Issue 12 ✦ Comedy

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For the ‘Comedy’ issue, we ventured into the field to do some first-hand research. What makes people laugh?

Armed with free chips coated in mayonnaise, we headed into the gallery at the Michael Fowler Centre, pretending we were the eye of God to watch the Best Foods Comedy Gala. We’ll be real, it was no Met Gala. Instead of red carpet couture, it was a showcase of comedians crossing the plainly lit stage in millennial fashion and skinny jeans. And we were easily the youngest people there.

While we laughed out loud at some of the sets, there were just as many where we cringed and shared a grimacing glance. Far too many acts relied entirely on discussing parenthood—either the exhaustion of being a parent, the thinly veiled bullying of teenagers (sorry you can’t understand Gen Z humour, Martha), or the joy of being a childless millennial. Gen X humour, we’ve realised, dodges important politics and instead relies a little too heavily on joking about marginalised communities, or activities that are criminalised.

We tried out some comedy supposedly catered to our generation at the O-Week Comedy Night. While there were laughs—Chris Parker’s jokes always land well with everyone, even if he’s a bit repetitive—it still didn’t feel like it was for us We still couldn’t see anyone of our generation reflected in the line-up. Gen Z has more mental health problems than any generation, so if anyone needs laughter, it’s us.

When we watch a funny TikTok, it barely garners a smile. But when we watch someone make a fool of themselves on stage, in a theatre full of people, we find ourselves compelled to burst into laughter, unable to stop the smile and laughs. Laughter is good for us. Sometimes we need to take a break from crying to boygenius and head to a comedy gig.

In this issue, we went on a search to find comedy that we could see ourselves reflected in, and that was funny without being offensive (and often, is still funny while being political). We wanted to find the secret to having a good laugh. Maia loves making fun of New Zealand politicians, while Fran loves to laugh at cats and capybaras with hats on. We think that, after the past couple of years we’ve had, we all deserve a chance to laugh at the state of the world, our parents, the mouldy housing crisis, and ourselves.

In Salient’s first-ever ‘Comedy’ issue, we want you to have fun. We’ve got double the puzzles. Phoebe talks to queer comedians in the Wellington scene, while Pippi investigates which of her friends might be secretly hiding a double life as a stand-up comedian. Bridget reviews the gayest online comedy specials a Google search can find. We’ve also got a hilarious quiz and a review of pranks committed by you, the readers.

While we’ve been joking around being little silly guys, the News Team has been hard at work, putting the uni under a microscope. We show you Salient’s budget breakdown, giving you the ins on where the money is going (hint: not bailing out VUW). Ethan breaks the news on over 200 job losses proposed by the university to fix a $33 million hole. Shit’s fucked, man. Seems like the government’s treatment of tertiary education as a business has finally caught up with us. Give your lecturers some extra aroha this week. Also, Niamh dives into the funding debacles behind the closure of the Institute of Governance and Policy Studies.

Have a good laugh this week, survive assessment season, and then take a fucking break. You know we will be.

Arohanui,

Maia and Fran xoxo

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WRITE FOR SALIENT IN TRIMESTER 2!

Whether you want to yarn about your best political take, review your favourite film, profile local musicians, or investigate stories that are important to VUW students, Salient is the place for whatever stories you want to tell. Get in touch at editor@salient.org.nz to talk about contributing to the magazine in Trimester 2 now!

Issue 13—Cupid. This issue covers everything to do with relationships, love, and sexuality. It will explore both platonic love and romantic love, unpacking the key relationships in our lives.

Issue 15—Health and Disability. Accessibility is an ever-growing issue at VUW. We want to explore the barriers to accessing university for students with a disability or long-term health problems, particularly in the context of the pandemic.

Issue 16—Te Taiao. This issue centres the environments we inhabit (the urban city space, curving coastlines, rural farmland) and the lives we share it with, aiming to challenge the long-held distinctions between human spaces and nature spaces.

A response to ‘Journey to Freedom’, Published in Issue 11 of Salient, ‘Diaspora’

Words by Brahmasari Zakaria (she/her)

Freedom, Refugee, Asylum Seeker are one of many, many words that will trigger me as a person. Not because I am an activist, or pol-sci/law/social policy student who dreams about world peace, or happened to be passionate about that subject but I am a former asylum seeker. That word has, funnily enough, become my identity and shaped who I am. Now, if the article is about the freedom of the experience of a father who fought for freedom for their family, but this one, let me tell you about the first-hand experience of what’s like, leaving a country who failed to protect you, and finding the freedom you've been dreaming of.

I escaped from my country about 10 years ago. Not that long ago, right? It feels like yesterday when I say my first sentence in English “can I please have this?”. After escaping a lot of traumas in my home country, I finally land in New Zealand. But yeah, landing in New Zealand is just the beginning of a journey of gaining my asylum seeker status. Gaining asylum seeker status in New Zealand is not an easy task. From applying to Immigration New Zealand, filling the required forms, interview, meeting with lawyer, and decision. The hardest part is not the application process: it is to remember something you don’t want to remember and telling your story to the authorities. It is draining, tiring, and definitely makes you cry.

I finally got the freedom I wanted not too long after I applied for asylum seeker status in New Zealand. I am free to be me and I can go anywhere in the country without feeling scared that someone out there might assault me. I am free, even though there is still going to be a part of me that often feels sad because of my past.

So, the silver lining of this response? Everyone, the dad on the 'Journey to Freedom' article, me, and many, many people out there fight for the freedom they want. The freedom to feel safe, the freedom to be themselves, freedom to love regardless of the background. We fight in a different way, but we have the same main goal: to be free.

Up to 260 VUW Staff Facing Job Losses Due to $33m Financial Hole

Words by Ethan Manera (he/him)

Te Herenga Waka—Victoria University of Wellington is now in “survival mode”, according to Vice Chancellor Nic Smith, after a forecast $33 million deficit in the university’s finances for 2023 means 10% of the current 2468 staff at the university could lose their jobs.

On current modeling, the university is predicted to completely run out of money by the end of next year. Assessments have been done on how to cut down operational costs such as halting spending on office supplies, staff development, and work on Weir House, but this only amounts to $10m in savings.

Smith told a forum of over 300 staff last Wednesday that the university will now begin consultation on how to plug the other $22m deficit. This includes cutting academic programmes, and both voluntary and compulsory redundancies of an estimated 130-150 full time equivalent professional staff, and 100-110 full time equivalent academic staff.

Sixty academic programmes have been deemed “in scope” for review including Public Policy, Accounting, and History.

The financial situation comes after falling enrollment numbers at VUW, with the university only holding 13.9% market share of domestic students. It also follows chronic government underfunding that has not met inflation “for the better part of 15 years”, Smith told staff.

Smith said that due to their high debt levels, the university must aim for an annual surplus of 3% to ensure financial sustainability. The university has only made the required annual surplus once in the past seven years.

VUW’s Tertiary Education Union Branch Chair, Dougal McNeill, is urging the government to bail out the university’s financial woes.

“I think Labour need to take responsibility for these planned cuts. It could be stopped and [Education Minister Jan Tinetti] should be required to take some responsibility,” he said.

“These events didn't happen in a vacuum. They were caused by individuals with a pattern of toxic and dysfunctional [university] mismanagement that is connected very clearly to the situation we're in now.”

Education Minister Jan Tinetti declined an interview with Salient, but pointed to the government’s recent five percent increase in tertiary funding as “the biggest increase in at least two decades”. This increase does not match current inflation of 6.7%, which Smith labeled as a “tragedy”.

Tinetti added, “Universities have the autonomy to determine how they manage their financial performance. [...] As Minister, I do not get involved in any such decisions.”

Wellington Mayor Tory Whanau said that her thoughts are with the university community and that “times like this are unsettling for staff and students, but also for Wellington which prides itself of being an educational city of excellence.”

Salient’s Budget Breakdown (the bits that are actually relevant to you)

Words by The Salient News Team

✦ WTF is the budget?

Each year, the government drops a hefty document outlining how they plan to spend taxpayer money over the next 12 months. The budget is typically peppered with exciting initiatives to court voters’ attention, but this year, Prime Minister Chris Hipkins warned us that it would be a “no frills budget”. He really meant it. Budget ‘23 had less frills than a commerce student’s crusty jockeys.

✦ Transport:

One of the key announcements from the budget is the government's plan to permanently extend half price public transport to under-25-year-olds and make it completely free for children under age 13. Transport Minister Michael Wood said “half price fares for under 25s, as well as Community Service Card holders, will help over 1.6 million Kiwis save money, and make it easier for people to get to where they need to go.” But transport advocates are still disappointed with free fares, saying that “there's more to be done” and calling on the government to make public transport completely free for tertiary students.

✦ Housing:

As per usual, funding for the development of affordable, healthy housing has received fuck-all. $71 billion has been allocated for the next five years for extremely vague “existing infrastructure projects”, and the government is releasing an Infrastructure Action Plan alongside the budget. There has been a reasonable amount allocated for public housing initiatives, with a combined total of $7.7b for “addressing cost pressures in the current public housing build programme”, as well as funds towards building 3000 new public housing builds by the end of 2025.

✦ Tertiary education:

Education was also a big winner in Budget ‘23, with a $521m funding boost over four years, as well as extending support to those on apprenticeships and targeted support for mātauranga and te reo Māori in tertiary education. The $521m funding increase is the largest increase in over 20 years and comes at a time where many universities, including VUW, are in a devastating financial pickle. Critics have pointed out that the 5% increase doesn't even match current inflation, which sits at 6.7%. Education Minister Jan Tinetti said it will “help tertiary institutions manage increases in delivery costs and maintain the quality and accessibility of tertiary education”.

✦ Health:

Health has gotten a shit-ton of funding (spoiler alert: probs not enough to increase the wages of our nurses). $1.3b has been set aside for health capital investments which include renovations at Whangārei Hospital and for the Hillmorton mental health project. Dental needs grants will also increase from $300 to $1000. The government is continuing to throw money at the mental health crisis, with $100m allocated for mental health. An initiative aimed at improving mental wellbeing in schools, Mana Ake, will be continued to be funded through receiving $90m. The Piki programme, a Wellington-based free therapy service, will also be extended.

✦ Te Matatini & Matariki:

Kapa Haka festival Te Matatini has received a significant funding boost in this budget, with their funding rising from just $2.9m previously to over $34m spread across two years. "Te Matatini is more than just an event that takes place every two years. It is a reason for Māori to connect to their culture and support their wellbeing—ā hinengaro, ā wairua, ā tinana,” Associate Minister for Arts, Culture, and Heritage, Willow-Jean Prime, said. Te Matatini Chief Executive Carl Ross said the festival was “absolutely over the moon” about the announcement.

Continuing the focus on Māori celebrations, the budget also confirmed funding of $18m for Matariki celebrations, spread over four years. Both Te Pāti Māori and the Green Party were in support of the funding, with Te Pāti Māori arguing they had fought hard for the Te Matatini funding increase. However, they criticised the focus on events, whilst by Māori, for Māori policy remains underfunded.

✦ Gamers:

Nerds came out on top in this year's budget (unconfirmed if Chrissy is a bit of a gamer himself). The video game development industry received a 20% tax rebate to operate in Aotearoa, costing $160m to establish. Similar rebate or subsidy schemes already exist in seven Australian states. This reflects the existing changes in New Zealand’s economy and the government’s attempts to move away from primary industries into technology. Professor Matt Roskruge told RE: News, “The primary sector got nothing [in this budget] and that's probably realistically where a lot of […] young people are going to and can be looking for really good work.”

✦ Climate:

After big climate spendings in the past three budgets, the 2023 Budget has been described as underwhelming by environment advocates. The climate wins: $120m over four years to build electric vehicle charging stations, $100m for councils to build flood resilience, $24.7m to improve data on the impacts of climate change, mitigation, and adaptation, and $167.4m to build resilience to future climate-influenced extreme weather events.

Alongside this is $6b contributed to the National Resilience Plan, to help rebuild after Cyclone Gabrielle and the Auckland Floods, and to prepare for future weather events. "What we [...] have not found is meaningful investment in nature-based solutions to climate impacts, and our biggest source of greenhouse gas emissions, agriculture, has not yet been priced more

than 30 years after New Zealand promised the world it would cut emissions," Forest and Bird chief executive, Nicola Tolski, told RNZ

However, Professor Bronwyn Hayward—core writing team author for the IPCC—said the budget appeared “deceptively simple”, pointing to a “long-term shift in joined-up thinking” in climate policy. As well as highlighting the $1.9b pledged for climate resilience, Hayward points to investment in healthy homes, school lunches, and prescription charges that all contribute to building social infrastructure. "We need to join the dots when we talk about climate budgets and see how many of the wellbeing initiatives are also very real investments in climate resilient futures too.”

Funding Fuckery: University’s Tumultuous Relationship With Academic Independence

Words by Niamh Vaughan (she/her)

Earlier this month, Salient reported on the likely disintegration of VUW’s Institute of Governance and Policy Studies (IGPS). This came after a $10 million donation was pulled from the institute, as was any interest from the university in funding the IGPS itself.

A story broken by the NZ Herald brought the real reason for the IGPS’ failure to light—a shift in priorities by the wealthy donors funding the institute—raising questions about VUW’s academic independence.

Established in 1983 as the Institute of Policy Studies (IPS), the institute was gifted an initial $3m in 2012, with an additional $7m in 2015, by the Gama Foundation in order to secure the institute's future.

The Gama Foundation was started by a wealthy Christchurch couple, Grant and Marilyn Nelson. After selling a successful building supplies business in the 1990s, the Nelsons chose to invest their $50m fortune into causes they felt passionate about.

Upon the Nelsons’ initial donation to the IGPS, a charter was drafted detailing the goals of the institute. This included a gift agreement stating that if the institute was

no longer able to undertake the objectives of the charter, funding would be reassessed.

The Nelsons began voicing frustration with the institute around 2018, saying they wanted more research into the area of lobbying and political donations. Matters erupted in 2021 after the institute's continual persistence that there simply wasn’t enough material to produce the amount of research that the Gama Foundation wanted. As the charter did not specifically state areas of research to be targeted, the institute was fulfilling their purpose entirely, the problem was the Nelsons’ intended research priorities.

The IGPS and the Gama Foundation were at odds over whether or not the charter was being upheld. After the institute had been running off the revenue generated by the donation for almost ten years, funding was pulled in mid-2021, leaving the philanthropy-dependent institute stranded.

In order to find a middle ground, former Vice Chancellor Grant Guilford negotiated with the Gama Foundation to reallocate the $10m donation into a fund for research grants. These would be separate from the IGPS, and academics could apply for them to undertake specific

research projects, qualifying for funding under specific criteria. This ensured the Nelsons’ interests were being met instead of removing the funding from the university entirely.

“We gave the money for a particular purpose,” Grant Nelson told RNZ’s The Detail. “When you’re a charity, you don't just throw money at people and say take the money and do what please you. It has to be a charitable purpose. It has to serve the public. We specified the work we wanted done and that work wasn’t done.”

The university has shown an apparent unwillingness to fund the IGPS, and instead is risking the loss of the

institute entirely. The institute’s closure was followed by the recent announcement of job cuts amidst a $33m deficit by the university.

Defenders of the IGPS say this move compromises the university’s integrity as a hub of public knowledge and research. “This isn’t a very good example of [how universities or institutions manage endowments in NZ. A charter] doesn’t mean you have carte blanche to come in and say, ‘You must do this.’ The universities have to be protective of their academic freedom,” NZ Herald reporter Thomas Coughlan told The Detail

Re:One Year Without Apsara: How We're Continuing Her Legacy

Words by Hesadi Niruthmi Perera (she/her)

Aspara Wimalasiri was a PhD student at Te Herenga Waka—Victoria University of Wellington. She was tragically killed on a visit to Sri Lanka last year. In this article, Hesadi, friend and peer of Apsara, reflects on her legacy one year on from her passing.

The past year has been a constant reminder of how much we miss our dear friend Apsara. Though she's no longer with us, her legacy lives on in the memories we cherish and the lessons she taught us.

I first met Apsara at Victoria University of Wellington. From the moment we became friends, I knew she was someone special. She was kind, compassionate, and always willing to lend a listening ear or a helping hand. She was an incredible teacher, inspiring students to think critically and pursue their dreams. Apsara's impact on my life, and the lives of so many others, cannot be overstated.

Grief is a long and winding road, but even though the pain persists, we're finding ways to honor our friend's memory and keep her spirit alive.

Apsara was a dedicated lecturer in Sri Lanka. She went above and beyond to support her students, and her impact was felt far beyond the classroom. In her memory, we organized a fundraiser to raise money for school supplies for students in rural areas.

Through our fundraising efforts, we were able to raise $3150 NZD. This will go a long way in helping 50 students get the school supplies they need to succeed. Though Apsara is far away from us, her love for teaching and helping others lives on through this fundraiser. We hope that it will inspire others to carry on her legacy. It's a small way to honor Apsara, but we know it's something she would be proud of.

✦ ✦ ✦

(Rangana, Hasaru, Kavishka, Amila, and Dr Corinne)

My lifelong friend Amila helped us to organise this project from start to the end, despite being miles away. This project would have been beyond impossible without him.

Apsara's dedication to her studies was evident and she received a full scholarship from VUW for her higher education. Though she was unable to benefit from it, her mentor, Dr Corinne Seals, who was there with Apsara since the start of her journey in NZ, is now working to establish a scholarship in Apsara's name. We are forever grateful for everything she has done and continues to do in memory of Apsara. She is the true definition of a teacher and a friend.

The University of Colombo (UOC) in Sri Lanka held a special place in Apsara's heart, and we wanted to honor her memory by giving back to the institution that meant so much to her. I had the pleasure of reconnecting with my fifth grade friend Kavishka Palihena, who now serves as the Sports Director at Leo Club UOC. We partially covered the cost of Leo Club’s upcoming project to construct a long-jump pit for a school in need. Apsara would have been delighted to contribute to a cause that benefits schools. Kavishka, Hasaru, and his team have been invaluable.

Lastly, I want to express my gratitude to the amazing team who worked selflessly on these projects to continue Apsara's legacy. Special thanks to Rangana and Thushari (Apsara’s sister and mother), and all the donors who helped us.

Despite the hardships of this past year, one thing remains true: our friend will always hold a special place in our hearts. Her presence may be gone, but her impact on our lives will never fade.

HO T TA K E S

What’s your best joke?

Michael (he/him) Law The

Two econ grads are walking in the forest, and one falls down. [...] The other calls 111. “Help my friend, he’s fallen down, I think he might be dead!” The operator goes, “Check if he’s dead.” There’s a pause. Then a gunshot.

“Ok great, now what?"

Mine’s a pickup line. Hey honey, how do you like your eggs? I prefer them fertilised.

What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag’s a big plus :D

university’s finances.

The students with the donated school supplies.

HEADLINE

BILLIE EILISH CALLS IT QUITS ON CONTROVERSIAL RELATIONSHIP

‘Bad Guy’ singer Billie Eilish Pirate Baird O'Connell has split with her rock-star partner Jesse Rutherford. The musical mates were first spotted together late last year to the dismay of fans who dubbed the rumoured relationship “predatory” and “really strange”. There was a 10-year age gap between the two of them. Eilish (21) and Rutherford (31) confirmed the relationship by trolling criticism, sporting a couples halloween costume wherein Eilish dressed as a baby and Rutherford as an old man. Fucking hell. Fans have now been put out of their misery after a spokesperson for Eilish confirmed the uncomfy relationship is no longer. “We can confirm Billie and Jesse did split amicably and remain good friends,” the statement read.

WELLINGTON MAN HEADBUTTS BUS WINDSCREEN, GETS ARRESTED

A bus sitting stationary on Norana Road in Upper Hutt was the victim of a violent attack last week after a man headbutted the front window, causing it to smash and concave. A photo of the damage posted to Twitter shows a large circular indentation square in the middle of the Metlink bus windscreen. The alleged bus headbutter was arrested and taken into custody, and the matter is now before the courts. The motive for damaging a bus in such a way is currently unknown, but has left social media users confused. One tweeter said, “what would possess you to headbutt a bus?!” Another added, “my brother in christ, how strong is your head?”

VIC TRIPLETS GRADUATE LAW TOGETHER

Identical triplets Cale, Max, and Jackson Tu'inukuafe graduated together with Law degrees from Te Herenga Waka–Victoria University of Wellington two weeks ago.

The trio, who moved from Tāmaki Makaurau to Pōneke for university, said, "It's a really proud feeling that we can represent our Tongan heritage and hopefully encourage young Pasifika to pursue a tertiary degree." Middle brother Max said the brothers are “constantly grinding to get on top of each other, but at the end of the day, all end up being pretty even”.

VIC UNI WIFI SHIT

Students are still struggling with wifi issues across all three campuses and in halls of residence, reporting that connection fails for long periods of time and is inconsistent throughout the day. Kelly*, a third-year student, said, “The internet is always shitty, but [recently it] was the cherry on top of the shit pudding. Maybe the university could cut a few cents off the Vice Chancellor’s salary to actually invest in a reliable network.” Another student, Jacqueline*, said, “Their wifi just fucking sucks, [...] but lowkey it’s kinda slayed because then I have an excuse to stop doing my work.” Earlier this month, the university stated that a “faulty component” within the network was the issue and they were working on getting it fixed. It is unknown when the wifi debacle may be resolved.

*names have been changed

KURA TURUWHENUA The Hoha Guy in Aotearoa Comedy

Words by Maia Ingoe (she/her)

Kura Turuwhenua greets everyone who comes to her comedy show with a hug at the door, demonstrating the kind of welcoming, unassuming yet witty, comedy she does.

Kura is an up-and-coming comedian from Tāmaki Makaurau, hailing from Tūhoe, Kāi Tahu, and Ngāti Porou. Hōhā Guy is her solo comedy debut, showing as part of the 2023 NZ International Comedy Festival. I caught up with Kura while she was in Pōneke performing the show to chat about how she stumbled into the comedy scene and what it means to make Māori comedy.

In the Dome theatre at Bats, Kura performs Hōhā Guy from a comfy seat, centre stage, guitar and laptop within reach. There’s a plant, a rainbow flag sitting in a jar, and over the entrance hangs a Tino Rangatiratanga flag. Kura’s set includes jokes about family and parenting siblings, being a nerd at high school, colonisation (“Pōneke Pākehā are built different, aye,” she jokes with a side eye), and singing about having a crush on your bestie before realising you’re actually just gay.

Kura’s comedy journey began just after the first Covid-19 lockdown. “I was just like, oh my God, I cannot sit in my house any longer,” she said. So, she wrote a six-minute set and took it to an open mic night. “It was pretty average, not gonna lie,” she laughs. But it wasn’t so bad that it turned Kura off comedy for good. Starting with an audience of four, she’s now performed to crowds as big as 500 in the Comedy Mixtape.

Getting into comedy was first about persistence, and then about getting noticed. Kura said that her mates in the comedy scene, and connections with other Māori comedians, helped her find a place in the industry. “Having that community of other Māori comedians behind me […] is probably one of the main, if not the only, reason that I've remained in comedy so long,” she said.

Kura told me about one of her favourite shows, from when she first started becoming recognised in the comedy industry. Titled Pākehā, the hour-long comedy show took place at the Classic Comedy Club in Tāmaki Makaurau. The all-Māori line-up had Kura telling jokes alongside Courtney Dawson, Bailey Poching, and Joel McCarthy. Another favourite show of Kura’s was Shoes Off (At The Door), featuring an all-wāhine-Māori line up. The season sold out. “Heaps of Māori people came to watch the show. I think now I've hit the point where, you know, I started as a hobby. But now it's gotten to this point where I'm like, ‘Oh my gosh, I can actually do Māori stuff!’” she cheered.

Live comedy is “cathartic”, Kura said. People leave her shows feeling warm, and at ease. Like Kura said, laughing should be “relaxing”. Her comedy style is far from selfdeprecating. “It’s very much how I see the world and how other people have shaped me.” This sense of coming together is reinforced with how Kura ends her shows, asking the audience to join her in singing a waiata.

Kura’s comedy not only felt more conversational than other stand-up I’ve seen, but it also felt inherently political— something comedians sometimes avoid in fear of dividing the room. “I find actually looking into politics very boring,” Kura said. “But then, just living in this world, and in my body, it is impossible to be separate from politics.”

Kura said that she likes to be critical and blunt in her humour. It’s based on the worldview she formed through an upbringing at odds with Pākehā New Zealand culture. “My comedy is for Māori people. Pākehā people will get it, they can enjoy it if they’re willing to see it from my perspective. But ultimately, I think it's Māori people that will feel my comedy.”

Catch the full interview with Kura on this week’s Unedited Session on Salient Podcasts, and follow her work on @kumara_chipz on Instagram!

SKYDUCK A Chinese Spy Comedy

Words by Joanna Fan (she/her)

The following review is unfortunately not about ducks.

Written by multi-hyphenate actor-writerproducer (and former lawyer?!) Sam Wang, Skyduck: A Chinese Spy Comedy is the best kind of organised chaos. It's a tightly produced piece of pure adrenaline that drags you through a dizzying rollercoaster of highs and lows, leaving you thinking, ‘Wow, I want Sam Wang to organise my life.’

One man shows are a bit of a hit or miss for me— they’re known for being notoriously difficult to pull off. But Wang creates another challenge for himself: playing seven characters, showcasing four cultures, using three accents, and speaking two languages (three if you count an extra Wuhanese dialect for good measure), all in under 70 minutes. Even still, Wang commands the stage.

Through all the chaos, the story is (thankfully) straightforward. Set in the 90s, two Chinese spies pose as cute-panda-shaped-noodle-making-karaokemachine salesmen on a Japanese reality show. Their plan: to steal American top-secret fighter jet software.

Along the way, we are introduced to a wealth of eccentric caricatures, from a bogan Australian air force commander to an overconfident, Paddlepop-obsessed American secret agent. The most outlandish character is Little Swallow, Agent Yan’s sensual love interest, played by a cushion and a plush toy doll. They both give the performance of a lifetime. Wang’s overt and eye-catching quick costume changes are just part of what makes these characters come to life. His use of different accents, dialects, and body movements are exceptional—they’re simple but distinct, repeated and always consistent. The seven character line-up is no easy feat, but Wang pulls it off with ease.

When I meet up with Wang for an interview, I’m pleasantly surprised by his calm aura and gentle nature. After all,

Skyduck has been a 10-year work in progress. I guess you’ve got to maintain composure somehow. But this show hasn’t always been the spectacle I witnessed.

Wang tells me that Skyduck had humble beginnings, originating from his solo performance at drama school. Whilst the show has broadened, visually and spatially, he says that the content has largely remained constant. I ask him how he even came up with this idea in the first place. Wang says that he was inspired by a love for reading spy books from authors of different backgrounds, ranging from non-fiction memoirs to investigative journalism.

As for the Chinese characters, he was largely influenced by 爱情公寓 (iPartment), a sitcom introduced to Wang by a cousin. He described iPartment to me as a Chinese version of Friends, and I’m going to trust him on that one. I can attest, Wang’s own characters, Agent Yan and Chang, truly did allude to many of the personalities seen on Mainland Chinese sitcoms. For many of the other characters, Wang credits his childhood love of watching Jim Carrey, Mr Bean, and many other Rowan Atkinson characters on screen.

If you didn’t think performing seven characters was impressive enough, let me reiterate that Skyduck is a bilingual show. As a fluent(ish) Mandarin speaker myself, I can’t help but admire how seamlessly he switches between both languages. Wang surprises me further by admitting that he left China at age 6, and never learnt to read or write in Chinese. Luckily, his cousins often came to stay in Sydney, where Wang would practice his mother tongue and watch movies in Mandarin with them. He would also like to thank Google Translate. But performing in Mandarin hasn’t come without challenges—when there’s a quiet crowd, Wang can’t help but think to himself, ‘Oh my God I’m dying here!’

Go watch Sam Wang showcase his many talents next time Skyduck comes to town (or if you’re in Sydney soon). And make some noise.

The Loud & Queer Comedy Showcase Shimmers with P r i d e

Words Maia Ingoe (she/her)

The Loud & Queer showcase was stuffed full with glorious LGBTQIA+ talent from this year’s NZ International Comedy Festival, and enough Best Foods mayonnaise to feed a small army. Equipped with two free comms tickets, I headed to the most vulnerable seat you can take at a live comedy show: second row, dead centre.

I was prepared for another comedy showcase with one too many millennial jokes, but the Loud & Queer showcase pleasantly surprised me. Maybe all I needed was comedy that wasn’t straight (just like me).

The legendary Judy Virago opened the showcase in a stunning, fuchsia, mermaid-skirt gown, and she blessed us with two more costume changes throughout the night. Her co-host, Tom Sainsbury (loved by queers and middle-aged white women alike), warmed up the audience with a skit about arts administrators. Virago and Sainsbury’s years of friendship shone through as they bounced off each other’s unique styles, creating a perfect co-host stage presence.

Chills were sent through the collective audience spine by Amanduh la Whore, who performed a powerful lip sync in the first act of the night. While a performer who commands respect, la Whore was not a comedic act, and watching drag while sitting politely in the St James Theatre left me craving the sweaty confines of Ivy Bar.

la Whore was followed by Clarissa Chandrahasen, who showcased a delightfully narcissistic comedic style. Her relatable set ranged from quiet quitting to misreading red flags.

The show really took off when the iconic Neil Thornton sailed on stage in a unicorn onesie and light-up, pink roller skates. His set was energetic and entertaining, as he argued that New Zealand was possibly ‘too nice to the gays’. Apparently, our small towns and suburbs (ahem, Newtown) are in serious need of some repressed gay gentrification.

Undeniably, the show’s highlight was parody sketch duo Jez and Jace, straight from Whanganui’s Got Talent Cosplaying a bogan farmer and tradie, they wheeled onto the stage on a trike, chugging protein powder. Their set was a hilarious parody of straight masculinity and its repressed sexuality—the comedy I never knew I needed.

An audience member getting the shit ripped out of them is, arguably, the most entertaining part of live comedy (if you’re in the back row). So when Sainsbury turned the house lights up mid-way through the first half, my secondrow anxiety peaked. Unfortunately, his jokes fell on flat ears, owing to too many straights with free PR tickets in the audience. Thankfully, audience member Sandra stole the show in a runway showdown between four other attendees. Sainsbury better call Houston, because I’m deceased.

The first act concluded with Mx. Well, a self-described “hot bitch”, oozing with unapologetic pride. I love me a bit of musical comedy, especially when it gives me a chance to joyfully sing “I’m not friends with Nazi scum!”

After an interval, the curtains parted to reveal the Glamaphones, Wellington's very own 60-gay-strong choir. Listening to their rendition of ‘Don’t Tell Mama’ from Cabaret whilst holding my girlfriend’s hand, I couldn’t stop smiling.

Following the Glamaphones, we were treated to a lengthy set with Dancing with the Stars level NZ celebrity Eli Matthewson. Matthewson’s jokes landed extremely well—there’s something for everyone in his set. His lines about growing up ‘chrisso’ had me cracking up, while his comparison of coming out in a car (door slamming, amazing dramatic effect) to coming out on an electric bike (I’m gay! Bzzzzzzz) kept me cackling.

‘The Scottish Kiwi’ Ryan McGhee provided something different to the campy set, but I’m not sure his many jokes about driving on Aotearoa roads hit well with a Wellington crowd (hint: they only have their learners licence).

The night ended on the highest note possible, with the iconic, live-singing drag queen Nova Starr. The Glamaphones returned to the stage to back her up, providing a powerful, roof-shattering performance of ‘This is Me’ from The Greatest Showman

This showcase was a big, fat, queer celebration, and a big fuck you to TERFs and bigots. Loud & Queer comedy provided a much-needed safe space for pride and for community. I could finally see myself, and the people I loved, reflected in the mayonnaise glaze of the NZ International Comedy Fest.

The Queer Powerhouses of the Wellington Comedy Scene

CW: Homophobia, Transphobia.

As the annual New Zealand International Comedy Festival draws to a close, I wanted to dive in head first to the Wellington queer comedian scene to see how queer individuals are taking over the city. As a queer person, it is only recently that I’ve started seeing comedians that I can relate to onstage and in the public sphere. However, as I found out, the scene is still rife with homophobia and transphobia. I am captivated by the acts they practised to turn comedy from something that used to showcase few queer identities into something that reclaims them.

Let’s start with the fundamentals: open mic nights. Open mics are an opportunity for comics to perform for free without needing to be booked by any venues. Wellington comedian Jules Daniels (@julesdamniels) tells me these events can be “intimidating”, as the scene is very male dominated. “At open mic nights […] there’s a lot of grace that’s given for terrible, bad jokes. […] You get a lot of new people trying out stuff and just missing the mark where it’s kind of homophobic or racist or transphobic,” they said.

Jules said this is especially prevalent when straight comedians come to Ivy Bar open mic nights. These comedians usually feel the need to comment on the fact they are performing in a gay bar, which often leads to jokes that are homophobic or misogynistic. Even in front of an Ivy audience, straight performers still feel they have the right to perform these jokes. This highlights a deep injustice that queer performers face—not even a venue that is designed to be a queer space is exempt from homophobic jokes.

Targeting gay people has become less acceptable for comedians, but that doesn't mean it has stopped completely.

Cishet, conservative comedians have moved onto the next scapegoat: replacing their homophobia with transphobia. An example of this is in Dave Chappelle's Netflix special The Closer. One of Chappelle’s punchlines involves misgendering a trans comedian. He has also explicitly called himself a TERF (trans exclusionary radical feminist). Additionally, queer sex is still mocked on a recurring basis in the comedy world. In Ricky Gervais’ Netflix special Supernatural, he makes transphobic jokes about trans women's genitalia.

Wellington comedian Jak Darling (@jak.darling) also mentioned the persistent presence of homophobia and transphobia in comedy. He has felt uncomfortable in backstage green rooms when they are filled with heterosexual men and this type of rhetoric, like hearing cis men joking about events like ‘prostate exams’ in a homophobic manner. Jak says that making a punchline from a marginalised group was “low hanging fruit”, and noted his distaste at these jokes saying “should have moved past”. But Jak wanted to make clear these are isolated incidents because of fellow Wellington comedians, like Neil Thorndon and Creative Kate, who have been welcoming and accepting of him as a queer comedian.

Neil Thornton (@neildbear) has been doing stand up for over 13 years and is the founder of the New Zealand Comedy School. Neil publicly aired out his frustration and disappointment at the prevalence of homophobia and transphobia in comedy on his Facebook page in March. He described another comedian doing “a twominute homophobic bit about how funny it was that the Spartans ‘all s**cked and f**ked each other’” at an event that he was MCing. Neil found it "exhausting" to jeopradise his own act and call the performer out.

Words by Phoebe Robertson (she/her)

Neil's fear the fear that comes from calling out other performers is that he is “risking real violence from [the homophobic performer] and their mates.” This event comes in the wake of another incident. “13 years in comedy later, and I still have to listen to young, straight comics do the same shitty, gross homophobic jokes I’ve been hearing since the 1980s.”

Neil’s experiences reinforce that there is still a prejudice against queer individuals in the comedy scene. This exists despite the wider acceptance of LGBTQIA+ individuals in society. Likewise, Jules often finds themself in situations where they have to “educate people about transness” inside and outside of the comedy sphere.

Comedians such as Mx. Well (@mxwellnz) not only educate people inside of the scene, but they use their comedy as a way of reclaiming and reaffirming their queer identity. They’re also a queer activist: They write anti-facism songs into their comedy gigs, create online infographics on their social media sites, and even have a song called ‘Stop Trans Genocide’.

In an interview, Mx. Well explained that, for them, the intersection between comedy and activism is “wanting to be able to be true to who [they are]”. They “wanted to bring something that was real on stage and wasn't just [their] jokey jokes.” They focus on what they view as “important” when crafting a routine to take to the stage, and right now that’s the “the push back against facism” and “recognising the harm that’s been done to all sort of communities”. They weave political commentary into their jokes and stage presence in order to make something impactful, and to reclaim their own narrative.

For Katie Hill from theatre company Big Estrogen Energy, it’s not about going out on stage with the “intention to educate [her audience]. [...] It’s more about celebrating [her] own queer joy and chaos that comes with discovering [her] sexuality late in life.” She credits sharing significant queer stories as the “best form of representation”. This was highlighted in her show Horny and Confused which debuted in 2020 and was successful enough to gain a second season, Horny and Confused Two, in 2021. Ultimately, Katie aims to “entertain”, and won’t do that at the expense of herself.

For Jules, making comedy is “first and foremost [about] trying to make people laugh.” They also ensure it’s an act of “tangible good” that they can put into the world. Like Mx. Well, they note that comedy “is such a good bridge to get across some more important points. Like a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.” Jules explains that they use their comedy to share more about their identity to audiences that may not have met many people like them before. “I’m trying to talk about myself and my experiences being trans, and queer, and non-binary, and disabled, and Jewish […] and just even approaching being trans can be controversial at the moment, so to be able to do it in a way that shows that I’m a person.” This is something Jules finds powerful and an act of reclamation of their own identity, while still being able to make people laugh, explaining that “laughter is healing”.

The ultimate take away I get from these interviews is the queer joy and acceptance that comedy can bring, despite homophobia and transphobia still existing in the scene. These comedians are reclaiming their own narrative of what it means to be queer and a comic. There is a pathway being carved out for queer artists. It’s now more accessible than ever to pick up comedy and find yourself in a welcoming, accepting community that you know will have your back.

COM E DIANS They Live Among Us

Words by Pippi Jean (she/her)

l’m not sure how the average comedy gig is supposed to leave you feeling. I went to a total of one when researching for this article, and I left feeling extremely suspicious. The ease with which performers at Fringe’s open mic night left their chairs, told some funny jokes, then sat back down disconcerted me. Could anyone be a stand-up comedian? Are they living among us in secret? How would I know if I came across one? So I set out on an investigation of sorts—to find out if they really do walk among us.

The situation: my friends’ apartment in central Wellington, Thursday night. Somebody next door won’t stop airdropping Snapchat screenshots of monkeys in suits, captioned ‘rizz’ and ‘mr man’.

The premise: I make five of my friends debate.

The purpose: to find out

a) who’s the best public speaker and

b) who’s the funniest.

Last but not least, the stakes: a single dark blue bottle opener with ‘ Night ‘n Day ’ written on the side in comic sans.

“Good tool,” says Blue. Closely associated with several political groups on campus, he has been unrelatedly described as ‘Boss Baby if he was a teenager’.

“That’s a dumb prize,” says Jay, who is associated with the opposite political groups to Blue, and wears a fuzzy hat that makes her look like a bumblebee.

“Do I have to do this?” says Joseph (he is already a prime suspect in my investigation). He has a Master’s in Volcanology, extremely well-brushed hair, and he is good at jokes. Too good.

“I am having such a good time,” says Aria, very close to the mic. Aria is a Bachelor of Communications student and a brilliant public speaker. Also a prime suspect.

Our last competitor, Haz, chooses to remain silent. Is this a sign?

Here are the rules of the debate. My phone (the mic) is the talking stick. My laugh (on a scale from ha…ha to HAHAHA) earns points. Other audience reactions (a wee giggle, applause, or leaving the room unexpectedly) are also tallied on the scorecard. Whoever gets the highest score wins a bottle opener. Nice.

To provoke a fire argument that will unearth all the charm, suave, and funny jokes that land really well in the room, my prompts are all Year 8 debate questions.

R O U N D 1

“Humans are the most dangerous animal on the planet,” I begin. “Agree or disagree?”

“I already forgot the question,” Jay says. (0/10)

“I think humans are unstoppable because…” Aria pauses here. This has the potential to be a great joke. Both of us hold our breath. The room fills with energy. “Snakes. Sometimes we’re okay with them.” What a let down. Point for suspense. (1/10)

Joseph stands up out of his beanbag. “I got told the other day that humans didn’t evolve from primates. But that’s not true,” he declares. “I think they got confused with sharks. Sharks haven’t changed in two million years.” This answer gets a point for detail and five points for delivery.

According to a Guardian interview with Stephen Rosenfield, founding director of the American Comedy Institute, the key to standup comedy is “joyous communication”—expressing that you are taking joy in the opportunity to speak to your audience. Joseph’s answer shows enthusiasm. A suspicious amount of enthusiasm. (6/10)

“That is the least I’ve laughed in my life,” Haz says in response to Joseph, which subtracts a point from Joseph’s score by merit of the audience feedback tally. However, Haz has no other comment or joke to make. Therefore, the objection is canceled out. Joseph’s score remains at 6/10.

Finally, Blue. “All I can say,” he begins, “is everyone's wrong. Meerkats are the most dangerous predator.”

As pictured in the seminal wikiHow article ‘How to Perform Stand Up Comedy’, one trick a comedian may use is ‘‘revising the flow of their jokes by eliminating unneeded words”. The article goes on to recommend writing a joke in 250 words, editing down to 100, and then continuously editing until the joke reaches under 50 words. Given that Blue’s answer numbers only 13 words, wikiHow would rank him as extraordinarily funny. My review was that some important information may have been excluded. Blue gets an 8/10.

We have a break to eat potato chips. All participants in the investigation seem comfortable in their surroundings, unaware that there is a bonafide stand-up comedian in their midst. I keep a careful eye on the scorecards. Anything could happen at this point. Any tallies could jump.

RO U N D 2

I announce the next prompt, “Cats or dogs?”

Jay answers first. “Dogs, they’re cute, like otters. Did you know otters hold hands while they sleep?” The room gives a collective gasp. I mark it down on her scorecard.

“My cat, Trevor,” says Joseph, and offers nothing else. A repeat of Blue’s strategy. Points?

“Dogs! Because I love you, dawg,” says Aria. Classic. Kinda punny. Is a pun a sign of a stand-up comedian?

I turn to The Journal of Aesthetics and Art Criticism, Volume 78, Issue 4, September 2020, pages 491–500. In ‘Winning Over the Audience: Trust and Humor in Stand-Up Comedy’, Daniel Abrahams defines a humor act (like a joke, gag, or prank) as being comprised of three roles. The first role is of the humourist, the second role the audience, and the third role the target of the humour, or what is being “laughed at”. He writes that humour centered around puns “does not necessarily feature anything being laughed at”.

Which is a great academic point on differentiating terms and targets, but I read it at first as ‘puns aren’t funny’. So Aria gets a 0/10.

Neither of the other two provide an answer for this question. Still, the way Blue widens his eyes and Haz can’t decide on an answer is hilarious, and I end up laughing. Damnit.

So far, all five of my friends are neck and neck. Except for Aria, who seems quite safe. Any one of four of my friends might be an experienced stand-up comedian.

R O U N D 3

I take a breath and decide to branch out from my debate questions. Moment of truth.

“What’s your favorite joke?” I ask the room. It all goes dead silent.

After a beat, Blue leans forward. He proceeds to tell me a five-minute-long joke. By the end of this joke, which involves tractors, divorce, and getting pushed in a lake at scout camp, I’m convinced of his performance ability, stand-up or not. I can’t remember anything he said, but for five minutes, it was like I was right there with the tractors.

“Where do you weigh a whale?” Aria asks. “The whale weigh station!” We both crack up. “Like a railway station!” Oh no. This is, again, probably a pun. But it’s a tick in their ‘comedian’ column.

“What's the difference between a bus depot that's never been cleaned and a lobster that's just got a boob job?” asks Joseph, making me immediately regret asking him this question. “One's a crusty bus station and one's a busty crustacean.”

“Knock knock,” says Jay. When I ask who’s there, she continues, “The interrupting cow.” I ask interrupting cow who and she interrupts me with “mooooo!” Once again, I have regrets about ever asking this question.

As the debate draws to a close, I try to consider what I’ve learned. Blue gets the bottle opener as a reward for his fiveminute-long joke. Still, there doesn’t end up being any clear winner. How do you measure how funny somebody is on a scale anyway? How can you tell how likely they are to get up out of nowhere at Fringe and joke their hearts out? The truth is, all of my friends absolutely have the potential to do standup comedy. And I have to be okay with that.

All names have been changed.

Being queer is silly.

We spend our adolescence vaguely dodging being outed, assuming we’ll fit into weird, pseudostraight identities, and internally freaking out, only to burst into a sunshiny Wellington vibe where, hopefully, everything is chill. Mainstream media, however, tends to have a fairly narrow focus on queer lives. It often hones in on experiences that are meant to be pivotal, like coming out, gay shame, and first kiss narratives. Yet these moments are only the beginning of a young gay’s story, and much of this media fails to capture the fun and absurdity of being young, melodramatic, and yearning.

Whether you’re looking to relish in that feeling, discover it for the first time, or just searching for a relatable hour of levity, fill the gap with queer comedy. Easily found on Netflix or Neon, and brimming with joy, the following are some of my favourites from the past few years.

Psychosexual—Joel Kim Booster (2022)

Find it on: Netflix

Psychosexual— Joel Kim Booster (2022)

Find it on: Netflix

Joel Kim Booster is bravely breaking the glass ceiling and representing the historically undervalued: Hot Comedians. Oozing confidence and charisma, the South Korean-American actor and writer conducts his audience like an orchestra. Booster’s unafraid of a challenge. He spends the first ten minutes establishing his queer credentials before finding the straightest, whitest guy in the audience and mercilessly teasing him until the entire crowd is shrieking with laughter.

Joel Kim Booster is bravely breaking the glass ceiling and representing the historically undervalued: Hot Comedians. Oozing confidence and charisma, the South Korean-American actor and writer conducts his audience like an orchestra. Booster is unafraid of a challenge. He spends the first ten minutes establishing his queer credentials before finding the straightest, whitest guy in the audience and mercilessly teasing him until the entire crowd is shrieking with laughter.

The special is broken into three acts, and Booster has fun as he offers critiques for the gay community. He’s at his strongest riffing on the intersection of his early 20s, the politics of representation, and race. Booster covers everything from dating “rice queens” with “multiple katanas” on the wall to taking the wrong drugs from boys with thick South London accents on a worldwide gay cruise.

Booster is gossipy, compelling, and salacious as hell, delving into Grindr culture, sexploitations, and open relationships. He relishes in the audience’s discomfort and lovingly exposes an oft-mocked subsection of the millennial LA Gay Man WeHo lifestyle.

The special is broken into three acts, and Booster has fun as he offers critiques for the gay community. He’s at his strongest riffing on the intersection of his early 20s, the politics of representation, and race. Booster covers everything from dating “rice queens” with “multiple katanas” on the wall to taking the wrong drugs from boys with thick South London accents on a worldwide gay cruise. Booster’s gossipy, compelling, and salacious as hell, delving into Grindr culture, sexploitations, and open relationships. He relishes in the audience’s discomfort and lovingly exposes an oft mocked subsection of the millennial LA Gay Man WeHo lifestyle.

Sap — Mae Martin (2023)

Find it on: Netflix

Feel Good star and stand up comic Mae Martin has a dry Canadian wit and a bemused sensibility. In their recent special set at a girl guideadjacent scout camp, they muse on everything from run-ins with their most traumatising ex, their teenage rehab experience, and their relationship with gender via an extended tree sap metaphor.

Martin has lived a vibrant life, and delights in exasperatingly low stakes absurdity—stolen mail, a mythical giant moose, and bizarre parental interactions. My favourite moments are mostly within the first half of this 70-minute special, where Martin is most loose and simply tells stories.

Themes of self-expression, anxiety, and personal growth develop throughout the hour as Martin pokes fun at the human experience without ever slipping down the self-deprecation slope. This is perfect viewing for when the wind is howling, the jug is boiled, and you’re trying to get warm from the inside out.

Rothaniel— Jerrod Carmichael (2022)

Find it on: Neon

Jerrod Carmichael became known in the US for his tightly wound, clever, and occasionally controversial jokes. Rothaniel is quite different, both from Carmichael’s other work and from the other sets on this list. Carmichael perches on a bar stool in a New York jazz club and starts pulling at the threads of his life. He discusses his relationship with his father and siblings, the love he feels for his mother, and the many secrets that have ruled his life.

If you’re remotely interested, watch this without Googling or looking for spoilers in advance. At Rothaniel’s midway point, Carmichael takes an epic turn into one of the most moving commentaries on the queer experience I’ve seen.

He enters into a loose dialogue with the audience, answering questions, receiving support, and tolerating light teasing. It’s a beautiful insight into the black community and the support strangers can offer one another, especially when the people we most lean on fail to come through for us.

Rothaniel is a gorgeous piece of art that's reflective of Carmichael’s confidence. He knows he could tell jokes and distract the audience from the questions at hand because he’s been fooling himself that way his whole life. What emerges is poignant, meditative, and a fantastic case study in what it means to embody our place within a family and a community, while honouring our true, contradictory selves.

Rhys Nicholson Live at the Athenaeum—

Rhys Nicholson (2022)

Find it on: Netflix

Famous for being a RuPaul’s Drag Race Down Under judge and starring in Netflix’s The Imperfects, Rhys Nicolson’s buoyant, camp, and Australian humour shines in this comedy special.

They’re quick to poke fun at themself and their own contradictions openly riffing on their relationship with anxiety and stress whilst detailing long nights out with drag queens and accidental ketamine trips.

At the heart of this hour is a meta narrative about the relationship between representation and vulnerability, expressing what it’s like being queer in the public eye. What’s fun is Nicholson’s unwillingness to let Karens, or Carols, off the hook. They’re not going to quietly tolerate dehumanising feedback and emails—they’re reading them aloud on stage. Nicholson elevates and exaggerates random punctuation, boomer emoji choices, and casual homophobia while revelling in the boredom of bigotry with gleeful declarations. “My second husband’s gonna be a bridge!”

Kiwi viewers will take heart in the familiar descriptions of rural Australian primary schools and growing up in a supportive, if slightly confused, antipodean family. Nicholson is caring and vivid while describing their “direct” mother, the stress of random babies at family functions, and the sacrifice of camping for the sake of a partner. They’re totally jubilant and captivating while building a pathway for everyone to laugh at the silliness of being alive.

Somebody Somewhere— Bridget Everett (2022)

Find it on: Netflix

Somebody Somewhere is a series about not fitting into the American Midwest. Bridget Everett stars as Sam, a lost soul who moves home to care for her dying lesbian sister. We find her in the aftermath as she fights to regain her confidence. She’s also trying to find her home in the underground queer community of Manhattan, Kansas through her friendship with the earnest and quietly rebellious Joel.

Everett approaches the narrative with a wide definition of queerness that is rarely shown on screen. Sam is presented as basically straight and cis, but that’s secondary. She’s an outsider whose love for queer people, tendencies towards bawdiness, and cynical nature alienate her within the small town. Balancing musical performances, meditations on religion, the fun of high school gossip, fart jokes, and thoughtful trans mentorship, the show creates a charming universe of fully formed characters.

From the woman whose legendary cabaret performances centred a musical number entitled ‘What I Gotta Do to Get That Dick in My Mouth’ comes a genuinely heart-warming show about regular people learning to they deserve to be happy.

WHAT TYPE OF F U N N Y G U Y ARE YOU?

1. Okay, I know, we all hate them, but pick an ice breaker.

a) Exquisite Corpse (that game where three people each take turns drawing a body part, and reveal the full character at the end). I’ll draw the silliest little hat and eyebrow combination and make everyone laugh.

b) Two truths and a lie. I can use this as an opportunity to make people wonder about the depths of my character.

c) Word Association Game (that one where you go around and say the first thing that comes to mind). I can use this to scope out my peers and see what they’re about.

d) Tell your best funny story. This is the perfect way for me to reveal my sick storytelling charm.

2. Halloween party time! Who do you come as?

a) A stuffed olive or a cutesy clown.

b) A metaphor (vampire-esque black outfit, but that’s what you’re telling people).

c) Something generic, like a ghost, zombie, or witch.

d) The celebrity everyone tells you that you look like.

3. Pick a party game.

a) Jackbox.

b) Cards Against Humanity.

c) King’s Cup.

d) SingStar or Just Dance.

Mostly As— You’re The Silly, Goofy Pal

You’re full of shenanigans, always dilly dallying around. You brighten up the room and have the wackiest jokes. You’re the most chaotic being, but you do it in style, somehow making the clown makeup and clashing colours look good. Every friend group needs a goofy guy to make silly sound effects at the Sunday brunch debrief.

Mostly Bs—You’re The Dark and Mysterious Friend

Woah. I’m sorry, you caught me off guard and I’m flustered. You’re just so cool! No one can pull off the emo look quite like you can. I can’t quite understand how you are so slick with sarcasm. I feel like you’re judging me, but fuck, it’s hilarious. Tell me more about your existential crisis.

4. Pick a prank to play on your flatmates.

a) Eat something tasty of theirs from the fridge. If they realise, just claim you’re a silly little guy who can’t remember who bought what.

b) Do a rigged tarot reading on them. This only works if you’re the only person in the flat who understands the cards.

c) Each time a flatmate does a load of washing, steal an odd sock.

d) Rip a fart in a common area and blame it on one flatmate, then gaslight the others into thinking it was them.

5. What animal do you align with the most?

a) A capybara.

b) A black cat.

c) A golden retriever.

d) A fox.

6. Pick a comedy movie.

a) Wayne's World

b) What We Do In The Shadows

c) Superbad

d) Zoolander

Mostly Cs— You’re The Chameleon Chum

You are a master of disguise, a jack of all trades. No one clique jumps quite like you. You seem to fit in everywhere, and all at once. You have a knack for snatching funny quotes from friends and playing it off smoothly so everything thinks you thought of it first. Nice. You’re well loved by every type of person, and are the best kind of person at parties because you bring people together.

Mostly Ds— You’re The Suave Stickler

The stand-up stage needs you, my friend. You are on fire! You’re giving Prince Charming from Shrek, but in a good way. I bet you could charm your way out of a parking ticket. Get ready to be everyone’s best man and maid of honour because you have serious speech skills. I don’t want you to turn evil on us, but I reckon you could actually succeed with a podcast.

April Fools’ may have passed, but we know many of you, dear readers, are fools all year round. Playing a harmless (or not so harmless) prank on your flatmates can be just what you need to relieve the assessment season tension.

We asked you for your best flat prank stories. Here they are, direct from our Instagram DMs, and ranked for your enjoyment.

“Just stop paying rent.”

Can’t go wrong with this top prank. It’s giving Winston from New Girl (iykyk). This will leave your flatmates in a scrambling mess at the end of the week. Meanwhile, you’ll be spending your rent money elsewhere, sipping sangria on the beach with the inner peace of a landlord.

This prank gets points for creativity and initiative. There is no more opportune time than an unsuspecting flatmate taking a nap in the common areas, unwittingly leaving themselves exposed to quick-thinking pranksters. I’d pay money to see this man's reaction as he woke up dazed, finding himself trapped by textbooks and glass bottles. These pranks are also the most fun to put together—it’s a team effort and builds flat comradery, while the sense of danger (will he wake up any minute?) heightens the adrenaline.

Gaslighting for the common good. I can support this.

“Sneakily hiding a voodoo doll (left by previous tenants) around the house.”

Okay, this one's a bit spooky. I’m into it! I want to know the voodoo doll’s stories— has it caused any turn of luck to befall your flat? If you’ve got the skills to find a good hiding spot that will surprise an unsuspecting flatmate again and again, you’ve got yourself a golden, reusable prank. Perfect for those with easily spooked flatmates.

A politically divisive prank. This can only be played on flatmates that are intensely into youth pols (if these people are your flatmates, I’m sorry, move out). But the over-budgeted Young Nats stall at the Clubs Expo provides one with ample resources for future pranks. Make sure to stock up the next time you see an unsuspecting blue shirt. If this prank is to succeed, you have to commit to the bit. It’s time to cosplay as Chris Luxon.

10/10

“He fell asleep on the floor and we stacked textbooks and wine bottles and a sombrero on him.” 9/10

“Gaslight your flatties into doing their dishes.” 8/10

8/10

“Putting a Young Nats keyring that I (ironically) got from clubs expo in the cutlery drawer.” 7/10

Words by The Salient Prankster (ha/ha)

Cbat sex prank (pretend you’re having sex to Cbat).” 7/10

If you don’t understand this because you don’t know what ‘Cbat’ is, I don’t have the time to explain it to you—just download TikTok already. This prank is self-deprecating (I mean, do you really want to be seen as sexually challenged?). But the image of sitting quietly in one's room only for ‘Cbat’ to start blasting from your flatmate's bedroom is genuinely hilarious.

“UE Boom under their bed. Volume at max, play fart noises. Can’t go wrong.” 6/10

A prank straight from the pinboard hallways of late-night hall shenanigans. It requires some patience—waiting for the flatmate to fall asleep, with the trust that their door is firmly shut. It’s almost too easy. The downside is that you can’t see their reaction, and have to make do with hearing muffled yells from the other side of the door. The choice of noise is the kind of classic that would go down a peach with a breather, and gain you a look of mild disappointment from anyone else.

“Played cricket with an umbrella and garlic bread in the dining room.” 5/10

Now, I’m not sure how this is a prank, unless one flatmate was tasked with cleaning up the mess on their lonesome (If so, shame on you. Tidy pranksters are the best pranksters). The combined round, flimsy umbrella and the slippery, buttery garlic bread would have left some marks on those mouldy flat walls. Maybe put a sheet up next time. And also, what a waste of perfectly good garlic bread. That shit is a six dollar delicacy!

“Put a whoopee cushion under the couch cushions.” 5/10

An oldie, but a goodie. It’s a surefire way to ensure there is an exchange of awkward stares and personal satisfaction as you watch your flatmate try to deny that the ‘loud and proud’ was theirs. But any prank to do with fart noises only brings me back to the trauma of living with my 12-year-old brother.

“My

Nice. I feel like this one is more of an inside joke than a prank. I really don’t get it. No offence, but if this is your flat’s sense of humour, y’all are fucking cringe.

3/10

A classic prank, straight from the cartoon idols of our childhoods. On first look, it can’t go wrong: t-sauce splattered onto the legs, mess everywhere, the element of surprise assured. Just hope they aren’t wearing white pants, otherwise their laundry is now your problem. However, according to the unnamed VUWSA exec member who was this prankster’s fallen victim, the innocent prank caused her to mistakenly think she’d broken the toilet and was bleeding. Tears ensued. Would not recommend this prank on an emotionally vulnerable day. This flatmate is an ex for a reason.

Way to ruin your flatmate's morning iced latte. Tread lightly if you don’t want to feel the wrath of your resident barista flatmate. Also, this is an easily spotted prank before the punchline hits. Any person of average intelligence can tell when oat milk is looking a lot like water and their coffee isn’t changing colour. You bear the consequences of your flatmate becoming an uncaffeinated bear with this one.

I have so many questions. Firstly, how? Was consent involved in the procedure? Did you have a med student on site? Was there blood? Did you sterilise the equipment with the same burnt stovetop you use for hot knives? Are the goods, shall we say, intact?

“I walked in and they were lying very still on the floor, in the dark, playing ‘Wiggle’ by Jason Derulo (feat. Snoop Dogg).” 4/10

ex-flatmate once put t-sauce packets in the toilet seat (they would pop when you sat down).”

“Fill an almost finished, old oat milk up with water and act confused when your flatmates think it tastes bad.” 2/10

“Performing a vasectomy.” 1/10

P ODCASTS

LAUGH TRACKS

Words

by

Alex Marinkovich-Josey (he/him)

The bewilderment others experience when I tell them I’m listening to a comedy podcast never fails to surprise me. On the way home from an overseas school trip, I was listening to D&D is for Nerds, an Australian, comedic Dungeons and Dragons Actual Play podcast. Man, was it funny. So funny in fact, that it was only after I noticed the perplexed look from my homeroom teacher in the row opposite that I realised just how much I’d been laughing out loud. She seemed to find the notion of a comedy podcast unbelievable.

The Worst Idea of All Time— Hosted by Guy Montgomery and Tim Batt

How could I discuss comedy podcasts without mentioning Kiwi comedians Guy and Tim. What is that titular ‘worst idea’? Watching Grown Ups 2 once a week for an entire year. What starts out as your run of the mill bad idea turns into the rapid descent to madness of two men trapped in their own commitment to the bit.

The Real Pod—

Hosted by Jane Yee, Duncan Grieve, and Alex

It's okay to enjoy reality television, and it's even better when you’ve got weekly recaps and discussions from the team at The Real Pod. Not to be confused with Salient’s own FOR REAL?, The Real Pod takes a look at the latest and greatest in reality television, and often the absolutely pressing pop culture news.

Maia and Fran’s Unedited Sessions— Hosted by Maia Ingoe and Francesca Pietkiewicz

Every week, you can take a peek behind the scenes at Salient and explore the wild stories behind some of the latest articles. This week, Maia chats with comedian Kura Turuwhenua about getting into comedy, the NZ International Comedy Fest, Pōneke, and the mentors and influences that helped Kura get to where she is now. Kura advocates for younger comedians getting a foot in the door, so if you’re thinking about starting your stand-up career, this is a great listen!

Piña Colada Town— Hosted by Ben Stubbing and Michael Turnbull

We all know ‘Escape (The Piña Colada Song)’: a couple fall back in love after discovering the things they had in common all along. Such is the journey of Ben and Michael, as they peruse Wellington city through the views and experiences of people who still love it. This usually amounts to hilarious and revealing conversations that explore the exciting life and events of our home city.

Dear Aunty Vic

I had a great friend group when I moved into the halls, but just before the break, they ghosted me and don't want to be friends anymore. I feel it's an awkward time to make new friends since everyone has already formed their groups. Any suggestions?

I had a similar incident in Year 9. We were transitioning from intermediate to high school. I was shunned by the so-called ‘head honcho’. It was all ego based—she saw me as poor, uncool, and embarrassing. We’d sit faceto-face at her kitchen table, while unbeknownst to me, she sent me hate on ASKfm. At age 14, I felt so isolated that I’d cry myself to sleep on a Saturday afternoon. Being purposefully shunned by a social group solely to satisfy one person's craving for ‘popularity’ gave me excruciating isolation and self-doubt—a feeling I'll never forget. Especially when it’s nothing to do with you, and everything to do with the other person’s ego. I empathise with you, and I hope you make an effort everyday to be kind to yourself.

You state these people “don’t want to be friends anymore”. I’d take that as a blessing in disguise— good fucking riddance. I would hope 18-year-olds have developed a level of empathy that an entire friend group ghosting a singular person doesn’t occur anymore. However, thinking back to my first year, there was a wank-worthy amount of mediocre people who migrated to Wellington and played it as a social hierarchy game to boost their Instagram followers.

Back to my point. Drop those so-called ‘friends’ and run. Don’t look back. Unless you have been toxic or disrespectful, they have no reason to ghost. Anyone who treats you like that is not deserving of your energy —and, more importantly, is not your friend.

.QStop. Wasting. Energy. On. People. Who. Do. Not. Care. About. You.

.AMy next advice is going to require bravery. You have to put yourself out there. People will not come to you.

Aunty Vic’s Friendship Tips:

• Remember people’s names and actively use them.

• Break the ice with social media—follow, dm, etc.

• Invite people to do activities with you. Walk to uni with one another, go to a movie, go to a gym class, share notes, study together.

• Ask people to coffee after class.

• Get ready with people before going out.

Your idea that “everyone has already formed their groups” is a common misconception. Ironically, most students’ biggest regret from halls is not ‘branching out’ enough. Frequently, people stick to their friends they met in the first few weeks of university. This leaves many people in toxic friend groups with shallow connections, whilst the friend of a lifetime is a stone’s throw away. I didn’t meet some of my best friends until the second Trimester—don’t lose hope.

Aspire to be the kind of person that everyone has something good to say about. It will take bravery, effort, and self-assurance to make friends, but your kindness and authenticity will make you memorable. Be the person everyone wants to be friends with because you’re a good person—not because you’re exclusive. If you do this, you will attract good people.

Friendships come and go throughout life, so don't let this setback define your future. Never again will you be in a space with hundreds of others who are wanting to meet new people— so seize it! Time to turn into a ray of sunshine and put your best foot forward. Likeness shall attract.

Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is a truly unforgettable B-movie. It’s uniquely hilarious, and although its production is clearly homemade, Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is a labour of love. It’s my favourite movie of all time, my mission statement, and the piece of art that speaks most to my feelings around queerness and Christianity. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter is special to me because it presents a vision of Christianity wherein queer people have a celebrated place.

I grew up with most of the people around me being Christian, and Christianity was an important part of my life until a few years ago. I am also a gay transsexual, and while faith and queerness can definitely coexist, there was never a point when that didn't involve compromising the queer parts of myself. I repressed my gender and sexuality because I thought it stood in the way of being a good Christian. My church affirmed this belief by allowing queerphobia to run rampant amongst its membership.

I know I’m not alone in all this having a negative impact on my self-perception. My personal experiences with Christianity have always been in conflict with my identity as a queer person. This is where Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter swoops in to save the day. I’m not joking when I say that the queerChristian tension is unpacked so successfully in this campy little film. The movie follows Jesus journeying through Ottawa on a mission to save the lesbians of Canada from a series of vampire attacks.

He teams up with Mary Magnum for the wildest 85 minutes of adventures, from bonkers Matrix-esque action scenes to, yes, musical numbers. It’s also by far the most homoerotic movie I’ve seen—and I watched Morbius last year. Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter revels in its characters’ sexuality, never passing up an opportunity for a dutch-angle ass-shot or the horniest vampire bites captured on film.

There’s something genuinely very special about the way Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter expresses queer sexuality through a Christian narrative. It’s indulgent and camp, but it never demands to be taken seriously. Sexuality is not put aside as something too important or precious to be explored in a fun, silly way. It is celebrated as a part of the characters’ queer expression. At the end of the movie, Mary Magnum asks Jesus to convert Maxine Shreck, the prominent villain and vampire of the film, back to her human form, revealing that she is in love with Maxine. Jesus agrees, and Mary has the hot lesbian lover of her dreams. Jesus then returns to the site of the film’s atheist clown car battle to give a sermon. Just roll with it.

Recovering from religious queerphobia might be hard, but it’s easier when you can laugh with Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter about it. You can find it on YouTube. I’ll go watch it right now. If I’m not back in five minutes, call the Pope.

Words by Charlie Joseph (he/him)

JESUS CHRIST VAMPIRE HUNTER IS THE BEST TAKE ON CHRISTIANITY AND QUEERNESS (THAT WE’VE GOT)

StudyLink Approved Meal Steals

Words by Bianca Maria Schioler (she/her) (Italian, Danish)

Last week, I had a grand sum of $32.18 in my bank account, so believe me when I say I know the realities of living the all-engrossing student life on minimum income. It’s awful. All these experiences and opportunities are thrown our way but we rarely have the time or money to grasp them. However, just because you’re poor, hungover, and stressed out, doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy the small things in life like good quality food (on a student budget).

Today, I bring you the classic, unbeatable carbonara. It’s done the original way with no cream, only a few cheap ingredients to get your mouth watering and your wallet humming. Like most Italian dishes, it’s cheap, humble, and bursting with flavour.

Carbonara “la classica”

makes 2-3 portions cost per portion: $2.80 vege: $2.90

ingredients

• 300g spaghetti

• 2 eggs

• 100g grated parmesan cheese

• 3 rashers of bacon or 7-8 white button mushrooms

• Salt and pepper

• Optional: fresh, chopped parsley, about a palmful

1. Boil 2L of water and salt it. Make sure you salt it a lot The water needs to be almost as salty as seawater! Remember, salt is what gives food its umami (watch Salt Fat Acid Heat on Netflix if you’re feeling inspired).

2. Once it’s boiling (not before!), put your spaghetti in the pot and press it down so it’s covered by water. Don’t cover. Leave to boil for 1-2 minutes less than the packet instructions suggest. If in doubt, taste it. Remember pasta should be ‘al dente’—just slightly hard—when you bite down, not mush.

3. Beat the 2 eggs in a bowl. Add the parmesan, salt and pepper (about a palmful of each), and parsley. Set aside.

4. Dice up your bacon/mushrooms and fry them in a pan until they’re dark and crunchy. I like to fry my mushrooms in about a tablespoon of butter with a dash of milk to cream them up. Salt.

5. Drain the pasta and add it to the pan where you’ve got the bacon/mushroom, along with the egg mix. Stir it up. If it’s too runny, let it sit for about 30 seconds off the stove with a lid on top of the pan. The eggs should be slightly runny, not all dry and coagulated (look it up, word of the day). Serve with parmesan on top and a bit of fresh parsley if you’re feeling fancy.

Just like that, there’s a restaurant-quality meal on a student budget. Who needs money when you’ve got Salient? Keep an eye out for more StudyLink Approved Meal Steals from me in future issues, and in the meantime, go make some carbonara!

I AM AT THE FLAT VIEWING

Words by Cerys Fletcher (she/her)

& I am dressed so conservative. I am going to appease this stranger With my clean hair & big smile.

I am Making positive noises About hated things.

Oh

Yes, how helpful. A mildewed shower curtain. Windowsill ant poison. Retro stove, rusted rings. Ghouls, probably.

Could I have friends here? For coffee, for cheese? Write A love letter? Prep For a colonoscopy?

I used to dream big and ridiculous.

Now I just want somewhere affordable To down litres of shit-potion Cry about work

& write precisely one poem per annum.

Yes, then, to Addington. To Police sirens, To thousands in rent over two years. Oui oui, then, to longingly reaching For a cat as it runs along our fence, To a house where it is allowed.

Small pleasures gather

Like spiders.

At the flat viewing, I look at you and nod.

Feeling the repercussions of last week's overspend, are we? That’s Murphy's Law, I’m afraid. It’s only natural that your phone bill, power bill, and that friend you owe $190 for concert tickets would all be expecting dollars from you in the same week.

You and that weirdo little friend of yours are finally moving in together. You’ve wanted this for as long as you can remember. Childhood goal unlocked! Be strict about what goes up on the walls, though. Their taste in decor is… unique.

Gemini is this week's chronic over-sharer. Not everyone has to know your business. (And most people don’t care. I’m sorry, but you’ve introduced yourself with your deep rooted family trauma one too many times.)

That assignment you almost forgot about last week? You’re getting a good grade. Why is it that whenever we work really hard on an essay, it barely passes, but when we start working eight hours before it's due, fueled by Monster, we get an A?

Leo is trying to revive the emo movement. The holes in your ears have moved up a gauge and your lips are snake-bitten.

MCR and Blink-182 have been on repeat. You claim it’s nostalgia, but you’re hoping everyone else will catch on.

If you think your horoscopes have been shit so far, wait till you hear this one. Don’t eat that week old rice. I see you missing an important appointment ‘cause you’re stuck in the bathroom.

PSA: Rice only lasts 24 hours after it’s cooked.

Hahaha, I don’t know why I find your astrological energy so funny this week. You’ve just found out one of your mates has a crush on you and you're freaking out. I’m hearing you say, “Oh no! Anyone but them! Why me?” Well, be nice.

You wouldn’t happen to be friends with emo-Leo would you? I can tell you’re being a music snob atm (well, you usually are, but more now than ever) and won’t let any music you dislike hit the queue. Chill out, Scorpio.

Sag, can you start replying to our messages, please? Being AWOL ain’t cute. I don’t know what you're doing that means you have to leave everybody on seen all the time, but cut it out. There are important memes to be sent.

Dear God, most of us are holding out for the mid-year break, but not as desperately as you, Capricorn. I think you may have to reassess your life a bit, mate. You’re overworked and underpaid.

Oooh, your partner’s jealous. This has ‘secretly dating someone, and since no one knows, you keep getting hit on or flirted with right under the nose of your partner’ energy. Why are you being so secretive? Just tell people and be done with it.

Ahh, Pisces. I’m gonna have to ask you to stop taking on everyone’s problems this week. You're a caring soul, but that good quality is your detriment this week. Stop reading the news, and say no to people when they ask too much of you.

b r a i n boozled

CRYPTOLIST

A cryptolist is a list of ten items that belong to a category, all of which have been encoded using a substitution cipher. If the letter X has been used to represent E in one word, every X in the list will represent an E. To solve a cryptolist, try looking for common letters or words that you can decode first, or think of an item that might be on the list and see if any of the coded phrases might match it.

List: Fleetwood Mac's Greatest Hits (e.g. YOU MAKE LOVING FUN)

GYUUGO GYOT

URO WRNYA

GNABTGYBO

BSA'U TUSK

TYGCOI TKIYAHT

IRYNAASA

NGMNUISTT

AOCOI HSYAH MNWE NHNYA

TSAHMYIB

TOCOA PSABOIT

Franchise Wars

ACROSS

1. Video game franchise with the games 'New Leaf' and 'New Horizons' (6,8)

9. African animal known for its distinctive whooping 'laugh' (5)

10. Like some symmetrical triangles (9)

11. Acoustic ripple (5,4)

12. Calrissian played by Billy Dee Williams and Donald Glover (5)

13. Herb commonly sprinkled on pizza (7)

15. Moved as part of a protest movement? (7)

17. Sister of T'Challa, in 'Black Panther' (5)

19. Athenian playwright who wrote 'Medea' and 'Electra' (9)

21. Opening address in a magazine (9)

22. Wellington suburb on Mount Kaukau; native tree with purple berries (5)

23. Video game franchise with the games 'Valhalla' and 'Brotherhood' - with the same initials as 1-Across (9,5)

DOWN

1. David Bowie song with the line "We know Major Tom's a junkie" (5,2,5)

2. Drink cooler; 'It Was a Good Day' rapper (3,4)

3. Oscar or Webby, perhaps (5)

4. Illinois city where you can see Edward Hopper's 'Nighthawks' (7)

5. Gas forming a stratospheric layer (5)

6. Non-religious, as a holiday (7)

7. Christopher who directed 'Interstellar' and 'Tenet' (5)

8. Perfect, to use a metallic analogy (2,4,2,4)

14. Southwestern U.S. state; iced tea brand (7)

15. Monroe of 'Some Like It Hot' (7)

16. Get some Powerade in you, maybe (7)

18. Ounces, amperes or centimetres (5)

19. Ways out (5)

20. Sheer terror (5)

Never Boring

ACROSS

1. Paper-folding art (7)

5. The Americans call it molasses; golden syrup is a form of it (7)

9. Beatles song with the line "Will you still be sending me a Valentine?" (4,2,5-4)

10. Dark loaf (3,5)

11. Intelligent (6)

13. Learned person; leafy herb (4)

15. Former British PM Johnson (5)

16. Gazpacho or pho, for example (4)

20. Four-leafed lucky charm (6)

21. Optimistic belief in perfection; philosophy where reality is intrinsically linked to perception (8)

24. It turns into another floor (6,9)

25. Pokemon #123; one who cuts grass in an old-fashioned way (7)

26. Native Polynesian people of the Chatham Islands (7)

DOWN

1. "To the next battle!" (7)

2. Adler of the Sherlock Holmes stories (5)

3. Large housing cage for birds (6)

4. Like ripe fruit, usually (2,6)

5. Vehicle rendered partly obsolete by Uber (4)

6. Pooh's donkey friend (6)

7. Spanish sausage (7)

8. George Jetson's son (5)

12. Energy-production site with a lot of fans? (4,4)

14. Exalt (7)

17. City destroyed by the eruption of Mount Vesuvius (7)

18. Type of angel often depicted as having six wings (6)

19. Prettier; more balanced (6)

20. Theatre groups; supports for broken bones (5)

22. U.S. state with the capital Boise (5)

23. Peter the Great or Ivan V of Russia, say (4)

Q U O T E OF THE WEEK

Christopher Luxon, speaking to media last Tuesday about the National Party’s use of AI-generated stock images in political attack ads (a National Party spokesperson confirmed that they are, in fact, using AI generated images)

I don’t know about the topic in the sense of I am not sure. You are making an accusation that we are using it, I am not sure that we are [using AI] [...] I will need to talk to our team.

find VUW's way out of its financial hole !

THE TEAM

CO-EDITOR

Maia Ingoe (she/her)

CO-EDITOR

Francesca Pietkiewicz (she/they)

DESIGNER

Bella Maresca (they/them) @cupids.kiss

NEWS EDITOR

NEWS EDITOR Zoë Mills (they/she)

SUB-EDITOR

Tessa Keenan (she/her)

SENIOR STAFF WRITER

Bridget Scott (she/her)

CHIEF REPORTER

Niamh Vaughan (she/her)

SOCIAL MEDIA MANAGER

STAFF WRITER

ARTS & CULTURE WRITER Kiran Patel (he/they)

Phoebe Robertson (she/her)

STAFF WRITER

Pippi Jean (she/her)

EDITORIAL SUPPORT

Joanna Fan (she/her)

CONTRIBUTORS

Hesadi Niruthmi Perera (she/her)

Ella Hoogerbrug (she/her)

Charlie Joseph (he/him)

Bianca Maria Schioler (she/her)

Cerys Fletcher (she/her)

Brahmasari Zakaria (she/her) Puck (cross/word)

Alex

PODCAST MANAGER

POETRY EDITOR

CENTREFOLD ARTIST

Kiki @artgewl

Willem Koller (he/they)

VIDEO CONTENT CREATOR Seren Ashmore (he/him)

Marinkovich-Josey (he/him)

Ethan Manera (he/him)

Maia Armistead (she/her)

student community pantry

CHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE FOR MORE - VUWSA.ORG.NZ/COMMUNITY-PANTRY

VUWSA RUNS A COMMUNITY PANTRY WHICH GIVES FOOD PARCELS TO STUDENTS WHO ARE STRUGGLING TO MAKE ENDS MEET. THIS IS A NO-JUDGEMENT SYSTEM - ANY STUDENT CAN ACCESS A COMMUNITY PANTRY PARCEL. APPLY FOR ONE ONLINE ON OUR WEBSITE, THEN PICK IT UP FROM OUR KELBURN OFFICE.

SERVICE PROVIDED BY VUWSA