Salient Issue 24 - Volume 87

Mauatua Fa'ara-Reynolds (she/they)

Ashleigh Putt-Fallows (she/her/ia)

Ryan

Ashleigh Putt-Fallows (she/her/ia)

Teddy (he/it/xe/whateva!)

got something to say?

Our magazine, Salient, is run by students for students. Without the involvement of students, we wouldn't be able to operate. Every year, we welcome pitches and inquiries from individuals who are interested in writing for us. For more information, please email editor@salient. org.nz or visit our website at salient.org.nz.

complaints

Complaints regarding the material published in Salient should first be brought to the CEO in writing (ceo@vuwsa.org. nz). If not satisfied with the response, complaints should be directed to the Media Council (info@ mediacouncil.org.nz).

about us

Salient is published by, but remains editorially independent from, the Victoria University of Wellington Student's Association (VUWSA). Salient is funded in part by VUWSA through Student Services Levy. Salient is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association (ASPA).

The views expressed in Salient do not necessarily reflect those of the Editor, VUWSA, or the University. find

Twitter @salientmagazine Facebook fb.com/salientmagazine Instagram @salientgram www.salient.org.nz

EDITORIAL GOSSIP xoxo

TIME TO WAFFLE

Ryan Cleland (he/him), Phoebe Robertson (she/her)

If you’re an avid reader of Salient (or an not avid reader, but with a special interest in food and gossip), you may have seen my Ghost Kitchen article. For the uninitiated, for this piece I went on an investigation into some of Wellington’s worst Uber Eats options. I forced my flatmate to eat four horrific waffles, which neither of us were convinced were cooked fresh.

Well, three days after the article went to print, I got a text from Ryan, Salient’s favorite sandwich man, hockey enthusiast and part-time penguin. The information he had for me blew this case wide open…

For many years, I have been an ardent brunch enthusiast. A combo of Breakfast and Lunch, it is satiety incarnate. And for me, dear reader, waffles are always first on the menu.

However my morning-to-midday delights have been plagued by a certain kind of waffle. And that is the “Toscano Waffle”. Retailing at a crisp $7.37 (bought from Woolworths formally known as Countdown), on the surface they seem harmless—but many a cafe have chosen to serve these waffles at premium prices and pass them off as their own.

Call me old-fashioned but I am of the opinion that those who do not own a waffle iron should not be making waffles. Today's brunch industry is being run by snake oil salesmen capitalizing on the faith of honest people and serving them these faux waffles; store-bought and ready-made, these waffles are being given out to unsuspecting customers and delivering a subpar dining experience. Every time I peer at the brunch menu of a mid-to-low tier cafe

bird of the week | Huahou

I take a risk ordering these waffles. Do I play it safe and get the club sandwich? Club sandwiches haven’t failed me yet. Or do I order waffles and pray I don’t get delivered the processed sugary cardboard that Toscano claims are made in Belgium by traditional bakers since 1936? Yeah, likely story Toscano.

I would describe the waffles as “inedible”. Stephen described them previously as “his own personal Olympics”, and, dear reader, I would like to remind you that we spent, in total, over $80 dollars on eight waffles. Eight waffles, which lasted Stephen for about three meals (I don’t know how he was still eating them at the end there, but the man likes breakfast). $80 dollars on waffles that Ryan has just informed me cost $7.37. I am heartbroken.

I think what’s even worse about this whole situation, is how much better the pancake options are. For $6.60 (Freshchoice) I can buy a packet of “Marcels Pancakes Happy 6 Pack” and you know what, it will be a “Happy” time. They are, like the waffles, store bought, come in plastic packaging that threatens our oceans, and gives me tasty little microplastics. However, the eating experience could not be more different. Waffles? Hard. Dry. Plain. Tastes like something you’d make glue out of. Pancakes? Light. Happy. Repeat buyer. Tastes just like pancakes you’d make at home, but even better because you didn’t have to make them.

This is simply waffle erasure. This is simply a ploy by Big Pancake to get people put off Big Waffle.

Let this be a warning to all ye who venture into the brunch menu of your local cafe: it might just be prepackaged cardboard in waffle clothing.

The Huahou, also known as the Red Knot, is a migratory bird known for its extraordinary long-distance travels. These birds breed in the Arctic and embark on an impressive annual migration that covers thousands of kilometers to reach their wintering grounds in New Zealand. During the breeding season, they have a striking red plumage, but they switch to a grayish-brown color during the non-breeding period. The Huahou feeds along coasts, using its beak to search for invertebrates in the sand. Due to threats such as habitat loss and climate change, conservation efforts are focused on protecting crucial stopover sites and raising awareness about the importance of preserving these remarkable migratory birds.

gig guide

THURS | San Fran | 8pm

Cosmo's Midnight

Cosmo’s Midnight—project of twin brother Cosmo and Patrick Liney—are returning to Aotearoa in celebration of their (utterly joyful) latest LP, Stop Thinking Start Feeling The record is a full length collection of bangers, a celebration of fun, genrebending exuberant EDM disco funk. If you can fork out the cash I promise you will not regret it (Henry’s word is not legally binding)

Enjoy our small, lovingly curated selection of gigs.

THURS | Meow | 7pm

Greta O'Leary and Fables | Spring Tour

Acoustic guitars! Beautiful vocals! Contemplation! Probably a glass of wine or two! All this and more will be yours for one night only at Meow—two excellent artists are visiting Welly this week, Great O’Leary, and Fables. If you have even a passing interest in indie folk, or beauty more generally—if you feel things—both artists will move you. Their voices are both phenomenal, and their music carefully crafted. Come along!

FRI | Valhalla | 8pm

Heavy Halloween Havok 2

Another eclectic evening is in the works at Valhalla. They are hosting, in collaboration with the Terror-Fi film festival, ‘Heavy Halloween Havok 2’: a meeting of metal, horror, and science-fiction. Three appropriately spooky bands will be taking the stage—Planet Hunter, the Crypt Kickers, and Awarewolves—alongside a horror filmscore remix set from DJ Beware. There will be prizes for best dressed; get spooky.

$15.00

SAT | Voglemorn Upstairs

Young Moon - The Slow Tour

It’s been a long week; take a load off at Voglemorn. Whakatū-based dream-pop/ psych/shoegaze artist Young Moon is touring the motu at the moment, delivering a synth-heavy, drum machine driven low-fi setlist, with characteristically introspective lyrics. They’ll be joined by Te Whanganui-aTara singer-songwriter Timothy Blackman. This will be a chill one—find a pint and a comfortable corner, and settle in.

protest calendar

Peace Action Wellington - Mailing List

Want to keep an ear to the ground and don’t know where to start? Peace Action Wellington (PAW) runs a weekly newsletter highlighting protests and community events across the region. You can join their mailing list at the QR code, and learn more about PAW and their kaupapa here: https://peaceactionwellington. wordpress.com/about/

THURS | Voglemorn Upstairs | 7.30pm

Womb - Spring Single Release Tour

If you’re a regular in the Welly gig scene and are yet to catch Womb, do it! When I discovered their 2022 LP I felt I had stumbled upon a secret, private soundscape. For a while, if I found myself gazing out a bus window or walking home on a calm evening, theirs was the only LP that would cut it. They’re touring the country with a brand new single, ‘Spring’, and this Thursday are taking their craft to the unbeatable cosy Vogelmorn Upstairs. It will be a delight.

SUN | secret location

Ma'au I Le Vai

Ma'au I Le Vai: “An evening of art, music, fashion, and fire spinning performance. Artists exploring personal expressions of Pasifika and Māori whakapapa / identity. 'Ma'au i le vai' means 'return to the water' or 'return home'. It is a line from the Samoan proverb 'E lele le toloa ae ma'au i le vai' meaning 'The toloa bird may fly far away but will always return home.' No matter how far we go, we will carry our culture with us and return to our roots. Tickets fundraising for Nevertheless NZ. Bring some cash for fry bread and hot drinks. Stairs and minimal parking”. Tickets from UTR.

Salient will be highlighting protest and direct action throughout 2024. In print will be a small selection.

A Place to Start

Mailing list too grandma-chic? Get your information about protest and advocacy while you’re on the doom scroll! Pōneke is full of committed, caring people. Here’s where to find some of them:

Student Justice for Palestine (Pōneke) | @sjp.poneke Justice for Palestine | @just4pal TOITŪ TE TIRITI | @toitu_te_tiriti Falastin Tea Collective | @falastin_tea_collective Peace Action Wellington | @peaceactionwgtn Aotearoa Healthcare Workers for Palestine | @ahw4p International Socialist Organisation of Aotearoa | @isoaotearoa Queer Endurance/Defiance | @queer_endurance_defiance Pōneke Antifascist Coalition | @ponekeantifa Unions Wellington | @unionswellington Fired Up Stilettos | @19firedupstilettos

IT’S THE FUCKING ORB

Salient's News Forecast

07.10.2024

Inflation Crisis? Try Buying a Coffee!

I love an overpriced coffee, don’t you? Strolling down Lambton Quay, oat flat white in hand, trying not to spill it while navigating a maze of suit-wearing Business Folk. It’s a sight Public Service Minister Nicola Willis seems eager to revive.

On the 23rd of September, Willis announced that working from home should no longer be the norm for public servants. Sure, remote work has its perks— increased productivity, less commuting—but Willis insists it’s time to get back to the office, partly to save the city’s struggling cafés. That is a distraction on two fronts.

On one hand, as the Opposition has pointed out, this doesn’t solve the fact that the Government’s programme of cuts still lingers over the city’s economy. But, perhaps more saliently, our real challenges— crumbling infrastructure, overdue earthquake repairs,

ETHAN ROGACION (HE/HIM)

and gutted arts funding—are being sidelined. And, let’s not forget, all of this is happening in the context of a global financial crisis, rising national inflation and the cost of living crisis.

Wellington isn’t suffering because a few policy analysts are logging in from home. It’s suffering from years of underfunding and short-term fixes. The central library has been closed for years, critical infrastructure projects remain in limbo, and housing affordability is a pipe dream. And yet, instead of addressing these foundational issues, the Government is fixated on how many public servants are buying their flat whites on Lambton Quay.

So, will this move save those ailing cafés? Maybe. But if we’re serious about Wellington’s future, it’ll take more than dragging people back to desks. It’ll take investment, vision, and a willingness to tackle bigger issues head-on.

Is the Party Over for Local Government?

At the Local Government New Zealand conference in August, Prime Minister Christopher Luxon informed a room full of mayors and city councillors that “the party is over.” “There is no magic money tree in Wellington”, he added.

He says that central government focuses on “musthaves”, not “nice-to-haves”, and he expects local government to do the same.

What does Luxon consider “nice-to-haves” to be?

Apparently, the social, economic, environmental and cultural well-being of our local communities. Since 2018, councils around the motu have been required to focus on these four goals.

The same week of Luxon’s speech to LGNZ, Wellington Mayor Tory Whanau made her opposition to National’s way of thinking clear in an opinion piece: “[…] we're not a business. We're a community of people who have community-related needs.”

DARCY LAWREY (HE/HIM)

Whanau’s critique of National direction for local government was pretty damning: “more than just being offensive and wrong, what was signalled by the Government would be a huge overreach in local decision-making”.

At the end of the day, this fight comes down to whether our councils should function as infrastructure companies, or as democratic institutions which work to make our cities and towns healthier and happier places to live.

It can be easy to let local government fade into the background of politics, but the decisions made in the Wellington council chambers affect all of us just as much as those made at Parliament. With National’s final changes to how local government works coming later this year, now is a crucial time to be paying attention to our local councils.

GOVT:

‘Look Over There!’ *Cripples Democracy Under Urgency*

HENRY BROADBENT (HE/HIM)

It’s the final Salient! Summer approaches! The thing is, while we’re developing weird tan lines and a taste for hazy IPAs, the government will be working as hard as ever to fuck over vulnerable New Zealanders. Here’s what to keep an eye out for.

The next two years—to certain people—represent a massive opportunity for increased privatisation, deregulation, resource extraction and a transfer of wealth to corporate and property-owning interests. The playbook for achieving this is almost banal in its familiarity.

Take Nicola Willis’s back to the office edict, last week. If cutting thousands of jobs in the public service then blaming public servants for the economic woes in the city sounds deranged, that’s because it is. It also got all of us talking. A rolling debate about the price of flat whites and working from home? That’s like crack to the boys over at Stuff

The thing is, while we’re all eagerly discussing the supposed decline of Welly and the ethics of doing a load of laundry while on a Zoom call, Parliament is racing along under urgency.

In the final week of September, legislation accorded urgency (ie: rapid progression, limited public input) included bills: impeding iwi demonstration of customary marine title, lifting the ban on petroleum exploration in Taranaki, and removing Te Tiriti obligations from our countries prisons, allowing body imaging of prisoners, allowing hearings to proceed without prisoners present, and allowing the Corrections Minister to sign-off on the use of physical violence against prisoners. It’s ‘woke food’ all over again.

This is not to say that the government blaming workers for the consequences of government actions is not worthy of note, and more than a little news copy. It is, however, a fact that we have limited resources for journalism in Aotearoa, and a habit of hyperfocusing on single issues in our body politic. We cannot afford to do this. Scrutiny is essential. So, next time a coalition minister starts generating headlines, take a look at Parliament. I promise you won’t like what you find.

The First Hurdle for a Recovering Labour Party? Tax.

It’s no secret that Labour, fresh off one of the most tumultuous six-year terms in our nation’s history, completely lost the plot at the 2023 election. In a stunning reversal of their 2020 post-COVID election success, nonsensical policies like GST off fresh fruits and vegetables led to the centre-left party conceding massive portions of the vote.

The gap between election years gives Labour an opportunity to rebuild, but with centrist Chris Hipkins at the wheel, it’s unclear what exactly that looks like. A much-touted idea is to rebalance the tax system, channelling anger at the nation’s increasing inequality into reliable and equitable tax policy.

Labour seems to have two options: a capital gains tax, which most other countries already have, and a wealth tax, which the Greens backed in their 2023 manifesto. Labour campaigned on CGT in 2017, but had to remove it in a controversial coalition agreement with NZ First.

Capital gains tax is simple. Whenever someone sells an asset that has gained value over time (often real

WILL IRvINE (HE/HIM)

estate), they pay a chunk of the profit made. This levels the playing field between people who work for their income and people who make their income from asset speculation. According to French economist Thomas Pikkety, who former Finance Minister Grant Robertson idolised, the rate at which capital owners accrue wealth has accelerated throughout history, whilst the rate at which workers accrue wealth has slowed.

Pikkety, however, also backs the other option—a wealth tax. For the Greens in 2023, a wealth tax looked like the state taking 2.5% of the value of assets over $2,000,000 annually. No doubt Labour will seek to reach a compromise on this, opting for a higher threshold or lower tax rate. This policy has the advantage of drawing in huge amounts of money off the extremely wealthy, which the Greens in 2023 planned to use to cut taxes for workers.

No matter what decision the party comes to—and who leads the party come election day 2026—one thing is clear. Labour needs a plan, and that plan is going to need to involve making the wealthy pay.

I am Kindly Asking for your Consideration: The Job Crisis Facing Graduates

FERGus GOODALL sMITH (HE/HIM)

‘I can’t find a job’, ‘there’s no work’, ‘I’m moving to Aussie’. These are mantras heard on university campuses across Aotearoa, but they’re repeated the most throughout Pōneke. As graduates look to the future and their career beginnings, the mood isn’t exactly optimistic.

Manaia* is about to complete his Masters in Indigenous Studies here at Te Herenga Waka. He hopes to stay in Wellington next year and land a graduate role within the public sector. Manaia told Salient that he has no confidence in finding a role after receiving his Masters. He said that going back to minimum wage work is a distinct possibility, and it would feel like “a punch to the gut” after all the hard mahi he’s put into his qualification.

“When I started my post-grad, I felt like government was the dream, to work towards something fulfilling that could help my people and make a difference, looking for work in 2025, it’s starting to feel like a crushed dream”. Manaia said his future career prospects are looking “pretty disheartening”.

Manaia’s situation is a shared experience felt by soon to be graduates around the country, but those at Victoria who look to stay in Pōneke and find government roles are bearing the brunt. Student Job Search (SJS) told Salient that from August 2023 to August 2024 jobs advertised on their platform fell from 135,855 to 74,364. In Wellington, the number went from 1271 down to 710. SJS said in the last financial year an average of 4.34 people applied for each role advertised, up from 1.85 the previous year. That’s a 135% increase in job competitiveness.

ASB’s latest economic scoreboard noted that Wellington was the only region to experience a fall in employment, and Ministry of Business, Innovation,

and Employment data shows job ads in Wellington down 50%, on last year's numbers.

Speaking to Salient , MP for Wellington Central, Tamatha Paul, gave a list of reasons why Wellington’s job market has been so dire. “This Government has forced most ministries to make 6-8% cuts which has resulted in thousands of people losing their jobs”. She added, “the flow-on effects of thousands of people losing their jobs has been enormous and has all been done in the name of making the rich even richer.”

Salient also approached Louise Upston, Minister for Social Development & Employment for comment. Salient told the Minister that many students feel they are paying the price for a downsized public sector funding tax cuts that do not benefit them, and asked her why the Government isn’t supporting students and graduates as they enter the workforce.

“Rebuilding the economy and giving businesses the confidence to hire more staff will ultimately improve the pathway for graduating students, which is why the Government is focusing its efforts in these areas” said Upston. Regarding Wellington’s struggling job market, the Minister said a “toxic mix of high government spending, high inflation, and high interest rates” were to blame for the Capital's woes.

Cuts to ministry budgets and jobs are key factors in the difficulty graduates experience getting their foot in the door. Paid internships & placements now sit at the bottom of the Government's list of priorities, and students already juggling a cost-of-living crisis, inflated rent prices, and a student loan simply can’t afford to then work a 40-hour unpaid week for the chance to succeed in their chosen career.

*Interviewees name changed

"To save the ocean we're going

Aotea Great Barrier Island’s lonely fight against

DAN MOsKOvITZ (HE/HIM)

Take a look at the map below of the Hauraki Gulf. Up in the top right corner is Great Barrier Island, or Aotea. It’s at the fringe, straddling the gulf on one side and the Pacific on the other. But that's the point. It is the Great Barrier. Despite being New Zealand’s sixth-largest island, its population barely ticks over a thousand, and is the world’s only island dark sky reserve.

On Aotea, petrol can reach four dollars a litre. The island is almost totally reliant on solar power and generators, and Aotea’s own website talks about how toasters are a rarity because of how much power they draw. For many, but particularly the island’s mana whenua (Ngāti Wai and Ngāti Rehua), the sea remains a prime source of food.

All of this is under threat. Aotea Great Barrier Island is the site of what’s been called New Zealand’s worst marine biosecurity disaster.

Part One: The Invasion

Caulerpa is a genus of seaweed. It doesn’t really look like much, just your standard frilly green weed in the water.

But what makes Caulerpa special is the incredible speeds at which it can grow; up to a centimeter a day. This means Caulerpa can effectively smother the rest of the seafloor, stifling the growth of other seaweed, overtopping corals, and changing the all-round habitat. To make matters worse, it can also regenerate from fragments, meaning if a strand of Caulerpa snaps, those pieces could create two new patches. Hence anything which comes into contact with the seafloor—like an anchor or a net— becomes a biosecurity risk.

Caulerpa invasions have posed massive ecological problems overseas. But in 2021 two species (Caulerpa parvifolia and brachypus, collectively referred to as exotic Caulerpa) were discovered at Aotea, causing the Ministry of Primary Industries, through its Biosecurity wing, to launch its response.

going to have to kill the ocean"

against the seaweed threatening it’s livelihood

Dives by NIWA confirmed the scale of the problem. In one patch, the seaweed’s coverage had expanded from 0.01 square meters to 1840m in just a few months.

Three years on, and most of Aotea’s west coast is coated by Caulerpa. For many on the island, it's borderline traumatic.

“Caulerpa covers nearly a quarter of the island’s sea-floor,” says Maurice Ngatai, a skipper on the island and a member of the Ngāti Rehua ki Ngāti Wai trust. “It’s smothered everything so nothing can grow. “It’s a noxious weed, but nobody knows how to deal with it.”

“We still rely on the ocean to provide sustenance for whānau and the community. We can’t go in there at all to get kai,” said Kelly Klink, a member of Ngāti Rehua.

Barry Scott, a retired Massey University professor who moved to the island post-retirement, describes what the seaweed is doing to the seafloor as “heartbreaking.”

So how has Biosecurity NZ responded? Where there is Caulerpa, Biosecurity puts in place Controlled Area Notices (CANs). These forbid activities which come into contact with the seafloor, like net fishing or anchoring.

Throughout 2022 and 2023, Caulerpa crept up Aotea’s coast, trailed by extensions of the CANs. But this was it. This was about the extent of the Biosecurity response. For many of Aotea’s residents, it felt like abandonment.

“We’ve been abandoned since it came out,” said Klink. “We had been fighting Caulerpa for two years before anyone on the mainland had heard of Caulerpa , with no money.”

To top it all off, in May 2024, Biosecurity New Zealand allowed three crayfishing boats—two from Leigh, and one from Aotea itself—into Aotea’s CAN. This was a biosecurity risk; craypots could absolutely create Caulerpa fragments. Biosecurity said this was needed for the crayfisher’s livelihoods, but for those on the Barrier, sweltering under restrictions

since 2021, this was an outrage.

“I asked Biosecurity if they had a code of ethics,” said Scott. “They put the rights of two or three fishermen above the rights of the whole island. What’s more, they created a biosecurity risk. It undermined our trust, our confidence, and our respect.”

A few months later, Caulerpa was detected at Leigh.

Biosecurity admitted fault in the lack of consultation with the Barrier, but said the crayfishers were unlikely to be the source of Leigh’s Caulerpa , as Leigh’s Caulerpa was found in an area different to the boats and biosecurity measures were in place.

Three years on from Caulerpa’s detection in 2021, and all but the northern tip of Aotea’s west coast lies within a CAN. Just a single sheltered port—Fitzroy, thanks to an exception from the CAN—remains open for anchoring. For an island which relies significantly on Auckland's tourism, Fitzroy is a vital lifeline.

Article continued on page 10 & 11

"To save the ocean we're going to have to kill the ocean"

There, while Blair Anderson of Ngāti Pāoa (the iwi of Waiheke), is quick to acknowledge Aotea’s suffering, he still describes Biosecurity as “responsive,” and is upbeat about their response to the Waiheke incursion.

mouth. As summer comes and the waters warm, there’s real concern about whether it will spread into the rest of the harbour. Scott and others on the island have set up the Aotea Caulerpa Response Team but, devoid of government funding, their options are limited.

Part Two: The Spread

The exotic Caulerpa incursion attracted little media attention until 2023, when it was discovered at Omakiwi cove in the Bay of Islands. There, a combined effort from council, iwi, and locals rapidly propelled the seaweed to national attention. This is a sore point for many Aotea.

“Mana whenua and the Regional Council went ballistic and caused so much noise that MPI felt embarrassed,” said Chris Olliver, a member of the Aotea Caulerpa Response Team about Omakiwi.

“They sat on the minister's desk and thumped the table and as a result the minister gave them $2,000,000. Unless you can get that sort of impetus, you are working within the slow bureaucracy.”

The incursion at Omakiwi is 1/6 the size of Aotea.

Three years on, and much of the Hauraki Gulf and Northland are feeling the effects of Caulerpa. This has brought upside of there now being more groups invested in the incursion, but means Aotea, already struggling to gain traction in its response, is now fighting with other affected areas for funding.

That’s apparent at both Omakiwi, and at Waiheke Island, the site of the second-largest infestation.

For comparison, exotic Caulerpa covers 820 hectares of Aotea’s seafloor. Waiheke’s incursion measures at 410, Omakiwi’s at 240.

All of this led to Klink taking Biosecurity New Zealand to the Waitangi Tribunal, a move she herself admitted was to draw attention to the situation on Aotea. Because Aotea, at this point, is desperate. Many on the island wish to just speak with the Biosecurity minister, and plead their case, hoping to try and show him the personal struggle on the island.

But again, their pleas have been ignored.

Part Three: The Minister

The appointment of Andrew Hoggard as Biosecurity minister probably raised eyebrows.

The former Federated Farmers president turned ACT MP is as fresh as can be. Elected in 2023, a month after becoming an MP he was Minister of Biosecurity.

Yet Hoggard has done well with Caulerpa. Throughout 2024, in the most austere government in living memory, he reallocated $15 million from elsewhere in MPI to the Caulerpa response and has incentivised research into new technologies.

But Aotea is still at the periphery. While Biosecurity officials were hopeful of using the funding to support on-island suppression efforts, so far just $200k has gone to the island with the largest infestation. So why is Aotea getting such a paltry response compared to Waiheke, Omakiwi, and more?

According to Hoggard, Aotea is still part of the plan, but Biosecurity’s main focus right now is R & D. Only a small lagoon in California has ever been able to

Aotea Great Barrier Island’s lonely fight against the seaweed threatening it’s livelihood

before, and certainly nothing at the scale of NZ’s incursion, which is why Hoggard hopes to scale up new technologies.

“We really need our technologies sorted before we go in there [Aotea],” said Hoggard when interviewed by Salient. “It's the worst spot and trying to tackle it without everything firing on all cylinders will be, quite frankly, wasting money.”

Scott worries this is too much linear thinking. Caulerpa will continue to spread while this research occurs, meaning interim suppression could make things cheaper down the line. Similarly, as Olliver points out, having a nest of untouched Caulerpa could provide a nursery for it to spread to the rest of the gulf. And while there's probably some validity in Hoggard’s points, none of this was communicated to Aotea; Hoggard has no plans on visiting.

“I'm not one that’s just doing token visits,” he said. “If I'm visiting somewhere, it's to check in on progress and solutions.

“And from the surface, there's not a whole lot to see. I suck at swimming. I’m not going to put on a wetsuit and go underwater. No way in hell you’re getting me diving.”

Part Four: The future

So what are these new technologies? If there’s a case for hope, it's here. Caulerpa is now taken seriously across the board, meaning there is now a slate of iwi, ministries, councils, and researchers all throwing the kitchen sink at the problem.

Suction dredging has gained the most attention. Imagine a vacuum cleaner powered at the seafloor, sucking up Caulerpa, sand, and anything else unlucky enough to be in its path. This can take the form of driver directed—a handheld vacuum cleaner—or a mechanical ship-bound dredge.

dredging to cost hundreds of thousands of dollars per hectare of Caulerpa cleared.

A potentially more cost-effective solution is being trialled by Ngāti Pāoa. They’re placing woollen mats (whāriki) over Caulerpa, which suffocates everything under them. Meanwhile, researchers at the University of Auckland are working on a UV light treatment, and kina have also been tested as biocontrol.

No matter what gets used—most likely a combination of what’s already been mentioned—it’s going to be ecologically damaging. Suction dredging sucks up seafloor alongside Caulerpa. Whāriki suffocate everything under it. UV light is a big unknown. As Klink herself puts it, “to save the ocean, we’re going to have to kill the ocean.”

And science takes time. Making things scaleable takes time. But Caulerpa spreads fast, and Aotea is teetering. Fitzroy is the only major port left for anchoring, but summer is coming, and with it comes the faster spread of Caulerpa. Whether Fitzroy will hold is another matter entirely.

The consequences of inaction cannot be overstated— modelling suggests Caulerpa could proliferate between Northland and Hawkes Bay.

Maurice Ngatai grew up on Aotea, living off the kai moana. For him, it's about his tamariki, and whether they will be able to experience the same life he did.

“The sea floor is the beginning of the food chain for us. But in ten years time, this stuff’s gonna take over. I’m going to have to tell my kids they better get used to having no food.”

The barrier has been breached. Whether it will be fully broken is yet to be seen.

Hauraki Gulf Image credit: Department of Conservation Map of Aotea and Caulerpa image credit: Biosecurity New Zealand

Commonwealth of Northern Mariana IslandsLeaders Raise Alarms Over China's Missile Test, Call for Enhanced Defense Measures

words by ASHLEIGH PUTT-FALLOWS (SHE/HER/IA) | NGĀTI WHĀTUA, NGĀPUHI-NGĀTI, TŪHOE

Leaders in the Commonwealth of Northern Mariana Islands expressed concerns over China's recent missile test, which landed a dummy warhead in the Pacific Ocean. CNMI Senate floor leader Rep. Edwin Propst warned that the test highlights the islands' vulnerability, emphasizing the need for missile defense systems like those in Guam. Local figures, including candidates for CNMI delegate to the U.S. Congress, stressed the importance of bolstering U.S. military presence and diplomatic efforts to de-escalate tensions. While some fear the potential risks, tourism officials remain unconcerned, asserting the CNMI remains a safe destination under U.S. military protection.

Pacific Nations & Languages

As this is Salient’s final magazine of 2024 we have multiple pages of this project to acknowledge both all the nations and languages we haven’t covered yet, as well as those that have official languages weeks after we finish for the year. This week we have Tokelau, Papua New Guinea, Fiji, Niue and the Solomon Islands.

Tokelau

Te Vaiaho o te Gagana Tokelau | Tokelau Language Week is celebrated from the 27th October to 2nd November. The theme is: ‘Tokelau, tāofi mau tau aganuku, ko tō pale tēnā | Tokelau, holdfast to your culture, that is your crown

Tokelau is a dependent territory of New Zealand, consisting of three small coral atolls: Atafu, Nukunonu, and Fakaofo, located in the South Pacific Ocean. Together, the islands cover a total land area of only 12 square kilometres, making it one of the smallest and most isolated countries in the world. The atolls are low-lying, and vulnerable to rising sea levels. Tokelau's official languages are Tokelauan, an indigenous Polynesian language, and English. The population is primarily Tokelauan. Tokelau has no airstrips; access is solely by boat, contributing to its isolation.

Tokelauan - Te Gagana Tokelau

Tokelau mo te Atua = Tokelau for the Almighty (Motto of Tokelau) | Mālo ni = Hello | Tulou = Excuse me

Taimi o te koleni! = It’s gym time! | Uō = Friends | Tokelau = North Wind

Stet bilong Papua Niugini/Stet bilong Papua Niu Gini/ Papua New Guinea (PNG)

Papua Niugini Tok Pisin Wik - Papua New Guinea Pidgin Language Week has only just been introduced in 2024! It is celebrated from the 10th-16th of November. The theme is: ‘Lukautim, strongim na kirapim tokples na pasin blo tubuna. Preserve, revitalise and promote our language and culture.’

PNG is located in the southwest Pacific, occupying the eastern half of New Guinea and around 600 islands. PNG is known for its biodiversity and extreme cultural diversity, with over 800 indigenous languages spoken, making it the most linguistically diverse country in the world. English, Tok Pisin, and Hiri Motu are the official languages. The population is primarily Melanesian, with many indigenous communities still practising ancient customs.

Tok Pisin (Pidgin)

Kaikai = food | Yu orait = How are you? | Mi orait tasol = I’m fine | Mi mangi nu seelan = I’m from New Zealand plis, inap ya halivim mi wantaim dispela samting? = Please, can you help me with this?

Hiri Motu

= Do you know ? Do you understand? | Io = Yes | Lasi = No | Dohare = wait a bit/bye and bye lnai be daika ena boroma? = Whose pig is this?

The phrases and words above were found in dictionaries and different language resources such as those provided through the Ministry of Pasific Peoples Website.

It’s important to recognise that all cultures and languages are incredibly diverse. There are different dialects within languages, unrecognized languages and peoples. With Polynesia being so spread out, across large and small islands and villages, there is an unimaginable amount of culture that simply can’t be fully appreciated with just words. We encourage everyone to be respectful, open minded and always keep learning <3

Pacific Nations & Languages

Niue

This year’s theme for Faahi Tapu he Vagahau Niue (from October 13th to October 19th) is ‘Leveki mo e Feaki e Vagahau Niue mo Anoiha’, which means protect and nurture Vagahau Niue for the future. The population of Niue is 1657 on Island; 30,000 Niueans live in New Zealand, and only 11% speak Vagahau Niue. It is one of the most endangered languages in the Pacific. We strongly urge you all to learn some of these kupu.

Email greetings and sign-offs

Fakaalofa lahi atu = Hello

Fakaaue (lahi oue tulou) = Thank you = Please

Fakamolemole mai = Sorry

Solomon Islands

This year is the first time Solomon Aelan Pijin has been included in the Pacific Language Weeks, with the theme “Protektim langguis an kalsa blong yumi”, which means protect our language and culture. Because the language cards have yet to be released, this column includes very limited words and phrases. We encourage you all to keep an eye out for any information during the language week from November 24th to November 30th.

General phrases

Wat na nem blo iu? = What is your name?

Nem blo mi … = My name is …

Iu blo wea = Where are you from?

Iu hao? = How are you?

Mi gut = I am good

Tanggio tumas = Thank you very much

Diswan hemi bulsit blo’ waitman nomoa

= This is simply white-man nonsense

History

Known as the ‘Rock of Polynesia’. Niue was first settled around 900 CE by Sāmoans, and then a Tongan war party in the 17th century, and later a small migration of people from Pukapuka. In 1900, Niue gained British Protectorate status and in 1901 was annexed to New Zealand. However, under the 1974 Niue Constitution Act, Niue is now a self-governing territory in free-association with New Zealand.

Niue is comprised of 14 villages spread across the island, and two main dialects known as Motu (from the north of the island) and Tafiti (from the south).

General phrases

Ko hai e higoa haau?= What is your name?

Ko e higoa haaku ko … = My name is …

Hau a koe i fē? = Where are you from?

Ko au ko e tagata hau i … = I’m a person from …

Vagahau niue = Niuean language

Niue aga fakamotu = Niuean culture

Ko e tau monuia hā he haau a tau aloalo lima = Prosperity is in the palm of your hands

History

The Solomon Islands are believed to have first been settled between 30,000 and 28,800 BCE. Over the course of the 19th century, Germany annexed the northern Solomons and the British the Southern. During this time, as with many of the Melanesian islands, colonial forces practised ‘blackbirding’, a practice where Indigenous peoples were coerced or kidnapped to work as labourers in Australia, Fiji, and Sāmoa. However, on July 7th 1978, the Solomon Islands gained independence, marking a monumental day that continues to be celebrated by locals.

Comprised of six major islands and 900 smaller islands, the Solomon Islands is incredibly diverse, with a population of 734,887 people, and over 70 unique languages. Solomon Aelen Pijin is the most spoken language throughout the region, and is closely related to Tok Pisin of Papua New Guinea and Bislama of Vanuatu.

Fiji

Fiji is made up of a large group of over 300 islands in the South Pacific, with a rich history and culture shaped by its indigenous population, as well as influences from India, Europe, and China. Fijian culture is deeply rooted in communal living, respect for tradition, and a strong connection to the land and sea. At the heart of Fijian society is the concept of "vanua," which refers not just to the land, but also to the people and their shared identity.

Fijian customs are rich and vibrant. Storytelling, music, and dance, especially the "meke," are vital parts of Fijian expression, blending indigenous traditions with influences from Polynesia and Melanesia. Fiji is a linguistically diverse country, with three official languages: Fijian, English, and Fiji Hindi. There are multiple dialects of Fijian, with the Eastern Bauan dialect serving as the standard and official form used in government, education, and media.

The Fijian language is part of the larger Austronesian language family, which stretches across the Pacific and Southeast Asia. However, Fiji’s unique geographic position and cultural history have led to several differences between Fijian and other Pacific languages. Its complex phonetic structure, dialectal diversity, and grammar distinguish it from other Pacific languages, which tend to be more uniform or rooted solely in Polynesian traditions.

Common Phrases:

Bula = Hello

Moce = Goodbye

Some letters are pronounced differently than they may appear. The letter ‘c’ is pronounced with a ‘th’ sound, and the letter ‘d’ with a ‘nd. For example, ‘moce mada’ is pronounced ‘mothe manda’.

What the Fuck is up with Woofington’s?

written by CPD (she/her)

High in the hills above Wellington, tucked away from prying eyes, lies a castle called Woofington’s. A couple months ago an article about the castle popped up on my Google suggested. I had heard vaguely of this castle before, but knew nothing of its fascinating and mysterious history. What started as a few google searches turned into a rewarding fascination. The more I looked into the castle, the crazier the story got.

Built as an Airways Radar Bunker - 1970s

The site that Woofington’s now occupies was first used for an air navigation centre. Airways Corporations was able to monitor planes flying around the Wellington area. With the development of newer technology the bunker was decommissioned. It remained this way, from what I can find, for around 20-30 years. When the Castle was built, they dug out the roof of the old navigation centre and put the castle directly on top. If that information is correct then it’s highly likely that below the castle is a bunker.

Property Purchased - 1998

The site was purchased by the current owner back in 1998, reportedly for $241,875.

Castle Built - 2000

The owner apparently spent $400,000 building the castle. A source claimed that they built the castle with the purpose of living in it but, once built, the council zoned it for commercial purposes, making it illegal to live in as a home. The owner, reportedly frustrated with not being able to live in the magnificent castle he created, found a loophole. For a building to be used commercially it had to be used for ‘business purposes’ three days per year. This anonymous source said he would throw parties three times a year at his ‘conference centre.’ These would attract a large number of people, who arrived in groups on their motorcycles.

Vicious Guard Dogs Circling Perimeter2007

A family member was training for a long distance walk in 2007 and would often walk past the castle. She said there were always vicious looking guard dogs. The type of dogs you would only have if you had something to hide.

Woofington’s Opens - Nov 2015

A Stuff article reports the exciting opening of a new luxury doggy day care operating in the castle. They called it Woofington’s. The article focuses on interviewing the manager at the time. He explains how there is now a market for more luxurious dog kennels, as kiwi’s are valuing their dogs now more than ever. It talks about the facilities for the dogs at the castle, including how they can relax fireside & even watch TV from their kennels. The article goes on to mention that the dogs can be picked up in a Porsche, as that is how the owner’s dogs travel and so why shouldn’t everyone else’s? It also talks about the owner’s love of dogs and how he is an “open cheque book” for the business.

Manager Goes Missing - April 2018

A manager of Woofington’s goes missing. Wellington Live makes a post on Facebook asking the public for help with a police appeal about the missing man.

Manager Found Dead - April 2018

The NZ Herald reports that the manager’s body was subsequently found during the search. It’s not clear if he was still managing Woofington’s directly before his death.

Armed Police with Warrant, Search Woofington’s - Aug 2019

According to a Stuff article, a pre-planned search warrant was issued and carried out at Woofington’s. It was reported that the police came armed as a precaution. According to the NZ Police website armed police are required when “respond(ing) to incidents involving firearms or suspected firearms”.

Improvised Explosive Device Found at Woofington - Aug 2019

A follow-up Stuff article reports that a week after the search of Woofington’s, a man was charged with having an improvised explosive device. He later received six months community service. The man charged was not the owner, but someone who worked there. Interestingly, in a later Stuff article it was revealed that this discovery was not the intention of the search warrant.

A later Stuff article explains that the charge of improvised explosive devices was downgraded to a homemade firecracker. A local source suggested firecrackers would be set off at parties hosted at Woofington’s due to its remote location.

Aggravated Burglary & Subsequent Police Chase - April 2020

During the depths of the Level 4 lockdown in Wellington, Woofington’s was burgled. According to another Stuff article, three people with a firearm burgled the luxury doggy day care. There was a subsequent police chase which ended with those involved abandoning the getaway vehicle. They were shortly found and taken into custody where they were charged.

Woofington’s Shuts Down Abruptly - Apr 2021

According to a subreddit the luxury doggy day care shut its doors abruptly a few days before Easter. It gave no notice, annoying members of the Reddit community. It left them unable to find some to mind their precious pooches for Easter weekend. If you’re looking for an entertaining read, you can find many theories and speculations about Woofington’s across a couple different subreddits.

About to go up for Sale? - Spring 2024

(RV $3.9million)

One weekend, after feeling like a bit of a keyboard investigator I decided to take a walk to the castle and see what state it was currently in. While walking there, I ran into a local, who validated previous claims made about the area. They also told me that Woofington’s was allegedly going up for sale ‘any day’.

Who knows what is in store for Woofington’s next? Perhaps the university is on the hunt for a new hall of residence with some character for its most unruly resident’s. It could damage the Wellington rental market further by putting it on AirBnB for a small fortune (like the lighthouse, also near the airport). My hope is that someone with lots of money and a shady past buys it, to continue the castle’s vaguely criminal legacy. Either that, or it is turned into a legendary nightclub—Club Woofington’s

gossip

by women doing the exact same thing. We all were leaning across the table, our voices starting out hushed, growing in volume and animation once we realised there wasn’t anyone listening in. We were all unintentional mirrors. As we all drank and chatted, I found myself wondering:

is gossip really that bad?

Gossip, as a conversation form, is defined as “idle talk; trifling or groundless rumour; tittle-tattle.” In a more favourable sense, it denotes: “Easy, unrestrained talk or writing, esp. about persons or social incidents” (OED). This “trifling or groundless rumour” is the side of gossip that most people object to: when simple gossip becomes something malicious and unkind. Obviously, I’m not endorsing that sort of gossip, but that is not the only kind of gossip out there. Most of the day-to-day ‘gossip’ is simply ‘easy, unrestrained talk.’ It’s catching up with a friend over coffee to fill her in on an unfortunate date, and then for her to tell you about the latest flat-catastrophe. It’s to talk idly about our own affairs, with a dash of other people’s for some excitement.

Another definition is ‘a person, mostly a woman, of light and trifling character, esp. one who delights in idle talk; a newsmonger, a tattler.’ The OED lists examples of ‘gossip’ as an insult (mostly a femaleoriented one), starting as early as 1580. The trope of the gossip, the flaky, silly woman, is a well-known one. I’ve probably accused women of being gossips,

We can talk about big, abstract ideas all we want but, ultimately, it’s through personal anecdotes and stories that people get to know you. Gossip is how people learn about each other, it’s how we form relationships and bonds. To say that it’s shallow, or solely a negative thing, is to overlook how social dynamics work. To deem it as a problem in female friendships is to assume that every time women gossip, it’s out of malice, and is a sign that there’s a lack of depth to them. Au contraire, it’s actually a sign that these friendships are working on a deeper level.

Te Maika

About this week's Artist

This week's centrefold is by Ruby Crossan. You can find more of Ruby's work on Instagram @xn.visual.

victimless tomfoolery. Come up with a ploy or a scheme. Or both, perhaps.

board and curate your life. It’s the perfect time to explore different facets of yourself.

Norman fucking Rockwelled

words by Emily Bull (she/her)

Verb

sexual assault.

Definition: Being let down by a man who you thought was different. “You just got Norman fucking Rockwelled.”

Recently, a new phrase has entered my friend group’s vocabulary, which we have coined as being ‘Norman fucking Rockwelled’. As a group of young women, we’ve experienced our fair share of being let down by men who we considered near and dear to us. Inspired by Lana Del Rey’s song of the same namesake, ‘Norman Fucking Rockwell’ in which Lana sings, “you’re just a man, it’s just what you do”, which really hit home for all of us. This term can be applied in a variety of situations.

Your close male friend of years asks for you nudes, now forcing you to question if all you were to him was a sexual object? Norman fucking Rockwelled. Your other male friends continue being friends with a known

sexual assaulter (despite knowing your history with SA) because otherwise “he’ll have no real friends to hold him accountable” (spoiler alert: they’re certainly not holding him accountable). Norman fucking Rockwelled. Your cool feminist boyfriend isn’t actually a feminist and just said those things as it was in his best interest (aka to get in your pants)? NORMAN FUCKING ROCKWELLED!!!!

Being ‘Norman fucking Rockwelled’ is not a good thing, but it has become a uniting term and song in our friend group. There’s nothing quite like being the last ones at a party, putting this song on and screaming your lungs out to it. So thank you, Lana—for no one else summarises the feeling of being let down by a man quite like you.

THE PERFECT STUDY BREAK

Take a break, unwind and recharge* - just 25 mins walk from campus**

The Salacious Side To Wikipedia

words by Ryan Cleland (he/him)

Friends, Wellingtonians, fellow countrymen! Those used to reading the gossip columns of days gone past, those who scour Aunty Vic or the recently debuted Little Birdie. I present to you the best gossip channel, the agony aunt of Encyclopedias! Our very own humble Wikipedia.

Arguably Wikipedia is one of the internet's greatest inventions, an amalgam of the past 300,000 years of human history condensed into 22.14 Gigabytes of information, constantly updated by the people and for the people. Now the upside to this is that some of the sauciest, most tea-worthy articles of history are present on that site known to wiki-editors as “Unusual Articles”. I want to present to you some of my favourites from my time spent scouring the free encyclopaedia.

List of Sexually Active Popes

Now, the sexual proclivities of the papacy may not be something you'd regularly think about, but if curiosity ever strikes, Wikipedia has you covered. This article contains a detailed list of popes who were sexually active during their lives, along with the reasons why. The list includes intriguing entries like Paul II, who was rumoured to have died not from indigestion caused by a melon, but instead in the throes of passion with his secret lover, a pageboy! Then there's Benedict IX, accused by his opponents of "many vile adulteries," to the point where, in 1045 AD, he resigned as pope with the hope of getting married. It seems many popes had rather promiscuous lives, and Wikipedia is there for all your research needs.

The Blood-Vomiting Game

Reading the title of this Wikipedia page must have you wondering what vile and gruesome medieval torture could have inspired such an article. In reality, it refers to a famous match in the classical strategy board game Go (shoutout to VUW’s very own Go Club). This particular game, played between Go prodigy Akaboshi Intetsu and Hon'inbō Jōwa on June 27, 1835, is notable because, near the end of the 4-day match, Akaboshi repeatedly vomited blood onto and around the board. While it could be seen as one of the biggest power moves of all time, most historians agree that it was not intentional and that Akaboshi most likely suffered from pre-existing gastrointestinal bleeding or pulmonary disease, which caused his death a few months later. Regardless, the infamous Blood-Vomiting Game of Go will “Go” down in history for its strange and dramatic circumstances.

Code Name Devil Eyes

In stark contrast to the lovable game of Go comes the CIA's war on terror, where they decided that the best way to sow dissent within Al-Qaeda was to secretly collaborate with Donald Levine, the creator of the G.I. Joe doll. Together, they designed an Osama Bin Laden action figure that was secretly engineered so that, when heated, the face would peel off to reveal a demon-like visage with red skin and green eyes. The plan was to scare children and turn public opinion against Al-Qaeda. The CIA, of course, denied the operation until 2014, when several prototypes went up for auction, selling for $11,879 and $6,250, respectively.

Ferret-Legging

Fancy yourself some extreme sports? Then look no further than the Yorkshire pastime known as FerretLegging, where two competitors tie the ankles of their pants shut before dropping two ferrets inside. They then quickly fasten their belts to prevent the ferrets from escaping. What follows is a test of endurance. Neither the competitors nor the ferrets are allowed to be drunk or sedated, and underwear is strictly forbidden. The sport, which has been in decline in recent years, requires little skill apart from what world champion Reg Mellor describes as "simply an ability to have your tool bitten and not care." Allegedly, the sport has been around for centuries, but it gained popularity among Yorkshire miners in the 1970s. Heaven knows why.

Chatting Shit with my nail artist

Interview with Grace from Armoured Studio (they/them) and Ash Putt-Fallows (she/her/ia) |

If there is one thing I am consistent with, it's my nail appointments. Every month, I make my way to Grace, and they somehow create little pieces of art on my nails. During my last appointment, I took along a document of questions—because who else gets gossip if not my nail tech?

What is your favourite part of the job?

Meeting new people, learning and experiencing different aspects of life through them, especially when they're returning clients. They kind of just become friends at that point.

What is your least favourite part of the job?

Masking, I feel a lot of anxiety around maintaining professionalism—wondering if I'm doing things right or being professional enough. It pushes me to stay on top of everything, but I'm always on edge about it, especially with new clients.

What is your favourite type of client?

People who come in with an idea we can build on together. It feels really fulfilling at the end to say, "Oh, look, we did it."

Who's your favourite client? [Spolier, it's Me.]

It's Ash because Ash was the reason that I actually got my shit in gear, my first client. That's why she's my favourite.

What type of gossip do you tend to get from clients?

I get so many fucking boy problems, but that's so fine because I realise this is a space for people to come to and let out their worries. That's special to me and something I try to provide.

What is your favourite thing to spend your nail tech money on?

I should be better with my nail tech money. More nail stuff is the main answer. I enjoy having a client before a weekend and being able to go out to gigs and parties, which affords spontaneous fun.

What is your Nail Tech Ick?

I'm not sure if it's stigma, but when I tell people I'm a nail tech, some assume I'm not smart. I wish more people understood how much goes into beauty services—we're working with chemicals. There's a lot of safety, knowledge, and skill involved.

Are there any nails you will not do?

If people come to me and get plain nails, I'm kind of like, "Oh, but I can do so much more." But I'll do what anyone wants; someone might not feel comfortable going somewhere else, or they may want someone who's queer-friendly, etc., and I can provide that space.

What is the best thing to do to prepare for a nail appointment?

Having an idea about the design is helpful, but people can show up, and I can go from there. I often ask people when they book if they have a budget. I don't want to spend more than they're comfortable with, so letting me know lets me get the design within budget.

What is your favourite thing to trade for a nail appointment?

My friend bought me a taxidermy scorpion and it matched the price of the set. Usually, I need the money, but that week I was like, fuck yeah, I'll take a scorpion.

What's your favourite TikTok or Instagram Reels trend?

I'm loving the influx of Wolverine edits. Oh, Wolverine. I'm eating that eye candy. You can put that one down; you can quote me.

Grace runs Armoured Studio, doing nails, creating press-on nail sets and attending festivals year-round. Recently, they began offering tooth gems at Union Tattoo and are certified tooth gem fairy. Scan the QR code to check it out!

Ngāti Whātua, Ngāpuhi- Ngāti Hine, Tūhoe

TEDDY’S TOP TEN TERRIBLE ROM-COMS OF THE 2020S

You think you’ve seen a lot of romcoms? Think again.

romcoms, I watch at least two per week, and yeah, I cry at almost every one. I’m a hopeless romantic, sue me! I love seeing someone running through the airport to try to confess their feelings before someone catches their flight. I love fake relationships turned into real relationships because they secretly had feelings the whole time! I love modern adaptations of Shakespeare plays!!! I LOVE CLICHÉ ROMANTIC COMEDIES!!!!!

actually good films most of the time. When I say that they’ve stepped up, I mean they’ve gotten cringier, soppier, goopier, etc., and I’m loving it]. This isn’t to say that there’s been one released that’s on the level of quite yet, but I’ve been enjoying romcoms more and more as the years have gone on, and it’s pretty much cuffing season, so, let’s talk about them! As a graduated film student and a certified Big Fan

Honourable mentions, because these films series helped kickstart the new wave of romcoms, though they began releasing pre-2020: Also, shows like

are probably part of the reason these films have gotten a lot raunchier (not that I’m

Does it glamourise and romanticise the US military in a way that heavily unsettles me? Yes. Does it have Nicholas Galitzine in a sexy army uniform? Also yes! I will say that this film is more of a romantic drama, but I love the fake dating trope, and there’s something so beautiful about a movie having a bad ending for once (not that it stays a bad ending, but still, the bad deeds get punished and I really appreciate that!).

" This isn’t to say that there’s been one released that’s on quite yet, but I’ve been enjoying romcoms more and more as the years have gone on "

page designed by Prunella

melia Bentley is an artist who captures beauty with both brush and intellect, balancing her life between her passion for art and a more academic career path. Currently in her final year of a Bachelor of Science at Te Herenga Waka, Amelia is majoring in Data Science and Psychology, disciplines that may seem worlds apart from her deep connection to painting. Growing up in Wellington, the proximity of Victoria University allowed her to pursue her dual passions while remaining close to home. But this balance between art and academia has been anything but simple.

“I’ve always felt my life be divided into a constant fight between art and academia,” Amelia shares, referencing Sylvia Plath’s famous fig tree analogy in The Bell Jar As she explains, her younger self dreamed of living in Florence, surrounded by masterpieces from Caravaggio and Michelangelo, immersed in a world of art. But as high school progressed, Amelia’s relationship with art became fraught. “The education system slowly dimmed that light,” she recalls, describing how her artistic passion was stifled by rigid school structures. “It was no longer a way to express myself, but instead a medium to please others… I decided then that I would rather sell my brain to a capitalist agenda than my soul. So, I kept my art sacred.”

That decision led Amelia to pursue science, a field where she felt her intellect could flourish. However, she never fully abandoned her love for art. Though she took a year-long break from painting during this period of self-reflection, her return to it was deeply personal, far removed from the confines of academic expectation. “I found that pursuing it on my own terms made me a better artist,” she says, highlighting the freedom that came from rediscovering her passion away from school. These days, Amelia often has a painting on the go, dipping into her creative world whenever time allows.

Despite the demands of her degree, Amelia manages to strike a balance between her two worlds. “Finding a balance can be hard sometimes, especially during exam time,” she admits, but art is never far from her mind. The pieces she creates now are personal expressions of her journey, with oil paints—her medium of choice since age 15—giving her the texture and depth she craves. She also

Azzahra (she/her)

dabbles in other media, from charcoal to sculpture, always seeking new ways to express her creative side.

Amelia’s work first caught the attention of Salient when she painted a striking portrait of actor Jacob Elordi, inspired by his performance in Saltburn. When asked about the inspiration behind the piece, Amelia’s answer is refreshingly candid: “Honestly, I'd like to say there’s some more elaborate reason for painting Jacob Elordi, but if I’m honest, it's just because he’s HOT and I was obsessed with Saltburn!”

While Amelia’s art is something she does primarily for herself, she has broader ambitions. “I’d like to work towards creating a whole collection and presenting an exhibition,” she reveals. Though time constraints make this a distant goal for now, Amelia remains open to the possibility, ready to embrace whatever opportunities the future holds.

Amelia Bentley is someone who doesn’t fit neatly into one box. She is both a scientist and a dreamer, a realist and a creator, balancing the worlds of data and imagination with a grace all her own. Whether she’s calculating algorithms or crafting portraits, Amelia’s path is uniquely her own, led by curiosity and an unwavering commitment to keeping her art personal.

Artist Profile: Jamie Renee Tattoo

words by Phoebe Robertson (she/her)

Tattoo artist Jamie Renee is a Wellington local whose work speaks volumes—not just in design, but in the way she approaches the entire tattooing process. Since 2019, Jamie has been working at Dr Morse Tattoo Studio, where her passion for both art and people has flourished. “There’s no other studio I’d rather work at,” she says. “It’s an incredibly friendly, creative, and warm environment for both artists and customers.”

Jamie’s creative roots run deep, starting with her degree in Visual Communication Design from Massey University, which she completed with First Class Honours in 2016. Her original plan was to enter the film industry as a prop maker, but tattooing soon became her calling. “I didn’t think of it as a career option until I saw a couple of friends go through apprenticeships and thought, What an amazing way to make a career from drawing and painting. I want to do that!” she explains. Fast forward a few years, and she’s now a wellestablished artist at one of Wellington’s most beloved tattoo studios.

Her love affair with tattoos started on her 18th birthday when she got a spider tattooed on the back of her neck. “I know…” she laughs. “But that was it for me—I was hooked.” It wasn’t long before Jamie took the plunge into the world of tattoo apprenticeships, learning under the mentorship of Dr Morse’s seasoned artists.

When it comes to her work, Jamie’s approach is all about connection and collaboration. She encourages clients to take their time, researching artists through social media and portfolios before making a decision. “Nowadays younger clients (and clients in general) have a great tool at their disposal—social media. But it still pays a lot to go into studios and talk face to face with artists,” she says. Building that trust and rapport makes all the difference in creating a positive experience.

Jamie is quick to say that she doesn’t have a favourite style, but the common thread in all her work is the energy her clients bring. “My favourite kinds of tattoos are the ones where the clients are just SO psyched about getting it,” she shares. Whether it’s bright, bold colour or intricate black and grey, Jamie finds joy in each piece.

But it’s not just about the ink—it’s about the whole process. “Honestly, I love everything about tattooing. The ritual of setting up, getting to know your clients, seeing their reactions to the designs, and even cleaning up at the end of the day. It’s wild that I get to do this almost every day.”

Jamie can be reached for consults or questions at jamiereneetattoo@gmail.com, and her portfolio can be found on Instagram (@jamiereneetattoo) and Facebook (Jamie Renee Tattoo & Illustration). If you’re thinking about getting a tattoo, you won’t find a warmer or more enthusiastic artist than Jamie Renee.

PARK RD’s Guide to Touring

words by Jia Sharma (she/her)

PARK RD is no stranger to being on the road. Fresh off their New Zealand and Australia tours, they’ve learnt secrets of the trade along the way. The band has given us a peek into what life on tour is like, as well as advice for any bands looking to hit the road as well.

1. Preparation: What Goes Into a Tour?

Music Rehearsals

The core of any tour is the music itself. While it is important to practise your set list thoroughly, leaving some flexibility to adjust the song order or length depending on the audience and venue can enhance the set. This way the performances will remain exciting—for the band, and the audience.

Outfit Planning

Stage presence is more than just the music. While it’s not essential, planning outfits ahead of time can help reduce stress—and it’s fun!

Promotion

A key part of preparing for a tour is making sure people know about it. Many bands find it helpful to create a lot of content in advance—announcing dates, sharing behindthe-scenes footage, and utilising social media as a whole.

Logistics

Behind every smooth tour is a strong logistics team. This includes booking accommodation, arranging travel, and making sure everything runs on schedule. Having a reliable team can relieve the pressure on the band so you can focus on performing.

2. On the Road: The Touring Experience

Touring feels like an adventure. PARK RD described feeling like pirates navigating their way through Australia. It’s early mornings after late nights, but everyone knows what needs to be done. The bond created through these shared experiences is incomparable to anything else. One of the best parts of touring is meeting new people. The musicians, fans, and locals you encounter along the way often provide a sense of home, even when you're far from your own.

3. Travel and Accommodation: What to Expect

Sometimes, touring means finding creative ways to save costs. Staying with friends or family can offer financial relief and make your tour more viable.

In terms of accommodation, it can range from traditional hotels to pod hostels (think two metres long, one metre wide, and one metre high), which the band said “felt like school camp with everyone being so close together”.

If you’re touring in Australia like PARK RD, being a member of organisations like APRA offers perks like free bags on regional flights, which can really ease some logistical headaches.

4. Memorable Tour Destinations

PARK RD spent a lot of time dreaming about playing their own shows in Australia, and found that certain places will stand out more than others. For example, Brisbane offers great opportunities like Big Sound, where artists can play headline shows and surprise gigs.

Some cities may surprise you—places like Adelaide, which isn’t often considered a top tour stop, can offer some of the most intimate and rewarding gigs. Every tour location is special and memorable, in its own way.

5. The Best Part of Touring

Touring is about getting outside of your comfort zone and growing as an artist. Each new city, venue, and crowd offers a chance to learn more about yourself and your music. The experiences, whether they are spontaneous adventures or writing sessions in legendary studios, shape you creatively. But at the heart of it all, playing shows is what makes the hard work, early mornings, and tiredness worth it.

6. PARK RD’s Top Tips for Touring Bands

1. Look after each other.

2. Everyone has a pair of headphones. When they are on, that means they are having me time. (Stole this from The Beths!)

3. Enjoy the shows, they’re the main event, they’re what make all the tiredness and not so fun moments worth it.

4. Remember to breathe.

5. Don’t be a dick (which also works for life in general).

6. Remind yourself why you’re doing it (whatever your own reason is)

Whether it’s an international tour or playing a single show in a different city, these tips are sure to smoothen the experience. While challenging, it helps you grow as an artist and brings you closer to your bandmates. At the end of the day, it’s about the music. Every gig, no matter how big or small, is an opportunity to connect with your audience and share your art. So embrace the challenges, enjoy the ride, and make the most of every moment on the road.

ANTi — A Response

words & artwork by Danielle Kionasina

It was 7:50pm and the sky was like ink when I arrived at Basement Theatre to see Keagan Carr Fransch’s new work. I gazed up at four bold black letters, floating in a glowing green box. The title of the show felt urgent—spelled in all caps, except for a rebellious lowercase ‘i’ at the end, inspiring scepticism. ANTi, presented by Black Creatives Aotearoa and Hand Pulled Collective, and directed by Dione Joseph and Sam Phillips, is a one-woman play “about a family forced to meet at the intersection of queer love, religious expectations, tragic heroines and Black womanhood." It promises to illuminate the contradictions, duality and joy in our midst.

Fransch’s performance was visceral. Every backhanded compliment and frostbitten stare one could endure at Sunday lunch materialised in her spellbinding storytelling. Fransch appeared fearless as she displayed unswerving vulnerability during engrossing recounts of hallway confrontations and kitchen stand-offs. All while exhibiting the brightness of hysterical eruptions that only happen with those who know where all your soft points are.

Fransch never looked away from the countless painful truths that coexisted in this story. Despite being the only actor onstage, she was always looking directly into the eyes of the characters she was conversing with. The way Fransch embodied the complicated love of people who had not yet accepted all of her was disarming, to say the least. Whether she was antagonising her sister or begging for her mother’s ear, Fransch’s courage to see every side of these interactions was unfaltering.

At one point during the play, Fransch clothed herself in her family’s imperfect affection and thanked them. “Thank you for your love.” She acknowledged their intentions to protect her through their imposing expectations. Then, she did something I didn’t see coming. Fransch removed the symbolic scarf she had caressed and hugged tightly moments before. “But I don’t need it anymore… I am safe now… I am loved… I am not alone.”

As she relinquished love that came with blindspots, Fransch made space for a love that was complete. Love that she already had. Love that embraced the woman she was rather than the woman someone else wished she could be. Love that didn’t ask her to hide.

Watching Fransch choose herself and the love of her partner while letting go of the permission she once needed from her family to be who she had always been, was equally uplifting and shattering. From witty remarks about “White Jesus” and respectability politics, we had arrived at innerchild healing transcendence. Fransch called upon the strength of all those who came before her and spoke her own freedom into existence.

I was in misty-eyed awe of this delightfully disruptive show and Fransch’s colossal range. ANTi is a must-see for anyone who wants to laugh their way to hope, liberation and self-determined euphoria.

Wide Feet

words by Danielle Kionasina Dilys Thomson (she/her)

Tracing my pearly skin with fingertips that look like yours

Sturdy, tireless, gentle (most of the time)

Wondering if my eyes are as brown as yours

Smiling, knowing

I recreate your fresh linen face when I pour deep reds into my hibiscus lips

They brush the mountains and crevices of your profile; my moon

You were carved by angels and drenched in gold

Cyclically, I swim back to the safety of your stained glass reef

Born in the corners of my mouth, mischief forces rosy cheeks up to the surface

There, coral pinks meet lashes that mock the night sky

Cocoa, wavy locks curl into my almond eyes

Cheeky ringlets bounce off my milky forehead

I hear you when my laugh roars and crashes onto the sea-foam shore

Grains of sand hop from the bridge of my nose to my collarbones

And my hips sway like the ocean

Even when I stand firm, held by thighs who have seen God and two wide feet

Even when I look for you in the moana

Even when you have rejoined the whenua to sleep

words still in modern usage, are from the lexicon Polari. Even the word ‘camp’ as a queer aesthetic sensibility, which I could write a whole other column on, comes from Polari.

It began probably sometime in the 1800s across the United Kingdom as a collection of words borrowed from other languages and slangs like Italian, Cockney Rhyming Slang, Romani, Yiddish, backslang, and thieves’ cant. It’s nearly identical to Parlyaree, which was used across fairgrounds, circuses, theatres, but adapted to focus on queer gossip, appearances, and sex.

Polari was used across the 20th century by queer men, from wrestlers and sailors to sex workers and drag performers. Most people in the theatre industry knew it as well. Polari was so well-known that an entire BBC radio drama in the 1960s, Round the Horne, was about two characters coded as gay men who spoke nearly entirely in Polari, introducing it to the general public.

There were many different versions of Polari, most notably the variation between a London East End speaker of Polari, who would have a stronger focus on Cockney Rhyming Slang, and a West End speaker, who may have more theatrical and classical

The Secret Gay Language of Polari

words by Zia Ravenscroft (he/they/it)

influences. There were about twenty core words known to all speakers, and then there were many different spellings, meanings, and pronunciations of the same word across the different groups of Polari speakers. This gave Polari nearly infinite variations, keeping it flexible and adaptable to suit the needs of the people who spoke it.

And why did gay people even speak Polari in the first place? Until 1967, homosexuality was illegal in the UK, so a special language was needed as a form of protection and secrecy. Using it made sure no random straight person or stranger on the street (who might be law enforcement) would know what you were talking about. Aside from being obviously practical, it was also an exaggerated form of humour and camp performance for bitching with your friends. Polari gave name to queer sex in a way mainstream heterosexual culture hadn’t recognised yet, and most of the verbs had something to do with sex. This made cruising for sex a hell of a lot easier.

Polari fell out of use after the 1970s for several reasons. It stopped being so much of a secret after the popularity of Round the Horne, and after the Sexual Offences Act of 1967, there was less of a need for a secret gay language anyway. The queer rights movements in the 1970s also saw Polari as outdated and unnecessarily camp and effeminate. Polari has been largely forgotten, which I personally think is a bit of a shame. I’d love for my friends to describe me as a ‘fantabulosa homy palone’ with a ‘bene aris’. Go look those ones up.

PUZZLES everybody's favourite page

Pink Pride | crossword made by Puck

Across

1. Queer icon who released the 2018 song 'Pynk' (7,5) * 8. Erases; affects the behaviour of (4,3)

9. Former Japanese capital city that's an anagram of the current Japanese capital city (5)

10. Army members (8)

11. With 18-Down, a place to train 10-Across quickly (4,4)

13. Queer-themed movie of 2024 about a show called 'The Pink Opaque' (1,3,3,2,4) *

15. Scrunkly-faced dogs (4)

16. Burns superficially (8)

19. Sauce for samosas (5)

20. Innocence that comes from inexperience (7)

21. Queer icon who released the 2023 song 'Pink Pony Club' (8,4)

Down

1. Film with the line "He wants to hunt. Can't just suppress 65 million years of gut instinct." (8,4)

2. Alfred who awarded a bunch of prizes to distract from the fact he also invented dynamite (5)

3. Investigate (4,4)

4. Bubbliness, like in Berocca (13)

5. Trees that grow acorns (4)

6. Mexican amphibian that is named after the Aztec god of fire (7)

7. Nickname for State Highway 20, the motorway which runs through the Waterview Tunnel in Auckland (12)

12. An excess of action or destruction; famous thrash metal band (8)

14. Despair or torment (7)

17. Spanish word for 'egg', sometimes served 'rancheros' (5)

18. See 11-Across

Wonderland | word search made by Puck

• ALICE

• BANDERSNATCH

• CATERPILLAR

• CHESHIRE CAT

• COOK

• DINAH

• DODO

• DORMOUSE

• DUCHESS

• GRYPHON

• HUMPTY DUMPTY

• JABBERWOCK

• JUBJUB BIRD

• KING OF HEARTS

• KNAVE OF HEARTS

• MAD HATTER

• MARCH HARE

• MOCK TURTLE

• PUPPY

• QUEEN OF HEARTS

• SNARK

• TWEEDLEDEE

• TWEEDLEDUM

• WHITE KNIGHT

• WHITE RABBIT

bird search | Huahou + bonus birds!

It's the last issue of Salient we've hidden every Bird of the Week year throughout the magazine.

How many can you spot?

Leviathan | crossword made by Puck

Across

1. Not giving a single fuck (9)

6. People walking in the street (11)

12. Switzerland won it in 2024 with 'The Code' performed by Nemo (10,4,7)

13. Conversation-starters at a party or a first tutorial (3-8)

14. It might get stolen just before running home (5,4)

16. Arthur who remains the only black man to ever win the Wimbledon singles (4)

17. California landmark painted International Orange (6,4,6)

20. One sitting for a portrait; faker (5)

21. What the cattle are doing, in 'Away in the Manger' (6)

22. Massive Attack hit that begins "Love, love is a verb"; diamond cut (8)

25. CEO who has apparently confused 'posting disinformation on the platform he owns' with 'being clever' or 'having friends' (4,4)

27. Canadian capital (6)

29. "The cruelest month", according to T. S. Eliot (5)

31. "I'm damp now from listening to you speak" (3,2,4,5,2)

32. Bony; watery (4)

34. In an elegant or sophisticated way (9)

35. Sound of abnormal bloodflow through a major organ (5,6)

36. Shakespeare comedy in which Bottom becomes an ass (1,9,6,5)

38. Team for Cap and the Hulk (3,8)

39. Ignores the protests of, as a judge would (9)

Down

1. Don McLean hit song; classic teen movie of 1999 (8,3)

2. Stephen Hawking bestseller that originally had an introduction by Carl Sagan (1,5,7,2,4)

3. Floats in mid-air (6)

4. Electrical transformer named for its Serbian inventor Nikola (5,4)

5. Shut up shop permanently (6,4)

6. Fencing stakes; puts on social media (5)

7. Phrase on packets of silica gel, or a dead dove in a paper bag in the fridge (2,3,3)

8. Heresy or blasphemy (9)

9. Hightailed it; Akira Kurosawa film of 1985 (3)

10. Scottish inventor who proposed answering the phone with "Ahoy, ahoy" (9,6,4)

11. Defiant way to end a boast (2,5)

15. Unpaved pathway (4,4)

18. Without a break (3-4)

19. Guitarist Peter who recorded the 14-minute-long 'Do You Feel Like We Do' (available on 'Rock Band 3' if you have time to kill!) (8)

23. The Pokemon Eevee and Girafarig, for example (11)

24. Italian Renaissance painter famous for 'Judith Beheading Holofernes' and 'Medusa' (10)

26. One fighting with a cutlass (9)

28. Greek philosopher whose 'Prior Analytics' is credited as the first study of logic (9)

30. Hydrocarbon used industrially to ripen fruit (8)

31. Butler or housekeeper, say (7)

33. Device at the back of a small boat (6)

35. Parts of a clock or a card game (5)

37. Toyota RAV or Mitsubishi ASX, for short (3) Crossword solution on Page 38

Crypto-list

A crypto-list is a list of things related to a theme, all of which have been encrypted using the same substitution code.

One way to start is to think of things that might fit the theme, and look through the list to see if any of them match the letter pattern. Double letters and short common words like 'a' or 'the' might be helpful as well.

Theme: Things that are green Example: ASPARAGUS SPEAR

DSQY-EOHD PESTOY

ARJRDYQRL

FREE CRPAEO

YSSERIX GREEN

DRY LYOO

LGO TOYK GQIXYK PHLOYCREEHY

CSSE LHMEO

LGO OZOYHEF PRLK

PHPLQN

SNPHY LGO XYSQPG

Crypto-list Solutions

Four-leaf clover, Kiwifruit, Dill pickle, Rolling hills, Fir tree, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, Pool table, The Emerald City, Cactus, Oscar the Grouch.

SALIENT TEAM 2024

Second Row: Phoebe Robertson (she/her, Editor) ; Te Huihui Tran (he/him, Te Ao Māori Co-Editor) ; Ashleigh Putt-Fallows (she/ her, Te Ao Māori Co-Editor) ; M&M (Ash's cat) ; Guy van Egmond (he/him, Contributing Writer) ; Jia Sharma (she/her, Music Editor) ; Mauatua Fa'ara-Reynolds (she/her, Staff Writer) ; Henry Broadbent (he/him, Sub-Editor)

Front Row: Teddy O'Neill (he/it/ia, Speaker of the House) ; Ava O'Brien (she/her, Distributor) ; Ethan Rogacion (he/him, News Co-Editor) ; Dan Moskovitz (he/him, Chief Reporter) ; Will Irvine (he/him, News Co-Editor) ; Kate Seager (she/her, Designer)

This week's comic artist: Anton Huggard

Third Row: Ngân Dang (she/they, Staff Writer Intern) ; Monisha Dahya (she/her, Podcast Intern) ; Darcy Lawrey (he/him, Online & News Intern) ; Prunella Azzahra (she/her, Design Intern) ; Cedar Porteous (she/her, Staff Writer Intern) ; Ducky (Phoebe's Dog)