Column Joe Kane

A Postcard from Spain

Joe Kane

Hola, Amigos.

Well readers, yours truly got the opportunity of a freebie holiday, so here I am in Malaga. It wasn’t supposed to be a holiday, more riding shotgun for an acquaintance who was to come here to do some business (ahem). Of course, everything went totally Pete Tong. But I’ll get to that in a minute.

I get a call to meet up with this bloke Mickey that I kind of know through a couple of very good friends. They say he’s okay and we arrange the pow-wow.

So the deal is that Mickey is going to come down here and supposedly score all this primo oil off some guys he knows, though of course it turns out that he doesn’t actually know them at all, and they’re friends of friends. Already I can see there’s room for some fucking bother.

The deal for Kaner is this: tag along, check the gear, make sure it’s kosher, come back, end of story. No having to stuff the gear up my butt, no swallowing a million johnnies or any of that prison-related nonsense. I’m there in a purely advisory capacity and all expenses paid. Yaba-daba-fucking-doo: who’d knock that back?

Anyhow, here we both are in Malaga, and after checking into our not-too-bad hotel, Mickey makes a few calls and says he’s got to go and “do the business”. Personally, as we’re here for a couple of weeks I don’t really see why he needs to go straight away, and I’m not too happy at the prospect of a load of cannabis oil lying around for any longer than it has to be. But I needn’t have worried.

I go for a wander and find a bar, as Mickey says he’s going to be at least four or five hours. Several hours and a number of cervezas of San Miguel later I head back to the hotel and true to his word, Mickey is there stroking a rucksack and looking really pleased with himself.

Mickey: “Here’s the oil, there’s a load of it and it’s supposed to be totally fucking pimp.”

>> Ideal for mother plants

Yet another growing system involves using an enormous tub or bucket as the base for growing in, but given the need to make sure that continuous supplies of liquid fertiliser are needed, for the majority of growers they appear to be totally un-useable. But for smart growers who want a reasonably safe manner to fill their entire grow space with clones from the same mother plant, these tubs do offer a reliable result. The ‘giant bucket’ can easily

keep an enormous mother plant alive, and in this way you can ensure a supply of uniform new descendants. Certainly with the ever-present danger of a visit from the ‘forces of justice’, such a large tub offers the advantage that one single plant often carries much less risk (can we safely say ‘no risk’ yet?) with it than a whole garden full of growing mother plants. Of course, you still need to make sure you keep the mother plant in a different location than where you will be raising her clones, otherwise she will just be taken away with the other plants in the event of a bust.

Stick the box in the cupboard, pop a lamp over it, add a vacuum pump - and off you go!

Box

A neat system for growing that suits the hobby grower, is the special box in which the base is equipped with a heating element. It should be quite clear that this system offers to provide the most comfortable environment for the young marihuana plants. What is more, such a box is great for using by growers who plan to build their own growing cupboard . It is a simple question of sticking the box in a cupboard, popping a lamp above it, sticking in some ventilation and off you go!

The only drawback of this box is actually the rather shallow depth, thanks to which you can’t afford to leave the plants too long in pre-growth, otherwise they will remain rather small

in size and the eventual yields will be lower. If you are planning to grow in an attic, including right in the corners (under the heavily slanting roof), then this system is pretty good for growing decent plants in such a restricted space.

As for using them to grow clones in, these boxes are also particularly good. Certainly when we cover the box with a see-through lid, the air moisture content in them rises really nicely, which in turn will prompt the clones to root more quickly and so make them develop a bit quicker.

Hopefully we have inspired you a bit in this episode to start moving towards a bright new future. A bit of discovering and knocking stuff together never did anyone any hard, as long as you do not forget the safety of yourself and others in the process! Here’s to your success! Me: “Whoa, it’s supposed to be?”

Mickey: “Yeah, I’d the best time with these dudes but they needed to get ready head back to Morocco and couldn’t hang about too long.”

Me (with a sinking feeling): “So you took it all without even giving it a taste first?”

Mickey: “Executive decision, man. I had to take it or lose it, so I took it.”

You’ll see what’s coming…

He produces four sealed jars from said rucksack and opens one of them up. Immediately, the smell of dope fills the room. While, it certainly smells okay from where I’m standing, I’m still doubtful. Mickey skins up a number and we move to the veranda for a little toke.

Mickey inhales deeply, exhales. “They were right, that’s fucking amazing, man.”

I’m getting absolutely nothing off it, but he tells me this is because I’ve been on the beer and it’ll take a while to cut through the effects. About 6 joints later the awful realisation that he has indeed been ripped off sinks in. Mickey isn’t happy and, stuffing everything back into the rucksack, rushes out of the room promising retribution of Old Testament proportions, though what he plans to do on his own is anyone’s business.

Another 8 hours or so pass and I get a call. It’s Mickey and he’s been busted for something like intent to supply drugs or something like that. He was on his way back to “sort out” the supplier when he gets lifted. The details are sketchy. The call isn’t to get him a lawyer but to promise not to tell anyone about how he got burned.

In the end, it turned out that the oil had so little THC in it that el dibble let him off, but they kicked him out of Spain as an undesirable. Yours truly has a pre-paid hotel room and decides to hang about for a while, having smoothed things with the dibble that I’m innocent of any involvement and should really choose my friends more carefully.

Right on to that.

horribly_stoned_boy@hotmail.com

The box with a heating element, for in the cupboard or for raising clones, is a handy and user-friendly growing system.

Rootzone Hydroponics in Staine Middlesex is now coming up to their 9th year in the hydroponics retail market.

Over the years the guys have seen massive leaps forward in the cultivation techniques being used.

One of the most recent steps forward is the introduction of high yielding, energy saving units such as the Eco-System that the forward thinking guys from Ikon International have bought to the shores of the UK.

Odour control products is another line that the guys have researched thoroughly. Ever since we at Rootzone have been supplying Ikons Phat Filters customer feedback confirms that these are a market leading product, along with the superb Uvonair range of ozone generators. Last but not lease on the odour control side of things; the extremely effective Odor Gel is proving to be a best seller.

Moving on to nutrients, Ikon really do seem to have cornered a large slice of a very competitive market with the range of Advanced Nutrients from Canada. Certain additives such as Bud Blood & Piranha Fungi are already well on the way to “legendary” status. When it comes to finding quality effective kit the Ikon lads & ladies definitely have their finger on the pulse, even down to the mega popular Fiskar spring loaded trimming scissors and the new suspendable drying racks.

All in all Rootzone is proud to be associated with Ikon International. Long may our business together prosper.

Units 2 & 3 The Green Business Centre The Causeway, Staines Middlesex TW18 3AL Telephone: 01784 490370 www.hydrowebshop.com

Near the M25, junction 13 Only 2 minutes from the motorway - private parking established over 7 years

Open Monday till Saturday 9.30 - 17.00