The Establishment | Issue 24 by Salient

Vol. 78

Issue 24

(FUCK)

THE ESTABLISHMENT

5 October

Mental Health Awareness Week

Cookie and Card Event KELBURN Tues. 6th Oct. HUB (by Courtyard) 11am-3pm

Supported by

TE ARO Thur. 8th Oct. Common Room, 12:30-2:30pm

Come and join us for a chance to make something to give!

WE MOVE STUDENTS

FOR FREE! Store your stuff with us... we make it so easy! We will even give the first 50 customers a FREE USB Drive to store their data files on! Visit www.selfstoragewellington.co.nz ALL STUDENTS BOOKING STORAGE BEFORE 20TH NOVEMBER GO IN A DRAW FOR TWO TICKETS TO THE AC/DC ROCK OR BUST CONCERT ON 12 DECEMBER IN WELLINGTON! (Tickets include VIP Members Gallery Seating and Buffet Meal!)

*Conditions Apply: Free pick up and delivery to storage for up to 4m2 (approx. two full bedrooms of stuff) . In-transit Insurance not included.

Contents REGULAR CONTENT

6–17 NEWS AND COLUMNS

5 Editorial 9 Notices 10 Māori Matters 10 The Week In Feminism 12 The Moan Zone 12 We Drank This So You Wouldn’t Have To 14 Ask Agatha 14 Bridget Bones’ Diary 16 Letters 44 Science 46 Music 48 Film 50 Games 51 Books 52 Visual Arts 53 Fashion 54 VUWSA 55 Puzzles

7 11

Editor Sam McChesney editor@salient.org.nz Design and Illustration Ella Bates-Hermans Lily Paris West designer@salient.org.nz News Editor Nicola Braid news@salient.org.nz Investigative News Editor Sophie Boot Chief Sub Editor Kimaya McIntosh Sub Editor Zoe Russell

Senior Feature Writer Philip McSweeney Feature Writers Sharon Lam Gus Mitchell Distributor Beckie Wilson News Reporters Tim Grgec Emma Hurley Charlie Prout Beckie Wilson Elea Yule News Interns Jordan Gabolinscy Alexa Zelensky News Photographer Jess Hill

Section Editors Sharon Lam (Visual Arts) Jayne Mulligan (Books) Bridget Pyć (Science) Kate Robertson (Music) Fairooz Samy (Film) Jess Scott (Fashion) Cameron Gray (Games) Other Contributors Allandria Puna, Brittany Mackie-Ellice, Luke, Lydia and Mitch, Auntie Agatha, Bridget Bones, Joe Cruden, George Block, Renée Gerlich, Cavaan Wild, Bronte Ammundsen, Mitchell Siermans, James Keane, Hamish Popplestone, Jess Knipping, Ellen Cunliffe, Rick Zwaan, the VUWSA Executive, Puck.

Facebook upset over fee rises No room for philosophy icon

18–43 FEATURES 18 22 28 32 36 40 43

The Ian Curtis Memorial Wall, Wallace Street: An Investigation Hack Like Nobody’s Watching Foibles of a Foxton Forger Coppers Become Croppers Word Up, Student Teachers Why I Hate Baby Boomers Ten Fingers’ Worth

Read Salient online at salient.org.nz Contact Level 2, Student Union Building Victoria University PO Box 600, Wellington 04 463 6766 Advertising Jason Sutton sales@vuwsa.org.nz 04 463 6982 Social Media Philip McSweeney philip@salient.org.nz fb.com/salientmagazine @salientmagazine Printed By Inkwise, Ashburton

About Us Salient is published by, but is editorially independent from, the Victoria University of Wellington Students’ Association (VUWSA). Salient is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA) and the New Zealand Press Council. Salient is funded in part by Victoria University of Wellington students through the Student Services Levy. The views expressed in Salient do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, VUWSA, or the University.

Complaints People with a complaint against the magazine should first complain in writing to the Editor and then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the Press Council. See presscouncil.org.nz/ complain.php for more information.

Editorial We’re taking over.

Sam, in the immortal words of Jeff from Survivor, it’s time for you to go. We are about to storm the office like they stormed the Bastille, except with less civil war. We will be clearing out the old pizza boxes and beer bottles, and bringing in flowers, wine and a fuck ton of flagrant idealism. Emma is about to finish her degree (has it been three years already?) and will spend the summer making coffee for sweaty and confused tourists with fanny packs. She hails from a cute little town called Pukekohe, and moved to Wellington to start a better life. Jayne has been working at Vic Books while she decided what to do with her degree. She’s still not really sure; in the words of Tavi Gevinson, she’s still “figuring it out”.

Check Salient next week, and the Facebook page, for more about the roles on offer and how to apply. If you want to be involved but you’re not sure how, get in touch and we’ll figure something out. At the start of Trimester One next year we’ll be hosting an event so you can come and meet the team and have a look around the office. Email salientmag2016@gmail.com to stay in the loop. Salient FM will remain an unshakeable part of our media empire, led by station manager Rob Barratt. You can stream the musical goodness via Salient’s website or tune in at 88.3. Hit up Rob at fm@salient.org.nz if you want to get involved.

And so, with our powers combined, we persuaded the selection committee to let us take charge of Salient and be co-editors next year.

Salient TV’s fate will be decided by the student media committee in the coming weeks. We will let you know if it’s sticking around (our fingers are crossed) and how you can be part of it.

We were going to make a Sky TV channel, a few feature films, and host our own music festival called Salientbury. Then we looked at the budget. We will have to stick with a magazine, website, and social media channels.

You’re probably about to start your final assignments and exam study. We wish you luck and hope you find time to unwind this summer, and celebrate making it through the academic year. You’ve earned it and you deserve it.

Salient next year will be a voice for students—it will keep you informed and amused, and strive to make your life less shit. We will be throwing doses of politics, pop culture, and existential angst at you weekly. If we do our jobs right, you’ll be hooked on reading the magazine each week.

Stay up to date as the takeover begins on Facebook, Instagram (@salientgram), Twitter (@salientmagazine) and salient.org.nz.

But we can’t do it alone—we need your help! There’s a range of paid positions but mostly, Salient relies on volunteers. We want those committed to quality journalism, those who want to improve their skills, and those who are eager to pursue stories big and small.

Emma & Jayne

Person of the week

salient

BY THE NUMBERS

Smithers

Edward Snowden is following 1 Twitter account after recently joining the site. He is following the NSA. LMAO.

10 years Since the New Zealand and Fijian Prime Ministers last met. Prime Ministers John Key and Frank Bainimarama met at the United Nations General Assembly in New York.

$8 How much a bowl of cereal costs at “hipster” café Cereal Killers in Shoreditch, East London. The café was recently targeted by a 200-strong anti-gentrification protest.

97% The population decline of tigers since 1990. As few as 3,200 remain and World Wildlife Fund wants to double the number of tigers by 2020.

It has been revealed that Smithers, Mr Burns’ loyal assistant, will come out of the closet in the current season of The Simpsons. Long rumored to be gay, Smithers will reveal his sexuality and his love for Mr Burns in two episodes. Edward Schiappa, Media Studies scholar at Massachusetts Institute of Technology, said “Springfield is about as middle American as one can get, and Smithers coming out within that fictional world mirrors—and reinforces—the mainstreaming of gays and lesbians in the real world”.

www.salient.org.nz

200 An ocean sanctuary in the Kermadec Islands, north of New Zealand, will be extended from 12 to 200 nautical miles.

US$2.1 billion The total worth of Snapchat CEO Evan Spiegel. The 25-year-old has become the world’s youngest billionaire, and is 297 on the Forbes 400 rich list.

issue 24

NEWS . K E E N E Y E F OR N E W S? S END A NY TIPS, LEA D S O R G OSSIP TO N E W S@SA LIENT.O RG .NZ

Facebook upset over fee rises Student rep clearly unaware of Salient’s theme this week Nicola Braid Victoria University’s governing body, the University Council, has voted to raise domestic fees for both undergraduate and postgraduate students by 3 per cent. Following the 2015 Budget, New Zealand universities are only allowed to raise domestic tuition fees by a maximum of 3 per cent annually, down from the previous 4 per cent cap. This cap does not apply for international student fees. As Council member Ian McKinnon noted in session, “this is never an easy meeting” as Council members are charged with maintaining the quality of Victoria “and the costs associated with it”. Both student representatives on Council— VUWSA President Rick Zwaan and elected rep Stella Blake-Kelly—were highly critical of the fee-setting process and called for measures that would allow students to see what bang they were getting from their proverbial buck. Zwaan said that only 7 per cent of students surveyed by VUWSA felt that academic quality at Victoria was increasing year after year. Fee rises were also criticised for adding to the ever-increasing cost of student debt. Zwaan claimed that “in about thirty years’ time the cost of tuition will have doubled” should tuition costs continue to rise at this rate every year. Council members also questioned the lack of measurements in place for monitoring

academic quality, and for ensuring that a focus on students and staff was not lost in what academic representative Dolores Janiewski called the University’s “constrained economic environment”. Echoing Janiewski’s calls, Zwaan claimed “we still don’t have a comprehensive measure of academic quality for our core business of teaching and learning” while suggesting that Victoria should take “proactive lead on researching the effect of tertiary funding policies” which most Council members identified as being deeply flawed. What students? Zwaan and Blake-Kelly were vehement in their assertions that there was no clear justification as to how fee increases would benefit students directly.

However, Vice-Chancellor Grant Guilford insisted that fee increases did directly translate into gains for students by paying for high quality staff, offsetting the depreciating value of facilities at the University, and scholarships/financial support, among others. “There is a private good to be balanced with a public good… and we also have to recall that the taxpayer of New Zealand is also funding not only education but also our health system, our roads etc,” Guilford claimed. As Blake-Kelly claimed, “user-pays education” has created “completely different expectations, completely different experiences and completely different pressures to what pretty much everyone in this room has had” for students today. Reaction

In her speech to Council, Blake-Kelly pointed out that fee-setting forced students to wonder “what they’re paying, or rather borrowing, for”.

Following the Council’s fee-setting meeting VUWSA tweeted that despite her objections, Blake-Kelly had voting for the fee rise at the meeting.

Both Blake-Kelly and Zwaan, along with some academics, called for a more collaborative approach to fee-setting, similar to the current process used for setting Vic’s Student Services Levy.

VUWSA Equity Officer Chennoah Walford then took to Overheard@Vic to question Blake-Kelly for voting in favour of the fee rises in her position as student representative.

“I’d love to be able to head away and tell students that I’m confident that their money is being used well, here’s what it’s used for and this is where we got to with the increase… students are a shareholder and client so we should set fees in partnership with them,” Zwaan said.

Students were quick chastise Blake-Kelly’s actions, claiming she was “probably a National voter” and accusing her of failing to “care about how tough it is for students” and sticking “the knife into all of our backs”. Continued on page 8 editor@salient.org.nz

Blake-Kelly defended her decision to vote in favour of fee increases, noting that increasing competition from developing countries meant the University’s costs are climbing “at a rate well above inflation”. “In voting against increasing tuition fees, you are asking the university to do more with less,” she told Salient. “You provide no choice for management but to engage in staffing redundancies and fewer tutorials, and you impact the quality of current and future students’ education. “You shouldn’t vote against tuition fee increases without offering a viable alternative.” Nonetheless, Blake-Kelly told Salient she was “not surprised by the initial reaction” on social media. “If we want a better education system we need more people to engage in debate, but it needs to be informed,” Blake-Kelly said. “Resorting to personal attacks by falsely dismissing me as a ‘rich kid’ says more about the depth of their thinking than it does about me.”

www.salient.org.nz

News and Columns

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While every Council member who spoke acknowledged the economic reality in which the University operated, most criticised the fixed-increase fee setting method that the University was bound by.

was summed up by Blake-Kelly who claimed, “every year the [fee setting] process has remained formulaic and frustrating. Formulaic as the Governmental policy setting incentivises only one outcome, frustrating as every year it breeds resentment in the eyes of our students”.

Indeed, none of the attendees disagreed with the view that Victoria was functioning under an increasingly limited Government Budget or that the value of its degrees are tied to its reputation and research, both of which cost money.

More than this, the measurements by which fee-increases were justified were also criticised. McKinnon noted that as a market measure the Consumer Price Index (CPI) was “not really relevant to the increasing costs that the university faces”.

The System is Broke

However, several comments criticised the current fee-setting system both in terms of percentage limits and the inevitability of annual fee increases. Janiewski argued that the current fee-setting system meant that funding for some courses had decreased in real terms since 2012, and that rather than guaranteeing an increase in quality or teaching, the university was “often just treading water” financially. The feelings of many members and students

News and Columns

issue 24

NZUSA saga refuses to die

Naughty Rory moves into kamikaze mode Sam McChesney VUWSA Clubs and Activities Officer Rory McNamara (“Naughty Rory”) has lodged a formal complaint about the recent VUWSA referendum in which members voted to rejoin the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA). NOTICES

Careers and Employment 2015-16 Internships and 2016 Graduate Jobs See Recruitment Schedule for details: http://bit.ly/1zGNacY Currently recruiting: Kekapo Technologies, Fast Enterprises, Accenture, AFS New Zealand, Selwyn District Council, AIESEC, Wairoa District Council, Palantir Technologies… and many more. Check in with a Careers Consultant during our daily drop-in sessions! http://bit.ly/1A1ORgv Get help with your CV, Cover Letter, Interview skills etc For more info, login to www.victoria. ac.nz/careerhub with your Student Computing login!

Bacchae Victoria Ancient Theatre Society presents Euripides’ Bacchae, translated by Simon Perris. 7th, 8th, & 9th of October at 7pm in the Memorial Theatre, Student Union Building. Tickets are $8 unwaged, $10 waged. EmailVATS.bookings@gmail.com to reserve tickets.

Victoria Abroad Victoria Abroad– Deadline for Trimester 2, 2016 exchange is December 1st, 2015! Why not study overseas as part of your degree?! Study in English, Earn Vic credit, Get Studylink & grants, explore the world! Website: http://victoria.ac.nz/ exchange

In the referendum, which took place 22–24 September, 1251 students voted to retain VUWSA’s membership of NZUSA (72 per cent), while 476 students voted to withdraw. Naughty Rory lodged the complaint with the Secretary and the Returning Officer ten minutes before the deadline, after securing five student signatures. He alleges that contrary to VUWSA election rules, pro-NZUSA figures—including President Rory McCourt and MPs Grant Robertson and Jan Logie—continued to post “vote to stay” messages on Facebook during the voting period, potentially tainting the results.

rules—in particular the spending limits— even apply to referenda, or only to elections. Finally, it is unclear whether a finding that the result was “invalid” would mean the referendum would need to be held again, or whether in fact the entire election must be re-run. Gosh, that would be fun wouldn’t it. VUWSA is not currently a member of NZUSA, having officially withdrawn on 23 September. It cannot re-join until the referendum result is confirmed—a process that, with Naughty Rory’s complaint outstanding, may now take several weeks. If the complaint is upheld and the Executive vote to re-hold the referendum, VUWSA will be unable to rejoin NZUSA until March at the earliest, as any new referendum must be held during the teaching period. New OUSA regime may rejoin

Naughty Rory further alleges that NZUSA, which compiled a sizeable war chest through donations from its alumni, breached the campaign spending limit of $250.

The Otago University Students’ Association (OUSA) has kicked out current President Paul Hunt and installed a new, Young Labour-influenced regime.

The complaint will now go through a comically convoluted adjudication process. First, the Secretary will forward the complaint to the VUWSA General Manager. The General Manager will then send the complaint to the VUWSA Elections Committee. The Elections Committee must then appoint three independent arbitrators, each with legal experience; and the arbitrators will assess the merits of the complaint, including holding a hearing if necessary.

The move augurs well for NZUSA, which historically is closely aligned with the Labour Party. Hunt, who was running for re-election, had been notably hostile to NZUSA, and OUSA was scheduled to withdraw from the national body this November.

The arbitrators must then decide whether, in light of the complaints, the result was “valid”. If they find that the result was not “valid”, the VUWSA Executive must vote on whether to accept the arbitrators’ judgement and hold a fresh election.

“Real Change” was backed by Labour figures including Dunedin North MP David Clark, and contains at least two members of Young Labour.

Christ. The process itself is riddled with holes and uncertainties. The VUWSA Constitution does not provide any definition of a “valid” or “invalid” result, and the arbitrators are not required to publish their reasons—meaning the decision could be completely arbitrary. Moreover, it is unclear whether the election

However, last week the “Real Change” ticket, led by President-elect Laura Harris, took out nine of the 11 positions on the 2016 OUSA Executive.

OUSA opting to rejoin NZUSA, though far from guaranteed, would be a positive development for VUWSA given the latter’s recent decision to rejoin. Such a move would help ensure the viability of an organisation to which VUWSA is now manacled for the foreseeable future. Harris received over 1500 votes (35 per cent of votes cast), ahead of Hunt on 1173 votes (27 per cent). editor@salient.org.nz

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News and Columns

TATAI HONO Allandria Puna E ngā reo, e ngā mana, e ngā karangatanga maha o ngā hau e whā, tēnei mātou, ko Ngā Taura Umanga e mihi māhaki ana ki a koutou katoa. In mid July, six members of Ngā Taura Umanga attened the Ngā Kaitatau Māori o Aotearoa Hui-ā-Tau, the National Māori Accountants Network Conference held in Hamilton. This hui whakahirahira created a platform that connected tauira Māori, alumni and business proffesionals together. As a result of such a successive hui, Ngā Taura Umanga were commited to replicate this hui for all tauira Māori at Te Whare Wānanga o te Ūpoko o te Ika a Māui. This lead to our event name, “Tātai Hono” which represents “the ties that connect us all”.

On the night of the event, two outstanding speakers presented at Tātai Hono. The first speaker was Rachel Petero, the Founder and CEO of GENVIVA and RP Enterprise Group, a Māori business women and entrepreneur. The second speaker was Ngahihi O Te Rā Bidois, a Māori leader and businessman who is also an International Speaker and has been described as a modernday warrior. Here is what some of them had to say about the event: “Tatai Hono was a truly motivating experience that allowed tauira Māori the opportunity to see and hear first-hand two remarkable success stories from other Māori… What I found most inspiring was how, although both speakers are “high up” in the Western business world, they still represent their Māoritanga with pride in all that they do… It would be awesome to see more of these events in the future… I believe that the more that Māori recognise the success of other Māori, the more Māori will realise that they too can be successful and thus strive to succeed.”—Treivaan Taiapa, a tauira Māori at Vic. “The future of Aotearoa lies in our rangatahi. This is why I was so excited to take part in

Tatai Hono as a speaker to share my huarahi and whakaaro… Dream BIG, believe in the value you bring to Aotearoa, you are the future, I believe in you.”—Rachel Te Rau E Wha Petero, one of the outstanding speakers. On behalf of Ngā Taura Umanga, we would like to welcome all tāuira to our future events and encourage you all to get involved more with us as the benefits are exceedingly beneficial. We would also like to acknowledge those who helped in making our vision a reality, that is, our sponsors: The Māori Women’s Development Incorporation; ANZ; Victoria University of Wellington—Victoria Business School, Toihuarewa, and Te Pūtahi Atawhai; PwC; and KPMG. Furthermore, we would like to give a special mentioned to: Matua Bill Nathan (Kaikarakia of Tātai Hono), Teresa TepaniaAshton (CEO of The Māori Women’s Development Inc., who stood to speak before introducing the first speaker), Rachel Petero (First Speaker), Ngahihi o te Ra Bidois (Second Speaker), Elijah Pue (MC of Tātai Hono), Ngāi Tauira Kapahaka Roopū, and to all the tauira who attended Tātai Hono. Noho ora mai whānau!

The Week in Feminism

Would Hillary Clinton be a feminist president? Brittany Mackie-Ellice Democratic leader and ex-Secretary of State Hillary Clinton running for President has caused a much-needed discussion about feminism to surface—that is, the concept of corporate feminism. I started thinking about this after hearing someone sarcastically state that Clinton should win the election simply because she is a woman. To be fair, many of the articles covering the debates and campaigns from a left-wing perspective have www.salient.org.nz

taken this stance seriously. Obama’s election brought with it many celebrations and challenges simply because he was the first person of colour to be elected as President. For some, the next logical left-wing step would be to elect a woman, specifically Clinton. But would this actually be good for women’s rights in America? It’s important to mention that Clinton has already done loads of cool shit for women in America during her role as first lady to hubby Bill. During her 1995 speech in Beijing she declared that “women’s rights are human rights”. She also helped to form the US Justice Department’s Violence Against Women Office and partnered with a domestic violence trust to organise a series of conferences devoted to promoting female leaders and encouraging women to get involved in politics. However, after leaving the White House and entering the US Senate, her female-centered agenda seemed to disappear altogether. When she ran for the Democratic nomination in 2009, her goals appeared more centre-left than ever. Aside

from a few nods to the widening pay gap between white women and women of colour, Clinton failed to take any memorable stance on intersectional issues. Many feminists of colour became sceptical of her and wondered “whether she will be a champion or a voice for them—or only for white women”. This time around it seems Clinton is making more of an effort to redefine her feminism to become “all-inclusive”. Her announcement video took great pains to mention almost all minority and marginalised groups living in the US. She mentioned police brutality and a more in-depth look at income inequality between gender and races during her speech at the Women in the World Summit. Seeing a woman as president would be awesome, there’s no questioning that. But she may not be our saviour. A feminist student from New Jersey put it perfectly during a recent interview: “It’s problematic to assume that just because she’s a woman, she’s the best spokesperson for all women.”

News and Columns

issue 24

No Room for Philosophy Icon Jordan Gabolinscy After decades of commitment to the field of Philosophy, Dr Jay Shaw has been told his services are no longer required at Victoria. An associate professor in History, Philosophy, Political Science and International Relations, Shaw was told by the Pro Vice Chancellor of Humanities and Social Sciences Jennifer Windsor in April that his contract would soon be up and he would need to give up his office. Dr Shaw retired in 2011 and has been working on fixed-term contracts for the past four years. His current contract expires at the end of the year, and the University has decided not to renew it. Dr Shaw reportedly tried to speak to his superiors about the decision, but did not receive a response for two months. In June, he was told that office space was limited and there was no more room for him. Shaw responded by offering to share an office space and work without pay under an honorary title, but this was rejected.

Dr Shaw has received excellent student feedback throughout his time at Victoria, and teaches Victoria’s only course in nonWestern philosophy. Past and present students of Shaw’s have stood up for the lecturer, setting up an online petition to reinstate the man they call “a pioneer”. So far the petition has collected over 200 signatures. Vic student Martyn Hall has also sent a letter to New Zealand First leader Winston Peters, Wellington Mayor Celia Wade Brown and the staff at Vic to fight what he calls Shaw’s “baffling dismissal”. Hall said it had been a “sincere privilege to be in [Shaw’s], possibly final, Non-Western Philosophy course”. VUWSA have also supported the cause. President Rick Zwaan said it was “disappointing that the University is trying to push out an esteemed academic” and expressed his hopes that the faculty would “revisit the situation”. Dr Shaw himself claimed to feel “overwhelmed by the response from

students”. If Shaw is turned away this November he may be forced to relocate, along with his daughter and granddaughter whom he currently looks after. For more information and access to the petition in support of Dr Shaw, go to: www. toko.org.nz/petitions/the-right-to-followyour-passion# About Dr Shaw First educated in Calcutta, Shaw earned his PhD at Rice University in Houston, Texas in 1969. His scholarly work includes 11 books and over 90 papers on Western, Indian and comparative philosophy. Shaw has taught at Universities in Calcutta, Alabama and Hawaii with countless guest lectures at universities across several nations. He is also the first New Zealandbased philosopher to be honoured with a “Festschrift”, a book honouring an academic’s work and one of the highest academic accolades a person can receive.

VICTORIA UNIVERSITY OF WELLINGTON COUNCIL ELECTIONS 2015 NOTICE OF ELECTION AND CALL FOR CANDIDATES ELECTION OF TWO MEMBERS OF THE UNIVERSITY COUNCIL BY THE STUDENTS OF THE UNIVERSITY Under the new Council Constitution (that comes into effect on 1 January 2016) two places are available for people who are students at Victoria University at the time of appointment.

DATE OF ELECTION If the number of candidates exceeds the number of vacancies, an election will be held. Electronic Voting will commence on Wednesday, 21 October and close on Friday 23 October at 5pm. Candidates will be elected by the first past the post method.

The Nominations Panel, a Committee of Council, is seeking applications from interested persons to fill the two positions. One position will be for a term of one year and one position will be for a term of two years. Both terms will commence on 1 January 2016.

RETURNING OFFICER All correspondence relating to the election must be addressed to the Returning Officer (Caroline Ward – caroline.ward@vuw.ac.nz).

Potential candidates must complete a Notice of Candidacy and return that to the Returning Officer by 12pm on Monday, 12 October 2015. Candidates must specify whether they are standing for the one–year term or the two–year term. To be eligible for appointment, a candidate must be a student at Victoria University at the time of his or her appointment to Council. NOTICES OF CANDIDACY Copies of the Notice of Candidacy to be completed by candidates are available from the Returning Officer

FURTHER INFORMATION All students are eligible to vote in the election. For election purposes, a student is any person currently enrolled in a personal course of study at Victoria University or a person who is studying at the University under an exchange agreement with another institution. The election is overseen by the Council Nominations Panel and will be conducted in accordance with the Council Membership Statute and the Council Elections Procedure. Caroline Ward Secretary to Council and Returning Officer

editor@salient.org.nz

make me a Kiwi—something I wanted more than anything at the age of 9. I remember learning the Ka Mate Haka word for word, action for action, just from watching the television—long before we were ever made to learn it at school. When we visited our friends in England, they all asked us to perform it. We did, and I felt like a Kiwi. I loved the Haka.

I don’t like the Haka.

So what has changed? Well, perspective.

This week it’s just Luke at the keys. So to those of you who wait outside Vic House with fiery torches and sharp pointy things, just waiting for us to pass by, we can leave Tom out of it.

Recently radio stations, news networks and just idiots in general have posted videos of “other Hakas”, like the Rugby World Cup promo “the Hakarena”, and the Arizona Wildcats’ (football team) pre-game “Haka dance”. Their posts are usually accompanied by the question “What do we think of this?” The answer is both disappointing and ironic: A bunch of Kiwi yahoos shouting “ignorant!”.

For a young English boy moving halfway across the world to a foreign country, the New Zealand Haka was the absolute coolest thing ever. We had nothing like it back in the UK and it was the prelude to the greatest rugby team in the world. Learning the Haka meant that I could fit in and make friends. Not only that, but that it would

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The Haka has been commercialised, tarnished and privileged. Who’s to blame? It’s certainly not the Arizona Wildcats, and it’s not the British Rugby Team. It’s us, New Zealand.

instead what we showed the world is that our culture differs from other people’s, not in our pre-game rituals, but in our inability to connect with the world beyond “they look like idiots!” and “have some respect!”. We flaunt the Haka whenever there is a camera rolling. Adidas and Powerade commercialise it beyond belief. The honour associated with the Haka is lost; the very way we insist that other people “respect” what is essentially a threatening war dance has tarnished everything that I loved about the Haka when I was young. We have ripped it out of its historical context in exchange for advertising and tourism revenue. If we want people to take our culture seriously, we need to start respecting other’s culture. The British have a great sense of humour, and most of it is self-deprecating. The Americans steal things. Our little island at the bottom of the world makes us feel removed, but the world is becoming increasingly connected. It’s time to grow up. Tom and Luke

The alternative Hakas gave us a great chance to show the world that our very young country is actually capable of maturity. But

We Drank This So You Wouldn’t Have To Lydia and Mitch

Moët & Chandon Cost: Quality journalism Alcohol volume: 12% Pairing: Blood of the workers Verdict: “Not rank.”

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So a while ago, someone inexplicably dropped a bottle of Moët at the Salient office for us. For reasons related to crushing class anxiety, loyalty to Lindauer and drunk forgetfulness, it’s been sitting in Mitch’s room for roughly four months. In our last column we promised to drink it if VUWSA retained NZUSA membership and well, fuck me dead, here we are. Just to be clear, we’re very pleased at the outcome of the vote and also the ample opportunity it provides for us to make desperate champagne socialism jokes. What a blessing. Moët is quite expensive and also does some pretty heavy social signalling work (see: @maxkey_) that makes us a little uncomfortable. Having worked hard to cultivate an image of piss-swilling layabouts, we tried to offset the sociological consequences of Moët by drinking it from plastic cups and maybe mixing in a little bit of Red Bull. Whether that had the intended effect, or just made us look like the selfinvolved twats we are, is up for debate.

While knocking back cups of this bourgeois incarnation of Lindauer, we were overtaken by our crippling anti-capitalist fervour. As unqualified but obnoxiously serious booze reviewers, we resolved that while we were grateful for this bottle of expensive Mountain Dew, rich people are bullshit. Our conclusion was backed up by a very popular Twitter post in the following days, which proclaimed that it “tastes like cat pee smells”. Other assessments ranged from “fizzy” to “dry, but not in a way that I’m offended”. We’d be a little more forgiving because it was actually fairly nice, but we couldn’t taste the $50 difference and neither can you. Moët is a fun jaunt, sure. It’s more than acceptable to drink some on Christmas, steal it from your parents, or have a bottle that you refill with Passion Pop for Instagram posts. But at the end of the day, we think what everyday New Zealanders really want is cheap bubbles, not fizzy status symbols.

News and Columns

issue 24

Vic’s marketers: “Did we make the right choice?” Nicola Braid

Victoria University has almost tripled its marketing spend in the last three years without a significant increase in the number of enrolments its received. The University’s marketing spend includes advertisements placed domestically and overseas, urging students to join our hallowed halls—or as this year’s tagline points out, “know you’ve made the right choice”.

Despite the increase in spending by the University, the number of enrolments at Victoria this year has failed to overtake last year’s figure. At the end of 2014, Victoria University had 16,983 equivalent full-time students (EFTS) and as at 27 September, the University had 16,830 EFTS.* However, this doesn’t account for enrolments in Trimester Three courses, which may increase 2015’s enrolment numbers.

The figures show that New Zealand universities are competing on the market for a limited pool: there are only so many students attending university from year to year. This has been compounded by a fall in the number of students achieving University Entrance (20,578 in 2014, down from 24,940 in 2013).

UNIVERSITY MARKETING SPENDS 2014 (DOMESTIC STUDENTS ONLY)

3500000

AUT Lincoln

3000000

Waikato

2500000

Auckland

2000000

Massey

1500000

Otago

1000000

Victoria

500000

Canterbury

VICTORIA’S MARKETING SPEND 2014

1500000

Online

1200000

Outdoor Cinema

900000

Magazines

600000

Newspaper

300000

Radio TV

Total - $3,117,568 VICTORIA’S MARKETING SPEND 2010-2014

3500000 3000000 2500000 2000000 1500000 1000000 500000

2014 2013 2012 2011 2010

editor@salient.org.nz

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Ask Agatha more. Or you could be creative and say that if he sends you another one you’ll take it as an invitation to insert his dick into a paper shredder. Hey Agatha, this guy that I used to get with back in the day and had a full on fling with keeps sending me random, and unsolicited dick pics out of the blue. How can I stop the barrage of bratwurst coming into my inbox? -Sick of Sausage Hey SS, First of all, that guy is a cunt for berating you with dick pics. Also, if it gets to be too much, you can take some serious action. Now I’m not saying I hate dick pics; a welltimed dick pic is as beautiful as a spring time daffodil. Only meatier. But an out of the blue dick pic is as shocking as walking in on your flatmate masturbating—you see more than you bargained for and you just feel embarrassed for everyone involved. So if you want him to stop all together, you should either tell him clearly that you don’t want any

However, maybe you’re like me and you never really want the gravy train of sneaky nudes to stop, but to simply be on your terms. The first rule of keeping someone on side with sending sneaky nudes is that you never screenshot. Jesus never got tit pics from Mary Magdalene by screenshot-ing them to show his disciples. I think that’s how that parable goes. Secondly, you should use conditioning methods to shape his behaviour. Praise him when you get a saus-snap that you requested and show disgust/punish him when you get an unsolicited one. Try sending some grotesque boner-killer Snapchat in response. May I suggest a birthing video (animal or human) or a cyst lancing. Good luck with your behavioural shaping,

Dear Agatha, I have a Tinder date coming up and I’m so excited because we are compatible star signs. I want to find a way to work it into the conversation. I mean, I figure it’s a good talking point and it lets her know that we could last the distance. Or do you think that would be a bit much? Gregarious Gemini Hey GG, Well… it’s a memorable move. However, if anyone seriously brings up star signs in my presence, I usually roll my eyes so hard that they pop out of my head. Maybe you can make a statement by other means. Perhaps a really cool hat, or a large belt buckle. Any form of peacocking really. I feel like that’s on par with star sign chat. Good luck with your date, I hope the stars align. Agatha

Agatha

Bridget Bones’ Diary Thoughts during terrible sex

is we just ride that dick till the sticky end. After all, dealing with someone’s awkwardly moving pelvis for less than an hour is a lot less awkward than confessing you hate being naked with them.

The sad reality of university life is that many of us will be faced with disappointing sex. You go to town looking damn fine, meet a hottie and go home with them, expect to have a good shag, but spend the entire time thinking about how completely shit this is and wondering when it will be over.

There’s a definite thought process that comes with bad sex. The internal monologue you develop while getting jack-hammered is an interesting chance to lie back, reflect on all of your life choices, and try to ignore the smell of sexy-sweaty-condom that is radiating around you.

That’s the problem with one-night stands— you can never guarantee you’ll get a good fuck. Mostly it’s 3–10 minutes of “oh dear lord”, then rolling over and pretending to sleep, and hopefully forgetting the whole experience due to the drunken stupor that got you into this mess in the first place. Even though no one would blame you for stopping mid-sex and saying it’s just not gonna work out tonight (or ever), what normally happens

With the help of some trusted sexual deviants, I decided to compile a list of the thought train that comes with bad sex.

11.

www.salient.org.nz

2. 3.

Okay, so we’re skipping the foreplay? Yup, It’s already in. I think. Or is that a finger? What the fuck is happening? Well, this is different. Is this normal? I feel like this isn’t normal. Are you sure you know where my

4. 5. 6. 7. 8.

10.

12. 13. 14.

vagina is? WHOA, BUDDY. NOT THERE. NO TEETH. NO TEETH PLEASE. OH MY GOD SHE’S USING HER TEETH WHAT IS THAT?! I wonder how my boobs look right now? Probably all floppy and weird. Missionary still? Are you sure you don’t want any sprinkles with all that vanilla champ? Do not be a dead fish. Do not be a dead fish. Do not be a dead fish. I think my vagina just shrivelled up. Seriously, what was that? AAAAAAND she’s starfishing again. Holla at ya girl, you got moves. Jesus are they okay? Was that a moan, or a dying animal in a blender? Where did they learn this? Is this a porn thing? Please don’t be a porn thing. I might fart. I definitely won’t be able to come if I’m trying not to fart. My cat is watching me. Fanny fart. Kill me now.

Eye on Exec

issue 24

“Do we care about what’s happening in Palestine?” Salient shocks with selectively edited headline Sam McChesney

Salient wasn’t told the time of this week’s meeting nor sent an agenda, so walked in ten minutes late to find everyone reading a bunch of documents with “confidential” written all over them. The Exec had already moved into committee, because of course they had, so Salient can’t tell you anything about the following half-hour or so other than that Rick’s pledge to start getting better pizzas at VUWSA seems to have finally come to fruition. Naughty Rory reported that the University rugby club booked out the Boyd Wilson clubrooms to do some rugby stuff in, and then turned up to discover the rooms had been gutted. In an unprecedented case of Early Builder Syndrome, some renovations had begun ahead of schedule, leaving Victoria’s Campus Operations honcho Rainsforth Dix “jumping up and down” with anger. Rory is to hold a “what the fuck is going on meeting” (his words) with Dix in the coming week. Next up was a report from the Policy Committee. In the report, the Risk Committee had been misspelled “Rick’s Committee”, and Naughty Rory moved that this name become permanent. The right-hand side of the table— consisting of Jacinta, Ellen and Nathaniel— voted in favour of the change, but the motion was defeated by the left-hand bloc of Good Rory, Madeleine, Jono, Toby and Rick. Naughty Rory then moved that the left-hand side of the table be henceforth known as “The Fun Police”. After some debate about whether the members in question were allowed to vote on the motion or had a conflict of interest, the vote went ahead, and the motion passed when Rick moved his chair to the right-hand side of the table and voted in favour. Salient would like to confirm that, yes, the events described above actually happened.

Jacinta then tried to move the meeting into committee to discuss Salient FM, but made sure to act as vague and suspicious about it as possible (she needs some protips from Rick). Because they hadn’t really been given a reason for moving into committee, Naughty Rory and Nathaniel opposed the motion (the first time this has happened all year) and Toby abstained, although the motion still passed. As it turns out there was nothing all that suspicious at hand, the discussion didn’t really need to be in committee, and we’re just going to tell you about the new mixer we’re buying for Salient FM anyway because, well, it’s our damn mixer and the old one broke.

most of its $15,000 campaigns budget remaining (you have got to be kidding me). Thankfully, Toby and Naughty Rory pointed out that VUWSA would look like idiots to even weigh into the flag debate at all (that’s Salient’s job—looking like idiots, that is). After about 15 minutes of discussion, the Exec decided they would post a thing on Facebook to ask students some stuff about the flag, or something. We’re seriously considering changing Good Rory’s name after this.

Rick and Jacinta then had some sort of power struggle over which of them is chair of the Finance and Audit Committee. They talked about some stuff but Salient wasn’t really listening, partly because Rick was saying things like “there was discussion about some of the line items that we discussed in the earlier discussions”. What we can tell you is that, according to Rick, VUWSA is on track to post a surplus of close to $100,000— around $99,700 above budget (yes, VUWSA budgeted for a total surplus of $300). The Exec’s excitement was somewhat tempered when Rick mentioned that his calculations had included an income stream that he couldn’t remember if he was supposed to include. Incidentally, that income stream is worth exactly $100,000. For fuck’s sake.

This meeting occurred on Tuesday directly before the lecture by former Israeli Defence Force (IDF) soldiers (see online for details), and the Exec decided they needed to take a position on it. Nathaniel pointed out that VUWSA “has a history of activism” and Madeleine said they would be “doing a disservice to students” by sitting on the fence—the implication being that it would be “activist” and in students’ interests to support the pro-Palestine protest of the event.

The Exec then discussed Red Peak (no, seriously). Before the meeting, Good Rory had circulated an email to the other Execcies to ask whether, given that VUWSA has an eleven-year-old policy on its books to support the changing of the New Zealand flag, VUWSA should now officially support Red Peak. Someone got a bit carried away and pointed out that VUWSA still had

The Exec then discussed the trifling matter of the Israel-Palestine conflict. Buckle up.

Here’s a list of quotes from the ensuing discussion: • • • • •

“We need to support club activities,” said the Clubs and Activities Officer (i.e. Naughty Rory). Madeleine: “Do we care about clubs doing whatever they want, or about what’s happening in Palestine?” Jono: “It’s a complex issue.” Rick: “There’s undisputed facts about what happened in Gaza in 2014.” Ellen: “I don’t feel informed enough to Continued on page 16 editor@salient.org.nz

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make a decision on behalf of students.” The Exec decided not to take an official position. A number of them expressed a desire to attend the event, but only if they could first jam metaphorical fenceposts up their bumholes. The Exec moved on to fee raises. The day before, the University had once again raised fees by the statutory maximum amount. The elected student representative on University Council, Stella Blake-Kelly, had voted in favour of the increase, much to Facebook’s ire. Rick described Blake-Kelly’s decision as “unfortunate” and Nathaniel moved a motion expressing general disappointment in the raise. Nathaniel’s motion—clearly targeted

Letter of the Week: Salient readers, Why do you get so grumps about Jess’s column? She’s not saying that playsuits and white sandals make you a bad person, she’s just highlighting that these items could be considered slightly embarrassing in their ubiquitousness and the situations in which they are most often worn. Let’s face it, getting mad drunk and grinding up on horny older men in 5 degree weather whilst wearing an orange pom pom fringed play suit and white sandals does not scream of class and taste. But that doesn’t make you a bad person! Do what you do and don’t be ashamed! Wear those sandals with pride and don’t worry what Jess thinks cause she doesn’t worry about what you think. Let the ‘altie’ bitches who read the column and laugh have their fun. I have white sandals and IDGAF, I still find it funny. From Altie bitch Letter of the Week receives two coffee vouchers and a $10 book voucher from Vic books. www.salient.org.nz

at Blake-Kelly—was seconded by Toby, but the rest of the Exec opted to discuss the issue before voting. Most of the Exec agreed that fee increases suck, but that they help to maintain quality, and that the real problem is an overall lack of funding for universities. Ellen pointed out that as VUWSA had barely campaigned against the fee increase despite knowing it was coming, it lacked the moral authority to whinge about it now. Nathaniel re-put his motion and the Exec voted it down.

four reasons: 1. 2. 3. 4.

Things happened. People talked openly about stuff. Not all votes were unanimous. There was pizza and laughter.

And with that, Eye on Exec for 2015 is finished! That slight breeze you’re feeling? A collective sigh of relief.

So, after a mere two and a half hours, the meeting was over. Salient would like to point out that this was by far the best Exec meeting of the year so far, for the following

Spam of the Week

dear salient,

Hi my family member! I wish to say that this post is awesome, nice written and include almost all vital infos. I would like to see more posts like this . womens knit hats http://www. twofangtu.cn/beanie-hats

i am distraught at not being informed that the last issue was the opinion issue, as i believe that i’ve missed an opportunity to share my opinions. i have opinions, salient. opinions about you. i am now a world-worn honours student, and have recently had a renaissance of my appreciation for this magazine. i loved you deeply in first year, despite my then-third year girlfriend telling me it was shit. for the rest of undergrad, i followed her example and turned up my nose at so-called ‘shitlient’. but i’ve re-found my love for you, salient. you’re not that bad (especially when talking to my friend down at uc about their student paper – in comparison it seems like you deserve some kind of award). i like reading you when i should definitely be reading something for my thesis, but i hazard to guess that i would even read you if i wasn’t purely procrastinating. i love you salient. i wish more people did. love, hannah p.s. why was there no ‘we drank this so you didn’t have to’ segment this week? i had to choose a wine to take to a byo dinner with no useful guidance. for shame.

Thanks, I always suspected You are a very clever person! snapback hats on sale http://www. twofangtu.cn/snapback-hats

Salient letters policy Salient welcomes, encourages, and thrives on public debate—be it serious or otherwise—through its letters page. Letters must be received before 4pm on Thursday for publication the following week. Letters must be no longer than 250 words. Pseudonyms are fine, but all letters must include your real name, address and telephone number—these will not be printed. Letters will not be corrected for spelling or grammar. The Editor reserves the right to edit, abridge, ordecline any letters without explanation. Email: editor@salient.org.nz Post: Salient, c/- Victoria University of Wellington Hand-delivered: Salient office, Level 3, Student Union Building (behind the Hunter Lounge)

NewsFeatures and Columns

THAT M A ES I R

ER TT

STO

issue 24

There’s no smoke without Spider

Nicola Braid

I’ve got to get something off my chest Russian artist Irina Romanovskaya has created an artwork of President Vladimir Putin via her breasts. Romanovskaya works by painting her chest and dabbing the impressions onto paper. The artist claims her art is aimed at gaining the attention from politicians, and argued that artists “are on their own doing something. I would like authorities to pay attention to them and then somehow start helping them”. Interestingly, Putin is supposedly an amatuer painter himself and his debut painting inspired by Ukrainian folklore was auctioned off for charity.

Footballers with ul-terrier motives?

A Michigan man recently set fire to his own vehicle by trying to fight a spider with a cigarette lighter. The driver, apparently very afraid of spiders, decided to try and use OPEN FIRE to remove an arachnid that was chillin’ on a PETROL PUMP STATION. Although the fire destroyed the petrol pump, the man’s car went relatively unscathed—and at least he called the fire department, right?

Knob your average East Yorkshire resident Daniel Medforth who took 35 viagra pills in an hour was recently sent to hospital suffering from a five-day erection. In what must have been an exceptionally hard situation, Medforth told The Sun “I ended up feeling sick, dizzy and hallucinating, everything I saw was green”. With regards to Medforth’s member, he assured the public “It wasn’t a permanent erection but every time I brushed against something for five days it sprung into life and was no use to me”.

Sao Paulo FC recently entered a football match against Palmeiras with personal dog mascots—also donned in a Sao Paulo kit. The canine companions replaced human children who usually accompany players onto the pitch as part of a city-wide driver to encourage people to adopt stray dogs. Unfortunately, even adorable pooches couldn’t help the Portuguese Tricolour from landing a draw at full time.

“Gothammmm is yourrssss, for a price” Staff at the technology blog Gizmodo have put their heads together in order to estimate how much it would cost to be Batman. If any of our readers were hoping to defeat the next Ra’s al Ghul, we’re really sorry, it’s going to cost you around $682,450,750. (That is unless you’re reading this Mark Zuckerberg, in which case we would say, “hey, thanks for Facebook, good luck being Batman.”) Anyway, taking into account the suit, vehicles, training (and probably associated flight costs to get to Mongolian mountains), mansion and manservant it will, as expected, COST A FUCKTONNE. However, those of you simply wanting to channel the Bale-esq look can purchase Kevlar Nomex Gloves or kneepads for more reasonable $150 a pair.

 American style softer, chewier centres  Baked fresh on our premises  Over 14 flavours daily to choose from

We think this might be illegal A London property owner has put out an advert for a room in Clapham at the cost of around NZ$294 per week, which turned out to have been a literal cupboard under the stairs. Into that boywho-lived indoor/outdoor flow?, well this cheeky gem is reportedly “furnished” (although that’s what the Dursley’s would say) and provides an “easy access to local tube stations” (for all your platform 9 and ¾ needs).

31/12/15

editor@salient.org.nz

Features

salient

Ian Curtis Memorial Wall An INVESTIGATION JOE CRUDEN + GEORGE BLOCK When we moved to Wellington, we lived in a small hovel on Wallace Street in Mount Cook. Leaving our home, we would wander down to the Adelaide Road Countdown to buy mince, passing the series of murals on western Wallace Street. As we crested the hill, we’d come upon a large blue and black mural. It was imposing, sat confidently beside an odd neo-urban piece —“RIP Ian Curtis – Walk In Silence, 1956–1980”, it read. At first, we didn’t really give it much thought. But we continued to run out of mince, and the walk to Countdown became routine. Slowly, clumsily, we began to wonder about this curious tribute to a post-punk icon. What the fuck was this thing doing there? Ian Curtis died in 1980 just before his band Joy Division embarked on a tour in support of their acclaimed second album, Closer. Curtis was a tormented figure—a depressive and a lifelong epileptic. He hanged himself in his kitchen on 18 May 1980. Curtis was an icon to a generation of disaffected youth in the Thatcher years; his mystique and popularity have only grown since. “Love Will Tear Us Apart”, “Disorder”, and “She’s Lost Control” became anthems to swaying pallid youths in alienating post-industrial England and (clearly) the rest of the western world. We should say at the top: for our part, Curtis’s staunch brand has always been too much for us. Neither of us has been arrested and we both have jobs (for now). For us, Robert Smith’s flavour of Boys-Don’t-Cry sensitive alienation has always held more sway than the hard-nosed boot-wearing of the punk scene. That is: we aren’t active fans of Joy Division, just Interested and Aware. One night, after another meaty bolognese, we stumbled upon a poorly-edited Stuff article about the memorial that seemed to hint (if Stuff articles are capable of “hinting”) at a long and interesting history. We learned the memorial was subject to a twenty-year toand-fro between a small cadre of Wellington punks who would tirelessly repaint this thing every time the Council removed it. Stuff was unclear on how exactly this weird conflict began, nor how it ended up in www.salient.org.nz

this uncomfortable détente in which the WCC has let the thing be. We decided to investigate. We learned there are two main phases to the wall’s history: the period 1981–2013, and the period from 2013 until today. Between 1981 and 2013, the Ian Curtis Memorial Wall was little more than a rugged “RIP”, painted and re-painted by a series of dedicated supporters. This was the stage we refer to as the “battle”—the period in which the Ian Curtis tribute would, again and again, be removed by Council officials, only to reappear days later in a slightly altered form. In 2013, Wellington artist Maurice Bennett organised a new memorial by Andrew Tamati Wright. This is the blue and black memorial we walked past with our mince and the one you can still walk past (with your mince) today. Although Bennett’s new memorial was arranged without Council permission, it has been left alone by the Council (and others) for the last two years. Obviously, questions remain. What drove this turn-based battle, and how did it end up at an uncomfortable dénouement? And it is uncomfortable. Curtis is supposed be a symbol of everything the Wellington City Council’s maintenance and sanitation

team is against. Curtis was a symbol for those who fought the Establishment—for those who ended up on the scrapheap of ruthless 70s capitalism. Has this icon of deindustrialised, hopeless communities become a sanitised, placatory totem? Why the hell is the Wellington City Council providing tacit endorsement to this antiestablishment martyr? By what process does the Council decide which outsider icons should be immortalised on Wallace Street walls? The Fairfax hacks at stuff.co.nz didn’t seem to have uncovered much—they established Ian Curtis was a “lead singer” of a “gloomy Manchester post-punk band”. The bar was set low. One thing in the Stuff articles had caught our eye: the creative comment from a Richard Maclean of the Wellington City Council. When tensions were at their peak in 2009, Maclean had said “Clearly our graffiti team are not big fans of Joy Division. One person’s punk art memorial is another person’s vandalism.” Later, in 2013, when Maurice Bennett was planning the newer, “sanitised” version of the memorial, Maclean said “In

issue 24

the tradition of the Curtis wall, the Council is happy to turn a blind eye”. Maclean’s views certainly seemed to have evolved over the last few years. We wondered where he sat now; the Council seemed a good enough place to start. As we discovered, Maclean’s evolution has continued apace. We sent a tentative email from the Salient news account and ended up with some blindingly good stuff. In his first response, Maclean said he would hand us over to a “Clayton”, who he described as playing in the “fantastically good” Wellington band Beastwars, although he had “no idea whether Clayton is a Joy Division fan”. And he wasn’t done; “I’d guess that most people under the age of 20 (except those who went to Wellington High School) wouldn’t have a clue who Ian Curtis was…” After an anxious wait, Clayton (of Beastwars fame) responded. Our circuitous route to some sort of answer continued. Clayton promised a response in the near future, and told Maclean (and, because we were privy to the email chain, us) he had a “framed poster of the Closer album above his bed.” We had

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ourselves a self-described “bit of a fan”. Surely Clayton would be able to provide the answers we needed. Unfortunately not. After yet more waiting, Clayton seemed to get cold feet; he palmed us off to the much more reticent Katie Taylor-Duke, who toed the Council line with disappointing loyalty. Taylor-Duke initially seemed keen on street art—“we love it,” she said; “it activates streets, adds colour, interest, reflects communities and tells stories about our city’s past, present and future.” Despite deeply-held reservations about the ability of streets to be “activated”, we decided to plough on. Katie answered our questions in full, but the Council wasn’t risking anything—they were playing it safe. We did learn some things, though: —As a “general rule of thumb”, graffiti is classified as art created on others’ property without Council consent. —The Council now officially sanctions the memorial: “it’s recognised as a memorial artwork that more formally reflects the heritage of the wall as a remembrance to Ian Curtis.”

—The Council does, occasionally, remove tagging from the mural. Despite Taylor-Duke’s best efforts, almost all of our questions remained. There was no hint of irony in the Council’s conflicting positions: one day attacking the wall as a blight, the next removing tagging from the wall, now considered to “reflect communities and tell stories about our city’s past”. We thought of the endless war described in Orwell’s 1984. Maybe the wall had always been sanctioned. Maybe the “battle” had been orchestrated by one of Taylor-Duke’s predecessors. Maybe it once suited the Council to wage war with this post-punk Goldstein. Maybe the “punks” were in on it. Maybe they, like Clayton, were Council employees. We didn’t know, and we were no “Closer” to finding out. And yet, that doesn’t fit either. At least some council employees were clearly Joy Division fans and all were human. Richard, Clayton and Katie were nice. Clayton has a bed for Christ’s sake. He plays in a band. For his part, Maclean seems to hold an odd but endearing editor@salient.org.nz

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Tony described painting the wall “with an old scrubbing brush… with paint stolen from a Council paint job.” He used to hide the paint “over at the polytech in the flax bushes and the scrubbing brush in a gutter above the garage down the street”.

grudge against Wellington High School and his comments identify him as at least a bit of a larakin. These council employees were not agents of some shadowy surveillance state. They weren’t trying to manipulate us. At least if they were, they were doing a bloody good job. -

his delayed response. After that, he really came to the party. Bede reckons “one of the great things about the wall is that this four piece band from Macclesfield could be paid tribute to just months after his [Curtis’s] death in a street in Wellington, New Zealand… This was 1980, there was no internet, nothing went viral and news doesn’t spread the way it does today.”

And so, with low expectations, we moved to the second hit on our Google search. We found the wall’s Facebook page, a digital shrine to a real-life memorial descriptively titled “Ian Curtis Memorial Wall, Wellington, New Zealand”; a place where 700-ish Curtis fans can congregate and discuss Ian Curtis and his Wellingtonian memorial. A quick look at the group suggested most members were there to discuss music. The most recent post saw group members discussing their top ten Joy Division tracks, while just below someone had posted a link to Joy Division’s “Ceremony” on YouTube. There was some discussion of the wall, though; a bit further down members posted about the 2013 Bennett-Wright wall and, stretching back to 2011, we found some commentary on the battle between artists and the Council. We opened up a chat and sent out a clumsy opener to the site’s administrator. Could this be one of the punks? Maybe our correspondent would have personal experience of the battle.

Bede considers the wall much more than a simple memorial to Ian Curtis. He says the original artists “took it upon themselves to see this blank canvas on Wallace Street and in hindsight—make history.” Bede says for some, the wall represents the “power of the people”, while for others it is a “f**k you to authority”. He thinks “the wall has become a shrine of hope” for those who are “struggling out there not to give up. It also shows people that regardless of what obstacles they have to face in life, they can do something special that can live forever. That’s an important message.”

As it turned out, we got a response from a man named Bede who told us he was at work. We were bemused. What was a committed punk doing in paid employment? We wondered if Richard and Clayton were running the group. Had our Orwellian fears proved correct?

We’d noticed something else on Bede’s page. Fans of the wall didn’t seem to agree about which was the “real” memorial: the rugged tributes or the new, toned-down, Council-sanctioned iteration. One commenter said of the new wall, “I think it’s bourgeoise crap that just means the middle-class wankers don’t paint over it daily.” But others loved the fresh new wall; a photo of the new

In true punk style, Bede first apologised for www.salient.org.nz

The wall clearly means a lot to Bede (and others in the group). The wall obviously exists as a powerful symbol for many people, and for many good reason. But as far as we were concerned, Bede’s tone was slightly too palatable. We don’t know many punks, but we’re led to believe they wouldn’t asterisks out their “fucks” over email.

mural had garnered 10 “likes” and one commenter described it as “awesome”. Perplexed, we asked Bede for his view on the intra-punk disagreement. Bede was again conciliatory, telling us “I agree with both of them… Either way the wall is here to stay and that is all that matters.” But others disagree. Is permanence the goal for the Ian Curtis Wall, or was the impermanence of it kind of the point? With some trepidation, we messaged the fellow who castigated the new wall as “bourgeoisie crap”, one Tony Hitch. We wanted to know what those on the front line of the battle against the Council thought. Did they see any value in this new memorial? What was it like, creeping out in the dead of night to slick new paint on that mossy Wallace wall? Would Tony be able to tell us? Hitch answered our questions and then some. He told us the new wall was “too corporate. Too acceptable. Too boring.” Tony was disgusted that “even the drips were painted on… WTF if you want some paint drips just drip some paint. FFS!” It emerged that Tony isn’t just a supporter, Tony was one of the artists. Tony described painting the wall “with an old scrubbing brush… with paint stolen from a Council paint job.” He told us how he used to hide the paint “over at the polytech in the flax bushes and the scrubbing brush in a gutter above the garage down the street.” Tony’s war stories didn’t end there. He says “At first people threw butts and abuse, but around 2011 I started not even wearing a hat

Features

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and making a decision to try get arrested for tagging. Completely exposed and at all times of day.” Tony told us the Council never had the wall painted over for long. He said on only one occasion was the wall gone for more than 24 hours; when he went away for a week “over easter”. Tony Hitch painted the Ian Curtis Memorial Wall between 2004 and 2013. He says he painted the wall “more than 50 times”. Hitch was only one of many who took up the mantle, and while we didn’t hear from any of the “originals”, he provided a lucid portrait of the pre-truce. Tony believes ardently in the original wall and when asked why he spent so much time painting and repainting the tribute, he responded simply “it deserved to stay.” We also approached Maurice Bennett, the Wellington artist who organised the current iteration of the Ian Curtis Memorial. Bennett told us the wall is a Wellington “icon” and agreed to meet with us. Unfortunately, Bennett has been very unwell and had to cancel the appointment. Bennett’s position can be found elsewhere. In 2013, when organising Andrew Tamati Wright’s interpretation of the memorial, Bennett paid homage to the originals. He

said the wall was “sacred… it’s part of our city and a taste of what makes this city so great.” Bennett made it clear he has a love of Joy Division and that he wasn’t willing to wait for Council approval (though that has now been given). From our limited interaction with Bennett, it is clear he is not the villain Hitch suggests. Bennett did not hope to present a “corporate” or sterilised version of Tony’s earlier efforts. Bennett, like the punks, seems motivated by a devotion equal and not entirely opposite to Hitch’s. If you want answers, you’re in the wrong place. None of the avenues we explored provided clear direction; this is a human tale of misunderstanding, tenacity and accidental compromise. What started out as an effort to “get to the bottom” of the wall ended up somewhere off to the side. The Battle of the Wall was not a sinister, Orwellian attempt to neuter revolution. We initially imagined a tale that spoke to the dialectics of control. Our early understanding was that the establishment replaced a jagged countercultural icon with a sterile compromise that offended none and pleased nobody. But Richard and Clayton at the Council

are not Machiavellian agents. They are just a couple of people doing jobs, who are Joy Division fans like the rest of us. At one stage, they were told to oppose the memorial and (probably) reluctantly they did so. When they stopped receiving that direction, they happily allowed the wall to stand. The wall was a human accident; the memorial a result unintended. There were clearly some “punks” like Hitch who refused compromise, and some who thought permanence was useful; throwing our friendly Council staff into the mix only complicates matters. So are we left with a shaggy dog tale par mediocre? Well, yes. But is that such a problem? This is a human story with mostly random shit happening and a resolution that may sit uncomfortably. What we once saw as the result we now understand as a result. Maybe Hitch will again take up arms and retrieve his paint from the flax. Maybe the Council’s position will shift again and Maclean will be forced to renege, sending the troops in to remove the hallowed memorial. Maybe all of this will happen and maybe none. All we know is that we were (and continue to be) wrong. The Ian Curtis Memorial Wall just is.

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HACK LIKE NOBODY’S WATCHING GUS MITCHELL

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I really want to be a futurist. I want my jetpack, my Minority Report holo-screen and my Iron Man suit. As a glutton for knowledge, I relish the opportunity to wake up and effectively download everything that I missed while I was sleeping into my head, all before breakfast. And I’m not alone in this. But since I have researched this article, I’ve been feeling a lot of that certain sickly feeling you get as a human when something is so far beyond your current comprehension that your mind struggles to handle it. “Present shock”, I believe it’s dubbed. Simply put, that post-apocalyptic dystopian future you all read about is here all around you, and the revelation hasn’t caught up to us yet. Ever since intelligence community martyr and recent Twitter user Edward Snowden leaked classified documents from the NSA, we’ve suddenly become aware of the extent to which intelligence agencies can keep tabs on all of our online actions. Their tentacles extend beyond their own shores and legal jurisdictions, shaking hands with every intelligence community the world over including our own, all in the name of stopping the spectre of terrorism. Snowden’s actions are one of those world-shattering revelations that cannot be undone, to the point where “post-Snowden” has probably replaced “post-9/11” as the historical yardstick du jour in the Western world. And now I’ve been tasked to draw a roadmap of where we are and where we’re heading. To begin at the beginning: like your microwave and your canned food, your

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computer, phone and your internet are all trickled down from military technology. The first “modern” computer was the one Turing and company created to break the Enigma code during World War II. So for a start, years of having personal computers has led to us kind of forgetting how and why they came about, and we shouldn’t really be surprised when we learn how intelligence agencies are spying on us. Because really, they were there first, they will always do it better, and we get the after-results neatly stamped with a fruit logo (this will be important later). The current purpose of intelligence ops is the collection of “metadata”. Metadata is “data about data”. It includes phone calls and emails of people on a network, the time they were sent, the location they were sent to and from, and who receives them. The NSA then put that metadata through patterns analysis programs to track the movements of people through their devices, expressly for the identification and elimination of terrorists. What puts this firmly in dystopic Big Brother territory is that they’re spying on everyone as opposed to a select suspicious few, and this is where people begin to freak out about their privacy being invaded. The reason metadata, as opposed to content, is collected is that as our technology currently stands, it can’t read the content of a message for shit, especially since a computer has no understanding of tone or nuance in speech. So instead, everything is collected as a “better safe than sorry” measure. As Snowden revealed, this is what the NSA has been collecting and scouring through for the past few years, and they’re only getting better at it as

they invent new and better programs, like PRISM. Even scarier is the fact that the NSA “deputises” companies that profit off such data, like Google and Yahoo, to access the data from their customers and spread a wider net over, well, the ‘net. The NSA is the head of an all-seeing Legion of Doom known as the “Five Eyes”, which is made up of intelligence agencies from the USA, the UK, Canada, Australia and New Zealand. When the NSA hits a point where their activities might be considered illegal, like spying on other countries, they cosy up to their allied and friendly nations and incentivise them to do their surveillance for them. It’s considered better in the long run to cosy up with the US, even though our history since the 80s has been less than amiable, after that time when the USA was all “hey babe, do you mind if I leave this nuclear submarines up in your waters?”, and we were all “yeah, we’re not really into that, can’t we just cuddle?” and the US was having none of that so we told them to fuck off, and our relationship status went from “ally” to “friend”. Complicating this is the fact that our major economic ties are with China, the US’s current economic and “cyberwarfare” enemy. And being a friendly ex, New Zealand helps out however it can. The vox populi has prodded the government to unfriend its way out of the alliance, but as former US intelligence advisor Pat Buchanan puts it, it would be “like trying to get out of the mafia”. And what a racket it is. Snowden has referred to Five Eyes as a “supra-national intelligence organisation editor@salient.org.nz

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that doesn’t answer to the known laws of its own countries”, using the existing ties and infrastructure left over from the Cold War to establish a new circle of eyes around the world, with each country’s “eye” focused on its own spread of communications. Our “eye” is the GCSB (Government Communications Security Bureau), and our communications intelligence base is located at Waihopai Station, an intelligence communications hub near Blenheim. In 2009, it was upgraded to go “full take” in the pursuit of collecting metadata rather than simply listening out for potentially incriminating calls or emails. After this data is collected, it’s then shunted off to the NSA for storage and analysis, and everyone else in the Five Eyes does the same. According to documents leaked by Snowden and picked up by the New Zealand Herald, we’ve been spying on many Pacific Island Nations, including Fiji, the Solomon Islands, Samoa, Vanuatu and Kiribati. Naturally, they’re a bit miffed that we’ve been monitoring them, especially since we really have no reason to (with the noted exception of Fiji, because, well, coups). But fortunately for us, miffed is about the extent of it. “There are no terrorists in the Cook Islands,” says Cook Island politician Norman George. “We are peace-loving Christians—to spy on us is frankly, bad manners.” How sweet. So if you’re not rocking in a fetal position on the floor by now, then I suspect you may be somewhat familiar with all of this (and, y’know, read the news). The fascinating www.salient.org.nz

thing about it all of this Spy vs Spy business is that prior to Snowden, if you said that the government was spying on everybody and taking tabs on their calls, people would have assumed you were a tin-foil hat wearing kook. But for those in the hacking and cybersecurity community, this is also old news, akin to the sky being blue and Vista being crap.

HACK JOBS As a security tester in New Zealand, Adam Boileau is in an interesting position. Having cut his teeth hacking through a spare dial-up phone line in their youth, he break people’s tech for a living professionally—a occupation that only around thirty people in New Zealand can do professionally. Unlike the job market today, where one embarrassing Facebook photo could get you fired from your job, all the bulletin boards and networks that Adam and others like him hacked upon growing up have since evaporated and all the technology he hacked on has since become obsolete. It’s an enviable tabula rasa of a personal history; coupled with the fact that since everything from our phones to our cars has a computer in it, his type of knowledge of how to navigate our rapidly technologised world is a valued commodity. Prior to meeting him, my only real knowledge of hacking and breaking technology as a concept was from Mr. Robot, which was frighteningly accurate enough that it pulled my head out of the sand (and got me to change all my passwords). As we spoke

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about the state of our dystopian cyberpunk future-present, I realised just how exclusive that knowledge truly is. “Those of us who break [tech] for fun in the old days and now for fat cash and conference jaunts and all our trappings of commercial success, we get paid good money for it,” Boileau says. “But that kind of mindset isn’t one that a lot of people have, so we end up in a situation where we have a society that’s built on technology, which is kind of thinly spackled over everything else, without a real understanding of how it actually works.” As the world around us grows increasingly more technologised, our understanding of how it all really works is dwindling, and it’s up to those who “speak Nerd” to keep people—like MPs writing cybercrime legislation—from fucking it all up. “The laws are bizarre,” Boileau tells me. “Even my job is questionably legal in some respects, the sort of concept of possession of computer hacking tools for supply, you can have small amounts for personal use but you can’t make them available for commercial supply. Very weird things where we’re legislating by analogy to other things. “If you look at Kiwicon, the hacker conference I organise, the theme is ‘cyberwar’. The reason is ‘cyber-’ is a prefix meaning ‘a shitty metaphor is going to follow’. Every time you see ‘cyberwar’ or ‘cyberhacking’ or whatever, it means that someone doesn’t understand what cyber is.”

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The general rule of signals comms technology is that military technology filters down to law enforcement and then to the civilian. Just as we’ve inherited our computers from the ones used to crack the Enigma code, every advancement in surveillance is trickling down, if you have the desire, the patience and the cash to buy all the parts. That technological trickle-down is a trajectory Boileau finds concerning. “We’ve got to ask ourselves: all the stuff that Snowden says the NSA is doing right now, what are we going to do when punk kids are doing it?” Boileau was adjacent to the virus-writing scene of the late 80s, one that thrived at Victoria University. We have the distinction of being the birthplace to one of the first computer viruses ever written, the STONED virus. When a floppy disc (ask your parents) was inserted into a computer, it had a one in eight to one in 14 chance of infecting the computer, upon which the phrase “Your PC is now Stoned! Legalise Marijuana!” would appear on your screen. (Writers note: if it hasn’t since been upgraded to “error 420: file not found”, that is an opportunity sorely missed.) Other “punk kids” in those days would write their own viruses, then write the anti-viral software countering it and sell it to pay their tuition. Boileau recounted a recent example from Kiwicon, where a kid had managed to procure an ankle bracelet used for prisoners under house arrest and spoof its signal. “He did that with a cell network GPS to figure it out and the cell tower to report it in. He ran up a fake cell site with $1000 worth of equipment, he recorded what [the bracelet] normally says and was able to replay it and play a fake broadcast.” It’s equivalent to looping a security tape when you’re robbing a bank. If a criminal worked out how to do this, they could continue their activities while the cops assume they’re still stewing in their condo. One of the most frightening potential

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applications of this is car hacking. Modern cars are essentially computers on wheels, or technically, a network on wheels called a CAN bus, which beams Bluetooth messages all around the parts of your car. Your axles communicate to your steering wheel, your gas pedal and brakes to your engine and your GPS navigation system to a satellite, and so forth. Since a car is broadcasting signals like this, it’s possible to get into that little network and take control of the car remotely. While obscenely difficult to do, it can be done provided you buy all the parts and know what car you are trying to hack. Then you can do anything from unlock the car without a remote key, kill the engine or the headlights, even take control of the steering, potentially all from miles away, provided your wifi is decent. If enough people with motivation got together, they could potentially hack a whole set of cars in a highway and crash them remotely, all without leaving their homes. As devices producing data and signals that can be intercepted, collected or “sniffed” (using a program that monitors and analyses internet traffic), potentially any of those devices is hackable. Those that can control the computers can control the world, and there’s a constant arms race on both sides of the law over who can control or protect the most territory.

PRIVACY MATTERS We Millennials are the first generation that has never had anything in the way of traditional “privacy”, what with our need to post, snap and gram our every doing online. All of that is being collected, stored and analysed by the NSA. That’s just a fact. In the general discourse of today’s surveillance state, turning off your phone or not having a Facebook or Google account is not just seen as weird, it’s potentially incriminating. You have to participate or else you face extrajudicial scrutiny. Five Eyes, under the NSA, are constantly combing through metadata to determine the patterns of terrorists and other criminals. The usual modus operandi for these types to avoid surveillance goes like this: Criminals typically have a personal phone and a “work”

phone, usually a prepaid burner phone bought with cash so the purchase isn’t traced through a card, or they buy several to distribute amongst their crew. When in transit or committing a crime, they switch off their easily trackable personal phone and switch on their “work” one, and over time, they replace phones and sim cards frequently to make tracking them more difficult. Thanks to the advent of metadata, you can easily track a terrorist by determining a pattern through their phone use. An NSA spook can hone in on a certain area and bring up the metadata on all the phones that have been turned off and on in succession, and track people that way over time, even across countries as they line up airport departure and arrival times and determine who they’re meeting and where. Once you can be reasonably sure that you have your terrorist, or network of terrorists, calling the same set of phones or meeting in the same places, that’s the time to call up a drone and put extra-judicial “warheads on foreheads”, so to speak. One case where this runs into trouble is when those patterns line up with persons of lesser interest, like Ahmad Muaffaq Zaidan, a journalist from Islamabad who works for Al Jazeera. Zaidan was put on a terrorist watch-list due to metadata presenting him as working with terrorists, when he was only interviewing them. One piece of tech that’s trickled down to domestic law enforcement, at least in the States, are Stingray devices. Basically, a Stingray is a fake cell phone tower that simulates the signals of cell phone towers while covertly gathering the messages and signals of all phones in the area. They are effective, but their legality is very weird, to say the least. The companies that make the tech ask the police to sign non-disclosure agreements that to ensure that they don’t disclose how they work. This makes prosecuting cases with Stingray-gathered evidence difficult, and so to counter this, the police massage the details using a technique called “parallel reconstruction” where they claim that their evidence came from a human informant instead. This is also set to happen in the UK and Australia. And if editor@salient.org.nz

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Ahmad Muaffaq Zaidan, a journalist from Islamabad who works for Al Jazeera, was put on a terrorist watch-list due to metadata presenting him as working with terrorists. In fact he was only interviewing them. www.salient.org.nz

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punk kids get a hold of one of these things in the future, then all bets are off. So how can you be sure that no hackers or spooks are snooping on your calls? Phone privacy is not a feature that can be advertised as easily as you can with a computer. Walk into Vodafone and ask the retail staff which phone has the best cybersecurity, and they’d be at a loss to tell you. “If they understood this stuff, they’d have a real job,” Boileau says. But that’s slowly changing, since data is quickly becoming more of a commodity. Apple has made its customers’ data protection a concern, making phones harder to crack using patches and PIN codes—something that has already bristled law enforcement in the States when seizing evidence and trying to get the incriminating data off them. The business model of Google and Facebook is data, and when they’re not selling it to advertisers, they’re doing all they can to archive and protect it. In the case of Russia and Eastern Europe, where the quality of education is high but the opportunity is low, kids with computer science or engineering degrees will go on to become cybercriminals. “Our software writers are the best in the world and that is why our hackers are the best in the world,” says Lieutenant General Boris Miroshnikov of Russia’s police cybercrime division Department K.

Interestingly, while the amount of cybercrime has increased, the number of criminals technically hasn’t. Email invoice fraud and phishing scams have a far greater reach than the fax and snail mail scams that proceeded them, as well as being cheaper to pull off. New Zealand’s main cyber threat comes from China, who routinely employ industrial espionage and are believed to have spied on industrial giant Fonterra. According to Boileau, we don’t know whether Chinese hackers are militarytrained or just government-sanctioned citizens, but their efficiency cannot be questioned. “In many respects the Chinese are ruthless at using cyber and computer hacking and that kind of technique to advance their national interest,” Boileau explains. “They play much more holistically, I think, and much more long game than the West do.”

FIVE EYES BLIND And so, after that whirlwind tour, we return to where we started, and the question remains: can New Zealand ever leave Five Eyes? Due to its less advanced technology, New Zealand is still pretty far behind in cybercrime, punk kids and overseas hackers notwithstanding. And to the US, we’re still a vital asset in surveillance, and in return for spying on the neighbours, they give us their cool toys. But the whole arrangement is antithetical to everything New Zealanders know about our relationship with the States, since we assumed they stopped bothering with us after the whole nuke thing. As much

as we talk a big game about independence from the US and Britain and whoever else, to Boileau the likelihood of leaving Five Eyes is slim to none, partly because of our ties to the international surveillance community. “I don’t know if that’s really practical,” Boileau says. “If we pull out of our alliance, then we’re going to be very isolated by virtue of having no friends as well as no enemies.” So simply put, we’re in too deep. But the future is often what we make of it. And if my “present shock” is any indication, the future is now. I asked Boileau what we thought the best case scenario for our techworld would be going forward. “[I think] we are in the dystopic cyberpunk future. You read a William Gibson or Neil Stevenson book, we are very much in that time now. We have to look for science fiction for guidance, what kind of weird shit going to happen next.” Global surveillance may not rest its gaze any time soon, and there may be plenty more Snowdens to follow as the years go on. The best we can do as non-hacking civilians is educate ourselves. So keep both eyes open. If you want to know more about the hacking community or simply wish to arm yourself for the war ahead, the next Kiwicon conference is coming up on 10 December at the St James Theatre. You can find out more at www. kiwicon.org.

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FOIBLES OF A FOXTON FORGER JAYNE MULLIGAN Sometimes for no particular reason, stories seem to find homes in the far recesses of your mind. Or maybe it’s in your imagination, and it’s being captured. Whatever the correct phraseology, there are certain stories that stick. This isn’t a particularly profound story, but rather one that seems to have stuck with me. It’s a story about an art forger. About a man whose skill with the paintbrush matched his charm in selling. He took on many New Zealand Greats, including Frances Hodgkins, Colin McCahon, and Rita Angus. But he had a real penchant for forging the work of Charles Frederick Goldie, whose classical portraits of Māori dignitaries are some of the most valuable works in New Zealand. This man was born Karl Feodor Sim, and after being convicted for forgery he legally changed his name to Carl Feodor Goldie.

same style—and all signed C.F. Goldie. One letter signs off “In praise of Stalin, Yours for the revolution. The Great Foxton original in the sky.” And several were addressed to C.F. Goldie, Orewa Post Office, Orewa Beach, North of Auckland. As I read the address I remembered we had seen him once. Mum had pointed him out as we left the supermarket in Orewa, walking ahead of us with his little dog at his feet. Mum said he always had a little dog with him, that’s how you knew it was him.

I heard about the C.F. Goldie forger for the first time when I was young, and my small child brain couldn’t quite process the story. How could somebody pretend to be someone else and use someone else’s name? My mum told me he lived in a caravan. For a long time, I filed the story away as a quirk of the small town we holidayed in, Orewa. It was perhaps one of those provincial stories that lose meaning when you take it beyond the limits of the town.

As I was buying my oh-so-rustic enamelware, I casually asked the shopkeeper about all the Goldie sketches. She told me it had been C.F. Goldie’s antique shop—C.F. Goldie the forger, of course, not the original artist—and that this shop had been the sight of many sales of his forgeries. Now the shopkeeper and her husband own the place, having bought it when it was faced with demolition. With the shop came a bountiful collection of his work and sketches, and the shop’s full name is now “Goldie’s Junk ’n’ Disorderly”, an homage to the “lovable rogue”. How did they catch wind of this story? I asked her, how did they know about the Goldie forger? She told me they first came to know of Goldie/Sim from their time in Orewa—where he spent his later life. He passed away in 2013 and departure caused small ripples—his celebrity was enough to draw newspapers to recount it.

I encountered a new addition to this story a few weeks ago. I had asked to stop at “Junk ‘n’ Disorderly” in Foxton about every time we drove past it. I couldn’t resist the pun, or the opportunity to rummage. After trawling through their records and looking at the various china and retro wares, I had found some enamel plates I wanted. The walls of this shop were decorated with sketches, and sometimes letters. They were all of the

While he saw out his last years in Orewa, C.F. Goldie, or Karl Sim, spent most of his life in Foxton and Himitangi. Sim died in 2013 as New Zealand’s only convicted art forger. He’s an example of small town scandal, and a figure of a renegade. It’s that kind of New Zealand story that has people yarning. People would describe him as a “real character”. But in this instance, aside from the trite expression, he truly is a figure

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whose 15 minutes of fame has had a lasting presence in New Zealand history, perhaps because his sense of character abounds. Journalist Tim Wilson talked with Goldie, and helped to write his book Good as Goldie. The book reads like a recorded conversation; it is true to the man’s language and follows his style of speech. It tells the story of his life—the beginnings, how he got into the business of forging, and how he managed to keep at it and active for 20 years. He recounts the drawn out trial, which ultimately saw him painting the Foxton toilets as retribution. His childhood sounds like the kind that your crazy uncle would wax on about all night at Christmas; full of laments about the “good old days”, when rules were fast and loose, and consequences weren’t ever realised. He was a product of a different time and different New Zealand. He lived on a farm, which the family affectionately called “Chaos Farm”, which was first a chicken farm, and then later became a winery. He and his family were raised diehard and devout communists—or “commos” as he puts it again and again. Their mantel was a grotto of Stalin portraits and Hammer and Sickle paraphernalia. They called one other “Comrade” and saluted the Red Flag. Their views were so extreme that his father was kicked out of the local communist chapter due to divergent opinions on their stance on war. Not a man to go quietly, his dad started a different group, The New Zealand Bolshevik Party. Sim helped his dad make and distribute the manifesto that accompanied the group, which was basically a call to arms, inciting a civil war. Extremism ran in their family; it was Karl’s nephew Marx Jones who flour bombed the

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THOSE RICH CITY SLICKERS WERE HIS IDEAL CUSTOMERS, THANKS TO THEIR EAGERNESS TO SCORE A HIDDEN GEM FROM THE IGNORANT DEALERS IN THE PROVINCES.

pitch during the final game of the 1981 Springbok tour. Sim followed in his father’s footsteps, spending his life falling into work and opportunities. “I did bits and pieces of things; that’s the way you worked in those days”. His time in the army taught him to “divine” and then make wells—there was a demand for this in the rural towns. There was also the wine shop the family had in Himitangi, which was left to Karl to run once his father died. Karl Sim got a Real Estate license, as well as a Second Hand Dealer license, and an Auctioneer’s license. Sim was a sort of living definition of a jack-of-all-trades. He never missed an opportunity to squeeze a little extra out of people, as long as it wasn’t hurting anyone. Even with his divining he was creative—“I used to charge so much a foot. I bent the truth a bit. I’d tell them I went down 50 feet, but might have gone down 25.” Karl Sim’s political views were expressly against capitalism and commercialism, but like his father, he believed in working within the system and undermining it as much as possible along the way. His forgery was financial opportunism; but on another level, it worked to undercut the art institutions, which at the time were booming. The trade off, in his mind, is that he was generous, always lending and loaning money when people needed—and he accepted that sometimes he got paid back but mostly he didn’t. Sim tried to make it as an artist himself; he had learnt to paint and draw at school. He wasn’t bad, I suppose, but not a natural. But no one was interested in work by Karl Sim. www.salient.org.nz

He was in his 40s when it all really kicked off. “I didn’t come to forging,” he said. “It came to me.” He told Wilson of how a catalogue appeared with several drawings he had done at school—except they were being passed off as early sketches belonging to artists such as C.F. Goldie and Velazquez. He was shocked; someone had pilfered a shoebox of drawings from his childhood and added fake signatures to sell them. Of course, none of them sold, but Sim now saw a perfect opportunity. His operation lasted around two decades, working mostly out of the Foxton shop; it was a prime spot for those travelling to and fro along State Highway One. Those rich city slickers were his ideal customers, thanks to their eagerness to score a hidden gem from the ignorant dealers in the provinces. As a forger he was skilled enough, able to adopt stylistic traits, but through and through his work was nothing like the artists he was faking. However, he managed to convince enough people over a long period of time and had many returning clients. His approach was varied, from convincing sketches and drawings, to framed oil paintings. Sim managed to move quite a few works over the years, so something must have been working. But it wasn’t down to the painting alone. Sim knew that signatures were the most important detail. He bought a book of signatures to learn from—a book he says ought to be titled The Forger’s Bible. To untrained eyes, small stylistic inconsistencies can pass unobserved, but Sim knew that the signature is less forgiving. Sim is firm in his position that “I never copied a work in my life… One rule I

followed was that I would do works in the style of an artist rather than just repeat what they’d done.” This, I imagine, is Forgery 101. You can’t get away as easily with producing duplicates of existing art works, unless they have been missing. As Roger Blackley, an associate professor of Art History at Victoria University, puts it, “[w]hat a work of art has to have, even if it’s been lost, is provenance... so you know these fake works of art have equally faked provenance”. Provenance is where the painting has come from—who owned it, who sold it, who did what with it. It’s like a living record of it. There are certain emblems of authenticity that you look for, as well as a connection to the artist’s life. Sim reckons that “provenances are easier to make than paintings… All you have to do is tell a story that has some truth and enough lies to include your painting in the life of the artist.” He would read up about the artist’s life, and would often draw or paint scenes of areas they visited, or portraits of people they may have encountered, and generate a story around how it made its way to him (perhaps it was gifted to someone’s Aunt and then sold to someone who passed it to him). It was a very important part of being convincing. In many ways, his proliferation of forged works was down to how convincing he could be in person. There was an ease to his charm, perhaps, or maybe people are more ready to believe and trust a mad commie who is selling antiques in Himitangi or Foxton. The other important aspect to the grand scheme was wine. Sim’s shop in Foxton doubled as a wine store, where he sold wine

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that had been made at their Himitangi farm, and it gave the whole occasion an injection of fluidity. Turns out, it was also useful for the artwork themselves. “The most magical ingredient… was piss,” Sim said. “We used to pee on them at times to give them a nice glow, depending on what we’d been drinking. We’d have a big party and I’d say to the boys, ‘hey, there’s a couple of pictures out there, go and piss on them will you.’ It worked beautifully.” Along with the piss, he would ensure the paint he used was old and not acrylic. And sometimes, the artworks would spend a day or two in the sun to get cracks through the paint. Selling piss-soaked works would have made the con all the sweeter. When I think of the moments Sim caught customers in a web of lies, I imagine his way of speaking in earnest colloquialisms and trusting intelligence. I picture him punching his fist in the air when customers walked out with one of his fakes, and perhaps evening saluting a picture of Stalin. It was a game of fools—the customers thinking “how is it so cheap, he mustn’t realise the worth” and Sim thinking “suckers” as they scored their “deal”. “He didn’t do it for money or anything,” his brother told The New Zealand Herald in 2013, after Sim’s death. “He did it to beat the establishment—because arty people can get a bit snooty. But beating them was his main aim.” By the 1980s, the whole operation began to catch up with itself. There had been an over-saturation—too many New Zealand greats had had unheard-of art works turn up in Foxton. As he would have said, the bloody

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demons were onto me. The courts gathered exhaustive evidence and witnesses to convict him; his lawyer’s defence was that the law was made for “documents”, and therefore did not include artworks. The trial dragged out over a year or so. He writes, in his book, that during the whole thing he only felt bad once: when his mate’s sister took to the stand, recalling how they had scraped together money to buy pieces off Sim. “I felt responsible… she was understandably rather bitter towards me.” Despite Sim’s lack of intentional ill-will, it is the very nature of forgery that people will fall victim to the con. And not intending to commit certain illegal acts can only forgive you so far. For some, the works they purchased from Sim, under the guise of authenticity, had been imbued with significance. Blackley recalls one piece of evidence in the trial—a portrait by Sim impersonating a Goldie, depicting “the ancestor of some people who had raised money and welcomed this drawing onto the Marae”. The piece was then seized by the police as evidence; the importance it had garnered was corrupted. The trial resulted in a guilty verdict. Sim was ordered to pay a fine, and carry out several hours of community service—including painting the Foxton public toilets, where his artwork still remains. The day after he was convicted, he changed his name by deed poll to Carl Feodor Goldie, allowing him to continue signing as C.F. Goldie. Even after Goldie was exposed, many of those who bought from him may not have cared about the authenticity of the work. Who else would know it was a fake? They’re

as much a part of the con as Goldie. But for some, it must have carried a heavier sting. Think of his mate’s sister, and how hard she’d worked to get it, only to discover it wasn’t what was promised. In this instance, the subversive scheme had hit the wrong target. Roger Blackley sort of rolls his eyes when talking about the conviction. “He is the only convicted art forger, but whether or not he was a forger in a sense is up for debate,” Blackley told me. “I think he’s more a performance artist of forgery… His celebrity based status as a forger is totally out of sync with the modus operandi of a successful forger.” As it happens there is a lot of space in the market for “fakes”. Each work that Sim forged, whether as Goldie, or as Frances Hodgkins, or Charles Heaphy, now carries a different weighting and worth. It’s a work of the only convicted art forger in New Zealand, and could be worth a pretty penny. But his work now exists in a paradox—its value derives from Sim’s role as a forger, an identity undone simply by knowing it. It’s an impossibility—the “known forger”. I tried to get in touch with the owners of Goldie’s Junk ’n’ Disorderly again, to hear more from their side and tap into the Foxton rumour mill. But they directed me to the book. I can understand why; the book reads like a conversation, like sitting with him for an afternoon at the local pub and hearing his life story. The tale of a man whose life fell into place, and who always had a penchant for sticking it to The Man, whichever man it may have been at the time.

editor@salient.org.nz

COPPERS BECOME CROPPERS

PHILIP MCSWEENEY

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On 29 September each year, the New Zealand Police encourage you to join them in celebrating Police Remembrance Day. The day of commemoration honours police from New Zealand, Australia, and the greater Pacific who have died in the line of duty, with a special focus on those who lost their lives in the previous year. Fortunately, so few police have died on duty that this year they decided to spice things up. This year marks the inclusion of the 38 New Zealand Police who have “died as a result of their duties” since the NZ Police’s inauguration in 1886. They were named and revered for committing the “ultimate sacrifice” in protecting the public good. These cops, we are told, represent the virtues police personify—valour, justice, loyalty, courage, conscientiousness—at their most pure. The only thing nobler than a cop is a dead cop. The narrative of heroic cops is enduring, and for many—especially those who come from a position of privilege or largesse—it makes more than a modicum of sense. What could be more laudable than protecting our upstanding moral citizens from those who mean them harm? Sure, they might capitalise on the lure of adrenaline rushes and exhilaration to ensnare new recruits (“get better work stories”, anyone?) and fuck up every now and then (the Roastbusters debacle, it has to be said, wasn’t our country’s finest hour) but on the whole people are attracted to the profession because of its fundamental goodness, its commitment to principles of justice and compassion. Consider now, if you will, every social development of the last century or so—the battle against segregation, Stonewall, Harvey Milk, the Māori Renaissance, Suffragettes, Occupy, the Springbok Tour, the miners’ strikes. Whose side were the police on? Find any photo of any of these demonstrations and you’ll find police on the side of the powerful, of the status quo; maybe if you’re lucky you’ll catch them out in act of police brutality. Why is this? Why have the police—our police— uniformly been on the wrong side of history, inevitably cast as the villain in historical reconstructions? Our current justice system, from head to toe, branch to branch, isn’t about justice or

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fairness or nobility or bravery or progression. It’s about maintaining order. It’s not about progress. It’s about keeping things the same. The first New Zealand policeman to die in the line of duty was Henry Porter, who drowned while doing his nightly rounds in Port Chalmers. He was probably drunk on the job. While technically he was the first member of the New Zealand Police to die on the job, he had forebears: the New Zealand Police Force emerged from another body named the “Armed Constabulary”, best known for fighting against Māori in the land wars and sacking Parihaka. This constabulary took their cues from the recently-developed Australian Police Force, whose brave work in slaughtering Aboriginal people is still commemorated during Police Remembrance Day in this, the year 2015. The New Zealand Police, then, was founded on racism and blundering ineptitude. It is a legacy that is, by all indications, proudly continued to this day. Let’s have a look at the stats: the latest government report indicates that a third of police acknowledge a higher propensity for suspicion of Māori and Pacific people, and that’s just those in the force who acknowledge it (we know from experience that racism is insidious and/or ignored). About 75 per cent reported hearing colleagues using racist language when describing suspects or apprehended persons. There has been a sustained failure to consult with Māori iwi groups to address this. Māori are disproportionately arrested and incarcerated. Māori are twice as likely to be pulled over by the cops, an actuality you can witness on any given episode of Police Ten Seven, a proud televised compendium of police abuse (“Sergeant Bloggs’ spider senses are tingling… something isn’t quite right here”). Māori and Pacific people are up to five times as likely to be charged with a crime as their Pakeha counterparts, depending on the offense—for crimes involving weed, it’s about four times the prosecution rate. They’re more likely to not have “adequate” legal representation. They’re more likely to

be denied bail, leniency, monetary sentences or home detention. Non-white people are also the most likely to be at the receiving end of police violence. In 2013, 50 Pakeha were tased, many of them mentally ill; 165 Māori and Pasifika were tased in that same year. Pakeha make up 67.6 per cent of the total population. Draw your own conclusions. Determining the ethnicity of people killed by police is much harder to gauge—the police don’t keep records or data on fatalities, which seems telling in itself—but earlier this year activist Sandra Dickson combed through troves of publically available data to ascertain that there are (at least) sixteen deaths by cop on record since 1995. Of these, she determined that nine were Māori, two were Pasifika, one was Iraqi. The other four are unknown. It isn’t just Māori who suffer unduly at the hands of police. Victoria University researcher Jan Jordan found that members of the police were more likely to sympathise with a rapist than with their victim, and discovered endemic victim blaming and tacit discouragement of victims to come forward, which is perhaps why of every one hundred rapes that occur in New Zealand, only four are prosecuted (and only one results in conviction). This reared its head during the Roastbusters incident, which broke in 2013. A group of young men plied young women with alcohol, raped them, and bragged about their “conquests” on Facebook. The New Zealand Police released a statement claiming they were aware of the group and their nefarious activities, and had been for two years, but did not have enough evidence to convict because none of the young women had been “brave” enough to come forward. It turned out they weren’t being entirely honest, which here means “four women had come forward in 2011, only to be told they were asking for it and that the police didn’t have enough evidence to prosecute”, despite the fact the Roastbusters admitted to their crimes publicly and that the police could have—and according to an independent report, should have—nabbed them for statutory rape at the very least. editor@salient.org.nz

This report came after the historic sexual misconduct allegations: that three policeman had raped and sexually abused Louise Shipton and other 16-year-olds, including inserting glass bottles into their vaginas. Despite the three admitting to the incident, with Assistant Commissioner Clint Rickards admitting “I’ve done things I’m not proud of ”, they claimed the incident was consensual, despite the age difference and power discrepancy. While these factors don’t legally entail lack of consent, morally they’re indefensible. Unsurprisingly they were cleared, or Rickards was—the other two were already serving a sentence for packrape at the time of the hearings. Because that’s the other thing: the justice system, and the Police especially, look after their own. Loyalty to their fellow officers is imbued in the Police’s ethos. This is, naturally, reflected in their conduct. There are reasons for this: Police feel victimised and loathed by many strata of society, and it’s always nice knowing someone has your back. This errant loyalty resulted in our current Police Commissioner Mike Bush delivering a eulogy describing fellow policeman Bruce Hutton as having “integrity beyond reproach”. Hutton was crooked, disgraced; the man Bush deified as “a man of great character” had perpetrated what the Royal Commission called “unspeakable outrages” when he planted evidence, leaving at least one innocent man imprisoned for nine years. Also shitty: being a young person beholden to the police. Roastbusters shined a light on how young victims are ignored and lampooned as a matter of course, but a more recent event has proven illustrative in terms of how youth in police custody are treated. A sixteen-year-old girl from South Auckland, who can’t be named for legal reasons, was arrested and charged with common assault, resisting arrest, possession of utensils for cannabis and disorderly behaviour. Needless to say she was treated humanely, and CYFS and Police collaborated to ensure her emotional well-being for the purposes of restorative justice. Psych! Actually she was held in police cells for four days, where she was “terrified” the entire time—listening to “other prisoners scream through the night”. She refused food and drink so she wouldn’t have to use the bathroom publicly. Her only contact with the outside world was a daily visit with a case officer who was, again, responsible to www.salient.org.nz

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the Police. Fortunately, they managed to find a bed for her—in Palmerston North, a day’s drive away from her support structure, whānau and tautoko. Uprooting young people from familiar structures while they’re dealing with the legal system is standard protocol for youth in the care of CYFS and the Police. The damage this does to formative brains has been proven deleterious. Have the Police offered anything approximating an apology? Have they shit. Here’s what Police Inspector Rod Fraser had to say: “This is never an ideal situation for police as the police cells are designed for short-term adult accommodation with limited catering, showering and supplied bedding”. So really it was the Police that were inconvenienced, not the girl! They had to provide a bare minimum of humane standards for four whole days because of her! How dare she put out the people tasked with providing rehabilitative structures for her? Aww diddums :’(. This culture of victim blaming and shirking responsibility, perhaps entrenched by the closed-ranks ethos of protectionism, functions as a means of erasing culpability. While a Police report in 2008 conceded that Māori offending was disproportionate because of the ill-effects of poverty, it ultimately ascribed it to “family and community structures” which “condoned and celebrated… violent culture”. This is, no pun intended, a cop-out. I don’t think acknowledging unconscious and structural biases elide personal responsibility, exactly, but if the cards are stacked to the extent they are, it becomes impossible to distinguish between “genuine arrest” and “unchecked racism”. Meanwhile Police Chiefs and indeed our very own Police Commissioner deny there’s unconscious racism in the force in spite of screeds upon screeds of proof. The argument that most cops are fundamentally good while a couple of bad apples spoil the bunch isn’t just incorrect, it’s inapposite. Yes, I’m sure your uncle who’s been a cop for twenty years is great, but we’re talking about the Police as an institution and culture. We’re also talking about fundamentally bad laws they’re duty-bound to enforce. A cop can be as pro-marijuana as they like, as anti-racist as they come, but they’ll still need to arrest the brown dude smoking a joint on Cuba Street because that is what they’ve sworn to do. They still have to hound “vagrants” (read: homeless people). They still have to harass protesters, even if

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the cause is as valid as they come. What they don’t have to do is persecute a brown trans woman who had the temerity to protest their presence in a “gay pride parade” and got her arm broken by a security guard for her troubles; they don’t have to belittle and turn away rape victims; they don’t have to use excessive force while detaining homeless people on Queen Street. They still do it, but they don’t have to—right? Here’s the harrowing thing, or, if viewed from a certain angle, the joke: this isn’t the Police making mistakes, or operating incorrectly. This is the Police operating as they’re meant to. This is an inevitability. This is socially sanctioned behaviour. The Police are meant to maintain order. Can we really blame them for doing it, internally and externally? Of course things don’t change, or ingrained cultures don’t dissipate just because the media—tentatively, always tentatively— wring them on the rack. They are a perfectly operational machine running exactly to specifications. Which makes the Chief of Police’s recent decision to arm all police officers with tasers and his continued, incessant insistence upon greater armament of police—including firearms—very worrying indeed, especially in the wake of two fatal, panicked police shootings. Sorry to rattle off a trite wee sound-bite, but instead of arming cops, we should be educating them, or even radically— radically—overhauling them from the foundations. If his continued activism goes to plan, we can expect greater police-oncivilian violence within the next year. Three guesses as to which ethnic minorities will bear the brunt of it. Loathing cops is pretty easy, and they don’t exactly help themselves—remember that time they defended a TVNZ boss’ claims that Police Ten Seven satisfied Māori television quota? barred psychologists from undertaking further research after they revealed the rape culture inherent in the force? arrested Tiki Taane for inciting violence when he played “Fuck tha Police” live? They can’t handle the bantz. But there’s an equally—if not more— insidious profession and institution that enables and enforces their malfeasance. This is one that I’m sure a lot more of you will be familiar with; those involved in the judiciary branch of government, or those who apply

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law. This mostly applies here to judges and lawyers. This is harder to write, and I suspect the reason is elitism. Police are, literally, as well as figuratively, blue collar for the most part; lawyers are the epitome of white collar professionals, and as someone who attended a tertiary institution, I know more lawyers and lawyer-aspirants than I do cops. I’m even rather fond of some of them, and I want two of them to mentor me ( Joe Nunweek and Diane White, pls return my calls). But if you have to justify a profession’s failings with “but not ALL x are like that”, it’s probably a strong indicator that something is structurally untenable with the profession. There might be good lawyers, like there might be good police people, but it’s irrelevant; and by all indications, “good” lawyers (not to be confused with “good lawyers”) are about one in a hundred. Put it this way: no matter how incompetent and appallingly biased the police are, the courts theoretically provide a check on misuse of power—they have the power to impose lenient sentences, refuse to see cases, set fairer precedents. But once the Police have finished with you, their white-collar counterparts set the dimensions of the maze you run around in. You move from one fucked system to another, with a different structure and regulation but with the same net result. Lawyers are legally—and “ethically”— required to give the best possible level of defense for their clients. This means that if they need to employ infelicitous societal narratives in their defense, they are dutybound to do so. In some cases, they are paid hundreds of dollars an hour to perpetuate and capitalise on the grossest myths about rape and Māori and Pasifika culture. For instance, in a society that erroneously endorses the “she was wearing a short dress, she was asking for it” myth, an easy way for defense lawyers to win their case is by asking a number of traumatic questions about the minutiae of a rape victim’s outfit; whether she consented to kissing; whether she made a false claim. The victim usually becomes distraught, which makes their arguments less convincing; jury members and judges are usually uninformed about myths about rape; and voila! You’ve cleared the client and humiliated the victim. If you happen to be brown and go before the courts, good fucking luck getting a fair

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hearing. Judges and juries prosecute Māori and Pasifika peoples at disproportionate rates, although it’s hard to gauge how much racism goes into these decisions because Māori and Pasifika and indeed most people in poverty cannot afford “adequate” legal representation. In our adversarial judicial system—which, incidentally, excludes tikanga conceptions of justice—the question often isn’t “is the defendant guilty?”, but “whose argument is more compelling?”, which often translates to “who has the better lawyer?” The better a lawyer is, the more they cost, and the more remote they are to society’s most vulnerable. Then there’s the fact that, as mentioned, if you’re brown you are denied recourse to lenient penalties Pakeha take for granted— house arrest, fines. If you’re convicted, the slammer is nigh-on guaranteed. Adversarial legal systems are essentially structured in the same way as debates, which is no doubt why the profession attracts so many debaters. The purpose behind debating is—literally—turning complex, multifaceted social issues into a sport where the winner has a presumed moral and intellectual authority, depending on how well they express themselves according to a prescribed set of rules that encourages dispassionate, verbose discourse. Is it any wonder our courts are so alienating, presented in a dialect defendants can’t understand? When I said that the courts perpetuate social narratives, the notion of compelling arguments and decisions hefting a kind of objective moral weight is ingrained in our society. Our courts aren’t just in thrall to rape culture and racism; they signal that these are defensible. Then you either go through the arduous process of recovering from a legallysanctioned brutal inquisition at the hands of the courts, or you go to prison, where you lose the right to vote and smoke. You also risk inhumane treatment, which is consistent across the board and a slightly higher possibility if they relegate you to one owned by Serco. Then, hopefully, you get out, and the experience is finally over.

of substantive rehabilitation and support when out of prison; our recidivism rates, shockingly, have remained the same since the law’s implementation. Welcome to the cycle of shit, where every stage is marked by manifest cruelty and injustice. Welcome to our legally sanctioned justice system. Perhaps the most harrowing part of all this is that this diatribe appears in the “fuck the establishment” issue. It’s as good a place as any, of course, but it’s also demonstrative of the way ideas about comprehensive reform of our justice system are consigned to “radicalist” ideologies. Is there anything really that far-fetched or out there about wanting to employ an inquisitorial, rather than adversarial, court system? Why is the idea of abolishing prisons, dismantling them bar by bar, and substituting them for a model which focuses on rehabilitation and education so maverick? If I can posit an idea (gonna do it anyway), it’s because the system has permeated our society to such an extent that any alternatives are perceived as unimaginable or impossible. It is also because the way these institutions need to be dismantled prove that “reform” or piecemeal checks and safeguards are not enough. What is required is a complete structural overhaul from the ground up. The system isn’t broken. It’s working. It’s wreaking havoc. The only solution is to implement a new system. Unfortunately, when structural power is relinquished to the Police, the Courts, the Prisons, these necessary changes are always going to be disrated. Order has been maintained. Nothing is well.

Jokes! Actually, because our justice system focuses on retribution and deterrence in lieu of rehabilitation, your time in prison is likely to lock you in a cycle of police arrest, conviction and—again—incarceration. 54 per cent of people who get out of prison in New Zealand return in the next twelve months. This excruciatingly high recidivism rate has enacted measures like the “three strikes” rule, which ups the “retribution” aspect of justice at the further expense editor@salient.org.nz

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New Zealand’s Literacy Gap: A for Student Teachers Renée Gerlich … no school system can claim to be just which is organised in such a way as to favour children who have been socialised in one, rather than another part of the social structure of the community that nourishes them. Wherever a school system is simply an extension of the homes of an urban middle class, or of a dominant culture, or both, it is inevitable that the children from those homes will be in the best position to profit from it. — John Watson, ex-director of New Zealand Centre of Educational Research, 1965

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Last year, only one third of Māori and Pasifika Year 13 students gained university entrance—down from half in 2013. Entrance has been made harder, according to Universities New Zealand executive director Chris Whelan, in response to reports that 22 per cent of Māori and Pasifika students and 11 per cent of European students are dropping out of university after their first year. One ironic consequence will be that fewer Māori and Pasifika will be able to train as teachers, become doctors and professors of education, and influence the very system that is neglecting to provide the social, economic and educational conditions for their success. Education minister Hekia Parata appears to believe that the increased difficulty is in the interests of the very students who are being filtered out of higher education or forced to pay for a foundation studies year. Claiming no responsibility as minister for the exclusion of such a high proportion of Māori and Pasifika from higher education, Parata merely explains that “It is not in the interests of any students to begin their university studies without the skills or experience necessary to succeed.” More difficult assessments amount to a purported “clarification” of university requirements. Whose responsibility is it, if not the government’s, to ensure that Māori and Pasifika gain the skills necessary to succeed? Statistics have repeatedly revealed systemic Māori and Pasifika exclusion from equal educational opportunities since the settler period. These statistics should be raising alarm with Parata, alerting her to the racism inherent in a system it is her job to improve with policy. They are not cause for her to advocate that more Māori and Pasifika heed the message that they are simply not university material. A system that sends privileged Pākehā to university to contribute to the shaping of society, and Māori and Pasifika into trades and service (via government initiatives like “Vocational Pathways”) is surely based on false premises. In fact, Parata’s comments contain echoes of Charles Bowen, the New Zealand parliamentarian who penned our Education Act in 1867 on the basis of Social Darwinist aims. Bowen stated that the Act’s business was “to place the key of knowledge in the hands of every boy and girl. But,” he said,

it is not the intention of the bill to encourage children whose vocation is that of honest labour, to waste in the higher schools, time which might be better devoted to learning a trade, when they have not yet got the special talent by which that higher education might be made immediately useful.

Features New Zealand’s ongoing colonialism—the active privileging of white, capitalist interests at the expense of those of Pasifika and tangata whenua—sees one in three Māori children today growing up in poverty. Our education system has proven time and time again that it is not only insufficiently responsive, but that it also exacerbates this disadvantage. The Programme for International Student Assessment (PISA) 2012 report noted a correlation between educational achievement and socioeconomic status that is marked in New Zealand in comparison with other countries. The average reading scores of five-year olds in Decile 1 schools are almost half those of their peers in Decile 7–10 schools. Māori and Pasifika students have long suffered from our wholesale refusal to address the root causes of this problem. A warning to this year’s student teachers: you are being trained to perpetuate a racist education system, so prepare to speak out. The principal theory of literacy acquisition that informs policy and teacher education in New Zealand, called “whole language” theory, is derived from the learning experiences of white, middle-class children. This theory gained traction and was institutionalised in tandem with Rogernomics, in the 1970s and 80s. Universities, given their statutory role as society’s critic and conscience, should now be fiercely critiquing it—following the near lone voices of Massey’s Bill Tunmer and James Chapman. Whole language theory posits that children do not need to learn language (even a highly complex language like English) through explicit teaching, but simply through exposure to text. Its principal text in New Zealand is John Smith and Warwick Elley’s 1997 Learning to Read in New Zealand, which states that:

Children are assumed to acquire their word attack skills incidentally, while reading and rereading favourite books, repetitive texts, poems and songs. The majority of New Zealand teachers lean more towards this position … arguing that reading and writing are best acquired ‘naturally’ in the same way we learn to speak and listen. The problem with this theory is the same as the problem with free market ideas of an “invisible hand” being a suitable determinant of who can flourish in the market. Ultimately, it is those with pre-existing capital (in this case, educational capital) who prevail and, overwhelmingly due to colonialism, those people are white. Highlighting the flaws in the logic of this year, New Zealand Centre of Educational Research reports have shown that the primary indicator of educational achievement in New Zealand is not individual effort, but the educational levels of

a child’s mother. As stated, one third of Māori children live in poverty in New Zealand. Of course, Māori mothers overall, by virtue of racist historical processes, generally lack educational capital accumulated in white institutions than their white counterparts. What’s more, children growing up in conditions of poverty are said to experience 3 million fewer verbal utterances per year than their wealthier peers. This greatly affects literacy development. Most Pākehā children generally enter school equipped with bigger oral vocabularies, more phonetic awareness, and a greater capacity to rhyme and recognise syllables, more knowledge of written letters, and more confidence and motivation in using language. The sad fact is that the system continues to prove itself incapable and unwilling to assist students who do not enter school with this capital. Those children do not only stay behind, but fall increasingly far behind until now they meet a minister who tells them they’re better off as labourers or in the service industry. Clearly, we need to rethink our basic position on literacy. Currently, we are insisting that reading and writing develop incidentally, while we are seeing that they rely on previously gained skills. We need to be asking how literacy is or can be acquired by children who have small vocabularies, little phonetic awareness or letter knowledge, and low motivation and confidence when they start school. There are current and historic precedents for this kind of inquiry in New Zealand and abroad. In the U.S., for example, literacy expert Louisa Moats is a powerful advocate for the incorporation of “codebased” teaching methods for students from low socioeconomic backgrounds. “Code-based” does not mean “rote” or “didactic” teaching. Put simply, the “codebased” school of thought advocates that teachers have a strong grasp on a) the psychology of literacy acquisition as distinct from speech acquisition, and b) linguistics, and that these inform their practice. English has a “deep” orthography, meaning it is more complex to learn and throws children off more easily than languages like Finnish, Spanish, Māori or Russian might. Yet English consists of spelling patterns and is drenched in history and etymology that can be learned. I would suggest that teachers are best placed when they understand and can reconcile the insights of this code-based school of thought with those of the childcentred movement. If student teachers were each encouraged to develop a practice based on a reconciliation of these two, then we would be getting somewhere. Now is the time for student teachers to demand this kind of training and skill set, to editor@salient.org.nz

tackle Māori and Pasifika underachievement. I want to encourage today’s student teachers to staunchly demand teacher training that will help them contribute to the closing of New Zealand’s literacy gap. I believe that without student teacher intervention, the status quo will not change and the literacy gap will continue to widen. Yes, education faculties employ te reo and tikanga Māori to fulfil bicultural requirements, but this is nowhere near sufficient when what is clearly and urgently needed is a total reconceptualisation of literacy teaching that accommodates Māori and Pasifika literacy learning needs. I urge this year’s students to do these two things. First, examine current gestures toward “biculturalism” critically by asking whether the skills offered will truly equip new teachers to close the literacy gap in their classrooms. Second, challenge yourselves about where and when your commitment to children’s learning and education’s social role begins. Many students perceive it as beginning on their first day, wielding a whiteboard marker and a wad of worksheets. This is similar to the belief that the responsibilities of parenthood begin the day a child is born— something all pregnant women know not to be true. The raising of children is a collective responsibility met through the insistence on personal, family and social conditions that are healthy for children. It is similar with education: it is not only through direct classroom contact with you as a teacher that the lives, opportunities and learning of your students are profoundly affected. Educational conditions are shaped by the global political economy and its vested interests, by the tasks and priorities that are assigned to public education by those in power. Since the 1980s neoliberal reforms, it has been the New Zealand Treasury and not our Ministry of Education that has determined the role education is to play in our society, or rather our economy. Successive ministers have translated this assigned role into policy and monitoring systems. From this policy, the Teachers Council creates criteria for the teacher education programmes administered by education faculty management. Many lecturers deliver these programmes with a reluctant “don’t shoot the messenger” or even “toe the party line” attitude that is not good enough and must be challenged. Teacher education is a crucial pivot point within this overall mechanism. It is the place where the rubber hits the road in education, where theory begins its transfer into practice. It represents a rather electrifying equation: teacher education is where a distilled system of power and policy meets www.salient.org.nz

Features a cohort of student teachers who represent an infinite quantity of future classroom time. Teacher education is where two diametrically opposed motivations meet: the institution’s contractual obligation to fulfil its state-funded role of ensuring compliance, and students’ social responsibility to think critically and independently in the interest of social justice. Students have a social responsibility to critique institutional practices that fail to address social needs. Students of education must begin demanding that education faculties develop sound and robust policies that support the literacy education of Māori and Pasifika and that can withstand political change. Just educational conditions, such as the mainstream capacity to help Māori and Pasifika children who grow up in poverty become literate, must be demanded from the moment teachers commit themselves to enter the sector. Students studying to become teachers can make their demands known by their independent selection of reading materials and topics for discussion; by critiquing courses in a way that demands recognition, including through doing so publicly; by walking out of lectures that are tokenistic or encourage uncritical complicity with the status quo; by organising discussions about the university’s role in education; and by staging protests, including through the use of the university’s own assessment programmes and examination schedule. There are precedents for this. Currently education faculties use familiar and modest amounts of tikanga and te reo Māori to address the issue of racial inequality in education. But what Māori and Pasifika students require of our education faculties is nothing short of a complete reconceptualisation of how teachers are to be trained in literacy education. New Zealand’s own history provides some stunning inspiration (Carol Henderson’s book A Blaze of Colour is a great resource): Clarence Beeby, education director under our first Labour government, was inspired by the work of educationalists like John Dewey, author of Democracy and Education, Experience and Education and Art as Experience. Beeby established an Arts and Crafts Branch within the Education Department and from the 1940s its national supervisor, Gordon Tovey, got to work setting up a teacher training scheme, and a network of then-named “Native Schools” in the Far North where arts-based methods were developed. Alan Simpson—author of the unpublished To Educators Regardless, housed in the Alexander Turnbull Library— was the principal of Ngataki School. With

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Tovey’s assistance, Simpson used music, dance and drama to have a disengaged student cohort taking initiative to develop and catalogue their school’s own library and win local sports tournaments on the way. Oruaiti headmaster and artist-scientist Elwyn Richardson’s work you can read about in In the Early World; Sylvia Ashton-Warner is another notable teacher of this ilk, whose book Teacher provides yet more insight into genuine, child-centred teaching methods. What is interesting to note is that whilst advocating for arts-based, child-centred education practice, all of these teachers brought to their classrooms high levels of literacy acquired through the old, antiquated system. The challenge today is not to throw babies out with bathwater. Many Victorian classrooms offered comprehensive language skills drenched in punitive, competitive environments; more postmodern theories like whole language offer child-centred methods, but drain the education sector of content knowledge. The worst case scenario is, of course, substance-less activities prescribed in competitive environments—and what we need is skilled-up teachers applying childcentred methods. Teacher training is an absolutely crucial component in the clockwork of our education system. The training that teachers receive to inform their careers is not to be dismissed as a negligible quantity of time, as just a year, or three, for a piece of paper—because it is not. It is some of the most significant, socially formative and incalculably precious time there is.

Student teachers: speak up and make it known, loud and clear, that you demand your university’s support to gain the knowledge and skills you need to close the literacy gap in your classroom. Speak up and make it known that you refuse to passively perpetuate a racist system; that Māori and Pasifika students are required in our tertiary institutions and in our highest positions of influence now more than ever. For those who are not student teachers: send these reflections on. Encourage those you know who are in teacher training to reflect on these issues, and to critically evaluate their training programmes in relation to New Zealand’s literacy gap. Encourage student teachers you know to inform themselves on the gap, and hold education faculties to account when they are clearly not providing the training Māori and Pasifika students need from New Zealand’s teachers today.

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Why I Hate Baby Boomers Sam McChesney My parents were in town the other day and I casually mentioned over dinner that I really hate Baby Boomers. They digested their curries and eyed me up with annoyance, mentally stowing away yet another reason to disinherit me. 1.

2. 3. 4. 5.

All those chocolate bars I stole from my older brother when we were kids, after which he shoutily predicted I would “probably grow up to be some kind of criminal or something”. That time I told my dad I was considering taking a journalism job in Iraq. On his birthday. Instinctive socialist opposition to all inherited wealth. That time I mentioned that I hated their entire generation. Fuck him, that’s enough. Cut him off.

Obviously I should caveat this by saying that my parents are excellent people with impeccable moral instincts www.salient.org.nz

and fantastic genetic material (except for the eyesight, the male pattern baldness, the Coeliac disease, and the hammer toes), but I’m sorry. Baby Boomers suck. They just. Fucking. Suck. My parents were both born in 1953. In 1959, when they were six, there were twenty-one unemployed people in the whole of New Zealand. Both my parents graduated from university with no debt. In the early 80s they bought the house I grew up in, in a middle-class neighbourhood in Christchurch. Their generation ensured that such comfortable facts as these would never again be considered normal. That generation, the Baby Boomers, was the vaunted spawn of much vigorous postwar boning, producing one of the biggest demographic spikes in modern history. As children, they reaped the benefit of the social-democratic consensus of the late 40s, 50s and 60s, their parents’ high taxes enabling lavishly-funded, egalitarian public

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issue 24

Features

education and welfare; as they entered the 60s, they began to question and reject the social values of their parents, instilling a new zeitgeist of pacifism, acceptance and diversity; as they entered adulthood in the 70s and 80s, becoming society’s largest and most powerful voting bloc, they were faced with making for their children the same sacrifice their own parents had made for them, of giving up most of their income to fund a just and supportive society; from the 80s onwards, they dismantled the welfare state that had reared them, pulled up the ladder and fucked our generation over.

vote! get off my lawn!), is galling in the extreme. No, you didn’t have smartphones and the internet when you were young; but your parents didn’t have televisions, microwaves and peace. And what are we going to pass on to our children? Extreme weather events, mass extinctions and a semi-uninhabitable planet because THE BOOMERS FUCKING KNEW ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING AND DID NOTHING TO PREVENT IT. Of course by that point they’ll be dead anyway, denying us the chance to murder them all in their sleep. Which is just typical.

This isn’t a screed against neoliberalism because nobody wants to read that shit; suffice it to say that to maintain rising standards of living in a neoliberal world, it became necessary to build new advances upon mountains of debt. Forty, sixty, eighty years ago, the idea of a twentysomething entering the world with seventy thousand dollar’s worth of debt (my loan balance when I graduated) would have been alarming. That the debt could be leveraged not against any assets but against one’s own future earning potential, and accumulated not through recklessness but through purchasing a piece of paper to signify one’s competency to join the middle class, would have been condemned as a fucked-up system of extortion. Yet that’s now the social norm.

And if we’re talking about music (let’s not get too murder-y quite yet), how about the cultural lockdown imposed by the Boomers and their self-imposed arbiters of taste? Any establishment list of “greatest songs” or “greatest albums” features a surfeit released between 1965 and 1978, “when music was good”. In the New Zealand context, the recognised canon consists almost entirely of stuffy Boomer-approved dad rock. No, Dave Dobbyn and The Finn BrothersTM, I don’t want to listen to your nonsense lyrics and hokey melodies. Give me Mountaineater any day.

The system of debt exists to mask the fact that our generation, the much-reviled Generation Y, are the victims of the biggest case of intergenerational theft ever seen. Not that anybody would admit this; cities would burn, which is inconvenient because we need to be kept productive. After all, in a few year’s time the economy’s going to fucking collapse under the weight of the Boomers’ superannuation payments—that little multibillion-dollar nest egg they set aside for themselves even as they took away our free education and priced us out of the housing market. God forbid our generation be as indolent as the 60s hippies or 70s punks, otherwise we’ll never pay for our parents’ fucking retirements. It’s ironic that the generation most aware of its place in history—hell, they pretty much invented the concept of a “generation”—should so visibly fall victim to collective hubris and greed. After all, Baby Boomers are arguably the most historically vain, self-mythologising generation humanity has ever known—the “chosen generation” of postwar children who’d grow up free of the conflict of the first half of the 20th century. They would usher in an era of untold prosperity. They would cure society’s ills. They would invent music. It’s worth pointing out that they succeeded, in part. The New Zealand my parents grew up in was an extremely difficult place for racial or sexual minorities; and while there may have been only 21 unemployed New Zealanders in 1959, countless women were simply out of the labour force, raising families in patriarchal conditions far more severe than those of today. And “Little Wing” is a great song. But the Boomers’ inbuilt instinct to wrap it in a flag and crow with triumphalism, all while dumping on the “selfish” youth of today (all those selfies! they don’t even

While we’re on the subject, how about the long-standing, racist rejection of hip hop as a legitimate musical genre? Granted, being anti-(white)establishment was kind of the point, and whenever old people try to like hip hop they just end up looking patronising and/or desperate, but the reasons trotted out to legitimise the cultural snobbery are thin at best. Oh, it’s misogynistic! Wait, didn’t Led Zep sing “soul of a woman was created below” and “way down inside honey you need it” and spend their heyday raping underage groupies? FFS. But back to my super-awkward dinner with my parents. “Yes, our generation has dealt you a bad hand,” they spluttered through their naans. “But not all Baby Boomers are responsible for that. You can’t tar us all with that brush.” I love my parents and, mixed metaphors aside, they’re right: not all Baby Boomers, just as #notallmen and #notallwhitepeople. As anybody should know by now, these are not good arguments—group politics don’t stop being relevant just because some people deviate from an overall trend, or don’t consciously perpetrate the injustices from which they benefit. Because we are talking about group politics and group injustices here. “Generation” is more than just a lazy term invented by amateur sociologists to make sweeping statements about “the youth of today”. Generations are real. They’re real because the environment young people are raised in changes over time, and therefore so do people; they’re real because people have, at various points, chosen to identify as members of particular “generations” in order to advance their interests against other “generations”. At this latter tactic the Boomers have been masters, leveraging their demographic size to engage in a decades-long redistribution of wealth and cultural capital to themselves, at the expense of their own children, rationalising the whole time. Progress is inevitable. What we’re doing is right. We are the chosen generation. God damnit fuck, I fucking hate Baby Boomers. editor@salient.org.nz

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issue 24

TEN FINGERS’ WORTH Cavaan Wild

I read books, not cards or palms. But I reckon I can see your life written across your hands. Calloused skin and sinewy veins, nails blunted and cuticles in tatters, knuckles ashy and split. Dermatological milestones, ten fingers worth of 30 years. If given a second chance I doubt you’d go through it all again, but you had no option. You fought, hand over fist, literally tooth and nail to come this far, but you had no other option. A man before the culmination of boyhood, protecting, disciplining, teaching your brothers the only way you knew. Doing your best to do this father thing right, cause Lord knows you’ve been on the receiving end of heavy handed poor parenting. He really does know though. He hangs from your rear vision mirror, dangles amidst beads and a paisley bandana. He’s tattooed in the space between thumb and forefinger, pacing and dancing along your skin. Shoulder to shoulder with marks of affiliation and a culture misunderstood.

You weren’t born for this; but you were born into this. A first born son trying to survive in an unfriendly land with no sympathy. A leader of men and women; head high but chin down amidst brawls, holding cells, courtrooms and parole offices. Dodging the hardest punches, ducking from every parole officer—you’re built for this. Built to outlast three rounds. To go the distance, wading through police interest, criminal charges, threats to your life, nothing in the fridge, everything and anything that broadsides you bare knuckled on a cold Tuesday night— But it’s not like you had any other option. Trying to get what you needed, what you deserved. And if they had it and you didn’t then you’d take it. It’s not like you had any other option. Maybe that’s why you’re so religious. Christianity with its sleeves rolled up, its fists balled and knuckles split. Fold your hands in prayer. Clench your fists, flatten noses and crush jawbones.

against, refusing to recognise your marred reflection in the mirror that they hold. See no evil, cast your eyes down. But one can kneel in prayer only so long before going outside to face the devil of reality. You have a son. Raise your head from your hands because he needs to see his father’s face. See that you, that He, can be more than what we said he will be: Dole bludger. Criminal. Thug. Everything we labelled as an imperfection. But this won’t slow the speed of your hands. Gainfully occupied so that there may be other options available. They would tell you that even though your hands are never idle, they are still the Devil’s playthings. But Lord knows better. In the webbing of your fingers, he sees your life’s work. There are smaller hands to lead now. They will lack the knowledge you have, but maybe that’s a good thing. Everything you have, you hold forth to offer to him. His palms will tell another story.

Hands pulling at your ankle bracelet. Hands pressed into cuffs. Leaving a biting reminder on your wrists. This is what they want you to be. What you won’t give into, what you fight editor@salient.org.nz

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The Adaptive/Specific Response:

Immuwisation (Shut up I love puns) Bronte Ammundsen

In light of the rising numbers of “anti-vaxxers”, I’ve found myself immersed in far too many arguments where it becomes apparent that the opposition doesn’t actually know the mechanisms of vaccines. Here’s the simple explanation of the human immune system and how vaccines work.

The Immune System The immune system is your own personal army, defending you against foreign invaders like unwanted bacteria and viruses. Non-“you” substances that invade the body are called pathogens or antigens. The immune system can be described as having two “subsystems”, both of which are carried out by types of white blood cells: the Innate Response, and the Specific/Adaptive Response.

The Innate/Non-Specific Response: The innate immune system is the first line of defense. Innate immune cells recognise and respond to almost all pathogens, utilising a generic response—meaning they do the same thing to fight pretty much every pathogen they meet. Upon exposure to a pathogen—for example, you cut yourself and bacteria enters your system—the cells at the site of infection release chemicals that attract your innate immune cells. These are called phagocytes (which literally means “hungry cells”). The two main phagocytic characters are called neutrophils and macrophages. If some punk foreign cell like Billy the Bacteria attacks you, the cells that see Billy call out to Nancy Neutrophil and Marty Macrophage. They race over, and at first sight of Billy they race in and attack. Nancy Neutrophil performs phagocytosis, in which she essentially eats Billy and digests him. Sometimes Marty eats Billy; other times, Marty helps recruit the Adaptive Response to kill him. Marty and Nancy don’t think things through much and essentially run in and go berserk whenever they’re called to an infection. They’re not very skilled, and no matter how many times they fight a particular enemy, they never figure out the most efficient way to kill it. www.salient.org.nz

Sometimes Nancy, Marty and the first-line furies are all you need to stop a foreign invasion. Other times they’re overpowered, so they recruit their more strategic buddies. Two subtypes of cells called lymphocytes perform the adaptive response: B Cells and T Cells. Remember how I mentioned antigens? Every type of bacteria, virus, or other foreign invasion has different antigens. The adaptive immune response is described as specific because different B and T cells are “trained” to recognise one of these foreign antigens. For example, when Marty and Nancy are having their phagocytic arses kicked, they call out to Helper T Cells. The Helper T checks out the antigens, allowing it to figure out what type of invader it is—for example E. Coli. Some Helper T Cells send messengers to the Killer Ts. These Killers travel the body searching for any of your human cells that have been invaded by the E. Coli. Even from inside your cells, they recognise the specific antigen and bind to the infected cell, activating it to self-destruct, killing the pathogen inside. The Helpers send another messenger to stimulate the B Cells, which provide the basis of what we call Immunological Memory. B Cells are equipped with what we call antibodies, proteins designed to recognise specific antigens. Some B cells will be designed with an antibody to fight E Coli, some to fight salmonella, etc., etc. The Helper Cell messenger will activate the B Cells with antibodies for that exact infection. However, sometimes your body doesn’t have the antibodies for a specific invader. When this happens, your T Cells and B Cells still help to fight, but aren’t as efficient. In this case, your B Cells spend some of their time studying the antigen on the invader and building the right antibody to fight it. After developing the required antibody, some B Cells head straight out to the battlefield. Others however remain floating throughout your body in a semi-active state, holding on to the new antibody in case you come into contact with this invader again: these are memory cells. Think about chicken pox— once you have it once, you tend to never get it again. This is because your memory cells formed the first time you fight it remember it, and if you’re exposed to it, they already know the most efficient and quick way to defeat it.

Vaccines Thanks to this adaptive immune response, your body is much more efficient when fighting a disease it has already fought before—thus the premise for vaccines. Vaccines are designed to show your immune system something that looks the same as a particular pathogen, so it can how to fight it if you are exposed to it in the future. There are different types of vaccines: Inactivated vaccines contain particles of a pathogen that have been grown and then deactivated/ killed. Attenuated vaccines contain pathogens that are still alive, but have been weakened to make it far easier to kill. Subunit vaccines contain just the antigens of a pathogen, without needed to introduce the entire pathogen.

issue 24

Science

Why do we need new flu shots every year?

How do I endanger others by not getting vaccinated?

Much like animals adapting to the environment to survive, pathogens can do the same thing. Some are better than others, for example the influenza virus. The influenza virus is able to perform something called antigenic drift. As our bodies develop the ability to detect the antigens the flu virus has, the flu virus mutates over time, resulting in antigens different enough that our immune systems can no longer recognise them.

The problem is not everyone is able to get vaccinated. That’s why you often hear about herd immunity. Sometimes regardless of being vaccinated, an individual’s immune system didn’t learn how to fight it well, and are still susceptible to a disease. Other times, an individual may already be too sick with an alternative to disease to get vaccinated—this is an example of being immunodeficient. For example, young infants, the elderly, and individuals with cancer or HIV do not have strong immune systems. Even a vaccine made from deactivated particles can be too strong for their weak immune systems.

Regardless of the immune virus mutating, the immunity conferred from the influenza vaccine is often only short-lived, only protecting you for a few months.

If everybody around them gets vaccinated, they have a higher level of protection—via herd immunity. For every healthy person that chooses not to get vaccinated, they are increasing the likelihood of exposure of a disease to those with a weakened immune system.

Hello my name is: Pizzly

has been a hybridisation of two species, the polar bear and the grizzly bear.

Bridget Pyc

This sounds kind of cute, and the names given to this newfound hybrid animal, “grolar bear” or “pizzly”, do sound playful, but as research biologist Brendan Kelly from the U.S. National Marine Mammal Laboratory has pointed out, hybridisation can be “the final straw in the loss of species”.

Climate Change. Global Warming. A picture of a polar bear standing on a small round piece of ice surrounded by water. We’ve heard it and we’ve seen it, although apparently we’re becoming immune to genuine concerns regarding climate change, because our actions as a whole don’t seem to be changing at any rapid pace. But I digress. The real story here is how the polar bears are responding. The Arctic ice serves as a hunting ground for polar bears, and as this ice continues to thaw as a result of global warming, polar bears are being forced to spend increased periods of time onshore. The result

Spider galaxies spotted eating space Zoe Russell What’s the best way to explain how galaxies grow? Spiders, says astrophysicist Jorge Sanchez Almeida. Almeida and his team recently set out to confirm existing the existing astrophysics theory that dwarf galaxies grow by moving, spider-like, across the “cosmic web”. This cosmic web is made up of blobs of gas and is underpinned by a skeleton of dark matter. The blobs of cosmic gas have especially low levels of oxygen, and oxygen is easier to measure and detect than other cosmic gases—so we can use its level as an indicator. It is thought that as the blobs of gas are pulled

For species with healthy population numbers, interbreeding presents no real threat of extinction, but endangered species suffer potentially severe consequences when interbreeding occurs as a result of rapid alterations of the natural environment—and in most cases, it is humans causing these rapid alterations. Kelly and the team identified a list of the 22 arctic marine mammal species most likely to interbreed, and unfortunately, 14 of these are already listed as endangered. So yes, I understand that the image of a polar bear on melting ice isn’t soliciting the same emotional response as it once was—so instead, before you flick on your heater, consider the threatened polar bear whose future may consist of mating with its cousin and please, just put on a jumper or two instead. into orbit of hungry spider galaxies, they are eaten and used as fuel, triggering a new burst of star formation. This causes the hungry galaxies to grow. The spider theory has been hard to prove. Blobs of gas don’t emit much light, so scientists have hard a tough time searching for them. However, Almeida and his team were able to find what has been described as a spider galaxy “a smoking gun” by focusing on a number of smaller, fainter galaxies. These galaxies have naturally lower rates of star formation if they don’t get influxes of new gas. By looking at the correlation between oxygen levels and bright, starforming regions of these galaxies, Almeida and his team found that the star-forming regions had lower levels of oxygen than the other regions. This suggests that new stars are forming in the regions where the spider galaxies were eating the gas blobs. Astrophysicists want more evidence to confirm the process, but say that it might help us explain more about dwarf galaxy growth and the cosmic web. editor@salient.org.nz

Music

A band you’ll be glad we told you about Kate Robertson Albi and The Wolves are a Kiwi folk band who look set for big things. Kate Robertson caught up with frontman Chris hot off the release of their latest single “Remember Your Name” to find out a little more about the band whose name you’ll definitely be hearing more of in months to come. Kate: I’ve heard from people in the know that you guys work pretty damn hard—how long have you actually been together and chipping away at it? Chris: We started as a band around August last year. Three of our first gigs were like a mini-tour around New Zealand, and that’s kind of when the band started—so just over a year now. You guys have done a LOT of shows, is that by choice? Because it seems to be working! Just imagine it’s the most fun thing that you ever could do and so you just wanna do it a lot and keep working at it. So yeah, we’re doing it to get our name out there, but also it’s just really fun. You describe your sound as “folk music, but not as you know it”, did you wanna elaborate on that statement a little? What we do is we take folk instruments—the banjo, the fiddle and the double bass—but we use them as a platform

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to make something really fun happen. So the sound is diverse. I guess what I sing about and what we write about aren’t necessarily strictly traditional folk topics either. The songs don’t sound like folk songs, if that makes sense? But it’s folk music because that’s what the band is. You just released your debut video to accompany your latest single “Remember Your Name”, how would you describe that song and that video? Well the song’s idea was about impressions. So when you meet someone and you’re really struck by them, one of the things you want them to do is just remember who you are. It’s kind of a romanticised idea like “oh my gosh that person’s so utterly beautiful, interesting or awesome. I wanna talk to them and find out about them”. And you hope that you can come across in a way that makes them go “I wanna know who that person is next time”. The video kind of runs with the idea of getting a female character who’s running away from something in her life to find something better. So her story kind of goes along with the original one, but sees it from a different angle. Lots of bands tour throughout summer, are you guys planning to do the same? A tour is going to happen. It’s yet to be organised, but it will happen. And then we’re just going to keep doing what we do. We play a lot of shows—one a week if we can. We just want to keep that momentum going. We released an EP earlier this year that was kind of our first step out there, and this is kind of the next step before we start working on another EP. So lots more shows, more getting around the country and some more music. So if people reading wanted to find your music what would be the best way to go about it? It’s all on Spotify and Soundcloud, and if you want to buy it it’s all on iTunes and Bandcamp. Albi and The Wolves will be playing at the Wellington Folk Festival from the 23–26 October.

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issue 24

Music

Too FIDLAR

Mitchell Siermans As a long-awaited follow up to their self-titled debut album, FIDLAR have released their new piece of carnage into the world in the form of Too. Firstly, these guys are one of my all-time favourite artists and I have spun their first album countless times, which is why is was so excited to hear what this new material would sound like. I was extremely impressed with the singles that were released for this album, with songs like “Leave Me Alone” and “40oz. On Repeat” seeming to hark back to the old days of FIDLAR, where the drugs flowed and the music was harsh, thrashing and extremely catchy. The song “West Coast”, which was originally released on one of the group’s earlier EPs and included for commercial release on this album, seemed to be such an easily accessible surfpunk jam emulating a really fun loving road trip song. Going in, I was ecstatic, and while the album did start out with a bang (the second song “Punks” absolutely blew me away as my unmatched song of the album), I was a little tired by the end. The songs seem to merge into each other and the flow is indistinguishably boring from one track to the next. Needless to say the album was extremely top

heavy, with the only song really coming forward from the mess in the second half of the album being “Overdose”. It’s easily the saddest and (to a point) quietest song on the album, chronicling one of lead singer Zac Carper’s three overdoses. The downside to this album is the repetitiveness of the message in the lyrics. A band can only oppose authority and their parents so much before becoming contrived and lame. With that being said, in recent interviews with Carper, he does discuss in depth the shocking horrible series of events that led up to and ultimately influenced the making of this album. There isn’t really much else I can say about this album without explaining the reality of why it was written, which to be honest would just bum you guys out, and that’s not what FIDLAR are about. My advice, go give this album a listen and just take for what it is—a fun, thrashy piece of modern day surf punk that’s good to have a jam to and will pick your spirits up because FUCK IT DOG LIFE’S A RISK!

editor@salient.org.nz

Film

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Pixels Directed by Chris Columbus

The Man From U.N.C.L.E. Directed by Guy Ritchie

James Keane

½ Would it be shocking to say that this movie is terrible? It’s essentially a middle finger extended towards the low hanging fruit of video gaming culture that Sony Pictures can only see the words “brand recognition” in. With the help of their Angel of Death, Adam Sandler, it proves that you can take, at the very least, a visually interesting idea, and utterly drive said idea six feet under through abysmal writing, a near-total disregard for plot continuity, and an assembly of recognisable faces just appearing utterly disinterested in what they are doing on screen. From Sandler’s own “attempts” at insult comedy at the expense of EVERY OTHER CHARACTER in the film, to supporting actor Peter Dinklage with a mullet and some kind of white Jamaican affectation, this movie is just not funny. There is no cleverness in its concept, and for a children’s film there are some surprisingly dark and uneasy elements to it ( Josh Gad’s lustful fixation after a female videogame character, the culmination of which is even more disturbing). It’s not that the movie is even something to be offended by, if you’re the kind of person that is willing to watch and review it afterwards. It feels more pathetic than anything else. Adam Sandler is desperately unfunny in this film, but what is the real motivation behind making this? Is he so enamoured with his tired routine of celebrating the 80s and nostalgia, all the way down to the arcade gaming alongside licensed Cheap Trick and Queen songs that could be taken from any other of his movies (80s-themed party in Grown Ups 2, anyone?), that he’s only really invested if he’s being projected onto the character he’s playing? Is it multi-million dollar escapism for him? I hesitate to use the word “character” here, but even throughout his other recent films he’s almost untouchable, and that’s kind of sickening. The roles he plays allow him to go from the hedonistic man-child who has barely any repercussions from society, to the successful and rich family man with barely any character flaws because he’s married to Salma Hayek or whoever else is out of any mortal man’s league. Overall though, don’t even bother seeing this, even if you already knew for yourself. www.salient.org.nz

Hamish Popplestone In 1964, NBC ran the pilot for a new spy series, The Man From U.N.C.L.E.. Only four years later, the show had a severe drop in ratings, was cancelled mid-season, and its legacy was defined by reruns continuing right into the late 1980s. That was until 2014, when Guy Ritchie penned a script for a feature film remake with long-time collaborator, Lionel Wigram. If you’ve seen Ritchie’s masterpieces Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, Snatch, or Sherlock Holmes, then you will expect a purée of smooth dialogue and stylish set from this rendition. Ritchie meets expectations for you there, but a bland plot and non-ironic clichés cause this movie to slightly miss its mark. Napoleon Solo (Henry Cavill) and Illya Kurkyakin (Armie Hammer) are CIA and KGB agents, respectively. They reluctantly work together with a daughter of a scientist—who, against his will, is working on a nuclear bomb for a powerful Nazi-sympathising couple—and their collaborative efforts save the world. It’s an unsophisticated plot that doesn’t seem to have matured from the 1960s, and it brought all the tired gags with it. Despite the film’s flawed backbone, the charisma of the cast carries the story and makes it an ultimately satisfying watch. Cavill and Hammer work fantastically together and really make the most of an amusing script and prepossessing costume. The Italian landscape, which features in the story, is another big pro for the film. Where the story is generally steadily paced, Ritchie gives us shots to take in the Neapolitan backdrop. It hasn’t been a great time for cinema in NZ. The Man From U.N.C.L.E. isn’t screening alongside many competitive options, so recommending this film is easy. The only advice I can give is to approach the film with no strings attached. It will entertain you for 116 minutes, but you’ll probably forget it within a week. You can decide whether that’s value for money, or not.

issue 24

Film

What Makes a Good Remake Hamish Popplestone 99.9% of the global population are Harry Potter fans (2011, Yahoo Answers). This makes me think that, sometime in the future when entertainment is consumed largely through virtual reality, demand for a next gen refurbishment of the classic saga will catalyse a remake. For a faction of the fan base, the remake will be another chance to experience the mania and share it with Generation Z; while, for the rest, it will never meet the benchmark, and we will be constantly reminded about how much better the original was. Sprucing up an adored film for present day standards is tough. The list of bad remakes is seemingly interminable, with well-known betrayals from Hollywood including the American adaption of Death At A Funeral, 2010’s The Karate Kid, and 2003’s The Texas Chainsaw Massacre—all terrible, in case you haven’t seen them. However, while we can lament our favourite movies being tarnished by the same directors of Agent Cody Banks and Pearl Harbor, some remakes have transcended from the original by the director following at least one of the following conditions: 1. Waiting a good, long while It’s pointless when a remake is done within the decade. As well as the fatigue audiences get from a repeated storyline, there are no material technological advancements to offer in this timeframe. Jackson’s King Kong was great because it took the classic epic and was able to dress it in 72 years of cinematic development. 2. Remaking a film that is not in the IMDB Top 250 list Remakes and sequels often flop because we get very emotional when our expectations aren’t met. The top 250 IMDB movies have very attached fans who would be tempestuous about a remake of their number one. 2014’s Godzilla was superior to 1998’s Godzilla, because absolutely no one liked the earlier entry, and it returned us to the glory of the original Godzilla franchises. 3. Remaking a foreign film Some of the best films are foreign, but don’t reach their potential in the western mainstream because of the language barrier or cultural stylistic nuances. The original Swedish The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo was a critical and financial success. What made audiences swarm to see the American adaption only two years later was being able to see and hear the story in western conventions that they could relate to.

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials Directed by Wes Ball

½ Jess Knipping The second film in (presumably) a trilogy, The Scorch Trials starts off with a bang. Thomas (Dylan O’Brien) wakes up in an elevator that is rapidly ascending while red lights and warning sirens blast on screen, then cuts to him waking up from his nightmare of what was the first movie. The first movie was about a maze, the poor teenagers trying to escape it, and the scientists who run it. The second movie is about them trying to escape the scientists and also some zombies. Yeah, I was not really expecting a zombie movie but here we go. The second movie is meant to explain why the first took place, and how the maze was used to save the human race from the zombie virus. Honestly I am still at a loss at how these two film’s plots actually connect together. Most of the movie is Thomas looking over his shoulder, making a shocked expression, then taking 10 seconds to start running in the opposite direction from the zombies while the rest of his teenage comrades (includes Kaya Scodelario and Thomas Brodie-Sangster) follow close behind. The film takes us through a much larger world than the first, from an abandoned city in the desert, to an underground tunnel system, to a mountain range in the final act. The scenery is stunning and you can see where their budget went. All in all this is a fun movie where anything’s made up and the plot doesn’t matter. All we need is to know that Thomas is important and his blood holds the key to basically everything. There are love triangles, betrayal, zombies, explosions, and a whole lot of running. It even passes the Bechdel test in the final moments of the film (bravo).

Thanks to Reading Cinemas Courtnay for providing double tickets this week editor@salient.org.nz

Games

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THROW AWAY YOUR TELEVISION Cameron Gray Like pretty much everyone born after 1993, I spend far too much time on the internet. This is not necessarily a problem; in fact, I love YouTube so much that I spend more time watching videos on it than I do watching television. And I have Sky in my flat! Yet with me it’s not all cats and viral hits—if you take a look at some of the biggest and most influential YouTube channels, gaming has an overwhelming presence. The biggest name is, of course, PewDiePie, who has had the most subscribers on the site since late 2013 by screaming and making obnoxious noises while playing games. He’s a cool guy, but his content isn’t for everyone. There is, however, more to the YouTube gaming scene than Pewds and his ilk, and I feel it is my duty as a “game journalist” to give exposure to the figures that deserve it. Here’s a list of some of my favourites, in no particular order: TotalBiscuit, The Cynical Brit (youtube.com/totalhalibut) Depending on your tastes, TB is either a god amongst men or the most poisonous presence in the YouTube gaming scene. Yet you can’t deny that he got where he is by putting the interests of consumers above all else, as well as being a damn entertaining fellow. If your game is on PC, chances are TB will have scrutinised every single aspect of it; may heaven help you if you’ve forgotten the field of view slider or locked the framerate to 30. His integrity and brutal honesty make him a standout critic in a field tainted by shameless pandering to corporate interests—he is always worth watching. Also, YouTube comments gave him full-blown cancer. Jim Sterling (youtube.com/jimsterling) Thank God for Jim Fucking Sterling, son. While relatively new to the scene, he has already spent years working in game journalism, which gives him an edge in games commentary that is often imitated, but never duplicated. His “Squirty Plays” and “Best of Steam Greenlight Trailers” videos have helped to expose some of the worst games ever created and the practises that led to Steam’s current state of disrepute, punctuated by the weekly “Jimquisition” where he takes the industry’s shadiest figures to task. Jim sticks up for truth, pride and garme jurnalizm, and that’s just the way we like him. www.salient.org.nz

Stuart “Ahoy” Brown (youtube.com/XboxAhoy) It’s rare that an ardent gun nut comes across as witty and intelligent, but Stuart Brown pulls it off. He is most famous for his “Iconic Arms” series, where he looks at the weapons commonly found in games and gives insight into their portrayals, including how they compare to their real life counterparts. Ahoy never does anything half-arsed— his content is excellently edited with elegant graphical detail, his voiceovers give a real sense of authority to the on-screen content, and he always does his research. A real hidden gem that deserves even more attention. Super Best Friends Play (youtube.com/TheSw1tcher) These guys prove you don’t have to scream all the time to make a decent Let’s Play. The Zaibatsu of Matt, Pat, Woolie and Liam are some of the funniest YouTubers you’re ever likely to come across, and putting them in front of a shitty game will only make them funnier. Gaming is always best with friends, and you always feel you’re part of something special whenever you watch the Zaibatsu. Highlights of the channel include RustleMania, where the boys play nothing but wrestling games, and that one time where Woolie chose Marvel vs Capcom 3 over sex. With two women. At the same time. The Angry Video Game Nerd (youtube.com/ Cinemassacre) The one that pretty much started it all. James Rolfe has been playing the AVGN for nearly ten years now, and he’s still going strong. Nearly every game reviewer on YouTube has a huge debt of gratitude to the Nerd, who has managed to turn the angry expletive-laden rant into an art form courtesy of some of the worst games ever made. The editing is a bit shoddy, but considering how much James loves B-movies they can be forgiven for looking a little rough around the edges. Still, his rants are funny enough to justify a binge session, and you’ll be calling everything a shitload of fuck in no time. This is but a small selection of some of the best gaming content that YouTube has to offer, so don’t be afraid to do a little digging and find something you enjoy. Even if it’s PewDiePie. I won’t judge.

issue 24

Books

Purity Jonathan Franzen Thanks to Vic Books for providing a copy to review

HarperCollins Jayne Mulligan For this one, I read a lot of reviews. It was my first Franzen, you see. But nevertheless, it didn’t feel right. So I needed to see what others, those who knew his work better, were thinking. Gawker proclaims, “Call a piece of shit a piece of shit!”, while The Atlantic is more ready to worship the last name than the book itself, and The Guardian considers his oft-contentious gender representation. Stuff, well, Stuff has a yarn to Franzen, and I can’t help but sense that Franzen is over it—exhausted by the publicity circus. The book itself is 579 pages with golden rays all over the cover, and it comes four years after his last release Freedom, which saw him on the cover of TIME magazine proclaimed as a great American novelist. As the Gawker article points out, this is Franzen’s attempt to achieve mass appeal in a way only someone envious of such wide readership could. There are fraught relationships, plentiful amounts of weird sex, an on-again-off-again relationship that has Ross and Rachel getting sick of it, and not to mention doses of pre- and post-Wall Germany, reporters chasing stories, knowledge (think Julian Assange), and some internet trolling and spyware technology in case you didn’t know Franzen was relevant. The central character is a twenty-something college graduate whose debt weighs around her neck: Pip, whose real name Purity generates the same discomfort as the nickname, pussycat, her mother affectionately gives her. Her journey to discover the secret of whom her father is, while seemingly unsubstantiated, sets the novel into motion. Pip’s job is unfulfilling; her boss’ advances confuse her, she messes up her love life, and she is smothered by the needs of her mother, who has never revealed to her daughter her real name, nor the name of her father. Pip’s roommate, a German backpacker, tells her of the Sunlight Project, and the eminent Andreas Wolf, someone who could help her find her father. Joining the project, she catches the attention and affections of Wolf and their relationship becomes strange and needy. Wolf sends Pip on an intelligence mission, to gather information on Tom, a journalist, who knows too much about Wolf ’s past. Twists abound, and both Tom and Wolf begin to carry the weight of the novel. The narrative is gripping—I found myself reading with my mouth agape. The threads all come together by the end, which is a little too convenient and rushed. The sales pitch from HarperCollins positions it thus: old fans of Franzen will hate it; new fans will love it. They’re gesturing towards a departure from Franzen’s typical style, which was devoted to an exploration in the crushing realities and minutiae of family life, and an adept ability to represent characters thoughts and minds. In Purity the same attempts arise, but it misses the beat. Characters are developed, but still lie flat and unconvincing. The psychological realities behind the characters are inconceivably created and are unexplainably toxic and tormented. I suppose it’s not your classic Franzen, but due to its “thriller” aspects it’s an enjoyable read.

Nobody is Ever Missing Catherine Lacey FSG Originals Ellen Cunliffe “I sat on a curb in Takaka, trying to think clearly about mixed feelings. Being alone was what I wanted, being alone was not what I wanted… I wanted to want a regular life: the usual husband, the usual apartment, sidewalks, noises and so on. But I had left it, I had gone elsewhere…” In Catherine Lacey’s debut Nobody is Ever Missing, Elyria, at 28, has left behind her life in New York to hitchhike around New Zealand. She is attempting to leave behind a traumatic past: the suicide of her sister Ruby haunts her and encircles her marriage, which is slowly disintegrating. She comes to New Zealand on a whim, accepting a flippant invitation to stay at a poet’s house in Golden Bay. She’s not sure his offer is genuine and her decision to come confounds her. Wandering from the North to the South Island and back again, one silent truck to the next, Elyria finds New Zealand quiet in contrast to her loud internal chaos: “… maybe this is why I had come here. Not for the isolation, but the place where people can happily do very little, the world’s largest waiting room.” This languid pattern of drifting allows her to fall into an introspective, and sometimes exhausting well: sentences run in streams, thoughts advance and turn back in on themselves. At times she embodies a millennial’s fatalism, a certainty that truth is found in cynicism. But Lacey’s writing can also veer into the humane, finding in the accumulation of thought and rumination an unexpected tenderness: “We both cried and the fluorescent light tinted our skin blue and I could see right through his skin to a vein on his face, a tiny blue vein made bluer in the blue light and we held hands – it somehow made sense to hold hands with this stranger in ways it had never made sense to hold hands with any other stranger.” In this raw, insightful novel Lacey examines the desire to escape— sadness, the past, the self—through solitude and flight. She captures a highly perceptive mind, with an off-kilter imagination and deep sensitivity, and in doing creates a distinctive voice. As the title suggests, Elyria discovers she cannot really disappear—she can never be missing to herself. This thought strikes her as “real”, perhaps a little less lonely, a small light shining on the dark, open sea. editor@salient.org.nz

Visual Arts

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Vic Architecture students go to Auckland for free drinks Sharon Lam Over the weekend of 25–26 September, 28 Vic students of the fine art that is architecture traversed up to Auckland to compete in a frantic 24-hour design competition run by SANNZ, the Student Architecture Network of New Zealand. As part of Auckland Architecture Week, the event was set to be “24 hours of relentless camaraderie and rivalry”, with the University of Auckland hosting students from all four schools of architecture across the country. Student teams of 4–6 had just 24 hours to come up with a design for a surprise brief in competition for glory, cash and a pineappleshaped trophy—3D printed of course.

from at least two architecture schools, and while some groups separated for the night to sleep, others brainstormed into the night. Vic students largely stuck together, though one brave student ventured into a fourstrong Auckland team alone but to largely incompatible results, beginning with their rejected suggestion of “Labia Party” as team name. SATURDAY

The competition began in the afternoon with a series of workshops led by tutors and architects. Held in the student bar, creativity was generously plied with flowing alcohol and food. After varying degrees of productivity, a walking bus took students to the Auckland Museum, where further barside inspiration took place at a Pecha Kucha night where architects, artists, curators and students shared an impressively diverse range of ideas. For those who had inadvertently consumed a bottle of wine far, far too quickly, it was also a great chance for a tactical vomit in some very nice toilets.

A painful 8am start saw another surprise thrown at the students—a Wheel of Fortune to determine the type of medium that groups would present in. There were four possible categories: found image, moving image, performance art, and one to one. With a 3.30pm deadline, groups quickly spun the wheel to cries of both delight and horror, and quickly got to work. Creative output was varied, with some groups already having established the brunt of their concept the night before, while other students spent much of their time completely lost and locked inside the labyrinth of stairwells and corridors of the ridiculous Auckland campus. The hours quickly slipped away for the teams as the afternoon deadline loomed, with drawing, debating, collaging, filming and collaborating happening at frenzied paces unseen in the usual studio environment.

At 10.30pm the brief was finally revealed—a meteor strike to the moon has increased the Auckland tides by 4 metres in height; the challenge was now to design for the new subaquatic waterfront. It was also revealed that groups had to have a mix of students

After the deadline passed, sighing, crying and high-fiving teams presented their work with a panel of esteemed judges also in the audience. The collective volume of work had an intensity that only such a quickfire competition could produce, with the

FRIDAY

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audience complicit in the garishness that took the stage. Oyster invasions, dudebros trying to rap, surgical procedures on mermen, barbershop singing, and John Key drowning were all respectable results in this time-limited setting, and it was cathartic for students to both watch and produce “designs” free of usual academic stringency. The judges went and deliberated, with the results seeing a strong Vic presence in the winner’s circle, with at least half of each top three team consisting of sleepy Te Aro students. The rewarding of the pineapple trophies heralded the end of the competition, and students eagerly celebrated with seemingly endless amounts of drink and food. The after party was also a great time to reflect upon the past 24 hours. Comments reflected a differing range of experiences, from thirdyear student Luke Dodd’s “fucking fantastic” to fourth-year Scott Meekings’ “forked up”, going on to explicitly describe the feeling of having a fork up his urethra, though it was unclear whether this was in relation to the competition or his actual bodily situation. As the number of guests dwindled, the Vic contingent remained strong, milking every last drop of wine and every last wheel of brie, a deserving end to an impressive weekend for all those that took part.

issue 24

Fashion

How avoid looking as though you’re on the verge of a nervous breakdown Jess Scott It has reached the stage in the trimester where you are a mere burnt soy latte away from a full-scale meltdown. Every aspect of your existence is going up in flames around you and you’re sort of just sitting there muttering “this is fine, everything is absolutely fine” to your trusty companions, Fourth Glass of Wine and Unfinished Essay Due Tomorrow. You are in a such a perpetual state of sleep deprivation that your under-eye circles have become part of your facial structure, catching up the four weeks of missed 9am lectures in the two days before your assignment is due seems totally reasonable, your editor is having to bribe you with free wine to submit anything, your relationship status can be described as “she just has sex with me so she can write mean things about me in Salient”, and you haven’t been grocery shopping for about two weeks because you stress-/drunk-bought a $400 ball dress this week, despite having zero intention of attending a ball at any point in the near future. (You don’t understand, it was on sale in my size...) Your physical and mental health may be shot to bits, but your aesthetic doesn’t have to be. You can still have your third nervous breakdown of the week whilst immaculately dressed; it does not need to be done in the same shirt you’ve been sleeping in for the past week.

2 for 1 Margherita

pizzas every friday from 3pm

Exam period dress etiquette: 1. Under no circumstances whatsoever be seen DEAD in sweats at uni. Love yourself. You are better than this. 2. Max. two coffee stains allowed on any one item of clothing before you should probably cease wearing and wash it (unless it is black, in which case you are welcome to bathe fully clothed in coffee grounds and nobody will ever know).

The Hunter Lounge

3. Have your eyeliner and filled-in brows tattooed on to avoid looking as though you’ve re-enacted Jenna Marbles’ drunk makeup tutorial after a 48 hour essay-writing bender. 4. Sleep fully made up with wet hair every night and call it “smoky eyes”, and “beachy waves” to capitalise on beauty sleep (perhaps invest in bedding that isn’t white to avoid a full-face imprint..) 5. Avoid being the wanker wandering about in an animal onesie— NOBODY is that tired. 6. If you’ve not slept for 48 hours and look like it an extra from The Walking Dead, slather bright lipstick on and hope for the best.

The Hunter Lounge

Author’s note: When your mother calls you to yell at you for buying the Jeffrey Campbell platform Timberlands she saw on your Instagram instead of groceries, you know you’ve hit rock bottom. editor@salient.org.nz

Yarn with Zwaan VUWSA President, Rick Zwaan

VUWSA Zealand is a flawed system which perpetuates fee rises, leads to more debt for students— reaching a total $15bn last year, underfunded academics, and universities spending huge amounts of time and money spent on marketing against each other to attract a limited pool of potential students. As a university we should be actively working on fixing how higher education is funded to ensure it is accessible to everyone, provides quality learning and teaching, and provocatively supports students to succeed and contribute to society.

Last week the University Council voted to raise fees for next year by 3 per cent—the maximum allowed by Government. I spoke and voted against the decision. The increase will add an extra $3.9 million dollars to the collective loan balances of Victoria students. It means that students starting a Bachelor’s degree next year will graduate with $22,000 of debt from course fees and compulsory levies alone.

When we suggested we work more proactively on this at the meeting last week, the Vice Chancellor responded by saying that Universities New Zealand was working to lobby the government to essentially remove the fees maxima so universities can charge what they like. That simple approach will only led to higher levels of debt. We need to look more broadly than that. In the meantime, we need to push the University to be more transparent and ensure it’s spending our money on improving

On this trajectory, the cost of study in five years time will be 40 per cent more than it was five years ago. The argument is made that we need to increase fees to hold steady given the lack of government funding and increasing costs faced by the university. This is true to an extent. Being an Excel-loving science student, I collated the last ten years of government tertiary budgets, and adjusted for inflation, on a per student student basis, the government SAC funding has slowly declined. This decline has been offset by student fees to keep the total size of the pie about the same. However, as of 2013, a divergence has started to occur. The compounding effect of perpetual fee increases has meant that the overall pie is increasing well ahead of inflation. Universities like Victoria are no longer just holding steady, but are profiting off increasing student debt. This increase comes while there is a perception that quality isn’t increasing. We don’t have a comprehensive measure that means we know, as students, that we’re getting quality teaching and learning for the fees we pay. The university raises fees simply because it knows it can. The way tertiary funding works in New www.salient.org.nz

Ask the Exec:

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Rory Lenihan-Ikin 2015 Wellbeing & Sustainability Officer 2016 Welfare Vice President 1. What are you most excited about accomplishing in your new role? The vege market has been getting more and more popular each week (go check out the new honey stall!) so if that continues I’m looking forward to growing it next year. I’m also eager to keep pushing Rental WOFs in order to get a re-commitment from the Council and edge us closer toward some decent flats.

2. What do you think cats dream about? Eating beautiful native birds. I like our birds.

3. Who are you currently listening to on your music box? New Phoenix Foundation album Give Up Your Dreams. Can highly recommend, especially for cats.

Nathaniel Manning 2015 Campaigns Officer 2016 Welfare Vice President 1. What are you most excited about accomplishing in your new role? Working with the huge and diverse community of student groups here at uni to create some awesome experiences for students!

2. What do you think cats dream about? More sleep. They seem really keen Jonathan Gee 2015 Academic Vice President 2016 President 1. What are you most excited about accomplishing in your new role? Too many things! Ultimately I’m really excited to lead a VUWSA that reconnects with the student body, that talks to your other student leaders so that we can build the strongest possible student voice on the issues that matter most to you.

2. What do you think cats dream about?

Probably about how they could rule the world if they stopped sleeping for 16 hours a day…

3. Who are you currently listening to on your music box (i.e.: iPod)?

“Shut Up and Dance” by Walk The Moon… getting ready to party once this assignment is over!

on sleep.

3. Who are you currently listening to on your music box? Iamamiwhoami Jacinta Gulasekharam 2015 Treasurer Secretary 2016 Academic Vice President 1. What are you most excited about accomplishing in your new role? I

am excited to create quick student reference guides and build an online directory for students to easily access their academic questions.

2. What do you think cats dream about? I think my cat Jeff dreams about pretending to run away from me when I visit him.

3. Who are you currently listening to on your music box? I am loving G

Eazy, especially “I Mean It”.

issue 24

Puzzles

Easy

“The Big Five” The four theme entries have an unusual property hinted at by the shaded letters.

Target goals Pretty good—18, Solid—22 Great—25

Issue 23 Solutions:

Across

Down

1. Bleak 5. Comedian Silverman 10. Blacken 14. Soybean product 15. Make a big scene, perhaps 16. It’s amazing, in reality TV 17. Well-tempered (Theme entry 1) 19. Woods who says “The rules of hair care are simple and finite” 20. Make unclean 21. Full of righteous indignation 23. California city where ‘Monsters versus Aliens’ is set 26. Places to get off ? 27. Status ____ (special dispensation for an independent territory) 28. Grade again 31. Actresses Campbell and McIntosh 32. Fields for bowls 33. Same old same old 34. Like a 36-Across, for short 35. Shipbuilding fastener 36. One of four in a rhombus 37. Place for a snug bug 38. Cut off 39. Bullwinkle, for one 40. Particles of saliva 42. He directed ‘Un Chien Andalou’ 43. Absurdly-expensive-bagmaker Vuitton 44. It’s usually the best policy - unless you burned your house down yourself 45. Fancy fur 47. Items in a proverbial bush 48. Rockers with the hit ‘The Pot’ 49. 2011 Florence and the Machine hit (Theme entry 2)54. Trace evidence, maybe 55. Crude vehicle? 56. Visual depiction of a soul, usually 57. Group at a cattle call? 58. Entails 59. Garnish from a citrus fruit

1. Game initials before ‘Vice City’ or ‘V’ 2. Nick from 3. Contingencies 4. Said under one’s breath 5. One who spoke Aramaic 6. DNA acid 7. Central cause 8. In Samoan myth, the first man on Fiji (hidden in MATURE STUDENT) 9. Not too eager 10. Sleazebags 11. Not totally joking (Theme entry 3) 12. Its motto is ‘Because Freedom Can’t Protect Itself ’ (abbr.) 13. Stagger 18. Seats at bridge tables, and an anagram of ‘seats’ 22. ‘Friends’ paleontologist 23. Houses of the lord? 24. Call from the cops outside, maybe 25. Pink Floyd guitarist (Theme entry 4) 26. Home of alligators, in urban legends 28. Glowstick parties 29. Boulevard in a 1960 film noir 30. _____ Dan (‘Two Against Nature’ band) 32. Exists 35. Has a dependence 36. State nickname for Texas 38. Phaser setting, famously 39. The world, to Caesar 41. Slaved 42. Ruinous beetles 44. Went on a scouting outing 45. Engrave 46. Aim for an actor 47. He fought Ledger in ‘The Dark Knight’ 50. Speed, in Shakespeare 51. French assent 52. Subject of a Keats ode 53. “Just a ___”

editor@salient.org.nz

Victoria University

Postgraduate Information Evening 5.30pm, Thursday 22 October Room KK301, Kirk Building Kelburn Campus victoria.ac.nz/postgraduate

Know your next move Study at New Zealandâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s number one ranked university for research quality* *2012 Performance-based Research Funding Quality Evaluation. SR0392-SALIENT