Issue 12 - Culture

SA L I E N T

ISSUE 12

Pop Culture

CONTENTS 04—07

08—09

10—11

News

How K-Pop Fans Have Changed the Face of Activism

Video Games Are the Future of Storytelling

12—14

16—17

18—19

A Completely Biassed Ranking of NZ Reality TV

Host: Quar-Horror

Why Star Wars Could Be The Greatest Film

20—21

22—35

36—38

Centrefold

Culture & Columns

Entertainment

About Us Salient is published by, but remains editorially independent from, the Victoria University of Wellington Students’ Association (VUWSA).

Salient is funded in part by VUWSA through the Student Services Levy. Salient is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

The views expressed in Salient do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, VUWSA, or the University.

Complaints Complaints regarding the material published in Salient should first be brought to the Editor in writing (editor@salient.org.nz). If not satisfied with the response, complaints should be directed to the Media Council (info@mediacouncil.org.nz).

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Find Us Twitter @salientmagazine Facebook fb.com/salientmagazine Instagram @salientgram www.salient.org.nz

The Twilight Renaissance EDITORIAL Content warning: mention of non-consensual kissing When Stephenie Meyer released Midnight Sun in May 2020 as a pick-me-up for Twi-hards in lockdown, she triggered a full blown internet revival of the series. The Twilight Renaissance has been thriving for two years now, so to honour it I present you with three of my many hot takes.

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Team Edward > Team Jacob

My tween bedroom was plastered with large posters of shirtless Taylor Lautner. I was Team Jacob through and through, and my loyalty knew no bounds. Every year since I was eleven, I wake up on 14 January and my first thought is “it’s Jacob Black’s fictional birthday today.” When you’re young, you want a Jacob: a hot-headed hottie, with six-pack abs, a motorcycle, and a smile that feels like sunshine.

But as you get older, you find yourself wanting an Edward: an introspective intellectual who listens more than he talks, composes lullabies for you on his piano, and is wise beyond his years (probably because he’s 107 years old). It also doesn’t hurt that Edward is extremely rich and powerful.

Jacob would’ve kissed me when I was in the middle of a sentence, Edward is all about patience and consent.

Their differences are best exemplified in Eclipse, in the scene where Edward confronts Jacob after he forcefully kisses Bella. He’s enraged, not because he feels possessive or threatened, but because Jacob “touched her against her will.” And when Jacob insists Bella “doesn’t know what she wants,” Edward tells him to “wait for her to say the words.”

Those words live in my head rent free, and reflect how deeply Edward values personal choice. I’d like to think that sparkly vamp taught teenagers everywhere a little something about bodily autonomy.

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Bella doesn’t deserve the hate she gets

Bella isn’t a character parents wanted their children to look up to, but protagonists shouldn’t have to be aspirational. She was kind and selfless and nurturing and normal. She moved to a depressing town halfway across the country for her mother’s happiness, and she spent her free time reading Wuthering Heights.

Bella also wasn’t pathetic or snivelly, she was a 17-year-old girl unconditionally and irrevocably in love. And in spite of all the supernatural fuckery happening around her, she managed to run a household and hand in all her assignments before they were due. Give her some credit.

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Jacob imprinting on baby Rensesmee isn’t sexual This is one of those “you need to read the books” moments. Jacob imprinting on Renesmee means that she is his soul mate. Jacob would “do anything, be anything” for Renesmee, depending on what she needs at her different stages of life; a protector, a best friend, a lover. Critics argue this robs Renesmee of choice, but they forget their souls have literally been cosmically paired together. If you can get on board with pre-destined ‘star crossed lovers,’ you should be able to get on board with imprinting.

Suspend your damn disbelief.

This week’s Pop Culture Issue is here to save you from your end-of-trimester workload-from-hell. I know you’re stressed, sleep deprived, overwhelmed with uni, and counting down the days until the midyear break.

So put down the lecture notes. Mute the Zoom call.

Turn off your brain. Read this issue. No thoughts, just vibes.

Ngā manaakitanga, JANHAVI GOSAVI (SHE/HER)

www.salient.org.nz

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Collage by Ethan Manera (he/him)

“Backwards” and “Pathetic” - What Budget 2022 Means for Students Words by Salient News Team

Each year, Budget day is a rousing affair, where the Minister of Finance opens their books to show us what fiscal treats we may receive. Pundits and analysts fizz with excitement over how the Government will spend their billions yet, once again, students were left in the dust.

In the lead up to the Budget, Salient published an article predicting that health and climate change would receive Labour’s priority over education. We weren’t wrong. The same day the Budget was released, Victoria University of Wellington Students’ Association (VUWSA) slammed the Government for “condemning our national student body to poverty and debt”.

Salient went along to the 2022 Wellbeing Budget announcement on 19 May to analyse what it offered for students.

Cost of Living: With the current cost of living crisis, students are paying overinflated rents for shitbox flats and are fleeced at the checkout by a profit-driven supermarket duopoly. The Budget offers the following measures to combat the sad reality of our financial struggle.

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Temporary support payment of $350. This one off “sugar hit” will be paid to those earning under $70,000 p/a in three instalments over August, September, and October. This payment of $27 per week amounts to around one tenth of the weekly rent for a room in central Wellington.

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Half price public transport extended! Kind of!

Grant Robertson kinda slayed with this one… until you realise it’s only for a further two months. The discount on bus fares will be made permanent to Community Service Card holders later in 2022.

It is yet to be decided when this discount will be implemented and how it will be accessed.

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More competition encouraged in the supermarket sector. The supermarket duopoly will receive a shake-up with the announcement of new restrictions on “landblocking.” This legislation will stop major supermarkets preventing competitors from accessing land was passed on Budget night, with the aim to drive down prices.

Housing:

Hot Takes:

At this point the words “housing” and “crisis” seem almost inseparable. Housing Minister Megan Woods began the announcement by claiming there is “no single answer” to the housing crisis. The Budget offers support to people experiencing homelessness and those in emergency housing. It also invests in new builds and infrastructure. These investments may help the rental landscape in the long-run but it does not address the current stock of poor quality housing and extortionate prices that students are facing now.

The NZ Union of Students’ Associations President Andrew Lessles told media that the tertiary sector has been ignored in the Budget. He said this would have a “huge impact on students” who are “bearing the brunt of the cost of living crisis”.

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The Tertiary Education Union said they were “disappointed to see the tertiary education sector largely ignored once again in the Labour Government’s fifth Budget”.

$221M investment in the Affordable Housing Fund. According to the Ministry of Housing and Urban Development, this fund supports the development of new (but affordable) homes for people on low to moderate incomes. The first $50M from the fund will go to not-for-profit organisations to deliver affordable rental housing across the North Island.

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$1B investment to public and transitional housing.

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$75M investment to the Homelessness Action Plan.

There is no mention of rent controls or a rent freeze in the Budget, despite minor parties calling on the Government to act.

Māori Development: •

Reforms to the health sector, with funding to the Māori Health Authority (MHA) The Government announced $188.1M towards the MHA reforms to “commission services and develop iwi partnerships”. It is hoped that a “by-Maori, for Maori” approach will improve the healthcare received, as well as honour Te Tiriti.

But Te Pati Māori have said it’s only leaving Māori with “crumbs”, labelling the contribution “pathetic” compared to the funding for other health services.

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Increased funding to Māori broadcasting and media.

“This Budget will mean more staff burnout, poorer support for students, and larger class sizes. If the Government truly values quality tertiary education, they need to fund it,” Lessels said.

National’s finance spokesperson Nicola Willis attacked the Budget, calling it “backwards” and a “blowout”.

When questioned by Salient on what National would do differently to support students, Willis said they would “reverse the additional taxes which Labour has put on landlords”. She claimed “it would put downward pressure on rents for students.”

When pushed on whether tax cuts for landlords would support struggling students, Willis maintained that the cuts were a “concrete” solution to encourage a “good housing market”. Yet Willis said National would not require landlords to pass the savings onto tenants’ rent prices.

Health: •

$202M funding for mental health initiatives.

This includes $100M over four years to trial new models of specialist mental health and addiction services. Minister of Health Andrew Little said, “People with severe mental health and addiction issues and their families have been patient through inaction by previous governments”. He added that this investment means “New Zealand is finally getting closer to a system we can be proud of.”

www.salient.org.nz

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Electoral Reform Bill Proposed in Parliament Words by Azaria Howell (she/her)

A member’s bill, which is set to have its first reading later this year, proposes reviewing donations to political parties, giving prisoners unconditional voting rights, and enabling Māori voters to change electoral roll at any time.

The Electoral (Strengthening Democracy) Amendment Bill was pulled from the Parliamentary biscuit tin on 19 May—a process by which numbers are drawn from a 30-year-old biscuit tin to decide which members’ bills will be debated in Parliament. The Bill is sponsored by Green MP Golriz Ghahraman and sets major electoral reform on the table.

according to the New Zealand Bill of Rights Act.” The Court of Appeal has found that the failure to allow 16 and 17 year olds voting rights amounts to age discrimination.

Make it 16, an advocacy group for lowering the voting age, are taking their case to Aotearoa’s Supreme Court, which will take place on 18 July.

The changes in the bill have been welcomed by Make It 16’s Communications Team Leader Caitlin Taylor.

Taylor’s birthday was two days after the general election, making her ineligible to vote.

Under the Bill, all prisoners would have the right to vote. Currently, prisoners are able to vote if they are serving a sentence under three years. In an interview with Salient, MP Golriz Ghahraman said this doesn’t go far enough, as “democracy is for everyone.”

In an interview with Salient, Taylor said 16 and 17 year olds should “have the right to have their say on the issues that really impact them.” Taylor added that criticisms of lowering the voting age “simply don’t make sense.” Ghahraman agreed.

Voters of Māori descent will also be able to change electoral rolls more efficiently. Under the status quo, voters are eligible to change their electoral roll every five years, which Ghahraman labels “undemocratic.”

Gharaman’s Bill also seeks to implement the suggestions from the 2012 MMP review, which suggests the party vote threshold should be lowered to 4%. The threshold is currently 5%.

Responding to the claim that 16 and 17 year olds are not informed enough to vote, Ghahraman said, “It sounds exactly like the opposition lines on women’s suffrage, actually. We heard the same things, that women aren’t smart enough, engaged enough, politically minded enough, logical enough, and that married women are just going to vote like their husbands. [...] The idea is that democracy will be better and more sustainable if more people’s interests are reflected in our political system.”

Ghahraman wants to see the voting age lowered alongside a civics education package. Outlining her plans in an interview, she said, “While you’re 15, everyone’s in school, you get to learn about our electoral system, and you get to register [to vote], you have a point of entry to the political structure, and your peers to talk to. [...] The idea is that it will actually get far more engagement.”

Ghahraman hopes that major parties will support the Bill. In a media statement, the Green MP said, “The Government’s review shows that they are open to strengthening our democracy in Aotearoa, and a new independent panel is appropriate to consider new issues. In the meantime, I would welcome Labour’s support for my Green Party member’s bill to go to Select Committee, where the public will have an opportunity to make their voices heard to all parties in Parliament.”

The Bill is set for its first reading later this year, yet the finalised date has not been set.

Alongside the Green-sponsored Bill being introduced, Justice Minister Kris Faafoi announced a working group to investigate amendments to electoral law. Make it 16 claim that “the voting age is at the top of the list of electoral laws the review will be considering.”

“If it [goes to Select Committee], we will get that engagement, we’ll hear from experts, we’ll hear from young people, we’ll hear from opposition voices as well, and get to have that conversation.”

Ghahraman said that the Bill would “allow 16 and 17 year olds the right to vote, which is their legal right

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Photo: Golriz Ghahraman Source: Newshub

H e a dline Junkie:

A Bite-Sized Look Into the Big Stories

Words by Ethan Manera (he/him) and Beth Mountford (she/her) Content warning: discussions of mass shooting/gun violence Calls for Gun Control Following Texas School Shooting A mass shooting at Robb Elementary School in Texas killed at least 21 children and teachers, prompting many to once again call for urgent action on gun laws in the US. The massacre comes after a disturbing rise in gun violence in 2022, with more than 200 mass shootings reported so far this year. President Biden delivered an emotional speech paying tribute to the victims’ families, saying “to lose a child is like having a piece of your soul ripped away”. The President also called for change to gun laws: “when in God’s name are we going to stand up to the gun lobby”.

Maccas McBites Recalled Over Raw Chicken A nationwide recall of the fried morsels has been issued after a Timaru customer complained they had received pink meat. McDonald’s national head office halted the sale of all McBites as the health risk was deemed to be with the chicken product itself, rather than the human error of the southern Canterbury restaurant. A McDonald’s spokesperson told the media they acted with “an abundance of caution” and immediately “stopped selling products nationwide while replacement stock was distributed’’.

Monkeypox Raises Concerns

Rihanna Gives Birth The “Bitch Better Have My Money” singer and Fenty Beauty CEO has welcomed a baby boy into the world with partner A$AP Rocky. 34-year-old Robyn Rihanna Fenty allegedly gave birth on Friday 13 May in Los Angeles. The pop star remains tight-lipped on the name of her baby boy, but was first sighted postbirthing in West Hollywood sporting an oversized jumper and some snazzy black sunnies.

New Law to See Shady Shisha Shenanigans Shutdown A bill to stop tax evasion during the importation of waterpipe tobacco has passed its third and final reading. The MP in charge of the bill, Meka Whaitiri, says the changes “support the aim for Aotearoa New Zealand to be smoke free by 2025”. The law sees tobacco products used in shisha and hookah taxed by weight, rather than nicotine content. This will stop “dishonest importers” who currently evade the required tax by misstating nicotine content. The new tax rate of $234.77 per kilogram for waterpipe tobacco hopes to put an end to the hookah horseplay.

Future of Cuba Street’s Famous Laundry Bar on the Rocks One of Wellington’s favourite eccentric watering holes is at risk of “closing its curtains” for good. Laundry, located at 240 Cuba Street, has stood proud in its aggressively green premises for nine years. However, the building’s landlord is threatening to not renew the lease, leaving the bar’s future in peril. The iconic location, which used to be a laundromat, is hosting a “Grand Finale” party, its Facebook page encouraging Wellingtonians to “party together one last time”. The owners are optimistic that Laundry may be able to relocate, saying “hopefully we’ll move to another location real soon with thicker walls and a landlord who has a moral compass.”

The primate pox suddenly spreading to multiple countries has some disease experts worried, while some commentators label it ‘post-pandemic panic.’

The World Health Organisation (WHO) is currently conducting an “urgent investigation” into this outbreak. WHO says it’s unusual for the virus to spread outside of Western Africa, where monkeypox is endemic. The risk to Aotearoa is deemed “low,” with the Ministry of Health saying “​​there are no confirmed or suspected cases” here. Active surveillance for the concerning pox is underway.

www.salient.org.nz

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How K-Pop Fans Have Changed the Face of Activism Words by Zoë Mills (she/they) Content warning: racism K-pop has taken the world by storm; a global phenomenon currently dominating the musical, fashion, and pop cultural spheres. Korean pop music is known for a myriad of girl-groups and boy-bands, catchy hits, complex dance routines, and dedicated fan-bases.

K-pop fans have a reputation for being one of the most loyal and extreme fan bases on the planet.

Extreme fans are commonly known as ‘stans.’

Regular fans may engage with artists and bands in a casual way, such as listening to their music, going to concerts, or buying merchandise. Stans, however, will engage in these practices excessively, and will dedicate large amounts of their own time towards helping the artist succeed. In practice, this behaviour can look like streaming parties (streaming a new release on repeat for hours in order to help the artist move up on the charts). Stans also often spam-tweet hashtags in relation to their favourite artist; its nearly impossible to go on twitter without seeing #Jungkook is trending at all times.

While stan culture is often stereotyped as a group of politically-disengaged, obsessive teenage girls, the elements of stan culture and the fan-groups themselves have proved that they are in fact more politically engaged than ever. In recent times, stans have shifted from organsing fans to vote for awardshow wins, to mobilising anti-Trump activism and pro-Black-Lives-Matter movements. Love them or loathe them: K-pop stans are one of the new groundbreaking forces within online activism.

In early June 2020, former US President Donald Trump announced that a free rally for his presidential campaign was to be held in Tulsa, Oklahoma later that month. Trump’s team tweeted out a link on his

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official Twitter page, asking supporters to register for a free seat at the venue. In the days following, thousands of K-Pop stans shared the link on Twitter to implore other stans to register for seats and not actually show up. The overall goal was to embarrass Trump with a rally full of empty seats. Stans worked by quickly re-posting and deleting these posts to keep the plan a secret from Trump supporters. And it worked. Trump’s Chief Campaign manager at the time, Brad Parscale, shared on Twitter that over one million tickets had been requested for the event.

On the day of the rally, the venue (BOK Centre in Tulsa) was estimated to hold an immense overflow of supporters, but was very much underwhelmed. Only 6,200 attendees scanned their tickets, which barely filled half of the venue’s 19,000-seat capacity.

After the hashtag #WhiteLivesMatter appeared on Twitter in 2020 as a counter-movement to the Black Lives Matter (BLM) movement, K-pop stans mobilised themselves again. They drowned out the thread of racist tweets by flooding the hashtag with

positive reinforcement for the BLM movement. K-pop group, BTS, took to twitter to release a statement (translated from Korean) sharing their support for the BLM movement, writing, “We stand against racial discrimination. We condemn violence. You, I and we all have the right to be respected. We will stand together.” And thus, the stans flooded Twitter once more. The tweets, also attempting to prevent #WhiteLivesMatter supporters organising counter-rallies, included images of their favourite band members and plenty of “fan-cams”—closeup clips of favourite artists performing live. Stans also attached messages to those searching for information in regards to the movement, with one user tweeting, “#WhiteLivesMatter oH ? you were here to be racist? no thanks, anyways, good try.”

In recent times, stans have shifted from organsing fans to vote for award-show wins, to mobilising anti-Trump activism and pro-Black-Lives-Matter movements.

The movement shifted into stans using the platform to support BLM protestors on the frontlines and prevent police brutality. When the Dallas Police Department shared a tweet asking for videos of protest activity, fancams flooded the responses as an attempt to shield protestor’s identities, with one Twitter user tweeting, “stan twitter now’s your chance to use them fancams for GOOD please”. The official Dallas Police Department app was also forced to temporarily shut down, after thousands of fancams uploaded caused the app to crash.

So what does this say about the current state of activism? It says that Gen-Z are more politically engaged than ever.

“A lot of K-pop fans are from minority groups—Black, Latino, LGBTQ—and social media is a place for them to connect [...] the sense of community in the K-pop fandom encourages us to stand up for each other’s rights.”

their advantage, youth are better able to organise and mobilise large groups in a matter of minutes.

Moving aspects of grassroots activism and protest into the digital realm makes participation a lot more accessible, and reduces the risk of endangerment or interaction with potential violence—as seen with the police brutality in the BLM movement.

Activism is shifting from traditional spaces—such as protest, rallies and marches—into digital spaces. In particular, the role of teenage girls—which are often stereotyped as obsessive, apolitical, and idle, have proven to be a force to be reckoned with; using their efficient organisational skills and global-reach to engage more people in causes. However, these two spaces—digital and traditional activism—cannot work alone; instead, they work together to create even larger and more impactful social movements across the world, and facilitate major political change in the form of utilising passion for good.

Even if that’s forcing Trump’s legal team to sift through thousands of LOONA fan-cams.

Twitter user @neokr1sta27 told TIME Magazine, “A lot of K-pop fans are from minority groups—Black, Latino, LGBTQ—and social media is a place for them to connect with other people who have had similar experiences. I believe that the sense of community in the K-pop fandom encourages us to stand up for each other’s rights”. With technology now at www.salient.org.nz

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Video Games Are the Future of Storytelling Words by Mika Hervel (he/him) Video games are an incredibly popular form of media which will shape the future of storytelling. In 2016, the video game industry made twice as much profit as the film industry, and this is only expected to grow. Think of Mario and Sonic the Hedgehog, who are both as iconic as Mickey Mouse. Many actors are engaging more in the industry, such as Inception star Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who noted: “the future of storytelling is gonna be video games […] [games] feel[] like the most ground-breaking storytelling.”

Video games will be instrumental in shaping the future of storytelling. But what does this look like, and how will it change the way we experience stories?

When we think of storytelling, we typically think of reading a book or watching a movie. Good stories provoke strong emotional responses and prompt us to reflect on our reality. Through narratives we can learn more about our world and ourselves by identifying with characters on an emotional level.

The same is true for video games, but in a much more intimate way. Experiencing a story vicariously through the protagonist allows for a more immersive experience. Hamish Cameron is a Classics lecturer and digital historian at Victoria University of Wellington (VUW) who has designed several board games and roleplaying games. He explains how the way we experience a narrative changes through the medium of video games: “[...] when you get to identify yourself with a person to the extent that you control their actions […] that’s pretty powerful for forging a connection between not just the player and that character but also the player and that medium.”

In films and books, you have no control over the protagonist. In games, however, a world of opportunity opens up as the reins are handed to you. Areito Echevarria is a senior Design Innovation lecturer at VUW, the former head of Weta Digital’s FX department, with an Academy Award to his name. He says conventional film principles are subverted in video games; instead of ‘show don’t tell’ it’s ‘do, don’t tell.’

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“Films are primarily passive, and you live primarily through the protagonist. But games can be a lot more visceral, you are an active protagonist, somehow simultaneously watching a protagonist and controlling them.”

Different players can experience different storylines in the same game. Even in games with more linear storylines, the player’s agency allows them to make decisions which change the way they experience the overall narrative.

Video games have historically been dismissed as a thing for nerds or seen as dangerous ploys to ingrain violence in children. Not only are these cultural attitudes draconic and false, they fail to acknowledge that video games are a medium for experiencing meaningful stories. Today approximately 73% of kiwis play video games, and that number rises every year. Both kids and adults play video games—they’re intergenerational.

Hamish says: “[...] thinking about it in generational terms runs the risk of [excluding] people who are older and are also engaging in games.” Assuming that video games are childish devalues the experiences of older people and writes off the medium of video games as a storytelling tool.

This idea that video games lead to violence is a ridiculous relic of a moral panic which began when games first started to rise in popularity. A multitude of studies have found no correlation between video games and violence. Yet this idea is still pervasive.

Video games can use narrative to comment on contemporary socio-political issues, just as well as films and books can. However, a problem arises when game developers fail to acknowledge that that’s what they’re doing, which Hamish says allows people to “disclaim engagement” with particular socio-political perspectives.

“There’s an argument that’s happening and if you as a player are not aware of it then it can be easy

to internalise it and not criticise it as it goes on […]

Games make arguments, and as a game designer you need to be in control of what those arguments are and be honest about them [...] As a consumer, keep an eye out for them and be aware of what you’re consuming.”

Video games are a new and exciting medium that poses several challenges to the film industry.

The industry has become increasingly stale and repetitive, with sequels forming a cornerstone of the modern film industry. This repetitive cycle creates dissatisfaction and leads people to explore other ways to experience stories. “It used to be you could go to the movies and see some cool new thing you haven’t seen before and now you go and see Iron Man for the 100th time.” Since video games are still a new industry, there is a lot of potential still to explore in terms of the stories that can be told, and the ways in which we can experience them. However, video games need to be careful not to fall into the same repetitive trap and instead keep innovating and broadening the horizons of storytelling.

to produce and publish, and with virtual reality becoming cheaper and more accessible, the idea of players’ narrative will be taken to new heights.

VUW’s Areito used to think developments in video games would lead to the end of cinema, but now believes “[…] television has saved that with all these new streaming services which have created a huge demand for new content.” However, all the exciting innovations in how we tell and experience stories are happening with video games, not the film industry.

Areito says there is potential for crossover between films and movies, “[...] but there hasn’t been a major product which has caught the zeitgeist.”

We need to accept that video games are a powerful and dominant storytelling medium, and start having honest conversations about what arguments games are making and how we engage with them. But there is also reason to be excited. Video games as a storytelling medium present a world of possibilities for how we experience stories, and as new innovations make these more accessible to us all, who knows what untold stories the future holds?

The continued development of technology is another key factor which will shape the future of video games. Innovation in this area is leading to a host of new ways to experience stories which we would never get to experience otherwise. The improvement of video game graphics means more cinematic and lifelike stories. Games have also become easier

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A Completely Biassed Ra Words by Maia Ingoe (she/her) NZ Reality TV is like trying to bake your Gran’s pavlova recipe. It usually comes out flat and deflated, but if you’re lucky, you’ll get something light and crisp with a soft, gooey middle. The recipe for NZ Reality TV is a bit different. You need a host that’s firmly embedded within NZ mediocre television. You’re either given a cast of everyday kiwis with a passion, or a cast of C-list ‘celebrities’ a.k.a. a mix of sports stars, comedians, Shorty Street actors, and some people you’ve never heard of. And there’s always that one dude who has made a career simply out of being on reality TV. New Zealand froths a bit of competition, so you’re going to need something to play for. And if the recipe succeeds, you’ll get some wholesome moments of kindness and sportsmanship.

This is my completely biassed rating of NZ Reality TV—because even though you think it’s shit, Mum, it’s my guilty pleasure. The shows must be filmed and produced in NZ (sorry to Drag Race Down Under). Read ahead to find a show to watch or reminisce about pre-teen nights stuck at home with your parents muttering about how “there’s nothing on TV.”

The Block

Celebrity Treasure Island I stan this show and will fight anyone who doesn’t.

Grab a bunch of NZ celebrities + give them each a charity + chuck them on an island (in this case, a beach in Northland) to battle it out in a series of colourful challenges, all in hopes of gaining a poetic clue that eventually leads to a treasure map. What sells the show for me is the characters: flamboyant Chris Parker next to rough-n-tumble Buck Shelford is comedy gold. Edna Swart is unapologetically competitive and hot while doing it and Angela Bloomfield is the camp Mum we never knew we needed. The show also makes consistent use of te reo, and in an episode towards the end, the cast meets with Ngāti Kuri to talk about the significance of the land they are filming on. But it’s also just fun, easy watching— it’ll make you laugh and take your mind off the state of the world.

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Arguably the most classic kiwi TV show of them all, The Block challenges four pairings to somehow renovate an entire house each while competing in silly mini-challenges, struggling to budget their Freedom Furniture shopping hauls, and driving around in a brand-new SUV. Drama thrives on the worksite and the tension is thick when the room scores are revealed. There’s never a quiet moment and it stresses me the fuck out—fortunately, host Mark Richardson laps it all up like the bloodthirsty creature he is. But the final auctions can be disappointing. These beautifully expensive Auckland homes can sell for millions of dollars, but it isn’t always enough for the contestants to go home with a profit. Sometimes, contestants don’t even recover all the money they’ve spent renovating it, despite all of their blood, sweat, and tears. It seems ironic that in a housing crisis where most of the population doesn’t have insulation, a reality TV show spends thousands of dollars building luxury homes in the most expensive city in Aotearoa.

Where to watch: A new season is set for 2022 on ThreeNow.

anking of NZ Reality TV Dancing with the Stars Dancing with the Stars is the cheesy, romanticised, awkward darling of NZ Reality TV. As per usual, we’ve got a cast of so-called New Zealand ‘celebrities,’ along with an iconic panel of judges (I was delighted with the addition of Lance Savali this season). Contestants learn to dance and saunter across the floor in a glitzy costume for charity. I have fond memories of begging mum to let me text in one vote for my favourites, only to steal her phone and send in three. And we all remember the fever dream that was David Seymour’s season. I went into the current season with high hopes: Comedian Eli Mathewson was set to be half of the first same-sex pairing on the show, which was the most exciting cast announcement. Despite that, the show moved slowly, punctuated by painfully awkward banter between the hosts. The best of the dance pairings have been voted off within the first three weeks of the season, making us question whether the combination of judge’s rating and text-in voting is broken.

Where to watch: The 2022 season is live on Sunday and Monday nights, with already-aired episodes available on TVNZ On Demand.

Lego Masters NZ Dai Henwood is the host of New Zealand’s version of this widely popular British show. The episodes so far show a swanky lego playground where six teams build masterpieces in sixteen-hour challenges. There’s a Lego warehouse with bins of coloured bricks of all shapes and sizes—I honestly froth the organisation. Full disclosure, I was a terrible child who loved following the Lego instructions down to the letter, so I admire the amazing creations here. But unfortunately, the slow-moving pace of LegoMasters just isn’t for me—in the first episodes’ sixteen-hour challenge, the most dramatic thing that happened was a failed rollercoaster build and a controversial giant rubber duck creation. And maybe I agree with my mum on this one: Dai Henwood just is a little bit gross.

Where to watch: The four episodes of the season so far are available on TVNZ On Demand.

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The Great Kiwi Bake Off The Bachelorette New Zealand The producers of The Bachelor wondered how they could counter criticisms that told them pitting a catalogue of women against each other to gain a man’s affection was sexist. The best idea they could come up with was to put a woman in the power position. Yipee. But I have to admit, I thoroughly enjoyed calling out “red flag!” at all the men walking up the red carpet. It was downhill from there—as soon as the men were left to themselves, toxic masculinity reared its head.

There’s not even cool outfits to judge, because straight kiwi men don’t seem to know that suits come in many colours. I wish there was more flexibility in sexuality here, but maybe it’s just that the straights are the only ones toxic enough for this show. Just let me say, if we had bisexuals on The Bachelorette, the drama would pop off.

Where to watch: The 2021 season is on TVNZ on Demand.

I never thought reality TV could be relaxing, but that’s exactly what The Great Kiwi Bake Off is. It’s visually beautiful; the show is filmed in the ‘Bake Barn,’ which is a flash shed kitted out with limegreen counters, mixing machines (unfortunately not Smeg), and a few floral arrangements. It’s set on a farm on Auckland’s West Coast, which almost looks like a cliff on the edge of the world. You just have to love the notebook illustrations that show the contestant’s plans for their baking creations.

Hayley Sproull and Madeleine Sami are delightful hosts. What I appreciate most is the kindness between contestants: when someone is royally fucking up their sponge cake, another contestant is there, full of support and suggestions. Why should we feed on a toxic competition culture when we could appreciate this wholesomeness? I take points off only because it makes me crave gourmet cakes I can never afford and will never have the baking skills to create.

Where to watch: The 2021 season is available on TVNZ On Demand.

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Words by Erin Cutts (she/her) The horror genre has always been aligned with our culture’s most pressing fears throughout history, from the first horror films of the late 19th century, right up to today. It’s because of this that the genre has remained such a vital part of pop culture, allowing us to explore our collective anxieties. While the genre has evolved, molded, and split into various sub-genres, its reflection of our modern-day zeitgeist is always consistent, meaning that we see aspects of ourselves and our world on screen.

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The atomic bombs brought us nuclear monsters, Vietnam influenced slasher-horror, while consumerist culture continues to popularise the zombie film.

Now, in a world where the words “Covid-19”, “lockdown” and “Zoom” have become a regular part of our vocabulary, what will the future of horror films look like? Recently I stumbled across the term “quarantine-horror,” more commonly shortened to “quar-horror.” It refers to films shot under Covid-19 restrictions while dealing specifically with the anxieties associated with isolating in a pandemic. As

restrictions ease, is it possible this dubbed genre will make itself popular in the near future?

As if being trapped inside your house while an uncontrollable virus rages outside isn’t nightmarish enough, independent filmmakers began to translate the fears of lockdown onto the screen. This is how quar-horror quickly became a term. Fears such as the unknown, isolation, and lack of control are all already common themes within the horror genre.

Within the context of Covid-19, they become all the more frightening and relatable. Think of how Zoom quickly became our relied upon means of maintaining social connection, and how instead of being scared of a physical monster, it was an unseen and rapidly spreading virus that we couldn’t control. Think of the uncertainty, the social anxiety, and the sense of entrapment that lockdown created in our homes, where we were supposed to feel safe.

All of these familiar and uncomfortable feelings we experienced (and continue to experience) are what feed into quarantine-focused horror. It’s not a shock that filmmakers turned to horror during lockdown restrictions, as it’s a genre that is generally forgiving to low budgets and allows room for innovation.

Many took to YouTube to release their quar-horror shorts, ranging from Kenneth Brown’s Stay at Home to Lights Out director David F. Sandberg’s Shadowed. Regardless of whether it morphs into its own official sub-genre or not, it goes to show that horror is the place where filmmakers can illustrate the global fears of a specific time.

One such film that led me to discover the term quarhorror is the 2020 supernatural computer-screen horror Host, directed by Rob Savage. Filmed and produced entirely under lockdown restrictions, the film scored a whopping 100% on Rotten Tomatoes and received impressive reviews from horror fans, while Time Magazine praised it as “one of the best horror movies of the year.” Set in the midst of the pandemic, the film centers on a Zoom call gone wrong when a group of friends summon an

evil spirit while conducting a séance (no surprises there). Just 57-minutes long, screen-casted entirely on Zoom, and borrowing from various supernatural found-footage horror films (such as Paranormal Activity, The Blair Witch Project, or the more recent Unfriended) Host packs a terrifying punch. Yet, in an interview with SlashFilm, director Savage explains how his film isn’t a “pandemic movie” but rather “very much about the specifics of being isolated, of being virtually together, but actually in a state of exposed isolation.” This is what Savage’s film portrays so well and is why fans are now dubbing it a quar-horror.

Pandemic films aren’t anything new. From zombie movies like Dawn of the Dead and Train to Busan to the medically-focussed Contagion, we’ve seen it all before. We’ve experienced what a pandemic really is and we know that we won’t see the undead staggering in the streets. Instead, Savage focuses on paranoia, unease, and helplessness in Host, telling SlashFilm that he wanted “to only show actions that felt authentic to everyone’s experience.” Savage, therefore, captures the spirit of lockdown, by playing with the Zoom filters and backgrounds to deliver many of the supernatural elements. He taps into anxieties about being unable to help our friends when we are forced into isolation. The effect lies also in having a short run-time, simulating something close to the length of a typical Zoom meeting, making the audience feel as though they are a part of it. Ultimately, Savage’s quarantine-horror proves that traditional horror movie tropes will always be effective, however it’s the cultural spin on them that makes them truly terrifying.

But what’s next for the genre? Two years on, as the world tries to regain some of its normality, Host still stands as a strong representation of our collective lockdown experience. It’s possible that it signals a new direction in the genre, just as past films have responded to cultural shifts, but it could also just remain a creative take on the typical supernatural found-footage film. The impact of Covid-19 will undoubtedly manifest in some form or another onscreen, but will Host lead the direction it takes?

We’ll have to wait and see.

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Why Could Be the Greatest Film of All Time (From a Certain Point of View)

Words by Alfie Hartshorne (he/him)

Before you read further, search up a list of the “greatest” films of all time. You’ll find the usual suspects—Seven Samurai, Lawrence Of Arabia, Casablanca, Citizen Kane, and so on. But could Star Wars belong on that list? Could it be considered one of the greats?

Many have blamed the film for its role in the creation of the modern blockbuster. Critics say it “ruined cinema” by shifting the focus of the medium to

popular entertainment and have dismissed its worth as a piece of art. Scarcely any films have an impact as immense as Star Wars.

Much like how the Star Wars timeline is divided up into before and after the battle of Yavin, film history may as well be divided up into before Star Wars and after Star Wars (BSW and ASW, I guess). What other films have shifted the cinematic landscape in such a way? There’ve been plenty of hugely

influential films over the years, but nothing touches the ubiquitous reach and global recognition of Star Wars. Rotten Tomatoes states in its consensus on Star Wars: “A legendarily expansive and ambitious start to the sci-fi saga, George Lucas opened our eyes to the possibilities of blockbuster filmmaking and things have never been the same.” So the real question here is: What makes Star Wars work? The answer is, quite literally, simple—its simplicity.

For a story with worldbuilding and lore rivalled only by the works of J.R.R Tolkien, Star Wars is deceptively simple on a plot and character level.

Usually this would be a point of criticism but, in this case, it works in the film’s favour. Within the first act, the film throws terms such as Jedi, Sith, Clone Wars, the Force, Kessel run, Tosche Station with the power converters, and many others at the audience—and George Lucas doesn’t stop to explain any of them. He drops us into an infinite universe under an imperial regime where there once were space wizards. When you try to process it without all the ensuing years of franchise building, it’s overwhelming. But Lucas puts it all in the background, and focuses on the characters—another strength of the film.

Star Wars has some of the most memorable and iconic characters in film history—everyone knows Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Princess Leia, Chewbacca, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Darth Vader.

Why? They’re archetypes. Take Luke Skywalker, he is Joseph Campbell’s hero’s journey personified.

His arc is a beat-for-beat retelling of Campbell’s story cycle—the purest distillation of a protagonist.

The hero’s journey arc is taken from Arthurian legend, lending the film itself a mythic quality.

This creates a feeling of timelessness—not only is it set in a fictional world detached from ours, but it tells its story in a way that’s closer to ancient mythical epics than a blockbuster. The film’s reach is universal thanks to this, leading to its worldwide popularity. This popularity led to the ever-expanding franchise we have now—one that has continuously sustained its own success. This is because the franchise has continued on with Lucas’ use of archetypes—characters who mirror mythical figures that humanity has told stories about for thousands of years—alongside narratives of good vs evil, both in tragedy and triumph. Everyone can recognise these archetypes, which is what keeps Star Wars’ audience coming back.

Star Wars’ influence on cinema is massive—like I said before, film history may as well be divided up into before and after Star Wars. It became the highest grossing film ever at the time of release which, when combined with the success of Jaws two years prior, turned blockbusters into the new dominant force in cinema. Film was no longer just an art form for the elite; it could be enjoyed by everyone. While there were films before Star Wars that had a similar effect, none reached the levels of popularity, recognition, and respect achieved by Star Wars. It transformed popular science fiction from a pulpy, trashy, niche genre to a legitimate blockbuster force, and paved the way for generations of filmmakers to make films their way. For example, Lord Of The Rings mastermind Peter Jackson has praised George Lucas’ ambition, stating, “He opened the door for me to make the films that I have, in a way I could have barely dreamt of doing before Star Wars. It’s only these technological advances driven by George that allow me to transfer images directly from my imagination onto the screen.” Today’s blockbuster king, Christopher Nolan, even said when interviewing George Lucas: “I saw Star Wars in a movie theatre twelve times.” Star Wars has been accused of ruining cinema by creating the modern blockbuster, yet so many of the filmmakers influenced by it have gone on to make some of the most celebrated films of their respective times. Star Wars showed what a film could be—it could have meaningful themes and not be exclusively artistic, and it could be fun and pulpy without being a low-budget B-grade movie. It made cinema fun for all who saw it. And there has to be value in that.

So, looking at all that—the influence, ambition, simplicity, and universality—is Star Wars the greatest film of all time? From a certain point of view, yes.

And from this particular point of view, hell yes.

DEUXMOI A MODERN DAY GOSSIP GIRL Words by Brooklyn Leota (she/her) Sent via form submission from Salient Pseudonyms, Please: You Know You Love Me Email: anon@anon.com Subject: Modern Day Gossip Girl

reads DeuxMoi’s bio. Not knowing who the blind is about is what makes the account so fun. You’ll find yourself trying to puzzle together exactly which celebrities were posting about going to Cardi B’s party, and exactly who was in the background of whose posts. Think VUW Meaningful Confessions, except it’s Hollywood.

Message: As a fan of the tv show Gossip Girl, I’m finding that life truly does reflect art. There’s a new gossip curator in NYC who’s sharing all the dirty little secrets of Hollywood’s biggest stars. DeuxMoi became popular during the 2020 lockdown and has changed how we get our celebrity gossip, having garnered 1.5M followers since.

With enough people banding together to crack these mysteries, a blind item can be revealed, changing your perspective on a celebrity. For example, the story I used earlier is none other than Jennifer Aniston. Gossip can be entertaining, exciting, and occasionally terrifying. Frequently, I find myself sharing a story from DeuxMoi with a friend to try and guess who it is about. We love speculating, even though it’s none of our business.

What is DeuxMoi?

To continue drawing parallels to VUW Meaningful Confessions: confession #389 about the bathroom rankings lives in my mind rent free as I continue to wonder where the beautiful bathroom with greenery is.

DeuxMoi is an Instagram account that is described as the modern-day Gossip Girl.

Before moving platforms to Instagram, DeuxMoi was originally one of many blogs and websites that worked around the idea of ‘blind items,’ or ‘blinds.’

A blind item is a term that has been around since the early 20th century; it describes a news story, more specifically, gossip, that does not reveal the names of the people involved, leaving the reader in the dark. Blinds use generic terms to identify subjects of gossip, such as the tier they are considered: A-list, B-list, C-list, and D-list. Here’s an examplei: “This A-list actress starred in an iconic role for an iconic television show. She was also pregnant quite often.

Almost every day. She was the biggest of Karens this weekend and left people in tears. She really has become a lot less nice over the years.”

DeuxMoi receives thousands of blinds each day, giving an insight into what celebrities are like behind closed doors and what their next moves may be.

“Statements made on this account have not been independently confirmed. This account does not claim any information published is based in fact,”

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DeuxMoi is one of the most notable sites, but there are others such as Crazy Days and Nights which famously use ‘blind items’ to spread the gossip they receive.

What draws us in?

DeuxMoi gets tips on where celebrities eat, where they drink, and where they party. When someone tells you, “you’ll never guess what I heard,” you want to know every single detail even though it may be about a stranger. Humans are naturally curious and we ultimately gossip for fun. We consume information about celebrities everywhere: movies, television, music, social media. They seemingly live lives so different to ours, so knowing where they go to wine and dine is a way to understand their world In the world of DeuxMoi, Sunday is for ‘Sunday Spotted,’ when the account posts celebrities going about their day-to-day life. Tuesday is a live chat with Deux themselves as they chat with their fans, elaborate on information posted in the week prior, and get new information. Thursday is my favourite day because that’s when Deux U episodes get released. It’s a weekly podcast where DeuxMoi discusses exclusive content and talks with guests that are in the know about celebrity gossip. Readers also receive emails about celebrities’ next moves, upcoming tour announcements, updates on shows and movies that are in production, and general behind-the-scenes knowledge.

Is it all fun and games or is what DeuxMoi posts true?

It is typical for some submissions DeuxMoi receives only be mentioned one time as nothing else comes out related to it, but, if we’re lucky, some will get proven true. Recently, DeuxMoi posted a submission

of Kim Kardashian being spotted at Ripley’s Believe It or Not, looking at Marilyn Monroe’s infamous “Happy Birthday Mr. President” dress. If you followed the MET Gala, you would know that she did in fact end up wearing this dress. DeuxMoi never reveals their sources, but sometimes sources themselves will confirm whether the blind is true.

DeuxMoi was notorious for maintaining its anonymity until very recently, when they got outed (the Gossip Girl parallels are never-ending). They have yet to speak on the matter, so the question remains: what is next for DeuxMoi? Happy speculating, and I’ll see you on Thursdays for Deux U.

A Cancer’s Comprehensive Guide to the Tearjerker Words by Joanna Fan (she/her)

I’m asking you to stereotype us Cancers. Because you’re right. We cry in everything. I’ve cried due to shock, due to horror, tragedy, cuteness, heartbreak, you name it. This article is compensation for the sheer amount of tears I have shed in public places, so I feel more than qualified to talk about the tearjerker.

CONTAINS MAJOR SPOILERS!

Atonement

I’ve watched Atonement about 50 times by now, but I still cry every time. My first viewing was just excruciating. It’s a film about World War II, so I knew I would cry, but no one warned me about the twist. When it came to an end and all was revealed, I literally cried so hard I had to lie down. I can’t reveal much without spoiling all of it, but I can say that it’s one of those films that stays with you for days. Prepare to be in utter shock and disbelief. Even better—there’s a five-minute-long uncut scene at Dunkirk that you can watch in awe, the most stunning green dress, and a steaming HOT sex scene between Keira Knightley and James McAvoy. Be prepared to hate Saoirse Ronan.

If Anything Happens I Love You

If this short film doesn’t make you cry, I genuinely don’t know what will. After the loss of their young daughter in a senseless tragedy, two mourning parents deal with the implications of grief and learn to heal.

The incredible thing about this film is its delayed reveal—in the first few minutes, you know that the parents are utterly devastated but wonder why. But then a football slowly comes into frame and suddenly you’re sobbing. When you think you can’t possibly cry anymore, you see a school, and you see an American flag. You put the two together and everything is crystal clear. The gravity of this film is reflected within the age-old American debate on gun control—it’s a timeless story, but it shouldn’t be.

The Farewell

Oh, The Farewell. Where do I even begin?

Awkwafina gives the performance of her career in this heartbreaking tale about family and sacrifice. When a Chinese family learns that their grandmother and matriarch has terminal cancer, they choose to keep the diagnosis hidden to follow tradition. Whilst much of the family understands this age-old practice, the Chinese American Billie finds the decision incredibly hard to grasp. This film perfectly encapsulates what it feels like to grow up in a different culture than your own. Every single aspect of this film felt like home—the direction from Lulu Wang (criminally underrated), the mise en scène, the dialogue, the setting, the family dynamics. I cried for two hours after watching this, and I’m still not over it. The Farewell gave me hope for the future of filmmaking—to know that our stories will be told, to know that they are equally significant, to know that there’s space for us. Go call your grandma.

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The Florida Project

When child actors are actually great actors, it makes me cry. This story follows Moonee, a six-year-old living with her struggling mother in a motel on the outskirts of Disneyland. What audiences won’t know is that, in reality, just outside “the happiest place on earth” are families living in poverty. It’s films like these that emphasise the urgency of educational storytelling—powerful, alarmingly common, and underreported accounts of ordinary lives. Moonee’s actor completely steals every scene, but particularly in the end. I ugly cried. I think talented child actors just make me cry in general. How are you able to re-enact the intricacies of human suffering at age six?

mother!

Darren Aronofsky, are you okay? The films that this man has made are all the most disturbing pieces of shock value, I’m convinced that he might just need therapy. This film features on those “Iceberg of Disturbing Films” memes that basically ranks films on how fucked they are. Brace yourself. I didn’t cry because I was touched. I cried because of pure horror and shock. It’s the most in your face biblical metaphor that ends up just being two hours of people torturing and killing each other. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a fine film with incredible performances from the whole ensemble, but there’s a completely unnecessary overload of violence and gore. Definitely not for the faint-hearted, and don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Love Actually

Let me explain myself. Love Actually has some of the worst storylines I’ve ever seen on screen and it’s definitely not for your local film bro. It’s a piece of popcorn. It’s witty, entertaining, and surprisingly heartbreaking. The whole package. And when I say heartbreaking, I’m talking about that scene when Emma Thompson opens her present and it’s a CD and not the necklace and she runs into her room trying not cry in front of her kids because Alan Rickman cheated on her and “Both Sides Now” by Joni Mitchell is quietly playing in the background. No matter how much I take the piss out of this film I will still WEEP whenever this scene comes on. I think it’s just Joni Mitchell.

Manchester by the Sea

I chose to watch this film on the plane. Terrible idea. I was reduced to a puddle of tears in economy sandwiched between old people. After his brother’s death, Lee is forced to move home, and confront the painful memories of his past. First of all, there’s not a single joyful moment in this film, the whole thing is just utterly depressing—the colour palette, the music, the acting, EVERYTHING. When the big reveal comes and you realise why Lee left his hometown and why he’s now estranged from his ex-wife, you will start weeping. Some films only have one painful scene, some films have a few, but this film is just pain from start to finish. I refuse to watch this film ever again. I’m just still so heartbroken.

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If Characters Were Wellington Snacks Words by Amy Zeilstra

Anthony Bridgerton is the famous McDonald’s hash brown. He is the head of the house, holder of my heart and always up before 11 a.m. Reliable and, even when it’s kinda shit, it’s still good.

Nothing can beat a bloody classic cheese scone and nothing can beat Eloise Bridgerton. They are relatable, versatile, comforting, and delicious.

Everyone thinks their mum makes the best one, but actually it’s MOJO café.

Like Madame Delacroix, the ham and cheese croissant from Baker Gramercy is salty and, as we all know, not strictly French but still very yummy.

Colin Bridgerton is Zany Zeus’s chocolate cake.

You must go a long way to get it, but if it’s what you fancy, it’ll be worth the journey.

A simple, universally-liked pastry is a fitting match for Benedict Bridgerton. I only wish he was as fruity as the near-perfect peach danish from French Cancan.

Hard not to love even though things can get pretty messy, Kate Sharma is a Tomboy pillow doughnut filled with cream and jam. Finger-licking good, as I’m sure Anthony would agree.

Edwina Sharma is a cinnamon roll from Sweet Release and looks like she wouldn’t kill you… unless you steal her mans.

The Duke Simon is a Porno Doughnut. I don’t need to justify this one. You all know why.

Lady Danbury and the almond croissant from Myrtle Bakery and Kitchen are synonymous with one another. Classic and, when it comes down to it, a little nutty.

Like the Queen, the rose and rhubarb macaron from Grace Patisserie is elegant and indulgent.

Perhaps, instead of spilling the tea, a nibble on the earl grey and lemon version would suffice.

The orange-chocolate flavour combo, like Lady Whistledown, isn’t to everyone’s taste. Mix in a multitude of citrus-related dress references and a blossoming albeit scandalous business, you find yourself pairing Penelope Featherington with Duck Island’s orange blossom choc chip ice cream.

Daphne Bridgerton is a Leeds Street Bakery choc chip cookie. So good, but after the first few times you realise most choc chip cookies are all the same. ~Insert something about cookie cutter main character here~

The Scopa hot chocolate is naughtily good and awfully comforting, as is Lady Violet Bridgerton. And like with some mamas, small doses or infrequent visits are advised to avoid the (overbearing) richness. Oops, are my mummy issues showing?

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Jurassic Aspirations If I were a dinosaur When big birds did soar I would walk on all fours And be named a humorousaur When I go for a drink At my local water sink Bus Passenger Blues How many minutes must we wait for this bus?

One minute, two minutes, three, four if we must Oh, we must be calm as we wait for this bus Apply lip balm on our palm, sing a psalm if we must O’ bus driver, driver, please do make haste For work, school, or neither, we are running late Oh, we must be calm as we wait for this bus Apply lip balm on our palm, sing a psalm if we must O’ we know sometime you will come to these parts When we see green and lime, it will warm our hearts Oh, we must be calm as we wait for this bus Apply lip balm on our palm, sing a psalm if we must O’ ye, O’ ye, The bus I see ho!

The comes to thee with glad tidings in tow Oh, we have been calm as we wait for this bus Applied lip balm on our palm and sung psalms if we must - Christopher Keegan

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Ranking Movies Words by Meilani Payne (she/her) Barbie is an absolute icon. With multiple careers, the cutest fits, and the best sidekicks, she made our childhood. In this article I will be exploring my top eight Barbie movies from 2001 to 2011. I will particularly be looking at characters and plot lines. Be warned, I was born in 2004, so what holds nostalgic value for you may not be the same for me.

1st place: Princess Charm school

2nd place: Island Princess You cannot deny that you wanted to be just like Ro and talk to animals. I love that the movie is about her self-discovery journey and reunion with her mother. The latter was initially foreshadowed at the start of the movie, where she doesn’t remember the other half of a nursery rhyme that her mum used to sing it. They end up singing it together at the end, which shows how they complete each other. ^The Island Princess^ places an importance on family and friends, and with its beautiful costumes and wholesome songs, it deserves second place.

What I love about this movie is it really plays into Blair’s background story a lot more than other Barbie movies.

Blair is relatable; we see her struggling financially and having to take care of and work for her family. Blaire only accepts the scholarship for the betterment of her family. The movie gives us various empowering quotes such as “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent” and “every girl’s a princess, some of them just have fancier crowns.” The movie shows Blair to be a complex character and keeps us entertained with its costumes, music, plotlines, and characters.

3rd place: Mermaid Tale Merliah really is THAT girl. A surfer who is half-mermaid, halfhuman, she was everything! The story follows Merliah as she journey’s to save the Ocean and help Oceania. The movie puts in small underlying jokes that keep you entertained, like calling the mermaid makeup store ‘Seaphora.’ Merliah ultimately learns to accept both parts of her identity. Notably, her mother says, “Everything in your history lives and breathes in you. You are unique, you are special, and that is what makes you strong.” An entertaining story of self-acceptance and gradual self-love, it deserves third place.

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4th place: 12 Dancing Princesses

5th place: Diamond Castle

12 Dancing Princesses also shows the importance of family. Loosely based on the German fairytale, “The twelve dancing princesses,” the film is the first Barbie movie to be released under Universal Pictures in the US. My favourite scene is when Genevieve and the shoemaker dance into the sky. Aaahh, so romantic! It is a simple and beautiful film that takes me right back to my childhood when I watch it. Each princess is unique in their own way yet all share a love for their family and dancing. It is an unforgettable film.

Stacie loses hope in friendships, so Barbie tells her the story of Liana and Alexa to teach her a lesson about true friendship. With matching dogs, necklaces, and twin boyfriends, they are the cutest besties. They fall out but then learn the importance of making up and the value of friendship. The harmonies, scenery, music, costumes, and the most pure friendship get’s the movie fifth place.

6th place: Rapunzel Rapunzel discovers a magic paintbrush which turns anything that she paints real. She meets many people in her journey and she ends a feud between two kingdoms. The film teaches us that the true magic of art comes from the heart as Rapunzel never steers away from her dreams.

7th place: The Nutcracker The Nutcracker centres around the story that Barbie tells her young friend, Kelly, who is having trouble performing a ballet sequence. Loosely adapted from E.T.A Hoffmann’s short story, the movie is the first CGI film that has Barbie as the main character.

The movie’s music, by Pyotr Tchaikovsky, is what truly makes it magical. After hearing the nutcracker story, Kelly realises how important it is to not give up and she attempts the sequence, performing it effortlessly. The movie also shows how important it is to allow people to dream. Like many early Barbie movies, it feels quite slow-moving but we love it all the same.

8th place: Princess and the Pauper Based on the story by Mark Twain, this is the first Barbie movie that is a musical. The Princess and the Pauper shows two identical girls from different socio-economic backgrounds switching places. After doing so, they realise that the grass is not always greener on the other side. The movie teaches us that the best person to be is yourself. As it is the only movie on this list that is firmly based on a text, I have decided to give it eighth place. www.salient.org.nz

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Mai Pham

Mai is an 18-year-old who currently lives in New York but is originally from Canada. Most of her videos are vlogs of her daily life alone in the city. I love watching her do daily errands from cleaning her apartment, gym, or going to eat at restaurants. It is aesthetically pleasing.

Mai does talk about her struggles with mental health and works to better herself mentally and physically. She often sets goals for herself and practices “self-love” which I can admire. Mai is authentically herself and is self-aware of her circumstances which can be refreshing. I pop any of her videos on while studying when I may need a little motivation to finish an essay or a reminder that I can be successful one day and make it big.

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Words by Taumia Matega (she/her)

Lo-fi Girl

I know everyone has probably heard of Lo-fi Girl, but I love their videos. Lo-fi Girl makes music/beats for studying. There are many videos to choose from so you will always have something new to have in the background.

The videos are usually one-hour long so you have time to focus on your studying rather than worrying about changing the video. Lo-fi Girl’s videos always make me feel productive and very studious. The music itself is soothing and not distracting at all when studying. Lo-fi Girl music can be found not only on YouTube but Apple Music and Spotify. If you need a go-to for a study session, Lo-fi girl is always a great pick and can be played on other platforms.

Footaslym

Footaslym is a UK Sports Retail group that has created a channel with content creators, notably Nella Rose, Chunks, and Filly. I put their videos on when I need a laugh, especially when assignments are feeling a bit difficult.

They have many video playlists to watch from. My favourite playlist of videos is Think Twice where members talk about a topic, discussing their opinions and challenging each other’s views. My other favourite is Chef Asylum, the player must create a dish for the other contestant to try while only using ingredients given to them in a time frame. All the members have their own personalities and are able to have great banter with each other.

Their laughs are contagious even through a screen, great while studying or when you need to take a break.

Ava Jules

The Try Guys

The Try Guys are a group of four guys named Ned, Eugene, Keith, and Zach who will try anything for the audience’s entertainment. The group used to be part of BuzzFeed but has become independent. The Try Guys have a range of video topics such as trying to make various things without a recipe or ranking whole menus of food from food-chain restaurants. I like to put their videos on when I need background noise and do not need to pay too much attention to enjoy the video. The Try Guys remind me of the fun uncles at the family BBQs. Their videos are comedic but can be heart-warming because of their likeable personalities. If you need any light-minded content, put on the Try Guys.

Ava Jules is a 21-year-old content creator who is from Hawaii. She enjoys reading, swimming, and travelling. Ava does a range of videos from book recommendations, vlogs, and closet cleanouts/ organising. She is one of my regular YouTubers to watch when studying because her positivity can be uplifting. Her videos are also relaxing which is great whenever I am stressed. I also enjoy watching what daily life looks like in Hawaii. If you end up loving her YouTube channel, she also has a podcast called On My Mind with Ava Jules. She talks about how to find yourself in your twenties, how you should romanticise your life, and even reads confessions. I love to watch her videos for studying and listen to her podcast when I am travelling to university.

Merve

Merve is a student from Scotland who does Study with Me videos. The videos are done in the 50:10 format where they study for 50 minutes and take a ten-minute break. Videos have a range of from three to eight hours of studying.

I like to use these videos whenever I am studying alone. The background noise can feel like you are studying with someone else. It’s helpful that the videos are in 50:10 format as I can remember to take breaks and that there is a timer, so I don’t need to look at my phone to keep track of the time. The time of the videos can be broken down as sessions so you can easily allocate them to each session. Merve’s videos are a great tool for productivity.

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Words by Emile Boeke (she/her) and Karina Kartono (she/her) Bonjour à tous et bienvenue au Cultural Coffee Club!

Halo teman-teman, gimana kabarnya?

What is CCC? Our club is catered towards refugee-background and international students. We meet weekly and cover a range of different topics related to student life while engaging in different activities such as board games, puzzles, crocheting, pot painting, and more!

My name is Emilie and I am one half of CCC. I am half French and half Dutch but am originally from the beautiful Aotearoa. I am studying Psychology and Criminology here at Vic and love learning about why people function the way they do! I absolutely love talking about deep stuff with other like-minded

individuals. So, with that in mind, if you’re ever keen to talk about the deep stuff, boring stuff, funny stuff, hard stuff, or even just to grab a cuppa, come find us at CCC to yarn about it!

I’m Karina and the other half of CCC. I came from Indonesia a few years ago, but I’ve been super lucky to be able to call Wellington my home! I’m currently in my third year and, just like Emilie, I’m also a Psych student and I’m taking Japanese as my other major.

I love board games, conversations, meeting new people, and bonding over stories. If you ever find yourself wanting to chat about uni work or life in general over some relaxing pastime like painting or board games, you are welcome to come along to our catch-ups weekly!

Hot drinks, fruit, and snacks are also provided

Counter-Culture with Pina Colada Town Words by Michael Turnbull (he/him) and Ben Stubbing (he/him) We are Michael and Ben, the hosts of the Piña Colada Town podcast. In Pina Colada Town, we invite you to uncover areas of Wellington that are overlooked, forgotten, or underrated. The title of the podcast alludes to Rupert Holmes’ song about rekindling the romance of a listless marriage.

Analogously, this podcast is a love letter to Wellington, reinvigorating those feelings and ideas that drew so many, including us, to the capital.

One thing that attracts people to Wellington is its artsy, bohemian chic. It’s the vibe. People flock to Wellington year on year—activists, artists, even academics—because Wellington has been historically thought of as the centre of “counter culture.” But will Wellington continue to be the centre of counterculture in Aotearoa?

What do we mean when we say “counter culture”?

Some guy in our flat said “it’s a culture of opposition to the mainstream.” It is expressed through different mediums: art, clothes, music, theatre, politics.

Examples include punk… we could go on and on.

no normative claim is made in calling something “counter cultural.” We do not endorse the actions of the Freedom Convoy. The majority of New Zealanders disagreed with them—and that is precisely why it has to be said that it is the clearest example of counterculture in recent history.

Further still, the majority of Wellington’s residents— those living and breathing in the supposed counter culture capital of Kiwiana—disagreed with the Convoy, and the destruction of the most underutilised playground since Huntley McDonald’s spaceship. If a place is a representation of its people, then this place is hardly revolutionary.

Wellington might not be the capital of counterculture anymore, but maybe that’s not awful. A lot of work is still needed to help everyone thrive and feel welcome in Wellington, but the dominant culture in Wellington seems to be gradually becoming one of acceptance, pluralism, and embracing diversity.

Maybe becoming mainstream isn’t such a bad thing.

Many would argue that this beautiful slice of wind is a hotbed of counter culture largely due to Wellington’s position as the nation’s capital. History points to this being the case: protest, edgy haircuts, underground movements, and—most recently—the Freedom Convoy.

The Freedom Convoy illustrated two things. First, Wellington is no longer the centre of counterculture in Aotearoa (if it ever was). Second, counter culture isn’t always pretty. Counterculture is not merely progressive politics. Instead, it is simply a movement in opposition to the general consensus.

To the average Joe-Salient-Reader, “counterculture” may invoke nostalgia for images of Woodstock, Che Guavera, and Te Tiriti rights movements. But www.salient.org.nz

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Pasifika Students’ Council A body could never define a personality: fetishisation of Pacific Bodies in popular culture.

Content Warning: Discussions of racism, sexual assault, and body image.

The world has changed rapidly since 2014’s Tumblr thigh-gap era. Victoria Beckham recently recalled a conversation she had with her daughter and stated that “it’s an old-fashioned attitude, wanting to be really thin.” Perhaps her insight came with age and with raising a young woman who is afflicted by the same societal standards as she was. Although we still have Lori Harvey and Kim K squishing themselves into a painful beauty standard, the people have spoken. Kalo thighs and legs are now desired by the elite as the standard of beauty in 2022.

Pop culture forms the collective public thought, the residuals leftover from what we determine to be high culture, and through means of communication and tension, a standard for us all to achieve or compete against.

This is the future we wished for our children, as popular culture now seems skewed towards the realistic brown body, rather than against it. Nothing is better than a brown person who falls more in love with themselves everyday. But in this new age, new body standards aren’t a fix-all. Whichever way you’re built in 2022, the conversation about the predatory fetishisation of brown people in popular culture needs to be had. For example, since day one the media’s reaction to Jason Momoa has been one of thirst, an idolisation which only subtly covers their enthusiasm in sexualising brown, Pacific men.

Brown bodies have been fetishised since colonisation. This started with tourism’s favourite lie of the “romantic South Pacific,” where beautiful pacific women & fa’afafine apparently existed for

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the attention of white men on boats. Our people were seen as loose, free, and available to be the subjects of white desires, with long hair which swung side to side, as our wide hips danced in lustful carelessness. This is a perception fueled by entitlement, leading to the violation of our ancestors against their will. Pacific people were confined as sexual savages, our bodies policed as the Europeans did to their women. Now we live in 2022, with this tension between aiga, church, and being fetishised as a brown person, with a body which doesn’t define our personality.

Subreddits which contain illegally sourced videos of islander people’s OnlyFans or Snapchats are being identified and taken down in swaths by Reddit. The presence of these sites speak to the ^still prevalent, though now hidden, market for consumption of illegal and unethically sourced illicit images and videos which fetishise us. Unfortunately, the issue doesn’t stop with specifically Pasifika women, but a range of minorities who have been historically sexualised (Asian, Black, transgender). Kanye West confessed he gets his pornographic material from Reddit, which is probably leaked OnlyFans content or videos of people taken without their knowledge.

Sir, that is a crime.

Empowerment is our weapon. Despite the popular trends, we’ve always had a swag that they could never surgically replicate. You are the ideal. You have always been beautiful. And that beauty is just part of a fantastic and unique whole. You deserve to love yourself, you are owed respect as a human.

A body could never define a personality. No more fakamaa’i. Just because they’ve noticed it, doesn’t mean it was ever for them.

Ngāi Tauira—Māori Students Association Percy Smith and the Legacy of Alternative Facts Words by Words by Kelly Mitchell (she/he/they; Ngaati Maahanga) Last week the Greymouth Times published a racist cartoon by David Thomas Healy which depicted a Pākehā person at The Three Waters ‘table’ asking, “do you ratepayers want your water?” and a Māori person responding with “it’s not theirs; it’s mine!”.

The owners of the Greymouth Times also own the Otago Daily Times (ODT). In 2019, the ODT faced criticism about a Garrick Tremain cartoon mocking the measles crisis in Hāmoa. On the same day, as he ran an apology for his racist cartoon, Healy also shared an article on his (amazingly public) Facebook page regarding Tremain, where Tremain rejected the criticism he faced on his ODT cartoon.

The article about Tremain is three years old. Healy added the caption, “stay strong Garrick.”

Healy has a history of publishing racist cartoons against Māori, and the cartoon in this instance was an objective lie attempting to turn the public against The Three Waters infrastructure by insinuating that it results in Māori ownership of waterways. The Three Waters does not do that and never intended to.

As is typical, the criticism against the cartoon centred on its attitudes towards Māori. It forced onlookers to put themselves into one of two camps: one which is anti-racist and one which thinks the cartoon was funny, harmless, and that the negative reactions are coming from sensitive PC cucks. This approach to criticism often overlooks what is just as, if not more, important than the attitudes expressed—the fact that the cartoon is a lie.

White racism has always been used to spread lies in New Zealand, the most notorious historical example being Percy Smith’s theory of Māori settlement, ‘the Great Fleet.’ ‘The Great Fleet’ posed that Aotearoa

was first settled by primitive, nomadic, moa-hunting people (the Palaeolithic Moriori) before being usurped by a superior race (the Neolithic Māori).

Oh, and the latter were also lighter-skinned, naturally, as it, of course, adds to their superiority.

The Moriori myth was satisfying to Pākehā New Zealand and remains so even today, despite being thoroughly disproved. It aligns with two of the tenets of racism: indigeneity is a lie and lighter-skinned people are better.

When we address this kind of racism, as it exists in academia, media, and other published texts, we often focus on the emotional harm caused. The same happened in the public response to Stuff’s apology, ‘Tā Mātou Pono,’ in 2020, where most of the reports and responses considered tStuff’s apology as ‘inflaming race-relations, but very little considered the work which needs undertaking to fix the lies which are now buried in the New Zealand understanding. The lies which lend themselves to how we view education, crime, co-governance, and the like. This is not to say that the emotional harm caused does not deserve addressing; rather, it is all in vain if we turn and leave Māori to clean up and disprove the lies—a job which itself involves facing racism and resistance.

Just look to the American public, who, following Conway’s explanation of Trump’s ‘alternative facts,’ are still working away trying to save their whānau from descending into the clutches of conspiracy and Nazism. Imagine having to do that, but with 180 years of racist, colonial drivel. Shot Healy.

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Word of the Week: Movie, Film Te Reo Māori: Pikitia New Zealand Sign Language:

WEEK 11 ANSWERS

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SUDOKU

CROSSWORD: PODCASTING

ACROSS

DOWN

1. Subject; theme (5) 5. Nickname or symptom of tetanus (7) 9. Rich Strike, for example, who won the Kentucky Derby then started biting the other racers (5) 10. ‘Tomorrow’ musical (5) 11. Feeler; aerial (7) 12. Jetty (5) 13. ‘Careless Whisper’ duo (4) 14. Astonish (5) 15. Morally sound or acceptable (7) 17. Side dish that’s often green (5) 18. Author of ‘The Trial’, ‘The Metamorphosis’ and ‘Amerika’ (5) 20. Babies (7) 21. Sumptuous meal (5) 23. Metal that’s the second-to-last alphabetically on the periodic table (4) 24. Gives a grade to (5) 26. Software improvement (7) 27. Soft drink that got its name because it supposedly relieved indigestion (5) 28. Ghanaian capital where you can visit Black Star Square (5) 29. ‘Invisible Man’ author Ralph, or ‘I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream’ author Harlan (7) 30. “I dunno” gesture (5)t

1. “You couldn’t do it again if you tried!”

(4,3,1,5) * 2. With 19-Down, it sends a little metal ball around an arcade machine (7,7) * 3. Gnaw (4) 4. With 16-Down, reason to get fired or sued for not meeting your obligations (6,2,8) * 5. Part of a book or a tree (4) 6. Places for models or lighting technicians (8) 7. Game where the aim is to knock a tower down as fast as you can, if you’re my fouryear-old nephew (5) 8. Kaikoura tourist activity... or a hint to the answers to the starred clues (5,8) 15. Fights over the tone of a Wikipedia article, usually (4,4) 16. See 4-Down 19. See 2-Down 22. Raphael, Gabriel, or Uriel, Biblically (5) 24. Cruel; average (4) 25. Hot tubs (4)

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Aries Recently, you’ve been in constant decision mode. Decision fatigue is a real thing! This is the week to take a rest. There are so many wonderful people around to help you, so let them!

Cancer Amor fati means ‘to love one’s fate’. Sometimes painful things happen to us that we can’t understand, but time and perspective will teach you the importance of difficult change.

Please know, the worst is over.

Libra Jealousy is no virtue... and you’re nowhere near as good at disguising it as you think you are. Other people are allowed to succeed. It has no effect on you! Comparison is the thief of all joy.

Capricorn This week you’re retracing your steps. You may have to rewrite an essay, or stay in a job or flat you thought you were about to leave.

Stop rushing and you’ll avoid making silly mistakes.

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Taurus

Gemini

You have a slightly warped perception of yourself, as you tend to over-analyse everything!

Believe me, you aren’t cringe or annoying. Drop the narrative and give yourself a break.

It seems it’s all on for you at the moment. Most people get overwhelmed when shit starts hitting the fan like it is, but you’re a Gemini and probably enjoy the intensity.

Leo

Virgo

Last week, you were letting go of fake friends. This means, if you were wise and heeded my advice, that there’s now room for new ones to come into your life.

Expect to meet new people this week.

Recently, your horoscopes seem to be getting worse and worse each week. Sorry, Virgo. Blame the stars, not me. Well, the good news? Mercury is no longer retrograde, so you’re back to your vibrant organised self.

Scorpio

Sagittarius

I bet you’re a late sleeper and probably say clichéd things like, “I’m not a morning person,” or “you wont like me till I’ve had my coffee.” These are bad excuses and you’re wasting the day. Smh

Word of the week: abundance.

This is funny to me because the stars are sending you a mixed bag of experiences. Everything that happens this week will have an exclamation mark next to it, good or bad.

Aquarius Stop backpedalling on your opinions. Don’t change your expression to impress others. If you like a trashy show: be proud.

If you disagree with someone: don’t people-please. Don’t be scared to disturb the cheap ‘peace.’

Pisces The new moon in your house of home will bring a positive change to that area of life. Your shit flatmate might finally be moving out, or someone you really love might be moving in.

THE SALIENT TEAM YOU CAN THANK THESE PEOPLE FOR YOUR WEEKLY FIX.

Editor Janhavi Gosavi

News Editor Beth Mountford

News Editor Azaria Howell

Designer Alice Brown

Chief Reporter Ethan Manera

Sub-Editor Lily Holloway

Features Editor Ronia Ibrahim

Staff Writer Bridget Scott

Staff Writer Maia Ingoe

Staff Writer Zoe Mills

CENTREFOLD ARTIST

This week’s amazing centrefold is brought to you by: B¥NN Instagram: @mr.bynn

Social Media Manager Seren Ashmore

Podcast Manager Francesca Pietkiewicz

Christopher Keegan Joanna Fan Erin Cutts Meilani Payne Alfie Hartshorne Amy Zeilstra

Website Manager Annalise Scott

Contact Us features@salient.org.nz poetry@salient.org.nz editor@salient.org.nz designer@salient.org.nz chiefreporter@salient.org.nz news@salient.org.nz

CONTRIBUTORS Brooklyn Leota Tanumia Matega Mika Hervel Niamh Vaughn Puck

Sophia Willis Kelly Mitchell Michael Turnbull Ben Stubbing Emile Boeke Karina Kartono www.salient.org.nz

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Big plans to Real progress Almost finished your tertiary studies and thinking big and bright about what’s next?

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Scan the QR to apply, or online at: careers.silverfernfarms.com/future-talent