Counselor's Notebook, February 2011

MASCA

MASSACHUSETTS SCHOOL COUNSELORS ASSOCIATION

The Myths about Bullying

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t the end of December, school districts had to file their plans to combat bullying. According to The Boston Globe, all but six schools in the Commonwealth (or 99 percent) did so.

Our local papers published interviews with students, administrators, teachers, parents, and counselors about implementation of anti-bullying programs and all agreed it would help. At the same time, Russ Sabella, a past ASCA president and tech guru, shared a most interesting article via his tweet.

Written by Susan M. Swearer, an associate professor of school psychology at the University of Nebraska at Lincoln and coauthor of Bullying Prevention and Intervention: Realistic Strategies for Schools, the article was entitled “Five Myths about Bullying” (The Washington Post, December 30, 2010). Professor Swearer believes that we must “dispense with a few popular fallacies about getting picked on in America” if we are ever going to be able to help students.

Myth 1: The first myth is one that has received a great deal of attention during the past few years: most bullying now happens online. (continued on page 17)

FEBRUARY 2011

School Counseling Leadership Forum March 16, 2011 • Beacon Hill 10:00 a.m. – 3:00 p.m.

By DONNA BROWN MASCA Executive Director

DONNA BROWN

VOL. 47, NO. 6

he annual School Counseling Leadership Forum on Beacon Hill is back and will be better than ever. The focus this year will be on career- and collegereadiness initiatives in Massachusetts.

All school counselors, guidance directors, counselor educators, graduate students, and others interested in school counseling in Massachusetts are invited to attend.

The Forum — which is sponsored by the Massachusetts Coalition for School Counseling — will take place in the Great Hall at the State House on Wednesday, March 16, from 10:00 a.m.-3:00 p.m.

Invited speakers include Governor Deval Patrick, Greg Darnieder (Senior Advisor to the U.S. Secretary on the College Access Initiative), Keith Westrich (Director of Career & College Readiness at Massachusetts DESE), and Brian Lawn (president of ASCA). Their focus will be on: (1) how to ensure that all Massachusetts students have access to career- and college-information, and (2) school counselor involvement in the Race to the Top initiative.

In addition to the speakers and conversations around the career- and collegeinitiatives, participants will meet with their state representative and senator in order to educate them about what school counselors do and why we make a difference.

We need a large turnout of school counselors and their supporters to show policy makers how vitally important school counselors are. We encourage participants to bring data that shows how their school counseling program makes a positive impact on student performance, well-being, and achievement.

Registration forms must be completed and returned by March 1 to Casey Harvell at M+R Strategic Services: charvell@ mrss.com. Registration information is also available at www.masca.org. For more information about the program, contact Bob Bardwell, MASCA’s Advocacy Committee Chair, at 413-267-4589 x1107 or bardwellr@monsonschools.com.

Registration form can be found on page 12. ■

MASCA Spring Conference and 50th Birthday Celebration Crowne Plaza Boston North Shore, Danvers April 10 -12, 2011 Keynote Speakers Sunday, Norman C. Gysbers, Ph.D. Monday, Lt. Gov. Timothy P. Murray Tuesday, Keith Westrich, DESE Registration form can be found on page 14.

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COUNSELOR’S NOTEBOOK

2010 – 2011 MASCA OFFICERS

MASCA

PRESIDENT CAROLYN RICHARDS Somerville High School 81 Highland Avenue, Somerville, MA 02143 Tel. 617-625-6600 x 6120 • Fax 617-628-8413 E-mail: cspangev@comcast.net PRESIDENT-ELECT MICHELLE BURKE 100 Sohier Road Beverly, MA 01915-2654 E-mail: mburke@beverlyschools.org PAST PRESIDENT CHRISTINE A. EVANS Randolph High School 70 Memorial Parkway, Randolph, MA 02368 Tel. 781-961-6220 x 545 • Fax 781-961-6235 E-mail: evansc@randolph.k12.ma.us VICE PRESIDENT ELEMENTARY JACQUELINE BROWN East Somerville Community School 42 Prescott Street, Somerville, MA 02143 Tel. 617-625-6600 x 6517 • Fax 617-591-7906 E-mail: jbrown@k12.somerville.ma.us VICE PRESIDENT MIDDLE / JUNIOR HIGH RICHARD WHITE Gateway Regional Middle School 12 Littleville Road, Huntington, MA 01050 E-mail: RWhite@GRSD.org VICE PRESIDENT SECONDARY JENNIFER LISK Medway High School, Medway, MA 02053 Tel. 508-533-3228 x 5107 • Fax 508-533-3246 E-mail: lisk@medway.k12.ma.us VICE PRESIDENT POSTSECONDARY JAY LEIENDECKER Vice President Enrollment Services, Dean College Tel. 508-541-1509 • Fax 508-541-8726 E-mail: jleiendecker@dean.edu VICE PRESIDENT ADMINISTRATORS RUTH CARRIGAN Whitman-Hanson Regional High School 600 Franklin Street, Whitman, MA 02382 Tel. 781-618-7434 • Fax 781-618-7098 E-mail: ruth.carrigan@whrsd.org VICE PRESIDENT COUNSELOR EDUCATORS THERESA A. COOGAN, Ph.D. Bridgewater State College, Bridgewater, MA 02325 Tel. 508-531-2640 E-mail: theresa.coogan@bridgew.edu VICE PRESIDENT RETIREES RALPH SENNOTT P.O. Box 1391, Westford, MA 01886 Tel. 978-692-8244 E-mail: ralphsennott@hotmail.com EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR DONNA M. BROWN Adjunct Professor, UMass Boston P.O. Box 366, 779 Center Street Bryantville, MA 02327 Tel. 781-293-2835 E-mail: dbrownmasca@gmail.com TREASURER TINA KARIDOYANES P.O. Box 1007, Monument Beach, MA 02553 Tel. 508-759-3986 E-mail: tkaridoyanes@gmail.com SECRETARY JENNIFER JUST McGUIRE Upper Cape Cod Regional Technical School 220 Sandwich Road, Bourne, MA 02532 Tel. 508-759-7711 x 247 • Fax 508-759-5455 E-mail: jmcguire@uppercapetech.org MEMBERSHIP COORDINATOR DEBORAH CLEMENCE P.O. Box 805, East Dennis, MA 02641 E-mail: Deborah_Clemence@verizon.net COUNSELOR’S NOTEBOOK EDITOR SALLY ANN CONNOLLY 19 Bayberry Road, Danvers, MA 01923 Tel. 978-774-8158 • Fax 978-750-8154 E-mail: sallyconnolly@att.net

FEBRUARY 2011

February 2011

inside 4

Leadership Begins with You

By Christine Evans THE INTERN’S TALE:

6 7 10 12 13

Transitioning to High School

By Bethany Grandfield A Supportive Team Approach

By Suzette Shilts MA MODEL MATTERS: “Got a Test for That?”

By Kathleen Scott Leadership Forum on Beacon Hill Registration Protecting Sensitive Boys from Bullying

By Ted Zeff

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MASCA Spring Conference Registration

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MASCA Awards Registration

Published by: Massachusetts School Counselors Association 10 issues per year, September through June. The yearly subscription rate is $30.00. Individual copies are $3.00.

Opinions expressed in the articles published herein represent the ideas and/or beliefs of those who write them and do not necessarily reflect the views or policies of the Massachusetts School Counselors Association, Inc. The acceptance of an advertisement for publication does not imply MASCA endorsement of the advertiser’s programs, services, or views expressed.

Questions concerning submission of articles, publication deadlines, advertising rates, etc., should be addressed to Sally Ann Connolly, Editor.

www.masca.org

©2011 by the Massachusetts School Counselors Association.

All rights reserved.

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Leadership Begins with You

By CHRISTINE EVANS MASCA Past President

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ave you heard about the incredible work being done by the MASCA Advocacy Committee? We have had a history of dedicated school counseling professionals working on various initiatives to improve the relationships between our lawmakers and school counselors.

The more our legislators understand what we do and how it impacts students, the more we will be considered and included in education reform efforts. In the last two years, the progress we have made in this area has been remarkable, and we are starting to see the results of the hard work and planning of the Advocacy Committee.

The welcome on MASCA’s homepage

CHRISTINE EVANS states that “MASCA advocates for school counselors in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts by providing leadership, collaboration and professional development.”

How exactly does MASCA do this? The

National School Counseling Week February 7-11, 2011

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MASCA Advocacy Committee leads this work. In fact, the main objective of the Advocacy Committee is to represent school counselors, ensuring that when laws and regulations affecting our work are enacted, professional school counselors have a voice in the process.

This does not come about by chance.

Rather, it is the result of dedication to the practices of reaching out to, connecting with, and building relationships with legislators. The only way to be sure legislators know what we do and why it is important to student success is for us to communicate with them. The Advocacy Committee, under the leadership of Bob Bardwell, has worked tirelessly to provide a number of avenues for this kind of communication to take place, and the results have been promising.

One avenue for sharing information is to provide a document that is comprehensive and easy to access. The creation of the MASCA Vision Booklet, Investing in the Potential of All Massachusetts Students, was an important step in getting the message out about school counselors, the work we do, and how it makes a difference for our students. If you have not seen this document, I urge you to download it from the MASCA website.

Although the MASCA Advocacy Committee leads our work in communicating with legislators, it is essential and much more effective when we support the effort by getting personally involved. You can do this by making plans to join us on March 16 at the annual Leadership Forum on Beacon Hill. ASCA President Elect Brian Law will join us, and the Governor will also be invited to speak. This event is a perfect example of how MASCA provides leadership, collaboration, and professional development.

As professional school counselors, we are leaders in our schools. Attending the Leadership Forum is one way to grow in your capacity as a leader; it provides you the opportunity to stand up and speak out for the needs of your students in a way that can make a difference. I hope to see you there. ■ COUNSELOR’S NOTEBOOK

FEBRUARY 2011

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THE INTERN’S TALE: Transitioning to High School

By BETHANY GRANDFIELD Master’s Student in School Counseling, Bridgewater State University

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ransitioning from middle school into high school can be a challenge. For many students it can be a frightening experience, especially if the student comes from a small, intimate setting and enters a public school for the first time. Because my caseload as an intern consisted of all freshman students, this was an area of

interest to me.

I started the year off by meeting with my students and introducing myself. I made sure to ask how they liked it at our high school compared to their previous schooling. Some of my students were new to a formal school setting altogether because they had received previous edu-

cational services at home. Everything was brand new to them.

This was the first year for a program at my high school called “Survivor: The Bengal Challenge.” This summer jumpstart program sought to help students get acclimated to their new surroundings before the school year began. The program ran for four weekly sessions and included themed activities that related to the popular television show, “Survivor.”

The activities were both fun and educational, and they consisted of scavenger hunts, games, and physical education activities carried out by separate “tribes.”

To cover a math aspect, the students had to solve a puzzle resulting in a locker

Students entering ninth grade benefit from a formal transitioning program.

combination that would lead them to another clue. Along with learning general rules and regulations, the students also learned from motivational speakers. They even took a trolley tour of the local area.

The goal of Survivor was to make the incoming freshman class feel more comfortable about coming to the high school and to give them an opportunity to meet new people and make friends. Once the school year began, hopefully they would see a friendly face and their anxiety level would be reduced significantly.

The program was evaluated with some of the participating students, and very positive feedback was received. The administration hopes to conduct a similar experience in the future, with some minor tweaks such as making attendance mandatory as part of an orientation. Overall, the program helped students make a successful transition into a new environment.

As a future school counselor, I am inspired by this idea, and I think it would be a helpful program to use at any high school where I might work. I know that I would have benefitted greatly from such a program when I entered high school. ■

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COUNSELOR’S NOTEBOOK

THE INTERN’S TALE: A Supportive Team Approach

By SUZETTE SHILTS Master’s Student in School Counseling, Bridgewater State University

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ne thing that stands out for me the most when I look back on my internship is what an important role school counselors play in supporting one another.

For most of the day, school counselors solve people’s problems as well as listen to and lend support to others. The school in which I am interning does a remarkable job at this.

After spending some weeks observing their interactions, I gather that the strong support the school counselors offer to each other is largely responsible for this.

Whenever a counselor has an interaction with a parent, teacher, or student that they are struggling with in some way, the counselors will pop into another counselor’s office and discuss the situation. They always make time for each other. “Sharing the load” seems to make the job a lot less draining.

As a result of discussing matters of concern, it is much easier to go home without carrying everyone else’s problems that occurred throughout the day.

It is more of a team approach. I can see the potential to become burned out as a school counselor if it were not for these supports.

With consultation being such an important part of a school counselor’s role, it is also helpful to work with people who are approachable. I have noticed that any time a counselor is looking for reassurance that they are headed in the right direction with something or have interpreted a situation correctly, they will consult.

• Pay attention to what is working well in your school.

• Look for factors that would support your success in the field. Knowing what works well will help guide you when you are ready to get a job.

• During the interview process for a job, you may want to ask questions about the school’s and the guidance department’s

consulting procedure. You may also want to ask if the school counselors have a team approach or do they work on a more individual basis.

• And, finally, if I could sum it all up and leave you with one global suggestion: Try to capitalize on all areas and opportunities for learning throughout your intern experience. ■

Sharing lessons learned Based on what I have found so far to be helpful and effective in my internship experience, I would like to offer some suggestions to my fellow school counseling interns: • Take the opportunity to observe closely in order to learn from other counselors’ experiences.

• Jump in and ask for feedback on counseling sessions or situations you need clarification on.

• Be vigilant about how you can best use your time in order to maximize your learning experience.

• The other school counselors are there to lend support; be sure to use them as a resource whenever possible.

FEBRUARY 2011

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ED’S VIEWS

By ED BRYANT MASCA Life Trustee

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n 2011 we celebrate MASCA’s 50th birthday. ’Tis the year of light. ’Tis the year of giving. ’Tis the year of thanks.

All counselors have a special role; high school counselors, however, have an increasing variety. Do you warn your counselees that college can be unsafe? Students need to be careful of personal and property security. Also, have you seen the latest “dope list” of the “druggiest” schools

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in the nation? Note the local schools listed on “The College Prowler” website.

Colleen, our autistic granddaughter, experienced bullying throughout her public school years. Last month she presented her senior paper before three Clark University professors. Her honor’s thesis was “Sticks and Stones: Bullying Images on Television Media Targeted at the Middle School Students.” Her paper included

such topics as psychological effects, social and group connections, and violence effects. Colleen received an “A” for her report, and she graduates from Clark this spring.

I leave you with this thought, a proverb from the Dakota Indians: “We will be forever known by the tracks we leave.”

My best to you during 2011, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MASCA. ■

Happy 50th Birthday, MASCA!

2011

50

YEARS

1961

2011

YEARS

Join us for the exciting celebration at the MASCA Spring Conference, April 10-12, 2011.

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Keynoters • Exhibits • Hospitality • Counselor Tributes

Art Athletic Training Biology Business Management Chemistry Communication Computer Information Systems Compute Science Criminal Justice Economics Education English Environmental Science Ethnic and Gender Studies General Science History Liberal Studies Mathematics Movement Science Music Nursing Political Science Psychology Regional Planning Social Work Sociology Spanish Theatre Arts

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Private quality. Public value.

Discover more by visiting us online at wsc.ma.edu.

Westfield State Office of Admission Post Office Box 1630 · Westfield, MA 01086 (413) 572-5218 · wsc.ma.edu COUNSELOR’S NOTEBOOK

Lt. Gov. Murray to attend MASCA Conference

Guidance Administrators Forum 22nd Annual Conference for Guidance Counselors and Administrators Wednesday, March 9, 2011 • Regis College “Collaborative Problem Solving: Thinking Outside the Box” Keynote Speaker: Ross W. Greene, Ph.D. Associate Professor in the Department of Psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and originator of the Collaborative Problem Solving approach

LT. GOVERNOR MURRAY

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ieutenant Governor Timothy Murray will be the featured keynote speaker at the 50th Anniversary Celebration Luncheon to be held on April 11 during the MASCA Spring Conference.

As Lt. Governor, Tim works closely with Governor Patrick on important issues facing our Commonwealth. In addition, he chairs six councils: Governor’s Council, Seaport Advisory Council, Governor’s Advisory Council on Veterans Services, Interagency Council on Substance Abuse and Prevention, Interagency Council on Domestic Violence and Sexual Abuse, and Interagency Council on Homelessness & Housing.

Tim also serves as liaison to cities and towns and works on transportation issues, particularly the improvement and expansion of commuter rail, disaster recovery policy, and brownfields redevelopment.

He is also a member of the National Lieutenant Governors Association and the Aerospace States Association.

Prior to his election as Lt. Governor, Tim was elected to the Worcester City Council, and he served three terms as mayor of Worcester. As mayor, he chaired the Worcester School Committee and helped to build community partnerships to lower drop-out rates, launch schoolbased health initiatives, and expand afterschool programs to support working families.

A native of Worcester, Tim earned his bachelor’s degree at Fordham University.

He then put himself through law school attending classes at night while working days as a substitute teacher and an advocate for homeless families. He earned his law degree from the Western New England College School of Law in Springfield and became a partner in the Worcester firm of Tattan, Leonard and Murray. ■ FEBRUARY 2011

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MA MODEL MATTERS: “Got a Test for That?”

By KATHLEEN SCOTT Amesbury Middle School

With motivation and support, you CAN teach an “old” counselor new tricks.

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few years ago, I was faced with remaking my career in school guidance from that of a high school counselor to working in the energetic, hormonal, and enthusiastic world of the middle schooler. Although I had survived the experience with my own daughter, I would hardly consider myself expert, so I looked for a way to transfer my many years working with high school-aged students to their younger selves.

That’s when I stumbled upon the MA Model. It gave me the structure for learning a new job. It also introduced me to the world of data collection and accountability that has become ours along with the rest of educators. With that came the need for tools to measure what we do.

The MA Model also prepared me for

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the change necessary in the way we do business. Parents and colleagues have long recognized the value of our work. How often has each of us heard something like, “I could never do your job!” while knowing that we probably feel the same about the world of a classroom teacher.

Part of that world is becoming ours as well: that of quantifying our work.

I’m in my twentieth year in school counseling and began my career in human services in 1980, so I’m trying hard to break thirty years of using only anecdotal evidence to show the efficacy of my work. That old habit is hard to break, but I have made a deliberate and concerted effort to collect data every chance I get.

I think my fellow counselors are starting to cringe whenever we start a new activity or lesson because I’m guaranteed to ask

what we’re going to do for a measurement.

If you’re as fortunate as I am, you have the advantage of outside agencies bringing resources into your building. Our middle school partners with the local office of Health and Education Services to provide supervised training opportunities for second-year master’s level interns.

The interns prepare pre- and post-tests to measure the impact of their work with the various psycho-educational groups they run in our building.

In addition, for the past two years our sixth-grade girls have participated in a wonderful program on Media Literacy sponsored by the Girls Inc. of the Seacoast Area. The program is taught by educational coordinator, Amanda Hancock-Dionne. She has begun to gather data on the learning our girls have gained on how media manipulates the purchasing power and self-image of our young women. I hear the girls using what they’ve learned, and I have the data to support the program’s effect and the value of its continuance.

We also benefit from the energy and enthusiasm of school counseling interns, who bring their MA Model training with them. They are not shocked when I ask them if they can demonstrate the effectiveness of their current lesson / group / activity. Whether it be to teach social skills or anxiety-reducing techniques or to support the bystander population in doing the right thing when they see a peer being bullied, they understand that a pretest and post-test can show growth/learning from our time with the students.

The notion of collecting data is one that I’ve had to force myself to think about. It doesn’t come automatically for me. I am fortunate to be surrounded by younger colleagues for whom it has been a norm and by supportive administrators who know the quality of our performance.

In our school, we do good work and have the numbers to show it. ■ COUNSELOR’S NOTEBOOK

Mass.Gov

Department of Elementary and Secondary Education Guidance for Coaches, Athletic Directors and Parents regarding the New Law Regarding Sports-Related Head Injury and Concussions: An Act Relative to Safety Regulations for School Athletic Programs Updated October 22, 2010

schools that are subject to MIAA rules.

These schools are required to participate in an interscholastic athletic head injury safety training program. However, because sports related head injuries and concussions can have such serious consequences for students, including long term health and educational issues if they are not properly managed, the Department strongly encourages all schools whose students engage in extracurricular athletic activities to include these trainings as part of their athletic programs. ■

“

While the majority of concussions are self-limited injuries, catastrophic results can occur and we do not yet know the long-term effect of multiple concussions.”

— Jeffrey Kutcher, MD, MPH, Sports Neurology Section Chair, American Academy of Neurology

This Updated Guidance is being offered in advance of regulations to protect the safety and wellbeing of young athletes in Massachusetts. The law became effective July 19, 2010. Proposed regulations will be available for public comment by the middle of the school year. In the interim, this Guidance is intended to assist schools and individuals to comply with their obligations under the new law.

What does the law do?

This law requires that public schools and, in addition, any other schools subject to the Massachusetts Interscholastic Athletic Association (MIAA) rules make sure that student athletes and their parents, coaches, athletic directors, school nurses and physicians and others learn about the consequences of head injuries and concussions through training programs and written materials. The law requires that athletes and their parents inform their coaches about prior head injuries at the beginning of the season. If a student athlete becomes unconscious or suffers a known or suspected concussion during a game or practice, the law mandates removing the student from play or practice, and requires written certification from a licensed medical professional for “return to play”.

The law also prohibits coaches, trainers and others from encouraging or permitting a student athlete to use sports equipment as a weapon or to engage in sports techniques that unreasonably endanger the health and safety of him / herself or other players, such as helmet to helmet hits.

What schools are covered by this new law?

The law applies to all public middle and high schools. It also applies to other FEBRUARY 2011

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2011 Leadership Forum for Massachusetts School Counselors Beacon Hill • Wednesday, March 16, 2011 10:00 a.m. – 3:00 p.m.

REGISTRATION FORM Complete and return by March 1, 2011 to: Casey Harvell M&R Strategic Services Fax to 617-507-2683 or send to charvell@mrss.com Name: ____________________________________________________________________________________________ Title: _____________________________________________________________________________________________ School /College / Organization:________________________________________________________________________ Business Address: __________________________________________________________________________________ City/ State / Zip: ____________________________________________________________________________________ Phone: ______________________________________________ Fax: ________________________________________ E-mail: ___________________________________________________________________________________________

The event is free. Lunch and materials are included.

As a Leadership Day participant, you will visit the offices of your State Senator and State Representative in the Massachusetts State Legislature. We will make the appointments for you after lunch between 1:00 – 2:30 pm. Colleagues from the same Senate or House District will join you. If you have any questions about making the appointments, contact Bob Bardwell at BardwellR@monsonschools.com or Jon Westover at jonw@admissions.umass.edu.

Tell Us About You Work

Home Residence

Who is your State Senator?

Who is your State Representative?

What is your 9-digit zip code?

To find legislators’ names and contact information, go to www.wheredoivotema.com and enter your home/voting address. Click on the “Find my election information” button and this will bring you to the “My election information” page. Then click in the name next to “Senate in General Court.” Arrow back to the “My election information” page and click in the name next to “Rep in General Court.”

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COUNSELOR’S NOTEBOOK

Protecting Sensitive Boys from Bullying: A Message for Parents

By TED ZEFF, Ph.D.

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id you know that 20 percent of the population has a sensitive nervous system and the trait is equally divided between males and females? Therefore, 20 percent of all males are sensitive, or one out of every five boys has a finely tuned nervous system. A highly sensitive boy (HSB) can be easily overwhelmed by noise and crowds, fearful of new situations and shy away from aggressive interactions. He generally reacts more deeply and exhibits more emotional sensitivity than the non-sensitive boy, which unfortunately could result in being bullied.

According to the National Association of School Psychologists, 160,000 children miss school every day in the United States for fear of being bullied; more than 50 suicides have been linked to prolonged bullying; and approximately 85 percent of school shootings have revenge against bullies as a major motive. School-related bullying has led to depression and poor school performance in many children.

Although research has shown that infant boys are more emotionally reactive than infant girls, by the time boys reach the age of five, they have usually learned to repress every emotion except anger.

Societal values emphasize that males should be aggressive, thick-skinned, and emotionally self-controlled, which is the opposite of a sensitive boy. When boys don’t conform to the “boy code” and instead show their gentleness and emotions, they are often ostracized and humiliated.

Bullies tend to target kids who seem different from others. Since the 80 percent of non-HSBs are hardwired neurologically to behave in a different manner than the 20 percent of HSBs, many sensitive boys do not fit in with the vast majority of boys and risk being bullied.

Bullies also target kids who don’t fight back and who react deeply to teasing.

Research shows that 85 percent of HSBs avoided fighting and most sensitive boys become more emotionally upset from bullying than other boys.

How can we prevent our sensitive boys from being bullied?

Develop confidence in your son with support from Mom, Dad and other adults Unconditional love and support from parents and other adults will give your son the confidence he needs to face difFEBRUARY 2011

ficult situations. Unfortunately, when the burden is placed on one or two frequently stressed-out adults, it’s difficult to give the unconditional love and support a sensitive boy needs. Studies have shown that boys who had positive, loving relationships with other adults other than parents (grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc.) reported having more positive experiences as a child than those who did not have these additional relationships. Sensitive men from India and Thailand reported experiencing happier childhoods than those from North America, which may be due to the role of the extended family and community in raising children in those cultures. So invite your extended family and friends to share their love with your son.

Some people believe that boys need stronger discipline than girls. However, your sensitive son can learn a lesson better when he is calm and receptive, so when you are disciplining your son it’s vital to talk to him in a gentle manner.

When you set limits in a calm, yet firm manner it will not lower his self-esteem.

Mothers generally spend more time with their children, so they are frequently in a position to bolster their son’s confidence. However, fathers (or uncles, grandfathers, or other male role models) need to spend special, positive time with their sons. While a father needs to teach his son how to stand up for himself, he also has to understand, protect, and encourage his sensitive son. Both the father and the son benefit when dad accepts his son’s trait of sensitivity instead of trying to mold him into a non-HSB. It’s important to model setting limits with others so that your son will learn how to set boundaries if he is humiliated for his sensitivity so he won’t get bullied.

important to let him know effective methods to handle the situation. According to the Youth Voice Project, which surveyed 11,000 teens in 25 schools, the most effective solutions to stopping bullying were accessing the support of adults and peers.

Less-effective strategies were ignoring the bullying, telling them to stop, and walking away.

Learning self-defense can give your son more confidence when confronted by bullying. You could ask the P.T.A. or the principal to arrange for a professional to come to the school to offer an anti-bullying program. If your son has tried the methods I mentioned above but the bullying does not stop (or becomes violent), contact your son’s school. Your son’s safety and sense of well-being is of prime importance, so you have every justification to bring the issue to his teacher, school counselor, and/or principal. If your son’s physical safety is in jeopardy and the school authorities won’t intervene, you could contact the police. However, it may be more prudent to remove your son from a potentially physically violent situation if the bullying escalates to that point.

If the bullying continues, there may be the possibility of your child attending a progressive private school (i.e. Montessori, Waldorf, Steiner), that may be more conducive to your son’s emotional and educational needs than a large public school. Homeschooling is ideal for most sensitive boys since the HSB thrives in a safe, quiet, less-stimulating environment where they are free to pursue both core and creative subjects at their own pace.

To compensate for the lack of social interaction, it’s important for your son to get together with other children who are also being homeschooled, hire tutors, and enroll him in special classes.

Make school a safe place for your son Parents should regularly discuss their son’s progress with his teacher, talk to other parents, and volunteer in the classroom. If you find out that a teacher is mistreating your son, you need to immediately let the teacher and principal know that their behavior is unacceptable. If the teacher is not receptive to changing his or her behavior, you should not let your son remain in the classroom.

If your son gets bullied in school it’s

Help your son obtain peer support through new friendships Most boys prefer to socialize in large groups, yet our sensitive boys usually prefer to interact with only one friend or play by themselves. Since they shy away from aggressive, combative interactions, HSBs may have difficulties making friends with other boys. It may be better for your son to have just one friend rather than trying to be accepted by a (continued on page 15)

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Building 21 st Century Academic and Employability Skills

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COUNSELOR’S NOTEBOOK

ZEFF (continued from page 13) group of non-HSBs. However, it could be beneficial for your son to learn how to navigate through the majority non-sensitive boy culture as long as the friends involved remain respectful. Take some time to discuss friendship with your son and emphasize how important it is to be with friends who respect him. It’s important for your son to create a balance between spending time alone and with friends or he may not learn successful interpersonal skills.

Help your son become physically fit When a boy becomes involved in sports, he feels accepted by his peers, which increases his self-esteem. Most boys are involved in some team sports but research indicates that 85 percent of sensitive boys did not participate in team sports and most preferred to participate in individual exercise. Since HSBs do not perform well under group pressure and may be deeply hurt by the cruel culture of malicious “boy teasing” while playing sports with other boys, they generally avoid such interactions.

Regardless of athletic ability, it’s impor-

FEBRUARY 2011

tant for your son to participate in physical exercise since it will help him become healthier, stronger, and more confident. When an HSB has someone to teach and encourage him how to play various games, he could thrive, even in the insensitive world of male sports. However, before your son joins a team, you should talk with the coach and possibly other parents to make sure that the players are treated with respect and are not overly competitive. The key is to find athletic activities that your son authentically enjoys.

As previously mentioned, learning some form of self-defense can really empower a sensitive boy, helping him feel safe and better able to fend off bullies if needed. It’s important to let the instructor know that your son needs support from the trainer. The sensitive boy who masters some form of self-defense becomes less fearful, more confident and frequently more sociable.

Increase your son’s self-esteem Research has shown that the more dissatisfied a boy is with his body, the poorer his self-esteem. Therefore, a sensitive boy who reacts more deeply to teasing about his physical appearance

than a non-HSB is at risk for developing low self-esteem. Though the media can be a strong influence on your son, as an adult in his life you are the stronger influence and have the power to let him know that his body is perfect exactly as it is. Discuss how the media is perpetuating myths about what a male body should look like.

An important aspect of a positive body image is good health. Stress affects health, and since your son may be more vulnerable to stress than the non-HSB, it’s important to help him maintain a preventative health-maintenance program by making sure he eats a healthy diet, takes supplements, gets enough sleep, and gets regular exercise.

Finally, while your son’s self-esteem may be diminished by his not fitting in with nonsensitive children, he will feel worthwhile as he receives nourishment from his spiritual pursuits. Since most HSBs have a proclivity toward spirituality, you can increase his self-esteem by encouraging your son to learn meditation, prayer, spend time in nature, or read spiritual books about the great sensitive and compassionate spiritual heroes like Christ, Moses and other saints and sages. ■

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MASCA AWARDS 2010-2011 T he MASCA Awards and Publicity Committee encourages you to nominate a deserving colleague for a MASCA Award.

Complete the nomination form and send it to Carrie Kulick-Clark, Chair. The committee will then contact your nominee to submit a nomination packet, which should contain two letters of recommendation and one additional piece of supporting information.

All nomination forms must be submitted by March 1, 2011.

MASCA Counselor of the Year

MASCA Torch Award, Rising Star

A current MASCA member and a licensed counselor serving during the current school year in an elementary, secondary, or postsecondary school or in a local or regional school system and who has made outstanding contributions to his/her school.

The recipient will have excellent rapport with pupils, parents, and school personnel and is a highly respected counselor of students.

An individual who has entered the school counseling profession within the last five years. The award winner is a model for new counselors, demonstrating the highest standards of professional competence, outstanding contributions to the school community and/or profession, and excellent rapport with students, parents, and school personnel.

MASCA Administrator of the Year

A counselor who is retiring in the current year or has retired within the last five years. This counselor has served as a model for new counselors, demonstrated the highest standards of professional competence and excellent rapport with students, parents, and school personnel, and has made outstanding contributions to the school community and/or profession.

An administrator who has made an outstanding and significant contribution to the guidance and counseling movement, developed and/or implemented an innovative program, or initiated improvements of school counseling services in his/her area of responsibility.

MASCA Torch Award, Retiring Counselor

MASCA Leadership Award

The George Thompson Memorial Scholarship Award

A current MASCA member and licensed counselor serving during the current school year in an elementary, secondary, or postsecondary school or in a local or regional school system and who demonstrates able leadership in the counseling profession at the local, state, or national level.

A $1,000 scholarship award named in honor of George Thompson, a longtime friend and contributor to MASCA. This award winner is a school counseling graduate student who demonstrates exceptional promise for leadership and contribution to our profession. Nominations from Counselor Educators are encouraged.

MASCA Awards Nomination Form 2010-2011 Nominator Name: ______________________________________________________________________________________________ School/Organization: ____________________________________________________________________________________________ Mailing Address: _______________________________________________________________________________________________ City, State, ZIP: _________________________________________________________________________________________________ Phone: ____________________________________________ E-mail: _____________________________________________________ Nominee: ______________________________________________________________________________________________________ School/Organization: ____________________________________________________________________________________________ Mailing Address: _______________________________________________________________________________________________ City, State, ZIP: _________________________________________________________________________________________________ Phone: ____________________________________________ E-mail: _____________________________________________________ MASCA Award: ________________________________________________________________________________________________ Brief statement about why your nominee deserves to be selected for this MASCA award: ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ Submit nominations to Carrie Kulick-Clark, Awards and Publicity Committee Chair.

Nominations can be e-mailed to ckulickclark@gmail.com, faxed to 781-848-7799, or mailed to Carrie Kulick-Clark, 101 Black Brook Road, So. Easton, MA 02375. E-mail nominations are encouraged.

Deadline for submitting nominations: March 1, 2011

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COUNSELOR’S NOTEBOOK

BROWN (continued from page 1) According to a 2007 study of cyberbullying, fewer than 10% of students report having been the victim of a cyberbully. Most bullying is the old-fashioned kind: pushing, pinching, name calling, nasty note writing, and taunting. Because of the increase in texting, social media, and all types of wireless communications, the incidence of cyber-bullying will increase, but for now, most bullying is low tech.

“

Schools are only one facet of the culture that teaches kids how one person should relate to another....

Real progress toward the elimination of bullying, violence in teen dating, and abusive behaviors in adult relationships won’t happen until kids get strong signals from all influencers that abusive behavior is not OK.” — Robert Mainer, Letter to the Editor, The Boston Globe, www.boston.com (1/1/2011).

Myth 2: The second myth explores the belief that bullies are bullies and victims are victims.

Professor Swearer contends that many school bullies are themselves victims of bullying and/or abuse at home by either older siblings or parents. She cites studies linking domestic violence to becoming a bully, becoming a victim, or both.

Myth 3: The third myth is that bullying ends when you grow up.

According to Professor Swearer, nothing could be further from the truth.

Defining bullying as “negative, mean repetitive behavior that occurs in a relationship characterized by an imbalance of power,” Swearer points to many workplace studies that show that bullying continues well after school. Almost 50% of workers reported either having been verbally, physically, or sexually abused, or witnessing a co-worker being abused.

Basically, the name changes.

Myth 4: The fourth myth is bullying is a major cause of suicide.

While Professor Swearer allows that bullying can trigger suicide, she warns that looking only at bullying is simplistic and overlooks many other contributing factors like mental illness, drug abuse, or personal loss.

Myth 5: The last myth is the most disturbing: we can end bullying.

Professor Swearer isn’t sure. She believes that some programs can change the culture of the school which in turn can reduce some bullying, but in closing, she wrote, “No program can end bullying in every community, and no program has eliminated 100 percent of bullying behaviors. However, when awareness of bullying becomes as much a part of school culture as reverence for athletics or glee club, we’ll have a shot at finally stopping it.” ■ FEBRUARY 2011

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Dean College sponsors meeting PEOPLE, PLACES, AND PROGRAMS Mary Westcott receives recognition

MARY WESTCOTT

Dean College once again sponsored a holiday meeting for school counselors on the North Shore. Shown here at the December event, which was held at the Hart House in Ipswich, are (from left): Jim Fowler (Assistant VP of Enrollment Services and Dean of Admission), Charles Brovelli, Ed Bryant, Mark Haberland, and John Marcus (VP for Enrollment Services and Marketing).

Mary Westcott, past president of MASCA and co-chair of MASCA’s 50th Birthday Celebration, was honored recently for twenty years of loyal service to Kaminski Auctioneer and Appraisal Service.

At the November 2010 opening of his new gallery, Frank Kaminski, owner of the company, said that Mary has been an integral part of his organization and has played an important role in its development and expansion.

Mary has been as committed to her post-retirement career as a senior appraiser as she was to the students she counseled at Westford Academy. She considers herself fortunate to have been involved in two quite different, but gratifying, careers.

Bullying Prevention Workshop presented by MASCA On Wednesday, December 8, 2010, Universal Technical Institute in Norwood hosted MASCA’s full-day bullying prevention workshop. Participants included twenty-nine school counselors from around Massachusetts and two school counselors from New York.

UTI Campus President Chuck Barresi greeted participants, who were then taken on a 45-minute tour of the campus by Tracy Kilby and Jerry Ellner. Gail Okerman, professor at Fitchburg State College, conducted the training. Attendees gave her excellent reviews and shared enthusiastic endorsement of all that they saw at UTI. ■

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COUNSELOR’S NOTEBOOK

FEBRUARY 2011

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Massachusetts School Counselors Association, Inc. COUNSELOR’S NOTEBOOK Sally Ann Connolly, Editor

PRESORTED STANDARD U.S. POSTAGE

PAID

CHANGE OF ADDRESS: ..........................................

NEWBURYPORT, MA PERMIT NO. 96

NAME

..........................................

ADDRESS

..........................................

STATE

CITY

ZIP CODE

Send this form to: Deborah Clemence P.O. Box 805 East Dennis, MA 02641

YOUR MEMBERSHIP RENEWAL DATE IS INDICATED BY YEAR AND MONTH ON YOUR ADDRESS LABEL ABOVE. To renew your membership, go to MASCA’s website, www.masca.org.

Honor Your School Counselor “Tributes” A MASCA 50th Birthday Promotion 50

YEARS

1961

2011

MASCA Birthday Reception Monday, April 11, 2011 5:00 – 6:00 p.m.

50

2011

YEARS

1961

Did a school counselor encourage you to accomplish your goals and follow your dreams?

Did a school counselor you know make a positive difference in the lives of students?

Do you want to express your appreciation to that counselor?

Here is your chance to pay tribute.

Sign up and post your tribute at www.masca.org.

Tributes will be posted on the website, and nominees will be invited to attend the MASCA 50th Birthday Reception, where they will be honored with a Certificate of Recognition.

Submissions are welcome from all residents, school systems, MASCA affiliates, students, past graduates, families, administrators, and others.

To get started, click on the 50th Birthday School Counseling Tributes link on the homepage.

Price per tribute: $50

For more information, e-mail tributes@masca.org.