Food | Issue 18

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vol.77 issue.18

the food issue

editor@salient.org.nz

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contents weekly content 4. Letters 6. News 36. VUWSA 39. Arts 45. Odds and Ends

features 1 9 . Th e B r e s o l i n B r o t h e r s 2 3 . We l l i n g t o n o n a ( P a p e r ) P l a t e 2 7 . C h a n g i n g Ta c k 2 8 . G l o b a l G a s t r o G u i d e t o We l l i n g t o n 30. Campus Digest(ion)

columns 1 6 . R a m b l i n g s o f a Fa l l e n H a c k 17. Bone Zone with Cupie Hoodwink 18. Sports Banter 3 3 . We i r d I n t e r n e t S h i t 33. Conspiracy Corner 34. Food 3 5 . B e i n g We l l 3 5 . M Ä o r i M at t e r s 3 7 . H i s t o r y Th a t H a s n ’ t H a p p e n e d Y e t 37. Shirt and Sweet

online content w w w. s a l i e n t . o r g . n z

Keep an eye out for foodie illustrations by

lily paris west l i l y b a d p o s t u re . t u m b l r. c o m The accompanying jokes are by Google.

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The Food Issue

Don’t go bacon my heart. I couldn’t if I fried.

Cam’s favourite food is a McDonald’s cheeseburger. Duncan’s favourite food is boulon blanc de foie gras with bechamelement reduction accompanied by deep-fried kale-encrusted quinoa.

F

ood’s great. It literally gives us life. Everyone’s addicted to it. One of life’s simple pleasures is breaking bread with the people you love, and Wellington is the perfect place to do so.

Wellington has more cafés per person than anywhere else in the world. Thankfully, they’re quality cafés. There are great restaurants, burger joints, fish-and-chipperies, Asian BYOs and food markets galore.

But for students, food is stressful.

We are used to home-cooked meals. We have to figure out how to wield a frying pan and cook as a flat. We spend hours studying and working and never have the

time to spend two hours cooking one of Jamie’s 15-minute meals.

Sometimes, we have to make a choice between paying our rent or eating for the next few days. It’s all very stressful.

To make it easier on you, this week the magazine is packed full of deals and giveaways from 15 different Wellington fooderies.

You’re welcome.

Also this week, Salient has the honour of unveiling Labour’s tertiary-education policy. They’ll be announcing it later today (Monday the 18th), but if you flick over to our News section, you’ll find an exclusive guide to the major policy points and what they mean for you.

In our view, it offers far more than what National gives us. It heals some of the numerous cuts National has made, like removing postgrad Allowances. It repeals the legislation which brought in Voluntary Student Membership. It scraps the Bill that seeks to get rid of guaranteed student membership on universities’ governing bodies.

Most of all, it commits Labour to undertaking a massive review into how universities are funded.

But as a policy, it doesn’t really address the number-one student concern: the cost of living. There’s no guarantee that the average student will be given more money to cope with rising costs. It’s much better than the alternative, but it’s not particularly great as a

standalone.

In other political news, this week is VUWSA election week. From Wednesday, you will be able to vote for the group of people who decide who comes to O-Week and how many sausage sizzles to have and how our student-services dollars are spent. With the general election coming up, people are starting to talk about why youth voting turnout is so low. One of the reasons is that we feel that politicians don’t really do much for us. But VUWSA does. For once, your voice is meaningful – only 1000 people voted last year out of over 15,000 students. So make sure you vote. Do it. They spend your money, so keep the bastards honest.

L ove ,

Du nc an & Cam

Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to law students?

It’s called Sosumi. editor@salient.org.nz

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Letters

FREE COFFEE!

Are you angry, elated or apathetic about Salient? Send us a letter of less than 250 words to editor@salient. org.nz. Pseudonyms are fine, but all letters must include your real name, address and telephone number.

These will not be printed. Letters will not be corrected for spelling or grammar. The Editors reserve the right to edit, abridge or decline any letters. The letter of the week wins a coffee from Vic Books.

Letter of the Week It was in early 2012 that I first encountered Weir House. I was met at

the gates of hell by a swarm of debauched middle-class atheists, falling into sexual licentiousness, and leading degenerate double-lives. On the one hand, they were children of their progenitors: respectable, sensible, ambitious. On the other they were determined to prove to the world that their parents wealth hadn’t left a stain on their sensibilities. Weir, I knew then, was completely unattainable for me. In spite of this, in mid-2013, when I hit what I would call the early stages of my quarterlife crisis I applied against all odds for Weir House. I was in pursuit of something - god knows what. Probably sex. I flunked high school, preferring to spend my time getting fucked up and smoking weed, and I’d pissed away any chances I had of getting into a decent hall by including in my application that I had aspirations of social-justice.

Not a quality favoured by the gentry at Weir, and a clear indication of my working-class roots. Flash-forward to earlier this year and I found myself in Boulcott Hall, the hall where anything goes, went. There was fornication, there was drug abuse, there was the fucking and the punching I had so longed for at high school. It was in pursuit of these vices (or were they virtues?) that I was quickly disposed of by Boulcott.

They kicked my dick out. And it was in the cold wind of Wellington that my homeless dick realised that I had landed myself closer to my goal of a place in Weir. However, the wind plays tricks on you, and it was through my head-brain that I realised that Weir had failed to deliver on its promise of better sex and harder drugs. And so when the Accommodation Service offered me a place at Weir, I turned it down favour of Te Puni. Why did I turn down an offer at the house that I had once worshiped? Well, it was from the shadows of homelessness that I realised that life cheats us with images of perfection. It was through rosé-tinted lenses that I viewed Weir back in 2012. She wasn’t all she cracked up to be, but I wanted to take her behind the bike shed just once. Needless to say, Weir’s unrequited love left its mark on me and I found myself pining with dull, slightly stoned heart, for the Doric façade of Weir to engulf me in a ravenous embrace. D-Tour was my opportunity. So, in the midst of the chaos and catastrophe of a thousand anarchic souls sardined into D Floor, and to the beat of Biggie Smalls played through supremely inadequate speakers, I was brought to fruition in D Floors crevasses. I shan’t say who it was that sucked the poison out of me. All I will say is that to that generous lady of consolation who took pity on my once homeless prick, thank you. I owe you my freedom.

Unfaithfully yours, Ernest Cummingway.

WORK THEM OUT YOURSELF

Gah!!! Omg, are you serious? I actually believe you are mocking me at this point.

Ok, in case you do not remember me (which I seriously doubt), I have written you two letters about no crossword answers for your games issue 4

The Food Issue

crossword. You have published both of these letters in the last two Salient’s (as well as the answers for the crossword after the games issue!!!) and although this is kind of cool, I shall not forget what I have been writing you for.

In case you were wondering, I have not had any sudden strokes of genius and some words still

remain blank. I would think fellow university students could understand my want to further my knowledge (even about something as useless as a son’s best friend).

To create a crossword, answers are required so I refuse to believe that this is some impossible request that you cannot complete.

In the space that you published the penis penis penis letter, you could have simply put some answers there...

To quote my last letter, “you have turned me into a savage monster incapable of transitioning back into a human until I get my dang answers!”

Alright, I’ll try being nice now.

Please.

Please.

Oh my god, please.

Like really, c’mon.

VOTE POSITIVE

Dear Salient Labour party condoms. Today we need them more than ever.

University students need to feel confident engaging in liberal behaviour. These contraceptive measures would stimulate confidence in the party and politics.

Because a good condom is like a good government. It provides safety from exterior threats and prevents any unwelcome surprises, while not getting in the way of personal fulfillment and satisfaction. Let’s get Labour to bring them back so National can get fucked.

Regards from A stiff member of the opposition MOANING GAY

I’m sorry to say I was disappointed by the Bent column’s response to the letter from ‘Angry Poof’ in last week’s Salient. The discussion of the rainbow flag was welcome, but suggesting that their issue was simply ‘a hatred of fonts’ and that those who feel alienated or frustrated by the kitschy bubblegum-queer aesthetic used to promote LGBTQI+ events ‘need to take a look at [themselves]’ seems a little off to me. Why dismiss these concerns out of hand? Why not engage with them? As a queer woman I believe that stereotypes

DO matter, and I also think some real effort should go into addressing the fact that this kind of cutesy sticker book ‘branding’ of the LGBTQI+ community caters only to a very specific type of person, at the cost of making some Vic queers (myself included) feel uncomfortable or unwelcome in the club. Isn’t it about time we tried to create a more inclusive environment for the queer students who don’t feel so accurately represented by cupcake-shitting unicorns?

Food for thought, UNIQ execs!

Sincerely, Oscar the Grouch WELLS’ WELL OF BLAND BAKING

How may I describe your basic biscuits, Julia?

Base, bland, bovine based, baking, Julia.

I don’t think you’re boring, that would be unfair.

But, your baking does not move me, Julia my dear.

Flour, sugar, eggs and milk; Add cream, baking powder, they’re all of similar ilk.

Your mind’s so fine, that I could never dispute.

Your politics are beyond repute, Clearer thoughts than my own (and better expressed too); But you still produce dull recipes, Which turn me blue And are written in a wasted weekly column.

The budget of a student they do not reflect.

And also bewail your spice shelf with years of neglect.

Budget baked beans are better with an onion or two, add some parsley, it tastes good, it’s cheap, and no student will turn blue.

Use that same weed in a scone, and you’ll never go wrong.

Or try some... ginger with your biscuits cinnamon with your apples or even peanut butter some time I’ve shown you how.

It’s time to trade some peanuts and spices for that cow!

Your Friend, James Barber

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editor@salient.org.nz

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NEWS EXCLUSIVE

SALIENT EXCLUSIVE: LABOUR’S TERTIARY EDUCATION POLICY CHECK OUT LABOUR’S UNIVERSITY PLAN BEFORE ANYONE ELSE DOES

STUDENT SUPPORT

by Sophie Boot

T

he News section of Salient looks a little different this week. Salient is exclusively releasing the Labour Party’s tertiary-education policy, ahead of its official announcement later today (Monday 18 August). Tertiary-education policy is all too often sidelined or turned into a lolly scramble.

Over the past six years, this

National government has made wide-ranging changes to the way our tertiary institutions function, most notably to university governance, student support and student membership. It is to be hoped that recent dirty politics won’t distract the politicians from meaningful engagement with tertiary-education issues this election.

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BIG CHANGES FOR UNIVERSITIES WILL CHANGE • VSM: Will be repealed.

• STUDENT ALLOWANCES: Postgraduate students will get their Allowances back.

• UNI COUNCILS: Will stay as they are now with requirements for student, staff and Māori representation.

• TARGETED FUNDING: University funding will be targeted towards “courses where New Zealand can create wealth.”

WILL REVIEW • TEC: Will review the way funding to universities is decided.

• PBRF: Will review criteria 6

The Food Issue

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by which PBRF allocates funding to research.

ENROLMENTS: Will review enrolment caps in times of low employment.

STUDENT ALLOWANCES: The student-support system will be reviewed fully, focussing on Allowance eligibility.

NO CHANGE • FEES: Universities will still be able to increase fees by 4 per cent every year, though they’ll have to justify changes of over 2 per cent.

• CORES: Will continue to get funding.

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Labour would reinstate Student Allowances for postgraduate students and students in recognised Long Programmes. Long Programmes fall into two categories: progression in a subject, such as a Bachelor’s/Master’s/PhD; and individual qualifications requiring extended study, often with a prerequisite requirement, for example a Bachelor of Medicine or a Bachelor of Chiropractic.

Postgraduate allowances were cut in the 2012 Budget, in a move which was opposed by Labour, the Greens, NZUSA and many other groups. Steven Joyce said these cuts would save $33 million over four years.

Labour would remove the seven-year EFTS limit on borrowing for medical and dental students.

Labour also promises a “full review of the student-support system”. The review would particularly look at broadening eligibility for Allowances (including parental and age thresholds), making support from living costs and Student Allowances more consistent and “closing loopholes which create unfairness in the system.”

Grant Robertson, Labour’s Wellington Central MP and Associate Spokesperson for Tertiary Education, told Salient last week that Labour would set up a formal working group, with students on the panel, to review the system.

STUDENT ASSOCIATIONS + VSM • •

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Labour would repeal the controversial Education (Freedom of Association) Amendment Act 2011 which introduced voluntary student membership (VSM).

VSM would be replaced with “enduring legislation that will secure the critical role student associations play, based on the amendments Labour put forward during the debate in 2011.” At the time, Labour talked in the House about optout measures whereby students could decide not to be a part of students’ associations, as well as financial-accountability measures.

Grant Robertson told Salient last week that Labour would repeal the law and replace it with something more stable. “If need be, you could work on some kind of opt-out provision. It kind of contradicts what I believe about the Government, but if that’s what is going to make it more stable, then it is easier to opt out.”

FUNDING TO UNIVERSITIES

INSTITUTIONS

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Labour says it will review the structure and operation of the Tertiary Education Commission (TEC). This will be done to “develop a more collaborative approach to tertiary education in New Zealand by reviewing and re-invigorating the network-of-provision approach to funding.”

The TEC advises the Government on how to fund tertiary institutions, including universities. The Government spends around $3 billion a year on tertiary education, $2 billion of which is allocated to universities through Student Achievement Component (SAC) funding. SAC funding is based both on the number of students enrolled in courses and the types of courses they are enrolled in. Universities are therefore in competition to attract students and the funding that comes with them.

Earlier this year, the TEC chair John Spencer said universities should be run like businesses, and universities should specialise as New Zealand is small.

Labour also promised to review the cap on university enrolments, particularly in times of high unemployment, and re-establish the Tripartite Forum, which was first established in 2005 and had representatives from universities, government and university staff.

Labour also said they would invest some of the $1 billion they are allocating to health, education and other public services to tertiary institutions. How much money this would be is unclear.

GOVERNANCE •

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If elected, Labour would require institutions to ensure staff, student and Māori representation on university councils. Councils will stay the current size – between 12 and 20, depending on the institution.

The National Government has tried to remove representation requirements from university councils, along with downsizing councils, with the Education Amendment Bill.

The Education Amendment Bill has been strongly opposed by Labour, the Greens and NZUSA. Minister for Tertiary Education Steven Joyce said he thought universities should be trusted to make “the right calls for their institutions.”

The Bill is currently awaiting its second reading in Parliament, although Labour would ditch it entirely. Grant Robertson told Salient the Bill was “a solution in search of a problem. There is actually nothing wrong with the governance of NZ universities.”

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Labour want to review the criteria of the PBRF “to ensure a broad range of research success is recognised.”

The Performance Based Research Fund (PBRF) allocates research funding. In 2012, the Government committed to investing an additional $100 million in the PBRF over four years. This will result in the Fund reaching $300 million in 2016/17.

Earlier this year, the Government proposed increasing the proportion of PBRF income allocated based on external research income, from 15 per cent to 20 per cent of the Fund.

Labour would continue to fund COREs and research funds.

Alongside its TEC review, Labour says it will “support and foster a collaborative university system, where each of our universities is enabled to focus on its areas of research and teaching strength.”

Labour says it will target government funding “towards courses where New Zealand can create wealth and lessen investment into job areas where surplus expertise already exists”, but also that they will “maintain a university system that offers broad-based programmes, including acknowledging the importance of the humanities.”

In Budget 2013, National increased funding to STEM (science, technology, engineering and mathematics) subjects by $85 million, with $68 million more for science.

In July, the Green Party pledged $50 million a year to fund 1000 places for STEM students. At the time, Steven Joyce said it was “good to see the Greens playing catch-up.”

FEES •

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The annual Fee Maxima (the amount the University can increase its fees every year) would stay at 4 per cent under Labour.

- Labour would introduce requirements for institutions to provide written justifications for any fee increases which exceed 2 per cent.

- Universities have raised their fees by the full 4 per cent Fee Maxima every year since it was introduced (by Labour, after National transferred responsibility for setting fees to university councils).

- In October 2013, Steven Joyce said the Government would look at reducing maximum fee increases.

INSTITUTIONS OF TECHNOLOGY AND POLYTECHNICS • Labour will increase focus on regional polytechs, in some cases providing “additional support” for institutions which do not have sufficient enrolments to self-fund.

• Labour will also establish Centres of Vocational Excellence to encourage vocational research and innovation, at a cost of $40 million over four years.

ADULT AND COMMUNITY EDUCATION • As previously announced, Labour would increase funding to adult and community education by $13 million for the 2016 calendar year.

• $54 million of ACE funding was cut by the Government in 2009. The cuts saw nationwide enrolments in ACE drop from 225,000 in 2009 to just 35,000 in 2012, after removal of subsidies made the courses unaffordable.

• National has dismissed ACE as hobby courses – “twilight golf, radio singalong, pet homeopathy, Moroccan cooking and concrete mosaics” – but proponents say they enable people to upskill in areas such as computer courses, first-aid and antenatal classes.

REFUGEE AND MIGRANT STUDY • Labour says it will “ensure adequate and appropriate funding so that refugees and migrants are supported to study” and, as previously announced, increase ESOL funding by $1 million a year, additional to the general increases in ACE. PRIVATE TRAINING ESTABLISHMENTS • Labour would work to develop “more rigorous quality-assurance measures, particularly in relation to courses targeted at international students.”

TEACHER EDUCATION • Prospective teachers would have a higher standard of entry with a “vigorous process for pre-screening” under Labour.

editor@salient.org.nz

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PRESIDENTAIL CANDIDATES

K

K

ia ora! I’m Rawinia, and I’m really keen to be your President in 2015.

A bit about me: I’m a Wellington City gal born and bred, and I love this city so much that I’ve decided to make it my home while at university.

From day one, I got amongst everything university life had to offer. I played sports, sang in a choir, got involved with clubs, joined study groups, became interested in politics, hung out with friends in the Hub between classes, and went along to fun social events. I was meeting heaps of new people and having a fun and fulfilling university experience.

This is the kind of university experience I want for all of us.

Halfway through my first year, I was elected to the VUWSA Executive. I’ve been in VUWSA for a year now – from Education Officer in 2013, to Academic VP in 2014. Now, I’m keen to use my drive, vision, and all the skills and experience I’ve gained in my time on VUWSA to be President in 2015.

MY PRIORITIES AS PRESIDENT WILL BE: ENGAGEMENT: I’ve been out hanging out with everyday students around campus who don’t feel connected with

values you.

VUWSA. I’ll lead a highly visible, relevant, responsive and engaging VUWSA. As President of your students’ association, I’ll make VUWSA a key part of your university life.

WELLBEING: Managing study, work, and personal life can be really tough. Adjusting to university life can be a challenge, and VUWSA should be there to provide the best advice and support for struggling or vulnerable students. A focus on wellbeing goes hand-in-hand with success, both academically and personally. I take student wellbeing very seriously, so you can count on me.

COMMUNITY: The University has promised a ‘student experience that is second to none.’ I’ll make sure they deliver. VUWSA should be at the heart of the student community, hosting fun events, better supporting clubs, and creating spaces where students can connect with each other.

Let’s create a positive VUWSA community together!

I’m the person students need to lead VUWSA. I am open, honest, highly engaging, relatable, and fiercely loyal. Let’s make Vic the best Uni for students. Vote Rawinia for VUWSA President 2015!

BETTER WELLINGTON FOR STUDENTS I’ve driven campaigns to get Fairer Fares for students, worked on making our flats warmer, safer streets through Let Me Go Home, better pay for students through the living wage, and to save the 18 bus from being scrapped by the council.

Fairer Fares, Healthy Homes, Let Me Go Home, and a Living Wage are all things that at heart I know students deserve. It’s about making a tangible difference to the daily lives of students. Winning these campaigns will not be easy. I have the expertise and background necessary to make them happen.

As VUWSA President I want students to feel valued here and know that Wellington truly appreciates us.

Students deserve an incredible O’Week. In the past few years O’Week has been less than ideal, and as President I’ll provide an amazing week full of diverse activities that will help you get involved and have a great time at uni. It’s a priority for me that VUWSA is a hub of great events and activities that you really want to be involved in.

VALUED BY VICTORIA This sense of value should be evident the moment students get on campus. I’ve been heavily

like me who are sleep deprived and unable to unwind due to work, home, and personal commitments. Creating nap rooms to chill out in, and having cheaper, healthy food available later at night are simple ways to show that Victoria is a place where we are valued.

Over the last few years Vic has slipped in a number of international rankings, while continuing to raise fees and cut courses. That’s not good enough.

We need to have a coherent measure of academic quality, so we can be assured that we are getting value for money when fees rise.

BETTER VUWSA It’s crucial that VUWSA remains independent and able to critique the university, so as President it will be a priority of mine to diversify VUWSA’s funding sources. This is also important in terms of the long term sustainability of VUWSA in creating a range of ways we can increase our funding and provide better services to students.

As students, we are what make Victoria great and I will ensure that I have your interests at heart in every cause I fight for. I will hold the university to account and make sure that students’ interest are driving the university at its core. Rick Zwaan for President 2015.

POLLING DETAILS FOR VUWSA ELECTION

VOTE!

20 August - Law School common room - 12–2 pm 21 August - Te Aro Atrium - 11 am – 1 pm 22 August - Kelburn VUWSA Office - 12–2 pm

VICEPRESIDENT (ACADEMIC)

I

’m Jono, and I’m running for VUWSA to be your academic voice! I’m a third year law, political science and public policy student.

Below are my three key priorities and three reasons why you should vote for me as your 2015 Academic Vice President!

QUALITY EDUCATION: I’ll

strive to ensure that Vic provides the best teaching and learning experience for you. + Holding Vic to account to ensure that the VUW Strategic Plan 2015-19 reflects YOUR academic experience in its quest to be a global ranking capital city university + Ensuring that programme reviews and proposed course changes are not just based on meeting the demands of the economy, but for you to learn and grow + Making university processes (such as grievances and aegrotats) better understood, so that you get the support you need

STUDENT REPRESENTATION:

I’ll be your academic voice and I’ll listen to what you have to say. + Growing the newly-formed Student Academic Committee so that representative groups have a greater say on academic issues + Engaging class reps with the ‘bigger picture’, gauging their views on thematic academic issues within their school or faculty + Liaising with faculty delegates on a regular basis, to ensure that they are receiving the appropriate support to represent the students in their course of study RELATIONSHIP BUILDING: I

want to build positive working relationships to ensure student voice is as effective as possible. + Building strong working relationships with staff across the university, so I better represent your interests when sitting around the decision table + Collaborating for a coordinated student voice with other representative groups such as Ngāi Tauira, the Pasifika Students’ Council and Post Graduate Students Association + Talking to YOU so I know what your academic issues are – my door is always open!

WHAT QUALIFIES ME TO BE YOUR ACADEMIC VICE PRESIDENT? + I’ve developed

leadership skills and positive working relationships across the university in my role as Wellington Regional President of UN Youth New Zealand, serving on the VUWSA Clubs Council, and as a committee member for VUW’s inaugural Student Leadership Conference + I’m passionate about student voice and advocacy. I was an inaugural UNICEF NZ Youth Ambassador and was a former youth rep on my local council board, as well as serving as chair on my local youth council Vote Jonathan Gee for Academic VP. Committed, hardworking and accessible – I’ll be your academic voice!

VICEPRESIDENT (ENGAGEMENT)

H

i there!

You can call me Toby, and I’m running to be your VUWSA Engagement Vice-President, so that I can continue the great work I’ve been doing this year as your VUWSA Clubs and Activities Officer.

My major accomplishments on VUWSA include: Preparing and co-ordinating several club-stall events in the Hub, including last week’s Political Showcase featuring David Cunliffe; Working alongside Victoria University staff to co-ordinate several events, such as a Clubs Information Night and the Trimester Two Clubs Week; Providing hands-on support at events organised by VUW French Society, Feminist Law Society, Science Society, VUW Film Society, and more; Regularly meeting with individual clubs to introduce them to the resources available at Vic and to brainstorm event ideas and strategies; Going the extra mile by working over 30 hours to provide free breakfasts and lunches during Stress-Free Study Week; Continually going above-and-beyond the Clubs and Activities role to support VUWSA’s welfare and education services.

My vision for 2015 is to reenergise the student experience. I will achieve this by delivering on the following goals: Running student events at Vic that encompass a wide range of interests, from sports tournaments and self-defence training to cooking classes and music sessions. Working closer with student groups, clubs,

and halls of residence, so that you are kept in the loop about the goings-on of student life.

Ensuring that student groups and clubs have greater access to use the Hub. Placing digital display screens in student areas around campus, which are exclusively for promoting clubs and student events. Developing more channels to gauge your views on what the student experience ought to be.

In reviewing the performance of the VUWSA Executive this year, Salient gave me an A+ grade and wrote: “Cooper is super.”

“Toby has re-energised this job as Clubs and Activities Officer.

He has maintained a constant presence, attending clubs events and sending regular emails to clubs about what is happening at Vic. Toby is always there to offer advice and support.”

“Perhaps what’s most impressive about Cooper is his constant enthusiasm and positivity. Every Executive needs an eager beaver who ignores the politics and gets stuck in to their role. Toby is that person.”

Vote for a VUWSA that delivers a wider student experience, responsive to your interests and needs!

Vote for a VUWSA with vibrancy and passion!

Vote Toby!

A

s your Engagement VP, I will work tirelessly to build a vibrant student community with opportunities for all to get involved – whether your thing is sports, politics or socialising. I bring fresh ideas on how VUWSA can reach out to students, real experience in brand strategy, and a hard-working and reliable attitude editor@salient.org.nz

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EVENT MANAGEMENT Organising & promoting events is a huge part of the Engagement role, whether it is an unforgettable O-Week gig or a heated political debate in the Hub. I will not only take responsibility for these kinds of events, but I want to take the lead on some new initiatives such as organising a ball that is open to students from all faculties.

I also intend to bring back the Faculty Games. This was an awesome event last year, with more than 200 students getting involved., but has been forgotten about in 2014.

COMMUNICATIONS & MARKETING Over the last 2 years I have worked as a digital media consultant for a number of businesses & nonprofits. I want to use my skills in website building, graphic design and social media management to rejuvenate VUWSA’s online presence and make sure that it is easy to access the important information on what VUWSA can do for you.

The Engagement portfolio also needs somebody who is capable of managing external relationships with media, the Council, MP’s and other organisations such as NZUSA. Through my work experience I have extensive experience in managing relationships like this.

VICEPRESIDENT (WELFARE)

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EXPERIENCE This year as Equity Officer I have learned an incredible amount about leadership, work ethic and what it means to be passionate about students. I spearheaded the Let Me Go Home campaign alongside the Women’s Group and Youth for UN Women, and worked to ensure Victoria’s student safety protocols are adequate. I’ve worked with CanDo, UniQ, the VUWSA International Students’ Representative Group, and the Women’s Group to support them and help make Victoria a better place for students they represent.

I’ve been working with Student Health to create mechanisms of support for students who are struggling.

WELLBEING Within the Victoria community issues of student wellbeing are rife. 45% of students at Victoria are suffering from poor to very poor rates of wellbeing from lack of sleep, high stress, and lack of support and connectedness within the university. I will continue to work closely with Student Health and Counselling to make wellbeing a backbone of the university.

WELFARE IN WELLINGTON This support goes further than the University. For students to feel truly valued and be able to live without the added stress of financial burden and sub-par living conditions, Wellington as a city must commit to supporting students. Working to further the Let Me Go Home, Fairer Fares, Healthy Homes, and Living Wage campaigns, will impact this significantly. Students deserve to be able to walk home at night without fear, to catch cheap public transport, to live in warmer flats, and to get paid a wage they can VOTE! live TE!I have learned a lot this VOoff. year about how to make those VOTE! ! excited TEI’m things ! VOand VOTEhappen to continue the work that I, and

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other members of VUWSA in the past two years have started.

CONNECTEDNESS It’s easy for students to feel isolated. I will work to foster mechanisms that make it easier to feel connected to other students, to Victoria, and to Wellington.

VUWSA has a big part to play in

WELLBEING & SUSTAINABILITY OFFICER

this as well, I want VUWSA to be a space that you can come to when you’re feeling undervalued, to make your life easier, and to be a mechanism of connectedness.

Students are so important, and I want to work to improve their living conditions in tangible ways both on and off campus.

University is investing in us, by being a proponent of retaining an environment in which civilization is compatible. In this role, I will provide a strong student voice for sustainable practice within the University.

My desire is not to make an impression on this role by taking on a huge number of new projects; rather I see the need for continuity. In order to make real gains for students, the work of the incumbent officer on fairer fares for public transport and rental housing warrant of fitness requires a seamless transition in which new skills and energy are brought to the role, but progress is not lost.

RORY LENIHANIKIN Kia ora, I’m Rory. With me as your Wellbeing and Sustainability Officer, you will get a hard working representative who is approachable, responsive, and reliable. Together with providing a voice for your ideas and concerns, I will work smartly on the right issues, with a clear focus on making real gains for students.

This role requires an unrelenting Vote Rory Lenihan-Ikin For real gains for students in 2015 mindfulness of student needs.

Our wellbeing is constantly under threat from the demands of EQUITY OFFICER student life. Low cost living and QUAN steep workloads are among our NGUYEN many everyday challenges, and I “If a tree falls am committed to continuing and in a forest improving VUWSA led support and no one for your wellbeing. is around to Wellbeing clearly extends hear it, does it make a sound?” beyond the here and now, and Tēnā koutou! My name is Quan as we all know climate science Nguyen (you can pronounce my has left no one guessing as to the name as Quan Nguin). And I direction of humanity if we allow to earth to continue warming as it am running for VUSWA Equity Officer 2015. is currently. On top of being our I am running for this election legislative responsibility, it is our moral responsibility as a University totally naked (meaning you do not see my V plan OTEfor! 2015 to be the conscience of society, OTE! anywhere – so you and I can V and we have no choice but to be VOTE! TE! opportunity VOon VOTEto! work leaders toward more sustainable TE!haveVan ! others OTIEsaw O V it later.) running for practice. VOTE! VOTE! VOTE! VUSWA, they tried to ! are at University to invest VOTEWe E!appear OTbefore E!they Vcan T O V as much as the OTE! VOTE! in ourselves through E! Veducation, TE!so to VweOTmust election, and they (kind VOand ensure that the VOTE! of) VOTE!

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disappear after being elected. It may be because they do not have time or they come in a wrong direction, do not mistake me, VUSWA has done lots of good deeds for us – students, but if you do not deliver your voters enough ‘personal touch’, losing them is quite inevitable.

But as an Equity Officer, I have the time and the right direction to get back that ‘personal touch’ trend. Firstly, coming to me, you will have a win-win game, because as a new face in this country, with culture shock to cope with, if you come to me and talk (about your issues or anything else), it also helps me adapting more to this culture. Secondly, I am currently doing a project named ‘Humans of Vic’, with the aim is to create a trusted platform to share stuffs among Vic students. Because I realized that it is not just about who comes to whom, but also we need to feel at ease when sharing stuffs.

I had practical experience in working with queer, women, disability and so many other groups back home when working for Enactus/SIFE. Being here, I continued to be an executive member of VUSWA International Student’s Representative Group.

convergence point, helping groups across the university further connect with their communities, network with each other, and act as strong, visible voices for the people they represent.

Through my experience on boards, I have developed strategic skills which enable me to comfortably engage with governance issues and planning relating to large organisations.

Though my experience as an activist, and my leadership of groups within and outside of Vic, I know I’d be a supportive member of VUWSA, and would have no difficulty engaging both as a team player, and a leader wherever I was needed.

It’s the job of the Equity Officer to deal with some really tough issues. Next year I will progress with empathy, honesty and openness, and actively engage with different groups, as well as individuals.

CAMPAIGNS OFFICER NATHANIEL MANNING

executive of two local branches of a political party, I can offer an in-depth understanding of campaign issues, and the necessary connections and organization skills to get an effective campaign off the ground. I am currently assisting in Electorate campaigns for candidates running for the General Election in September.

I firmly believe that student issues should be non-partisan issues, and appreciate the need for cooperation across the political spectrum to make positive change for students.

Vote Nathaniel for an engaged, experienced and passionate Campaigns Officer.

IBRAHIM SALIH

Unfortunately Ibrahim didn’t send his bio or photo in.

CLUBS & ACTIVITIES OFFICER THEO BROWN I’m Theo and I’m running for the VUWSA Clubs and Activities Officer position this year. I’m a third year Philosophy and Computer Science student. Below are 3 main reasons why you should vote for me as your new Clubs & Activities Officer for 2015.

I know what the deal is, I vow to get the best acts and events which we can arrange.

STUDENT REPRESENTATION: I will ensure that the student voice is heard at higher level discussions and debates and make sure that decisions are made with the best interests of our clubs, societies and rep groups in mind. I will maintain an open door policy and will always be available if people need some help or guidance.

What qualifies me to be your Clubs and Activities Officer? I am passionate about students having a good experience during their time at Vic. To me, this means making friends, meeting new people and doing awesome activities with those people.

I have been a committee member of the VUW Tramping Club for the last 2 years and a member of the Victoria Engineering Club executive this year. I sit on the VUWSA Clubs Council, helping allocate funds to the various clubs, societies and rep groups. So VOTE THEO for Clubs & Activities Officer – for an awesome

Kia ora koutou!

My name’s Nathaniel Manning, I’m CHENNOAH RORY an Economics, Public Policy and WALFORD MCNAMARA Development Studies student, and I’m a third Hi my name I’m running to be your Campaigns year student is Rory and Officer for 2015. I am highly QUALITY EXPERIENCE: studying I want to be engaged and experienced politically, Organize training seminars to toward an VUSWA’s and hugely passionate about issues provide clubs executives with LLB and BA in International next Clubs and Activities that affect students. I’d like to bring the experience and knowledge Relations and Politics. Primarily, Officer. I believe Vic should be a these two backgrounds together they need to make their clubs though, I’m a people person - I’ve community in which we all love to lead campaigns to support Vic VOTE! successful. Ensure that new clubs always found the most happiness ! We need to have Eof. to be aVpart T O students. can get the help and advice in my relationships with others. !

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big ways to do that is by being part of a club with like-minded people. I will work to increase the number of clubs we have at Vic and furthermore strength our existing clubs. To help ensure us as students can have some fun here at University.

We need the students of Vic to wear our colours with pride, Victoria clothing needs to only be a cool thing for students to wear but also affordable for us. In my position I would look at the clothing items offered by Vic and improve them for the students at Vic. Finally One of the most important things we need to remember to do at University is to have fun and enjoy our time here if you elect me to clubs officer I will help to make the university experience better for all students here at Vic.

EDUCATION OFFICER ELLEN HUMPHRIES

Hi everyone!

My name is Ellen Humphries and I’m in my second year of studying Politics and Development Studies.

I’m passionate about making our university experience the best it can possibly be. I have been class rep four times and it’s given me a small taste of how to represent students’ interests. However, the role is very limited and I would love this opportunity to make the student voice well heard and make tangible changes.

Our time at university is short, we should make the most of it.

This means making learning a worthwhile and enjoyable experience rather than just sticking it out until we get our names on a piece of paper. As Education Officer I would achieve this by giving more power ! student TEthe Oto ! and better Vadvertising VOTEvoice student support services.

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maybe a lecturer still using OHP’s from 15 years ago or a tutor who seems to hate their job. Now think of the best three things… could be a passionate lecturer or assignments that spike your interest. I want to be the voice highlighting your concerns and maximising the things that make you love uni.

My main goals as Education Officer are to build strong relationships and work closely with student rep groups to really understand what’s bothering you guys. I want to improve class rep training, strengthen their role and encourage lecturers to support them more. I also want to better inform the student body about various learning support services and any academic changes that happen.

As your Education Officer, I will be a dedicated, approachable and effective link between the average student and making beneficial changes for all of us.

Vote Ellen for Education Officer and take hold of your academic experience!

TREASURERSECRETARY

JACINTA GULASEKHARAM

Hi there! I am Jacinta running to be Treasurer-Secretary for VUWSA in 2015. This role ensures the VUWSA Executive are effective with administrative matters involving finance and paperwork. My goal is to increase efficiency and make certain relevant information is available for students to view.

I aim to handle this position with great VUWSA relations and financial understanding.

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of university life and am not afraid to voice these concerns. One asset is my organisational skills that have served well on previous boards. I have been an active member on my high school council executive, Representative on the Board of Trustees, Youth Regional Council Ambassador and Youth Member of Parliament. These previous roles gave me the confidence and skillset to be an active part of the VUWSA executive. I am familiar with formal procedures and meeting protocols. I conduct myself in a professional manner and will conquer the administrative requirements. My time management and personal relations are expertise I wish to utilise with this role.

Financial Management is important for effective student body representation. I will scrutinise this to guarantee the VUWSA executive are accountable. I will work hard to go beyond the role’s requirement and perform constructively with VUWSA electives.

In my down time I enjoy going to the gym, drinking great coffee and shopping. As I am from little Feilding moving to Wellington has been a dream. Studying at Vic has been a long-term goal and the next is being in VUWSA. Help make this happen, vote Jacinta as your Treasurer-Secretary.

need equipment to provide more university content to students 2. The Salient website needs to adapt to include radio and TV elements so that it has more instant content 3. Advertising across platforms needs to increase so that Salient might become self-sufficient 4. Salient magazine needs to keep being fucking awesome.

Vote for me. Go on. I know my shit, and I’ll make sure student media isn’t.

STELLA BLAKEKELLY

Hello! I’m Stella, and I was one of the Salient Co-Editors last year. I’ve been involved with Salient since 2011, and I’m running for one of the two student positions on the Publications Committee next year.

Pubs Comm is the body that overseas student media at Vic— currently Salient and hopefully soon, the VBC. Ideally it would be a place where strategic long-term decisions should be made, and implemented to ensure students are getting bang for their buck.

However these processes could do with a re vamp. The organisations need to justify their spending of student money much better, and make sure that they’re producing quality content that is accessible to all students.

PUBLICATIONS Having been involved with Salient for several years, and COMMITTEE working alongside VBC managers, REPRESENTATIVE I understand the challenges that student media faces and I think CAMERON I have a pretty good idea of how PRICE to overcome them. As a student In my time representative on Pubs Comm, I as Salient would ensure the Committee has co-editor this a much more hands on approach, year I have supporting Editors and VBC got to know the student media Manager to make sure the balance scene at Vic pretty well. The E! between financial VOTsustainability Publications Committee (or asVOTE! and quality is met. This also means TE! we call V it,Opubscomm) is the body VOTEto! OTE!VUWSA working closelyVwith TE! advertising revenue is Othat V that sets the course for student VOTE! ensure ! Vpeople OTE! with VOTitEneeds VOTE! maximized,! so thatTless E! and VOTmedia, O E! of your fees Ethe recycling.

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diversify the events VUWSA offers – he said VUWSA would run a ball and hold more sports events. He said VUWSA should improve its website and app.

Toby then spoke, and pointed out that it was his fourth campaign for a VUWSA role (he has been successful in one). He said he would listen to students’ stories.

Cooper was then asked whether he could tell the audience a story.

He could, and he said he also supported more balls at uni. Balls were a surprisingly prevalent theme in the debate.

#VUWSAVOTES SALIENT ASSESSES NEXT YEAR’S VUWSA EXEC

The Forum, held at the Hub at 1 pm last Thursday, was a chance for all of your potential student representatives to explain why you should vote for them in the upcoming election (polling closes this Friday!). If you missed the event of the year due to some unforeseen emergency, you can read our coverage of the event below.

she could do the job given that PRESIDENTS outgoing president Sonya Clark Candidates: Rāwinia Thompson, has endorsed Rick. She said she Rick Zwaan. had the skills.

Rāwinia detailed her Joel Rowan asked the involvement in VUWSA as candidates whether they supported Academic Vice-President, and VSM. Both said students should the challenges VSM had brought have a choice over whether they for the organisation. She said join VUWSA or not. Rāwinia VUWSA should demonstrate its said VUWSA should become so value, and should engage with good that everyone should want everyday students, who she said to join. Rick said he wanted a felt disconnected. She wanted three-day festival at Kelburn at the VUWSA to eventually charge beginning of each year. students for membership.

Sonya Clark asked the Rick then spoke, talking about the successes he has had as Welfare candidates for their greatest weaknesses. Rick said his Vice-President, including Fairer Fares. He also floated the prospect attention to detail, Rāwinia said her emotional engagement with of nap rooms, which generated student issues. Come on, guys. a great deal of interest from the crowd, along with cheap late-night VP ACADEMIC meals. Rick discussed student Candidate: Jonathan Gee engagement, increasing outside Running unopposed, Jonathan revenue streams, and opening said he was still putting up posters budgets to student input. as he wanted students to know Wilbur Townsend asked how him. He wanted to improve the the tertiary system should be Class Rep system, and supported restructured. Rāwinia said that puppies and nap rooms, though VUWSA needed to demonstrate they are not in the Academic students are valuable by talking portfolio. the corporate language. Rick said that students felt too much VP WELFARE like customers, and queried the Candidate: Madeleine Ashtonvalue of VUWSA being part of Martyn NZUSA, given its lack of reform since VUWSA threatened to leave Also running unopposed, Madeleine talked about her (last year).

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TREASURER-SECRETARY Candidate: Jacinta Gulasekharam Another running unopposed, Jacinta talked about the need for VUWSA’s finances to be tightly managed, and the skills and experience she had for the role.

EDUCATION OFFICER Candidate: Ellen Humphries Unopposed, Ellen talked about the four different classes she has represented as well as her general interest in education.

WELLBEING AND SUSTAINABILITY OFFICER Candidate: Rory Lenihan-Ikin Unopposed, Rory said he would actively encourage the University to divest from fossil fuels.

Rory was asked, by former president Rory McCourt, how he would best represent Rorys.

Rory said he would represent all students, but would work hard to represent Rorys well.

engagement, Chennoah said it was not for her to speak for all groups, but she would listen. Quan said he had practical experience fighting for rights. When asked how they would engage, Quan said it should be “our plan”, not his plan.

Chennoah said she would attend meetings and facilitate.

CLUBS AND ACTIVITIES OFFICER Candidates: Rory McNamara, Theo Brown Rory spoke first, saying that university should be fun, and he wanted people to wear Vic colours with pride. Theo said that he wanted to bring back Faculty Games and improve O-Week, but could make no promises.

The two candidates were asked whether there were any problems setting up clubs. Neither were aware of any.

CAMPAIGNS OFFICER Candidates: Ibrahim Salih, Nathaniel Manning.

Ibrahim, a former cleaner at the University who has worked on the Living Wage campaign, spoke about his passion for the living wage and his engagement with campaigns in general. Nathaniel spoke about his experience on the executive of Young Labour.

Both candidates said they would support a living wage for VUWSA staff.

Stella Blake-Kelly asked the candidates whether they had experience beyond politics.

Nathaniel said his political campaigning experience gave him skills; Ibrahim said his motivation OTE! was not at all political, that heVwas E! would fight.

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SALIENT PROBES THE PRESIDENTIAL HOPEFULS

WHAT IS THE MAIN DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOU AS CANDIDATES? Rāwinia: My aim is to lead a VUWSA that will engage with the everyday student who doesn’t do anything at university except go to class. I speak the language of the everyday student. My role this year has been attending boards and committees. I’ve had the opportunity to engage with high levels of the University governance. I think I’m more firmly grounded in higher-level engagement with the University.

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at the University.

Rick: What have you done on those boards and committees?

Rāwinia: Heaps. It’s really Rick: It would be having the University really value students. unfortunate, because lots of my work has been hidden away Some of the approaches manin the Hunter Building. I sit agement take is that students on boards where I’m the only are a nuisance, and we need student representative on a to change that. That comes committee of 20 managers. It’s into our relationship with the DO YOU WANT TO TALK city as well. Also, continuing so tough to make gains with ABOUT THE POLITIVUWSA on the track that Rory students when you have a uniCAL COMMENTS JUST versity which doesn’t necessarily and Sonya have got us on in MADE? value students. I’ve spoken out the past few years, so we can be on the Social Policy major really relevant to students and Rāwinia: I’m really fortunate removal, I gave the longest financially stable. to have heaps of friends behind speech the Academic Board’s Rāwinia: I think Rick and I are me; we’ve been out flyering, ever seen. I’ve gained a lot of on the same page on where we making banners, chalking. respect and gravitas want to go. He’s right on the VOTE!from the Some of those people happen to money when he talks about VOTE! University in my role. There are OTE! be members of youth political E! VOTE! some membersVof having V a university and a WelOTE! V ! OTthe University OTEstudent E!whoVare T parties – not just one, several.

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ELECTION

the Māori Business major and on the future of Honours at Victoria.

VUWSA’S OFTEN CRITICISED FOR A LACK OF ENGAGEMENT WITH STUDENTS. HOW WOULD YOU IMPROVE THAT? Rick: It’s a fair criticism: VUWSA hasn’t done a great job over the past few years at engaging genuinely with our students.

I’m really keen to partner with the City Council to run a threeday festival in Kelburn Park to say: welcome to Wellington.

We started that this year with partnering with MAWSA for O-Week – it’s about building on that, and having more regular events as well, to build community. ‘Student engagement’ is often a buzzword; for me, it comes back to being in a place where the University values you.

has been working on that for months.

Rāwinia: He’s super-busy; I wouldn’t hope that it’s seen as political. In my presidency, I would love to build on the work Rick has done. I’d be totally committed to carrying on the great work in seeking Fairer Fares for students.

Rick: What’s really important is that we engage with students.

I’ve already started that conversation. As President, I already have those relationships, I have the institutional knowledge. I’ve been working on it this year; I want to get that done. It’s one thing to say you’ll do it; it’s another thing to show that you have done it.

Rāwinia: I was elected to VUWSA in my first year of uni, I knew nothing about the Uni; since then, I’ve built up my knowledge bank incredibly.

I’ve demonstrated I can pick up institutional knowledge in a short amount of time.

Rick: We have been on VUWSA for a similar amount of time. You’ve done a fantastic job of going along to board meetings and reading papers.

I’ve been to 8 am meetings every week with VUWSA, meetings which actually make documents.

Rāwinia: I agree that ‘student experience’ is a buzzword. Overwhelmingly, students say they haven’t engaged with VUWSA, [even] third- or fourth-year students. VUWSA should be running cool events, like O-Week at Otago. Also, not all students are here to have fun; we’ve got a diverse student body, we’ve got students who don’t necessarily SONYA CLARK HAS want the rah-rah good time ENDORSED RICK AS experience you think of. I’ve A CANDIDATE. HOW just come from a meeting with DO YOU FEEL ABOUT Deputy Mayor Justin Lester; we THAT? talked about how we can make VOTE! OTE!Rāwinia: She’s coming from a V Wellington city more friendly VOTE! TE! VOTE! for students.

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financially savvy, he’s got institutional knowledge, he’s tough.

I’d agree with that: Rick’s been a great colleague. I too can offer all of that, maybe she hasn’t seen that this year, because much of my work has been behind closed doors. Those aren’t the only things that are important in a president.

Do you have a take on it?

Rick: I’ve really appreciated Sonya’s support. It’s a privilege to have her support to continue the great work she’s been doing in getting VUWSA on track.

What Rāwinia keeps coming back to, about her work being hidden... she’s been frustrated that the Academic portfolio she has hasn’t been on the agenda.

It’s up to the Vice-President to make sure their stories are out there. I think it’s important that things like the academic audit get brought to the students.

That’s a crucial part of the Academic portfolio which hasn’t been brought to students this year.

supported us.

Rick: Last year, we set up committees where we can get input from student groups around the University. It’s really important we take that further: that’s why I’ve advocated for things like the budget simulator. When we ran our Save the 18 Bus campaign, I set up a website and we got a few hundred submissions in a couple of days, we were able to take that to the Wellington City Council and that gave us a really good mandate. We had a 300-page submission because of that. Now the Wellington City Council consults directly with us because they see we have that mandate. On some other issues, we don’t do such a good job at engaging everyday students; we need to improve that.

WHAT ARE CONCRETE THINGS YOU WOULD DO AS A PRESIDENT TO IMPROVE VUWSA’S RELATIONSHIP WITH THE UNIVERSITY?

Rick: I’ve been in contract negotiations with the University over our funding agreement.

It was really important I paid attention to detail so that VUWSA stayed an independent student association while maintaining a good relationship with the University. We need to Rāwinia: That comes back to continue with the debate Sonya what I’ve been saying about has built up; have their respect, VOTE! engaging with the everyday TE! truth to power. but still Ospeak V TE! VOstudent student. The everyday Rāwinia: We have to work with VOTE! VOT !

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editor@salient.org.nz

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15

VOTE!

Politics

Ramblings of a Fallen Hack

By Jade D’Hack

ell, this is awkward.

Our one chance for a conversation, but we can’t find anything to say. Our university is failing us, but we’re just standing there, shuffling about on the balls of our feet, mumbling something about needing a place to have a nap. VUWSA’s elections should debate the future of higher education. But we care only about the future of the presidential office.

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Rick and Rāwinia are products of a managerial malaise that’s set our political system to sleep.

The ideology of our time is that ideology is wrong; that our institutions don’t need good ideas but only good administration.

Radical change belongs in the books of historians, not in the

offices of the Beehive or the SUB. But it wasn’t always like this.

Between 2005 and 2009, VUWSA was shamelessly partisan, contested between the Workers’ Party and the Labour Party. According to an Executive member of the time, “the Workers’ Party saw students as being part of the underclass ... they would point towards how, in revolutionary socialist movements, students played a large part in effecting change. The Labour Party had a more narrow view of VUWSA’s role being the advocacy of student interest.” Yes, those years were dominated by incompetence and corruption. But at least VUWSA elections could ask questions that matter.

Now look at us. When Sophie interviewed them last week, Rick and Rāwinia couldn’t tell her what they disagreed about (see page 14). The answer is that they don’t disagree about anything. They both believe VUWSA should encourage incremental change while providing students with what services they can. They both believe in a somewhat-subsidised somewhat-accessible education.

Attendees of last week’s debate will tell you it felt more like a job interview, both candidates emphasising their past much more than their future. Sonya – the current president – asked the candidates what they considered their biggest weakness. Apparently, Rick pays too much attention to detail. Apparently, Rāwinia cares too much about students. In the absence of ideas, we’re forced to debate competence. And so the candidates stand for nothing but themselves.

Both of the candidates are members of centre-left political parties, both are immersed in the young political scene. So I guess I’m not surprised that the professionalism fetish has been carried into the VUWSA election.

But this is student politics. You don’t have to be Joel Cosgrove to entertain some radical ideas. For fuck’s sake, you’re just running for a student’s association. You don’t need a Community Outreach Liaison and you don’t need a professional designer. What you need is an ideology.

“When Sophie interviewed them last week, Rick and Rāwinia couldn’t tell her what they disagreed about (see page 14). The answer is that they don’t disagree about anything.

They both believe VUWSA should encourage incremental change while providing students with what services they can. They both believe in a somewhat-subsidised somewhat-accessible education.”

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The Food Issue

Political Tidbits

By Jordan McCluskey Quote of the Week “Exposing dirty politics is an essential step in allowing reasonable people to understand and choose other approaches. There is no need to follow those who are least principled down into the pit.”

— From the preface of Nicky Hager’s new book, Dirty Politics Top 5 Times NZ Politics Got Grubby 1. When Robert Muldoon outed Mangere MP Colin Moyle as gay during a parliamentary debate.

2. Taito Phillip Field getting his property in Samoa improved by Thai slave labour.

3. When The Truth newspaper outed Marilyn Waring MP as a lesbian.

4. Shane Jones charging porn to his ministerial credit card.

5. ACT MP David Garrett stealing a dead baby’s identity to get a fake passport.

Countdown

33 days As of Monday 18 August 2014, there are 33 days until the election.

Sex

The Bone Zone With Cupie Hoodwink hether you’re eating out or eating dick, oral sex is an absolute staple when it comes to the smorgasbord of sexual goodies.

Despite this, for far too many people, giving head is also the source of a great deal of anxiety, confusion, and misguided disgust. In theory, this reaction seems pretty natural – it’s a pretty weird thing to be putting in your mouth, after all. In reality, however, going down can be the source of the most mind-blowing orgasms (especially for those of us with vaginas, who may find it harder to climax during sex).

My first attempt at a blow job was awkward, nerve-wracking, and ended abruptly when I encountered an infinitesimal drop of pre-cum and yelled, “You just came on my face!”

A book-smart overachiever, I was not to be deterred, and studiously consulted Vice’s Guide to Giving Head for tips on how to ace sucking dick. A week and numerous practices on my Pritt glue-stick later, I gave my very first (proper) blow job, under the cloak of darkness of my thenboyfriend’s coat, in the park at the end of my street.

While I’ll always be thankful to VICE for teaching me the basics, through years of practice in giving and receiving head – both good and bad – I’ve since added a thing or two to the repertoire. Just in time for the Food issue, it’s Cupie Hoodwink’s Guide to Oral Sex.

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How to Eat a Bag of Dicks: So long as you’re not screaming at the sight of a bit of pre-cum, it’s hard to go wrong when it comes to blow jobs. Use one hand to work the shaft (and if it’s uncircumcised, hold the foreskin in place) while your mouth follows your hand up and down, and you’re away laughing.

After all, a penis that finds itself in a warm, wet environment is a happy one, and while being able to provide that alone will make for a great blow job, there are a few simple ways to turn eating dick into fine dining.

Getting creative with your mouth, lips and tongue not only spices up your oral, but also gives you a chance to rest your jaw as well. Once the D’s wet enough, take your mouth off completely, make a tight hole with your lips, and then slowly push it back down over el dicko. Alternatively, use your tongue to lick the tip, glans, or just up and down all over the shaft like it’s a goddamn Fruju.

While one hand’s helping your mouth to work the shaft, use your other to maximise pleasure elsewhere. The balls are a much-overlooked resource, and cupping, stroking or tickling the balls is sure to complement the hard work your mouth’s doing.

If you’re game for it, licking the balls or, better yet, sucking an entire one inside your mouth while giving a hand job is sure to

be received well.

Finally, when you seem to be on the home stretch to orgasm, pull out all the stops: twist your hand around the shaft as you work up and down, and push on the base of the penis – or the ‘gooch’ – with your thumb as you cup the balls in your hand. This will apply pressure to the male G-spot, the prostate, which is a one-way ticket to jizz town.

How to be a Cunning Linguist: In the timeless debate – is it easier to give a blow job or eat pussy – the difficulty of finding the ‘target’ when it comes to cunniligus is frequently espoused by those on Team BJ. While my response to those people would be, “Have you ever experienced the pain of dick jaw?”, I will admit that the clitoris is a little more elusive than a dick and balls. To this end, using one hand to hold apart the lips will hugely improve accessibility for your oral search party. When aroused, blood flows to the clit, making it hard – which should help you locate it among the other, softer flesh.

Being a highly sensitive ball of nerve endings, the clitoris responds extremely well to any contact with a large, warm, wet tongue. This means that, once you’ve found it, half the work is done for you. What you do from here on in will depend on what she responds to best, how sore your tongue is, and how far away an orgasm seems to be. For instance, you may want to start off with some long slow licks, flattening your tongue so it covers the whole area, before getting down to business on the clit with the very tip of your tongue.

As with blow jobs, being able to competently connect your mouth with their genitalia is going to get you a solid B, but if you want to be hitting those A-grades you’re going to need to work a little harder. A great way to capitalise on the good work of your tongue is to use your fingers to stimulate her from the inside as

well. Making a gentle beckoning motion with your finger(s) towards the front of the vagina (as in, towards the area where your tongue is currently doing its darndest) will ensure you get the most fingerbang for your buck – this is the G-spot, and working that while simultaneously licking the clit is a tried-and-true recipe for climax. Other extra-forexperts options include: reaching up for a cheeky nipple tweak, rubbing your hands all over her breasts and stomach, grabbing her buttocks, or even giving her butt a little stroke if she’s down with that.

Bon appetit, Cupie xx.

Quickie of the Week: By accident I found out that nipple stimulation makes me climax. This is done through very hard pinching, rubbing, biting. Afterwards I really regret it (not the orgasm) as the skin on my nipples cracks, having a shower is HELL and hurts a lot.

After this the skin peels. Is this a normal reaction?

Good work on discovering exactly what it is that makes you tick! While cracked nipples sound like no fun, don’t worry – this is a perfectly normal reaction, and one that is easily fixed! Nips, just like lips, are sensitive to weather and friction, and will dry out, crack and peel if not given an appropriate amount of TLC. (For a graphic demonstration of this, Google Image search: “marathon men with bleeding nipples”.)

Fortunately, as with chapped lips, there’s an easy cure for your chapped nips, too. Applying something like Lucas’ Papaw Ointment (seriously, is there anything that magic goo can’t do?) or Vaseline beforehand will reduce friction, and whacking on some antiseptic cream and/or moisturiser every so often won’t go amiss either. And if all of that doesn’t make a difference, why not have a chat to one of the lovely doctors at Student Health?

They’ll ensure you’re back on your way to nippy nirvana in no time at all xx editor@salient.org.nz

17

Sport

tournament with a dazzling display of shot-making down the closing stretch.

Sports Banter Rory You Are Too Damn Good

by Ollie Ritchie

hen Rory McIlroy won his fourth major, his W second-consecutive one, last Monday morning, the world stood up and appreciated this guy for the outstanding golfer he is.

Golf is not something I tend to write too much about, nor do I stay up late at night watching consecutive rounds of it on mySky. However, when the final round of the PGA Championship teed off

Top 5

One-Hit Wonders

on Monday morning, I was glued to my TV. Everyone expecting/hoping Rory would claim his second-consecutive major tournament, it was the late charge of youngster Rickie Fowler and old-timer Phil Mickelson that really put golfing fans on the edge of their seats.

Blackburn Rovers: Football.

When Blackburn captured the 1994–95 Premier League crown, thanks in large part to the strike duo of Alan Shearer and Chris Sutton, they ended an 81-year wait to hoist England’s top-flight club trophy. Blackburn were relegated to the Championship at the end of the 2011–12 season, and currently sit ninth in the table. Form is very difficult to replicate.

saying Jeremy Lin isn’t going to have a sound career by the time he hangs up his kicks, but if anyone thinks he’s going to match that storied February he had for the Knicks in 2012, think again.

Dropping 38 on the Lake show, The Food Issue

His ability to blow away fields, as he did in winning the 2011 US Open and the 2012 PGA Championship by eight shots apiece, or to conjure something extra-special when needed, as he did on the back nine at Valhalla, marked him out as a great.

A spectacular eagle at the parfive 10th, followed by birdies at

While Tiger Woods ended a disappointing week at Valhalla Golf Club by missing the cut at a major for only the fourth time as a professional, McIlroy won his third-consecutive

Jeremy Lin: Basketball. I’m not

18

The Northern Irishman overcame a scrappy start to triumph by one stroke after a final-round shootout on a rainsoftened layout ended in near darkness, and the superlatives were once again being heaped upon the 25-year-old from Holywood.

the 13th and 17th, secured him his third major crown in his last nine starts and left his defeated rivals purring in admiration.

This must now surely see the days of Tiger Woods gone. I have no doubt that Tiger will certainly feature heavily in tournaments over the next few years, but it is now the Rory McIlroy show, and he is certainly grabbing it with both hands.

McIlroy is the one leading the pack, and everyone else is chasing him. Maybe dropping Danish tennis star Caroline Wozniacki was the perfect move from McIlroy, as he has been in career-best form ever since their split. And I’m sure along with this form and the cool $5 million he’s pocketed over the last couple of weeks, meeting ladies will be no issue at all.

throwing it down on the Wizards, Lin could do no wrong. There is no doubt the world is a better place for having experienced ‘Linsanity’, but we may want to hold off on scheduling the world book tour.

England national football team: Considering the country

invented the sport, we’d expect England’s World Cup pedigree to be slightly more impressive.

The Three Lions captured their sole World Cup title as the hosts in 1966, and the closest they’ve come to tasting glory since was when they reached the semis in 1990.

Buster Douglas: Boxing. Buster

Douglas literally turned the

world on its head by handing “Iron” Mike Tyson the first loss of his professional career. Tyson was not just the best in his class at the time of the fight, but was already considered one of the best champions in heavyweight history due to the way he dominated the division.

Michael Campbell: Golf. I

couldn’t not chuck a Kiwi in here: Campbell epitomised the term ‘one-hit wonder’ when he took out the prestigious US Open in 2005. From here, everyone thought golf in New Zealand would be on the rise. We’re getting there with Lydia Ko, but I suppose we can all still appreciate Michael Campbell’s heroics at Pinehurst in 2005.

Q: How do you make a hamburger smile?

A: Pickle it gently!

An Interview with

T H E B R E S O L I N B R OT H E R S Last week, Duncan and Cam sat down with a couple of young kings of the Wellington food scene. The Bresolin brothers, Leonardo (N) and Lorenzo (L), are the owners of Scopa, Duke Carvell’s, Tommy Millions, Crazy Horse Steak House and Gentlemen’s Beans Coffee. Their dad ran the iconic Wellington restaurant Il Casino, and ever since, they have been driven to bring amazing food to Wellingtonians. The brothers became NZ celebs after they judged The Great Food Race on TV earlier this year. They are currently working on a new place called The Bresolin. They are intimidatingly cool: Lorenzo is famous for having the most impressive moustache in Wellington. Leonardo wore shneans before it was cool. We chatted over coffee at Scopa about their life in and around food.

Let’s start off with a classic: what’s your favourite food?

L: A pretty solid go-to would be some kind of midnight pasta.

Whatever sort of fridge-surprises you can dig out. I’m a massive fan of leftovers. I pretty much cook meals to plan at least two or three other meals out of the one you are having at that time.

N: Favourite is pretty hard.

Tuesday to Friday night, we kind of work all day and all night, so you are kind of eating around town and we have our favourite spots. We might go and hit sushi once a week here, go get a phở or go to Penang.

N: The weekends and Monday nights, those are three nights that I am home. And usually, on one of those nights, there might be a chicken dish, which is something that has been in our family tradition. Our father always…

L: The week didn’t end or start until the chicken had been eaten.

N: He would always have a roast chicken on a Sunday, and if he wasn’t around on a Sunday night to have a roast chicken we would have it on a Monday. So there is always chicken. Otherwise, for us, Asian. My partner loves Asian.

Rice and noodles and fresh veges.

Let’s talk about your Italian heritage. Venice, is that right?

N: Our father came from just outside Venice, a small town: Portogruaro. He spent a few years in Venice. He came here when he was like 20-something.

L: Yeah, like 23. He did some pizzerias before [Il Casino].

First pizzeria in the country in Auckland with some old mate.

And then he came down to Wellington and opened up a couple of little pizzerias, one called La Casa Pizza. Anyone who is at least over 50 will remember the first pizza joint and the crazy Italians who were running it. And

that was our father and our uncle.

They showed Kiwis that cheese on toast could be a little bit more exotic. And later went on to do Il Casino with our mother.

N: She had the first espresso machine, and so she used to chase the old man at the markets and try and get him to come in and show her how to use the machine.

What did you guys do after high school?

N: I went to Wellington College.

He went to Onslow. All my mates were going to uni and I didn’t really want to go to uni because I didn’t know what to study. But I worked part-time, weekends and holidays for my old man. He was really keen for me to do something though: to have some sort of university education. I went to Switzerland and studied Hotel Management editor@salient.org.nz

19

I was surprised when my psychic friend complimented me on the way I had cooked his steak. “Well done” is rare from a medium.

It’s not a career, it’s a lifestyle. It’s a legacy and it’s our life. It’s not like a job where we show up and clock in at 11. for three years.

L: We got to have a big adventure and drop him off. I was only 16, and then I came back to NZ and that was my first taste of Europe, and I went back and I wasn’t excited about school anymore. I was just hellbent on saving some pennies and getting back overseas. Then I went over for his graduation and we had a great little adventure around Europe. I stayed and worked in the same pizzeria that my father worked at in Venice, 30 years later. And then I came home after the summer and we were back in Welly doing it together.

What’s that like? You guys are brothers, do you always get along?

N: Yeah, we hated each other growing up. We used to try and kill each other. Seriously: our stepmum used to watch us while our dad’s at work and she would actually ring our dad and be like: “Shit, these guys are actually going to kill each other.”

L: He collected a lot of antique weaponry, so there was always a sword or a musket on hand.

N: Yeah, and then we had some time apart and then picked up and travelled. By the time he came back we got on really well.

L: We had never really worked together yet, and that’s why we had those great few years.

There were massive plans for the development of Il Casino. It was no longer earthquake-safe. Pop 20

The Food Issue

decided to strip it back and fix it up and we got this site [Scopa] as a bit of a project to keep us busy and retain a lot of the long-term staff. I got the opportunity to come back to Cuba St, which I loved. We took this on. It was the first time we had really worked together.

N: The whole idea was that Dad just wanted cash flow to help support the other place. We thought we would just do pizzas and paninis and pasta. It would be real simple. I mean, fuck: we didn’t even have a cash register.

And then this place just took off.

So when did Scopa open?

N: 2006. It just went from strength to strength.

L: The first couple of years, it was just rock’n’roll. We were turning away more people than we could serve. We wanted to find something else. That was when the opportunity came up on the corner where the Duke’s site is. It was great. We wanted to do some kind of tapas, for lack of a better name. It was almost the holding pen for Scopa. We were just sending them there for a drink.

N: Yeah, I was ringing him. It was like a walkie-talkie system.

L: “Big guy, orange afro, yeah yeah yeah he’s coming around.

Okey dokey smokey.”

You are kind of telling a story. Where did the idea for Duke’s come from?

Who is Duke Carvell?

L: Woah. He is sort of like a Don Juan or Don Quixote, kind of a mythological character, but had like a hedonistic lifestyle.

He loved to eat and drink and party all round the world. It was a great fantastical tale that we thought we could adopt really well. It gives us a lot of cuisines to draw from. Sort of like the host with the most. We thickened up the mythological tale around the Duke and have rebirthed him into this celebration of his life.

Is he the guy on the door?

L: That’s our father. But one could speculate. The theory is that you will never know the Duke while he is alive. It is sort like a piratical title that gets passed once you have had your fun. You have consumed your plunder and have got your bounty and your booty. And then you will sort of hand the title down the line. So no one really knows where the Duke is now.

And so after Duke’s came Crazy Horse?

N: Duke’s was two years after Scopa, and then Crazy Horse was only like a year later.

L: We took on the existing Crazy Horse. The steakhouse is a pretty classic business. The head chef there we were good mates with, and we knew the place really well.

Where does all your drive come from?

L: It’s not a career, it’s a lifestyle.

It’s a legacy and it’s our life. It’s not like a job where we show up and clock in at 11.

N: It just doesn’t stop as well. It’s working every day, every night.

L: Phone rings at 2 in the morning because our kitchen is on fire. A pigeon has come in. Some drunk dude has come through the window. Pipe burst in the roof. She can’t show up. You are perpetually troubleshooting. It’s your life.

What is the most difficult about it?

N: Finding enough time to do everything. There is so much on the go, and it’s about getting one thing done and moving onto the next. There’s so much going on.

Sometimes you don’t even know where you are at.

“The first couple of years, it was just rock’n’roll. We were turning away more people than we could serve. We wanted to find something else. That was when the opportunity came up on the corner where the Duke’s site is. It was great. We wanted to do some kind of tapas, for lack of a better name. It was almost the holding pen for Scopa.”

Feature

Q: What’s the difference between a pizza and my pizza jokes?

A: My pizza jokes can’t be topped!

it called?

What’s the Wellington food community like?

L: Restaurants work well in clusters.

N: They kind of feed off each other as well. We all get along.

L: Wellington has such a small gene pool, it keeps the quality quite high. If you are a bit average, you won’t be able to be around for very long.

But once you have made it, business is good?

L: Well, it can take years to establish. They might not be making anything off the business.

It might be just surviving.

What’s it been like working with Council?

L: It’s bollocks, mate. It’s archaic. Especially when Kerry [Prendergast] was in power: she was all for this European city, and wanting dining on the street even though there is only a few days a year where that is viable. But they really do govern us with tight legislation. The way the rules are written, you are not allowed to ever be drunk anywhere. You are not allowed to have enough glasses of wine. You are not even allowed to develop the suburbs.

Wouldn’t it be great to have a neighbourhood bar or pub?

Let’s talk about your new place. What’s

L: It is called the Bresolin. It’s that local joint. It’s got a big 60-seater courtyard space and a big open fire. We are going to do Sunday beast feasts, where we will be roasting lambs and pigs. We will do a colab with local breweries and release a beer for a day. We have a little bar space downstairs that will be about 20-odd.

N: Then you have the upstairs, which is the dining room of the place. You can choose to dine depending on the environment you want to be in. The idea is that all year round, you can be outside. And if you want to be in a dining environment, we have the upstairs. The food side of it: we are taking bits and bobs of what we like and what we do well. We are taking the steak element from Crazy Horse with a nice wood-fired grill, but there are big plates and lots of sharing dishes. We are going to have some burgers and fried chicken.

L: Really accessible: for the students, for the neighbourhood, for everyone.

N: And a low price point as well.

We want to keep it affordable to service everyone: high end, low end.

L: You also see a lot more of these casual offerings starting up, but they are not necessarily at a casual price point. Oh, you can go out for a

“Very few business partnerships the world over actually work out. You might be great mates, and it might be a really expensive loss of a friendship over a few months. If you have got a like-minded idea and a different skill set. What do they say? The sum of the parts is greater than the whole. Or the other way round.

Synergy, baby.” really expensive burger now.

When’s the opening date?

L: Late October.

What other things in the future? Have you got a longer-term plan? When do you want to retire?

L: I dunno, man.

N: Yeah, I just turned 34.

L: I’m on KiwiSaver alright. I’m going to be sorted. I’ve just got to make it there.

If you are young and wanting to start up something in food, what advice would you give?

L: It is really hard to do it on your own. Very few business partnerships the world over actually work out. You might be great mates, and it might be a really expensive loss of a friendship over a few months.

If you have got a like-minded idea and a different skill set. What do they say?

The sum of the parts is greater than the whole. Or the other way round. Synergy, baby.

N: Finding different people with different skills. You each bring something to it.

If you weren’t doing this what would you be doing?

N: Trade. I don’t know, maybe a trade. Before I went and studied Hotel Management, I was keen on going to teaching college.

I liked kids and working with kids. But now, if I look back at it, I would like to be some sort of builder.

L: I have always loved making things and creating in any sense of the word. I like to draw and paint and sing and dance and build things. I really liked the idea of buying a ute and becoming a builder when I was in high school, and I did shop class all the way through and that was really cool, but I wasn’t very diligent with the whole “measure twice, cut once”, so I didn’t think that was going to work. It would probably be in some sort of area of creativity or performance.

Anything else you would like to tell students?

L: Stay in school.

editor@salient.org.nz

21

Feature

48

22

The Food Issue

the body issue

What happened after the explosion at a French cheese factory?

All that was left was de brie.

SPEC IA PULL L OUT!

WELLINGTON PLATE ON A

In this week’s Salient, we wanted to showcase all the amazing food and drink that Wellington has to offer. It’s kind of like Wellington On a Plate but without the $200 degustation-menu price tag. So here is some free shit.

CHOW

Garage Project

Nikau

Next door to Burger King on Tory St

On Aro St next to the Aro Valley Park

In the City Art Gallery, Civic Square

Chow offers dishes with clean, crisp and fresh flavours combined with the best ingredients and skill to create a unique dining experience. Chow’s beverage list is designed around the flavours that come from our kitchen, with fun, fresh and frivolous cocktails on the menu.

Garage Project is a small brewery, located in an old petrol station in Wellington, New Zealand. It’s an unlikely place for a brewery, but our aim in the Garage is to create unique and beautiful beers. We like pushing boundaries, reinterpreting styles and challenging the notions of what beer can be. We’re here to try something new.

Just like you.

Nikau has been serving fresh seasonal produce since 1998. Tucked in next to the City Art Gallery, it sells beautiful food and drink focussing on using local produce.

Here are five reasons that must make you stop what you are doing and go to Nikau RIGHT NOW: a. Sage Fried Eggs for breakfast, that you can and should get with housemade Kimchi and Black Pudding. b. Rhubarb, Fennel and Grapefruit sodas that Kelda makes in the kitchen downstairs, which are not all sickly sweet like too many sodas can be. c. Fresh baking (made below where you eat), like Lime Curd Donuts and Carrot Cake (with the right ratio of icing to cake) d. Paul and Kelda, the owners who are so lovely and nice and smiling and friendly. e. The lunch menu, which has yum things like homemade pasta with duck ragu and buttermilk fried chicken.

DISCLAIMER: Duncan works at Nikau.

Free Vege Rice Paper Rolls OR Blue Cheese Wontons with any other purchase

FREE

!

valid from 19/08/14 – 31/08/14 - Must be redeemed when making a purchase of other item - One voucher per person, per visit - Not available Monday 25 August with 2-for-1 food deal

Win dinner for 8 at Chow. Like and share OUR FACEBOOK post to go in the drAW

WIN!

Competition runs until Friday 23 August, 5 pm Like and share the post at www.facebook.com/salientmagazine

WIN! WIN A GARAGE PROJECT TOUR & TASTING for 8 Send us a photo of you enjoying some Garage Project to go into the draw - the most creative shot will win a tour and tasting at the brewery for you and 7 frieNDS! Email your photo to info@garageproject.co.nz. Entrants must be 18+. The competition will run until 23 August.

!

WIN

win a special Nikau lunch for two.

A famous Nikau Kedgeree and a Kelda-made soda for two Send Salient an email with the name of the person you would take with you, to go in the draw Valid until Christmas. The competition ends Friday, 22 August.

editor@salient.org.nz

23

The Ramen Shop 194 Riddiford St, Newtown

The brainchild of Asher Boote and business partner Tsubasa Takahashi, The Ramen Shop popped up for business in May 2013. It is, according to Asher, “A ramen joint with a Kiwi twist…”. The menu has been written based on what both Asher and Tsubasa would want to eat in a ramen shop, rather than what they would find in ramen shops. It will be constantly evolving – the menu will feature the pop-up favourites, but with changes made to reflect seasonal availability. It will focus on quality instead of consistency of the same ingredients and flavours.

DEAL!

$10 Ramen:

Get The Bowl, Vego Bowl or Chicken Miso and Winter Greens bowl. One bowl per voucher.

Karma Cola Right next to the Wellington Chocolate Factory on the Eva St lane that connects Dixon and Ghuznee.

They are sold at most stores in Wellington, including Vic Books!

Fairtrade International has named All Good Organics as the world’s ‘fairest trader’. Kiwi-owned and -operated, All Good are known in New Zealand for Fairtrade Bananas helping small banana farmers in Ecuador and Samoa, and more recently with Karma Cola, a drink that is helping people in Sierra Leone rebuild their lives in the aftermath of war.

PRIZE!

To be in to win a box of Karma Cola and a Karma Cola T-shirt Send an email to Salient telling us your favourite drink of the All Good range! We have three sets to give away.

FOOD NINJA Woei Siang and I started Food Ninja last September when we realised the food options in Kelburn are really limited. As a Vic student, it is really hard/troublesome for us to get down to the CBD to get the food/lunch we want, given that we have only short breaks in between classes. That’s where we came up with the idea: why don’t we help people to order the food from the city and deliver it to them at Vic? The best part about Food Ninja is that some of the popular restaurants (like KK restaurants, Aroy Thai Express) are FREE DELIVERY. And we are adding new restaurants from time to time. For example, since just last week, we have Starbucks and McDonald’s available from our menu, and we have tons of happy students and staff =) More restaurants will be joining us in the near future. https://www.facebook.com/foodninjavictoria

two manual pasta machines. House of Dumplings has been a regular at Beervana, various public events and festivals, and continues to make regular appearances at local weekend markets.

Add to that an increasing customer demand for a dedicated dumpling shop in Wellington, and House of Dumplings decided to move into 117 Taranaki St in December 2013.

CHEAP!

$16 meal pack:

FIve dumplings, scoop of rice AND one salad

Ekim Burgers Corner of Cuba and Webb St (opposite Southern Cross)

FREE DELIVERY!

FREE DELIVERY to ALL restaurants including McDonald’s, Starbucks, and more, to all Salient readers. All they need to do is to cut out the voucher created by Salient and present it to us when they collect their food, and we’ll waive their delivery fees.

House of Dumplings Opposite Briscoes, 117 Taranaki St, Wellingto

Started by Vicky Ha AKA The Dumpling Queen, House of Dumplings began life at a local artisan food market in April 2012. You could say that Vicky Ha has come a long way – since graduating from Otago University with a degree in Food Science and Marketing, Vicky has made bagels, sold blinds, worked as a lifeguard and started a marketing and BAXI (pedicab) business. After a bit of time as a chef with the Compass Group, Vicky was finally financially able to start her own dumpling business. In the early days, Vicky started making her handcrafted dumplings with only

Ekim (named after the owner Mike, but backwards) started in April 2011 by the beach in Lyall Bay. According to Mike: “It was a thing that just happened”. Mike made burgers that catered for the surfers, stoners and tradesmen that walked by. Since then, it has grown, and now has 14 staff and sells 400–700 burgers a day. When asked what the secret is, Mike shrugs. “It’s the realness.”

“There’s a lot of bullshit in today’s society.

A lot of people can’t see through it but a lot can.” Mike “keeps shit a bit real”, and that’s what keeps people coming back. The plan is to build another caravan. One that he can drive around and take to the beaches or the Uni in the evenings while still keeping the Cuba spot as the home. Ekim make fucking great burgers.

FREE!

Free chips for students when they spend $10.

This is valid on Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday between 3 and 6 if you take this voucher along to Ekim!

Six Barrel Soda On the corner of Eva and Dixon, but sold at most places around Wellington, including Vic Books.

Six Barrel Soda is an independent company producing weird, wonderful, handmade, all-natural soft drinks in Wellington. We have been making New Zealand’s best soda syrups since 2012, and we are excited to release a ready-to-drink soda range.

We’re starting out with three flavours: crowd favourite Raspberry & Lemon, up-andcomer Celery Tonic, and the dark horse, spice-monster Sarsaparilla.

WIN!

Win a six-pack of Six Barrel Soda.

VIC BOOKS Vic Books Café makes the best damn coffee in Wellington; that’s because we love it, and because we use the best raw ingredients.

Peoples Coffee, our partners from the getgo, are a socially conscious business based in Newtown, Wellington, that roasts and supplies 100% Fairtrade and organic coffee.

We are also grateful to Zany Zeus in Moera for their wonderful organic milk, and to Trade Aid for the Fairtrade organic cane sugar. We make most of our café food in house using good fresh ingredients.

We’re local and are committed to supporting local businesses. Please visit Vic Books during Food week and ‘keep it local’.

GREAT DEAL!

Eva St (connecting Ghuznee with Dixon)

Our chocolate story starts with meeting the farmers and bringing highest-quality singleorigin beans into our factory from across the globe. There we roast, crack, winnow, conch and temper – you can watch us do it! – producing batches of strong, luscious organic chocolate. Legendary New Zealand artists add their own dash of inspiration, infusing our wrappers with original designs.

Every bar has a story to tell.

You’re always welcome to stop by: our hot chocolates are diabolical, and we love making connections with people.

YUM!

Keep a look out this Wednesday for the Salient Chocolate Hunt at the Kelburn Campus’.

Their ethos is concentrated around specialty coffee. They aim to provide Wellington access to some of the world’s best freshly roasted coffees to drink in store or take home to enjoy.

!

GIVEAWAY Check out the Salient Facebook page to see our giveaway with Customs

There are two prize packs of A Hario Slim hand grinder, Gold filter brewer, Coffee Supreme dinner mug, and a bag of fresh coffee.

Two ways to win.

1. Sign up to the Customs newsletter and follow them on Instagram. Sign up online or in store.

2. Sign up to the newsletter and share the post on Facebook.

LBQ

send an email to Salient saying where your favourite place is that serves Six Barrel to go in the draw!

Wellington Chocolate Factory

a filter coffee or espresso made for you, or chat with them about coffee and brew equipment for home, studio or office.

Coffee and Cake for $8 Visit Vic Books this week for a regular coffee and a slice of our ‘Wellington in a Cake’ Espresso, Chocolate Layer Cake with Peanut Butter Frosting for $8. (Featuring Peoples Coffee, Wellington Chocolate Factory and Fix and Fogg peanut buttER)

Behind Good as Gold, opposite Meow.

Little Beer Quarter is Wellington’s beer-geek heaven, tucked away in the Edward St Precinct. With 14 rotating taps, 2 handpulls and over 100 beers in the fridge, LBQ pours the best of the best from NZ’s craft-beer scene, great international beer, craft cider and New Zealand wines. They also do amazing pizzas, and pork scratching which is so good.

BEER!

*Subject to availability, we can’t promise we won’t run out!

Offer valid for the week 18–22 Aug, 2014.

Coffee Supreme On Ghuznee St, just down the road from Scopa

Customs opened in January 2010 and was the first of a new breed of coffee shops with a focus on single-origin coffees and filter preparation as a standard offering.

Coffee Supreme is largely a wholesale business, and they wanted to expand the retail side of the business. Customs allowed them to showcase the quality and range of coffees they are able to bring to the country, all in a beautiful setting. Customs is their Wellington flagship and key brand ambassador showcasing what Coffee Supreme has to offer. You can go and enjoy

Take this voucher into LBQ this week and

get a jug of Tuatara APA for $16.

Offer ends 23 August.

Hunter Lounge

Y A D Y R E V E !

S L A DE

The Hunter Lounge has changed its food offering in the four years that we have been operating at Vic. This year, we added in three new food cabinets to our counter.

One heated, one chilled, and an ambient cabinet. Having these allows us to offer a broad range of café counter food. Noodle soups and Thai Chicken Sausage Rolls are two of the new items that we can offer.

At the same time, we streamlined our kitchen offering to a pizza menu as well as fries, curly fries and wedges. The pizzas are fully produced on site and have been very popular both in the day and to share with drinks in the evenings. We love food at THL and are always keen to hear your feedback. PS we sell beer!

FREE!

Free bowl of crinkle cut fries with any super jug Valid Monday 18 to Friday 22 August *Limit to the first 150 redeemed

MONDAY • • •

•

Fix and Fogg Fix and Fogg produce small batches of seriously delicious peanut butter by hand from freshly roasted peanuts. They slowly grind the peanuts then mill the crunchy pieces, and blend by hand. It’s a slow process but they wouldn’t have it any other way.

They make two types of peanut butter – Super Crunchy and Smooth – and you can buy jars straight from their nut-buttery window, which is tucked away under the Hannah’s Building just off Eva St. www.fixandfogg.co.nz

DEAL!

Get Fix and Fogg Peanut Butter for $6.90 when you buy from their shop. Available throughout August with this voucher.

Fix and Fogg

26

The Food Issue

TUESDAY •

• •

• • •

•

F&F

2-for-1 food at Chow.

2-for-1 steaks at Crazy Horse the Steak House.

Mao’s Moa Monday at Dragonfly. A glass of Moa tap beer and dumplings for $15.

2-for-1 stonegrills at Southern Cross. Cook your meat or veggies yourself at your table on a 400 degree celsius volcanic rock (but actually). No bookings between 3-7 pm.

Taco Tuesday at Tequila Joe’s, with all-youcan-eat tacos and baja fries.

2-for-1 desserts at The Library.

2-for-1 stonegrills at Southern Cross. No bookings between 3-7 pm.

2-for-1 cocktails at Dragonfly.

2-for-1 cocktails at The Black Sparrow.

2-for-1 main meals and pizza at Little Beer Quarter for both lunch and dinner.

Burgers and cocktails are all $10 at Monterey.

WEDNESDAY • • •

2-for-1 cocktails at The Library.

2-for-1 cocktails at Chow.

Suzie Wong’s Wine Wednesday at Dragonfly. Get a glass of mystery wine and crispy chicken for $15.

THURSDAY •

2-for-1 cocktails at Bettys.

FRIDAY •

•

Fish-and-chip Friday at The Tasting Room. Beerbattered fish ‘n’ chips with a beer or wine for $20.

Mishmosh has $5 house beer, wine and spirits from 4-7 pm.

SATURDAY • •

2-for-1 cocktails at Chow.

Wagyu wonder burger and a tap beer for $20 from 10 am - 6 pm at The Tasting Room.

SUNDAY •

A traditional Sunday roast with all the trimmings and a fizzy drink, for $18 at Southern Cross.

Feature

Wilson Cain is a 21-year-old Wellingtonian who runs Whitecaps along with his brother Jo, and soon with the help of Rhys Stannard. Whitecaps is a part-time restaurant based out of the Evans Bay

think it’s a nice novelty. It’s a relaxed atmosphere.

Yacht and Motor Boat Club, serving “pub food on crack”, predominantly to members of the Club.

The third in his generation to get involved in the restaurant business, Cain talked to Eve Kennedy

So is that your business ethos?

about the business, his plans, and advice for those (like Eve) who are tempted to drop out and

Fostering a community spirit

follow their foodie dream.

and enjoying the atmosphere?

Y

ou’re into yachting and boating; is that how you got into this

When my boat was out of the water and I was coming in and out of the club, I noticed there was a sign saying that meals on Friday nights would be discontinued until further notice, and I didn’t even know that there had been meals happening here. It’s been quite hard before now to advertise to the public because of licensing; we have a special liquor licence, you can come as a guest to the Club if you’re signed in by a member, but the Club are bringing in a social membership. [the Club]?

my Dad went on to have four restaurants. I never made it my plan for this to be my career choice, but I was cooking at the time [that the restaurant started].

Rawlins at Havana has taught me heaps in the three years I’ve been there. Without that, I wouldn’t have had the confidence to do this. A lot of it is confidence, but that confidence comes from skill.

probably led quite a different

Has the money side of things

adult life to those of your

been a steep learning curve?

peers, many of whom are

Yeah, definitely. At the Club, we get to use the kitchen, power and gas for free; we just buy the food, sell the food, make money off the food. It’d be harder otherwise.

The Club make money off the people coming in for the food and staying longer for the booze.

probably still at uni. Do you find that it’s quite hard to

It’s a lot of work, but the good friends come out to the Club and hang with me or help in the kitchen.

It’s quite a lot to juggle, but I still manage to go out on the weekends.

maintain friendships?

So the food is predominantly

You’re not tempted to throw

At the moment, definitely: around 90 per cent of our customer base is members.

it all away and go to uni?

I’m thinking of going to Weltec next year to do a Carpentry course, but I could work around the Yacht Club there.

So this all conveniently fell into place then? It wasn’t a lifetime plan of yours

So do you think you’ve had it

Yeah, the overheads we save are huge, but that reflects in our prices; ours are lower than a normal restaurant.

someone who’s thinking of dropping out and

enterprises, or did this

‘following their dreams’?

you’d been wanting

The latter. My grandfather owned restaurants and to do anyway?

Do you think you do pay a price for that money saving in that you can’t do your own

What do you recommend to

to go opening food coincide with what

Would you do this over again if you knew what it would be

There are things I would do differently, but I’m happy with the way it’s worked out. like?

As a 21-year-old, you’ve

easier than most? for the members?

That’s part of it, definitely.

You’re not going to switch from uni one year to having a new business the next. I started working in kitchens; Mark

Definitely, but we don’t mind that. We don’t want this to be a restaurant, but a yacht club that does food. We bring the food out to the tables ourselves, everything is done by name. I interior?

Is there room for expansion?

If we got many more customers, we’d hire someone else to do dishes and run food: then we could serve twice as many people.

When we started, I was riding my bike around like crazy on Fridays trying to get everything ready; now we have ordering, and people delivering to us.

So tell us about the food? Was there a set idea of food that

A friend of mine described it as “pub food on crack”. We do burgers, pizzas, fish and chips, bar snacks and a meat main that we change from week to week. The customer base is mainly just blokes with boats. the Yacht Club expected?

Do you dream of owning your

I’m not sure; at the moment I’m quite happy with everything. I don’t have a five-year plan. own restaurant?

Whitecaps can be found at 401 Evans Bay Parade, Friday and Saturday nights.

editor@salient.org.nz

27

Feature

MEXICO

JAMAICA

HUNGARY

Nestled down the Left Bank of Cuba Mall, but with a second location in Newtown (180 Riddiford St), Viva Mexico was one of the first and remains one of the best restaurants in the Mexican wave which has swept Wellington in the last few years. Generous portions of hearty, home-style food ($10–20) and strong alty vibes make it a deserved favourite. Friends who have been to newcomer Mexico (41 Dixon St) also highly rate the recent Auckland import. Either way, if you still think Old El Paso kits are ‘real’ Mexican food, then you’re in for a rude awakening.

This is my message to you: don’t worry ‘bout a thing, and head down to Three L ittle Birds on a Friday night (at the Left Bank Night Market). For $10, get jerk chicken/pork or curried goat (all spicy, delicious Jamaican classics) with ‘rice and beans’, actually coconut rice with red kidney beans. The Bob Marley references may not help, but this place proves that Jamaicans should be known for more than just reggae (and sprinting).

On the corner of Courtenay Place and Taranaki St, Tom’s Chimney Cakes and L angosh sells what could be your new favourite ‘drunk food’. Langosh, or rather lángos, is a kind of deep-fried flat bread made fresh whenever you order.

It is gloriously crispy and airy, and it’ll only cost you $8 to have it smothered in cheese, garlic and sour cream (even less if you restrain yourself).

ARGENTINA With a big spit for cooking meat prominent when you walk in, El Matador (196 Cuba St) is heaven for carnivores. Argentina is famous for its asado (barbecue), especially its steaks, and here, there is even mollejas (sweetbreads) and morcilla (blood sausage) on offer for the daring; but there is also a cheaper, lighter menu of tapas-style dishes to choose from.

Big sharing plates of meat work out at $20–30 each, with tapas more in the $10–15 range.

GLOBAL GASTRO GASTRO GUIDE GUIDE GLOBAL TO

WELLINGTON by

Nick Fargher We Wellingtonians are pretty good when it comes to eating exotically. Even for the whitest of us, noodles and sushi are as normal a part of our everyday diets as the meat-and-potatoes of previous generations. We’ve long since discovered the joys of tacos and Thai green curry. But have you tried curried goat?

Injera? Lechon paksiw? There’s a whole world of food waiting to be discovered here in little old Wellington, so pick a country, and go explore.

28

The Food Issue

FRANCE If you’re loaded, head to Hippopotamus or Arbitrageur. Otherwise, a crêpe or two for $5–10 each at Crêpes A Go-Go (61 Manners St) should do just fine. Or head up Willis St to French Cancan for expertly made pastries (seriously: co-owner Éric Hausser has had Michelin stars before) for a few bucks each, and even further up to Le Moulin for a baguette the way it should be: hard golden crust on the outside, soft and fluffy on the inside.

ITALY Italian is hardly ‘exotic’ these days, but its enduring popularity makes it hard to leave out. Certified by the Associazione Verace Pizza Napoletana in Naples, Pizza Pomodoro (down the alleyway next to Hope Bros) is undoubtedly your best option for pizza. $10–20. Tommy Millions, though, is an excellent late-night alternative, at $5 a (massive) slice on Courtenay Place. In terms of proper restaurants: try Ombra (corner of Cuba and Vivian) for little shared plates of Venetian specialties and a Mediterranean ambiance.

SOUTH AFRICA Contrary to popular belief, Petone, in the idyllic Hutt Valley, isn’t that far away from Wellington, and is actually kinda cool. A highlight is On Trays Food Emporium (38 Riddiford St, just off Jackson St), like a mini Moore Wilson’s of exotic food. Walk in the door, grab a free coffee, and let the lovely South Africans behind the counter feed you five different types of biltong. The ‘wetter’ the better when it comes to this delicacy, basically a way-better version of beef jerky.

Feature

LEBANON

SOUTHERN CHINA

JAPAN

Conveniently placed just down from the Embassy, but worth coming for even if you’re not seeing a film, Phoenician Falafel (10 Kent Tce, with a sister restaurant run by the owners’ son at 245 Cuba St) offers authentic Lebanese food – like kebabs, except really really good. There are excellent vegetarian options involving falafel and hummus and stuffed vine leaves, but plenty of lamb and chicken dishes too. $8–15. A $3 slice of baklawa for dessert, layers of sweet, crispy pastry covered in nuts, is absolutely essential.

For yum cha, follow my friend Gawin’s advice and skip the overrated Grand Century (84 Tory St) for Dragons (25 Tory St) or Majestic Cuisine (11 Courtenay Place). Go with a bunch of people so you can split as many plates as possible. For barbecued and roasted meat (siu mei), especially duck and pork, HK BBQ (14 Kent Tce) is an excellent and cheap option too. If it’s closer to 3 am, get your fill at KC Cafe (39A Courtenay Place).

There are countless sushi places to choose from, and Hede (43 Cuba St) and Ozeki (ridiculously far up Tory St, amirite?) are ideal for rowdy BYOs, but for something a little bit classier, try the elegant, understated Tatsushi (99 Victoria St, $10–15), or head out to Newtown and slurp down a bowl of soupy goodness at The Ramen Shop (191 Riddiford St, $5–15).

TAIWAN We have the Taiwanese to thank for giving the world bubble tea, that delightful, colourful concoction of iced tea, fruit flavours, and tapioca balls (the ‘bubbles’), and sometimes milk. And Noah’s Ark Teahouse (Shop 4, 100 Tory St) does it better than anywhere else in town, $5.50–6.50 for a cup. They also have plenty of Taiwanese snacks ($5–15): chicken gizzards, quail eggs or pork floss sound particularly interesting.

INDIA For North Indian food, just take your pick: all curry places have basically the same menu. Try South Indian instead: friends of mine rave about Indian Sweets and Snacks (176 Riddiford St), or try Rasa (200 Cuba St) or Roti Chenai (120 Victoria St). Get an enormous fucking dosa (a thin, crispy pancake-thing filled with spiced potatoes/vegetables) or a thali (rice/bread on a metal platter with lots of curries/chutneys around the edge). $10–20.

ETHIOPIA The Meeting Tree (Shop 6, 100 Tory St) is the best (and possibly the only) place to taste what is probably the most famed of all African cuisines. Vegetarians and vegans are very well catered for (the $15 Vegan Platter is highly recommended), and everything comes with injera, a kind of spongy pancake-thing which is both a useful eating utensil and mopper-up of all those spicy, earthy flavours. $10.50 lunch meals with injera and rice are good value.

MALAYSIA Skip all the mediocre BYO spots (I won’t name names) and head to Little Penang (40 Dixon St), which specialises in the unique Nyonya cuisine of Penang, an island in northern Malaysia. Get whatever the special of the day is, and prepare to have your mind blown (the whole menu’s pretty glorious, really). $10–15.

KK Malaysian (54 Ghuznee St) is also generally agreed to be pretty damn good.

VIETNAM With the proliferation of Vietnamese restaurants in the last few years, you really are spoilt for choice here. Little Hanoi (down Left Bank of Cuba) is pretty good, as is NAM (in Willis Street Village); they also have takeaway joints next door and at the bottom of the Cable Car, get the $8.50 ‘The Classic’ (bánh mì: a baguette filled with pork, pâté andother stuff). But wherever you go, phở (a beef noodle soup, pronounced kinda like ‘fur’) is always a good choice. Add all the condiments provided (very important), and dive in!

PHILIPPINES Just this year, two Filipino places have emerged, offering an intriguing insight into this unheralded cuisine. S mokin’ Hot B arbeque and Grill is a stall at the just-opened Capital Market at 151 Willis St – get a $10 combo meal of pork/chicken skewers and rice, some pieces of pork belly, or whitebait fritters. Add some vinegar/chili sauce for a bit of zing. And for around $10, B ola Bola (at the Left Bank Night Market) has satisfying meat stews like adobo and lechon paksiw and laing – taro leaves cooked in coconut milk.

editor@salient.org.nz

29

Feature

I scream! You scream!

The police come. It’s awkward.

Salient reporter Philip McSweeney checked out some of the places who offer kai around Kelburn Campus.

He was expecting to be

inundated with propaganda; instead, he got thoughtful and illuminating interview subjects. Here are the results.

Sincere apologies to The

Hunter Lounge and Louis’ for not making it to ya, and for not fitting in Milk and Honey: we like y’all too xx.

CAMPUS DIGEST(ION) First off was the manager of Maki Mono, the sushi café opened in the Hub WHAT DO YOU THINK ATTRACTS STUDENTS TO MAKI MONO? Umm,

it’s healthy and it’s good – I mean it’s not cheap but it’s not expensive, and after four it becomes cheap… I think that we have – is it ‘variety’? Sorry, my English isn’t that good.

IT’S A DAMN SIGHT BETTER THAN MY JAPANESE! HOW DO YOU MEAN VARIETY?

Well the meats we use and, uhh, there are three kinds of rice [white, brown, and black, which your correspondent

hadn’t heard of before this interview. Incidentally, ‘Black Rice’ is a very very swell song by a band called Women], and we use white rice and brown rice, which lots of customers like.

IN TERMS OF AUTHENTICITY, HOW SIMILAR IS THE SUSHI AVAILABLE HERE TO THE SUSHI THAT’S MADE IN JAPAN? Ahh, it’s very

different! There are different ingredients – like in Japan, there’s no fried chicken, which is our bestselling item and my favourite – Japan has a lot more seafood I think, and they use a different kind of rice. Different… textures?

Although, we get Japanese customers who come here and say it’s just as good as sushi from Japan… different but good.

AND WHAT ABOUT THE STUDENTS – YOUR

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CUSTOMERS, I MEAN? ARE THEY EVER RUDE OR UNRULY? I’M JUST THINKING ABOUT THE QUEUES THAT GO OUT THE DOOR… Ahh exactly, right out

the door! Most of them are very good, always polite and happy, but some can get impatient and it is very slow for them.

Actually, we haven’t decided yet but we think we’re going to add another cashier to make things quicker [YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST] because we know that people don’t like waiting and we want to help.

Next, I spoke to one of the twin (surprise!) brothers responsible for the Ilott Café. He was articulate and chose his words and actions judiciously, even plying me with a pie and a drink. He revealed that a great deal of work went into creating the canteeny, cheapas-chips ethos his café is renowned for.

SO FIRST OF ALL, A BIT OF BACKGROUND; WHERE

DOES THE ILOTT CAFÉ COME FROM? Well, it started in

1982, I think— OH SORRY, I MEANT IN TERMS OF YOUR INVOLVEMENT! I WAS THINKING THAT SOME STUDENTS MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT THE UNISTOP THING...Oh right! Well

actually, even before that – this will have been eight years ago now – we ran a café in the Recreation Centre. The Recreation Café, it was called.

Do you know where people do yoga now? It was tucked in there. Then we moved to UniStop [where Vic Books resides now] and that was more of a dairy thing, but this is a completely different enterprise.

We kept the UniStop sign so people would recognise us and make the switch over, but what happened was that the old owners of the Ilott Café didn’t want to invest in fixing it up – it needed a lot of work – so we kind of took over.

I WAS GOING TO SAY, I WAS THERE BEFORE YOU TOOK OVER THE ILOTT AND IT WAS A BIT, WELL, NOT TO BE INDELICATE, BUT IT WAS A BIT SKODY...

*laughs* Yeah, I don’t think people realise how much work went into making it functional.

We were working alongside the Council, getting it up to scratch and stuff.

I’M SORRY TO ASK THIS, BUT A LOT OF PEOPLE DON’T REALISE THAT YOU RUN THIS WITH YOUR TWIN BROTHER… DO YOU EVER GET TIRED OF PEOPLE

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out of milk, we’ll help them out free of charge, or if they run out of coffee. I know that if we ever needed help, they’d do it; we’re all in it together, in a way.

DOING DOUBLE-TAKES OR LOOKING SHOCKED? No, not at all – we

like to joke that we have food and entertainment. *laughs* It’s good fun, and my brother likes to play jokes on customers.

HOW DO I KNOW YOU’RE NOT THE ONE WHO LIKES TO PLAY JOKES ON CUSTOMERS? Well exactly!

Although, I’m the handsome one.

A LIKELY TALE! JUST TO CHANGE TRACK REAL QUICK: ONE OF THE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT YOUR CAFÉ IS THAT THE MENU ALWAYS SEEMS TO BE EXPANDING. Yeah, although

we can’t make all the dishes we’d like to – there’s a limited amount of power we can use before we blow a switch. We put burgers on the menu after about a year of planning, and I’d say the price we charge is almost exactly what we pay for the ingredients. Another thing is that we don’t like taking items off the menu because people come back and ask for it and if we don’t have it they won’t come back.

We’ve worked hard on having a reputation for— well, I mean, it’s good for the University that we have more gourmet and expensive outlets, but… That’s not to say we don’t work with other places – sometimes, if one of us runs

WHAT FOOD WOULD YOU SELL IF $$$ WASN’T AN OBJECT? We’re actually

selling a new 600-gram burger, and people always looked surprised when it arrives – it looks like a dinner. It’s the biggest burger in New Zealand [unsubstantiated].

ANY OTHER THOUGHTS, OBSERVATIONS, QUERIES?

Just that… students are talkative and loud. Not in a bad way at all: I mean, just that if a song plays on the radio, they’ll sing along and they’ll chat happily with their friends and be themselves. I’m very pleased with what we have on offer and how vibrant our community is.

The Hare Krishna outlet did not want to respond to Salient’s perfectly innocuous questions, presumably because they were busy guilt-tripping emotionally vulnerable people into buying books on Cuba St. Those $5 lunches though! We could forgive them for anything.

Next on the itinerary was a quality shit-shooting session with Vic Books’ (gorgeous) manager, Lars, who waxed poetic about the new food menu and let me sample some in order that I share his enthusiasm. I was not disappointed.]

COULD YOU FILL ME IN WITH A LITTLE BIT OF BACKGROUND ON WHAT VIC BOOKS IS AND

HOW IT CAME TO BE? FIRST, GET THE FLUFFPIECE STUFF OUT OF THE WAY. Ha, right. I’ve only

been here for about two years, and after about three months I became manager, because there was no manager, and no one else wanted to do it. Since then, we’ve moved location [to the Hub] and… it’s safe to say, some of us found the transition difficult.

OH? I mean, look at this place:

it’s huge. And we got fucked by the Mainzeal thing, our separate express kiosk was delayed for months, and the Hub was a mess last year, so there were some growing pains.

But we’re going great now.

FANTASTIC! SO YOUR NEW FOOD MENU? We’ve just

changed suppliers and we have some really really good food, including a new brunch menu and amazing toasted sandwiches on sourdough… *mouth visibly waters* It’s cool, too, because all our suppliers are local, just down the road, and I feel like we’re all in it together. And People’s Coffee, too – all the companies that sell it are real tight-knit.

SO YOU’RE A BIT OF A COFFEE PURIST/ELITIST?

I like to think that I’m not, but realistically, I probably am. When people order, like, mochas or hot chocolates, I just think: “Why don’t you just get a flat white or a long black?”

What’s interesting, though, is that our decaf blend at the moment is fucking delicious.

Half the staff are drinking it and have gone off coffee.

They’ll come back. They always come back. *laughs* WHAT’S THE MOST

ANNOYING COFFEE REQUEST YOU GET? What

we around here call ‘The Deluxe’. Extra-hot, extra chocolate, one shot of decaf and one shot of single origin. *laughs* Fortunately, no one has actually ordered that.

HOW MANY UNITS DO YOU GO THROUGH PER DAY?

About 100 food items and 800–850 coffees, 1000 on a busy day. The kiosk is making a killing too – I’m talking $2000 days – and it’s good that it’s open later too.

CONGRATULATIONS! DO YOU HAVE ANY CLOSE TIES WITH THE UNI? Yeah, we’re

really close to the Marae and I mean, obviously, we’re owned

by VUWSA somehow – do you know how that works?

NO FUCKING IDEA, MATE.

Exactly, no one knows! But obviously, we’re affiliated with them. We also do our recycling through the University after getting complaints from a neighbour, which is a fuckin’ mish.

AWESOME! HEY, JUST OUT OF CURIOSITY – ARE YOU EVER PRIVY TO ANY SALACIOUS OR SCANDALOUS GOSSIP WHEN YOU SERVE COFFEE? *laughs* Nahh, I

try and not listen to customers as much as possible. If I hear any, I’ll make sure to tell you straight away— YES PLEASE editor@salient.org.nz

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Columns

Conspiracy Corner “Would You Like Flies With That?”

By Incognito Montoya

his column was all set T to blow your mind about the existence of the ‘secret menus’ of various restaurant establishments. But to my chagrin, I learnt that a secret menu is not a list of menu items not available to the public, but merely a list of ‘hacks’ by

Weird Internet Shit

by Philip McSweeney

On 6 November 2012, the record label Dust-to-Digital released a compilation album called One Thousand Years of Educed Audio: 980–1980 to enormous fanfare in certain musical cliques. The release drummed up much excitement because it used digital technology to recapture audio that was previously lost to time; it translated musical sketching and directions

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restaurant-goers to create new items from existing ones.

For instance, the Starbucks secret menu includes everything from a recipe for Butterbeer (just order a frappuccino with toffee and caramel syrup) to ‘Liquid Cocaine’ (four shots of espresso and four shots of white chocolate syrup in a grande cup). The McDonald’s secret menu contains the monstrosity that is the Land/ Sea/Air burger, a chimera that combines a Big Mac, a Filet-OfFish and a McChicken. There are a few pearls of trivia; I learnt that Subway used to cut and fill their bread along the top instead of along the side. But as I sat disappointed, sulking into my Liquid Cocaine, I realised that I could do better.

As a benevolent purveyor of the world’s clandestine workings, I would prefer not to put more money in the coffers of corporations and add to the

obesity ‘epidemic’. Instead, I offer what could be the solution to world hunger and deforestation for agriculture. But you’re probably not going to like it.

Basically, everybody has to eat more insects.

You’ve probably heard of the idea on at least one news cycle, citing insects’ comparable amount of protein to other meats. Cultures in Africa and Asia have been eating caterpillars and mealworms for centuries, but it is a relatively new idea to the Western world due to the association of insects with spoiled crops and biblical plagues. However, the insecteating argument actually has a few more legs to stand on.

Insects are comparatively cheaper and less environmentally wasteful to farm than conventional livestock. Where it takes 200 square metres of pasture to grow one pound of beef, it takes only 15 square metres

to grow a pound of crickets.

Similarly, it takes 22,000 litres of water to produce a kilogram of beef, and only ONE litre to produce a kilogram of crickets.

Insects like crickets also have more minerals like calcium, iron and zinc in them than other meats, and 80 per cent of an insect is humanly digestible, compared to 50 per cent of a chicken and 40 per cent of a cow, meaning more bang from your bug.

Besides, you already do it anyway. The average chocolate bar is thought to contain eight insect legs, and peanut butter is legally allowed (yes, they made laws for this) to contain up to 30 insect limbs or segments per 100 g. We’re still on the fence about Nutella.

It will take time and technology, but someday soon, I’m sure everyone will come around to the idea that eating cattle is just not cricket.

in order to “resurrect longvanished voices and sounds”. The project was ultimately doomed to disappoint. While curator Patrick Feaster did an astonishing job at replicating audio touchstones of the past, unfortunately, it was still a replication that lacked what Walter Benjamin would no doubt call ‘aura’, or authenticity.

Enter ‘Museum of Endangered Sounds’. The website was launched in early 2012 with a mission to “preserve the sounds made famous by my favourite old technologies and electronics equipment”. Essentially, the website exactingly records and compiles the comforting sounds of now-obsolete technology. You can hear the sick drop of a dial-up connection being triggered, the death rattle of a battered VHS being rewound (I hadn’t realised how much I missed that sound until I heard it), a Tamagotchi, a skipped CD on a Walkman. My favourite might be the start-up mini-symphony of Windows ’95

(which, and this might surprise you, was penned by Brian Eno, along with about 80 other contenders that I would kill to hear) which transported me back to my youth so viscerally I needed a lie-down.

It has to be noted that this is nothing unique, or even new.

There are a plethora of record labels – Honest Jon’s and Mississippi Records, among others – who take master tapes of audio that was recorded, forgotten about, and left to rot, and re-release them into the homes of devoted listeners.

But the Museum of Endangered Sounds doesn’t focus on music, or not as it’s conventionally understood. Instead, it catalogues the banal sounds considered dispensable, non-constituent facets of an object’s essential function.

They have, through the power of memory, and more specifically, nostalgia, been imbued with emotional resonance.

There is a palpable irony in that the same technological advances

that sustain these sounds are also responsible for rendering them irrelevant. It might also seem a little bit elitist and hasty to call the sound of a rotary phone an ‘endangered’ sound, but here, the project is forward-thinking.

It projects its mission as being relevant for years into the distant future when few will remember what typewriters even were, let alone the clackity-clack that emanated from them.

That’s where things get poignant. According to one scientific study, even people suffering dementia hold onto sound-recognition until the very end. In this light, the website isn’t only interesting as an archaeology of esoteric cultural artefacts. The sounds aren’t only cool and bizarre and great, although they are indeed all those things, in fuckin’ spades – by virtue of the power of our senses, they’re transformed into something personally sacred. http://savethesounds.info/ editor@salient.org.nz

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Meals and Feels Gnocchi with kale pesto, roasted capsicums, goat’s cheese

by Eve Kennedy f I spent less time eating food alone in bed watching Buffy andThe Good Wife and more time trying to improve my love life, this could be the date food I’d make. I know I’ve said that about other meals, but this one has it all: impressive-looking, rich and tasty but with on-trend inclusion of kale in the pesto as an added healthy bonus! You could easily replace the kale with basil or parsley, but you’d need to add some nuts (pine nuts/walnuts/almonds) for some substance.

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The Sweet Scoop

Chocolate Orange Cupcakes

by Julia Wells

ver the last few years, I’ve gotten tired of cupcakes.

Appearing everywhere, usually both dry and sickly sweet. I didn’t plan to do a cupcake recipe for this column, but after making these I just had to share them. They are like a giant Jaffa, but slightly larger and in cake form. The chocolate cake is rich, soft and chocolatey, but with a distinctive orange fragrance.

The cake is so nice, in fact, that it would be totally fine without any icing – something you can’t say about many cupcakes. The icing, however, adds a further orange touch. If you want to play up the Jaffa idea, you can add red food colouring to it.

O

For the cupcakes:

1½ cups flour 1 cup white sugar ⅔ cup cocoa powder 1 teaspoon baking powder ½ teaspoon baking soda ½ cup oil ½ cup milk 1 egg juice of one small orange (about ⅓ cup) zest of one small orange Preheat oven to 180 °C. Mix all ingredients together until smooth. Fill mini muffin tins with small cupcake wrappers, and spoon mixture into them (about ⅔ full).

Bake until cooked (about 10 minutes). When cool, spread with icing.

For icing: 1¼ cups icing sugar ⅓ cup butter zest of one small orange juice of one small orange Mix the icing sugar, zest and butter together. Add the juice slowly until the desired consistency is reached (you might not need all the juice). This makes enough icing for a light coating; if you want to pipe large amounts of icing, increase the recipe.

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Gnocchi

3 small potatoes (Désirée is best) 1½ cups ‘00’ flour (found at Moore Wilson’s/ Mediterranean Food Warehouse) 1 egg 3 tablespoons finely grated parmesan Kale pesto

1 bunch of kale, blanched in boiling water for 3–4 minutes ¼ cup water ¼ cup olive oil 1 teaspoon minced garlic ¼ cup finely grated parmesan salt and pepper to taste juice of half a lemon Other:

2 red capsicums goat feta Remove the seeds and white parts from the inside of the capsicum, then roughly slice and spread out over an oiled tray; grind some pepper on and roast at 180 °C until they’re just starting to blacken.

Chop the potatoes and boil in salted water until mashable. Mash until smooth. Add a lightly beaten egg, stir well. Add the flour and parmesan and stir until combined.

The 00 flour makes a huge difference and is only about $2.20 a kilo at Moore Wilson’s – it’s worth investing. The mix should be light and fluffy but not too sticky. Tip out onto a floured surface and shape the dough into gnocchi shape – I roll them into tiny egg shapes and then gently use the prongs of a fork to indent them, but the internet is filled with how-to videos if you want to do it like a professional.

Boil the gnocchi in a shallow pot or pan, with 7–8 cm of water. They won’t take long to cook, only a minute or two.

Blend the blanched kale with the rest of the pesto ingredients. This will make heaps of pesto and you won’t need much, so keep it in the fridge and add it to your toasted sandwiches/dried pasta meals/whatever else you desire.

Toss the gnocchi with some pesto and the capsicums, sprinkle with parmesan and goat feta.

Columns

Being Well

by Dr Cathy Stephenson

It is hard to eat well T on a budget. I know. I remember surviving for years off instant noodles and chips while at medical school… then wondering why my skin was bad and I couldn’t shake a cold for months on end. The benefits of a healthy diet include positive effects on mood, cognitive functioning, weight, sexual function, sleep, energy levels, immune function, digestive system, prevention of cardiovascular disease, diabetes and cancer, and skin, hair and eye health.

So if you think you could improve what you are eating, and see if it helps how you feel as well, here are a few basic tips, aimed at the student budget: Oats: Cheaper than chips, oats contain more dietary fibre per gram than any other grain. This fibre helps to reduce your levels of harmful cholesterol, as well as reducing blood pressure, and lowering your risk of developing bowel cancer. Oats are often lauded as the “perfect brekkie”, partly for their health benefits but also because they leave you feeling full for longer… so you are less likely to need an unhealthy snack by the middle of the morning. If you are not a porridge fan, try making your own muesli or stirring them through yoghurt.

Green veges: Fresh vegetables and fruit can be expensive, but choosing what is in season is much more affordable. In winter, this includes green veges, like kale, spinach and bok choy. All these

veges are full of vitamins, iron and antioxidants, so will help fight off those winter colds. They are really versatile to eat, and can be grown in a bucket! The less you cook them, the more health benefits you receive, so try chopping them in a salad, or steaming them for dinner.

Eggs: An incredibly rich source of protein, eggs contain all eight essential amino acids, required for growth and repair of body tissues.

They also contain choline, crucial for the functioning of our brain, heart and nervous system.

Fish:All fish have health benefits, but oily fish such as salmon, sardines, tuna and mackerel especially so. They contain high levels of omega-3 oils, which reduces your risk of heart disease, cancer and dementia, as well as improving brain function and memory. Fish is also a fantastic source of lean protein. If fresh fish is unaffordable, canned options are cheap and healthy.

Nuts: Eating raw or toasted nuts as part of a healthy diet can have positive heart benefits. They can help lower LDL, the dangerous cholesterol in our blood, and provide similar omega-3 oils to fish. It doesn’t matter too much which nut you choose, although walnuts, almonds, pecans and hazelnuts appear to have the highest levels of these healthy oils. Add them to your breakfast, baking or stir-fries for an extra nutritional punch.

Māori Matters Nā Te Po Hawaikirangi ĀNGI RECIPE

A hāngi is a way of H cooking food as done

by Māori today and by their ancestors before them. Today, a hāngi is prepared for special occasions. Basically, it involves cooking in the ground, though you can use more modern methods and prepare a hāngi using special stainless-steel technology.

Both produce mean kai!

1. Note: traditional hāngi is prepared in the ground. It is a lengthy process taking up to four hours just for the cooking.

Preparing the food will take at least an hour or two depending on how many kaiāwhina you have.

The more, the better!

2. Prepare potatoes, kumara, cabbage and other vegetables first. Wash them after peeling and trimming. Lots of kaiāwhina is good, and everybody can have a good kōrero.

3. Know that in the meantime, others can dig a hole about knee-deep and about two metres in diameter. Fill it up with wood (slow-burning), pile up some volcanic stones on top, or large lumps of steel. Heat these up for a few hours; keep adding wood if necessary. Maybe two to three hours of burning.

4. Remove the embers and unburnt wood when the stones/ steel are red-hot.

5. Have the vegetables ready to go in wire baskets.

6. The meat should be ready

to go also. Whatever you or your group prefer. Put the meat under the vegetables in the basket as it will take longer to cook.

7. Essentially, the cooking is a steaming process, with some direct heat from the stones on the lower layers of food.

8. Cover the baskets with nice white and clean cotton cloth (sheets or old tablecloths – but make sure they are clean) which are completely wet. Put wet sacks (hessian) over these cloths so that no earth can get onto the food.

Now, shovel earth over the sacks carefully and make sure that no steam can escape. If you see steam escaping, put some more earth on that spot.

Have some people stand by and keep an eye on the hāngi while it cooks for about three to four hours. Better to leave it longer and make sure it is well and truly cooked. Everyone else can have some time off until serving time arrives. Don’t take your eye off the mound of earth in the meantime, though.

9. Learn that when the time to open the hāngi has arrived, you will need a number of people with shovels to carefully remove the layer of earth. Be very careful as you sensitively remove the earth.

You do not want to spoil the food at this stage.

10. Carry the baskets to tables and serve it up to the old people first after karakia.

11. Eat up, whānau!

editor@salient.org.nz

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Your students’ association

room, VUWSA offices. This year, we’ve put microwaves into our offices, alongside a toaster and a jug. It means my office often smells like burnt toast, but it’s great for heating up soup. It’s currently open 9–5.

Sonya Says

by Sonya Clark

VUWSA President ooood. As I write this, it is late in the afternoon and I am hungry. Lately, I’ve been trying to resist indulging in buying yummy unhealthy food on campus, because I’ve realised that sugar in the morning means I crash in the afternoon.

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While Te Aro and Pipitea students have the city’s eateries at their doorstep, it is a truth universally acknowledged that the food for sale on Kelburn Campus is, um, pricey. Students often get frustrated about this, because when you’re on campus for upwards of 12 hours, it is really hard to pack enough food to get you through that time.

By the time the night falls, and your assignment is due, swiping your card (why!?) on the vending machine seems like a completely rational thing to do.

It can make me feel pretty defeated when I do this – why is it so hard to get cheap affordable food on campus?

And whose idea was it to build the Hub, a giant common space for students, without a student kitchenette? Tough questions.

Here are my top five tips for spending as little money as possible on campus: 1) Use the microwaves – Law School and Te Aro common

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2) Krishna food behind Kirk. $5 lunch since forever, including dessert! Too many students haven’t heard of Krishna food, so go check it out.

3) 4 pm deals. Half-price sushi and half-price Hunter Lounge food. It’s not always on, but cheap sushi and Hunter Lounge food is the best thing to scope out in the late afternoon. If you’re in for a long night, what could be better than three cartons of sushi for cheap?

4) Ilott Café in Kirk does burgers and they are HUGE – like, toothpick-through-themiddle huge – and decently priced. When I first bought one, I got mustard and aioli all over my hands, but it was such a good feed that I didn’t mind.

A seriously good deal.

5) Get involved in the change for affordable food. A group of students have started working on a food co-op – a model where bulk food is purchased to keep the cost down for all.

Search ‘VUW Food Co-op’ on Facebook for more info.

P.S. Don’t forget to vote in the VUWSA Executive election.

All students will receive an email inviting you to vote on Wednesday. Remember to vote by 5 pm Friday, and to get informed and ask questions about the different candidates.

Sonya Clark

VUWSA President M: 027 563 6986 | DDI: (04) 463 6986 | E: sonya.clark@vuw.ac.nz | W: www.vuwsa.org.nz

Exec Column Rick Zwaan

Welfare Vice-President ike many people, I like food. I feel great when I eat well, and shit when I don’t (which, realistically, is more often than not). Some weeks, it feels like I basically live on takeaways, and some weeks I’m eating toast because I can’t afford anything more than that.

Talking to students, it seems like this is a common trend: lots of the time, we think we can’t afford or don’t know how to eat healthily. That, and that we’re too lazy to bother cooking (that’s me, anyway).

in such a stressful time. It was fantastic to see people sitting around eating delicious soup and enjoying each other’s company, and it provided a nice break from study.

When we don’t take time out to cook and eat healthily, we don’t give our minds time to unwind, and that can compound the stress we’re already facing. Eating a good meal with good friends is a fantastic way to relax, but we live and study in a place that tells us we should be constantly on the go.

Good news: there is a yet-tobe-named food co-op springing up on campus. It’s a phoenix rising from the ashes of Gecko, the environmental group, and is looking to completely change the way we think about and consume food. Through bulkordering systems of organic food and shared cooking classes, it will be a way for students to make easy, cheap and ethical choices about what they’re eating, as well as being a way to bring lots of people together to learn how to make great simple meals. That’s exactly the kind of initiative VUWSA wants to get behind. If you want to get involved, get in touch and we’ll make it happen.

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Luckily, VUWSA’s here to help!

Stress Free Study Week is a great example of making food accessible and cheap (or free) for students. Every trimester during study week, we put on breakfast and lunch for free for hundreds of hungry students at Kelburn, Te Aro and Pipitea.

The feedback we get from this is overwhelmingly positive, and it feels great to be able to help out students in any way we can

Unfortunately, not every week is Stress Free Study Week. What happens every other day of the trimester? Krishna is great for lunch, and healthy too, but what about the days we can’t afford that? And what about dinners?

One cannot live on two-minute noodles alone.

Rick Zwaan | Welfare VicePresident

Columns

getting steadily more violent as the year progresses. This seems pretty on-brand, so I’ve decided to run with it.

How to escalate violence with food

Shirt & Sweet with Eleanor Merton

Your weekly column on how to be annoyed but still cute

ood is, like, great. Eat F it all the time. Like three times a day, even.

Sometimes more. Enjoy it. Really get it all up in your gums and have fun with it.

Having said this, food is not particularly inspiring. Luckily, it has been brought to my attention that this column is

In order to start small enough to escalate satisfyingly, it is necessary to begin with some low-level manipulation. Here, we examine how to make other people provide you with food.

Most importantly to achieve this, one must present oneself as the most worthy of receiving gifts of food. Possible methods include pleading looks, pointed sighs and well-timed glances.

Couple these with such things as readjustment of hair ribbons/ bow ties and highly charged brief physical contact with the possessor of desired food items.

When you have mastered the art of coercively sourcing place. Indeed, the need for food is one of the few things that has remained constant in people’s daily lives.

History That Hasn’t Happened Yet

by Nicola Braid

An Historical Sauce ood is what we eat.

F It’s the calories that our bodies transform into energy. It’s simple.

However, food, like most things throughout history, is politically loaded. It doesn’t always sit innocently on a plate, but rather, it changes history. Humans have eaten food regardless of time or

Sugar, tea, coffee and chocolate were first introduced into the UK in the 1700s having been sourced from Britain’s colonies.

The trade of these exciting new foods brought alien cultures together for the first time – and coffee houses gave them a place to be discussed. It’s not so much of a stretch to argue that tea and coffee influenced the Enlightenment. Even a lack of food has caused shifts in history. The potato famine in Ireland lasted for seven years for instance, leaving an estimated one million residents dead, and another one million fleeing the country in search of food and work.

So food can help to bring about change, but it also acts as a

your food from others, you are now ready for the next stage of violent food. Using food to win fights. Probably the most common method for this is poisoned baking. Iced cupcakes, cookies and fudge tend to be the most disarming food items to be offered during a fight. You might like to try lemon cupcakes with arsenic cream-cheese icing, asbestos peanut-crunch cookies or bleach vanilla-melt fudge. In administering your poisoned baking, indicate suddenly that you are backing out of the fight and produce the baking as a peace offering. Watch your opponent devour your noxious niceties and then writhe in agony before you, defeated.

Detail a watercolour of the scene as a charming memento.

Ah, you have come so far.

Sustaining yourself on the food of others and defeating those foolish enough to fight you with

you foody finesse. You are finally ready to tackle cooking with the blood of your enemies. (If you don’t deal well with blood but are still dedicated to the Brand, please instead look into the intersection of fatal arson and ‘craft’ circles; this may be your niche.) First up, you’ll need to learn how to safely blood-let.

Definitions of ‘safe’ may vary from person to person, so you may like to try a medical degree, or simply consider a placement with your nearest grouping of friendly neighbourhood children. Ones who firmly assert the presence of cannibalism in Lord of the Flies are probably your best bet. Bonus points for children who’ve written Lord of the Flies fan fiction involving cannibalism. If you get stuck, ask a vegan/gluten-free/lactoseintolerant friend about how to practice food substitution.

Substitute everything for blood.

signifier. While the need for food may be transcendent, access to specific types of food is anything but. The humble shopping list can tell us much about important things like class and religion. There are huge elements and class values attached to a dinner that is served up every night, whether it be a frozen meal or Nigella’s gnocchi, whether it be steak and chips or a truffle-infused Pecorino bake. If we zoom out, food can tell us about groups of people too. Much has been made of the introduction of McDonald’s in both Mecca and Cuba – signifying (arguably) the victory of Western capitalism.

foods. National foods tie with national days and religious festivals as well. The Scottish have neeps and tatties on Hogmanay, or New Year’s Eve, while Americans have turkey at Thanksgiving. Food is even used to symbolise the Jewish exodus from Egypt during a Passover Seder. Historians have argued that the 1857 Indian Rebellion was caused, in part, by British troops greasing gunpowder cartridges with pig fat and insulting both Hindu and Muslim troops.

National cuisines and recipes carry meanings and signify a community and agricultural practices of an area. Indeed, foods like haggis, mushy peas, dim sum, shish kebabs and croissants are more than just

Thus, we would be remiss to assign food to the add-on, the side dish of history. Food doesn’t just fuel history. It isn’t just the escargot that Napoleon ate before the Battle of Waterloo or the jelly doughnut that Kennedy mistook himself for when he said “Ich bin ein Berliner”. Food is history.

Food, like people, is a living, constant reminder of change.

editor@salient.org.nz

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Friday afternoons from 3pm - close

Arts

If you want to write about the arts, or think there is something we should review, email arts@salient.org.nz.

Feature

INTERVIEW WITH GEORGIA NOTT OF

N

elson duo Broods are blowing up, but you already know that from the Spotify ads. We talked to Georgia Nott ahead of their debut-album release on 22 August. They are also playing a show at James Cabaret that night; come.

Do you have a set songwriting process? Vocals first? Does it change with every song? I guess it depends

on who starts the motion of the song. It can kind of start with anything or everything – we kind of want to experiment a lot because otherwise you get into a routine and songs start sounding the same.

What’s the sibling creative bond like [Broods are a brother–sister duo]. There’s a

lot of familiarity – we’ve always been close siblings. It doesn’t seem out of habit, hanging out with each other 24/7, writing songs together and stuff. It’s pretty easy to work together.

How was studying music?

Obviously leaving uni for Broods was worth it now, but was it scary at the time?

To be honest I left way before Broods happened.

Ugh, Wikipedia. Caleb left to

pursue this, but I left about three weeks into the semester because I was just… I didn’t like it. It was weird because I was studying

music and I, um, I don’t like to follow rules with music, so it was pretty hard to do well or to do anything. [Laughs] I just kept getting things wrong, so, I just, I left and did it how I wanted to.

Seems to have worked out...

It was okay, you know! I don’t regret it now.

‘Bridges’ was huge but it feels like ‘Mother & Father’ is blowing up even more: is this all still quite surreal, or has it been going on long enough to kind of make sense? Some things feel normal

now. Like, we’re kind of used to touring and we kind of have a routine when it comes to travelling and stuff, but at the end of the day, when we think about what’s going – I don’t think that will ever stop being surreal to be honest. Like, this is something that we’ve wanted to do since we were kids, and the fact that it’s not a very *sensible* career path. To put all your eggs in one basket, like I did at least, I just... I think we were playing a show in Sydney and halfway through the set I’m just like:

“Oh my God, I’m a singer and that’s what I’ve always wanted to be”. Everything worked out way beyond any expectations that we had.

What’s a Broods show like?

Dark? It’s a lot happier than

how it comes across in the music!

Our songs on the record sound quite chilled-out: ‘Broody’, I guess. When we play them live it’s a bit more upbeat. It’s hard not to enjoy yourself – it’s hard to look really sad and emotional all the time when you’re on stage cause I’m just having such a blast.

I’m usually like jumping around and smiling. I don’t really know how to dance.

What was touring with Haim and Chvrches like? It was just

lovely. The craziest thing when you’re touring with someone you look up to is when they start saying that they like your music.

Really? You listen to it? Before we did shows with Chvrches, we found out that Martin, one of the guys in the band, was a huge fan of what we’d put out and we’re just all “Oh my goshhh”. That’s probably the

most reassuring thing that you can hear when you’re an artist – that other artists like what you’re doing.

I see you just added an under-18 show in Christchurch, and there’s a lot of discussion around the power that booze has over New Zealand music.

Now you’ve done all this overseas touring, do you think too many of our shows are at bars? It’s a hard

situation, because I guess you just can’t have your under-18 bands at such small shows. It’s kind of a shame because when you’re starting out that’s all you can play. There’s a bit of waiting around for everyone underage; someone needs to open a small venue that’s open for everybody.

I won’t ask you about the other famous New Zealand singer right now, but does Joel Little ever discuss his Goodnight Nurse days? A

little bit, he’s got a few stories.

He didn’t show us, but we’ve watched some old videos from then; but he more talks about his family, to be honest. That’s his world. His kids are hilarious.

editor@salient.org.nz

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Film

Feast Feast Your Eyes

by Charlotte Doyle

T TV in my flat and lack of

he combination of a lack of

desire means the phenomenon of My Kitchen Rules has not infiltrated my digital life. I don’t even know how it differs from Masterchef, Cupcake Wars, Chelsea NZ’s Hottest Home Baker, Hell’s Kitchen, or The Great Food Race to which I could never understand my family’s obsession.

Yet this widespread fanaticism for voyeuristic reality TV shows demonstrates that food fuels not only the body but also the mind, and below are some films which provide you with some cinematic nutritional value.

Big Macs aren’t all they seem

The raspberry yoghurt from an ‘organic’ supermarket in a wealthy area of Los Angeles was the colour of Barney the dinosaur. Upon examination of the ingredients, it was revealed that ‘carrot juice’ was the only apparently non-chemical ‘organic’ thing about it. At least in New Zealand, the main problem you encounter with a similar product are awkwardly stuck seeds in your teeth. The food industry in the United States has been an intense subject matter for filmmakers who aspire to enlighten their populations on the reasons why their chicken nuggets truly do taste a little too remarkably and

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consistently flavourful. Below are suggestions of films which make the packaging in our Kiwi supermarkets seem relatively tame (NOT to suggest there should be a consequent sense of satisfied consumer apathy among resourceful New Zealanders).

Food, Inc. – In sum, this film reveals how the food industry in the US is twisted by corporate control, with the best resistance to these abominable, unsympathetic corporate forces lying in the power of consumers to change their consumption habits. A film which provides a critical and revealing insight into excessively efficient food production and the economic and legal control wielded by an elite few over the diets of everyday Americans, you begin to consider how your individual choices contribute to a seemingly undefeatable economic hierarchy.

Directed by Robert Kenner, it’s not the most flattering snapshot into the American Dream.

King Corn – It turns out everything in the United States is made out of corn. This film directed by Aaron Woolf follows two college friends in their investigation of the subsidised maize.

Super Size Me – In the land that defined freedom of choice,

“...the US is twisted by corporate control, with the best resistance to these abominable, unsympathetic corporate forces lying in the power of consumers to change their consumption habits.” consumers have the generous liberty of being able to buy coffees with six shots and burgers that dwarf your face.

Ingredients – Prominent American chefs examine the importance of buying local food, i.e. “you shouldn’t be buying garlic that’s shipped from miles away on huge ships between sex toys and flip flops”, as it was eloquently put by an interviewee.

Vice Munchies – Not a film but a YouTube channel that will enlighten everyone, providing digital content on the lives of brilliant chefs, insights into global culinary politics and a general celebration of diversity. For example, if you have ever been intrigued as to “How to make Cock cakes”, Munchies provides you with the answer. These short and sharp videos are addictive.

Food porn

Food x passion

Jiro Dreams of Sushi – This documentary has generated an almost cult following with the fascinating insight it provides into the life of Jiro Ono, who is often described as the world’s greatest sushi master. His restaurant is tucked inconspicuously in a Japanese subway station; however, with three Michelin stars and chefs who have spent ten years mastering Tamagoyaki (egg sushi), it provides a once-ina-lifetime experience (if you manage to book six months in advance). It’s a poignant and intimate documentary with lessons about the importance of attention to detail, compassion, recognition and hard work.

Eat Drink Man Woman – Comedy directed by Ang Lee about a father’s passion to protect his daughters and the role sharing food plays in sharing lives.

Ratatouille – A Pixar beauty, which successfully generates a passionate desire to snack, what with that rich illustration, and possibly a softening of a hatred towards rodents.

Like Water for Chocolate – Based on the novel by Laura Esquivel, this story delves into magical realism where food becomes a dangerous and powerful tool to manipulate the emotions of others.

Feature

waha | mouth

by Hinemoana Hinemoana Baker Baker by Victoria University Press Victoria University Press Reviewed by Nina Powles

A the privilege of hearing few weeks ago, I had

Hinemoana Baker read a few poems at the Wellington book launch of Essential New Zealand Poems. Her poems suit being read aloud. Not only is she a terrific reader, but you are struck first of all by the sound of the poem – and then, a second later, the feel of the poem. And Hinemoana Baker’s poems are full of sound. You can hear the sound of her words bumping up next to each other, or gliding smoothly round sharp corners, or shifts in pitch and tone. waha | mouth is Baker’s third poetry collection. True to its title, it’s full of sounds and spoken words and stories passed from

mouth to mouth. Reading these poems on the page is different from listening to them, but one word springs to mind: texture.

These are poems you can feel under your fingers and hear ringing very clearly in your mind.

Often you can taste and smell them, too – some of my favourite moments are when Baker turns to familiar foods and smells: “toasting marshmallows on birthday candles”, or “woodsmoke lifts from my pillow”.

She has an eye for an image that will make you smile and shut your eyes for a second. And she uses words so well that they always clash bewilderingly and beautifully on the page.

But waha | mouth makes up far more than sounds and tingly sensations (though these alone

FAMOUS LITERARY LITERARY FOODS FOODS FAMOUS Apple pie with ice cream

On the Road

Clam chowder

Moby Dick

Boeuf en daube

To the Lighthouse

Turkish delight

The Lion, The Witch and the

Wardrobe Treacle tart

Harry Potter

Avocados with grape jelly

The Bell Jar

Stewed rabbit

For Whom the Bell Tolls

are so good that they’re just about enough to make me love the book). The poems trace themes of grief, death, family histories, memory, love and illness with precision, quiet confidence, and dark humour. They also span large distances, from Paekakariki Beach to Lake Michigan.

This collection will please any poetry reader who isn’t too bewildered by being soothed and startled at the same time. It’s impossible to be bored by Baker’s poems. They are always doing something slightly different or looking in a slightly different direction. She can work with small poems; she can work with huge ones. She often looks to concrete details, but sometimes she looks past them. It seems like she could make something beautiful and

strange out of any form at all.

Long poems like ‘candle’, ‘part 1’ and ‘magnet bay farm’ pull us deep into the speaker’s mind, while others, like the series of short vignettes in the middle of the book, take us to all sorts of places and pinpoint many voices.

Two of my favourites are ‘manifesto’ and ‘what the whale said’. “‘Come on Poetry,’ I sigh, my breath/ whitening the dark. ‘The moon is sick of you.’” reads the first, while in the second, “I swallow/ the volume of a lagoon.” At a glance, these two poems couldn’t be more different. And yet they sit side by side in this book, which is part of what makes waha | mouth so special and memorable. There’s that same awareness of the sound of the words and the exactness of the image. These are two of the most beautiful things I’ve read in a while.

If you like poetry, especially New Zealand poetry, waha | mouth won’t just give you something to think about; it’ll make you notice sharp, textural details in the world around you.

It’ll alert you to the way words and letters work on the page. There are few poetry books containing as much variety, humour, precision and ordinary beauty as this one. I’m excited about whatever Hinemoana Baker comes up with next. You should be, too.

NZ NZ TWITTER TWITTER POETRY POETRY NIGHT NIGHT N

Z Twitter Poetry Night is “a thing that sometimes happens.”

Every few months or so, people on Twitter get together and record themselves reading poems – it can be a poem they’ve written, or a poem they especially like. When everyone’s sent their recordings in, you get to sit in the comfort of your home and listen to loads of people reading lovely and weird and excellent poems.

It’s happening on Sunday 24 August at 8 pm. Have a look at http:// twitterpoetrynightnz.tumblr.com to see how it all works.

editor@salient.org.nz

41

Visual Arts

Seeing Through an interview interview with with Ava Ava Seymour Seymour an

By Simon Simon Gennard Gennard By

I

n 2002, Peter McLeavey was excited. “The tectonic plates are shifting here,” he said in conversation with Brent Hansen, “and a younger (hungrier and gifted) group [of artists] are now claiming their birthright.”

Among these artists was Ava Seymour.

In the 1990s, Seymour gained notoriety for a series of collages that traced the state house’s trajectory from symbol of postwar egalitarianism to its contemporary uses as a means to disempower and demonise communities. Since then, Seymour’s work has adopted more formal concerns.

Seymour has drawn from collage’s bringing together of disparate elements, layering various materials on top of each other to examine abstraction and incongruity in seeing.

Seymour will be exhibiting at the Peter McLeavey Pop Up later this month, alongside Yvonne Todd, Barbara Kruger and Sherrie Levine. I recently emailed Seymour to discuss her recent work, her relationship with McLeavey, and the role of politics in her work.

“Two of my larger works will be in the show. Triptych Lumiere, which was produced during my 2010 McCahon House residency and is perhaps best described as a work made in response to McCahon’s French Bay paintings of the 1950s. The second work is titled Tablet: it is a hybrid form of photography and sculpture; it is freestanding and leans against the wall.”

After spending a year at Prahran College in Melbourne in the late 1980s, Seymour travelled to Europe. It was here she began producing art. Her early work was influenced by artists such as Diane Arbus, Henri Matisse and Edvard Munch. She places emphasis, however, on the musical influences that informed her artistic direction.

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The Food Issue

“I was listening to bands such as Pere Ubu, The Fall, Throbbing Gristle, Einstürzende Neubauten... I saw The Birthday Party perform in Auckland in 1982: the gig was legendary, they were a complete shambles, glorious in every sense; it was a real awakening. It is worth noting that the art that was intrinsic to many of these bands (their slogans, album covers, posters etc), borrowed a lot from Dada’s more political strand.”

Dada’s legacy hung around Seymour.

Hannah Hoch is often used as a reference point in descriptions of her early work.

Seymour described being cognisant of Dada’s influence, while never straying so far as to identify with the term explicitly.

“I lived in Berlin in the early 1990s and I’ve always assumed this is why people have been so quick to make that connection… The political history of Berlin always fascinated me, I ended up there in January of 1992; it was a tough place back then, the scars of war were still visible because I lived in the former East.

“I saw large exhibitions on both Munch and Grosz while I was in Berlin at the National Gallery; I went to St Petersburg and visited the Hermitage Museum; then after my bleak European experience, I went to New York, where the mood was much lighter. I remember being quite confused: everywhere I looked, there was big advertising saying ‘.com’; I didn’t know what it meant, I was really out of touch.”

Seymour met Peter McLeavey in 2000, after moving to Wellington.

“I used to drop in to see his shows. One day, he suggested a visit to my studio to look at some work… I always found Peter

to be warm, quirky and interesting. Our relationship strengthened over time, and I was even asked to dinner one night at his home, but it wasn’t until about a yearand-a-half after that I received a letter inviting me to join the gallery.

“The change in my artistic direction came about because I got older. My focus changed; I was looking at more art, and reading about it, and I worked out that the key to survival as a contemporary artist is to stay relevant. I started to learn how to work with computer software, and this resulted in a new approach to art-making.”

The intersection between Kruger, Levine and Todd may seem more immediate. All three artists have spent decades employing languages, both visual and oral, to provoke, to unsettle, to unearth the means by which representation (especially female representation) is discursively assembled.

In spite of Seymour’s insistence that her work is no longer political, an unearthing does take place. The kauri was a figure in New Zealand’s cultural mythology long before McCahon, and her layering of discordant shapes, the dark yellows and browns and blues in response to him, seem to act to upset the notion of landscape as site of spiritual renewal. Tablet might be considered complementary to the more polemical work in the show, for in its perpendicular relation to the gallery space, in the deliberate positioning of the clamps as a means of preventing the work from disintegration, the work might perhaps serve as a monument to the precariousness of representation itself.

Ava Seymour’s work will be on display as part of I Like Girls at the Peter McLeavey Pop Up, from 26 August.

Theatre

Two TheatreMakers and a Comedian

By David David Williams Williams By

For such a small city, Wellington is full of some wonderfully creative people.

This week I interviewed comedian Eamonn Marra, and Hannah Banks and Cassandra Tse, two of Wellington’s best young theatre-makers.

Tell me about what each inspired you to start producing theatre and comedy?

Cassandra: As a writer, I

really enjoy the collaborative nature of theatre; I find it an incredibly rewarding mode of storytelling because it’s built up by a community of people.

It’s exciting to work in theatre because you get to deliver your story to a physical, present audience – you get to experience other people experiencing your work, which is quite wonderful.

Hannah: I don’t know if I ever would have started My Accomplice if I hadn’t been working so closely with Paul and Uther. When the three of us were coming up with a title for our directing season, ‘My Accomplice’ was one of the options. Uther said, “Well we should start a theatre company and call it My Accomplice then.”

So we did. And now it’s five years and 13 shows later. At least I think it’s 13... maybe it’s more.

Eamonn: I was writing a lot of poetry in 2011/2012 and I started focussing on humour in poetry, I entered quite a few poetry slams, and the funny poems got the most attention.

One of these slams was

organised by the Humorous Arts Trust, and I decided, since my funny poems were getting good responses, I should try comedy.

Cassandra, is there much of a musical-theatre scene in Wellington outside of the St James and the Opera House?

Musical theatre in Wellington is in a bit of state of change at the moment – you’ve got the old guard, Wellington Musical Theatre, who tend to produce big-budget shows from overseas.

Then you have us, and a couple of other young companies like Fresh Dada, who are writing really interesting original shows but with a tiny budget and smaller casts. I’ve gotten involved with Wellington Footlights, which is a new company hoping to fill in the gap between the huge St James–y offerings and the eight-person-cast shows we write for at Red Scare.

Hannah, can you tell me something about the creation process within My Accomplice? All of our

processes are united by what kind of show we want to make.

What is the idea? From there, we decide whether it needs to be devised, scripted, or a

combination of both. We try to do things that are a bit scary.

Work that scares us reveals the most about ourselves in the best possible way. We also always know what the next show is going to be; this allows us to keep growing and challenging ourselves as a company and as individuals.

Eamonn, how easy do you find it to create something people can laugh at from a subject such as anxiety?

It comes quite naturally to me.

Looking at the funny side of anxiety helps me get through the problems it causes, and because I am doing this quite often just to get through every day, I have quite a huge catalogue of material to work from.

What do you each of you have planned for Fringe next year?

C: I’m just about to start writing

a non-musical play which I hope will be ready for Fringe as well; as of four hours ago, it’s going to be about a woman obsessed with categorising folklore and the Aarne–Thompson index, so we’ll see where that goes.

H: Well, we will be coming straight off the back of our

STAB show Watch, which is reopening BATS Theatre at their Kent Tce home. But we do still have a couple of things planned.

They’re a slightly different direction for us.

E: I have a concept line-up show in the planning stages about getting various interesting people to talk about obsessions they have. It was inspired by Jonathan Franzen’s collection of essays, Farther Away, which was two-thirds essays about birds and birdwatching.

Any advice for people wanting to get involved in theatre or comedy in Wellington?

C: Audition for as much as

possible, volunteer to help out with front-of-house or stage-handing... If you’re really keen, just email the production company and we’ll probably find some kind of job for you to do.

H: See as much theatre as you can. Talk to people in shows, ask questions, put yourself out there and intern on big productions.

If an idea comes to you, share it. You may think your ideas are stupid or boring, but everyone thinks that. Every story is interesting. It’s just about how well they are told.

E: Talk about what you love and are passionate about rather than what you think is going to get the best response.

editor@salient.org.nz

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What’s On

What’s On Visual Arts: Ngā Toi / Arts Te Papa Spring Season Te Papa’s art collection reopens 22 August. The spring exhibition will include Bill Culbert’s 2013 Venice Biennale show, as well as work by Billy Apple, Barbara Kruger and Peter Robinson.

La Jetée Screening, Talk, and Q&A Throughout his career, Chris Marker explored cinema and its relation to memory. Dr Thierry Jutel discusses Marker’s aesthetics and politics via an analysis of La Jetée (1962).

City Gallery, 21 August, 6 pm, free entry Richard Bryant: Re-Echo Robert Heald Gallery, until 23 August.

I Like Girls Featuring politically charged work by Ava Seymour, Barbara Kruger, Yvonne Todd and others.

Peter McLeavey Pop-Up, opens 26 August.

Music: Broods Friday 22 August, 8 pm James Cabaret, $30 + BF

San Fran, $15 Andras Fox and Eyeliner Friday 5 September, 8 pm Havana Bar, Free (buy a drink tho)

Film: Releases 20,000 Days on Earth – Nick Cave documentary, 21 August Lucy – biological sci-fi starring Scarlett Johansson, 21 August The Hundred-Year-Old Man Who Climbed Out the Window and Disappeared – Swedish comedy, 21 August Boyhood – latest Richard Linklater filmed over 12 years, 28 August If I Stay – based on bestselling novel by Gayle Forman, 28 August Magic in the Moonlight – latest Woody Allen starring Emma Stone and Colin Firth, 28 August The Inbetweeners 2 – 28 August A Long Way Down – based on the novel by Nick Hornby, stars Pierce Brosnan, Aaron Paul, Toni Collette and Imogen Poots, 4 September Before I Go to Sleep – psychological thriller produced

by Ridley Scott, starring Colin Firth and Nicole Kidman, 4 September

Parents Low Life release tour Friday 22 August, 9.30 pm Valhalla, $10

Linotype: The Film Lighthouse Cinema, Wednesday 27 August, 8 pm, $10 Feature-length documentary about the Linotype casting machine.

Die! Die! Die! S W I M tour Friday 22 August, 9 pm

NZSM Conference 15: Film Screening – The Third Richard

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The Food Issue

Embassy Theatre, Sunday 24 August 2014, 3–4.20 pm, student tickets $10 Documentary of the life of composer Richard Fuchs banished by the Nazis, fleeing to NZ. The Film Archive – Nga Taonga Sound & Vision Democracy Then: 1911–1972 – New Zealand Politicians on the Hustings Democracy Then 1: 7 pm, Wed 20 Aug; 5.30 pm, Fri 22 Aug; 4.30 pm, Sat 23 Aug / Democracy Then 2 : 7 pm, Thur 21 Aug; 7 pm, Fri 22 Aug; 7 pm, Sat 23 Aug $6 concession, $10 for both screenings Depiction of how politicians were represented in the 20th century.

The Green Chain – Soup and a Seat Friday 29 August, 12.15 pm, $8 – including cup of homemade soup The story of a man who fought against the powers of industry and government for his local New Zealand community.

Theatre: Take Back the Hood 19–23 August 7 pm at BATS Theatre A Public Reading of an Unproduced Screenplay about Walt Disney 30 August – 27 September at Circa Theatre Tuesday and Wednesday 6.30 pm Thursday to Saturday 8 pm Sunday 4 pm PSA: Election Special 26 August – 6 September 7 pm at BATS Theatre

The Mikado 5–6 September 7.30 pm at The Opera House

Books: IIML Presents: Writers on Mondays Nine poets including Anna Jackson, Kate Camp and Ashleigh Young will read a selection of this year’s Best New Zealand Poems, joined by the editors Mark Williams and Jane Stafford.

Te Marae, Level 4 Te Papa, 12.15 pm NATIONAL POETRY DAY events on Friday 22 August: Ekphrasis (poems about art) poetry reading at Adam Art Gallery, 5 pm Seven poets read at Unity Books, Willis St, 12 pm Poettiquette on the Wellington Bus Network – All day, Wellington poets will be appearing on buses and engaging people with their poetry.

Sunday 24 August New Zealand Twitter Poetry Night Record yourself reading a poem and tweet the recording to @ PoetryNightNZ. At 8 pm, all the recordings will be collected up and tweeted for you to listen to in succession! Check out http://twitterpoetrynightnz. tumblr.com/.

Inaugural lecture by Damien Wilkins, Professor of Creative Writing “Writing and Personal Change” Tuesday 26 August, Student Union Memorial Theatre, 6 pm RSVP to rsvp@vuw.ac.nz

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1. Competitive eater Takeru Kobayashi set a new world record in 2012 by eating 110 of what foodstuff in 10 minutes?

2. Which now-disgraced politician did John Key meet for a cup of tea (but no food) at Urban Café in Newmarket, Auckland, in the lead-up to the last general election?

3. Arian Asllani, a former New York chef, is now better known by what name?

4. In Marcel Proust’s novel In Search of Lost Time, the narrator has a profound flashback about eating which kind of cake as a child?

5. What do footballers Otman Bakkal, Branislav Ivanović and Giorgio Chiellini have in common?

6. Swarthy Frenchman Manu Feildel currently co-hosts which Australian cooking TV show?

7. Gyulai, Lap Cheong and longaniza are examples from around the world of which kind of food?

8. Which famous Italian painted a mural depicting The Last Supper of Jesus and his disciples?

9. What is Cucumis sativis better known as?

10. Who scathingly referred to lamingtons as “those bloody poofy woolly biscuits”?

0-15 words: aw :( 16-25 words: fine 26-35 words: learned 35+ words: winner

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1. one who speaks spitefully about a person 2. nerd 3. short for rhinoceros 4. to hit something with the head 5. descriptive tags 6. impersonate 7. the egg of a louse 12. National Dogs of Norway 14. German measles 16. spiritual supervisor 19. make a surgical incision 20. an Eskimo house 21. succulent African plant 21. wonderful (sl.)

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notices CAREERS AND JOBS Applications closing soon: Organisations: Closing Date Aviat Networks: 18 Aug Simpson Grierson: 18 Aug Staples Rodway: 22 Aug ANZ: 22 Aug Powerco: 22 Aug ASB: 25 Aug Callaghan Innovation: 24 Aug EY: 24 Aug L’Oreal: 25 Aug Tonkin & Taylor: 27 Aug Mars New Zealand: 28 Aug IAG New Zealand: 29 Aug Plant & Food Research: 29 Aug Airways Corporation: 30 Aug The Australian National University: 31 Aug Ministry for Primary Industries: 31 Aug KPMG: 31 Aug Opus International Consultants : 31 Aug Upcoming Free Careers Events for all students: EY Presentation – 19 Aug Careers in Focus Seminar (Tourism) – 20 Aug Communication Agencies Association of NZ (CAANZ) – 12 Sept

Victoria Business School: Executive Careers Expo – 11 Sept 2015 JET Programme – 19 Sept Check details/book on CareerHub: www.victoria.ac.nz/ careerhub CATHSOC CathSoc@Vic is hosting its first annual retreat at the Marist Brothers house in Otaki from Friday, 22–24 August. If you are interested in coming, please email us at cathsoc.vic@gmail. com for a registration form.

TE TAI TONGA ELECTORATE CANDIDATES PANEL 12pm – 1pm next Wednesday or Thursday (sorry – date TBC on our Facebook Page) Hosted by Ngāi Tauira Māori Students’ Association ALL WELCOME - KAI SERVED AFTERWARD Like our Facebook for confirmed details fb.com/ngaitauiravuw

Vote meilanitaro for VUWLSS President 2015

giveaway COMEDY TICKETS PlayShop LIVE is Wellingtons late-night improv comedy show. Every Friday, 10 pm at Paramount Cinemas, it brings the laughs with a troupe of trained performers transforming any suggestion to life on stage. If you like Whose Line is it Anyway? you’ll love this show. A rotating cast of 39 members means every week is different.

Send us your favourite joke to win a double pass valued at $26 to next week’s show!

If you want a notice in Salient, email us at editor@salient.org.nz. Notices must be sent to us by Wednesday 5 pm for the following week’s issue, and must be fewer than 100 words in length.

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want to edit this mag?

VUWSA is now hiring next year’s Salient editor/s. The job starts in February and is a paid position of 37.5 hours per week if one editor, or 20 hours each if two.

The job entails putting the magazine together each week of semester, recommending the student-media budget to VUWSA, liaising with contributors, managing a group of paid staff and volunteers, and engaging with the student body. Mac

editor/s 2015

knowledge is preferable.

If you think this could be you, or you would like to get a detailed job description, email the VUWSA Office Administrator sarah.lamerton@vuw.ac.nz.

Applications should include a cover letter outlining your vision for Salient ‘15, your CV, and a portfolio of your written work.

The deadline for applications is Sunday 7 September at 5 pm.

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contributors editors: Duncan McLachlan & Cameron Price d e s i g n e r : I m o g e n Te m m news editor: Sophie Boot c r e at i v e e d i t o r : C h l o e Dav i e s c h i e f s u b - e d i t o r : N i c k Fa r g h e r distributor: Joe Morris f e at u r e w r i t e r : P h i l i p M c S w e e n e y ( c h i e f ) , P e n n y G a u lt , Alex Hollis w e b e d i t o r : D e x t e r E d wa r d s n e w s i n t e r n s : S i m o n D e n n i s , S t e p h Tr e n g r o v e arts editors: Nina Powles (Books), Charlotte Doyle (Film), H e n r y C o o k e ( M u s i c ) , D a v i d W i l l i a m s ( Th e a t r e ) , S i m o n G e n n a r d ( V i s u a l A r t s ) , M i c h a e l G r a h a m ( Te l e v i s i o n ) C o lu m n I l lu s t r at i o n s : P h o e b e M o r r i s general contributors: N i c o l a B r a i d , S o n y a C l a r k , Te P o H a w a i k i r a n g i , E v e K e n n e d y , M o l ly M c C a rt h y, Jo rd a n M c C lu s k ey, E l e a n o r M e rto n , G u s M i tc h e l l , O l l i e R i tc h i e , Z o e R u s s e l l , J a n n e S o n g , D r C at h y S t e p h e n s o n , W i l b u r To w n s e n d , J u l i a We l l s , R i c k Z w a a n

contributor of the week Nick fargher

A d v e r t i s i n g M a n ag e r Tim Wilson s al e s @ v u w s a . o r g . n z (04) 463 6982

F u n d e d b y V i ct o r i a U n i v e r s i t y W e ll i n gt o n s t u d e n t s , t h r o u g h

of the

student services levy

facebook.com/salientmagazine

@salientmagazine

youtube.com search: salienttv

editor@salient.org.nz

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JOIN AS AN ARMY OFFICER IN 2015.

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CAPTAIN RUTH TAUTARI, 26 Army Logistics Officer Earning $80,833 - $92,581

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