Salient Issue 06 - Volume 87

EDITORIAL LOVE

Te Herenga Waka

• Pūtea Āwhina | Hardship Fund. Has something come up and you’re struggling to make rent? Cost of living crisis caught up to you? Got an unexpected dentist bill? Need help with gender affirming care? You can apply for a grant through Pūaha.

Te Whanganui-a-Tara

• Everybody Eats. Runs Sunday-Wednesday from 6-8pm LTD. Level 1, 60 Dixon St, Te Aro. A three course koha set menu, changes daily with vegetarian/vegan options.

products when VUWSA will give you them for free? Locations: Ground Floor restroom, Rankine Brown Building, Kelburn (near Library entrance/ under The Hub stairs), VUWSA Pipitea office, Ground floor Rutherford House (next to the info desk), Te Aro Campus Library (just to the side of the entrance).

• Kaibosh. Every Friday Kaibosh (via VUWSA) delivers food to Kelburn office during semesters. Kaibosh is a food rescue service, and you can find bread, bagels, fruit and other goodies to pick up for free.

bird of the week

Toroa

• @Kai.for.all (Insta). Community kitchen and garden. Also run free cooking classes and have a community compost system.

• Dress for Success. Provides appropriate clothing for job interviews, court appearances, flat viewings, and graduation, just to name a few of the options.

Phoebe Robertson Editor in Chief

The Toroa, or Antipodean albatross, reigns supreme over the vast expanse of the Southern Ocean with its majestic wings and enduring grace. These magnificent seabirds make their homes on remote subantarctic islands and traverse great distances. With a wingspan reaching up to 3 meters, they are among the largest seabirds in the world. This species primarily feeds on squid and fish, utilizing their expert soaring skills to obtain sustenance. Despite their mastery of the open seas, they face dangers from longline fisheries, highlighting the importance of global cooperation in protecting these incredible creatures.

PHOEBE'S PICKS

THUR | Unity Books | 12.30 - 1.15pm

Author Talk

During this event, Stacey Teague (Ngāti Maniapoto/Ngāpuhi) and romesh dissanayake will be discussing their work and writing careers with Brannavan Gnanalingam.

Free!

FRI | Te Puna Waiora Newtown Library | 6 - 7pm

Katūīvei: Contemporary Pasifika Poetry

Book launch of Katūīvei: Contemporary Pasifika Poetry from Aotearoa New Zealand, published by Massey University Press. Hosted by editor and former Poet Laureate, David Eggleton and will feature readings by Karlo Mila, Rhegan Tu’akoi, Josua Tuwere, Tamara Tulitua, Kristoffer Lavasi’i, Gem Wilder, Rob Hack, Losalini Tuwere, Mereana Latimer, and Maringikura Mary Campbell.

Free!

LOVE

Nostalgia Week-Long Market

Support local Te Whanganui-a-Tara creatives at the Nostalgia Market's week long exhibition! Running for seven days from 15th - 21st April at Thistle Hall, you're bound to find some quality arts and crafts. Vintage and preloved goods will be in abundance at the flea market held on Saturday 16th April.

For more information check out @nostalgiamarkets on Instagram.

SUN | Wellington Museum | 2 - 4pm

Paddy the Wanderer: Wellington History Walk

Discover Wellington's waterfront history through the eyes of a dog with Ian Wards, Senior Curator, Taonga, at Wellington Museum. Learn about the beloved Paddy the Wanderer, an Airedale Terrier who made his mark on the city's maritime community in the 1930s.

Tickets $20

letters xo

FRI | San Fran | 7pm

Casual Healing album release tour, with Mara TK

This Friday San Fran will become a smorgasbord of dub/reggae, funk and soul. The event: a celebration of musician Nikau Te Huki’s work as Casual Healing, along with a first-look at 12 brand-new tracks off his soon to be released new album, ‘Driftwood’. Gifted up and coming DJ Wear Pounamu will open the night, followed by the legendary, soulful and celebrated multidisciplinary vocalist Mara TK. Also promised: a stocked merch table, with proceeds going toward a vinyl pressing of ‘Driftwood’.

Tickets $15

SAT | Meow | 7pm

Louis TM

Neo-soul and R&B fans! This one's for you—Louis TM, a long time staple in a variety of Wellys jazz and funk outfits, has been making waves in Aoteoaroa’s soul scene with his self-titled new project. Expect a masterful blend of classic soul, soul revival, funk and R&B, at one of Welly’s cutest venues.

Tickets $18.50

protest calendar gig guide

Enjoy our small, lovingly curated selection of gigs.

FRI | Meow | 8pm

Luke Buda & Phoebe Rings

For one night only, Meow will transform—no longer just a venue, it will be an ethereal shrine to dream pop. Floaty, catchy, synth-heavy Tāmaki Makaurau dream pop legends Phoebe Rings are visiting the city, joined by Phoenix Foundation co-founder Luke Buda. Both artists are on a WellingtonAuckland two-day tour of “mutual admiration”: a double feature not to be missed.

Tickets $30

SAT | San Fran | 8pm

Atomic - Club Night

Get your best 80s gears and your dancing shoes out: Atomic, TeWhanganui-a-Tara’s longest running club-night, a beloved institution since ‘96, is gracing San Fran once again this Saturday. Things kick off at 8pm; it’ll be all vinyl, all night. Rock up for a night of 70s and 80s deep-cuts, new wave, synth pop, new romantics, early punk, and more!

Tickets $15

FRI | PD Bar | 8pm

Revulva

Revulva are returning to wow the dancefloor with their infectious, genre-bending brand of (deep breath) jazzy/soulful/funk-influenced/indie pop-rock(!!). The legendary eightpiece will be performing a free gig this Friday, out at the Parrotdog Bar in Lyall Bay. There you will find groovy decor, excellent tap beer, and fantastic tunes, all conveniently located in a suburban industrial estate. Seriously though, it’ll be worth the trip. Free!

SAT | b.Space | 10pm

Froth @ b.Space

b.Space invites you to “night of sweaty, high bpm, high energy tunes. Expect donks and smiles, it's about to get silly”. Open in the ex121 basement since Feb, the self-described ‘community nightclub’ has hosted a variety of events - club nights, live concerts, and art exhibitions. This Saturday “things are about to get weird in the basement” with eight(!) brilliant DJs, primed to shepherd their dancing, gurning flock through the night.

Tickets $28

Salient will be highlighting protest and direct action throughout 2024. In print will be a small selection.

TUES | Parliament Lawn | 12:30 - 1:30pm

Fridays for Future

Fridays for Future Aotearoa are continuing their pattern of relentless, high visibility climate protests, an explicit reaction to what the organisers describe as “the most right-wing, climate-denialist government New Zealand has ever had.” Their kaupapa stresses inclusivity, and the importance of regular, disruptive protest. They’ll love to have your support!

THUR | The Hub | 1 - 2pm

Vic Uni 4 Living Wage

Our uni isn’t living wage accredited! Do you think this is shameful? You’re not alone. So do VUWSA, Students For Living Wage, Tutors for Living Wage, and Cleaners for Living Wage. Join them this Thursday at 1pm in the Hub for food, speeches, activities and banner painting, to help advocate for a living wage accredited university.

Scan this code for a more comprehensive protest destination.

IT’S THE FUCKING NEWS

kawepūrongo

15.04.2024

More Pedestrians on Cuba St Will Destroy Business, Say Campaigners

Ethan Rogacion (hE/him)

A coalition of business owners on Cuba St are petitioning the Council to reconsider its plan to remove 20 car parks along the stretch of road between Ghuznee and Vivian. Organised by (unsuccessful) Lambton Ward candidate and famed Kaffee Eis creamslinger, Karl Tiefenbacher, the “Park It” campaign hinges itself on business owners arguing that losing the 20 car parks will make a significant impact on their profit margins. Tiefenbacher told Salient,

“The thing to remember is that a lot of people walk here, obviously, and I get stupid statements like, ‘cars don’t spend money, people do’, but cars don’t drive themselves either, so every car brings an extra person to Cuba St."

“You know, we’re selling a low cost product, and we need a lot of turnover, so if we lose something like 10% of our business [by having no car parks], that’s enough to send us under.”

Policy documents from Waka Kotahi on the economic impact of having walkable cities stand in contrast to this claim. According to Waka Kotahi, citing research done domestically and in other comparable cities, walking interventions drive higher consumer spending in retail settings, and shoppers value good walkability more than they do good car parks.

“[This proposal from Council] is not pedestrianisation - all they are doing is extending one side of the footpath by the width of a carpark … They’re using the argument that it's safer for pedestrians, which is a whole load of bollocks,” he said.

Tiefenbacher argues that having parklet seating opposite cafes and restaurants—which a larger footpath would allow for—makes it more dangerous and difficult for waiters to traverse the shared space. This is despite businesses further down Cuba St and on nearby streets making full use of extended footpaths to have parklets, and having few issues with such arrangements.

Not all business owners along the street are opposed. One retailer that Salient spoke to suggested that people who come in cars tend to be on Cuba St for “a quick trip” at a specific shop, and that most of her customers are pedestrians that wander in. Steven Hinderwell from Slow Boat Records echoed this sentiment, saying that Council’s proposal was a good idea, and will bring in more people visiting Cuba St.

He added, “there’s plenty of other car parks around, so I don’t think it’ll be bad for business.” The proposal does not impact other existing public car parks or the multiple, larger private parking facilities dotted in the surrounds of Cuba St—including at Left Bank, Garrett St, Ghuznee St, Marion St and Taranaki St— which have a combined total of at least 20 car parks.

In response to the campaign, Pukehīnau/Lambton Ward Councillor Geordie Rodgers told Salient, “Most people in Wellington walk and international evidence shows they will walk down the streets that are the safest and most accessible to them.” Rodgers added that, “Events like Cuba Dupa have shown us just how vibrant Cuba Street can be when space that’s currently reserved for storing cars is returned to people.”

“I want to see a Cuba Street where

Destiny’s Wild: Inside Aotearoa’s Stupidest Church

Will iRvinE (hE/him)

Longtime Salient readers and news junkies across the motu are likely familiar with Destiny Church, the right-wing propaganda outlet, wannabe motorcycle gang and personal luxury car dealership of Brian and Hannah Tamaki.

The self-described apostle and his doting traditional wife are unrivalled in their commitment to annoying literally everyone in Aotearoa, yet maintain a significant following thanks to their preaching of prosperity gospels in underfunded and overpoliced neighbourhoods.

Throughout the mid-tri break Destiny Church has made our job incredibly easy, and everyone else’s lives incredibly hard, by providing a stream of increasingly disgusting news stories. The following are just a few excerpts from the busy lives of the Sons of Tamaki.

Brian Says No To Paint on Roads

Anyone who has ever read the Bible will know that God hates rainbows. This is evidenced in DestinyCorp’s dedication to wiping the filth known as ‘colours’ from our streets, often in the most distracting and ultimately futile ways possible. The latest iteration of Brian Tamaki’s refusal to taste the rainbow comes in the form of whitewashing several rainbow crossings in cities across Aotearoa, including the famous Karangahape Road crossing. Auckland Central MP and queer advocate Chloe Swarbrick took to social media, calling the vandalism “sad and bizarre”.

It is unclear when Destiny’s campaign of harassment against queer communities will end, but until it does, thousands of people across Aotearoa will continue to feel unsafe.

Mobilising the Nelson Brigade of the IDF

As the legions of Destiny adherents in Te-Ika-A-Maui have employed threats of violence to silence queer people, members in the Nelson region have taken to a more direct approach—actual violence. Beginning in October 2023, Nelson-based Palestinians and allies have been organising weekly protests against the genocide in Gaza, many of which have been counterprotested by local Destiny Church factions. In March, these protests turned violent, with Destiny Church members pushing and shoving over proPalestine protestors to break past a line separating the two protests.

As evangelical Christians, Destiny see themselves as spiritual protectors of Israel, which plays a significant role in their eschatology and broader theology. In the early stages of the war, Brian Tamaki conducted an interview with Israeli state-owned media, who described Destiny as “our crazy army in New Zealand” and “the Māori tribe that aligns itself with Israel”.

Tamaki, portrayed to Israelis as “one of the leaders of the Māori”, described scaring off pro-Palestine protestors in Auckland with his “troops”.

Tamaki has a long-standing history of being a dick to gay people. In a 2016 sermon, he told adherents that the 2011 Christchurch earthquake, which killed 185 people, was divine punishment for homosexuality. Salient was unable to confirm this claim. In 2018, he claimed that “#crybabygays” would “go to HELL”.

Alongside the whitewashing of rainbow crossings in Gisborne and Auckland, followers of the Blessed Apostle and “tangible expression of God” embarked on a nationwide jihad against librarians. In Gisborne, Hastings, and Rotorua, members of the Church bullied and harrassed libraries into closing or cancelling “Drag Queen Story Hour” events led by Erika and CoCo Flash, a popular drag duo who travel the country educating and entertaining children.

By reinforcing the Israeli notion that the genocide in Gaza is comparable to an indigenous rights movement, Tamaki plays into dangerous propaganda that legitimises the starvation of millions and trivialises indigenous rights movements across the world. It’s unclear why Tamaki, an avowed Christian nationalist, has allied himself with a military that has massacred Palestinian Christians and destroyed cultural heritage sites from the early Church, but it points towards a broader pattern of attaching himself to whichever right-wing culture war issue is prevalent in the current moment. The question remains—does Brian Tamaki have any real beliefs, or is he more Profit than Prophet?

Hundreds Of Young People March To Call For Climate Action

Ethan Rogacion (hE/him)

Chants of “Toitū Te Tiriti”, “Free, free, Palestine”, and “Climate change has got to go” rang out over central Wellington over the mid-tri break, as students and their supporters took to the street, protesting a number of Government policies.

One protestor told Salient that she was at the protest to strike “for climate justice, social justice.”

“I want to see half-price public transport brought back, I want to see them stopping stuff [being sent to] Israel, I want to see the Māori Health Authority back in business … they’ve taken everything from us.” Concern about the Government’s climate policy was

also reflected by those in the crowd that weren’t students. Nicola Toki, CEO of Forest and Bird, told Salient that she was at the march for “our future, but more importantly, for our younger people … to tell the Government that the direction they’re going is the wrong track, and a war on nature.”

“All of the legislation that we’re seeing - which is being rolled out with full force - is anti-nature, and so is irreversible in terms of species extinction and the impact that it's going to have, and it's anti-democratic. The power of the people is always greater than the people in power.”

Gender Neutral Bathrooms for TTR: Just a Pipe Dream?

Dan moSKovitZ (hE/him)

In my humble opinion, gender-neutral bathrooms are the best. At no point have I ever wanted to run into, see, or be aware of the existence of any other person whilst I do my business.

Men’s toilets are crap at achieving this paradise. Urinals are one of the worst inventions to grace mankind. They prevent the privacy which stalls provide.

Yet the men’s bathrooms in Te Toki a Rata is one of these urinal-free utopias. They only have stalls. It’s beautiful.

Hence, for my theys and thems, the question is obvious: why aren’t Te Toki a Rata’s bathrooms gender-neutral?

As it turns out, there are strict requirements for a lavatory to be officially considered as such.

All gender bathrooms require ‘complete isolation’ to be classified as gender-neutral. The stall itself needs

to have a bin, sink, and sanitary waste disposal, and be completely closed off from all other stalls.

“While achieving this transformation is possible in Te Toki a Rata, the University would need to undertake building work that would require building consent and adjustments to plumbing systems,” said a university spokesperson in a statement.

And as we all know, Te Herenga Waka is not exactly flush with cash.

The exact requirements the university uses were not available, but the same spokesperson said they were based on work with the Rainbow and Inclusion services, as well as both ministerial and overseas guidelines.

A full list of the University’s gender-neutral facilities is available on its website.

PICTURED: Rangatahi call for climate action and social justice on Lambton Quay; Photographed by Henry Broadbent.

Student Health Might be Hard to Reach, But They Still Love You

Dan moSKovitZ (hE/him)

Booking an appointment with Mauri Ora isn't the most user-friendly process.

Arrange an appointment with Academic Support or Careers, and either Calendly, Outlook, or something similar will provide a simple streamlined booking service.

Student Health makes you either sign up for a separate app, MyIndici, or phone in. Speaking for myself, neither having to sign up for another app or phoning someone (yuck) is very appealing.

Why? Why is arguably the most vital service the university provides the least user-friendly?

The answer, according to Mauri Ora associate director Kevin Rowlatt, is security.

“An online booking system would open us up to vulnerabilities. Having something external where a lot of confidential patient information is stored creates a crack in the system.

“What we’re trying to avoid is someone hacking in and finding out someone’s entire medical history.

Everything needs to be as locked down and secure as it can possibly be.”

As Rowlatt explains, a few years ago the Waikato District Health Board was attacked by ransomware, which is the exact situation Student Health is desperate to avoid.

Enter MyIndici, which is specifically designed to have the level of security the health profession needs. Or the dreaded low-tech alternative— calling over the phone to book.

This, alongside the multitude of different times different doctor’s appointments can take, is why.

Rowlatt is hopeful that in the future AI could enable a user-friendly, secure system which can also cater to the health system's needs for complexity and security.

But he’s also keen to stress how given said security issues, the health system is always slow to uptake new technology.

Mauri Ora only stopped using faxes two years ago.

Government Invites Military Dictators to Experience Welly on a Good Day

Will iRvinE (hE/him)

Representatives of the various Myanmar ethnicities in Aotearoa are outraged at the Government’s decision to invite members of the nation’s illegal military dictatorship to a conference held in Wellington. The Ministry of Foreign Affairs and Trade told reporters that visas would be granted to senior officials of the Myanmar government, which has systematically slaughtered ethnic minorities in an escalating pattern of war crimes since it came to power in 2021. The ensuing civil war, which has killed nearly 50,000 people and left more than 2 million displaced, has primarily revolved around a series of wars between rebel groups in the nation’s various minority ethnic states.

On Sunday the 7th of April, hundreds of members of the Myanmar community in Nelson rallied against the Government’s decision. Organiser Mwe Mwe Ein Htein told Stuff that the decision was “playing with

our lives”. At the rally, Nelson MP Rachel Boyack described the granting of visas as “appalling”, telling reporters that the community had “seen countless people killed, harmed and imprisoned for standing up to them and being brave.”

The following Tuesday, a similar protest took place on Parliament lawn in Wellington. There, representatives of the Labour and Green parties spoke to crowds, assuring them they would be taking the government to task over the decision to invite mass murderers to tour our city. In the words of Labour’s associate Foreign Affairs spokesperson Phil Twyford: “They stole democracy at the barrel of a gun. Do we want them in our country? No.”

The conference will be held on April 18 and 19. Readers are encouraged to write to their local MPs and ask them to support the revocation of visas.

THE WEEK IN review

violence.

Justice for Palestine: Hope in the Face of Horror

words by HENRY BROADBENT (he/him)

On Sunday the 7th of April thousands of Wellingtonians marched from Civic Square to Parliament, in solidarity with Gaza. Speeches called for the government to both increase diplomatic pressure on Israel, and to join South Africa’s genocide case against it in the International Court of Justice. The march fell on a series of grim milestones—six months of ethnic cleansing, mass bombardment, forced starvation, and escalating war crimes in the territory; at least 33,000 Palestinans killed, 14,500 of them children, and 9,500 women.

Speeches given to the crowd detailed, unflinchingly, the deliberate pattern of violence against civilians practised by the Israeli military. Serena, from Aotearoa Healthcare Workers for Palestine, described how at the destroyed Al-Shifa hospital, “clinical areas [are] turned into interrogation rooms, staff stripped naked … [there are] mass graves.”

Each day, the incomprehensible scale of devastation in the Gaza Strip grows. We are presented with report after report of inhumanity, horror, death and cruelty on an impossible scale, horribly contextualised by the desperate stories of individual Gazans and their families. In the face of this onslaught of information, far away in Aotearoa, it can be hard to avoid feeling helpless.

The march on Sunday, however, showed a different response—an organised, purposeful expression of solidarity, humanity, and anger. Reflecting on the march, Samira Zaiton, co-convenor of Justice for Palestine, perceived “a growing realisation of the intersectionality of our struggles.” Palestine, she says, has become an ‘anchor’, “lifting the veil on the hypocrisies and wickedness of global imperialism”. She shared how, when Palestinian revolutionary Leila Khaled was asked if she saw a free Palestine in the future, she replied “as long as we have our clear vision of the revolution, I can see that we will have victory in the end”. In the face of inhumanity, radical hope.

Government Launches University Advisory Group, Doesn’t Consult Students

words by HENRY BROADBENT (he/him)

On March 27, Tertiary Education and Skills Minister Penny Simmonds announced the creation of a new University Advisory Group, to “consider the effectiveness of the current university system”. It’s worth briefly lingering on the criteria for ‘effectiveness’ against which the tertiary sector will be pitted. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it skews heavily economic. Tertiary education, Simmons says, “is a key contributor to New Zealand’s economic performance.”

Cold hard cash is not the sole concern of the Group—announcements surrounding it do gesture toward equity in education, and to social outcomes. However, arts and humanities stand on shaky ground, students face mounting challenges, and privatisation continues to encroach. Doubling down on economic productivity as a key yardstick in such an environment seems at best myopic; at worst potentially damaging to people whose concerns aren’t solely with the GDP of the state.

This writer is not the only person to feel that ensuring higher education is “well-placed to deliver maximum [economic] benefit for the country” might leave student concerns at the wayside. This worry was heavily compounded by an initial and complete absence of student voices from the Group.

Happily, we can report a victory on that front: last week the presidents of students’ associations from across Aotearoa wrote an open letter to Minister Simmonds, stressing the critical need for student involvement. In response the Chair has agreed to establish a reference group of representatives from student associations across the university sector, and meet with them regularly. We will endeavour to follow and analyse the findings of the Group as the year continues.

Tangata whenua caucus member Tina Ngata criticized the government's approach, highlighting shortcomings in addressing institutional and colonial racism against Māori. Ngata emphasized that the proposed changes to the plan would undermine its effectiveness in combating racism.

Acting Race Relations Commissioner Saunoamaali'i Dr Karanina Sumeo sought clarification from the minister and expressed concern over the decision. Julia Whaipooti, the commission's shared leader, supported the withdrawal, emphasizing the need for inclusivity in anti-racist efforts.

The call for a National Action Plan Against Racism stemmed from a recommendation by a United Nations committee in 2017, following the Christchurch terror attacks in 2019. Despite the withdrawal of tangata whenua representatives, the National Iwi Chairs Forum expressed intentions to continue addressing racism at the community level independently of the government.

This year @ we decided we wanted to celebrate our Pasifika language weeks, and not just the official ones. The uni community we are a part of is diverse, and while the New Zealand government may not officially recognise all our Pacific whanau we want to celebrate as many as possible. Most of the remaining issues will feature a celebration of different pasifika languages and nations. This will

Located north of Papua New Guinea and the Solomon Islands, FSM is home to over 100,000 people. It comprises four federated states: Chuuk(Truk), Kosrae, Pohnpei(Ponape), and Yap, which jointly declared independence from the US in 1979. FSM has 607 islands and 6 recognised ethnic groups. Chuukese/ Mortlockese, Pohnpeian, Kosraean, Yapese, Yap outer islanders, Polynesian, Asian. It’s important to note that there is a distinct different between “high islanders” and outer islands

FSM’s official language is English, but Chuukese, Kosrean, Pohnpeian, Yapese, Ulithian, Woleaian, Nukuoro and Kapingamarangi are also spoken across the various islands.

Kosrean: Kato (Beautiful)

(Hello, how are you?)

Pohnpeian: Kalahngan (Thank you)

Yapese: Gu ba’adag em (I love you)

Ulithian: Buulaong (Come in)

Woleaian: Felaafish, iuyeiuy, getalishi (peace, unity, liberty - FSM’s motto)

Nukuoro: Abo donu (real, true, well, considerate, kind, generous)

Kapingamarangi: Hau (Hibiscus Tree)

The phrases and words above were found in dictionaries, articles and videos, mostly created for the purpose of preserving language and helping visitors who visit to communicate.

It’s important to recognise that all cultures and languages, especially those of Micronesia, are incredibly diverse. There are different dialects within languages, unrecognized languages and peoples and, with polynesia being so spread out across large and small islands and villages, an unimaginable amount of culture that simply can’t be fully appreciated with just words. We encourage everyone to be respectful, open minded and always keep learning <3

The languages of Micronesia don’t have an official week recognised by the New Zealand Government.

Mauatua Fa'ara-Reynolds (she/they)

Ashleigh Putt-Fallows (she/her/ia)

The Dusky Maiden's Search

shared by Mauatua Fa’ara-Reynolds (she/they)

sexual violence, racism, pedophillia.

It's no secret that Pasifika women have been sexualised since early European contact. Bougainville's diary entries describe the vāhine Mā’ohi he encountered as 'a naked Venus before the Phrygians'. Gauguin married a 14-year-old Mā’ohi girl, got her pregnant, then gapped to the Marquesas and got another 14-year-old pregnant. Mead studied young Sāmoan girls' sexual relationships for her research, describing Pacific women as sexually liberated beings. And Cook? I mean … do I need to say anything?

But before I get ahead of myself, let's break down the 'Dusky Maiden' (disembody it, if you will). 'Dusky' refers to a 'romantic' racial liminality (neither dark nor light), and 'Maiden' refers to the notion of Polynesia as pure, childlike, and untouched. This trope dominated early colonial portraiture of Pasifika, painting subjects in ways reminiscent of Greek mythology. Bougainville even named Tahiti' New Cythera' (Aphrodite's home) and frequently described vāhine Mā’ohi as 'nymphs' or 'Venus'. You may be inclined to think being described as a Greek goddess is an appreciation of Pasifika beauty. And sure, in a Shakespearean sonnet, I could get down with it. But when you portray a whole people as mythical beings living in paradise, you erase them of their humanness. Instead, they become 'untouchable objects' that you long to touch.

It'd be dangerous to think that the Dusky Maiden was relegated to the past—I promise you, she's alive and well. She's the exotic hula girl, sat on the dashboard with eternally wiggling hips. She's a pair of smiling veneers with a flower behind her ear, plastered on a billboard ad for a cruise. She's the tiny sequin bikini, inspired by the nuclear atrocities of Bikini Atoll. It's been over 200 years, and she still permeates the Western perception of Pasifika women, but perhaps now in more covert ways. Because of the enduring legacy of the Dusky Maiden, sexuality and love have been deeply entrenched in colonial ideas of race, which have generated long-lasting stereotypes. And if we zoom in on the impact it has on heterosexual relationships (a limiting and boring scope, my apologies), some concerning ideas emerge.

On dating apps, I'd get countless responses asking me where I'm from, saying how cool my name is, etc. I got fed up, so I included a photo of me wearing a shirt that said

"Not today coloniser"

shit (especially after a few failed relationships that

were littered with comments like this). However, my self-esteem still relied on my ability to be the Dusky Maiden. The worst part is that, even in my loving and nourishing relationships, there was still 'partner-objectification'. I found this happened with Pākehā and other Islanders because most people in Australia or Aotearoa have never met a Tahitian or Norfolk Islander before.

And things get even more complicated when we look within our communities. With the introduction of Christianity in the islands also came a rigid culture of purity and, thus, a firm rejection of enjoyable, fulfilling, intimate sex.

To this day, many Tongans still participate in the White Sheet ceremony, where families test their daughter's virginity on her wedding night by ensuring she lays on a bed sheet while 'consummating' her marriage, catching the blood of her popped cherry. This ritual originates from ceremonial chiefly 'deflowerings', which were publicly performed. We must recognise that amidst these communities, the ritual holds great importance because it surpasses the individual's life, and is more concerned with how their ta'ahine embodies the collective's values. Nevertheless, it demonstrates that, even amongst our own people, our sex lives are still expected to be public and able to be monitored or controlled.

So, we're stuck at a crossroads. Our loved ones tell us to spread our legs. Then they tell us to keep them shut. So, which path do we take? Do we listen to the coloniser, or the colonised? And how will that decision impact our relationships and, perhaps more importantly, ourselves?

LILO AND STITCH — MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, AUS

I thought my first ‘boyfriend’ was so cool. He had glasses, smoked weed, liked skating, and was never seen without his beanie — my type hasn’t changed much since then. We'd text each other on Snapchat every spare moment we had, plan our wedding, send each other photos of the sunset — all that formative cringey shit. I was obsessed with this guy, and he was obsessed with me too. One night when we were texting each other, he was telling me he’d just rewatched Lilo and Stitch. He said,

“It made me think of your thighs”.

I was 14.

A FAKE WARRIOR’S HIPS — MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, AUS (AGAIN)

My first ‘real’ boyfriend was a blonde-haired, blue-eyed, 6’3” soccer player. We were driving back to his place after his weekly soccer practice, and were talking about very important hypotheticals: our future kids. If we were lucky, they might have brown hair and blue eyes. They’d be musical too, I decided. He said:

“Hopefully the sporty beast gene just skipped you, and will go straight to them!”

Later that night in bed, he raved about my wide hips.

“Perfect for having our soccer stars”.

I was 17.

POETUA’S PORTRAIT — TE PAPA, PŌNEKE

My first love; we were head over heels for each other. It was the beginning of summer, and I’d come down with an awful cold. He stayed by my side the whole time and cooked me soup, cleaned up my snotty tissues, listened to me groan about my headaches, and watched stupid rom-coms with me. After nearly a week, I finally felt well enough to go outside. So we walked along the waterfront, and went to Te Papa. It occurred to me that, in the couple of months we’d been dating, I hadn’t shown him this very important thing. So I led him upstairs to the art gallery, and walked over to the big portrait, left of the centre.

“This is my ancestor, Poetua. She was a princess, held hostage by Cook. This painting was done while she was on the ship, probably fucking terrified. This was the first portrait of a Pasifika woman to circulate Europe, and kinda started the trope of the Dusky Maiden, kinda started the whole thing aye”.

This was a big moment for me; I was introducing him to my family.

He leaned back, really took in the painting, and said,

“You know, your tits kinda look the same”.

License to Love

customised by Emily Bull (she/her)

Love comes in many forms.

One form is that between a girl and customised license plates.

Customised license plates have been funding road safety research and projects since 1988. However, customised license plates mean more to me than just road safety. Not only are they a way of identifying each car, they’re a way of showing your true identity. Thank you for letting me know you perform vasectomies, SNIP DR. I hope your kids are well, IMAMUM. Do you really only have 9TOES (and 10 fingers)? However, more often than not, these customised plates leave me with more questions than answers. What urged you to put SPIT on your car? Is there actually such thing as a POO DR? Who approved I CM DLY????

License plates bring me joy for a variety of reasons. Don’t get me wrong, I love the unhinged license plates that make no sense or shouldn’t have been approved. But I think there is something special to say about all the heartwarming license plates out there. Love can be expressed through a range of mediums. One is customised license plates. More often than not, the customised license plates you see around town will be gifted from loved ones. They serve as a reminder of how loved an individual is, whether that be through an inside joke or a genuine form of affection. License plates such as DOTY (dad of the

year) and SIMP are a small but meaningful way to show love, which brings joy to more than just the owner of the vehicle. So, if you’re considering getting a customised license plate, I could not recommend it more. It only costs $1000 to bring joy to all around and fund road safety. Plus, your car will end up looking awesome!

However, if license plates aren’t your thing, that is okay. This article is so much bigger than just license plates. It’s a commentary on love, identity, niche interests and friendship. Since my obsession with customised license plates began in 2021, I can’t help but notice them everywhere. I have posted over 650 custom license plates on my dedicated Instagram account (@favouriteplates) and am yet to run out of content. However, I wouldn’t have been able to keep my account so active without the support of my friends. The majority of my posts are submitted by my loving friends, who support my niche interest. So, embrace your niche interest and find friends who support you!

Custom license plates have brought nothing but joy to my life, and they could for you too. As Ferris Bueller famously said, “Life [and cars] moves pretty fast, if you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” It being, of course, a customised license plate.

a love letter from

crafted by with care by Carrie (she/her)

There is a convention perpetuated in popular culture that that love between a parent and a child is like no other. That it’s unbreakable, a source of limitless joy and is the true origin of happiness and fulfilment. It’s not like that though. In Hanya Yanagihara’s novel, A Little Life one of the characters describes the love a parent has for their child like this.

I have never been one of those people …who feels the love one has for a child is somehow a superior love, one more meaningful, more significant and grander than any other… But it is a singular love, because it is a love whose foundation is not physical attraction, or pleasure or intellect, but fear. You have never known fear until you have a child, and maybe that it what tricks us into thinking that it is more magnificent, because the fear itself is more magnificent. Every day your first though is not “I love him” but “How is he?”

I had never consciously thought about it this way, that fear was the foundation of a parent’s love for their child. But this passage sums up with amazing clarity what it is that makes the love of a parent for a child so unique.

The fear can start as soon as you find out you are pregnant. Fear that something will go wrong, fear that you’ll inadvertently cause your unborn baby harm. Fear of not being good enough, fear of not being able to cope, fear of letting go of your previous life. Then there’s the terror, later in pregnancy, when you realise you haven’t felt your baby move for some time, that prompts panicked visits to the midwife for reassurance all is well.

Some people will tell you that a new parent is overwhelmed with love the moment their child is born, but love can take time to grow. Fear for your newborn, along with exhaustion, stress and even resentment, are often the dominant emotions in the early months. I don’t think there is a parent

from my generation

About this week's Artist

This week's centrefold is designed by Cassie Tenebaum Hi I’m Cassie, a loser lesbian who is unlucky in love. My hobbies include not using my design degree, yearning and making silly little sapphic illustrations. This piece is called “Touch is my Love language”. I wanted to focus on the small acts of intimacy like holding hands, bumping knees, touching shoulders; all the stuff that makes you feel like there's a star exploding in your heart! For more kinda dreamy, kinda queer art like this, check out my Insta @cassiopeia_illustration

Aries Taurus Gemini

Do you think you’re actually capable of love? Genuine question, your words and actions thus far aren’t convincing. First steps towards improvement, not treating everybody like shit!

You have the upper hand in your relationships with others. Remember to be kind and gentle to those vying for your favour. Don’t toy with people’s feelings.

There’s no nice way to say it, but you messed up. Someone put their trust into you and let’s just say you shattered it. Time to brainstorm making things right.

Cancer Leo Virgo

It’s hard being the most emotional star sign. You may be in overdrive trying to process your deep and complex feelings. I would recommend listening to Mitski on repeat.

Someone who you haven’t seen or thought of in ages is going to reenter your life. This could be for better or for worse. Surely a bridge could be mended.

Right now you’re kind of channelling Stevie Nicks’ 1997 performance of ‘Silver Springs’. Needless to say you’re going through some emotional turmoil. As cliche as it sounds, it will pass.

I may have been harsh on you in the past but there’s no denying that you are in a great place right now. Balance, unity and love in abundance.

Capricorn

You’ve got a mission, and you’re sticking to it. Don’t let this blind you to the wonderful things and people around you. It’s about the journey, not the destination.

Libra Scorpio Sagittarius

Oh sweet naive Scorpio, that person you spend every moment of everyday obsessively yearning for, may not actually be one. Accept that some things might never be requited.

Aquarius

Don’t let any aspect of your life be ruled by fear or apprehension. Take the leap, shoot your shot, you only live once, and all that jazz!

Patience and hard work pays off. That extra energy and effort you’ve put into the world is going to return to you. Prepare for the fruits of your labour!

Pisces

There’s more to life than romantic exploits. You‘re in the perfect position to find fulfilment in the other areas. These could be picking up a hobby, or investing in your friendships!

Soul Ties: Yeah or Nah?

discussed by Te Huihui Tran (he/him) ; Taranaki, Ngāti Maruwharanui

Human connections are super complex, and the idea of ‘soul ties’ is beautiful but also a big deal, especially for the older crowds and in religious communities. They often believe in sticking with one partner for life in a way that is tied to deep moral, cultural, and spiritual beliefs. They believe intimacy can only be shared between two people, deeply in love with each other. However, as a young person grappling with the complexities of modern relationships, love and sex, I find myself challenging this traditional perspective.

Increasingly, I am recognising the need for a wider understanding of intimacy, one that integrates both the magic of connection and the realities of our everevolving society. The idea of keeping relationships sacred and stable by sticking with one person for the rest of your life might be somewhat outdated; I think we need to look at things with fresh eyes, valuing deep bonds but also understanding what rangatahi from this generation want on their journey of exploring themselves. I’m not speaking on behalf of every young person and not universally saying “let’s normalise sleeping around”, merely sharing what I’ve learnt from myself and many others.

Older generations, often shaped by conservative values and religious beliefs, uphold the sanctity of soul ties as a cornerstone of lasting relationships. They argue that forming deep emotional and spiritual connections with a single partner enhances the sacredness of the bond, creating a lasting and meaningful relationship. To some of them, the idea of one-night stands and casual encounters might seem “disgusting”. Their perspective seeks to preserve the sanctity of intimacy, and promote stability through commitment.

On the flip side, us young folks often feel that the old-school rules about soul ties can be too tight. Nowadays, with society changing and people valuing their freedom more, a lot of us want the space to try out different relationships. Swiping on dating apps is the go-to entertainment for some people. You know, we don’t have to be deeply in love with someone to have sex—it can just be something

that our body and mind want to experience. We think that both the short-term flings and long-term bonds teach us a lot about who we are and how we connect with people. Breaking away from the old ways to enjoy a more open style of relationships is really what a lot of us are all about.

Within this clash of ideals, the issue of sexually transmitted infections emerges as a critical point of consideration. The emphasis on committed relationships, as advocated by older generations, is often linked to the concern for physical health and the prevention of STIs. It is totally understandable: the idea is that being exclusive to a single partner reduces the risk of exposure to infections. And obviously, the younger generation, while enjoying freedom and keeping ourselves “busy”, is not oblivious to the risks associated with casual encounters. Education and open communication about safe practices become essential in addressing this concern, fostering responsible decision-making and a comprehensive approach to our hauora.

As relationships change, we're all trying to figure out what it means to really grow up. The older folks might think sticking to traditional values is what growing up is all about, like a milestone of becoming mature and responsible. But for many rangatahi, being mature means making choices based on our own life experiences and what we learn about ourselves. The big challenge is mixing the old-school wisdom

The closest I’ve been to a relationship on the most wretched day of the year was receiving a ‘happy valentine's' message from my ex. We’d broken up ten days prior.

It came as no surprise, then, that I once again woke up a single queen in my king (queen) sized bed willing myself to celebrate self love on the 14th of February 2024. Maybe I’m doing it wrong, but self love is a poor excuse for those suffering from singledom to feel less alone while their loved-up peers canoodle in the corner.

No, in fact I don’t want to use my piss poor vibrator when I know full well my flatmate and their partner are watching Love Actually over a glass of wine and definitely having more sex than I’ve had in months right next door. Buying myself flowers? Please, if it weren’t for this cost of living bullshit, I’d be doing that every week. Oh, but have you tried writing a love letter to yourself? Wholesome, if not a little self centred, but wouldn’t it be nice to write to somebody I loved even more than I already love myself?

Rather than buy into what the media tells me I should be doing on Valentine’s day as a single female human, I took the advice of a coupled-up friend. She told me to watch this movie on YouTube that “has some of the best lesbian sex you will see on screen”. Say less. I should have known it was going to be softcore porn as soon as YouTube was mentioned, but in my naïvity (idiocy?), it didn’t cross my mind. I was desperate for some spice in my life, and nothing was going to stop me from watching it on the big screen in my flat’s living room. I was home alone. It was fine. The opening credits rolled on and for some reason the movie only played in the top corner of the screen. This should have been my first sign, and in my impatient state I’m surprised I didn’t give up then and there. Nonetheless, after a few moments of mindless button pressing, we hit the first sex scene.

My friend was right. Not only was it the best lesbian sex I’d seen on screen, but I simultaneously found myself re-downloading Tinder.

people I’ve met in real life, I wasn’t about to start hooking up with randos I met while lying on a couch alone on Valentine’s day while gay film noir played in the background.

Speaking of, my flatmate and her boyfriend arrived home from their dinner reservation mid film noir sex scene. Luckily for me, I paused it just in time and swiftly played it off as “oh yeah just some film I was recommended that I totally wasn’t paying attention to anyway hahahaha”, before switching it to Dune While they sauntered off into the rest of their night, the third, and thankfully also single, member of our flat made an appearance. We watched in silence as Dune bored us out of our minds and Timothée Chalamet played with sci-fi weaponry. It didn’t take us long to side eye each other into turning what I’m sure would be an excellent movie, if it weren’t Valentine’s day, off. Instead, we Googled bestie Timothée’s discography and discovered one of his lesser known films, A Rainy Day in New York. Not only did it star Selena Gomez, Elle Fanning AND Suki Waterhouse, but it was the perfect movie to end a tumultuous day of singledom.

I should preface this by saying that, after scoping out the state of Melbourne Tinder on a recent holiday, I felt confident that Wellington may have upped its game since the last time I found myself using the app—2022. I couldn't have been more wrong. While the movie played in the background I swiped through far too many e-girls (probably lovely people but frankly, not my type), and men?? (I checked my settings and I’m still confused as to why these bald ass guys suddenly appeared). After confessing to a friend that I was back on my silly little dating game, she promptly asked:

“Anyone good?”

To which I replied: “No, just me.”

Self love.

A Rainy Day in New York, while not the most incredible movie I’ve seen, managed to blend almost every film starring Elle Fanning or Timothée Chalamet, and 90s rom-com nostalgia—quite a mean feat for a film made in 2019.

Near the end of the film the couple of the house, our flatmate and her boyfriend, reappeared to retrieve a couple wine glasses from the kitchen. This time, rather than brushing off a seemingly embarrassing film, my fellow single flatmate and I defended our Valentine’s movie as the ultimate choice if you’re feeling lonely next February 14th. Of course, they didn’t give a shit. Because later that night while I used my piss poor vibrator to little effect, they watched a movie of their own over a glass of wine and definitely had more sex than I’ve had in months—a Valentine’s day I can only dream of.

Love at the Zoo

lovingly written by Phoebe

Robertson (she/her)

There are those who believe that the penguins at Wellington Zoo are nothing more than a conspiracy theory. How else can you explain visiting the zoo multiple times and never catching a glimpse of them? Or only seeing their tiny feet and bellies peeking out from their cozy nesting boxes? Some question if they're real or just well-made statues. The keepers in charge of the penguin exhibit seem to think these birds exist, but VUWSA's Emily Bull thinks otherwise. However, I am strongly against this notion. In fact, I was so passionate about it that I contacted the zoo specifically to learn more about my beloved (and entirely real) penguin couple: Harriet and Nettle. And through my research, I discovered how they (along with some other adorable animals) fell in love.

Harriet and Nettle have been in a relationship for approximately one year. As Kororā are not a monogamous species, the duration of their relationship isn't seen as short or long, it's simply the time they've spent together. Prior to being with Harriet, Nettle had a relationship with male penguin Bandit but eventually left him for Harriet (we love a bisexual queen). Another fun fact: Despite having only one flipper, she is one of the fastest penguins at the Zoo.Their home at the zoo is usually cozy in their nest box, but they also like to go on dates by swimming together. During courtship, Kororā exhibit head-shaking and bowing as a way to get to know each other. They also practice braying, where they shake their flippers at their sides, make a unique noise (a mix of squeals and growls), and lean towards each other. According to the keepers at the zoo, this

Harriet takes on the masc role in the relationship; she excels at catching fish in the pool and gathering nesting materials. It's not uncommon to see her dragging entire cabbage tree leaves across the pool, showing her dedication to her partner (Nettle, on the other hand, is femme and agile). Nesting is an important aspect of Penguin courtship, as finding a suitable location near the ocean that is also protected from harsh weather can be challenging; once found,

it must be fiercely defended. Typically, male penguins will find a suitable spot for a nest and defend it in hopes of attracting a female penguin who will appreciate his choice and choose to stay with him.

Conservation efforts for Kororā penguins are championed by Wellington Zoo through initiatives like Safe Cats Safe Wildlife, which educates the community on the importance of keeping cats indoors to protect vulnerable bird species like Kororā. Another common threat to their safety is dog attacks. While they are fast and skilled swimmers, they are vulnerable on land against mammalian predators—it's important to keep dogs on a leash and avoid taking them to

For 15 years, Robyn and Vilson, the white-cheeked gibbons residing at Wellington Zoo, have been an inseparable pair, a testament to their species' monogamous nature. Their courtship involves selecting mates based on physical appearance, social behavior, and vocalization—seen in the harmonious duets they sing each morning to mark their territory and reinforce their bond. In addition to their musical displays, they also engage in affectionate behaviors such as mutual grooming, further solidifying their closeness. They’re both characters—Robyn has a sassy and elusive personality, often taking on a regal persona like a Queen Bee; Vilson's vanity shines through in his fondness for admiring himself in the mirror. Despite these differences, they both have a laid-back demeanor.

Wellington Zoo supports conservation efforts for White-Cheeked Gibbons by collaborating with organizations like Flora and Fauna International to protect wild populations. The community is also encouraged to contribute to gibbon habitat conservation by choosing FSC-certified wood and paper products that promote sustainable forestry practices.

Zuri and Sunny, two giraffes who live at Wellington Zoo, have been together for roughly a year, which is common for giraffe relationships. Unlike monogamous species like White-Cheeked Gibbons, giraffes do not typically form exclusive bonds. Instead, male giraffes will display behavior such as tapping a female's hind leg or engaging in 'necking' battles (‘punching’ one another with their necks and heads) to signal their readiness to mate. Despite this lack of monogamy, Zuri has recently taken on the responsibility of caring for their newborn daughter Nia, with occasional moments of affection from Sunny in the form of kisses. However, it is typical for adult bulls to remain distant from parental duties. Both Zuri and Sunny possess traits commonly found in giraffes, creatures often described as stubborn, and cautious. Sunny displays typical behavior for adult bulls by frequently pestering females within the herd.

To support conservation efforts for giraffes, individuals can purchase FSC-certified wood and paper products that are sustainably sourced, protecting giraffe habitats by reducing pressure on their habitats that remain.

Yes for Success

successfully written by Ophelia Muller (she/her)

Graduating soon? Applying for internships? Looking to level up your CV and land that ‘grown-up job’?

For many of us university studies, particularly those who are graduating soon, there is underlying stress about entering the workforce. What jobs do I apply for? How do I nail an interview? What is business casual? The corporate world is one to be conquered; who better to help you than a charity created exactly for this purpose.

Yes for Success (YFS), an affiliate of the well-known Dress for Success network, is a thriving community where people are supported to achieve their aspirations in work and life, and where success is built on sustainable choices. They have improved the lives of thousands within our Wellington communities, and have contributed in assisting over 1.3 million women on their journey to self-sufficiency globally.

In 2023, Dress for Success Wellington proudly introduced its expanded initiative, Yes for Success, signalling a commitment to inclusivity across all genders. YFS offers a variety of tools focused on personal and professional development.

Those wanting to bulk out their CV (me), or those with the dream of being one of the incredibly fashionable recycle boutique/paper bag princess workers (also me), can join the volunteer team and gain some incredible work experience in the recycled clothing boutiques and clothing management room. One volunteer says that it was a “great learning experience, and with all the donations, clients and customers that come through you experience something new every day. Whatever your interests are I’m sure that you can get something out of coming to Dress for Success.”

Now, when I first started applying for the ‘big girl’ jobs I saw a lot about soft skills. Now, I won’t lie, I had no clue what soft skills were. If you’re in the same boat look no further than the YFS success workshops, operating monthly alongside networking lunches. They cover a range of topics to build your 'soft skills', and help you face challenges at work and in your personal life.

Once I finally landed a job I so was excited to walk down Lambton Quay, in an outfit that screamed corporate. Unfortunately, I was hit with a reality check after realising just how much money that can cost. Buying

a whole new wardrobe for work because your current wardrobe consists of town clothes, jeans and pyjamas is no easy feat.

Look no further than the recently opened YFS ‘Dressed’ boutique. All items of fashion are good quality pieces that don’t cost the Earth. There is an online store as well as a store on the Terrace, and one in Lower Hutt. Every dollar spent in the boutiques helps people in our region find work, develop their careers and achieve their aspirations.

The boutiques stock a wide range of great quality, donated clothes for all genders, including casual, workwear, formal and designer wear. Not restrained by the latest fashion trends that are bound to die off pretty soon a range of sizes, styles, and colours are available—something for everyone!

And if you need a hand, boutique volunteers are available to shower you with compliments and help you piece together your thrifty (workplace-appropriate) dream. Pre-booked styling sessions are also available if you are wanting help with your work wardrobe. After an initial consultation, you can visit the hub and walk away with several outfits to take home with you!

After being referred to YFS by Work and Income, a job seeker called Sean booked a styling appointment at one of the Dressed boutiques. After walking away with new outfits and some new interview tips he sat down with one of the big four, and got shortlisted for the role! Another job seeker walked away from her styling appointment thanking the stylist for “[v]ery quickly understanding me. I found the corporate version of me that I didn't know [existed].”

Feeling stressed that your CV might not land you your dream job? Constantly debating whether or not that cover letter template you used was too generic? Check out a free 30-minute session with recruitment agencies, partnered with YFS to help those who don’t have that one older mate who can look over your CV for you. In this session, you will be able to not only have your CV reviewed but also practise interview skills! The perfect training tool for landing that job.

So please google, email, call, fill out a form or just show up at any YFS office! Don’t miss out on landing that dream job, let us help you find your inner corporate star…

Oli (they/them)

can't mend a broken heart?

Mend clothesyourinstead!

lightweight

Start by turning your jeans inside out and measuring out the fabric. It should be about double the extra length you want, as it will fold over. Remember to factor in seam allowance on the edges.

Cut off the bottom seam of your existing pocket.

Back stitch one edge of your extension to the bottom side of the pocket. Trim down one side of the seam allowance and fold the other side over twice, enclosing the raw edge. Stitch this down (a flat-felled seam).

Fold your extension up and repeat the steps to sew it to the top pocket half. Be careful not to sew your pocket shut!

Back stitch the sides closed in line with the original pocket’s fold/ stitching. On the side nearest the centre front/back, we’re going to flat fell the seam back onto the pocket bag. This will make the pocket narrower, but will also cover the messy corner.

If the other side of your pocket is free floating you can do the same, but if the original pocket is sewn into the side seam I recommend flat felling to the seam, to help support the pocket and stop it flapping about. I used a back stitch, but if you don’t have a thimble a whip stitch might be easier on your fingers.

Rinse and repeat on the other side.

Behold! Actual pockets.

Go forth! Adventure, fix the pocket sins of the world, and remember you are more capable than you think :)

Aunty Vic dear, Q.

How do I juggle staying close with my old friends, making new ones, handling classes, and commuting, especially when everyone’s schedules are different and I live far away?

Advice xxx

Welcome to the reality of having an actual life. It’s not a bad thing. You’re ambitious, social, and care about not drowning in it all. Congrats—you’re (probably) not depressed.

When maintaining friendships, it’s crucial to remember one thing—they are relationships. Relationships require effort, quality time, and good communication. Now, it’s just unrealistic to expect yourself to pour these three factors into every single person you drunkenly dance with on a Saturday. So start thinking, what friends make me feel good? What people do I find it easy to put effort into? What people appreciate my time? Who makes me feel recharged? Those are the people you need to prioritise.

Now that you’ve prioritised which friendships make you feel great, it is time to get a routine going. Do you have a free Tuesday evening? Make a quiz team. Got an assignment due on Wednesday? Link up with a friend and have a study session. Going out on a Friday? Host dinner and pre’s with everyone. Do you do your grocery shopping on Sunday? Go to the markets with a friend and grab a coffee at the same time. All of these options blend socialising and regular weekly activities. You must be proactive and be prepared to try new things. As you get older, socialising looks different for everyone! The common thread is that it will require effort, time management, and good communication.

How you manage study is very individual. I would be focusing on studying to an extent which is reasonable for you and your degree. If you are at different campuses from your friends, with an odd schedule, this really isn’t something you'll be able to change. Start branching out with new friendships in your degree, or try and develop some independence when it comes to your study. Both skills, making new friends and being independent, are super foundational life skills. So don’t be scared of them! Think, do I really need to travel on the bus up to Kelburn to sit next to Anna in silence on floor six? Or should I just grab that coffee with Kuramaiki, who I really clicked with, from my Management Tut? Or, should I grab a coffee, park up with a cute pen and notebook in the sunshine and get my work done? Try something new, I dare you.

Remember, you’ll never be able to perfectly juggle it all. Nobody can; if they are, they’re lying. Prioritise friendships which make you feel good, think about socialising in new ways, and maybe lean on yourself for a while! When you’re frantically running around, you stretch yourself too thin, and then nothing is enjoyable. Focus on what you can control, be proactive, and accept that your life is changing and that is okay.

AROHA AOTEAROA

Welcome to the mystical lands of Aotearoa, where love isn’t just a feeling, it’s a way of life. Māori, with a culture that is so rich in tradition and teeming with love in every way shape and form, have perfected the art of spreading Aroha far and wide! Come along for this whirlwind journey through the Māori perspective on love that'll leave you feeling all warm and fuzzy inside!

First things first, Aroha isn't your run-of-the-mill lovey-dovey stuff, It’s a whole vibe! From tightknit bonds of whānau to the camaraderie of mates sharing a laugh over a cold brew. Aroha is more than a feeling: it’s a sacred energy that flows through the veins of the earth, coursing through the rivers, mountains, and forests of New Zealand. It is the heartbeat of Papatūānuku, and the breath of Tāne Mahuta, echoing through the ages and nurturing all life with its boundless embrace.

Think of Aroha as the ultimate love potion, brewed with a secret recipe passed down through generations. In Te Ao Māori, love isn't just expressed through sweet nothings whispered in the dark (although that's part of it!). It's about action, baby! It's the glue that holds families together, the spark that ignites communities, and the fuel that drives positive change in the world. You're at a hui with your closest mates, the kai is endless, the waiata are ringing out, and the laughter is contagious: that is what we call Manaakitanga—spreading love and kindness through good vibes and good company. Let's not forget about the power of music and dance!

Whether you're belting out tunes around the campfire or busting out your best moves at a hui, there's nothing quite like expressing love through the magic of music and movement.

Love isn't just confined to human relationships. Oh no! It extends to the land itself— Papatūānuku is the ultimate matchmaker. Gazing at the stars on a clear night, taking a stroll through the bush hand in hand, there's no shortage of romantic spots to cozy up with your loved one and soak in the Aroha. The majestic mountains, the pristine rivers, and the lush forests that make Aotearoa the paradise it is. So next time you find yourself in the great outdoors, take a moment to soak in the Aroha and appreciate the beauty that surrounds you.

From sharing a hearty feast with friends to welcoming strangers with open arms, we know how to throw down when it comes to showing love.

So, there you have it, love, Māori style! It's about embracing Aroha, spreading joy wherever you go, and having the time of your life while you're at it. So, whether you're sharing a laugh with your mates, dancing under the stars, or simply taking a moment to appreciate the beauty of the world around you, remember to let the Aroha flow and keep the good times rolling!

Noho ora mai, Shay McEwan.

Te Aitanga-a-Mahaki, Te Whanau a Kai, Ngāti Pāhauwera

Alcohol Review: 8.6 Black Stout

tasted by Hamish Ferguson (he/him)

This beer, imported from Holland to your local supermarket, is marketed as an “intense stout”. Don’t let the cheap price fool you—this goes down surprisingly well for a affordable can from New World. The first thing that hits you is the frothiness and a overall richness of the flavour (think coffee, dark chocolate, soy sauce), followed by an slight acidic kick in your mouth and a malty, slightly bitter aftertaste. Overall a great brew, especially for someone looking to explore the world of stouts and porters for a price more competitive than notorious brews like Guniuess, or craft brews like Cassels. This beer gives off cigarettes and leather vibes. However watch out for the tipsiness—it can go from 0-100 really quick, with an ABV of 7.9%, and 3.1 standards per can. I had an unintentional 3 hour nap the first time I drank this, which ruined my night.

Standards per dollar: 0.67 (3.10 divided by $4.69, please check my maths)

Taste: 8/10

Affordability: 9/10 (for a stout)

Tipsiness: 7/10

Hangover: -4/10

Overall: 20/30

The Chemistry of Chemistry

smelt by Caitlin Higgie (she/her) - VUW Science Collective

Have you ever been attracted to someone and wondered, “Why THEM?” Yeah, me too. Well, it turns out it might be because of how they smell

We prefer partners who have different immune system genes than us, and we do this by smelling their immune system via pheromones.

As a Biomed student, that is SO. ODD. So why does this happen? When two people with optimally different immune systems have children together, those children will have genetically more diverse, robust immune systems and a stronger chance of fighting off a wider range of pathogens more effectively.

This means that, due to natural selection, the off spring of parents with different immune systems are more likely to live to reproduce and pass on their

stronger immunity genes. Because of this biological advantage, species over time have evolved to be able to smell who would be the best partner genetically.

Boring science over, what can you get out of this? Well, studies show that having a different immune system from a partner has been linked to greater relationship quality, sexual satisfaction, and better reproductive health as a couple. So that guy in your tutorial that you’ve talked to a few times and instantly seem to click with, maybe you should listen to your

But NEVER ignore the red flags because you’ve got your rose-coloured pheromone glasses on. Just as there are many fish in the sea, there are many people

pathetically in love with your friend? I’ll be truthful here—I totally have. From tingling butterflies for a high school friend to a massive queer awakening courtesy of my swim team, I have had way too many internal crises over the not-so-big dilemma of crushing on my friends.

The thing is, knowing if you are really smitten with your friend is fucking hard. As a gal who is insistent she “has a crush” on a friend as soon as they pay any attention to her, I wish differentiating genuine care from actual feelings was easier. In my mind, the line tethering admiration and attraction is etched in dark red ink, bleeding through pages of memories. It leaves a mark, taints your perspective, leaves you questioning and agonising over any small interactions you share.

Constantly in your mind is a mantra. Is it really a crush? Do they like me the same way?

The way friendships go, it is understandable why people find it easy to fall for their friends. Any meaningful connection requires a certain amount of chemistry. When you’re that close to somebody, in such a heartfelt way, the sickly sweet feelings are

My mate from high school, Abi, understands the feeling of falling in love with her friends all too well.

For her, realising these romantic feelings is usually a slow process of learning about her friend’s quirks— and falling in love with them. She finds comfort in the affection developing through the profound connection of close-knit friendships and prefers it over your typical date with someone you don’t know well. Even if her experiences have never wound up in the fairytale ending of her dreams, she says that she would fall for another friend all over again. “You don’t go into a friendship looking to catch feelings for this person,” she reflects, “but you kinda get to get to know someone... and falling in love that way is so much more beautiful.”

Navigating her romantic interactions as a queer woman, Abi feels like the intimacy of female friendships is also an incitement for her feelings towards her friend. When friends become closer, many things you do shift into a no-man’s land of half-platonic, half-romantic acts. Without communication, there’s no defining the intention behind the half-drunk kisses between friends on a night out, or the intertwined hands as the two of you walk down the streets. Once those tingling butterflies in your stomach flutter, the ambiguity of it all feeds into rose-tinted vision. It’s what makes our hearts stutter, what keeps us hoping for something more in a friendship.

On the flip side, this secret yearning is what makes having a crush on your friend so crushing. In such a close vicinity, you can’t truly hide your feelings. But, confessing your love to your friend is more complicated than asking a cute stranger out on a date. To even consider being upfront about it is

to put on the line the dynamic you two have built together. A love confession can change everything in a friendship, especially when the romantic intentions are unrequited. You feel an obligation to let go of this devastating love to not suffocate your friend with the affection that you can’t truly give them. They also feel the need to push away, to change their behaviour and not lead you on further. Most likely, it ends up with the two of you tip-toeing over each other’s feelings, drifting away from each other in doubt and unsolved problems. In that case, why would it even be worth it, when mentioning anything about love can ruin everything that you’ve wanted to keep?

But then, to dwell on this intense attachment in secret feels pretty damning as well. Love, once harboured, consumes your thoughts and affects every interaction. You are actively hiding one of the deepest thoughts from the one person you should be able to share it with. As the muse to your affection, but more importantly as a friend, you feel the pressure to spill your heart out, to let them know the depths of your love. It is not only a weight on your heart, it can cast a cloud over your friendship.

The fear of losing this deep connection amongst your intense feelings might prevent people from developing feelings for their friends. A friend of mine admitted that she has never had a crush on her close friends. “Maybe because knowing too much about someone kinda creates a barrier [for me] to develop any feelings with that person.”

She found her attraction gravitating towards people outside of her social circle. Dating someone who is not a close friend introduces her to new perspectives on the world. For her, that was the exciting part of being in a relationship. But most importantly, it also avoids the risk factor of a friend-crush, the fear of your well-established friendship changing.

All of our tangled thoughts for a friend-crush leads to one question. Is having a crush on your BFF as disastrous as the whole freaking universe trying to warn us about?

Yea, maybe. But life is not always a tragedy. There is a good ending to any crushes on your friend after all— devoid of heartbreak, awkwardness, and change. For some people, it means having an honest conversation with your mate, and you two are both mature enough to accommodate each other’s feelings. Having that clear empathy and emotional understanding can strengthen your friendship. Perhaps, the story will pop up as a funny inside joke. But for some others, a confession might lead to a revelation, that you and your mate are both as deeply in love with each other. You might end up with a partner that already understands you inside out, a person that cares for you as a friend and as a lover. Wouldn’t that be a dream scenario for all of us hopeless romantics?

I guess what I have learnt from crushing on my friends is that feelings, whether platonic or romantic, are damn hard to identify and process on your own. The thrill of affection, mixed with the weight of harbouring a secret, makes being in love with a friend such a conflicting emotional dilemma to deal with. I don’t think I will ever grow the guts to confess my love, with so much at stake. But sometimes, these pining thoughts are inevitable. Despite all the agony these unrequited friend-cruses caused me, they also brought good fun into my love life, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

In the future, don’t be surprised if I indulge in my delusional thoughts a bit too hard and end up falling for another friend. To speak or to die on my heap of feelings, though? Not deciding that, mate.

I love baby Yoda

I have spoken, Rose Merlini (any pronouns) | images supplied by Rivillarte

When I say the word love, the picture that most likely comes to your mind is of a couple of people, both infatuated with each other. The love goes two ways. They are an item. Their love brings fulfilment. It is an amazing and rewarding feeling, one that people devote their lives to searching for, allowing the pursuit of love consume them whole. I’ve been there, searching for love and (if you’ll allow me to be a bit dramatic) being destroyed in the process. But to tell you the truth I personally don’t love the idea of being consumed whole, so I decided, on my daring adventure for connection, to pursue a different type of love.

One alternative is loving one’s self. The extreme of this is the Gwyneth Paltrow faith, in which Goop products are the foundation of mind and soul and wellbeing. I didn’t dip my toe into those waters. I did, however, buy into the idea that if I love myself, that would be just as fulfilling—I would be emotionally healthier, and people would like me more for doing so (it sounded like a pretty good deal). And, they say, you have to learn to love yourself before you can be ready to love others.

This philosophy tends to be perceived as the ‘healthier’ approach. It can be just as devastating as the pursuit of love. I found that self love can’t be forced. Trying to do so and falling short, not gaining those coveted emotional benefits, feels like a failure. Now, I really don’t think this is a healthy mindset. It doesn’t even make sense! What has my level of love for myself got to do with me being happy? Besides, society trains us to be humble and not think too much about ourselves, and I must say I quite like it that way: I think it leads to more likeable and generous people. So there’s no way I’m about to suddenly go narcissist mode in an attempt to feel some love, it’s taxing and it probably doesn’t even work.

The stress that comes with loving is so much to carry, what are we possibly expected to do about it? Well…

One day I was out for a walk, soaking up the rays, listening to my tunes when I began to pay closer attention than I usually do to the lyrics of my music.

I found that Mitski had managed to articulate, in her song “My Love Mine All Mine”, a feeling that I had been feeling for a while. "Nothing in the world belongs to me / But my love mine, all mine, all mine."

It can be so hard to trust and to rely upon the love that we may or may not be receiving, but the love we have to give is ours and its always there. Can you believe it? On my brave adventure, searching far and wide for the concept of ‘love’, it was right there the whole time!

Loving things is easy to do, it just happens. I’ll go first: without even having to use my brain I can tell you I love baby Yoda; everything about him fills my heart with joy. I love my friends and even some people who aren’t my friends, such as my parents’ friends who I haven’t seen in many years. I love Taco Bell and the unrivaled sensation of biting into a beefy cheesy burrito. I love the glow of the full moon, it brings me a peaceful feeling.

These are just a few examples of things which I take pleasure in loving. But what I love is not relevant to you. It could be anything. This third type of love which I’ve discussed isn’t about the things or the people you love, it’s about you and about the act of loving so effortlessly. And let it be clear that I don’t expect baby Yoda to love me back. If he did then that would be a) creepy, he is 50 years old and also not real, and b) it would be a different kind of love.

The act of loving has the power to be all consuming in the best way possible, and realising that you have all this love already inside of you (for free, might I add) is invigorating.

You don’t have to be in love in order to love. You don’t even have to be best friends with someone in order to love them. You don’t have to love yourself in order to love. And perhaps most importantly, I don’t have to show my love to others in order for me to know that it’s there. It’s mine, it’s comfortable, and it’s never going away.

What software company is headquartered in Redmond, Washington?

What is the largest Spanish-speaking city in the world?

What is the world's fastest bird?

In what country is the Chernobyl nuclear plant located?

The Parthenon Marbles are controversially located in what museum?

How many birds of the week can you find in this issue? Flick through the magazine, count them all and send your answer to letters@salient.org.nz and be in to win a prize! bird search

DOWN

1. March 17th celebration, for short (2,8,3)

2. Hole-____ (golfing feat) (2,3)

3. Proposal that gets proved through experimentation (6)

4. Furious (7)

5. Batman's sidekick (5)

6. Stretch out (6)

ACROSS

7. With 'The', 2022 series based on a graphic novel series by Neil Gaiman (7)

8. Choose from two options (6,7)

14. Stops a bomb from going off, say (7)

16. Common first aid kit item (7)

18. Has a high opinion of; personal principles (6)

19. Italian city where 'Romeo and Juliet' takes place (6)

21. Get the issues out of, as a computer program (5)

22. Country that shares an island with the Dominican Republic (5)

WORD SCRAMBLE

How many words (of three letters or more) can you make from these letters (according to the Scrabble UK dictionary)?

Good: 8 | Very Good: 10 | Excellent: 12+

1. Warrior of British mythology who fought 11-Across (5,6)

7. Vicious of The Sex Pistols (3)

9. Trailblazer; first to do something important (7)

10. Wellington _____ Garden, place where you can visit The Dell (7)

11. Mythological creature who fought 1-Across (3,6)

12. Called (5)

13. Archaeologist Jones or city where a famous 500-mile race happens, familiarly (4)

15. Photoshop producer; earthen brick (5)

17. Door handle (4)

20. Middle Eastern meal of ground meat (5)

21. Warning sign seen on some car engines or in some restaurant kitchens (and an anagram of 11-Across) (6,3)

23. Upset; bother (7)

24. Break into the tiniest of pieces (7)

25. "Agreed!" (3)

26. Isolation or separation of people into groups (and an anagram of 1-Across) (11)

The Puzzles are brought to you by The Hunter Lounge. For the best pizza, pool, and bevvies on campus, pop in on your next trip up the hill!

podcasts.

Spice up your love life with this week's Salient Podcasts. Tune in to hear the team discuss their trip to the zoo, Jojo Siwa discourse, and a speed date like no other! with Speaker of the House Teddy O'Neill (he/it/ia)

"I just wanted to know about the gay penguins, that was my whole goal this year!"

Salient Unedited This week, our team talks our unsolvable sodoku, which big cats at the zoo they'd fight, and how much Teddy hates Jojo Siwa. (Which, by the way, is apparently quite a lot.)

"It wasn't too bad; it was just terribly awkward. I mean, most of my dates are..."

Arts & Culture This week, Teddy sets up Kate, Salient's designer, and Sam, Phoebe's friend/flatmate on a blind speed-date for all of you to hear!

VUWSA Unedited No new episode this week but check back in next week to hear Teddy wrangle another member of the VUWSA staff. Listen to all of our previous episodes by scanning the Spotify code.

Find all of our podcasts on Spotify!

SALIENT TEAM 2024

Third Row: Ngan Dang (she/they, Staff Writer Intern) ; Monisha Dahya (she/her, Podcast Intern) ; Darcy Lawrey (he/him, Online & News Intern) ; Prunella Prunella Azzahra (she/her, Design Intern) ; Phoebe's Dog ; Bird of the Week

Second Row: Phoebe Robertson (she/her, Editor) ; Te Huihui Tran (he/him, Te Ao Māori Co-Editor) ; Ashleigh Putt-Fallows (she/ her, Te Ao Māori Co-Editor) ; M&M (Ash's cat) ; Guy van Egmond (he/him, Contributing Writer) ; Jia Sharma (she/her, Music Editor); Mauatua Fa'ara-Reynolds (she/her, Staff Writer) ; Henry Broadbent (he/him, Sub-Editor)

Front Row: Teddy O'Neill (he/it/ia, Speaker of the House) ; Ava O'Brien (she/her, Distributor) ; Ethan Rogacion (he/him, News Co-Editor) ; Dan Moskovitz (he/him, Chief Reporter) ; Will Irvine (he/him, News Co-Editor) ; Kate Seager (she/her, Designer)