‘Awareness is critical to get ting domestic abuse sur vivors safe’

No More Week,

Interview by Sarah Olowofoyeku

‘DOMESTIC abuse is something that happens behind closed doors,’ says Bekah Legg, CEO of Restored, a faith-based organisation which works with churches to offer safe spaces for survivors. ‘It happens in secret, which means that it’s very difficult for people to speak up about it.

‘There’s a weird hidden stigma and shame to it and a fear that perhaps nobody else is going through it or understands. So the more we talk about it, the more we break that taboo. Awareness is critical to getting people safe and to getting the education out there that stops it happening in the first place. Awareness is at the heart of what we do.’

To people who are aware that things in their home are not right and are thinking about getting help, Bekah says: ‘It is important to know that you’re not alone. There are people out there who would love to help you. If you are able to, find a friend or somebody you trust and let them know. You don’t have to say everything all at once, but perhaps ask if you could meet and just say, “Things aren’t great” and begin to tell your story.’ would have been easier to imagine flying to the moon.

Bekah knows personally from her past experience about feeling the need to take the first step of talking about a relationship. She says that she went on to leave her marriage to a husband ‘who was very abusive’. It is one of the reasons she joined Restored.

Churches are hubs in the community

‘My journey has been one of learning to flourish again, to love again, to raise children as a single mum. I did remarry, but I was learning how to do all of that while trying to recover from what I had been through. Back then, I couldn’t

‘But for me, the first step was telling my mum. That took ages, because I was too ashamed to tell her that things weren’t good, too ashamed to tell her that I’d made this terrible mistake. Coming from a Christian background, I believed marriage was for life, so I didn’t know how to get round that either. But the conversation with my mum changed the course of my life and my children’s lives.’

Bekah describes being supported by ‘amazing people’ from her church.

‘I now realise that what I had was extraordinary. I appreciated it at the time, but I didn’t realise how fortunate I was and that many people don’t have that. The realisation compelled me to be part of Restored and to help make sure that there are people who will walk alongside survivors, who will say: “You’re not on your own, you haven’t got to fight your way through this by yourself, because we’ll do it with you.”’

One of Restored’s main functions is equipping churches to help survivors of domestic abuse.

‘The reality is,’ says Bekah, ‘that there’s a church in every village, town and community. These churches are often already helping people through food banks, debt centres or toddler groups. They are already hubs in the community, and they can also be safe spaces for survivors. As Christians, we believe that the Church should be doing things. If we can equip them to be safe spaces and challenge domestic abuse in their communities, then we have got this network that could really change the world.’

The Salvation Army has recently partnered with Restored to create safe churches.

Bekah explains: ‘Through the Restored Beacons programme, we work with churches to train them to become safe

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From page 7 spaces. They don’t need to become legal or financial experts, but they need to know how to be family to somebody who has been isolated. We’re working with The Salvation Army, starting with its church in Sale, Manchester, and looking to see the programme take root across the organisation.’

The programme has three levels, starting with basic training for volunteers and people in the congregation to help them spot signs of domestic abuse and know who to refer to for the next steps.

The second level helps church leaders to think about what to say when they’re talking to people or preaching. Bekah explains that some ‘beautiful, wonderful’ concepts in Christianity, such as forgiveness, can be twisted, manipulated and weaponised by abusers when trying to control others. She says it’s important that church leaders are aware of this.

The third level of training is more specifically about how to support a survivor – practically, physically, spiritually and mentally, beginning with a basic understanding of trauma.

As well as working with churches,

Restored seeks to engage men more widely in ending violence against women.

‘Helping men get in on the conversation is something I’m passionate about, because we need everyone to get involved,’ Bekah says. ‘Men can make a difference through simply choosing not to be part of a conversation that denigrates women. They can choose not to engage in some of the behaviours that can be intimidating to women.

‘For example, you may know you’re not a threat when you’re running in the dark and a woman is ahead of you, but she might not know that. So why don’t you cross the road so that she feels absolutely confident you’re not running up to mug her. It seems like “I shouldn’t have to do that because I’m not going to mug her”, but it’s a kindness to make it clear you’re not going to.’

Bekah is hopeful that, through the work of Restored and other organisations, domestic abuse can come to an end, but she says it’s a ‘long, long road’.

‘Last year, 2.4 million people experienced domestic abuse in England and Wales. And that’s the tip of the iceberg. It’s a big issue and we’ve got a long way to go. It requires massive cultural change.

We can’t do this by healing one person at a time; we need to start changing the conversation. We need to work through schools, parenting and the media to say that this is about us learning how to value one another, to be there for one another and respecting and putting other people first. That’s a whole cultural change, but we can start doing it, bit by bit.’

As well as motivating the work she is engaged in, Bekah’s faith helps her to have hope.

‘My faith is critical, because the truth is that when I listen to some of the stories I hear, it can all feel quite hopeless sometimes. But I believe in a God who is able to do what seems to people impossible, and that gives me hope. If we were reliant on human beings to fix the issue, I might lose hope altogether. But with God, all things are possible.’

You can ring the free domestic abuse helpline on 0808 2000 247, where somebody is available 24/7 to listen and help