Osho Wings vol 5 nr 3 by Sannyas Wiki

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A lJS T R A L I A N E W S

I NTERVIEW .ON CRISIS. • W N I RLPOOLS • 4

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You ask for my ten commandments. This is very difficult because I am against any sort of commandment, Yet just for the fun of it I set down w hat follow s:

Obey no orders except those from

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wit h in. The only God is life itself. Truth is within, do not look for it elsewhere. Love is prayer. Emptiness is the door to truth, it is the means, the end L the achievement.

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Life is here and now.

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Live fully awake.

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Do not swim, float.

256 Ha.mpton Rd. South Fremantle ph(fax 93365090 e - ma.il lee Iamecl@'iirtet.net.au

Die each moment so that you are renewed each moment. ,~

S t o p seeking. That which is, is: STOP AND SEE.

Osho - A Cupof Tea

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Hello Beloveds! This has been a strange month... On one hand it was exciting to connect with sannyasins across Australia and to do the interview, which I was very touched by in the moment and had fun working on afterwards. On the other hand, p@~<

in fi n a n c ial terms, which means getting ads, it has been an all time low. I hope it does p ick up next issue - the Wmgs c~ ot survive without ads! So if you have never, or not for a while, advertised in the Wings, why not place an ad in the next issue7! The Wings does not only go out to sannyasins, but also to many non-sannyasins who are interested in Osho and the services our commuruty has to offer. Don't you think we sometimes take for granted what we have learned on our path and don't realize what we have to offer to the world

and to each other? 2

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Mandana Mani Sono M and a n a Sindhu , Shanti, Shuchita, Sudhir, Videha, Dhyana, Ushmo, Gandharvo

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M a y / June

osho KIRK'

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0 sho vV<ngs - N l a y / J u ne

with Dhiresha and 5atrup Residential, June z6th cpm - a3fh at Osho Cirana l For more IrtFo ancl Invitation ph. s555 5753

" " " " " " " *" " " " " " " " " " " " " " " "

When ready, going straight into it. Feeling it. And also, seeing what wonderful

tricks we all get up to in Random notes of the Practitioner Training in the Third Psychology

by Swami Anand Sudhir

y god, how to explain or describe what goes on in the pressure cooker of love, awareness and total bewilderment, that is this training! It is very tempting to just think that it's an impossible task and escape from this roving reporter's given assignment. But that's just where this training has been such a gift. STAY WITH IT BOY! Just be with the feeling. See where it takes you. Then - 'Whatsoever I can watch, becomes separate from me.' (The Innerversity Mantra!) These theoretically

simple but practically mind boggling steps, are a freeway that leads from therapy to meditation. This is the delight that has kept me present through thick and thin at Wray Avenue for the past ten Sundays. (And the

order to avoid feeling that pain. Respecting even those tricks, as being the keys to our survival in childhood, Respecting readiness. I am learning, intensively, that all my judgements are wrong. That the whole edifice that I think is me is a dream, and that there is some kind of reality under this patchwork quilt of identity, that is made of the pure light of existence. This is the therapy of mysticism. In real terms we are all sweating a lot, There's been some almighty collisions with mirrors and a huge amount of heart is always there when the shit h its the fan. We are all in the same boat and we know it . There have been tears, rage, fear, insight, healing and lots of laughter.

e Third Psychology is the Psychology of Meditation. It is what is known as Client Based Therapy, In other words, the client always shovvs the way to their own

same again last year.) Where there is life, whether it be in wo u ndedness,

or delight, there is a doorway to the great mystery that rests within. I'm a junkie of this alchemic process. After all these years it feels like Indivar is coming across majestically; simple pathways to The Buddha in the most ordinary of us, (i.e you, me and him) and his understanding is crystallising through the act of teaching. Every little reaction that registers, in this often quite frazzled ego-structure, (me), becomes an object of awareness. This knack of allowing w hat is present to be there in all its glory, takes me on a journey through the whirlpools. It demolishes all the old deep-seated learnings about who I am and splashes me into a space that is rather inadequately described as the witness. This is what this training is all about! I am the experiencer - not the experience, Whatsoever I can watch cannot be me. Bloody Hell ! f course, as we know, learning to be a practitioner of anything in this Mystery School means checking out your own story in great depth. It's been years since I first wanted to experience Indivar sharing his gifts as a teaching. I could never work out how he listened. (And I' ve been watching him in action for years) What he comes up with in response to people's issues has so

healing and the therapist's job is to support that. That is sacrosanct. One of the beauties of this training is that in it I experience Indivar very much as the friend, sharing his foibles as well as all the wonderful things he has learnt over the years. It becomes obvious after battling with many of my ow n p r ojections, both negative and positive, that the real work happens by courtesy of the Master, or existence itself. I am learning such exquisite respect for the capacity of the spirit wi t hin each and every one of us to heal itself, at its own pace and in its own way, if given no more than a spacious and loving

often caught me by surprise. How did he get to that?

environment, a taste of emptiness and a little

Why did he do that? For me this training is about looking and listening. In a way, learning to see the elusive obvious. The utter simplicity and grace that arises when one can see and be with the obvious, is pure existential genius. Or, perhaps it's about learning to tune in and trust one' s own organism (and therefore one's clients) with such wonder and respect, that miracles start happening. Ordinary miracles. What is an ordinary mi racle? In this world, it is a miracle to find The Buddha among the rubbish of one's conditioning. I'm a hopeless case. Tonight I can only see all this with the eyes of a poet. The fact is that to enter on this journey takes almighty courage. Because there is pain.

intensification. T here is a tribe of Sufi's called the Naqshb~ d i ' s . The word Naqshbandi means 'The Designers'. They wove exquisite and magical carpets, but were most famous for their skills in designing and creating situations, where seekers could get the experiential learnings that were needed, for them to take the appropriate next step in their quest. In this training it feels like we are learning just that. How to most spaciously present learning environments, for those who are seeking reflections in the mirror of ISNESS. It feels much more like an apprenticeship than an academic exercise and of course the most precious learnings happen in silence rather than via the mind. +

Osho Wings - M a y / June

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Mary Sw'an Seichim Healig"':, ' ' 'r,"jPractitioner The healing of patt' ' ~A integration. The en .. g to occur at the cellu ad<

ge-a l i gnment and then e n ables change

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with SUDHIR

with INDIVAR

6 Thurs. evenings commencing May 28th

Saturday, May 30th-Monday, June 1st

A unique approach to dk'scovering tvbo you aren' t

Boldly going ut bere no ego basgone before. I

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with SAHAJA

with the INNERVERSITY STAFF 6 Tues. nights c o m mencing May 1 9 t h

6 Sat. mornings commencing June 6th Cookingwholeand naturalfoodstohealthebody,mindandmoods

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with

•

I N D I VAR

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Moving from habitual reactions to conscious response. s•

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M a y / June

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In divi dual sessions with Su dhir

with SAHAJA & SUDHIR 7 Wed. evening commencing July 22nd Breathing 6 painting our tvay through the seven centres of tbe body-mind.

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IndividuaL sessions wit h YUTHIKA

7 Wed. evenings commencing June 3rd •

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Phoi'i'e' 9450 5509

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Do you ever wonder what sannyasins are up toin other parts of Australia?

C airns - The Fa r N o r t h Hi friends in Freo. It has been 4 years now since I left to

go to the Far North. Life has been challenging and beautiful up here. The beauty of the tropics is overwhelming wi th out fail, unpredictable and intense. The only thing it needs is more sannyasins and paradise would be complete. The last few years have been taken

up by bodywork, teaching, renovating and my love affair; but I am missing the sannyas scene.

business plan that brings income producing activities to this community, income to be used for the benefit of the community and the land we are on. Further projects in the are 14 guest cabins to be run like a hotel for vidual holidays or for accommodation for groups, 'erences etc. A hydrotherapy pool is also planned, as are the growing of tea trees — the first 10 hectares being ted as I write these words - and a large festival : und for very large events. The main infrastructure 'e roads, electricity, telephone and water are largely in

place. In summary - Mevlana is a happening place, it is our intention to have a 21st century community based in meditation, friendship, work, celebration and abundance - yes we are looking for sannyasins tumed on by this vision to come and join us in developing this oasis and to bring their own piece of vision with them, as this is a big place where dreams can come true.

QM ~e — Sw PM'

There are only around 20

sannyasins up ,t'

here. Once a month Osho Meditation Day has been happening now for a couple of years, which is always booked up with 25 people or more. A funny place the Far North, a lot of misfits, a lot of seekers pursuing their indiv i d u ality, and another quite isolated place, as it says 'The Far North'. Challenging, a strong meditation after a commune life. So, friends in Perth, lots of love to you all and you are always welcome to stay the night.

The Sooth East Coast of NSW

Osho Mevlana is a 400 acre property of rolling hills ten minutes from the beaches of Byron Bay. It's a beautiful green piece of land with plenty of forest, water and we are now in the early phase of shaping this community which has 22 approved shares of which 8 have been sold and 5 of these now have houses on them. 20 sannyasins (kids and adults) live full time on Mevlana and there is room for plenty more. We also have some accommodation reserved for renting, for people

Beloved Winglets, greetings from the Far South East Coast of New South Wales. We are here a relatively small community of approximately 100 sannyasins spread out across a 200km radius. A number of folks live inland amongst the mountains and many of us reside here along the coast. Our main town is Bega (where the milk and cheese comes from) but most of us live in and around a much smaller fishing town called Bermagui. Very picturesque! Due to the tyranny of distance, we can go for long stretches of time without all getting together, but a big party or special celebration usually pulls everyone out of the woodwork ! Sw Premda, my daughter Grace and I live on a 13 acre bush property with is 9kms south of town and 10 mins walk to the beach. We have a separate building at the top of the block which is used for meditations, groups, acting and singing w o rkshops and performances as well as Indivar's well attended groups. At Easter the Cuttaggee Artists Group hold their annual exhibition which, in its second year seems to be a success! This group is comprised of local sannyasin artists who, with much vulnerability and a great deal of courage, embrace the process of playing in their art and then expose their souls to the general public for viewing

wanting to have a closer look.

and purchase.

The "Main House" is also about to be completed, it is our biggest project to date. It comprises a large meditation hall for up to 400 people intended for groups, events, celebrations, trainings and conferences; a restaurant designed to cater to the hall, residents and the wider community, 3 session rooms and an office with shop and library attached. The grand opening party is set for May 30. The Main Build ing is part of a

There are also a few talented musicians around here and myself and a few other women have an Acappella group which is just starting to take off. Ma Shunyam, who lives on an exquisite headland property nearby is spending almost all of her days and nights fulfiling her passion which is weaving and the rest of her time is devoted to her garden. Prana is building a house on the land he shares with

B yron Bay - O s h o M e v l a n a

•• "

Osh o W ings - M a y / June

Sw Narayano and Ma Hiromi and her children. Sw Samira is

developing his photographic skills and is doing remarkably well. Ma Mandira is painting her fabric and has just brought out a new catalogue of her work. Ma Sarani is restoring and upholstering furniture beautifully wh i lst Sw Premhari and Sw Dipak are building houses, gardens and reputations! Sw Arvind is still roofing and Ma Avinasha immersed in her pottery, The Self Raising Flower Sw Tanmaya is continuing to flourish with his subtle yet strong Himalayan Flower Essences. Ma Sara is helping him w ith his business whilst pursuing her own art. Sw Sangeet is the Bermagui postie, so he's always pretty good for a bit of juicy gossip! Prem Arvind has a film company here called VideoVison which he shares with Ma Hiromi. So as you can see we are a fairly creative bunch really! Of course there's more names and stories, too many to tell. The next big thing to happen here is the arrival of Mani and Indivar and his "Journey to the Centre" group in May. We are also going to be blessed with the company of six Tibetan Gyuto Monks in September who are coming to make a sand mandala over a period of

Individual sessions in;

• Osho Primal • Counselling In a sa fe a n d sup p o r t ive e nvironment yo u w i l l u n c o v e r and explore the t ruths of yo ur childhood and yo ur l ife today... ! Healing an d T r ansformation is then possible,

10 days. - So life is really powering here ... come and see for yourself!!

L ~~A ~~ W — H~ gm~~~ 64

A deloide - O sh o A m i t o When Mandana rang and asked for a piece on our Centre for the Osho Wings, I was immediately attacked by the "yes! ... but ..." bug. Oh dear, thinks I, write something for someone else to read ... what if .. etc! What to write? We are still here in leafy Unley, just a ten minute walk through the parklands to the city, and we are called Osho Amito Meditation Centre. We are in a state of transition since we picked up the reins from Sw Puratana, who is now soaking up the sunshine in Gondwana. (If you' re reading this PT ... watch out for the Karma Bird...) We very soon discovered that there was more to this than mediations and manning the phone. But here I am, part of a committee of six or eight wil ling beloveds who have taken on the task of setting fire to the centre .. metaphorically speaking. At the moment we are at the re-kindling stage. Right now we are preparing for the 'Body, Mind & Spirit Fair' to be held here in May and we are stirring up interest for , e u p coming v isits of Sw Sudhir and Sw Indivar as , .' "' • i n g c y ou t, a n d s orting out, the housekeeping involve ' " '' ' "sa 0 • '~ n t r e . ,o /a ( If anyone has a copy of the 'Med ' "«~ < e n tr e ' ~ -':. ' . ' ',. an u a l , we would sure appreciate a cop>y We are also on the We . " - , P/ / w w w. h o l i stic.corn.a:,' ' o /

and can be contacted o , ' '

on j o seph~ e r l i n.net.au. If ther'$'g

any other sannyasins in ' ' " ted in coming to Adelaide for a wor holiday and be part of th • i to A l i v e contact me on (08) 8445 6 " to get the ball rolling. !

L ~~A M — Sw P ~ ';

RO CO CO'

Cl i n,Psych.

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Osho Wings - Ma y/June

Beloved Osho It has been said that no desire, neither worldly nor religious,

can lead towards freedom. But a positive imagination of happiness and bliss is also a sort of desire. Then isn't it true that imagination is also desire and hence creates tensions?

magination is not desire. Imagination is just a play. Desire is a totally different thing. You can base your imagination on desire, you can project your imagination

through desire - then it will be a bondage, If you simply play with imagination wi th out any desire — not to reach anywhere, not to get anything out of it, but just as a game, then it is not desire and not binding. These techniques of imagination can be h ' 1 o n l y i f yo u are

playing with them. If you get s

point. But the question is relevant Q" : cannotconceive o .th i n g w hi , , desire. Even if, ' ; , in g , y o u reach some, , ' ' ' eth i n g , n othing ' ! ' ' ' " l l ose '

: u los e the ~r ea l l y , you d o w i th ou t :, , " o ' ''s

s ay, "T • . ' . Play at a l l . We' ' ' , ' " ' ' ' ' ' " d t h a t we turn everything into a mean ! e r em emb er e d : meditation is the ultimate p , , : " .a m ea n s t o something, it is not a means to e , ! 0n t . En l i g h t enment happens in it, but i a m ean s t o i t . It is not a means to ultim a fr e e d om . Ul t i m ate freedom happens in it, but it is not a means to it. You cannot use it as a .! cause to effect something. This has been one of the most puzzling things: all through the centuries, those who have known go on insisting on meditation for meditation's sake. Don't desire anything out of it, enjoy it in itself, don't move out of it - and the

merged so much in it that the future disappears. Look at children playing. Look at their faces, at their eyes. Now they are in eternity. They are happy because they are playing. Happiness will not result in an end, it is here right now. Moment to moment they are happy - not that something great is going to happen later on, it is happening already. They are in eternity. In meditation you w ill become a child again, playing, with no idea of the future, enjoying this very moment, enjoying the very act in itself, intrinsically. Then imagination is not desire. Then you can play with it, and it is one of the most beautiful things possible. And this playing, this being in the moment, totally absorbed, is enlightenment. The moment it happens you are transformed. So enlightenment is never in the future, it is always in the present; and it is not a work to be done, it is a game to be played. at is the meaning of the Indian concept of leela. God is playing, he is not engaged in work. This world is

not utilita ' ' , ,' , . ' ust a play of energy. Energy enjoys itself pl " ; ' ,, es its elf and then plays hide and seek. ' the ""'" ' v, ,

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ng the world

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ab s u r d,

be se i f '' t som eth i n g ,'" 'g k t n gm e God is creating the .. ' achieve so: ' ' , ' ' ,cans that there is a fu ' , so G o d a ls' The concept of leela i " s t'om th e concept of creation. God @,, ' , , ' k g an d y o u cannot a sk "Why?" because' " . as n o " W h y ? " t o answer. If childreri' e p l a y ing can you ask,

"Why are you playing?" They will say, "We are playing, so we are playing." Playing is good in itself - the energy is moving, abundant energy is overflowing. The older you grow the less you play. Why? Because now your energy is not so overflowing. Now you have become economical. Now you know that you have a certain amount of energy and you have to

channel that energy for work, to

consequence will be enlightenment. Remember consequenre - not effect. Meditation is not a cause, but if you are deep in meditation, enlightenment happens. Really, being deep in the play is enlightenment. B ut the mind turns always everything into wo r k . It says, "Do something because this will be the profit from it," Imaginary or real, the mind needs something to hang onto, to project onto. Only then can it devote itself'. That is how mind f u n ctions — it functions in the present for the future. The future may be illusory, it may not ever happen, but if the mind can hope for the future then it can work. This is what is called desire: working in the present for the future. The end is always some~here else; the means are here but the end is somewhere else, This division of end and means, this gap, is desire. If you are playing there is no desire because the end is here and the means are also here. While playing there is no fu t u re; you are simply

'an seer s h ave never said that God is ," th at G o d i s the,,player — because the " car r ie s m u c h t!!k l. g o u sness about it, '~'A d and some , ~ to b e

achieve something. Children are just overflowing. Their energy is so much that they have to play. The play is just overflowing energy, too much energy moving. Then they enjoy the very moment. A child is jumping, running, but not to reach some goal. Running itself is a beautiful experience of vital energy, an experience of vitality, an experience of being alive, of overflowing so abundantly that you can thro~ ou t the energy without any economical mind behind it . God means absolute energy, infinite energy. God cannot be economiral. He has so murh, so infinitely much, that he can only play. And this play goes on and on, there is no end to it, There cannot be because the energy is infinite. And you r annot ask "W hy?" Energy moves, there is no "Why? Why have you created the world?" But if he is simply pl aying you rannot

ask "Why?"

O sho Wings -

M a y / June

welcome them because there is nothing serious about them. Once this deepens in your consciousness - and it will deepen if you start playing with meditation - it will be a good beginning. Because in meditation you alone are the player, that's why it can be a good beginning, the right beginning. You are alone playing the game so you can forget society and society will not come to interfere. This is a solo game, meditation, a solo game. You play alone.

en you alsobecome a player,you become divine. If you are a worker you are human; if you are a

player you have become divine. Then you share in the game, That's why we have called Krishna the absolute avatara. We have not called Rama the absolute avatara, we call him a partial avatara - a partial coming of the divine to the world. But Krishna we call an absolute coming. The difference is that Rama is serious. He is still utilitarian, end-oriented: this is right and that is wrong. Only in work do right and wrong exist: this should be done and that should not be done, this is good and that is bad. For Krishna everything has become a p lay so everything is arbitrary just rules of the game. If you follow the rules, and if you follow them knowing that this is a game and that the rules have to be followed, it is good. If you don't follow, nothing

is wrong; really, you are

S E

playing the reverse game of obedience; if you don' t obey, you follow the game of disobedience, the game of rebelliousness. But nothing is wrong. What you want to play is your choice. And if you are not serious and are happy whatsoever you do, you are enlightened. There are rules because a game has to be played with others. If you are playing alone there is no question of rules; then you can change your rules any mom n t you li ke, But because you are playing with other '.; s h a v e t o be followed so that you can play wi : ' ' er e i sn ' t an y other reason behind it, Mor I ' . ' . ; " v e i s a r u l e, society is just a rule- agre ' . "' ' • e are go i n g t o p lay a game so ..' '„ ' '' .I, e qn ' t w a n t t o p lay the

g ame about i': ' s omeone

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'g %, but d o '

«' ' a ' . b ein g ' „' ' y ou , m ' m ~ o u, o r c . ' " ' .

know that you were playing the gam, ' ~ '

seri o u s . A nd if ,'o u , y o u

S e l lious

leader, so you have been killed. The ' '"' condemnation. You were not wit h „ 'l ish e d r u l es, s o the established rules were aga' ' ' , . jt is o k ay. Then nothing is wrong, and yo u ' "' " rn p l ain .

what is going to happen, What will be the end result?" I tell them, "This is the end result — that you are enjoying. Enjoy it more!" But they go on insisting, "Tell us P something about it. What will be the end result? Where will we reach to?" They are not concerned at all where they are; they are always concerned with where they will reach to. The mind cannot exist in the present so it goes on giving you excuses to move into the future. Those

excuses are the desires. So if youp be a buddha, your meditation ~ a nd then it is not meditation. I '

nce you become aware that the concept' ' "'work, utility, reaching somewhere, the goal, is the bondage, it doesn't mean that you stop playing the game in the market. You go on playing, but you know that this is a game. It doesn't mean that you divorce your wife — you go on playing the game of marriage. But know well that it is a game. Don't get serious about it. And if you want to play the game of divorce, you can play it, but remember don't get serious about it, Divorce or marriage - these are alternative games; being a worldly man or becoming a sannyasin - these are alternative games. But don't be serious about it. Be lighthearted, festive. And whatsoever you choose, you can play; and whatsoever consequences follow, you wil l

M a y / June

iip'r e t o

be a god, to

' a so r t o f desire, on 't d e s i r e

anything, you just enjoy ' QP ' ' " , u just celebrate being alive, you enjo ' ': " " :. pla y i ng in i magination, in visi ' : ' I " ' ,p „ atsoeve r y o u c hoose, ; yo u a r e tota l - ' •, : ' ," ' - om e n t o f e " . en i t i s m e d i t a tio n . ,' r i 's n o de s i r e, sire, the world stop% ' , ' ; n on . P-' o u a r e d ' . " . :: , ~ i n d y ou h a v e enters~

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O sho Wings -

o whatsoever you want to play you can play, but forget the ends. if there are ends you have also turned meditation into a work. Just play it, enjoy it, love it. It is beautiful in itself. There is no need for an other end to beautify it, People come to me and they say, "We are enjoying meditation, but tell us

:th ' , ' : " .„ .

, e h amm er e d i nto your mind again ' . m i n d i s a t r a n sformer. It " ';; , ' a d es i r e - anything; it can

" : eve n nondesire into a desire. People come to ' " ~W ey say, "How does one achieve the state of

n6ndesire? How to achieve the state of nondesire?" Now this has become the desire. Your mind has a t ransforming mechanism: whatsoever you put in wi l l come out as a desire, Be alert of this and enjoy moments so much that no energy is left to move into the future. Then, any day, any moment, it will happen to you that suddenly all the darkness falls; suddenly all that is a burden disappears; suddenly you are freed. But the emphasis should be more and more on play, the present, here and now - and less on the future.

AQ lglter> le ~

~ ltL

could n 't give any thought to

anything that was happening outside. This brought me to the understanding that nothing is important. I reahzed I definitely wasn't indispensable and that the world carried on without me. The one thing that was very apparent with being a sannaysin was a bout th e that the support group that we have, is just extraordinary, and I don't think Rcperience of Crisis I would have come through in the same way if I hadn't had the most amazing love. I just felt a continuous surge of love, not only from those Sindhu, you' ve had a crisis situation very recently, who visited me, which were far more people than I ever can you describe your e~ e r i e n ceV imagined would come, but also messages from Poona. I just felt so much love and support around me and it really Sindhu: Tw o months ago I found myself in a major car helped, it felt like being floated on a water bed somehow, accident and ended up with massive internal injuries in it was a really amazing feeling. I was eternally grateful for Fremantle Hospital. Consequently I had to spend the next being a sannyasin. near on two months in the hospital, going through intense The other thing that was also very good was to listen pain, major trauma in every sense, internal and external. to Osho tapes. Besides the drugs that I was on, that was From one moment to the next my life changed from being probably my other greatest drug. I knew that as soon as I someone who was incredibly active in every way to being would put on my earphones t , w ou l d s ink into, totally out of it, not feeling in my body, becoming a total probably the closest space thaN ' -"'' "@t-to meditation. stranger and having to deal with severe pain and j'jre Without Osho's words I was. ' ' : . , 'sy d i f f icult to disability. Internally most of my energy seemed to be separate myself from the dis ' '.5 ' '"'; . I c a l things that going on just kee i 'n m y bod y . A couple of were happening. times I felt I h ' w ay, b ut ch o s e not to. I was confro . b ack in t o acciden r emai ' " now g, "' ' someh really " throug "

' hi ch b ro u g h t me d ays after th e ' ' '' ' tay i n th e r e and to t con s' ' , ' l l my ene r g y. ed through y m i n d , that if I could p '' it at iv e space or separate myself , d a p l ace o f peace and comfort, but , ' ' t or r el i e f from the suffering was " . ' ' t i sfac t o r y because it a ,

had an ufo' ', .'' ' ,

, t ive f e e ling an.

about it on D id this experience'

y ou in t o th e m o !.

Sindhu: Well it did in the way that I could not anything else, I couldn't put my energy into peo' ' although I realized there were a lot of people aro couldn't put my energy further than the boundan little self at the time and my physical body. For th time in my life I was only involved in myself, ther '" ' absolutely no part of me that was anywhere out th" thinking about how anyone else was doing or what was happening in life.

How were you able to deal with the intense paint Slndhu: I could only deal with it because of the morphine and drugs I had. As I said before it was so intense that it totally preoccupied me, but I think it did bring me to a central point inside where there was a voice that kept saying 'nothing is important'. And if I was to say what I got out of this experience, that's the main underlying message that I had all the way through. Like 'just concentrate on life and on the basics, on breathing, just being alive in some sense, in my own little world,' I think it made me realize how I extend myself so widely in my life that I neglect myself in a way. But now I was thrown to the other extreme, there was just me and I

Did you experience fear Sindhu: I a ctually didn': ' ' : m atter o f f act. There were two occasions , , d feel I h a d a choice of slipping out of my bo'. ,'' "" '- ' .' ' m ing back again. But there was no fear, id< ': . ' a ' w el l i t ' s your choice' feeling and it fe ' : " ,e' " fu l . There was a part hat was at pea@' -' 'y,' ' '.' '' 'the whole thing, but an incredible shock an 'trauma, and even now, later, I feel that a part of me is off to my left d hasn't actually come back. I still don't feel mplete and the body works in a totally to how it did before. Fear I haven't had, but '; ver played a big part in my life. I also accepted accident must have happened somehow for a fear didn't really come into it that much. p thing was that one moment my life was ' ply defined direction, and the next minute th 'g~ ' ' ' ' ' " ,g a b l e to live that life atall, notbeing .able,, ''' ' ' 't o any of those things I'd set up for myself. I - was thrown completely into the opposite direction and still am unable to really do or be any of the things I was before, which has been difficult for me to accept, And I'm still, probably only now, facing the consequences of what this accident has meant. At times I feel I have plenty of time now to enjoy this recuperation and play the piano, learn the guitar all these great things I thought I'd be doing. But it's not like that and sometimes I have days where I feel really low and depressed and lost and unable to identify with who I am. Here I have this opportunity to be someone different, well actually I am someone different, and sometimes I'm really confused because I really don't know who I am, I' ve been thrown into this, it' s like a shock, it's like picking up all the pieces and finding myself again. All these great ideas of what I could be or do aren't necessarily happening, things are happening in their own way. Some days are great and everything just falls

• • • • • • • • • • ••• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • Osho VV<ngs -

M a y / J u ne

into place and I am grateful to existence that this has happened and given me a new way of looking at things and a new way of doing things. Other days it's just really difficult, difficult to get into a meditative space and sit with myself and nothing feels comfortable. So there is good and bad,and hopefully the more my body recovers the easier it will be to get into a comfortable space with myself and to be able to relax with what existence has in store for me, Shanti, you' ve had an intense crisis a while ago, can you describe

yourexperience

eo+i/

Shanti: Ov er two years ago I discovered a lump in my breast and under my arm which both turned out to be cancerous. I was 35 at the time and although I had no history of cancer in my family, I knew instantly what it was and it came as a s hock because ' 't a th i n g I thoug . ' n to m e, h It w e is j u st n o ot ' ' ' y l i fe l i t e r a lly g . . ' n , L ook in g b a ck thes 'u st l a y ers of shock â&#x20AC;˘ '' t it meant for me was t ' , ' ,.. . , a mu l ti -l a y e red way, h ' , ' 'p ed ou t. I h a d n't realized ho ' ' , ' . . as l ived i n r e l ation to what was'go'nna ha . ' "' " tur e u n t i l I suddenly didn' t . "e . That' s w h e n I realized, even a ' : ' r w hatever s p i r i tual ego I i) had bu' , ' ' my i d en ti t y i s based on my percept'.,: ', ' â&#x20AC;˘ " . So t h a t was and is ve confronfL" Also I had this kind of complacency an arrogance where I felt that because I'd done; on my inner world, that of course I would other 'normal' people do, especially with cancer. I tcnoss that sounds egotistical, an ' . tet everything I believed about life, spiritua l ' ,' , ' f i n an absolutely total way. I was also confronted with how a f . . . yi ng a nd how I didn't feel ready to die, thap!'; : . â&#x20AC;˘ , ' t t o . A nd even now I don't like the though, ' . . ' ea th , a lthough at this point in the journey . ' ' ' cn a cancer victim, and now a cancer survivo, ' - .'', . ' so afraid of death rather afraid of separation, especially from my daughter Rabyia. Then there is a lot of stuff to work through immediately about what course of treatment to take and the issue of dealing with being a patient in a hospital and being treated for something so serious, which is pretty frightening. There are a lot of things you go through as a cancer sufferer that reinforce all the fears that you' re already feeling and not many specialists want to reach out in any human way and they stay pretty detached from you. I was very grateful for the resources that I had, which earlier I described as a spiritual ego, that actually really helped me to deal with the situation.

Qsho Wings - Ma y/ June

One of the things about embarking on intense chemotherapy and radiation, which make you feel really ill, was to experience physical debilitation, which was totally new to me, because I have always been pretty strong and able to push myself through any physical barriers. To find that it would take an hour to get dressed or that it would take all my energy to take a shower or standing at the bottom of six steps and wondering how I would get to the top of them was again devastating. I just never experienced "-'!i " ph ysi cal w e akness to that p~ g , exten t, I w a s also aware / that there i s a certain beauty in that fragility and the ability to only focus on each step, to only focus on putting your clothes on, or getting from the bed into the shower. The focus is just so intense on such a simple thing, it actually opens up quite beautiful spaces. So each day continues to be like this, even after two years, there is a mixture of having fear, despair and terror, and because of the depth and totality of the experience the incredible beauty and bliss in simplicity and m oments ofbeingin d e ' 've stat e s, w here I'm feeling a total ' "" . happ en i n g even though my mind ose an e xperience like that. I . ' d itati on t h e r e is no judgement abo ' ' , , i s i s r d o r p a i n ful or scary. It's just 'this i : " ' ; nd th ere i s bhss, love and joy in my h ' ' " "" A really strong " l l w as how much love and s u ' . l r eal ly touched by that and still thi n reall y there for me through tha, ' e , i n a ' . n ergetic

way. I feel such a depth ' " ' ,

t his really strong message " "

" ', '

,. '

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' 'f m o f

p eople being there, ph~ ' ,' ' w er s an d messages from friends S'dz ' , ' " o f th e w o rld and from my childhood. The message was: "You are wanted here and you are loved!". And there is something so valuable in this experience that I can't actually imagine where I would be now without having had that diagnosis of malignant cancer. Also to have such a strong and confronting experience I came back to what is essential. For me it comes back to very simple things and it all basically revolves around loving. Shuchita, can you describe your experience of crisis? Shuchita: Th e re are two levels of crisis, an acute crisis and ongoing crisis. I have a hereditary disease of the joints which I' ve had a whole life to get used to, and it's taken a lifetime to get used to. There is the level of continuing degeneration. I'm almost 38 and I can really see the difference from when I was 20 and at Uni and still, obviously not as strong as everybody else, was able to do a c ontinued on page 12 . . .

Interview with Sindhu, Shanti 4 Shuchita . .. continued from page 1 1 hell of a lot more than I can do now. I could dance and do all sort of things, but I think I was also less tuned to what was really happening in my body, I was more easily able to block it out. But I also have my crisis times when one of my joints goes out. That can be a hip going out and lasting for 6 weeks, which means extreme pain, not knowing how long it will be out. Then my whole life revolves around just physically surviving. Just having a shower, eating and getting to the toilet are the only things that really matter, which takes all my physical energy and the rest of the time I just have to sit or lie and be still, which is difficult when you have an active life. So there are these two levels. Thankfully the crises don't happen that often and I' ve done a great deal in my life in terms of bodywork, exercise and relaxation, all of which have helped a great deal on the crisis level, but I still have them every now and then. And then my ongoing situation. I estimate I probably have the physical capacity of 30-40% of 'normal' people. Just simple survival stuff like going to the super market, is it for me for the day, and when I come home I can't even pack the groceries away, I just have to stop. And then the other side of me is that I need challenges, stimulation and outlets for all the rest and me and I can't necessarily do them. So there's having to deal with the frustration, having a whole day planned and I can't do any of it. And there's the fatigue. I find more and more going out at night, keeping going until late is a struggle for me. So it is not like crisis pain, it is more like the daily discomfort and fatigue. H ow do you deal w ith i ' Shuchita: On a doing level it is fitness, like swimming which is the best thing I can do for it. It's Acupuncture, Feldenkrais, CranioSacral whatever I can do, with the additional challenge of being on a very limited budget, but somehow I'm managing in the area of bartering. And then there's the level of acceptance. My greatest life lessons have be around acceptance. So this is how it is, so today I had my whole day planned, I had commitments and I can't do any of it. Or it' s, I really wanted to go to my friends party, I really love my friend and I just can't go, and trusting that they still know that I love them. Or the acceptance that right now all I can possibly do is sit. And, you know, I' ve been a great fighter all my life and that served me in good stead, but as I' ve gotten older and in a way had to handle more, acceptance and surrender is what it comes to. And this spreads over into all of my life, acceptance of whatever is. I can be doing my best in other aspects of my life where I continue to work on myself striving to make more of my life, but at the same time I don't have achoice about the acceptance. The other issue is patience, which is a big lesson for a quadruple Aries. The number of times I asked myself "why have I been born into this body as a quadruple Aries", it's like ... god!!!! Once again it's patience and acceptance, for an Aries to just sit and be. I don't have a choice, so I have to accept and I have to surrender and in that I' ve come to a great sense of peace and contentment,

surprisingly. And I fought all the way!! The other aspect is finding wells and wells of strength, For two years at the radio station I had to drag all my gear up four flights of stairs and every time it was the equivalent of climbing a mountain, So I have to go step by step by step and when I get up to the top I have to stop and catch my breath before I can go further. It is also about dropping what other people think, that this is weakness, it's like finding strength in weakness, and feeling that it' s okay even if people, complete strangers, are around, Acknowledging that's just how I am and not feeling like I have to keep up with everybody. And I' ve always been like that, but that's not who I am actually, and that's okay too, And it's not okay all the time, particularly if I'm not with friends, if I am out there by myself it's not necessarily easy, but I keep finding wells and wells of strength, courage and determination to keep going. Then there are times, particularly in times of crisis, where it's all just too much and I do collapse and that' s really great too. I'm not endlessly strong, I'm not endlessly courageous and I can just collapse and have a cry and just curl up in my bed for the day and totally be non足 functional, non-productiive, non-anything, just be and feel miserable and sorry for myself and feeling it's not fair. I need to be able to do all of that as well,

What comes up for you around asking for helps Shuchita: It ' s hard, I know everybody has trouble asking for help, and for me it's not a short term crisis, it's ongoing. It's hard enough asking friends for help, let alone strangers and I still don't have the art down, I'm very sheepish when I ask for help. I had so many examples in my life, you think I would have learnt by now and slowly, slowly I am learning. I remember a time I was in Thailand by myself on the way to Poona and I had to get somewhere by taxi and there were none available. So I had to catch the river ferry. The river ferries zoom up and hover and people have to leap on, and every time there was a hand. And I learned one thing, that people love to help. I'm actually doing people a favour by giving them an opportunity to help, that makes them feel great. But once again there is something about weakness for me around asking for help. Like I have to be strong and independent which is a really strong part of me, it is part of my sense of myself, that I can survive by myself, but at the same time it is okay to ask for help and then to receive, to receive graciously, without being too over the top and say thank you, thank you thank you for ever. Asking for help is an ongoing one for me and I am eternally grateful, like Sindhu and Shanti said, for the love and support around me. One more thing I'd like to mention is that you can get caught up in all the negatives and there is a hell of a lot of negatives involved, but it continues to get stronger and stronger for me that I'm refusing to let all of this interfere with my joy and enjoyment of life. I'm buggered if I'm gonna let it defeat me in terms of having a full and rich life! And my full and rich life can be just sitting and being or I can get caught up in that everybody else is enjoying going for a bushwalk. But I can get as much enjoyment just sitting and enjoying one tree. There can be all these outer things that can seemingly make life that much more full and rich for everyone, but actually to have a full and rich life in whatever is, in whatever is presented to me is what it is about. + Thanks to all of you for sharing so openlyl Interview by Ala Shanti Mandana

Osho Wings - M a y / June

O S

In a Japanese hotel: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Tourist Signs From Around The World In a Hungarian hotel:

The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of

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the chambermaid.

lobby be used for this purpose.

Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop: Ladies may have a fit upstairs.

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In a Bangkok dry cleaners: Drop your trousers here for best results. In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers in strict rotation, From the Soviet Weekly: There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by '15,000 Soviet Republic painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years. In a Bangkok temple: It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man. From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner: Coolness and heat: If you want just condition of warm in your room, please control yourself. In a Copenhagen airline ticket office: We take your bags and send them in all directions At a Budapest zoo: Please do not feed the animals, If you have any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty. In a Parishotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk. In an Acapulco hotel: The manager has personally passed all the water served here, In theoffice of a Roman doctor: Specialist in women and other diseases.

Osho Wings -

Na y/ J une

From a brochure in a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot have in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with v i gour. In the lobby of a Moscozv hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery ~here famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday. +

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Osho Wings - Ma y/ June

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