Our magazine, Salient, is run by students for students. Without the involvement of students, we wouldn't be able to operate. Every year, we welcome pitches and inquiries from individuals who are interested in writing for us. For more information, please email editor@salient. org.nz or visit our website at salient.org.nz.
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about us
Salient is published by, but remains editorially independent from, the Victoria University of Wellington Student's Association (VUWSA). Salient is funded in part by VUWSA through Student Services Levy. Salient is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).
The views expressed in Salient do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, VUWSA, or the University.
EDITORIAL OLYMPICS
Sports! At Salient, we’re pretty fond of getting active: from our (dire) attempts at croquet, to some of our staff taking part in Sweat With Pride (raising a total of $2,132)! Safe to say, then, that the office is getting pretty excited about the Olympics, which kicked off last Friday in Paris.
a nation behind its best athletes, the Olympics also have a deeper, sociological meaning.
Ever since I was but a wee, unathletic boy—unable to ride a bicycle and barely able to play basketball—the Olympics have been the only time that I can muster up some energy to get deeply invested into sports. But, with one condition: I just watch the weird, relatively niche sports, which only ever get thrust into the limelight at Olympics time. 3x3 Basketball. Fencing. Modern Pentathlon. I mean really, I can’t bring myself to care about long jump, or whatever, when just a few channels over I can see grown men shooting laser pistols while doing a three kilometre run.
Teddy (our podcast and social media manager) and I have been especially fascinated by rhythmic gymnastics. This combination of high art and soft play time consists of people tumbling around on the floor while flinging a wide array of props—pins, ribbons, hoops, balls—around themselves. Truly, do yourself a favour and go watch Evgeniya Kanaeva’s ‘ball’ routine from the 2012 Olympics: in my humble opinion, some of the most impressive, campest performance art you’ll ever get to see.
Obviously, the Olympics isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, as evidenced by this year’s games seeing athletes swimming in the Seine, Paris’ famously, deeply polluted river. Moreover, aside from the cultural role that the games have in rallying
bird of the week
Kōtuku
The Olympics help to elevate the struggles and plights of even the world’s best athletes. This year’s games feature the largest ever contingent from the Olympic Refugee Team, with a record 36 athletes competing under this banner. The team is composed of people who were forcibly displaced from their home nations, and serve as a reminder of the immense impacts that wars have.
The games also serve as a reminder of the ongoing impact that imperialism has on colonised people throughout the world. As Mauatua explores on pages 11-12, and Ngāi Tauira’s Te Waikamihi Lambert on page 36, the fact that this year’s surfing competition is happening in Tahiti is more than just the addition of an exciting surf break to the 2024 Games—it is in fact a demonstration of the lasting impact that French colonisation has had on our Pacific neighbours.
We’ve got a LOT of stuff for you to read in this issue: Teddy makes the case for WWE to enter the ring as a new addition to the Olympics, Kate talks about the girly-pop-ification of sports, and Ryan gives us a primer on the deeply exciting world of women’s ice hockey! Also in this issue, we have the launch of our brand new advice column, A Little Birdie Told Me, in which Whio and Toroa debate the age-old issue: floorcest—yay or nay?
Happy reading and happy watching!
The rare and magnificent Kōtuku, also known as the White Heron, can only be found in Aotearoa. With its stunning white feathers, it stands out among the wetland scenery. This bird is highly regarded for its elegance and grace, highlighted by its long and slender neck and striking black legs. Typically found wading in shallow waters, their diet primarily consists of fish, eels, and small aquatic invertebrates. Kōtuku are patient hunters, standing still in the water before striking quickly to catch their prey. The Waitangiroto colony in Ōkārito Lagoon on the West Coast is the sole breeding site for these birds worldwide. Extensive conservation efforts are focused on preserving their habitats due to their limited numbers.
gig guide
WED | San Fran | 8pm
Eyegum (Free) Wednesdays: Debt Club, Salt Water Criminals, Scientia
Cold flat? Turning on the heatpump: expensive. Leaving the house and jamming yourself into the mosh at San Fran: zero dollars. Fight off the winter blues this Wednesday with Debt Club, Salt Water Criminals, and Scientia—it’s Eyegum! San Fran, as ever, entices us in with cheap beers; the lineup will keep you dancing all night. Debt Club promises raw, indie/altrock goodness, SWC a grungy take on the Dunedin sound, and Scientia a strong end to a reliably sick evening.
THUR | Valhalla | 8pm
Debt Club, Carb on Carb, First Reserve
Valhalla is going hard this Thursday: three great bands, for only ten bucks. Debt Club, only a short trip down the street from their Wednesday Eyegum gig, will deliver a high energy indie/alt-rock set, with the odd veer into folky introspection. Carb on Carb are emo-punk royalty! They’re absolutely sick. Do not miss these guys! Like The Beths if they spent a bit more time in a gutter (or Valhalla). As for First Reserve, take the word of our reviewer Jia: seeing First Reserve play “was one of the best experiences I’ve had”. Expect an excellent night.
Tickets $10
Enjoy our small, lovingly curated selection of gigs.
| MOON | 7pm
Pizza and Jazz, with Oscar Lavën and Adrian Jensen
Do you want to ease into your Wednesday night in style? Perhaps sharing a pizza with your most sophisticated friends, to the sound of swing guitar and saxophone? Give MOON’s weekly pizza and jazz night a try! $15 pizza, and a live jazz set from 7pm. This week's duo, Oscar Lavën and Adrian Jensen, are both regular fixtures at jazz spots around the city, and well worth the trip to Newtown.
FRI | Voglemorn Bowling Club | 7pm
Blues Night
Hey man! Chill the fuck out! Seriously though, if you’re looking to relax, look no further: there’s a blues night at Pōneke’s vibiest, coolest, most comfortable venue. Heading the evening are the Kensington High All Stars, a locally-based six piece with a North-African inspired, soulful, polyrhythmic blues sound. They’ll be supported by Pony Grove, an improvisationforward jazz/funk three piece, and DJ, songwriter and guitarist Tyson Smith. Find a turkish rug or an armchair, get a cool tap wine, and settle in.
Tickets $15-20
protest calendar
The Racket Lounge: The New Sounds Session
Pōneke’s favourite socialist-coded cocktail bar, Bedlam and Squalor, is hosting a brand-new classical music series focused on up-and-coming local talent: The Racket Lounge, comprising four sessions across six months. I know I just said ‘classical music’ but don’t run away—the sessions promise to be incredibly chill, and are premised around welcoming newcomers to the genre. Each operates with a ‘choose your price’ model, and proceeds all go to paying musicians, and hosting the next session. Also, you might see me and Teddy there working on a review.
FRI | MOON | 7pm Amen Sessions #2: WARPATH JUNGLE
Do you think this week's gig guide has been unusually sedate? It is this way by design: the entire week's worth of chaos is packed into a single evening at MOON. Two edm/DnB promoters, Warpath Jungle and Third Eye Hi-Fi, are collaborating on a night of breakbeat madness, promising: “all flavours of jungle from the complex and atmospheric, the deep and bassy to the full power facemelters, filthy hard DnB, Breakbeat hardcore euphoria, Breakcore in all its chaotic playful glory, and other hard rave sillyness.” Runs late.
Tickets $25
Salient will be highlighting protest and direct action throughout 2024. In print will be a small selection.
Pōneke Student Justice for Palestine has started a petition, with an attached open letter, to VUW’s Senior Leadership and Foundation Board of Trustees. They make the following demands of Victoria University:
1. Divest all funds held by the university and university foundation with ties to Israel
2. Implement a Boycott, Divest, Sanctions (BDS) policy, both financial and academic
3. Establish scholarships and fellowships for Palestinian students and academics
Massacres, scholasticide, torture, mass starvation and disease continue in Gaza. Our senior leadership loves to describe the ‘critic and conscience role’ of our university. This is empty rhetoric when they cannot take a clear, principled stance against genocide, apartheid, imperialism and settler colonialism. Read the open letter and sign the petition.
Koha
kawepūrongo
It's Getting Cold in Here, So Put On All Your Clothes
In the immortal words of Crowded House, “things ain’t cookin’ in my kitchen / strange afflictions wash over me”. The reason things aren’t cooking? Because power is ridiculously fucking expensive. The strange affliction in question? Black mould poisoning. In this issue of Salient’s ongoing coverage of the fight for better student housing, in which VUWSA has assumed the historic role of the noble vanguard party, we bring you a portrait of Wellington in its decaying old age. In Bidenesque fashion, the nation’s capital appears to be slowly decaying while still insisting on its own coolness. Well, at Salient, we regret to inform you that not only is Wellington New Zealand’s “coolest little city”, but for many renters, it’s also the coldest little city.
As we reported last week, VUWSA has taken it upon themselves to support students through the cold winter, launching a petition to expand the Winter Energy Payment to students. VUWSA Equity Officer Josh Robinson told Salient that, just this year, a friend of his was rushed to hospital “with a respiratory illness due to a cold, damp, and mouldy flat”. Robinson said two thirds of students actively struggled to make ends meet. “This doesn’t have to be a rite of passage for students”.
I, Salient’s tallest and handsomest reporter, sat down with my flatmates to discuss the power bill. In our flat, I try to spice up the gloomy nature of the weekly power bill with a fun and exciting themed announcement. Past months have included mediaeval knights, spies, aliens, and robots. Lia, 19, had an emphatic response: “yeah, it’s really expensive”. Jess, also 19, brought an exciting new perspective to the table: “yeah”.
When Salient reporter Ethan Rogacion spoke to Minister for Social Development Louise Upston, she unsurprisingly had very little of value to say. “I know that it’s really tough for individuals and families out there”, she said, before reminding Mr. Rogacion that
it was “only one more week ‘til tax relief”. I, for one, am deeply excited for the $2.15 a week that I will be receiving from Ms. Upston’s new tax cuts, which will very heavily benefit me and are not at all designed to prop up the growing landlord leech class. I will be spending it on half a can of Diet Coke.
When asked if the Government was doing enough to support students, Upston said that they were “focused on getting inflation down”, and refused to provide a stance on the Winter Energy Payment. However, VUWSA president Marcail Parkinson (commonly known as “Mikhail Parkalov” due to her vicious socialist tendencies) was quick to call Upston out on her BS. As Marcail noted, inflation continues to rise, especially on “property rates and related services”, which was up 9.6 percent in the year to June 2024. “The areas in which inflation has gone down are not areas that generally affect students, so they’re relying on a trickle-down economy”. In the United States, trickle-down economics has produced a wealth disparity higher than that in France before the French Revolution.
Parkinson and Robinson paint a bleak portrait of Pōneke, and it’s one that seems to resonate with students. For students in some of Wellywood’s coldest and dampest neighbourhoods, like Aro Valley or Karori, winter comes with the choice between crushing energy payments or “toughing it out” through the bitter cold. Salient, and this writer, agree that this is simply not good enough. We demand a Winter Energy Payment for students. And if you don’t want to live in the shattering cold, then maybe you should too. Sign the petition today.
Sign the petition by scanning this QR code.
THE BIRDIES ARE VAXXED!
DOC Vaccine Trial: A Bulwark Against Extinction
DAn mOSKOviTZ (he/him)
DOC’s native bird vaccination trial against avian influenza—the avian pandemic which has killed millions of wild birds and poultry but has yet to arrive in Aotearoa—has succeeded in its first stage.
Ten individuals of five species—kakī/black stilt, takahē, kākāpō, tūturuatu/shore plover, and redcrowned parakeet/kākāriki—were selected for their low population numbers and reliance on captive breeding. They were given two jabs, one month apart.
Seven months on, and so far so good. All birds are healthy and producing antibodies, signifying an immune response.
“The second phase of the trial is still underway and will be completed by July 2025. This involves regular health assessments and blood tests of the birds,” DOC’s Biosecurity manager Claire Stringer told Salient
“Initial tests show antibodies have been detected in all five species. However, we need to wait until the trial is complete for more conclusive results.”
Because the vaccine requires two doses and wild birds are untrackable, this isn’t divine intervention. Rather, it’s a targeted tool which DOC could use to prevent extinction in subpopulations under active management.
A recent laboratory trial in the Netherlands recently found vaccinating poultry effective, and the Dutch are now piloting vaccinating commercial poultry.
The Ministry for Primary Industries told Salient that vaccination of commercial poultry was a decision for industry to make, though this could only occur after the disease’s incursion.
If you encounter a bird showing symptoms of avian influenza, please take a video and call Biosecurity New Zealand on their 0800 80 99 66 hotline. Symptoms include falling over, twisting their neck to look upwards, lethargy, and drooping heads. Three or more dead birds is also reason to contact Biosecurity.
Do not touch any bird showing symptoms.
Student Health On Break From Pipitea Campus
DAn mOSKOviTZ (he/him)
Student Health has gone exclusive with Kelburn campus, temporarily leaving Pipitea citing a shortage of GPs. But don’t worry Pipitea. Student Health still loves you, and it will return in September.
If you’re broken up about Student Health’s temporary break-up with you, the good news is that their counseling service, alongside a nurse and admin staff, will continue to operate at Pipitea as normal.
In addition, they’ve set up spaces at Pipitea for virtual consultation with the Kelburn-based GPs, and are providing taxi chits for students who need in-person appointments. So it’s not completely no-contact.
Why? Student Health doesn’t have the energy to commit to two campuses right now. As associate director Kevin Rowlatt explains, Student Health got hit with an unlucky conflux of GPs leaving, GPs taking annual leave, and GPs departing for personal reasons simultaneously. The current GP shortage in Aotearoa—of about 500 practitioners—hasn’t helped, either.
“We thought we would bring all the GPs up to Kelburn so that we avoided having only one or two GPs operating at Kelburn and one at Pipitea, ” said Rowlatt. “It’s just safer practice.” And more GPs are on the way.
“It takes about three to six months to recruit a GP in the current environment,” said Rowlatt. “Given the current competition for GPs and nurses, we’ve done extremely well to replace those that have left permanently.
“I'm quite pleased. It happened a lot more quickly than I dreamed it would.”
The failure of successive governments has led to the current shortage, as the ten-year journey to become a GP just can’t produce enough replacements for those retiring.
“We need real bipartisan commitment to ensure primary care is funded correctly and an attractive proposition for doctors,” said Rowlatt.
It's Not Easy Being GREEN
DArcy lAWrey (he/him)
OPINION: In what “may or may not'' be a commentary on our country’s two major parties, party co-leader Chlöe Swarbrick lays out why she chose the Green Party. “I didn’t want to sit down, shut up and wait 10 years to have an opinion, by which point in time I might have conformed so much I didn’t know what my opinion was anymore”. Well, Swarbrick is far from short of opinions.
Her election as co-leader of the party in March will have been of little surprise to anyone paying attention. Regularly appearing on the preferred Prime Minister polls, even before her promotion to co-leader, her political career has been nothing short of impressive.
But for Chlöe it’s never been about the position. “You don’t join the Greens because you aspire to hold some particular title” she says. In her view, you join the Greens to make real change.
It is sometimes easy to see the Greens as merely the eco-socialist arm of the Labour party—or at least a regular source of plagiarised policy—but Chlöe asserts that they “already lead the left of politics in this country.” When asked about the party’s future she says that the goal is for the numbers to start reflecting this, “such that we have the critical mass necessary to get radically transformational policies across.”
But in their quest for that critical mass the Greens have spent much of 2024 caught up in dealing with scandals, unruly MPs, and tragedy. As a result of a drawn-out investigation into claims of migrant exploitation, MP Darleen Tana has been ousted from the party, forcing the party to consider using the waka-jumping legislation they have been so opposed to.
Then, of course, there’s Golriz Ghahraman’s shoplifting scandal, allegations of bullying against Julie-Ann Genter, and the tragic death of MP Fa'anānā Efeso Collins. The stars have not exactly been in the Green’s favour.
Swarbrick chalks some of this bad luck up to a combination of the “very peculiar institution” that is Parliament, which she says, “forces people to go at each other’s throats”, and the mass of trauma and stress that is running through the party.
It’s clear that being passionate about politics comes with a cost. She has conversations with her colleagues about quitting politics, including about leaving her own position, very regularly—it is a very common conversation to have with people”.
“Over the last several years I have had conversations with people from every single political party that is currently represented in our parliament about mental distress” she reveals.
She says that finding a solution and improving the support offered to MPs is an “existential question for all political parties.”
The need for this existential look in the mirror is one which she says is especially important for the Greens as a result of their strong adherence to shared values. How we do parliamentary politics in New Zealand “is currently not geared to getting the best out of people”.
But exploring a solution to this problem is something Swarbrick says she is committed to.
Note: the author is a member of the Green Party.
Second Annual Winter Clothing Drive a Success
PhOebe rOberTSOn (She/her)
For the second year running, VUWSA and Student Finance have collaborated to bring Te Herenga Waka students the highly anticipated winter clothing drive. Both teams were enthusiastic about providing practical and tangible support to students. The collaboration has helped build relationships and offer ‘on the ground’ support to the student body.
Donations came from Te Herenga Waka staff members over several weeks, with this year's contributions easily surpassing those of last year. Tables and clothing racks were filled with jackets, jumpers, pants, long sleeves, shoes, and even blankets and pillows, all available for students to take for free. The event was so highly anticipated that students began lining up at 10 am for the 11 am start. Although the drive was scheduled to run from 11 am to 3 pm, most of the donations were gone by noon.
Salient Sweats for Pride
PhOebe rOberTSOn (She/her)
This year, Salient and VUWSA partnered up to Sweat for Pride during June. Sweat for Pride is a month-long fundraising event where participants commit to exercising every day to raise money for LGBTQIA+ charities. Participants can choose any form of exercise, such as running, biking, or yoga, making it an inclusive event that promotes both physical health and community solidarity while raising awareness and funds for vital services.
According to a representative from Te Herenga Waka, “The general consensus from students was that the event was a great idea and immensely helpful as they simply couldn’t afford a warm jacket this winter. A lot of international students let us know they didn’t know how cold Wellington would be, so they were not prepared. One student said that they had been sleeping without a pillow as they hadn’t been able to afford one.”
The success of the winter clothing drive would not have been possible without the collaboration between VUWSA and Student Finance. Weeks of planning and organisation culminated in an event that met a significant need within the student community. A heartfelt thank you goes out to Te Herenga Waka staff for their generous donations and continued support.
Overall, the team raised $2,132 and exercised for over 5,974 minutes (that’s over four days total). VUWSA receptionist Angela Pelham raised the most, exercising for a total of 929 minutes in June and raising $669. Salient editor Phoebe Robertson sweated the most, for a total of 1,455 minutes. A notable fundraising event was Allikin’s Costume Collective sale, which fundraised $473. A big shoutout to additional team members: Emma Maguire, Teddy O’Neill, Nathaniel Manning, Marcail Parkinson, Emily Bull and Matt Tucker for their fundraising efforts.
PICTURED:
Māori and Pasifika RepresentationOlympics 2024
words by Ashleigh Putt-Fallows (she/her/ia) Ngāti Whātua, Ngāpuhi-Ngāti Hine, Tūhoe
Aoteaora’s official Olympic team has set off for the Olympics with an almost 50/50 gender split and a variety of cultural backgrounds represented. On the team are athletes with Samoan, Tongan, French, Australian, Fijian, Chinese, Korean, Dutch, Indian, South African and American heritage, as well as 34 Māori athletes (~17% of the team). Here are some key Māori and Pacific athletes to keep an eye one these games: Don Opeloge (Samoa, Weightlifting), Teremoana Junior Teremoana (Australia, Boxing), Maddi Wesche (New Zealand, Shot Put), Fiji's Men's Rugby Sevens team, and Vahine Fierro (France, Surfing)—all set to make their mark in their sport, and on the global stage!
Continued Opposition to ACT’s Treaty Principles Bill
words by Ashleigh Putt-Fallows (she/her/ia) Ngāti Whātua, Ngāpuhi-Ngāti Hine, Tūhoe
Opposition is mounting as Act prepares to unveil its Treaty Principles Bill, sparking widespread mobilization against what critics call "anti-Māori attacks." The draft legislation, part of ACT's coalition agreement, aims to redefine Te Tiriti o Waitangi's principles, ostensibly emphasizing equal rights for all New Zealanders. Community groups, including Māori translators and politicians, are gearing up for protests, hīkoi, and submissions to Parliament. Despite initial coalition support, concerns about the Bill's impact on Māori rights and its controversial nature are intensifying ahead of its formal introduction. A draft of the bill is thought to be released to the public later this year.
Racist Coalition Criticised for Māori Wards Bill
words by Te Huihui o Matariki Chi Huy Tran (he/him) Taranaki Tūturu, Te iwi o Maruwharanui, Ngāti Maniapoto
ActionStation has condemned the coalition government for advancing what they call an "anti-Māori" agenda with the Local Government Amendment Bill. The bill mandates referendums on existing Māori wards, despite overwhelming community support for their establishment. Kassie Hartendorp of ActionStation (Ngāti Raukawa, Ngāti Pareraukawa, Ngāti Korokī) cites a significant increase in voter engagement since the wards' introduction, emphasising their importance in honouring Te Tiriti o Waitangi. The rushed process and concerns over increased racism towards Māori have spread across the motu. ActionStation has launched a campaign urging government commitment to Māori representation and protection against racist violence. The bill's passage comes amidst broader criticism of policies affecting Māori rights across Aotearoa.
ACT vs Te Whatu Ora: Karakia Clash
words by Te Huihui o Matariki Chi Huy Tran (he/him) Taranaki Tūturu, Te iwi o Maruwharanui, Ngāti Maniapoto
ACT criticised Te Whatu Ora for promoting daily karakia, arguing it distracts from health priorities and should not be funded by taxpayers. Are we surprised, e te whānau? They questioned the difference between karakia and the parliamentary prayer, with ACT suggesting openness to altering the latter. In response, Health NZ clarified that karakia participation is optional, fostering team cohesion and patient care alignment. The controversy underscores ongoing debates about religious practices in governmental settings and their appropriateness during work hours.
Long waiting for a name restoration
words by Te Huihui o Matariki Chi Huy Tran (he/him) Taranaki Tūturu, Te iwi o Maruwharanui, Ngāti Maniapoto
The decision to rename Russell back to Kororāreka remains pending three years after initial proposals. Kororāreka Marae Society's Debra Rewiri submitted the change, which awaits Land Information Minister Chris Penk's decision. Despite local support, the Geographic Board faced objections and deferred the decision to the minister. Penk acknowledges the community's sentiments and plans to update later this year.
It’s the FUCKING news
AnOnymOuS neWS WriTer
Athletes spend their days competing for gold at the Olympics and pushing their bodies to the absolute limits. What better way to end the day than by sitting down and relaxing on a cardboard bed? Not what you were expecting? Neither were the athletes at the 2021 Olympic Games. These stylish beds are back once more for the 2024 Olympics. A TikTok posted by the official Olympics account explained that the beds are "sustainable" and the materials are "100% made in France".
The beds first went viral in 2021, when American track and field runner Paul Chelimo wrote they were “aimed at avoiding intimacy among athletes”. He continued, stating, “Beds will be able to withstand the weight of a single person to avoid situations beyond sports… At this point, I will have to start practising how to sleep on the floor; because if my bed collapses and I have no training on sleeping on the floor, I’m done.” This was posted on the social media platform X (formerly known as Twitter).
However, this rumour was quickly debunked by athletes posting videos of themselves jumping on the beds, as well as by the official Olympics account. Interestingly, the New Zealand Olympics account seemed to poke fun at the rumour, recently posting a TikTok video spelling out “NZ <3 PARIS” with Olympic Village branded condom packets.
In solidarity with these athletes, and to save the cardboard beds, we decided to try out some sex positions that don't require a bed. After all, sharing is caring, and who wouldn't want to bang an Olympic athlete?
Sex on the Shelf (also known as The Bicycle)
Technique: The receiving partner perches on the edge of the dangerous bed. The giver enters while standing, and the receiver can wrap their legs around the giver. The giver can then wrap their hands around the receiver’s back for extra support.
Experience: “Actually quite awkward, difficult to generate momentum. Should not be about bouncing the person, more motion from the hips.”
The Butter Churner (also known as Squat Thruster)
Technique: The receiver lies on their back with their legs raised over their head. The giver squat over them and dips their penis or dildo in and out of them.
Experience: “This has occurred to me organically… If you find yourself here then roll with it. But I wouldn’t recommend it as a goal at the outset of your sexual adventure. Pick a partner with strong vertebrae 1-6.”
Wheelbarrow, Standing (also known as The Hoover Maneuver)
Technique: The giver enters their partner as they would in a standing, rear-entry position, but instead of staying upright, the giver lifts the receiver by the pelvis. The receiver then wraps their legs around the giver’s waist for support.
Experience: “Uncomfortable for both the giver and receiver, need big arm strength [fantastic for Olympians]. Your wrists hurt quite a lot from all of the moment… if you have arthritis it would hurt a lot. Sex positions should not be creative. They should be practical.”
In conclusion, these are all bad times for someone who has not worked out since highschool gym class. However, I have faith that any and all Olympians will have a fantastic time with this, because why wouldn’t they?
Polynesia and Norfolk Island. As always, there are things we may have missed or glossed over, and we encourage you all to do your own research.
French Polynesia
Following the Great Polynesian Migration in around 1500 BC, settlement of French Polynesia began in the Marquesas Islands in about 200 BC, and then the Society Islands in 300 AD. From the 18th century, Mā’ohi Nui (French Polynesia) was largely governed by the Pōmare dynasty, until 1880, when Pōmare V ceded to France, consequently annexing Tahiti and her islands. Many Mā’ohi still wish for full autonomy from France, achieving sovereignty.
Nowadays, Mā’ohi Nui is an overseas collectivity of France comprising 121 islands and atolls divided into five groups: the Society Islands, the Marquesas Islands, the Austral Islands, the Gambier Islands, and the Tuamotu Archipelago. As of 2022, French Polynesia had a population of 278,000.
Although the official language of the region is French, there are nine main languages: Tahitian, North and South Marquesan, Mangarevan, Tuamotuan, and Austral. For this week, we’ve chosen to focus on Tahitian due to its accessibility, and limited space in the issue.
Email greetings / sign offs
’Ia ora na = Hello
Māuruuru (roa) = Thank you (very much)
General phrases
Reo Mā’ohi / Reo Tahiti = Tahitian language
Mā’ohi = Indigenous people of the Society Islands
Norfolk Island
In 1790 the HMS Bounty arrived at Pitcairn Island (known to Mā’ohi as Hitiaurevareva) with 12 Mā’ohi women, six Mā’ohi men, a baby girl, and nine mutineers of the British Bounty. They began a new settlement of Anglo-Polynesian people. Norfolk Islanders are descendants of six of the Mā’ohi women and six of the British men.
In 1856, Queen Victoria gave the Pitcairn Islanders Norfolk Island, which had previously been a penal colony. All the Pitcairn Islanders migrated to Norfolk Island as a distinct people with their own language, culture and set of laws (they were the first people in the English-speaking world granted universal suffrage), however some returned to Pitcairn because they were too homesick.
In 2015, Norfolk Island’s legislative assembly was dissolved, thus revoking the island’s right to selfgovernance. Since then, Norfolk Islanders have fought Australian governmental powers for their autonomy.
“[Sports are] a vigorous instrument of the disciplining [of colonised peoples]”
— Pierre de Coubertin, founder of the modern Olympic Games.
For Paris 2024, the Surfing Olympics will be held at the iconic surfing location Teahupo’o, a small village of 2000 on the southwest of Tahiti in French Polynesia (Mā’ohi Nui). For those of you who aren’t familiar with it, Teahupo’o (also known as Chopo) is a worldwide surfing sensation, with some of the most spectacular and dangerous waves on the planet. With 12-foot waves, it’s no wonder the name translates to “skullcrusher”. Although it’s been asserted that hosting the Surfing Olympics in Tahiti will be economically beneficial for the French overseas collectivity, there will be significant damage, some of which has already been felt.
For the past 20 years, competitions at Teahupo’o have used a collapsible wooden judging tower, which can be reassembled as needed. However, after a study by the Olympic Organising Committee (which has still not been released, despite hundreds of requests), it was declared that the wooden tower was not up to standard. Its replacement? A three-storey aluminium tower with toilets and air-conditioning. To build this, they’d need to drill 56 new holes into the reef, anchor the tower to 12 concrete pads, and reinforce it with 72 micropiles. How much would this all cost? $8 million NZD. This is a shocking turn of events considering Paris 2024’s goal to be more “responsible, sustainable, united, and inclusive”.
During a pre-construction test of the tower, workers brought a barge out to the suggested location and, in doing so, destroyed all of the coral heads (and broke their propeller). This event only fuelled local outrage and opposition to the project. After a peaceful protest of about 500 where locals placed an ‘unu’ on the area (similar to rāhui in te ao Māori) and launched an online petition with over 250 thousand signatures, construction was halted for about a month and design plans were re-evaluated. Nevertheless, construction started up again in March, and we now have the aluminium judging tower, but with a few minor adjustments. Changes in the design include a reduction in the size of the tower, a decrease in the number of holes drilled into the reef, and a change in the mode of transportation for tower materials from barges to boats. However, it still poses many problems for Teahupo’o’s ecosystem.
Now, the most important part of the story: how this will affect the environment and the indigenous people. After a team of scientists at The MEGA Lab in Hawai’i went to Teahupo’o to survey the reef’s health, they came forward with a statement saying the tower would undoubtedly damage the reef. The calamity caused by construction could stress marine life and spread ciguatera, where microscopic algae infect fish and, if eaten, can make people extremely sick. This is incredibly concerning, considering it’s a town of fishermen who rely on the fish of Teahupo’o for their meals and income. Furthermore, the damage done by the barge and the tower’s construction could impact 2500 square metres of the reef, with an estimated financial impact of about $2 million NZD. And, as the CEO of Coral Gardeners Titouan Bernicot said, “Every time we modify the environment we see not immediately, but years later, issues arising and it’s too late to fix them”. While we may not see any damage over the duration of the competition (about three-four days), local Mā’ohi will be dealing with its consequences for the rest of their lives, including potential loss of livelihood, health issues, and irreversible damage to the ecosystem.
Highlighting the cultural impact, President of Vai Ara o Teahupo’o Cindy Otcenasek said in an interview with APNews, “In Polynesian culture, gods are present everywhere; in the coral, in the ocean”. It’s not too much of a stretch to say then that destroying coral and harming the ocean’s biodiversity is a direct attack on Mā’ohi ways of living and understanding the world.
While this whole situation may come as a shock, it certainly isn’t for Mā’ohi, who are well-versed in French colonialism and its tactics. Not only did the Olympic Organising Committee disregard locals’ concerns and well-being, they completely disrespected our identity as a people. On the website, you’ll see their choice to host the Surfing Competition at Teahupo’o was motivated by their ambition to “[showcase] France’s rich and diverse heritage”. If they really believed Mā’ohi Nui was France, they wouldn’t put the livelihoods of thousands at risk for a four-day competition.
All we Mā’ohi can do now is pray to and for our Atua.
Sporting Success
The Olympics often stir a sense of national pride as we ‘take down the big guys’ on the international stage. Many eagerly track the medal tables, hoping to see their country climb the leaderboard. But often do we consider the human cost behind those medals? The physical and mental toll that athletes have to bear, often without acknowledgement? Each new generation faces pressure to outperform the last, and with social media’s reach, any misstep is amplified.The performance of current athletes shapes the future of their sport, creating a relentless cycle of pressure and expectation.
In 2016, for the first time since 1968, the average age of female Olympic gymnasts was above 20. Between 1992 to 2004, the women’s all-around champions were children; the youngest just 15. This contrasts sharply with the men’s category, where every allaround champion has been an adult.
In women’s gymnastics, there’s a long-held belief that puberty is the enemy. Young athletes are taught to fear the day their careers might end due to physical changes. This fear drives them to train intensely, aspiring to reach Olympic levels as quickly as possible so they can stay at the top for longer. However, recent cycles show that adult women can still excel as champions. Despite this, young gymnasts are often subjected to strict diets that fail to meet their nutritional needs, fostering a culture where eating disorders are prevalent. Numerous studies indicate that such extreme training can delay physical development, including puberty. These children sacrifice a normal childhood to embody their nation's vicarious hopes and dreams.
exposes the abuse within USA Gymnastics, where athletes were isolated from their families on ‘camps’ and subjected to sexual assault by Larry Nassar, a convicted pedophile, under the guise of ‘medical treatment’. Athletes like Maggie Nichols, who spoke out, faced retaliation, such as being dropped from the 2016 USA Olympic team. While figure skating is a Winter Olympic sport, it shares similar issues with women’s gymnastics, particularly in Russia. The culture promotes eating disorders and lowers the ages of competitors. Russian coach Eteri Tutberidze is idolised for training the first ever female athlete to land a quad-axel in competition, yet many of her athletes end up retiring with serious injuries before the age of 18. Allegations suggest that she pushes her athletes to dehydrate and starve themselves to meet unrealistic weight targets, urging
them to return to training immediately after injuries instead of allowing proper healing. There’s always a line of young girls ready to replace those that retire, as they see her tough methods as a requirement to succeed.
Kamila Valieva’s disqualification scandal in the 2022 winter Olympics highlighted the problems with Tutberidze’s methods. She was only 15 when she was banned from the Winter Olympics for doping. Even when Valieva was allowed to compete, the impact on her mental health hindered her performance. This case underscored the vulnerability of children in elite sports, especially when the adults meant to protect them have their own agendas. In response, the minimum age for figure skaters was raised to 17, though it remains to be seen if this change will lead to a more sustainable future for the sport.
High-performance sport organisations often fail to prioritise athlete welfare, as funding is tied to competitive success. As long as athletes are ‘successful enough’, there’s little incentive for organisational reform. Management are incentivised to brush-off allegations against individuals perceived as crucial to a team’s success. For smaller sports this funding model creates a catch-22: development is stifled without funding, but funding is unattainable without success.
Closer to home, High Performance Sport NZ (HPSNZ) has faced criticism for its treatment of athletes. In 2021 HPSNZ announced a new strategy focusing on athlete wellbeing, and revised funding for individual sports. This reform followed the tragic death of Olympic track cyclist Olivia Podmore, highlighting systemic issues within Cycling NZ, including a lack of diversity, and a toxic culture that discouraged athletes from voicing concerns. The report revealed that many cyclists experienced trauma in the leadup to, and during, the 2016 Olympics.
In Aotearoa we often elevate athletes and coaches, but our support wanes when they stop winning. We completely disregard the type of skills and talents that a person needs to work in a high-performance sporting environment, and must recognise that progress is not linear. Significant systemic changes take time to yield results. Honestly, as a nation, we’ve gotten so accustomed to winning at international events that we as a country feel entitled to gold medals and world cup wins. We must now acknowledge the human cost.
We’ve all heard the debates about what sports should be included in the Olympics, from the inclusion of dance to the exclusion of skateboarding. I’d like to add another sport to this important discourse: clubbing. I assure you that I am 100% serious and no one can convince me otherwise. While the extent of my sports Bend It Like Beckham and “Tennis Court” by Lorde, I feel fully qualified to speak on this issue.
I’ll start by saying that second year hit me hard. With my newfound maturity and experience, I considered clubbing simply too juvenile for the likes of myself, town riddled with first years and freshly eighteen-year-olds. Then, the flat-warming season ended, and I lost my weekly opportunity to dress up and tell strangers complete lies about myself. Suddenly, I was my first-year, freshly eighteen-year-old self again. I needed to go to town.
need to go to town. You want to go to town.” I disagree. The little red devil on my shoulder told me that I needed to give town one more chance. And so I did. I gave it several, and it’s safe to say I left Courtenay Place with a new outlook on life. This little experiment has convinced me that all you strong soldiers that brave town every Saturday night deserve so much more recognition for your hard work and sacrifice. Specifically, recognition in the 2024 Olympic games.
Unlike dumb, easy sports like rugby and football, town is complex. Sure, Michael Phelps can get from one end of a pool to the other really really fast, but can he do it while holding hands with a chain of five girls, Long White in hand? I don’t think so.
Town as a sport is so multi-faceted that it is split into four categories:
The Fit:
Picking an outfit is my personal favourite part of going out. Just like sports, what you wear is important. Except instead of being sponsored by Nike or Adidas, I’m sponsored by Recycle Boutique. I love putting on my favourite boots and my newest thrift find. No jacket, of course, because even in the dead of winter there’s nothing I hate more than carrying the heavy weight of a big coat. I take comfort in the fact that I will soon be in a room surrounded by fifty sweaty people, and not taking a jacket is actually the smartest thing I can do.
Pre-gaming:
that’s not even taking into account all the different stages and platforms in the clubs. I have fallen off that pool table in Circus, and it’s not fun. I’ve never been great at parkour, so I admire anyone able to maintain their balance on those teeny tiny platforms at Red Square. You’re a true inspiration.
The Men:
Preparation is key. Athletes need to train for months to prepare for the Olympic games. In the case of clubbing, ‘months’ mean the hours from approximately 8-11pm. A lot of thought must go into the perfect pre-game. You have to drink enough alcohol to have a fun time and avoid spending all your student loan on a $12 vodka Red Bull. The fit and the pre-game go hand in hand, and since you’ve decided to abandon your jacket, you have to drink enough to get your warm, cosy alcohol blanket and escape hypothermia on the walk to Courtenay Place. However, you can’t have too much alcohol so you don’t get let into the clubs, or spend the whole night in the Dakota bathrooms. You must strike the perfect balance. It’s a science, really.
For some strange, unknown reason, men seem to think singing ‘Low’ by Flo Rida in your face is effective flirting. It’s not. If you point at me while lip-syncing “The whole club was lookin' at her”, trust me, it’s not doing what you think it is. I’m sure many of you have faced your fair share of creeps while out. It’s rough, it really is, and a bad experience can make you avoid town forever. Luckily, town is a group sport. Do you know that scene in The Blind Side where Sandra Bullock is explaining how the offensive lineman protects the quarterback in American football? Mentally, I am a 6’2 offensive lineman instead of a 5’1 arts student, and I would protect my quarterback friends with my life.
I don’t think I’m asking for too much for town to be recognised as the true athletic endeavour that it is. I’ve simply gone through far too much for it not to be. Now that classes are starting up again, it’s the off-season for me, but I’ll be back on the field when the games start again next break.
words by Dan Moskovitz (he/him)
The Football Ferns (Women) WE BALL
The Olympics are here. The world’s second-biggest sporting competition starts on the 27th of July. The only competition bigger than this? The FIFA World Cup. Hence, football is in the odd position of being the only sport in the world treating this event as a side piece.
Football’s weirdness with the Olympics doesn’t end there. A round-robin tournament followed by a knockout stage means there are many games to be played, resulting in Olympic football kicking off before the opening ceremony. Games start on July 25, NZ time.
Thanks to having only the Pacific island teams to compete with in qualification, New Zealand is a shoo-in at each Olympics, and 2024 is no exception.
So what can we expect from the 41 men and women representing Kiwi footy in France?
In typical New Zealand Football fashion, the lead story in the run-up to the competition is not about football.
Women’s head coach Jitka Klimkova has stepped aside from the Olympics after an “employment matter.” While she hasn’t completely left the Ferns—NZF has allowed her room to return upon completion of a “restorative process” —it’s her assistant, Michael Mayne, who will lead the Ferns in France.
Even stranger is that NZF can’t seem to make up its mind about Klimkova. On May 26, NZF announced Klimkova would stand aside for two friendlies against Japan (both of which were lost). On June 8, an unreleased investigation was concluded, and NZF announced her reinstatement.
The next Ferns-related press release, on June 28, announced Klimkova would step aside from the Olympics after consultation with NZF. The incomplete restorative process and concerns about the wellbeing of both Klimkova and the team were cited as reasons.
This is casting a shadow over a massive tournament for the Ferns, already in a challenging group.
The Ferns are with France (hosts and ranked 2nd in the world in FIFA rankings), Canada (gold medal holders), and Colombia (World Cup quarter-finalists).
As a point of comparison, the Ferns scored a single goal as hosts in last year’s home-soil World Cup and lost all three matches at the last Olympics. Put plainly, NZ will be up against it.
However, both the top two teams and the best two third-place teams (of the three groups) qualify for the quarter-finals. So a single win—if the Ferns can get it—might be enough to reach the knockouts.
The key issue is scoring goals, and the Ferns have been struggling with this. A notable omission from the Olympic squad is Hannah Wilkinson, who scored that famous goal against Norway last year and is fourth on the Ferns’s all-time goal-scoring charts. However, with forwards Milly Clegg, Gabi Rennie, and Indiah-Paige Riley selected, there’s a belief that the young guns coming in might be better.
Defence was the Ferns’s strongest suit at the World Cup, and with CJ Bott, Katie Bowne, and Rebekah Stott, there is at least a solid backline to build from. If the Ferns are to get anything from this Olympic
Game times:
Ferns vs Canada: Friday 26 July 3am NZT
Ferns vs Colombia: Monday 29 July 3am NZT
Ferns vs France: Thursday 1 August 7am NZT.
All games are on Sky Sports.
The Olywhites (Men U-23s)
campaign, the hard mahi will have to start there. In true NZF fashion, the management of the men’s team has been equally dramatic as the women's. It took a nine-month worldwide search for NZF to finally appoint their interim coach, Darren Bazeley, full-time. But now that Bazeley’s appointment is old news, he has an Olympics to prepare for.
To avoid competing with the FIFA World Cup, the men’s Olympics is an exclusively U-23 event, though each team can have three overage players. However, the Olympics doesn’t occur in a FIFA-sanctioned international window, meaning national teams have to beg for clubs to release their players.
As a result, New Zealand’s arguably best three players—Chris Wood, Marko Stamenic, and Liberato Cacace—are all missing out due to their importance
Age-group football is a strange beast. Players must be good, but not brilliant, to participate. They need to be good enough to make the age-group squad, but not good enough for the full national team. They also can’t be too important to their club, or else they won’t be released Therefore, a draw pitting the OlyWhites against France, the USA, and Guinea might not be as lopsided as it seems.
Unfortunately, in the men's competition, only the top two teams of each group advance to the knockouts.
Meaning a win against Guinea, the side NZ has the best odds against, probably won’t be enough. At minimum, the Olywhites need to avoid losing to either France or the US, and quite possibly both.
Much like the women's team, the men face a big question: where will their goals come from? Without Chris Wood, they are missing their all-time top goal scorer, and Plymouth Argyle’s Ben Waine—who’s struggled to make their first eleven—is the only outand-out striker in the squad. That’s a lot of pressure on his shoulders.
Working to NZ's advantage is that they kick off their campaign against Guinea, the most beatable opponent of the group. However, this shouldn’t be construed as an easy win. Led by former Liverpool midfielder Naby Keita, the African side will also fancy their odds against NZ. The Olywhites finish the group stage against France, the heavyweights. The hope is that France will have already qualified by the time the third game rolls round, resulting in their B-team playing against NZ.
Game times:
NZ vs Guinea 3am Thursday 25 July
NZ vs USA 5am Sunday 28 July
NZ vs France 5am Wednesday 31 July
All games are on Sky Sport.
About this week's Artist
This week's centrefold is designed by Eleanor Nugent When brainstorming for this piece I started scribbling flowers, sparking the inspiration to art dump my head full of flowers onto a page. As a florist and a BSci student, plants and flowers are often on my mind and I count myself as an anthophile (person who loves flowers). I dabble in lots of art processes and mediums so I think my art style is best described as a messy mix of creative dabbling. This colourful and chaotic collage portrays the natural beauty and the busyness of a head full of flowers. I am a big fan of I Spy books so here’s a little challenge. Can you spot the 12 mediums I used in this collage? They are: photography, cyanotype, acrylic paint, water colour, beads, staples, embroidery, colour pencils, ball point pens, typewriter, white out, and dried flowers.I hope this piece provides you with a little bit of sunshine. You can find more of Ellie's work @elliesbogglebrain on Instagram.
many pleasures. Everybody deserves some contentedness now and then.
attending lectures you committed flat-cest.
you're doing the best out of all your friends. Don’t worry, no friend is going to resent you for succeeding.
stalemate, might as well watch some reels while you decide.
WWE
SHOULD BE INCLUDED IN THE OLYMPICS
announced by: Teddy O’Neill (he/xe/it), Ngāpuhi
I love sports. I love sports a stupid amount. The only issue I have with sports is that none of them really embrace the true campiness and homoeroticism of what it means to be a group of men running around, slick with sweat, trying to gain triumph over one another. There is, however, one sport which I believe embraces these factors and has them as an intrinsic part of its essence and livelihoods.
This is why I believe the WWE should be a sport included in the Olympics:
I BELIEVE THAT THE CAMP:
There are a few sports which I believe lean into camp, albeit in small doses, and one of those is ice hockey. Ice hockey is like if rugby was angrier and gayer, with its silly little ice skates and angry little fights. The Olympics certainly get further into the campy sports, like fencing, water polo, or the newly introduced three-on-three basketball. It’s undeniable that in comparison to sports which dominate our mainstream networks, the Olympics often allow the campier nature of sports to shine through.
I still don’t think they’re doing enough.
WWE embraces camp in the greatest of ways. Take, for example, wrestler Seth (Freakin’) Rollins. He has been known as both The Messiah and The Visionary, and takes great pride in showing up to all of his matches in the most ridiculous yet amazing outfits his costume designer can come up with. For example, the outfit he wore to Clash at The Castle 2023 paid homage to an outfit from the Elton John biopic. Why did he wear this outfit? Not entirely sure. Definitely camp though.
STORYLINES:
I like sports that I can get invested in. I’m sure you do too—when football fans have beef with each other’s teams, their matches are so much more fun to watch. Sure, when you’re watching the Olympics you root for your own country, as you should! But where’s the story? Where’s the drama?
WWE has storylines that go back DECADES. We’ve got betrayal, we’ve got love and despair, we’ve got tragedy.
Take, for example, the storyline behind The American Nightmare Cody Rhodes and his battle against Roman Reigns, which lasted for literal years. The redemption of a man who had been fired from the WWE, the dismantling of an empire created by Reigns, the rightful winning of a title after a reign which had lasted 1,316 days (which is actually wild). There is no way to describe to you how I reacted at Wrestlemania this year when Cody won. I went feral. I was foaming at the mouth. I want the Olympics to make me, and all of you, feel as joyous as I had in that moment.
(And, if that isn’t quite enough, there is actually a Kiwi wrestler. She goes by Dakota Kai, and she is both hilarious and also pretty good, so you can still root for your own country!)
ATHLETICISM:
It’s often said that the storylines in WWE are scripted and that the fights are fake. The first half of that statement is definitely correct. The second, however? I mean, come on, how athletic do you have to be to get hit with a steel chair multiple times and still get up to continue fighting?
IF you’re still sceptical, and I know that this request will probably be a reach for quite a few of our readers, go and watch King of The Ring 2024’s match between Cody Rhodes and Logan Paul. Now, I’m not trying to say that Logan Paul is a good person. However, it’s undeniable that he’s a great wrestler (see: pulling off a frog splash off the top rope onto Rhodes, putting him through an announcement table). Paul still lost, as he should, but some of the moves that those two pulled out in that match were insane and incredibly dangerous. WWE superstars have to train and work so hard to be able to do the work that they do, and honestly? I’m a little sick of people diminishing that.
PITCH:
I will admit. A WWE title match at the Olympics is a reach. For those that don’t care about the promos and don’t want to hear the superstars yapping at one another, that could be a good time to go and get a snack. This is why I am suggesting that at the Olympics, we have a halftime show where there is a WWE match.
I propose a Royal Rumble, in which almost the entire wrestling roster gets put in the ring with the objective to throw all of the others over the top rope, and the last person standing in the ring wins. It’s entertaining, it’s camp, it’s got a story, and for those that aren’t interested? That’s okay! It’s half time! Go get a snack and some water so that you can settle in for the next round of badminton.
CONCLUSION:
I am not saying that everyone needs to enjoy WWE. I am not saying that all sports need to become WWE. I am simply saying that I believe the WWE would provide great fun and joy for all who watch the Olympics, and also I personally would enjoy it so very very much. I also believe it would hype every other athlete in the vicinity up and then they’d all perform a lot better. Thank you.
THE girly-pop-ification OF SPORT
SERvEd & RETuRnEd by kate seager (she/her)
If Luca Guadagnino’s Challengers didn’t make you pine after long summer evenings spent at the local small town tennis club of your childhood, then I can only hope this year’s Olympic Games will. A Euro-summer in Paris while the sport gods of our society jog around the city of light like it’s no big deal—catch me skiving off my parent’s SkyGo for the foreseeable. No matter where you stand on Paris’ bold decision to host the biggest sporting event on the calendar (see: 2023 Rugby World Cup bed bugs debacle, poor infrastructure, and #JeChieDansLaSeineLe23Juin) I think sport is cool. You should think so too.
I’ve played squash since I was eight years old. It’s a sport not many have heard of. Most get into squash through their parents—if you’re lucky to have parents who are prepared to take you to tournaments on the weekend and training during the week, it becomes addictive. However if you don’t, the drop-off is quite significant—particularly in girls. Unlike tennis, squash isn’t the easiest sport to pick up, but maybe that’s because not as many people grow up with it. I watched as my high school peers tried to get into it (yuh), appealing due to the fact that it’s “basically an indoor version of tennis”, but they slowly dwindled away once they realised the ball isn’t as forgiving and squash actually requires a fair amount of running. What didn’t help was that high school is ripe with judgemental teenage girls and puberty (woohoo!). It makes sense that girls preferred to play netball, hockey or football, sports they’ve likely spent their whole lives playing, rather than try a new one. What began as a fairly strong group of girls, eager to learn, quickly became five of us who’d already been playing together for years beforehand.
Which is where the girly-pop-ification of sport comes into play.
As much as I’d love to gatekeep squash from the girlies who play for the aesthetic, it’s about time more girls played a sport I truly love. Squash New Zealand has been trying to figure this out for as long as I can remember. If we look to see how other sports have retained a large proportion of women in the past, we may find the answer. If there’s one thing I know to be true is that girls love pop culture, which, if used tactically, can make previously unheard of sports trendy. This is possibly the greatest asset for the squash community right now.
When Bend It Like Beckham came out in 2002, women’s football wasn’t a professional sport. More than twenty years later, football has become the most popular sport among women in the UK. Last year I found myself infatuated with the Women's FIFA World Cup when I previously had no interest in football. Perhaps it was because Aotearoa was hosting. Perhaps it was Sam Kerr. Perhaps I had just got around to watching Bend It Like Beckham around the same time. More likely, though, was the marketing of the World Cup. By onboarding New Zealand and Australian it-girls BENEE and Mallrat for the FIFA World Cup theme song, football suddenly became iconic as fuck. Not only did it appeal to the girls, gays, and seemingly the entire nation, but I found myself signing up for social football later that year.
More recently, Challengers has made tennis sexy again. While the Williams sisters and Naomi Osaka have kept the women's side of tennis engaging over the past few decades, I’ve often found the men’s draws pretty mid. While tennis has remained consistently popular over my lifetime, Challengers has reignited the men’s side of the sport especially. With the tennis season starting to ramp up in the northern hemisphere, I’d be prepared for your Instagram to be flooded with your mates sitting courtside, living their best Euro-summer, with the Challengers soundtrack in the background.
Not to mention Formula 1 and the impact Drive To Survive has had on the sport’s popularity among young women (see: Lando Norris).
Unfortunately for squash, the girly-pop-ification is a few years off yet. It’s been announced as an official Olympic sport for Los Angeles 2028, a move that’s bound to popularise squash globally. It’s my hope that while the cooler months descend on Aotearoa a few years from now, girls watch squash at the Olympics and feel inspired to take up a new winter sport. Growing up, I spent far too many training sessions being the only girl in the room—the girly-popification of squash can’t come soon enough.
If you’re interested in getting ahead of the trend and playing the predicted “it-girl sport of 2028”, Vic Squash meet every Wednesday night from 7-9pm at Club Kelburn. You can find them on Instagram (@vuwsquash). For those who are interested in playing more competitively, Thorndon Club hosts club nights on Thursday and Sunday, and has various Interclub teams for a range of levels.
Five Ways to Die endured by Jay (they/he)
When I first heard about the 2024 Olympics, I thought “Cool!” and then immediately forgot not only that it was in Paris, but that it was on at all. A few months later, when I was reading the news, I fell into a rabbit hole so deep that I emerged at 3am with a wealth of knowledge about the history of the sports at this year’s Olympics. I also developed a deep, unshakeable belief that I would die if I attempted any of them. So, what better way to herald this ancient extravaganza of sporting prowess by listing five sports in order of ‘How Likely Am I To Die If I Competed At The Olympics?’
Fifth place: Sports Climbing
This is the youngest sport on this list! It was first introduced into the Olympics in 2018, comprising three disciplines:
• Bouldering involves difficult climbs, jumps, and sometimes hanging from the underside of a completely horizontal surface by your fingers and toes. You know, normal stuff.
• Speed involves scaling a 15-metre high sloped wall in under six seconds if you’re competing in the men’s division, and seven seconds in the women’s division. For reference, according to a random website I found, 15 meters is roughly equivalent to a four-and-a-half storey building (what the fuck!).
Finally, lead also involves climbing a sloped 15-metre high wall, but you have six whole minutes— instead of seconds—to do it. Why, you may ask? Because the athletes have not been allowed to see the course ahead of time, meaning that most of the six minutes is spent planning and calculating your next move while dangling from your fingertips.
The Verdict: The only reason I’m putting sports climbing fifth is that it’s actually fairly safe if you’re a complete novice! The chances of me getting high up enough to hurt myself are practically zero.
to create an event known as the laser run (an INSANE name). There are two other sports in the pentathlon: fencing, and show jumping on a horse the competitors get assigned 20 minutes before. Fun fact: unless a horse is specifically trained as a teaching horse and/or has a bond with its rider, they won’t make any attempt to keep their jockey on their back, especially when you’re, say, in the middle of show jumping and holding on for dear life. Fun!
The Verdict: While neither fencing nor show jumping is lethal and I can probably avoid a hospital trip if I’m careful, these sports all take place on the same day. I can’t even run to the bus without being winded, so the pentathlon very handily takes 4th place.
at the Olympics
Third place: Equestrian Sports!
Horse girls unite for what I am sure will be a NORMAL event. For those who don’t know what equestrian entails, it has three disciplines:
• Jumping involves you and your horse racing over an obstacle course (okay but what if I fall though?).
• Dressage is when you get to do fancy routines set to music (slay), testing your horse's training (I’m sure this will go well).
• Finally, eventing involves jockeys competing in both of the above, as well as a 3-6 km long cross country race with obstacles along the way (OKAY BUT WHAT IF I
All of that is tough, but that’s not even to mention the literal horse in the room. I cannot emphasise enough that equestrian sports are team sports; your success is entirely dependent on your ability to work alongside your horse.
The Verdict:
I should be fine, but many athletes can very easily go from fine to needing to be hospitalised in just one fall. With no prior training and not knowing my horse? No thanks <3. I’d rank this one higher if the top two weren’t as deadly as they are.
Second place: Canoe Slalom
For this one I have three words: white water rapids. Picture, if you will, careening down a river at the highest speed you can get your canoe to go, dodging obstacles, and also trying not to capsize and drown. The sheer strength needed to fight the currents and keep going forward is massive, not to mention the fact you actually have to, you know, finish the course in time. I didn’t google the death statistics for this sport because I am simply a wimp.
The Verdict: Absolutely the fuck not. No thanks! They would need to haul me out of the water like a mewling kitten and I would be humiliated on
change direction—and you must do it all while not remaining still or slowing for an instant!
The Verdict: I would be dead instantly! Are you kidding? Imagine trying to navigate in the middle of the open ocean to know the course. I’d confidently swim in the wrong direction for five minutes before being pulled under by an undertow current and drowning.
People who do something for a living have a knack for making the aforementioned something look almost effortless, to the point where we may think we could surely give it a crack too. This is our hubris talking; perhaps just watch the professionals do it on
Ryan Cleland (He/Him)
Breaking The Ice: A New Era For Women’s
On the 20th April this year 21,105 people gathered at Montreal’s Bell Centre, setting a world record for the largest attendance at a professional women's ice hockey game. This event, titled Duel at the Top, was a regular season matchup between the Toronto and Montreal teams in the Professional Women’s Hockey League (PHWL).
The PHWL, launched in January, marks a historic milestone as the first top-level professional hockey league for women. It is also the first professional sports league to use a Collective Bargaining Agreement with the Players Association, ensuring fair salaries and guaranteeing contracts in its early days. Commercially the league has thrived, attracting over 390,000 spectators and reaching more than three million online viewers during its debut season. With Team Minnesota recently claiming the coveted Walter Cup in the postseason, and the PWHL draft just concluded, now is the perfect time to dive into this new sport, and perhaps start supporting a team in what is becoming one of the most significant women’s’ sporting leagues in recent years.
PWHL Minnesota
Starting with the league champions, Minnesota got off to a fast start at the beginning of the year dominating the other teams They hit a slump, however, after an international break, remaining winless until the playoffs. There they staged a remarkable comeback, achieving a reverse sweep against Toronto and clinching the Walter Cup in a decisive fifth game against Boston. Leading the forward line was Taylor Heise, the #1 draft pick of the inaugural PWHL draft. The 23-year-old rookie shone in the playoffs, earning the Ilana Kloss Playoff MVP with eight points. Another standout was forward Grace Zumwinkle, who led the team in goals (11) and points (19), earning the PWHL Rookie of the Year. In goal, Maddie Rooney and Nicole Hensley provided formidable support, truly shining in the playoffs. The success of Minnesota began and ended with their goaltenders, and it will be exciting to see their progression next year. For newcomers to hockey, Minnesota promises an exciting team to watch as they continue to evolve.
PWHL Montréal
Montréal had an outstanding inaugural season, earning 13 wins and three overtime wins, finishing 2nd in the league before falling to Boston in a major firstround playoff upset. The team is led by Marie-Philip Poulin, affectionately known as ‘Captain Clutch’. She tied for 2nd in the league with 23 points and led in faceoff draws and wins. A huge figure in both the sport and in the province, she was a finalist for the PWHL’s Forward of the Year and Most Valuable Player awards, and was even named to the first PWHL All-Star team. Montréal boasts a strong defensive line, including stars like Kati Tabin, an ex-PHL Isobel Cup-winner, and Erin Ambrose, the PWHL Defender of the Year, who led in assists with 14, and had 18 points overall. Montréal looks to be a strong contender for the Walter Cup next year, making it a perfect time to hop on the bandwagon of one of the best and most experienced teams out there.
PWHL Toronto
Toronto had a dominating season, finishing with a 17-7-0 record, the only team without a regular season overtime loss. However, they fell short in the playoffs, losing to Minnesota in games three, four, and five. Toronto’s MVP, without a doubt, is Natalie Spooner, who led the league in goals and won the Billie Jean King MVP Award. Spooner is the face of women's ice hockey worldwide, with her counterpart, 28-year-old forward Sarah Nurse, also a prominent figure, famously appearing on the cover of EA’s NHL23 with NHL Star Trevor Zegras. With a strong foundation and some of the most famous names in women’s ice hockey, Toronto is set to be a formidable force next season.
Women’s Ice Hockey
PWHL New York
New York, the underdogs of the PWHL, have played a rocky game this season but should not be underestimated. Initially things looked promising, with star players like Ella Shelton, Corinne Schroeder, and Alex Carpenter. However, that unfortunately didn't translate to winning games and getting butts in seats. Consequently, New York ended up in last place with the lowest attendance in the league. However, with the #1 draft pick, they selected generational talent Sarah Fillier, offering hope for a brighter future for the Big Apple. As long as they secure a permanent home, and a place to seat fans, PWHL New York will be an exciting team to watch in the upcoming season, and will hopefully join the large roster of historic New York teams that make the city so infamous for its sports.
Ottawa stood out as a market, averaging the highest attendance in the league with enthusiastic fans. Despite this, once the dust had settled, they finished second to last, narrowly missing the playoffs. In the latter half of the season is where Ottawa found their footing, with help from players like Captain Brianne Jenner and Kateřina Mrázová, scoring the second most goals of any PWHL team. However, these goals often came at inopportune moments, Ottawa would win 5-0 shutouts and then falter in twoto-one battles. With a strong fanbase, Ottawa is looking to right their wrongs in the coming preseason.
Boston delivered the biggest surprise in the PWHL. Despite a slow season start and slim playoff chances, they found their stride post-international break, sweeping Montréal in the first round, pushing Minnesota to five games in the finals, and narrowly missing the Walter Cup. With stellar goaltending from US Gold medalist Aerin Frankel and Rookie All-Star Emma Soderberg, Boston boasts the league's best defence. However, they suffered from a lacklustre offence. By picking up star forwards Hannah Bilka and Ilona Markova in the PWHL draft, they hope to fix the team's glaring offence issue whilst remaining a defensive powerhouse. Boston is highly favoured to return to the finals next year, aiming to secure the cup they narrowly missed.
With the next season of the PWHL set to begin in about two months, featuring an expanded 32game season and official team names and logos, it’s an exciting time to get involved. The second season promises to be just as successful as the first, so get ready to support the teams and enjoy some thrilling ice hockey action.
podcasts.
with Speaker of the House Teddy O'Neill (he/it/ia)
The Olympics have officially started! Gear yourself up for the biggest sporting event on the calendar with this week's podcasts. The Salient team discuss all things sport for your listening enjoyment.
"Chlorine: The breakfast of champions."
Salient Unedited As you know, it's the Olympics issue, so we're talking sport! The Salient crew talk which Olympic sports they'd like to do, the terrible enhanced Olympic games, roller derby at the Olympics.
"Were you like... afraid at all? Of us? Of pitching to us?"
Arts & Culture This week we talk a LOT of different things, but our main focus is pitching to Salient! Teddy and Phoebe talk to Ryan about what it's like to pitch to Salient, and the features he's written for us, (ice hockey and sandwiches are talked about a lot, in detail. If you don't like these things, you're not in for a treat, sorry!)
VUWSA Unedited Listen to our previous episodes on Spotify now!
Find all of our podcasts on Spotify!
April-June
curated by Xavier Farrow-Francis (any/all)
GROOVE GARDEN
Later that day, the day before, or the day before that by Casey MQ
Writing this particular review was tough for me because, as I was listening through this record for the hundredth time, I could not stop sobbing. Canadian producer/composer/musician Casey MQ has crafted one of the most intimate, soft-spoken, and purposeful albums I’ve honestly ever heard. Made up primarily of piano, vocals and ambient electronic textures, Later that day… delves into memories: where they go, how they morph over time, and how we interact with them. Casey’s androgynous and delicate vocals cradle poetic and touchingly abstract lyrics, echoed through the wonderfully intricate production. This album is a darling that understands our ever-changing emotions and experiences. I adore it so much, and it will likely remain my favorite record of 2024.
Dennis by Sega Bodega
Take everything I said about Casey MQ’s heavenly album, flip it on its head, descend it to the abyss, and apply it to this one. Sega Bodega’s third full-length questions what happens in our heads when we sleep, taking us through an eclectic musical journey in the process. From trance, to dembow, to folk music, and ambient, the record is cryptic, shadowy, mischievous, haunted. I can’t say I’ve heard another album so sonically ambitious and thematically surreal this year. But despite how chaotic it may sound, there is much that drew me in and felt familiar about Dennis and its obscured psyche.
Listen if you like: oklou, Joni Mitchell, Studio Ghibli soundtracks
Genres: ambient pop, singersongwriter, alternative R&B
Listen if you like: Arca, Squarepusher, the surrealism of sleep and dreaming
Genres: electronic, UK bass, art pop, IDM
Listen if you like: Weyes Blood, Nancy Sinatra, Cat Power
Genres: singer-songwriter, psychedelic folk, 60s-era sunshine pop
Listen if you like: Maggie Rogers, The Japanese House, Sheryl Crow
Genres: indie pop, soft rock, dream pop
Here In the Pitch by Jessica Pratt
Jessica Pratt’s singular brand of folk-pop songs are enigmatic, yet earnest—the kind you listen to, aren’t entirely sure how to spell out, but you know and feel them deeply. Bringing elements of bossa nova and the classic sounds of 60s pop music, Here In the Pitch channels a nostalgia for a time past, but so truly and genuinely lives in that space. Her voice is just so magical and enchanting too, sounding ageless, and so close and far away at once. It’s an incredibly short and sweet listen too (sitting at below 30 mins), so really you’ve got no excuse not to check it out!
BUG by Kacy Hill
A record all about fulfillment and aspiring for self-happiness, Kacy Hill’s newest album glows with positive change and catharsis. She leans closely into her influences on BUG, calling back to the 90s alternative of Alanis Morissette and Sarah McLachlan, and embracing her affinity for country music. The combo of twangy pedal steels, plucky synth passages, and Kacy’s angelic voice make for a really homely listen. BUG emanates those warm fuzzies you get when you notice how much you’re growing and changing for the better.
Listen if you like: Lauryn Hill, Erykah Badu, Mos Def
Genres: conscious hip-hop, neo-soul, boom bap
Please Don’t Cry by Rapsody
Rapsody’s fourth studio album comes five years after her last, and it’s clear to see why. Just three tracks in you can tell how much of an emotional outpouring this record is. Please Don’t Cry is intensely personal; an album about the human condition and how much we analyse everything we experience. Rhapsody explores it all: perception, anger, love, grief, injustice, sex, faith. With a fantastic selection of guests and producers, the music holds her stories so tenderly. Please Don’t Cry is one of the most soulful albums I’ve heard this year, and a must-listen for any hip-hop fan.
The
Underdogs of the Olympics
words by Rose Merlini (any/all)
Just a few more days until the world comes together, sets aside their disagreements, and participates in some friendly rivalry. Unfortunately, it’s not all fun and games, as a significant portion of the global population is excluded from competing. I’d like to take a moment to raise awareness and count down the most promising banned athletes. And who knows? Maybe 2028 will be their year.
9) Australian saltwater crocodile
Despite the name, saltwater crocs can thrive in any water. Their endurance, throupled with fast-as-lightning agility and devastating brute strength, would allow this croc to dominate wrestling at the Games. Pinning a croc for one second, as required to win, simply would never happen to a crocodile. However, they’re controversial due to behavioural issues: they hunt humans for food (one of few animals to do so), and have the strongest bite force on the planet. This combo of characteristics does cross some lines regarding health and safety, but I believe accommodations can (and should) be made for our favourite scaly wrestler.
7) Grizzly bear
These Bad Boys have it all: they can't be outfought, outswam, outclimbed or outran. Outcycled? Maybe, but I wouldn’t count on it in an Olympic triathlon. What’s that? You have a Weet-Bix Tryathlon shirt from when you were 10? Well this bear has a Weet-Bix tuxedo, tailored to suit running on all fours (or two). Grizzlies evolved to run fast enough to catch a fox, and swim quick enough to catch a salmon. However, as humans encroach on their habitats, grizzlies adapt by finding food in peoples houses, rummaging through garbage. With increasing assimilation into human life I don’t consider it too far-fetched for a grizzly to become a stellar cyclist, mastering the craft needed to crush the competition in the Olympic triathlon.
8) Giant oceanic manta ray
There’s perhaps no organism more beautiful than this spectacular ray. These not-so-delicate dancers are among the most energy-efficient swimmers thanks to their practised gliding dives and aerodynamic swim stroke. They excel in artistic swimming, effortlessly leaping out of the water, then diving deep, dancing the whole time. When judged on artful synchronisation with music, our winged warrior’s showcase exceptional creativity. Giant manta rays are among the most intelligent species, with a natural affinity for making friends and having symbiotic relationships, giving them wisdom beyond their years.
6) Colossal squid
When it comes to water polo, one must be willing to put their life on the line. It’s a brutal and fast-paced sport, but someone’s gotta do it. This is going to make me believe in God because the colossal squid is just built too perfectly for this sport. They are muscular, the bulkiest of any squid, and their eight long arms and two longer tentacles are excellent defenders. Their tentacles are lined with rotating hooks, often used to fight sperm whales, but it’s pretty obvious they’re designed for holding the ball in water polo without dropping it. All this, not to mention their powerful swimming stroke, makes for a water polo machine.
5) Jumping spider
These little guys are curious critters. People often encounter jumping spiders in their home, staring up at them with eight beady eyes. They’re non-threatening— unless you’re playing badminton against them. It’s truly impressive the way the shuttlecock whips about so quickly at Olympic level. In order to keep up, one must have fast reaction times and agility. Jumping spiders master both, launching themselves at prey over 30 times their body length. Their eyesight is crisp and can catch movement in any corner of their wide range of vision, leaving no chance to be bested.
3) Box jellyfish
They didn’t earn their name for nothing. These lightweight boxing champions, as square as they are deadly, are masters of energy conservation and the fastest of any j-fish. With acute 360-degree vision, no sneaky jabs from behind will catch them off guard. The real kicker though, is that these slimy stingers don’t have brains, therefore can’t register pain like we do. Box jellyfish are able to take beatings from the most talented onetwoers and still endure the fight. No box jellyfish has ever been KO’d, and experts doubt it’s even possible, leaving their opponent only one hope: outscoring them.
Honourable mentions
Big whale
The largest creature on Earth would dominate weightlifting if the tournament wasn’t rigged. Unfortunately, the method of measuring strength unfairly favours non-aquatic contestants with biceps, making a good performance unattainable for the blue whale.
Orcas
They’d be the perfect candidate for rugby sevens given their strategy, teamwork, and fair play, except they show no interest in competing in the Olympics. As a courtesy, I left them off the list. An event with so many rules and regulations would distress an orca, leading to a possible accident. No orca has ever killed a person in the wild, but multiple have killed people in captivity.
Sailfish
For fencing. They have swords for noses.
4)
Baby Yoda
A real all rounder. A jack of all trades, master of one. And that one is golf. Anybody who’s witnessed his drive can attest to the fact that the kid has some serious skill. But that isn’t even what makes him a force to be reckoned with. What sets him apart is his telekinesis powers that can be used at will. A powerful drive will only get you so far in the Olympics—the ability to levitate the ball carefully into the hole is what secures gold medals. In Tokyo, 2021, we saw kiwi golfer Lydia Ko attempt this trick, but with limited success.
2) Horsie
It really is a shame that horses can’t compete in equestrian; they honestly would be so good at it. Equestrian is judged based on technique and harmony as the contestant moves through obstacle courses in closed circuits and cross country. Horses are perfect for this, leaping and kicking with strength and grace —physical fitness was never an issue. They have excellent memories, fast reaction times and super impressive stamina, to learn complex routines and adapt to any unexpected challenges throughout these cross country treks. Prancing high, galloping far, and neighing proud, it’s almost like this event was made for the noble horse.
1) Cat
Who doesn’t love these furry felines? Beyond being lovable friends with vibrant personalities, they possess a hidden talent. Breakdancing debuts in the Olympic Games in Paris 2024, and cats are naturals. If you’ve never seen the way a cat moves about on the ground, you can’t possibly understand the complex and artistic motions that they demonstrate. Even if you have seen it, you still may not fully comprehend it. From ears to tail, their whole body moves in magical ways. A popular technique in breakdancing is the freeze, where a contestant halts all movement in a peculiar position. The house cat has mastered this technique, redefining the word peculiar with every element of their pose, from their iconic facial expressions to their wild and wacky spinal contortions. There is no question that cats rule the breakdancing world.
A little birdie told me…
Question: Floorcest, yes or no?
The pros and cons of fucking your floor-mates
Whio says… Toroa says…
In the first year, I was on the top floor of Weir House (rip Red Floor, you were not earthquake proof so have now been demolished). During that time, so much floorcest was committed. In fact, I am willing to claim that the majority of Weir House residents committed it that year. Covid was a weird time, man.
Anyways, what did I learn from committing floorcest? Sometimes, you sleep with someone and then have to see them the next day. And that is a life skill that has developed resilience, determination and, most importantly, how to avoid eye contact while walking through a busy corridor while wine drunk. Good life skills that are all now on my CV.
Do you really want to limit yourself to not making out with your Diesel Dash partner? Besides, it’s much easier to have sneaky links if they’re on your floor, because no one will wonder what they're doing there. Just maybe don’t be loud. Or do. I’m not your parent.
Anyways, the first year of University is for making mistakes and learning from them. The key word of this sentence is mistakes. Mistakes. In the words of Matty Healy (our problematic king) “Now if you never shoot, you'll never know.”
And if you never turn your floor into a re-enactment of Netflix’s Too Hot to Handle you’ll always wonder what it would be like if you had just shot your shot. Life is short, and Uni is shorter, get those life experiences while you still can. Besides, if you’re only in the hall for a year, what do you really have to lose?
Listen, I know it may be convenient to only have to walk 50 meters for a dick appointment, but is it really worth it? Think about this seriously before you get at it. Do you really want to have to make awkward eye contact with someone who’s genitals you were fist-deep in the night beforehand, drunk on some sort of RTD, knowing you were probably never going to do it again? No, no you do not.
I was one of the unholy ones who committed this heinous act, and it really did make things awkward. Initially, I hadn’t thought anything of giving a sloppy blowjob to a man that I’d seen across the dining hall and never spoken to until an inter-floor party. On reflection, it never should’ve happened.
Not only was it really just not great, and not only did it create an air of awkward tension that surrounded us whenever we were in a 100 foot radius of one another, but everyone knew. People I’d never spoken to knew. People from other halls knew. It was humiliating, and I was left lost, sexless, and wishing I’d just used a hookup app.
Maybe I’m wrong, and maybe you’ll meet the love of your life on your floor and everything will work out peaches and cream, but heed my warning, freshers: I’ve never seen floorcest work out. Imagine it’s the best sex of your life and you fall just a little bit in love, and then you see him using those same moves to sneak someone else into his room two days later. Heartbreak ensues. It’s much more fun to watch from a distance.
As the saying goes, don’t dip your pen into company ink. Or rather, don’t dip your fingers into the holes of someone on your floor.
Send in your dilemmas by following this QR code
As the 2024 Olympic Games draw closer, a wave of concern is rising from the residents of Tahiti. The world-renowned surfing venue at Teahupo’o, chosen for its formidable waves, is now at the center of an environmental dispute. Local communities argue that a new judging tower to be built on Teahupo’o reef is going to ruin Tahiti’s delicate coral reefs. This could potentially devastate the marine ecosystem, the local economy, and the cultural connection that Māohi people have to that reef.
Teahupo’o, a small town in Tahiti, will host the Olympic surfing event, bringing an influx of spectators, officials, and security. The construction of a new aluminum judging tower, replacing an existing wooden one, has been particularly controversial. Local Māohi surfers and fishermen, through the Vai Ara o Teahupo’o Association, have led protests and social media campaigns against the tower's construction. A petition against the project has garnered over 195,000 signatures.
The Polynesian Government, Paris 2024, and the Haut-Commissariat have proposed a new plan for the judging tower. Instead, a smaller, lighter aluminum tower will be constructed. This revised plan includes reducing the surface area by 25% and reducing the weight by 5 tons. However, this still involves drilling foundation rods into the reef, although not as deep as initially planned.
The committee has assured locals that the tower will be built in an area with fewer corals and that existing corals will be relocated to promote regrowth. However, Titouan Bernicot of Coral Gardeners argues that coral replanting is a challenging process and that the reef will suffer long-term damage.
Despite the committee's adjustments, activists remain unsatisfied, claiming the reef will still be adversely affected. Concerns also extend to the transportation
Save Teahupo’o. Protect the Reef!
words by Te Waikamihi Lambert, Ngāti Awa, Tūhoe & Ngāpuhi
barges used for construction, which have been seen damaging the reef despite assurances of using a smaller, less harmful barge. Videos have surfaced showing significant coral damage caused by the barge, contradicting the committee's claims.
Activists advocate for the continued use of the existing wooden tower, highlighting its successful use in past international competitions. They argue that the new construction could disrupt the delicate marine ecosystem, impacting local biodiversity and the fishing economy. There is also the risk of ciguatera, a neurotoxin produced by microalgae that grows on dead coral. This toxin is harmless to fish but can cause severe illness in humans who consume contaminated seafood. Increased levels of ciguatera could render local fish inedible, further threatening the livelihoods of Teahupo’o’s local residents.
Despite the controversy, Paris 2024 has a claimed commitment to sustainability initiatives, aiming to reduce the carbon footprint of the Games by 50%, and ensuring 95% of infrastructure is either temporary or already existing. This includes housing athletes on a cruise ship instead of building new facilities.
However, critics argue that the judging tower represents greenwashing, with construction impacts overlooked. They contend that true environmental conservation would not risk ecosystems and livelihoods for a brief event. The Olympic Committee must honor its sustainability commitments by ensuring the Teahupo’o reef remains undamaged, respecting local wishes and ecological integrity.
PUZZLES everybody's
Maze Puzzle
ACROSS DOWN
1. What The Beatles say we all live in (6,9)
9. Prince Philip’s former title - now given to Prince Edward (4,2,9)
11. A long, long time __ (3)
12. What Elle Woods studied at Harvard (3)
13. Hollow cylindrical pasta (5)
14. Māori word for river (3)
15. Reduce, reuse, ____ (7)
20. English county known for the Lake District (7)
21. 1973 Elton John song re-recorded in 1997 after the death of Princess Diana (6,2,3,4)
22. Brand of Mexican lager (3)
23. Game won by checkmate (5)
25. Norwegian synthpop band famous for ‘Take On Me’ (1-2)
27. Empty space between objects (3)
29. Home to the cities of Belfast, Derry, and Armagh (8,7)
1. Form of song originating from alpine villages in Europe (5)
2. Tepid (8)
3. Surname of Japanese singer Yoko (3)
4. Back of a boat; strict, serious (5)
5. Dishonestly convincing one to act in your favour by offering them money (7)
6. Swedish band famous for ‘Dancing Queen’ and ‘Mamma Mia’ (4)
7. Surname of My Chemical Romance guitarist Frank (4)
8. Breathed out (7)
10. Hideous, unattractive (4)
13. Of socks, pants, tights, or shoes, for example (4)
16. Swear, curse (4)
17. Squid (8)
18. Of or relating to the sea (7)
19. Brand of rum that inspired the stage name of rapper Belcalis Almanzar (7)
21. Badly behaved child (4)
24. Kick out of housing (5)
26. Assisted, helped (5)
27. Big smile (4)
28. Given name of English musician Collins and New Zealand politician Goff (4)
30. Ocular organ (3)
SALIENT TEAM 2024
Second Row: Office Ghost (she/her) ; Phoebe Robertson (she/her, Editor) ; Te Huihui Tran (he/him, Te Ao Māori Co-Editor) ; Ashleigh Putt-Fallows (she/her, Te Ao Māori Co-Editor) ; M&M (Ash's cat) ; Guy van Egmond (he/him, Contributing Writer) ; Jia Sharma (she/her, Music Editor); Mauatua Fa'ara-Reynolds (she/her, Staff Writer) ; Henry Broadbent (he/him, Sub-Editor)
Front Row: Teddy O'Neill (he/it/ia, Speaker of the House) ; Ava O'Brien (she/her, Distributor) ; Ethan Rogacion (he/him, News Co-Editor) ; Dan Moskovitz (he/him, Chief Reporter) ; Will Irvine (he/him, News Co-Editor) ; Kate Seager (she/her, Designer)
This week's comic artist: @walterzamalisss Submit a comic: designer@salient.org.nz
Third Row: Ngan Dang (she/they, Staff Writer Intern) ; Monisha Dahya (she/her, Podcast Intern) ; Darcy Lawrey (he/him, Online & News Intern) ; Prunella Azzahra (she/her, Design Intern) ; Cedar Porteous (she/her, Staff Writer Intern) ; Phoebe's Dog
