall. Was that political spirit something you were raised with, or did it come from your experiences later in the world?

Winston: I was always interested in what was happening. Given our university backgrounds and what have you—I did political science and history, and law—it was suggested that I might be interested in politics. My brothers did very similar. We’re quite proud of the fact that there’s never been three other brothers in this Parliament before.

Ollie: That is an achievement. So, did you always set out to obtain a position of influence?

Winston: No, I was a lawyer.

Ollie: How did you get from there to politics?

Winston: One day I saw a government that was miserably ... [lights cigarette] Winston: ...going to take the land off people who had been there for a long time if they were European, and if they were Maori they had been there for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years.

There was a coastal land grab way up North, up past Whangarei, all the way up in the Bay of Islands. [sips cappuccino] Winston: And they came to me as a young lawyer and I thought I’d do something about it. It was about that time that I thought, I could get something done far quicker than this, and that’s when the idea of going into Parliament came in. And I’ve been doing it ever since!

Ollie: It’s been a lucky streak.

Winston: Well, the Devil never rests. Not in life and not in politics.

Ollie: To take a more abstract step now, what does the term ‘power’ mean to you?

Winston: Power has got many faces. Power, as understood by the community, has rather eerie connotations, and rightly so. But the power to do good is something else. And I suppose a lot of us in politics are what you might call idealists and romantics in the concept of the society we came from, and believing that there are times when it is a generation’s obligations to step up to the plate, and carry on great traditions. We are a country that lived through a great vision. The men didn’t enunciate it like that; they called it

fairness, but it was as fine a vision as I’ve seen politically anywhere in the world. First it was under Seddon, then under Savage, then the National Party picked it up in the ‘50s and adopted it and gave it a new face, and called it a Properly Owned Democracy. In its heyday—in the National Party’s heyday—the Minister of Labour knew every single one of the unemployed—because there was only 28. Not 100, not 1000, just 28.

Ollie: Looking through Parliament and the halls of government, is it clear which MPs are more eager for influence and power-hungry than others?

Winston: Ah yes, right across the board. There’s some great people in Parliament, and across a wide number of parties. People who I’ve got a lot of respect for. People who I think are inherently honest. If there’s one factor that’s not as present as it should be, it’s a thing called courage. And you need courage in this game.

Ollie: Do you see many MPs who are in it for the wrong reasons?

Winston: Yes, yes. That’s always sad. It’s disappointing in the extreme, because you think, surely there is something glamourously romantic and self-sacrificial about the reasons they came in the first place. But they just come here to become somebody. That’s what disappoints you. Let me explain. [lights another cigarette] If you watch nature, compared to politics it’s not too different. In the African plain, there’s all the animals chewing grass out there, and then out of the long grass comes these lions. And all you can see is this dust and small pebbles as they hit the road flat to get out of the way of these predators. The moment the lion gets one they slam on the brakes and they’re chewing grass again. Politics is like that. So few will come to the defence of someone who has been wronged.Very few will. And that’s across a lot of political parties, which is sad to say.

Ollie: Are there any politicians who you feel hold a lot of influence despite perhaps not holding the highest positions of office? The dark-horses, if you will.

Winston: The Machiavellians?

Ollie: Yeah.

Winston: There’s quite a few of them. Scheming and plotting 24/7.

Ollie: Who at the moment would you say are those characters?

Winston: Well I shouldn’t actually defame them. [collective chuckles] I would have thought that would be rather obvious to everybody!

But they’re in a lot of political parties as well.

Ollie: Is it true that you’ve survived a number of attempts at being ousted from your position at the top of NZ First, such as from Tau Henare back in the 1990’s— Winston: —it was hardly an attempt.

Ollie: What did it take though to stay on top?

Winston: Well look, I never thought in 1993 that I would be leading NZ First in 2012. There’s a whole range of things that are at matter here. First of all, you can’t do much for people unless you can win. That’s pretty axiomatic.You’ve got to be able to win. I certainly hope to put the party in the strongest shape in 2014 to be able to go on with new leadership and winning.

Ollie: But looking within the party, does it ever require one to take a hard line internally and be a little ruthless?

— 17 —

"...the Devil never rests. Not in life and not in politics."

Despite a brief absence from Parliament from 2008 to 2011, Peters’ influence has seen him determine the fate of governments and occupy offices as varied as Deputy Prime Minister, Minister of Foreign Affairs and Treasurer. While he remains one of the country’s most broadcast figures, there is still much to learn from New Zealand politics’ proverbial kingmaker. Salient coeditor Ollie Neas sat down with Winston to find out what secrets lie behind the halls of power.

power 1. Winston Peters at his seat in the House of Representatives, Parliament Buildings, Wellington (1989). Photographed by John Nicholson.

EP/1989/1300-F,The Dominion Post Collection, Alexander Turnbull Library.

1.

2. Prime Minister Jim Bolger announcing the dismissal of Winston Peters from Cabinet (1991). Photographed 2 October 1991 by John Nicholson.

EP/1991/3034,The Dominion Post Collection, Alexander Turnbull Library.

3. Winston Peters greets then-US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice on her arrival at Auckland (2008). Photograph by Ola Thorsen.

4. Winston Peters gives evidence to Privileges Committee (2008).

Photograph by Scoop Media.

2.

3.

WINSTON ON THE WORLD Other choice quotes from the full Salient interview with Mr Peters. The extended transcript can be found online at salient.org.nz.

On current Finance Minister Bill English: “I used to belong to a National Party where they would tell him that, ‘you’re talking bull-dust’.”

On His time as Minister of Foreign Affairs: “I made it very clear to the Americans that I expected a fair go for my country, that we had been to war time after time to defend certain values, and in the case of two world wars had got there well before they ever did.”

On alcohol prohibition: “And we all know what happens when you over-price alcohol. People start dying.”

Winston: Put it this way, the whole party has to be ruthless upon itself. Every member of caucus has got to be ruthless upon themselves, because it’s the team that’s in there. [...] The fact is that when you hit the paddock—like on the rugby paddock—you’ve got to know what you’re going to do, and every time someone fouls up, you lessen your chances of winning.

On His support of the ’81 Springbok Tour: “I didn’t see one game, but I thought other people had the right to make that choice. And I have been to Mandela’s home, OK? In Soweto.”

On plain packaging for cigarettes: “Do you know what they’re going to do? They’re going to persuade young people to smoke because of that.”

Ollie: Looking at New Zealand’s political system, while we live in a democracy, do you feel that there is a fair balance of power?

On the rise of China: “The day that communists are practising capitalism better than you is a day to scratch your head.”

Winston: There is a far fairer balance of power now than there was. But you have got to remember that by 1996 a critical amount of damage had been done to this country, first by Labour and then

by National, both using the same ideology. Once it was Douglas then it was Ruth. [...] I saw at the very time as Lange and Douglas got into power here, I saw Hawk and Keating get into power in Australia. If you look at the huge differential in growth between those two economies—Australia and New Zealand—it’s as clear as daylight: incremental change was the way to go. But we had an economic revolution, and we’re still living through it.

On societal changes since the ‘70s: “I’ve never been enamoured by the view that our world is immeasurably improved by having all these restaurants.The last people that I knew

that ate their way to security was Hansel and Gretel.”

On NZ First’s 2011 election campaign: “Look, we would have put a Scotsman out of business, that’s how well we spent our money.”

Ollie: Do you think there’s any truth in the alternate argument,

— 18 —

WINSTON PETERS

criticism the option of respectability. It’s insubstantial, it’s nonintellectual, it’s everything. It’s a put-down usually from those who are not popular.

4.

Ollie: Throughout your time in politics, you have occupied a range of influential positions—from Deputy Prime Minister in Bolger’s second, to Minister of Foreign Affairs under Clark’s Labour Govt. At what point do you feel you had most influence on political outcomes?

Winston: Clearly as Treasurer I had a lot of opportunities to change things. My argument and my record of this is that I got hit with the Asian Currency Crisis—everybody remembers it. [...] if you think that you went through that crisis and if you think we spent five billion more in areas of need such as health and free medicine and things like that, and kept exports growing and get GDP growing, and kept interest rates down and inflation at its lowest since 1975, it’s a record that I’m proud of. But I don’t expect my enemies to admit that. [...] The nature of New Zealand politics is, if they can’t beat you, then character assassinations are a big item on their agenda.

Ollie: Who is New Zealand’s greatest ever Prime Minister?

Winston: Oh, Seddon.

Ollie: What made him the greatest?

Winston: I suppose he had some very good men around him—at the time it was a very chauvinist society. He did have a vision of what he wanted this country to be. Then I suppose the next one, though for different reasons... There’s no doubt that Peter Fraser was a great Prime Minister. And I think Holyoake as well.

Ollie: How would you say Mr John Key compares?

Winston: He doesn’t.

Ollie: How would you rate his performance—right down the bottom?

Winston: I don’t rate his performance because there’s been no performance yet at all. Where are the indicators going? What’s better now than it was when he got into power four years ago?

Now, honestly, anyone who can bail out South Canterbury finance, number one, and not put a cap on it, give a hundred million to Hollywood, give the casinos a special deal in Auckland, and a few other things that are going to come out shortly, there’s a long way to establishing a track record yet.

Winston: Well actually, they’re talking nonsense. We stopped asset sales. We brought in free medicine for under six year-olds. We got rid of the surtax. Have any of those things been changed? No. So they accept that we were right. It’s 2012 now, and now no one is doing it. [...]

Ollie: While those policies that you implemented following 1996 may have been maintained, considering your relatively small proportion of the popular vote, is that not a case of you looking forward and telling people what they want?

Winston: Well first of all, NZ First never had the media behind us.

We never have and we probably never will. But we have been the highest polling party under MMP than any other party, with no immediate support from the media whatsoever.

Ollie: Why is it do you think that the media ignored NZ First like that?

Winston: Do you want the honest answer?

Ollie: Yes, please.

Winston: Because we don’t suck up to privileged entities in this country.

"If there’s one factor that’s not as present as it should be, it’s a thing called courage. And you need courage in this game."

that MMP has given too much influence to smaller parties, like NZ First for example, in determining the balance of power? As an example, people often look to 1996 and say that the concessions achieved by NZ First was beyond the mandate of the party.

Ollie: NZ First is often labelled as a populist party. Is that a label that you agree with?

Winston: [laughs] Well, I always think that that criticism is ridiculous. Democracy is about policies that are popular. [...]

Populism is usually an allegation that’s used against someone because they’re popular, and I just don’t get it. I don’t give that

— 19 —

Ollie: A final, very very very serious question Mr. Peters, that’s on everybody’s mind: how many ties do you own?

Winston: Ahhh... not many. [mutual lols] Look it depends what people spend their money on. Ties are not expensive. It’s paying attention when you’re out. I bought ties at the flea market.You have a look there—you see all these ties, and they’re going for a song. I’ll buy that one. †After

the interview, he clarified that he does not support smoking due to its ill health effects, but opposes plain packaging. ▲

THE MEASURE OF A MANHIRE

Power and influence are concepts which are not only difficult to quantify in an artistic sphere, but are also features which members of those communities often find distasteful. Bill Manhire has been a publishing poet and commentator since the early 1970s. He has also been teaching at Victoria University since that decade, within the English Literature department until 2001 when he became the head of the newly established Institute of Modern Letters. At the end of this year Manhire will be leaving the IML, ending a long commitment to nurturing writers and thinkers at Victoria University, to write more and breathe easier. Salient’s Rob Kelly went along for an armchair chinwag.

✏ R O B K E L LY

power

— 20 —

BILL MANHIRE

Bill: Well, none of them were people that I would meet, they were writers who were dead or lived somewhere else I guess.

Rob: Do you think that’s a result of the lack of influential New Zealand authors when you were starting off? Was it an access issue?

Bill: I think it was, I mean I think there were plenty of writers around at the time, but it was still a fairly recent thing in New Zealand and the school system didn’t have it. But then I went on to University at Otago which had the only writing fellowship in the country at the time.

Rob: Was that Baxter when you were there?

Bill: Yes and so Baxter was there for two years, behaving badly and he was a spectacular figure. And Janet Frame was there sort of scuttling along the corridors, and Maurice Gee had been there.

And Hone Tuwhare came down, and I got to know him and hung out with him a bit. So there were these people who came to Dunedin and they became very influential, but more as examples of people who had committed their lives to doing the thing that mattered. So it was great to go to the Captain Cook and drink beer with Hone, but also you knew that… I mean, he would arrive with poems and sort of hand them out, and all the local alcoholics would give him advice and he’d go away with a much worse poem than he arrived with; A sort of anti creative writing workshop. So in terms of influence or models maybe that was good.

Rob: And you began teaching writing I understand in the 1970’s?

Bill: At Cambridge, as part of your degree in English you could submit a little manuscript of original writing and if the staff, if your teachers thought it was okay it could make your degree a stronger one and if they thought it was no good they would just ignore it. So Don Mackenzie thought that would be a good thing to have here.Victoria was a pretty conservative place in the 70s, so it probably needed someone with his rhetorical skills and passion to make it happen.

So that’s what was set up. A third-year English student, which meant you had to have studied Pope and Dryden and passed a course in 18th century poetry, could put in a small manuscript of writing for some points which counted towards a BA. And that ran on for a couple of years.

Rob: And that’s when you were working here?

Bill: Yes, so for a couple of years students had this option and then several of them said, well it’s great we’re able to do this but why can’t we meet each other, you know it makes very good sense. It feels a bit lonely and everything else. We study at university, we’re in a class with other students and we can talk about what we’re doing. And at that point I got a bit overexcited.You know, I’m a member of staff and you’re students, you must do this. It was so productive and fruitful and exciting, it somehow all got formalized.

So then it slowly drifted and morphed and got bigger and now we have 30 MA students and a dozen PHD students.

the imagination didn’t work well with abstract concepts.

Rob: I promised that I wasn’t going to write an Obituary, but do you see the IML as a kind of personal legacy, or is that too morbid an idea.

Bill: No I don’t really, I think, I mean this sounds cute and fatuous but I think whatever it is it sort of belongs to everybody who has been through. All the past students and all the present students. I know it often gets referred to as the Bill Manhire course.

Rob: That must drive you nuts?

Bill: I don’t care for it, I have to say. It’s insulting to the writers who come through.

Rob: And to all the other people who teach at the IML? Bill: Absolutely, it also implies inside itself that we are in the business of creating clones.

Rob: That’s another thing I wanted to ask you about. I can imagine that teaching writing must be a minefield in terms of influential figures, you don’t want to influence someone to write your style.

Bill: Yeah, that’s very interesting really in terms of your issue theme. In a way if you are teaching writing well in an environment like this you’re trying to be as un-influential as possible. What you are wanting to do is for each person’s writing project to become as true to itself as it possibly can become.You’re actually trying, and the whole workshop group is trying to make the thing that the writer wants to bring into being as completely itself as it can become. So your influence is diffused in all sorts of ways.

Rob: NZ’s literary history is vaguely defined in the last 80 years by anthologies. And you’ve been a part of that process as both as a writer and an anthologiser. Does that worry you or do you see it as an essential way to disseminate writers’ works.

Bill: That’s hard to know. I mean you do turn into a bit of a gatekeeper I suppose, or you get perceived as a gatekeeper. I think my problem as an anthologist is that I’ve always thought you shouldn’t edit an anthology and at the same time put your own work in it. Often that’s why anthologies exist, a bunch of new writers come along and they want to tell the world they’re there.

One of the them becomes the editor and the editor prints their own work and all the work of that particular group and there they are, in the universe and people have to pay attention, but I’ve always felt uneasy about that kind of anthologising myself so I’ve never made an anthology where I’ve put my own work in.

So from that point of view I guess I’ve never defined a canon, I’ve always stood aside from it. ▲

Rob: When in your mind did the idea start to ferment of having a formalized writing school as a separate entity within the University?

Bill: Oh, probably during the 90s.

Rob: Can you remember why you thought it needed to be separate?

Bill: Well if I’m to be honest the English department was a dysfunctional and toxic place at the time. It was a place where a kind of civil war was going on, and that’s not an unusual thing for departments of English Literature around the world towards the end of the 20th century. But I basically thought it would be good to take creative writing away from English which in my sense of things was becoming entirely dominated by theory and I felt that

— 21 —

"...the English department was a dysfunctional and toxic place at the time. It was a place where a kind of civil war was going on...'"

Rob: Who do you think were the influential figures when you began writing?

HOW ABOUT A CHEEKY LOBBY?

In July, Speaker of the House Lockwood Smith released to the public the list of the 15 non-parliamentarians who held security access cards to Parliament. The release brought public attention to the question of transparency and lobbying in the process of government. Included in the list was Barrie Saunders, co-founder of Saunders Unsworth, New Zealand’s pre-eminent government relations and lobbying consultancy firm. Salient’s Chris McIntyre talked to Barrie about his caution in applying the word power—unless it’s to the politicians whom he is employed to persuade.

✏CHRIS McINTYRE

power

— 22 —

BARRIE SAUNDERS

Chris: What does a lobbyist do?

that way if you wanted to, but look, this is a critical part of the democratic process. If politicians had to deal with every car dealer, every business person, or every trade union, or every member of Greenpeace, they would go nuts! So what [lobbying] does is lowers transaction costs.

Chris: Do you think the persuasive element, on behalf of clients, is something that sways the public perception of what lobbying is?

Barrie: I don’t know what the public perception of lobbying is. I suspect, actually, that very few members of the public think a great deal about it. It’s not exactly a top ten priority when they think about government.

Chris: Recently there’s been the swipe card issue which caused a bit of a public uproar, you’d be aware of some perceptions which have been brought to light through that?

Barrie: Well, there’s been a bit of publicity. I wouldn’t call it an uproar.

Chris: I think what came at the heart of the publicity was the public seemed to think there were some sort of shady goings-on at the heart of power.

Barrie Saunders: Any member of the public can walk into Parliament... the difference between any member of public and myself is that their bags will go through an x-ray machine, my bags won’t go through an x-ray machine... We are in exactly the same position—I can’t go anywhere up in the Beehive without having an appointment and getting my access cleared.

A whole lot of fuss has been made about nothing. A total media creation.

“The main parties … are almost impossible to be bought in a money sense, because they’re too broad a churches, really. And it would get out; that’s the difficulty.”

Barrie: Act as an advocate for our clients in respect of public policy.You could boil it down to a very simple proposition if you want to, which is, we’re either trying to get the government to do something, or not do something.

It’s much better to work with professional people who have worked through the issues, aggregated and distilled, and then presented. And this costs money, this is not a costless exercise.

Chris: The theme of this issue is Power; what does the term power mean to you?

Barrie: All I know is, as a lobbyist, I don’t have any power at all.

Chris: You don’t think lobbyists hold any power?

Barrie: No. We can certainly influence outcomes, but I don’t call that power. Power is people who actually make decisions, we don’t make decisions. We’re just advocates. We’ve got power in the sense that voters have got power, but in a different way—it’s still part of the democratic process.

Chris: So if lobbyists don’t have power, are the people that have all the power the politicians?

Barrie: Well the people who have power are government officials, and politicians. They’ve got power to actually make decisions. All we can do is advocate, and then they have to reach a conclusion.

Sometimes people think that, including the media, ‘Oh, the politicians have caved in to this bit of lobby, this is outrageous, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera,’ but maybe the politicians have changed their mind because the group presented a good case!

It may be the politicians have actually made a rational decision because what seemed logical from the outside turned out not to be so good when you got closer to it.

Chris: Aside from the swipe card issue, do you think the media’s portrayal of lobbyists is unfair?

Chris: So it’s a case of the media not presenting all of the facts, or enough of the facts?

Barrie: I have only seen one decent article on lobbyists in the New Zealand media, just over a year ago in the Sunday Star Times.

Barrie: Exactly. The thing to understand about the media these days is that it’s having a hard time itself. Mainstream media is having a seriously hard time. Falling circulations and audience, markets have got very segmented. So, as a consequence of that, you’ll tend to find the media’s got a bit sharper edged than it was, say, 30 years ago. They present things more starkly.

Chris: That article seemed to me to be a look without the hysteria— Barrie: —the hysteria, exactly. What goes on in Washington just bears no resemblance to what goes on in New Zealand. It’s sort of regulated in a sense in the US, you see a lot of what happens. By our standards it’s corrupt, but in an open sort of way. Money buys policies. In New Zealand, in my experience, money does not buy policies with one possible exception.

The trouble is with the truth is that it’s often shades of grey— which has now got a whole new meaning I understand, which I haven’t gone into yet—but it’s not actually black and white. So when you’re in a stronger commercial position you can present the shades of grey in a more nuanced way. But if your back is against the wall, and that is the case with quite a lot of media, then the only way to hang on is to get sharper. So that’s what we’ve seen.

Chris: That exception being?

Barrie: The trade union relationship with the Labour Party. That’s a very historic relationship in a sense—talk about a related party— the Labour Party came out of the trade union movement, so it’s a bit of a special case.

Chris: Is it as simple as saying John Key has the most power in Government, or Helen Clark in the Labour days?

Chris: You were involved with the Business Roundtable back in the day, you don’t think there’s any similar relationship with the National Party of the Act Party?

Barrie: Helen Clark, definitely. John Key calls the shots in the end but there’s a couple of other guys who matter a lot, that’s Bill English and Steven Joyce, and then there are a few other ministers as well. John Key’s got a pretty open style, but he’ll make final judgements in the end. He’s not an authoritarian. What you see is what you get.

Barrie: Nah. Absolutely not.

The main parties—quarantining off the trade union issue—are almost impossible to be bought in a money sense, because they’re [each] too broad a churches, really. And it would get out; that’s the difficulty.

Chris: If there wasn’t a lobbying process, our democracy would be laden down with—

And people make donations; I’ve never handled money at all, I’ve never had to advise a client on money and political parties. I did say in that Sunday Star Times article, the day we get to a situation where money can buy policy is the day I quit.

Barrie: —it would be much the poorer! This way, you can cut to the chase faster.You can present a proposition to them and they can say, yeah that’s a yes or a no or a maybe.

This is just part of the democratic process. That’s how lobbying should be seen, just as an essential part of a working democracy.

Chris: Do you think that if a client is paying you to try and persuade governments and let’s say you get an outcome, is that not at some level money buying policy?

▲

Barrie: Oh, [clients buy] advocacy services—you could put it

— 23 —

SIR JOHN KIRWAN? LOL JK

Sport is an interesting context in which to examine the dynamics of power. It is reflected in the celebrity of its players, the charisma of its leaders, the corporate sponsorship and the taxpayer-funded World Cup mania. This year—former All Black Sir John Kirwan—no stranger to the corridors of power in international sport, has returned to the spotlight with his appointment as head coach of the Blues Super Rugby franchise. Even our Prime Minister jokingly refers to himself as ‘The Other JK’ in reference to the man’s high profile.

✏CARLO SALIZZO

power

— 24 —

You might know him from his depression ad campaign, if not his illustrious playing career or his time coaching Italy or Japan. Heck, maybe you know him for his two seasons playing for the Warriors.

If not, search for ‘John Kirwan try’ on Youtube and prepare to see some serious footy.

but I understand. I don’t agree with him but… He’s bored, he wants mental change and he’s gone. With my power as coach if I’m empowering someone and he comes and says that to me, what do I have to say? Not that it was me, with him, but if you empower someone to be then you’ve got to accept the result.”

I sat down with Sir John—JK as he prefers to be known—at a café near his new home in Auckland’s Mission Bay. Since taking on the Blues job he’s had to make the move back to his hometown from his wife’s native Italy. But it’s a decent jump from South Auckland, where he grew up, and which still shows in his frank, no-nonsense and above all genuine manner. He has obviously given a lot of thought to the subject of power—which is understandable given the authoritative nature of a coach’s role.

After all, it’s a result that has many rugby pundits looking at the Blues’ high-stakes 2013 season with interest. It’s a big one for the franchise, who have come off one of their most disappointing years in Super Rugby history, with fans looking to Kirwan and special advisor Sir Graham Henry for the solution. But working with the renowned ex-All Blacks coach just another part of his philosophy.

“Being a dictator is very difficult, you get a whole lot of people around you who say yes you get what you want, you don’t get confrontation. But when you start empowering people, they will confront you. It’s a good thing.”

For Kirwan, power is a lot more diverse than telling people what to do. It comes in many forms: there is power over a few people, power over many, but as he explains, “the basic sense of power comes from an incredible self-belief … you think you have that power, but actually, it comes internally. Then, you have what you do with that power.”

Coaching overseas and at home has revealed a lot about the different ways in which rugby organisations operate. “Overseas you totally wield your power.You totally control people’s lives and use that. In NZ we communicate, negotiate, facilitate. In Italy you get the sack—see ya, not performing.”

“You have to be very careful with rugby in Europe on the president that you get. He might be like the Toulon manager who’s in the coaching box, but he’s also spending 20 million euros a year.

What do you say to that? Do you say no? We don’t understand that, but French and Italians just get on with it. In rugby over there, who has the money has the power.”

Kirwan is keen to reinforce the idea that in order to wield it successfully, a person in power must have a “philosophy of power”.

What may seem like a clumsy exercise in winning a bet over who can use the word ‘power’ the most times in an interview is actually an explanation of a fundamental principle—power is how you use it. Kirwan’s chosen use for it is not dictatorship—though he frankly admits that it was his style while coaching in Japan—but prefers a philosophy of empowerment: “I think the most important thing is not to fall in love with power, and move it to empower, which is really hard.”

“To see someone take control of their own self and what they’re doing. And especially in sport, I think in sport it’s a huge responsibility to make sure that that person pops out the other end empowered in many things, in sport, in their self control, how they enter society.”

And it’s more than a platitude. Kirwan sees his philosophy of empowerment as a tool for getting the most out of his players, especially in a professional era where the game is a career and players are involved for the majority of their working lives.

“People said to me ‘what about Graham Henry, are you worried about that?’ so what they’re worried about is a conflict of powers, who’s really going to be in charge? As long as the team wins I don’t care. Now I’ll have to show a certain intelligence to make sure that I’m in charge but does it really matter if the team wins?

Might matter to my ego, might matter to perception, might matter to my career, but if my end goal is [empowerment] then I might have to give, or take, I haven’t come across that situation but I can understand it, plan for it, so when it arrives, I can either confront, or I say, no he’s actually better than me I’ll empower him to do that.”

Kirwan also identifies a power in influence. That’s the kind held by the players themselves: “Dan Carter puts on a pair of red boots, every kid from 8 to 15 goes out to buy a pair of red boots.” He mentions the captain and senior players in particular. “They have the power to lead. That, depending on how good they are, leads to influence. I’m sure whatever happens with Steve Hansen is in consultation with Richie McCaw and Dan Carter, for example, because they have shown that their leadership influence enough to know that if you don’t have them on side then you aren’t going far.”

In comparing a rugby franchise to a business, Kirwan roughly equates the position of a coach with that of “general manager, maybe not CEO because there’s a rung above us.” He’s tasked with a variety of jobs, from the obvious ones of preparing his players for the season and selection, to the more diverse, like media strategies and budgeting. Even with all that in the air, he still brings it down to fundamentals.

“I think that to empower people to be great is where leadership is. Do you remember Barack Obama’s speech? ‘Yes we can.’ I don’t know how many times he said it in his speech, but it empowered a nation to believe they could. Now, [the] negative side of that—I hope he gets re-elected, but I think a lot of the country got disillusioned because they went out and tried and he didn’t [succeed], you know?”

While a rugby coach may not be ‘leader of the free world’, if he fails to deliver as coach of the Blues, Kirwan knows that he will be “out of there”. There is more than enough pressure resting on his philosophy. He jokingly comes back to his dictatorship model: “you will do as I say or else I’ll shoot you—but you’ve still got to shoot them.” ▲

“Sometimes we can get selfish and just make them great rugby players, but if you want to have longevity you’ve got to really empower them to challenge, grow, get better.Youth brings you passion, then about 24, 25, you start saying this is getting tough. So how do you start doing things and recreating that passion?”

Kirwan apologises for having to take a phone call. As it happens, it was regarding the departure of All Black Tony Woodcock, a long-time franchise player, to the Highlanders—a perfectly timed example of exactly what we had been discussing.

“Tony Woodcock wants to leave the Blues, because he’s bored.

What do I do, let him go? His choice, we wanted to keep him,

— 25 —

“Dan Carter puts on a pair of red boots, every kid from 8 to 15 goes out to buy a pair of red boots.”

JOHN KIRWAN

ONLY JUDITH WILL JUDGE ME

From newly-minted electorate MP to the highest-ranked female member of Cabinet, firmly lodged on the front bench in a matter of ten years, Judith Collins is in the ascendant. Collins, now Minister of Justice, and for ACC and Ethnic Affairs, entered the House after 20 years as a lawyer, having studied at both the University of Canterbury and the University of Auckland. Known for speaking her mind, and her uncompromising approach to achieving her political ends, Collins is a divisive figure. Salient coeditor Asher Emanuel ventured into the depths of the Beehive to discuss power, gender and how she came to be known as ‘the Crusher’.

✏ ASHER EMANUEL

power

— 26 —

JUDITH COLLINS

Asher: When you were young you had an inkling that you wanted to get into Parliament— Judith: —Only a little teeny bit. I did at one stage mention it to my mother who thought it would be a dreadful thing because people would be very nasty and horrible. She was quite right, of course. But it’s not that bad. I joined the National party in 1999 on the basis that clearly everyone else was leaving. And that’s when I get interested—when everybody else is about to go. I thought they needed help [chuckles].

Asher: What attracted you to the idea in the first place?

Judith: We can make a difference. That’s why I went to be a lawyer—so I could help women and children.

Asher: Obviously your rise inside the party was rather rapid— Judith:—It was wasn’t it! It didn’t feel like it at the time.

Asher: Some people had to move out of the way.

Asher: How did that process come about?

An extended version of the interview can be found at salient.org.nz.

Asher: You’ve said before, of your portrayal in the media, that it has been ‘one-dimensional’. Is there a different Minister?

Judith: Well… I think so. I am actually a human being, although… you wouldn’t necessarily think it if you saw the one dimensional portrayals [...]. I’m also not only a Minister, but I’ve been—before coming to Parliament—a lawyer for 20 years; I’ve been a mother, wife, all those sorts of things.

Asher: How does your gender affect your media portrayal?

Judith: Well, there’s no point moaning about it, because you won’t get anywhere with it, but women politicians are quite clearly judged on an extra set of characteristics than our male counterparts. Our clothes are criticised, or sometimes even marked.

Hair, weight, age; all these things are up for grabs... our male colleagues don’t get the same sort of scrutiny.

Asher: You’ve said before that you’re “pro-women” rather than describing yourself as a feminist.

Judith: It’s interesting isn’t it.Yeah. So... So?

“It is easy to be portrayed as being a ‘ball-buster’, [out to] destroy people…

Strength is portrayed as aggression.”

single minute has to count.

Judith: …You’ll probably find that most people moved out of the way because they wanted to go. People think that being an MP is this really fun job [...] but actually it’s really hard work; it’s soul destroying (if you’re in opposition); it’s really hard on your families.

I can’t think of anyone who would feel that they were bumped out by me.

Asher: There are always suggestions that after a couple of years in the Beehive that one becomes out-of-touch— Judith: Which is why it is incredibly important to not hang out in this place any longer than you have to… I’m in my electorate every week, and I talk to normal people who have nothing to do with politics. Because Wellington is completely immersed in politics—it is a company town, and the company is government.

And I know I’m surrounded by people who are paid to agree with me. Essentially. And that can be incredibly limiting in terms of understanding what’s going on.

Asher: Would you be able to describe how you’ve seen notions of power affect your colleagues?

Judith: It’s very easy to see and to criticise from the outside and I think people saw generally someone like Helen Clark become more and more remote from people, but actually, to be frank Helen was always quite remote. She’s quite a shy person.

And I don’t think my colleagues get out of their… well people might… maybe portrayed as various things… but the other thing is in government, you have to make decisions. And decisions mean that some people are going to be annoyed, or they’re going to say you’ve lost touch with them or whatever, because you’re not doing what they want. But that’s the point. In government you make decisions, in opposition, you know what you get to do? You whinge.

Asher: I’ve read that you were once a Labour supporter— Judith: Oh, well that’s what happens when you grow up in a family that is. Everyone’s allowed to be stupid once, I always say!

Asher: On Labour, you once said that it’s a group of people “who think that policy papers can change the world”— Judith: Actions speak louder than words. They think that having a strategy paper [...] followed by a work plan paper, followed by a consultation document should take up about three years of government and then they can say that they’ve done something. It’s a bit like those people who say things like ‘one day I’m going to run a marathon’, and then never actually put their running shoes on to go and start. I’m someone who feels very aware that I have a certain amount of time on earth, and I don’t believe I get to come back, so—not a Buddhist. And I am absolutely aware that every

— 27 —

Judith: I’ve never had a problem with saying that I am actually someone who is pro-women, and the trouble with the label feminist, is that it’s used in a derogatory way by many. It’s also used [in] a celebratory way by many. Far too often—and not just in Parliament, in business and particularly around boards—we have far too few women. Or the women that some of the men feel comfortable with are the women who play supportive roles. Well…

I’m not a supportive role player. Unless it’s part of the team—I’m very happy to be part of the team. But I’m not a handmaiden. It is easy to be portrayed as being a ‘ball-buster’, [out to] destroy people… Strength is portrayed as aggression. In my male counterparts, they would all be excellent qualities that we should celebrate… So, are we treated unfairly? Yes. Is there anything much we can do about it? No. We might as well just get on and do the best we can.

Asher: You’ve said before that Maggie Thatcher is an important person to— Judith: Of course she is! She’s one of the great people of the 20th century.

Asher: —But you said that you regret that she didn’t bring enough women along with her...

Judith: Well, one of the things that I [have done] as the senior woman in Government [is] establish, for instance, a group where women ministers get together every sitting term, and we chew the fat, have a drink, criticise various things or run issues past each other [...]. And if you look around my office [...] you’ll find that all of the staff that I am responsible for are women and that is essentially because I like to choose the best people for the job, and I intend to employ people who are going to be working well together.

Asher: What do you think of the nickname ‘Crusher’?

Judith: Well it was given to me by the opposition. I never use the term myself, but having said that, I think they wish they hadn’t given it to me [chuckles]. So, ultimately, it doesn’t particularly hurt, and in politics to not be able to be strong... makes you somewhat redundant—both figuratively and literally.

Asher: So you think it’s a reasonable epithet for your general attitude?

Judith: Ah, no—I’d like to do better than that, but it certainly hasn’t proved to be a terrible hindrance…

Asher: What would you suggest as an alternative, perhaps?

Judith: That’s not for me to say! ▲

I MOUSTACHE YOU SOME QUESTIONS

If Judy Bailey is the proverbial Mother of the Nation, then Mark Sainsbury is our nation’s jolly uncle. After a career spanning the Holmes show, documentary-making, political editorship, a spell in London as a foreign correspondent, and Publications Officer at VUWSA, he’s now the face of Close Up—New Zealand’s most watched current affairs show— though recent rumours suggest the writing might well be on the wall for the long-running programme. Salient’s Chris McIntyre speaks to the man behind the moustache about the public, staying top dawg, and student union quorums.

✏CHRIS McINTYRE

power

— 28 —

MARK SAINSBURY

Chris: Is it hard to defend your throne from the likes of Mike Hosking and Paul Henry? Are those relationships contentious at times?

relevance is always they key thing when you’re doing stories.You’ve got to think, is this story relevant to the people that are watching, is it relevant to what’s happening?

Mark: It’s one of the top jobs, so people want that job, but they can’t have it.

It’s a very difficult beast, and for Campbell Live they’ve got the same problems and issues—to get material and keep it fresh and relevant. But also, it’s the incredible range, because you can be interviewing John Key or someone on asset sales and then at the end you can have people who are living with chickens in the middle of the city! It’s a fairly wide brief, and it’s just a matter of balance. When I say balance, I’m talking of balance within the program, of the different style of stuff; that’s what is tricky. People don’t necessarily want a diet all night of absolute doom and gloom and horrendous tales of neglected abuse. So when we look at how we’re putting the program together, we’re looking at those considerations as well.

Mark: No, no, no! Paul Henry made no secret he wanted that job, he’s now working on breakfast in Australia. I mean, draw what you like out of that.

Chris: Close Up has become increasingly interactive, with features like text polls and opinions from Facebook; why do you include public perceptions and criticisms in your show?

Mark: Things have changed. It used to be that television was king and everyone would watch that... The fact is that people get their news and information from all sorts of different sources, and the social media thing is something that’s just become bigger and bigger and bigger. So you can’t ignore it, because that's the way people are communicating. The idea is to find out what people are thinking and also so people have a degree of sort of ownership in the program. Some of the views you see coming in are not the sort of things you would ever entertain yourself, but there is a diversity of opinion out there.

Chris: With more public opinion coming in now, do you think that’s enabled the public to have more power over the shows they watch?

Mark: Well, yeah, it is actually quite a tricky thing. Whoever makes the loudest noise, are you suddenly going to tailor it to that? If the majority of people in New Zealand had racist attitudes to Maori are we supposed to reflect that? There are certainly issues where journalistically you have to report things according to the standards that you set yourself, as opposed to what you think the prevailing mood is. But by the same token, if you know that an issue of something is what’s affecting people, then you need to be able to at least get into that and explore that.

“Someone like Winston [Peters] is almost like sport. Irrespective of whatever the issue is, its a matter of just trying to get the upper hand.”

Chris: Is it an old man’s game?

Chris: Do you analyse or pick over criticism, or is it just water under the bridge?

Mark: No. I mean, it depends what it is.You can’t get caught up in that. It’s like mail—if you read the stuff that comes through it’d do your head in, but you’ve got to look at criticism because it may well be that you’ve done something wrong.You can sort of question your own approach, but you can’t get bogged down in all that sort of nonsense.

Chris: Do you have a favourite person that you’ve interviewed, or a person you’ve been most swept by?

Mark: Probably the closest person I’ve been to would’ve been Ed Hillary, because I spent so much time with him. I did a number of documentaries with him, I became personal friends with him and June, and he had a huge influence.

It depends. Someone like Winston [Peters] is almost like sport.

Irrespective of whatever the issue is, its a matter of just trying to get the upper hand. Whereas with other people, you know they’ve got something in them and it’s a matter of trying to get it out... It just varies.

Chris: Anchorman 2 and the famous moustache of Ron Burgundy are returning to the screen; thoughts?

Chris: Is it hard to balance the need to report on things like public policy that the public might not be so interested in, versus the things which people do show an interest in, like human interest items?

Mark: I’ve been waiting, I would’ve thought at least a consultant role would’ve been quite good fun.

How’s Salient going these days? I used to be sort of involved in student politics at Vic back in the day, jeepers, must’ve been ‘75 or ‘76 I think. It was a long time ago.

Mark: It’s like, what do you want to watch, or what’s good for you to watch. Is that for us to decide? You have things that are there which are public policy issues which you know need to be discussed; you can’t sort of shoehorn that into people’s consciousness, but you’ve got to try and at least give them a chance.

So there’s issues going around and you go, ‘Oh yeah, that's bloody boring’. This is both within the public and sometimes within news management. Certainly in the past, it’s like 'Oh, politics are boring,' or, 'Oh, we don’t want to see MPs'. Decisions that are made [at Parliament] affect every single one of us, but it’s our job to try and make that accessible.

Chris: People only read Salient for the letters, and the student union’s still having problems getting quorum for their general meetings.

Mark: Oh yeah, nothing’s changed! ▲

The [idea behind the] sort of sexed up kind of treatment...was that it pulled in people, it got people to watch. [There’s been a historic] dilemma; do you make a program where you include 60% of the facts but you reach 70% of the people, or do you put in 90% of the facts and only reach 30% of the people? That’s sort of [the dilemma around] how you make something interesting to watch. And that’s part of our job, we have to make things interesting to watch, or people aren’t going to see it.You can’t just sit back and say, ‘Oh look, aren’t we wonderful”, patting ourselves on the back for such a fantastic job, when you actually don’t reach anyone. It’s pointless.

Chris: Why do you think 200,000 more people watch Close Up than Campbell Live? What do you put that down to?

Mark: I’d like to think we do a better job...but they’ve sort of had their day as well. Whether people like what they do, or like what we do, or they feel they get something out of what we do,

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YOUR STUDENTS’

ASSOCIATION

review

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music

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x

VBC 88.3FM

x

TOP 5 tracks for

DA TOP OF DA FOOD

CHAIN 1. NOTORIOUS B.I.G JUICY

“Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis/ When I was dead broke, man I couldn’t picture this/ 50 inch screen, money green leather sofa/ Got two rides, a limousine with a chauffeur”

2. IGGY AZALEA MY WORLD

“I’m on the phone closing deals/George tell em next, half a mill”

3. SIMON AND GARFUNKEL FEELIN’ GROOVY “Got no deeds to do, no promises to keep”

4. MARINA AND THE DIAMONDS

PRIMADONNA GIRL “Living life like I’m in a dream/I know I’ve got a big ego/I really don’t know why it’s such a big deal, though”

5.

KANYE WEST FT. NIKKI MINAJ AND JAY-Z

MONSTER “Have you ever had sex with a pharoah? AHH PUT DA PUSSY IN A SARCOPHAGUS”

Sippin’ on Charlies with Emanuel Psathas M AT T W H I T E

I am woefully unprepared for the interview with Wellington rapper Emanuel Psathas, stage name: Name UL. Get it? It’s Sunday morning and I’m yet to make it home. I intend to do this old school with a pad of refill and pen but have neither. The dairy on Cuba stocks pens but I’m forced to subvert the back of a Fidel’s coffee menu on the paper front.

When Emanuel rocks up, proudly sporting his Wellington College supporters hoody, I’m reminded that he is still only 6th form and doing amazingly well. He walks the line as the sort of student that principals either adore or ignore. We find Fidel’s café to be awkwardly packed and decide to walk and talk, eventually making it as far south as St. Johns bar on the waterfront. O.J on the rocks for the up and comer.

Emanuel tells me just last night he was spitting his lines at bodega and that last week he opened for Auckland-based hip hop crew @peace. He is set to perform at Ladeda this year and has attracted interest from gig organizers across the Tasman, who say they will fly him over. I’ve already said it once but the guy’s sixteen. That’s not normal. Though Emanuel may be taking off as a rapper, he is

wonderfully grounded and emanates humility.

He’s achieved his success on the back of hard grind, not typical of a pesky teenager and says that even though his Greek father is a big time composer, he organizes his own gigs and susses his own cheese. That’s pretty admirable.

Family features heavily in his discussion of where he’s at with his music. Dads’ hip-hop collection was his first taste of the genre and inspired mixed reactions. You could say he remembers his first beer. Mum was in the crowd at a recent gig in Christchurch and received a loving acknowledgement or as they say; a shout out. His younger sister who is “weirdly mature” offers the tough love critiques when they’re due. Emanuel also mentions primary school buddy Quillam Janse, saying that he has been there since the start of it all. I get the feeling that Quillam represents something close to family.

As we eat kumara fries and sip pulpy juice like kings, I mention a rapper I know who’s my age and likes to rap about non-existent money and bitches, he knows the type and laughs knowingly, sixteen years old yet so above the nonsense that comes with a genre as commercially viable as hip hop. That sort

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of boastful rhetoric is not his style. In fact, listening to his songs you will hear about his assessment of school, lunchtime with the lads, dicks who shred his dreams and an aunty that loved him dearly. His lyrics are founded on a loyalty to his own self, never departing from the reality of life as a teenager. There’s no need to fabricate a ghetto up-brining or a lifestyle of Persian excess when life is a hectic whirlwind of classes and teaching crowds all over the country. The only break he’s had from school of late was a one day suspension for drinking on a school rowing trip but forget the shenanigans, he tops his year group in both media and English and it was a hater that ratted him out. Trust that.

Girls don’t seem to come up much in Emanuel’s verses but none the less we wrap up our chat with talk of how girls are confusing. The generic small talk signals the conclusion of what has been an eye opening catch-up. I’ve been all ears for the last hour or so and now feel compelled to go home and jam some Name UL. As should the rest of you. I hope that in ten years I can interview Emanuel again and perhaps the dranks/bitches will be on him. Watch that space.

review

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Margin Call

film

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

G E R A L D L E E ( F I L M E D I TO R )

Directed by J.C. Chandor

The recent batch of “financial thrillers” inspired by the banking crisis haven’t been of a particularly high calibre. Too many seek to provide elaborate detail about the workings of financial markets, as opposed to focusing on how these affect ordinary people. Thankfully J.C. Chandor’s Margin Call sidesteps the tedious complexities and crafts an intricate human drama out of the murky world of investment banking.

Although inspired by the events of the Global Financial Crisis, Margin Call is a fictional representation of how the executives of an investment firm desperately try to save their company from the looming threat of bankruptcy. However, even in what appear to be the firm’s dying hours everybody is manoeuvring to protect their own interests through deception and manipulation. Its moral quandaries are myriad and complex, pointing out how the selfishness of those involved threatens everybody around them, but also illustrating how that this is a fundamentally human flaw. It’s a pity then that some plot strands are relatively underdeveloped, as characters move in and out focus for no

discernible reason.

With a cast of Hollywood heavyweights, it’s perhaps unsurprising that the acting is uniformly excellent. Everybody contributes exactly what is necessary, including Irons as the unflappable CEO unconcerned by the consequences of his actions and Tucci as the distraught former employee. However, the performance that lingers, and provides the film’s most probing moral questions, is that of Spacey. His performance invites empathy and understanding without forcing us to condone his questionable decisions.

Complementing the acting, Chandor’s direction presents us with a world that’s opulent, but has had any glamour stripped away. The film is dominated by hollow spaces and the whine of computers spewing out streams of meaningless financial data.

Chandor’s cinematography effectively confines us within this vapid world and highlights its isolation from the streets down below. It’s not a particularly innovative approach, but its exquisite crafting makes Margin Call a genrepiece that should interest anyone looking for a human take on the oft-derided world of finance.

Holy Motors      J AC K S U T H E R L A N D

Directed by Leos Carax

Ever had one of those dreams that was so vividly intriguing that you’re furious to have woken up from it? One so delightfully devoid of worldly restraints that you attempt to lull yourself back to sleep just to return to that intriguingly surreal world? Well, imagine experiencing that fully conscious, in a cinema, and you begin to approach the remarkable viewing experience that is Holy Motors.

The film opens with what comes to be revealed as a very deliberate narrative curve ball tossed by director Leos Carax; namely, the protagonist Oscar leaving his glamorous house, getting into his limo, Bluetooth headset adorned, and appearing to drive forth to work. This opening lulls the viewer into a cushion of cinematic familiarity which is quick to be subverted as Oscar arrives at his first appointment.

Through the course of a single day we see Oscar embark on 11 appointments, each of

which could stand independently as its own incomprehensible short film. From disguising himself as a haggard bag lady and begging on a Parisian bridge, to enacting an intense motion capture love scene, to graphically assassinating a double of himself, Oscar’s day is presented as a stream of sub-consciousness at once devoid of any kind of linear narrative and yet absorbing for its beauty and gritty exploration of human vice.

Not afraid to probe all genres, Carax’s film is simultaneously action, thriller, romance, comedy and musical. Furthermore, it proves a melancholy reflection on the waning significance of classic cinematic values. Late in the film Oscar is confronted by a colleague who notes that he doesn’t seem so invested in his work anymore, to which he nostalgically responds that he is indeed frustrated by the way the industry has changed. Holy Motors takes us back to a time when movie making was transcendent artistry, and mourns the dilapidated state of pure, emotive cinema.

THE RATINGS [Witty comment about film being derivative piece of shit.]

[Sarcastic remark about film’s lack of quality.]

[Praise that manages to both flatter the film and make me seem erudite.]

[Amusing compliment regarding film’s ability to entertain but not ‘provoke’.]

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[Only comment that isn’t laced with bad puns and puerile humour.]

review

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books

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NW TO D D AT T I C U S

Novel by Zadie Smith

For a novel that inhabits a very specific geography, Zadie Smith’s latest novel NW frequently suggests a more universal flavour.

Perhaps reflective of the diversity of most cities, there are moments in Smith’s north London tableaux which could easily depict some suburbs of Wellington.

Take, for example, London’s Kings Cross, denoted under Smith’s hyper attentive gaze:

“TV cable, computer cable, audiovisual cables, I give you good price, good price. Leaflets call 4 less, learn English, eyebrow wax, Falun Gong, have you accepted Jesus as your personal call plan?”. For all intents and purposes, this could easily be a list compiled during a stroll along Newtown’s Riddiford Street.

Beyond the textural details of place, Smith’s is a novel of unmistakable locality. The surface of modernity may be global phenomena—

McDonalds, Blackberry devices, police sirens – but it is culture, race and class that rivet north London.

In NW Smith tracks four characters—Leah, Felix, Natalie and Nathan—who all grew up in the same council estate in north-west London.

Despite the vastly different trajectories of their lives, the characters all orbit their childhood home with an almost fateful intensity. Smith uses the estate as a pivot on which she cycles through her characters’ stories and hangs their neuroses. There is more, it seems, to escaping your past than simply moving out.

Like the novel’s brightly-coloured cover, with its divergent diamond-shaped onion-skin layers, reading NW is a process of unwrapping.

Admonishing a singular narrative voice in favour throughout, each of the novel’s four parts feel tonally distinct; squares in a quilted portrait.

The novel is not without its failings. There are a few moments where Smith’s stylistic ventures fail to justify their inclusion; a page of text shaped to depict an apple tree succeeds only in disenfranchising the reader.

An occasionally cavalier approach to narrative cohesion begs the question: has Zadie Smith secretly been schooled by Manhire?

Despite these fleeting shortcomings and its weak final act, NW plots a confident path through the contradictions and conflicts of modern life. It throws into sharp relief the intensity of human interactions and especially those occasioned by urban and cultural realities.

The Long Earth K U R T B A R B E R ( B O O K S E D I TO R )

Novel by Terry Pratchett & Stephen Baxter

The Long Earth has been a long time coming: Terry Pratchett first began work on the novel back in 1986, before the Discworld series took off and consumed the next thirty years of his life.

It’s a collaborative piece by Pratchett and Stephen Baxter, inspired largely by quantum theory. A scientist discovers a way to ‘Step’ between parallel versions of Earth; a method that is so simple almost anyone can do it, and when the schematics for the ‘Stepper’ are put online the human race begins a mass exodus to new worlds. Each world is originally uninhabited by sentient life, and there is no limit to how far a person can step. Policing becomes virtually impossible and whole civilisations disappear off the radar over a few months.

This is a plot built on ideas explored, to a

lesser extent, in Pratchett’s other novels—Sam Vimes’s dis-organizer in Jingo similarly crosses the boundaries between potential alternate universes—but the influence of Steven Baxter, whose science fiction writing is slightly harder than the average diamond, is apparent in The Long Earth, providing a much-needed element of scientific explanation to the novel.

The action of the novel occurs on two parallel planes, depicting both the effects of the Stepping craze on Earth itself, or “Datum” as it is here called, and the exploration of the new worlds by a remarkable boy named Joshua Valienté. The two settings are each as fascinating as the other—reading about the emotional trauma of a ‘non-stepper’, or someone who is naturally unable to step between the worlds, whose family decides to leave him to start a new life on the Long Earth, is equally interesting (if not more so) as Joshua’s discovery of new and strange worlds.

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Good Omens proved that Pratchett’s collaborations tend to turn to gold, and here the authors’ differing styles result in a book that is both more whimsical than the standard Baxter fare, and more overtly scientific than most of Pratchett’s work. It’s an odd combination, but I think that it works, provided one does not mind the combination of whimsy and realistic science.

review

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theatre

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WHAT’S ON? 

ABOUT



TOWN BATS The Keepers

By Thread Theatre Company “An unusual and compelling performance experience using live music, striking imagery and physical storytelling. It tells the story of two women in isolation, their relationship with each other and their pasts. The Keepers is about our struggle to let go of the myths we create about our own personal histories.”

Runs to 28 Sept, 6.30pm. Tickets: $18/14 Eigengrau

Written by Penelope Skinner, directed by Paul Gittens “Cassie has just moved in with Rose, who’s just had a one-night stand with Mark, who’s fed up of living with Tim, who secretly loves Rose, who’s just using Tim to get to Mark (who she loves), who’s just become very interested in Cassie. Winner of the Evening Standard’s Most Promising Playwright Award, Penelope Skinner delivers biting black comedy about trying to connect in a city where Facebook can seem like your closest friend.”

Runs 25 Sept to 6 Oct, 8.00pm. Tickets: $20/15

The Keepers TO M C L A R K E

By Thread Theatre

The Keepers is a devised work that uses the event of a shipwrecked survivor to look at the transitory nature of places and people while creating a world full of lingering and surprising images.

The set is cluttered and bare at once. Boxes and chests litter the set and a ring of thick rope, drawn into a semicircle by Luna, encloses the world of the lighthouse from the sea. We find two bodies, prostrate on the floor of the theatre. These two women become our central characters; Nina played

by Julia Croft, the shipwrecked girl in white, and Margaret played by Veronica Brady, the brown-skirt-clad keeper of the lighthouse.

Margaret seems focused, determined and hardened, cutting wood and eating salt by the spoonful. Her woollen brown skirt and rolled sleeves are testament to her tough nature. She moves with pace and purpose, striking in her gestures and sure in her action. In contrast, the flimsy Nina in fluid white dresses and undergarments moves with more grace. Nina delicately presents us with lipstick and sighs.

To her the lighthouse world is new, making a living through fishing and chores seem foreign to her, and she gives over to mischief.

There are beautiful, often transformative images that make up this world. A hanging light bulb is used as the search light of a lighthouse, as the actor slowly circles it around her head, leaning outwards and peering into the dark. Fish are scooped from the sea by the cast flailing their hands then quickly shoving their ‘catches’ into metal pails. Small bits of paper are given the fluttering quality of moths

or butterflies, while the soundscape of blowing into a microphone creates the steady ebb and flow of the tide, waves crashing onto a beach.

At one point, Nina brings out a lipstick and draws a window on the rear wall, changing the space to a bedroom in one simple gesture.

This world is stunning in the way it finds poetry in little things. Margaret pours salt onto the ground from a height; the way it falls and piles on the ground is as mesmerising in the dim light as the noises it makes as she crushes it beneath her shoes.

However, through both confusion in the narrative and its unearned emotional climaxes, this show did not capture my empathy for the characters. Therefore in the moment of the storm, where Margaret is caught in mesh netting and screaming for her life, the action gave in to bathos. Primarily was the narrative.

I was able to clock the main story from Nina’s arrival and how her stay affected Margaret and how Nina was affected by the lighthouse, culminating in her attempt to escape back to the sea. Yet some images, while beautiful, were confusing, almost nonsensical. And occasionally in moments where we are clearly expected to empathise with a character I felt that we hadn’t been given sufficient reason to do so.

The lighting design complements this drowned world, a soft glowing sphere and small spotlights indicating the restricted areas of land and the vast sea. The transformative use of the music also creates seagull calls by rubbing the cello strings, something that I personally found delightful, although I was confused by the awkward combination of live music and recorded music.

Claire Cowan’s musical skill is phenomenal, 34

CIRCA Clybourne Park

Written by Bruce Norris, directed by Ross Jolly Winner of more awards than you can point a discriminating finger at, Clybourne Park takes a shrewd look at the issue of racism and the way we talk about it (or don’t). Great comedy from a really solid cast. See last issue’s review online.

Runs to 6 Oct, 6.30pm Tues & Wed, 8.00pm Thurs – Sat. Tickets: $46/33/25

DOWNSTAGE Flowers from my Mother’s Garden

With Kate and Miranda Harcourt, written by Stuart McKenzie, directed by Tim Spite “A daughter tells her mother’s story …” Described by the artists as the prequel to 2010’s Biography of My Skin, the show has achieved great success since it first opened. Returning to Downstage, it promises once again to charm and warm the heart.

Runs to 29 Sept, 6.30pm Wed, 8.00pm Thurs – Sat, 4.00pm Sun. Tickets: $46/40/25

at times intensifying the action through the haunting and beautiful music created through her cello, violins, spoons and piano accordion.

Her character, Luna, affected changes to the people around her, manipulating their physical gestures thus amplifying their emotions but always acting as an invisible assistant. Her power over Nina and Margaret was always handled with care but without question. We see Margaret as a keeper of the lighthouse and Luna as a keepers of change; however the only things keeping my attention were the wellcrafted images and the mystery of the place, not the characters and not the plot.

review

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visual arts

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KAHUKURA T O D D AT T I C U S Gordon Walters, Kahukura, 1968, acrylic and pva on canvas, Victoria University of Wellington Art Collection

Paris is Burning R O B E R T K E L LY ( V I S U A L A R T S E D I T O R )

Last month the Paris Family Art Collection was sold at auction, breaking records for art auctioning in New Zealand. On the first night of the auction over $3.5 million changed hands, with some works fetching over $200,000 on their own. This is a spectacular amount of money and the high competition around the ownership of these works indicates that not only is New Zealand art collectable, it can also be highly lucrative. But for collectors Les and Milly Paris it was never about the money.

Since the 1960s the couple relentlessly followed their noses when it came to collecting, buying what they liked rather than what they thought would be valuable. Their collection included works by McCahon, Tuwhare, Angus, Walters, Killeen and Woolaston, but none were purchased as investments. The Paris’ bought works to beautify their lives, and to support artists who very often were or became their friends.

Milly and her late husband Les were not artists or commentators but their taste and commitment will leave an enduring mark on the art history of Aotearoa.

The most important lesson we can learn from the Paris narrative is that they acted the way they did not to generate income or to make

a name for themselves; rather they were motivated by a love of art and of the people who dedicate their lives to creating it. In a country where meagre arts funding is fought over tooth and nail, a nation where dealer galleries and auction houses have almost succeeded in completely commercialising the processes of visual beauty, they prove a stark reminder. People produce art because they need to; it’s there and needs to be expressed.

But the need is not just one-sided, we as viewers and appreciators need it too. This world would be a dull, grey and lifeless place if artists didn’t use their crayons to colour outside of the lines.

But if we buy art to create a significant collection, or as an investment portfolio then we run the risk of being like Maurice Gee’s Wilberforces, slowly crushing the colour out of the world around us. The simple act of following your nose can bring utter and complete joy if we allow the process to flourish. If we buy young artists' work, if we buy locally, if we just make a small effort to support the artists rather than the dealer gallery system then we have a real chance of carrying on the tradition which the Paris duo have laid down for us. I see the sale of their collection as a challenge to our generation.

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It is so familiar that it seems impossible that it never once existed: the chiaroscuro koru patterning of Gordon Walters’ endless recycling.

His Kahukura (1968) in VUW’s collection is perhaps one of the most indivisible editions of the artist’s motif variations.

Currently adorning the Hunter building’s stairwell, Kahukura still possesses an energy and poise, even after many years. The pristine paintwork helps propel those horizontal bars from the canvas.

The koru iconography is so ingrained into New Zealand visual culture—an integral Maori symbol and latterly a Pakeha adoption—that it easily polarises public opinion.

Writing to the artist in 1983, designer Michael Smyth lauded his work as having “solved the problem of representing New Zealand’s identity.”

Rather less reverently, Dick Frizzell recently commented that “it’s hard to look at them without thinking of a government department letterhead”—surely the graveyard for any artistic

They were in their early 20s when they started collecting, and whether we notice or not this country is better off as a benefit of their foresight and commitment.

The Paris collection was a marriage of taste and a quality of intent. They collected well but it wasn’t just for their own benefit. McCahon and Woollaston struggled, but people like Peter McLeavy and the Paris family supported them and helped to bring New Zealand’s artistic scene to a much wider audience, both within this country and internationally. Who’s going to do that for this generation? Are we capable of supporting the diversity of the art scene which has built up or will it die in the graves of the baby boomer generation?

Hopefully we’re capable; I’m certainly going to give it a try.

v u w s a & Frien d s

PRESIDENTIAL ADDRESS BRIDIE HOOD

It is beyond ridiculous how fast this year has gone. With only three more weeks left of Trimester Two, it’s hard to believe that Orientation really was so long ago. It seems like only a few weeks ago that I was dressed up in the bizarre lime green VUWSA ‘smiley belly’ tops, giving first years directions to Macluarin and watching them all try to use the electric doors.

But it is all coming to an end. Before we know it will be summer time and there will be much beach frolicking to be done and Pimm’s to be consumed—for me anyway!

But before this Trimester gets to a close, there is still one big activity that needs to happen at VUWSA—and that’s to elect the

VUWSA Executive for 2013. I’ve talked about it in my previous columns and I’m sure you have all seen the posters plastered over campus and the leaflets filling up your lecture theatres.

All candidates will continue to campaign on Monday and Tuesday, but they need to stop on Wednesday—because that’s when voting starts. From Wednesday at 9am to 4.30pm on Friday, all VUWSA members will have the ability to vote in the VUWSA elections.

You’ll get an email sent to you with a link that will send you to a secure voting site. If you’re a member, but haven’t received an email, make sure you check your spam folder, some filters will send them the voting emails straight there.

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If you’re not quite sure who you want to vote for yet, check out the VUWSA Facebook page. We’ll have video links to the candidates’ forum that happened last week—so you’ll be able to see everyone in action. This week Salient also has an election pull out with all the manifestos of the candidates—each telling you what they want to achieve if elected.

But don’t forget, this election you will also have the chance to vote in the VUWSA referendum. Following voting for the 11 Executive positions, you will be asked ‘Should VUWSA support the marriage equality bill currently before Parliament’.

Regardless of whom you vote for, the important thing is that you do vote. VUWSA is an organisation by students, for students.

We are democratic and get our mandate from students. As a member you have a say in how our association is governed—so make sure you use it. Sure as hell know I will!

And finally, next week Ngai Tauira is organising a fundraising campaign to raise money for KidsCan. KidsCan is an organisation that provides meals to students in low decile schools and needs to raise $1.8 million to fund their activities for this year.

Other Victoria groups are coming on board with the fundraising efforts too. Te Herenga Waka marae are running lunches on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday for $6, with $3 from each meal going straight to KidsCan. Bec's café on Kelburn Parade will also be donating $1 from every coffee sold on Wednesday to the group.

If you’ve got some spare change and want to help out a good cause, you can get involved too. There will be stalls and collection buckets by the overbridge and in McLaurin at Kelburn campus. There will also be one down at the VUWSA Kelburn office. KidsCan is a great cause and these kids need our support.

No child should ever have to go to school hungry.

Have a good week, enjoying voting and check out the VUWSA Facebook on Friday evening for the election results!

v u w s a & Frien d s

BANG! // HARLAND

VINCENT OLSEN-REEDER

“Māori and Pacific people are more likely to blah blah blah blah blah”. Well non-Māori and non-Pacific people are more likely to do shit research projects, if you ask me. Why is it that every study carried out in New Zealand, without fail, throws this kōrero out like it’s a revelation? Just so Professor Tāne McKūare can say: “yep, still on the bottom, just checked. My social network is still on top, I can relax now”. Seek and you shall find, Prof. If you go looking for brown people at the bottom of the heap, you’ll find ‘em. Even Māori media adopt this whakaaro, churning it out daily. To take Snoop’s words, “bitch please!”

The current kaupapa out is poverty and every media wave you surf, ko taua āhua anō rā. A brown face here and a brown face there. As a Māori, as a New Zealand Pākehā, a Dane, a German, a Scotsman and a Scandinavian (and proud of all of it), it annoys me when I think about the fact that poverty is like John Key’s face in John Banks’s bedroom—it’s fully there, it’s just hidden in the undie drawer. But make no mistake, all the different colour undies are touching it. See it has nothing to do with colour because if it did, colonisation and its skin bleaching etiquette should have ensured I become wealthy beyond belief. Whānau, I’m still waiting for my cheque.

Anyway, this week there is a KidsCan fundraiser happening around the Kelburn Campus. Te Herenga Waka Marae are donating half of the money they take from their $6 lunches (Tuesday to Thursday), Bec’s cafe are donating $1 from all coffees sold on Wednesday and there are collection buckets at VUWSA, VicBooks and Bec’s cafe.

VicPlus volunteers are running collection stalls in the Kirk and McLaurin foyers. It would be choice if we could raise some money to feed and clothe kids in decile 1-4 schools. Whether your contribution is big or small, it really is appreciated. And who knows, your kids (or mine) might need this one day. If you’re like me, you already know people that have benefited from this. If you want to help out in some way, hit me up at: feedourtamariki@gmail.com.

“Tiakina te rito o te harakeke.”

CAPTION ME!

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v u w s a & Frien d s

STUDENT HEALTH TRAVEL HEALTH Travel is exciting. It provides an opportunity to explore other countries, experience different cultures and meet new people.

Since we live in a country, which has a high standard of public health, few potentially fatal infections, poisonous animals or insects, it is easy to think that the rest of world is similar.

The reality is that once we leave home we are at an increased risk of experiencing travel related health conditions.

Even if you are planning a trip to the Pacific or a week in Bali it is well worth making an appointment with your current medical centre, the Student Health Service (SHS), or the Travel Doctor. Doing so will provide you with relevant information regarding how to protect your health while overseas and provide you with advice about how to reduce your risk of contracting potentially fatal infections such as malaria, rabies and dengue fever.

Time is of the essence, please try and schedule a travel health appointment a month or two before your departure date. This is necessary as some travel immunisations take a few weeks before they are able to provide you with protection against infection. However,

even if you are leaving in only one or two weeks’ time it is still recommended that you make a travel health appointment. This is particularly relevant if you are travelling to a high risk area, for example parts of South East Asia and India both of which are popular destinations for students.

The doctor will ask you if you have any ongoing health conditions or allergies and they will need to know your immunisation history.

If you are unsure of your immunisation history it may be necessary to have a blood test to check if you are immune against some diseases. There are charges for these tests and results take between four days to a month.

If you require immunisation you will be asked to make an appointment with one of the nurses. Often you are able to receive all the immunisations you require in one visit but depending on the number and the type of vaccines prescribed some students may require two or three visits.

The doctor will also provide you with written information regarding food and water safety, malaria prevention, and

Mal Peet Teaches Young Adult Writing

Television Scriptwriting: Applications close 10 December 2012

Internationally celebrated UK writer Mal Peet, in his first appearance as a teacher in New Zealand, offers a workshop in writing for readers aged 15 and older.

Mal says: ‘My core beliefs are that these young readers are not necessarily interested in books about people like themselves; and that they deserve writing of the highest quality.” This class is limited to only ten students.

Sitcom, drama, soap!

Want to learn how to write a television script?

Learn the basics of television scriptwriting in the half-hour sitcom, hour-long series drama, soap opera and sketch comedy genres. This workshop-based course will be run during the first trimester by award-winning television writer Dave Armstrong (Shortland Street, Seven Periods with Mr Gormsby, Spin Doctors, Spies and Lies). Students will study various television scriptwriting genres, constructively critique the work of other students and produce a finished script in the genre of their choice. Limited to ten students.

Applications close 10 December 2012.

For further details and application information, contact:

Learn more at: www.victoria.ac.nz/modernletters/courses/CREW-351.aspx

International Institute of Modern Letters Phone

(04) 463 6854

Email

modernletters@vuw.ac.nz

Website

www.victoria.ac.nz/modernletters

0800 VICTORIA

common infections experienced by tourists such as travellers’ diarrhoea prescriptions for any regular medication you may take and other medications such as oral replacement salts and antibiotics to treat diarrhoea and urinary tract infections, tablets to help reduce the risk of contracting malaria, condoms and the emergency contraceptive pill. General safety advice including how to deal with jet lag, sexual health, safe air travel If you are planning to go diving during your trip it is also recommended that you schedule another appointment with a doctor for a Diving Medical. It is important to remember that it is dangerous to dive before air travel.

You will need to wait at least twelve-twenty four hours before flying.

If you are travelling to South America or Africa, planning long term travel, or if you may require immunisations for Yellow Fever, Rabies or Japanese encephalitis we recommend that you make an appointment at The Travel Doctor, Grand Arcade, 14-16 Willis Street, telephone 473 0991. The Travel Doctor offers a 10 per cent discount off products such as insect repellent and water purifying tablets from their Travel Shop for people with a current Victoria University Identification Card.

For more information regarding travel health visit http://www.victoria.ac.nz/ studenthealth/guide/travel.aspx

For information, application forms and course dates, please contact: International Institute of Modern Letters Te Pūtahi Tuhi Auaha o te Ao Victoria University of Wellington PO Box 600, Wellington, New Zealand Phone 04-463 6854 Email modernletters@vuw.ac.nz Website www.victoria.ac.nz/modernletters

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38

ROXY

Hiya Roxy. I am a gay guy who is having a bit of opportunities don’t often present themselves, particulary if you’re closeted or live in South a funny period in my life. I used to be the classic Taranaki. While some people are able to slutty queen: picking up random guys in town, or experiment widely at high school, a large arranging hook-ups online. I must have had sex number of people leave as virgins, or with only with dozens of guys of all ages, and did all kinds one or two sexy-times under their belt. of shit. Fisting, rimming, threesomes, piss play. It got pretty intense, but I really enjoyed it. I took a Once you get to uni, though, all bets are off. lot of drugs, smoked a lot of cigarettes and got You are free from oversight, and suddenly into some pretty dodgy situations, but it never have access to a huge number of people from all walks of life. If you’re gay, you suddenly got out of hand I never really regretted anything. have an entire community of people who have I maintained a good average in my uni work, very few hang-ups about casual sex. Suddenly, and no one really ever seemed that worried if you want it, you can have all the sex you about me. Anyway, this year it has been like a want, particularly if you are a fresh-faced young light has switched off. I’m still horny, but now first year. So, you end up having sex. A lot of instead of hooking up I just jerk off and that’s sex. And, as you discovered, that rabbit hole it. I’m still attracted to guys, and still fuck every goes deep pretty quickly, if now and then, but it’s just you want it to.

“There’s only so many weird that I don’t do any of times you can drunkenly It’s not just about access, the outrageous stuff anymore. fuck a stranger in the ass though. Casual sex is a form Do you have any idea what’s before all asses start to of validation. If you’re a happened? gay teen who has endured look the same...”

You’ve gotten old(er). your teen years feeling self-conscious and out This is a pattern Roxy has of place about your sexuality, or even just noticed before in gay guys, and she suspects about your body (like every other teen), it it’s just a form of the outrageousness that is awfully comforting to be repeatedly told seems to accompany everyone’s first years at through the language of fucking that you’re uni. When you’re at high school, particularly worth something, and that people can find you when you’re gay, it’s often hard to get attractive. much sex. Your life is more supervised, and

Send your questions for Roxy to

♥

Maybe you don’t need that validation now.

Maybe it’s just a phase you’re going through: libidos wax and wane as circumstances change.

When you’re busy with a goal, or stressed out by a new job or new location, or whatever, it’s completely understandable your body might slow things down for a while. On the other hand, it could be a more fundamental shift. You might have reached a point where sex for the sake of sex has lost its novelty.

There’s only so many times you can drunkenly fuck a stranger in the ass before all asses start to look the same and you begin to wonder, perhaps subconsciously, why you’re bothering.

Sometimes you suddenly yearn for something a bit more. Perhaps it’s a personality; perhaps it’s someone or something totally new. You could even be subconsciously starting to want to settle down for a while, trying out an actual proper long term relationship, rather than just a string of anonymous men to fuck.

The thing is to realise that there’s nothing wrong here. If there has been no trauma, if there has been no negative reason for the slowdown, you can only assume it’s a natural period of your life. Go with the flow for a while. <3 Roxy

ROXYHEART@SALIENT.ORG.NZ

♥

If you have issues or concerns that you wish to discuss privately & confidentially with a professional, rather than a magazine columnist, Student Counselling Service can provide a safe place to explore such aspects of your life. The service is free & confidential. P: 04 463 5310 E: counselling-service@vuw.ac.nz. Visit Mauri Ora, Level 1, Student Union Building.

39

PHOEBE MORRIS

THINGS

YOU ALREADY KNOW BUT JUST NEED

E AT Y O U R F U C K I N G GREENS

TO BE TOLD A LETTER TO A FRIEND U T H E R D E A N ( C H I E F S AG E )

MUM WAS RIGHT

Hi. I’m a bit worried about you. Well, more than a bit worried. I’m scared you’re giving in to the darkness. I’m frightened that you’re giving up the dream. Everything is just becoming too much, isn’t it?

It is. I know it is. We’ve talked about how overwhelming and scary everything is. Work begets work begets work begets work. You keep realising how long it has been since you haven’t had to do something right away. To do lists fill twice as fast as they are filled. You are crowded. You are stressed. You are fading.

Don’t you just wish life was as easy as it looks?

Well, looks for other people, right? No one is ever really going to understand how tough on you these past few months have been. You’re only just realising after all.

I know it hurts. Everything hurts. You feel stretched out, melting and fading away. If you had one wish right now it would be to change everything. You are questioning all of your decisions, all of your choices. And the future.

Oh, the future. Taunting you with all the things you’ve been told you can do with it. People keep promising you potentials and maybes.

Why do they that always become I-wish-Ihadn’ts?

You are being poisoned. Life is poisoning you.

You are turning dark. Emotional scar tissue is building up all around you. You are so fucking sick of the stress and hurt and crush of the world that your shields are rusting up.

This isn’t you.

I need you to be able to hope again. I need you to be as open with your feelings as you once were. This isn’t about me needing

40

someone to laugh at my jokes, it is about you needing to be free.

Because right now you aren’t.

All I can see is your cages. The ones you’ve built for yourself. Doubt. Sarcasm. Hate. Spite.

Is that who you want to be? There are better ways of dealing with the cards that existence deals us. I’m not sure what they are. But I’m sure they exist. Will get back to you on this.

Walk into the light. It scares you but you have to walk into it. I promise it won’t hurt.

No. Scratch that. I promise it won’t hurt as much as you do right now. People care about you. People love you. People are here for you. The thing about having crutches is that sometimes you have to admit that you need them. And then you actually have to lean on them.

Remember that time I drunkenly told you that you saved my life? You said “Don’t say that.”

You have never really thought about how much you live for other people. For helping other people. For catching others when they fall. You have always just done it. You give so much, you gave so much and now you feel like that it is what has gotten you here. You think you gave yourself away, allowed yourself to be trampled under life’s feet. But you didn’t.

You ended up here not because you gave too much but because people took too much.

And fuck those people. They are the one’s who should be punishing themselves. Not you.

We are all here to catch you.

Now fall.

Love, Uther.

C O N F I D E N T ABOUT NON CONFIDENCIA R O S E B U R R O W E S & M AT T W H I T E

This week we spoke to the elusive VUWSA election candidate: Non Confidencia. Having slipped away after dinner with Italian parents, we managed to have a word with him about what makes him the pick of the lot.

Elections for VUWSA are just around the corner, what makes you the ideal candidate?

I’ve promised to hold a party at mine (17 Central Terrace) if I win, for all Kelburn campus residents. Mum is making a pizza which will go real quick and dad has some brews in the fridge but not heaps. It will be good. Oh and Scopa Cafe has promised to put on its usual cheap Tuesday deals.

Scopa always does that though?

I guarantee they would keep doing it if I win.

What do you expect to get out of being the VUWSA president at a personal level?

Bitches, predominantly.

Will you be looking to target any particular student demographics in your lead-up campaign?

Latinos. There are several of us here at

Kelburn campus but I’m unsure about Pipitea.

I think all sorts go there, right? Aside from Latinos, I would say just everybody.

The end of last year saw the passing of legislation that cut mandatory membership of student associations. Do you have an opinion on this?

To be honest I hardly even know what VUWSA stands for.

Well, I’m campaigning, that’s why we are doing this interview at the end of the day, so I guess it’s fair that they campaign for things, too, but politics is a different beast. I’m not so sure about that. I’d say it’s a good thing, but conditionally. I’ll get back to you on that next week.

Which way do you swing on the issue?

I’m straight.

Wait, what? What do you think it stands for? The anagram, we mean.

Barking up the wrong tree, guys.

No, but do you support gay marriage? That’s more what we were asking..

I guess so? Yeah? Not sure. Why’s that?

What is your position on a Victoria University Beauty pageant?

Is there not one already? That’s a shame, I know a beautiful girl that would win it hands down. I would judge it and she would win.

Hey buddy, we ask the questions okay? Because it’s topical.

Sorry.

But that’s corruption!

My friends, my friends… Such is life!

A few weeks ago VUWSA’s made up its mind in favour of gay marriage. Is the role of VUWSA to be actively campaigning on such political issues?

Are you really sorry?

Do you want me to be??

We ended it there and wished Non Confidencia the best of luck in the forthcoming elections and in life as well. If you’re really stuck on whom to go for, throw him a bone give him ya tick! He’s actually not that bad once you get to know him.

COMING OUT OF THE CAVE U D AY A N M U K H E R J E E

It is an oft-repeated cliché that power corrupts, sometimes absolutely. But someone has gotta wield it. Deciding who gets the reigns is the central political question, one that has implications on the residence of offices as important as VUWSA HQ or as piffling as the White House. It is also one of the most ancient philosophical questions, having first been broached by Plato when he outlined his model of the Kallipolis, the ideally just city that we should be striving towards. Famously, he claimed that Philosopher-Kings are the ones with the mental fortitude to forge a path towards justice, so we ought to be placed in charge. Why? Cos we philosophers can see beyond the phantoms of reality which ordinary

folk are preoccupied with.

Sorry what? You need more explanation? I guess it all starts with a cave. Plato imagines that the majority of citizens are trapped within, and much of their perceptions are mere shadows on the wall of the cave. If some of them try really hard, they can break the shackles and look at the objects that are being projected onto the wall. Or if they are really exceptional, they might crawl out of the cave and look around at the objects out in the world, once their eyes have adjusted to the sunlight. But that’s about it. Only a Philosopher, who is trained to question and understand everything, can look the sun in 41

the eye and perceive the ultimate form of goodness directly. So ultimate power should be vested in their hands alone.

This idea has had various interpretations throughout the history of ideas. Many have argued that it has underpinned a variety of noxious political ideologies based on totalitarianism and facsism. It seems to imply that individuals must occupy certain predetermined roles in a society where their welfare is subsumed by a quest for broader communal goodnees. This is a fair critique, but a more structured regime would have executed its perpetrators more swiftly. Vote Philosoraptor for VUWSA Prez 2013.

Lovin' From

The Oven SUP E R C H E A P S T I R - F RY H AY L E Y A D A M S

As I write this, my lovely flatmate Molly and I are attempting to 'live below the line' for five days in an attempt to raise both awareness and money to combat global poverty. We have $2.25 per person to spend per day, that’s a mere 75 cents per meal, the equivalent of New Zealand’s extreme poverty line. 1.4 billion people worldwide live this reality everyday and I am struggling to hack it for 5 days. Trust me, it is not easy, but here is a recipe we invented for the cheapest stir-fry out.

Obviously this recipe isn’t particularly exciting, if anything I hope it challenges you to think or it may help you when your scraping the bottom of the barrel. Jump online to www. livebelowtheline.com to donate or find out more.  What

JUST DON’T MISS THAT PENALTY, GODDAMNIT. STEPHEN GILLAM

There are 15 seconds left in one of the biggest NFL games of the season.

The underdog Baltimore Ravens have done well to keep pace with the high-flying New England Patriots, in a game that everyone thought would be over by Christmas, but they’re down by three with time to execute one last play.

Kicker Billy Cundiff steps up. If he makes this shot from 32 yards out, the game will go into overtime. It will be one of the easiest kicks of the season for him—similar to Dan Carter kicking a penalty from the 22 right out in front.

Cundiff is one of the best there is: there’s no way he can miss, right?

The snap is good, but Cundiff’s kick spins off to the left. The Patriots win.

The look on Cundiff’s face is unmistakeable.

He can’t believe he’s just bottled the most important kick of his career, and from right out in front. He’s clearly devastated as the Patriots celebrate.

Worse yet, there are now cameras in his face as the media try to capture his feelings. He’ll

have to front up to them soon, and tell the world what they already know: he fucked up.

Badly.

Cundiff’s story isn’t unique. Players mess up all the time. Bastian Schweinsteiger missed an important penalty in the Champions League final when it hit the post, and usually the Germans have ice in their veins during those moments.

As in life, failure is inevitable in sport. It’s a matter of when, not if, something will go horribly wrong for you.

But as some random muslim dude said to me on an InterCity bus: anyone can make a mistake, as long as you learn from it.

The true test of character is how you can respond to your mistakes. Work out what went wrong, and you you can improve as a result. If you can do that, the results are so much more satisfying.

When the All Blacks finally lifted the World Cup last season, it was so much sweeter because of all those failed campaigns in the past.

you need 

2 carrots, sliced into sticks ½ an onion, finely sliced ½ head broccoli chopped into florets 3 tbsp. sweet chilli sauce 1 heaped teaspoon peanut butter ½ cup water

 What

METAPHYSICAL MALAISE OF THE WEEK THE EXISTENTIAL SHIT

to do …

Put a couple of tablespoons of the water in a pan and heat till boiling hot, add vegetables and fry until tender. Keep adding more water to the pan as it dries out. Add the sweet chilli sauce and peanut butter and stir-fry till it melts into the stir-fry, adding more water to create a sauce. Served with steamed rice.

PHILIP McSWEENEY

The ‘Houdini Poo’, colloquially known as ‘Ghost Poop’ or ‘The Disappearing Dump’, is a mysterious eliminary function and a phenomenon that philosophers have been grappling with since the era of antiquity. So named because of its lack of physical presence in the bowl even though you could have sworn you felt it sluice past your buttocks, the complexities of the Houdini Poo (or ‘Poo-dini’) are further problematised when compounded with the glorious ‘no-wipers’, 42

whose descriptor is self-explanatory. These incidents are rife with philosophical implication; the ineffability of noumena even in the face of supposed physical sensation, the conundrum of where the excretion disappears to and what external factors constitute and predicate its existence; the question of why the foul stench remains though the object itself is no longer visible. That’s some existential shit right there.

⤬

Salient ♥ you

SALIENT ⤬

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For-profit organisations will be charged $15 per notice. Send notices to editor@salient.org.nz with 'Notice' in the subject line.

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K I DS CAN ('T E AT YO !)

VICIDS & AGM ELECTION

2012/13 INTERNSHIPS AND GRADUATE JOBS! CareerHub CAREERHUB.VICTORIA.AC.NZ Get your CV ready—attend workshops, CV checks…

Support KidsCan next week (1-5 October) by donating to help feed and clothe children in decile 1- 4 schools around the country. Here’s how you can help: Hit up the collection buckets at Bec’s Cafe, Vicbooks and VUWSA Buy a $6 lunch at Te Herenga Waka marae Tuesday 2nd to Thursday 4th (get fed AND donate $3!)

Buy any coffee from Bec’s cafe on Wednesday 5th (donate $1!)

Look out for the stalls in AMD & at the MY overbridge Tiakina te rito o te harakeke e hika ma! It’s our children that must come first.

VicIDS AGM & Election of Officers 2013 (guest starring Gen Zero) Monday 8 October, 5:15pm, Cotton Building Room 304, Kelburn Campus All are welcome to come to VicIDS’ AGM. Generation Zero will promote the massive upcoming youth climate conference/festival/workshop/celebration, Power Shift NZ. We will then briefly talk about the club, discuss the year that has been, and elect officers for 2013 (including president, VP, treasurer, secretary and events coordinators). Great opportunity to get involved as a new member!

Free fairtrade tea, coffee and treats provided! Bring something snacky if you can :)

Applications closing SOON: ORGANISATIONS

CLOSING DATE

Hong Kong Economic & Trade Office, Frucor Beverages Limited

3-Oct

Intergrated Control Technology, Aviat Networks (NZ), Asia New Zealand Foundation, Sports NZ

5-Oct

Allen + Clarke Policy & Regulatory Specialists

7-Oct

Donaghys Industries Ltd, CPE Systems NZ

10-Oct

Department of Conservation, Mesynthes, Apollo Apples Ltd, Assurity Consulting, Fisher & Paykel, Zorb, ASPEQ, MEA Mobile

12-Oct

Minter Ellison Rudd Watts

15-Oct

Vic OE – Vic Student Exchange Programme Why not study overseas as part of your degree?!

Earn Vic credit, get Studylink & grants, explore the world!

Exhibition Tour dates: Te Aro Campus, Ground Floor: 1-5 October Faculty Information seminar: Architecture & Design – Thurs 4 Oct, 3pm, VS127

BUD D Y PR O GR AMME

Career Events - book on CareerHub:

Deloitte

STUD E NT E XCHAN GE

3-Oct

Full details on CareerHub http://careerhub. victoria.ac.nz

International Buddy Programme applications for Trimester 1, 2013 are now open!

Volunteer to help a new international student settle into Vic and Wellington life, while also engaging with other local and international students on campus!

Build international friendships!

Attend IBP Events!

Earn VicPlus/VILP Points!

For more information about IBP and to register, please visit our website: http://www.victoria.ac.nz/ international/buddy

ISALM AWAR E N ESS WK Islam Awareness Week Islam and Environment: Our Rights and Responsibilities.

Wednesday 3 October: 10am - 2pm, MacLaurin Area. Opening ceremony, free sausage sizzles, quiz, calligraphy, exhibition, goodies.

Thursday 4 October: 10am - 4pm, Student Islamic Centre Open Day (86 Fairlie Terrace). Quiz, free sausage sizzles, Muslim attire, henna, photography, goodies.

Come and learn about Islam. Spread the word!

VICCO M ME E TING Viccom Annual General Meeting Friday 12th October at 1:30pm in the RH Mezzanine!

Nominations are open!

You need your name, student ID, and the position you wish to run for. These will be accepted until 15 minutes before the AGM begins. Be prepared to present a 1-2 minute speech (if you are unable to attend the election then you may nominate to be represented).

Positions: President, Vice-President, Treasurer, Secretary, 2x General Executive Members; School Representatives: Management, Government, Accounting and Commercial Law, Economics and Finance, Information Management.

Come along and cast your vote on who will represent you in 2013

TAE KWO N D O CLUB Victoria University TaeKwonDo Club ▴▴ Interested in Taekwondo? New to Taekwondo?

Learned Taekwondo before? ▴▴ Come along and join us! Great way to keep fit and have fun! ▴▴ Training times: ▴▴ Tuesday 6.30pm - 8.00pm Long Room, Victoria University Recreation Centre Saturday 3.30pm - 5.30pm Dance Room, Victoria University Recreation Centre ▴▴ What you need: Drink bottle, comfy trousers/ shorts, t-shirt ▴▴ Contact us: vuwtkd@hotmail.com

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Salient ♥ you

▼

LETTER ✶ OF THE ✶

WEEK

WINS TWO FREE COFFEES FROM VIC BOOKS!

THOUGHTS ON THE END OF AN ERROR. Dear Salient The 2012 academic year is drawing to a close.

There are some truths that remain constant.

For example, I’m still sad that Whitney Houston died.

However, this has also been a year of change for me.

For example, the NZCureKids video produced by Flight of the Conchords was so good that I now think Brett and the other one are okay.

Some things remain the same, and change too.

For example, walking up Mt Street is still an arduous task, but since I finally decided on a preferred area in the library I now feel like there’s a greater purpose to each step.

Anyway, nice to talk to you.

Please tell HG Beattie, a.k.a., Mister “I’m Too Good To Call Or Write My Fans”, that I liked her latest piece. I totally agree regarding VUWSA’s Academic VP. But, hey, what about President Hood?

Wow. Seriously. She’s the complete package.

Regards Stan.* *likes that Phil Collins song but can’t operate a recording casette tape when driving.

DOES ANYBODY ENDORSE THIS MESSAGE? Dear Students, I am writing this letter to warn the student body of the dangers of electing Rory “Tax & Spend” McCourt. Rory has no capacity for independent thought. Instead, all his policy ideas ‘come’ from the tip of David Sheerer’s erect cock.

VUWSA needs a FREE thinker. One who will steer the organisation towards the interests of students, not slavishly use it as a vehicle for Labour policy. The two are not aligned.

If Jackson can please VUWSA the way he pleases me, I know next year will be a screaming success. I’m

letterS moistened impending Rory is a cunt.

We need a the few.

Yours, M

in anticipation for his victory. cunt, a Labour party hack VUWSA for the many, not

MAORI SEPERATISTS IN OUR MIDST? The recent Tuhoe Treaty Settlement agreement has re-triggered public concerns over the extent of mana given to Maori. The settlement includes the acknowledgement of Tuhoe mana motuhake – “selfgovernance” - however; the majority of New Zealanders do not understand the concept of Maori mana motuhake.

Throughout New Zealand, Maori have been persistent in their fight for mana motuhake, arguably none more rigorously than Tuhoe.

The battle for Maori mana motuhake is sometimes misinterpreted as a Maori push for separatism. The view that Maori mana motuhake would amount to a separatist, or even an apartheid legal system in New Zealand, is wrong.

Many non-Maori New Zealanders are under the false assumption that if Maori were to gain mana motuhake over their tribal lands, this would mean restricted access to the resources under their jurisdiction.

The implementation of fees for access to locations also seems to be a concern. But, this is not the intention of Maori. Mana motuhake means self-government or the power to control all resources of the iwi. Maori merely wish to have the rights and the means to look after themselves, and to manage how taonga are to be treated and utilised (e.g. maunga, awa etc.)

To do so, it is imperative to institute a constitution that the iwi can execute without having to answer to a sovereign power.

This is essentially what Maori mana motuhake means. For Tuhoe, the control over the delivery of government and iwi services to its communities and people is paramount(http://www.stuff.co.nz/ national/politics/7656493/Tuhoedeal-puts-bitter-grievances-to-rest) and is not a concept which supports a separatist or apartheid regime.

I believe that if the general public are educated in this crucial understanding of Maori mana motuhake, the on-going concerns about its place in New Zealand will be abated. This leads me to my next point. For those readers who would like to know more about mana motuhake and what it means for the future of New Zealand, there will

44

▲

be a presentation on mana motuhake at 10.00am on 26 September at Te Herenga Waka Marae.

POVERTY RUINS EVERYTHING AND I JUST HATE IT SO MUCH. Living with fractions A good friend of mine recently told me he was living below the line.

Momentarily, I assumed he was poor as fuck and had a smug chuckle to myself, ironic because he holds down two jobs whilst I can scarcely claim to be a volunteer. It then dawned on me that that could not be the case considering his lusty enthusiasm for employment and he must mean something quite different. He was in fact, alluding to his quest to get a taste of poverty for a week, the most noble of endeavours. With new found concern, I texted him to ask what he had eaten so far today. Not much. Dismally little even. Weetbix with water sounded pure shite. The indignant privilege came out in me in abundance. I just wanted to get a beer with my friend but the three dollar castle toll would break his bank. Poor guy. Poverty stopped me having a beer with my mate. I had one by myself but it wasn’t the same. I thought about suggesting he pop down for a water but suspected it would be a muted, Auschwitzstyle lunch date with overt tummy rumblings piercing the silence, not my cup of tea at all. Poverty’s a bitch.

Halfway through the written copy of this letter there is an equation aimed at finding what three out of fourteen is as a percentage. (Three dollar beer, fourteen dollar budget for the whole week) I stopped engaging with maths in year seven and formally cut any ties after 5th form so my fanciful workings offered little in the way of conclusive answers. I was appalled by the various possibilities though.

Simply appalled.

Matt White

TOBACCA-GATE, ANYONE? Dear Genevieve Fowler Your cigarette butts do not belong on the ground you dirty bitch. Pick them up or you won’t be picking up my vote.

A conscientious voter

THIS SUMS UP THE STATE OF HUMAN EXISTENCE, DOESN'T IT. I’M CRACKING WITH AGE TODAY I WENT ON A BLIND DATE AND SHE TURNED OUT TO BE A ZYGOTE FUCK I’M NEVER GOING TO LOSE MY VIRGINITY

Salient ♥ you

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letterS

CLEARLY HAVEN'T MET ENOUGH LESBIANS.

of what was going on, but I’m pretty sure I could do a better job.

3.34pm Decided I’d have a look for this ‘student forum’ but ended up Dear Gaylient, spending some time having fun at the Being gay does make you sick.

Hunter Lounge - the REAL student Sick and tired of being lumped in forum, I think. with the LGBTI* crowd, as if by 4:03pm Filled up my gas with tank. coming out I signed up to join some Shell management seem to have sort of freakshow. Transgender decided to change their company to people make me a bit queasy, Z. It’s a takeover!! and I’ve never met a lesbian I 4.30pm Bought a new hat, I might liked. Sick of feeling like I’m not wear this one out tonight! a ‘proper’ gay because I have these 6:57pm Went to a Young Neighbour feelings. party gathering and promised things Bugged when people use the word fag. which they all happened to agree with! Every one liked my new hat but Afflicted by a societal view that I thought it looked a lot like the must identify with all gays now. I other one that I usually wear. hate fags. They give me a bad name 9:12pm Went to Big K to get a drink in the same way as sluts give girls but all I could think about was how a bad name. much I lamented a lack of ‘student Blighted by the inconsistency. culture’. Wish I could’ve bought a Infected by rage whenever gays drink from VUWSA instead. complain that “it’s not a choice”.

What the fuck does that matter? Even if it was a choice, I’d still choose it.

Hello Sweeties, Plagued by my inability to connect I just wanted to tell you I have a with guy friends cos they don’t like fantastic box. Seriously, my box is other men, ailed by my inability to fucking awesome. I got it from the connect with girls cos they lack supermarket. It’s red and white. It testosterone and a penis. says ‘Fiesta’ on the front in big Inflamed when Salient fails to letters, it’s truly off the hook. publish a feature arguing for gay I got this box for free and it has marriage. given me so much joy. When was the But most of all I’m sick and tired last time you felt joy for something of gays complaining about how shit so trivial? I feel like a lot of the it is too be gay. It’s fucken ill. time we are so caught up with what Yours, people think of us, looking forward Diseased Gay to a future that will be better ‘just cause’, that we don’t stop to appreciate what we have. This isn’t a profound thought, nor is it original. But it is worth being reminded of.

Diary of a Presidential Candidate Also stay away from my box, it’s 9am mine. If anything happens to it I Woke up, lay in bed stalking some will hit you. You’ll be like “stop peoples Facebook pages. Someone had it” and i’ll be like “only if you liked this dumb page about Asians recite the plotline of Kindergarten being drivers. ‘I bet they’d make a Cop” and you’ll be like “I can’t”. terrible accountant,’ I thought to Well in that case. I wont stop. So myself. ‘Bigot.’ stay away from my box.

10am Had an appointment at Kelburn Love, in Murphy building - never been to Isabella Whitfield.

Murphy before! Didn’t really know what to do so I just went up to the top floor and figured it would work itself out.

11:54am Got some lunch at Illot hey sexient Cafe, looks like prices have gone up it’s come to my attention that L.A. 4% but I didn’t mind paying because Reid has an unusually smooth dome. the guy behind the counter said don’t be fooled; this is not race they’re going down 20% next year. related. what i’m saying is that Seems legit! Anyway, I was short his head is exceptionally smooth. $2 but someone kind gave me $2.50! really, i like to think of his upper Maybe I’ll buy lunch every day.. head area as a pot of delicious 1.15pm I’d heard about some meeting chocolate moose. the texture on in the Student Union Building; looks incredibly light and fluffy. it didn’t sound very fun so I didn’t sometimes, when i am watching x go. factor, and britney spears is out 2:08pm Walked past the new Campus of shot, i like to imagine L.A. Hub and I got a bit of a look of Reid shampooing his oddly shaped what was going on from the outside. dome during his morning shower. it I didn’t really know the logistics would resemble a mcds sundae (totes

BOX BANDITS BEWARE.

THE SUPER-PACS HAVE MADE IT TO VUWSA.

SOMEONE'S JEALOUS

45

▲

spelt correct - i checkd dnt wry) and after his shower he would need to remodel. i imagine a team of x factor professional stylists tending to his malformed headskin as they try to mould it into a human shaped entity. in an unrelated matter: have you guys ever noticed certain words like enjoyed, can’t be swapped into words like disenjoyed. and also, coldplay look pretty much like a boy band when they wear matching uniforms. something else weird, school uniforms don’t let girls wear pants. that’s weird. what if they like pants more. i’m a boy. but still, if i was a girl, i’d like to have the option. in fact, i mean, maybe i want to wear skirts, but i can’t, because last time people shouted at me :( anyway. i drink a lot so mabes you guys haven’t noticed this. i dno. x

WHISPERS FROM THE BOUDOIR: ROXY SPEAKS! Dear Salient Roxy has been observing the recent VUWSA election with her usual combination of disdain and moist anticipation for the moment it ends.

However as the campaign enters its final stage, she feel it is necessary to share her thoughts, so that her fans can make an informed choice.

Rory McCourt is, unfortunately, not the male specimen Roxy hopes her next President could be. He is also a communist, which upsets Roxy’s non-partisan sensibilities.

Jackson Whatshisname on the other hand, is a total babe, with lovely hair. On the other hand, he has no idea what he is doing. He has also apparently liked a Facebook page about “jousting” “sluts” in the face. While Roxy has not seen the site in question, she would like to remind Jackson that only two men are equipped for a proper jousting match.

In summary, Roxy suggests you ignore the email requesting that you vote, and masturbate instead, as that is a much more productive use of your time. <3 Roxy

Salient ♥ you

▼ Puzzle 1 (Medium, difficulty rating 0.52)

4

5

7

puzzles

▲

2

3

1

5 6

8

8

6

7

3

9

9

1

8

9

9

4

1

3 2

9 7

3

6

4

5

1

BY YOUR POWERS COMBINED ACROSS

desolate

suasion

maudlin

matte

bacchanalia

provenance

surfeit

germane

lackadaisical

ephebe

apogee

impecunious

reconnoiter

reticent

obviate

obtuse

detritus

apotropaic

evanescent

permeate

pecuniary

SALIENT’S QUIZ FOR THE QUERULOUS

1. Dig up (7) 5. Type of arrest (7) 10. State of bliss or excitement (8) 11. Northern waste (6) 12. He wrote most of 'Dark Side of the Moon' (5,6) 13. It might be found in a tray (3) 14. Greet with a gesture (4) 16. Location (4) 17. Die down (7) 19. Rotating bar (4) 20. Glance over quickly (4) 22. It's on the Australian coat of arms (3) 23. Leave alone, in a way (5,1,5) 25. Shawn Ashmore played him in 'X-Men' (6) 26. Avoidances (8) 27. Most like a gymnast (7) 28. Space opera created by Joss Whedon (7)

DOWN

2. Prefix for surgery or science (5) 3. Manage (7) 4. Tosses (6) 6. In the end (5,3) 7. Liquid art supply (6,3) 8. Evel Knievel's had stars and stripes on it (5,6) 9. He may appear when the words in the circles are shouted (7,6) 12. Stuff that is unprocessed (or uncooked?) (3,8) 15. Small pastry whose name means 'windblown' in French (3-2-4) 18. You may get them for arrests (8) 20. Not able to support life (7) 21. Spicy paste (6) 24. Of the kidneys (5)

1.

Who is the author of the “Bourne Trilogy” novel series

6.

What ended the Austro-Hungarian monarchy?

2.

What is March’s birthstone?

7.

What continent are the Balkans part of?

3.

Colours that are opposite each other on the colour wheel are referred to as what?

8.

Who directed the movie ‘Blade Runner’?

9.

What year was the World Wide Web launched?

10.

How many beans of coffee are needed to make an espresso?

4.

What category of writing are the Hugo and Nebula awards given for?

5.

Whose tomb did Howard Carter discover in 1922?

46

RUSS KALE

Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/~jdhildeb/software/sudokugen/ on Sun Sep 23 22:59:47 2012 GMT. Enjoy!

Robert Ludlum, Aquamarine, Complimentary colours, Science Fiction, Tutankhamun’s, World War I, Europe, Ridley Scott, 1991, 42

vbc guide MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

7AM - 10AM

FLIGHT COFFEE

VBC BREAKFAST

WITH SALLY, LEWIE & MIKE Hot music. Great guests. Sweet hook-ups.

Live VBC News & Traffic every 30 minutes with Megan.

10AM - 12PM

SANDWICHES

PICK 'N' MIX

WITH TASH, GUSHIE & GUESTS Tunes, interviews, give-aways and music news.

SATURDAY

SUNDAY

7AM -10AM

8AM -10AM

DJ MP3 PLAYER

THE CHILDREN'S CORNER WITH LAUREN, FLO & GUESTS

10AM -12PM

10AM - 12PM

BRUNCH

WAKE N' BAKE PEARCE & DUNCAN

WITH

12PM - 2PM

12PM - 2PM

12PM - 1PM

12PM - 2PM

12PM - 2PM

12PM - 2PM

MIDDAY

THE BEEF! WITH MATT & ALEX

NO GRIM BUSINESS WITH PAUL

INFIDEL CASTRO

SONG FROM YOUR LUNCH BOX! WITH

THE MIDDAY BUSINESS POWER LUNCH WITH EMMA

GROOVY TIMES WITH

KORERO MAI W FLAUN

WITH PHILIP

MCSWEENY

JORDAN & HAYLEY

2PM - 4PM

2PM - 4PM

2PM - 4PM

1PM - 3PM

CASEY

LIAM & GABBY'S

WED AFTERNOON

4PM - 7PM

MONDAY DRIVE WITH

ALEC

'RADIO SHACK' 4PM - 7PM

MONDO'S

TUESDAY DRIVE SHOW

2PM - 4PM

2PM - 4PM

LORENZO & PALS!

WITH NINA

DOM'S

DAVE & ED

RAD SHOW

4PM - 7PM

4PM - 7PM

4PM - 7PM

4PM - 7PM

4PM - 6PM

LOUI'S

THURSDAY DRIVE WITH

BELLA'S SUPER CUTE HANGOUT!

ELECTRIC BLISS WITH JOE

ARTS SHOW

7PM - 8PM

7PM - 9PM

7PM - 9PM

6PM - 9PM

REGGAE, SKA & PUNK WITH OLLIE & TIM

MAKING WAVES

WEDNESDAY DRIVE SHOW

7PM - 9PM

7PM - 9PM

7PM - 9PM

SLIM PICKING'S WITH SLIM & BUNNY

CNTRL/ ALT / DELETE WITH

AIDAN

TRAIN SPOTTING THE LEADER & HOLLY & STUMBLE

WITH

ROHAN & KEGAN

9PM - 11PM

9PM - 11PM

9PM - 11PM

9PM - 10PM

THE VINYL COUNTDOWN

BEATS, BASS & BULLSHIT

THAT'S SO METAL

COMPULSORY ECSTASY

MIKEY & PETER

WITH

HAYDEN & MITCHELL

WITH

JACK & BRYN

MAORI THEMES & TUNES

ALEX, MICHAEL & NICK

DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE WITH NICK & GEORGE

WITH

JOSH

WITH

THE KING

9PM - 11PM

KIM & NIC

IN DEEP

WITH

AMY JEAN

2PM - 4PM

WITH

WITH

VIRGINIA

KARIIIBA

9PM - 11PM

9PM - 11PM

NITEY NITE

RAILROAD BLUES WITH RAY

WITH

GUESTS

gig guide MON 1

TUE 2

WED 3

THUR 4

THE HUNTER LOUNGE MIGHTY MIGHTY

CURE MOTEL, RUEBEN STONE HIT FACTORY, NEW HANG UPS

SAN FRANCISCO BATHHOUSE

HDSPNS EP RELEASE

THE WANTED SESSIONS PING PONG COUNTRY AND SLIM CHANTS SHAKAHN WITH SUPPORT FROM SPOOK THE HORSES

BODEGA MEOW CAFE

THE MEDICINE 8PM

JIMMY GARDEN QUARTET

KROON FOR YOUR KAI

BANDEOKE

FRI 5 VBC 88.3 PRESENTS: NO ALOHA, COCO SOLID AND TERROR OF THE DEEP CUDA SISTERS HAVE LANDED & HYPERPOTAMUS

EVIL GENIUS 1ST BIRTHDAY PARTY WITH NUDGE AND GUESTS

TAHUNA BREAKS

24 HOUR PARTY PEOPLE

CLAP CLAP RIGHT ALBUM RELEASE TOUR

LORD NEW ZEALAND TOUR MINOR FALL, THE BROOK & RUBY LICKS CAPITAL CHAOS - 12 HR PUNK FEST THE PAUL SAKERNORRISH TRIO

MEDUSA SOUTHERN CROSS

SAT 6

LOS JINETEROS

YOUR STUDENTS’

ASSOCIATION