Salient 02, 2013 - Escapism

monday 11th march 2013

victoria university of wellington student magazine

THE ESCAPISM ISSUE

VOL 76 ISSUE 02

student media darlings Editors: Stella Blake-Kelly & Molly McCarthy editor@salient.org.nz Designer: Laura Burns designer@salient.org.nz News Editor: Chris McIntyre news@salient.org.nz Arts Editor: Philip McSweeney arts@salient.org.nz Chief Reporter: Phillipa Webb News Interns: Sophie Boot & Alex Lewin Film Editor: Gerald Lee Books Editor: Alexandra Hollis Visual Arts Editor: Sharon Lam Music Editor: Philip McSweeney Feature Writers: Henry Cooke & Patrick Hunn Chief Sub-editor: Nick Fargher Web Editor: Laetitia Laubscher Distrubition Specialist: Joanna Judge

Contributors Hayley Adams, Morgan Ashworth, Hilary Beattie, Caitlin Craigie, Dave the Beer Guy Chloe Davies, Reed Fleming, Penny Gault, Freddie Hayek, Hector and Janet, Becca Hofmann, Ashleigh Hume, Earl Kavinta, Bing Lou, Rory McCourt, Carla Marks, Elise Munden, Ollie Neas, Ngai Tauira, Lux Lisbon, Lydia Nobbs, Sam Northcott, Pasifika Students' Council, Cam Price, Puck, Sofia Roberts, Carlo Salizzo, Janne Song, Student Counselling Service, Simon Tapp, Grace Tong, Doc Watson, Julia Wells, Matt White Contributors of the Week: Carlo Salizzo & Caitlin Craigie

Contact Level 2, Student Union Building Victoria University P.O. Box 600. Wellington Phone: 04 463 6766 Email: editor@salient.org.nz Website: salient.org.nz Twitter: @salientmagazine Facebook: facebook.com/salientmagazine

Advertising Contact: Ali Allen Phone: 04 463 6982 Email: sales@vuwsa.org.nz

About us Salient is produced by independent student journalists, employed by, but editorially independent from, the Victoria University of Wellington Students' Association (VUWSA).

Salient is a member of, syndicated and supported by the Aoteroa Student Press Association (ASPA). Salient is funded by Victoria Univeristy of Wellington students, through the Student Services Levy. It is printed

by Printcorp of Tauranga. Opinions expressed are not necessarily representative of ASPA, VUWSA, Printcorp, Mum and Dad investors, Hugo Chavez, but we of Salient are proud of our beliefs and take full responsibility for them.

Other Subscriptions: Too lazy to walk to uni to pick up a copy of your favourite mag? We can post them out to you for a nominal fee. $40 for Vic Students. $55 for everyone else. Please send and email containing your contact details with ‘subscription’ in the subject line to editor@salient.org.nz this issue is dedicated to: community-based child-rearing, we couldn't have done this without our volunteers.

“"drinking is an inescapable part of the fabric of youth culture in New Zealand."

”

Wasted opportunities pg. 18

E I L N A T S 1938

An organ of student opinion since 1938

weekly content 4.

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Editorial Top 10 News Politics Campus Digest

features 18.

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Wasted Opportunities The Legislation That Didn't Dampen Spirits The Great Escapes Caught In The Web Ridge Over Troubled Waters Press Start

columns 30.

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VUWSA Things That Go Bump In The Night 32. Secret Diary 33. Fixing Your Life 34. Laying down the law 34. Weekly Rant 35. The Nurse's Note 35. Sports 36. Sweet Scoop 36. Beer'd

arts 37.

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Books Film Visual Arts Music Theatre

salient <3 you 42. Puzzles 44. Letters 46. Notices 47. VBC 47. Gig Guide

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 EDITORIAL 

EDITORIAL

escapism As we write this editorial, we are deciding on who will compromise with the music in the Office. Molly wants whatever is playing in Courtenay Place’s finest clubs right now, because tequila shots and grinding are the only legitimate reasons someone should be awake at this ungodly hour.

Stella wants One Direction—even though she acknowledges their formulaic ‘music’ seeks to profit on the psychological needs of hormonal young girls—she likes to think about attractive boys singing about how much they love her.

We both wanted our music choices to escape the fact that in this moment, at 4am on production

night, alone and smelly from working for nineteen hours straight, we still have five pages of a magazine to make.

If you’re reading this now, we somehow managed to finish our job and avoid the plethora of distractions available to us in this modern age: Facebook, Lindauer, Beyonce, ASOS.com, videos of cats, and just one more episode of that sitcom...

University can be a demanding place, but fortunately we have the internet to fill every facet of our lives (see: ‘Caught in the Web?’); a drinking culture that makes switching off socially acceptable (see: ‘Wasted Opportunities’), and an endless supply of alcohol readily available to facilitate this (see:

molly

& stella

◄ ◄ • 4 • ►►

‘The Legislation that didn’t Dampen Spirits’). But all this behaviour begs the question, what effect does all this escaping really have on us? (see: ‘The Great Escapes’) While sometimes it can seem easier to hit the bar instead of the books, or watch friendships unravel on [ITALICS: Girls] instead of addressing the passag text in your inbox, at some point we all have to face up to reality, however harsh it may be.

So in your pursuit of the Great Escape, just remember to call home once in a while.

And in the meantime, have that next drink for us.

to es ings ca th pe

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TOP ten u lo ca rlo salizzo - @

e d

10 gravity

9 student politicians

8 the creepy cuba street magician

7 media studies lectures

6 lego prison

5 white people

4 the clutches of the patriarchy

3 monkey attacks

2 the papacy

1 turtlenecks

BY SAM NORTHCOTT

♦ NEWS ♦

news

break free from the chains of the mainstream media – give us your news; news@salient. org.nz

University Finds New Bob the Builder Can they fix it? Yes, but not just yet. molly mccarthy

The University has secured a main contractor to complete work left over following construction giant Mainzeal’s receivership, but it is likely to still be many months until students can enjoy a fully completed Kelburn Campus.

Work on the three year, multi-million dollar project came to a halt following the receivership announcement on February 6.

Director of Campus Services Jenny Bentley confirmed last week that the University has secured a new main contractor following weeks of negotiations in the wake of the receivership.

“The University has appointed a new main contractor, LT McGuinness, to take over the construction work. This is a company that has undertaken a number of projects for us in the past and we are working through a revised programme with them.”

Under the revised programme, work that was originally due to be completed at the end of April—including refurbishment of areas of the library and completion of the Courtyard—will now commence early next month.

Subcontractors spoken to by Salient, who were involved with the Campus Hub project prior to receivership, predict that the scope of this outstanding work is substantial.

“There was three months worth of work that I know of before [the receivership], so there’s definitely three months worth of work to pick up there... That was just in the handover of the Hub; there’s probably more in the Rankine Brown and so forth.

“There could be six to eight months worth of

construction work up there. It’s not weeks, put it that way, it’s months of work left up there.”

Despite these ongoing delays to a final completion date, Bentley notes that progress is still being made.

“We have made substantial progress in the past two weeks, with the Tim Beaglehole Courtyard (formerly known as the Quad) and the reading room opening last week. We also expect the new sushi bar (MakiMono) to open in early April.”

The subcontractors Salient spoke to said progress on the Campus Hub following receivership has been a lot slower than on other projects that had been under Mainzeal’s control.

“Things have moved on other [Mainzeal] projects quicker than they have [at Victoria]. [On the other projects] they’re still a way from anything being agreed yet; they’re probably another good month away, but an offer has been made on the basis of moving forward, which we haven’t had at all from [Victoria].”

Subcontractors working at Victoria are amongst thousands around the country who are owed millions of dollars in retention payments lost when Mainzeal went under. A common feature of construction contracts, retention payments generally amount to five to ten per cent of the total value of the contract, and are withheld until a job has been completed and approved.

This money is ‘retained’ by both the owner of the contract over the main contractor, and by the main contractor over its subcontractors.

“The biggest loss for us and maybe others is the retention money that they take off you each

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Having trouble getting your bond back? email: editor@salient. org.nz

month when you’re working on these projects.

Mainzeal basically use that money to run their business. If they collapse, it’s gone.”

In addition to these lost retention payments, subcontractors will face further losses if their partially-completed contracts are not continued under the new main contractor. In the period between the receivership announcement and finding a new main contractor, work has been carried out by a small number of subcontractors working under interim arrangements with the University.

One subcontractor, who had completed their work before the receivership announcement, explained that a number of subcontractors were likely to be reluctant to go back to the site given the amount of money they had lost through the project.

“There’s only about two or three contractors that have gone back to the site, out of about thirty.”

For others, the receivership represents an opportunity for work during what has been a tough period for the construction sector.

“If you haven’t lost anything it’s more of an opportunity to get more business... It has got a positive spin-off for some people because if the current subcontractors that are there don’t go back there’s opportunities for others.”

The Hub will be officially opened by GovernorGeneral Lt Gen Rt Hon Jerry Mateparae on March 21.

♦ NEWS ♦

STUDENT TURNS VIGILANTE CAMPAIGN RAINSFORTH PHILLIPA WEBB

A University decision to allow a campus caretaker to continue work after he was charged with the theft of a PhD student’s smartphone has prompted the student to drop out and start a poster campaign against University administration.

Chris Cherry, a PhD student at the time of the theft, has plastered posters around Kelburn Campus to make students aware that Arana Kenny—a Victoria caretaker—was not suspended after the theft. Cherry believes Victoria are “putting your property at risk.”

The posters ask students to direct all complaints to Associate Director of Campus Operations and Campus Services Rainsforth Dix, and links to a blog Cherry created. The blog explains how the caretaker stole the phone from a toilet ledge.

The phone was stolen in June 2012, and six months later in December, the student tracked Kenny down.

“He was so stupid that he’d left my Google account logged into the phone”, said Cherry.

“When I realised someone was using my account to download apps, I push installed tracking to the phone and collected evidence which was later handed to police.”

Kenny was arrested in January 2013.

Photos taken on the stolen phone by Kenny have been published on the blog, including toilet selfies and summer holiday snaps.

After Kenny was arrested, the student emailed Dix and told her a member of her staff had been arrested and charged with theft while working at the university.

“Ms Dix's eventual response was to tell me that one of the outcomes was that Mr Kenny had to apologise and buy me a new SIM card, and I would

healthy fear over privacy confidentiality issues turning students off healthcare lydia nobbs

The stoic, “she’ll be right” attitude of New Zealand students to healthcare has been shown with New Zealanders more likely than their international counterparts to avoid treatment due to confidentiality concerns.

The study, in the March issue of the Journal of Primary Healthcare, found one in six students had not seen a doctor or nurse during the previous twelve months when they needed to. One third of young people gave privacy concerns as a reason for avoiding healthcare.

Lead researcher Simon Denny, of the Department of Community Paediatrics at the University of Auckland, highlighted international disparities.

“This was markedly higher than a similar study utilising data from the US where 11 per cent of boys and 14 per cent of girls reported privacy concerns as a reason for forgone healthcare.”

Students reporting confidentiality worries were reported more difficulty accessing health care for sensitive health issues. These included sexual health, emotional problems, pregnancy-related issues, stopping cigarette smoking, or alcohol or drug use.

Female, Māori and Pasifika students, and those living in areas of high deprivation were the most likely to report not having sought healthcare when it was required. Students with chronic health problems or disabilities, those behaving in ways that posed a risk to their health or those experiencing depression were more likely to report being unable to access health care.

The Health Information Privacy Code (HIPC) binds doctors, nurses

also be given an opportunity to tell Mr Kenny how the theft had made me feel”, said Cherry.

Dix told the student that Kenny was very keen to participate and that she was disappointed that he didn't want to take her up on the offer. The student objected and intimated that he would leave the PhD programme because he was not comfortable being around the person who committed a crime against him. “[I have] made the decision to withdraw from the PhD the only solution the University could come up with was for me not to use the campus, so I feel that I have no other option except to give up my scholarship. I've also lost my tutoring position,” wrote Cherry on the blog.

The blog also includes the student’s email correspondence with Dix and accusations that she has a “history of hostility and misleading people.”

University management had no comment for Salient when asked.

“We cannot comment on a matter which is currently before the courts”, said a University spokesperson.

“We have no comment to make on the actions of the individual student involved.”

Cherry was disappointed with the University’s handling of the issue.

“The University has a duty of care to staff and students - they should have either suspended Kenny pending the outcome of the court case, or made public the fact that there was a thief working on campus”, he told Salient.

“The University has completely shut down communication with me, so I’m very limited in what further action I can take.”

Kenny entered no plea in the court case, which has been delayed for reasons unknown to Salient.

and other healthcare providers. The Code creates specific rules designed to ensure the protection of an individual’s privacy.

“Student Health is legally bound to follow the provisions of the Privacy Act and HIPC. Our compliance with this Act is audited as part of the Cornerstone Quality Accreditation programme, and we take student privacy very seriously,“ Pam Thorburn, Director of Student Academic Services told Salient.

“If a student has any concerns about confidentiality and information access, they are advised to discuss this with their health professional or the Director of the Student Health Service. Every student can also raise concerns with the University Privacy Officer, or directly with the Office of the Privacy Commissioner.”

The University has had two privacy complaints in the past five years.

One was resolved by the involved parties internally, with the other found not to be a breach by the Privacy Commissioner.

One user of Victoria’s student health clinic expressed surprise at the finding ofthe study. “If I’m broke, I go get fixed”.

He said he could see why some people might have concerns, but he was not too worried about privacy issues.

Another student Salient spoke to said she had attended a drop-in clinic in need of a pregnancy test, but when she saw the doctor was her friend’s dad, she did not mention the test during the appointment.

The study also found that the most common barrier students had for not accessing health services was ‘not wanting to make a fuss’. Others included the cost, fear, lack of transport, and lack of knowledge of how to access health services.

New Zealanders have an average consultation rate of 4.3 per year, below the OECD median of 6.3 consultations.

Students can access Victoria’s student health service at Mauri Ora, Level 1 SUB, on (04) 463 5308 (Kelburn), or at Student Services, Level 2, West Wing, Wellington Railway Station, or on (04) 463 7474 (Pipitea).

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♦ NEWS ♦

o for awesome?

Chris McIntyre

love in this club The first week of classes saw the bulk of VUWSA’s O-Week events, with a comedy night, hypnotist, and live music show taking place at the Hunter Lounge over weeknights.

Also taking place was Clubs week, with over 80 clubs setting up stalls in the newly opened Hub and recruiting for new members. Students Salient spoke to thought the 'week', lasting three days, went well. However some placements of tables were questioned, with UniQ and the Conservatives being positioned next to each other. The Young Greens and Young Nats were also found to be neighbours, but the latter proved too intolerable and the former shifted their table.

This year is the first in which clubs have been administered by the University. Following a review last year, the University took over management of clubs from VUWSA as they thought they were better placed to manage them, despite most literature proving otherwise. VUWSA still have a Clubs officer—Ramon Quitales—with the view of regaining control of clubs from the University.

Students’ engagement with O-Week events was good, with the three Hunter Lounge events either sold out or selling close to capacity, and the Campus Hub central building buzzing with students at stalls.

trouble brews again Less than a week before Home Brew’s O-Week show, a member of the band physically threatened a Victoria student on Twitter.

Harry ‘Haz Beats’ Huavi, Home Brew’s producer, launched an online tirade against the student—who wishes to remain anonymous—including “your gonna get beat down till you can [sic] walk anymore”, and “I'll smash your Dad if your too scared to face me!”

“I'm down in Welli this weekend just fuck this fuckers face up. Come test! Bring your friends il take them all on you faggots! Fuck you!” read another tweet.

The group’s other two members supported Huavi through tweets of their own.

Earlier in the evening, Huavi had tweeted “As you can tell [...] I’m drinking here by myself ”.

VUWSA president Rory McCourt has expressed “extreme disappointment” at the interaction, and is putting in place policy to not hire Home Brew again.

“We’re an organisation which has a commitment to making this space safe for everyone”, said McCourt.

VUWSA did not take any action prior to last Wednesday’s show despite being aware of the online altercation.

The student was advised to make a police complaint but did not, and did not think VUWSA should have scrapped the gig.

Home Brew were not available for comment prior to their Wednesday night show.

review: home brew / tommy ill / lips Lips started the evening with a set at odds with what the masses had gone to see, but played a fine opener which tided over the early arrivers and highlighted why she’s an exciting musician to watch. Next up was local rapper Tommy Ill, a Wellington favourite whose packed shows at Mighty and San Fran feed off the audience’s back-and-forth lyric interplay.

In that sense, the show was let down somewhat by a primarily first-year crowd unfamiliar with all but the samples (Annah Mac, Carly Rae Jepsen).

Despite this, Tommy’s upbeat tongue-in-cheek take on swag rap went down well helped by a well-structured set, the usual fucked-up hype men having been streamlined. Kelvin Neal’s stewardship was an excellent foil for an increasingly confident front man whose live experience has improved every time I’ve seen him.

Relative to last year’s headline O-Week act (Mt Eden) the Hunter Lounge felt empty come headline-time, but this was made up for by the goodnatured, excited crowd. The ZM crew came out to pump up the masses, a needless endeavour considering the constant “Home Brew” chants. Enter Tom Scott, frontman of Home Brew, to get them off the stage: “Fuck ZM! Fuck ZM! We’ll introduce our own shit, be back soon.” The opening contrarian streak continued to be displayed throughout the night, with an taunts to the audience of “Fuck you, Wellington”, and “They don’t know this song”. Unlike Tommy Ill’s earlier set, the crowd knew their lines, creating an energy palpable from the opening songs.

The first half of Home Brew’s set saw a string of hits off their self-titled debut album strung off and reinterpreted by the live band; an accomplished live band at that, keeping a tight rhythm through the walking basslines

which carried nearly every song. A Sublime-esque dub take on ‘Benefit’ followed ‘Alcoholic’, and segued cleanly into drug anthem ‘Yellow Snot Funk’. It was around this time Haz began passing beers into the crowd, and Tom’s sculling of his beer was met with the loudest cheers of the night.

‘Alcoholic’ was prefaced with “everyone says we’re just alcoholics”— an image Scott tried to dissuade in our interview a few weeks ago, but one that he was happy to play on with a crowd only too happy to accept the glorification of drinking culture. Home Brew’s live set and on-stage personae ignores a significant section of their work—that which tries to reconcile low times with the good times—and I’m left wondering if they’ve taken the easy way out with “fuck John Key” chants, rather than including much material for the second, darker half of the Home Brew album.

The second half of the show saw @Peace member Lui Tuiasau come on stage, and older Home Brew tracks mixed with newer Girl Songs EP material.

Lui T’s stage presence was immense, and the crowd was never lost during the mid-set lull. The highlight was Tom’s delivery of ‘Some Shit I Just Wrote’, a multisyllabic assault which belied his claimed drunkenness as he effortlessly switched between double- and triple-time rhyme schemes with ease. I don’t think it’s a hard argument to make for Tom as New Zealand’s premier lyricist; his most recent work displays a complexity and dexterity that’s technically accomplished but remains accessible, relevant, and resonates with the audience.

The crowd left sated, and this show has got to be considered the highlight of O-Week so far.

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♦ NEWS ♦

common cents

govt's giving you 25 of them ALEX LEWIN

Employers are set to pay you even more than they think you’re worth, with the Government announcing the minimum wage is set to rise by 25c to $13.75 in April.

The training and new entrants' minimum wage—common among students—will also increase from $10.80 to $11.80, 80 per cent of the adult minimum wage.

The youth wage was introduced last year in order to encourage businesses to employ young people, thereby lowering the youth unemployment rate—22.8 per cent in the last quarter of 2012.

Full time workers on a minimum wage will have $10 more a week as a result of the wage increase.

"Setting these wage rates represents a careful balance between protecting low-paid workers and ensuring jobs are not lost as the economic recovery gains pace," said Minister of Labour Simon Bridges.

The raise has left students working minimum wage jobs wanting more.

“It’s an offence. A 25c increase is insulting.” one such student told Salient.

While VUWSA has no position on the rise, President Rory McCourt expressed concern about the inadequate support recieved by many students through allowances and the low-wage labour market.

“Low wages mean longer hours, numerous jobs and less time to study”, McCourt said.

Labour MP Darien Fenton described the 25c increase as a “slap in the face”.

"Simon Bridges and John Key must be joking if they think an extra $10 a week is a fair pay rise for thousands of struggling workers and their families.

How would they like to try to live on $550 a week before tax?" she said.

The minimum wage announcement comes as the nationwide Living Wage campaign increases in exposure. The campaign calls upon the Government, employers, and wider society to implement a living wage as a poverty reduction tool.

“A living wage is the income necessary to provide workers and their families with the basic necessities of life. A living wage will enable workers to live with dignity and to participate as active citizens in society", a statement on the campaign website reads.

In 2012, the VUWSA Executive made a decision to support the Living Wage campaign in accordance with Goal 2 of the VUWSA Constitution, which is to advocate for adequate financial support, income and welfare for students in order to remove barriers to education.

“For students, it’s about major organisations like the Wellington City Council and Victoria University, which employ thousands of students between them, taking the lead and introducing this wage over time. Last year the University made a $14.5 million surplus,” McCourt told Salient.

Victoria has a hardship fund for students experiencing financial hardship.

Students can apply for an appointment with a Finance Adviser through the Victoria website.

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♦ NEWS ♦

university council has unexpected changes WHITE MALE STUDENT REPLACED

BY WHITE MALE STUDENT Mimicking Labour Party leadership contest trends, the candidates for Student Representative on University Council, of which 50 per cent were called David, were beaten by one of the Davids.

5th year BA and BCom student David Aslop proved victorious in the first election of a student representative to University Council run by the University instead of VUWSA. Alsop beat out 2013 VUWSA President Rory McCourt, David Rektorys and Darren Zhang.

McCourt, who pre-Voluntary Student Membership would have been guaranteed a seat on the Council, ran as the University interpreted the legislation to mean VUWSA was not entitled to a seat.

OLDER WHITE MALE TAKES ANOTHER UNIVERSITY POSITION Pro-Chancellor Helen Sutch, the Chancellor’s deputy, was ousted from her role as second in command at the annual election within University Council late last year.

Chartered accountant Graeme Mitchell, who was co-opted onto the University’s governing body, narrowly beat Sutch who sits on the Council as one of four graduates elected by Victoria alumni in the Court of Convocation.

Individuals who have been involved with University processes for a long time have told Salient that they believe Sutch lost her position as punishment for her decision to vote against the proposed 8 per cent fee rise in Education, Social Sciences and Humanities courses.

Such fee rise was later rejected by the Tertiary Education Commission, which Salient will be covering next week.

2012 VUWSA President Bridie Hood said Sutch was often a “moral compass” on the University Council. “Helen is a formidable force on Council and she has contributed enormously in her role as Pro-Chancellor. She has shown a true dedication to Victoria, staff and students,” Hood said.

2011 VUWSA President, Seamus Brady also spoke highly of his experiences working with Sutch.

"Helen's been an incredible ally to students and a strong advocate on many issues like ensuring quality teaching and learning to

1506 students, or 8.51 per cent, voted in the preferential STV election, far less than the 2844 students who voted in VUWSA’s representative election in the same year.

1. Why did you stand for University Council?

To do some good! A less cliché-y answer would be that after a bit of thought and consulting some knowledgeable people, I felt I had the skills to work well in the environment of the Council.

I also consider myself more of a pragmatist than an ideologue or party hack, which I feel is an important characteristic for a role where you must try to speak on behalf of all students, not just a certain segment.

2. What is your role within the University Council?

Broadly speaking, the job of all council members is to ensure the University is governed well, and to act in the best interests of the

improving equity at Victoria,” Brady said.

“She gets the importance of students having a real voice—one that's mandated by students, credible, valued, and independent within the Victoria and in the decisions that affect them.

That can't always be said for everyone at Victoria and are things which the [now established] Student Forum is struggling to achieve."

Chancellor Ian McKinnon, who was reelected to his position, said he “valued her time as Pro-Chancellor and the support that she’s given me.” “[She was an] extraordinarily capable member of Council, who always had a good grasp of issues, looking deeply into them,” McKinnon told Salient.

Sutch, who was on the VUWSA Executive in the 60s, said she was “honoured” to be made a life member of VUWSA in 2011, and was “something that means a lot to me.”

1. During your time as Pro Chancellor, what did you enjoy the most?

On the ceremonial side, it was definitely the Graduation parade along streets lined with joyful family and friends, and the Graduation ceremonies themselves with the opportunity they gave to congratulate the new graduates and experience the warmth and happiness of the occasion. On the work side, I am still on Council, but the benefit of being Pro-Chancellor was the regular discussions with the Chancellor on strategic issues, and my participation on all Council committees including Te Aka Matua, Council’s Maori Advisory Committee. This gave me a lot of insight into all the issues both positive and negative that the University faces.

2. Do you think that women are better ◄ ◄ • 10 • ►►

University. As the student representative, my role is the same, with the key difference being that I ensure a student voice is present in all decisions of Council. In practice, this means reading a lot of rather dry papers. And occasionally speaking.

3. What do you hope to achieve during your reign?

The nature of the University Council is that most of the time you’re reacting to events, rather than setting the agenda and pursuing a specific path. This means that promising big flashy changes is a bit unrealistic. Therefore my goals sound a bit more mundane - I hope to ensure that students’ are respected as an equal partner in the University community and that they continue to have a seat at the table for all big decisions that arise. The value of having student voices and votes at times like these (e.g. selection of a new VC) should not be underestimated.

represented within Victoria University now than they were when you were a student on the VUWSA Executive?

Yes. When I was on Exec, the women members were expected to withdraw and make tea for the chaps while the discussion continued without us. Cathy Benefield and I managed to stop that. The position of women on Exec has clearly improved, as shown for instance by last year’s Student President who made a valuable contribution at Council meetings. Within the University, efforts have been made to help women academics advance but they are still a minority at senior levels, and women are also under-represented at senior levels among the general staff.

3. Why did you oppose the proposed 8% fee rise at University Council last year?

As I explained in the Council Meeting, I could not support the 8% fee rise in Education, Social Sciences and Humanities without some assurance that financial support would be offered to talented students who might not otherwise be able to start or continue at Victoria—especially as there are probably more students from equity groups as defined by the University in those faculties. Also student allowances had already been restricted to four years equivalent study, which means it will be harder for some students at that level to continue their studies at master’s and doctorate level. The second reason is that recruiting or retaining high achieving students is also in the University’s interest—this is not pure altruism. This is why Harvard and Oxford, for instance, spend a great deal on financial assistance—it enables them to attract and keep the best and the brightest.

♦ NEWS ♦

could be worse at least we're solvent CHRIS MCINTYRE

Victoria University was the worst-performing of New Zealand’s five major universities in 2010, the latest annual report of a major tertiary funding mechanism shows.

The 2010 annual report of the Performance Based Research Fund (PBRF)---a funding body which aims to ensure high-quality research is conducted and duly rewarded---shows Victoria received $23,217,071 from the PBRF in 2010, leaving it behind the University of Auckland, University of Otago, Massey University and Canterbury University.

Victoria’s 2010 allocation was an 8.05 per cent increase on their 2009 allocation of $21,487,098.

The PBRF allocates $250 million of funding between New Zealand’s tertiary institutions, using formulae which quantify the value of research

networking notworking "HELD BACK" GRACE TONG

Difficulties with Victoria’s internet may not be the University’s fault, with a recent report on cloud computing suggesting tertiary institutes are being held back by IT infrastructure.

The Asia Cloud Computing Association’s (ACCA) report suggests that New Zealand offers “an attractive environment for cloud computing” but is limited by the “low offshore bandwidth score”.

Manas Kumar, CEO of technology firm Optimizer HQ , believes that tertiary institutions

produced at each institution. Institutions are funded on the basis of performance.

The three components which make up the total funding allocation are Quality Evaluation, an assessment of the quality of the institutions’ research; External Research Income, a proxy measure for research quality; and Research Degree Completions, the number of Masters and PhD programmes completed.

The formulae rank subjects by their perceived value, with Medicine and Engineering favoured over other subjects. Victoria, without strong Medicine or Engineering programs, is disadvantaged by this system.

The report also showed Victoria had 75 doctoral completions in 2009, and 237 Masters completions. These figures, both approximately one-tenth of the New Zealand totals, roughly align with Victoria’s share of the total PBRF funding pool.

In March, Victoria was accused of changing staff ’s employment arrangements in order to obtain a higher PBRF ranking. An independent investigation found the allegations had no grounds.

should be doing more to improve New Zealand’s technology.

“At the academic level in New Zealand, I think there is still a lot of emphasis on theory…I’m only speaking in a very general sense, and I know some institutions are already slowly starting to do this, but they need to invite real-life businesses to come in and share their thoughts, give these kids an idea of what the challenges are in the real world,” said Kumar.

Ben Vidulich, a third year Network Engineering student disagrees. “I have a lot of lecturers that have come out of industry and we have had guest lecturers [from the industry].”

Vidulich believes problems with the University’s internet are not due to the University’s bandwidth, rather the University’s proxy server.

“The University has very high speed internet, the problem is the infrastructure and I suspect

slippery slope well-lubricated gaytriarchy one step closer to world domination CHLOE DAVIES

The Government and Administration Select Committee has endorsed the legalisation of same-sex marriage in their report on the Marriage (Equality) Amendment Bill, released on February 27.

The Second Reading of the Bill will take place on the March 13, where the Bill will be debated by a Committee of the Whole House.

Labour MP Louisa Wall, sponsor of the Bill, has re-emphasised what the Bill means for all New Zealanders.

“This is another important milestone towards achieving a fairer more equal New Zealand."

Of the 21,533 submissions received, 10,487 were in support of the bill and 8148 opposed it. The committee made a special mention of their gratitude to young people involved in both sides.

The report recommends one amendment, which clarifies that religious

that’s what is slowing it down.”

Kumar also believes New Zealand as a whole could be doing better. New Zealand is currently sixth on the Cloud Readiness index which tracks the development of infrastructure.

“I’d say we should be aiming for at least top three, because cloud computing is where Kiwis, with our unique sense of creativity and no 8 wire attitude, can really compete with the rest of the world.”

The report recommends expanding available international bandwidth.

“A number of new trans-Pacific cables are being proposed—the government and the cloud industry can help by lending support to at least one of these”, says the ACCA. Proposals for trans-Pacific cables have been unsuccessful in the past, primarily due to the high cost. In late-2012, Kim Dotcom proposed his own cable, an initiative yet to materialise.

ministers will not be forced to marry same-sex couples against their personal beliefs.

"A marriage licence shall authorize but not oblige any marriage celebrant to solemnise the marriage to which it relates”, the report reads.

The considerations discussed in the report include: whether or not marriage constitutes a human right, religious beliefs, the role of the state in regulating marriage, civil unions in comparison to marriage, transgender issues, and adoption and family matters.

The report will come as good news to the majority of Victoria students; VUWSA Equity Officer Matthew Ellison has expressed excitement about the Bill, and is looking forward to attending the Second Reading.

“This is an issue of civil rights and ending discrimination based solely on gender and sexuality.”

Last year, VUWSA held an SGM on whether they should support the Bill. The motion passed without anyone speaking out against same-sex marriage in itself, only against the VUWSA’s support amid a lack of student consensus on the issue.

Rumours of Christian campus group Huge!’s planned mass opposition never materialised.

◄ ◄ • 11 • ►►

♦ NEWS ♦

eye on exec

youth council holds drinking workshop

STELLA BLAKE-KELLY

Hello and welcome back to Eye on Exec; a column that has frequented the Salient pages for many years, with reporters covering Executive meetings as the magazine seeks to fulfill one of student media’s reasons for existence: Accountability.

Previously, Salient could follow the lines of accountability that had been drawn from years of trial and error of our students’ association, whether it be by attending meetings such as these, or the ability to access any of the Association’s key documents.

The reasons for doing so were clear; VUWSA was the voice of students at Victoria as its representational body, albeit unearned due to compulsory universal membership, but it had strength as the collective voice of students and was recognised by the University accordingly. It also held strength in its contribution to the student community, spending those previously compulsory student membership dollars on services that theoretically improved the time that students had at Victoria. Of course, in the past there have been instances of VUWSA wasting money. But like most organisations (theoretically)—if the perpetrators are held accountable, they adapt and improve processes.

With the disincentive of a compulsory stream of revenue, it took time. But VUWSA’s processes now make them a lot easier to hold accountable than many years ago.

This is no longer the case for student representation and student money. Following the University’s ‘interpretation’ of the Voluntary Student Membership (VSM) legislation and attempt to adapt to the ‘new environment’, the lines of accountability have become incredibly blurred.

REPRESENTATION As the representational body of students, VUWSA was independent from the University, and student representation autonomous by nature. In 2011, University management got the ball rolling—somewhat involving VUWSA— that would attempt to establish a new body to act as a ‘collective voice’ of students. It must be noted that not a single other tertiary institution took this approach following VSM. Why? Because the legislation did not call for it, and in Victoria’s case, nor did any students. There was no consultation, no press release, no communication with students on the establishment of the Student Forum. Such lack of information was evident in the mindsets of those—who University management mostly appointed—on the Forum once it began, with meeting after meeting discussing why they were part of a body whose reason for existence was unclear. What was known was that the Forum lacked accountability, democracy, and even a purpose—with University management confusing ‘representation’ with ‘consultation’. These were among many harsh criticisms student leaders would say privately, but never publicly for fear of compromising their ‘partnership’ with the University and its bureaucrats.

MONEY VUWSA is now contracted to provide much of the services it once ran with student money, as the Student Services Levy was raised to cover the cost of said services. This means decisions on how student money is spent is no longer public to students. Previously, Executive meetings would be where these discussions would take place. But now, as a result of the contracting with the University, Executives repeatedly move into committee, citing ‘commercial sensitivity’. The sensitive nature of course, is that in the eyes of some areas of University management VUWSA should be competing, and VUWSA is scared of saying anything that would jeopardise any future contracting or the sacred ‘partnership’.

Is a relationship based on fear sustainable? VUWSA has been contemplating for some time whether to withdraw from the Student Forum, citing issues which will be elaborated on next week. Whether they do or not will depend on what has a higher cost; their ‘relationship’ with the University, or the principles of independent student representation that have remained VUWSA’s core purpose for 114 years.

not the cool kind SOPHIE BOOT

The Wellington City Youth Council has teamed up with youth leadership group Link to create a young people’s workshop on how young people in Wellington view the role of alcohol.

This workshop comes at a time when the Wellington City Council is canvassing opinions from all parts of society, ahead of drafting a Local Alcohol Management Strategy (LAMS). The LAMS comes as a result of the Government's recent alcohol reforms, which will allow councils to limit the opening of new licensed premises, set conditions, and control opening hours from December this year.

Youth Council Chair, Jack Marshall, has urged young people to get involved.

“The ball is in our court. We can identify what is important and why, what this strategy should cover, and offer Wellingtonians the chance to make sure the city is safe and enjoyable for everyone."

The workshop is to be held on Saturday 23 March at Te Papa, and requires registration as there is only space for 100 people.

More information can be found on the Wellington City Youth Council’s Facebook page, or by registering online through their website.

Rhapsody to rhapso-die? parties to pop pills Earl Kavinta

The Government introduced the Psychoactive Substances Bill in late February, legislation which will affect alternative styles of nightlife around the country.

The law requires any retailed psychoactive product to be regulated before market entry, preventing unsatisfactory products entering the market. Under current operating procedure, products are removed after being discovered to be harmful.

New Zealand Drug Foundation Executive Director Ross Bell welcomes the Bill.

“These substances are causing harm in our communities and this bill will allow the Government to regulate the current Wild West scenario”, he said.

Salient spoke to Mark Carswell, director of Cosmic, a major retailer for legal narcotics which has been in the market since 1997. Carswell believes the responsible retailers are aware of the damage the substances cause around the communities. “[Cosmic] has been a long-term supporter of the legislation working with The Government and the industry to get legal highs within a regulatory framework”, he said.

“The Government is not going to turn a blind eye.”

The effects of the Bill have disappointed some, with Associate Health Minister Peter Dunne stating that “animal testing is unavoidable to prove that products are safe for human beings”.

Green Party Animal Welfare Spokeswoman Mojo Mathers is disappointed the proposed Bill did not state that testing toxic compounds on animals would be avoided.

“It’s great that humans are going to be better protected under this [legislation], but that can be done without harming animals”.

The Bill is expected to become law in early August.

◄ ◄ • 12 • ►►

♦ NEWS ♦

canterbury in the red university waves goodbye to days in black SOFIA ROBERTS

Canterbury University has recently recorded a $67 million deficit, making a Government bailout increasingly likely.

Earthquake damage has hit the University hard, with $40 million of the sum being attributed to earthquake-related costs.

“As with everyone, the full effects on the buildings are becoming more apparent as further inspections and reports are carried out and we are still in the thick of it,” said Group Manager for Corporate Services Murray Dickson.

Despite $4.5 million having being spent to attract students, enrolments are decreasing.

Students on campus cited uncertainty about the safety within Christchurch and want of a better social scene as reasons possible students aren’t choosing Canterbury. Due to the earthquake, buildings and facilities are shut down, making campus life less appealing.

“I don’t think I’d want to go back because I’d be scared there’d be more earthquakes. They cut a lot of classes too, apparently,” said one student Salient spoke to.

University of Canterbury Vice-Chancellor Rod Carr described the need for help as

LOL NEWS

“critical” and said that the money needed to be available by October.

According to Tertiary Education Minister Steven Joyce, taxpayer funding would be available to the University.

“Certainly that would be our intention. Rod’s working to a timeline and we’re working to a timeline. It is our intention to provide it by October,” said Joyce.

The University’s deficit is in sharp contrast to their $28 million surplus in 2011. As well as their current deficit, the University has an additional $3 million increase in insurance premiums. Victoria has also faced rises in insurance premiums following the earthquake.

Lincoln University has also been hit with earthquake damage and is expected to post a deficit later this year.

“The Government's lack of urgency on the funding plan for the University means it cannot move forward", says Labour Tertiary Education spokesperson Megan Woods.

Canterbury University had 15,608 students as of 2012, with 14 per cent more students than expected enrolled for 2013.

onlookers. Fernando remains alone to deftly finger something else.

CHROFLIS MCLOLNTYRE

stay classy, world Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez died last week, after the populist popu-lost his battle with cancer. After a divisive 14-year reign over the South American state, his absence has created a 'power vacuum'—his term is well and truly Hoover.

The Syrian refugee count has reached one million, according to the UN Refugee Agency. President Bashar al Assad continues to determinedly crush the uprisings, prompting Salient to ask; why so Syria-ous?

Former NBA player Dennis Rodman visited North Korea on a one-on-one diplomacy mission counter to the U.S. administrations wishes, revealing his 6-foot 7-inch frame is lacking the top two inches. The two-time NBA Defensive Player of the Year was defensive once more when questioned about the trip. Rodman described Supreme Leader Kim Jong-Un as “awesome”. “I love him... he was so honest”, he told reporters.

The horse-meat scandal tainting Europe’s beef industry continues to stable-ise, though neighbouring states are still suspicious of accepting each other’s produce. The situation is proving to be a real night-mare for many.

A weather event has caused disturbance for many people, a common trait of whom is residence in a mutually proximate area.

Rodents to Redemption Tehran authorities have been fighting giant mutant rats with snipers, reports from the Islamic nation of Iran say. The rats are believed to have mutated through exposure to radiation and chemical substances, though Salient suspects the phenomena is a plague sent by Allah to punish Iran for the promiscuity of Western women. Rats have been weighed at five kilograms, with some rats larger than cats. As of last week 2205 rats had been killed, joining an estimated 158,760 virgin rats in heaven.

Cubic root (or, lack of) An American Mathematics student has solved a Rubik’s Cube while juggling, in what has been described as a successful contraceptive endeavour.

The exercise was designed to prevent Ravi Fernando, who performs as ‘Sir Ravi The Juggler’, from appealing to women for an extended period of time. Reports indicate an early success, with results “possibly permanent”, according to female

headlines that weren't Returning students excitedly await O-Week chant competition results Actual LOL news A New York man faces 30 days in jail and a $500 fine after laughing so loudly in his own home that a neighbour called the police. The man has frequent seizures—a result of neurological impairments— which he claims his neighbour taunts him about, calling him “retard” and mocking his speech and gait. "He just ridicules me all the time and the only thing I can come up with is laughing," the man told reporters. Not laughing any more, are you?

Police search of pet store reveals number of leads Bishop Tamaki “confused” with profit-prophet distinction Research confirms age “just a number”; high correlation to years alive on earth also discovered Green Party propose new sports law: “let’s make everyone a winner”

◄ ◄ • 13 • ►►

P O L I

left IT STARTED WITH A TEACUP

By Carla Marks In the run up to the 2011 General Election, the New Zealand First party was registering four fifths of fuck-all in polls until that fateful cuppa between John Banks and John Key. Winston Peters leapt into action, as enthusiastically as his wise old legs could carry him. He accused the Prime Minister of saying that core NZ First voters were dying, activating his grey base of voters and thousands of other New Zealanders who envisaged a left government being carried over the line by the party.

Alas, for those hopeful voters, the numbers didn’t work out on the night, but we did see an unexpected eight NZ First candidates take seats in our House. Unfortunately, it seemed that this outcome was just as unexpected for those NZ First candidates who found themselves strolling the halls of power.

Since then we’ve seen NZ First’s Asenati Taylor go wild on Twitter, Brendan Horan pushed overboard by Peters, and Richard Prosser explode into international media in a racist terrorism rant. It makes you wonder who will fall off the rails next and continue the NZ First trainwreck (perhaps notorious public pisser, Andrew Williams?)

Sadly, the NZ First clusterfuck doesn’t exist within a vacuum.

The way they came to Parliament raises questions about our MMP voting system. It has to be accepted that we, as voters, got what we deserved. 147,000 people voted for NZ First and the proportional number of MPs were delivered, but very few people knew that an ex-weatherman was going to become an MP when they cast their vote. Party lists are totally transparent, but with Peters the only visible face in the media during the campaign there are bound to be droves of New Zealanders wishing the old FPP system could have increased scrutiny for each and every MP entering Parliament.

The problem goes beyond this. NZ First’s presence in this term of parliament has serious implications for a change of government in 2014. Current polling suggests it is unlikely they will have support over the five per cent threshold at the next election, but the same was the case in 2011. Peters cannot be written off so easily. If NZ First scrape below 5 per cent, there will be 100,000 or more wasted votes, which could be a crucial difference between a Labour government and the status quo. If Peters does return, he is liable to cause havoc during coalition negotiations as he did in 1996, and if a deal is struck the party will be an unstable coalition partner.

So, what does this mean? Labour and the Greens can try to force NZ First out of Parliament, but do so at the risk of votes cast for NZ First being wasted. The other option is for Shearer, Turei and Norman to bring Peters in, develop strong relationships, and try their hardest to ensure that he and his party will be reliable in government. Failure means another term for National, or a very short-lived government led by the Left. Of course, being a chain smoker and an MP since the beginning of time, Winston could drop dead in the Backbencher at any moment. The only thing that is certain is that with Winston, nothing is certain.

MPs HIT DA CLUBS (week) National Party, Steven Joyce Salient: What do you think of Clubs Week?

Joyce: This is so much better than when I was at university.

Back then it was before electric light so we did it by candlelight in the quad at Massey.

I don’t know, it was always a fun thing orientation.

S: What kind of fun?

J: Well you know there was club days for example, like these, there were orientation week activities, oh what do you call them?

Social functions.

S: Was there much of the stuff that gets Otago in the paper?

J: I think there was back then, yes there was.

S: Did you partake in any of that?

J: Oh absolutely not. And even if I did I didn’t inhale!

S: So think this compares pretty well?

J: What I think really compares well is this new set up in here, its great aye. Its very good! I’m trying to remember the last time I was here at Vic, you had that sort of area which was basically like a concrete rabbit warren with bricks, I seem to remember the bricks. This is moderately better than that, and I think it’s fantastic!

S: Does John Key run an orientation thing for Ministers?

J: He did when we started.

unlike the university orientation.

S: How do you think VSM’s going?

J: I think it's going okay, I think we’ve got to keep an eye on that whole sort of accountability part of it. So this year we’ve effectively rolled over with a few changes for funding determination. I want to make sure the students are actually happy with the money that’s being spent.

S: Can you give us three tips that you would like to have given to yourself in hindsight as a student?

J: 1) Keep going forward on your studies because it's really important and it's only going to more important. I think it is going to be more competitive in the years, so use your time wisely. So that’s a bit of fatherly advice. 2) Also enjoy yourself because it’s a special time of your life.

And you meet lots of people, and some of those friendships will be with you forever and that’s pretty cool. 3) Get some good sleep.

Labour Party, Megan Woods Salient: So are you having a good time today?

Megan: I’m having a wonderful time, it’s a great energy and there’s so many people coming up to the VicLabour stall which is fantastic to see.

S: Did it involve a toga?

J: No, it didn’t involve a toga.

S: How does this compare to your O-Week when you went to uni?

M: I think there’s a lot more clubs than there were when I started university at Canterbury.

S: Did it involve any drinking games?

J: No, no there were no drinking games, no togas. In fact in nearly every respect it was

S: Was there much of the stuff that gets Otago in the papers come orientation?

M: No we were never as exciting as

◄ ◄ • 14 • ►►

T I C S

RIGHT the four-party hydra

By Freddie Hayek

Otago in our orientations, we had some fantastic bands though. I remember seeing The Bats and The Chills and JPS Experience, a whole lot of the really big Dunedin sound bands playing up at Canterbury.

S: And does David Shearer run an orientation for the Labour caucus every year?

M: Yeah we have it really good at the beginning of the term, so when the new MPs come in so. I came in after the last election so there’s a really good crossparty orientation that’s been formulated which you do with the whole intake, which I think’s really valuable. But we do a really good orientation with all our MPs as well.

S: Does any of it involve yardies?

M: Nope there’s no yardies. But there is some good instruction on how to ask a written question.

S: Probably more useful. Do you have three tips you could give in hindsight to your student-self?

M: 1) Essays don’t magically write themselves, even if you’ve photocopied all the materials. 2) Sitting in the cafe while you’ve left your stuff in the library doesn’t mean that you’re actually in the library, even though your stuff is. 3) Autosummarize on Word is not a way to get out of the fact you’ve written 4000 words for a 2000 word essay. It never makes any sense.

Green Party, Russell Norman Salient: What do you think of clubs day?

Russell: There's lots of students so thats always a good sign, and they seem to be engaging with it.

to get involved?

R: When I was up there before there was a steady stream of people signing up.

S: How does it compare to your O-Week when you were at university?

R: It’s probably pretty similar, though when I was at university they were introducing student fees so it was a very highly politically charged time, because students were hit with all the overtones around the big battle over the introduction of fees.

S: Was orientation during your time like the stuff that gets Otago in the paper these days? Any couch burning, toga wearing?

R: Well I was at the University of Queensland, but yeah we did get in quite a lot of trouble.

S: But not you personally?

R: Oh never never, no, course not.

S: Does the Green Party have like a orientation festivities for the start of the year?

R: We have an orientation for our new MPs. S: Anything involving togas?

R: No not that I've noticed but you know, I don’t know what they get up to in their own offices.

S: Can you think of any tips that in hindsight you would like to have told your student self going into uni?

R: 1) Don’t do medicine because you might pull out, and then be a medical student drop out. 2) If I was gonna be boring I’d say work hard at the start and get a few papers done and dusted before you really start partying really hard. Just so you kind of feel like you’re on top of it at the start even if things start to unravel later.

S: Any final words you would like to say?

R: It was the best time of my life, university, and I miss it immeasurably because it’s an opportunity to think and learn, it’s a tremendously exciting time.

S: Have you had much interest in the Young Greens stall, many people wanting

It is election night 2014. Peter Dunne and John Banks have been defeated, losing their seats. The Māori Party has lost its three seats back to Labour. Despite John Key being the most popular political leader in a generation and National getting a miraculous 49 per cent of the vote, they are not able to govern.

The Hydra will.

The Hydra consists of a fanciful scenario in which Labour, the Greens, NZ First and Mana between them get 51 per cent of the vote and the subsequent seats in the House of Representatives. Sure it is democratic result—that is, after all, why MMP was inflicted on this country—but is it fair?

MMP was chosen by the Allies following the Second World War as the electoral system of post-war West Germany. The system is designed to be proportional, with a number of members being elected with a direct electoral mandate based on a geographic area, and other members being elected from party lists. A five per cent threshold or winning a single seat was required for a party to enter the German parliament. It was also designed to prevent the reemergence of one party rule in Germany, for obvious reasons.

In the New Zealand context after the period from 1984-1993, in which governments promised [time after time] not to do something, and did it anyway, voters had had a gutsful. In 1993 they voted for a change from the First Past the Post (FPP) to Mixed Member Proportional (MMP) in a referendum. The first MMP election was held in 1996, leading to all sorts of hilarious hijinks which have ramifications for the present day. This was the first election at which NZ First MPs, besides Winston Peters and Tau Henare, were elected en masse.

Winston Peters has a history of destroying governments from the insid. In 1996, NZ First entered into a formal coalition with National, giving them their much-wanted third term in government. It was an utter disaster. A year and a half in, Winston walked out, but half of his MPs stayed to prop up the government. National were defeated in 1999.

In 2005, NZ First entered into a formal confidence and supply agreement with Labour, giving them their much-wanted third term in Government. It was an utter disaster. Three months before the 2008 election Winston stood down as Foreign Minister following allegations brought before the Privileges Committee of Parliament. Labour were defeated in 2008. NZ First lost all its parliamentary seats.

So this begs the question, would a four-party Hydra make a strong government? Of course not.

With one MP chucked from NZ First, one waging a one-man crusade against “Wogistanis” and God knows what else lurking in the NZ First caucus, would the four party Hydra last very long?

Hell no.

◄ ◄ • 15 • ►►

~  CAMPUS DAY  ~

CAMPUS DIGEST GRANT ROBERTSON INTERVIEW (Labour MP for Wellington Central) Salient: Do you read Critic or Salient first?

Grant: Oh, Salient S: Right answer S: How does university differ to from when you were at Otago?

G: A lot of people have devices that they’re carrying around. Do you realise it was 20 years ago this year that I was the President of Otago? So yeah a lot of it looks the same, a lot of it is excited people stepping out on a new bit of their life. Vic’s still got a lot of Wellingtonians as well as a lot of people who are coming from out of town which is a big experience. But everyone’s paying more than they were when I was there.

S: Did you pay?

G: In 1989 when I was a 7th former going on protests for student fees it cost $125 to go to Otago University, and when I arrived the next year it cost $1250, a 1000 per cent increase.

S: So rent was only $45?

G: Yeah, my first year flatting which was 1991, I lived on castle st in Dunedin and it was only $45 a week and then it was $49 the next year, and then it was $55 the next year after, and then it was $70 and I was gutted. But inflation has kind of… it was 20 years ago.

S: If you could go back today and give student Grant Robertson advice, what would it be?

G: When your friend Andrew says “Would you like to go for a run?” say yes not no, that would have been a really good idea, to have stayed fit.

What else… I’m really happy with what I did at university actually.

S: Were you a straight A student?

G: A-, never quite got there, only got one A+ in my whole university career. I probably wouldn’t have got so stressed

S: Were there loans?

G: In the first two years there weren’t and that was hard. But there also were allowances and actually that made a huge difference. In 1991 I got about $80 a week. To give you what the equivalent of that meant, my rent was $45.

Everyone got $80, and then you were means tested on top of that. It was a much fairer system, but we didn’t have the loans scheme and then obviously the loans scheme came in in 1992, and it was all downhill from there.

◄ ◄ • 16 • ►►

out about student politics I think, I used to get quite stressed.

S: If only Rory McCourt could hear that!

S: Who is your favourite member of One Direction?

G: I don’t know their names properly.

It’s NOT Harry Styles, I don’t like the look of him.

S: And he doesn’t treat women very well.

G: Exactly, I do not like the look of him! Who’s the blonde one?

S: Niall.

G: I’ll say Niall, cause I like Irish. Can I have it in the article though that Grant wants to make absolutely clear that he thinks 1D are shite? Can we have that?

~  CAMPUS DAY  ~

YES! A Mini Festival begins at The Hunter Lounge this week

Getting

amongst " the best"

We have a double pass to Friday's NETSKY LIVE to give away! Check our Facebook page facebook.com/salientmagazine with details on how to enter

Overheard @ Vic Two amorous students walk into the cemetery, followed by two drunk first-year girls:

GOING UP Your coffee intake

Girls: "Is that a short cut to town?"

Couple: "Uh.. No" Girls: "OMG you're going to have sex!"

Hope Bros profits

Overheard @ Vic

Mum and Dad inverstors' portfolios

First day of uni for 2013.

Let the Hunger Games begin!

GOING DOWN

Overheard @ Vic

First years. On each other

Overseen in Cotton: guy in a fez with the classiest mustache using a typewriter.

Sharks, their popularity and population

Like a sir.

Overheard @ Vic A girl being lifted by a guy on the over bridge: "(laughing) your shoulder is in my vagina!"

Overseen at Vic Two girls taking their parking ticket and putting it on the car next to theirs

Free time

OMG VUW confessions #319 fuck the rat race of signing up to scubed for tutes, i just show up to the one i want and give the course coordinator a yarn about clashes

an apple a day

#314 I have more respect now for Marine Bio students after seeing one swim with Orcas. He knew what he was getting himself into, and is standing up for the decision.

#3

Plus, he did it in his underwear. Mad respect.

Your own teeth are the nicest teeth

Discounted dental care is available for all Victoria University of Wellington students, international and domestic.

#311 i cannot stand bitches who take photos on photobooth in lectures. this is uni, not new zealand's next top average looking student

A Special Needs Grant for emergency dental treatment for students on a low income is available from StudyLink. The grant is for up to $300 a year. You will need to get the dentist to fill out an Emergency Dental Treatment form (they should have them) and get it approved by StudyLink before getting the treatment done.

VUW Cupid #490 To the girl at kelburn rec centre that looks like daenerys targaryen: I'll be your khal if you'll be my Khaleesi. Just please dont call me sir Jorah.w #489 To the beautiful guy who works at the Commerce library Damn boy you so fine, i don't even care if you're from palmy.

Free dental care is available for New Zealand Residents aged under 18 years www.beehealthy.org.nz Student Health Service website: www.victoria.ac.nz/studenthealth/services/otherservices.aspx#dental or page 19 of the Financial Survival Guide on the Financial Support Advice Service website www.victoria.ac.nz/st_services/finadvice/index. aspx for more information

◄ ◄ • 17 • ►►

Keep your teeth and show us your smile!

 FEATURES 

wasted opportunities

By Patrick Hunn If you’ve ever been in the unenviable position of picking your way through the field of shambling bodies that stretches all the way along Courtenay Place early on a Sunday morning, you’ll understand that drinking is an inescapable part of the fabric of youth culture in New Zealand.

Our relationship with alcohol has, in our short history, been an intense one ever since the time when alcohol was used to soothe anxieties held by new immigrants who lived in fear of the ‘new world’. Drinking has always had a pronounced effect on New Zealand society, and it is both inaccurate and dishonest to claim that this is in any way a new development. That said, in recent decades alcohol has become more normalised, more available and more affordable than ever before and while many understand that the effects of long-term heavy alcohol consumption are serious things that ought not to be ignored, very few ever confront the idea that they might have a problem.

Because as Angela Fouhy (a Victoria undergraduate) puts it: “heavy drinking is an accepted thing, so it’s impossible to know if people have a problem because everyone’s doing it. How do you tell if someone’s hurting themselves when you’re drunk too?” For many, drinking is a defining aspect of university life, and while drinking isn’t an intrinsically abnormal behaviour, it warrants constant and unforgiving examination.

A good place to start might be in considering what exactly constitutes ‘excessive’ drinking. Predictably there isn’t really a consensus on this question. It’s impossible to live in New Zealand and not know that we have a problem with binge drinking, but the defining parameters of that behavior are usually left to our imagination.

Presumably being drunk is involved but being drunk isn’t necessarily harmful and in of itself. One standard but imperfect measurement is where the blood alcohol concentration (the measurement of the amount of alcohol in a person’s blood by volume) of any individual goes beyond 0.08 per cent—which is also the upper edge of the legal drink-driving limit (although New Zealanders are usually tested through the concentrations found in their breath).

The number of drinks that have to be consecutively consumed for there to be a binge varies wildly depending on who is asked, but the Alcohol Advisory Council of New Zealand (ALAC) [on their website] defines binge or risky drinking as “where an adult reports they have consumed the equivalent of seven or more glasses of

alcohol during a single drinking occasion.”

When asked if they considered themselves binge drinkers, students interviewed were united in saying “no”, in one case believing that they “don’t really do it frequently enough to be genuinely concerned.” Similarly, when quizzed about whether or not they felt that they drank intelligently—that is they were aware of the risks and understood what drinking—again the answer was a unilateral “yes”. However, when they were confronted with the ALAC definition of binge drinking most were taken aback.

Their surprise is by no means the exception to the rule. While slightly dated now, a 2007 survey by the Victoria University Harm Reduction Group, an organization whose aim was to reduce harmful drinking practices among students (and who were also responsible for the ‘Stick With Your Mates’ campaign), found that 72 per cent of female and 75 per cent of male students reported ‘heavy episodic drinking’ recently. More

It's Not The Drinking... — A Brief History of our Relationship with the Bottle

1842 - Licensing Ordinance passed, but no restriction on the sale of liquor. Pubs and bars in every settlement.

Public drunkenness more common than any other time in our history.

1860s - Country slowly sobers and temperance movement grows. NZ Alliance for Suppression of Liquor Traffic formed in 1886. Women’s enfranchisement helped by their involvement in the popular temperance movement.

1881 - Licensing Act passed, a restrictionist approach to liquor availability. Sale of alcohol was banned on Sunday, and ratepayers could decide if licences were granted.

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1910 - 1912 - Closing time set at 10pm, barmaids banned.

1917 - Sale of Liquor Restriction Act brought in the notorious six o’clock closing, originally a wartime measure, but lasted for 50 years and caused no change in the amount of alcohol consumed.

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interestingly, in 2009 a report for the same organisation by Dr Fiona Hutton summarising a survey of students in first-year Halls (Victoria House, Weir House, St. George, Cumberland and Te Puni) between the ages of 17 and 25, made a number of troubling but not entirely surprising findings. When asked if their drinking had increased since attending University, 215 out of 355 respondents answered in the affirmative. Only six resonders said that they drank everyday, which points to more infrequent but more explosive drinking events. Angela Fouhy, who spent a year in Te Puni, said that the results of the survey were totally to be expected. “I know so many people who I have relationships with only because of alcohol. It’s unavoidable in a hall.”

Which raises an interesting point: one of the great attractions of university life for many is that it allows you to meet a whole host of new and exciting people on your own, newly sort-of-adult terms.

If alcohol is the basis on which those relationships are formed, do they have any meaning when you wake up the next morning and you don’t know what you talked about for three hours?

Rowan Carter, a third-year Psychology student, argues that while he does have relationships that are probably predicated on being drunk, these relationships aren’t important ones.

“They’re probably scumbags anyway but I’m drunk and I don’t care.” Another student said that he thought that “you know you’re going to be drinking like that before you turn up. If you got here and nobody drank it wouldn’t feel like you were doing the university thing properly.”

One final thing to consider on the topic of relationships: how many students have sex lives that rely heavily on alcohol to function? “When I’m going to hook up with someone and they’re like 'I need to have a drink first', it

1921 - Large liquor tax increase

1958 - Tax increase, significant reduction in consumption

totally bums me out. It happens a lot here”, said one Canadian student.

Also reported were unwanted sexual advances—which “can totally kill your buzz”—and sex that was almost immediately regretted. “I know some people can do it and enjoy it, but I’ve never met anyone in a club and then gone off with them and felt good about it the next day. And I keep doing it when I’m drunk, which sucks.”

Beginning in 2005, and repeating as new universities were added to the testing pool, a grand survey of sorts was conducted of New Zealand students as a whole. By 2009, the University of Auckland was the only one not to participate. The initial round surveyed 2548 students and rated the behavior of 68 per cent as 'hazardous'.

It’s easy to scoff at media reports of student drinking as absurd hysteria, but the breakdown of the ‘hazardous’ cohort is pretty scary. In a four-week period, 33 per cent blacked out, 6 per cent had unprotected sex, 5 per cent said that they were physically aggressive toward someone, and 9 per cent of women and 11 per cent of men either drove drunk or were passengers in a vehicle with an intoxicated driver.

Upon being confronted with these figures, one worried-looking student responded: “I know that’s intense behavior, [but] I don’t think it’s that surprising even though I sort of wish I did. I’m also not sure if listing things like that is the best way to try and stop us from behaving that way.”

Most students are, of course, not alcoholics in the traditional sense of the term. Having a good time and having a drink have always gone hand-inhand with each other, and it would be reductive to argue that all students are problem drinkers. That said, it doesn’t

1967 - Resumption of ten o’clock closing following a referendum no change in consumption

1969 - Age decreased from 21 to 20

seem as if the association is made by students between their behaviour and that of people who were somehow bonafide alcoholics, even though most students didn’t really know what the difference was when asked. The CAGE questionnaire [see insert], used to screen for potential for alcoholism, induced anxiety in some when presented with it.

Number one was often deflected with “only when I’m hung-over”, while

number four was the one most readily dismissed (and is considered to be the most important, which is promising).

Two and three, on the other hand, were not so easy to avoid. It’s something worth thinking about. As Elizabeth Mayes, in the last year of her Political Science degree, philosophises: “we’re more educated but it also feels like that makes it more acceptable somehow.

It’s less frowned-upon.” It’s certainly something worth thinking about.

The CAGE questionnaire 

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1989 - Enactment of Sale of Liquor Act saw a more liberal approach to liquor licensing, beer and wine allowed to be sold in supermarkets and Sunday sales being permitted.

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Two “yes” responses mean that the individual merits further investigation for addiction.

Have you ever felt you needed to cut down on your drinking?

Have people annoyed you by criticizing your drinking?

Have you ever felt guilty about drinking?

Have you ever felt you needed a drink first thing in the morning (Eye-opener) to steady your nerves or to get rid of a hangover?

1999 - Alcohol purchase age decreased to 18, consumption increases

2012 - Failed attempt to raise drinking age following Law Commission Report “Curbing the Harm”

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the legislation that didn't dampen spirits

By Henry Cooke Late last year Parliament passed the Alcohol Reform Bill, a piece of legislation that was once intended to be a “once in a generation chance” to address our problem with the drink. Yet despite years of work, hours of research, and thousands of submissions, the resulting law left many disappointed. Feature Writer Henry Cooke provides an overview of the lack-lustre attempt to protect us from ourselves.

New Zealand has a binge drinking problem. In some countries saying that would be controversial; in New Zealand it’s akin to confirming the sky’s hue. For every ridiculous statistic we brush over, we all have countless stories of drunken debauchery, of friends who needed their stomach pumped, and relatives who are far more fun than they should be.

Yet, for all the hand-wringing and ad campaigns we run, for over a decade the only major law change we made was a 1999 amendment that lowered the purchase age.

Late last decade, the independent Law Commission, led by a former Prime Minister, published an extensive report on alcohol in New Zealand, complete with a barrage of proposals for the government to adopt. These recommendations were wide-ranging and hugely ambitious. There were 153 of them over 513 pages, coming in at around 2.4kg when printed. They ranged from the more notorious (raising the purchase age to 20) to the more vanilla (further restrictions on alcohol advertising). These proposals were based on a gigantic amount of medical

research and extensive surveying from all around New Zealand.

Not all of the recommendations made it into the finished bill, which passed late last year. Many did not.

While it was a strong backlash from youth and the resulting conscience vote which kept the purchase age at 18, National stopped pushing for or never pushed for several other recommendations. Clubs don’t have to shut at 2am. Alcohol is not significantly more expensive. 12 per cent Bourbon and Cokes are just as prevalent.* In December this year, you won’t be able to buy booze from a dairy or Four Square—which is legitimately inconvenient—but probably won’t stop your night in its tracks.

The aforementioned Prime Minister who led this group isn’t just any former Prime Minister either. Sir Geoffrey Palmer is perhaps the only New Zealand Prime Minister more famous for things he did outside of office than in, appointing the group which suggested New Zealand’s change to MMP. He even edited Salient at one point. These ◄ ◄ • 20 • ►►

PROPOSALS THAT DIDN’T MAKE IT  A 50% excise tax hike, increasing the price of alcohol by around 10%.

National aren’t really fans of taxes.  Raising the purchase age to 20.

This was defeated by a conscience vote in Parliament rather than simply dropped.  Earlier closing times. Well, kind of. The report suggested shutting bars and clubs without one way door policies down at 2am, while the government went with the much more palatable 4am.  Limiting the alcohol percentage of RTDs, as they are marketed towards youth. This proposal was not in fact part of the Law Commission's report, but it was strongly supported by select committees and proposed in an amendment by Labour. National left room to move here, claiming that if the industry does not “self-regulate” then government will step in.

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recommendations aren’t just based on extensive research, they also come from someone with considerable gravitas, along with your standard “what have I done?!” plot narrative, since Palmer passed liberalising alcohol legislation in 1989.

Dr. Paul Quigley, an Emergency Medicine Specialist at Wellington Hospital, isn’t too pleased with the legislative outcome. “The Alcohol Reform Bill fails to address the key elements of control that are needed to create change,” he claims, listing price, availability and advertising as areas of need. “Without any form of effective price regulation this bill is ineffective.” Too much of his time is taken up dealing with binge drinking’s consequences. “75 per cent of all injuries that occur after 10pm are alcohol-related. On a Friday or Saturday night this represents an average of nine additional patients between 10pm and 8am on top of the normal workload.” These injuries are also generally more serious. He isn’t alone.

Labour’s Charles Chauvel called the Bill a “much-truncated version of what the Law Commission asked”, and the New Zealand Drug Foundation labelled it as “meh”.

of alcohol cuts even deeper into the National Party’s bone, shouldn’t the government get out of the way and let the market right itself?

Over on the left, Labour aren’t in much safer waters.

While raising taxes and interfering with the market is a pretty solid leftist move, restricting personal freedoms is not.

Drinking is the preferred stimulant for a wide range of Labour voters, from youth (who generally skew left), to the working class, to the intelligentsia. Hell, Marxism was born in a beer hall!

Of course, not everyone believes the Bill was blunted.

So why were so many of these wellresearched proposals dropped?

Justice Minister and architect of the Bill Judith Collins sees it as a reasonable compromise. “We wanted to reduce the harm caused by alcohol, especially to children and young people [...] But 85 per cent of Kiwis consume alcohol; the vast majority do so responsibly with no residual harm. With the new laws we believe we’ve got the right balance between unfairly impacting the rights of responsible adults to make their own decisions, and a small minority who abuse alcohol.” She was disappointed that the purchase age remained at 18, but was still happy with the Bill, especially since “this is the first time any government has put controls on alcohol in place.”

Alcohol reform is incredibly tricky for any mainstream politician to tackle. 85 per cent of New Zealanders between the ages of 16-64 drink. That’s a lot of people to offend. Both sides of the political spectrum have issues in ideology. National portray themselves as “tough on crime”, especially Judith “Crusher” Collins, and at least a third of all crime in New Zealand is committed by someone with booze in their system. On the other hand, drinking is a personal choice that in and of itself doesn’t infringe on the liberties of any others—therefore any interference is a betrayal of their libertarian leanings—an extension of the “nanny state”. Raising any taxes—even excise taxes—is never a good look for a Tory. Regulating and restricting the free market sale

Deputy Labour leader Grant Robertson disagrees, viewing the Bill as “a giant missed opportunity.” He sees the purchase age proposal and ensuing debate as a red herring, one which distracted the New Zealand public from more meaningful reform. “It’s just about the least relevant of all the things we could have done.

We didn’t do anything about pricing. We didn’t do very much at all about hours of sale. We didn’t do anything about advertising and sponsorship. We didn’t do anything about education.” He doesn’t see purchasing age as an effective tool,

PROPOSALS THAT MADE IT THROUGH  Banning the sale of alcohol at dairies and convenience stores, and limiting its placement to one section of supermarkets.  Empowerment of local councils to create and implement local laws concerning alcohol.  Requiring the express permission of parents/caregivers for a minor to drink.  Earlier closing times. Well, kind of. As I explain above, the report suggested shutting bars and clubs without one way door policies down at 2am, while the government went with the much more palatable 4am.  An “investigation” into minimum pricing. Minimum pricing is different from increasing excise taxes, it instead sets a baseline price for a standard drink. This greatly affects the more efficient means of getting wasted (vodka casks particularly), while leaving the price of beer and other lower strength alcohol relatively stable. Minimum pricing raises no revenue for the government, and gives liquor companies an excellent reason to raise prices.

since “if it went to 20, 18-year-olds would still have booze,” and the whole focus on age was “hypocritical,” since alcohol abuse is prevalent in all age groups.

The press coverage largely focussed on the purchase age, a simple and somewhat controversial rule change that was easy to write about. The mechanism of the conscience vote made the story even more exciting, with each MP having to pick a faction. Youth wings of all the major parties railed against it. It tarnished the whole reform bill with its brush, however well researched it was.

PTO

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But did this “red herring” of purchase age really turn the Bill into a “missed opportunity”, as Robertson claims?

While the last break between bills was over twenty years, National left doors open to further restrictions. They did drop the proposed excise tax, but they are currently investigating a minimum pricing scheme. Minimum pricing places a baseline price on a standard drink, hurting the more efficient forms of getting wasted—your cask vodka or cheap wine—while leaving most beer alone. They didn’t rule out limiting the strength of RTDs either, calling on the industry to “self-regulate” with a voluntary code or government will step in. National are obviously much happier keeping their hands clean of the free market, with Collins happy to give the industry this “great opportunity to play its part and show some leadership in limiting the harm to young people caused by RTDs.” Asked how long the industry had to “self-regulate”, she clarified that she would like to see the code enacted by the end of the year. The new law also empowers local councils to enact their own rules, setting maximum trading hours and moving liquor stores away from schools, which Collins sees as “a particularly powerful tool for communities.”

Dr. Quigley remains unsatisfied. He was a supporter of the split age proposition, where 18 and 19 year olds could drink in bars but not buy alcohol to take home, since private drinking “causes the greatest problems”. He advocates for a price change far more drastic than National are investigating, “changing [alcohol] from an everyday commodity to ‘something special’, a treat.”

Price can get a little touchy. We seem to have decided as a country that artificially increasing the cost of cigarettes vastly in order to discourage use is acceptable, but not everyone smokes. Nearly everyone drinks, and drinking responsibly is barely unhealthy. Punishing the many for the actions of a few is never very popular, and people generally agree that a higher price wouldn’t actually stop them from drinking. Students already waste a lot of money on alcohol—would a higher price just make them waste even more? In a culture with drinking at its centre, alcohol sometimes seems a more essential liquid than petrol.

Despite their disagreements on how far the Bill went, most commentators are in agreement that legislation alone is not enough. The law can only prod our culture, not change it. These little inconveniences on the way to getting drunk all add up, but that doesn’t change the fact that we both accept and expect each other to drink to the point of collapse. This culture is everywhere—from the knowing grin your older co-workers exhibit when you turn up hungover, to the ‘hilarious’ stories we all trade about our earliest experiences. No single law can change all that, but it can help. When we changed our drink driving laws it was still socially acceptable to drive intoxicated. It really isn’t any more, and our rates have plummeted. Perhaps these new laws could have prodded our culture in a more sober direction too, but it isn’t exactly clear that not being able to buy Scrumpy at a dairy will do that. Maybe next time.

the numbers  There are at least 7656 onlicense premises (bars or clubs) in New Zealand.  Near to half of drinkers under the age of 24 drink enough to double their chance of injury in a typical drinking session.  Between 600 and 1000 New Zealanders die every year from alcohol-related causes, one half of these being from injuries sustained while drinking.  You can buy booze from twice as many places as you could in 1990.  Approximately 45% of fire fatalities each year involve alcohol.  Half of all “serious” violent crime has alcohol as a contributing factor.  One in six adults have a potentially hazardous drinking pattern.  75% of all injuries that occur after 10pm are alcohol-related.  Approximately half of the homicides recorded from 1999 involved either a suspect or victim being under the influence of alcohol at the time of the incident.

*A limit on the percentage of RTDs wasn’t actually proposed in the report - but both National and Labour suggested they wanted to impose one at different times.

QUOTES SOURCED FROM TOGA PARTY 2013

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97 CUBA ST / 04 801 6970 5 HIGH ST / 09 303 2949 CASHEL MALL / 03 943 4400 355 GEORGE ST / 03 479 2949 WWW.COSMICNZ.CO.NZ ◄ ◄ • 23 • ►► 179 CUBA ST / 04 894 6971 284 K ROAD / 09 379 2509 PALMS MALL / 03 385 2949 FACEBOOK.COM/COSMICNZ 47 CUSTOMS ST / 09 914 4294 131 MANNERS ST / 04 801 6972 TWITTER.COM/COSMIC_NZ

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The Great Escapes Seven Acts of Varying Degrees of Deadliness and Utility

By Caitlin Craigie and Carlo Salizzo Life is hard. First, Second and even Third World problems run rampant in our society, and so it should come as no surprise that we all need to escape sometimes. While our individual methods may differ, one thing that’s common to all of them is that they have some sort of effect on our bodies. After all, it wouldn’t be much use doing any of them if they didn’t.

DRUGS If you are not familiar with the concept of drugs, you’re either lying or so doped up it’s a minor miracle you’re still able to read. Drugs predominantly affect the reward pathway, which is probably the coolest name for a body part you’ll read about today. This is the part of the brain responsible for driving our feelings of motivation, reward and behaviour. Its main purpose is to reinforce behaviour by making us feel good when we engage in behaviours necessary for our survival, including eating, drinking and having sex. It is responsible for trying to make sure certain behaviours are repeated, and produces pleasure to encourage use to repeat those behaviours.

The primary neurotransmitter in the reward pathway is dopamine. If enough dopamine is released into the brain’s reward circuits, euphoria results. Dopamine-based exhilaration is at least partially responsible just about any time a person experiences pleasure. Almost all drugs causing drug addiction, including alcohol, cannabis and nicotine, cause dopamine release and produce a high by overstimulating the brain’s reward pathway. These drugs can cause a jolt of intense pleasure by bypassing

the five senses and directly activating the brain’s reward circuitry. In that way, drugs are a lot like the cheat code to life.

Like all cheat codes, though, there is always a danger. If drugs are used only occasionally, the brain’s corrective systems typically restore proper balance once the drugs wear off. However, prolonged and repeated use results in the brain reacting by reducing the number of dopamine receptors. As a result, heavier users will need to use more and more of the drug to get high—a phenomenon commonly referred to as tolerance. As the brain continues to adapt to the presence of the drug, regions outside the reward pathway are also affected, resulting in brain-regions responsible for judgment, learning and memory beginning to physically change.

The damage to the reward pathway can be permanent, resulting in a change in the function of neurons and as a result changing how addicts think, resulting in behaviours like denial, irrationality and obsessive drug use, to say nothing of a tendency to form extreme hairstyles.

Another important neurotransmitter in the brain is serotonin. Serotonin is responsible for regulating moods, appetite,

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muscle control, sexuality, sleep, and sensory perception. MDMA (ecstasy) causes an increase in serotonin, resulting in the mood-elevating effect. However, by releasing these large amounts of serotonin, the brain becomes significantly depleted of this neurotransmitter, resulting in negative behavioural effects ('come-down') users experience for several days after taking MDMA. On a long-term basis, heavy MDMA users can suffer confusion, depression and selective impairment of working-memory and attention processes.

LSD (acid) works similarly to serotonin and interferes with the way the brain’s serotonin receptors work. On a short-term basis it distorts perception, causes hallucinations, heightens senses and affects emotions. On a long-term basis it has been linked to prolonged anxiety and depression after use of it has stopped.

SCREEN TIME Since their invention, moving pictures of various kinds have caused all sorts of debate over their relative merits and power to influence the mind. Watching TV and films puts the viewer into a highly suggestible, sleep-

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like hypnotic state. This state is largely caused by screen flicker, which lowers your brainwaves into an alpha state. This state of mind is normally associated with meditation or deep relaxation. In this state, the information which you are exposed will be directly downloaded into your subconscious mind, where it can alter existing beliefs and form new beliefs without you even being aware—something that advertisers and educators alike capitalise on. Furthermore, when you watch TV, brain activity switches from the left side of your brain (responsible for logic and critical analysis) to your right. As a result, it uses an emotional response which results in little or no analysis of the information. For this reason, people who watch too much television can experience a distorted view of reality.

Your brain is less active when you watch TV than when you sleep. Since your brain’s health is largely determined by how actively you use it, watching too much TV can have a detrimental effect. Numerous studies have reported that TV viewing is associated with an increased risk of death. This may be due to a lack of physical activity associated with TV viewing, or as a result of the physical degeneration of the brain.

MUSIC Music is an art form that has been around much longer than any of us can remember, particularly those of us who have been watching too much television. Everyone has their own particular tastes, and many of us have seen that crazy study where scientists made a plant grow faster with the aid of heavy metal, because, well, science. We’ve all had at least one teacher who will swear by some kind of musical style (usually Baroque) that provides an aid to study, but why blindly believe an educational professional when there’s actual data on hand? Research shows that listening to music can reduce the rates of chronic pain and depression, create a positive emotional experience leading to the secretion of immune-building hormones, improve memory, improve athletic performance and make you learn better. It also has been shown to improve productivity, fight fatigue and aid relaxation.

EXERCISE

FACEBOOK STALKING

Whether it’s a result of bowing to pressure from the patriarchy to conform to an ‘ideal’ figure, or just chasing a workout ‘high’, exercise is continuing to be a popular pastime for many people all over the world. While this activity is markedly different from its traditional origins in warfare and blood sport, modern forms retain many of the same biological effects. Exercise results in the secretion of endorphins. Endorphins are another neurotransmitter in the brain and are often released in response to stress and pain to decrease their sensation. In addition, secretion of endorphins as a result of exercise leads to feelings of euphoria, modulation of appetite, release of sex hormones and enhancement of the immune response. It also has the longterm effect of making one a total babe, with often-reported developments of bangin’ bods and tight booties. Somewhat less desirably is an anecdotally observed tendency for frequent exercise users to neglect leg days and to do curls in the squat rack.

Whether you know it by that name or merely as ‘research’, persistent use of Facebook is the newest item on this list, and probably the fastest-growing. A recent study found that teenagers and young adults who are persistently logged on to Facebook are more likely to show psychological disorders, like mania, paranoia, aggressive tendencies, antisocial behaviour and increased alcohol use.

Another study found a strong link between the number of Facebook friends someone has and how much grey matter they have in particular areas of their brains. Grey matter is often correlated with intelligence. However, they are not sure whether Facebook helps increase grey matter or people with grey matter tend to just naturally have more Facebook friends. There hasn’t been much comparable academic work done on users with more people in their Google+ circles, perhaps because there aren’t enough people using Google+ to make up a legitimate sample size.

SEX A popular subset of exercise, sex has been observed in humans since the abandonment of the prior rib-based reproductive system.

Like any other form of exercise, sex releases endorphins. These endorphins can relieve pain.

Studies show men who have regular sex reduce their risk of having a heart attack or stroke.

For women, regular sex increases estrogen production and lessens the symptoms of PMS. Sex can also make your brain grow better.

Princeton researchers measured the blood levels of the stress hormones glucocorticoids in rats. They found that sexually experienced rodents proved less anxious than their virgin counterparts, and had better brain cell growth in the hippocampus, a major area related to memory in both humans and rats.

An occasionally intentional consequence of sex can be the creation of offspring, which occurs when a man and a woman love each other very very much and sometimes when they don’t. Sex is often combined with one or more of the other behaviours on this list, to varying degrees of effectiveness.

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READING Reading is an activity which every single one of you is doing right now as your eyes scan across this page. Reading acts as a good workout for the brain as it requires concentration. An English study found that 63 per cent of participants reported feeling more relaxed while reading. Research also shows that reading improves analytical thinking and helps brains develop more cognitive reserve, which has been found to shield people from the effects of brain injury. It may be assumed that this depends in some small way at least on the material being read by the subject: reading Salient, of course, has the effect of making users impervious to any kind of physical harm, as well as devilishly good-looking and more intelligent than their peers. While that is yet to be verified by a single reliable source, we aren’t letting ourselves get discouraged and will continue lining the pages with experimental super-drugs.

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CAUGHT IN THE WEB? WHEN INTERNET ADDICTION STOPS YOU LOGGING OUT

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By Ollie Neas

Every morning when John wakes up the first thing he does is check his messages. Email. Facebook.

Twitter. If he’s got time, he’ll read a New Zealand Herald article or two to see if anything interesting has happened overnight, before heading to uni.

John packs a smartphone—3G equipped.

This sits in his pocket throughout the day and is always connected to the internet.

If he is emailed or there is activity on his Facebook wall or any of the other social networks he’s a part of, he gets a notification, no matter where he is.

When he gets home after uni, the first thing he does is check Facebook. “I know there’s nothing to check or anything interesting,” he says, “it just becomes a kind of unconscious habit, something I’m not aware of.” "a booming

Victoria. Until 2009 students were charged for downloads. Now there is free wi-fi in all communal university areas, the University has a total bandwidth of 500 megabit per second (for all you n00bs, that’s really fast), and on the Thursday before the publication of this article, there were 6100 consecutive connections to the wi-fi network—a Victoria record. While you’ll be hard-pressed to find figures on the number of students with laptops, you’ll be even more hard-pressed to find many students without them. And even if you are laptop-less, there are 1200 shared student computers across campus and throughout the halls of residence.

Student flats are also comprehensively wired. If you don’t happen to have a wi-fi package hefty enough to handle your subscription to Brazzers.com, it’s likely that a friend has a desktop that you can use for the purpose. And if you have the urge while away from home and between campuses?

Well, it’s quite likely you have 3G on your mobile.

self-help

The internet has become interwoven John is a fourth-year industry for internet into the fabric of design student. Like all our lives, and this is students, John uses the addicts has emerged" because we consider internet a whole lot. For it to be a Pretty Good John, that means about five or six hours a Thing. It has given us access to seemingly day—and that doesn’t include the time his infinite information, connected peoples phone sits waiting for notifications. Although across the globe, made many people John considers his internet use to be slightly many millions—you’ve all heard this before. above average, it is by no means extreme, or But like all things with noble potential, even unusual. Five or ten years ago though, the internet, quite uncontroversially, is no student used the internet like this. not always used for noble purposes. We Facebook, Tweet, Tumbl, and Instagram. We Until 2004 you couldn’t access wi-fi at ◄ ◄ • 26 • ►►

troll forums, watch lolcats and send lewd pics via SnapChat. We play games and we watch porn. The internet is omnipresent, and we use it without a thought. Usually this is harmless, but as the lines between online and offline become increasingly blurred, the dangers of losing control of our use become ever more real. ***** In 2004 an American man was dismissed from his job for using his work computer to repeatedly visit a sex-chatroom. The man took his employer, IBM, to court seeking US $5 million in damages, arguing that he had been unfairly dismissed in violation of the American Disabilities Act. His disability, he claimed, was internet addiction.

The next year a 28-year-old Korean man suffered heart failure and died after playing the online computer game Starcraft for 50 hours without breaks. And then there was the suicide of a 21-year-old American man, found dead in front of his computer on Thanksgiving. According to his mother, this was a consequence of his addiction to the online game, Everquest.

These cases are the extreme ones, but they are not the only alleged instances of Internet Addiction Disorder, or IAD as it has become known.

A 2011 study by Yale researchers of over 3500 high school students in Connecticut found that one in every 25 teens was addicted to the internet. These students reported an “irresistible urge” to be online

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when they weren’t, or said they had tried unsuccessfully to cut down on their internet use. They were also more likely than their peers to be depressed, aggressive, or use drugs. Higher numbers have been alleged by other parties; Dr. Maressa Orzack of Harvard University contends that between five and 10 per cent of internet users suffer some form of web dependency.

The idea is the same as with other forms of addiction, although in this case it concerns a process rather than a substance.

When you, John or I, game—or, say, use Facebook—we anticipate reward through shooting a bad-guy, receiving messages, or finding a funny picture on 9gag. These rewards are regular but we can’t predict how regular they will be. This means that when we do get the reward—when we get the LOL or the head-shot—our brain releases excessive amounts of dopamine— that’s the stuff that makes us feel good.

isolation, hypnosis and electroshock treatment in a nationwide attempt to tackle what the Communist Youth League considers a “grave social problem”. ***** Despite the spread of self-help programmes and draconian bootcamps, in New Zealand, as in virtually all other countries aside from China, internet addiction is not recognised as a clinical disorder. Psychologists, such as Marc Wilson, Associate Professor of Psychology at Victoria, point out that it is generally not the World Wide Web itself which people become addicted to, or even act compulsively toward, but rather certain aspects of it, like gaming, shopping, gambling or pornography. “[Y]ou don’t need a specific ‘diagnosis’ for it because there are already generic categories of problems that can be applied, that also apply to dependence on other things”, Wilson explains.

problem is not the amount of time you spend online, but whether that use is actually causing you problems. “[W]e’re not all the same,” Wilson explains, “some people might spend 10 hours a day on the net and not feel that their personal, family or work life is affected. Someone else might find that their spouse leaves them, they lose their job, and they constantly feel ashamed when doing exactly the same thing.”

John agrees.

“You can always say that you shouldn’t go online as much as you do because you would be better off spending half-an-hour less on the internet and spending that time exercising instead, but that doesn’t mean it’s a serious problem”, he says. “I think it’s a serious problem when it is taking a really big effect on yourself or your relationships.”

This point reflects the underlying logic Although dopamine is undoubtedly a Good of psychologists in warning against Time, researchers at the University of considering excessive Bergen in Norway have claimed internet use as an addiction. "as the lines between online and that heavy users of Facebook While psychological illness suffer from symptoms similar to is associated with excessive offline become increasingly blurred, those suffering from alcohol or internet use, that doesn’t mean drug addiction. Perhaps even that internet use necessarily the dangers of losing control of more daunting is a Chinese causes those psychological study published this year, which our use become more real" illnesses. It may be the case found structural differences in that an individual is using the brains of adolescents suffering from the internet excessively because they are Because those who exhibit problematic IAD compared to those in an age-matched depressed, not the other way around. internet use also tend to show signs of control group. As if destroying your social other psychological conditions—such For the average university student like life was not enough, this study suggests as depression, anxiety, ADHD, and John, inordinate amounts of time spent that excessive internet use may actually impulsivity—a diagnosis of Internet online is not then necessarily something to change your brain, impairing your whiteAddiction Disorder might obscure be worried about. It may just be the case matter fibres, and thereby changing the way potentially important alternative diagnoses, that you really like the internet. And that’s you generate and process emotion, make according to Wilson. okay. But if that use starts to prevent you decisions and control your own thoughts.* from achieving what you want to achieve at Regardless of the clinical classification In perhaps the most telling sign that the university, then it might be time to change of excessive internet use however, the public considers there to be a problem, your behaviour or seek help. associated harms remain. For those a booming self-help industry for internet checking into internet rehab, the issues are As for what you use the internet for, well, addicts has emerged. There is, for clear. But these extreme cases don’t cover Wilson has one piece of advice that example, the ITAA, or Technology Addiction the whole spectrum of people using the students taking his PSYC121 class might Anonymous, which offers a clean, quick internet in a problematic manner. While the want to bear in mind: and easy twelve-step, non-theistic program average Vic student packing a smartphone to “confront the social, economic and and laptop with compulsive tendencies “Porn is a no-no [...] Lots of lecture theatre interpersonal problems brought by an toward social media may seem a distant have cameras up the back that not only overuse of technology.” For more severe figure to those traditionally considered to mean I can record my lectures for you, but cases, more intensive rehab schemes be internet addicts, is this gulf as big as I can also zoom in to see who you’ve just are available, such as the Seattle based we think? At what point does it become a friended...” reStart programme. Patients are implored problem? to “disconnect, and find yourself”—for *Of course, this begs numerous questions: who is really in control, man or machine? Do we have control over our just US$20,000. But these retreats pale Marc Wilson puts it simply: “It’s a problem if brains? If we are nothing apart from our brains, do we in comparison to techniques employed it’s a problem.” even have free will? Is the concept of a distinct self an by the Chinese Government, which have illusion? And who is Joseph Kony?

While this may seem tautological, it’s not established military style bootcamps in Note: The author would like to thank Vic ITS and Associate Professor sheer trickery. Wilson has a point. The which patients are subjected to social Marc Wilson for their assistance in the research of this article.

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 FEATURES 

Ridge Over Troubled Waters

By Penny Gault

Tabloids, Twitter and reality television shows have exposed celebrities’ lives to such an extent that we can get acquainted from the comfort of our lounge in our mint-green track pants while eating barbecue -flavoured rice crackers and tweeting furiously. I, for one, feel like less of a slob if I’m watching Sally and Jaime Ridge going to Colin Mathura-Jeffree’s ball.

I am a self-confessed Ridges fan, and wholeheartedly believe that somewhere deep down, there’s a Ridges fan in all of us.

Anyone brave enough to tell me they “hate” the Ridges is met with (what I hope) is an infuriatingly knowing “sure you do” and a wink, because seriously, they are wonderful. Your secret is safe with me.

conversation with Sally or Jaime, I would probably club myself to death with the aforementioned artichokes. I prefer to keep the Ridges on a lofty perch in the spotlight—a bit like all those animal busts they have on the wall in their hallway. A little bit nice, a little bit scary, a little bit bewildering. I don’t really want to know how or why they got there, why we left them there, or what will happen if they fall down and knock me unconscious.

Celebrities offer a pretty realistic world, separated by only a few million dollars, some plastic surgery and your own TV programme, to transport to in the wee small hours after trying to read your course materials. If you have to go somewhere, then why not escape to the opulent interior of the Kardashian abode, or the smoosh room on Jersey Shore? I’d much rather worry about where Crocadilly has been hidden for half an hour or criticise JLaw’s Oscars dress while I sit here with my rice crackers and mismatched socks, than think about the 3000-word essay that isn’t sitting on my desk.

I suffer from Celebrity Worship Syndrome (CWS). It is an actual thing. (Yes it is. Yes it is. Google it. I told you.) Coincidentally Celebrity worship is, you could say, my religion. How celebrity or not, CWS was first recognised the year that Paris Hilton made worship suddenly became a syndrome, and Catholicism and a sex tape; or 2003; for the uninformed. Sufferers become Scientology were left behind, is a bit beyond me. Explain to me obsessed by the glitzy, the glamorous and the gory, and fixate how hundreds of girls wetting their pants at the sight of One on the personal lives of Direction isn’t a symptom of those in the public eye.

I’d much rather worry about where Crocadilly has being overwhelmed by a god’s The first state of CWS, presence, and then we’ll talk. been hidden for half an hour or criticise JLaw’s ‘entertainment-social’, is Instead of Protestant or Anglican, considered an acceptable Oscars dress while I sit here with my rice crackers we could identify as Team Ange or level of interest, while Team Jen (for life). The celebrity and mismatched socks, than think about the 3,000‘intense-personal’ hierarchy is, of course, open worshippers are obsessive word essay that isn’t sitting on my desk. to debate. Traditional celebrity fans. Those considered to worshippers place Michael be ‘borderline-pathological’ Jackson or Justin Bieber as the Lead God, perhaps with John fantasise about their deep connection with Niall and should seek Lennon on backing vocals. Snooki could pass as a modernhelp. My affinity with Sally and Jaime is probably edging towards day Lucifer. Surely this kind of discussion would be more (yeah okay, maybe even just beyond) the intense-personal. We meaningful and captivating for school students than the standard are astrologically bound to be BFFs and wear matching chakra religious education. ‘Who’s Who in Hollywood’ and ‘How to Grade bracelets. They just don’t know it yet. A few weeks ago I came a Celebrity’ should be essential elements of today’s syllabus— dangerously close to borderline-pathological when I saw Sally Excellence to anyone who can tell me where Jay Reeve from ZM and her partner Warren (the one she went on a date with on their fits on the spectrum. show,The Ridges—yes, still together!) at the Matakana Markets north of Auckland. I muttered “ugh, typical”, and gleefully Celebrity worshippers are devoted to celebrating the best texted all my friends as Sally smiled from beneath her Chloe and worst of humanity through a system of beliefs that aren’t aviators and tapped her Converse-clad foot, while her youngest undermined by a big bang theory. In fact it could probably be two children sang “Can you blow my whistle, baby?” to an defined by a big bang theory—I bet you could connect every elderly and respectable audience. celebrity to each other purely by tracing their sexual history...

The closest I came to Sally that day was about two metres, thanks to my mother’s generous but horribly obvious attempt at gaining proximity by pretending to examine some nearby artichokes, followed by a mortifying display of pointing and mouthing “she’s right behind you, Pen!” Aside from the embarrassment, I was happy with this. If I had a real

if you want to. Weirdo. And isn’t there something nice about knowing that these gods are really only separated from us by a stroke of luck or genius, unattainable beauty, and a few million dollars? Maybe one day you too will be ‘discovered’ in the street and make it to the big (bang) time. Or at the very least, get an Emoji-filled tweet from Sally.

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press start Video Games And Why You Should Care

By Doc Watson After hours of painstakingly working on the grounds of your farmland, choosing the right fertiliser, cultivating the right plants and sowing the seeds of progress, you triumphantly hold your first turnip. It's not a big plant, but it's progress. You fist pump, exuberant that after all this time you have something to show for your work. And as you look up from FarmVille, your classmate looks at you oddly and your lecturer gives you a glare.

Welcome to the world of casual gaming; this is an area of the medium that is slowly on the rise, as social media and the video-game industry have forbidden love-children in the form of tablet gaming, Facebook games and mobile play devices. Ever since Nintendo’s original handheld Game And Watch devices appeared in 1978, video games have slowly become more socially acceptable, and in 2013, almost anything with a screen can be used to play a video game.

But hang on, say you. “Why should I care about what the video game industry is doing? I'm not interested in Call of Duty, Angry Birds or any of that crap.” The honest fact of the matter is that you don’t have to be. People are always daunted when they are accosted by one of their gamer friends blurting

jargon about some sci-fi or shooter title that they know absolutely nothing about. This is where the new face of casual titles have emerged: to fill the intermediary between people who game regularly and people who dip in and out of the habit. Neopets, Peggle, Doodle Jump: these are all games that live in the same space.

Take the aforementioned FarmVille as an example. Everyone played that title at one point or another because it was accessible, both in proximity and mechanics. But what really sucked people in—what really got people talking about it—was simply how it took something so mundane and turned it into an experience that pulled people away from their everyday lives. Suddenly it wasn’t so daunting to talk about the game as an isolated experience. Suddenly all of your friends were playing it, and it transcended from being a ‘game’ to becoming simply a fun experience.

This is the casual game. The game that you can dive into with no prior knowledge and still play for hours upon hours on end. Everyone has played something; even if it is one game of The Sims Social or Snake on the old Nokia brick, no game has any less credit than any other. The escapism of a video game is something different to

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that of a film or a TV show. You are in control, and you are participating in an experience away from the real world, in the same way as if you were playing sport or going out with friends.

Video games are the most accessible they have ever been, and are only going to become more prevalent as the years go on. The best part here is that anyone with a tablet is in on it: it only takes five minutes to get the latest Angry Birds or Bejewelled and you are set. That time you spend on Angry Birds or that lecture you spend on The Sims Social is gaming for the more casual participant, and its satisfaction is as justified as any World of Warcraft clone. Disappearing from the world for a few minutes can be as easy as pushing a button. Those turnips aren’t going to pick themselves, you know.

5 Games You Can Play Right Now For $0  Triple Town (Android/iPhone)  Burito Bison Revenge (bit.ly/WvG21w)  Plants vs Zombies (bit.ly/tIFPZR)  Temple Run 2 (Android/iPhone)  4 Pics 1 Word (Android/iPhone)

YOUR STUDENTS’

ASSOCIATION

your students' association

THE MCCOURT REPORT

By President Rory McCourt

I like to escape by playing SimCity, watching dinosaur documentaries and imagining what life would be like if I was the Pope. I feel like parking would be an issue. Popemobiles are wide.

Benedict resigned because he felt that he couldn’t make a difference any more. When I was elected to be your President, not that VUWSA is anything like the global Catholic Church (we have always supported the use of condomz, and the ‘homozexual agenda’), there were clear goals in my mind. There were three ways in which I knew I could make a difference here at Vic to make your life better. I wanted VUWSA to introduce a membership card, make Vic a more vibrant campus and win fairer fares for Wellington students.

So two months in, where are those goals at? Well, over 6000 membership cards have been eagerly snapped up by new and returning members in the last fortnight, thanks mainly to the hard work, dedication and determination of our amazing staff and volunteering team. Special mentions go to Ali Allen and Kate Bevin for their stellar work, and to our amazing volunteers, especially Sophie, Courtney, Shelley, Danielle, Jayden, Lizzie, Catherine, Rashid, Jane, Bex and Xuan. They were a fundamental part of making O-Week happen, and they have shown old hacks like me what a community can be when we value participation. The card itself shows that VUWSA is more committed than ever to making your students’ association work for you. Did you know the membership card gives you fantastic deals like $10 entry to Zealandia sanctuary and five percent off everything at Thirsty Liquor?

improvements like this happen. As for this year’s O-Week, we put had a pretty great lineup of sold-out events and I want to thank Vic for their cooperation. Go team! Now let’s make sure those awesome events keep coming and get bigger with time.

Finally, your student Executive, led by Wellbeing and Sustainability Officer Rick Zwaan, has been putting their heart and soul into running the most concerted public-transport campaign Wellington has ever seen around tertiary fares. Many students are struggling with the cost of rents, textbooks and transport right now. We could halve one of those costs. It makes no sense to me that Wellington is one of the few major cities in the world without a concession. 2013 is the year that we will make it happen. VUWSA has received growing support from climate groups, community organisations, student groups and a broad array of political figures. Never before has the greenest Mayor and the bluest Katrina in the City been right behind a campaign like this. We’ve been stoked with the support so far, but we need you to speak up if we want this thing to happen. Be sure to sign a Fairer Fares postcard in the next month, and check out our Facebook page for campaign updates. It’s time for a 50% tertiary student discount.

I got involved with VUWSA to make a difference. Our volunteers, Class Reps and student Executive: the same.

VUWSA and I are here to serve you and make your time here even better. That’s certainly my priority.

Well, that… and getting a Popemobile.

PS Did you know they’re bringing out a SimCity version for colour-blind people?

PPS I’m colour-blind.

Secondly, I wanted to make Vic a more fun, vibrant place.

Beefing up our O-Week, articulating a vision for an O-Week that includes everyone (not just first years) and planning sick events throughout the year is the first step. In the last two weeks, the quad has been absolutely pumping. The presence of knowledgeable Campus Coaches, approachable Rec Centre staff and cuddly pandas has all helped, I’m sure. Clubs Week has been amazing. Full kudos to Karl, Raewyn and their team for this, and to the clubs who kept the Hub packed with engaged students. In my Salient column last week I let you know about the issues we’ve been having putting on O-Week events in a VSM environment at Vic, and how we could improve the processes around it. Since then, things have progressed, and I can confirm the University is coming to the table and is willing to talk about making O-Week 2014 kick-ass awesome! We really value the robust partnership we have with Victoria that can make

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NGAI TAUIRA

Vice-President (welfare) Woah. So that was Clubs Week, and O-Week. Hopefully I got to say “Hi!” to y’all from behind a VUWSA barbecue, and that you weren’t too busy dealing with the awful t-sauce bottles to say “Hi!” back. If we didn’t exchange pleasantries, then odds are that the giant panda you hugged at the Neon Toga Party was me! Hi! The past couple of weeks have been hectic on the Welfare front.

Hopefully y’all know that VUWSA provides a range of welfare services for all students, meaning that whether you’re embroiled in employment or tenancy disputes or just really hungry with a few days to payday, we’ve got your back. We’re currently taking a really thorough look at these services, to make sure we’re offering the services that you want and need where you need them, and to see how we can promote them better.

This review is hugely exciting. We know many students are struggling right now: rents are high, buses are expensive and textbooks, oh my God, textbooks. Don’t even. To make sure you can stay at Vic we need things like a better Stress-Free Study Week and a more accessible foodbank (did you even know we had a foodbank? Fo’ real—we just give food away!).

First week over and done with, ka nui te mihi ki a koutou!

Hopefully you’ve managed to find your readings and all the books you need; if you’re not sure how to find your books or the list is looking too expensive, let us know. We have access to a lot of alumni with old books they’d be happy to pass on. The sooner you get sorted the better, so don’t leave it too late!

One of the tauira is initiating a reo-speaking group to meet in a casual environment every week on campus for an hour or so, ko te reo Māori te reo kōrero. A great opportunity for anyone doing reo papers to put their studies to use and get some practice before your speaking assessments. All levels are welcome, and you don’t have to be studying to attend. If you’re interested, join up with the Ngāi Tauira Facebook page and follow the thread by Vincent Olsen-Reeder. Kia mau ki ngā kupu o o tātou tīpuna!

Monday and Wednesday nights, the Rec Centre is hosting netball leagues. We’re keen to enter some teams, so if you’re interested let us know by this Tuesday: registrations close Wednesday.

Take it easy over the next few weeks; you’ll have plenty to stress over when assignments hit later on.

Mauri Ora!

Other Welfare news: we’re starting to get dates locked in for your FREE flu shots! These shots are available to all Vic students, and are a great way to avoid losing a week or missing deadlines thanks to a nasty winter bug. The only year I missed my shot I got hella sick, and was late handing an essay in. 100 per cent of anecdotal evidence agrees: flu shots are the shit. VUWSA and Student Health will be up in the halls between April 8 and May 2, with the Kelburn clinics on the first week back in May, and Pipitea and Te Aro to be confirmed.

Warm Pasifika Greetings!

Finally, chur for a mind-blowing start to the year! It’s been rad meeting you over the past couple of weeks, but if we haven’t yet, then consider the below an interim introduction. Looking forward to a boss year!

REMINDER: Loto Aho study sessions kicks off this Wednesday When: 13th March, 4pm-6pm.

Where: Pasifika Haos.

xoxo, your Vice-Prez Welfare, Simon

PASIFIKA STUDENTS' COUNCIL

Add us on Facebook and look out for more exciting events.

If you wanna chat, study, hang out and have a feed, come visit us at the Pasifika Haos.

Committed to success, equity and equality, the Pasifika Students’ Council is dedicated to serving you. We look forward to being a part of your journey here at Victoria!

Text: 021 207 4733 Phone: (04) 463 6242 Email: pasifika@myvuw.ac.nz Website: www.victoria.ac.nz/vicpasifika/

Nice to meat you!

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things that go bump in the night

lux lisbon

w it h

COME AWAY WITH ME For a lot of us, the idea of role-playing can seem a little naff; dressing up as a naughty nurse or burly lumberjack would be something we would struggle to take seriously, let alone find sexually liberating.

However, role-playing isn’t necessarily about donning the riding boots, crop and bridle, but experimenting with taking on a new role that can influence the interplay between you and your partner. In every interaction, each party already plays some kind of role, whether it is fixed within the confines of our relationships, or something fluid, which changes each time you rendezvous. But in allowing yourself to experiment with a new or alternate version of yourselves, you may find you are able to do away with inhibitions, break routine, and really let your hair down.

Switching up dominant and submissive roles is an easy way to start entertaining the idea of roleplay. Even by inclination of our varied personalities, often intentionally or unintentionally we assume a submissive or dominant role to some extent in the way

we relate to one another, and this can be true of sexual relationships too. If you or your partner is generally the one to initiate sex, dictate what position you will be in, or sets the tempo, agree that the other person will take on this responsibility. At the most subtle level, this may allow you to ask your partner to do something new, be more vocal about what feels good, or learn more about how your partner enjoys to have sex.

Last week, popular blog Jezebel posted an article highlighting the perks of women having a turn at fucking their male partners in the arse. By receiving, the male partner can experience sex as something internal (rather than exclusively external) to their own body, and this in turn influences “their mood, emotions, and their connection to a partner”. By all means, a similar power shift could be applied to same-sex relationships in which sexual power play is divided. Props can be a helpful aid to shaking things up; try something simple like a blindfold, or for those who are a little more game, restraints are a sure-fire way to shift the balance of power.

It is important to experiment within comfortable limits; this may mean talking about what you would like to do with your partner in advance, and agreeing on what is comfortable for both of you. Additionally, communication is always essential; agree on a safe word or a way to tell your partner if you wish to stop.

Lux you long time.

Lux Lisbon is our resident sex columnist for 2013.

If there is anything in your life they could help shed a little light on, or a topic you want them to cover, go right ahead and send a little inbox love to Luxatsalient@gmail.com If you have issues or concerns that you wish to discuss privately and confidentially with a professional, rather than Lux Lisbon, Student Counselling Service can provide a safe place to explore such aspects of your life. The service is free and confidential. Phone (04) 463 5310. Email counselling-service@vuw.ac.nz. Visit Mauri Ora, Level 1, Student Union Building.

secret diary of john key Steven phoned. He said the teachers are complaining about not being paid. I told him that to the best of my recollection, I donate all my earnings as Prime Minister to charity. He said that was nice, but not strictly relevant. I worried that I was losing him so I reeled him back in with my classic gag – “don’t they get it? Novopay! No pay? Get it, Steve? Ahaha… ahaha ..ahhh.” He mumbled something about steering the ship himself. I didn’t know we were going on a cruise.

Yelled out to Bronagh to get some of those snacks that say 'powerful and in-control white male', because I don’t know how to say it myself, she’s ringing Pizza Hut now.

I don’t know what the big hoo-ha is about us selling assets. As I say to my dear Bronagh, 'if you want something, buy it yourself !' If you already own it, buy it again! Twice the fun. I love money. As I’ve said before, I want New Zilders to be first in the queue to buy shares in Mighty River Power. That’s why they should register online on the website that often doesn’t work. We’ll sell everything to Australia while Bill’s getting that fixed. Remember that time all those children camped overnight for concert tickets, only for them to sell out online first? Oh well. At least we’ll have a nice list of who can afford to pay more tax! Maybe Trevor will buy some shares and then sell them on Trade Me.

by penny gault

I’ve asked Bronagh to try to be more like Michelle Obama. I think New Zilders would really like that. I’m very in touch with what mums and dads want. She said maybe I could be more like Barack. Yes, maybe I could.

I thought there was a chance I could have looked like a bit of a wally on the news, so I had another meet-and-greet with some cute Caucasian babies. My pals at TVNZ are good like that. Bronagh said that if things go really pear-shaped, we could walk around Newmarket with Labradors again! Maybe we could do the Harlem Shake in Cabinet. We can say it was Max’s idea.

Aloha!

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e f i L r u o Y g n i x Fi

[BECAUSE OURS ARE WRITTEN OFF]

Aloha Hector and Janet, I need to eat a lot of food during the day to avoid wanting to kill people. I spend most of my day at uni, where the price of food is exorbitant. I am not that keen to carry around what would probably be an extra bag full of food either. How am I to balance these competing interests?

Gringo Jim.

Hector Hi Jim. If you can’t find some way to cultivate food on campus, you are really out of luck.

Food is like anything else in that it can be divided into three categories, of which you, as a student, can have two at any given time. It can be delicious, cost-efficient and/ or plentiful. It seems that you want it to be the latter two, which sadly will be at the expense of the former.

Carrying food can be tough. You’re preaching to the choir here, man. But while I absolutely hate to use this saying, you need to check yo’ privilege. Seriously, your biggest problem in life is carrying food to class? There are people out there in the world who would probably carry your bags for you, just for a daily bite of your marmite and chip sandwich.

Wait, there’s an idea. The free market will provide a solution. You obviously have access to food; so feel free to exploit the

plight of the working classes and offer them some of your food to act as pack mules.

Hell, you could just buy an actual pack mule. Basically, yes, you should suck it up and buy a bigger backpack.

As for your choice of food, I’d recommend massive amounts of carbohydrates such as wholemeal breads and potato products.

Last night’s leftovers are always a good plan, though be wary of stealing from your flatmates unless they really do deserve it. Rice is often your best bet, followed by pasta: it’s hella cheap and probably expands in your stomach.

At the end of the day, I guess you’ve got to ask yourself what you really value the most: satisfying your hunger, having more disposable income, or not being overburdened with heavy bags.

If all else fails, catch and roast the pigeons.

Regards, Hector.

Janet The price of food IS exorbitant. Eating habits ARE often difficult to establish.

Right?! I tend to forget breakfast, delay lunch and eat 75% of my daily food intake between 4 and 6pm. The nutritional worst.

I feel I should apologise for having broken down your problem into two main strands.

It’s just that you’ve asked me how you might both save money and live a convenient lifestyle. It is difficult to come to terms with, but they are a ‘one-or-the-other’ gig. Here are my ideas.

Janet and Hector are our resident advice columnists for 2013. If you've got a problem you'd like them to solve, send your queries through to editor@salient.org.nz, subject: 'ADVICE'.

DEALING WITH EXPENSIVE FOOD AT UNI: You could make some kind of food arrangement at home (subject to your abode’s cooking regiments) that sees dinners being made on a large scale so that leftovers are available for you to take the next day.

You could find a secret place at university to store a small box of relatively cheap and pasteurised comestibles that you can eat at your leisure. Ideas: Salient office (tell them I sent you, they love me), dusty corner of library, agapanthus bushes on Kelburn Pde. You could buck it up and think about the convenience factor.

DEALING WITH TRANSPORT LOGISTICS: overall more difficult.

You could go to Moore Wilson’s and bulkbuy fold-up takeaway boxes so that you can throw them out after eating and only have to walk to uni carrying a bag one way. (Pro: they look like the ones from Friends. Con: This plan is environmentally deranged.)

You could take a whole flounder to school to eat, as lying flat on the sea floor is not all that different from lying flat in your bag. Just try not to think about the Little Mermaid.

Or you could take a big plate (also travels well) to scam a larger portion of $5 Hare Krishna food.

You could buck it up and think about the money you are saving.

Yours, with a tinge of guilt, Janet.

If you have issues or concerns that you wish to discuss privately and confidentially with a professional, rather than Hector and Janet, Student Counselling Service can provide a safe place to explore such aspects of your life. The service is free and confidential. Phone 04 463 5310. Email counsellingservice@vuw.ac.nz. Visit Mauri Ora, Level 1, Student Union Building.

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laying down the law

Weekly Rant

the sweet escape

Labouring Under False Pretentious MATT WHITE It’s not often I have major issues with a word’s callous application. Wordy nit-picking is the earnest pastime of baboons with too much time on their hands, but once in a while I get a buzzy bumblebee in my bonnet when a word is used inappropriately, like, all the time. What you’re about to skim read concerns why the consistent misapplication of ‘pretentious’ really grinds my gearbox.

Molly mccarthy For many students, waking up to a sense of “What have I done?” quickly followed by “I’m never drinking again” is an all-too-familiar scenario. But aside from busting out some regrettable dance moves, sending compromising texts and eating way too much Burger King, most of us don’t commit any drunken sins that can’t be washed away with a big bottle of blue Powerade.

So what happens when you wake up with a throbbing headache, dry mouth and a shiny pair of handcuffs on your wrists? Before you write yourself off to a life of crime, let’s have a talk about the real-life equivalent of Monopoly’s 'Get Out of Jail Free' card: diversion.

Diversion is a police scheme which allows offenders to avoid conviction in certain circumstances. At the discretion of the police, you may be offered diversion if you So what happens meet certain criteria, which include whether you have a criminal history, when you the interests of the victim, and the nature of the offence. Diversion is wake up with generally considered suitable for a throbbing first-time offenders (but may be offered more than once), and for minor headache, dry offences such as liquor-ban breaches mouth, and a and Class-C-drug possession.

shiny pair of

Unfortunately, diversion in New Zealand isn’t quite as sweet as the Monopoly Man’s deal. If you are offered your wrists? diversion, you will have to accept full responsibility for the offence. This means that you will have to accept the police’s interpretation of the offence, even if you believe that you are innocent. Secondly, in return for dropping the charge(s) against you, you will be required to complete a number of conditions. These may include writing a letter of apology, completing counselling or making a donation to charity, and must be completed before your charge is removed.

handcuffs on

The important thing to remember is that, while diversion may one day save your ass, it is at the complete discretion of the police, and there’s not much you can do about it if they don’t offer it to you. In short, consider diversion a possible life-saver once you’ve already been arrested, but don’t rely on it as a guaranteed pass out if you’re thinking about getting loose this weekend.

In 1984 the Springbok tour was in full swing, and so were police batons. Not to stretch the simile, but the way 'pretentious' is used reminds me of that thuggish, wanton brutality. The word is on the front lines of a social confrontation that is difficult to define but noticeable when you’re getting bashed. ‘Pretentious’ has become somewhat of a blue word, adopted by social conservatives as their AK-47; rugged, versatile.

Any time I come out of my humble short-poppy foxhole, I expose myself to withering allegations of pretentiousness. I wear a floral shirt and the sniper shoots, cutting me down mid-floral stride. So pretentious. I visit a trendy café and order a long black; he shoots again, even worse. I claim to like red wine, he switches to R.P.G. I’m forced to run for cover, back to my fox-hole. I’m now overtly aware that the humble poppies who specialise in keeping it real mean business.

They shoot the bourgeoisie on sight.

I guess what irks me so much about people calling things pretentious is that I just don’t understand it.

(I’ve never liked things I don’t understand: that’s why I dropped maths after fifth form.) The root of the word’s meaning is clearly something like ‘pretend’, right? So if I’m pretentious, I must be pretending to be a certain way, or of a certain disposition. Acting, if you will. The classic example would be pretending to like red wine or enjoy Oscar Wilde. I have excuses for both. Red wine makes my cheeks warm on cold nights, and Oscar Wilde was the original Frank Ocean.

If I am pretentious then you should consider that perhaps I can’t help it. Last Thursday I left uni and headed straight to Aro Café and ordered a slice of cheesecake beautifully married with a large flat white. Then I flipped my newspaper open in a show of nonchalance and sipped, all the while peering over my paper at plebs walking by. Pretentious bitch, right?

To conclude: go easy, I can’t help it.

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'Weekly Rant' is a space for one-off opinion pieces.

Want to write your own? Contact editor@salient.org.nz to let loose.

 ~ COLUMNS ~

The Nurse's Note University is a notorious place for excessive drinking and experimentation with alcohol and sometimes drugs—especially during those first few weeks! Alcohol in moderation can be enjoyable. But did you know that alcohol is a depressant and can often have a negative impact on our mood? It can affect our judgment, meaning that we may act differently when drinking.

check yourself before you wreck yourself

• Narcotics Anonymous: www.nzna.org.nz • Mend a Friend: www.mend-a-friend.com.

Finally, check out the video on www.whoareyou.co.nz—does this night out look familiar? Cringingly so. It could easily happen to anyone. Keep an eye on your mates when you're out!

CHECK OUT WHICH WOLF YOU BECOME: www.stickwiththepack.co.nz Similarly, using drugs can temporarily block out stressful situations, but unfortunately those stressors will still be there when you come back down. Drugs can have a serious impact on your ability to function in the short and long term, affecting your physical and mental health.

Know your limit—blackouts, vomiting, needing to be carried home, and risky behaviour are not great for your physical or emotional health and can lead to serious consequences.

If you are concerned about your drinking or drug use (or someone else’s) contact: • Student Health and Counselling Service: www.victoria.ac.nz/ counselling • CareNZ: www.carenz.co.nz • Alcohol Drug Helpline: www.adanz.org • Alcoholics Anonymous: www.aa.org.nz • Foundation for Alcohol and Drug Education: www.fade.org.nz

This information was supplied by the staff at Victoria University's Student Counselling Service. If you are concerned about some of the issues raised in this article, or would like to discuss other aspects of your life in a confidential environment, book an appointment with the Counselling Service in person or: Phone: 463 5310 Email: counselling-service@vuw.ac.nz Website: victoria.ac.nz/st_services/counselling

Hoopin' and Hollerin'

By Giancarlo Salizzo

Round One: Where Did All the Sport Go? Like many of you, I read last week’s ‘Weekly Rant’ about the lack of sport on campus and found myself nodding along. On reflection, though, I found myself disagreeing with the notion that there’s a dearth of sport in Wellington. There really is a lot of sport around here, but it’s just in a different way to high school— particularly to those in rural areas.

The trick is, you have to know where to look. Victoria is primarily a learning institution. People come here to focus on their studies, and the rest must come from elsewhere. New Zealand does it differently to the US model of all-inclusive 'campus life', with the minor exception of Otago—they have to organise their own fun because there’s nothing else to do. In a vibrant city like Wellington, most sport is to be found at the local clubrooms instead.

For many non-sports fans, university is the first place where they will meet a large group of people who just don’t care about the footy.

For the non-sportsperson, university is a chance to get away from the often-stifling influence of sport in this country. We all have to

accept that not everyone is going to love sport as much as we do, and that’s okay. It goes just the same as tolerating others’ religions or hairstyles: it’s their right, and ours, to be who we want to be.

Thanks to TV and the internet, we are exposed to a wider variety of sport than ever before. Fifty years ago, our grandparents would never dream of a downtown bar packed with Kiwis watching the Super Bowl. You can't claim there's less rugby on when you’ve got Super Rugby, the ITM Cup, the Heartland Championship, and more All Blacks tests per year than as any point in history. The price we pay for this is, sadly, lower attendances at the stadium, but that’s just the way sport has evolved.

If it's really only the atmosphere that you're missing, go hang out at the Cambridge with the Old-Boys-University Billy Goats, our local rugby club. While many of them, particularly the backs, have alty haircuts and bizarre fashion choices, you’ll probably find that deep down, they’re just the same blokes (and ladies) you always knew.

At the end of the day, this is still New Zealand, and you’ll never lack someone to watch the Bledisloe with.

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 ~ COLUMNS ~

FOOD & DRINK

the sweet scoop Hello and welcome to The Sweet Scoop, Salient's fortnightly baking column. Baking is often talked of as some mysterious art, and there are many people who say that they "just can't bake". In fact, it is just like finding Easterfield 201: all you need to do is follow directions and give it a go. Over the next two trimesters, we'll bake our way through cakes, tarts, puddings, and maybe even popcorn balls, always with easy and achievable recipes.

This week’s sweet treat is the peanut butter tart, built on that amazing combination of peanuts and chocolate.

It's one of my favourite pairings of ingredients—the sweet pastry and bitter chocolate contrast perfectly with the velvety smooth peanut butter filling.

Furthermore, these tarts are super easy to make: although there is some cooling time, the steps are all fast and simple.

They travel well, and could grace any tea party, dinner, picnic, or bake sale.

Beer'd!

By Dave the Beer Guy

You may not realise it, but Wellington is more than just the ‘Coolest Little Capital in the World’—it’s also the Craft Beer Capital of New Zealand.

Wellington has been the largest consumer of craft beer in New Zealand since the term ‘craft beer’ was first uttered. The combination of a small CBD peppered with upmarket bars and plenty of workers with secure government jobs, means Wellington has always consumed the majority of craft beer in the country. However, we’ve always been lagging in the craftbrewing arena.

In 2009, the relocation of Lion’s waterfront Mac’s brewery brought the number of breweries in Wellington to zero. Fast forward to 2013, and new breweries are popping up like mushrooms on your dorm’s carpet.

You’ve probably seen Tuatara beer before—they’re arguably the most

PEANUT BUTTER TARTS

By Julia Wells

1.5 tablespoons smooth salted peanut butter 125g cream cheese 1/2 cup icing sugar 1/2 cup, plus 1 tablespoon cream 1/2 teaspoon butter 60g dark chocolate 12 pre-baked tart shells (sweet short pastry, 12x60mm, you can find these in the supermarket or make your own) First, heat a pot of water to boiling, and sit a bowl over the top of it. Place the chocolate, butter and one tablespoon of cream in the bowl, and stir it until melted. Take teaspoons of the chocolate, and spoon into each tart shell.

Smear it around the inside of the shell, thereby lining each one with chocolate.

Cover, and place in the fridge for 30 - 60 minutes, or until the chocolate has hardened.

Prepare the tart filling by mixing the peanut butter, cream cheese and icing sugar together in a food processor or by hand until smooth. Whip half a cup of cream until it's very stiff, then fold it gently into the peanut butter mixture until fully combined. Chill, covered, in the fridge until the mixture hardens a little (about 20 minutes).

Remove the shells and filling from the fridge, and spoon the filling into the tart shells.

You can decorate them with chocolate shavings, chocolate curls or with chopped peanuts. For a gluten free alternative, serve the filling on its own or with fruit.

Wellington: Now with added Brewing! successful craft brewer in New Zealand.

Tuatara has always been considered a Wellington brewery, but until recently, they’ve been situated in the middle of nowhere (a.k.a. Reikorangi). Last year, Tuatara shifted to a much larger facility in Paraparaumu. Tuatara’s brewery now has a bar attached and offers brewery tours, a twenty-minute walk away from Paraparaumu train station.

Garage Project was the first central Wellington brewery to open since the Mac’s closure. Garage Project started out in 2011 with a tiny 50L brewery inside the old Aro Valley petrol station.

They tested new recipes on this wee kit before upgrading to their current shiny 1400L kit last year. Since then, beers like 'Pils 'n' Thrills', 'Pernicious Weed' and 'Aro Noir' have become commonplace in Wellington bars.

Garage Project recently opened ‘Cellar Door’ at the Aro St brewery, where you can buy riggers and bottles at decent prices. ◄ ◄ • 36 • ►►

Soon after Garage Project, three Victoria University graduates named Matt, Matt and Matt founded the ParrotDog brewery. You’ll now find beers like 'BitterBitch' and 'DeadCanary' at bars and supermarkets - but it’s cheapest in riggers from the brewery at 29 Vivian St. If you want to drink inside an actual brewery, Fork & Brewer and Black Dog are conveniently placed brewbars in Bond St and Blair St respectively.

Fork & Brewer brew a great Pilsner and American Pale Ale, and also make the best chicken wings in town. Black Dog is owned by Dominion Breweries, but the beer is made by three local home-brewers—so it actually has soul. I recommend trying ‘Ich Bin Ein Berliner Weisse’ to freak your taste buds out.

I know of at least three more breweries opening this year—so get ready for more.

If you’ve got any questions or comments, tweet me @davethebeerguy.

ϟ• ARTS•ϟ

ARTS the rocky outcrop writers tour alexandra hollis

This week, three Wellington writers will be setting out on a literary roadshow. The Rocky Outcrop Writers tour, featuring Pip Adam, Kirsten McDougall, Ashleigh Young and a host of guests will be visiting bookstores, libraries and galleries across the lower North Island. Recently, Salient talked to Pip, Kirsten and Ashleigh about their work, and writing in general.

How would you characterise the Wellington literary scene?

KMD: Cosy. Fun. Supportive. Drunk sometimes (though I hear that the thirty Creative Writing Masters students at Vic had to make do with nine bottles of wine at their intake evening. Read it and weep.) Apparently there is more writers per capita in Wellington than anywhere else in the world. Hopefully that means readers too.

PA: I reckon there is amazing diversity in the Wellington literary scene. Despite it being comparatively small there seems to be a lot of different things going on. A friend and I were talking the other day and we agreed even if we were in New York or London it would still probably feel like our writing community was about the same size.

AY: Of course Wellington is small, and sometimes you'll be struck by the feeling of living in one another's pockets, but somehow I'm constantly stumbling into unfamiliar, exciting writers. I'm not sure whether Wellington's size has helped or hindered things for me, personally – I'm only just starting out – but what I have

books found is that people have been so supportive, enthusiastic and encouraging that it's sometimes made me feel like an impostor.

How do you feel about the relationship between academia and writing?

KMD: One thing I don't like about some aspects of academia is how writing gets split into literary and non-literary. No writers I know think that way. They think: is this language alive? Does it have electricity? That's the test of a good sentence. I don't think Maurice Gee ever set out to write 'literature'. He just wrote damn good stories.

PA: I've done a lot of my writing at university, mainly at the IIML, and I teach writing in a university setting, so I may be biased but I think there is something really great about the mix of academic thought and community, and creative writing. I think you can't write without reading and I think university gives a really good grounding in reading critically which I think has helped me as a writer.

AY: Both academia and writing require deep thought and research and time bent over a desk alone; academia can seem like a natural transition for a writer. And teaching has saved the bacon of many a writer. Not only financially; maybe even psychologically. Being required to crystallise particular ideas in order to articulate them well, to keep reading, to keep enthused about your subject, are all processes that I'm sure can nourish a writer's personal work.

When you write, are you setting out to write a story or a poem, or does an idea naturally settle into

◄ ◄ • 37 • ►►

that form?

KMD: Story drives form for me. I gave up poetry because I was crap at it and I wanted to tell longer stories than the form would allow.

My first book, The Invisible Rider (VUP, 2012), suited a shorter form (some stories under 500 words, some over 5000). The current project I'm working on is much longer—longer sentences, longer paragraphs—because the story is driving it that way.

PA: What usually comes to me first is an image.

As a kid I watched a lot of television, I didn't read much, so I think my imagination formed as a picture-making machine rather than a wordmaking machine. So most of the time what I'm trying to do is get that picture into words. I used to write poetry but then I fell in love with plot, and a poem can have plot for sure, but yeah, for some reason plot led me away from poetry and into stories.

AY: I'm a total bore on this front. I almost immediately decide whether I'll be writing a poem, or an essay, or a blog post, or... God, even a tweet. (I tell myself it all counts.) It feels like I have a different brain, a different kind of attention and intuition, for each of those forms.

More information about the Rocky Outcrop Writers tour can be found at outcroppers.wordpress.com. The tour will hit the Wellington region on Wednesday 20 March, at 6pm (Lower Hutt War Memorial Library) and Saturday 23 March, at 2pm (St Peter's Hall, Paikakariki). Free admission, all welcome.

ϟ• ARTS•ϟ

film Escapism done right and escapism done wrong

by Gerald Lee

Escapism has become something of a dirty word among film critics. It’s intended as the ultimate slight, used to deride films as populist trash.

Audiences have bought into this by justifying blockbusters as ‘escapist fun’, thinking that such cinematic drivel provides a distraction from the pressures of modern life. However, ‘escapism’ shouldn’t be thrown around as an insult, nor should we settle for the dumbed-down escapism of Hollywood.

Drawing an audience into an experience dissimilar to their own is actually a remarkable feat, something which many films fail to accomplish. Through journeys into alien landscapes, warped nightmares, and things that simply couldn’t occur in modern-day society, filmmakers can explore the full breadth of the human experience. Escapism is a window into our humanity, not a juvenile rejection of it.

Science-fiction movies are excellent fodder for escapism, even though the results are often mixed: defying scientific boundaries allows us to pull away from our planetary cradle into the unknown depths of space, or the possibilities of advanced technology. Sci-fi horror flick Alien rests upon fantastical notions of extraterrestrial life and technological advancement.

However, its thematic core hinges upon uniquely human concerns. The phallic imagery concerning the ‘facehugger’ serves as an analogy of the male fear of penetration and rape. Similarly, Alien’s quasi-prequel Prometheus uses the concept of an ‘alien abortion’ to examine the common maternal fear that the child growing inside them is deformed. In both cases, they are shown in a gory, preposterous fashion, but this exaggeration reveals the depth and potency of the fears that they are referring to. To render such concerns in a realistic fashion would simply dull their emotional impact.

However, escapism doesn’t necessarily have to involve journeying to unknown realms; rendering familiar environs from a different perspective can provide the same scope for exploration. Black Swan takes place within a cinematic landscape that is recognisable, but also distorted and embellished.

Following a ballet dancer’s drive to become the ultimate 'Swan Queen', it explores common desires for artistic perfection. Instead of being a simple drama however, the film is presented as a psychosexual horror filled with paranoid delusions, graphic mutilation and sordid sexual fantasies. It is unabashedly ridiculous, but chillingly effective when put on screen. It

provides us with insights (and thrills) that a straight-laced tale of a frustrated ballet dancer could never replicate.

Unfortunately, many people’s conception of escapist cinema consists of Hollywood schlock. They will point to the Michael Bay blockbusters and the Roland Emmerich disasters as being amusing distractions from the drudgery of modern life. However, these films fail to break away from the mundane, instead dressing up the confines of familiarity in a shiny veneer. Films like Battleship play off patriotic sentiments in order to enforce the establishment and its values. They may be escapist in the loose sense of defying reality, but this is vastly inferior to the intelligent escapism that comes from truly stepping away from social and cinematic norms.

Moreover, they are rigidly formulaic. Battleship isn’t just an appalling film merely because it’s incomprehensibly stupid, but also because its thrills are hackneyed. Generic aliens invade Earth and shit starts to blow up. Big deal.

The escape these films provide is controlled; a sanitised Hollywood style of ‘letting go’.

It’s time to reclaim the word ‘escapism’. Let’s stop taking it to mean a juvenile fantasy that has no intellectual heft. Let’s stop using it to justify the existence of the cliché-ridden actioners that clog our cinemas. Instead, it should be the moniker of films that manage to truly transport us; films that expose us to different experiences and unique insights.

Top 5 Quotes from Woody Allen

“I am not afraid of death -- I just don't want to be there when it happens.”

“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go it’s pretty damn good.”

“My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.”

◄ ◄ • 38 • ►►

“I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it’s the government.”

“There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?”

ϟ• ARTS•ϟ

visual arts 21st Century Collecting: Showing Little and Saying Nothing: a review Morgan Ashworth

21st Century Collecting claims to “[raise] provocative questions about the nature of contemporary art practice and the challenges facing those who are its custodians.”

Unfortunately the Adam Art Gallery has fallen victim to its own ‘art-speak’, as the exhibition fails to propose any sufficient answers to these relevant questions, and instead draws attention to the inadequate way in which many of the works included have been displayed.

A significant portion of the artworks included have been seen either at the Adam in the past several years, or around campus as part of the Victoria University Art Collection. The entirely new and not previously exhibited acquisitions are relegated to the lower floors of the gallery, out of sight and out of reach for many new visitors who lack either the time or the courage to explore the gallery’s full depths. Presumably some of these works will be hung permanently on campus in future, but for the purposes of this exhibition, the flipside of what may have been a well-intentioned case of 'saving the best for last' means the visitor is greeted with what appears to be a hurriedly recycled mish-mash of old material.

The Congreve Foyer is populated by a Billy Apple, and a 'Billy Apple'; the first, Billy Apple’s From The VUW Art Collection, is usually found in the University’s Art History department.

The painting itself, being relatively small, looks somewhat out of place on the long wall of the gallery on which it hangs, the entire wall having

been painted the requisite red that the artist stipulates.

The second work, With All Kinds of Delays, is by Daniel Malone -- who changed his name by deed poll to Billy Apple in 1996. Malone’s preference for this work to be attributed to ‘Billy Apple’ is prevented by the real Billy Apple’s trademark.

The work itself consists of a glass brick cast from the shattered remains left when Malone threw a clay brick through the front window of the gallery in July 2009, immediately after Window Cleaning 27 March 2009. The glass brick is displayed now on a pedestal, next to a television on the ground playing video documentation of the original 2009 act. The choice of display is awkward, discouraging viewers from watching the full recording, and regular visitors will no doubt be surprised to see the brick again so soon.

Occupying the Upper Chartwell space is another familiar series from last year: John Lake’s The Campus. What made for a lively documentation of campus politics in its first form, shown on many screens with overlapping audio tracks, is here condensed and silenced. This strikes me as a lackluster effort in capturing the work’s essence.

Copies of Student, a revived 1930s student newspaper, make up an integral part of the work, but are dumped unceremoniously around a corner and it isn’t immediately obvious what they are there for.

Downstairs, the darkened Kirk Gallery shows films from Philip Dadson’s Polar Projects series.

Recorded during the artist’s 2003 trip to Antarctica, these audiovisual works are powerful visions of an alien landscape, and the Kirk Gallery affords them the space and attention they deserve.

Also represented is Louise Menzies’ Letters to Students of the Radiant Life. Originally consisting of a video performance, lecture and collected ephemera from the archive of the bizarre School of Radiant Living, this work has been presented here as a series of framed documents. The publication which came out of Menzies’ 2010 work, Radiant Living, is trapped in a vitrine and cannot be read. The accompanying poster, a still from the video component of the original work, is not displayed. Very little information about either the School or the original artwork can be derived from this exhibition choice.

The Lower Chartwell gallery space—a wing filled with the Gallery’s newest acquisitions— contains new and exciting art, with which I was not able to spend much time. Large-scale photographs and paintings by Jae Hoon Lee and Elizabeth Thomson, among others, are visually enticing, but they are also the easiest to display. It isn’t clear what “provocative questions about the nature of contemporary practice” these works raise, and they don’t offer the same challenges of preservation and display that performance and video art does.

A lack of accompanying documentation and a minimal public programme are not promising signs for finding the answers as to exactly how these works fit in the exhibition, nor for finding satisfying answers to the questions of how bes to t document and re-stage challenging formats of contemporary art. At best, 21st Century Collecting offers a select introduction to some New Zealand contemporary art practice, but should certainly not be taken as representative and makes no significant contribution of its own.

PHILLIP DADSON

◄ ◄ • 39 • ►►

ϟ• ARTS•ϟ

music gold panda at san fran elise munden

It takes a lot to get the collared-shirt-clad lads of the San Francisco Bath House to dance like they mean it. On March 6, a bearded man from Peckham achieved this.

Before I describe Gold Panda’s role in the night’s revelry, it would be a crime for me to not mention the badassery that was his opening act: Totems. Despite also being involved in angsty hardcore band Caroles, this kid has taken the time to craft a live set which perfectly balances hip-hop with warpy, dubby-420 goodness. I was also impressed with his surprise dropping of 'Sandstorm' by Darude. He hails from Auckland, so if you ever get the chance, check him and his Harry Styles-hairdo out.

Now onto Gold Panda: the Japanese-speaking, ex-sexshop-working Englishman, real name Derwin Powers.

(Derwin, if you’re reading this, I will actually marry you just to have your last name.)

His 2010 album Lucky Shiner received much attention in the electronic music world, and he has finally come to New Zealand shores for the first time. His smooth tunes will easily set the mood fo’ u and yo' gurl on a Saturday night, and the Asiatic influences in his music can be heard at their zenith in what is possibly his magnum opus, ‘Quitters Raga’.

Sadly, however, the first half of his set didn’t scream out the eclecticism I was hoping for. While it was pleasantly chill, and definitely enjoyable to listen to, he didn’t venture far beyond repetitive loops and mixing in the odd sound bite here and there. Being entirely candid, I can find that kind of music anywhere on SoundCloud these days. However, it should be noted that he was making an impressive—and successful— effort at avoiding the blatantly computer-generated sound that most of his peers are guilty of exhibiting. In an interview with UnderTheRadar he testifies that he is “bored of clean, well-produced music”, and his efforts to

work on the fly indeed keep him sounding fresh.

As for the second half of his set: %&$!@# Suddenly, the tempo was lifted, and he became more daring in his mixing. The aforementioned ‘Quitters Raga’ of 2009 was, as expected, sensational, and the old age of the song probably contributed to his more confident use of it. Other highlights included ‘You’ and ‘Marriage’, both of which he experimented with seamlessly.

Despite my slightly pessimistic view of some of his set, the variety that Gold Panda achieved over the course of the night was superb. His bobble-head-style dance moves were also much appreciated.

3.9 / 5

Gold Panda

The Salient Arts Rating Guide: 5 stars - So fetch 4 stars - Four for you Glen Coco! (you go Glen Coco)

3 stars - Cold, Shiny, Hard Plastic.

2 stars - This has been sufficiently awkward 1 star - Personally victimized.

0 stars - Boo, you whore.

◄ ◄ • 40 • ►►

ϟ• ARTS•ϟ

theatre the difficult world of professional theatre. Sound enticing? It may be a good starting place for you too. And remember—if you’re studying theatre it’s probably a good idea to watch theatre.

Director and choreographer Brigid Costello chatted to Salient about her upcoming Fringe Festival production Gizza Hoon, on at BATS Theatre 8-16 March.

Tell us about Gizza Hoon.

bats: out of site diana russell

Wondering what became of that cesspit of stumbling-drunk first-years and older dudes looking for an easy pick-up formerly known as The Big Kumara? Having been there once back when I was in my first year (after which I proceeded to head straight home to shower), I can’t say I’m going to miss it. Fortunately, the old Big K on the corner of Cuba and Dixon Streets is now the new temporary home of BATS Theatre.

After the previous owners and landlords of 1 Kent Tce, the Royal Antediluvian Order of Buffaloes, sold to Sir Peter Jackson and Fran Walsh in 2011, they offered BATS an extended lease. This location is currently undergoing renovations, so for the next seventeen months you will find them at the old Big K. But don’t let the location frighten you off; they’ve done some pretty impressive renovations of the old club.

The new location still holds all the charm of the old BATS location, continuing to provide patrons with the same intimate atmosphere and boutique vibe.

So to all you first year theatre students, or slacking older students: if you haven’t checked out BATS Theatre yet, get yo’ A into G and head on down. Ticket prices are cheap as BATS operates on the philosophy of affordable but good entertainment. Their policy is to rekindle the popularity and accessibility of theatre for young people, as well as to provide a training ground for those struggling to forge careers in

It’s a dark, dance-pop work inspired by the Top 40. Gizza Hoon is a comic insight into the relationship between the pop music we hear on the radio, and how New Zealanders socialise with each other. It’s inspired also by, you know, that 'YouTube generation' as well as late-night Courtenay Place antics. We really just wanted to let go and make something quite raw and less calculated than our previous Fringe Festival shows.

How did you come up with the original idea?

I teach teenagers in secondary school and you can’t help noticing just how influential pop music is over them. They really relate to these songs and feel this connection to the music and artists.

Teenagers are listening to these songs constantly on their iPods, and I can see how this music is directly informing the way they socialise and

interact with each other as well how they make sense of the world around them.

One Direction is a top favourite among the Year Nines. Especially their song ‘That’s What Makes You Beautiful’; they just get a sense as though these songs are especially for them, and they’ll get super excited as soon as one of the band members post a tweet.

What can audiences expect?

I definitely think uni students would enjoy the show. If you’ve ever experienced drunk dancing or found yourself down Courtenay Place in the seedy hours of night or early morning, then you’ll relate to Gizza Hoon.

I’ve invited some of my senior students, but I actually haven’t told any of the younger ones, (laughs). There’s some explicit content in most pop music and we’ve taken that to a bit of an extreme in many ways. I’m not sure how keen I’d be with them knowing I came up with a lot of what’s in the show.

Anything else you’d like to add?

Oh, I should mention our composer Tane Upjohn-Beatson. He actually normally does more indie music, but confessed he’s secretly wanted to do pop music for a while. Tane’s also worked as the composer on six Fringe Festival shows this year, ours being the last. He came up with all of the music in two weeks, and it’s amazing music that I could definitely see being in the Top 40 charts.

gizza hoon

◄ ◄ • 41 • ►►

 ϟ puzzles ϟ 

PUZZLES "SHIFTING WEIGHT" - difficulty: EASY

41. Silently assents 42. Consumed 43. It might follow Pol. at uni 44. Opposite of exo46. Gamemaker Crane of the 74th Hunger Games 48. Caviar 49. It's usually next to the space bar 52. TV series that started with the sinking of the Titanic 56. Gas used in the Tokyo subway sttacks 59. Impacts in “Deep Impact” 60. Send over the moon 61. Café au ____ 62. “The Simpsons” bus driver 63. Gaping ravine 64. Rainbow shapes 65. Gas on Broadway

ACROSS 1. Red October and others, for short 5. Biblical book after John 9. Creates (a phrase) 14. Pokemon before Kadabra 15. Blood, when thicker 16. Kitchenwear 17. Apples might be kept here after picking 19. Green sauce 20. South Carolina teen meme who said “the Iraq, everywhere like such as”

22. Acronym on a store sign at noon 23. Night before 24. Displayed 28. Eye lasciviously 29. Be in the red 30. Ovine female 31. Russian or Serb, maybe 33. Land in the Loire 34. Made angry 35. She became a Duchess in April 2011 39. Created 40. Commercial spots

DOWN 1. Graphic novelist Joe who wrote “Footnotes in Gaza” 2. German one of 1-Across 3. Grill from above 4. 2010 Angelina Jolie film 5. Doing something 6. One whose job is to make copies?

7. Three in Maori 8. Part of a dance 9. “Chicago Outfit” leader Al 10. Tournaments for everyone 11. American tax org.

12. Forget-me-___ 13. Commercial prefix for Cat or Cone 18. Record holder?

21. Crucial device for Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker 25. King from the nativity story 26. 1930s Olympian Jesse 27. United

2. How many roads must a man walk down?

3. What is steganography?

4. Of all the countries which have never won a medal at a Summer Olympics, which has the largest population?

5. Tala is the basic monetary unit of which country?

ISSUE 01 SOLUTION

Sudoko

Quiz 1. Who came up with the song title 'A Hard Day's Night'?

28. Tardy 29. Getting on in years 31. Move on ice 32. Loaded with cargo 33. 18+ cards, for example 34. Langston Hughes poem “____ Sing America” 36. Tropical parrot 37. Dictator Amin 38. Make attractive (to) 39. Higher humanities degrees 43. High tea go-with 44. A real turn-on 45. Feature of dangerous circus acts 47. Amends 49. Grab ____ (snack) 50. Resulted in 51. Boxer in “The Hangover” 53. Simba's “The Lion King” love 54. Pre-1917 ruler 55. Godsend 56. Multitude, metaphorically 57. Church robe 58. Actor Romano or Liotta

6. True or false - the question "Do you smoke?" is asked every second census in New Zealand.

difficulty: medium

7. What are the two positions in the sport of korfball called?

8. Which word appears in the title of a Police hit from 1981, a Queen hit from 1986 and a Take That hit from 1992?

9. How many of the United States of America border the Pacific Ocean?

10. What is 'mannish water'?

ANSWERS: (1) Ringo Starr (2) 42 (3) Invisible-ink writing (4) Bangladesh (5) Samoa (6) True (7) Attacker and defender (8) 'Magic' (9) Five (10) A Jamaican goat soup

letters escape & CROSSWORD by puck — ANSWERS NEXT ISSUE ◄ ◄ • 42 • ►►

 ϟ puzzles ϟ 

Target

g b y

o a o n v e

Letters Escape difficulty: EASY

Each of the 26 clues can be answered by one of the words or phrases in capitals.

Each of the answers, though, has had a different letter removed from it two, three, four or five times. When you've figured out what letter was removed from each answer, and matched them with the clues, you'll have used each letter of the alphabet once.

City in New Mexico Douglas Adam's 'Guide to the Galaxy' Brand of bubble gum Song from Pink Floyd's 'The Wall' Rebuff, or drink in one mouthful Try a bit of food Sound a dog makes Its capital is Antananarivo 'Rocky Horror Picture Show' character Annoying small child, in slang Loose, like clothing Inability to sit still 1995 comic-book film with Sylvester Stallone Character in The Beatles' song 'Get Back' Bright brand of marker pen It can help detect breast cancer Zeppelin One who frightens people Song from the musical 'Chicago' Pokemon that may evolve into Vaporeon Fictional land visited by Gulliver Element found in nuclear weapons Scientific name for the tailbone Persian king that appears in '300' They protect the eyes Three-layered snack

IIPUT BOO WHIERSNAER OYX RIRA AOGRA ALBUUERUE DRGBLE RETLENE HUAUA HEOU OO MDGSCR ASEES OLES OCOFIIG RANIM V IID RECKIE RALEDALE ITCIKERS TEOIZE NOCBAC ERES JUGERE

YEAR LONG PUZZLE: 1. Rearrange the letters in EDIBLE STEW into a savannah creature (10 letters) 2. Rearrange the letters in TWELVE PLUS ONE into a sum with the same unlucky result (6, 4, 3)

difficulty: easy

difficulty: hard

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difficulty: medium

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

SALIENT ♥ YOU

letters Letter of the

week

real controversial opinion, bro win a $10 voucher for the hunter lounge

great satire, bro Dear Salient, Human decency and decorum are obviously two things that Salient writers sorely lack, based on your repulsively immoral 'Sex' issue. Instead of features on the importance of reserving your body for a Holy Communion with God, I was instead greeted with screeds of information that amounted to Devil worship.

Pornography involves passionate, erotic sex, two concepts that should never come into an unpleasant activity designed only for procreation. Furthermore, the lost-souls in those films are engaging in sordid pre-marital sex. This is morally wrong; everybody knows that only priests are entitled to touch your genitalia before marriage.

Furthermore, you had to have an interview with one of the devil-spawn, also known as a 'stripper'. I almost vomited into my morning glass of Holy Water.

Please remedy your moral crimes.

Otherwise, I'll see you all in hell (from heaven).

Yours Sincerely, God's Holy Servant

Note: Last week’s Personals

by Eleanor Merton.

were compiled

warning: contains nudity Dear Flailient, Im not hating on the first years but I just hope in my heart of hearts that they appreciate the glory of the campus hub. us elders have toiled for fucking ages ages and ages to see it finished so you kids BETTER APPRECIATE ITS GOODNESS. that's all.

Oh and two more things: 1) The amount of sex in the latest issue was good but again where were the nude pics? More of the (.)(.) plz 2) y u only give 1 page of letters? mmoooar.

Luv, PJ Lewis

Yo Salient, You know who is shit? Coldplay. Like, I get it, your band is the perfect music for any Grey’s Anatomy moment where a character dies but for the most part, you are shit house. I don’t mean regular shit house, like Kora or The Feelers, but like real full on build a house and use it for the purposes of shitting. The lead singer even has a boring name! And while we are on the subject, “Chris Martin” don’t try to convince everyone you ain’t boring by giving your child a kooky name. “Apple” is already going to have a hard enough time when people figure out where they have heard her Dad’s band before, “oh yeah, my Nan’s funeral”. Sort your shit Coldplay, this is your last warning.

Love, Chad Kroger.

fundamentalists enforce gender norms?

Salient ran a good article a while ago on Arise Church's services' brainwashing techniques (lights, sound, language, etc).

Turns out their youth wing, Huge!, have been using similar tactics during Clubs Week, this time in a pretty sexist way.

Being in a position to watch their stall for a length of time last week revealed they've come up with a particularly creepy brand of gendered manipulation to recruit young men. Throughout the day, there was a clear pattern which repeated over and over again: behind their lolly stall, they had two seats set up with a flatscreen TV and Xbox. A cool-looking surfer dudebro would invite a lonely, no-so-cool-looking gawky first yearish boy who seemed a bit lost and overwhelmed in and ask him to sit down and play Xbox with him. While they played and talked, a pretty young girl would sit in between them and not speak, but just nod and laugh at the appropriate moments. As far as I'm aware girls weren't invited to play Xbox... seems like Huge! are aiming to recruit boys they have decided are "weird" by making them feel like they have Huge!cocks.

Jesus Christ.

so you think you're brad pitt I'm 22 and part 2 masters student and ◄ ◄ • 44 • ►►

I went to the wrong room today and was offered help by a campus coach. I then cracked a high while talking to my tutorial class. I'm aging backwards...

Benjamin Button

don't get cured Shout out to Huge! for the candy I got but a big soz to them bcoz I actually can't make it to any of their services due to the fact I will be working on pushing the #gayagenda and doing other really gay shit.

not the sexy response we hoped for Dear correspondent On behalf of Hon Steven Joyce thank you for your email.

While the Minister considers all correspondence to be important and all messages are carefully read and considered, it is not possible to provide a personal response to every email which is received.

Where the Minister has portfolio responsibility for the issues that you have raised, your correspondence will be considered and responded to where appropriate.

Regards on behalf of Hon Steven Joyce Minister for Economic Development Minister of Science and Innovation Minister for Tertiary Education, Skills and Employment Associate Minister of Finance

cheer up grumpy trousers Dear Gaylient (and before your get upset that’s gay for happy, you PC Nazis), Can I start by saying: ‘letz hear it 4 da gurlz!!1!’ It’s so-aaaaah good to have some gurls in charge of this once shitty and baron publication.

Now Gaylient, I’m mad. I’m really mad – what the fuck is the deal with The Hub? If we wanted a place for freshers to hang out and annoy the fuck out of us non-first year, distinguished students then we should’ve just campaigned to keep the Big Kumara open. From the time I spent in The Hub last week, it’s evident that that this modern architecture monstrosity emits a similar level of noise as a packed out Hope Bros D floor on

SALIENT ♥ YOU

letters a Saturday night during an S Club 7 medley.

If I wanted to deal with a bunch of toddlers, I’d go back to kindergarten.

Sort this shit out, please. I’m way too fucking old for this shit.

Regards, Hungover and Unimpressed – Karori.

she doesn't even go here What up Marge, I sometimes return to my old stomping ground of Victoria University to chill with the homies and pose as a student for a free VUWSA sausage, being, as I am, a former student journalist and therefore a big fan of a VUWSA sausage. Anyway, I was up at Kelburn last week to harass some first years about whether they found their lecture theatres on time and I got stuck behind one particularly snail-paced specimen struggling with the doors to the ground floor of the Student Union Building. Once a smug second-year, always a smug second-year, so I made a great song and dance of sighing audibly, rolling my eyes and - in a hugely selfcongratulatory combination of "Duuuuuuuuuuh" and "ta-da!" - pressing the button. and Lo! the door opened.

It's not like I expected them to fall over themselves in gratitude to me for showing them the light but you know what, these punks rolled their eyes like I was themassive dork for using the button instead of manually crowing open the door, when it is in fact they who are the massive dorks, as I have a company credit card and a wardrobe full of Karen Walker, both of which keep me warm at night, thanks for asking. anyway I just wanted those first-years to check themselves and learn from their elders and use the button, because that's what it's there for and if you force it, you're not radically eschewing old and tired past tends, you're forcing the mechanism making it less effective and fast to respond in the future. also speaking of old and tired past trends, please, stop trying to make the 90s happen again 'cos it was not a flattering era for anyone, and though i appreciate tumblr might be a "safe space" for you to express your subversive creativity online, "irl" it doesn't have an awful lot of sway. further you look like a fucking idiot wearing one of those plastic chokers from Mattel, much as you did the first time round in 1999, but it was excusable then because you were a child and not an adult. thanks for listening Salient, i'll be honest, i've had a liquid lunch and took your

Facebook plea for letters a little to heart.

Hopefully you don't have one of those dumb policies about "we won't post letters hating on the first years" because that's not funny or cool Your ever-eager correspondent Regina George

maybe you're a sitcom Hilarious story: Recently, I went with a guy on a date to the film Amour (yeah, I know my notion of romance is fucked). At one point I decided to swoop in for a cheeky pash. Unfortunately, he decided to lean forward right at that moment, leading to an awkward instance where I ended up making out with a particularly grimy seat cover. He then fell back, leading to him smacking my head with his spine. Both of us yelled, shot filthy looks at each other and turned away from each other for the duration of the film.

Needless to say, there was no hankey pankey that night.

My point: romance is doomed to failure.

Cheers, Weeping Man

there's a reason it's called the mothership Hi Ho Stellient Is it true that your new editor Stella Blake-Kelly is an alien descended from the far edge of the galaxy? If I were Anakin Skywalker I'd call her an angel. But I'm not, so I won't. Sorry Stella. You seem nice.

It's nice to have some women involved for a change. I mean, aside from 2010 and 2011 and all the non-editor females who sent lots of femails.

Above all though I'm disgruntled that Salient is still joking about Gangnam Style and Kony. That shit is OLD. Not in the way that people are claiming that Harlem Shake is old, but like, they reached their cultural zenith months ago. GIVE IT UP! Next thing you know you'll be making FarmVille jokes again like it's 2009.

KINDEST OF WARM REGARDS The Buzz Killster

SALIENT LETTERS POLICY 2013 Salient welcomes, encourages, and thrives on public debate – be it serious or otherwise – through its letters pages. Write about anything you like: Beyoncé, puppies, or the metaphysics of space-time.

Send us love mail, send us hate mail, send us party invites. We want it all.

Letters must be received before 12pm on the Wednesday for publication the next week.

Letters must be no longer than 250 words.

Pseudonyms are fine, but all letters must include your real name, address and telephone number, these will not be printed. Please note that letters will not be corrected for spelling or grammar.The Editor reserves the right to edit, abridge or decline any letters without explanation.

Letters can be sent to: Email: letters@salient.org.nz Post: Salient, c/- Victoria University of Wellington Hand-delivered: the Salient office, Level 3, Student Union Building (behind the Hunter Lounge)

◄ ◄ • 45 • ►►

SALIENT ♥ YOU

NOTICES Victoria University TaeKwonDo Club (WTF style) Interested in Taekwondo? New to Taekwondo? Learned Taekwondo before?

Come along and join us! Great way to keep fit and have fun!

Training times: Tuesday 6.30pm - 8.00pm Long Room, Victoria University Recreation Centre Saturday 3.30pm - 5.00pm Dance Room, Victoria University Recreation Centre you need: Drink bottle, comfy clothes Contact: vuwtkd@hotmail.com We are affiliated to the TaeKwonDo Union of NZ (TUNZ)

REFUGEE BACKGROUND STUDENTS DROP IN CENTRE FOR REFUGEE BACKGROUND STUDENTS. • Every week day 4-6pm, there is a drop-in centre in on the 10th Floor of the Murphy Building in room 1010, to help you with your studies.

• The Centre is run by senior students, and you can drop by at any time for help with essays, studying for a test, dealing with a tutor, planning your degree, practicing an oral presentation etc.

• You can also just drop by to de-stress, get something to eat and have a chat.

• For more info email vuw.dropin@gmail.com Calling all surfers: A new club has been set up to teach students who are keen to learn and get those with more experience together for road trips and social competitions. To find out more email vuw.surf@gmail.com or head to the Facebook group Victoria Surf.

Vic OE Student Exchange Fair!

March 21st Cotton & Maclaurin Foyers, Kelburn Campus - March 21st 11am-3pm Why not study overseas as part of your degree?!

Earn Vic credit, get Studylink & grants, explore the world! Weekly seminars on Wednesdays, Level 2, Easterfield Building, 12.50pm Email: VicOE@vuw.ac.nz Website: http://victoria.ac.nz/exchange Visit us: Level 2, Easterfield Building Drop-in hours: Mon & Tues 9-12, Wed-Fri 10-12

2013/14 Internships & Graduate Jobs!

ORGANISATIONS

CLOSING

First NZ Capital Deutsche Bank

11th March

KPMG Grant Thornton HRINZ PricewaterhouseCoopers

18th March

Staples Rodway Ernst & Young Bell Gully Buddle FIndlay Chapman Tripp Deloitte DLA Phillips Fox Kensington Swan Minter Ellison Russell McVeagh Simpson Grierson Mayne Wetherell Audit New Zealand Wilson Harle Motu Economic & Public Policy Research Trust

Introduction to SCM - and free pizza!

Friday 15th March 7pm Ramsey House Universal Day of Prayer for Students Monday 25th March 5.30pm St. Peter's on Willis Street

20th March

Commerce and Law Careers Expo Thursday 14 March 2013 11am – 2pm Rutherford House Ground & Mezzanine Foyers

21st March

22nd March

EMPLOYER PRESENTATION Deloitte Consulting Ernst & Young Deloitte Bell Gully Walt Disney World Westpac Reserve Bank

boulter@gmail.com for more details or to be added to our emailing list.

DATE 11th March 12th March 14th March 18th March 19th March 20th March 21st March

DETAILS: http://careerhub.victoria.ac.nz Start preparing your CV - attend workshops, get your CV checked…

BUSINESS & INVESTMENT CLUB Business and Investment Club (BIC) invites you to the first seminar of the Investment Academy, a crash-course about financial markets. It takes place on Monday 11th March at 5pm @ New Zealand Stock Exchange building (NZX, 11 Cable street, 1st floor). Agenda: what is stockmarket, its history and how does it work, comparison of shares with other investment instruments, recommendation for good sources of information and walk-through the NZX building.

STUDENT CHRISTIAN MOVEMENT Interested in the big questions of faith, society and just life in general? Join the completely inclusive, ecumenical and non-judgemental Student Christian Movement (SCM) as a safe place to explore these issues. We have a strong and radical social justice focus and a long proud history on campuses worldwide since 1895. Absolutely everyone welcome. Contact heidi.

Wonderful opportunity to explore future work opportunities in a relaxed and informal setting. Don’t miss out! For some employers, the is the only time they recruit and the only event where you get to meet them in person!

• 40 stalls jam packed with career opportunities!

• Free professional memberships!

• Free careers handouts and advice! + countless summer internships and graduate opportunities on offer! Check out the Expo Directory on CareerHub: http:// careerhub.victoria.ac.nz and come to meet the organisation in person!

Free Film Screenings at the Language Learning Centre This Week: Boy (2010) directed by Taika Waititi 5:00pm, Thursday 14th March | Language Learning Centre | vz003 Throughout the year, the LLC will be showing International Films from Studio Ghibli productions to French dramas.

Come along, bring your friends and relax after a long week at Uni. All films will be screened with English subtitles.

VICTORIA RESCUE Victoria Rescue is a volunteer team of students and staff at the University who train to react to urban search and rescue emergencies. The team is holidng an information evening for anyone keen on joining in 2013 Date: Monday, March 11th Place: Alan MacDiarmid room 101 Time: 5:30pm - 7:30pm.

No prior experience is expected or required.

It's a great opportunity to learn new rescue skills, gain leadership skills, and meet other people from around the University. All students and staff are welcome.

EMAIL: at:nzrt7-admin@ecs.vuw.ac.nz VISIT: http://www.rescue.vuw.ac.nz

Notices Policy: Salient provides a free notice service for all Victoria students, VUWSA-affiliated clubs not-for-profit organisations. Notices should be received by 5pm Tuesday the week before publication. Notices must be fewer than 100 words. For-profit organisations will be charged $15 per notice. Send notices to editor@salient.org.nz with 'Notice' in the subject line.

◄ ◄ • 46 • ►►

SALIENT ♥ YOU

VBC tues

The

weds

VBC Breakfast Show

fri

w/ Sally & Maddie Sweet music, news, interviews & giveaways

sat

sun

DJ MP3 Player beep....

DJ MP3 Player beep....

Wake N' Bake w/ Pearce & Duncan

Raw Politik Emanuel & Neas

INFIDEL CASTRO w/ Philip McSweeney

THE BEEF! w/ Matt & Alex

7–9pm

What Is ART? w/ Virginia

bodega SAM Wood

9–late

4–7pm

thurs

w/

2–4pm

12–2pm

10–noon

7–10am

mon

Want a show on the VBC this year? There are still spaces available—contact stationmanager@vbc.org.nz to get on air!

George Armstrong Dead Air

SALIENT w/ Molly & Stella

MARYKE

Lewie & Tash

Alex. Michael & Nick

Joe Sloane

Ctrl/Alt/Dlt w/ Keegan &

Thursday Drive "Add w Aiden"

Josh King

The Vinyl Countdown

Train-Spotting w/ Holly & Stumble

PRE-LOAD w/ Matt &

Making Waaves w/ Kariiba & Guests

Dave & ED

rohan

Slim Picking's w/ Slim & Bunny

Gussie

Chris Gilman The Night Shift

THAT'S SO METAL Mitchell

friends

Compulsory ECSTASY w/ Kim & Nic

Railroad Blues w/ Ray

GIG GUIDE mon 11

tues 12

weds 13

Estere 2pm (free!)

Mighty Quiz!

6:30pm

mighty mighty

Thagomizer (free!)

san francisco bathhouse The Mornings w Miles Calder

bodega

meow cafe

Dead Dreamers/ Sail At Sunset/ Authors/ Precursor 8pm (free!)

Stitch & Bitch 7:00pm

fri 15

sat 16

Myele Manzanza Trio 2pm (free!)

Netsky 8pm

Downtown Street Challenge 1pm

Black Wings & Man Alone ($5)

Hawaiian Luau Party ($5)

Raw Comedy 6pm

The Spines 9pm

PCP Eagles, Numbskull & Gravemind ($10)

Super Villians (RMC) & Tommy ILL 8pm ($10) Claude Rains and Guests

Melting Faces

Bernie Griffin w Kristin Warner, Tommy & Vanessa, Miles Calder & The Rumour 9pm ($10)

Big Band Jazz Night (free!)

puppies southern cross

thurs 14

Electric Quiz 8pm - 10pm

Kroon For Your Kai 6:30pm ◄ ◄ • 47 • ►►

Roseneath Centennial Ragtime band