Issue 21 - Alient by Salient

[ ]alient

We are operating every clear night 7-30 till 8pm and it will get earlier as the days shorten. Out in space is the home of [redacted] originals, here is one of them. We have had lots of talks on [redacted] writings, for many years. There is a lot more stranger “blokes” than [redacted]. Double combinations are truly odd. Far more odd than the Australian Platapus. Two totally different species joined together. It's possible to join [redacted] in their ‘New Life” in various situations. Depending on what they have done. The [redacted] know everything about everybody even the telephone numbers of where you have stayed, every mortal thing you have done. Life is an open book to them. Vol. 83. Issue 21. 21 September 2020. 1

Contents EDITORIAL.......................................................................................................................................................................................... 03 NEWS Te wiki o te reo Māori- ‘Ka whawhai tonu mātou’.......................................................................................................................... 04 VUW Loses $30k on Cancelled Re-O Week.................................................................................................................................. 05 Postponement, Post-COVID and pīwakawaka: A Sit Down With Brooke Van Velden.............................................................. 06 ICYMI: VUWSA 2021 Executive Election Results.......................................................................................................................... 07 Politicians Start Dishing Out Promises to Tertiary Students....................................................................................................... 08 Students Nervous for Impacts of University's Anticipated Job Cuts......................................................................................... 09 Opinion: Free Speech Costs............................................................................................................................................................. 10 Probing the Punters............................................................................................................................................................................ 11 FEATURES We Live Beside Aliens........................................................................................................................................................................ 12 The Second Coming........................................................................................................................................................................... 16 Meditations.......................................................................................................................................................................................... 22 CENTREFOLD COLUMNS Liquid Knowledge.............................................................................................................................................................................. Green-splaining................................................................................................................................................................................. To Be Frank......................................................................................................................................................................................... Politically Minded............................................................................................................................................................................... Student Wellbeing.............................................................................................................................................................................. CULTURE The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster................... 29 The Humanity of E.T.............................................................. 30 Bobo and Flex: The Aliens Are Coming............................ 32 Conspiracy Theories............................................................ 33 Paddy Gower on Weed......................................................... 34

Salient is funded by VUWSA, partly through the Student Services Levy. Salient is kinda, sorta editorially independent from VUWSA. It’s a long story. Salient is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA). The perspectives and opinions in any issue of Salient do not necessarily reflect those of the Editors.

ENTERTAINMENT Occupation Station Horoscopes

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Complaints regarding the material published in Salient should first be brought to the Editors. If displeased with the Editors’ response, the complaint should then be brought to the Media Council. Complaints should be directed to info@ mediacouncil.org.nz.

Editorial wet

ass

pussy

Kāi Tahu icon Vic Bell pitched the idea of an outer space issue called Alient in March. Our initial response was a phat fuckin no. “Vic, our students expect us to write about things that matter to them. We can’t waste an issue talking about aliens.” Shortly after the apocalypse of 2020 ensued we realised Alient was a fucking great idea. We’re not saying Vic caused the apocalypse, she just always gets what she wants—somehow. If the year so far is anything to go by, 2020 would definitely be the year for an actual extraterrestrial invasion.

just read “fuck tertiary students hehe :)” Good on ‘em for backing apprenticeships though, fr.

And ya know what, we’re emotionally prepared for it. The aliens have been shaking up the simulation all year so like, what difference would it make at this point? In the immortal words of horoscope King Maddi Rowe, we have but one humble request of the alien leadership: “finish the job.”

Perhaps less importantly, there’s only three issues of Salient left for the year. If you’ve got something to say, or you think there’s something we’ve missed, please email us. If you’ve been looking for a sign to pitch, this is it.

Obviously, the term ‘alien’ has a lot of implications down here on Earth. This issue was never supposed to go deeper than a literal outer space issue. The only prompt we gave our writers was “outer space, out the gate.” What we’ve ended up with is an issue that still manages to dissect things students care about—ongoing colonisation and treatment of immigrants is a recurring theme. Only this time, it’s through unorthodox means, Katy Perry’s “E.T” being a highlight. Anywho, it’s been a hot minute since we’ve seen you. We handed the reins over to different uni groups for the last couple of weeks, so we’ve got a bit to catch up on. VUWSA’s AGM got Zoom-bombed in the biggest incel move we’ve ever seen. The Vice-Chancellor is threatening job cuts (again) while he jets back and forth between his cushy office and his Auckland mansion. The Mayor got a demonic robot catdog. Scour Twitter for the footage if you would like your day ruined. Labour made the most blueballsing education announcement that might as well have

In other news, it’s that time of year when the VUWSA CEO starts looking for the new Salient Editor(s). We’ll let you in on a little known secret. We are fucking incompetent. We didn’t know when VUWSA was pulling the wool over our eyes with FM. We’ve been trying to set up the same broken computer all year. We still haven’t figured out how to get our recycling picked up. But, we still managed to put mags out during lockdown and have only been super late to print once. What we’re saying is, pretty much anyone can do this job, if you’re willing to give it your best. If you’ve cringed watching us stumble through a pandemic, two VUWSA Presidents, and countless ironically-timed theme issues (rip Sex issue) then please, put your name forward. You can find the listing on Seek. We’ll be reading all the applications so please don’t roast us too hard. Or do. Whatever. Anyways, next week is the Men’s issue. Your hate mail will not be sub-edited.

Kirsty Frame (Ngāti Kahungunu | she/her) Rachel Trow (Kāi Tahu, Ngāti Tūwharetoa | she/her) Brought to you by Peoples Coffee Newtown

News

MONDAY 21ST SEPTEMBER 2020

Te wiki o te reo Maori - ‘Ka whawhai tonu matou’ Te Aorewa Rolleston | Ngāi te Rangi, Ngāti Ranginui | She/Her

The Native Schools Act was established in Aotearoa in 1867 to assimilate Māori as they entered the education system, forcing them to learn and speak English. Speaking Te Reo Māori in schools was initially accepted when communicating to missionary officials. However, this was eventually suppressed, when speaking English was made compulsory. Corporal punishment was inflicited if Māori students and whānau were not complicit. It was this oppression of linguistics, culture, and heritage that initiated the long ascending fight for Māori to reclaim, revitalise, and normalise their native language. Anarina Marsters-Herewini Co-President of Ngāi Tauira Māori Students’ Association stated that “we need to ignite those flames to support Te Reo Māori within ourselves first and that means being consistent with Te Reo Māori. I would challenge every individual within the University to ignite that flame.” It was during the 1920’s that pioneers of Māoridom, like Sir Apirana Ngata (Ngāti Porou) and Princess Te Puea Herangi, took the first major steps towards revitalising Te Reo Māori. The composition of Waiata-a-ringa were a reflection of this effort, where oral forms of language such as waiata were composed for Māori to engage with and learn as a way of reconnecting with the language. During the 1960’s and 1970’s, Te Reo Māori was one generation away from dying out. However, the introduction of Kōhanga reo, Kura kaupapa, Wharekura and Whare Wānanga in 1982 embodied a revival for Te Ao Māori, kaupapa Māori and Te Reo Māori. Dr Olsen-Reeder, a lecturer at VUW commented “I think it is important that we all know—not in a whakahīhī way that quite literally everything that you do for the Māori language or have done in your life started with students here at Vic.” Te Ao Mārama is a reflection of this. This is the Māori student led and orchestrated publication which is released each year during Te Wiki o te Reo Māori at Victoria University of Wellington.

News: Issue 21

Georgia Gifford, Co-Editor for Te Ao Mārama 2020 told Salient, “Te Ao Mārama is really important for tauira to see because it contains challenging narratives. It’s cool to have a platform that’s safe to be able to share those narratives.” The Māori language petition delivered on the 14th of September 1972 was signed by 30,000 participants by hand and was taken to parliament by student led groups. These were Victoria University’s Te Reo Māori Society, Te Huinga Rangatahi (the New Zealand Māori Students’ Association) and Auckland-based Ngā Tamatoa (The Young Warriors). This day became recognised as Māori language day and then Te Wiki o Te Reo Māori in 1975. It was through The Māori Language Act, installed during 1987 that Te Reo Māori was finally acknowledged as an official language within Aotearoa. This year ‘ Māori Language Moment” was hosted by Te Taura Whiri, The Māori Language Commission. This initiative encouraged all of Aotearoa to participate in a united moment where one million people would be speaking Te Reo at the same time. The initiative was formed as a way to direct attention towards the commission's goal of getting 1 million people speaking Te Reo by 2040. Kaihau Paitai Co-President from Ngāi Tauira said, “we see it every year for a single week. There are a lot more people using Te Reo Māori but then every year unfortunately you also see everyone using it for a week and then dropping it a week after, so that’s what it’s about—it’s not the end game. Should Te Wiki o Te Reo Māori be put to rest and should Mahuru Māori be the main thing?” “Me whakahehe tatou ki to tatou reo Māori ngā te mea kei roto i to tatou reo Māori me whakanoho ake e ai te tīrewa e whakareake ai ngā wheako ko Ao”—Te Wharehuia Milroy

VUW loses $30k on Cancelled Re-O Week Rachel Trow | Kāi Tahu, Ngāti Tūwharetoa | She/Her

In emails obtained under the Official Information Act (OIA), Salient can confirm that the total cost to the University for the cancelled Re-O Week event, Drum & Bass In Your Face, was $30,723. According to the emails, only 92 tickets were sold, equating to 6% of all available tickets. The OIA request was returned to Salient the same week Chancellor Neil Paviour-Smith emailed University staff preparing them for imminent job cuts. The event was scheduled to take place on Saturday July 11th, and was intended to encourage students to return to the Halls of Residence at the start of Trimester 2. A second event, hosted by VUWSA but funded and organised by the University went ahead on the Sunday night at approximately 50% capacity.

Photo Via Facebook

Promotion and Cancellation Little promotion for the Saturday event took place outside of the event listed on Victoria’s Facebook page. This was despite VUWSA urging the University to promote the event a month before the event was scheduled to happen, and again a fortnight before the event. VUWSA was informed by the University on July 9th, only two days before the event was scheduled to take place, that the Saturday show had been cancelled. Ticket holders were notified shortly after. Refunds Ticket holders reported delays in receiving refunds following the event’s cancellation. Emails dated four days after the cancelled event show Freshman Tours LTD urging the University to pay the $30k “ASAP”. That company says they “never envisaged having to front costs for VUW to this amount or scale.” Safe Rooms and Hall Student Intoxication The emails also reveal concerns raised by VUWSA over the University’s commitment to running a safe event.

"The OIA request was returned to Salient the same week Chancellor Neil PaviourSmith emailed University staff preparing them for imminent job cuts." VUWSA said the issue of intoxicated hall students at O Week events was “systemic” and “without the halls being a part of the solution, VUWSA do not believe that the risks will be mitigated in a meaningful way.” In response to the emails released to Salient, VUWSA commented further on the importance of well-run safe rooms at O and Re-O Week events, stating: “VUWSA’s experience with managing safe rooms has highlighted an issue of intox occurring before event goers enter the venue. Without the assistance of halls, this can often present a health and safety risk for our staff and volunteers.” Victoria University declined the opportunity to comment further on the issue.

VUWSA told the University that they had not agreed to run the event safe rooms, despite the University claiming that they had agreed to the task at an in-person meeting. VUWSA denied these claims and sought “assurances around how risks were being mitigated for hall students.” VUWSA was reluctant to agree to the terms until the University could demonstrate that they were “proactively” communicating to hall students and taking meaningful steps to reduce alcohol and drug related harm.

News: Issue 21

Postponement, Post-COVID and Piwakawaka: A Sit Down with Brooke Van Velden Finn Blackwell | He/Him

Rounding out Salient’s interviews with the general roll candidates for the Wellington Central electorate is the deputy leader of the Act party Brooke Van Velden. Election Postponement With the election now taking place on October 16th, Van Velden discussed how this postponement was going to affect the goals of the Act Party, as well as her own campaign for Wellington Central. “It was the right thing to do,” she commented. “It was so uncertain what we were dealing with and it’s incredibly hard to run an election campaign when, potentially, it could have been a nationwide problem. Yes, it was the right thing in delaying it, I don’t think we should delay it any further, but, what we do need is a period where people who are potential politicians can actually go out and talk to people.” Van Velden continued, saying “you can’t do that in a lockdown situation. You can still have online Zoom meetings and virtual public town hall meetings, but it’s not the same as knocking on peoples doors and asking them how they are and their concerns. I think it’s really important that, in a democracy, we’re actually listening to the people.” Get Wellington Moving When asked her thoughts on Wellington City Councils proposal for the Golden Mile, Van Velden commented that “I think around forty per cent of Wellingtonians walk to work anyway, I don’t actually see an issue with the cars on the street as it is.” “People are crossing freely, and most people are driving pretty slow, so I don’t actually see what the benefit would be because some people still need to drive into work. It’s not a huge priority issue,” she continued. End of Life Choice Referendum Van Velden herself helped to draft the End of Life Choice Bill and has acted as an advisor to party leader David Seymour on this referendum. When asked what she believed was the significance of this referendum, Van Velden stated that “what is really important here is that we are giving choice to people who are suffering bitterly at the end of their lives.”

News: Issue 21

Photo Via Salient

She went on to say “this is not a decision on whether people should live or should die, it’s a decision on how a person who is already going to die dies.” “It’s a decision on ‘if someone is going to at the end of their life, and they can’t be helped with palliative care and treatment, should they have the decision to say now is my time to go’ and I think they should because it’s morally and ethically the right thing to do.” Post-COVID Economy With the country facing a significant economic downturn, Van Velden stated: “the important thing that we can do is have a growth-led recovery, instead of a debt-led recovery.” “If we go with a debt-led recovery we’re just pushing back the inevitable. There is going to be some economic downturn. We haven’t seen the full ramifications of that yet, because we’ve just been pushing it out through wage subsidies. That will, at some point, have to end.” Van Velden outlined that in order to counter the economically damaging tactics already in place is to “make sure that we have a position where we’re helping businesses rebuild so that people have jobs to go to. We do need to also be very mindful that we can’t just spend our way through the recovery. We have to be very careful with how much money we are spending because it will need to be paid back by our generation.”

Good ol’ Fashioned Yarns As with all previous Wellington Central Candidates, Salient asked Van Velden who had her vote for New Zealand Bird of the Year. “I haven’t checked out all of the candidates yet, but my immediate thought goes to the pīwakawaka. They’re very cute.” Having spent a decent amount of time in Auckland, Salient inquired as to whether or not Van Velden thought the capital was better, or if her heart still belonged up north. “Wellington is my home” commented Van Velden, “so Wellington is better.” Through spending time working in the media, Van Velden has developed many different takes on media outlets both local and international. When asked which of these were her favourites, Van Velden remarked that “I can’t lose friends in any of the New Zealand media. Currently,

I would have to go with Interest.co.nz because I have a column which comes out every fortnight. They’re also really good for business-related content, anything to do with the Reserve Bank, OCR, economic forecasts. Probably not widely read in the Wellington student area, but very important for people who are looking at where the government should be going.” “Internationally,” she continued “I’d probably just go with The Guardian, to be honest, because that’s the one I read most. Also, they have a New Zealand correspondent that puts out really good New Zealand material even though it’s from The Guardian. Even when I’m reading international media, it’s usually how it affects New Zealand.” Focussing back on National Politics, Salient asked Van Velden to describe party leader David Seymour, a man who has been called many things, in just one word. “I’d say he’s quick-witted” She described.

ICYMI: VUWSA 2021

Executive Election Results Kane Basset | Ngāti Apa, Ngāti Kahungunu ki te Wairoa | He/Him Kirsty Frame | Ngāti Kahungunu | She/Her

In case you missed the VUWSA results (lol), here’s a belated recap—from an article we published online Michael “Mikey T” Turnball Turnbell Turnbull came through with a 72% majority and is your VUWSA President for 2021. Kirsty was invited to his victory party, but turned down the invitation due to obvious conflicts of interest. No Confidence vote was at roughly 6%, meaning ArchiLegend Jack Walker polled in at 22%. Te Aro, we’re sorry you’ve been let down, again. After campaigning neck and neck against literally no one, Ralph Zambrano smashed the no-confidence vote by a whopping 89.49%, securing the Welfare VP position for 2021. We’re excited to see how he can bring us forwards/ moving/let’s do this/together, or something. Newcomer—and now, official VUWSA nerd™—Cherri-Lyn Lomax-Morris is your Academic Vice President in what was the narrowest of votes for this year's election. CherriLyn polled in 41%, with Laura Jackson behind her at 32%, followed by Blake Steel at 21%. Amelia Blamey is in charge of your money next year, reigning in 42% of the vote. Lachlan Craig came in at 26% (which we’re bummed about tbh, because he campaigned on giving Salient more money), followed by Levi Gibbs at 13%, Troy Brown at 7%, candidate “No Confidence” (king)

at 6%, and finally Nathan Campbell at 3%. In a similar fashion to Zambrano, and after a vicious campaign against—you guessed it—no one, Grace Carr gave it to ‘em and made her relationship official with the Engagement VP position for 2021. Naws. Carr claimed 88.92% of the vote, with the rest going to King No Confidence. Campaigns officer went to Katherine Blow, who raked in a 64% majority, followed by Rilke Comer at 17%, and Alexis Mundy at 8%. Zoe Simpson is your Clubs and Activities officer at 56%, beating Tara O’Sullivan at 34%—no confidence for this one was 9%. Education Officers had similar results, with James Daly polling at 55% and Ciara Mitchell at 32%. Another new-comer, Monica Lim is your Equity and Wellbeing Officer, polling at 71%, seeing George Garnett out at 21%. The role has been revamped for 2021 to absorb Wellbeing responsibilities. Sophie Dixon, current Wellbeing and Sustainability Officer has reclaimed her title, though we know next year the role is focused on Sustainability. It was a close run between her and newcomer Louise Coram-Lasnier, seeing Sophie on 56% and Louise 37%.

News: Issue 21

Politicians Start Dishing Out

Promises to Tertiary Students Annabel McCarthy | Te Whakatōhea | She/Her

With education and re-training set to be a critical requirement of the country’s COVID-19 recovery, political parties are promising big when it comes to the tertiary education sector this election. Issues such as fees-free, student accommodation, and living costs are high on the agenda, but parties are still split on the way university education and research should be funded and prioritised. Labour announced last week it will not extend the feesfree programme beyond the first year of tertiary study if re-elected in October. The fees free policy, which was a cornerstone of Labour’s 2017 election campaign, was scheduled to extend to two years of university study in 2021 and three by 2024. Labour’s education spokesperson Chris Hipkins said the economic fallout from COVID-19 means the party will instead prioritise spending in “areas that are critical for the country’s economic recovery” such as in trades training and apprenticeships.

Under this policy, TOP would put student loans on tertiary providers' balance sheets to “encourage them to create value for their student clients in the shortest time”. The Māori Party has pledged to double the student allowance and make it universal to include post-graduate, part-time, and long course students.

"The Green Party has also pledged to reform the student accommodation sector 'to ensure students get a fair deal' " The Party believes tertiary education “should not mean a huge debt burden for students” and have said they will write off living costs from student loan debt and work towards writing off the total student loan for those who work in Aotearoa for a period of five years. The National Party is still to release its full tertiary education policy but has said it will consider re-introducing fees on the first year of university study if elected into government.

Victoria University of Wellington Students’ Association President Taylah Shuker said the decision "contradicts Labour's promise to reduce student debt and make education more accessible”.

Leader Judith Collins said the party would also allow tertiary institutions to bring international students into New Zealand under strict quarantine and testing protocols to help cover the shortfall in funding.

The Students’ Association said student debt and high living costs remain a barrier to tertiary education and “without good policy to address these barriers, many individuals and communities will continue to be excluded from our education system”.

The ACT Party would also abolish the fees-free programme, as well as re-introducing interest on student loans and scrapping the student allowance payment.

Hipkins also confirmed Labour will not reinstate postgraduate student allowances, despite promising to do so in the 2017 election campaign. The Green Party labelled Labour’s policies “disappointing” and have promised a $325 weekly universal allowance for all students, including post-graduate students. The Green Party has also pledged to reform the student accommodation sector “to ensure students get a fair deal” and would make student loan repayments more progressive, meaning repayments would increase with income. In comparison, The Opportunities Party has said it will put the responsibility of student debt on tertiary institutions if elected.

News: Issue 21

ACT leader David Seymour said his party has a goal of reducing government debt and returning to a budget surplus by 2024, and to achieve this, spending in areas such as tertiary education would need to be reduced. Instead, ACT would create a system of student education accounts where each student is given $250,000 over their lifetime to be spent on education. Students wishing to study at tertiary institutions will be able to draw down funds from their individual accounts to pay for course fees and living costs. Additionally, tertiary institutions would no longer have their fees capped under ACT, allowing them to “compete on price and quality as they choose”. New Zealand First is yet to release its education policy but last election promised to wipe student debt for new students staying and working in New Zealand for five years.

Students Nervous for Impacts

of University’s Anticipated Job Cuts Kirsty Frame | Ngāti Kahungunu | She/Her

Roughly two weeks ago it was revealed publicly that VUW is anticipating up to a $33.5 million dollar loss in 2021, adding to the $19 million forecasted deficit for this year. These heavy forecasts have brought job cuts and costreduction measures to the spotlight, though many key stakeholders—especially students—are still out of the loop. This comes only weeks after VUW received wide-spread criticism for the controversial Whiria Project, with many key stakeholders being excluded from consultations. The project has since been taken off the table. VUW staff received an email on Wednesday 9th September which outlined that the University Council asked the Vice-Chancellor to begin considering options to cut costs. The email, seen and reported by Stuff, outlined that measures which reduce costs without relation to jobs “can be progressed immediately”.

VUW’s Tertiary Education Union (TEU) Co-Branch President, Dougal McNeill, highlighted the necessity for students to be part of these processes. “We don’t need to accept the idea of austerity without detailed arguments being put forward and a transparent case being made.” McNeill added that this is a good time to remember that “'The University' is, under law, its students, staff and graduates—cuts may be proposed by management, but the University as a community can respond to them.” VUWSA is aware of the University’s financial situation, but said they have not been involved in any formal financial discussions. They added that “only with proper consultation can we ensure vital student support services are not diminished, our more vulnerable workers protected and will allow for collaboration to find creative means of reducing costs that are not the seemingly default measure of reducing staff.”

Salient asked VUW several questions, including how students can contribute to the discussions surrounding these “immediate” measures, in which they provided a short statement:

Students have expressed concerns for the impacts such cost-reduction measures will have on their future studies, especially students who are employed with the university.

“Staff and students, unions, the University Council, stakeholders and many others will be engaged in developing the solutions and advising on the consequences of the options.”

TEU reiterated that these students are members of their union too, and that they will fight for students' jobs and conditions at the University.

The University added in their statement to Salient that they’re still developing the approach to the COVID deficit reduction programme, and that it will operate over the next two years. The University’s spokesperson added that this can be attributed to the Vice-Chancellor. Currently, students have reported to Salient that they’ve only been made aware of the deficit through mainstream media, and are unsure how they can contribute to discussions.

McNeill said it “would be counterproductive to cut what’s best about Victoria, and do long-term damage, to fix a short-term problem.” TEU values the close links they have with VUWSA, and their members value students as part of this community. “We’re not fighting job losses just because they’re our jobs—we’re also committing to this University as a community.” It is unclear when the University’s engagements with their outlined stakeholders will commence. If you’re concerned about your employment with the University, we’d like to hear from you. Contact editor@ salient.org.nz

News: Issue 21

Opinion Free Speech Costs Dr Vincent Olsen-Reeder | Ngā Pōtiki a Tamapahore | He/Him

There are more attitudes and opinions in our face now than ever before—the good, the bad, and the ugly. As an academic community, we want our students to know how to critique different viewpoints responsibly. So, when an unlikely visitor was invited to speak on campus about ‘free speech’ recently, we decided not to can it. We want our students to become great scholars who know when to limit the energy they give to a platform, and that includes ‘free speech’. I draw my line at anything that represents—or has the potential to promote in others —hate speech. I think it’s a pretty good line, so I want to share it. Free speech offers a mask for hate speech. People define ‘hate’ differently, but ultimately, regard for the statement’s victims is scant, and that’s a human rights issue. Most of us can go about our entire lives enacting our right to free speech, without saying anything hateful. Not everyone develops this ability, and many choose to ignore it because it benefits them. Let’s be really clear here: you NEVER have to be repressive when you talk, to talk freely. A neurotypical person who isn’t able to control their speech without transgressing on someone’s human rights seems to me, a problematic person. Maybe they’re appealing to the psychology of emotional coercion; they’re not actually stating a point, as they actually believe it. Maybe they just enjoy gaslighting people, or maybe it makes them good money or garners votes. Either way, it’s not something I’d give energy to.

"you NEVER have to be repressive when you talk, to talk freely." As an academic community, theorising about free/hate speech is a privilege not everyone has. The targets of hate speech are awarded immediate negative outcomes by hate speech, and they’re rarely present in any capacity to defend themselves—it’s not an academic exercise. If someone has a tendency to preach or promote hate towards a particular group of people, it’s rather insensitive to sit down with them and debate the theoretics of their statements, especially if the community they attack has not invited that discussion. Real damage has been done.

News: Issue 21

It is harmful to let that person run rampant with ideas, when we could simply ignore them and let them fizzle out. As a final thought, if someone is venturing down this path on campus, there are controls for hate speech within our University walls, and there is accountability attached to them. Every person who walks through our walls is subject to one or other Conduct Statutes. If hate speech is invited into our walls, those Statutes would have been contravened.

"We can examine free speech if we want to, but we should totally reject performers of hate speech" The personal safety of staff and students (especially students who are the targets of hate speech) should come before everything else. It’s not just about what is said by the visitor either, it’s about the attitudes they can invite once they’ve been. It’s a slippery slope from a lecture theatre on a chilly night, to a hate-speech porno zoom-bomb. Then, there is a responsibility to consider the legitimacy of the opinions being brought to campus, and the opinions that might have been neglected through oversight. We want to protect our reputation as a trusted source of information. So, while the University is the place to discuss the gamut of theories out there, and academic staff support students thinking critically, there are ethics the University community must abide by. We can examine free speech if we want to, but we should totally reject performers of hate speech, or those known to promote it in others. We are a community of critical thought, not one that accepts theoretical intolerance just because it’s interesting.

Probing the Punters 1. Your life’s proverb is? 2. What caffeinated drink are you? 3. What was your campaign slogan? 4. Do you believe in Aliens?

(L-R) VUWSA Executive: Monica, Katherine, Ralph, Amelia, Michael, Cherri-Lyn, Zoë, James, Grace, and Sophie

MICHAEL TURNBALL

RALPH ZAMBRANO

GRACE CARR

ZOË SIMPSON

What would Steve Irwin do?

“Good vibes and good times”

2. Jager redbull

2. Espresso

3. Re-engage, Reform, Reignite

4. Aliens built the Hunter Lounge, prove me wrong.

Live fast, die young

2. Soy latte 3. Empowered collectively

Forward, together.

4. Aliens are 100% real

4. Yeah bro i’m a starseed

Your comfort zone will kill ya

2. Dirty chai 3. Vote for Zo, that’s the go 4. Aliens = phat yes.

AMELIA BLAMEY

KATHERINE BLOW

SOPHIE DIXON

JAMES DALY

They hate to see a chad thriving

It is what it is!

Most things can be solved with a cup of tea

He tāngata, he tāngata, he tāngata

2. English breakfast tea

2. Monster Energy Mango Loco.

2. Pumpkin Spice Latte

2. Mocha

3. I didn’t have one

3. Reduce, Reuse, Recycle

4. Mark Zuckerberg is def an alien

4. Defo yes to aliens

4. Aliens < the VUWSA office ghost

3. Advocating for you on the Daly

MONICA LIM

CHERRI-LYN LOMAX-MORRIS

it really be like that sometimes

2. green tea 3. It's about you 4. No but yeah but no but yeah

“There is no limit to what we as women can accomplish”

2. Soy Mocha

4. There's no way aliens don't exist

3. Making Vic more Empathetic, Transparent, and Representative 4. Surely if aliens were real Trump would have spilled the beans???

News: Issue 21

We Live Beside Aliens Words by Shanti Mathias | She/Her

It finds a nearby jelly creature and hollows it out. The mother wriggles herself into the corpse and lays her eggs. Then she paddles along, her eggs getting all they need, and well protected too.

“It’s a little morbid, but I love it,” says Hiromi Beran, a marine biology student. She is describing a barrel shrimp, a species she had considerable experience with as a BLAKE ambassador aboard NIWA’s Tangaroa research vessel last summer. Hiromi is showing me the list she keeps of the weirdest watery things she’s heard about since she started her degree, and she’s been scrolling for several minutes. Fish that hack into electric fields. Abyssal rivers of dense salty water, pooling, and coiling beneath the waves. Valuable minerals clustered around hydrothermal vents. This is a world totally foreign to us, yet it all exists in the ocean. Underwater, anything is possible. The requirements of gravity and pressure shape a different sort of life. Far beneath, animals scrounge for nutrients falling from far above: the carcass of a dead whale, flakes of long dead things, or sediment peeling off the land. This is life, too, no matter that it is difficult to recognise as kin to us. Humans may never know if there are real aliens, life we can recognise beyond our atmosphere. The marvellous unfamiliarity of the ocean is a reminder of this: a certain alien world.

It’s often said that humans know more about space than the ocean. While this claim requires many qualifications to be accurate—space could be infinite, for one—there is a truth to this: high powered telescopes offer more information about the surfaces of other planets than the ocean floor, most of which is only mapped at a 5 kilometre resolution. This is something that the Moana Project is trying to change. The project, funded through MBIE and operating through MetOcean, is a research team using a number of methods to understand the ocean. In particular, they’re looking at how ocean heat waves will affect the seafood industry. The project wants to map the waters around New Zealand to a resolution of 1km instead of 5km, which is the international default. The appropriately named Assistant Professor Ocean Mercier (Ngāti Porou) is a leader of the He Papa Moana Team of the Moana Project. She’s also the Head of the School of Māori Studies at Victoria University. Through her work, she seeks to centre mātauranga, or Māori knowledge beside Western perspectives of science. Aotearoa, as an island nation, is particularly intertwined with the ocean, and the stories of this place reflect that. The ocean is how people reached this island—the North Island, Te-Ika-a-Māui, was fished out of the sea. While different iwi have different versions of the story, Dr. Mercier tells me that an older name was “Te Ahi no Māui”, where ‘te ahi’ means ‘dolphin’. However, there’s no definitive species of fish recorded in the story. “There’s a nice uncertainty, a fuzziness there,” says Mercier. “We don’t know for sure; that’s a feat particular to our demigod ancestor.” Pākehā often think of the sea as something that separates people. For Māori, however, the ocean is a connector, a viewpoint bound to the Pacific. “The sea was the highway back to the Pacific, to the homeland, to Hawaiki,” says Dr. Mercier. Māori have a complex spiritual entanglement with the ocean. “When we pass away, our wairua goes on its way up the island, along the spine of the fish, over the oceanic highway and back to Hawaiki… The vast expanse of ocean was no impediment to our wairua.”

Feature: We Live Beside Aliens

Stories are one vital part of the human relationship to the sea, and science is another. Dr. Mercier says that the Māori relationship with the water can—and should—shape ocean science. “As the Māori team in [the Moana Project] we are super aware—if mātauranga is part of that project, how is it being protected? […] The last thing we want is to be involved in something that colonises our knowledge further, as if that hasn’t happened enough already.” The process of decolonising marine science is a slow one. For Dr. Mercier, it is crucial to show that “there are many ways that [Māori] connect to the sea; some are esoteric, some are just about getting kai on the table.”

"Pākehā often think of the sea as something that separates people. For Māori, however, the ocean is a connector, a viewpoint bound to the Pacific." As a source of food and minerals, the ocean helps millions of people around the world get kai on the table. There is considerable financial investment in the sea. The UN estimates that the global fishery industry was worth $402 billion USD in 2019; Seafood New Zealand reports that the seafood exports were worth $1.8 billion NZD in 2018. Deeper beneath the waves, there are mineral resources under the sea, particularly oil but also many kinds of rare metals. As humans churn through resources on land, turn to increasingly destructive mining techniques, including tar sands, fracking, and open-cast mines—the sea looks more attractive. “Underwater mining can produce resources that humans need,” says Professor Ashley Rowden, a deep-sea biologist who teaches at Victoria University. There’s a costbenefit analysis, a way to weigh these different priorities; it is possible that mining in the sea will have less impact than on land. Although, as with all things in the ocean, an information deficit makes it hard to know what will make a difference. “There are destructive practises on land for resource use, it might be less so in the sea,” says Rowden, optimistically. After all, the deep ocean is not just home to resources, but to living things that have evolved totally differently to terrestrial life. Hiromi points out that denizens of the deep are photographed like astronauts or planets, surrounded by blackness without any sense of scale. The weirdness is emphasised by the fact that these animals are often seen out of context: the glum blobfish is floppy at surface level because it is adapted to survive immense amounts of pressure. Ashley Rowden, a professor of biology who has studied the deep ocean for decades, tells me that the weirdness

Words by Shanti Mathias

of the deep sea is an anthropocentric category. “The concept of alien is really just about showing we’re not familiar with something…They’re not weird or bizarre where they live, they’re just adapted for those places.” While sampling, he has pulled up enormous amphipods (a species like a giant sandhopper) from the depths of the Kermadec Trench. He is reluctant to label them as weird, only surprising; every part of their body was designed to maximise survival in their environments. Ocean animals’ bodies may be illegible to humans, but that doesn’t mean they don’t make sense. Siobhan O’Connor, an environmental innovator and ocean enthusiast who is involved in myriad ways with marine education says “in Aotearoa we are surrounded by oceans, yet the majority of us are emotionally and cognitively disconnected from it.” Creating connection to the sea drives her. “It’s incredible connecting people to something with such spiritual, physical, economic, and political depth.” The majority of humans never go deeper than perhaps three metres from the surface. To go beyond the surface requires experience and equipment. Snorkels, wetsuits, and diving gear are expensive—a scuba course even more so, not to mention a prohibitively pricey submersible (it is notable that one of the few humans ever to descend 11 kilometres under the sea to the bottom of the Mariana Trench was James Cameron, on a personally funded expedition).

"Every part of their body was designed to maximise survival in their environments. Ocean animals’ bodies may be illegible to humans, but that doesn’t mean they don’t make sense."

To go into the open sea, beyond the couple of kilometres possible in rowboats or kayaks, is again expensive— yachting is an elite sport for a reason. It is difficult to access the ocean because it is a world that humans cannot survive without equipment and knowledge. We cannot breathe water, or drink salt. No wonder the ocean stays so abstract, when even reaching the surface of it is so difficult. It’s unsurprising that for many New Zealanders, fish are more recognisable deep fried than alive. The strangeness of the ocean is compounded by the many ways that it is threatened. The ocean today is changing, and changing fast. On land, it is complicated, but often possible, to quantify the impact that humans have had on the environment. In the sea, it is often near impossible. Dr. Mercier says that a “healthy baseline” for the ocean is often taken at the start of a scientist’s career,

when considerable damage has already been done. Here, mātauranga is crucial “because it can provide a true baseline.” Environmental damage on land is distressing enough, and it is equally hard to accept the amount of damage being done to the sea, often invisibly. Often, this operates on the same analogies we use to make sense of the sea. Kelp, technically a kind of algae, can be compared to a forest. But the analogy doesn’t quite hold up. “The kelp is the habitat and the food for the species that live there,” says Dr. Chris Cornwall, who specialises in kelp ecosystems. If this is a forest, it is one where everyone is eating the trees. Deforestation on land is particularly damaging to these forests of the sea, as it causes more terrestrial sediment to erode into the water, so the kelp have less light to photosynthesise with. Just as forests encounter wildfires worsened by climate change, temperature-sensitive kelp loses its range as ocean heatwaves race through the water. Kelp has unique threats, too; an invasive sea urchin from Australia which can create “barrens” is expected to increase in the North Island, says Cornwall. The ocean is completely entwined with the life of the planet as a whole. Currently, the ocean absorbs about 40% of CO2, one of the chemicals causing anthropogenic climate change. This makes the waters more acidic and is killing, or inhibiting, the growth of creatures with hard exteriors, from coral to shellfish. Furthermore, colder water can hold more carbon. The temperature of the ocean regulates the climate system on land, producing rain and wind, which life on land depends on. From kelp forests to climate conditions, there are links between land and sea, sea and land. Despite the importance of the ocean, humans know very little about it. For Siobhan, this is invigorating. “There’s something about the unknown that inspires a sense of adventure, mystery, and growth. I’ve learnt so much about myself through the ocean—whether it be through scuba diving, science, and everything in-between,” she says. Sometimes, scientists—marine biologists desperate for funding, perhaps—suggest that humans shouldn’t spend resources on going to space when there is so much unknown within the ocean. Dr. Mercier rejects this. “It’s an uncomfortable framing as a Māori person because we have tapu, we have stories and traditions about how not all knowledge is for everybody, not all knowledge is there for the taking; maybe it’s for some people and maybe it’s for no one at all.”

Ultimately, the desire for the ocean to both offer secrets and answers is superseded by a bigger question: that of how we relate to it. “How does that shape our relationships and our sense of obligation and responsibility to the moana if we see the deep sea as an alien place because it’s so removed, and nothing we do will touch it, it is completely resilient—that’s super super dangerous,” says Dr. Mercier.

"Ultimately, the desire for the ocean to both offer secrets and answers is superseded by a bigger question: that of how we relate to it."

“While the ocean may appear alien, it is in fact our home,” says Ben Harris, who studies organisms that live on or near the seafloor. He tells me about the mammalian dive reflex, the fact that when entering water our heart rate will slow down so it is possible to stay underneath for longer (this is why all breath-holding records are set underwater), and the layer of fat that allows humans to stay warm in the water. All life evolved from the ocean, and our lives are inevitably entangled. “Once you spend too many days in a row diving or snorkelling, you start dreaming about the ocean,” Dr. Cornwall says. He sends me pictures of some of his field sites, tidy pink lace of coralline algae, cascades off of waterfall reefs. “There’s nothing on land that can compare.” Hiromi and I share a moment of recognition when we realise that we were obsessed with the same books as children—The Ingo Chronicles by Helen Dunmore, where two children find that they can breathe underwater. Belonging to land and to sea Hiromi grew up in the warm waters of Whāngerei Heads, where she dreamed of underwater cities; I grew up far from here, 2000 kilometres inland, pressing my legs together in the bright stink of chlorine pools and wishing I was a dolphin. Yet we both reach for stories about the sea, the way it teaches us to be more than who we thought we were. I cycle to Island Bay once a week to babysit. Suddenly, at the crest of Adelaide Road, it appears: that shimmering surface, a reminder of possibilities reaching beyond me. I am sweaty and out of breath, gasping air made by the ocean, salt on my skin a reminder that as the water waits, so does the mystery.

For non-Māori sea-lovers, it is also essential to acknowledge the unknown. “For so long our relationships with the ocean has been dependence and enjoyment and mystery, there’s so much mystery,” says Hiromi. Though she says “of course I’d like to know more,” she likes that the ocean will never reveal all its answers.

Feature: We Live Beside Aliens

The Second Coming Words by Vic Bell | Kāi Tahu | She/Her

N.A.C. Airliner, Wednesday 9 November 1955, 8:18pm You pretend you don't see your husband's hand pinch the air hostess' bottom. It's your first time on an airplane and you're excited, even called your girlfriend on the telephone to ask what you should wear. The other women are perfectly made up, hands folded in their laps as they sit next to chain smoking husbands. Out the window, a bright green light hovers. "What on earth is that?" Whispers rise in the cabin. In the cockpit, the pilot known in NZDF records only as “Capt. Rainbow” radios in the control tower. But there is no WP beacon operating tonight. He turns ghostly white and asks his co-pilot what to do. "Don't tell the women on board, we don't want to distress them." *** The New Zealand Defence Force declassified their UFO files in 2010 and anyone with a valid NZ photo ID can go read them in The National Archives. They started recording flying saucer correspondence in 1952, so there's a lot to chew through. I wasn't very interested in writing on UFOs per se, or even debating the existence of aliens. I think it’s arrogant to think that we are the only form of sentient life in existence. What I'm really interested in is what would happen if extraterrestrials arrived in Aotearoa New Zealand. Most Māori would say we've already undergone an alien invasion once before, so is it that far fetched to think it could happen again? I spoke with experts in the fields of immigration, politics, and science fiction to get a better understanding of how our society might react to unexpected visitors.

Immigration "We like to think we're a compassionate society, but New Zealand has a history of not treating anyone different very well." Professor Jim McAloon teaches at VUW, and has research interests in New Zealand's history of immigration and race relations. I managed to catch Professor McAloon on a Friday afternoon, and he was good natured enough to humor me and my stupid thought experiment. New Zealand actually has a lot of legislation referring to ‘aliens’, which is technically still active and could be applied to extraterrestrial visitors. This legislation can be separated into two: that applying to “Race Aliens” (anyone not Māori or from the UK), and “Enemy Aliens” (anyone from countries the Commonwealth was at war with during the World Wars). Statutes include the Alien Act 1948, the Alien Registration Act 1940, and the Aliens Restriction Act 1905. There is even a charming pamphlet titled “From Alien to Citizen” from the 1950s which tells any extraterrestrials what to expect as they adapt to New Zealand society. As a God-botherer, I believe there is a reason for everything. Usually that reason is racism. “New Zealand immigration policies truly were not even close to ‘colour blind’ until the 1980s. There was a general assumption that the best immigrants were from the United Kingdom. There was a racial hierarchy, with the United Kingdom at the top, followed by those from Northern Europe. Southern Europeans, such as the Italians, were considered a little bit suss, and Chinese, South Asian and Middle Eastern migrants were at the bottom.” When Germans first arrived in New Zealand, they were welcomed with open arms, as many were wealthy and invested that wealth in local businesses. They were white, many spoke English, and mixed well with the locals. A little too well. Although they were targeted for their possible threat to national security as tensions rose between England and Germany, their close associations with Māori

Feature: The Second Coming

communities up North was given as even more reason for Pākehā to show patriotism through hatred. Professor McAloon noted close relationships between Germans and Māori as one factor in many iwi choosing not to send their men in the initial recruitment for troops in WWI. Māori also had close relationships with Chinese immigrants initially attracted to Aotearoa during the gold rushes of the 1800s. As McAloon adds, “of all groups most persecuted in New Zealand history, the Chinese had to be number one.” They were considered to be the most different in terms of appearance, culture and religion, and racial assumptions led to a climate of distrust and discrimination, such as a poll tax specific to Chinese residents. In terms of immigration status, it is clear that actual, literal aliens would be considered stateless refugees. How favourably they would be treated would really come down to two big questions. Which human race/ethnicity are they closest to in terms of phenotypes, religion, and cultural customs? And what do they have to offer in the way of resources, technologies, or material wealth?

"Most Māori would say we've already undergone an alien invasion once before, so is it that far fetched to think it could happen again?" Supplied with a good overview of New Zealand’s immigration history and our treatment of human “aliens”, it was time I asked McAloon the big question. What would happen in the event of extraterrestrial aliens landing here? “I can’t answer that! It’s one of the biggest philosophical questions of the ages. All I can say is that when people from other parts of the world arrive here, our reactions are distinctly varied. That’s the extent to which I can comment on that.” Despite not wanting to speculate too much (under government instruction, perhaps?), Professor McAloon's prediction seemed pretty optimistic compared to the ominous picture painted by Professor Richard Hill, who I spoke with next. Government / Military Response “The state will procure whatever powers and coercive forces it needs to contain a… situation. As Lord Scarman stressed in enquiry into London’s Brixton Riots, the needs of ‘order’ will prevail over the requirements of the law.” So much for legislation. “At first thought, I guess that any extraterrestrial aliens

Words by Vic Bell

arriving would be seen as breaching immigration laws. If those laws were seen as inadequate, because of (say) sheer numbers and/or hostility, legislation could be rushed through that gave the political executive emergency powers, as happened in wartime and publicorder emergencies in New Zealand’s past.” And as for the military? Professor Hill described the National Security response as very complicated. It is made up of a range of top-level committees and working groups, most prominently the Cabinet National Security Committee. The Officials Committee for Domestic and the External Security Coordination (ODESC) handles a coordinated response to any threats and convenes Watch Groups formed to handle specific crises. “It's complex, but in the event of anything major the PM is in charge.” “So the upcoming election would make a significant difference in how our alien visitors are received?” “Yes, Vic, certainly! It would determine whether the response was a ‘kind’ one, or a crushing one!” All of this really relies on this idea that we would be the superior power. If aliens have technology anywhere near what we have imagined, they could crush us. So a degree of humility wouldn’t go amiss. Society Oprah says that when someone tells you who they are, believe them. History tells us a lot about how we treat immigrants, but we've already written heaps about what we would do if aliens arrived. So literature is a good place to look. Dougal McNeill is an English Literature lecturer who teaches a course in Science Fiction at VUW. “I always think of English science fiction as coming from a place of ‘bad conscience’, an acknowledgment of the harm they were doing to the rest of the world through colonisation”. H.G. Wells’ 1897 novel War of the Worlds is an example of a guilty society blurting out its own name. The novel imagines an alien invasion in contemporary London, and challenges ideas of racial superiority and escalating militarisation in late 19th century Britain. European science fiction is rooted in these ideas of colonisation, which is why the characters’ response to aliens in these stories is usually hostile. But there are always the good ones. Like Elliot sheltering ET, or groups advocating for alien rights, there are always individuals who take risks to do the right thing. One real life example is a fellow who has three volumes devoted to him in the NZDF’s UFO files. For nearly 30

years he wrote in detail about his dealings with aliens he sheltered on his farm in Canterbury. He described the 6 foot tall aliens as “good blokes” that healed his ulcer and helped fix his car.

"If aliens have technology anywhere near what we have imagined, they could crush us. So a degree of humility wouldn’t go amiss."

Dougal is optimistic about a possibility where aliens receive a better outcome. One that is based in Te Ao Māori. Māori Dougal said Indigenous science fiction narratives are a stark contrast to western stories. Where European scifi focuses on hostile colonisation, Indigenous tradition frames alien encounters as an opportunity to show hospitality and form new relationships. In Te Ao Māori, the separation between the world of man and the supernatural realm is not as definite as it is in the Pākehā worldview. Man is directly descended from our Atua. Experiencing the supernatural or having matakite experiences are normalised. Concepts of time and space have always been speculated on by Māori. The first official UFO sighting was recorded by Pākehā in 1909. Perhaps Māori had seen this phenomenon before but were fairly unphased? As well as being more open minded to the out-of-thisworld, traditional Māori society is underpinned by values such as manaakitanga that dictate a code of conduct for visitors.

"Where European sci-fi focuses on hostile colonisation, Indigenous tradition frames alien encounters as an opportunity to show hospitality and form new relationships."

Māori have already provided a framework for positive interaction with our alien visitors. Through treaty relationship, Māori created a sense of space and belonging for Pākehā in Aotearoa.

thinking here. And we’ve already been given indication that extraterrestrials are down with the fight for Tino Rangatiratanga. The Believers Raëliens believe they are descendants and/or Earth’s representatives for the extraterrestrial species known as Elohim. But don’t confuse them with Scientology or Heaven’s Gate—they actually seem pretty cool. They have publicly supported the rights of Māori, condemned Pākehā oppression and discrimination, and acknowledged the need for Māori to practice our original culture and spirituality. In 2004 their leader, His Holiness Rael, specifically instructed his followers to show support for Māori in response to that uncle you don’t invite to family BBQs: Don Brash. Raëliens have given us a heads up that the aliens intending to visit Earth in the near future have good intentions. The Elohims’ main objectives for us are world peace and helping us with scientific advancement. Although in the 1950s the majority of alien encounters consisted of probing, and tin foil hat wearers would cry doomsday prophecies, today the consensus seems to be that aliens do indeed come in peace. Conclusion Well, I think it’s fair to say I’ve done my due diligence. I’ve read countless sci-fi novels, spoken with three bemused academics, speculated with family and friends, and read a particularly cursed manga on the Raëlien website. The experts all shared the same fears that aliens wouldn’t be treated very well, in line with New Zealand’s abysmal track record with immigrants and refugees. At best our ETs would face discrimination and be used for election time scare tactics. At worst they could be sent to internment camps on Matiu and Motuihe Islands, or be met with a violent military response that violated national and international law. But who knows what gifts alien visitors could bring? Dougal McNeill finished our phone call by saying it might be just the leap of faith that we need. “My first question for an alien would be how have they managed to sustain their society? The world is in turmoil, the United States looks like something straight out of Blade Runner. I feel terrified of ecological collapse. Maybe they’ll have some answers.”

A cynic would say that approach didn’t turn out terribly fucking well for Māori, but we’re going for blue sky

Feature: The Second Coming

Chris Brown

Meditations Words by Rowena Chow 周璧瑜 | She/Her

noun a foreigner, especially one who is not a naturalised citizen of the country where he or she is living. example “an enemy alien” adjective unfamiliar and disturbing or distasteful. example “principles that are alien to them.” For Chinese New Zealanders, the grounds in Aotearoa have been fertile, rocky, and diasporic for some time. During the gold mining era, Pākehā welcomed Chinese immigrants. However, the pleasantries were short-lived. ‘Yellow Peril’ prejudice became pronounced soon after profits ran scarce. When the Chinese Immigrants Act of 1881 was introduced, all Chinese immigrants—and only Chinese immigrants— were required to pay a Poll Tax. Originally, it was a payment

of £10 on arrival into New Zealand. A debt with a lifespan, £10 was likely 10 months earnings for a Chinese farmer back home. This soon increased to £100 per person fifteen years later. The Poll Tax was a catalyst for more anti-Chinese measures and continued to rear its ugly head despite Chinese pushback. As a Wellingtonian, two stories stand out to me. The first is an innocent man accused of having leprosy who was exiled to Matiu/Somes Island in 1904. This was directly related to New Zealand government propaganda that claimed Chinese people were disease-carriers. His name was Kim Lee and he died alone 9 months later on Mokopuna Island. Not long after, a Pākehā man takes the life of an unarmed, elderly man on Haining Street (Wellington’s then central Chinese district) in 1905. His name was Joe Kum Yung. Both men were victims not only of a narrative that didn’t protect them, but sought to use them as scapegoats—

tragedies founded on racial disdain and alienating grounds. Art-making offers some reconciliation from these histories—a form of healing. In her short documentary: Cast Out: 逐, Matilda Boese-Wong draws attention to the unjust nature of Kim Lee’s death. She wants to preserve his story, telling me, “I believe when I was making this project I really wanted to not only give him a voice and tell his story… but also to honour his soul, you know?” Kim was a green grocer on Adelaide Road, just like Matilda’s grandparents and great-grandparents. As a third gen Chinese New Zealander, Matilda, with a mix of Japanese and Pākehā heritage, also feels “that level of pain and hurt does transcend through generations”. She acknowledges the sacrifices her family have made to be able to afford the lives they lead now. She admires “all the work generations of Chinese people put in to be able to ensure that future generations could have a safe life here.” It is humbling, to be able to sit in the knowledge of your ancestors, and to acknowledge the gravity of their sacrifices—what feels like an extension of pain, and love. Many young Chinese New Zealanders share a collective yearning to understand our histories and be critical of how they’ve been told. Reclaiming our stories through art is our way of saying, “I see you and I hear you, and I won’t let us forget you”. As a response to her graduate design brief, Kimberley Zhou felt compelled to tell the story of growing up behind the counter of her parents’ business. “‘Fortunate Takeaways’ is a project serving you familial stories on life growing up in a Chinese takeaway.” Kimberley is a second gen Chinese New Zealander whose upbringing, like mine, revolved around the aroma of chips and deep fried fish after school. Through typographic research, Kimberly tells me she “noticed the use of ‘ethnic lettering’ in the signage of Chinese restaurants and questioned the authenticity and reason as to why it’s been used as a visual short-cut for an entire culture.” These short-cuts feed into Chinese/ Asian stereotypes. A meditative work, Kimberley reclaims the stories of assimilation and internalised racism from a deeply reflective standpoint. Reclaiming our histories is understanding that Chinese people have always been a part of New Zealand’s cultural narrative. But where does the responsibility of representation lay—who has the power to shape our stories? What struck me about Joe Kum Yung was how little we knew about him, as opposed to his killer, and the different kinds of barriers posed to our elderly Chinese generations today.

of the Māori Chinese Waiata group, a small collective that has, “grown up organically” and includes, “old and young. Different generations. [The] Waiata group was kind of bringing that altogether… It’s more of a cultural exchange by the people who come to the group.”

"It is humbling, to be able to sit in the knowledge of your ancestors, and to acknowledge the gravity of their sacrifices" As we talk about fostering connections, Kirsten says “belonging is the anti-alien.” The real value in creating these pockets of community is forming those individual relationships, because that is fundamentally how we understand our identity and engage in society. The group began as a candid idea between friends in the beginning of 2019 to “set up a kaupapa of a family based multi-generational thing. And that’s really why it works, is because there’s a whole bunch of shared values.” Like in Te Ao Māori, Chinese families are built on a communal and multi-generational base. The meetings always feel like a rich experience, and I am reminded of why I must pick up the phone and call my grandparents more often. Exploring concepts of identity with other generations and ethnicity groups “does actually change the way you view the world.” The Chinese New Zealand experience has always been complex. The term ‘alien’ may be a homage to the extraterrestrial, but it is also an inherently loaded guise with racial denunciations that impact identity. Dealienising is wrapped in the cyclical nature of art, and an increasing number of young Chinese New Zealanders are using it to deconstruct stereotypes as well as heal from dark histories. By adopting spaces in the creative realm, my generation can be cynical, but hopes that the freedom and intersectionality of art can enact change. I recall many times where I have been ashamed of my Asian-ness and upbringing. But now I want to talk about it. This came about after reading Rose Lu’s All Who Live on Islands. Her concept of “The perceived wrongness of somewhere that is different” stuck with me. I have always been a storyteller through visual art. But, it was never a priority to convey notions of my multi-cultural identity until I realised just how dense the Chinese New Zealand experience was. I can embrace my Chinese heritage as well as my kiwi lifestyle. It’s a symbiotic relationship. There is solace in the manifestations of art, which continue to undo assumptions and widespread beliefs of identity.

Kirsten Wong tells me that “people can be alienated for all sorts of reasons, and probably age and access to language is a big one.” Kirsten is one of the organisers

Feature: Meditations

Liquid Knowledge Caitlin Hicks | Ngāti Ranginui | She/Her

MY GRANDAD THE ALIEN HUNTER There has only been one official investigation of a UFO sighting in New Zealand. Here's the story of how my Grandad became a state-sanctioned alien hunter.* In December 1978, hundreds of people reported strange lights in the sky above Kaikōura. The lights even befuddled pilots and air traffic controllers, and air traffic radars in both Wellington and Blenheim lit up with unusual activity. The first sightings were made by the crew of a cargo aircraft who reported strange lights following them for several minutes. This 'UFO' was large and comprised flashing white lights, some described as the size of a house. Roughly ten days later, another plane carrying an Australian film crew sighted a cluster of lights near the Kaikōura Peninsula. The sightings were captured by the film crew on board in footage showing a giant lighted orb tracking alongside the aircraft for almost fifteen minutes.** On 2 January 1979, Grandad got a call from the RNZAF for a once-in-a-lifetime mission. Prime Minister Robert Muldoon was pretty keen to know whether an extraterrestrial invasion was imminent, so they fired up an Orion and Les and the boys went to work searching for ET. Their instructions were to "ascertain whether there was anything suspicious happening off the Kaikōura coast". Grandad was a navigator on the flight and monitoring the radar too, and he recorded his logbook flight details as "UFO Search." In 2010 the New Zealand Defence Force released the files relating to the search. The documents attribute the sightings to "freak propagation" of radio and light waves, "spurious" anomalies on the Wellington radar, an unusually bright Venus, and the lights of cars, trains, and a squid fishing fleet in Pegasus Bay. Online, sceptics abound. One popular theory is that the lights could not have possibly been squid boats, as a search of government records by William Ireland, a scientist at the department of Scientific and Industrial

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Research, failed to show any record of boats in the area at the time. Additionally, the pilot of the later flight allegedly reported seeing the glow at the same altitude, above the cloud layer, and keeping pace with the plane. Grandad tends to agree with the findings of the RNZAF report. His logbook records around 7.2 hours of flying on an "interesting night"—clear with some wind, and the presence of lots of boats in Pegasus Bay using bright lights to attract squid. Most interestingly, says Grandad, was that the planet Venus was "as bright as I've ever seen it. It looked enormous." It rose to the East and was "really, really big in the sky". When viewed between the clouds, it could appear that it was following you, and the rise of Venus, when viewed from the Clarence river mouth, would look like a UFO. Grandad instructed me to check the almanacs(?) to see how high Venus actually was on that evening, but I didn't really understand what that meant so I… didn't. I asked Grandad whether he believed they'd find aliens. It's a resounding no. "I have to be absolutely honest with you Caitlin, we didn't see a bloody thing. It was an interesting mission, but much ado about nothing really. I don't think that we really thought that there were UFOs, and certainly that they would be visible to us". I guess we'll never really know whether aliens attempted to land in New Zealand. Maybe they came for a bit of reconnaissance and realised that they'd rather not settle down in a place that lacks central heating and where jandals are acceptable footwear. Maybe they did touch down and weasel their way into our communities. Perhaps their offspring are amongst us today—I mean, David Seymour gives off strong alien vibes, right? * Shout out to my grandad, the smartest human on planet earth. I love you X **FYI The footage is available to view on Youtube.

Green-splaining Celina Monkhouse | She/Her

MARS OR DIE I am not a space expert and don’t proclaim to be. If you asked me to name five planets, I wouldn’t be able to do so—and I gather that this is relatively basic pub-quiz-level knowledge. One thing that is on my radar however, is the “Mars mission”: humans living on Mars. The mission raises many questions. But, as one Elon Musk elegantly said, we need to become a “multi planetary species and a spacefaring civilisation” soon, or we’ll all die here on Earth—which is apparently unacceptable. There is literally no inbetween, according to Musk. So, we need to fly into space, like, today. Musk believes that humans could fly to Mars by the mid 2020s—though looking at how 2020 is shaping up, he might want to rethink that idea. Many public and private corporations are researching living on Mars. I’m focussing on Musk because, well, billionaires with an exponential net worth like him deserve to be scrutinised. Also: he kept his factory running during the height of COVID-19, tried to fashion himself into an “anti-lockdown hero” and thanked Donald Trump in May for tweeting that California should let Musk open his plant “NOW”. While I wish Elon himself would fly to Mars and leave Grimes behind, that is unfortunately not the kind of thinking that turns you into a billionaire. My biggest questions, however, are: what would this purported Mars movement do for Earth? Would humans completely ruin Mars as much as we have Earth? And should dear Elon be the first human we send to live there—a human sacrifice of sorts? Under Musk’s “space or die a worthless monoplanetary human” perspective, any outcome has gloomy environmental impacts: We don’t make it to Mars soon

getting richer by destroying our natural resources and continually ignoring the immense injustices that minorities everywhere face. We become a “spacefaring civilisation” and can move between planets My issue with this whole idea is that the prospect itself is inherently inaccessible. Most people don’t have the liberty of being able to think: “oh, if Earth deletes itself, we’ll always have Mars!”. The idea of us becoming a “spacefaring” species is one drenched in white privilege. You need time, privilege, and money to conceive such an idea and truly believe that it could happen for you. Moveover, considering the nature in which we would have to travel (i.e. an expensive spaceship), very few people will have the resources to be able to afford a casual trip to Mars. The idea suggests that one day, somewhere in the future, you too can be a glamorous Martian. It promotes an image of a united human front travelling the universe— but this would likely not be the case. I wager that anyone who is systemically disadvantaged (BIPOC; women; those without houses; etc) would be left behind. Considering all this, and knowing that the richest of the world contribute the most to climate change— under Musk’s auspices, Mars is doomed to the same (environmental) fate as Earth. Unless there is explicit recognition of the destructive nature of the status quo, the manner in which humans ‘civilise’ Mars will likely leave it bereft of any of its natural integrity. And as for us non multi planetary beings? Once all the fuel to get to space has been depleted and Elon and his pals are stranded there, I hope that there will remain enough time for Earth to rehabilitate in a loving, values-based, caring manner.

In this (rather likely) situation, the environment continues to degrade. The status quo continues. The rich keep

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To Be Frank Frankie Dale | She/Her

DEAR WELLINGTON, IT'S NOT ME, IT'S YOU. It might’ve been my emotionally abusive ex-boyfriend who ended up secretly dating my best friend. Maybe it was the guy who bit my vagina. Perhaps, it was the guy in 121 who pulled my undies down under my skirt in-front of everyone :) To anyone who cares, I’m no longer dating. I have officially signed off. Fuck you Wellington.

he asked me to go on a day trip with him the next day to Red Rocks. When he was 24 hours late to pick me up I realised maybe it was over and that it was time to grow up—to finally become jaded.

To those who are still interested in dating in this intergalactic realm and don’t want to end up like auntie Frank, listen up.

This one took me a while to get equipped with. My first few months in Wellington I had too many run-ins with past lovers. I bumped into one at Princess Bay whilst wearing a heinous white playboy bikini that was 300 sizes too small for me. It was cool until I realised I got my period and that he'd definitely seen it. Not quite as bad as that time a single tit fell out when I bent over in front of my ex in broad daylight.

This city has made me emotionally jaded. Whenever a friend tells me about a person they like I'll say something like “yeah, good luck mate,” cigarette dangling out of my mouth, hands down my warehouse track-pants. I no longer clean my room before a night out. I delete all my dating apps once a week and re-download them to be sure that Tinder isn’t miraculously disgusting anymore. Being disappointed from the age of 13 is finally starting to take its toll. From my experience traversing this dangerous romantic territory, I have adopted a couple of guiding principles to avoid heartbreak, let-downs, and everything in between. You cannot catch feelings first. Lemme tell you how. Don’t text them first more than 50% of the time. Operate under the presumption that they hate you. A guy texted me last week an hour after our date—my friend said that’s “murderer vibes”. This city really does produce monsters. When you start to catch feelings, ask yourself: am I prepared to ruin my life for this emotionally repressed fuckwit whose defining character trait is their aversion to safe-sex (or frequenting Swimsuit cafe)? Or do I play it cool, play it safe? Over the course of a few months, I found myself developing a little crush on this Bumble sweetie. We spent some great evenings together when one night

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Expect to bump into them; everywhere.

Befriend your ex-lovers’ exes It’s one thing running into your ex—a whole other running into your exes’ exes. I have made friends with about 6 of my ex’s exes. All are lovely girls who’ve heard the exact same dialogue as me. “I love you so much, you’re the best thing that's ever happened to me… please never leave me.” We are a sisterhood of tunnel buddies who realised there might have been a lot of crossover between us. One thing Wellington has taught me is to not take anything too seriously, even if you’re as jaded as I am. Obviously, the blouse-wearing, fine art student with three black nails never wanted anything more than a muse for his final exhibition. Knowing that now has only made me more equipped for Wellington’s cruel dating culture. We are operating in a different galaxy where monogamy is not the default setting. I guess, the question is how can we be smart and realistic in this city without being completely closed off? Don’t play the victim, keep growing and even if you don’t think it, you are that bitch.

Politically Minded Niva Chittock | She/Her

THE WEIRD AND WONDERFUL: POLITICS EDITION Strangers, random objects, and downright oddities lurk in the waters running through Aotearoa’s political history. Our politics easily confirms what the rest of the world already believe: we are one strange bunch. Over the years all sorts of happenings have occurred—some more random than others. Here are the top nine weirdest moments and unexplainable situations we’ve had. 9. Being sent out of the House during Question time is like getting detention in high school. A few notable mentions go to David Seymour (2020—ACT Party Leader) who was sent out after calling Winston Peters ‘grandpa’ and when Simon Bridges (2019—National Party leader) was told to leave after making ‘barnyard noises’ then arguing he didn’t. 8. 1994: An inquiry begins into the Serious Fraud Office and Inland Revenue surrounding tax evasion, which sounds mundane enough. Who else but Hon. Winston Peters spices things up when he rocks into Parliament with some of the most crucial documents in a winebox, leading the event to be coined forevermore ‘the Winebox Inquiry.’ Why? Because he’s Winston Peters, of course. 7.

2013: Labour-Leader David Shearer produces two dead snapper fish from his briefcase and brandishes them during a debate. The stunt somewhat backfired with Prime Minister John Key saying: “If [his new Chief of Staff is] really advising him to come into Parliament and hang onto dead fish, she's dead as well I reckon." Best part? No one knows how long the fish were in his briefcase for.

6. 2012: This list wouldn’t be complete without the one and only Colin Craig. One of his lesser-known blunders was handing out 20,000 leaflets around the Helensville electorate about John Key being too ‘gay’ to be Prime Minister. All he did was attend the Pride Parade.

5. 2009: ACT Party candidate for Mt Albert, John Boscawen, got more than he bargained for at an electorate debate when another candidate dumped a chocolate lamington on his head during his speech. There appeared to be no reasoning behind it as when asked about it, the ‘attacker’ replied: “It was supposed to be a cream pie, but there were none available in the supermarket this morning on the way over.” 4. 1920: Charles Ewing Mackay, a Whanganui, mayor, was convicted of attempted murder of NZ writer Walter D’Arcy Cresswell. Apparently Mackay lost his rag when Cresswell began to blackmail him about making sexual advances towards him. Homosexuality was illegal at the time (and would remain this way until the 1980s) and could have destroyed his career—but somehow he thought attempted murder wouldn’t be that bad. 3. 2015: Foreign Affairs Minister Murray McCully approves 1000 sheep being flown to Saudi Arabia to a prominent businessman’s farm, a practice banned in 2003. There was also a casual $11M given to ‘prevent suing of the NZ government’ over losses from the law change. Just some casual sheep bribery for you. 2. 2016: Ah, a true classic. Who could forget when good old Steven Joyce had a dildo thrown at him while visiting Waitangi? Delivered with the line “That’s for raping our sovereignty,” it turned into quite the occasion. 1. 2010: And the top spot goes to ex-Law and Order Spokesperson for ACT, David Garrett. The ACT MP was forced to resign after it came out that he stole a dead infant’s identity to gain an illegal passport some 26 years earlier. Sorry… what? To top things off, he had gotten some assault charges while on holiday in Rarotonga, making use of said passport. And there you have it. All the stellar oddities that occurred from those who ‘represent us’.

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Student Wellbeing Jordan Schulde & Shaleena Ravji

MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS WEEK Kia Ora everyone! We hope that you’re ready for another week at uni. Are you aware that this week is Mental Health Awareness Week (MHAW)? MHAW is an annual event run by the Mental Health Foundation, with this year’s theme being “Reimagine Wellbeing Together.” For the first time ever we have planned a whole week dedicated to exploring mental health and wellbeing. Hopefully, this gets you thinking about how you and various groups at the university can improve your wellbeing. Keep an eye on the Student Wellbeing Facebook and University Website for the week’s events. So, how can we tackle mental health and wellbeing? One way is by using the Māori health model of Te Whare Tapa Whā, emphasising the importance of multiple areas of life to wellbeing. Mental and Emotional: Te Taha Hinengaro: Taha Hinengaro is about refreshing yourself to handle the stress life throws you. Part of this is being able to effectively communicate your thoughts and feelings to others, so take time to reconnect with others and look internally to understand your emotions. To work on this area, take a few moments to recognise what you are grateful for, and why. Spiritual: Te Taha Wairua: Taha Wairua concerns spirituality in a broad sense. It includes faith, one’s relation to the environment, and appreciation of the beauty around us. Of particular importance is finding something which inspires and makes you hopeful for the future. To hit this, take time this week to create an awe-inspiring playlist to vibe to while taking a walk and appreciating nature. Or, take notice of the things you have achieved this year, even through the craziness! Land, Roots: Whenua: Whenua always has, and always will be important, but is increasingly relevant today. It’s our connection to the earth, everything upon it, as well as our ancestors and heritage. When the earth is sick, so are

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we. To embrace Whenua, take some time to reconnect with nature. If it’s sunny, have lunch outside, walk instead of taking the bus, or just bring a keep cup for your next coffee! Physical: Te Taha Tinana: Taha Tinana is about your physical wellbeing. This is often the first thing you associate with your health and wellbeing. It is all about how your body grows, feels, and moves and the activities you do to take care of it. Being able to keep physically well enables you to stay mentally well. This doesn’t always mean running a marathon or punching out hundreds of burpees. Instead, it’s all about how you fuel and nourish your body with physical activity and healthy eating. To get the most out of any form of movement, you have to be enjoying it. This may be as simple as busting some moves to Destiny’s Child in your kitchen with your flatmates while cooking a delicious meal. Family/Social: Te Taha Whānau: Te Taha Whānau is about connecting with people you care about. This can refer to all of your family, friends, colleagues, and your community. All of the people in our lives play a role and contribute to our individual wellbeing and identity. Humans are social creatures and whether you’re an introvert or extrovert, socialising with your peers is so important. It is a central component of being able to achieve the other four areas of the Te Whare Tapa Whā model. Being able to chat, message or just vibe with the people around you increases your sense of identity and purpose. How about saying hi to the person next to you in a lecture theatre or flicking a friend or family member a message? The Te Whare Tapa Whā model does a brilliant job at encompassing how holistic health and wellbeing is. We encourage you to do at least one thing to support each of the aspects of your wellbeing.

How To Get Ordained By The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster Rachel Trow | Kāti Māmoe, Ngāti Hine | She/Her

Do you need to bless a union, like, tomorrow? Do the words “by the power vested in me, by the State of New York” get your ego tingling? Are you seriously considering dropping out but would still like a pretty piece of paper? Well, you’re in luck, e hoa. For the same price as one law ball ticket, you can become an Ordained Minister of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM).

My reckons? The meteoric success was the result of one of those cursed email chains that said you wouldn’t find love if you didn’t forward it to 10 people. If that all sounds like a bit of you, here’s how you can join and get you a Certificate of Ordainment. Step 1: Want to join

In the words of noodle boi and lead singer of The 1975, Matty Healy, “I used to be an ATHEIST. Now I’m just an atheist.” My spirituality only goes as far as my tūpuna and ngā Atua Māori. I worship only Indigenous Instagram.

The Church has the easiest Mandatory Course Requirements in history. Want to be a member? Great, you’re a member. (If you still want to by the end of this lastminute culture piece, then seriously, seek help.)

In this essay I will:

Step 2: Acquire $72

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Explain an entire religion (a field which I know nothing about)

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Tell you how you can become one of their leaders

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Do it all in 600 words or less

Go on a rent strike. Busk on Cuba Street. Make some shitty polymer clay earrings and post them in Dic Veals. Sell oregano to teenagers and tell them it’s weed. Use the last remnants of your course-related costs and get a real qualification.

If you don’t already know, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is an actual, certified religion, according to themselves. Also according to the New Zealand Government. That’s right. You can quite literally be married by a Minister of the Church of the FSM in Aotearoa New Zealand but Jacinda can’t visit Ihumātao. Wild. The ‘about’ page on their website insists that the Church “is legit, and backed by hard science. Anything that comes across as humor or satire is purely coincidental.” “Millions, if not thousands” of people (yes you read that right) follow the religion. These followers believe that the Universe was created by two giant, cosmic balls of meat and a matrix of “noodly appendages”.

Step 2b is entrusting your credit card information to a website that doesn’t look like it’s been updated since the early 2010s. Step 3: Wait Couldn’t tell you how long for. The certificate seems to come from the COVID epicentre so could be weeks. Congratulations. You are now legally allowed to bestow the horrors of marriage on unwitting couples in Aotearoa New Zealand. Go forth, spread the gospel, and don’t forget your colander hat.

This patron saint of carbs seems like a pretty gracious deity. They won’t condemn you to over-cooked pasta hell or curse your family if you decide to leave the religion. Apparently the FSM heaven is just tiddies and alcohol. Nice. The whole thing was started by this capital-D Dude, Bobby Henderson in 2005. Bro wrote a letter of protest to his school district board opposing the teaching of Christianity as an alternative to, like, actual science. Apparently it was the biggest thing on the internet at the time. That, and “Chocolate Rain”.

How To Get Ordained By The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster

The Humanity of E.T. Lachlan Ewing | He/Him

You open my eyes And I'm ready to go, lead me into the light To be human is to look up to the heavens in wonder. To see, or at the very least imagine, some wacky shit up there, and then share these extra-terrestrial beings with our fellow homosapiens through art. The absolute pinnacle of this most human endeavour? Katy Perry’s “E.T.” (The single version, featuring Kanye West), released in 2011. Why? What about the other great alien inspired artworks? The 10th century Japanese tale Taketori Monogatari? H.G Wells’ War of the Worlds? Ridley Scott’s Alien? Da Vinci’s Mona Lisa? I could go on about “E.T.” spending five weeks atop Billboard’s Hot 100 chart. For going 8x platinum in the US, winning VMAs for Best Collaboration and Best Special Effects. For taking home the People’s Choice Award for Favourite Song (beating off the many other instant classics 2011 gave us, including “The Edge of Glory”, “Rolling in the Deep”, “Moves Like Jagger” and “Party Rock Anthem”). But I won’t. Instead, what sets “E.T.” apart is how well it serves the subliminal purpose of aliens in art: to be a blank canvas onto which humans can project elements of our nature which we feel deep down inside of ourselves, but are too afraid to realise. You may be familiar with the piece of Tumblr wisdom floating around the internet that the human mind cannot create a new face from scratch. Every face we see in a dream is one we have already seen somewhere in our waking life. Therefore, what makes us think that we can create a new highly intelligent life form from scratch? Every characteristic of aliens in art are ones we have already seen somewhere in humanity. As a species we love spinning yarns about our good characteristics. Think of our myriad brave, loyal, and/or conscientious heroes. Flaws and weaknesses are okay too, so long as they can be redeemed. But what about the uglier side of human nature? Unbridled depravity, lust and violence, and an unquenchable thirst for power? Traditionally we have projected these onto demons and monsters. Aliens are the natural extension for a modern society that has solved the mysteries of this planet, but still knows so little of the night sky.

“E.T.” communicates this theme beautifully and rawly. From the opening line, an alien Kanye West confesses: “I got a dirty mind/ I got filthy ways/ I’m tryna bathe my ape up in your Milky Way.” Admittedly, this is a ridiculous innuendo/plug of his favourite sneaker brand BAPE (the verse was penned pre-Yeezy). However, this hook effectively juxtaposes ideas of primitivity and animal instinct (Kanye’s ape) with alien, cosmic wonder (the Milky Way). We can start to see ourselves as the missing link between ape and alien, and realise we are more similar to both than we would like to admit. Katy Perry mirrors this juxtaposition in her first verse, asking the alien: “Could you be the angel?/ Could you be the devil?” At first listening, these lines seem like a simple metaphor for the alien being good and bad. Perhaps they are the same lover Perry sang about on 2008’s “Hot n Cold”? However, I don’t believe that Perry is trying to highlight the differences between angels and the devil. Rather, she is trying to draw attention to what they have in common. Both angels and the devil possess terrible power. Between them, they can enslave, inflict excruciating pain, impart powerful knowledge, and take us to and from other worlds. This is a neat summary of the modern conception of Aliens. Also, they are all powers humans possess, and can/have inflicted on each other. The intensity of the song really ratchets up at the prechorus, where Perry shows off the top of her vocal range, eerily singing: “You’re from a whole ‘nother world/ a different dimension”. There is an abundance of commentary online that the song is a metaphor for relationships that straddle racial/ social/cultural divides. That would be corny. Instead, I’m prepared to give Katy Perry the benefit of the doubt and assume the metaphor is much more nuanced. The “whole ‘nother world” is not any physical place outside. It is inside, it is the world of the human subconscious. Christopher Nolan’s film Inception was released a month before the solo version of “E.T.”, bringing the world of the subconscious to life in full 3D IMAX surround sound.

On June 13th 2011, Perry tweeted that she used “The Inception Method” in the music video for “Last Friday Night”, by including Rebecca Black, singer of “Friday”. My point? Christopher Nolan is an artistic influence on Katy Perry. She could have written “E.T.” with this whole other subconscious world in mind. And who is from this whole ‘nother world? The alien. Katy Perry knew damn well that aliens are a projection of our subconscious. I’d love to break down the chorus in depth, but I’ve only got so many words, and tbh, choruses are often the most lyrically boring parts of pop bangers. All of the artistically adventurous lines are usually hidden away in the verses. Therefore, let’s dive into the wild ride that is Kanye’s last verse on the track. Penning this verse a few short months after the release of his masterpiece My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, Kanye must have been exhausted. It shows. “I know a bar out in Mars/ where they drive spaceships instead of cars” is hardly Ye’s most attention grabbing start to a verse. However, lines like “pockets on Shrek, rockets on deck” sustain the juxtaposition of primitive monster and outer space that he set up in the first verse.

it better than Kanye West. “E.T.” is a banger. It’s catchy, it demands you get up and dance. But it is also so much more. It holds up a portrait of an alien in which we can see our own reflection staring right back. There are things about the human psyche that could be confronting and unsettling to learn directly from a Psych121 textbook, or realise all by yourself at the end of a long night on the goons. We can thank Katy Perry and Kanye West for subliminally drip feeding our generation these ideas in our tweens, so we are not too surprised by and can (hopefully) enjoy this article now. It’s supernatural Extraterrestrial Extraterrestrial Extraterrestrial Except, it’s not.

Tell me what’s next? Alien Sex. From here, things take a turn away from the comical, towards the downright disturbing. Alien Kanye West raps: “First imma disrobe you/ then imma probe you”. I know, I can’t believe I was allowed to listen to this as an eleven year old either. Kanye is notoriously lustful on the mic, but it seems that rapping from the point of view of an alien enables him to express even more depraved desires. But his lust is not really alien, it’s animal. In the music video, there are a handful of very brief cuts to wild animals mating, and we can understand that the alien’s urges are those that much of humanity possess, but aren’t proud of. Closely tied to the alien’s lust is control and power. Kanye signs off by repeatedly reminding us: “so I tell you what to do.” The alien has an unbridled will to power. The philosopher Neitzsche sees such a will to power as present in all of nature. Not everyone desires to abduct and take total control over people. Fortunately, very few people do. However, we all are constantly straining to exert some degree of influence over our fellow humans. We project this to the extreme in Aliens, and no one does

Culture: The Humanity of E.T.

Bobo and Flex: ‘The Aliens Are Coming’

Sally Ward | She/Her

Bobo and Flex bring you weekly podcasts to challenge your critical thinking skills, give you tips for dating and answer big life questions through deliciously engaging discussion. This week, I listened to ‘The Aliens Are Coming’. The hosts talk astral projection, other dimensions, the nature of reality, shrooms, WitchTok, as well as aliens. Flex reminds you “to spend more time feeding into your spiritual self than your virtual self.” Re: aliens, Bobo talks about ‘directed panspermia’—the theory that microorganisms were put on earth by other civilisations. It hasn’t been disproven and the more I know I don’t know, the more I’ll believe things that used to sound crazy to me. Flex’s insight from Tik Tok reveals that there are regular looking people who believe they are being inhabited by aliens. These aliens want us to ‘increase our vibrations.’ From here, the hosts navigate the potential for mushrooms to elevate you to other dimensions. I love hearing women talk about drugs; it’s something I seem to exclusively get from certain male podcasters and their dude fans. They acknowledge carefully that drugs are dangerous because no one knows the contents of their brain. For some, psychedelics result in psychosis. This is what I like about the show—it’s like, let’s discuss stuff that won’t be talked about in school, without romanticising substances that are definitely not for everybody. Flex concludes that an aspect of drug taking is simply giving yourself permission to sit somewhere for eight hours and ponder existence— which you could do without drugs. Spending two months in lockdown, watching the world burn like Octavia Butler predicted in Parable of the Sower (1993), has made me reassess things. We’ve had to collectively re-adjust our expectations for ourselves and our dreams while we continue to sit exams like we’re fine with a big F. I need help to come-to-terms; Bobo and Flex are putting in the work. They’re also on a “quest to decolonise our minds,” sharing their experiences as black women living in Australia and New York. They’ll let you know if it’s actually not your place to talk.

Culture: Bobo abnd Flex: The Aliens Are Coming

In this episode (for example), Bobo outlines her ability to speak multiple of Johannesburg’s 11 languages and the fact that she’s got words for emotions that don’t exist in English. She explains that in Western environments, “you have to assimilate your really big spectrum of emotions into...a very small one.” I don’t think much about aliens and I probably wouldn’t get on the spaceship to Mars. I am now of the opinion that I would be silly if I believed that human existence is the only existence. This is humbling and provides me with a delightful dose of escapism at a time when our options for escape are limited by the saturation of bad, bad news. Why not think outside of earth and remind yourself that whatever happens, there is a chance we are living in a simulation controlled by aliens. ‘Bobo and Flex’ is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Patreon and Sound Cloud. Here are my favourite episodes: •

‘How to live gully before the world ends’

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‘Is moral superiority making you lonely?’

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‘So, how are we going to end racism?’

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‘Friendship + Social Media // Are You a Trash Friend?’

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‘Sex, Orgasms & Eating Ass’

Area 51 and Other Questionable Conspiracy Theories Finn Blackwell | He/Him

We’ve all heard at least one conspiracy theory in our lifetimes. The moon landing never happened! The government are lizard people! All pigeons are spies! These theories abound from a bottomless well of ideas people have come up with to explain the unexplainable and comprehend the incomprehensible. Here are three of my personal favourite conspiracy theories and what makes them so compelling. Paul is Dead We all know The Beatles yea? What you may not know is that in 1967, Paul McCartney was in a traffic accident that some suspected he did not survive. What theorists believe happened next was an elaborate hoax to mask McCartney’s death, starting with replacing the Beatles singer with a lookalike. There have been many hints throughout The Beatles’ discography to this supposed replacement. The most widely cited clue is that on the Abbey Road album cover, Paul is the only Beatle not wearing shoes. Some have (rather tenuously) speculated that this means he’s dead as he no longer needs them, and that the rest of the band forms a funeral procession as they cross Abbey Road. Other evidence suggests hidden messages in Beatles songs, as well as reversed messages, only understood if played backwards. One of the largest voices against this theory is McCartney himself, stating “Perhaps the rumour started because I haven't been much in the press lately. I have done enough press for a lifetime, and I don't have anything to say these days.” Roswell and Area 51 Remember when everyone was like “yeah! let’s invade Area 51, that’s a great idea!” Well, this theory isn’t about that. This theory is about what’s held inside of Area 51 and how it relates to Roswell, New Mexico.

was merely a weather balloon, theories began sprouting both around the US and internationally as to what exactly the military was covering up. (Aliens, the answer is aliens.) Flat Earth There are those who believe that the earth is flat. Not a globe. Flat. If you were ever to reach the edge of the world, you’d be met with an enormous wall of ice (think the wall from Game of Thrones) and be forced to go back the way you came. Why anyone would believe this when there is so much scientific evidence to the contrary is beyond me, but Flat Earther Micheal Hughes was so convinced that he built his own rocket to launch into the atmosphere, in an attempt to get a peek at the flat earth. Regrettably, Hughes was not able to report his findings after his great voyage, as he passed away after his rocket crashed back into the ground shortly after launch. The scientific implications of the Flat Earth theory are boundless, not to mention it would mean that thousands of staff working at space agencies around the world would be lying to everyone who didn’t work there. Yet, there are thousands of people who meet online and at conventions to talk about Flat Earth, leaving some asking if it could, in fact, be possible? Now that you have a rudimentary understanding of a few of the world's wildest conspiracy theories, what are your takes? Is there life beyond the stars, and if so, has that life already made it to earth? Was a member of one of history’s most influential bands actually replaced with a double, fooling thousands of die-hard fans worldwide? Is the earth (hear me out) actually a giant pretzel? Or are we drifting through space on the back of a giant cosmic turtle? All important things to consider. What will you do with this knowledge?

Rumours has it, the US government holds all evidence of extraterrestrial life within Area 51. Apparently, they use the facility to conduct experiments and develop weapons using alien technology. This theory started in the late 1940s after what appeared to be a ‘flying-saucer’ crash-landed in a ranch in Roswell. After the US military stated that this

Culture: Area 51 and Other Questionable Conspiracy Theories

Yup, you read that right. We caught up with Patrick ‘Paddy’ Gower ahead of the third installment of his documentary series: On Weed to chat cannabis, getting snapped, and why we’re no longer using the term ‘stoner’. Gower is both a VUW and Salient alumni, which may explain why he occasionally addressed us as “bro”s while we spoke over the phone. As a previous sports columnist for Salient in 1998, Paddy later revealed he was probably under the influence while coming up with a lot of the articles. Things have come full circle for him now; he’s working with weed all these years later, just in a different kinda way. We ease in by sharing experiences of getting snapped. For those unfamiliar with the term—it’s basically about getting caught in the weed act. A lot of us have yarns about getting snapped growing up, be it at your aunty’s supposedly empty bach, your garden shed or when your parents find the flat bong. While the main “admission” story is filmed for the documentary, Gower gave us an extra yarn about being almost snapped during his uni days on Adams Terrace. Like many of us, his parents made the novelty visit here to check out their son’s flat and quietly fret over his habits. Paddy shares that his parents were perplexed to discover a series of knives which were burnt black at the tips, leading to a subtle trip down to Briscoes. “I think everyone’s been through that—going down to Briscoes and getting a few sets of knives because the others kept getting burnt… somehow.”

Now well beyond his years at uni, Paddy Gower has subbed out his political editing portfolio for investigative documentaries. On Weed first screened last year in two parts, which focused predominantly on medicinal and recreational uses in Aotearoa. What’s clear from the series is one thing: you can reel people in with a laugh, but make them stay for the substance (no pun intended). But for real, there’s a natural attraction to this series for it’s “crack-up, it’s the guy from the ‘fuckin news’ smoking weed” allure. The series is much more than that. On Weed is a sensible and humanising investigation of an industry most are not allowed to be in, many contribute to, and even more don’t see. The cannabis debate is, at the very human level, also surrounded by deeply-rooted stigmas. Gower is simply one journalist in these conversations actively trying to deconstruct them. Through these three installments, Paddy has had a wealth of access to people in the multileveled industries. We tapped into some of the insights he’s collected along the way. A significant discussion that has come out of the cannabis legalisation debate is the impact this has on criminalised communities. Paddy makes it clear from the get go that he thinks that “the use of cannabis to criminalise Māori is racist” and that this is backed up by “hard facts.” Māori make up over half of the population of incarcerated people here in Aotearoa, but ironically they make up less than 20% of Aotearoa’s total population. Many Māori are behind bars for sentences relating to cannabis

consumption and possession. Paddy went on to tell us that it’s a lot harder for Māori to get out of the justice system than it is for non-Māori. “Let’s face it, if I was done for smoking dope at uni, I probably would get off, a Māori guy the same age, probably wouldn’t.” During these investigations, Paddy has spoken to an underground grower of 30 years who now works legally growing medical cannabis. He believes this is a great example of what potential legalisation holds for those currently underground. “It would be a game changer for Māori if we legalise weed and cut this racist crap out of their lives.” We go to chat about the S word—stoner. The slang is commonly used to celebrate, but notably more so to criticise those who use cannabis habitually. We know, as students, that some of us use cannabis to ease symptoms of stress, feelings of anxiety and even depression. One of the many stigmas associated with cannabis is the negative connotation ‘stoner’ carries. “[Weed users] do feel stigmatised, they do feel like outsiders, they feel that people don’t understand the plant as well as they do. It’s not something that needs to be stigmatised, people need to understand and accept it, whether it’s legal or not”

in destigmatising directions. Paddy took it further, concurrently sarcastic and sincere, to extend an apology to Salient for using the S-word, ever. We accepted his apology on behalf of past Editors of this magazine. Naturally, we close up on sesh-chat, notably the tunes we prefer when hypothetically lighting up. Paddy’s choice is Legend—the 1984 compilation album of hits by Bob Marley and The Wailers with a huge shout out to the track Exodus. Paddy would have them on loop to take him “back in the day”. We imagine this reference of nostalgia involved fond memories of kitchen knives. What’s clear from our speaker phone chat is this: Paddy know’s his audiences, and honestly, it’s respectable—he calls us bro and we call him Paddy. When we got down to it, we were at the same level discussing the complexities of underground markets. To have such conversations with someone the same age as our parents is refreshing, and it’s an active reminder of how these conversations on cannabis should go. The documentary is on Three this Monday at 8:30pm, though those in flats without Sky can chromecast, or something, on Three Now. You can also listen to our chat with Paddy G on all good streaming platforms, via The Young Matt Show.

That’s why he has actively dropped the word, and doesn’t use it in the documentary, to better reframe narratives

Culture: Paddy Gower Wants Your Flat to Have Cones and Watch His New Doco

Crossword: Snack Bites

ACROSS

DOWN

Mascara target; tie tightly (4)

Pink aquatic blossom; Radiohead song from 'The King of Limbs' (5,6)

Sop up (6)

One on TV who gives good sound bites (7,4)

Christmas carol with the line 'Dingaling, hear 'em ring' (6,5)

Cowboy hat (although the bowler hat was actually more popular) (7)

Starting points (10)

Competition where the winner isn't decided, or which you can still enter (4,7)

10.

Taxi (3)

11.

Place for biological study, maybe (3)

Arnold Schwarzenegger, before his film career (11)

12.

Wine to go with census-taker liver and fava beans, for Hannibal Lecter (7)

Process of cutting up, in an 11-Across (10)

13.

One on TV who gives bad, unsound bites? (7, 4)

14.

With 15-Across, future big-name (6,4)

15.

See 14-Across

Occupation Station

Word of the Week: ‘space’

Sudoku

Te Reo Māori

tuarangi, rangi NZSL Star-gazing

Storming Area 51

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Horoscopes Maddi Rowe | She/Her

Beyoncé, creator of the universe, witnessed the Big Bang and said ‘that was pitchy’. Here’s The Signs as The Signs, If Your Sign Wasn’t Your Sign. Welcome to horo-ception, BITCH.

ARIES Your Sign that isn’t your Sign is Virgo. Shut the fuck up and WAIT before inserting your 2 cents into the gumball machine. Virgo energy means contemplation, reflection, and improvement. Unhinge your jaw and feast on this: f i l t e r.

Your Sign that isn’t your Sign is Gemini. Imagine this: you’re by a fire, brandy in handy. In the corner of the room, your inhibitions sit. That’s all. Feels like when a labrador holds an egg in their mouth so softly it doesn’t crack. Let loose.

CANCER

LEO

Your Sign that isn’t your Sign is Leo. You’ll never come to terms with the fact that you don’t have a dumptruck ass. Summon some unabashed Leo pride and understand that flat, pickup truck asses are also okay. Get your ass out. (Legally) (With consent)

Your Sign that isn’t your Sign is Taurus. That kinda calm, selfassured, big dick energy? In this economy? Imagine having the ability to brag about shit and having the evidence to back it up. Maybe you should consider gathering receipts instead of reviews.

LIBRA Your Sign that isn’t your Sign is Aquarius. Air signs joined at the hip—fused by gossip, critique, and the Bondage—suffix of BDSM. The only time you should change is when your Perspex heels are giving you more grief than usual.

CAPRICORN Your Sign that isn’t your Sign is Aries. Being everyone’s backbone is enough to grow sexy salt-and-pepper hair. How many times did you cook your flatmates passiveaggressive dinner this week?

TAURUS

Horoscopes

GEMINI Your Sign that isn’t your Sign is Capricorn. Geminis, like a Capricorn, are surprisingly headstrong in their absolute air sign fuckery. Can’t finish your tea? Sorry, just Gemini tings. Ghosted ur lover of 16 months? That’s a Gemini, baby.

VIRGO Your Sign that isn’t your Sign is Sagittarius. You need to adopt the fire, spontaneity, and late bedtimes of a Sag. Think of a penguin in line at the bank. You know they can’t cash a check with no thumbs, but you’re keen to see what happens next.

SCORPIO

SAGITTARIUS

Your Sign that isn’t your Sign is Cancer. Are you surprised? You fuggin baby? I wish I could tell you that there’s a world in which you could be something other than a pretzel of other people’s trauma but ur turned off by lying so...

Your Sign that isn’t your Sign is Pisces. Top tier conspiracy theorist. You absolute froot loop. Your friends and family are not the Thought Police because they’re against you getting a scene fringe.

AQUARIUS

PISCES

Your Sign that isn’t your Sign is Scorpio. You share the same intensity and lust for revenge. Consider not killing your Year 12 English teacher for giving you a Merit and instead perform a séance so they give their kids Pākehā names.

Your Sign that isn’t your Sign is Libra. Both of you possess the intense need to disassociate and play zodiac’s advocate. Lean into it. Literally just straddle that fence. We have enough opinionated Aquarians in the world.

The Team EDITORS Kirsty Frame & Rachel Trow DESIGN & ILLUSTRATION Rowena Chow SUB EDITOR Alfred Dennis NEWS EDITORS Te Aorewa Rolleston & Finn Blackwell

CHIEF REPORTER Annabel McCarthy

SOCIAL MEDIA & WEB MANAGER Kane Bassett PODCAST MANAGER Matthew Casey

PODCAST PRODUCER Francesca Georgia Pietkiewicz Nutsford

STAFF WRITERS Lofa Totua Sally Ward Shanti Mathias

CONTRIBUTORS Caitlin Hicks Frankie Dale Niva Chittock Jordan Schulde Shaleena Ravji Maddi Rowe Puck Taylah Shuker Lachlan Ewing Sally Ward Finn Blackwell Matthew Casey Kirsty Frame Te Aorewa Rolleston Rachel Trow Kane Bassett Vincent Olsen-Reeder

FEATURE WRITERS Shanti Mathias Vic Bell Rowena Chow FEATURE EDITOR Shanti Mathias CENTREFOLD Chris Brown @christophermenziesbrown POETRY EDITOR Janhavi Gosavi poetry@salient.org.nz CONTACT US editor@salient.org.nz designer@salient.org.nz (centrefold artwork) news@salient.org.nz socialmedia@salient.org.nz

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