Belief | Issue 13 by Salient

Feature

vol.77 issue.13

the belief issue

Feature

contents weekly content 4. Letters 6. News 3 0 . C r e at i v e 36. VUWSA 38. Arts 43. Odds And Ends

features 1 8 . Th e C h u r c h o f t h e S t a r s 2 0 . A D y i n g Tr a d e 2 2 . Tr i c k o r Tr e a t 2 8 . Tr a n s u b s t a n t i a t i o n

columns 16. Sports Banter 17. Bone Zone with Cupie Hoodwink 3 3 . We i r d I n t e r n e t S h i t 33. Conspiracy Corner 34. Food 3 5 . B e i n g We l l 3 5 . M āo r i M at t e r s 3 7 . H i s t o r y Th a t H a s n ’ t H a p p e n e d Y e t 37. Shirt and Sweet with Eleanor Merton

online content Godzilla Review L e av i n g R e l i g i o n B e h i n d Baked Beans Recipe

The Belief Issue

God’s probably not real, and religions have done some pretty shitty things. But we all have weird beliefs. Jog on. Beliefs are deeply personal – you’ll never find two people who believe exactly the same things. Some believe that there is a God in the sky who determines our purpose. Others think that connecting with Mother Nature is the answer. Others believe in karma, or the Force, or reincarnation, or the Flying Spaghetti Monster. And that’s fine – a belief can’t hurt anybody on its own. The problem comes when people try to force their beliefs onto others. When they stop thinking that other people have equally valid personal values. When they start to think that their values are better than other people’s. We see that most obviously among zealots. Shia Muslims slaughtering Sunni Muslims in Iraq because they’re doing Islam wrong. Christian employers not

providing contraception to their staff in their insurance plans. Angry liberals seeking to force the religious to provide contraception, even though that means they go to hell. Students being taught creationism at the expense of evolution, abstinence at the expense of contraception. It happens closer to home as well. We’ve all had drunken conversations with militant atheists taking the piss out of us for believing in an afterlife. Or vegetarians who scowl at us for eating meat. Or Commerce students telling us to kneel at the altar of the free market. Or politics nerds telling us we must join the political church. My beliefs are better than your beliefs. Fuck off. The reality is – we all have crazy beliefs. Duncan believes that if he sees a book in a shop that he’s thought about before, he has to buy it. Cam thinks that if he goes

more than two days without a wank, a family member will die. Fucked-up beliefs, both of them, but that doesn’t mean we are both nutcases (– or does it?) Did you know that you are more likely to die riding on an escalator than flying in a plane? But aeroplanes are still terrifying as fuck, right? Black cats and cracks in the pavement can’t harm you, but we still avoid them. We all think pretty fucked-up things about the world, regardless of whether we think there is a supernatural being floating in the sky. Ted’s feature on Scientology makes that clear. He talks to someone who grew up in the cultish religion, and writes about her experiences in it. It’s certainly weird, but no weirder than anything else. One of the reasons we construct these weird beliefs is to

deal with the fact that we will die sometime soon. Gus takes a close look at our approaches to death and how we say goodbye. In the latest census, the majority of NZers declared that they were not religious. Feature writer Phil talks about what this means for religions today. How are they evolving in an age where more and more people are not religious? The truth is that beliefs are coping mechanisms. They fill in the gaps in our knowledge. They help us cope with the fact that the world will go on – but that someday, we won’t. They can provide us with purpose in a world which can be a real dick to us. Beliefs are how we get from 20 to 30 to 50. Love, Duncan & Cam

Duncan McLachlan

Cameron Price

Letters

Belief Quiz

LETTER OF THE WEEK

Questions

Ayyyyyylient

1. What is often worn as religious headgear by Pastafarians? 2. Which Chinese dynasty first established Confucianism as an official state ideology? 3. True or false: there are more Muslims in the Indian subcontinent than in the entire Arab world. 4. Famous Brazilian football players Neymar, David Luiz and Fred all follow which specific branch of Christianity? 5. Which Māori goddess is the ruler of the underworld? 6. According to the Rastafari movement, rather than in Israel, where is Zion (the Promised Land)? 7. Which Hindu deity is sometimes known as ‘the Destroyer’? 8. Which historical religious leader delivered the Āditta Sutta, better known as the Fire Sermon? 9. What is the common English name for, in Australian Aboriginal spirituality, the place beyond time and space in which the past, present, and future exist wholly as one? 10. The downward-pointing pentagram is often used as the symbol of which religious movement?

Salient is severely lacking in legal scandals this year. May I recommend: - breaking some name suppression - blatant libel? Donghua li is just asking for it, and Salient has a sterling reputation with the Asian community to uphold - maybe just a whole feature on rainsforth Dix? Yours, VUWSA legal team

FREE COFFEE! Are you angry, elated or apathetic about Salient? Send us a letter of less than 250 words to editor@salient.org.nz. Pseudonyms are fine,

1. A sieve/colander 2. The Han Dynasty 3. True 4. Pentecostalism (an evangelical form of Protestantism) 5. Hine-nui-te-pō 6. Africa (Ethiopia in particular) 7. Shiva 8. The Buddha 9. Dreamtime 10. Satanism Answers

The INTeRNeT PARTY PReseNTs

but all letters must include your real name, address and telephone number. These will not be printed. Letters will not be corrected for spelling or grammar. The Editors reserve the right to edit, abridge or decline any letters. The letter of the week wins a coffee from Vic Books.

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Letters AUE! Dear Salient Like Cam I am often perceived as a privileged white male. Yet I am also part Māori and by blood a member of Kāti Mamoe. Though my grandfather in particular as well as my mother and several uncles have embraced this heritage, I have always felt isolated from it. The Te Ao Mārama issue further emphasized the disconnect between me and this part of my heritage. More than this however, It had me questioning why I was disconnected from it. To this I still do not have an answer, but I think that perhaps part of the reason is because in my experience Māori culture is often too easy to ignore in our society. It has little practical usage in society outside a Marae. People see no need to embrace its intricacies, which undermines the efforts to make it true that being a New Zealander must involve identifying with aspects of Māori culture. The Te Ao Mārama issue will have isolated many, and unfortunately I do not think it will change the perceptions of those who do not yet embrace Te Reo and Māori Taonga. Best Regards LST

SU-DO-FU-KU Dear Salient,

I’m writing to inform you that you royally fucked up one of

the sudoku puzzles this week. No matter how you change things up, there will always be one column that will have multiple 2’s. This is highly unacceptable, to the point of blasphemy. You should be ashamed. One would think your resident sudoku makers had a little more skill and would have caught this before print, resulting in many pulled hairs. Kindly go fuck yourself, Your Resident Sudoku Enthusiast.

POETIC Friends, How many syllables should I put in each line of my rhyme I have trouble with time -ing Peace and puppies, Shake S. Pear

HA! WHAT A NERD Dear Salient I seem to be suffering from a serious case of university withdrawal syndrome. I haven’t literally withdrawn but I’ve been home on break for two weeks. I’ve developed a set of phantom keys which I check for every time I leave my room, despite it not having a lock. I keep

getting urgings to raid the pantry of as many packets of instant noodles as possible. I have an obsession with Cuba. I decided to go to the dairy one day but after walking for two hours and befriending a sheep I nicknamed Baaabara, I realized that it was not the brief walk it had been while I was in central Wellington and went home. I ordered a buffalo special at a restaurant and when they asked me if I wanted it rare or medium rare I replied that not endangered was preferable. I miss being neurotic, thrifty and environmentally conscious without seeming like a wierdo. I miss being able to walk from place to place and being able to meet actual people with actual names that I don’t have to make up. Bring on Trimester 2! Regards From a guy with ninety nine problems but uni life ain’t one.

TU MEKE Kia ora korua, I te tuatahi me mihi ki roto i te reo i tauiratia ai i roto o Te Ao Marama ki a korua me te roopu o Salient mō o koutou mahi i ngā wiki kua taha ake. Ko te tai o mihi te pari atu nei ki a koutou katoa. I’m probably one of the most biased people on this topic but I say this as a Māori student that I am stunned in the best way with how great the Te Ao Marama issue was this year. The standard of this year’s Te Ao Marama is evidence of what is possible if organisations have faith in the ability of Māori students’ – in fact Māori in general – to not only deliver but deliver well when given the opportunity. To use that overused word, there was a lot of mana shown in this Te Ao Marama and I was filled with pride reading it from cover to cover. Honestly, come what may with the Māori-hate letters because whatever the case I truly believe there’s been some small progressive bicultural step made here through this collaboration.

GOOD TO KNOW! WHAT DO YOU GET? TELL US! Hi Salient,

Yesterday I took the biggest dump and it kind of looked like a Salient! Yours, Winnie the Poo

Hey team, What do you get when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question? Hehe

editor@salient.org.nz

Feature

THING OF L AST WEEK

BY THE NUMBERS

HOW MANY HEARTS ARE BROKEN RIGHT NOW?

3 MONTHS’ WORTH The amount of rain that fell on the Balkan region in three days in mid-May.

A BRAZILLION.

6.6 Gigatons of concrete China has poured in the last three years. For comparison, the US used 4.5 in the entire 20th century.

30,000 Households in north-west Christchurch who lost power last Wednesday night. As Salient went to print, Orion was still investigating the cause of the “mystery” outage.

76 The number of people liking Facebook page “The Labour Party’s War on Men” at press time. They are worried about a penis tax.

NZ$91,650 The damages Justin Bieber must pay after throwing eggs at a neighbour’s home. He was also ordered to complete five days of community labour and a 12-week anger-management programme.

US$10 The amount an Ohio man asked for on Kickstarter to make potato salad: donations now exceed $44,000.

The Belief Issue

Feature

NEWS

K een

STUDENTS REJOYCE by Sophie Boot teven Joyce has ruled out cutting course-related costs and Student Allowance eligibility, and has said that National will keep Student Loans interest-free, if re-elected in September. Papers recently released to the NZ Union of Students’ Associations show that in 2012, the Minister for Tertiary Education considered cutting course-related costs from $1000 to $500, and reducing the Student Allowance lifetime limit for tertiary study from 200 weeks to 120 weeks. However, Joyce has confirmed to Salient that National is not considering cutting course-related costs this election.

S end

any tips , leads or gossip to news @ salient . org . nz

related costs.

MINISTER RULES OUT CUTS TO COURSE-RELATED COSTS, ALLOWANCES

eye for news ?

Joyce also said that National would not put interest back on Student Loans: “that’s out.” The 2012 papers show that, in the lead-up to the 2012 Budget, the Ministry of Social Development (MSD) advised that cuts to course-related costs would “cause affordability difficulties for many who do not have the savings or income to afford course-related costs,” particularly beneficiaries and solo parents. A potential solution to this was an exemption which would allow beneficiaries and “other low income earners” to continue to access the full $1000 of course-

VUWSA President Sonya Clark said she was “stoked” that Joyce was on record as saying the cuts would not be made. “The amount for course-related costs has been fixed at $1000 per year since 1993 – and to cut that down to 500 wouldn’t even cover the cost of a full year of textbooks for the average first-year Science student, let alone the cost of a laptop, or the cost of transport out to Kapiti Coast for a teaching placement.” The MSD also advised against reducing eligibility for Student Allowance, saying it “may reduce opportunities for retraining and second-chance learning, in particular for beneficiaries.” Other “student support initiatives” considered in 2012 were reducing the Student

Allowance parental threshold and introducing an annual 2 EFTS borrowing cap on loans. In the documents, dated 15 March 2012, the MSD also proposed increasing the repayment rate for Student Loan borrowers living in New Zealand. In May 2012, the repayment rate was increased from ten per cent of all income above $367 per week to 12 per cent, where it has remained. NZUSA had criticised Joyce before he ruled out the changes. NZUSA President Daniel Haines said: “Students deserve to know if these callous ideas are still being deliberated, especially as National is looking at potential coalition partners in ACT and United Future who are themselves proposing significant cuts in student support.”

“We feel it’s in the right place now,” Joyce said. Joyce also said the Government had “no plans” to reduce the Student Allowance lifetime limit from the current 200 weeks (equivalent to five years’ full-time study) to 120 weeks (equivalent to three years’ full-time study). “Two things were going on when we were making those considerations: there was a blowout of costs, which we’ve managed to halt with the overseas-based borrower initiative… The other thing was that Student Loans were ramping up, but we’ve managed to get that under control.”

editor@salient.org.nz

News

NEW ZEALAND STUDENTS TURNING UP THE DEGREES QUANTITY OF QUALIFICATIONS QUADRUPLES By Alice Peacock

ew Zealand students completed a record number of undergraduate degrees in 2013, alongside high rates of postgraduate study.

In 2013, 25,800 domestic students completed bachelor’s degrees – 400 more than in 2012, and a 24 per cent increase on the number graduating with undergraduate degrees in 2008. Māori and Pasifika achievement has also improved. The number of Māori students completing bachelor’s degrees has increased by 62 per cent since 2008, from 1960 to 3180. The number of Pasifika students completing bachelor’s degrees has increased from 980 in 2008 to 1530 in 2013, a 56 per cent increase. Minister for Tertiary Education Steven Joyce said that the trend “reflects the emphasis we are placing on students achieving qualifications at higher levels [which] provide them with a stronger financial return on their study.” “Having more people achieving tertiary qualifications means a more highly skilled labour market. Higher skills mean higher-paying jobs for all New Zealanders and their families.” VUWSA President Sonya Clark said she was “not convinced study is more affordable for students when only six per cent of first-year students are from decile 1–3 schools.”

GRADUATE INCOME

“I think that a tertiary education can be an incredibly transformative experience, and it is a good thing. But degree inflation is becoming a real problem – when students enter a three-year degree and are unable to get jobs related to the skills they have learnt from their study, students quite rightfully question the cost of that degree,” Clark said.

People with a bachelors degree or higher qualification on average earn 62 percent more than those without a qualification.

INCREASE IN GRADUATES

+62% INCREASE IN MAORI AND PASIFIKA GRADUATES 4000

30000

3180

3200 25400

25000

25800

2400 1600

20800

2012

The Belief Issue

1530 1530

800

20000 2008

1960

2013

2008

2013

News

BIO BUILDING AT EMBRYONIC STAGE PRELIMINARY WORK ON NEW UNI BUILDING BEGINS By Francesca Shepard

nvestigation work has begun on the construction of the new $100 million Biological Sciences building, while the University awaits final approval on the project. Construction on the new School of Biological Sciences will begin at the end of the year, subject to final University Council approval. The new building will be located next to Cotton, at the top of Kelburn Parade. The School will be constructed on and under the Gate 6 carpark, across the road and into what is currently the grass strip. There will be a plaza between the new building and Cotton. The building will provide laboratory, teaching and research facilities, with four storeys and 12,000 square metres of space. In March, Director of Campus Services Jenny Bentley said the upgrade was necessary as the current Kirk facilities were “inadequate and not fit for purpose.” The Kirk Building has failed to meet the University’s seismic rating or health and safety standards, and is considered by the University to be “a deterrent to staff recruitment and student retention.” If the project is approved and construction begins in late 2014, it is estimated to be completed in early 2018.

editor@salient.org.nz

News

VIC TEAM GOES ON TRIVIAL PURSUIT UNI CHALLENGE TEAM TAKES INVERCARGILL By Sophie Boot

he VUW University Challenge team went to Invercargill to compete in the tournament over the mid-year break. The show ran previously from 1976 to 1989, until it was cancelled. Cue TV revived the show, with this year being the first time the competition has been run in 25 years. Eight universities sent teams to compete, with 31 episodes filmed from 1–5 July. The team members – Rachel Wilcox (the captain), Nick Fargher,

Viveka Nylund, Isaac Harris and Jordan McCluskey – were selected from over 20 Victoria students after scoring well in the trial test. The team has signed confidentiality agreements with Cue TV which prevents them from revealing who won the tournament until the show screens later this year. McCluskey said that the questions asked were “as incredibly varied as the subjects available to study at university, though, in the University Challenge tradition, Shakespeare featured heavily.” “Filming took place in a local TV studio, and when your game was on, the students from all the other teams came to watch, leading to a great sense of camaraderie.” Producer Sheree Carey said they were in negotiations, but had not yet made a decision over who would broadcast the show. Victoria last won University Challenge in 1983.

VIC DEBATERS KICK AFF SOMETHING SOMETHING MASS DEBATERS By Sophie Boot

ictoria’s debating society has triumphed in the Australasian Intervarsity Debating Championships (Australs) over the break, winning the tournament along with speaker prizes. Australs were run at the University of Otago this year, from 29 June to 7 July. 252 speakers from 84 teams across Australasia took part in the tournament, which was first run in 1975. It is the second-largest debating tournament in the world. Vic 1, comprising Asher

The Belief Issue

Emanuel, Jodie O’Neill and Nick Cross, won the Grand Final 8–1 against University of Sydney 2. The team successfully argued against the motion “that Western liberal democracies should take an active stance against religions.” Vic 1 broke first, meaning they were the top-ranked team in the tournament after eight rounds. Of the eight rounds of debate, the team won seven, only losing to the University of Sydney team who they would go on to comprehensively defeat in the Grand Final. Individual speakers from

Victoria were also very successful. Emanuel was named best reply speaker of the tournament and best speaker of the tournament, Cross was awarded best speaker in the Grand Final, and O’Neill came second-equal on the overall speaker tab. Vic 2 (Daniel Wilson, Kimberley Savill, Nick Gavey) narrowly missed out on breaking to octofinals, with less than one

point separating them from Monash 3, who broke in 16th place. In 2013, the same Vic 1 team of Emanuel, O’Neill and Cross placed second at Australs, beaten by USU 2. Victoria last won Australs in 2011, and is the only New Zealand university debating society to have won the tournament.

News

UPCOMING ELECTION EVENTS What: Ladies in the House 2.0 – 2014 Candidates Forum Ask the candidates how they/ their parties would address issues that matter to you most. Think social justice, trans*, health and wellbeing, equal pay, and immigrant/tau iwi women’s issues. Who: Paul Foster-Bell (National), Jan Logie (Greens), Grant Robertson (Labour), and Heleyni Pratley (Mana). When: 6–7.30 pm, 23 July Where: St John’s in the City, 170 Willis St, Te Aro Link: www.facebook.com/ events/730149240375558 What: Panel Discussion on Abortion Law Reform – Part One

by Chloe Davies

Covering the history of abortion law in New Zealand, the realities of access to abortion in New Zealand, and the climate for law reform. Who: Dame Margaret Sparrow, Alison McCulloch and Jessie Lipscombe. When: 5.30 pm, 24 July Where: SU309/310, Kelburn Campus Link: www.facebook.com/ events/258099251052271 What: Wellington Rape Crisis Annual General Meeting Please RSVP to office@ wellingtonrapecrisis.org.nz by Monday 21 July for catering purposes. Who: Hayley Adams (Project

WHAT VUWSA HAS BEEN UP TO OVER THE BREAK - Fairer Fares: VUWSA made progress on Fairer Fares over the break. VUWSA attended a Greater Wellington Regional Council meeting on June 11 along with a giant bus made from postcards written by students in support of fairer fares. The Council passed a motion to conditionally approve a 25 per cent on peak discount for students, provisional on funding from the Wellington City Council and the University. - Strategic planning process: VUWSA began the strategic planning process with a two day workshop involving the VUWSA executive last Wednesday and Thursday. This will be followed up with surveying students and research into how

students experience VUWSA. This strategic planning will shape the next 5 years of VUWSA action. See President Sonya’s column for her take on the process so far. - University Council: The Council voted to approve the Student Representation Review, which included recognising VUWSA as the ‘primary representative body’ of students. This had been changed to the now-defunct Student Forum after the introduction of VSM. The University is also undergoing strategic planning, which VUWSA is pushing to include “number one student experience” as a priority goal. - On Monday July 21st at 5pm the Vice-Chancellor is presenting to student representatives on the

Coordinator for the Who Are You? Safer Bars Pilot Project and Sexual Abuse Prevention Network) and Talia Shadwell of Fairfax Media. When: 6 pm, 24 July Where: Wellington Chocolate Factory, 5 Eva St, Te Aro. Link: www.facebook.com/ events/253286568212969 What: The Women’s Debate Here, female MPs debate issues for women as we head into the 2014 General Election. Who: Carol Beaumont (Labour), Jo Goodhew (National), Jan Logie (Greens), Tariana Turia (Māori Party), and Tracey Martin (NZ First). When: Refreshments from strategic plan. - Safety campaign: VUWSA presented to the University about safety messages they would recommend putting out to students, as the University is creating a new safety campaign following recent assaults around campus. President Sonya Clark and Equity Officer Madeline Ashton-Martyn worked with the Womens Group to create a presentation which looked at different assault campaigns. Clark said the presentation was “received really well by the university”, and Ashton-Martyn will meet with Student Health to talk about the implementation of the ‘Are you that someone’ campaign. - VUWSA election: the Election Committee has been chosen (Amanda Hill, Bridie Hood, Max Hardy), and the election will be in Week 5 or Week 6. The position of returning officer has been advertised on SJS,

5.30, debate 6–8.15 pm, 29 July Where: Lecture Theatre 1, Rutherford House Link: www.facebook.com/ events/695673223833428 What: Panel Discussion on Abortion Law Reform – Part Two (Politics) Following the first panel, focussing on the political climate for abortion-law reform. Who: Jan Logie (Green Party) and Carol Beaumont (Labour Party). When: 5.30 pm, 31 July Where: SU217, Kelburn Campus Link: www.facebook.com/ events/726272544103496 and the university has confirmed all Victoria students will be eligible to vote in the election, even those who are not members of VUWSA. VUWSA is still working towards combining the VUWSA and University Council elections. - VUWSA General Manager, Mark Maguire, has resigned the role after 5 years at the helm. He will finish on July 25. VUWSA is currently recruiting an interim General Manager and are placed to have someone in the position when Maguire finishes. There will be a recruitment process for a permanent GM to be in place by the end of the year. - ReOrientation Week is happening this and next week. VUWSA is running night events partnering with MAWSA and day stuff on campus, including an arts/crafts market in the Hub on Friday.

editor@salient.org.nz

Feature

CAMPUS DIGEST

ictoria Physics student Merlijn Führhop could be one of the first people to go to Mars, after he got through to the second round of the Mars One astronaut selection process. There was an original pool of over 200,000 applicants, which was whittled down to 418 men and 287 women, who will next be interviewed by the selection committee. Mars One is a Netherlands-based organisation aiming to establish a permanent human settlement on the planet by 2025, starting with four people. Every two years after that, new people will join the endeavour. Astronauts undergo eight years of training, including isolation from the world in groups of four to simulate the environment and experience on Mars.

our former Victoria students have won first place in the 76th Annual International Barbershop Singing Convention in Las Vegas. The Musical Island Boys (Matthew Gifford, Jeff and Will Hunkin and Marcellus Washburn) sang ‘Now Is The Hour’ and ‘Hakuna Matata’ in the finals of the tournament, which attracts audiences of up to 17,000. The quartet got together while they were at Tawa College in 2002, and have won many awards on the international stage.

The Belief Issue

EYE ON EXEC

UWSA’s last Exec meeting took place all the way back in June, before the Exec went on exam leave. The meeting quickly moved into committee, which can’t be reported on, before Sonya gave her President’s Report. Sonya discussed Re-Orientation Week, and the complexities of negotiating a deal with MAWSA. Fairer Fares was also on the table, with the Vice-Chancellor supporting VUWSA’s quest for tertiary discounts, and more GWR councillors being on-board with the proposal. As Salient has reported, the future of Fairer Fares now rests in the hands of the University and Wellington City Council, who need to contribute funding in order for the 25 per cent on-peak discount to go ahead. The VBC saga continued, with a meeting scheduled, which will finally wind down the Victoria Broadcasting Trust. Sonya then talked about progress made on obtaining an Association van. She has had discussions with the University on options for leasing a van. There was consensus among the committee that a list of costings for various options should be provided at the next meeting. In general business, Sonya announced changes to VUWSA’s credit-card policy, aimed at making its use less restrictive. The Executive agreed to these changes, including an amendment by Rick Zwaan, which would allow more time to provide a tax invoice. Sonya also proposed that VUWSA develop its own system to administer voting, rather than paying an external body to do this. The Executive’s general consensus was that there should be further costings gathered from other companies, and that other options should also be considered. VUWSA’s next Exec meeting took place on 11 July – however, as this issue of Salient went to print at midnight on 10 July, we will have coverage for you next week.

Feature

NEWS OF THE WORLD

he largest-ever study conducted of same-sex parents found that their children turn out healthier and happier than the general population. The Australian Study of Child Health in Same-Sex Families, which looked at 315 same-sex parents and 500 children in Australia, found that, after correcting for socioeconomic factors, their children fared well on several measures, including asthma, dental care, behavioural issues, learning, sleep, and speech. Perceived stigmas were associated with worse scores for physical activity, mental health, family cohesion, and emotional outcomes. The stigmas, however, were not prevalent enough to negatively tilt the children’s outcomes, in comparison to

outcomes across the general population.

with a combined value of €25,400 (around NZ$39,300).

he world’s first ‘emotional’ auction, where people pay with feelings rather than money, has taken place in Sweden. Bids were generated by the way people’s biometrics – heart rate and sweat changes – altered when they saw an item for sale. Swedish glassmaker Kosta Boda ran the auction, where bidders were first hooked up to a heart-rate monitor and a GSR (galvanic skin response) sensor, before being shown a piece of the company’s famous glass art for the first time. They were then assigned a bid based on their emotional response, as measured by the sensors. Over 300 people bid for three pieces of glass art,

eijing- and Hong Kong-based designer Nina Griffee, owner of face-painting and bodyart company Face Slap, will introduce a new line of outfits that incorporate face masks on the runway as part of a collection at Hong Kong Fashion Week. The outfits incorporate Vogmask pollution masks – already a choice among many of the pollution cognoscenti as the most stylish face coverings – attached by a zipper to shawls, dresses and ponchos. The zipper allows the wearer to remove the mask to dine, for instance, while retaining the high-fashion look.

LABOUR (GRANT ROBERTSON) TO WIN WELLINGTON CENTRAL.

96%

LABOUR (ANNETTE KING) TO WIN RONGOTAI.

92%

LABOUR (TREVOR MALLARD) TO WIN HUTT SOUTH.

83%

LABOUR (CHRIS HIPKINS) TO WIN RIMUTAKA.

97%

LABOUR (KRIS FAAFOI) TO WIN MANA.

94%

iPredict is a market-based political and economic prediction market owned and operated by Victoria University of Wellington. Visit www.ipredict.co.nz to get involved. Probabilities are correct at time of publication.

editor@salient.org.nz

Sports

Sports Banter

Time to Give the Crusaders Some Credit by Ollie Ritchie

hey’re the most successful franchise in Super Rugby history. Maybe that’s why not many people outside of the Canterbury region like them. But love them or hate them, you have to hand it to the Crusaders – they’re damn good.

This weekend, Todd Blackadder’s men will enter a record 13thstraight playoffs. This is more than any other side, and thus, perhaps unlike others, the Crusaders will enter the playoffs as one of the

favourites to take out the Super Rugby title. There are a couple of reasons that need to be touched on here. The first is the attacking flair that has been thrust back into their backline, which was lacking any real threat at the start of the season. Perhaps this should be put down to a guy by the name of Nemani Nadolo. The massive Fijian flyer out on the left wing has been instrumental in the reigniting of this Crusaders

Top 5

All Black One-Hit Wonders

Lelia Masaga (actually number 5) 14

The Belief Issue

backline. Every time he gets the ball in his hands, he breaks the line and looks to score. He’s a massive threat who has given opposition defences nothing but nightmares throughout the Super Rugby season. As a result of the threat of Nadolo, the Crusaders are now playing with greater width, opening up space for Nadolo. Look for Nadolo to threaten even more as the Crusaders seek their eighth Super Rugby title.

find a harder worker. He drives our lineout and leads on defence. Consistency is the key to his game.” At lineout time, he’s crucial. Often disrupting opposition throws, and securing their own. He poses a constant threat at the breakdown; he’s quick at getting over the ball and always gives his team a chance to contest. If he continues to play as well as he has been all year, he certainly puts his team in a position to win.

But it’s not just the flair of the outside backs that is helping the Crusaders continue their surge; up front, the job continues to be done. Within the tight five, the workhorse that is Sam Whitelock continues to be one of the Crusaders key members. Described by coach Todd Blackadder as: “The backbone of the forward pack. You won’t

You have to say, the Crusaders deserve to take this one. They’ve been the most consistent side over the last 13 years, never missing the playoffs and they certainly look determined to claim their first title since 2008. Personally, I think you’d be an idiot to look past them. Oh, also, they now have Dan Carter back in their side – good luck, opposition sides.

5. Lelia Masaga – A classic case of ‘played well at Super Rugby level’, but never gave us anything worth talking about at international level. Never really had what it took, but at least he tried. For one game. Against Italy. And still produced nothing. 4. Anthony Tuitavake – Now unlike some, this guy probably deserved his All Black call-up, but in 2008, he did little to warrant earning more than six caps. He notched up one try in those six tests, but did nothing to warrant staying there. Probably worth giving him a go, but he’s better off plying his trade in Japan. 3. Isaac Ross – So much hype, so much speculation and so much disappointment. Isaac Ross was thrown into the All Blacks,

with many expecting massive things. While he certainly wasn’t the worst player to ever wear the black jersey, he didn’t give the coaches any reason to keep him there. 2. Jarrad Hoeata – Much like Ross, Hoeata was tipped to be a great All Black, but never delivered. Poor discipline and poor skills saw him never recalled. He’s still chipping away with the Highlanders, but maybe it’s time to chase some money overseas. 1. Jamie Mackintosh – Possibly selected because he’d been hanging around so long, Mackintosh played as many All Black tests as he deserved based on form. A solid ITM Cup player, international rugby was just never for Jamie.

classes – they’ll be begging you to paint them like one of your French girls in no time at all.

The Bone Zone With Cupie Hoodwink Where’s the best place on campus for a quickie? If you’re a long-time follower of The Bone Zone, you may recall that earlier this year, I advised against banging on campus unless you wanted an indecentexposure charge on your record or frostbite on your fanny. But now that we find ourselves in the very first week of semester two, with a re-orientation that pales in comparison to Otago’s, what better way to see in the new semester than by really putting the ‘O’ in Re-O Week? So, just in time for your first week back, here’s Cupie Hoodwink’s Guide to Campus Coitus! Kelburn: Thanks to recent cuts to tertiary funding, there are now fewer tutorials and courses at Victoria than there were five or so years ago, which means more empty tutorial rooms to bang in! Murphy, Von Zedlitz and Old Kirk are your best bets – untainted by the brush of modernisation, the tute rooms there remain small, windowless, and many. If you’re looking for a truly scholarly schmang, however, you can’t look past the Library. Nothing screams academic amour like climaxing with one hand on your lover’s Leviathan and the other on Hobbes’. In the past, the upper floors of the Library were renowned for their fucking facilities, but since the overhaul, there are fewer floors, fewer dark

spaces, and the place is crawling with builders. Thankfully, Level 0 remains just as dark and deserted as it ever was, and you can even move the stacks around to adjust the dimensions of your pleasure palace. Sure, it’s kind of creepy, and the dulcet tones of construction workers regularly waft through the space, but the library staff don’t store the ‘BJ’ collection down there for nothing now, do they? Te Aro: Cranking out a quickie on campus may be a little harder if you’re based at Te Aro, because Design and Architecture students seem to spend every waking minute working there. That said, finding a quiet spot as close to your workspace as possible is the best way to maximise efficiency when the hand-in date looms. The photography studio is ideal: able to be booked out, pitch-black, and only accessible via swipe card – people are less likely to walk in on you, and you’ll have more time to do something about it if they do. Warned by the tell-tale *do doo do* of the swipe card, by the time they’ve managed to find the light switch you’ll be well on your way from turning man love into Man Ray. Other options include the sick bay if you’re after a little doctor/ nurse role play, or the prayer room – for a different kind of spiritual awakening. And if all else fails? Just say you’re hosting life-drawing

Pipitea: If you’re the kind of person who likes to make love surrounded by leather-bound books and the scent of rich mahogany in your nostrils, then the Law Library is just the ticket. Take your big wood to the biggest wooden building in the Southern Hemisphere, situated just across the road from Parliament – you can even wave to John Key while you’re going at it! If you think you might be into exhibitionism but aren’t quite ready for a real live audience, head on down to the public displays where you can do your dirtiest in front of ye olde time wax models. Histori-cool! While you’ll be hard-pressed to find an empty desk (let alone study room) in the lead-up to exams or assignments, you can rest assured that with the Law Ball coming up, 90 per cent of Law students will be otherwise engaged at Ruby and Country Road this week. Over the road at Rutherford House, it may be a little harder to find a secluded spot to shag, as its layout is the epitome of open-plan. This is Victoria’s Business School, after all, and just like the market, its architecture works best when uninhibited. Karori: Anywhere, literally anywhere on Karori Campus is suitable for a quickie. In fact, you’re more likely to have your libido killed by the sight of Karori’s bleak Soviet-style architecture than have someone walk in on you going at it in the middle of the perpetually deserted common room. Tip of the Week: Judging by the traffic on my ask. fm during the study break, it looks like everyone’s found their new favourite way to procrastinate. As always, I’m delighted by your correspondence and always down for all queries, big and small, on

the topics of love and sexetera. That being said, I have received a number of questions over the year about specific crushes (“this girl”, “pretty smoking boy”, “my mate”), and I have to advise you that when it comes to knowing whether they wanna pash you or not, I’m about as much help as a Magic 8 Ball. Last semester, I discussed at length both crushes and friend crushes, which you can check out at salient.org.nz/category/columns/ the-bone-zone, but as much I wanna help you all find love and get laid, there’s only so much this sex columnist can do. At the end of the day, sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet and ask them out xoxo In Review: Sextra: Blindfolds They say love is blind, but should sex be too? I’ll admit, I was a little hesitant at first about trying blindfolds in the boudoir. If the trailer for The Conjuring is anything to go by, terrifying things can happen while you’re blindfolded, and there’s always the lingering fear that you’ll be left completely alone, naked, horny, and none the wiser. However, it is in creating this element of vulnerability that the humble blindfold really excels. Having your partner put their trust in you to take complete control of the situation and their pleasure – or vice versa – is both empowering and sexy. Extra for experts: tie them up at the same time. Don’t try this at home: both wear blindfolds at the same time – unless you’re into playing Marco? Polo! in the nudders. Sexual Connections: Got a burning question for Cupie? Ask her about all matters of the heart… and other romantic organs, anonymously at ask.fm/ CupieHoodwink Got a burning sensation in your nether regions? Give Student Health a call on 463 5308, or pop in to their clinics at Kelburn and Pipitea. editor@salient.org.nz

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The Belief Issue

Politics

or that same-sex marriage will corrode the family unit. But such bigotry leaves itself exposed to the patient truth of reality. When bigotries are proven false, the dogma can evolve, and with it evolves the morality of the masses.

Ramblings of a Fallen Hack By Jade D’Hack

e’ve finally won our atheist state. The current Prime Minister doesn’t believe in God; the one before him didn’t either. Even Colin Craig’s Conservatives and the more pious members of the National Party emphasise that their mission is a secular one. Despite Parliamentary prayer and the tax exemptions awarded to the Seventh-day Adventist Church, the fact is that our politik has discarded its faith. On the rare occasions when morality enters the public domain, deference to the Church is considered a neglect of our intellectual responsibilities. Secularism has become a presumption of our democracy.

Yet most respondents to last year’s census considered themselves religious. For more than half of us, the scriptures still matter. By ejecting God from the chambers of power, we’ve ejected the basic

epistemology of most New Zealanders. The religious are typically not white, typically not university-educated, typically not gifted with our middle-class malaise. That their entire ontology has been publicly rejected should provoke at least a little unease. If we are to cling to our progressive pretensions, we must consider the possibility that the religious are religious for a reason. For those without degrees in analytic philosophy, religion provides a proxy for morality. When we talk about Heaven and Hell, we talk about justice and desert. Note that religious people never find dogma sufficient: “because God says so” cannot satisfy even the most pious. Dogma is justified through its effects on the real world. Sometimes this leads to bigotry, such as religious homophobes insisting that gays are poor parents

Religion asks questions that the public debate has forgotten. Our legislators have an incredible ability to ignore the need to reform abortion law. We generally blame the conservative right, but at least they’re willing to discuss it. In liberal society, governments concern themselves with marginal tax schedules and school funding allocations; matters as personal as an abortion aren’t worthy of our attention. The obvious irony is that this has left morality hostage to the conservativism of 1977. Even as we detest their oppressive conceit, we should give credit to the religious for having the conversation. If spirituality is a connection with that which is bigger than ourselves, the distinction between spirituality and politics is much more subtle than we insist. When we talk about God, we provide an avenue by which the soul of the community can be examined. But, of course, God’s been dead for a while now. Let’s make sure public morality doesn’t die with him.

Political Tidbits

By Jordan McCluskey Quote of the Week “I’m sorry for being a man, because family and sexual violence is overwhelmingly perpetrated by men”

— David Cunliffe The Prime Minister, in response, played into feminist Tumblrs everywhere by stating: “not all men…” Top 5 Occurrences of Religion and Politics in New Zealand 1. Destiny Church’s “enough is enough” march in response to the Civil Union Bill. 2. The Christian Heritage Party almost enters Parliament at the first MMP election in 1996. 3. The Salvation Army’s horrific campaign against Homosexual Law Reform in 1986 (never forget). 4. The Exclusive Brethren gives the National Party thousands of anti-Labour pamphlets for the 2005 election. 5. Colin Craig. God help us. Political Polling Colmar Brunton: NAT 50%, LAB 29%, GRN 12%, NZF 4%, IMP 2%, Others 1% Each Preferred Prime Minister: John Key 47%, David Cunliffe 10% Roy Morgan: NAT 48%, LAB 28%, GRN 12%, NZF 5.5%, IMP 2.5%, MP 1.5 %, Others 1% Each Countdown

58 days As of Monday 14 July, there are 68 days until the election. My current prediction is that National will be re-elected.

editor@salient.org.nz

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BY TED GREENSMITH

It claims it is the fastest-growing religion in the world. It also never holds back flaunting its glamorous superstar members such as Tom Cruise and John Travolta. The Church of Scientology has proven itself to be a force to be reckoned with. But while its supporters claim it holds the key to ultimate happiness, others consider it a sinister cult – ruthless in silencing its critics.

have a friend called Jane Doe. For nearly 20 years she participated fully as a member of the Church of Scientology. She joined the church when she was 8 with her father, who had been a member for a few years.

– where enemies of the church are injured, tricked, lied to or destroyed by any means possible.

“My father was very well respected in the Scientologist church and their community,” Jane told me.

Scientology was founded by pop science fiction writer L Ron Hubbard in 1950 when he devised a multi-layered method of gaining enlightenment, or ‘Clear’. This method is called Dianetics, and it is the core to the Church of Scientology.

Very little is known about the beliefs and internal workings of this elusive organisation. Members are prevented from publicly revealing aspects of the faith, and deserters have all too often felt the wrath of the church through smear campaigns and harassment. This is called ‘Fair Game’

To fully understand Dianetics, we must first understand the origins of the world according to Scientology (and yes, this is now the part about aliens). Eons ago, the galaxy was ruled by a galactic federation led by the malicious Lord Xenu. Xenu, on account of being evil and a general douchebag, rounded up

The Belief Issue

millions of aliens from his empire and froze them. Loaded onto ships that looked exactly like jumbo jets, except with rocket engines, these aliens were flown to Earth and dumped into supermassive volcanoes. The souls of these aliens escaped from their physical form and latched themselves onto the nearest sentient beings on Earth – humans. These ‘Thetans’, as they are called, are the source of all our worry, our despair and our confusion. Dianetics, Jane told me, is a practical application of their theories. It is a method for people to cope with distress. Mostly, this involves auditing. What you do is you sit with another person in a little room over a desk. You use an E-meter, which is like a lie detector. It measures stress response. “It’s quite funny, because you end up holding these two tin cans – literally, two tin cans that have been washed out and had the labels peeled off,” Jane laughed down the phone. “When I was little they used smaller cans, so like sardine tins and whatnot. It was almost like meditation.” The auditor then asks you a series of

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questions – depending on what it is you’re talking about. Their aim is to tap into the Reactive Mind, or your Thetan, by asking about specific traumatic or distressing events in your life. What they are looking for is a ‘floating needle’ – when you are not affected by the event or recollection on the E-meter. One of the real benefits that Jane told me about this experience was that it was similar in many ways to Buddhism – a way of purification so that you can acknowledge traumatic or painful parts of your life and normalise them. The ultimate aim is to reach a state of being where you are not affected by this negativity, and you reach a field of enlightenment. Jane also describes an absolute adoration of L Ron Hubbard as a semi-deity, where in every church there would be a room closed with red velvet rope. Inside would be a writing desk, pens and a sea captain’s hat – all waiting for the day when L Ron himself would walk through the door and start writing again – even decades after his death. Jane left the church after her Dad died unexpectedly. “I felt very sorry for my Dad because his health deteriorated towards the end of his life and one of the things that the

church promised him was perfect physical health, which obviously wasn’t true. He had devoted all this time and money into the church and it hadn’t worked,” she said. “After he died, my mother continued for a while, and she got out a bank loan to pay for the new auditing. It was thousands of pounds, which in those days was a lot of money. Basically, she decided that it wasn’t for her, and that is when we really ran into problems with them. They refused to give back the money and I remember having to really fight them. They said we could have the money back, but we would be excommunicated. So we left.” Jane described the church as offering people a place of belonging, like any faith, but said the church was paranoid, and extremely exclusive. Whole aspects of church life centred on potential threats where people were either friend or foe. In the 1970s, the church conducted Operation Snow White, the biggest breach of US government in history where 5000 church agents infiltrated 360 government agencies and companies in over 30 countries and conducted wiretapping and destruction of documents critical of the church. While Jane has no worries that the church would

go after her more than 25 years after she was a member, she doesn’t talk about her experiences within the church just in case: “What I always learnt in the church was their official philosophy: what is true to you is true to you. You can believe what you want. But this didn’t work out in practice.” Jane told me she still gets angry when she sees discrimination against members of the church, saying she remembers having to keep it a secret for so many years for fear of harassment. But at the end of the day, are their ideas any stranger than Christians believing that Jesus was born to a virgin? They are trying, in their own way, to make life better for people. They also believe that people are innately good. Something that the Christianity doesn’t exactly support. We so easily accept Scientology as being strange and sinister. The media loves to paint them in an extremely negative light. While I still regard them as a cult, and would strongly urge young people to steer clear, it is important for us to try to see what the church wants: a world without pain. For humans to reach their full potential. For us to reach for the stars. editor@salient.org.nz

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Belief in death is more than just musing on the afterlife, Heaven, Hell and eternal oblivion. Death is very real, and there are choices to be made about how you choose to go, how you are remembered, and the cost of these decisions to your family and the Earth. Salient spoke to a local funeral director about what death means to people beyond the metaphysical and got an insight into an often deliberately obscure industry. s teens and twentysomethings with our whole lives ahead of us, we never pay much consideration to death. It is something of a misnomer to call death a part of life; death is not an experience, and forgoing any belief or proof of an afterlife, it would be impossible to describe. It would be more appropriate to say that the death of others is a part of life. If no one close to you has died, you are fortunate, but we should all be keenly aware of how finite our time on this earth is. Going to a funeral can put all this into perspective. The event is intended to celebrate life, but the rigid adherence to custom makes them seem as lifeless as the people they intend to honour. There is this perception that there is a ‘right’ 20

The Belief Issue

way to grieve and a ‘right’ way to have a funeral. The reality couldn’t be further from the truth. Fiona King, a funeral director for over four years and owner of central Wellington funeral company Broadbent & May, prides herself on letting people arrange funerals their way. The inner workings of the industry have been adapting to accommodate this philosophy, combining customs from older cultures and recent technological developments in the industry. When you’re six feet under, the sky’s the limit.

DEATH BECOMES YOU

Prior to the institution of the funeral industry, families traditionally looked after their own dead. When a family

member passed away, it was usually at home. The body remained at home for a few days (the wake) which was held to ensure the deceased was, indeed, deceased. After the corpse was cleaned and dressed, they would then be buried almost immediately, often at a local churchyard or on the family land. Funerals are meant to increase the period between death and burial or cremation, prolonging the time before the ‘final farewell’. The modern funeral industry traces its origins to the American Civil War, where a medical and scientific interest in embalming (the process of preserving the deceased to slow decomposition) became the solution, to ensure soldiers returned to the family in a preserved condition. The Victorian era was the first to define the traditional funeral as we know it today, with strict rules of proper mourning, etiquette and dress, and the creation of the role of funeral director. This has carried over to the modern day, creating a notion that there is an absolute ‘right’ way to have a funeral. As if bringing the afterlife to Earth, death was made to be mysterious

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and plagued with uncertainty by the funeral industry. Over time, handling of death became more professional and much less personal. The role of a funeral director is to bridge this gap by collaborating with the family and advising them of their options for handling of the deceased, while also guiding them through the grieving process. The funeral director also acts as an events manager, booking the venues for the funeral and liaising with mortuary workers, celebrants, cemetery staff and the family to organise the funeral itself. When appropriate, Fiona King’s own practice at Broadbent & May is to delay the disposal and the burial by a day; otherwise, the service can seem rushed or of no consequence.

GO AS YOU PLEASE

Everyone’s a bit squeamish when it comes to the dead, but this is more of a stereotype derived from the sombre but fecklessly uptight appearance of Victorian funerals. Other cultures, by contrast, are surprisingly cool and collected when it comes to funeral customs. King highlighted the funeral practices of Jewish and Muslim communities. When a member of the community passes away in the Jewish community, the autonomy of the body is given absolute respect. There is no embalming, and all ‘deceaseds’ are dressed and buried in same simple clothes and a wooden coffin. The central funeral philosophy of Judaism is that we all come

There’s the old adage that you die twice: first when your body “expires, and again when someone speaks your name for the last

time. As such, funerals are not just an event for family and friends to say their final farewell to a loved one, but a plea from the loved one to not be forgotten.

”

from the earth and we return to the earth equally. Muslim funerals usually have no service, and the dead are buried quickly to ensure the soul can ascend to eternal peace. King has arranged funerals for Pasifika and Māori communities, and has noticed their ceremonies have a much more relaxed and inclusive feel to them. Funerals involve the whole community, including the children, who then learn the practices and customs associated with their culture through the ceremony. King recalled one story to me she had had related to her from a cemetery technician, of a seven-year-old Pasifika boy who was overheard guiding adults through the funeral process like an expert. In regards to her own practice, King encourages the family to be ‘hands on’, emphasising the familial independence of old. These days, the ‘do it yourself ’ funeral has become increasingly popular. More and more families eschew an ostentatious memorial in favour of a smaller, more intimate ceremony. A smaller family-guided ceremony can feel more cathartic than a strictly ‘traditional’ service. “A funeral you can live with,” says King.

LEST WE FORGET

There’s the old adage that you die twice: first

when your body expires, and again when someone speaks your name for the last time. As such, funerals are not just an event for family and friends to say their final farewell to a loved one, but a plea from the loved one to not be forgotten. This can lead to overmemorialisation of the deceased, as if they have to remain preserved in perpetuity. In the United States, 115 million tons of steel goes into making robust metal caskets and 2.3 billion tons of burial-vault concrete is used each year. King believes that the future of funeral care lies in the green revolution, providing environmentally friendly methods of burial and less obtrusive memorials. A green funeral has no embalming, and instead of a headstone, a native tree is planted at the burial mound. This seems to be the popular choice, with most people desiring to forgo headstones and veneered coffins and declare: “stick me in a plain pine box and bury me naturally”. We come from the earth and we return to the earth, equally. King encourages you to have that conversation about your funeral and make your intentions clear to friends and family. You can find more information on funeral options and the funeral industry at her website: www.broadbentandmay.co.nz.

1. Until the recent establishment of two small funeral companies, the funeral industry in central

Wellington has been a duopoly (only two providers). 2. Around 70 per cent of funerals are cremations, often preferred because it is a cheaper alternative to burial. 3. The ashes collected after cremation are known as ‘cremains’. 4. Some services offer the option to have ashes compressed into a diamond, or planted into a tree, or converted into a ‘living reef’ to be placed at sea. 5. Traditional Jews forsake flowers at funerals, due to the belief that one should not have to kill other living things in remembrance of another’s life. 6. The United States uses 800,000 gallons of formaldehyde for embalming annually, the equivalent of 1.2 Olympic swimming pools. 7. In Tibet, one method of disposal is the ‘sky burial’, where the body is lacerated into pieces and left to be fed to vultures, leaving just the skeleton. 8. During the 19th century, bodies were often stolen from graves for the purposes of medical research, so cemeteries had to become guarded. 9. One idea to phase out headstones is to have a ‘digital headstone’, detailing the GPS coordinates of your burial site online. 10. The current worry in the funeral industry today: is it ever appropriate to take a funeral selfie? editor@salient.org.nz

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Transubstantiation

by Philip McSweeney

“How do you take your coffee?” she asked me. “Long and black,” I replied, deciding to forgo the classic “like I like men” gag this time. I was sitting in the living room of Alice and Josh, a couple devoted to Seventh-day Adventism, and judged it was better to let their etiquette prevail. They were, on the whole, lovely hosts with impeccable hospitality, but I couldn’t help feeling nervous.

he first question they asked me, after pleasantries were out of the way, was: “Do you believe in God?” As they explained their religion to me, they peppered their conversation with nuggets of wisdom, some poignant (“For me, the quest for truth took a long time… but like my brother told me, when I found it, ‘It doesn’t matter which path you take, the summit of the mountain is always the same’”) and some scientifically dubious (“You know why people get bipolar disorder, don’t you? It’s the parents not controlling their kids and letting their emotions go wild! It’s God’s way of telling us that

The Belief Issue

discipline is important.”) They explained why they go to church on Saturday; why, when they fast, they don’t eat animals who shed red blood; how they volunteer for the community, and have done for 30 years. They were weird. They were lovely. They were human. You don’t need a PhD in Religious Studies to realise that religions are complex institutions. They’re more adaptable than the unwavering strictures of their doctrines would have you assume. There are two main reasons why religious organisations are as prone to change as they are. One component of this is to attract new followers and converts; believers are the lifeblood, if you’ll excuse the pun, of any congregation, and the numbers are dwindling perilously – especially among youth. According to the most recent census, more New Zealanders than ever identify as atheists or agnostics, to the extent that they outnumber their believing counterparts. A cynic would note here that it’s important to get converts in order to attain more money for one’s church through donations. The other reason is considerably more complicated. People on the outside of religion assume that religion’s main appeal is as a way of dealing with mortality, a means of providing to solace

to those preoccupied with the inevitability and intractability of death. Equally as important on the inside, however, is the sense of community and belonging that joining a religious denomination fosters. Such is the importance of a perceived community that, as community beliefs change, religious institutions necessarily have to change alongside them. In a cultural landscape where gay marriage is becoming increasingly accepted, while financially, many people are left struggling after the stock-market crash of the late noughties (ick), the Pope is reacting by easing up on the whole homophobia thing and famously lives an ascetic lifestyle which has won him acclaim and earned him the title of ‘The People’s Pope’. The Pope’s supposed ‘progressiveness’ is, I believe, overstated – he is quite clear that he believes that acting on homosexual impulses goes against the word of God, and though he’s promised to “ask the questions as to why [gay marriage] has appealed to certain people,” that in no way entails comprehensive reform in the church. Using someone’s views on queer rights, too, is a substandard mode of determining their entire praxis – the Pope is still wary of anointing female priests and rigorously opposed to contraception. Yet it remains a notable step for the Catholic Church,

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If a given religion gives someone satisfaction and meaning, and they don’t infringe on the rights of others – who the fuck are we to scorn them? especially in the wake of criticism targeting the church’s ingrained homophobia and its predilection towards largesse, pomp and ceremony. Shit, the Catholic Church of Northcote has recently swapped its eucharistic wine to a cheaper brand (not that it matters, considering that the white wine ‘Gewürztraminer’ is in vogue amongst the upperclass elite at the moment. Do try and keep up, you parvenu), symbolising a new-found restraint that is permeating the Catholic Church’s traditions. I was curious, though, about whether this trend was correlation, causation, or just plain coincidence. In order to get some insight, I decided to canvass some leaders and followers of a variety of religious beliefs. This is how I found myself in the office of a rabbi much too early in the morning, trying not to say the word ‘Israel’. Judaism is different to a lot of the major religions – Islam, Christianity, Buddhism et al. – in that it doesn’t actively seek new followers. If gentiles show an interest, then great! But as the code they adhere to, they’re not too fussed – they’re God’s chosen people by race, not belief, so there’s less pressure to adjust their religious doctrine to make it palatable to outsiders. And indeed, the New Zealand public’s increased interest in transparency does not seem to have much effect. Before meeting the rabbi, his exceedingly polite but stern

secretary laid down some ground rules: “Don’t mention Israel. Don’t even allude to it. In your conversation, do not trespass into the grey area of politics.” As it turned out, Rabbi Altshul was chill as fuck, possessing a warmth and dry sense of humour that made me like him immediately. He apologised for not being able to talk about ‘more interesting’ things than Judaism, I assume in reference to the Israel issue. As for whether Judaism has changed in the past, say, 50 years? “Judaism hasn’t changed for the last 2500 years.” For dramatic effect, he called out to his receptionist in a nearby room: “MAREN. HAS JUDAISM CHANGED AT ALL IN THE LAST 50 YEARS?” “No, Rabbi.” “HOW ABOUT THE LAST 2500?” “Not at all, Rabbi.” That was an – admittedly very slight – exaggeration. About 2000 years ago the Jewish people switched from animal sacrifice to prayer. 200 years ago, there was a schism in the Jewish orthodoxy that separated traditional Jews from their ‘liberal’ counterparts. Traditional Jews interpret Jewish lore and law, err, religiously. Liberal Jews are more relaxed about the whole enterprise. What Judaism does is take Jewish doctrines, which are taken from the aforementioned Torah and a litany of ‘oral knowledge’ passed down from generation to generation, and apply ‘em to contemporary issues in what’s called a ‘dialogue’. For Judaism, it is not the tenets of religion that change, but the context in

which they are practised. The results of this rigid adherence to tradition have their drawbacks. Many followers are attracted to the wealth of history Judaism has accumulated, find solace in the antiquity it is steeped in; yet the Rabbi notes that temple attendance is down, and that “95 per cent of my congregation do not worship consistently... It’s a real problem, especially here in New Zealand. Followers just aren’t as devoted as they should be.” Like ‘fairweather Christians’ – the kind who go to church on Easter and Christmas – some members of the Jewish synagogue are impenetrably resolute. Ironically, the practice of adapting ancient scripture to modern circumstances is also prevalent in some sectors of Islam. Most recently, it has manifested itself in the debate over the right of Muslim women to wear the hijab or the burqa. In times of antiquity, it was used to invoke a Muslim woman’s modesty and morality; recently, young Muslim women have been using it as a way of expressing autonomy and rejection of secular society’s control of their bodies. Once again, we see an ancient and sacred lore being adapted to an entirely new scenario, without losing the context from which it originated. Is it fair to assume that religions with inflexible doctrines are more likely to alienate worshippers than those who don’t? Or is a willingness to engage with secular issues through the lens of a doctrine enough? For most believers I asked, the latter sufficed. It’s true that a religious body owes it to its congregation to engage and evolve. This, I think, is true for all those in positions of power. But the comfort derived from a sense of belonging and bonhomie compromises the

desire to rock the boat too much; and if a given religion gives someone satisfaction and meaning, and they don’t infringe on the rights of others – who the fuck are we to scorn them? The youth demographic have, according to certain fearmongers, ‘turned their backs on religion’ in droves. Recent research conducted worldwide affirms this. But essential tenets and comforts of religious faith permeate our lives anyway. We find something akin to the joys of faith in all sorts of things – political ideologies, friend cliques, collectives, even in a shared preference for a particular genre of music. We may no longer turn to religion for a moral code, but there are elements of belonging to a religious community that have hitched a ride with the societal shift towards secularism. I don’t want to overstate the point, but I think it’s reasonably safe to say that everyone feels lonely and atomised sometimes. We all, on some level, ache for some kind of connection – spiritual, physical, somewhere in between. There’s nothing more human. Perhaps religion doesn’t need to overhaul itself to gain followers. As it is, religion makes people realise that they’re not – or don’t have to be – completely alone. God knows there’s something special about that. It’s impossible to overestimate the security and comfort that being a member of a religious group provides. Certainly for Josh and Alice, it provides fulfilment. “God sent us to this church and these people. He willed it to happen. I truly believe that. I know that.” “God’s will and grace?” I quip impudently. Alice takes her husband’s hand, smiles, and looks me dead in the eye. “Exactly. His Will and His Grace.” editor@salient.org.nz

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Feature

B Y

K R I S

T A L O N S

s kids, our parents taught us not to lie. In the next breath, they told us there was a man who watched us constantly (even while we were sleeping!), rewarded us for being good, and worked miracles. Just as religions have used God, Satan and the threat of eternal reward or punishment to moderate their followers, parents have used mythical beings like Santa to make their kids behave. Recently, psychologists have argued that the ‘Santa Lie’ should be avoided. It’s an unjustified lie, they say. It undermines the relationship of trust, and it encourages ill-motivated behaviour. Others have argued that parents shouldn’t feel guilty, because Santa is a good lie to tell your children. It encourages their creativity and imagination. It shields them from sad adult truths while they are in their age of innocence. Salient takes a look at the gods our parents created for us.

The Belief Issue

Feature

S A N T A

C L A U S

T H E

E A S T E R

B U N N Y

(AKA an immortal fat man who reigns over elf slaves and drives a magical sleigh pulled by reindeer)

(AKA gigantic human-rabbit that gives out chocolate miniatures of himself for you to eat)

ORIGINS:

The original. St Nicholas lived during the fourth century in what is now Turkey. He used to put coins in random people’s shoes. The Dutch used him as an inspiration for their Sinterklaas, who is a serious old man who rides a white horse and who has a helper called (we kid you not) ‘Black Pete’. Santa Claus is the much happier and less-racist Western version.

How the death of Jesus became associated with a chocolate-eggbearing bunny is a complex one. It was widely believed that hares were hermaphrodites, and could therefore give birth while remaining a virgin (like Mary). During Lent, Christians weren’t allowed to eat eggs, so they’d boil them and eat them to break their fast. Chocolate’s just nice to eat.

WHAT HE IS USED FOR TODAY:

WHAT IT IS USED FOR TODAY:

To get kids to behave, especially around Christmas time. It’s hard to stop kids from acting out with all the excitement of the holidays, so parents bribe them with presents. Although parents could take the credit for the presents, they sacrifice themselves so that kids can believe.

In a similar way to Santa, parents can threaten their kids with no Easter chocolate if they misbehave. The Easter chocolate trade is worth billions of dollars – in Australia, $157 million is spent a year on chocolate.

T H E

T O O T H

F A I R Y

T H E

B O G E Y M A N

(AKA a tiny magical flying woman or man who buys your teeth)

(AKA a monster in your closet that stops you from leaving your room in the night and disturbing your parents’ rumpy-pumpy)

ORIGINS:

The earliest written record of Norse traditions tells of a ‘tooth fee’ paid to children for their first lost tooth. Unlike Santa and the Easter Bunny, there isn’t a consistent version of what the tooth fairy looks like. There’s some doubt as to whether she’s even a ‘she’. In America, the tooth fairy gives $3.70 per tooth on average.

This folkloric beast has its origins in Germany, and its name has the same origin as the word ‘bug’. The monster doesn’t have a specific appearance, and instead takes on the form of the individual child’s worst nightmare. In some cases, the Bogeyman is a nickname for the Devil.

WHAT HE/SHE IS USED FOR TODAY:

Much the same thing as it always has: as a threat of pain and punishment for doing naughty things. Children are told that if they suck their thumbs or play up, the Bogeyman will get them. His outwardly sinister traits mean that even adults can be afraid of him – see horror movies for evidence of that.

Turning a bad experience (losing your teeth) into a happy one (making bank). Also, some variants of the myth say that the fairy pays more for a clean tooth than a decayed one. So, parents effectively bribe their kids to brush their teeth.

WHAT IT IS USED FOR TODAY:

editor@salient.org.nz

Feature

THE

was sitting alone on what I’d call a park bench, though there was no park in sight; neither a grass park or an empty space of any kind, due to the hundreds of cars that created the urban chaos around me. In the midst of the mindless chaos, I sat in mindless apathy. It doesn’t make much difference to the story, but I was waiting for a bus, not due for an hour. A young man came and sat next to me. He did not sit by the woman, also alone, on the bench a hundred or so feet to my right, rifling through her purse for something I could not know. Nor did he choose to sit alone, making a trio of unconnected individuals, on a third and vacant bend a hundred or so feet to my left. “Hi there,” was all he said at first. “Um, hi,” I replied. He looked around awkwardly for a bit, as if deciding whether to abandon the conversation there and then or not. After almost a minute, I thought he had. “How was your day?” he asked abruptly. “Fine, thank you.” “I’m glad.” “Thanks, I guess,” I said. If this man was determined to talk, I decided I had no important reason to stop him. “How was yours?” His reply wasn’t what I was expecting. It was, instead… unusual. “Unusual, actually.” “Oh?” I asked, becoming suddenly inquisitive before I remembered that he was a stranger. “I met a genie,” he said. “In a bottle? That granted you three wishes?” My answer was sarcastic, and a little bit rude, but the young man ignored this. “Yes, of sorts.” “And what did you wish for?” “Three things.” “I gathered that,” I said. He laughed, the sound nearly as awkward as his attempt to begin conversation. I joined in after a moment, and the sound became a whole lot more natural with the two of us. “So, will you tell me these three things?” I asked. “Sure,” he said. “The first was that, in every game of chance I attempted, the outcome would be in my best interest long term.” I nodded for him to continue. “The second was that, in any task I attempted, the hard work I put in would result in the success it deserved. “And the third was that I would look at the people around me and know which ones I could learn from, and which ones could learn from me. That this knowledge would give me the courage to introduce myself.” I sat and thought for a while, not saying anything. The young man didn’t try to fill my silence, waiting for my reply. “So, you wished for luck, for success, and for a connection with important people around you.” I said. It was a statement, sure, but I felt like it was also a question that I was not sure of the answer to. “Not quite,” the young man said. “Then what do you mean?” I asked. “Well, I did not wish for infinite luck. I wished that any game of chance I took part in would, in the long run, work out for me. If that means that it is best for me to lose, then so be it.” “Alright… And the second wish?” “I did not wish for ultimate success. I wished that I would be rewarded fairly for the energy that I put into a task.” “The final wish…?”

The Belief Issue

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O N T H E PA R K B E N C H B Y J AY F O R L O N G

“For the final wish, I did not ask for a connection to people that the world felt was important, but rather a connection with the people that I could say something to that would be important to them.” I sat again in thought, mulling over these answers before replying. “Aren’t those wishes a waste of such magic?” “Think about it this way. If I ever need to win a game, I will. And if I don’t, I won’t. But, regardless of the outcome, I can go boldly into any situation involving chance, and be confident that the result will be the best result.” “I suppose that’s wise. Winning isn’t always the best result.” He nodded. “And, if I were to succeed in anything I even thought about, effort would mean nothing. This way, however, I can be confident that effort will result in success, but I can also be confident that the success is my own.” “Alright, that’s not too bad.” “Finally, the people who are rich or famous or intelligent may seem important, but isn’t it better to be able to influence and be influenced by those who matter to my life right at the moment when I see them? Not just someone that is idolised without real reason?” “That’s true,” I said. “I suppose they sound like pretty good wishes then.” “Yes,” said the young man. “And where did you meet this genie?” “Well, I didn’t. I sort of meant that as a joke.” “A joke? Then what about the wishes?” “They’re still things I can wish for, aren’t they?” “I guess,” I said. Of course, I hadn’t believed the young man about the genie, but I had let myself believe for a moment just for the sake of his story. “What you said before about these wishes being a waste of magic is actually true, in a way. But that doesn’t make them worthless,” he said eventually. “Then how can you be confident that they will come true? How can you prove that they do have worth?” “This is the worth that they have. Believing in these three wishes gives me the boldness to enter a challenge that I do not know the outcome of, and leave with no regrets. Believing in these three wishes gives me the confidence that hard work is the best and fastest way to victory. Believing in these three wishes lets me overcome my fear of the unknown, and see people in a different light, because everyone has something to offer me, and I have something to offer everyone.” “And have these wishes come true so far?” “I am not the one who can answer that.” “Then who?” I asked. “I boldly took a chance in telling you these things. I put time and effort into the story, into making you believe it, and into saying what needed to be said. And I had to overcome my terror of walking up to you, a stranger, and trying to influence you in a positive way, and being open to letting you influence me. “I don’t have the power to make these wishes come true. I’m no genie. I have no magic. But, just for a small while, it seems that you find yourself in the position of the genie. Tell me, have my three wishes come true?” The young man stood and left, climbing onto the bus that had just arrived. He didn’t say any farewell, and did not wait my reply. A young lady had hopped off the bus that the young man had just left on. She sat down on the opposite side of the bench from me, leaving a gap large enough that it was obvious the pair of us weren’t associated. She fiddled with her phone for a while, before giving up and simply waiting for whatever was making her wait. “Hello,” I said, plucking up the courage to start conversation. “Um, hey,” she replied. The young man may not have waited to hear my reply, but I think he knew his answer anyway.

editor@salient.org.nz

Entry by Koha /MuseumOfWellingtonCityAndSea

Thursday 17 July, 7pm Museum of Wellington City & Sea A Wellington Museums Trust institution

Columns

Wierd Internet Shit By Philip McSweeney

don’t think it’s contentious to say that bodies, and specifically orifices, are wonderful – but fucking weird. There’s the testicle-clutchingly awkward phenomenon of ‘penis captivus’, for example, wherein a penis gets trapped inside a vagina. Then there’s the equally horrid occurrence where certain items get lodged where the sun don’t shine. Famously, Twitter user ‘@ Grawly’ was gracious enough to live-tweet his ordeal when he got a vibrating dildo stuck inside his bottom, offering insights into hitherto unpenetrated territory (sorry) and the X-rays to prove it. But surely, I hear you retch, that’s a singularity! That must never happen! Prepare to have your illusions shattered: the website ‘Rectal Foreign Bodies’, which has generated about two million page views since it went online in January 1994(!), amasses a startlingly comprehensive list of items that have had to be medically dislodged from people’s posteriors. There are a lot. Dildos and vibrators are, predictably, at the root of most of the frantic 911 calls, but not far behind are “bottle or jar” and “glass or cup”. An eclectic range of everyday items, including “axe handle”, “pool cue ball” and “baby powder can” bring, err, up the rear. The website also contains

X-rays and medical reports of how items were safely removed, some of which will come in handy as precedents, I imagine. One poor dude got a LIVE artillery shell shelved up there, and the military had to defuse it while it was still in his body before doctors could safely take it out. The site also offers tips on how to keep your bottom safe from harm, and ascertaining whether tales of anal play gone wrong are real or hoax. I guess it’s kind of gross, but it intrigues me for a couple of reasons. I love that it’s non-judgmental and not sensational, for one. The statistics and articles here are as surgically precise as the medical case studies they quote. I’m always fascinated by the depths of human curiosity, too, and what people try in the comfort of their own home; the dark zones they’re eager to plumb (sorry again). There’s something really refreshing – even subversive – about covering the anal tract in such a neutral way. The poor anus, I would argue, is one of the last taboos. You can catch a glimpse of a vagina or a penis in even mainstream films these days, with the anus nowhere to be found. In my liberal bubble, people discuss STDs and other genital issues in offhand ways. But issues associated with the anal tract – bowel movements, gastrointestinal issues – are still considered gross beyond the pale. I’m not even being scatological here, yo – loving our bodies means loving all of them, in spite of their missteps/inability to accommodate certain items. Also, a quick unsolicited sex lesson learnt from the site: if you’re engaging in anal play, make sure to use objects with a flared base in order to avoid discomfort. And for those of you who don’t want to be caught typing ‘Rectal Foreign Bodies’ into Google, visit: http://www.well.com/~cynsa/ newbutt.html

Conspiracy Corner By Incognito Montoya “Crab Mentality” reetings, true believers! During your holiday break I’ve been on the run from various authorities, so I’ve been sending these columns from various hideaways around the globe. This one comes courtesy of The Pirate Bay. Yes, it’s an actual place. Great vacation spot for internet recluses. Plus, I get all the rum I can drink, if I promise to seed. I’ll admit, I was stumped on what to write regarding ‘belief’. Belief by itself is too broad a phenomenon to have any maliciousness behind it. As I baked in my deck chair on the beaches of Pirate Bay, I mused on our collective capacity to think beyond ourselves. But after three days, no divine bolt of inspiration gave me the fundament I needed to carve out my column. I decided to clear my head with a walk on the beach. I strolled the golden sands for what seemed like forever, until I came across a bearded man sitting on the shore. He had long flowing hair and a loose, ascetic look of dress. He sat there, staring intently into a bucket. Inside it were a collection of crabs, scuttling over each other at the bottom in a frenzy. I noticed that when one crab tried to crawl out, another one would always pull it down. This repeated at least once with every crab, as it scuttled in vain to

be released from the vessel, only for its kin to drag it back down. Eventually, the man whispered words I could not make out into the bucket, and suddenly the crabs’ behaviour changed dramatically. They assembled two piles, one on each side of the bucket, piling higher and higher until they began to fall out. It was extraordinary to watch, seeing these creatures work together toward a common goal. When there were few left, some remaining crabs even extended their claws and pulled their fellow crustaceans out with them. When they had all escaped, they scuttled away together towards the ocean. “How did you get them to do that?”, I asked the old sailor. He looked up at me with sea-worn eyes and smiled a scurvy grin. “If I told you,” he said, “you’d probably misinterpret it and argue about what it meant for the next dozen centuries. Work it out for yourself. You have a brain, use it.” He then picked up his empty bucket and strolled away down the shore. And lo, I had my column. Like crabs in a bucket, we pull each other down if one tries to get too high and mighty. We conspire against ourselves and others, when it could take so little effort to all just work together. The question is not why can’t we all just get along, but when can we do so. editor@salient.org.nz

Food

The Sweet Scoop Gluten-Free Peanut-Butter Brownie by Julia Wells with Elsie Jolliffe

don’t know if you’re like me, but I find that gluten-free baking is often really underwhelming. Delicious-looking, but often strangely textured. I also find it really overwhelming (I’m not sure what this balances out to; just whelming, maybe?), in the sense that it seems difficult to make. Such long ingredient lists, combined with that lingering

fear that maybe it is Entirely the Wrong Texture and Actually Going to Turn Out Like Bathroom Cleaning Cubes. Luckily, there are gluten-free recipes out there that are both delicious and not difficult. Even if you don’t eat gluten-free yourself (I don’t), you probably know someone who does. So I asked my friend Elsie to share her truly

In Review: Ombra by Eve Kennedy

mbra describes itself as a “Venetian bacaro” (the waiter described O it as a “back-alley tavern in Venice”) serving tapas-style food. I do find the phrasing a little pretentious, but I am prepared to forgive Ombra for their delicious food. A relatively recent addition to Cuba St, Ombra seems to be one of the new hip places to go, which explains its long wait times and crowded table space. It makes the most of a small space with a consistent aesthetic and on-trend décor. If you go on a weekday, the wait time’s never too unbearable, provided you’re not in a large group. If you can recall my love of the tapas-style menu at Chow, Ombra is just as good at delivering small plates of food perfect for sharing. Like Chow, the tapas-style menu means that food is affordable, albeit in small portions; my date (read: mother) and I shared five plates, a drink each, and were content, at $65 total. 34

The Belief Issue

amazing gluten-free brownie recipe. Most people who eat this say it’s the best brownie they’ve ever had, and believe me when I tell you that you won’t even notice the lack of wheat flour. It’s fudgy and rich and so buttery and chocolatey. Everything a good brownie should be. You can always replace the flour mix (including xanthan gum) given here with a premixed gluten-free baking flour. And if you aren’t gluten-free, just substitute the flour mix for ordinary flour. Gluten-Free Peanut-Butter Brownie 200 g butter 115 g dark chocolate 2 eggs ½ cup white sugar ½ cup brown sugar 1 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon xanthan gum 1 teaspoon baking powder 50 g brown rice flour 15 g tapioca flour 15 g potato flour 1 teaspoon vanilla essence 4 tablespoons peanut butter

Preheat the oven to 175 ºC. Melt the butter and chocolate together over boiling water until smooth and glossy, then leave to cool. Once room temperature, beat in the sugar, then the eggs and vanilla essence. Mix all the dry ingredients together, and slowly mix in the chocolate mixture. Pour into a greased 9-inch square baking tin. Smear and swirl the peanut butter over the top of the batter, then bake for 25 minutes.

Ombra is my go-to for Campari spritzers and delicious Venetian food; the seasonal rotating menu means that you’re guaranteed fresh seasonal produce, the only downside of this being that you can’t guarantee your favourites will still be on the menu. I was sorely disappointed when I saw that the radicchio, Kikorangi and walnut gnocchi (the best gnocchi I have ever eaten) was replaced with pumpkin and scamorza gnocchi, although the latter is also tasty. My other favourites include the crescenza, silverbeet and pine-nut bruschetta (I would happily eat nothing but that for weeks on end), all of the pizzettes made with special pizza flour (which makes a huge difference), and the vegetarian risotto. I have it on good authority that the sardines are to die for, and the pork belly is divine. The polenta chips are popular and yummy, but the truffle aioli is a tad bland for my taste. As far as desserts go, don’t go past the gorgonzola gelato and poached pears. You might think gorgonzola gelato is a weird flavour, but it’s the stuff of dreams. The only dish I’ve ever had that’s been a downfall is the seaweed fritters – bland and with far too much batter to be enjoyable. When I asked him for his opinion of Ombra, my flatmate said: “if I could get married to a restaurant, it would be Ombra.” I’d celebrate that marriage with a glass of Campari.

Columns

Being Well by Rachel Riedel

sking for help and seeking support is an important aspect of life that many young adults struggle with. I believe part of the reason for this is living in an age of comparison (comparing and judging your life against the lives of others). A quick check of my own Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat emphasises my point. My personal reflections are that these facets of social media (which, coincidently, I use regularly), have become increasingly narcissistic. My newsfeed is filled with edited selfies, and plenty variants of the same “my life is so great” updates. While I enjoy keeping in touch with my friends’ worlds, and seeing them achieve, I also find it incredibly refreshing when something ‘not so great’ is posted. Last week, my friend, a young mother, posted a photo of her toddler who had got into the fridge and tipped milk over the kitchen floor. The image was labelled: “Starting the day trying not to cry over spilt milk…” Subsequently, the comments applauded her for being ‘real’ on Facebook. The idea of being ‘real’ on social media is intriguing. In the age of comparison, it is incredibly tempting to show what we consider to be the best image

of ourselves in both our online and offline worlds. Therefore, showing someone your true self, admitting that you need help and being vulnerable can be quite a challenging task. Other barriers for seeking help include stigma or embarrassment, problems recognising symptoms, having a preference for self-reliance, lack of trust, and a feeling of hopelessness (feeling like no one could help) (Gulliver et al., 2007). I encourage you to overcome these barriers, and to seek help as soon as you recognise you might need some support. The earlier, the better. Effective help-seeking has four components: having an ability to recognise problems that you may need help to address, expressing your symptoms and desire for support, availability of sources to help, and a willingness to seek out support and disclose symptoms (Rickwood et al., 2005). At Victoria, we have a range of support services here to help you. Please visit www.victoria.ac.nz/ support for further information. I’d like to finish by saying: make time to ‘check in’ with yourself. Be mindful and aware of who you are and what you are experiencing, and have the courage to seek help when in a time of need.

Māori Matters Nā Te Po Hawaikirangi

couldn’t possibly understand” are the words that were expressed from a former student that I sat next to in the paper MAOR123 (Tikanga and concepts). Our discussion for that lecture was about the creation of Te Ao Māori. This student sat in his chair looking confused and misled, because the information that was being presented wasn’t backed up by any scientific or logical evidence. I te timatanga o te ao ko te kore, ko te po, ko te ao marama. In the beginning of time there was nothingness, then came the night, then came the emergence of the light. When learning about the separation of Ranginui and Papatuanuku in our lecture, some students fell short as they could not piece together the facts, as there is no evidence to prove otherwise. Believing in something can be difficult, frightening, and it can take longer than an hour-long lecture to be certain. Whether you want to believe it or not. I have been lucky enough to be enriched with learning and being surrounded by tikanga Māori, from the age of one until this present day. I am comfortable talking and explaining to people the myths and legends of our culture

“I

because it has been imprinted in my ancestors, passing down to me. From an early age, the legend of Ranginui and Papatuanuku and their separation was one of the first myths I was taught as a tamariki. Tanemahuta, the god of the forest, laid his back on his mother, thrusted his legs, pushing his father and mother apart. Light entered the world, allowing the rakau, the plants, the manu, the environment, to bloom, allowing Tamanui-te-ra into this world. From a scientific point of view, this is impossible, but from my point of view, that is the reasoning for why I lay my feet on this earth. Believe in what feels right to you. I’m not forcing anything upon the readers, but if you take the MAOR123 paper you might think differently. • Ranginui – Sky father • Papatuanuku – Earth mother • Tanemahuta – God of the forest • Tamariki – Child • Rakau – Tree • Manu – Bird • Tamanui-te-rā – The sun Don’t forget, whanau: Te Wiki o Te Reo Māori is next week! Look out for daily activities around the University. Kaua e wareware to like Ngāi Tauira on Facebook; there, you will be updated on upcoming events.

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Your students’ association

Sonya Says by Sonya Clark

VUWSA President hen I came in as President, it felt like the dust had settled from the effects of two years of Voluntary Student Membership. We’re embarking on a massive project to map the next stage in VUWSA’s 114-year history. We want you to lead us in completely rethinking what it means to be a member of VUWSA. It is 2014 and Time for a Rethink. If you’re not aware of VSM, this law shook the foundation of students’ associations in New Zealand. Our role as an independent voice suffered hugely – we lost our right to represent you on University boards and committees to a University-run Student Forum. Funding dropped dramatically as we moved from a universal membership fee to an annual negotiation of funding with the University that didn’t cover core costs. We had to close our satellite offices and cut right back on Orientation, events, Clubs funding and other services. The last two years have been tough. By the start of 2014, things were on the up. The Student Forum was no more and Victoria once more recognised VUWSA as the representative body of students. We signed a two-year funding agreement that gives a bit of wriggle room for Events and Orientation, and for getting out to satellite campuses. We’re no longer

The Belief Issue

living out of our savings, and have a budget which will break even, rather than the very large deficits of the last two years. It’s time to smash the roof open and rethink everything. The first thing we did was get an independent person to interview the people we work with often, especially over the difficult two years. From the Vice-Chancellor to The Hunter Lounge, we asked for the good, the bad, and the ugly, and how we could be of better value to their work. They said: VUWSA tries to do too many things, that our reputation rests too much on who is the President at the time, and that VUWSA doesn’t speak enough for the ‘average’ student. We agreed. It’s your turn. Its been two years of VSM, and it’s overdue to ask you: What do you want from your membership of VUWSA? If you were to start up an organisation that was to represent students and improve their lives – what is the first thing you would do? What wouldn’t you do? We’re proud of our 114 years, but we’re not afraid to cut off our grey hair and recognise that being a student now is crazy-different to 30 or even ten years ago. We’re working with the experts because we know we can’t do this ourselves. Beyond our ten Executive-member heads, we’ve got alongside us Kate, our researcher and mentor, who has years of experience turning average organisations into great ones. She’ll be leading in-person and online research with you, and helping us write a professional, sustainable plan for grand lady VUWSA for the years ahead. We’re excited. Sonya Clark

VUWSA President M: 027 563 6986 | DDI: (04) 463 6986 | E: sonya.clark@vuw. ac.nz | W: www.vuwsa.org.nz

Exec Column

by Madeleine Ashton-Martyn

elcome back to Wellington and welcome back to Vic! It’s bizarre to think that half a year has passed and it’s Re-O Week again; great job all round for making it this far. We’re pretty stoked about this week for a number of reasons:

1. Campus is a totally bleak empty husk when all the students are gone, which has made for a pretty dire time these past few weeks in the office, though we took solace in the complete disappearance of lines for coffee at Vic Books. But anyway, we’re bloody stoked that you’re back! 2. There’s a whole new set of students joining us at Vic and a whole set returning refreshed and ready for another round of courses. 3. We get to give you heaps of free stuff and have a cool fun time while doing it! Check out our Facebook page for details on the Giveaway Days we’re hosting on Monday and Thursday. I can confirm that Cookie Time, V and barbecues all have something to do with it, and that snacking is a positive move 100 per cent of the time. 4. The clubs showcases happening on Tuesday and Wednesday at 11 in the Hub, where we’ll get to see a bunch of students who are skilled and talented show us their skills and

talents and give us an opportunity to get skilled and talented alongside them. 5. Friday’s Winter Market in the Hub featuring crafts, art stuff, and prices that are doable without dipping into any remaining course-related costs. 6. BANDS! MAWSA! GIGS! Arguably, the best part of Re-O Week is the opportunity to catch up with buddies from last semester, or solidify weird halffriendships with people in your tuts whose names you can’t really remember at shows. VUWSA and MAWSA are teaming up again to give you a radical lineup of New Zealand and international acts playing around the city this week. Head to our office or the internet to find out more; we’ll see you there. It’s going to be a really good week, so go out and get involved! If there is anything that VUWSA believes in, it’s the power of students to do an incredibly diverse range of amazing things. We really hope you tap into that this semester, whether it’s your first or your last. We believe in you! Do the thing! Thanks guys! Madeleine Ashton-Martyn

Equity Officer M: 027 4617 999 DDI: (04) 463 7406 E: Madeleine.Ashton-Martyn@vuw. ac.nz | equity@vuwsa.org.nz

Columns

Shirt & Sweet with Eleanor Merton

anye once said that if you are a fan of Kanye West, you are not a fan of him; you are a fan of yourself. Kanye, for all his shortcomings and unexpected influences on our society, is someone who we can

History that Hasn’t Happened Yet with Nicola Braid

don’t know if it was my Catholic-school upbringing or my mother’s affinity for crystals and homeopathic remedies, but I’ve always had a lot of faith in, well, faith. Unfortunately, history, like the motherless arse she is, has burrowed her way in and made me doubt the importance, power and truth of something I’d always just had around, like an old cardigan or cat.

look to for guidance on how to continue on our journey towards cuteness and shirtiness. As things stand, among 18–24-year-olds, there are plenty of things for us to believe in. Whether it’s $8 wine, Communism and blind worship of celebrity, or irony, apathy and the tooth fairy, there is always something for us to put our time, money and drunken conversation into. However, in the midst of this pastiche of a world, it’s easy to dismiss self-help books and never really position your own existence as something to believe in. This brings tears to my eyes. Together, I think that we can combat this. Here follows: How to believe in yourself more than other people

Part of why this is so important is that you shouldn’t believe in other Religion, the world’s most favoured excuse for committing atrocities. We need only look at the approximate 150,000 ‘non-Catholics’ that were killed, tortured and extricated during the Spanish inquisition, the persecution of Buddhists during the Cultural Revolution in China, or the dictatorship of Pol Pot in the late 1970s to question how ‘good’ beliefs really are. It’s as simple as naming places: Northern Ireland, Iraq, Palestine and Pakistan all muster up images of mass atrocities that span time and place, all bolstered on a sense of religious belief. And to think, this is only ‘religious’ beliefs. I’ve not even started on more general political ideologies. Throughout United States history, for instance, there exists an easy-to-follow guide as to how to make ‘belief’, ‘ideology’ and ‘morals’ a very convincing means by which to persecute people. By no means is this an attack on the United States (they gave me The Sopranos, peanut butter and Hemingway, and for those three things alone I will be

people at all because you have no way to empirically prove their existence anyway and all you can be sure of is your own existence. Secondly, if you assume that everyone follows this logic, then no one else believes in you and so you have to do it yourself. A big part of expressing and affirming your self-belief is to have a cute and shirty mantra. Some possibilities include: • Not ALL men… oh no wait… no... FUCK that mantra. • I would bang me. • Positive, powerful life choices. • I will not peak until at least 23; I have time. • Bite. Bite hard and fast. • I am going to do dope things. Another important part of forever grateful); it’s just a national history that paints a very good example. From as early as the 1920s, the ‘Red Scare’ swept the United States government, colleges, community groups and even Hollywood. The fear spurring from the post-war threat of Soviet Communism had anyone who was anyone convinced that there were Bolsheviks among the ranks of America’s elite. Conveniently, people accused of being ‘reds’, and tarred with the brush of what you might know as McCarthyism, tended to be liberals, Jews, African Americans, women and very, very rarely actual communists. The War on Terror was used, and arguably continues to be used, to support a xenophobic fear of anyone that’s ever been near even the word ‘Allah’. Indeed, if you’re ‘fighting for freedom’, it seems you can circumvent international convention and essentially start (and continue) wars in the Middle East. Next cue the War on Drugs as a convenient means by which to target the Mexican immigrant and African American populations

self-belief is indulgence. There are a number of ways to convey selfindulgence. One of these ways is to be a brunch enabler. Whenever a possibility of having brunch arises, push it as an option. This will make people understand that you don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks: you will not let that get in the way of you enjoying a good thing. Indulgence largely consists of enjoying good things, so if the possibility of brunch does not arise as frequently as you would like, simply enjoy other things. Good places to find indulgence are streaming sites, the fridge, and Dixon St Liquor, particularly when you also have assignments due. This kind of indulgence allows you to reconnect with your own value and this can then be converted into self-belief. But really, all you need to do is believe in Kanye, because Kanye is you. as thieving criminals, despite the fact that neither group was given a great start, socioeconomically speaking (read: slavery or, at the very least, immigrant workers.) I think regardless of whether you agree with positions outlined above or not, it’s clear that ideology remains a magnificent wall to hide behind and peep over; ‘beliefs’ remain a bulletproof vest to wear while shooting up the place with an AK-47. Indeed, something that always seemed so ostensibly innocent and hope-inspiring to me, when assessed chronologically throughout history, doesn’t make for nearly as nice a picture. It becomes difficult to see how people continue to believe in God, Democracy, Governments, hope, or anything, really. I have to pause and remind myself that for every monstrous act committed in the name of ‘belief’, there is a kindness. I still remember, for example, the kindness of Sister Jo, the nun at my school. For every murderous zealot, there is a benign believer like my spiritualist Mum. Maybe it’s just believers who are dicks. editor@salient.org.nz

Arts Feature

If you want to write about the arts, or think there is something we should review, email arts@salient.org.nz.

Eight songs you missed over the break In the decades since the last issue of Salient, some songs have come out. FKA Twigs – ‘Two Weeks’

The artist formerly known as Twigs has gone through more than just a name change. ‘Two Weeks’ is a revelation – a near-perfect R&B song, full of tension, release, and elegant longing. Not that this isn’t a song about sex. Also, she’s plays a gigantic goddess in the one-long-take video; you should probably watch it. Cool Runnings – ‘Blister’

A 2:53 romp, the most fun I’ve had listening to a New Zealand punkish band in years, and it’s from an EP called I HATE IT HERE. True. Buy or callously steal the EP on Bandcamp.

Hundred Waters – ‘Murmurs’

Purity Ring with less fluids, despite the name. Also, less body horror. There’s a whole set of lyrics, but the one stuttering line that begins the song, “I wish you could see what I see”, is the one that stands out, especially when it’s flipped somewhere near the end, breaking out of the mix like a drowning man. Cable – ‘One Thing’ (One Direction cover) So yes, you

can’t improve on a classic, but this fuzzy cover comes pretty close. Best of all, it doesn’t feel like she’s mocking the original, although she clearly can’t hit the notes those boys can.

Grimes – ‘GO’ Grimes

originally wrote this song for Rihanna, and while it’s hard to imagine Rih dreamily waltzing through the verses like Grimes does, the horn-filled chorus feels tailor-made. On first listen it doesn’t sound like a Grimes song at all, but on each replay you notice more of her signature tics, even if you can make out every lyric now. The Weeknd – ‘Often’ Not

The Weeknd’s best song, but better than 90 per cent of the songs on his disappointing sophomore effort. Why? He’s back to singing throughout the whole song, in a lower register, and is plenty menacing. The songwriting is a bit lazy, with a simple-but-catchy chorus that he sings just one time too many, but this is still a Weeknd song that sounds like The Weeknd again.

Death Grips – ‘Voila’ Death

Grips have now broken up, after four years of exciting internet music nerds more than a new Needle Drop review. Before they go, they’re releasing a twopart album called The Powers That B. This track from the first half is full of stuttering drums, raspy rants, and supposedly features a Bjork sample. By Henry Cooke Sweet Apple – “Wish You Could Stay (A Little Longer)

This song is really great. Its got J Mascis, Mark Lanegan and a bunch of other guys playing fuzzy pop–punk like it’s still the early 90s. Prepare for some sweet melodies and badass soloing to wash your apathy away. By Jesse Armstrong-Kony

What’s been your favourite moment of the tour? Watching

all these amazing bands I’ve never seen before and being so in love with them.

Interview: Abe Hollingsworth of Mermaidens By Henry Cooke

ellington’s own Mermaidens are just finishing off their first nationwide tour, but drummer Abe Hollingsworth still has time for the little folk. Is ‘tour life’ anything like you expected? Tour life for

me involved watching lots of Orange is the New Black, getting

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high in bed, drinking lots of tea and buying ridiculously cheap clothing – almost exactly what I thought. Is there a decent network of promoters/venue owners up and down the country, or was it quite hard to organise? All

the people we have talked to and

worked with have been amazing. There are some really passionate and helpful people who have helped us book support bands, get gear and given us tea. All the venues we played in were super-cool too, and made me happy about the state of the NZ music scene.

Favourite NZ release this year? Eskimo Eyes – I Can’t

Think or Man in Rug – Man in Rug. I can’t decide between these two! Both have been on repeat in my ears. Favourite Mermaidens’ show ever? Hands down: Noisey

room at Camp a Low Hum. We played in the middle of a cabin surrounded by the audience. I have no idea how many people were there, but I could feel all this energy around me and it was amazing!

Feature

Autobiography of a Marguerite

A Girl Is A Half-Formed Thing

Reviewed by Nina Powles

by Zarah Butcher-McGunnigle

ew from Auckland publishers Hue & Cry Press is this gorgeous, haunting book of prose poems. It’s an autobiography in verse – or a series of biographies threaded together. Zarah Butcher-McGunnigle completed her MA in Creative Writing at Victoria’s IIML in 2012. This book is the finished version of her thesis. It just goes to show how well poetry is flourishing in New Zealand, especially for young new poets, all thanks to indie publishers and literary journals. This book can’t just be called poetry. Two biographies – the author’s and her mother’s – are laid out and threaded together, shifting between the two just as the text shifts between poetry and prose, past and present, imagination and fact, actors and audience. The first part traces the beginning of an unnamed illness. The prose poems are written with precision and clarity like a doctor’s notebook. Undercurrents of fear and displacement are packaged neatly inside each paragraph. The book’s unexpectedness and empathy emerge fully in the second section where footnotes muscle their way into the text. They’re really like little anti-footnotes tacked on to the end of unfinished lines. For instance, the word “my” is furnished with “30: the smell of imprisoned flowers.” They’re confusing and brilliant, just like the lines of the poems, which are conversational yet intricate. In this detail, you start to see that everything is knitted together. All these currents converge on the third section where photographs accompany the poems. They remind me of that glossy section in the middle of a real biography – the part you always flick to in the bookshop. The pictures turn all that introspection and detail into something tangible, but when you look at them, you realise they were hardly necessary; your imagining of the author’s (and her mother’s) childhood is already full of colour. If you don’t normally read poetry (and if you do), you might be pleasantly surprised by the way the form shifts and bends. It feels new, wonderfully readable, and original. One of my favourite lines: “The doctor said, The immune system fails to recognise itself and starts attacking its own cells and tissues.” Autobiography of a Marguerite is a beautifully crafted exercise in recognising the self, teasing apart your cells and tissues, and quietly resisting attack.

by Eimear McBride

Girl Is a Half-formed Thing is a rebellion. It’s a revolution and it’s a punch in the guts. It came out late last year, but the book recently won the prestigious Baileys Prize (formerly known as the Orange Prize for Women’s Fiction). And it’s Eimear McBride’s first novel. It begins: “For you. You’ll soon. You’ll give her name. In the stitches of her skin she’ll wear your say.” Straight away, you’ll feel uneasy. How are you supposed to read 264 more pages of this? Let me be honest; it’s not an easy read. But then, should a novel be easy? What does it say about ourselves, if we’re always needing something that’s easy to read? Nothing about this book is easy, and it shouldn’t be. It’s a comingof-age novel, beginning with an unnamed Irish girl’s childhood and ending somewhere on the messy cusp of her adulthood. It’s hard work, understanding McBride’s spliced and straitjacketed sentences. Often, you don’t know exactly who is being described or get a clear image of the action, but that’s the point. It’s a stream of consciousness, and this consciousness isn’t trying to make itself understood. It’s not trying to be anything other than what it is: a half-formed thing. There are moments when the prose feels like poetry fighting really hard to escape from the cracks – or maybe fighting to stay inside its wrappings. In moments like “in the stitches of her skin she’ll wear your say”, for instance, the protagonist’s view of her world is suddenly perfectly clear and perfectly imprecise at the same time. McBride captures how it feels, sometimes, for your senses to process something totally overwhelming: utterly clear and quite beautiful, but beyond words and unfit for regular sentences. You’ll be left feeling stunned, grief-stricken, emboldened, exhausted. I don’t think I’ve felt this specific mix of emotions while reading a book since Sirius died. This book isn’t for you if you faint at the sight of blood and bad grammar. It’s not for a reader who tires quickly. It’s for you if you’re feeling brave and don’t have anything due the next morning. Eimear McBride’s new language is entirely hers. It’s poetic and brutal. A Girl Is a Half-formed Thing doesn’t need to try to be messy or try to be brave; it just is.

editor@salient.org.nz

Film

The Fault in our Stars by Charlotte Doyle

Thas been The Fault in our Stars, a film which has swept the world’s

he recent obsession for emotionally fraught, desperate Tumblr feeds

movie conscience with heartfelt, sappy recognition. The cinema was ringing with choking noises of sadness which, to my own amazement, I was callously not contributing. It felt like I was an outside observer yet to be infiltrated by the subconscious beliefs of what I was meant to be feeling. There were serious faults in my feels. My lack of belief in the trauma of the movie left me feeling blasphemous, confused and cold-hearted, like when you’re the only one with your eyes open during prayer at a Christmas service. It was the same for the emotional experience that was The Perks of Being a Wallflower where I left the cinema with a conscience twisted with guilt at my annoyance towards the main character rather than the socially expected sympathy. My flatmate publicly cried upon telling people about the tears she shed in the safe darkness of the movie theatre. Anytime I try to contest the exaggerated praise towards both these films, there is mass genuine shock at my defiance. How dare I. Acclaimed film critic for The Guardian Peter Bradshaw recently described The Fault in our Stars as “manipulative and crass”. The film’s success at “attacking our tear ducts’”, as he puts it, is truly astounding, and definitely not only among tender teenage girls. The word ‘okay’

10 Films Which Question Your Spirituality: 1. Innocence of Muslims: with

a lifetime of only one solitary proper screening, this failure of a movie did its bit to help shake relations between the Middle East and the US when its YouTube trailers went viral for their depiction of the Prophet as a womaniser, murderer and paedophile, stirring the riotous temptations of Hezbollah among many others. Not only disrespectful to a substantial proportion of the world’s population, their shit quality and substance were an embarrassment to all (apart from maybe those American teachers who tell preschoolers humans walked with dinosaurs upon the creation of this God-given planet.) 40

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2. An artistic and unconventional

interpretation of the biblical story, often held close to the hearts of children due to the animals involved, Noah has been attracting attention in recent months for its darker rendition of God trying to purge the earth of its sins. 3. Martin Scorsese’s The Last Temptation of Christ. 4. Based on the book written by Scientology’s founder, Battlefield Earth promotes the religion’s

claimed alien origins, aptly starring John Travolta. With a rating of 3% on Rotten Tomatoes and an excruciatingly boring trailer, unless you enjoy seeing Travolta with a weird nose plug, it

has somehow become loaded with sensuality. The bench in Amsterdam that Hazel and Augustus got all cosy on has gone missing. The second of July was a day when social media recognised the death of Augustus Waters. These films seem to play upon vulnerability, accentuating shallow assumptions that commonly surround experiences like mental illness and cancer to draw in the already emotionally attuned and convert the hard-edged. Who can resist the poetic metaphor of carrying an unlit cigarette around in your mouth? The situations burdening the characters become a feature used by the movie to draw in an audience, rather than being developed and reflected upon as an essential part of a powerful story. It is always the love-stricken, heroic lines that supposedly define the worth of the lives we find ourselves leading and that become the objects of obsession for this movie’s viewers (not, might I add, the battle of dealing with cancer: that becomes the icing on the cake). Maybe cynicism will be my “always”. ‘#the fault in our feels’ is trending because of over-thinkers like me. It may be my awkward aversion to soppy romantic spouting that means the line “you gave me a forever within numbered days” doesn’t make me sob my eyes out in the hope that someone, someday will say something similar (even if it’s true). And maybe I should appreciate the basic fact that these movies do inspire communal ‘feels’ with hope and appreciation for any silver lining in what are otherwise incredibly difficult lives fraught by circumstances such as having cancer. “You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do get a say in who hurts you… I like my choices,” declares Augustus Waters, and yet the film denies you your choice of sympathy and deep reflection. is sure to be a waste of time. 5. Mea Maxima Culpa: Silence in the House of God documents the

steady and global exposure of widespread misbehaviour within the Catholic Church. Cleverly paced and very insightful, this film provokes an awe-inspiring sense of the power wielded by the spiritual institution. 6. Of Gods and Men beautifully

tells the true story of nine Trappist monks living in a remote part of Algeria and the challenges presented to them by the 1996 civil war. A poignant reflection on heartfelt devotion. 7. Bruce Almighty. 8. Still infamous

for horrifying

all audiences, The Exorcist was condemned by the Christian community in 1973, with one reverend declaring that the film rolls were possessed by the devil. 9. Theo Van Gogh, the Dutch

director of the short film Submission, was assassinated by a Dutch–Moroccan Muslim extremist in response to his ten-minute-long video depicting a Muslim woman in nude while wearing sheer traditional clothing and imprinted with verses from the Koran. 10. Monty Python’s Life of Brian was reacted to strongly by

Christian groups across the world, who obviously did not look on the bright side of life.

Visual Arts

Home and Back Again By Simon Gennard

Tfollowing the arrival and subsequent occupation of the Israeli army

owards the end of Anton Shammas’ The Retreat from Galilee,

in a rural Galilean village in 1948, a brief reprieve is offered. By paying a ransom, the inhabitants convince the Israeli army to overturn a decree that would allow troops to clear the village. The story’s penultimate paragraph motions towards a conclusion that seems, initially, almost derivative: “winter came as a complete surprise, as if it had waited for the war to pass over our village and for the peace and quiet to return to our homes… but the world did not return to its previous state, for the order of things was disturbed.” This admission of irrevocable change is familiar in diasporic literatures. The location of the narrator is not revealed, but it is assumed he speaks from a certain distance, both spatially and temporally. The story’s project is one of reconstruction, told from a certain remove. For the narrator, it is not possible to tell the story of the 1948 Israeli invasion without first reaching back, to his father’s barber shop, to his grandmother’s birth, to the Ottoman Empire. Nostalgia was defined in the late-17th century as a medical condition, an acute manifestation of homesickness. In the first two years of the American Civil War, according to the Online Etymology Dictionary, “there were reported 2588 cases of nostalgia, and 13 deaths from this cause”. Words dull with usage. When we speak now, the implied intensity is less severe, the potential for fatality absent. But nostalgia is still a kind of grief, an admission of absence. Nostalgia was defined in the late-17th century as a medical condition, an acute manifestation of homesickness. In the first two years of the American Civil War, according to the Online Etymology Dictionary, “there were reported 2588 cases of nostalgia, and 13 deaths from this cause”.

Here we are… home, at last, on display at Toi Pōneke until 26 July, features work from two artists engaging with this loss. Negin Dastgheib and Jessica Hubbard toy with a longing for a specific time and place in a way that simultaneously invests in the reconstruction of a personal history, and acknowledges its limitations when applied to the project of feeling home. Dastgheib’s parents moved to New Zealand from Iran in the 1980s, after the Iranian Revolution. Presented in this exhibition are a series of paintings based on family photographs. Figures embrace, or stand passively, featureless faces looking towards the viewer – in possession of an intimacy at once visible and intangible. Tonally, the works are both vivid and blown-out. There are echoes of Kirsty Porter’s family portraits

in her thick, easy brushstrokes, her concealment of detail in favour of feeling, her undermining of the photograph’s claims to mimetic authenticity. Nostalgia sustains itself through fictions. For children of diaspora, motherlands are preserved at the point of departure. The photograph works in the same way. The photograph, in its freezing of time, documents something that no longer exists, acting as a reference point, rendering the present – everything after the photo – as insufficient. Dastgheib’s rendering of longing is both profound and destabilising. Her work refuses any sepia-stained endorsement of a longing that treats the present only as a pale imitation of a better, happier time. Rather, the fissures in her representation, her concealment, her bold colouring, acknowledge the intangibility of the past, while allowing it a presence in the contemporary project of feeling at home. “Nostalgia sustains itself through fictions. For children of diaspora, motherlands are preserved at the point of departure. The photograph works in the same way.”

Hubbard approaches reconstruction as a process of removal. Cut paper screens hang from the ceiling, dividing the gallery space. Where Dastgheib’s obfuscation occurs in her figuration, Hubbard’s appears in her form. The screens act as both architecture and receptor, onto which faint images of Japan are projected. Hubbard moved to Japan shortly after finishing her BA, knowing nothing of the language, and little of the place itself. Hubbard’s Japan seems less present than Dastgheib’s Iran. It may be the frailty of the screens: the bottoms curl up, positive space between cuts gets warped and folded. It may be that projections necessitate a kind of distance from the viewer, the possibility of close inspection denied by shadow. Dastgheib’s paintings possess a certain physicality absent from Hubbard’s work. Dastgheib paints from relics, from stories told by older relatives. Nostalgia is rendered both a comfort and a danger. Abstraction, like memory, distorts the authority these relics proffer. Here, the past is rendered not as a qualitative judgement against the present, but as a means of grounding an identity, a means of moving forward. Hubbard trades in another, no less valid, dislocation – a lasting sense of fascination, the disorientation of being somewhere unfamiliar. She claws not at Japan itself, but at her impression of Japan at a particular time. For both artists, the past disturbs the present, it unsettles and unearths, but in acknowledging the impossibility of return, both artists motion towards a potential for reconciliation, a reality in which home is not an abstract space in an unreachable time, a home which allows the past a presence in the contemporary, but refuse to succumb to the temptation of nostalgia’s fictions. Here we are… home at last, Toi Pōneke, until 26 July

editor@salient.org.nz

Top of the Lake by Michael Graham

t the risk of sounding like a person who actually knows what they’re talking about, I’ll say this is the best television show I’ve seen so far. Aired last year, written by Jane Campion (absolute Big Dog) and Gerard Lee – you might’ve seen Sweetie, which they worked on together back in 1989. I guess they’re sort of mates. I’d like to preemptively apologise as well. Given this is a nonprofessional role, the calibre of this review may in fact be a record low, loose as a goose, etc, because I’m currently holidaying in a distant land – also, a bee stung me today and it’s all itchy and clubfoot-lookin’. Also, looks like Djokovic is about to win, which pisses me off. LOL, just saw Bear Grylls in a suit at Wimbledon. Right, to business. This show fits into the ‘new aesthetic’ we see in other shows such as True Detective and the like. ‘New aesthetic’ being a non-industry term I’m trying out which describes the movement away from traditional, periodic television, to something more rounded in a narrative sense. Again, we’re ostensibly served up something familiar enough – the cop show – and instead, what we end up seeing is the familiar format being totally reshaped. Really, this thing is about real people and relationships. It’s sort of like Broadchurch for smart people, though that makes me sound like a massive tosser. And it’s not a true analogy either. See below. “Campion herself says she wanted to tell this story through the television medium as though it were a novel. And this is sort of what I’m talking about – lots of these new wide-screen high-def setups are actually the products of novellas.”

Campion herself says she wanted to tell this story through the television medium as though it were a novel. And this is sort of what I’m talking about – lots of these new wide-screen high-def setups are actually the products of novellas. I haven’t done the classic ‘close rewatch’ thing properly yet, but the episode structure works as a gentle parabola and, dare I say it, is almost liquidly languid. Perhaps we’re getting a little carried away with prose here. Filmed in Glenorchy (near Queenstown, to the layman), the visual aspect of the show is pretty stunning. And if you’ve been doing any reading or watching of New Zealand texts ever, then you know all about the Dark But Beautiful Landscape thing. Like many such texts, there’s a focus on the connection between the people and the land, and isolation within that. This is particularly emphasised by the small community the characters live in. The setting also contributes to the rich atmosphere throughout – that’s the thing about the hue, too. 42

The Belief Issue

Part of it’s the acting: Elisabeth Moss does a pretty reasonable Kiwi-but-workin’-in-Sydney accent. She does some weird stuff with ‘o’ sounds when she’s stressed, but for the most part it’s solid. Her character, Robin, is a pretty awesome example of a woman fighting within a system of male hegemony – I don’t think it’s an accident that she’s a cop in a small town1. A few of the actors are Australian. You probably can’t tell about the actors if you’re giving out Emmys “Part of it’s the acting: Elisabeth Moss does a pretty reasonable Kiwi-but-workin’-in-Sydney accent. She does some weird stuff with ‘o’ sounds when she’s stressed, but for the most part it’s solid.”

(eight nominations), and I don’t reckon it’s much of a thing given that there’s no pretence as to absolute realism with television (or any televisual experience, if we’re completely honest). Bunch of other quasi-famous people you’ll prob recognise. But really, I think the key issue raised by the text revolves around women, particularly single women, and the way their ‘roles’ play out against the abusive patriarchy. Really, the only positive male characters are Turangi and Jamie, perhaps Johnno – all outsiders in their own ways. By the finish, it’s not so much a solution the texts offers as the forceful reminder that things like rape culture can’t be solved on a case-by-case basis. And while Tui’s case is solved in the end, the implication is that things are not, and can never under the current structures be, resolved. And at this stage, retrospective to a viewing of the show, you can see some methods for resistance are proffered. That’s what someone like John Key needs to think about when he does his ‘not all men’ interview. Also, I like to think about the lake as a metaphor in the context of this discussion, though we can’t really get into any of this properly without spoilers, and I think everyone should watch this show fresh, so no spoilers. To refer back to Campion slightly randomly: she says one of the focusses was on women and their identity, and about how GJ’s women’s camp (named Paradise) is a place for female veterans of love and romance – they’re old and unfuckable (her word), and once you’re that, you’re outside ‘normal femininity’. This is pretty huge stuff, probably not within the realm of a review of this kind, but I just thought I’d raise that to illustrate a bit more of the discourse this text has generated. The ending got some mixed reviews. Some people thought it was a bit over the top (of the Lake?). Nah. Anyway: watch this. It’s an important text. Ciao. If you want more of that kind of thing, see The Fall with Gillian Anderson

What’s On 14–21 July Books:

Writers on Mondays: Weekly literary events and readings at Te Papa run by the IIML. First up: journalist and novelist Tim Wilson in conversation with broadcaster Richard Langston. Every Monday, 12.15–1.15 pm, The Marae, Te Papa. Free entry. Film:

Releases – 17 July A Promise Sex Tape – Jason Segal, Cameron Diaz The Film Archive The Gruffalo and The Gruffalo’s Child – 17 and 18 July, 11 am. $6 Music:

LitCrawl comes to Wellington by CLAIRE MABEY

On Saturday 15 November 2014, LitCrawl is going to take over Wellington’s CBD. While LitCrawl is a regular must-do event in cities like San Francisco, LitCrawl Wellington will be the first of its kind to hit New Zealand. It all happens over one fast-paced evening: poets, novelists, professors, comedians, presenters, actors, journalists and musicians all perform the written word across a series of sessions, in Wellington’s bars, cafés, galleries and bookshops. We spoke to organisers Claire Mabey and Andrew Laking, who told us more … How does it work? There will be LitCrawl maps that tell you about each LitCrawl session and where and when each one will be over the evening. There are three phases of LitCrawl – one phase per hour for three hours starting at 6 pm. Each phase has a number of sessions, so you have to choose which ones to go to. You

Luckyescape with Man In Rug, Gains, and More Wed 16 July, 7 pm Quite a lineup. Valhalla, free

The Road That Wasn’t There at Circa Theatre Runs until 19 July, Tuesday– Saturday 11 am and 7 pm, Sunday 4.30 pm

The Heavy Crooners Fri 18 July, 9 pm Angus Inn (???)

Young and Hungry Festival of New Theatre starts at BATS Theatre Three new plays from Wellington’s brightest young theatre talent. Runs from the 18 July – 2 August at 6.30 pm, 8 pm and 9.30 pm

Cheshire Grimm with Melting Faces and Dimestore Skanks Fri 18 July, 8 pm Valhalla, $10 Luckless (‘Vindication Blues’ release tour) Fri 18 July, 9 pm San Fran, $20 Corrosion Of Conformity Sat 19 July, 8.30 pm Valhalla, $40 Theatre:

could say that LitCrawl takes the traditional pub crawl and transforms it into an exciting way to encounter words off the page and in performance mode. LitCrawl is like a literary mission – you have to pick your path… (The maps will be available around town and on the LitCrawl website www.litcrawl.co.nz closer to the time.) Where does LitCrawl happen? In your favourite bars, cafés, galleries and bookshops in Wellington. Meow, The Embassy, Young Gallery, Six Barrel Soda, Arty Bees, The Laundry, Hashigo Zake… just some of the places you’ll be at for LitCrawl 2014. We do have some secrets and surprises for LitCrawlers, which will be announced later; we’d definitely advise keeping Sunday 16 November (night) free too… Do we have to buy tickets? Nope! LitCrawl is free with entry by koha. Just turn up on Saturday 15 November at your first LitCrawl session… make sure you’re a bit early so you can get yourself a good seat and a drink.

Taking the Minnie at Gryphon Theatre A show featuring a selection of Disney songs where the genders of the characters have been switched. Runs between 17 and 19 July at 6.30 pm Visual Arts:

Hito Steyerl:Is a Museum a Battlefield?

“What do an empty bullet casing and the contemporary art museum have in common?” asks Berlin-based artist Hito Steyerl in her provocative video lecture Is a Museum a Battlefield? Adam Art Gallery (Kirk Gallery), until 10 August Extreme South: Antarctica Imagined Since its earliest conception, the icy continent has been fertile ground for imagination. This exhibition traces some outlandish literary responses to Antarctica across genres. The Turnbull Gallery, National Library, until 12 September Emil McAvoy: Prismism Prismism is the first exhibition of Emil McAvoy’s paintings, alongside other works, which confront the loaded issue of government communications surveillance. Enjoy Gallery, until 2 August

Can you tell us what we might expect to see in the LitCrawl programme? It’s a secret until we launch the full programme with the map and some ideas to help plan your LitCrawl path… but we can tell you that there will be New Zealand’s top writers (ones you’ll know, and exciting new voices, too) from a swathe of genres… there will also be musicians, one session involves total darkness, and one will involve cocktails named after authors.

partners, and the awesome sponsors who are all helping us out with LitCrawl 2014. We’re also on Twitter @ tweetlitcrawl. We also love mail, real mail. Soon there will be LitCrawl Bottles in venues around town where you can post notes to us. Anything you like so long as it’s pen/pencil on paper. So look out for the LitCrawl Message in a Bottle bottles from about late August… (thanks Six Barrel Soda for the bottles!)

Where can we find out more and keep up with the developments? Go to our website www.litcrawl. co.nz and sign up to LitCrawl news. There are a few big announcements on the way – one of which will be the LitCrawl launch date! Everyone who gets our E-news will get extra news and clues too. The website will grow as we go and it’s where we’ll have digital versions of the programme and map for you to download and send to your friends so you can start planning. We’ll also share links and stories from our friends,

Are there any opportunities to be involved in LitCrawl? Yes! We need volunteers to help keep things running smoothly on the night – it’s a great way to be part of a very cool crew of people. Just go to our website and flick us an email – it’s always great to hear from people who want to work with us. LitCrawl 2014 | www.litcrawl. co.nz] | info@litcrawl.co.nz] | @ tweetlitcrawl

editor@salient.org.nz

Puzzle

Cryptic Crossword

ACROSS 1. the drunker uptown bar is around the corner, dont get so mad (5) 5. moron, an idiom is close (5) 8. towel is to cloth, as brain is to computer - adjective - ending (13) 9. what else can i say, 8 armed/ legged creature(7) 10. Man-Can I borrow this? Woman-Sure-gives it(5) 11. handful (5) 13. confiscate(5) 14. its ours (2,2,1) abrv. 15. a bad jersey doesnt help win a game(7) 18. belongs to Lisa, the kid of Anne.(1,6,6) 19. mm watcha say-ay, + se backwards (5) 20. could be better, but very very good (5)

Target 0-15 words: aw :( 16-25 words: fine 26-35 words: learned 35+ words: winner

3 8 2

4 5

The Belief Issue

7 2

8 2 6

7 2

8 7

3 6

2 5

3 9

7 8

5 2 9

3 4 5

DOWN 1. find winner in revoted ploy (5) 2. opposite of people that are altruistics. (13) 3. even tho reproductivity lost its e, its still productivity (5) 4. these pieces of paper sell in bulk. icky (5) 5. while learning in presales, i fell asleep(2,5) 6. words that dont make sense. word 1- give _ _ word 2 boredom word 3- please, please dont hurt me PLEASE!!! word 4- an untruth (2,5,3,3) (13) 7. written sentiments on a to-do sheet(5) 12. your such a chicken!(7) 14. photo(5) 15. pokemon can make eggs too (5) 16. you must, in 15 seconds, redo this - hag. wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t life be so much better without this? (2,3) 17. deposit with tdâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s comfy chairs (2,3)

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Notices

Notices Songwriter Circle The Museum of Wellington City & Sea is showcasing the talents of some of the city’s brightest young musical talent next month with its very own Songwriter Circle, the latest event in its popular Third Thursday series. Come along to the Museum on Thursday 17 July at 7 pm, to hear musicians Jack Larsen, Petra Bullock and Jim Bailey as they perform their own original music in front of a live audience. Songwriter Circles are a popular way of sharing original music among a gathering of singer-songwriters. The format encourages discussion about the works being performed and spontaneous musical collaboration.

Third Thursday is a monthly event at the Museum of Wellington City & Sea that showcases Wellington’s history, people, taonga and culture. Kiwi Optical & Share Sight We are an online optical store (based in Wellington) with a good social cause – we donate a pair for every pair we sell. We sell complete glasses for $200, but we also replace lenses (in your frames) for $150 – there are no hidden costs. By keeping things simple and honest, you get the best glasses for your eyes, and feel great knowing you are helping a good cause – a good social business taking care of you, and others. Our site has more information about us, and how we can help you. www.kiwioptical.co.nz Ravi (Optometrist and owner of Kiwi Optical)

Giveaways Why are we still using economic models that left us blindsided during the financial crisis? How does climate change factor into our study of economics? What is the economic cost of the epidemic of mental illness now sweeping the country? Come up with the best question to ask an economics professor and send it to editor@salient.org.nz to win a copy of Meme Wars by Kalle Lasn. Questions will be forwarded onto Vic’s own Economics professors to answer. PlayShop LIVE is Wellingtons late-night improv comedy show. Every Friday 10 pm at Paramount Cinemas, it brings the laughs with a troupe of trained performers transforming any suggestion to life on stage. If you like Whose Line is it Anyway? you’ll love this show. A rotating cast of 39 members means every week is different. Send us your favourite joke to win a double pass valued at $26 to next week’s show!

VICCOM PRESENTS THE 'CASINO ROYALE' SATURDAY 9 AUGUST

COMMERCE BALL 2014 ST. JAMES THEATRE Ticket sales Tuesday 15th July: Outside RH 11-2pm

The Belief Issue

Feature

contributors editors: Duncan McLachlan & Cameron Price d e s i g n e r : I m o g e n Te m m news editor: Sophie Boot c r e at i v e e d i t o r : C h l o e Dav i e s c h i e f s u b - e d i t o r : N i c k Fa r g h e r distributor: Joe Morris f e at u r e w r i t e r : P h i l i p M c S w e e n e y ( c h i e f ) , P e n n y G a u lt , Alex Hollis w e b e d i t o r : D e x t e r E d wa r d s n e w s i n t e r n s : S i m o n D e n n i s , S t e p h Tr e n g r o v e arts editors: Nina Powles (Books), Charlotte Doyle (Film), H e n r y C o o k e ( M u s i c ) , R o s e C a n n ( Th e a t r e ) , S i m o n G e n n a r d ( Vi s u a l A r t s ) , E l i s e M u n d e n ( Fa s h i o n ) , M i c h a e l G r a h a m ( Te l e v i s i o n ) I l lu s t r at i o n s : P h o e b e M o r r i s general contributors: Jesse Armstrong-Kony, Madeleine Ashton-Martyn, Nicola B r a i d , S o n y a C l a r k , J a y F o r l o n g , Te d G r e e n s m i t h , Te P o H awa i k i r a n g i , E l s i e J o l l i f f e , E v e K e n n e d y , C l a i r e M a b e y , M o l ly McCarthy, Jordan McCluskey, Eleanor Merton, Gus Mitchell, Alice Peacock, Rachel Riedel, Ollie Ritchie, Francesca S h e p a r d , W i l b u r To w n s e n d , J u l i a We l l s

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editor@salient.org.nz

Feature

The Belief Issue