March 2016

March 2016

The Grand Budapest Hotel

St. Hilda’s Board of Trustees

Broadleaf Theater

An executive member gives the low-down on a conversat week to remember.

If you didn’t know what the St. Hildas Board of Trustees did before -Now you do.

Students make a difference with environmentally conscious acting.

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Content

March 2016

Features A Letter from the Editors p. 2 Alumni Christian Medeiros p.3 Chez Rau-Di Aditya Rau p.4

Conversat 2016

by:

Michael Johnston

Transforming Trinity College into the Grand Budapest Hotel.

Seeley Hall Parties Sydney Bradshaw p. 5

Pg. 12-13

Winter Tips Jullianne DeGara p.7

St. Hilda’s Board of Trustees

Stay Salty Rachel Chen p.8 ODIFAQ Ondiek Odour p. 9

by: Jenn

The Chair of the St. Hildas Board of Trustees weighs on St. Hilda’s College, community, and service.

Pg. 22

Quiz: What Facebook sticker are you?

Marissa Martins p. 10 Getting your foot in the door Avneet Sharma p.16 Conversat Fashion Rhianon Langford p. 18

Hood

Broadleaf Theatre by:

Danielle Pal

Meet the students who combine environmental activism and theater.

Mouldy Klam Damian Klambauer p. 20

Pg. 14-15

Crying at Trinity Reut Cohen p. 21 Horoscopes Rachel Copp Clark p. 23 Things to Do Around Town Simone Garcia p. 24

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Salterrae • March 2016

Masthead

Editor-in-Chief Madeline Torrie

Director of Communications

Senior Copy Editor Simone Garcia

Senior Design Editor

Claire Shenstone-Harris

Salterrae Executive Copy Editors

Arjun Gandhi

Senior Photographer Nathan Chan Treasurer Rhiannon Langford

Salterrae Contributors Columnists Sydney Bradshaw

Junior Copy Editors Amy Blandford Mira Pijselman

Rachel Copp Clark Julianne de Gara Simone Garcia Damian Klambauer Marissa Martins Ondiek Oduor Aditya Rau

Design Editors

Staff Writers

Sarah Barlow Millman Nikita Gupta Danielle Pal

Amanda La Mantia Terra Morel Adriana Workewych

Junior Design Editor

Writers

Christian Medeiros Danielle Pal Avneet Sharma Rhiannon Langford Jenn Hood Reut Cohen

Photographers and Illustrators Sydney Bradshaw Nathan Chan Ester Dubali Amanda La Mantia Mirka Loiselle Marissa Martins Alexandra Portorero Claire Shenstone-Harris Cover Photo Sydney Bradshaw

Rachel Chen Michael Johnston Emma Smith

Jenny Qian

Letter From The Editors Our dearest, saltiest trinitrons, Perhaps your first five weeks back at school have been somewhat like ours: drinking to forget last week’s pub night, only to drink to forget this week’s pub night, only to wake up and realize that Conversat is over, and you have LSATs to write, and jobs to apply to, and socks to correctly match. This is an opportune time to note the irony that each event featured in the Salterrae, whether it be Frosh Week, Saints, or Conversat, is titled “a night to remember” on our masthead, when we all know that they are better kept nights forgotten. Regardless of whether you spent your reading week teaching the children of the Dominican how to play fruit ninja, or reconnecting with your less intelligent highschool friends, we are sure that you will be returning to the college ready to cozy up with a copy of the Salterrae and sadistically highlight all of our grammatical errors.

Now that the fun over and elections season, or more importantly, Lent is upon us, we would like to remind the college of a couple things. 1. For Lent we recommend that instead of giving something up, you just give up. It doesn’t matter what it is, but it probably is too late now to say sorry. 2. If you think it is a good idea airing your grievances online, just don’t. Instead stand on a table in Strachan and rap them. People are more likely to listen to rappers, just ask Kanye. 3. If you think airing your grievances at all is a good idea, we recommend that you check the cleaning instructions. Grievances are dry clean only.

4. The CRO is taking applications for people to be sacrificed at the alter of “Social Trin.” For this great honour make sure you send in a position paper which includes the specifics of your blood type. 5. If you are reading this letter from the editor, thank you. It means twenty minutes of my life was only half wasted. As always: write and submit to us at salterrae@trinlife.com.

Forever salting your wounds, Madeline Torrie, Simone Garcia & Claire Shenstone-Harris

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Christian Medeiros • Alumni Column Job Title: Trinity College Bursar Department: Bursar’s Office Date Posted: Jan 19, 2016 Applications Accepted by the Trinity College Provost Mayo Moran at: mayo_moran_princessa@hotmail.com

After years of dedicated service to the college as the Bursar and as an alumnus, Geoff Seaborne has decided to retire. We are seeking a recent or upcoming Trinity College graduate to take over our college’s finances. While you may not think the expensive piece of paper you have been working towards is all that valuable in today’s job market, (it certainly will not compare to Geoff ’s MBA, professional experience and 16 hour work days), we do value the unique experiences and skills you have picked during your time at Trinity College.

Calling all Trinity College alumni Applications for College Bursar are now open

By Christian Medeiros, 1t5

Qualifications: A summer internship with Goldman Sachs would be helpful. Since Trinity clubs are less creditworthy than subprime mortgages, we need someone experienced with bail-outs No luck with Goldman? a janitorial part time job at Lehman brothers is also welcome, as you will have experience performing every job imaginable on a sinking ship.

We are looking for someone more down-to-earth than the Bay Street type, you will need to go out behind Henderson Tower and chop wood twice a day As the college regularly undergoes complex renovations, familiarity with construction/ contracting work would be helpful. Hint: constructing a tower the size of welch made out of half foot cylindrical cans and dollar-store electrical tape while severely intoxicated will more than suffice.

As a public institution we like to save taxpayer money (cough). Therefore, in addition to all our finances and accounting, you will also be responsible for: ad hoc maintenance, bee-keeping, governance, botany, alumni relations, as well as most other jobs at this College (No, you will not be paid accordingly).

While prior membership in Episkopon is no longer seen favourably, the ability to cleverly criticize your peers in the University bureaucracy from behind a veil of authority is a useful political tool.

Like the incumbent Bursar, prior leadership in KA is an asset; Since a good deal of the college’s funds come from venue rentals, we value your past experience in renting a mediocre space to diverse groups for exorbitant fees. We hope you can attract the Korean Students Association, Corporatist Art Cults and 69 years of Hawaiian fun to the college.

Conversat or Saints Executive experience is a must. The ability to host a party in the College’s dining hall, convince people to dress up and charge them far more that the event actually costs is a financial slight of hand rivaled by only by Bay Street’s best traders.

We need strong negotiating skills to limit contractual expenses; years spent irrationally complaining about Strachan food has taught you a useful tactic for renewing agreements with our service providers.

The dramatic talents to mock student politicians at the water cooler would be a bonus.

Here are some long term projects that the past Bursar was not able to complete. We hope you will take on these projects, and come to the interview with ideas on how to implement them.

Provincial and tuition funds from the University cannot always be relied upon, we decided to securitize these flows as bonds so we can receive the upfront cash. Experience pitching your club to the finance committee would be helpful here, as we need people with experience selling misguided, but self enriching financial vehicles.

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Since turning the tennis courts into the Goldring center’s parking lot was such a financial success, we are looking into turning every nook and cranny of college space into cash flow generating assets, some ideas include: renting the steam tunnels to CERN as a particle accelerator, using the broom closet near Melinda seaman into a “pop-up”, turning every last inch of green space into agriculture in order to compete with the Hart House Farm, converting the Buttery’s solar panel roof into a regulated utility company, renting out all unused dorm rooms (especially during holidays) on AirBnB, and creating a Trinity ridesharing app to monetize the commuter students refusal to live on res.

Rotman students are undervalued and underserviced by the college; that is why we are proposing TrinOne HedgeFund. The best and brightest business students each year will make up our college’s own proprietary trading team!

In exchange for “job experience, we will let them trade their already ridiculous tuition fees for college profit”.

Successful candidates will be asked to an interview at the college, and to present two essays. One is a creative pieced based on a picture included in this month’s Salterrae, the other is a piece about your extensive resumé.

(Please do not ask for help on the creative piece: the bubble signifies what you will remain in if you take this job, the goats climbed the tree, the Umbrella’s are a public art installation and the painting is real, it is hanging in Seeley Hall.)

Chez Rau Di Salterrae •March 2016

The people’s choice food awards go to...

By Aditya Rau Illustrator: Alexander Portoraro Consider the following. On average, we eat three times a day. 21 times a week. 630 times a month.

7560 times a year. That’s not counting snacks or late-night bites (ahem, Hayden!). We eat a lot.

So much so that the illustrious editorial board of this esteemed publication has seen fit to appoint a food columnist whose ramblings somehow make it into print. But enough about me. Food is an experience, best appreciated in the company of good friends. Friends who bring to the table their own culinary experiences and insights. It’s the “This dish reminds of…” or the “My mouth is watering” or the “This is the best thing I’ve ever eaten” that linger long after dishes have been licked clean. We eat a lot. And we talk about what we eat, a lot. And so, I present to you the marriage of these ideas - the best things Trinity students have ever eaten.

“The best thing I’ve ever eaten? Fried bake and cheese. Bake is like a fried bread from Trinidad.

My grandma makes it. Hot, fresh fried bread with a slice of cheese placed inside to melt? The only thing more delicious is when you eat a second one with butter and jam.”

- Alexandra Sundarsingh, 1T5 “I was living in Hiroshima when okonomiyaki changed my life forever. Literally ‘grill what you want,’ okonomiyaki is a sort of savory pancake made from fried soba or udon noodles, cabbage, green onion, egg, and flour, topped off with bonito flakes, Otafuku sauce, and anything else you want—hence, ‘grill what you want.’ Newcomers tend to stick with more conventional toppings, like shrimp or beansprouts, while more daring palates might go for natto (fermented soy beans) or octopus. Okonomiyaki’s regional variant from Kansai tends to receive more recognition across Japan, as well as here in Toronto, but Hiroshima-style will always be the definitive and most delicious variant

to me. I can’t hope to do the dish justice in writing, so if Japan is too far away, I suggest checking out Hiroshima-style okonomiyaki here in Toronto at Teppan Kenta (24 Wellesley St W). For the best experience, sit at the bar and watch the chef cook the dish on a teppan in front of you!

- Brett Hyska, 1T6 I was at a highway diner in middle-of-nowhere Pennsylvania. A friend and I had decided to share dessert, so we ordered a cookie. But not just any cookie. Imagine a small frying pan. Now, imagine a generous portion of succulent cookie dough at the bottom of the pan, sizzling away so that it’s hot and baked and gooey all at the same time.

Then, add a dollop of creamy vanilla ice cream.

Top it off with a warm, rich chocolate sauce.

That, my friends, is the closest you’ll come to culinary heaven (and type 2 diabetes) on this side of the Atlantic. 10/10 would recommend.

- Sonia Liang, 1T6 I’m not sure if I’m at the point in my life where I can decide on the best food I’ve ever eaten.

I’m tempted to choose an incredible sushi experience in Tokyo or the modern Italian dinner I had overlooking Rome. Yet as the snow falls, I’m most strongly pulled towards my favourite local Singaporean dish: the sliced fish bee hoon at my beloved Maxwell Hawker Center. It’s a hefty portion of Cantonese fish soup filled with fish slices, bee hoon (rice noodles), vegetables and fried shallots, topped off with sesame oil. It’s unbelievably good - milky without being too rich, the fried shallots adding great textural bite and the fish slices tender to a fault. Most of all, it’s one of the best things I’ve ever eaten because despite its humble and wallet-friendly origins (it’s only S$4!), I could never think of recreating it at home.

- Nicole Morin, 1T7 It was a chilly Winter’s day in the heart of the Big Apple - New York City just as I pictured it, Stevie Wonder calling out to me as I strolled up

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18th street, leaving Union Square in my wake.

My family and I came upon a restaurant called “ABC Kitchen” and decided to give it a try. We sat down in the beautifully decorated restaurant which made the meal that would follow all the more appetizing. I ordered the Wood Oven Roasted Maine Lobster - drawn butter included, but of course. It came to me steaming, with its shell slightly blackened, meat soaking in what could have only been extra drawn butter. The meat itself could only be described as utterly succulent. The lobster was large and the experience felt like it lasted a lifetime. But when it was over, it felt like it had hardly even happened at all. I got lost in it, I suppose. That, my compatriots, was the best meal I’ve ever had. Oh, and my parents paid for it... So that made it even tastier.

- Lorne Levy, 1T8 The best thing I have ever eaten must be the “french toast mango cheesecake” from Patois on Dundas West! I am not a huge fan of french toast, mango or cheesecake but this place changed my mind threefold. Something about the decadence of the cheesecake mixed with the sweet fragrance of mango really did it for me and always keeps me coming back for more. Follow my food adventures on Twitter: @ataleoftwofoodies - Courtenay Field, 1T7 Food is an endless journey and everyone has their favourites. There are two instances of my “favourites” when it comes to food. Ever since I was a little boy, I would always enjoy the smell of my Mom’s shortbread or chocolate chip cookies being made in the oven. Every Christmas, my family is spoilt with the scrumptious taste of these decadent pastries. Whilst my Mom’s cookies are second to none, when I went to Prague a couple summers ago I had the best Frutti Di Mare at a restaurant called Kogo. The exquisite taste of the fish, coupled with the light seafood sauce, made the meal extremely delicious.

- Lukas Weese, 1T8

Sydney Bradshaw • Sweaty In Seeley

Sweaty in Seeley

Part II of the “Trinity Event Timeline” Series BY: Sydney Bradshaw

Hey, its me again. That girl who distractedly wrote an article last semester and mixed up Bill Murray with Tom Hanks in Groundhog Day. This would probably be more forgivable if I wasn’t majoring in Cinema Studies, but still - sorry not sorry. I was watching Castaway with wine at the time, okay?

Give me a break (and a free refill, Conversat emptied my pockets).

Anyway, since now you all know I’m a totally reliable source, I have decided to demystify the next set of events that we have had at Trin – the age of Seeley parties. These events last for roughly a month, from Fourth Year Bar for Saints

to Conversat’s equivalent. Sandwiched between these two soirees are the three highly anticipated events: Bubbly, The Athletic, and Conversat Kickoff.

So here is a timeline of every Seeley Event ever, as told through the eyes of a typical white girl who should instead be focusing on getting her degree.

A Week Before the Event – You are invited to an event organized by someone who is not a Head.

Intrigued, you investigate the link (is it another panel discussion on a vague IR-related topic?) to

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discover that it is a party taking place in Seeley the following Thursday. Your first move is to check out the sign-up times to ensure that you can skip class that day. Some things are more important than your expensive education.

Monday, 9:55 am – You take a seat in Strachan Hall and open your laptop. You hover over the sign-up link with the tenacity of a vulture, your eyes darting back and forth from the time to the link that will decide the fate of your weekend.

All around you, people are doing the same thing, trying to look nonchalant about it.

Salterrae • March 2016 Friday, 1:16 am – If you haven’t passed out somewhere, you make it back to Seeley and participate in more dancing. At this point, there is a likely chance you can’t really see or stand straight.

Suddenly, the person dancing obnoxiously on your left looks a lot more attractive than they ever have before…

Monday, 10 am – SIGN-UP IS LIVE. You click on it with a vigour you did not know you possessed, and fill in all the required boxes as quickly as possible. You click submit, praying to the Old Gods and the New that you have done the impossible. Thankfully, you have secured a place, and a grin breaks out across your sleep-deprived face. Ten seconds later, you hear the girl to your right shrieking hysterically: “OH MY GOD, guest passes are gone already?! I wanted bring my boyfriend from St. Mikes!”. Somehow, you feel that nobody else really wants him to come, including the boyfriend himself.

Monday, 10:04 am – Tickets are sold out, as evidenced by the 40 new posts on the event page.

You let out a sigh of deep relief, thankful for UofT Wi-Fi has actually come through for once.

Thursday, 11:45 am – Wristbanding begins. After lunch, you head to St. Hilda’s, grumbling about the two minute walk between buildings. Inside, you pull out your T-card and showcase your wrist, blindingly pale from your wintertime hibernation patterns (SOS I don’t remember what sun/ warmth/happiness feels like!).

Thursday, 9:45 pm – You pull out one of your six little black dresses, find a statement necklace, and search the depths of your closet for that pair of heels you wore to high table last month.

Thursday, 10:15 pm – You should have been pregaming with friends at this point, but you are only just starting on your make-up. If you are talented and also slightly insane, you are contouring your face. If you are me, you are trying to get away with looking good with little effort. You are also probably forever indebted to red lipstick.

Thursday, 10: 50 pm – The past 30 minutes were a blur. You found some kind of liquor and some kind of juice/pop and mixed it together in a solo cup. You have also likely done this three or four times by now.

Friday, 11:32 pm – You and your entourage have made the treacherous journey from one side of Trinity Proper to the other. There is a strong likelihood this journey involved falling over in a stairwell or the steam tunnels (or both – I have done it). The group of you strut into Seeley, trying to stay upright as you show the security guards you wristbanded limbs. Depending on your level of sobriety, you with go get drink tickets or you head straight to the dance floor and begin gyrating to whatever tunes the DJ is playing.

Friday, 12:03 am – Photobooth time!!! You grab whoever you can get your hands on and pull them in the direction of a camera flashing. After waiting in line impatiently, you strike poses that your sober self will never forgive you for.

Friday, 12:22 am – You are dancing, you are sweating, you are having the time of your life.

One of the best parts of this experience is looking at the hilarious hijinks of the people around you.

This is also probably the time when you start drunk texting that certain someone (or someones).

Good luck.

Friday, 12: 46 am – You and a friend leave for a ‘break’, pizza in your hands. You probably go to someone’s room and drink more strange concoctions. Maybe other things happen. I don’t judge.

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Friday, 1:53 am – If you are anything like I am, you are completely over it by this point. As soon as you hear “Don’t Stop Believin’” start to play, you make a beeline for the exit. You can handle listening to that song once a year at the most.

Depending on your relationship status and level of inebriation, your drunk texts may have paid off and you will enjoy another hour of questionable activities before passing out in an uncomfortable single bed. If you are not so successful, you will eventually find your way back to your room after a long journey through various stairwells.

Commuters, I don’t know how you do it.

Friday, 12:09 pm – You wake up, hopefully in a bed and hopefully with a decent human being beside you. You eye them – they look a lot less enticing with matted hair and morning breath.

Because you are a stunning creature, they have wrapped their arms around you in an inescapable cuddle that feels more like being clung onto by a horny koala. When they wake up, you give them a half-hearted smile and say: “So… Conversat?”

Julianne De Gara • 5 Tips on How to Survive the Winter Term

5 Tips on How to Survive the Winter Term... quality advice from someone who has never done it before By: Julianne de Gara Illustration: Amanda Le Mantia The first four months of university have passed; we passed the first round of midterms and finals, we made it to Christmas, we made it to Bubbly (at least, some of us did). Some of us had two weeks of holiday, and some of us, namely myself, have been sitting on our asses for almost an entire month. It’s been difficult. Still, no one wants to face the inevitability of the winter term-- the reality of the sun setting during your 4pm class, the reality of snow that doesn’t stick around long enough for that perfect quad shot, and the reality that it’s time to get back to work.

In order to help with these trying times, I`ve compiled the best, and only, advice I have for staying sane and healthy during winter term. However, as a first year, this will be my first winter term ever.

Why should you take my advice? I survived three middle-of-nowhere British Columbia winters, during which I developed a mild case of scurvy, almost drowned in rain, and saw the sun only once every couple of months.

And, because of the joys of private education, I survived this turmoil wearing ballet flats, knee high socks, and a pleated skirt. So if I made it out of that alive, as well as what seems like a century of Edmonton winters, I can last through whatever Toronto, (and U of T), throw at me. And, with my advice, so can you! #1: Ditch the New Year’s Resolution So we all know at least one person who has posted on social media, either ironically or unironically, claiming “New Year, New Me!” We all know that the fresh start of the new year is an illusion, and yet we always set unrealistic goals for ourselves come January 1st. The concept of new year’s resolutions, in itself, is not a bad one-- to set goals for yourself is healthy and motivating, as long as they are achievable. However, for a university student, it doesn’t really make sense to create a goal for an entire year; the structure of your life in January is going to be completely different than it is in May or October.

Instead of creating a year-long resolution-- that in all likelihood will be broken within a month-- try making goals for shorter periods of time. For example, I will have a different set of resolutions for January and February than I will during the April

exam period-- because my workload and goals will change. By doing this, you not only increase your chances of keeping the resolution, but you also account for the ways your life and goals can change within a year. #2: Treat Yo’Self Winter can make even the most cheerful, perky person feel like crawling into their bed and sleeping for several years. A simple solution to combat the winter time blues: treat yo’self. Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks can explain this far better than I can, so here’s his advice.

“I’m going to let you in on a little secret. Every day, once a day, give yourself a present. Don’t plan it.

Don’t wait for it. Just let it happen. It could be a new shirt at the men’s store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot black coffee.”

It doesn’t have to be big, or extravagant, or expensive. Just remember to be kind to yourself-- with a gift to yourself; every day. #3: Get Involved Like I said already, winter often makes us want to resign ourselves to our bedrooms and never change out of our pyjamas. While this is fine once in awhile, it can lead to feeling isolated in the long run – and this is a difficult cycle to break. As difficult as it is, these are the times when we most need to force ourselves to get out as much as possible.

Thankfully, Trinity makes this easy – at any given time. There is always an event to attend or a cause to volunteer for. So, when your friends send you invites on Facebook, don’t just check off the “interested” box so you won’t hurt their feelings-- try and get out there, even if it’s not something you’d normally be interested in. Even something as simple as going to High Table or the Lit instead of sitting around in your room can make a big difference if you feel lonely or disconnected.

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#4: Workout Yeah, yeah, I know what you’re thinking, “I knew I couldn’t make it through this list without her telling me that exercise is so good for you, blah blah blah, endorphins, blah.” So fight me if you want to-- exercise does make you feel better. Even after five minutes of moderate exercise, you will feel your mood improve; that’s a proven fact. I’m not saying you have to go run a marathon, or start doing crossfit classes (good job if you’re already doing that shit, I admire you) but consider adding a bit of exercise to your daily or weekly routine. If you’re really swamped with work, try taking short breaks and doing simple exercises, like jumping jacks or squats; it won’t take much time and it helps to refocus during a long work period. Bonus points if you do exercises in the middle of the library. If you’d rather not show off and make all the other kind patrons of the library feel bad about themselves, running up and down the stairs a few times works too. #5: Refocus Second term can seem like a long, never-ending path of essays, tests and projects (I know this only because I am finishing this article instead of studying). Amidst the stress of work and the never-ending cold, it can be easy to lose sight of our own realities. Remember to take time to recognize why you are here; be it at U of T, Toronto, or Trinity.

Finish your assignments. Be kind to yourself. Put yourself out there. Wash your sheets. (Seriously, this will almost assuredly make you feel better, no matter the situation). Before you even realize it, the year will be over, and we will have all made it through. Taking the time to refocus, and remember your goals, aspirations, and hopes for the new year is often all you need to keep pushing through-and trust me, you will.

Hopefully you’ve found these tips useful, or maybe these tips are useless to you, because you’re determined to spend the winter hidden in a mound of dirty laundry, perpetually frowning at the indignity of the season. In which case: why’d you read this, jerk?

Either way, I wish you all the best of luck in these final months of the school year, and hope that I myself will be able to survive based off of my own advice. While the winter is inevitable, the blues are not. With these tips in hand, you can keep your spirits up until the snow breaks in March! …Or April.

Salterrae • March 2016

BeComing Salty Telling Trin Students to “Stay Salty” is redundant: They will become saltier with time

By Rachel Chen Exhibit A: The Fresh Frosh The summer before first year, I was ready to study as an international relations specialist and later become a renowned Pulitzer Prize winning journalist. Extra keen before I even knew keen was a word ( they don’t use it down in the United States), I submitted a Salterrae article and applied for the Trin One program. My first year conversations went something like this...

Hi! Nice to meet you, I’m going to be an international relations specialist, what’s your major? Which res are you in? That’s so cool, I can’t wait to go to parties there, I heard it was the party floor! I’ve never actually drank underage haha… do you think it will be hard to do? What if they ID us? They have this cool seminar coming up next week, want to go with me? So many cool people come to talk at this school. Except, what exactly is an MP? I think they also have free food at some point this week, should we go? Actually, let’s just go to Strachan. No thanks, I don’t really like beer, I prefer vodka coolers. Hey

let’s change the world! I’m going to be a first year rep for everything so I can get a really good summer internship and fill my LinkedIn page. We should network with the cool upper years. I bet she’s trinfamous. Let’s go meet her.

After a year and summer of drowning in salty tears, the Trinity seed had been planted and a salty second year emerged.

Exhibit B: The Salty Second Year After a full year living in Canada and studying at one of the most prestigious colleges at one of the most well-known Canadian universities, reality began to kick in. My conversations now sound more akin to something bitter and salty like this...

So apparently Trudeau was on campus today. Did you go? Me neither, I’m doing my best to not leave the house today at all. It’s New Years, we should throw a party… I think people are getting tired of coming to our house though. What if we just go get pounded at a bar down the street? Actu-

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ally, I’m tired of getting trashed. I think I’ll shove my face in chocolate again. HAHA IR specializing? Nah bruh, I actually hate it so much. Yeah, I’m still majoring in it. I don’t know why. Maybe law school? Or I could just… I just need a degree. DID YOU SAY FREE FOOD? YAS. I haven’t done groceries in two weeks, all I have left is peanut butter. Like I literally eat it from the spoonful as a snack… breakfast… dinner… Yes, I am completely willing to wait in line for over an hour for a sketchy veggie burger. Hey, how many drinks did we have tonight? I lost count. At least I’m legal now! Let’s get the first year drunk! Of course you don’t like beer honey, you haven’t had enough alcohol so you’re just not used to it yet. The only solution is to drink more obviously. Is that a Trin kid? What are Trin people doing at this UC party?!

I am not a third year yet, so I cannot say for sure, but somehow I imagine that we only get saltier from here on out. After all, if salt – that’s you Trin students – loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It can’t. Stay salty kids!

Ondiek Oduor • ONDIFAQ

ONdiFaq

Hi Molly,

Real eyes, Realize, Real Lies, and Real Wise

By Ondiek Oduor PREFACE: I’d like to thank the amazing and effervescent Claire Shenstone-Harris for this profound and new age title. You rock, never change.™

How do I think more critically? How do I become a better astronomer like them?

Is the sun a star? Am I a star?

Harvey B. Milk

Howdy ho Goofy Goobers®, Welcome to the midseason premiere episode of my advice column. If you missed the last few episodes, make sure to pick up older issues of the Saltarrae located under the fourth leg of the rectangular table in the Junior Common Room.

Just know that I’m very important, and that my advice is always completely relatable and based on objective truths – much like John Strachan’s belief that all females must be protected by the horrible entrapments of literacy by remaining pure, barefoot, and ignorant of the status of their wombs. St. Hilda’s was most certainly a compromise for our dearest leader.

As we enter into the new epoch (winter semester) – like Hannah Horvath of HBO’s Girls – we must abandon our groovy lifestyles in favour of bankrolling our less-groovy futures. On part because our parents have finally realized that our textbooks don’t actually cost $10 a gram, but also – maybe just maybe – your ability to convince your peers that your organization’s twisted version of Foucault’s Panopticon is not a tool of social control but “empowering,” “fun,” and “quirky” will not land you in UofT Law with Tina Šaban. Not even Geoff can save you now.

Hi Mr. Bitch Milk,

Pay your bills, and find some graham crackers to munch on. Time to answer some real questions.

Dear Onpenis,

Dear Ondeep, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’m taking AST201 this semester with the illustrious Dr. Reid with a group of friends from Strachan.

Every time our network of 15 people sit in lecture together, I feel a never-ending sense of shamefulness and disappointment. It’s honestly taking over my life

I can see the lustful fire that burns in my peers’ eyes when they are asked if Pluto is located in the Milky Way Galaxy. They don’t just press the button – they engage in deep philosophical discussions about bovine milk, and its link to environmental carnage in Palestine. These discussions often lead way to debates on Justin Trudeau’s foreign policy regarding milk and his capability as a leader.

I completely get where you’re coming from. It’s incredibly difficult to not doubt yourself when you’re studying with the best of the best – the cream of the crop. That was a milk joke lol

Back to the point – I remember that I was once just like you, and it didn’t just happen in class. I would always fear the days that Strachan would serve macaroni and cheese teriyaki bowls as entrées because despite it being my favourite meal – conversations about macroeconomics would often ensue.

My advice is for you to realize that maybe you aren’t the star that your parents thought you were. Maybe you’re just a rock, just like how kidney stones are also rocks. Don’t feel too down though, because all rocks are technically space.

Space like that place where your heart used to be.

Go listen to Drops of Jupiter,

Ondi

I know you must be really, really confused. I was really felt bamboozled when I went to my first MENSA party too. Don’t fret too much though – it’s all ultimately part of the collegiate journey.

Have you ever watched Happy Feet, and felt a surge of empathy towards Mumble as his family and friends ostracized him? Did you start sobbing when the other penguins finally realized his worth and validated him as one of their own? Did you stop crying when you realized that Gloria and the other female penguins had human sized breasts?

Have you ever watched the Goofy Movie, and then think about how Arthur gets to be a person, but his dog Pal was a pet?

The only truth in this decrepit world is that everything we interact with is an illusion undergoing atrophy.

What you were looking at – it was human feces.

You were at a dumb frat party,

Ondi

Dear Obi-Wan, You seem so positive and carefree. Your spirit reminds of that one song. What is it called? Ah, “Put Your Records On” – that’s the one.

What’s your secret to happiness?

Shower me in your golden wisdom, Urina

Hi Urina,

The other night I went to a party hosted at the Kappa Kappa Kappa fraternity house and ended up drinking three alcohols. It was fun, but I ended the night very confused.

I was told very loudly that we weren’t at a fraternity house, but rather in the main headquarters of an esteemed literary society, but when I asked them their opinion on the works of Jane Eyre, and I think they told me to fuck off. I couldn’t hear exactly what they said because that one Justin Bieber song was playing really loud.

Also, when I went to use the bathroom after having a little too many alcohols to drink, I found a poo in the urinal. Was it actually poo or was it commentary on the temporal superficiality of neoliberalism?

What Do You Mean Rowlinson Molly

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My secret to happiness is to have no expectations.

Do only expectation you should keep is the expectation that everyone you love – including yourself – will let you down.

Remember that time in all our lives when we were fans of Glee? Do you remember how much effort we put into defending the show when bullies would call us names for watching it?

Then every episode of Glee beyond the first season happened. Finn died. And Puck got arrested for possessing child pornography.

Capture that feeling of disappointment and make it last forever. #NoChill2K16,

Ondi

Salterrae •March 2016

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Marissa Martins • What Facebook Sticker Are You?

What Facebook Sticker Are You?

By Marissa Martins

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Salterrae • March 2016

Trin Goes to: The Grand Budapest Hotel A tour of the biggest social week of the year By: Michael Johnson Photography: Sydney Bradshaw On February 6th, 2016, the pinnacle night of Trinity’s social calendar, a long pink carpet led students into a majestic lobby where a gilded desk attended by an all-purple concierge and his trusty lobby boy greeted the hotel’s newest guests.

The 133rd Conversazione “Grand Trinity Hotel,” based off of Wes Anderson’s 2014 film The Grand Budapest Hotel, started as the brainchild of co-Chairs Liz Gross and Allegra Wisenfeld, who are now Toronto’s newest hoteliers, way back in September of 2015. The long journey from conception to completion – an extended stay, you could say – culminated in Strachan Hall being transformed from the mundane daily foodspace into an elegant and whimsical hotel lobby straight out of the Andersonian world itself.

This transformation was no small feat: the Deco team was busy from dawn ‘till dusk, bringing flourishes of Wes Anderson’s wacky world into every event throughout the week. Lobby Boy hats were sewn, multitudes of Mendl’s boxes folded, and a Boy with Apple hung above the fire created the establishment that Trinity students – now hotel guests – were transported to for a short but busy week!

Sunday – Movie Night After a long and arduous travel to the idyllic hotel, the executive, realizing their guests would be exhausted, planned a film screening of the titular movie for a relaxing night in, setting the tone of the week: light-hearted and imaginative with just the right amount of drama. The JCR became a warm and comfortable private theatre; well-travelled luggage cases held individual popcorn boxes and drinks dotted the room, and embroidered pillows added extra comfort and luxury to the evening.

Monday – (Formal) Dance Lessons In partnership with the University of Toronto Dance Team, led by Trinity’s own Michaella Ladha and Melanie Melnyk, the guests of the Grand Trinity Hotel were educated on the latest ways to get down and groovy. Surprise instructor Madalina Maxim taught everyone to move their

hips in a spunky salsa lesson. Special appearances by the two resident Lobby Boys, Lukas Weese and Alex Smith, amped up the entertainment of the event.

Tuesday – Pink Pastry Bar The Mendl’s Bakery-inspired Pastry Bar was a delectable success. Procured by professional pastry-locator Erin Ross, guests were treated to hundreds of flavourful cupcakes, ranging from lemon chiffon to red velvet. Accompanied by mini-caramel cheesecakes and buttery croissants, the guests tried their hands at decorating their delights in the theme of the famous “Courtesan au Chocolat” pastry. The exact recipe for Herr Mendl’s delicacy remains known to only a select few, but nevertheless, guests gorged themselves on the desserts in sweet celebration of the opulence of Anderson’s film.

Wednesday – High Table and The Lit Debate The mid-week was a busy evening for the guests of the GTH. It began with an elegant wine and cheese reception in the JCR, followed by a High Table dinner in Strachan Hall, where Mendl’s boxes dotted the pink and white tables. We were joined by an honoured guest Peter Wismath who is the Chair of the Alumni Association of Trinity College and several Fellows and members of the SCR. The Lit then hosted a fiery debate, “BIRT that my prom sucked so I have to do it four more times,” of the Conversat Exec members Allegra, Andreas, Avneet and Erin where both countless quips and beer bottle caps were thrown. Selfdeprecation ran rampart and many immoral acts called into question; the Gov took it ending the evening of hot-boxing the JCR with howling laughs.

The Old Hollywood Soirée Two weeks before, a glamorous 1930s Hollywood Ask event kicked off the Conversat season. A rolling red carpet ushered guests into a golden Seeley Hall towards a large vanity like photo booth. Gold balloons dropped down like tears of a bygone era from the 40-foot ceiling filling up the large and airy space. Libations flowed and legs danced the night away under the mixing talents of some of Trinity’s infamous DJs.

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Michael Johnson • Trin Goes To: The Grand Budapest Hotel Thursday – Coffee Lounge Early afternoon. Varsity Dome. Adrenaline pumping. Sweat coursing down the small of your back. This sets the scene for the annual Conversat Bowl, where the First Year Women of College face off against the Upper Year Team in an intense football game. Unfortunately, through a tough battle the First Years lost 11-0 to the Upper Year team who celebrated well into the evening.

After some much needed post-game relaxation, it was time for an evening of vocal gymnastics. So far, guests have been enjoyed the cinematic, movement and culinary arts, and is only fitting to con tinue with the musical tradition of Coffee Lounge.

The line-up was packed with A-listers; highlights included: The Lazy Song performed by Kevin Todd, Talk is Cheap performed by Jing Wang, a Beatles medley performed by the Men of Massey and both Love Yourself by the Canadian pop star J Biebs and Landslide by Fleetwood Mac in the same act. Guests also won some hot prizes in the raffle including NBA All Star Weekend tickets (thanks to sponsorship coordinator Tom “PromTom” Robson) and giftcards to LCBO, Starbucks and iTunes.

Guests then entered into the heart of the world of Zubrowka at M. Gustave’s lavish establishment and were immediately awed by the colourful pink hues and warm textures of red and gold covering the Hall. An oversized Mendl’s-pink bar sat in the middle of the room and the Concierge desk attendents sold old-school drink tickets to guest as they made their mark signing the hotel guest book. Entertainment provided by the Metro Big Band of 20 guest musicians, and later on by Manny Mastrangelo at the turntables, created the world-class atmosphere of the renowned hotel. The most thrilling part of the evening was the *theft* of Boy with Apple from atop the fireplace right from under the Lobby Boys’ noses. Although this was completely fitting with Anderson’s fantasy tale, who knows if the real culprit will ever be found!

Sunday – Send-off Brunch Nursing that eternal hangover and weakened soul, guests concluded their stay at the Grand Trinity Hotel with a Farewell Brunch in the Buttery catered by the ever-present Chartwells Dining Service. Guests then packed their well-traveled vintage luggage cases and voyaged back to their far-off lands ending their stay-cation at the Grand Trinity Hotel.

Friday – Singles Night In/Out In conjunction with the Head’s team, those wishing to rest up for the big night ahead, both single and some domestically partnered guests, were treated with an exorbitant amount of food and good company in various common rooms throughout the College. Sarah and Narain took out those wanting to venture out of the sumptuous hotel living to the Distillery District for a delicious meal, more like exclusive sugar consumption, at Cacao where all of your glucose-inspired nightmares came true. Not Another Welch Party followed as the pre to the main event.

Saturday – The 133rd Conversazione In the late hours of the night, the deco team had worked away at transforming Strachan into the lobby setting from thematic movie, complete with a concierge desk, eclectic seating arrangements and the prized Boy with Apple back in its rightful place above the fire. Around 8pm, guests of this years graduating class filed up to Seeley Hall for the most infamous pre to a Trinity event, the Fourth Year Bar. Organized by the Fourth Year Heads of Residence and Non-Residence, large helium balloons spelled out Class (or Ass) of 1T6 and provided great props for group photos. Celebratory cake and non-Pizza-Pizza pizza was devoured along with fine wines and liquors galore.

Two hours later, anticipation broke as tStarting in the DCR, which was now haven of the Society of the Crossed Keys, coat check and fingerfoods awaited the firstcomers; up the stairs, the JCR was crowded the whole night with groups, couples and singles alike wanting photos infront of the 8’x10’ print of the iconic eponymous hotel.

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M. Gustave would not have been successful in clearing his name from a false murder charge without the unceasing aid of his trusty Lobby Boy; and the co-Chairs would not have been successful in putting on such a fantastic evening without the non-stop efforts of the entire executive, who worked so tirelessly behind-the-scenes so that the façade of grace and elegance was maintained the entire week. Congratulations and an immense thank you to all who helped in the planning and execution process of this week of whimsical events: special shout-outs to the team of Deco volunteers; to Sydney Bradshaw, Maddy Torrie and Nathan Chan for taking great photos commemorating the 133rd Conversat; to Manny and Adi for being our resident DJs; and to the Chartwells and Facilities staff for putting up with our odd and numerous requests.

To our honoured guests of the Grand Trinity Hotel: we trust that you enjoyed your thrilling hotel stay and we hope that we gave each and every one of you a “faint glimmer of civilization in this barbaric slaughterhouse that was once known as humanity.

Salterrae •March 2016

Q&A with Broadleaf Theatre:

Exploring the art of combining environmental activism with theatre By: Danielle Pal (DP) Photography: Rusaba Alam and Nathaniel Rose Being interviewed: Mirka Loiselle (ML), Outreach Coordinator; Kevin Matthew Wong (KMW), Artistic Producer

DP: Tell me a bit about Broadleaf Theatre.

KMW: Broadleaf theatre started when I had a conversation with a friend of mine (Nathaniel Rose) after class and - while we loved the work we were doing - we were concerned that the part of us that was dedicated to social issues was not a part of our theatre practice at all. Especially as an actor, it’s very difficult to be involved in productions that matter to you on an individual level. It just so happens that the U of T Drama Festival was around the corner, and since I was a part of the TCDS, I proposed the idea of Broadleaf Theatre to them. The TCDS is known to take a lot of risks with their festival submissions. This was probably a bigger risk than their previous ones, because we didn’t come to the TCDS with a script or anything - we just came with the concept of wanting to make change and wanting to speak about environmental issues. We want to make something that the festival has never seen before. Since then, we’ve had two other shows and are performing our next one at the Toronto Fringe Festival.

We kept with Broadleaf and moved it to professional theatre because we wanted to establish that we are not going anywhere; just like these issues aren’t going anywhere. What differentiates us from other theatre companies is that they want to tell an array of important narratives that are always changing. Ours are always there. If we want to take a break, the issues aren’t going to.

and told to memorize lines. Instead, we were assigned documentaries to watch, articles to read, and issues to talk about, to come up with the ideas together. And as a first year, I thought this was really exciting because I was so happy to contribute.

My scene specifically dealt with Chemical Valley in Sarnia. It was set up as a father giving a eulogy for his son who died from Leukemia after playing outside and being exposed to chemicals.

It’s based on a true story as well as the story of Icarus, so we were touching people’s inner childhood experiences. It seemed to move them. We had a lot of variety and things that were funny, but then at the end things that are serious and really hit home.

KMW: I think the prior things opened people up to trusting us with their intelligence and their emotions; we need to create a safe space for our performers and our audience members; we want them to come back time and time again.

There’s something I have been thinking about recently. Some people only see theatre, or art, on the one day of the year that their friend is in a show. I’ve been thinking that, if we have the privilege of being that one day in your year that you go out and see a production, then we owe it to you to give you a full experience. That’s always on our minds, because we’re not just asking you to be there and to see your friend, we’re asking you to engage.

DP: What are you bringing to the Toronto Fringe?

KMW: We’re bringing a revised version of the production that we brought to the U of T Drama Festival, which we won. The adjudicator said that he never thought environmental issues could be presented in theatre in such a fun, cool, and accessible way. We’re looking forward to bringing this to the greater Toronto community!

DP: Tell me about your experience preparing for and executing a Broadleaf production.

ML: The process of preparing for this production was very unique - we weren’t just handed a script

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DP: What are the goals and structure of the Broadleaf Plays?

KMW: We’re not trying to present any family kitchen table drama. The Broadleaf Plays, which was the production at the U of T Drama Festival, focused on being very succinct, direct, and showing a variety of issues, so we actually presented 13 plays that were all 3 minutes or shorter, in the span of about 50 minutes, and we had a preshow where people could roam around the theatre. The point was to make theatre a place where not only the actors, the performers, and the creative team are playing, but a place where the audience could play along with us. We’re not asking the audience to just think about the theatre - were asking them to feel something, and take something with them when they leave. So if they’re not actually engaged while they’re in their seats, the chances of them being engaged when they leave their seats are very low.

ML: Audience engagement is really important; one of the sets in the Broadleaf Plays was a dance routine/aerobics video, where we got the whole audience to get up and dance with us in ways that resembled human evolution…but its not always direct audience engagement, its having things that are funny, strange, and different, and changing it up.

Danielle Pal • Q&A with Broadleaf Theatre production - it’s also of ourselves. I had no idea that Chemical Valley existed until we started researching it for the production. The wonderful thing about the structure of the Broadleaf Plays is that it is adaptable to whatever is happening that week, or even that day. We can switch out one play for another one if something is exceptionally imminent. For example, right now there’s a lot of beached animals: squids, whales, the dam explosion in Brazil, and the list goes on. There are tons of issues happening right now. What we aim for is local issues, national issues, and global issues.

DP: Tell me a bit about your last production Abandoned City. What message did your last production with the VCDS, Abandoned City, try to portray?

KMW: We had a ballet where all the dancers were dressed up as perogies, because Stephen Harper had just prorogued government, and we thought that was absurd. Then one of our cast members asked what prorogued meant, because it sounded like perogies. And then we thought that was perfect, because the absurdity of what our government has come to mirrors the absurdity of dancing perogies.

In terms of engagement, I see it like this.

There’s 20% of people who are always on board.

They will enjoy the performance no matter what, so I don’t have to worry about them. Then there’s another 20% of people who just wont be engaged with the performance no matter what, so I don’t need to worry about them either. But there’s the 60% in the middle, and I want to strive to engage them; I think about what it would take to push them over that slippery slope into environmentalism, or what will stick in their heads just long enough to Google search when they get back home.

DP: What is the rationale behind having 3 minute productions?

KMW: Our productions are 3 minutes because our generation is so used to having short snippets of information, be it in our newsfeeds on Facebook, twitter, etc. It’s theatre for our generation considering what our generation is used to. Even within the U of T context, I can skim my readings or read just the abstract and get the gist of what is being said.

Similar to these snippets of information we’re fed, we can make these three minutes of production incredibly dense. There lies the potential to really hook the audience on to something, even if it’s just simply understanding the essence of an issue. That is enough for us.

DP: How do you choose which issues to portray?

KMW: One thing that is really important to us is portraying the immediate issues. These are issues that are happening now. These are issues that aren’t necessarily talked about all the time. Part of the transformation that goes on within Broadleaf isn’t just of the community coming to watch the

KMW: Abandoned City was a coproduction with the VCDS, and was super whimsical, with the goal of finding a different way to character people. It was completely original, with produced with live music. There was no script. It explored three different worlds, post-climate disaster. The idea was that they all came from the same city, and after this climate disaster happened, the wealthy took a blimp and went up in the air. Some people were trapped in a mine, so they burrowed deep underground and learned to live there. Some people took a boat and sailed away, and learned to live at sea. Each one of those people was also facing environmental issues within their new context.

At the end of Abandoned City, all the worlds come together, symbolically. There was only one set piece – a table – and it turns out at the end, hidden inside the table was a cutaway of the city that was there the whole time. And you would have never known. I think that’s something about the environment too, in a very subconscious, way back in your mind kind of way, there are things that are here already that we stand to lose if we don’t recognize that they are right before our eyes. And we need somebody to reveal those things to us, in the way that the cutaway was hidden right underneath our audience’s eyes in the table. There were gasps in the audience… It really touches some people.

One of our audience members wept through the entire second half of the show on our closing night.

We need you to be there with your imagination and open to emotions to really experience this production.

DP: How does theatre and environmental activism combine in your productions?

KMW: The performances are an opportunity to engage with art through activism. Especially since we had some really crude scenes, which I loved.

One of the scenes was called Monsanto Masturbation. It was three people in lab coats that looked like they were jerking off under the table, saying things like, “oh, it’s so firm” and “oh, just touch it.” At the end of the scene, it turns out it was just an orange, and they all had syringes, and they were genetically modifying it. The twist of this scene and the connotations that you have with the sexualization of things, juxtaposed with food, makes you think of the manipulation of what sex is in the way

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it’s portrayed in the media, with how genetically modified food is the same perversion of something that is wholesome.

We’re hoping some of these provocative scenes will stick with people. They may remember in two years that they saw a play with someone masturbating with an orange, and will go home and search it.

In terms of environmental activism, I think we face a similar issue with all environmental activists: it’s hard to gage where your impact is.

Half of it is convincing ourselves that we’re making a difference. That can be one of the biggest challenges.

DP: How do you maintain an environmental attitude while maintaining the quality of theatre?

What are some tactics you use that help you do this (i.e. reusing props/stage materials, etc) ML: The poster for our shows are all online, and everything else was digital as well. For the fringe show we will probably need to post some posters, but we want to try to do alternative things. We had an idea of getting a stamp with our logo on it and stamping things that people already have, like papers, with our logo, or stamping their hand.

Things like that. But this is an issue we’re aware of, because we want to balance being seen while not being hypocritical.

KMW: Sometimes our means of production can even compliment the scene. Our costume piece for Icarus were these two wings that were made of completely recycled materials. This gave the aesthetic undertones of environmentalism as well, because the wings were clearly made out of cereal boxes. We also have a bunch of our stuff stored so we can reuse it. Many of the materials we used in the Broadleaf Plays were reused in Abandoned City. A lot of our things are also found. We had a digital remount for our version of the Broadleaf Plays so there was no program – you just had online codes. They are not as popular now, so that was just another experiment for us. For our upcoming fringe show, we may have programs in house, but we will definitely have digital programs to download beforehand, with exclusive content.

So you can’t get that content if you don’t have the digital version.

DP: Where do you see the future of Broadleaf Productions?

KMW: Our goal is to go into Ontario schools.

Even the shortness of the plays works perfectly for high schools. And it’s about making the art form interesting to those students too, who thought that plays were for white people sitting around a dinner table speaking to each other for an hour and a half.

It doesn’t have to be that way. We are a very young and diverse theatre company. It’s purposeful in a way that is very direct. The pieces are engaging. I think it is definitely something high school students would benefit from.

Keep in touch with Broadleaf Theatre via their new website, http://www.broadleaftheatre.com/

Salterrae •March 2016

Getting Your Foot in the Door (And Then Brea king

By Avneet Sharma It) Ilustration by Ester Dubali

After being outed in the eighth grade, my mantra in life became “to keep a low profile” (i.e. avoid doing all things that would capture other peoples’ attention). A goal at which I failed miserably.

the actions that entail getting up off the ground.

I was convinced that it was a sprain. Later that night, a doctor told me I had three broken bones in my right foot.

I spent most of high school focused monotonously on academics. To prepare for my potential future career as a foreign correspondent, I read the morning announcements in high school. Once, I called the Nordic ski coach the “Nordic ski couch”, blatantly insulted a teacher’s handwriting, and forgot how to pronounce “reciprocity.”

I also decided to run for prom king with a queer friend in a protest against heteronormativity. We won. That’s when I realized I had failed.

I’ve never broken a bone. I’ve never come close to breaking a bone. And suddenly I had three broken bones on my right foot. It was a rare form of fracture that is usually found in people who are twenty years my senior.

My failure in high school was followed by Trinity College in the fall. The pressure of frosh week and adjusting to the undergraduate lifestyle had me in my room every night asking myself some existential questions: Who am I? Why am I perpetually sweaty? What am I doing here?

From then, things settled into a nice rhythm.

I have managed to make more friends in two months at college than I did in four years of high school. I started to truly enjoy classes, though my work ethic could improve (something I thought about as I was rushing to a friend’s room at 3:00am to print out an essay due five hours later).

I did an even crappier job at keeping a low profile; aided by drunken friending sprees on Facebook and creating a students’ union page for Welch out of boredom and refusal to study for a linguistics midterm. But it wasn’t boring. It wasn’t monotonous. And that was good enough for me.

And then I broke my foot.

I was walking. And then, like an iZombie vision, I was suddenly on the ground. Someone asked if I was okay. I said yes. He asked if I could get up.

I said yes. I couldn’t. I wanted to, I tried to, but for some reason I couldn’t actually piece together

“I flipped through course catalogues, highlighted everything that interested me, and had trouble narrowing down the English courses I was interested in. I looked at this as ‘channeling my inner-Rory’.”

Lying in bed at my parents’ house in rural Ontario, keeping my leg elevated, and feeling perpetually drowsy from painkillers, I wasn’t prepared to pick up a textbook or proactively complete every midterm assignment Paris Geller-style. Instead, I laid in bed watching soap operas, still Paris Geller-style. I was suggested to drop all of my courses and enroll in new ones for the next semester. For a while, I felt isolated and alone. But while all of this was happening, I received a constant outpouring of messages from friends I had made

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just recently. I was surprised at how quickly the news spread and was thankful for the amount of concern people showed. It took a while to understand that breaking my foot and taking some time away from school was actually a blessing. (And I am, in no way, suggesting that you break your foot). After being busy and focused on school and this humongous change in my life, I was given the opportunity to take a step back, and enjoy the little things again.

I used to love reading (all-nighters in middle school were spent finishing Harry Potter and the criminally underrated Vampirates series) but I haven’t picked up a book that wasn’t for school in ages. I realized I haven’t enjoyed a book in ages. I decided I would extend my intellect, and honestly, become more like Jess Mariano, and finally read William Burroughs’ The Naked Lunch. I haven’t read a single word of it.

And then I picked up Lena Dunham’s memoir, Not That Kind of Girl (Lena Dunham is the embodiment of “problematic fave” to me). I found myself drawn to the narrative and Dunham’s mind. I realized that part of my writers’ block attributed to denying myself the creative nonfiction or autobiographical genres. I wanted to write fondly of my own life the way Dunham does (and I fully realize how meta it is to mention that), or at least write fictional characters that share a similar perspective as me. After attempting for months to write a short story about making out with a straight guy in a closet (based on a true story), I decided to change it up and write a story about making out with a gay guy in a closet (not based on a true story).

The best part of being sick was always staying home and devouring everything on TV or on Netflix. But this time made me moodier, pickier towards what I wanted to watch. I was missing out on something I was enjoying immensely, and I was pissed. Most of what I’ve been watching has

Avneet Sharma • Getting Your Foot in the Door been Felicity and Gilmore Girls. I realized: a) I now know where my late 90s serial-monogamist views of relationships stem from; and b) I am obsessed with shows about college. Gilmore Girls in particular would affect my adjustment to coming back.

“I was walking. And then, like an iZombie vision, I was suddenly on the ground.”

After being gone for weeks, my podmates in Welch decided to do the most reasonable thing: pretend I’m dead and throw a Gilmore Girls marathon as a memorial for me. I received a message that said to “play along”. I didn’t understand what he meant until I scrolled through my Facebook news feed and saw a black-and-white picture of me. For a minute, I was convinced I was actually dead and surfing Facebook as a ghost.

Nicholas told me to post on the event page to prove that I wasn’t actually dead. People still thought I was dead, and I wonder how many tears

were shed, how many anecdotes were shared in my honour, and if everyone actually thought a Gilmore Girls marathon was a sufficient tribute to my life. As strange as this situation was, I found myself flattered as 100 people RSVP’d to watch Gilmore Girls in my memory. Despite this going against my mantra, it was nice to still feel like part of the Trinity community.

Watching Rory Gilmore manically prepare for college (and being forced to restructure my entire first year) inspired me to take a greater look at my degree. I flipped through course catalogues, highlighted everything that interested me, and had trouble narrowing down the English courses I was interested in. I looked at this as “channeling my inner-Rory”.

“It is always stressful to hit the reset button; to see all of your work go down the drain instantly”.

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As far as “keeping a low profile” goes, I found that while it was something that used to drive my life and decisions, but I no longer need it. My new mantra in life is a simpler one: if you fall, just pick yourself up. I’m no longer interested in wondering what my life would currently be like if I hadn’t broken my foot. In the time I’ve spent recovering, I have overcome writers’ block, spent time constructively thinking about my future, hung out more with my parents (which usually consisted of a game show marathon each night: “WHEEL! OF! FORTUNE!”), and once again became an avid fan of General Hospital (though I’m not sure how I feel about the new Jason Morgan).

“Who am I? Why am I perpetually sweaty?

What am I doing here?”

It is always stressful to hit the reset button; to see all of your work go down the drain instantly. But what I find is that after the reset, the work comes back new and improved. By the time you are reading this, I’ll have already been back for a couple of weeks. I hope I didn’t fail miserably.

Salterrae • March 2016

wsedrfcgynujikblpzcbuifsc Conversat Couture To the untrained eye, champagne showers and tuxedo dress might appear as a regular affair at Trinity College. However, this February, our hallowed halls welcomed students to turn up their sartorial game and walk down the never-before-seen purple carpet. Recycled prom dresses laid no claim in the world of Wes Anderson’s whimsy. The 133rd Conversazione was themed after the filmmaker’s pastel prison-break comedy, The Grand Budapest Hotel, inspiring get-ups of all styles and hues.

One might question the presence of bare midriffs at such a formal affair. However, belly-button braving ladies Nish Chankar and Michaella Ladha reimagined the black tie dress code with their two pieced looks. Michaella’s blushtoned bustier certainly stood out in the sea of Sherri Hills.

Old Hollywood may have been the theme for this year’s kickoff, but timeless glamour surely snuck its way into the looks of some very glamourous guests. Countering any 40’s bombshell, Giselle Wenban and Mageduelone de Roquefeuil rocked the side-part and deep-v combo in their red and black frocks.

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Rhiannon Langford • Conversat Couture

By: Rhiannon Langford Photography by Sydney Bradshaw & Michael Johnston

Next to Geoff Seaborn, best accessory of the night is awarded to Tyler Rogerson’s cumberbund, not only for giving members of college the opportunity to say the word cumberbund, but for tying together a timeless formal tuxedo. Velvet blazers and patterned pocket squares kept the standard male attire colourful and refreshing.

Staying true to the films’s colour palette, Aisha Ryan donned pastel separates stunningly in a floor-length pastel pink skirt.

Still, black was unsurprisingly the colour of the evening, notably adorned by a sparkling Riam Kim-McLeod in a mid-length asymmetrical number and Leila Martin’s slick sheath dress.

While the ballgowns have been stained and the idealism of recreating your prom is equally tarnished, the memories on Facebook at least - will last a lifetime. Stay classy, Trinity!

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Salterrae •March 2016

The Mouldy Klam Presents: Stay Golden, Ponygirl!

A tale of life, love, and loss told in 30 Starbucks™ stars

Star 2: On a shopping trip with high-school friends she tried to remember old teachers’ names and rewarded her effort with a trip to the mall’s Starbucks™ kiosk. She explained her quest and they all looked on in awe at the courageous, adventurous girl sitting before them. No one challenged her when she claimed shotgun on the ride home.

Star 3: Today, she decided she would just order an espresso. Maybe she will appreciate the taste of the coffee, without the steamed milk and multicoloured syrups. She learned she doesn’t like espresso.

Star 4: Neither does espresso like her, considering the last star. Perhaps “shot” is a misnomer and it is not meant to be downed in one go. For the third and hopefully final drink today she played it safe with a frap.

Star 5: Four is four times one. There are four suits in a deck of cards. Casino Royale was a good movie. There is deep significance in these facts.

By: Damian Klambour Illustration: Claire Shenstone-Harris Our heroine awoke. It was an unseasonally beautiful January 1st and the birds were screaming in confusion outside her window, spending the last days of this winter heat-wave in anxious nervosa, awaiting both the return of the cold and their imminent death. Our heroine knew this would be a good day, because she had a new Purpose (The Movement) in life. While experiencing late-stage capitalism in front of the fireplace channel, her infantilized enjoyment of the magic of Christmas had been interrupted by an advertisement, and she knew what had been missing all her life: a Starbucks™ Gold Level Membership.

Star 1: She read all the requirments on starbucks. ca, she registered the Starbucks gift card her dear Aunt had so thoughtfully gifted her, and she began to buy enough coffee to collect the 30 Starbucks™ stars that would confer Gold membership. The bearded barista slumming at her small-town Starbucks™ location gave her the smile he normally reserves for the January 1st to 7th resolutioners at the gym. He slid her drink across the bar and the first star took flight into her account, soon to be joined by the rest of the constellation.

Star 6: She asked the barista to tell her about his novel. He said it will be dark and gritty, a real look at the dregs of humanity, and he is gaining perspective here in this one-Starbucks™ town to write it.

Star 7: She reflected on the importance of her and the barista’s endeavours. We all do what we must, she thought.

Star 8: The barista regarded her from across the bar. It has been half a week and she is still diligently working at it. Perhaps she’s different from the resolutioners, he thought. Perhaps she is special.

Star 9: After the failed espresso experiment, she stuck to her usual, which the barista learned and began to start preparing as soon as she walked in.

She felt their caffeinated connection grow closer.

Star 10: She saw a link in her Facebook about Syria and wondered why no one had set up an NGO to bring them Starbucks™ yet. Make coffee, not war.

Star 11: She looked up the process of setting up NGO’s. She resolved instead to make things better at home first.

Star 12: She discovered the delicious goodness of the cinnamon shaker.

Star 13: Evidently, there is such a thing as too much cinnamon.

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Star 14: She bought another coffee to get the taste of cinnamon out of her mouth.

Star 15: She helped the barista resolve a troubling plot problem in his novel’s denouement, namely: how the inspector came to find Mrs Margot in the study holding the lead pipe.

Star 16: She rewarded herself with another coffee.

People helping people, this is how we grow, she thought.

Star 17: Ask not what your coffeeshop can do for you, but what you can do for your coffeeshop!

Star 18: While sitting in a booth and browsing on her laptop, our heroine discovered a photo of rollerblading French police officers.

Star 19: She looked up the procedure of emigrating to France and applying to rollerblade police school. She resolved instead to roll between scenes of crime here at home.

Star 20: Betrayal! Deceit! Treachery! The barista misspelled her name. She’s not Heroin! Love is dead.

Star 21: She tearfully packed her bag to return to school, sipping saltily at bitter coffee. A star fell from the sky this dark day.

Star 22: Alone in the 6ix, our heroine trudged through the overdue snow to the Bedford Starbucks, finishing mirthlessly what she started.

Star 23: Having sat in the warmth of the interior of this Starbucks™ location for a few hours, she felt a bit better. There are plenty of bearded coffee-serving fish in the sea.

Star 24: Oh shit! She had forgotten that she had a midterm this week. Time to start studying.

Star 25: She’ll study later. Now is coffee.

Star 26: At 11 PM she remembered the wisdom of the ages: planning to pull an all nighter the night before a midterm is the definition of making one’s bed but refusing to lay in it.

Star 27: Never again. That suboptimal exam in the past, time to refocus her energies on what really matters. Starbucks™ Gold membership.

Star 28: The end is in sight now, she thought. Almost there.

Star 29: Rereading the requirements of the gold card, our heroine remembered that nothing in life is free. She must continue to earn 12 more stars to maintain her Starbucks™ Gold status, and 12 more after that. Day in day out. 50-some birthday rewards more to go.

Star 30: She went to Starbucks™ to get another star. This is who she is. This is what she does now.

Reut Cohen • Crying At Trinity

Crying At trinity

By Reut Cohen Illustation: Mirka Loiselle Many things seem to be heightened at Trinity College, and emotions are no exception. Sometimes these emotions get the better of us. We also spend a lot of time in and around these buildings, and it’s imperative that when those pesky feels take over, we know just where to be. Therefore, in the interest of community service, and inspired by the Brown Daily Herald, I have conducted an investigation into the best places to cry at Trinity College.

Graham Library You’re kidding yourself by thinking that you could get away with crying in Graham. Graham is so quiet that you could drop dead in your study carrel and nobody would bat an eye. Actually, they would probably shush you from across the stacks.

The only kind of crying that you might be able to get away with in Graham is the kind where a single tear streaks dramatically down your face, the kind that is usually a result of spending an astonishing amount of time watching baby animal Vines while procrastinating doing your political science essay. (I have no personal experience with this sort of thing.) This kind of crying is nearly impossible to control, and there is simply no guarantee that you won’t wind up a sobbing mess. Do not cry in Graham.

Outside the Registrar’s Office We’re always being told that this office is the first place to go for any academic advice, but it seems like most visits here are last-ditch efforts. A lot of bad news is broken here, making it prime anxiety real estate. However, I must warn you: this spot is simply too conspicuous to have any value as an Emergency Emotional Breakdown Location, or

EEBL for short. As any UN hopeful worth their salt knows, every interaction is a job interview, and Trinity can be a cutthroat place. What happens inside the registrar’s office stays inside the registrar’s office. Do not cry outside it.

The NRAC Common Room Just walking into the NRAC common room can be a stressful experience, which does not bode well for its crying potential. An emotionally and physically exhausted frosh who might just want to make use of the printer will often be confronted by asocial gamers once inside. While we’re at it, let’s just swear off all common rooms, shall we?

Commuters, I’m talking to you — crying in a common room is likely to have the next social Trinitron who walks into the room do a double take when they realize they have no idea who you are. But who are we kidding? A common room being accessible to commuter students? Regardless — do not cry in NRAC.

Strachan The worst thing about Strachan is that it threatens to overtake our emotions at any given moment. You may never know when it’s coming, but as soon as you line up for dinner you see it: the single large meatball. Resist the urge to shed a tear as you make your way through the assembly line.

If you develop a case of the meat sweats while eating… leave, immediately. Do not allow people to speculate as to whether those are beads of perspiration or tears. Crying in Strachan is a sign of weakness. Do not cry in Strachan.

Your Room To this day, this is the only place I have discovered to be a safe haven for shed tears. If you’ve got a single, more power to you — let the tears fall where they may. If you have a roommate, push some furniture up against the door while they’re out, crank up “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M., and let loose.

The Quad Beware of crying in the quadrangle, as it is currently so cold outside that if you choose to do so, your tears may freeze on your face. Possibly the only more public form of embarrassment than walking around like this would be the “shame” nun from Game of Thrones trailing you for the rest of your days at Trinity. I’ll keep it simple.

Unless there is a adorable puppy making its way across the green (or snow), there is simply no excuse. The quad is meant for aesthetic and making your friends at inferior colleges jealous. It is not meant for expression of emotion. Do not cry in the quad.

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Some days are just like this: you spill hot coffee on your blanket scarf, you get a bad grade — it feels like everything’s falling apart, and your dreams of law school are dashed. You feel like Alexander had nothing on your Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. It happens. But fear not, friends. I have faith that we Trinity students are, on the whole, coping well with the repercussions of our decision to attend a university informally known as #uoftears. If you’re still muddling through, I hope this investigation helped you in some way. Stay salty.

Salterrae • March 2016

The St. Hilda’s Board of Trustees Little Board, Big Dreams

By: Jennifer Hood, OT6, President, St. Hilda’s Board of Trustees St. Hilda’s has a Board of Trustees? Why? Like Trinity, St. Hilda’s was once its own College, tasked with furthering women’s education. First opened in 1888, St. Hilda’s was intended as the female counterpart to Trinity College.

At one time, men had to wait in designated waiting rooms for their dates to come down from their rooms for chaperoned evenings out.

Quaint, right? So, what’s the purpose of the St. Hilda’s Board of Trustees now? Made up of students, administration (like the Dean and the Provost) and alumni from a broad spectrum of years, we’re actually up to some pretty interesting things.

Small but plucky, we try to put the money generated by our modest endowment to creative uses.

With a nod to our history, we support initiatives related to women’s education at Trinity and the

building of St. Hilda’s, which, now that it’s co-ed, we do on a gender neutral basis.

How do we do that? Well, recently we purchased larger beds and mini-fridges for upper year students living at St. Hilda’s, in an effort to attract upper year students looking to stay in residence.

Blending upper years and first years in the same residence creates opportunities for organic mentorship relationships, helps provide support to first years and creates a fantastic sense of community from which all students benefit. We also gave away Saints tickets to students with financial need and will do the same again for Conversat. From the Student Experience Survey conducted by the Heads and the Dean’s Office for the first time last year, we know these events are really exciting but sometimes cost prohibitive. When we can remove money as a barrier to enjoying all the amazing experiences Trinity has to offer, we are thrilled to do so.

Perhaps our most noteworthy activity has been the creation of four scholarships of four-thousand dollars each, to be awarded on an annual basis

to women who have contributed to the Trinity community through leadership positions. Trinity student government is an incredible organism that brilliant students can use to breathe energy into the Trinity experience. It can, as a result, be incredibly time consuming – sometimes, sadly, to the detriment of studies, part time jobs and other activities. In recognition of the incredible commitments of student leaders (not just, the Heads, but through groups like the TCDS, the Athletics’ Association, and the TCM), these scholarships are awarded on the strength of written applications to those who’ve made outstanding contributions to the Trinity community. You know who these people are; they’re the ones who learned your name in Frosh week and asked if you were coming out to the Lit, to a Pub, to hang out in the quad. They’re the ones staging creative, insightful theatrical productions, chairing the TCM, fighting for greater mental health support at Trinity, organizing events that bring students and alumni together and generally making Trinity the kind of college you’re not only proud of but one where you’re excited to spend time.

How do we come up with these priorities? We take a lot of direction from the students on our Board and more recently from the Student Experience Survey – thanks so much to those who participated in that last year. We learned so much and really felt like we knew where to apply our limited resources to have the most impact. We’re trying to answer some big questions: how do we ensure St. Hilda’s remains a desirable place to live? How do we recognize and encourage female leadership at Trinity? And we’re trying to make sure students have fun as we do it.

For now, we just wanted to let you know we’re around. We’re here and we’re listening. We also wanted to let you know what we’ve been up to.

We’re proud of our activities and excited to see where we can integrate next to support the goals and activities of Trinity’s incredible students. So, if you hear someone ask, “St. Hilda’s has a Board of Trustees?” I hope you’ll answer, “Hell yes it does!”

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Salterrae • Macrch 2016

HOROSCOPES

BY RACHEL CLARK ILLUSTRATION BY CLAIRE SHENSTONE-HARRIS

AQUARIUS

ARIES

(January 20 - February 18)

(March 21 - April 19)

Things will get wild this month. You know how you always want to order that interesting new dish at New Ho King, but then you’re like “what if it’s not that good and then I’ve wasted all this money and time when I could have just ordered crispy shredded beef, which I already know that I like?”

Well this month is the perfect time to take that risk. Also, to get a more interesting life.

The moons of Jupiter will align in a pattern that greatly increases the price of ice cream. This will suck for you as you go through a horrible breakup.

Alternatively, you might not have a breakup but ice cream is always nice to have around. You will also likely receive a kind but generic post from Trin Compliments in the next 24 hours. Tbh the stars didn’t actually tell me that but let’s be honest they post like a million of those a day so it’s pretty much guaranteed to happen.

Famous Aquarius: Arjun Gandhi

Famous Aries: (insert random person born between March 21 and April 19)

PISCES

TAURUS

(February 19 - March 20) This Monday, the rain house in Venus’ lunar rotation is going to cause a life altering event for your cousin’s best friend’s father’s boss’ sister. So, like, that’s a thing that you probably don’t care about.

I’m gonna be honest, Pisces, nothing much is happening for you this month. Catch up on Netflix or something.

(April 20 - May 20) With Jupiter and Uranus (which is bleached obviously) in conflict this month, situations will be unpredictable and not under your full control.

This may cause you to feel lost and anxious, much like a confused child chasing an untethered balloon. In other news, you should stay away from Tinder this month. It will piss off your boyfriend and you never know when you’re being catfished by a skull.

Famous Pisces: Avneet Sharma

Famous Taurus: Weston Miller, me

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Rachel Clark • Horoscopes

GEMINI

LIBRA

(May 21 - June 20)

(September 23 - October 22)

Venus and Mars are teaming up to rekindle some past relationships in your life. If your last partner was a shady piece of shit, then you should do everything you can to avoid the planetary matchmaking that’s about to happen. This means avoiding Seeley parties at all costs and staying off snapchat at 3am. You’ll thank me later.

Cups of tea and coffee will start to pile up around your desk as you try to get everything done under the heavy influence of a bucket of caffeine. Overall, this month rates as a .001/10. Sucks to suck.

Famous Libra: David Oliver

Famous Gemini: Isaac Wright

SCORPIO

CANCER

(October 23 - November 21)

(June 21 - July 22)

Shoe buying could be lucky for you as a potential relationship may spark in a shoe store. Specifically, you’ll be looking at shoes. Your potential partner may be looking at scarves. You may discuss why a shoe store sells scarves.

If you’ve been questioning your relationship lately it’s because super independent Mercury and commitment-loving Mars are coming together to force you to make a decision about the person you’ve been hooking up with. Try not to cry about it in public though because emotion is embarrassing and wastes time that could be better spent drinking.

Famous Scorpio: Emma Bailey

SAGITTARIUS

Famous Cancer: Selena Gomez

(November 22 - December 21)

LEO

While at Trin we’re usually all about “no new friends”, this month may be an exception. Someone cool and interesting will try to enter your life and you should let them. Jupiter’s 9th house is moving to your relationship sector so your usually unimpressive communication skills will actually be effective this month. So go ahead, Sagittarius, recruit another minion.

(July 23 - August 22) There are some very important dates coming up in the near future. Luckily, it is rare that a Leo will ever forget a birthday, anniversary, or any other occasion on which they can purposefully avoid sending a greeting card or a present. The equilibrium of Venus’s eighth moon alignment with Saturn puts the Sun in your water axis this month.

This kind of sucks for you, so try not to do too much talking or moving or living or whatever.

Famous Sagittarius: Zahavah Kay

CAPRICORN

Famous Leo: Joseph Ramlochand

(December 22 - January 19)

VIRGO

As much as we all hate doing actual work, it’s time to get down to business. That internship or summer job you’ve been drunk crying over for the past month is on the line and it’s time to get your shit together. Avoid sleeping all day and try to get yourself to Strachan breakfast once in a while. It’s not that freaking hard.

(August 23 - September 22) This month looks like it’s going to be a great one, full of wealth, health, and happiness. This horoscope probably does not apply to all of you.

Famous Capricorn: Thomas Prince Robson

Famous Virgo: Alex Smith

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Salterrae • February 2016

Goings On About Town By: Simone Garcia Cartoons by: Katrina Li

ART AND LITERATURE What: A New Look: 1960s and 70s Abstract Painting – In 1964, renowned American art critic Clement Greenberg came to Toronto to curate an AGO exhibition of up-and-coming abstract art, which put many American and Canadian artists on the map. More than half a century later, these painters are back on display. The exhibition illustrates how North American abstract painters in the ’60s and ’70s changed the art form permanently by soaking the canvas with paint.

Channel Meaghan and/or Betty Draper, and get retro with some groovy art.

Where: The AGO, 317 Dundas St. West.

When: Until March 27.

Cost: $11 for students, free on Wednesday nights from 6:30 to 8:30 pm excluding the exhibition fee.

What: Marco Bertuzzo – A multi-media artist specializing in photography, fine art, and printmaking, Marco Bertuzzo is an emerging artist and Toronto native. His work primarily uses allegory as a tool for critical sociological analysis. To Marco, society is not something we can actively observe; instead we must observe it by reflecting on what it produces and consumes.

Observe Marco’s art. Consume it as you enjoy a canape and drink at a hip art gallery. Get cultured.

Where: Coldstream Fine Art, 80 Spadina Ave., suite 220.

When: Mid-March until mid-April.

Cost: Free!

What: An evening with Dr. Jane Goodall – Activist and conservationist Jane Goodall will be in Toronto this spring, and you’re going to want to be there. Dr. Goodall first set foot in the forests

of Tanzania in 1960 armed with little more than a notepad, a pair of binoculars, and a dream of living in Africa and observing wildlife. Dr. Goodall will share tales from the moment she witnessed a chimpanzee make a tool to the moment she decided to leave the park in order to save the primates she cared for. Sure to satiate the animal lover within, this is an evening not to be missed.

Where: Sony Centre for the Performing Arts, 1 Front St. East.

When: April 12, 8 pm.

Cost: $50 – 150. All proceeds benefit the Jane Goodall Institute of Canada’s conservation, humanitarian and youth engagement programs.

MUSIC AND THEATRE What: Daughter – The perfect blend of mellow and upbeat, British indie band Daughter is in the city for their newest album, Not to Disappear.

Where: Danforth Music Hall, 147 Danforth Ave. When: March 7 and 8 Cost: $20 – 26.

What: Dr. Dog – Strongly influenced by The Beatles and the Beach Boys, the voices behind Dr. Dog are nonetheless distinct – but we’ll let you discover that for yourself.

Where: Phoenix Concert Theatre, 410 Sherbourne St. When: March 10.

Cost: $28.

What: Never Grow Up: A Taylor Swift Dance Party – Love her or hate her, Taylor’s undoubtedly got a handle on making music to dance to. Much cheaper than seeing her in concert (and with her World Tour recently concluded), Never Grow Up is an ideal way to relive your T-Swift love and destress before exams hit.

Where: Adelaide Hall, 250 Adelaide St. West.

When: March 26.

Cost: $5.

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FOOD AND CULTURE What: Cafetería by Dave Sidhu – Sidhu’s seventh restaurant (he’s the brains behind Playa Cabana’s brawn) is inspired by Latin America’s dinerstyle luncherias, sending out dishes like octopus ceviche, huitlacoche quesadillas, venison tostadas.

To drink, there’s Mexican beer (Corona, Tecate, Negra Modelo and Negra Especial) as well as mezcal- and tequila-laced cocktails, like the Oaxacan Old Fashioned, made with Tromba añejo, Marca Negra espadin mezcal, agave, angostura bitters and orange oils. The place is separated into a no-reservations bar area and reservations-only dining room, and is decked out in salvage shop finds and distressed subway tiles – just grungy enough to be delicious!

Where: 974 College St. When: Now. Cost: $5 for smaller dishes, larger specials start at $9. Bar drinks start at $9, beer starts at $6.

What: Flock – Your lunch just got a lot better.

Serving up rotisserie the right way, the Flockers’ chickens are naturally raised and hormone-free.

Happy chickens make a very happy meal, without a McDonalds in sight.

Where: 330 Adelaide St. West and 97 Harbord St. When: Lunch time.

Cost: $9.50 for a half-chicken and salad; $18 for the whole bird.

What: Carver – TO chef Rob Bragagnolo (formerly of Marben) is finally opening a brick and mortar restaurant for his sandwich delivery service, Carver. You can look forward to slowroasted sandwiches and fresh salads, plus a wide selection of tummy-warming soups. Your spring picnic game will be the envy of Instagram.

Where: 101 Peter St. When: Opening mid-March.

Cost: TBA, AKA go see for yourself !