Psychologies july 2017

PSYCHOLOGIES.CO.UK

Be stronger, wiser, happier

J U LY 2 0 1 7

UK EDITION

£4.20

PROFILE

Jessica CHASTAIN On lessons in hope and humanity

REINVENT YOUR CAREER Why you don’t have to be Wonder Woman

One for the road?

Time to master moderation

Mini breaks for the mind

18-PAGE DOSSIER

Be who you’re MEANT TO BE

Discover the key to unlocking your secret self Test: are you holding yourself back?

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09/05/2017 14:46

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Contents J ULY 2017

* COVER STORY

REGULARS 7

EDITOR’S LET TER

8

LET TERS

9 I’D LIKE TO THANK …

11

THE FIX

19 HARRIET MINTER 5 0 E VENTS 1 10 THE WORDS Cover: Shayan Asgharnia/August

127

STOCKISTS

1 30 HAPPINESS BOOK CLUB

22 * PROFILE

Jessica Chastain

“I’m drawn to playing women who fight for their place in society” FEATURES

17

FREE GIFT WORTH

£41

21

THE LIFE-T WE AK

Oliver Burkeman on making every second count 26

31 ILLUSTRATION: STINA PERSSON

Me and my shadow

LET’S TALK ABOUT SE X

Want to set the bedroom on fire?

Say goodbye to technique and start feeling, urge the sexperts

*

34

A JOURNE Y TO THE DARK SIDE Could

getting to know your shadow self be the key to happiness, asks Anita Chaudhuri?

66

DIGGING DEEP Caroline Buchanan

grabs a metaphorical spade and tends to her emotional garden of self-sabotaging thoughts

SHÁ Á WASMUND

Expert entrepreneurial advice from our savvy business guru 32

60

E VERYDAY THRILL S

We explore three ways to bring adventure into your daily life

See page 44 for this month’s print and digital subscriptions offers

58 * THE DOSSIER

68

AFR AID OF THE DARK? Three people

talk about how embracing their darkness brought them into the light

SHARED VALUES

Campaigner, Gina Miller, on the Brexit bombshell and being daring

71

KNOWING ME Tasha Eurich gives us the tools to gaining self-awareness

*

72

IS YOUR SHADOW SELF HOLDING YOU BACK? Take our test to find out how

NEW JOB, NEW YOU!

Danielle Woodward finds career fulfilment in switching roles

to change your relationship with your shadow

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Contents

J ULY 2017

FEATURES 38

‘I NEED TO MAKE MY BUSINESS WORK’

Award-winning coach, Kim Morgan, offers advice on how to network and get clients through the door 40

MY HOME

Sarah Kingston’s seaside sanctuary is a fusion of vintage furniture and car-boot-sale chic 46

LOVE , LOVE ME DO

Psychologies Editor, Suzy Greaves, learns self-love from a world-renowned teacher

*

52

E VERY THING IN MODER ATION

Heidi Scrimgeour on the secret to rediscovering your resolve 56

MARY FENWICK

Our agony aunt advises readers on tricky family dynamics and making life-changing decisions

THE RETREAT 114

SCANDI LIVING

Combine functionality with iconic design to create a beautifully nuanced home, bursting with light 122

#360ME 78

Expert advice in four holistic sections – Mind, Body, Spirit and Gut for wellness, and pleasure

MIX IT UP!

Food is there to be enjoyed, says Nicola ‘Milly’ Millbank, so tuck into her eclectic offerings

THE PL AN

85

HOLISTIC SKIN

The Organic Pharmacy’s Margo Marrone shares her tips on preventing prickly heat 87

FEEL BE AUTIFUL

Uplifting products to pep up and perfect 89

PLEASE RESERVE/DELIVER PSYCHOLOGIES ON A REGULAR BASIS STARTING WITH ISSUE _________ TITLE................ FIRST NAME...................................................................................

Childs Farm founder, Joanna Jensen, on what motherhood taught her about the beauty business 91

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PHONE NUMBER.......................................................................................................

THE KIND MIND

You’ve got the power to choose health and happiness, declares Ali Roff 92

*

THE BENEFITS OF BEING BODY WISE

Physician, Rachel Carlton Abrams, explores the wonders of intuition as we tune into our bodies 99

ASK THE DOCTOR

Holistic expert, Dr Andrew Weil, on boosting fertility 101 RE AL NUTRITION

Eve Kalinik says yes to gut-balancing yogurt

SURNAME...................................................................................................................

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WELL NET WORK

102

*

LOST & FOUND

Eva Ramirez seeks off-the-grid solitude at Restival 1 20 SUMMER IN THE GARDEN

With long, balmy days at their peak, Paul Rushton hails the humble ‘pot marigold’ calendula

PHOTOGRAPH: STOCKSY

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OUR TEAM Editor Suzy Greaves Managing Editor Danielle Woodward Acting Art Director Lynne Lanning Health + Wellness Director Eminé Rushton Picture Editor Laura Doherty Dossier and Books Editor Ali Roff Chief Sub/Production Editor Vee Sey Deputy Chief Sub Editor Leona Gerrard Digital Editor Katherine Weir Editorial Assistant Ellen Tout Associate Editors Anita Chaudhuri, Elizabeth Heathcote Thanks to Ali Christie, Gemma Doyle, Georgina Probert, Anne-Claire Heels Contributing Editors Wellness Suzanne Duckett, Catherine Turner, Elizabeth Bennett Health Dr Andrew Weil Fitness Hollie Grant Spirit Akcelina Cvijetic, Annee de Mamiel Mind Suzy Reading Nutrition Eve Kalinik Yoga Kat Farrants Garden Paul Rushton ADVERTISING & PRODUCTION TigerBee Media, Commercial Director Nikki Peterson (01342 824051) nikki.peterson@tigerbeemedia.co.uk Production Manager Melanie Cooper (01733 363485) kelseylifestyle@atgraphicsuk.com Production Supervisor Dionne Fisher (01733 363485) kelseylifestyle@atgraphicsuk.com Publishing Operations Manager Charlotte Whittaker MANAGEMENT Managing Director Phil Weeden Chief Executive Steve Wright Chairman Steve Annetts Finance Director Joyce Parker-Sarioglu Publishing Director Vicky Ophield Acting Publishing Director Andrew Davies Retail Distribution Manager Eleanor Brown Audience Development Manager Andy Cotton Brand Marketing Manager Kate Chamberlain Events Manager Kat Chappell

CONTRIBUTORS

Meet three of the people who have taken part in the creation of this issue of Psychologies

Nicola ‘Milly’ Millbank Food writer and actress Milly believes in an honest approach to food; rather than eliminating food groups and following diets, she praises healthy home cooking. Her new book Milly’s Real Food (HarperCollins, £20) featured on page 122, is a no-nonsense foray into simple, hearty fare. ‘I want to celebrate the home cook again, dedicate my time to making proper comfort food and always aim for lagom – a Swedish concept meaning just the right amount,’ she says.

Morwhenna Woolcock ‘Creative adventurer’ Morwhenna runs creative adventure retreats and believes that we don’t need to travel far to experience something new and inspiring. ‘An adventure begins as soon as you decide to have one,’ she says. ‘I found that reconnecting with my creative and adventurous self was a huge part of my recovery from severe depression; it is instrumental to my wellbeing.’ Read her journey and tips for everyday creativity on page 26.

SUBSCRIPTIONS 13 issues of Psychologies are published per annum ● UK annual subscription price: £50.40 ● Europe annual subscription price: £63.99 ● USA annual subscription price: £63.99 ● Rest of World annual subscription price: £69.99 ● UK subscription and back issue orderline: 01959 543747 ● Overseas subscription orderline: 0044 (0) 1959 543747 ● Toll-free USA subscription orderline: 1 888 777 0275 ● UK customer service team: 01959 543747; subs@kelsey.co.uk

Sarah Tucker Journalist and author This month, bestselling novelist and travel writer, Sarah, speaks to Gina Miller for our Shared Values interview (page 32). ‘Gina and I met when we were going through challenging times; we’re both go-getters,’ she says. As well as writing, Sarah teaches yoga to students and is currently campaigning for all schools to include yoga on the national curriculum.

Find subscription offers on our website: shop.kelsey.co.uk/psy Manage your subscription online shop.kelsey.co.uk/site/loginForm DISTRIBUTION & PRINTING William Gibbons, 28 Planetary Road, Willenhall, Wolverhampton WV13 3XT; 01902 730011; williamgibbons.co.uk Seymour Distribution Ltd, 2 East Poultry Avenue, London EC1A 9PT; 020 7429 4000; seymour.co.uk Psychologies is published under licence from Psychologies Magazine France.

Psychologies Magazine is a registered trademark. Copyright ©2002 Psychologies Magazine is a registered trademark and is published monthly by Kelsey Media 2017 © all rights reserved.

Kelsey Media is a trading name of Kelsey Publishing Ltd. Reproduction in whole or in part is forbidden except with permission in writing from the publishers.

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The views expressed in the magazine are not necessarily those of the Editor or the Publisher.

Kelsey Publishing Ltd accepts no liability for products and services offered by third parties.

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editor’s letter

Rewrite your story This month, we invite you to redraft your life script. ‘Our minds are wired to create a cohesive narrative and our stories are our anchors. They tell us who we are, what we’re capable of, and what our lives are all about,’ says Sharon Salzberg on page 46.

But that’s not a useful thing when we internalise experiences from childhood and make a permanent story about how life is. So, how do we rewrite our stories?

On page 19, our columnist, Harriet Minter, worked with a coach who challenged her by asking the simple question, ‘Is that a true statement?’ to everything she said.

It helped her root out the beliefs that were no longer serving her in her life.

Our Dossier invites you to dig deeper into your shadow side. ‘The shadow self is formed in childhood to protect us from something, be it abandonment, criticism or even abuse,’ explains Jungian analyst, Connie Zweig. ‘But, as we mature, that inner protector has become our saboteur.’ To explore how to stop sabotaging, and become more conscious about how you live your life, turn to page 60.

Craving another kind of inner adventure? See Morwhenna Woolcock’s feature on page 26. ‘You don’t need to travel to remote countries, have loads of money or be super fit,’ she says. ‘It’s about seeing things from a new perspective.’ Try one of her experiments on page 28.

If you’re considering changing jobs, why not edit your work story first? Be inspired by Danielle Woodward on page 34, who took on a completely different role at work, by challenging her own, and other people’s, stories about what she was capable of.

How will you rewrite your story this month?

GET IN TOUCH

Join our tribe! Connect with us on our website at psychologies.co.uk and on social media. Share your comments, photos and inspiration on Twitter (twitter.com/ PsychologiesMag), Facebook (facebook.com/ Psychologiesmagazine), and Instagram (instagram.com/psychologiesmagazine).

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Suzy Greaves Editor, with Oscar the office dog

09/05/2017 11:44

Viewpoint

Let us know what you think of the magazine and, each month, we’ll publish the best letters STA R LETTER

PUTTING OUT FIRES I’m studying project management and found the ‘Quit the chaos’ Dossier (May) to be valuable. I often struggle to split my time between work, home and health, and I never know where my priorities should lie. The test made me realise that I need to reassess my life, instead of firefighting issues and trying to be the ‘perfect’ me. As I’m about to begin my dissertation, I’ve started using a diary and creating schedules. I find something new and interesting in every issue of the magazine. Thank you. Charlotte

PHO T O COM PET I T ION

A 30ml bottle of the new Win! Frankincense Intense Lift Serum, worth £75, from Neal’s Yard Remedies

Would you like to showcase your photography talent in Psychologies? Each month, we ask you to submit a photo on a theme. We’ll print our winner in the upcoming issue of the magazine and on psychologies.co.uk, plus the winner gets a prize. The next theme is ‘Midsummer’. Send your photo attached in an email, with your address, to pictures@ psychologies.co.uk by midnight on 30 June.* NEXT MONTH: Win Lonely Planet books worth £90

Winner

PRIZE

£75 WORTH

THE WINNER THIS MONTH

This is a photo I took in Death Valley, Nevada, while on a trans-American motorcycle trip. These desolate badlands were formed when the land mass rose from the planet’s crust and were once hidden on the ocean floor. I felt the metamorphosis, from sea bed to desert wasteland, suited your theme of ‘Change’ in the starkest way. Jane van Blerk

EMAIL PICTURES@PSYCHOLOGIES.CO.UK. THE THEME FOR THE NEXT PHOTO COMPETITION* IS ‘MIDSUMMER’ DEADLINE: 30 JUNE 8 P S Y C H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E J U LY 2 0 1 7

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feedback

SEEING IS BELIEVING Since reading the ‘Create your future’ Dossier (February) on vision boarding, I have genuinely changed my life. After six years of hating my job, but struggling to find the confidence to take the plunge, I made a vision board with this as my focus.

What started off as a relaxing project became a real inspiration – I found just looking at the board really pushed me to honour it. I pursued the career change (looking at the board before interviews) and have just been offered a new role in my preferred field. Thank you for helping boost my confidence; the vision board has been such a positive experience. Hannah

*

FOR FULL TS&CS, SEE PSYCHOLOGIES.CO.UK

NOVEL INSPIRATION I’m really enjoying Lucy Atkins’s ‘How to write a novel’ column. I’ve been writing for years, but this has involved swathes of procrastinating and bouts of despair. A constant hurdle for me is trying to put down words and learning to trust that what I’ve written is good enough.

Lucy’s column has inspired me to get stuck in again. I’m taking comfort in the fact that I can keep writing and re-working without feeling compelled to share my process.

Lucy is correct in saying that writing in secret is liberating! I’m learning to overcome perfectionism. I’m grateful to have found her column and will be following it through the year, as I muster the courage to complete another draft of my first novel. Farhana

This month’s winner

I’d like to thank…

My elderly patient, Being an A&E doctor is often exhausting, emotionally overwhelming and, sometimes, utterly devastating. We are always stretched to the limit; we run from patient to patient doing a million things at once and are often spoken to with disdain and frustration.

Every so often, someone comes along who reminds me that medicine is a gift. Looking after you last week, with your lovely family, was a bright moment in a difficult shift. It was after midnight, the department was heaving and I couldn’t fix your problem, but sat a while to listen to you and offered you some pain relief.

You held my hand and told me I was ‘a lovely wee lass’. You worried that you were wasting my time, even though your distress was apparent.

You couldn’t have been more understanding when I was late getting back to you with results, because something else came up. Your kindness to me in your moment of hardship showed such bravery and compassion. It’s my job, but you made it my privilege. I hope you are well, wherever you ended up. Thank you.

Natalie THIS MONTH’S LETTER OF GRATITUDE WINS… A year’s digital subscription to Psychologies, worth £28.99

IS THERE SOMEONE YOU’D LIKE TO THANK? SHARE YOUR LETTER OF GRATITUDE BY SENDING IT TO LETTERS@PSYCHOLOGIES.CO.UK J U LY 2 0 1 7 P S Y C H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E 9

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The Fix

News I Reviews

I Books

I Film

I

Art

I

Ideas

EDITED BY ELLEN TOUT

The very things that held you “down are going to lift you up ”

PHOTOGRAPH: STANLEY KUBRICK, THE LIBRARY OF CONGRESS, LOOK MAGAZINE COLLECTION

DUMBO

Roll up, roll up! This photo, taken in 1948, is from The Circus by Noel Daniel (Taschen, £44.99).

The book traces the stories of the first traditional circus performers and what they represented – adventure, individualism and possibility. ‘In scope and ambition, the circus invented the rules for today’s entertainment industry,’ says the author. ‘It was about the poetry of its performers, personifying the romance of the open road and the grit of individualism.’

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71

the fix

IS THE AVERAGE NUMBER OF RESTLESS NIGHTS A PERSON EXPERIENCES OVER ONE YEAR, ROUGHLY SIX ‘BAD SLEEPS’ A MONTH*

COLD SPELL We know that loneliness is bad for our health, but a new study** has found that symptoms of a cold feel worse when we’re lonely. Researchers said that feeling isolated doesn’t affect our chances of catching a cold but noticed that, for participants, the more withdrawn they felt, the worse they reported their symptoms to be. They believe this shows how loneliness can increase our sense of feeling unwell, and lead to further social seclusion.

Duvet Day pyjama set, £15, Prettylittlething

Racing chance

The Wellbeing Journal, (Michael O’Mara Books, £9.99)

LIVING MINDFULLY How do you manage life’s knocks? ‘Rather than trying to change our circumstances, we can work to alter our relationship with them,’ suggests author, Ed Halliwell. ‘This enables us to perceive the world differently.’ Formerly editor of FHM magazine, Halliwell’s life was plagued by anxiety and depression before he stumbled on meditation and Buddhism.

Hear him speak at The Mindful Living Show in London on 2-3 June (psychologies.co.uk/ join-us-mindful-living-show).

New research† has found that saying ‘I forgot ’ may be a credible reason for breaking the speed limit. The study simulated driving scenes and found that traffic stops can cause us to lose track of changes in road speeds. This suggests that people aren’t hurrying to speed off after a traffic light, but that the break causes us to forget the limit, even when the speed is now faster than we remember.

We don’t advise using it as an excuse with a police officer!

Volkswagen campervan toaster, £39.95, Prezzybox

RESEARCH†† SUGGESTS THAT TAKING SELFIES FOCUSES OUR ATTENTION ON FEELINGS OF SELF-CRITICISM. BUT, THIS 12 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E J U LY 2 0 1 7

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IS

FILM REVIEW: ELLEN TOUT. *POCKIT, 2016; **S ANGIE ET AL, LONELINESS PREDICTS SELF-REPORTED COLD SYMPTOMS AFTER A VIRAL CHALLENGE, ‘HEALTH PSYCHOLOGY’, 2017; †V BOWDEN ET AL, FORGETTING INDUCED SPEEDING: CAN PROSPECTIVE MEMORY FAILURE ACCOUNT FOR DRIVERS EXCEEDING THE SPEED LIMIT? ‘APA PSYCNET’, 2017; ††Y SHIN ET AL, SELFIE AND SELF: THE EFFECT OF SELFIES ON SELF-ESTEEM AND SOCIAL SENSITIVITY, ‘SCIENCE DIRECT’, 2017. FOR STOCKISTS, SEE PAGE 127

Miss Sloane

Directed by John Madden Fierce, determined and undefeated, Elizabeth Sloane (Jessica Chastain) is a powerful American lobbyist. ‘I was hired to win,’ she states. ‘And I use whatever resources I have.’ The film sees her unexpectedly abandon a high-profile client to fight the side of a small campaign to improve gun legislation. Talented, but isolated, Sloane struggles against the opposition, the courts and her own anxieties in her unwavering obsession with winning.

This political thriller is rich in twists and, although fictional, gives a poignant look inside policymaking through the eyes of Chastain’s ruthlessly brave character – a role you might typically expect to be a male lead. A must-watch for fans of House Of Cards. ET

SCHOOL OF LIFE LESSONS

We put ourselves under “ pressure to achieve success without looking at where our ideas of success come from: our parents, peers or society? Make sure that success is defined by what fulfils us

“

S

Film of the month

MAURITS KALFF Maurits Kalff is a psychologist, coach and faculty member at The School of Life in London. He leads a class on How To Manage The Fear Of Failure on 8 June. See theschooloflife.com

ISN’T THE CASE IF WE SHARE THE PHOTO ON SOCIAL MEDIA WITH THE SELF-PROMOTION BOOSTING OUR CONFIDENCE J U LY 2 0 1 7 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E 13

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the fix

8/10

PEOPLE SAY THAT VOLUNTEERING WAS BENEFICIAL IN BOOSTING THEIR SOCIAL CIRCLE, WITH ONE IN 10 EVEN MEETING A MATCH WHILE GIVING UP THEIR TIME TO HELP OTHERS*

Cosmo cushion, £60, Esther Sandler at Etsy

Community changes When we think about climate change, we usually focus on the environment, but a new report**says we shouldn’t overlook its impact on mental health. The study highlights how changes in agriculture and migration can lead to a loss of identity, community support and control. The key to combatting this, it suggests, is by fostering networks to help build resilience and a shared social identity.

AUDIO BOOKS TO SOOTHE THE SOUL WE LOVE: ‘Sherlock Holmes: The Definitive Collection’

Our friends at Audible tell us why you’ll enjoy listening to Sherlock Holmes As one of the world’s best-loved detectives, it makes sense that the complete works of Sherlock Holmes should be narrated by the nation’s favourite storyteller, Stephen Fry. Featuring all four novels, 56 short stories and exclusive introductions from Fry himself, this new collection beautifully brings the magic and mystery of Holmes’s investigations to life. A lifelong fan of Conan Doyle’s detective fiction, Fry’s love for the character provides a uniquely intimate experience. His rich voice and impeccable timing perfectly build the tension, pulling the reader into the investigation – and perhaps leaving you a little inquisitive, too.

‘Sherlock Holmes: The Definitive Collection’ is available now for £14.99 on Audible or free with a 30-day trial. See audible.co.uk

78 PER CENT OF MILLENNIALS WOULD PREFER TO SPEND MONEY ON EXPERIENCES OR EVENTS, RATHER THAN 14 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E J U LY 2 0 1 7

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PHOTOGRAPH: KATE T PARKER PHOTOGRAPHY. *OXFAM, 2016; **MENTAL HEALTH AND OUR CHANGING CLIMATE: IMPACTS, IMPLICATIONS AND GUIDANCE, AMERICAN PSYCHOLOGICAL ASSOCIATION, 2017; † BE MORE PATIENT? IMAGINE THAT: NEUROSCIENTISTS FIND LINKS BETWEEN PATIENCE, IMAGINATION IN THE BRAIN, ‘SCIENCEDAILY’, 2017; ††EVENTBRITE, 2017. FOR STOCKISTS, SEE PAGE 127

Culture

Strong is the new pretty When photographer, Kate Parker, noticed that the strongest photos of her daughters were the images in which they ‘were being 100 per cent themselves’, she wanted to celebrate it. ‘I didn’t ask them to smile or put on a pretty dress,’ she says. Simple, but powerful, her photographs are now a book titled Strong Is The New Pretty (Workman Publishing, £11.99). It captures the spirit and strength of young women from different backgrounds, stories and generations, including 10-year-old Caroline and her friends (pictured).

‘I wanted my girls to know that being themselves is beautiful, and that being beautiful is about being strong,’ says Parker. ‘Every girl I met is amazing.

I feel honoured to share their stories and images.’

It’s an incredible book full of pictures of strength, laughter, joy and confidence – inspiration for all ages.

I WANT IT NOW! Hate to wait? A new study† has revealed that using your imagination could help you to feel more patient. The researchers believe that by imagining an outcome before acting upon impulse, we can boost our patience, and even sustain it for longer.

The study uses the example of campaigns to eat healthily or quit smoking to illustrate this, finding that imagination outplays the success of willpower alone.

Orla Kiely floral strap watch, £100, Amara

PRODUCTS, AND 69 PER CENT BELIEVE THESE MAKE THEM MORE CONNECTED TO OTHERS AND THE WORLD†† J U LY 2 0 1 7 P S YC H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E 15

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mind tricks

HOW TO…

Have better sex Martha Roberts speaks to sex experts, Mike Lousada and Louise Mazanti, about how to enhance our erotic encounters

PHOTOGRAPH: GALLERY STOCK

1

Forget about perfect technique

‘One of the biggest mistakes people make is thinking they need to learn new techniques,’ says Lousada. Sex isn’t about what you do; it’s about how you feel. Notice what you feel like doing in each moment and see how your partner responds. If their arousal seems heightened, you’ll sense it and can continue.

If not, try something else.

2

Trust your Erotic Intelligence (EI)

EI is the art of allowing intimacy into our lives. ‘It’s the part of us that knows when to say yes or no to sexual energy,’ says Mazanti. ‘It allows us to access deeper intimacy with someone and lets us know when to open up, to stay more withdrawn, to move fast or slow down.’

Keep listening and trust what your EI is telling you.

3

Stop thinking, start feeling

Our minds can get in the way during sex. ‘Many people get stuck in the mental image of what’s going to happen next, which takes them out of the connection with their partner,’ says Lousada. If you notice you’re thinking rather than feeling, switch your attention back to your body.

‘Real Sex’ by Mike Lousada and Louise Mazanti (Hay House, £12.99)

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self LESSONS IN ADULTHOOD

‘‘Time to declutter’’ What I wouldn’t give for a little more space – in my wardrobe and my mind – but, if I want more of it, I’m going to have to let go of some things.

As a would-be hoarder, I’ve always found that difficult, says Harriet Minter

PHOTOGRAPH: MARK HARRISON. HAIR AND MAKE-UP: CAROLINE PIASECKI. STYLIST: KATE ANYA BARBOUR

F

or a long time, the most expensive thing I owned was a pair of shoes, but that didn’t stop me filling every shelf and drawer with cheaper bits and pieces. Last year, I read Marie Kondo’s The Life-Changing Magic Of Tidying (Vermilion, £11.99). In it, Kondo claims we can all live happier lives if we tidy up the environment around us. She suggests that we audit our possessions by holding each one and asking, ‘Does this bring me joy?’

It sounds bonkers and, to be frank, standing in my living room holding a dress in my hands and asking the question out loud, I felt like a bit of an idiot. But the funny thing was, I knew the answer was ‘no’ straight away and I had no problem throwing the offending item into the charity-shop pile. Creating literal space somehow also created mental space. I’d let go of things I thought I treasured and found I didn’t miss them; could this also work for other aspects in my life? Was it time to say goodbye to some old beliefs, too?

Not all of our baggage is physical. It’s one thing to admit we have no more space left in our cupboards, but something else to let go of the thoughts and ideas that have guided us through life. Our minds are funny things; we hear something once and believe it as truth. Then, we spend our days looking for ways to confirm this. Most of the time, though, these thoughts relate to who we used to be, not who we are now. We need to say goodbye to them in the same way that we’ve said goodbye to teenage crushes and old school books. It’s easier said than done, I know, but the first place to start is with the simple question, ‘Is that a true statement?’ I once worked with a coach who did nothing but ask this for an entire hour – and it was intense. Try it. Each time you hear yourself say something as fact, just ask, ‘Is that a true statement?’

Warning though, it will make your head spin. For me, it was the phrase, ‘I look after myself, nobody else can’, neatly blocking anyone from getting too close. For a friend of mine it was, ‘Nobody will love me unless I’m thin’, which justified her extreme diet. If you’d asked either of us to explain why we believed these phrases, we wouldn’t have been able to tell you, but somehow they’d been drilled into our minds. It was only when we realised that they were automatic, rather than real, that we began to let them go.

But you can’t just hand a belief to a charity shop as you would an old pair of trousers. Instead, you need to look at what it has given you: be it safety, confidence or a set of rules to live by. Then say, ‘Your work here is done and I’m letting you go’. Enjoy the space you’ve created and move on.

For weekly wisdom from Harriet, sign up for her newsletter at tinyletter.com/ harrietminter. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram @harrietminter

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United ed

trek tre

a ag against ainst demen dementia

the life-tweak

Get time on your side Oliver Burkeman tells us how making every second count can have a big impact on what you get done in a day

The idea

How to make it happen Avoid the ‘postponement trap’

We assume important tasks require big blocks of time, but these are rare, and the ironic result is that we make more progress on what matters least. It’s always a long email from a friend that has to wait, while unimportant messages get dealt with faster. Spend small periods of time on something significant, and it will soon be ‘done’.

Keep an ‘in-between’ list

List tasks that you can finish in five minutes, or mark them on your to-do list. Then, when a brief window of time arises, you won’t waste it wondering how to use it.

Take a ‘micro-holiday’

There’s rejuvenation in even the tiniest break – a stroll or a cuppa – providing you first take a few seconds to close your eyes, simply feel the sensation of breathing, and mentally step away from stressful thoughts. Even a crowded train platform can be relaxing, once you let go of the thought that you wish you weren’t on it.

Oliver Burkeman is author of ‘The Antidote: Happiness For People Who Can’t Stand Positive Thinking’ (Canongate, £8.99)

PHOTOGRAPH: PLAIN PICTURE

We dream of finding hours of undistracted time to focus on what matters most: big work projects, relaxing with family, or writing that novel. In reality, time is fragmented – chopped up by interruptions from phones, bosses and children; or spent commuting and in queues. The result is numerous tiny portions of time that feel wasted, because they’re too short for any real achievement. One solution is to reduce ‘bitty’ time by, say, arranging all meetings in the afternoons, leaving mornings undisturbed. But there’s a more cunning approach: learn tricks for using those small pockets of time, so they won’t be ‘wasted’ at all.

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interview

Jessica Chastain

“I’m drawn to playing women who make their mark on the world” Two-time Oscar nominee, Jessica Chastain, talks about hope, humility and kindness, and her new film The Zookeeper’s Wife PHOTOGRAPH SHAYAN ASGHARNIA/AUGUST

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essica Chastain is as enthusiastic an actress today as she was 10 years ago, when she was struggling to get auditions. She’s also just as open, engaging and unjaded as ever, despite having established herself in the past five years as one of Hollywood’s top stars. She greets you with the same electric smile and self-effacing presence that has always been her trademark. Chastain will never forget how hard she worked to get this far and how, as a child, she watched as her mother struggled to put food on the table for her family.

Her story, in fact, is the kind you’d see in the fabled films of old Hollywood, as she fought to overcome numerous challenges before finding success. Born in a small town near Sonoma, in northern California, to teenage parents, her mother Jerri, a vegan chef, and her father, Michael Monasterio, a musician, separated when Chastain was young. Soon after the split, Jerri relocated to Sacramento with Jessica and her younger sister, Juliet, where she remarried and went on to have three more children with Michael Hastey, a firefighter. Notoriously

tight-lipped about her past, Chastain speaks highly of her childhood, and sees their relative poverty as a positive, rather than a misfortune. ‘I think growing up in a situation where money wasn’t necessary for happiness helped me,’ says Chastain. ‘I realised, when pursuing an acting career, that it’s not something you do for money. I did it knowing I could live without it. I grew up without it.’

When she was seven, her grandmother, Marilyn, took her to see a production of Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, which sparked her desire to act – Chastain repaid the favour when Marilyn accompanied her to the 2012 Oscars.

But, despite showing great talent, and landing a scholarship at New York’s Juilliard School, her success would not come overnight and, during her career, the 40-year-old has sustained the kind of rejection and disappointment which would have undoubtedly broken most people.

Perhaps it’s this fierce resilience that enables her to portray, so succinctly, brave and formidable women, from >>>

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09/05/2017 12:16

>>> the fearsome CIA intelligence analyst, who helps capture

Osama bin Laden in Zero Dark Thirty, to the grieving mother in The Disappearance Of Eleanor Rigby, who is steely, yet fragile. Critics and journalists have remarked on the great empathy with which she approaches her craft and how, despite being reluctant to talk about her personal life, she is candid and honest, and a pleasure to interview.

She is no stranger to heartache, but manages to find positives, even in the depths of despair. Since her sister Juliet’s suicide, at 24, Chastain has devoted herself to supporting mental health charities, and works with the non-profit organisation To Write Love On Her Arms, which aims to present hope for people struggling with addiction, depression, self-harm and suicidal thoughts. A feminist, she has often spoken out about the discrimination faced by women and minorities in Hollywood.

Her new film, The Zookeeper’s Wife, tells the real-life story of Antonina Zabinski and her husband, Jan, director of the Warsaw Zoo while Poland was under German occupation during World War Two, who helped save the lives of nearly 300 Jewish people. At great personal risk, they hid families in their home on the zoo’s grounds and in animal enclosures, to save them from being taken to concentration camps.

The interview

What did it mean to you to play the role of this incredibly brave woman in The Zookeeper’s Wife?

It was inspiring to be part of this film and play a character whose willingness to risk everything is a lesson in hope and humanity; she is left alone at the house, and given all this responsibility – caring for and protecting these people and, in the process, she grows into herself. It’s a beautiful story and I saw it as a labour of love.

How do you feel about Antonina risking her life, and that of her children, to save the lives of people fleeing the Nazis?

I felt that she was a true female hero, who would sacrifice all that she had to do the right thing. That takes tremendous conviction. We need stories like this, which show how humanity can triumph, in spite of war.

Did you think about how you may have reacted if you faced a similar decision?

It’s too easy and almost disrespectful to say that one would have done the same thing under similar conditions. It’s more difficult to actually take that ultimate

“It was inspiring to play a character whose willingness to risk everything is a lesson in hope and humanity” kind of risk when it’s really happening to you. I’d like to believe I’d have done the same.

You’re noted for your commitment to women’s rights.

Is it important to you to keep portraying remarkable women such as Antonina?

I’m drawn to playing women who make their mark in the world; who fight for their place and recognition in society.

We need to keep telling these kinds of stories to inspire young women to aspire to great things.

Antonina felt a deep connection to the zoo and animals...

Yes, she believed that animals possess a kind of healing power. She’d often sleep beside them, and wanted her children to experience the beauty of living with animals that were like brothers and sisters to them.

What was it like being in the constant presence of the animals?

I played a little game with a female THE FILM: ‘THE elephant. I would hide apples ZOOKEEPER’S WIFE’ around the set and she would come over and use her trunk to try to The film is set in Poland in 1939, find them on me. homeland of Antonina Zabinski (Jessica Chastain) and her husband, Jan Zabinski (Johan Heldenbergh).

The Warsaw Zoo flourishes under Jan’s stewardship and Antonina’s care.

When their country is invaded by the Nazis, the couple are forced to report to the Reich’s newly appointed chief zoologist, Lutz Heck (Daniel Brühl).

The Zabinskis begin working covertly with the Resistance and put into action plans to save the lives of hundreds from what became the Warsaw Ghetto.

A thought-provoking and inspiring film.

You are playing another powerful woman, Elizabeth Sloane, in Miss Sloane, which is also a real-life story... [See our review on page 13] Elizabeth is such a perfectionist and a highly ambitious woman.

She fought hard to gain stature as a lobbyist in a field heavily dominated by men, and she proved herself by winning cases that

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interview

As Antonina Zabinski in The Zookeeper’s Wife, who hid Jewish families from the Nazis

In The Disappearance Of Eleanor Rigby, Chastain plays a grieving mother, alongside James McEvoy

WORDS: INTERVIEW HUB. PHOTOGRAPHS: REX

most people thought were impossible to win. That’s how she established herself, and I was fascinated by her story. I could never fight in the way that she does, because I’m not competitive at all and I don’t have that kind of mentality. Elizabeth had this take-no-prisoners attitude.

Should we draw parallels between a tough-minded woman, like Elizabeth Sloane, and other female crusaders, who had a huge impact in their own way?

The outstanding thing about Elizabeth Sloane is that she challenges the idea of what we think a woman should be; she was a crusader but she was also a woman who was willing to fight as hard as any man – and work as hard as any man – to win her cases. It’s rare in Hollywood that we tell stories in which women are shown to be rebels, and that’s what I really loved about this film.

Did playing Miss Sloane empower you in a similar way?

I wish I could be as intimidating, and as determined, as

Playing aspiring socialite, Celia Rae Foote, in The Help, which earned her an Oscar nomination

Chastain stars as a CIA intelligence analyst, who helps to capture Bin Laden in Zero Dark Thirty

she is – but it’s difficult to be as tough as you need to be in those situations, or when you’re arguing with someone.

In your own way, do you want to inspire other women by making films and playing characters that tell powerful, female-driven stories?

It’s not my intention to lecture anyone. But I feel an obligation to contribute something to society and be part of projects that create discussion. I feel fortunate to be in a position where I can get certain kinds of films made, and I hope to be able to inspire people and generate conversation about many issues. I also believe in the need to speak up, when necessary, and I want to participate in raising awareness and defending people’s rights.

You still work as hard, and as often, as ever. How do you get away from it all?

I like to stay home. I also love to cook; something I learned from my mother. But, usually, I enjoy reading and being kind of quiet!

‘The Zookeeper’s Wife’ is in cinemas now

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self

An adventure every day…

You don’t need to be wealthy, or take a sabbatical, to go on an amazing adventure. Morwhenna Woolcock explains how she has found time to fit adventures around her daily life, and shares three ideas that anyone can try

A

dventure is everywhere – if you know where to look for it. You don’t need to travel to remote countries, take a year off work, have lots of money or be super fit. It’s more about changing your perspective and looking at things creatively. This year, I’m visiting a different UK island a month, exploring its relationship with the people it has inspired and creating an artwork in response. This will be my third creative adventure, and one I’m fitting in around a job and life in general. You can do this, too.

My idea was massive to start with. I discovered there are more than 3,000 islands around the UK – 267 of which are inhabited – and I wanted to visit them all. But, it was too big. I ended up with a list of 60 islands that I found curious and enticing, but it was still too big. So, I thought about how I could create a year-long project, without having to take a year off work, and getting the adventure to wrap around my life. I needed to start small; I chose 12 islands and would visit one a month. So what if I can’t explore them all in one go? I’m starting; the essence of the idea is still there, only now it’s achievable.

Personal pilgrimage

The travel-bug began for me in 2014. I was 39 and recovering from a period of depression, when I plucked up the courage to go volunteering with Art Relief International in Thailand. It gave me such

a boost that I wanted more – next time, though, something closer to home. The following year, I set off on a 190-mile pilgrimage retracing the footsteps of a fifth-century Cornish saint called Morwenna, raising funds for the Stroke Association. This charity is close to my heart; I had a brain haemorrhage when I was 12, and still have some walking difficulties. I travelled by bike, boat and on foot from the Brecon Beacons in Wales to Morwenstow in Cornwall over 21 days – I’d never walked so far in my life. I didn’t even know if I could, but I did, and it was one of the most amazing things I’ve ever done.

After those trips, I knew that I’d found a way to combine the three factors that were key to my recovery and wellbeing: creativity, adventure and nature. That’s why I love these journeys and I already have ideas for future experiences.

Time to explore

Start by following the crumbs of curiosity and see where they lead you. Visit second-hand bookshops.

What sparks your imagination? Do you have a famous namesake who explored parts of the UK you’ve never been to? What’s on your doorstep waiting to be uncovered? It’s your own project, so you set the rules. There’s something empowering about making and experiencing your own creative journey. I believe that an adventure begins as soon as you decide to have one. So make that choice today. >>>

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self

>>>

CREATE A UNIQUE SOUND MAP What you’ll need:

l Something to sit on l Sketch book/loose paper or card l Mark makers; pencils, pens or paint l Camera

Find a spot outside where you’ll be comfortable for 30 minutes.

This could be your garden, local park or nearest wildlife reserve. l Sit down and close your eyes. l Take three deep breaths, then begin to tune in to the sounds around you. l Spend a few minutes just listening.

If you sense your mind beginning to wander, bring your awareness back to the sounds around you. l Now we are going to start ‘mapping’ these sounds: take out your paper and put yourself in the centre of the map.

Draw a circle and write, ‘I am here’.

2

Try to notice which direction the sounds are coming from and ‘translate’ them on to your map.

Map these sounds as words, drawings, shapes, or a mix of all three. Use colours, too; what ‘colour’ is that sound? There is no right or wrong way to do this, so have fun with it.

Things to think about l What does the sound feel like?

Is it a soft, round organic sound?

Or is it a hard industrial sound? l What colour does the sound have?

For example, yellow as a light sound or birds singing; black for a heavy deep sound, such as a lorry or someone slamming a door. l Notice how your body feels and responds to these sounds. l If there are too many sounds to map, just focus on picking out a few. l It’s normal to feel tired after this exercise, as we don’t tend to concentrate this much on using sound in this way, so stop when you feel ready to.

3

What to do when you’ve completed your sound map... l Look at what you have created: name, date and time your sound map. l Has it made you feel differently about the space? Are you more or less connected to it as a result? l Was there a sound that resonated with you? A bird singing or the sway of a tree? Try to find out as much as you can about that species or variety. l What did you enjoy most and least about the experience? Was it difficult to just sit and listen? What else did you notice? Jot down all your responses.

Taking it further

Try this exercise at various moments in the day, sitting in different places, then compare the results. Are there times that you feel better connected? Is there a spot that you felt happy to be seated in? Putting the three images together, are there shapes that you like that could be combined into an artwork? Try making sound maps when you go on holiday to get a different ‘feel’ and view of a place. What kind of sound-based creative adventure could this give you an idea for?

“

Notice which direction the sounds are coming from and translate them on your map, as words, drawings or shapes

“

1

GO ON A ‘NATURE KNOWS’ WALK What you’ll need:

l Paper l Pen l Something to

rest on – a clipboard or piece of hard card is ideal l Camera

T

his walk will help you to find out what nature knows and how she can help you with some problem-solving.

Start with a question, such as, ‘What do I need in my life right now?’ Taking your paper with you, go on a short walk. You can do this in any green space: a park, garden or nature reserve.

As you begin your walk, really take notice of what you are drawn to, and jot it down on your

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Look at a tree, “sculpture or building from many different angles, and take photographs of all these perspectives

“

GAIN A NEW PERSPECTIVE What you’ll need: l Paper l Pen l Camera

PHOTOGRAPHS: STOCKSY

H piece of paper, either by drawing what you see, or writing a short description, for example, ‘I noticed a small red leaf on the ground. It stood out.’ If it sparks any other thoughts, write them down, too – perhaps it could be something like, ‘I used to like wearing red.’

You could also take a photo of what you witness, but make sure you note any thoughts you have as you see these ‘clues’. Keep walking and noting what you view, until you feel you’d like to stop (ideally after about 20-30 minutes, or longer if you are enjoying yourself). Come back to your home or office and look at all the clues that you’ve collected.

From what you have observed, can you see a pattern? Ask yourself what things really stood out? Ask how that relates to your

question? Jot down everything that springs to mind so, if you’ve come across lots of bright colours, consider how you are using colour in your life, and whether you need to explore being brighter or standing out more. If you’ve noticed how lots of leaves are rotting away and new shoots coming through – think about what unhelpful habits you need to let go of to enable new, brighter possibilities to grow. It’s your interpretation that’s important here – so go with your gut and with what comes to mind as you look at the evidence you’ve collected from your ‘nature knows’ walk.

Once you’ve had time to reflect on the clues and what they mean to you, commit to a small action that responds to your question and follow it through.

unt out an interesting tree or sculpture, or even a building near to where you live, and do a ‘360’ of it. Look at it from as many different angles as you can, and take photos of your different perspectives: eye level, looking up, looking down. Can you get higher than the object? Could you lie on the ground? Walk around it and look at it with fresh eyes, noting details, shapes and shadows. What do you know about it and what can you find out? How old is it? What is its story?

Are there sparks of interest that could be developed into a bigger adventure?

For example, you see a sculpture by Barbara Hepworth and you become intrigued by her and her life in St Ives, and decide to go on a sculpture trail; or you find a tree that’s more than 150 years old, which prompts an interest in where the oldest trees in Britain are, and you decide to start visiting them.

Once you get back, download your images. If you are feeling inspired, you could create a montage with the views you’ve seen. Do any surprise you? How might you use this 360 method on other projects you are doing, or to create more interest in things you see every day? Play and explore.

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work

Bestselling author and entrepreneur, Sháá Wasmund MBE, explains why you need to stop procrastinating and just get started – today

PHOTOGRAPH: LOUISE HAYWOOD-SCHIEFER. HAIR AND MAKE-UP: SADAF AHMAD

Stop dithering, start doing G ot a to-do list longer than your arm? Frequently go to bed worrying that you haven’t achieved enough? Feel like you’re constantly juggling plates, play dates, meetings, webinars, presentations and everything else in-between? Then it’s time to learn some new techniques for tackling that never-ending to-do list.

The world seems busier by the minute. We have to answer emails, texts and WhatsApp messages. The truth is, we need to filter out the noise, take action, get momentum and start understanding what really has to be done – and what doesn’t.

l Whatever you want to do,

start now – yes, right now!

Don’t wait until the perfect moment, because it will never come. What first step can you take towards your goal this minute? Sign up to a gym? Join a running club? Register a company name? Do it now.

l Be accountable. Share your

goals and plans with someone else and make appointments to check in with them. Find another person who has the same aspirations as you, and see if you can do it together. Want to run a marathon? Find a running buddy; it’s much harder to stay in bed when you know someone is waiting in the park for you at 6am!

Want to write a book? Announce it on Facebook and give everyone a deadline for your book proposal, then get feedback from those that count. Been dying to start a business, but don’t want a business partner?

Create a mastermind group of other entrepreneurs who can support you.

l Make a habit out it. Taking

action is like a muscle; the more you do it, the easier it becomes.

Habits create momentum and momentum inspires change.

Sounds easy? That’s because it is – as long as it becomes a habit.

l Get outside every day.

When you feel stuck, the best way to change how you feel is to change your environment. Simply stepping outside, even in the rain, and walking for 20 minutes will alter your mindset and help get you back to being focused. l Schedule daily time.

If it’s for exercise, then you need a routine and a plan, otherwise it’s far too easy for something more urgent to get in the way.

Want a happier life? Take action by making the time to see the people who make you happy. l Just do it. Yes, I know, Nike has probably trademarked that phrase, but it’s true. Don’t expect everything to be perfect. You don’t need perfection, you need momentum.

Sháá Wasmund is author of ‘Stop Talking, Start Doing’ (John Wiley & Sons, £9.99) and ‘Do Less, Get More’ (Penguin, £12.99). Join Sháá’s private Facebook group at shaa.com/freedomcollective

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shared values

Gina Miller

Philanthropist and active campaigner for transparency in politics, Gina Miller first grabbed our attention after bringing a case against the government over Brexit INTERVIEW SARAH TUCKER

As a child, I cannot ever remember feeling that there were paths my three brothers could pursue that I could not. My father was a very principled man who had a strong sense of social justice and helping others who were less fortunate than our family. Other people mattered. He came from a very poor background, and started serving petrol at the age of eight to earn money to go to school. He became a barrister and rose to be attorney general, but he never forgot his roots, his community nor his humble beginnings.

My husband calls me a mental fidget, others a nosy parker – I plead guilty to both. But I laugh all the time with my children – we dance, we sing, we laugh.

My parents instilled in us that we should always strive to be the best we could be, and do everything to the best of our abilities – whatever the outcome. Like most children growing up in a Commonwealth country, in our case British Guiana, we were in awe of everything British. We revered the values, writers, academics, the royal family, the law, politicians – everything about Britain was held in the highest esteem.

I’ve recently launched a tactical vote campaign, ‘Best for Britain’, to support candidates who campaign for a real final vote on Brexit and reject any deal that leaves Britain worse off. The campaign will support parliamentary candidates who commit to keeping the options open for the British people and fight to make the Brexit deal transparent, honest and democratic.

I’ve had many failures, professionally and personally, but my parents’ voices have echoed in the different chambers of my life, whether I was failing or succeeding.

As such I am who I am today – a culmination of failures, successes and scars that have toughened me.

I am still prepared to fight for ‘Brand Britain’ – the values and principles that have seen us admired around the globe but are now in danger of being tarnished – tolerance, inclusion, our moral compass, fair play, the rule of law and social justice.

When I believe people are being bullies, or being dishonest or hypocritical, it gives me an itch that I must do something. I don’t necessarily go through some complex thought process – I follow my gut; that feeling when you instinctively know something is right or wrong.

My attitude is that life is not a rehearsal; I must dare and dive in. And diving in has taught me about myself. It has challenged me out of my comfort zone. If I’m the only one left standing in the room still asking the questions, with no answers, I’ll go outside the room and keep asking, armed with as much research and data as I can find.

Regarding Brexit, set within the mood of rising populism, I believe the defence of the rule of law and proper legal processes take on heightened importance. But there was – and still is – a fear that has taken hold, which meant wonderful people were deeply concerned about the backlash.

As women, we have an essence, a vitality, passion – and when we put it into what fulfils us, there is no holding us back. I believe in being bold, brave and benevolent. My experiences during recent months have shocked me; the fact that women doing their professional jobs – MPs, journalists, newsreaders – tell me it is normal to be trolled, violated on social media, or worse. No, it is not normal! I have endured much, but I am positive. I believe we need to speak out about people crossing the line of decency and tolerance.

I would encourage all women to dive in. There are only three things we truly own – our words, our actions and our conscience. We must not shy away from using them.

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work

Rewrite your career story Do you dream of taking on a completely different role, but feel too afraid to act? Psychologies Managing Editor, Danielle Woodward, explains how she convinced first herself, and then her boss, that she could do it

role or make a drastic career change, labels can be challenging. I had a job where I was editing and rewriting other people’s words, organising colleagues and making sure we met deadlines (or ‘good-natured nagging’, as some people on the team described it). But I really wanted to be more creative.

Stop talking, start doing

I’d always loved to write; I wrote fiction and poetry at university and even won a writing competition and had my story read on Radio 4 but, when I graduated, although I loved working with words and language, I didn’t have the confidence to believe that I could earn a living by writing. Yet correcting other people’s mistakes and making their writing read better? That I could

do, and I didn’t need to bare my soul to do it (I was a classic risk-averse case).

Then, there comes a point in your career when you feel you’ve done all you can with your job; that you can do it with your eyes closed and you need a new challenge. As careers coach, Judith Leary-Joyce says, at this point one of three things happens. You talk about what you’d really like to do, but it stays a dream as you won’t take the risk to make it a reality; you complain about the job to anyone who’ll listen, and use this righteous indignation to keep you stuck; or you really want to make a change, and you utilise this ambition to help you move forward.

But how do you convince yourself that you can be creative, say, when >>> you are living with the label of ‘the PHOTOGRAPH: STOCKSY

W

hether we admit it or not, many of us have a tendency to give people labels and put them in boxes, and this is especially true at work. The colleague with the messy desk (scatty and creative), the one who speaks over others in meetings (superiority complex) or the one who is quiet and hardly talks (shy and nervous) – we subconsciously like to categorise people, as it helps us to feel more comfortable in our relationships with them, even if we’ve got it wrong, or only touched on one aspect of their personality. ‘She’s the organised, sensible one’; ‘he’s the funny one’; ‘she’s the bossy one’.

When you want to progress in your career, perhaps move into a different

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self

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work

organised, boring one’? How do you get those around you, and your boss, to view you in a different light?

‘It’s important to understand what your strengths are,’ says Leary-Joyce.

‘This is a tough challenge for many women, as we have a tendency to play down what we’re good at, but career change calls for real honesty about what you do well and not so well.

‘Make a true assessment of your skills and talents, particularly those you enjoy, and those you’re not good at. Ask people who know you well, both work colleagues and family and friends, since they may see talents that you take for granted.

Then think how your abilities will fit with the new career, for example, if you want to manage people, being patient and a good listener is vital.

If you’re going for a technical role, an ability to see patterns and work out tough challenges is key.’

Tailor your achievements

Leary-Joyce advises building a picture of the achievements in your career so far, and aligning them to what you want to do in the future. ‘If you’ve coped well with challenges, that’s proof you’re capable of change and willing to stick it out when the going gets tough. Find ways to show you enjoy learning and want to take on a new area of work.’

For me, I could see my editor was extremely busy, so I volunteered to take on one of her tasks – editing the weekly newsletter. This meant I could choose the content and write new stories for it, too – which would give me the chance to prove to both myself and my editor that I could be creative and put together something worth reading each week.

If the career change is totally different, however, Leary-Joyce advises looking for ways to try out the work – are there friends you could shadow at work for a day? Could you do an internship during your holidays

“

If you’ve coped well with challenges, that’s proof that you’re capable of change and willing to stick it out when the going gets tough

“

>>>

or chat to people who do the job already to find out what the day-to-day is like?

I applied for the role and, when I was offered an interview, I made sure that I prepared well. I had a good story to tell about why the job attracted me and lots of examples of when I dealt with similar tasks, which proved my determination.

I was also honest about aspects of the job

that I may find challenging and offered possible solutions, such as coaching sessions for both myself and my editor, so we could discuss issues openly and make a positive start. I could tell that she was pleasantly surprised by my attitude, and I was lucky enough to have a boss who was open-minded and could look beyond my label; to see my potential and how I could bring positive things to the team, given the opportunity.

Having done the job for just over a year now, I’m enjoying it more and more; the satisfaction from making creative decisions, writing and deputising for my boss is as much as I hoped for. I’m not sure what my label is now – I’ll have to ask my editor – but I’m pretty sure it includes ‘happy’ and ‘fulfilled’.

To find out more about Judith Leary-Joyce, see greatcompaniesconsulting.com

Ways to make the change

Jackie Beere, author of ‘GROW: Change Your Mindset, Change Your Life’ (Crown House Publishing, £9.99), shares some tips

1

Add the word ‘yet’ to a belief

Every time you express a limiting belief, add the word ‘yet’ to open up the possibility of change. For example: ‘I always get lost. I’m not good at directions’, can be rephrased: ‘I’m not good at directions… yet’. Then, identify what you can do to improve in that area, and who you might ask for tips.

2

Step out of the comfort zone

If you want to rise to a challenge, you will have

to grow and change; do something new and different. This will involve learning – learning to adapt and learning how to transfer your existing skills to a new area.

3

Be brave and face the fear

Getting out of the comfort zone and into the ‘growth zone’ is scary – there’s a chance of failure and humiliation, but don’t fall back on ‘better safe than sorry’ thinking, as that will keep you stuck and

limit your chances of success. You need to grow your comfort zone, taking small steps every day towards your target.

4

Time to take a risk

To be successful, happy and resilient, you need to practise being open-minded, resourceful and brave enough to accept the risk of failure. Mistakes are opportunities for growth; advice and feedback can help you move on and progress towards your goal.

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The UK’s Favourite Food, Drink & Wellbeing Festival

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“I need to make my business work” Our award-winning coach, Kim Morgan, gives advice on how to take the leap from employment to self-employment and make it work

“ I don’t have any paying clients ” so excited about setting up my business, now I’m probably going to have to look for employment again. I can’t afford not to be earning. I can’t afford coaching, but this is my last attempt to make my business work before I start looking for a job.’

My role as a coach is to provide time, attention and powerful questions to generate a sense of possibility in my clients. Ideally, at the end of a session, they will have more belief in themselves and feel able to make progress. They will have realised what they want, why it is important and how they want to move forward, without me having provided answers. For the rest of the session, we talked about what approach Lucy had taken so far to generate business. I gave her this question and asked her to write down all her responses to it: ‘If a successful business person reviewed your business, what advice would they give you?’

NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED

1

Lucy* had worked as a team leader in a local company for more than 20 years and although she had mostly enjoyed it, she always had a nagging feeling that there must be more to life.

‘When I had the opportunity to take voluntary redundancy, I jumped at the chance,’ she told me. ‘I’d always been interested in mindfulness and I decided to invest in training and get qualified so I could set up my own business. That was more than a year ago.’ Lucy tailed off at this point and I could see she was fighting back tears. I asked her gently what had happened since.

She told me that she’d spent all her redundancy money on training, a website, leaflets, advertising and converting a room in her home to a studio. ‘But after all that, I don’t have any paying clients. There, I’ve admitted it to you,’ she said. ‘I don’t have a business, really – just a few people who I see for free. I was

*

COACHING SESSION

ILLUSTR ATION ANDREA DE SANTIS

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COACHING SESSION

2

Ask yourself the right questions An action plan for success

Lucy had filled a whole notebook with answers to my question.

By looking at her business from another perspective, Lucy was able to see what she needed to do differently.

‘I now realise I have just been sitting and waiting for clients to find me. I busied myself designing my logo and website and decorating my studio, but the one thing I haven’t done is gone out and spoken to people and tried to sell,’ Lucy said, throwing up her hands in despair at herself. ‘I need to get over my embarrassment about selling and charging people for what I do, and start finding people who want to buy what I have to offer – because I know they are out there.’

Lucy was fired up! We used the second session to create an action plan for success. Lucy was determined to: l Identify the types of people who would buy her services and where she would find them. l Make at least two appointments every week to go to see potential clients. l Create a workshop which she could sell to organisations and schools. l Ask her non-paying clients to give her referrals. l Attend some local business networking groups.

Lucy left the session saying she was 100 per cent committed to making it all happen.

but the one thing I haven’t done is gone out and spoken to people COACHING SESSION

3

“

I now realise I’ve just been “waiting for clients to find me,

Two years later...

Lucy has stayed in touch with me and updated me on her progress. It was not all plain sailing, but she learned a lot along the way. Lucy now has paying clients, runs workshops, gives talks and has a regular column in a health and fitness magazine.

She also writes a successful blog about being self-employed, which is called ‘Grasp the Nettle’ and talks about the courage required to set up in business.

For more from Kim, go to barefootcoaching.co.uk; @BarefootCoaches

coaching

the life lab

MY SPHERE OF INTEREST If you’re building a business, research suggests the best place to start is with your own network of contacts. Draw a mind map of all the people you know. Start with yourself in the middle and draw lines connecting you to other people in your life. Then draw lines connecting them to those in their lives who could be helpful to you.

Include people who: are already doing work you’d like to do; inspire you; can introduce you to others. Make a note of those you’ll contact, and get in touch with at least one of them each week to let them know what you’re doing or what help and support you’re looking for. Ask them what advice you could offer them in return.

THE DREAM TEAM Imagine you could create your own dream team of supporters to help you achieve your goals in life. Choose anyone you like – famous people, figures from history or fictional characters, superheroes or people from your life. Picture them together and ask each one in turn: l What advice do you have for me? l What qualities do you see in me which will help me achieve my goal? l You can turn to your imaginary dream team anytime you find yourself lacking confidence.

They’ll give you support, wisdom and courage.

OBSTACLE RACE This is an ideal exercise to use if you have set yourself a goal, but are not achieving it. Make an honest assessment of the obstacles that are stopping you achieving your goal. Consider the following possible obstacles to your success: l Time l Money l Knowledge/skill l Other people l Self-belief/confidence l Health/wellbeing l Desire/motivation Take each one in turn and decide whether it is an obstacle or a help to you. How can you overcome the obstacles? Who can help you with this? How can you build on your areas of strength?

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my home

Sarah has always had an eye for vintage pieces, like these French shutters, used as wardrobe doors

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my home “Simple remnants from everyday life take on a new resonance when repurposed”

“I’ve always been drawn to the unusual objects you find at markets and jumble sales”

“Every object in my home tells a story” Hand-painted signs, vintage furniture and offbeat collections surround Sarah Kingston in her coastal home

F

WORDS JO LEEVERS PHOTOGR APHS ALUN CALLENDER

rom the outside, Sarah Kingston’s home looks quite similar to all the other 1930s buildings in Shoreham-bySea, West Sussex. But, step inside, and it’s a different world; an evocative mixture of vintage treasures, intriguing handpainted signs and French country style.

Together with her husband, Paul, Sarah runs Goose Home And Garden, selling all manner of decorative items at vintage fairs. Between events, their stock tends to ‘rest’ in their home or gets stacked on the shelves of their garage. In addition, there are always several larger pieces of furniture in the garden workshop, ready for cleaning and repairing.

This is what home feels like for Sarah, being surrounded by interesting relics and remnants of another era, pieces that come and go – and make beautiful arrangements while they reside with her. ‘I’ve always been a rummager and a collector,’ she says. ‘Even as a little girl, if we spent a day at the beach, I’d comb the tideline, picking up shells and feathers to take home. Or if we went for a walk in the woods, I’d come back with pockets full of bark and moss,’ she remembers. ‘When I got home, I’d rearrange them to create miniature worlds of my own. I was a curious child.’

As she grew older, Sarah’s eye for the unusual and beautiful adapted to sifting

through the random paraphernalia of human life that appears at car boot sales and jumble sales. She had a head start, because her father helped run the local Scout group. Sarah remembers being given a painted handcart, which she and her two brothers would wheel around the neighbourhood to collect for jumble sales. ‘I remember being fascinated by the growing pile of bric-a-brac and trinkets,’ she says.

These days, Sarah still has an eye for items that are reminders of spent lives.

Pieces she’s keeping for herself (for now), include a carved wooden toy rabbit and reel upon reel of sewing threads, most likely stock from a long- >>>

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“Hand-painted signs are reminders of a time when there was more attention to detail”

CLOCKWISE FROM TOP Sarah’s office is where she prices items and plans markets and fairs.

The simple desk is a German beer trestle; in the living room, the Hungarian coffee

table was bought at Ford Airfield car boot sale; Sarah reused scraps of French linen to make sofa cushions; vintage birthday cards and notices make an eye-catching display

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my home LEFT Sarah added interest to an Ikea kitchen with vintage finds, including a wooden cabinet from Sea Thrift Interiors BELOW A Slingsby ladder and a toleware hat box are used as original storage in Sarah’s bedroom BOTTOM Old cheese boards are a backdrop for pretty collectables

“Every object has someone’s emotions and stories attached to it.

In my home, they have a chance to live on for a little bit longer” >>> closed French haberdashery. On Sarah’s

desk upstairs, there’s a jar filled with worn-down pencils and the noticeboard is tacked with vintage birthday cards and an auction notice from 1889 that caught her eye at a farm sale.

Signs of the times

Selling old letterpress notices and painted wooden signs has become a bit of a speciality of Goose Home And Garden and, inevitably, Sarah can’t resist adding to her own collection. ‘My favourites include a railway sign that says “Whistle” and cricket ones that announce “Wet day” or “Stand full”,’ she says. She likes how these signs take on a new meaning or humorous edge in a modern context.

Rural farm sales are a good source of British country signs but, for larger pieces of furniture, Sarah is a regular at fairs, including Ardingly and Newark.

Then there are markets in France.

‘When we started, some 20 years ago, we would go to small town fairs in northern France, where everybody would clear out their loft and lay things out on the pavement,’ she says. Gradually, these events have tailed off, so Sarah and Paul concentrate on four or five larger fairs each year, including Amiens flea market.

Sarah’s home has been furnished from these trips, gradually adding a more interesting character to the rooms.

‘When we bought the house, the living room ceiling was painted brown, and the previous owners were heavy smokers, which didn’t help,’ remembers Sarah.

‘It felt gloomy and uninspiring.’ It took her two weeks to paint over the dark colour. ‘Every day, I’d get out the ladder and put on another coat of white paint – and the brown would slowly seep through. But I finally got there and now this room is lovely and bright.’

History lives on

To add originality to the dining room, the couple clad one wall in vintage French cheese boards. ‘We had to scrub away lots of cheese-shaped circles – and they did smell a bit at first – but now that’s faded and we love the finished effect,’ says Sarah.

Part of the allure of sourcing antiques is getting a glimpse of people’s forgotten lives: a stack of precious photographs, a child’s toy or a portrait of an unknown woman. ‘Every object has someone’s emotions and stories attached to it,’ says Sarah. ‘In my home, they have a chance to live on for a little bit longer.’ goosehomeandgarden.com; thecountrybrocante.co.uk

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08/05/2017 11:19

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self

Love yourself Psychologies Editor, Suzy Greaves, learns the art of authentic connection, and that it is the gateway to freedom and happiness, from a world-renowned teacher turbulent times, wisdom is the currency on which we should put the highest value, and this book explores the wisdom of true connection – encouraging us to strip away layers of negative habits and obstacles, to help us create deeper connections with others and, most importantly, ourselves.

‘I see real love as the most fundamental of our capacities, never destroyed no matter what we’ve been through. It may be buried or hard to trust, but it’s there – like a heartbeat – beneath the words we use to greet each other; as we ponder how to critique someone’s work without hurting them; gather the courage to stand up for ourselves or realise we have to let go of a relationship.

Real love seeks to find authentic life, to uncurl and blossom,’ says Salzberg. Here are my three favourite lessons from her book.

1

Tell a different story through the eyes of love

‘Our minds are wired to create order, a cohesive narrative, and our stories are our anchors. They tell us who we are, what matters most to us, what we’re capable of and what our lives are all about,’ writes Salzberg.

But that’s not always a useful thing, when we internalise experiences from childhood and make a permanent story about how life is. For example, say in childhood, a dog bites us and we become terrified of all dogs. ‘If we pay attention, one day we realise we’ve spun a story in our mind about an entire species based on a single incident with a single animal and that our story is not really true,’ says Salzberg. Until we question our basic assumptions about ourselves, and view them as fluid, not fixed, it’s easy to repeat established patterns and, out of habit, re-enact old stories that limit our ability to live and love ourselves with an open heart. >>> PHOTOGRAPH: ANTHONY HARVIE/GETTY IMAGES

N

o doubt about it, I’d had a tough day.

I was facing big challenges at work and home. I’d thrown a handful of books into my bag that I needed to read before a meeting the following day, and was slumped on the sofa, feeling defeated. I started Real Love: The Art Of Authentic Connection by Sharon Salzberg (Pan Macmillan, £14.99, out 1 June) and it was exactly what I needed to read at that moment: ‘You are a person worthy of love. You don’t have to do anything to deserve it.

You do not have to earn love. You simply have to exist.’

I read it in one sitting, weeping, laughing and nodding. As Editor of Psychologies, I meet incredible people and read inspiring books daily, but this is one that I will have by my bedside for years. In these

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self Try: To truly love ourselves, we must treat our stories with respect, but not allow them to have a stranglehold on us, says Salzberg. ‘Living in a story of a limited self is not love. To truly love ourselves, we must challenge our belief that we need to be different to be worthy of love. When we contort ourselves, doggedly trying to find a way to become “better”, our capacity to love shrinks.’

Ask these questions instead: If I look at the story I have been telling myself through loving eyes, how would I tell the same story? ‘Maybe we don’t need to correct some terrible deficiency in us.

Maybe what we really need is to change our relationship with ourselves, to see who we are with a generous spirit and a wise heart,’ says Salzberg.

2

Create a new relationship with your thoughts and feelings

‘Most people who are drawn to meditation are looking for respite from what is called “monkey mind” – the perpetual, hyperactive (and often self-destructive) whirl of thoughts and feelings that everyone undergoes,’ she says. ‘The truth is that meditation does not eradicate mental and emotional turmoil – rather, it cultivates the space and gentleness that allows us intimacy with our experience, so that we can relate differently to our cascade of emotions and thoughts. That different relationship is where freedom lies.’

Try: RAIN is an acronym for a practice designed to ease negative emotion, confusion and suffering. l R is for Recognition. It’s impossible to deal with an emotion, and to be resilient in the face of difficulty, unless we acknowledge that we’re experiencing it,’ says Salzberg.

So, firstly, note how you are feeling. l A is for Acceptance. Accept the feeling and allow it to be there. Give

yourself permission to feel it. Imagine each thought and emotion is a visitor knocking at the door of your home. They don’t live there – you can greet them, acknowledge them and watch them go. l I is for Investigation. Explore your emotions with a sense of openness and curiosity. Examine how each feeling manifests in your body and look at what the feeling contains. Many strong emotions are intricate tapestries woven out of various strands. Anger, for example, commonly includes moments of sadness, helplessness and fear. As we get closer to it, an uncomfortable emotion becomes less opaque and solid.

We can focus less on labelling the discomfort and more on gaining insight.

we don’t “needMaybe to correct

some terrible deficiency in us.

Maybe we need to see who we are with a generous spirit and a wise heart

“

>>>

l N is for Non-identification. In the final step, the aim is to consciously avoid being defined by, and identified with, a particular feeling. Feeling angry is different from telling yourself, ‘I am an angry person.’ Try noticing your anger, advises Salzberg, and, instead of spiralling into judgement, make a gentle observation: ‘This is a state of suffering.’

‘The identification opens the door to a compassionate relationship with yourself, which is the real foundation of a compassionate relationship with others. We cannot will what thoughts and feelings arise in us, but we can recognise them for what they are – sometimes recurring, sometimes

frustrating, sometimes filled with fantasy, many times painful and always changing. By allowing ourselves this simple recognition, we begin to accept that we will never be able to control our experiences, but that we can transform our relationship with them – and this changes everything,’ she says.

3

Befriend your inner critic

The inner voices that tell us, ‘You aren’t good enough,’ are a huge obstacle to connecting fully to ourselves and feeling loved. We may argue with those voices sometimes but, when we feel disconnected from ourselves or are lonely, it’s easy to fall prey to them. ‘Our in-house critic can keep us imprisoned by our own limiting thoughts,’ says Saltzberg.

Try: Does your critic have a voice or face? Whose? What happens when you thank your critic? ‘If you find yourself ruminating on the things you regret and mistakes you have made, try to redirect your attention and remember your basic goodness. The point is not to deny your mistakes but, if you keep rehearsing them, analysing them and creating stories around them, you’re reinforcing the pain and alienation they’ve already caused you,’ she says.

Instead, recognise and reflect on even one good thing about yourself. Sit comfortably in a relaxed, easy posture and close your eyes. Now, bring to mind one thing you have done or said recently that you feel was kind or good. If you still find yourself caught up in self-criticism, turn your attention to the mere fact that you have an urge towards happiness. ‘There is kindness and beauty in that,’ she says.

Sharon Salzberg has played a crucial role in bringing meditation and mindfulness into mainstream culture and is author of nine books, including bestseller ‘Real Happiness’ (Workman, £10.58). She will give the closing speech via video link at The Mindful Living Show in London on 2-3 June. To book, visit psychologies.co.uk/join-us-mindful-living-show

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in partnership with UKCP

Tailor-made therapy Our new psychotherapy service helps you match up with your ideal therapist to support you through life’s ups and downs, and teach you to be your best self

‘Psychologies’ and the UK Council for Psychotherapy (UKCP) are committed to raising awareness of the transformative power of psychotherapy. Every month in the magazine, we’ll look at different types of therapy and how they can help you navigate life’s challenges.

The UKCP has high standards of training and regulation – all its therapists have a minimum of four years’ training. Our new service will help you get to know each therapist via our Life Labs site, so you can make an informed decision about which one to choose.

Q

My boyfriend is a kind, funny man, but I am driving him away with my jealousy. I am constantly checking his phone, credit card and social media accounts. The slightest thing – an unknown charge or a ‘like’ from a pretty woman – makes me quite unhinged. Sophie, 29

A

London-based psychotherapist, John Barton, says: ‘There’s always a discordant voice of suspicion in the choir in our head.

That’s a good thing: without it we’d be tricked even more by life’s cheats and chancers. But, when that voice grabs the microphone and demands to sing solo, life can get miserable. Your jealousy might be less about your boyfriend than your relationship with you. What in your past relationships – perhaps experiences of betrayal – has led you to doubt? Understanding your inner ‘green-eyed monster’ will enable you to transcend it. With a therapist’s help, you will hear the fullness of your own choir that, if given half a chance, sings of joy and love.’

ABOUT THE UKCP AND HOW TO FIND A THERAPIST

● The UKCP is the leading body for the education, training and accreditation of psychotherapists and psychotherapeutic counsellors. Its membership includes more than 8,000 therapists and more than 70 training and accrediting organisations. Individual members work privately, in public health or third-sector organisations, offering a wide variety of psychotherapeutic approaches for individuals, couples, families and groups. ● To find the right therapist, log on to psychologies.co.uk/findatherapist and look at our Life Labs channel of experts who may be able to help, or log on to psychotherapy.org.uk/find-a-therapist to locate a therapist near you.

PHOTOGRAPH: ISTOCK

Editor

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BOOK NOW!

JOIN US! In partnership with NOW Live Events, we’re offering three inspiring workshops, plus a new retreat.

In June, discover how singing in a choir will change your life. In July, join Psychologies Editor, Suzy Greaves, to learn how to make a big leap with conviction, and author and literary agent, Jacq Burns, to review your life script and write a new chapter!

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events

JULY WORKSHOPS JUNE WORKSHOP

How singing can change your life DATE: 14 June 2017 VENUE: Conway Hall, 25 Red Lion Square, London WC1 4RL TIME: 7pm-8.30pm COST: £18 Research on singing for wellbeing has burgeoned in recent years and this event, in collaboration with the Royal College of Music and Imperial College London, will explore cutting-edge findings on how singing in a choir can affect mental health, psychological wellbeing, quality of life and stress.

You’ll have the opportunity to take part in a choir session led by groundbreaking charity, Tenovus Cancer Care, which has 19 choirs across Wales and London for those affected by cancer. You will also find out about a new two-year study examining the effects of singing over several months, and have the chance to take part in the research.

If you’ve ever fancied joining a choir but didn’t dare, come and try it out!

YOU WILL LEARN: ● How to let go and truly

sing with abandon ● About how singing in a choir

will improve your mental health and immunity ● How to get involved with our unique scientific study

PHOTOGRAPH: STOCKSY

The project has also been approved by the National Research Ethics Service and we are collaborating with the Royal Marsden Hospital. Log on to performancescience.ac. uk/singwithus to book tickets for this inspiring event. Join us! Buy tickets at nowliveevents.org/tickets

Plus

Explore your story, review your life script and start a new chapter in your life with Jacq Burns DATE: 5 July 2017 VENUE: Conway Hall, 25 Red Lion Square, London WC1 4RL TIME: 7pm-8.30pm COST: £18 Ready for a new chapter in your life? Are you a stifled creative, a budding writer, need new ideas or a life rethink? Jacq Burns’s ‘see your story map’ technique lets you take a playful look at where you’ve been, where you are now and where you’re going.

Using storytelling techniques to reflect on your life so far, what you want to add to it and what your next chapter will be, mixed up with a little free-writing and brainstorming, Jacq will help you to plan a journal, a business plan, a biography, a blog, a novel, or even a new life.

To finish, we will take part in a creative, go-do-it visualisation and meditation.

YOU WILL LEARN: ● To review the script you live by daily ● How to edit the story you tell yourself – and what to discard

● To write or storyboard a plan and a promise to yourself for creating your next chapter

Jacq Burns is a literary agent, director of London Writers’ Club and the newly formed London Writers’ School. She’s author of ‘Write A Bestseller’ (Hodder, £12.99). She was an editor at Random House and a literary agent at HarperCollins. Jacq teaches meditation to keep creativity flowing. Explore her London Writers’ Club tribe at londonwritersclub.com. Join us! Buy tickets at nowliveevents.org/tickets

How to make a big leap DATE: 8 July 2017 VENUE: 42 Acres Shoreditch, London EC2A 4LW TIME: 10am-5pm COST: £120 (Early bird £105) This one-day immersion with Psychologies Editor and acclaimed life coach and author, Suzy Greaves, will help you make a ‘big leap’ in your life. Does the sound of your morning alarm fill you with dread? Do you feel lost, bored or despondent, but unsure how to make a change? Do you struggle to remember the last time you felt truly happy and excited about life? On this one-day retreat, you’ll learn about what is holding you back, what tools you need to make a leap in your life and what you should do next to create a life you love.

YOU WILL LEARN: ● To identify the things that are standing in the way of you fulfilling your dreams ● What tools you need to help

you overcome life’s obstacles ● How to create change in your life with courage and strength Join us! Buy tickets at nowliveevents.org/immersions

September: save the date! Moving Forward Retreat

DATE: 8-10 September 2017 VENUE: West Lexham Manor, Near King’s Lynn, Norfolk PE32 2QN What do you need to let go of or accept in order to move forward? This retreat invites you to take stock of where you’ve been, where you are now and redefine where you’re going. Be inspired by daily workshops with Psychologies Editor, Suzy Greaves, and neuroscientist and coach, Magdalena Bak-Maier, in a stunning setting.

The cost of the retreat starts from £325, including accommodation and food. Join us! To find out more, go to nowliveevents.org/retreats

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self

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A bit of what you fancy Ever wondered why your resolve to have ‘just the one’ glass of wine or chocolate biscuit never seems to hold? Heidi Scrimgeour shares her quest to learn the secrets of moderation

PHOTOGRAPH: HUGH ARNOLD/GALLERY STOCK

S

aint Augustine wrote that complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation.

Having just sailed through a month of not drinking alcohol – even bypassing a glass of bubbly on my firstborn’s birthday – I can attest that he was right: it is easier to give up booze altogether than drink in moderation.

But this unsettles me. I had a ‘dry’ month because I didn’t feel in complete control of my alcohol consumption.

Buying a bottle of wine on a Friday night had gradually turned into three-bottles-for-£10 every week and, instead of my former ‘only drink on weekends’ rule , I had begun to consider myself virtuous if I had three alcohol-free nights per week.

Understanding your vices

And it’s not just alcohol; the failure of the ‘off’ switch is a familiar feature in my life. At book club, friends slide the nibbles discreetly out of reach so as not to overindulge, whereas I shuffle closer

to the table and get stuck in. Our house is a strictly biscuit-free zone, because my brain sees an open packet as enticement to scoff the lot. I’ve had to stockpile my children’s favourite chocolate bars, so I can replenish their stash after one of my regular raids, such is my inability to say ‘no’ to anything consumable with soothing properties – even if it isn’t mine. Scoring ‘highly addictive personality type’ on a recent psychological test did little to allay my fears but, at the same time, I knew I wasn’t an alcoholic. So, why does moderation elude me?

Richard Renson, a psychodynamic therapist and addiction consultant, explains why abstinence can be easier than moderation. ‘The chemicals in your brain react as soon as you put a substance in your mouth, creating a euphoric or endorphin experience, which triggers a craving for more. You don’t have to be addicted to something to have that “Once I start, I can’t stop’’ feeling.’ Whether your vice is chocolate

or alcohol, understanding why you turn to it can help. Renson advises ‘looking at your life holistically’ to identify points of stress, and considering how you use alcohol or food to modify how you feel.

Tracking motivations

I started to monitor my consumption moods and feelings. That first Friday, I opened a bottle of Prosecco and drank most of it myself. Granted, it was over the course of several hours and with an elaborate dinner in between, so I wasn’t drunk, but the following day it seemed excessive and I wrestled with familiar feelings of failure and regret.

Replaying Renson’s words about drinking to mitigate stress, I realised that I had opened the bottle impulsively after fruitless hours spent searching online for an affordable family holiday and as I tackled a backlog of emails that had been hanging over me all week.

Resentment about working on a Friday night was compounded by the sense that a holiday shouldn’t feel like a pipe >>>

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my business. There’s nothing wrong with having a glass of wine under those circumstances, but instead of soulfully savouring a drink to unwind, I was drowning my sorrows. That’s the wrong frame of mind for moderation – my inner voice was whispering, ‘Two glasses is plenty’, but that was muffled by a much louder one saying, ‘You’ve earned this, have another.’

Stephanie Chivers is a habit and addiction specialist and author of There Is No Magic Button: The Essential Guide To Hacking Your Bad Habits Or Addictions (ichange21, £7.99).

She explains that a critical step to mastering moderation is learning not to drink – or open the biscuit tin – in response to emotional triggers. ‘It’s important to become aware of your emotions and notice what you’re feeling throughout the day. What has angered or frustrated you?’ As we consciously try to stop acting on those feelings, we can learn healthier habits. ‘Instead of drinking on your emotions or self-soothing with a packet of biscuits,

“

My inner voice was whispering, ‘Two glasses is plenty’, but that was muffled by a much louder one saying, ‘You’ve earned this, have another’

“

>>> dream, given the hours I put into

go for a walk or a swim, call a friend or listen to music until the difficult feelings pass.’

It sounds simplistic, but it really works. We had friends round for Sunday lunch and a second bottle of wine was left open, but untouched.

As the prospect of another evening of working late loomed over me, alongside putting three children to bed, I reached to pour myself a glass. Then I paused, recalling Chivers’s advice to resist drinking in response to emotional triggers. I’d already had one glass of

Four steps to finding balance

Need help to get on the right path to moderation? Try these top tips

1

Have a period of abstinence

‘Stop drinking for at least three months to break the habit,’ says Chivers. ‘The longer the break, the easier it is to develop a more moderate approach once you’re ready to drink occasionally.’

2

Wear an elastic band

To alter a pattern of behaviour, wear an elastic band on your

wrist. ‘Whenever you feel an urge to do something you’d rather not, flick the band to briefly change your physiology and remind you of your intentions,’ advises Renson.

3

Plan ahead

‘Carefully working out where, when, and with whom you’re going to consume alcohol – and exactly how much – is a crucial part of successfully

achieving moderation,’ explains Chivers.

4

Be kind to yourself

If you succumb to a behaviour you’re trying to stop, don’t beat yourself up. ‘You can start your day again at any moment,’ says Renson. ‘Set aside the inner “critical parent” voice and tell yourself you will succeed. This boosts your sense of self-efficacy.’

wine with lunch, so here was the perfect opportunity to practise moderate drinking. Acknowledging the stress I felt, I bolstered myself with a cup of tea and a quiet moment alone in the kitchen. Then I tackled the evening’s challenges with a clear head and a sense of breakthrough.

I realised that a sense of entitlement often propels me towards the wine rack. What’s wrong with rewarding myself after a day of work/life juggling?

Except, drinking in this way is a hindrance, not a help. It masks emotions that are best addressed, instead of numbed with alcohol.

The next day, the sight of the untouched bottle of wine made me feel virtuous. Chivers says these small successes get us ‘out of the cycle of feeling like a failure because we’ve overdone it’. With her help, I drew up rules of engagement for the thing I had been using compulsively to ease stress or manage difficult emotions.

Taking control

The simplest of these rules has proved to be the most powerful, transforming my grasp of moderation more than anything else: I resolved to only ever have a drink if I don’t feel like I need one. This means making a cup of tea when I’m craving a cold beer, or listening to music when a bad day makes me feel like opening the Muscadet. But it also means occasionally pouring myself a glass of wine or opening the biscuits when those are the last things on my mind.

It felt odd at first. But, a few days after I resisted that open bottle of wine while cooking dinner, I noted that I wasn’t feeling stressed or overwhelmed. So, I tentatively put my new rule to the test and poured myself a glass of wine. For the first time in a while, that one glass finally felt like enough. From there – one glass of wine, chocolate bar or biscuit at a time – moderation is a virtue that I am mastering at last.

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Do you understand who you really are?

Or how others really see you?

‘Fascinating. . . buy a copy for yourself and another to leave on your boss’s desk’ Chip Heath, bestselling author of Switch As heard on

Available now from all good bookstores and to download as an audiobook from

Our agony aunt, Mary Fenwick, offers a new perspective on whatever is troubling you

‘‘I am scared

‘‘

Q

I am 28 and have been single for four years, and it is really getting me down. I have good friends but it is not the same as having someone special, and I find myself feeling more and more lonely as my friends settle down. I have tried online dating, but found it really depressing. I am not beautiful or clever, and I am quite quiet. I am scared no one will ever choose me.

Name supplied

A

I know it can be hard to keep a sense of perspective in the rabbit hole of online dating, but I actually love that as a potential headline: ‘I’m not beautiful or clever’.

It fits with the best advice to maximise your chances online, which is to play up your difference, even if you think some people won’t like it. In the words of Hannah Fry’s TED talk on The Mathematics Of Love: ‘The people who find you attractive will do so

anyway, and you simply won’t hear from the unimportant losers who don’t.’

I would save your energy to rethink the phrase ‘no one will ever choose me’.

For a successful long-term relationship, you and your partner both need to choose each other, and accept each other’s influence. Your responsibility is not to seduce or persuade them, it’s to express yourself clearly, so there’s the possibility of real connection.

In the interests of research and, as someone who’s been single for nine years, I went to a workshop with Hayley Quinn (see ‘More inspiration’, opposite).

She cut her teeth as a ghostwriter for infamous male ‘pick-up artists’, and decided to turn that philosophy on its head, believing that our love lives are not a zone where men or women need to trick each other. There are men who also want someone special, and are scared to show their vulnerability.

The essential points are (a) build your own life of value and meaning (b) make a more active choice about who gets to join that life and (c) look around you,

MARY FENWICK is a business coach, journalist, fundraiser, mother, divorcée and widow GOT A QUESTION FOR MARY? Email mary@psychologies.co.uk, with ‘MARY’ in the subject line FOLLOW MARY ON TWITTER @MJFenwick

in the same café or volunteer shift or night class, rather than sit at home alone on your laptop.

At the risk of totally alarming you, I’ve also just read a New York Times bestseller called Pussy: A Reclamation (Hay House, £12.99). The author, Mama Gena, argues that flirting is a great skill to practise in a wider context. She defines it as ‘enjoying yourself in the presence of others’.

Please don’t lose sight of the fact that your life might be different with one significant other, but that does not mean better or worse. There’s a lot more to us than how we look, or our ability to use binary code. Look up The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer (Element, £7.99) and start asking yourself and other people: what sustains you from the inside when all else falls away?

PHOTOGRAPH: VICTORIA BIRKINSHAW

no one will ever choose me

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the life lab

“I need to make a change, but don’t want to be disloyal”

Q

I am a single mother of two daughters, one of whom has a disability. My family has helped me financially, which enabled me to move closer to them, and my sister was very glad of this as my mum is also disabled, so she now has help in caring for her.

After nearly two years of struggling financially, not able to find work that fits in with my daughter’s daycare, I’m contemplating moving to a bigger city, but it feels like a big risk. My mum is unhappy about it and my sister is avoiding the subject. I feel like I’m all alone making these decisions and coping with the day-to-day stuff.

I feel torn – I need to make a change but

feel as if I’m being disloyal and leaving them in the lurch. Name supplied

A

My heart goes out to you – any one of your issues would warrant a letter on its own. You could slice it as being a single parent, having a child with a disability, having financial challenges as a result of those two factors, then having a disabled mum, and no partner to share that burden by the sound of it.

One in four households with children is headed by a single mum or dad, but feeling alone is still very real for us.

It sounds as if it would be helpful to bounce your ideas off someone who does not have their own agenda for you.

My inclination is to put people at the heart of your decision – it doesn’t initially sound like a good move to be in a bigger city if you don’t know anyone.

Is there any chance of connecting with other single parents locally, perhaps through a charity such as Gingerbread (see ‘More inspiration’, below)? Another alternative might be to access a carer’s network, which could be through your GP, or a discussion about the support needs of both your daughter and mother (taking the personal element of you out of the equation).

I believe that one good conversation where you feel emotionally supported would give you a lot more confidence and clarity about your ideas.

“How can I be a better mother to my teenage son?”

Q

My 15-year-old son can be rude and difficult. I feel that I constantly have to keep the upper hand to be shown any respect, and I am the kind-hearted sort, so this is not how I work naturally.

As my husband reminds me, he is not into drugs or drink – his main interest is gaming – but I do feel hurt by his antagonistic behaviour, and disappointed when he lies (mostly when he breaks house rules). I am also anxious that he is lazy and shows no initiative. I feel as though I have become a walking boundary – any tips?

Name supplied

A

My top tip is that teenagers are like toddlers, but bigger and with added alcohol. (I can feel my own children rolling their eyes.)

Just like a toddler, he needs your love most when he seems to value it least.

Your son is struggling with waves of experiences so new he probably can’t even name them yet. He needs you to be a role model – with your more stable adult brain – to help him stay anchored and calm. What we are aiming for is authoritative parenting. It is a middle way – neither authoritarian (I know best) nor permissive (you know best) – and it sounds as if it will fit with your desire to have house rules while also being kind. An authoritative parent might set high expectations, but will place an even higher priority on remaining emotionally in touch.

Basically, you show respect for his feelings, so he learns to respect yours.

I checked with my own son, now 21.

He says: ‘The main thing for me is you never know which experience is going to stick in our heads as definitive.’

From that point of view, two things are worth looking at more closely. One is

the word ‘lazy’, which could be a way of using shame to control behaviour, and is not great in the longer term.

The other is the gaming. If you have a concern beyond what you’ve mentioned, then it’s a chance to flex your authoritative style.

Two mantras that help me in tough times: ‘the best cure for being 15 is turning 16’ and ‘teenagers are nature’s way of reminding you that it’s time to think about them leaving home’.

MORE INSPIRATION Browse: hayleyquinn.com for an alternative take on looking for love Contact: gingerbread.org.uk for sound advice on how to connect with other single parents Read: parentingscience.com/ authoritative-parenting-style.html for an insight on troublesome teens

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Dossier

Dossier

ME AND MY SHADOW Have you ever considered that you may have a ‘shadow self’ lurking inside you? A dark side that listens to criticism and takes it to heart, that always sees the negative and uses it to scare you into not believing in yourself nor your dreams. Do you have a voice that tells you not to trust your gut, nor do what you really want to do?

We all have a shadow self, even if we aren’t conscious of it, often making decisions for us and ruling our emotions. So, how can we liberate ourselves from it?

Well, from simply getting to know it and, in turn, knowing ourselves. Our shadows are a part of us and – when taught how – we can use them to be successful and happy.

We invite you to delve deeper than ever before...

ILLUSTRATIONS STINA PERSSON

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Dossier

REVEALING THE DARK SIDE We all have a shadow self – a side of ourselves that we may not even be aware of – which can make decisions that don’t always serve us well. But, asks Anita Chaudhuri, could getting to know our shadows, and even embracing all that they have to offer us, be the key to a successful, happy life?

R

ecently, a woman in my Pilates class invited me to a local drinks party. It was a very casual ‘drop in any time after 6pm’ invitation. My first mistake was to take these instructions literally. I turned up at 6.15pm wearing jeans and a baggy jumper, and there was only one other guest in the room. Everything about this stranger was immaculate – from the roots of her perfectly coiffed blonde hair to the pointy toes of her designer boots.

My hostess beamed at us both. ‘Ah Anita, meet X, she’s from Glasgow, too.’

Without thinking, I said, ‘Ha ha, you’d better lock up your wine then.’ Silence.

The blonde looked daggers at me, so I stared at the floor until more guests arrived. Of course, by now I was feeling really uncomfortable. The socially intelligent thing would have been to transcend the awkwardness and carry on. Alas, that’s not what I did. Instead, I swigged two large glasses of wine and proceeded to repeat my, ‘Ha ha, better lock up your wine’ anecdote to other guests. I felt wrong-footed, on edge and, if I’m being honest, on dismally familiar ground.

My tendency to use humour as a way to deflect social awkwardness is certainly not new; I’ve been doing it since

I was four years old and was embarrassed about having an unpronounceable surname. There’s a good side to this, of course, as I can actually be quite funny when I put my mind to it. But, when I’m using it for the wrong reasons, because I’m feeling badly dressed or like I don’t fit in, what’s coming to the surface is what Carl Jung called ‘the shadow self’ rooted in the unconscious mind.

‘The shadow is not evil or bad – it is simply those parts of us that seem incompatible with who we think we are,’ explains Charlie Morley, author of Dreaming Through Darkness: Shine Light Into The Shadow To Live The Life Of Your Dreams (Hay House, £12.99).

‘This might include our shame, fears and emotional wounds (the dark shadow) but also, crucially, our awakened essence, untapped talents and highest potentials (the golden shadow).

‘The common approach to dealing with the seemingly negative content of the dark shadow is to judge it, deny it and hide it from the world and from ourselves. This approach is unwise though, because by shoving these things into the recesses of our mind, they gather, gain power over us and occasionally even erupt or spill forth when our guard is dropped,’ says Morley. >>>

“The common approach to dealing with the shadow is to judge it, deny it and hide it from the world and from ourselves”

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Dossier >>>

Sometimes, I think I would quite like to shove my embarrassing inner joker into a cupboard and throw away the key. However, it’s not all bleak. Caroline Myss is an expert on archetypes and her work explores how each aspect of our character can manifest as both light and dark. Of the character she labels The Clown, she says, ‘The shadow uses humour to wound, rather than liberate, and denies your emotional truth.’ I have to admit this rings true for me, as I use humour as a defence-mechanism at times. But Myss reminds me there’s a positive aspect, too.

‘The light side fearlessly reveals emotion and helps people laugh at absurdity and hypocrisy.’ I found her analysis deeply moving.

SHADOW IDENTITY

feelings and sensations in the body are always the same.

By recognising the cues for when the shadow is around, you can work with it to come back to your essential self.’

Ways to do this in the moment include breathing, yoga, meditation, or any other practice that allows you to become grounded and centred, rather than triggered.

‘Once you do that, then you’re able to say, “Oh there’s my character that needs everyone to like me (for example) but I’m not going to follow it, this time I’m going to make a different choice.” Then you begin to have a conscious relationship with that part of yourself, rather than getting lost in the unconscious dynamic.’ She points out that we all have many of these internal parts, so we can name each one. If you’re a visual thinker, it can help to draw or collage the different archetypes.

Zweig mentions other common examples of shadow characters: The Critic could be a woma n who constantly criticises her husband as a way of creating distance in the relationship, while The Achiever might be someone still trying to prove to a parent that they’re worthy of love by working 100 hours a week.

Once you’ve begun to explore the way the shadow might be wreaking havoc in your life, the next step is to accept these disowned parts of the self for what they are. For this, self-compassion is key. Psychologist Debra Campbell, relationships expert and author of Lovelands (Hardie Grant, £8.99), says, ‘Self-compassion is essential to wellbeing and happiness.

It’s difficult to enjoy life or express your skills and talents if you’re constantly dealing with a critical, unforgiving voice in your head that’s sabotaging your mood and undermining your confidence.’

“The shadow character is formed very early on in childhood to protect us from something, be it abandonment, criticism or even abuse”

According to Jungian analyst, Connie Zweig, the shadow parts of us live outside our awareness, which means that sometimes, unbeknown to us, the shadow can be running the show.

‘The shadow character is formed very early on in childhood to protect us from something, be it abandonment, criticism, or even abuse,’ explains Zweig, author of Romancing The Shadow (Ballantine Books, £13.95).

‘But as we mature, that same inner protector becomes our saboteur. Each of us has a shadow side, and our shadow characters are formed not only from large experiences, but also from tiny occurrences, such as one snarky remark from a stranger.’

A colleague of mine has recently come across one of her shadow characters, which played out by never speaking up in her relationships. She had been cast out of a friendship group as a child and, since then, subconsciously had a strong desire for everyone, strangers and friends, to like her. She feared upsetting or being rejected by people so much that she spent her whole time placating everyone else – often at the expense of her own happiness. ‘Once I figured out my pattern of behaviour, I could spot it and start being more assertive when I needed to be. It’s been a real learning curve, with some amazing results. I feel like I’m being more true to myself every day,’ she says.

Zweig looks at how the shadow plays out in problematic life situations. ‘I help people identify their shadow character. We give it a name and we begin to uncover that inner dialogue and the feelings that come up with it. The

LET IT GO

Before we can extend empathy and kindness towards those troublesome others in our life, we must begin by learning the art of kindness to the self. ‘Self-compassion is another term for self-love, but it’s a more accurate term than self-love, in that the words “self-love” can be mistaken for vanity, selfishness or narcissism, which is not what authentic self-love is,’ says Campbell.

‘Self-compassion involves letting go of perfectionism, releasing self-criticism and finding acceptance and >>>

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forgiveness for yourself, despite your fault lines, flaws, struggles and mistakes. It means accepting the dark side of you as normal and human, rather than shameful and needing to be hidden away or cursed at internally. We all have fault lines, you’re never alone in that. The mistakes and the flaws all have a role to play in teaching us about being human, and learning from them can make us stronger and more self-aware.’

FOLLOW THE CLUES

One of the pioneers of shadow work was the late Debbie Ford who wrote several enlightening books on the topic.

‘Jung called the shadow a sparring partner,’ she said in her Shadow Process workshop. ‘It is the opponent within us who exposes our flaws and sharpens our skills. The shadow isn’t a problem to be solved or an enemy to be conquered, but a fertile field to be cultivated.’

This is certainly an empowering way to look at shadow work and one that resonates with Zweig. She suggests that our shadow behaviour patterns contain valuable clues about our deepest hopes and yearnings. ‘I call it the gold in the dark side. There are all kinds of clues in this sort of behaviour about who we are, what we need and what we’re not consciously communicating. For example, say a man is cheating on his wife. He’s not in control of that shadow character, The Cheat, and he feels he’s not in control of his sexuality.

When the cheating character emerges, there’s a lot of information there. What is he not getting from his marriage that he needs? What is it that he can’t communicate? What is he not willing to give to himself?

For some people, the shadow manifests with behaviour around food or moods, but the acting out is always subconscious, rather than understanding what we need and how we might get it in a conscious way,’ she explains.

One of Zweig’s clients is a mother who was drinking heavily every night. ‘We discovered that drinking is the only thing she feels she has to herself; it’s her sacred space.

What she was craving was that altered state, but what she really needed was her own separate boundaries away from her husband and children. Now she’s recognised that and is doing something about it – she’s drinking less.’

HARNESSING YOUR INNER POWER

But the shadow is not all about leading us into dark and difficult situations over which we have no control. Morley suggests that it might, in fact, be the source of our greatest creativity and power. ‘It’s a creative powerhouse of untapped energy and so, to become aware of its contents and to transmute its power is hugely beneficial to our growth. Most of our creative energy is stored in the shadow. When we liberate the energy tied up in it, this will automatically be released into the conscious mind, leading to amplified creativity in all forms.

‘Yet, for many of us, it becomes an energetic drain, because we waste so much energy trying to deny or destroy it. We don’t get rid of the shadow, we simply get back the energy we used to suppress it. This allows us to move back into our nat ura l huma n condition, which is one of boundless creative energy, a vigour that the ancient Greeks called enthousiasmós meaning “possessed by the gods” and which, these days, we call enthusiasm.’

Zweig agrees about its creative power. ‘There are positive qualities dormant in the shadow. For example, if a girl grows up in an athletic family and she secretly wants to paint or play music, but her family doesn’t respect her gifts and pushes her into sport, then her art is in the shadow. Or if a boy wants to write but his father is a lawyer and talks him into joining his profession, then his literary ability becomes the shadow, as it’s repressed.

‘Often, at midlife, people begin to question how they lived the first half of their lives and they will go back and reclaim some of those positive talents buried in the shadow. They’ll go back to those things that they sacrificed out of family, social or financial pressure.’ This might play out with someone becoming jealous and making snarky comments about a person who is doing their dream job, for example. But, if something is in the shadow, it can always be liberated. ‘We have our whole lives to explore, uncover and make conscious a relationship with our shadow material, to experience a fuller range of ourselves, and a fuller range of feelings,’ explains Zweig.

‘The possibilities for reclamation really are endless.’

“It is the opponent within us who sharpens our skills. The shadow isn’t a problem to be solved or an enemy to be conquered, but a fertile field to be cultivated”

conniezweig.com; drdebracampbell.com; charliemorley.com

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Using dreams to explore the shadow When we dream, our shadow can be displayed openly and without the censorship of the waking mind. Lucid dreaming teacher, Charlie Morley, explains how to connect with your shadow…

1

KEEP A NOTEBOOK BESIDE YOUR PILLOW.

Dream recall is the first step.

By recalling our dreams, we start to see the shadow on its own turf; the unconscious mind. With every dream, the unconscious mind is offering us a hand of friendship. But, far too often, this is an offering we ignore, either by not remembering our dreams, or by failing to acknowledge their value by not writing them down.

2

DON’T FEAR NIGHTMARES.

Dreaming of themes related to our shadow is actually a very good sign. But when the dark shadow displays itself at maximum volume, we may label the experience as a nightmare and, in our aversion, miss the opportunity to recognise and integrate it. Nightmares can be the sign of a healing mind.

3

PRACTISE LUCID DREAMING. The next

step is lucid dreaming (the art of becoming conscious within our dreams). Through this, we are able to intentionally invoke our shadow, dialogue with it in personified form and embrace it as a way to transmute its energy.

That’s when things get interesting.

For more on lucid dreaming, see ‘Lucid Dreaming: A Beginner’s Guide’

by Charlie Morley (Hay House, £8.99)

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THE EMOTIONAL GARDENER When her shadow overwhelms her with self-sabotaging thoughts, or begins to question what she knows is right, Caroline Buchanan gets out her metaphorical trowel and tends to some emotional gardening. Could it be the perfect analogy for a happier mind?

T

he other day, I had a chat with a young man who was worried that he might shortly do something very unwise. ‘I understand what you’re saying, but you don’t have to do that,’ I said. ‘The seed is planted in my head,’ he replied. ‘But you don’t have to water it!’ I shot back at him.

Where my reply came from, who knows?

But it was advice I immediately decided to start taking myself.

When negative thinking, low selfesteem, worry, or the critical gremlin on your shoulder attacks, it’s time to get out the trowel and spade, and practise some emotional gardening. You need to feed and water the good stuff, weed out the rubbish, and cut out the bindweed before it grows and takes hold. Then, with the ground all beautifully prepared, you can start planting, nourishing and growing.

“You need to feed and water the good stuff, weed out the rubbish, and cut out the bindweed before it takes hold”

GET WEEDING

All those weeds, such as unhelpful habits, will be much better pulled out. Some flowers look like weeds, while other weeds look dangerously pretty and can easily be mistaken for flowers, so it’s important to be attentive and make wise choices. You can always ask for advice if you’re unsure. When new weeds sprout, pull them out as soon as possible – before they get too embedded. I confronted the alcohol weed and it’s been completely out of my life for a few years now.

TACKLE THE BINDWEED

from even the smallest sections. You need to cut it right out, because it’s such unhealthy stuff that spreads fast and can choke or smother everything else in the vicinity. But, you can get rid of it. I’m working on my old habit of blaming myself for everything when something goes wrong. This particular bindweed has been with me since I was a young child, and it’s got in the way of healthy growth. It’s nearly disappeared now, but I know I have to be diligent until I’m perfectly confident it’s really gone.

Many people have, or have had, bindweed to contend with – think of it as a big, tricky problem that’s been around for a long time. Just like old patterns of destructive thinking, bindweed is not easy to remove and is able to regenerate

NURTURE YOUR BED

Even healthy plants (and habits) need regular maintenance. There is so much good in a garden that can be built on, some of which is there naturally and also plants you’ve nurtured with your own hands. Those seeds were fed and watered and now they’re bearing fruit.

At times you’ve probably been offered help; at other times, you’ve actively sought it. There is so much expertise to access. Resources must be found when the landscape is threatened by stormy conditions. Then, when the weather is calm and sunny again, the garden looks better than ever.

Personally, having survived four severe storms that arrived together back in 2012, all of which uprooted so much, I’m enjoying my maturing emotional garden more than ever.

GO FORTH AND PLANT

With your garden benefiting from the love and care you are giving it, you can delight in choosing what else to plant.

Which seeds do you want to cultivate? Mindfulness, confidence, social skills, positivity, self-belief, or simply learning to relax? Imagine your joy when they grow and blossom. It’s good to visualise how you want your garden

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to look, smell and feel and what you would like it to evoke.

Then, write it down, as you’re more likely to achieve a goal if you do that. Once you are ready to plant, you can begin to trust in a power greater than yourself to do the rest.

HAVE A LITTLE PATIENCE

Some plants take longer to show results than others. Some wither and die because they weren’t nurtured enough, some give up despite all care, others blossom beautifully even if they didn’t get as much attention as they deserved.

If you’ve done your bit, and put in the work, the rest is out of your hands. Many of us will admit to feeling frustrated when we don’t receive instant gratification. Even worse is when nothing seems to be happening, despite putting in so much effort. This is when you’re in real danger of giving up. But an emotional garden is a long-term project – you need to develop patience and keep on nurturing it.

There will always be something to work on in your garden and you also need to work with the seasons – circumstances beyond your control – but that comes with the art of acceptance. ‘This too shall pass’ is a good phrase to remember. Spring will always follow winter, no matter how hard the ground has been. Another phrase that I love, is ‘Faith can move mountains, but we need to have a shovel in our hands.’

Time, then, to get that shovel out of the shed! caroline-buchanan.co.uk

Sorting the flowers

Psychotherapist and couples therapist, Richard Newbury, draws inspiration from psychologist Marsha Linehan’s emotion, reason and wise mind

1

‘Our initial objective is to work out which state of mind we are currently in – the emotion, reason or wise mind – and if it is appropriate to the situation,’ says Newbury.

‘Then, we consult each mind for its opinion, moving between them, which takes us towards metacognition or thinking about thinking.’

2

He adds, ‘Negative states of mind can be obstructions that deny our credibility.

Reminding ourselves that thoughts are just thoughts, not facts, can help us to

put the negative opinions we have about ourselves into perspective.’

3

‘Jungians talk of complexes; autonomous sub-personalities that bid to run the show.

Complexes are not always bad but, when they are, we need to remind ourselves that they are not the whole story about us. For Jungians, there is a transpersonal self, which aims to organise a balance of the forces at work in our wider interests.’

Marsha Linehan is the creator of Dialectical Behaviour Therapy; linehaninstitute.org

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OUT OF THE SHADOWS Three women talk about how acknowledging all aspects of their personality and confronting their shadow selves helped them heal INTERVIEWS RIN HAMBURGH PHOTOGRAPH ANNA ENSTRÖM

“We do not access our light in spite of our darkness, but because of it” INDRA AIMEE RAI, 30, INTERNATIONAL LIFE COACH AND KUNDALINI YOGI

W

hen I was growing up, I didn’t suffer any obvious trauma – I went to a good school, I was intelligent and well liked, but I never felt truly part of life and I suffered with an inexplicable inner turmoil. It was as though everyone else had been given the manual for life and I hadn’t.

There seemed to be a missing piece, and a missing peace. By the age of 13, I was drinking, using drugs and self-harming. I suffered with eating disorders, depression and anxiety.

Over the years, I went through many types of traditional therapy, but it all fell short.

I learned a lot about myself, but the healing remained intellectual and failed to become an integrated reality. I found life intolerable without drugs and alcohol to release the pressure and soften the edges. This led me to a degree of addiction that tore my life apart.

I no longer believe in breakdowns, only in breakthroughs. By being humbled into a process of recovery, I was introduced to the idea of healing as a spiritual process. This is when I began to engage with what I now understand to be shadow work – diving into the basement of my subconscious and all that it held. I had to lovingly face all the darker

aspects of my being, such as my self-seeking, jealousy and all-consuming pride – the desperate need for the approval of others.

If we wish to heal and feel complete, we cannot continue to reject a half of that whole.

We are made of both light and shade. I had to go deeper still, to realise that these shadow aspects of myself were a fear-driven survival mechanism. I wasn’t a bad person; I was a scared person. I did not feel safe, secure or worthy. I was disconnected from my true self and from what I have come to know as my ‘spirit’ or ‘soul’. Most of us are.

The wonderful teachers I’ve had on my journey have been vital; we all need someone to show us the way. As a transformational life coach and Kundalini yogi, I now have the great privilege of doing this for others. Shadow work is like opening Pandora’s box – the beauty is to be found beneath the pain and the struggle, and hope cannot be accessed until we are prepared to go through the middle of it.

In learning to honour my shadow and listen to what it had to say, I was able to unleash my light. We do not access our light in spite of our darkness, but because of it. transformationalteaching.com

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Dossier

“It’s about getting to know your shadow self and not being scared of it”

A

AMANI OMEJER, 29, WRITER AND CARTOONIST

s a child, I experienced abuse, trauma and neglect.

My mum was severely diabetic and I was her carer from the age of three. Later, she became very abusive, then developed psychosis. When I was 23, I found her trying to hang herself. That same year, I was raped and, the following summer, my boss attacked me. Then I was involved in a surfing accident, which left me with a serious concussion. It tipped me over the edge, and I became depressed to the point of being suicidal.

But, without realising it, that was when I started experiencing healing. For the first time, I didn’t go back home to look after my mum. In the autumn, I decided to visit California, and ended up being there for six months.

During that time, I found a great therapist called Mary, who taught me about shadow work. She worked in an integrated and intuitive way. Through this practice, I realised that we’ve all got different parts – our inner rebel, our inner mum and our inner child. At the beginning, I was just dealing

with the stuff that came up, getting to know the fear and the trauma, and in a way that was part of my shadow.

When I moved back to the UK, we carried on our sessions via Skype. I was very ill with chronic fatigue and was mostly in bed for about two years. I spent that whole time drawing cartoons. It started when Mary asked me what my inner critic looked like. I drew this fat, spotty security guard, who was actually very funny. The humour gave me distance, and I was able to see that the things he was telling me weren’t actually true. I’d draw the critic and write what he was saying, and it would often make me laugh because it was so mean! And then I started to draw my inner girl, and the compassionate mum in me began to speak up more.

Exploring my shadow has been about getting to know it and not be scared of it. It’s not that there’s something wrong with me, it’s just a part of me. Mary taught me how to witness and hold onto it, as something I need to love and let be. amani-omejer.squarespace.com

“By working on my blockages, I was able to heal my shadow and embrace the light”

M

BELINDA DAVIDSON, 38, MODERN MYSTIC AND AUTHOR OF FROM DARK TO LIGHT (PUBLISHED LATER THIS YEAR)

ost people are born intuitive, I believe. Usually, this gift fades as they get older but, in my case, it seemed to grow with each passing year.

I showed psychic and clairvoyant ability and, at the age of three, I’d go up to people at the surgery where my father worked as a doctor and tell them what was wrong with them. I learned from an early age that adults don’t want to have someone telling them the truth about themselves.

Because I was brought up in a religious household, I was taught that anything paranormal or extrasensory was evil.

At the age of 10, I was exorcised because of the extrasensory activity I attracted. Obviously, I didn’t find any of this easy.

I tried not to see the things I saw and to pretend I didn’t know things – I just wanted to fit in and be normal. All of this left me very unhappy and confused about my life and myself. I suffered with digestive problems, migraines, anxiety and depression, and even had suicidal moments.

My first breakthrough came at the age of 19 when my

grandmother contacted me from beyond the grave. I heard her voice in the room. She told me that one of her children was in a trouble and gave me information to pass on to him.

That message saved his life; he’d been planning to commit suicide that day. That’s when I went from thinking I was a bad, evil person and started my journey with shadow work, which led to my exploration of chakras. I’m naturally attuned to the shadow, but my abilities scared some people. There are those who are afraid of addressing negative things, because they think they’ll trigger the law of attraction and draw it to themselves, which is unhelpful.

I believe that the power of my achievements as a modern mystic is about working with the shadow and not denying it; it’s about looking at those things in our energy fields, from our genetic heritage to our past life to our collective consciousness – everything that’s causing a blockage. The more I faced my fears, the more I was able to let in the light. belindadavidson.com

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* ACHIEVING FAME, WEALTH AND BEAUTY ARE PSYCHOLOGICAL DEAD ENDS. ‘JOURNAL OF RESEARCH IN PERSONALITY’, UNIVERSITY OF ROCHESTER, 2009

GETTING TO KNOW ME

Are there steps we can take to find out who we truly are and learn to understand ourselves better? Psychologist, Tasha Eurich, says yes…

1

SET GOALS AROUND YOUR OWN GROWTH.

A study* has found that when a group of people were asked to write down two paragraphs about a significant life goal and how they were going to accomplish it, those who described goals around growth and learning demonstrated improved self-awareness, maturity and wellbeing nearly four years later.

2

TAKE FEEDBACK.

Psychologists have found that, generally, other people view us more objectively than we see ourselves. For example, they have been shown to anticipate our future behaviour better than we can predict our own. Even strangers have been found to see us disconcertingly accurately. Learning to understand the behaviour we are getting feedback about helps us make better choices.

3

WRITE DOWN YOUR THOUGHTS IN A JOURNAL.

The key here is to explore the negative and not over-think the positive. When we take a look at negative events through expressive writing, those who benefit most are the ones who use it as an opportunity for learning.

Adapted from ‘Insight: The Power Of Self-Awareness In A Self-Deluded World’

by Tasha Eurich (Macmillan, £18.99)

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Dossier TEST

HOW IS YOUR SHADOW SELF HOLDING YOU BACK? If you’ve ever felt like there are two sides to you, or that you sabotage your own success, you’ve come across your shadow self. Here’s how to identify your personal shadow, and ensure it works for, and not against, you Which of these scenarios would make you the most uncomfortable?

A Making a speech in front of a large crowd B A stranger starting a conversation with you on the train C Your friends all stop talking when you walk into the room D A work spa day and your colleagues seeing you in your swimsuit

2

The main reason you don’t reach your goals is:

A Giving up because it’s too much effort B Silly reasons that don’t make sense C Other people letting you down D Your confidence deserting you

3

When you’re upset, you’re most likely to:

4

You most admire people who:

A Keep it to yourself and fret B Try to put things into perspective C Tell yourself to get a grip D Comfort eat or binge drink

A Seem naturally slim and healthy B Speak their mind C Feel comfortable in their own skin D Are in a great relationship

5

People would be surprised at how much time you spend:

A Fantasising about a different life B Giving yourself a hard time C Feeling like an outsider D Thinking about how you look

6

You feel at your best when you’ve:

A Detoxed or lost weight B Met someone you really connected with C Achieved something that was challenging D Acted with grace and kindness

9

You’re most likely to skip a big party because you’ve:

A Ruminated about all the ways it could go wrong B Convinced yourself that you won’t fit in C Felt overwhelmed by the thought of talking to loads of people D Decided you look fat in all your clothes

10

You feel like an imposter when you’re:

7

A Told how kind you are B Speaking to someone you need to impress C Telling your GP about your lifestyle habits D Talking in a meeting or doing a presentation at work

A Feel hugely excited, then terrified B Wonder if they’ve offered it to the right person C Wonder if your partner or best friend would move, too D Think of it as a new start

ADD UP YOUR SCORE FOR EACH ANSWER AND TURN THE PAGE TO FIND OUT HOW YOUR SHADOW SELF IS HOLDING YOU BACK:

You are offered your dream job, but it means moving to a new city. Your default reaction is to:

8

At school, you were known for:

A Being everyone’s friend B Always being on a diet C Never getting into trouble D Being queen bee

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 A 2 8 2 8 2 8 2 6 2 4 B 4 2 6 6 4 2 4 8 4 6 C 6 4 4 4 6 4 6 3 6 8 D 8 6 8 2 8 6 8 4 8 2

WORDS: SALLY BROWN

1

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IF YOU SCORED BETWEEN 20 AND 35

IF YOU SCORED BETWEEN 46 AND 60

Your shadow self holds you back from:

Your shadow self holds you back from:

Your shadow self wants to keep you safely in your comfort zone and will look for ways to discourage you from anything that it deems risky, such as new opportunities.

Its main weapon is self-sabotage – ever wondered why you leave late for that crucial job interview, or start to binge eat just as you’ve reached your goal weight?

It can manipulate you into ‘victim’ mode, so you feel passive and helpless, because it believes you are safest when your life is small. If there is a hint of your life becoming big, it will conjure up worst-case scenarios of what could go wrong. Perhaps you needed your shadow to hold your hand through a turbulent time in your life, to protect you by anticipating threatening situations and helping you to think of ways to avoid them? But regular bouts of thinking ‘is this it?’ suggests that your shadow self has outstayed its welcome. Try to picture it as a small, frightened child, and then imagine putting your arm around it, and telling it that ‘everything is going to be OK’ because you’re in charge now.

Your shadow self is a people-pleaser, ensuring you avoid conflict and disapproval. You have high empathy levels and can easily step into other people’s shoes. This can work for and against you, because you often find yourself telling people what you think they want to hear, rather than what you really think. You can put yourself last, as keeping others happy is more important than your own wellbeing – it’s not surprising that you often feel used.

Remember, the intention of your shadow self is to protect you. People-pleasing may have won you approval from friends, family or work colleagues in the past but, when appeasing everyone is your default mode, it can be hard to feel comfortable in your own skin. Do you wonder how many people know the ‘real’ you? Perhaps you would like to be more assertive? Finding your voice starts with getting in touch with who you are and what you believe in. Simply pausing, checking in with your feelings, and asking, ‘How am I reacting to this? What are my thoughts and emotions?’ is a good place to start.

Being brave

IF YOU SCORED BETWEEN 36 AND 45

Being authentic

IF YOU SCORED BETWEEN 61 AND 80

Your shadow self holds you back from:

Your shadow self holds you back from:

Are you secretly ashamed of how critical you can be of others, even those you genuinely care about? You may come across as kind and open-minded, but your shadow self is super-critical, judging people on their appearance, life choices and behaviour. The root of this shadow is your relationship with yourself. You lack self-compassion and may have lived with an inner critic for so long that it’s become your default way of thinking. This is possibly the most undermining thing you can do for your mental wellbeing, and it can hold you back from making new friends, or taking existing relationships to a deeper level.

At one time, you may have credited your shadow with pushing you to achieve, or helping you to not get taken for a ride. But now it’s putting a negative filter on your world view, which is undermining your mood and ramping up anxiety levels. Compassion is the key to soothing your shadow self into submission – think, what’s the kindest you can be to yourself? Try being as supportive and encouraging to yourself as you would to a good friend.

Your shadow self has convinced you that life should be easy, and having to work for something means it’s ‘not meant to be’. Anything that involves forgoing immediate pleasure for longer-term goals, wakes up your shadow.

It has no faith in your ability to tolerate uncomfortable emotions, so it will drive you to seek distraction by using food, alcohol or binge watching TV. You can also be impulsive and seek a quick fix, so you may have an online shopping habit and be in debt. This shadow self can be a side effect of having well-meaning but over-protective parents, who sheltered you from difficult emotions.

Embracing your shadow self means deciding that, even if it feels like a struggle to do something, there will be times when it’s worth doing anyway. Start by making small changes that can build your confidence – for example, go to a yoga class when you get home from work instead of winding down with a glass of wine. When you’re faced with a choice, ask yourself, ‘Will this take me one step closer to my goals, or one step further away?’

Being compassionate

Personal growth

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Penninghame Process where your new life begins “In the following weeks since the course, my home life became more harmonious, I had far more clarity about my work... and my bouts of depression seem to have been booted into touch.”

Jane, Freelance Journalist, 2016 We are a not-for-profit organisation, offering six day intensive retreats on a beautiful private estate in Dumfries and Galloway. We are passionate about deep personal development and self-awareness.

Here, you will be taught new skills and given techniques and exercises to empower you to leave your past behind and get ready to take responsibility for your chosen path. You will naturally create more positive and exciting opportunities in your life. If any of the following ring true, then the Penninghame Process is for you:

COURSE DATES 2017

Saturday 16 September-Friday 22 September 2017 LIMITED PLACES AVAILABLE Saturday 18 November-Friday 24 November 2017

• I have childhood wounds and traumas that are holding me back

COURSE DATES 2018

• I feel ill and stressed and wish that things could get better

Saturday 21st April -27th April

• I feel overwhelmed, scared and often get angry with myself or others • I feel unhappy in my job and want to do something more fulfilling • I want to learn how to form loving and lasting relationships • I want to lead a more joyful and creative life

Saturday 24th February -2nd March

The full course is *£1595– this includes high quality accommodation, laundry and meals. All the food is specially made with your health in mind by our expert on-site Macrobiotic chef. * Limited number of reduced priced places available – please ask.

Penninghame House for a life of health and well being

Please visit www.penninghame.org for further information or call Lynn on 01671 401414 for a confidential chat.

Newton Stewart, Dumfries & Galloway, Scotland, DG8 6RD

#360me p78 The Plan / p85 Holistic Skin Avoiding prickly heat / p87 Feel Beautiful Ethical buys / p89 Well Network Childs Farm’s Joanna Jensen / p91 Kind Mind Ali Roff / p92 Real Wellness Are you body wise? / p99 Ask The Doctor Fertility / p101 Real Nutrition Yogurt / p102 Well Travelled Unplugged at Restival EDITED BY EMINÉ RUSHTON

us a stranger totally unknown to us. To live is to be slowly born ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPÉRY

“

PHOTOGRAPH: STOCKSY

single event “canA awaken within

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#360me

The plan bo

d

Ge t real wi th your though ts pg81

d

Ask the doc tor abou t boosting fertili ty pg 99

me

NECK REVIVER Beata Aleksandrowicz is a massage and healing expert, and creator of Pure Massage. She shares her tips on loosening a tight and uncomfortable neck.

‘Bend your head back and squeeze the muscles on each side of the base of your neck. The amount of muscle you are able

it

to grasp will depend on how tense your neck

ir

gu

t

The power of Restival pg 102

sp

The cream of superfoods, yogurt pg 101

body Enjoy our suggestions to help you maintain a healthy body

y

m in

Every month, the #360me team will be sharing our baby-steps approach to leading a healthier, happier life – expert-endorsed and real-life approved.

and shoulders are. Slowly roll your head forward and exhale, squeezing the muscles all the time. Bend your head forward as far as you can. Hold, count to 10 and breathe deeply. Slowly return your head to the

To feel your best, you have to consider the health of not just your BODY and GUT, but your MIND and SPIRIT too – this is holistic health in action. To help you, we’ve split all the advice in the plan into these four sections and, by spending a similar amount of time on each, you’ll be looking after your ‘self’ in a truly holistic way. Dip in and try one thing from each section. Or dive in and do it all. It’s here for you – to inspire, support and motivate. Share your journey with us @psydirector and we’ll share ours too.

SHARE YOUR #360ME JOURNEY @eminerushton @psychologiesmagazine psychologies.co.uk

PHOTOGRAPHS: GETTY IMAGES. *SURVEY OF 1,004 BRITISH WORKERS BY ETAILER FURNITURE123.CO.UK, 2017.

FOR STOCKISTS, SEE PAGE 127

upright position.’ @puremassage

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18%

#360me

the plan

Despite the fact that the majority of 18- to 24-year-olds regularly work at a computer, only 18 per cent of adults in that age group sit at a desk – choosing their sofa or bed instead!* While it may seem more comfortable, improper posture while working at a computer can lead to repetitive strain injuries – so, if you’re regularly putting in the hours at home, make sure you commit to a proper desk and back-supporting chair.

“While you wait for the kettle to boil, separate your feet to hip-width apart, bend your knees gently to lengthen your lumbar spine, and practise consciously breathing, long and deep into your belly, for up to 10 exhales” Lara Davis, founder of Ibiza Retreats @ibizaretreats

SPICE IT UP ‘Since switching to natural, fluoride-free toothpaste, we’ve become fans of Kingfisher, Green People and Weleda and, new to our dental routines, the deliciously cinnamony Dr Bronner’s All-One Toothpaste.

A bit spicy for the kiddies, but the husband and I love it!’ @eminerushton

Cinnamon All-One Toothpaste, £6.49, Dr Bronner’s

ALO ALO Hot from Los Angeles, Alo Yoga’s effortless pieces are ideal for those of us who are increasingly living, breathing and working in our yoga gear. Soft and breathable leggings, flattering crop-tops and easy tanks hit the mark – from street to desk to studio.

ONE FOR ALL

Every Body Yoga

by Jessamyn Stanley (Workman Publishing, £12.99)

‘Practising yoga to get a “yoga body” is a notion ancient yogis would have baulked at.

Refreshingly, the stereotypical modern yogi is nowhere to be seen in Every Body Yoga by Jessamyn Stanley, who says she’s no “yoga goddess”, just a woman who found practising yoga alone at home to be utterly freeing.’

Eminé Rushton @eminerushton

Alo Yoga Verse Bra, £59, and leggings, £110, The Sports Edit

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spirit Lift your spirit with these great finds and useful insights

“‘Whatever Arises, Love That’ (Sounds True, £17.99) by Matt Khan is a collection of powerful lessons from this highly regarded spiritual teacher.

Your companion in exploring spiritual evolution in the most heart-centred way, it provides a series of healing insights and practices to enable you to reach your highest potential” Akcelina Cvijetic, Spirit Editor @Akcelina_Health

FOUR GO WILD ‘Nailing wellness on the festival scene is my perennial favourite, Wilderness. I’ve been three years in row, and my young family and I always have the best time. This year, I shall be taking my six-year-old to her first sunset Yoga Nidra session, learning more about Wild Nutrition with Henrietta Norton, Natural Living for Greater Vitality with Xochi Balfour, and booking in for a Neal’s Yard Remedies Signature Organic Facial, £65 for an hour.’ @eminerushton; wildernessfestival.com

PLANT A SENSE OF CALM ‘For an easy practice to ground yourself when you feel overwhelmed, focus on “earthing” your body, and exhaling, which stimulates the parasympathetic nervous system and relaxes you. Imagine roots spiralling down into the ground from your feet, inhale slowly for a count of four, pause for two counts and exhale. Repeat 10 times.’

Lara Davis, holistic health coach @ibizaretreats

10:1

In a poll, workers and non-workers showed the same happiness-stress ratio of 4:1.* On weekends, the ratio for workers shot to 10:1, but only went up to 5:1 in those who do not work, suggesting that social time with friends boosts wellbeing – and that workers feel its full effects on days off.

GOOD NIGHT’S STEEP ‘LA “hipster healers” House of Intuition have blended Epsom and Himalayan sea salts with aromatic jasmine flowers and lavender in their Moonlight Bath Bag, to transform your evening dip into a herbal mindand body-melting ritual.’

Catherine Turner, Wellness Editor @Catherineyogi

Moonlight Bath Bag, £9.50, House of Intuition

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#360me

the plan

mind This month’s food for thought... Tell us how you get on by using #360me

INNER GLOW

PHOTOGRAPHS: JUSTINE TRICKETT; PLAIN PICTURE; STOCKSY. *POLL OF 240,000 AMERICANS, GALLUP.COM/POLL/107692/SOCIAL-TIME-CRUCIAL-DAILY-EMOTIONAL-WELLBEING.ASPX, 2008; ** R KESSLER ET AL, LIFETIME PREVALENCE AND AGE-OF-ONSET DISTRIBUTIONS OF DSM-IV DISORDERS, ARCHIVES OF GENERAL PSYCHIATRY. FOR STOCKISTS, SEE PAGE 127

‘Find clarity at Brown’s Hotel in London with the 50-minute Spiezia Mindfulness Ritual (£100) – a welcome disconnect from the world. Relaxing breathing techniques are followed by a pleasingly mind-numbing back, face and scalp massage, bringing your thoughts into focus as you concentrate on the present. A little TLC inside and out!’

Suzanne Duckett, Wellness Editor @ThisIsAntidote; roccofortehotels.com

Pause by Danielle Marchant (Octopus, £12.99)

JUST STOP ‘“Today, for so many of us, life has become a running paragraph with no punctuation.

Strive, drive, sleep, repeat don’t miss a beat...” And so begins Danielle Marchant’s wise and wonderfully insightful book, Pause (Octopus, out 29 June) which invites you to consider its pages as a “private retreat – a place you can turn when you feel lost, anxious or confused”. I highly recommend this read.’ @eminerushton

LIVING IN THE PRESENT

50%

Half of mental health problems are established by the age of 14.** Parents can find support on the Young Minds helpline (0808 802 5544) or at the Mental Health Foundation (mentalhealth.org).

‘I’m still loving the mantra, “I soften into this moment.” Everyone is familiar with the concept of mindfulness but, rather than it being a mental abstraction, these words bring it to life. They instantly help us tap into the true quality of living mindfully: opening us up to the moment, allowing it to unfold without resistance, cultivating expansiveness, relaxed breath, or just being OK with life as it is. Try it.’

Suzy Reading, Mind Editor @SuzyReading

“We know about fake news, but what about fake stories in our heads? Your thoughts guide your actions, so put into practice the phrase ‘don’t believe everything you think’.

When you have positive self-belief, you’re more likely to carry out beneficial acts – apply for that job, ask for that pay rise – it’s time to take care of your mental health as much as you do your physical” Kat Farrants, Yoga Editor @MFML_ J U LY 2 0 1 7 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 81

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CRUNCH NEWS ‘Apples are an excellent source of pectin – a type of fibre that helps to feed gut bacteria. The bacteria produce butyrate, a crucial anti-inflammatory that is critical ‘fuel’ for gut cells. Lightly stewed fruit is the best way to release pectin. Serve with a sprinkle of cinnamon, a handful of flaked almonds and kefir, for a gut-friendly snack or light breakfast.’ Eve Kalinik, Nutrition Editor @evekalinik

Gut by Giulia Enders (Scribe Publications, £9.99)

gut Nurture your gut health for an overall feeling of wellbeing

READER’S DIGEST ‘The best book I’ve read recently is Gut by the hilarious and knowledgeable Giulia Enders. It’s helpful for me to understand exactly what the types of food I’m eating do to my body, and how I digest them. I have always been interested in the digestive system as so many of my clients have IBS. An easy-to-read and funny book!’

Hollie Grant, Fitness Editor @ThePilatesPT

“

The doctor of the future will no longer treat the human frame with drugs, but will cure and prevent disease with nutrition “Bone broth is a rich source of collagen, L-glutamine and amino acids – vital for the health of the gut lining. If you don’t want to boil bones, try the delicious Borough Bone Broth, which comes in handy freezer-sized portions. Use as a base for soups, stews and sauces” Eve; boroughbroth.co.uk

“

THOMAS EDISON (1847-1931)

Trail Mix Tubes, £16.99 for 12, Wyldsson

TRAIL FINDER ‘I’ve come to accept that convenience trumps intention so, when it comes to food, I ensure I have the stuff I love close to hand. I’m forever sprinkling nuts, seeds and berries on meals, and love Wyldsson Trail Mix Tubes. There are 12 sweet and savoury 45g tubes in a box – think cherry and dark chocolate, or chilli picante – and, once you’ve picked your favourites, you can get the mega 750g refill for £11.99. Stocked for months!’ @eminerushton

12%

Research* has found a direct link between eating more fruit and veg and increased psychological wellbeing.

People who ate three to four daily servings had a 12 per cent lower risk of stress, while those who ate five to seven servings had a 14 per cent lower risk.

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#360me

the plan

PEA AND BASIL TART WITH A BUTTERY OAT CRUST Oat flour makes a crisp, rich crust – the perfect foil for a smooth pea filling and some cool probiotic labneh. The tart is easily digestible, but you could increase its prebiotic value by adding a garlic clove and using the white of the onions, says Naomi Devlin in ‘Food For A Happy Gut’ (Headline, £20) SERVES 4

Oat crust l 70g

oat flour (or porridge oats, ground) l 70g buckwheat flour l 70g ground linseed l 2 pinches of sea salt l 70g cold salted butter, diced l 80-100g live Greek-style yogurt

Pea and basil filling l 225g

frozen peas large organic eggs l 150ml double cream l Finely grated zest of 1 lemon, plus juice of ½ lemon l Large handful of basil, plus extra to dress l 3 pinches of sea salt l 4 spring onions, green parts only, sliced l 120g labneh l Olive oil, for drizzling l Freshly ground black pepper PHOTOGRAPHS: PLAIN PICTURE; STOCKSY; LAURA EDWARDS FROM ‘FOOD FOR A HAPPY GUT’ BY NAOMI DEVLIN. *SCIENCEDAILY.COM, 2017. FOR STOCKISTS, SEE PAGE 127

l3

For the crust, put both flours, the linseed and salt into a bowl, rub in the butter until it resembles coarse breadcrumbs, and use a knife to stir in half the yogurt. Add the remaining yogurt in teaspoons, until the mixture starts to clump, then gather into a ball and knead till smooth. Form into a disc, then wrap and chill for 20-30 minutes.

Preheat the oven to 200°C (390°F) gas mark 6 and line the base of a 23cm loose-based tart tin with baking parchment.

Lay a sheet of clingfilm on the worktop, place the pastry on it and cover with clingfilm. Roll into a circle to line the tin, peel off the top layer of clingfilm, and ease the pastry into the corners before removing the clingfilm and trimming

the top edge. Chill for at least half an hour.

Line the tart case with parchment, fill with baking beans and bake for 15 minutes, then remove the parchment and beans and bake for 5 minutes. Set aside. Turn the oven down to 180°C (390°F) gas mark 4. To make the filling, blanch the peas in boiling water until just cooked .

Refresh in cold water, then

drain and reserve 25g. Put the remaining peas into a blender with the eggs, cream, lemon zest and juice, basil and salt. Blend and pour into the case, then scatter over the onions and reserved peas.

Bake for 30 minutes, until set. Put aside till just warm, then scatter with labneh and basil and drizzle over the olive oil. Season with the black pepper and serve.

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Helping you through the

Menopause “Highly recommend this for anybody suffering from

hot flushes or night sweats” avogel.co.uk review by Debbie on 21st January 2016

® Menoforce Sage tablets

A traditional herbal medicinal product used for the relief of excessive sweating associated with menopausal hot flushes, includingg nigght sweats exclusively based upon long-standing use as a traditional remedy. Always read the leaflet.

For further information please visit www.avogel.co.uk or call our helpline on 0845 608 5858.

Health Food Stores & Pharmacies

3595

Available from

5

SOOTHING SOLUTIONS

#360me

holistic skin

The Organic Pharmacy Quercetin & Vitamin C Complex Capsules, £22

Q

How can I prevent prickly heat?

Green People Scent Free Sun Lotion SPF 30, £22

Dr. Organic Aloe Vera Skin Lotion, £5.59

Make sure the summer heat doesn’t ruin your holiday, with The Organic Pharmacy co-founder, Margo Marrone’s holistic tips

PHOTOGRAPH: PLAIN PICTURE. FOR STOCKISTS, SEE PAGE 127

O

ccurring in hot and humid weather, heat rash or prickly heat is the name given to tiny itchy eruptions on the skin’s surface. These small, red bumps appear when sweat ducts get blocked and the sweat cannot escape, which causes inflammation. Untreated, it can be very uncomfortable but, with a few precautionary steps, you can prevent it.

Chemical sun creams can actually exacerbate heat rash, as they absorb the sun’s rays, which makes the skin warmer and more prone to overheating. Mineral sunscreen, on the other hand, reflects rays, and will reduce the likelihood of heat rash. It is important to choose sun creams that contain soothing ingredients, such as shea butter and aloe vera, and avoid any products that have artificial fragrances or petrochemicals. Similarly, avoid highly fragranced or irritating moisturisers,

after-sun creams and make-up when you are suffering from heat rash.

Nettle extract works beautifully on this type of rash – both as a preventative and a treatment. Taking a homeopathic remedy that combines nettles along with Sol, both before sun exposure and twice a day during exposure can really help, too.

You can also buy after-sun creams that include nettle extract, which will further help to soothe the rash. Keep your skin as cool as possible by wearing breathable fabrics, such as cotton, and avoid clothes that are tight or rub the skin.

If you suffer from severe heat rash, take quercetin and vitamin C tablets at least three days before sun exposure, and twice a day during exposure. Quercetin is a natural antihistamine and helps reduce the itch and eruptions. theorganicpharmacy.com

Neal’s Yard White Tea Facial Mist, £11.50

The Organic Pharmacy Tan Enhancing After Sun, £33.95

‘Boosting your skin’s resilience to the sun with a supplement is a great place to start, and you can also do this by adding more vitamin C and antioxidant-rich foods to your diet. My skin has always been intolerant to chemical SPFs, so I love Green People – alongside Biosolis and the Kypris Heliotropic SPF30, from Content Beauty.’ Eminé Follow our Wellness Director @eminerushton for more holistic tips

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skinade.com

Beautiful skin frrom the inside We all kn now the importance of looking after our skin on the outside. To achieve your perfect complexion, you mus st also support your skin from within.

Discover skinade™ – the skincare drink that nourishes the skin from the inside for beautiful skin on the outside.

Available from skincare professionals only.

To find a stockist go to skinade.com To become a stockist, please call us on 08451 300 205 or email info@skinade.co.uk

MADE IN THE UK

NO 1 PROFESSIONAL SKINCARE DRINK IN THE UK

ABOUT-FACE I was a little cynical about FaceGym – facial ‘workouts’ in department stores

that put skin through its paces in 30 minutes did

#360me

1

feel beautiful

Almond Refining Concentrate, £45, L’Occitane

not tally with my holistic approach. I was wrong.

Ultrasound massage and tailored skincare (the signature gel is by Alexandra Soveral) stimulate muscles and boost absorption, and the hugely effective muscle-toning gadget left my skin bright and firm. From £45 for 30mins (see facegym.com).

FaceGym Pro Pro, £399, Harrods

5

Eminé Rushton presents her pick of products that enhance and uplift

2 3

I’ve never been a fan of toning or refining body products as I find them too astringent, but this offering from L’Occitane is substantial, silky and wonderfully moisturising, using pressed almond extract to firm, and sunflower seed and sweet almond oils to enrich.

ROYAL RELAX The charmers

at Lola’s Apothecary know how to draw you in – this enticing bath milk is based

SOAK IT UP

on an ancient recipe, purportedly enjoyed by that most exacting queen

This new product from REN, with Atlantic kelp and microalgae, contains the oil extracted from seaweed sustainably harvested from the north coast of Canada. It is rich in magnesium to remineralise tired bodies, plus the cypress, sage and geranium fragrance is naturally uplifting, too.

of Egypt, Cleopatra. Rose petals, English buttermilk and cocoa and shea butters make for a

4

deliriously good soak.

at Psychologies, “weHerebelieve that how we

“

FOR STOCKISTS, SEE PAGE 127

Anti-Fatique Bath Oil, £26, REN

Raise me up

ONE FINE DAY

feel is more important than how we look

Plumping Serum, £29.50, Phytodensia

Queen of Roses Bath Milk, £70, Lola’s Apothecary

NEW ROOTS

Thinning, brittle and fragile hair can be deeply upsetting – and the search for products that noticeably restore one’s crowning glory tend to be expensive and disappointing.

I gave a friend the full Phytodensia range (Plumping Shampoo, £15; Mask, £37; and Serum, £29.50) and, after a month, she was impressed. Her hair was stronger and fuller, with visible root (and confidence) boost.

FOLLOW US #360me @eminerushton @psychologiesmagazine lifelabs.psychologies.co.uk

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beautifully clear skin, naturally HRI Clear Complexion tablets help keep skin spot-free The natural active herbs in HRI Clear Complexion tablets treat your skin from within to help keep it clear from spots and pimples, or skin problems such as mild acne and eczema. This herbal medicinal product, based on traditional use, is available from Holland & Barrett, Asda, Tesco and leading Boots stores.

Certification mark

Always read the label www.HRIHerbalMedicine.co.uk

#360me

well network

Q+A The founder of Childs Farm shares how her own experience as a mother inspired her to start a natural toiletries brand for children

Joanna Jensen Q

What was your ‘light bulb moment’ for starting your own business? I’ve always been

interested in natural products and alternative health, and I’d used various home-made potions on my horses for years. When my two daughters came along, I struggled to find natural bodycare products for them that actually worked, and what I could find was either medicinal-looking or frighteningly expensive. I quickly realised there must be other parents out there who wanted a similar thing, and the business was born.

Q

What makes your brand unique? I don’t run a large pharmaceuticals company only interested in margins and sales. I’m passionate about real mums and helping them do the best for their families, which means making sure that our range works for everyone. This makes us different in an industry that is very much dominated by large businesses.

Q

Is there anything you would go back and do differently? Before starting Childs Farm, I had

no experience of building a brand and selling it to retailers, so I’ve learned everything on the job and, of course, I’ve made mistakes. There are probably lots of things I would have changed, but we just keep our eyes on the future and how we can do even better for parents and children.

Q

What has been your proudest moment so far on this journey? I’m proud of where we are

now from a business perspective, but I’m also extremely

happy that our brand is making a difference to people’s lives. Childs Farm is suitable for all children, but it can really help if you have dry or sensitive skin, or suffer with eczema. All the feedback we get is so uplifting and makes all the hard work worthwhile.

Q

What’s the one piece of advice you would give other women wanting to start a business?

Q

How do you balance running your own business and having a family? Ultimately, my

Have a plan and be passionate about what you do. I knew there was a problem to be solved and that was my plan.

children come first, and I make sure that I put aside time for them. However, they do understand that work is a hugely important part of my life and I do need to dedicate time towards it. However, parental guilt is always there and, like most of the parental workforce, I wish I could do better!

Q

How do you switch off and relax? I live and work in the great British countryside, which means I have access to some of the most beautiful walks in the world. Taking the dogs out and enjoying the fresh air is a great tonic for me.

Q

What does the future hold for Childs Farm?

We want to spread the word and get our products into the hands of more parents. Our products are genuinely great and we’d like everyone to know that! childsfarm.com; @childsfarm

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Jordan Desert Trek 18-25November2017

Trek from the Dead Sea to Petra and raise funds for the charity of your choice For more information and to register online:

www.actionforcharity.co.uk 01590 646410 | events@dreamchallenges.co.uk @DreamChallenges

@DreamChallenges

#TrekJordan

@ActionForCharity

#360me

the kind mind

Emotional eating can sabotage a healthy lifestyle, but we have the ability to choose health and happiness, says Ali Roff

Happy mind, happy body

PHOTOGRAPH: LAURA DOHERTY. *B NGUYEN ET AL, SOME VEGGIES EACH DAY KEEP THE STRESS BLUES AWAY, ‘BMJ OPEN’, 2017; **W MICHAEL ET AL, EXERCISE FOR MOOD AND ANXIETY, PROVEN STRATEGIES FOR OVERCOMING DEPRESSION AND ENHANCING WELLBEING, OXFORD UNIVERSITY PRESS, 2011

The slippery slope of self-sabotage

What’s difficult to understand is why, in times of crisis, many of us gravitate towards the things that sabotage our health and long-term happiness, rather than choose the things in life which feed us; body, mind and soul. And it’s not that I don’t know what’s good for me when I’m feeling low – fresh food, fresh air, blowing off steam in the park, or a soothing yoga practice. I know these things have the power to help me see the world differently but, for some reason, when times get tough, I choose the opposite path.

A plethora of nutrients found in our typically healthy foods can help us when it comes to suffering with anxiety; vitamin B6, chromium and magnesium, to name a few.

A recent study* found that women who ate five to seven

setback can easily disrupt “myAusual desire to nourish my body with healthy foods

“

R

ecently I had some bad news – a project I was really excited to be working on was postponed. A feeling of disappointment, uncertainty and disempowerment washed over me.

I went home, grabbed a glass of wine and slumped on the sofa. Two glasses later, I reached for a bar of dark chocolate and ate almost all of it. I’ve always been an emotional eater, and it’s proved to be one of the trickiest obstacles I’ve faced along my own health journey. As soon as I fall into ‘victim’ mode, I change my healthy behaviours.

For me, any kind of emotional disruption to the status quo of my day-to-day happiness has the power to make me lose my motivation and want to lie in bed late. A setback can easily disrupt my usual desire to nourish my body with healthy foods, and I end up grabbing empty junk that makes me feel good in the moment, and awful later.

portions of fruit and veg reduced their anxiety and depression by 23 per cent, compared to women who consumed zero to one portions a day. And regular exercise can alleviate symptoms of depression** and make us better equipped to deal with stressful periods when they arise.

Consciously or unconsciously, the way we treat our bodies can often feel like the only place we can claw back some control in our lives, when other parts seem uncertain.

Instead of choosing to look after ourselves, we try to gain control by bingeing or starving ourselves, or changing our usual routines. Severe cases can escalate to eating disorders.

So, the mantra I’m trying to remember is, we may not have a say over everything going on around us, but we can choose to treat our bodies well and nourish them with goodness to make them strong and healthy. By doing so, we don’t just benefit the health of our bodies, but our minds, too. They are connected, and we are most powerful when we honour the health and happiness of both.

If you need support with an eating disorder, call 0808 801 0677 to speak to the BEAT Beating Eating Disorders helpline, or visit b-eat.co.uk. @aliroff

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real wellness

Are you body wise?

In her landmark new book, BodyWise, introduced by our Wellness Director, Eminé Rushton, physician Rachel Carlton Abrams invites us to take a radical new approach to health by balancing traditional and integrative medicine with something no laboratory can replicate, nor doctor prescribe – our intuition

A

round 15 years ago, in a room with Andrew Weil, the eminent doctor and healthcare expert (and Psychologies health columnist), I first heard the words ‘integrative health’ – and discovered how many of us are falling through the cracks in the traditional healthcare model.

Allopathic medicine – the basis of all Western medicine – treats the visible symptoms: it sees a rash and prescribes a steroid cream; it sees insomnia and administers sleeping pills. But, if you treat only the symptom, I learned, you never identify the root cause because you’re simply covering up the problem – a plaster over a wound that never fully heals.

Integrative health (which looks to other ancient systems of medicine, including Ayurveda and traditional Chinese medicine) focuses solely, wholly, on the root cause.

The symptom is the signal, not the message.

There are myriad incredible, invested, wise and enlightened doctors, nurses and healthcare professionals operating in our amazing National Health Service – but our system is simply not built to best serve our extremely complex and deeply personal needs. There is neither the time nor the workforce to get to know all the ins and outs of everybody’s body, the unique meanderings of our minds, the profoundly sensitive spots that trigger pain, fear, anxiety and grief. That is for us to know, as Abrams explains, overleaf, in an extract from her empowering, illuminating and uplifting book, BodyWise (Bluebird Books For Life, £12.99).

I urge you to read it. It will guide, comfort, teach and transform, and prove to you just how incredibly wise our bodies are – if only we can learn to speak their language. >>>

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Women are “overwhelmed

PHOTOGRAPHS: STOCKSY

Super-tired superwoman

Over and over, women talk to me about the same life challenges. They feel pulled in multiple directions by their many roles and responsibilities. They are torn between taking care of their families and friends, and work. They are overwhelmed and exhausted by the blessing, and burden, of their commitments. They answer society’s call to be ‘superwomen’ yet, regardless of age and life stage, so many women are depleted by their lives. They are perceptive about their busy worlds, but they lack deep intelligence about their most important instrument – their bodies. GP colleagues see a similar epidemic of symptoms. This set of complaints is so common, I have come to see it as not just a random collection of symptoms, but as its own diagnosis: chronic body depletion.

Chronic body depletion occurs because of the demands that modern life puts on our bodies, and because we have lost touch with our bodies’ intelligence. Many women have come to accept extraordinary levels of pain and discomfort as normal, not realising that their bodies are literally screaming at them to pay attention before more serious disease occurs.

and exhausted by the blessing, and burden, of their commitments.

They answer society’s call to be ‘superwomen’, yet are depleted

“

F

or more than two decades, I have been a primary care physician. At least 75 per cent of my patients have the same constellation of complaints: they’re tired; they don’t sleep well; they’ve lost their sex drives. They may suffer from some kind of chronic pain, such as headaches, back pain, or pelvic pain; and they experience depression, anxiety, or both. And, often, they have allergies, autoimmune problems, or some other sign that their bodies are attacking themselves. They may not have all of these symptoms at once, but they often have most of them over time. I kept asking myself why so many women have some, or all, of these symptoms.

Could it really be just coincidence? Might the symptoms be connected? Was there a way to address them all together?

#360me

real wellness

Yet, listening to your body is not just about avoiding future illness, it is about wellness and vitality now, and about being able to have the life you – and your body – will love. I’ve come to see a person’s body intelligence – your body quotient, or BQ – as a fundamental measure of your health and wellbeing.

I’ve learned that listening to my body is the fastest way to get the life I want. When I was on call, working 100 hours a week while pregnant with twin girls, there was barely time to urinate or eat – in a system, ironically, that did not honour the health of the very practitioners who were trying to heal people. Not surprisingly, I almost had a premature labour and ended up on bed rest for three months. Of course, I wanted to do everything I could to protect my daughters’ health, and my body demanded the rest that I had not been giving it.

We’re all born with a knowledge of our body and its needs.

Yet, we live in a world that is far removed from our basic physical requirements. We can sit at a computer barely speaking or moving for an entire day. We rarely grow or gather our food; and, with frozen meals and deliveries, we don’t even need to cook it. We can take something to help us stay awake all night, and something else to sleep during the day. We can ignore our bodies’ needs or signals and still survive. Yet, 80 per cent of diseases – heart disease, high cholesterol, diabetes and many cancers – are worsened, or caused, by lifestyle. Our lack of body wisdom makes us sick as a society, and as individuals.

Listen when your body speaks

I am passionate about helping women to become body wise because I think it is the most powerful, revolutionary way to heal not just ourselves, but our society. When we honour ourselves and our health, we end up healing our families, organisations, and even our relationship to the earth. When you understand your body’s language, difficult decisions become simpler. Eating becomes more of a pleasure, as you >>>

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real wellness

understand what your body really wants. A new level of energy and inspiration is possible when you move, eat and rest in the way that your body needs. You develop a ‘second sense’ for choosing people who are positive influences. You are less likely to become ill, as you listen to the early symptoms that your body is communicating to you. If you want joy, vitality and longevity, begin listening to your natural body wisdom and move from depletion to repletion.

How to be body wise

We develop body intelligence at four levels. I think of it as gathering information about our wellbeing from the outside in. First, we gather measurements of our health using data we can collect, often through diagnostic tests or devices.

Second, we pay attention to sensations in our bodies. Third, we track emotions associated with those sensations.

Fourth, we try to discern patterns of experience that help us understand what we sense and feel. Think of the fourth level of discernment as the detective level, combining all the information, and using these clues to lead us to broader insights about our health and wellbeing.

Rachel Carlton Abrams chairs the committee for the Academy of Integrative Health and Medicine, and has medical degrees from Stanford, UC San Francisco and Berkeley; doctorrachel.com

Identify your intuition

This simple exercise will show you just how intuitive your body is – even when your mind is saying something completely different. It will help you tune into your ‘yes’ and ‘no’

1

Learn to be present in your body.

Sit comfortably and take three deep breaths to relax and be ‘in the moment’. Close your eyes if you like.

2

Imagine an untruth, for example, ‘I hate kittens’ or ‘I hate roses’. Repeat this statement over and over to yourself. Observe the sensations in detail. You may feel tightness in your chest, heaviness on your shoulders, a knot in your stomach, shaking hands, cold feet, or a lack of any sensation. Note

the type of sensation you feel – pressure, stabbing or aching – and its ‘size’, density, temperature or colour. What you feel is the ‘no’ of your body intelligence – the sensation of your body reacting to and rejecting the untruth.

3

Reverse what you’ve just said to yourself, repeating the true statement: ‘I love roses’ or ‘I adore kittens’.

Note how your body responds. What does your body feel when you’ve spoken the truth? You might feel warmth and an opening

of your chest, or a tingling in your belly, arms or legs, or a smile or softness around your eyes. Note the type of sensation – tingling, airy or expansive – and its ‘size’, density, temperature or colour. This difference in internal sensation is your gauge of truth; your body’s way of telling you what is true for you and what is not. What you feel is the ‘yes’ of your body intelligence – the sensation of your body fully opening to that possibility.

4

Now, take three more deep breaths

and open your eyes if you had them closed.

Reflect. What did you feel?

What did you learn? What else is your body telling you?

I have found that my body is resilient and forgiving.

If I make efforts to care for myself (taking a break from writing to stretch), my body feels better. But, if I refuse to listen to my body, it turns up the volume (neck pain).

Once you learn your body’s language, you will find that it is a clear communicator and on the side of you having the life you want and deserve. Your body is you.

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#360me

ask the dr

Q

PHOTOGRAPH: ISTOCK

Y

How can I boost my fertility?

Each month, leading integrative health expert, Dr Andrew Weil, gives his definitive answer to a medical question

ou can improve your chances of conception and a healthy pregnancy with a bit of planning. Visit your doctor a few months before trying to conceive; they can optimise the care of existing medical issues, make sure your immunisations are up to date, and help you reduce exposures to toxins. They can guide you towards following a balanced anti-inflammatory diet rich in brightly coloured fruit and veg, whole grains and cold-water fish. Previous guidelines that advised pregnant women to limit fish intake to minimise mercury exposure were reversed, after it was shown that the omega-3s found in Alaskan salmon, herring, sardines and black cod, support healthy foetal nervous-system development.

Those fish known to contain high levels of mercury, like king mackerel, tilefish and swordfish, should still be avoided.

Your doctor can also help you identify a good prenatal vitamin (PNV). Taking a high-quality PNV that contains iron, iodine and folic acid improves your chances of getting pregnant and reduces the risk of miscarriage and birth defects.

Along with your physical health, take stock of your emotional and spiritual wellbeing, your relationships, and your support system. Even low levels of chronic stress can suppress the release of hormones needed to produce a normal menstrual cycle and the proper release of an egg (ovulation). Practise healthy means of stress management,

such as breath work and gentle yoga, and try to laugh daily.

You can increase the odds of conception by timing intercourse to ovulation; you may maintain a menstrual diary to estimate the mid-portion of your cycle when ovulation occurs, or learn how to assess changes in cervical mucus associated with release of an egg. You can also take your body temperature using a Basal Body Temperature (BBT) thermometer, which is able to detect the slight (0.4 to 0.6ยบF) temperature rise associated with ovulation.

Assess BBT for a few months to determine when you are likely to ovulate, and plan accordingly. Odds of conception are highest if intercourse occurs during the two to three days before your monthly temperature rise.

Ovulation prediction kits are available. For some, difficulty conceiving may simply be due to poor timing of intercourse with the days of likely ovulation. If conception continues to be elusive, consider traditional Chinese medicine, including acupuncture, which may improve the blood supply to reproductive organs, and decrease stress. drweil.com; @drweil

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#360me

real nutrition

Top of the pots An ancient food, yogurt is brimming with gut-boosting goodness – if you know where to look, says Eve Kalinik

Y

ogurt goes way back when. In fact, as long ago as the 4th century BC, when Hippocrates, dubbed the father of medicine, proclaimed it to be one of the best foods to promote health and longevity.

And, indeed, we have been lapping it up ever since.

In its most traditional culturing process, yogurt is made by heating raw milk and allowing it to cool. When it’s warm, the milk is inoculated with a starter culture that contains lots of thermophilic (heat-loving) beneficial bacteria, then left to ferment to create the creamy delicious end result that we know and love. It is this fermentation and the flourishing of bacteria that gives yogurt its high health status. As with other fermented dairy, such as cheese, yogurt is generally much more digestion-friendly, since the lactose is markedly reduced during fermentation, so even those who cannot tolerate milk very well can enjoy the benefits of eating traditional yogurt.

However, the yogurt we see on the supermarket shelves isn’t quite the same stuff that our ancestors were raving about.

The commercial version is made using only a couple of strains

PHOTOGRAPH: STOCKSY; ISTOCK

Culture Viili Yogurt Starter Culture – Use these live cultures to make your own unique and healthy yogurt (happykombucha. co.uk).

of freeze-dried bacteria, rather than the more complex, diverse and multiple strains that you’d find in a natural starter culture. Furthermore, it is often heat-treated after this, which reduces the numbers of beneficial bacteria even more. Plus, the fat is taken out and a whole load of sugar or sweeteners are chucked in. It’s far removed from the real deal.

So how to buy? First, you want to be looking for organic, full-fat yogurt, with no added sugars or sweeteners. If you can get one made from non-homogenised milk, that’s even better.

And, for the most superior culture, make your own. It’s so easy, and you’ll reap the benefits of one of our oldest ‘superfoods’. evekalinik.com; @evekalinik

Eat Court Lodge Organic Pouring Yogurt – This tasty breakfast favourite is created with non-homogenised, organic milk in the most traditional way (ocado.com and some Waitrose stores).

Read The Yogurt Cookbook by Arto Der Haroutunian (Grub Street, £16.99) – Reissued after 20 years, this book takes you on a delightful voyage of yogurt discovery.

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well travelled

Lost & found Restival is a uniquely off-the-grid festival, held in the remotest locations, and is building a reputation for the deepest reconnection, rejuvenation and self-rediscovery, as Eva Ramirez discovers

L

ast summer, I took a two-week break from work, life and London to set myself a challenge. My goal was to get lost. I work in the wellness industry but, like so many of us, can find myself feeling the burnout effects of overexertion. Every so often, it gets to Sunday and I look back on my week to realise that I’ve been running on autopilot since Monday – work, workout, eat, socialise, sleep – often without stopping at all. I don’t put aside any time to tune out, which I’ve now come to realise, means there’s no room to tune in.

There was something about Restival, which

I stumbled upon while scrolling through Instagram (the irony is not lost on me) that spoke to me. I clicked on the link, and emailed the founder. The more I learned, the more I realised this had to be something I did alone.

At 26, I’d never travelled on my own, but I signed up before any doubts or second thoughts could surface. This. Was. Happening.

Restival took place in a slice of desert that sits between Grand Falls, San Francisco Peaks and the Roden Crater, in a place the Native American Navajo people call Dinétah, meaning ‘homeland’. Founder Caroline Jones

>>>

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well travelled

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set about bringing together the best parts of a festival and a retreat, after realising that people were craving an antidote to modern life. ‘I had grown tired of the old festival format and didn’t want to attend a retreat that involved lots of periods of silence or listening to gurus,’ she says.

Instead, Restival aims to ‘take people out of the isolation created by technology’ by bringing them to off-the-grid locations where they interact with indigenous tribes.

These close ties with the lifestyle and culture of local native communities charmed and attracted me. I was after a learning experience with far more depth than the beach-set yoga retreats I’d been looking into. It seemed like the perfect opportunity to eject myself entirely from my hy per-connected, fast-paced London life and experience a week of self-exploration in a whole new setting.

And before I knew it, I was on a flight to Flagstaff, Arizona.

Making real connections

My peers came from around the world and from all walks of life. The environment we were in – natural, modest and without superficial distractions – provided an even playing field, and Restival created an atmosphere where everyone felt equal. We hardly spoke about our lives back home; instead, the bonds we made were entrenched in the present.

Our Navajo friends were welcoming hosts, generous with their time and wisdom. Taking part in ceremonial traditions was a rema rkable ex per ience a nd something for which I shall be forever grateful. We listened to stories around the campfire, were taught how to give thanks and offer blessings, and we sang, danced and celebrated the Harvest Moon, which aptly took place on our final night.

The days were filled with as many or as few activities as we liked. Ancient Navajo traditions, such as peace-making, sweat lodges, storytelling, mask-making and astronomy were woven in with painting, jewellery-making and workshops, including ‘the art of dreaming’, ‘the art of stillness’ and ‘the art of loving’. Exercising the body as well as the mind, daily yoga, gong baths and dance workshops were also on the agenda. And because no eco-luxe retreat would be complete without some pampering, a pop-up spa provided treatments such as reiki, Thai massage, sound healing and flotation tanks, at an affordable extra cost.

Life can’t always be without its responsibilities and constraints, but it was so refreshing to be fully without ties.

I revelled in feeling like a child again; laughing, playing and

“Aside from being used to take photographs, my phone was rendered useless for the week”

Myself and two others on the same flight were collected from the airport and driven to camp. I felt nervous, excited, brave and disorientated throughout the journey.

The vast expanse of badlands stretched before us from every angle, giving a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘the middle of nowhere’. It felt like being on a conveyor belt – epic mountain after mountain after mountain. An hour and a half later, we saw the first hint of a tepee and, soon after, the entire cluster appeared. I hadn’t been expecting Glastonbury proportions, but what struck me was how small and isolated the campsite looked amid the barren desert.

I’ve been to many places that promised a complete ‘digital detox’, but that were still very much Wi-Fi friendly. This was different – we really were completely cut off from the outside world. The campsite can’t be found on Google maps and even the clock on my mobile phone jumped back and forth between time zones. There was no reception and no Wi-Fi. Aside from being used to take photographs, my phone was rendered useless for the week.

Camp provided everything we needed – entertainment, food and new friends. We slept in tepees, which accommodated five to six single beds, or smaller yurts that were twins or doubles. They were comfy and cosy, with bedside tables, lamps, candles, woolly blankets and fruit baskets. The showers were reliable and clean too, complete with 100 per cent natural handmade soap. I was impressed by the food, which was lovingly prepared by Mamma Moon

PREVIOUS PAGE Restival combines the best parts of a retreat and a festival in remote locations around the world. Eva attended the 2016 event in the Arizona desert OPPOSITE, CLOCKWISE FROM LEFT The camp slept under the stars in tepees; Restival’s activities included painting, astronomy and sweat lodges; Eva and the other guests had a portrait taken; daily yoga was encouraged; Diné artist, Johnson Yazzie, and the Navajo people were welcoming hosts; greeting the rising sun; inside a tepee

PHOTOGRAPHS: KIKI SUNSHINE; LORD ASHBURY

Getting off the grid

and her small catering team, who sourced local, organic ingredients, including some grown by a nearby school.

Meals were abundant and eating was a time of focus and enjoyment, when we all came together.

>>>

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#360me

well travelled

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FROM LEFT Eva basking in the sunshine after doing some painting; the remote campsite was completely free from technology, with no mobile-phone signal nor Wi-Fi; strong bonds and honest friendships were formed within the camp

not thinking about anything beyond what I was doing in that present moment. I loved the creative-writing workshop, which started with a walking meditation, before returning to the hogan (a traditional Navajo dwelling) to spill our thoughts onto paper and share them with the group. I never enjoyed reading my work aloud at school, but in that instance, I felt comfortable, safe and confident. Sharing was something we did a lot of at Restival, from thoughts and experiences to our creative work. I saw in a whole new light how human connection and the act of sharing could be the most divine forms of emotional nourishment.

At one with nature

One of the most poignant moments for me was taking part in a traditional sweat-lodge ceremony. Twelve girls were ushered into a small, dark hut, which was heated up to 100ºC and covered with blankets. Marilou, a local Navajo, led proceedings with song and prayer, while she tossed dried cedar onto hot rocks for us to smudge with [a cleansing ritual using smoke]. We sat for three hours, cocooned in what’s known as the earth’s womb, bathed in the rich, woody scent, each sharing our stories of gratitude, hope and fear. Long-forgotten memories resurfaced in my mind and, although I was thousands of miles from home, I felt rooted.

After four rounds (which got increasingly hotter) I emerged cleansed, re-energised, refocused and very sweaty. I felt an endorphin rush that lingered all day, similar to after an intense workout and, that night, I slept like a baby. In fact, I did a lot of sleeping throughout the week. I turned in

earlier than usual and woke at 6am to howling coyotes.

My dreams were extremely vivid and intense, and I felt hungrier for sleep than usual – Caroline had mentioned that this could happen, as the body simply adjusts to a new state of total relaxation.

The daily schedules were full, but no pressure was put on us to partake in everything, and we were reassured not to feel as though we had to ‘rush’ around. Some days, I skipped evening yoga altogether to sit and watch the sunset stack before me in elegant layers of pink, purple and blue. I didn’t expect Restival to have such an impact on my relationship with the world, but it’s the greatest insight our Navajo hosts gave me. It’s hard not to consider what a tiny place you occupy in the world when surrounded by such imposing reminders of nature’s power and beauty.

My week in Dinétah filled me with an invigorating sense of humanity and I returned to life in London with what I can only describe as pure sunshine in my heart. Before going, I hadn’t quite realised how drastically being constantly plugged in had affected me (not to mention my attention span). I’ve since realised that I don’t have to be overstimulated and over-scheduled to be productive or successful. I’m far more conscious of the pace at which I choose to live my life now, in order to keep my head and heart balanced. Wellness should not feel like an indulgence, but a necessity, and feeling ‘well’ – however that looks to you – is your birthright. @evaramirez. For more information and to book for Restival Arizona 2017 (14-19 September), from £1,500 per person, visit restival.global.net. Psychologies readers can get a 5% discount by entering the code EVA at the checkout

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How to write a novel

Y

MONTH 6:

Tricks of the trade

Award-winning novelist, Lucy Atkins, shares some style basics, from digging deeper into characters’ feelings and voices, to keeping things simple

ou should now be well into scribbling away at your ‘crap first draft’, so it’s time to look at some stylistic nitty-gritty. It pays to understand a few basic ‘style rules’ as you write. These are there to be broken, but only knowingly. If you are flouting them inadvertently, then your novel is highly likely to lose impact.

Probably the best-known advice to writers is, ‘show don’t tell’.

This means that instead of telling the reader how your character is feeling, you show them these things, using carefully chosen, concrete details. For instance, ‘Joe was nervous’ would change to, ‘A bead of sweat trickled down Joe’s back as he glanced over his shoulder…’ These details fire energy into a novel.

flipping in and out of different characters’ heads paragraph by paragraph takes great skill and you will risk not taking your reader with you.

Axe the adjective

So much of my writing life is spent reworking . Moments before I submitted the final version of The Night Visitor, I still had my red pen out, slashing unnecessary adjectives.

It’s tempting to sprinkle your prose with descriptive words and phrases in order to sound more ‘literary’, but overuse of these can have the opposite effect. Try looking at a sentence you’ve written that has a few adjectives.

Now rewrite it without them. Almost always, it becomes more vivid.

These are just a few style basics to be getting on with, but don’t get too hung up on writing beautiful sentences, yet. The main thing is to put something – anything – onto the page – and then take out your red pen. Stylistic success, above all, lies in confidence and authenticity. George Orwell, author of 1984, advised writers to ‘never use a complicated word when a simple one will do’. I have this, and his five other rules for writing, taped to my fridge door. I first printed them out more than 20 years ago and they are the best rules I know. Writing well is an ongoing craft, a process of exploration and learning.

Never use “a complicated word when a simple one will do

Another thing to watch out for is being consistent about your viewpoint and tone. Whether your narrator is an eight-year-old girl or a gnarled gangster, you’re going to have to engage with the world as your character would.

This means using words, phrases and concepts that they would use.

Switching between characters’ perspectives halfway through a paragraph – or even a chapter – is another tactic to think about carefully.

If you change viewpoints too often, a reader can become disconnected from the book. Try switching between two or more narrators in alternating chapters;

“

Be true to the character

Lucy Atkins is author of ‘The Night Visitor’ (Quercus, £14.99), out now. lucyatkins.com; @lucyatkins

MARLENA

Book of the month

By Julie Buntin (Picador, £14.99)

There’s such a sweet and tender feeling for your best friend when you’re a teenager. The friendship that Julie Buntin describes is bruised, damaged and full of firsts – kisses, cigs, drinks and pills – but electric and exciting, too, as Cat and Marlena rapidly become inseparable in snowy Silver Lake, in rural Michigan. But then the girls’ world tilts into disaster, and all those firsts become a list of bad habits, compulsive addictions and a scratchy sense that all that was golden and wild has been ruined.

It’s a beautifully written, coming-of-age story that’s lit from within, glowing and shadowy, with desperation and dark dreams.

WORD OF THE MONTH

Taradiddle

A fib or nonsense.

It’s said that the word originates from the town of Taradiddle in Ireland, which in itself is taradiddle as no such named town exists!

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books

the retreat

The

words

They say opposites attract, and isn’t it a beautiful contradiction that the act of curling up with a book (or indeed sitting down to write your own), although restful in practice, can often be a source of internal energy for the mind and soul?

The trouble “with having

Kilner clip jars (set of three), £17.99, Very

MEMORY COLLECTIVE “Try writing tiny captured meaningful moments from your day on small slips of paper, and place them in a glass jar. The entries take minutes and, at the end of the year, you’ll have a vivid recording of memories” EDITED BY ALI ROFF. MAIN REVIEWS: EITHNE FARRY. PHOTOGRAPH: PLAIN PICTURE. FOR STOCKISTS, SEE PAGE 127

Jackee Holder is an author, coach and facilitator. jackeeholder.com; @jackeeholder

TERRY PRATCHETT, DIGGERS

The Answers

By Catherine Lacey (Granta, £12.99) ‘I’d run out of options… that’s how these things usually happen,’ says Mary Parsons of the increasingly surreal situation she finds herself in with narcissistic film star, Kurt Sly. Cast in the role of Emotional Girlfriend (there’s also Angry, Maternal and Mundane Girlfriends), she becomes part of the actor’s bizarre scientific investigation, as he attempts to analyse how true love works.

Things don’t go to plan, and Mary finds herself in emotional peril in this slyly subversive and funny take on the modern dating game.

“

Paper therapy

an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it

The Night Visitor

By Lucy Atkins (Quercus, £12.99) There’s a sense of creeping unease in Lucy Atkins’s third noirish novel, as historian, Professor Olivia Sweetman, deals with an adversary, the testy Vivian Tester, who could wreck her world if she reveals the secret behind an intriguing Victorian diary on which Olivia has based her new book.

Inextricably entwined, the two vastly different women have diverging perspectives of their multi-layered, twisted story; one that takes in beetles, murder, thwarted ambition, deceit and deception.

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the retreat

books

I guess “there was

a war going on somewhere in the world that night, but it wasn’t one that could touch us

“

MEG ROSOFF, HOW I LIVE NOW

Make the most of the summer days and laze with a good book.

Bohemian Hammock in natural cotton, £115, Cuckooland

LOST IN TRANSLATION

Yūgen

Language: Japanese A mysterious, profound sense of the beauty of the universe; that which is beyond what can be said A Thousand Paper Birds

By Tor Udall (Bloomsbury, £16.99) Jonah is heartbroken and depressed, as he sits on a bench in Kew Gardens and tries to deal with the loss of his wife, Audrey.

Over the course of a year, he’ll come to know the other people who were close to her, in ways that are often disconcerting – there’s gardener Harry, looking to put down roots, artist Chloe, who loves origami, and Milly, who wanders the gardens but doesn’t seem to go home. This novel is all about seeing a ‘scarred loveliness’ in a damaged world.

Explore

A Boy In Winter

By Rachel Seiffert (Virago, £14.99) Yankel is a lovely, wayward boy, determined to turn each day into an adventure, but that all changes on a grey November morning in 1941 when the SS invades his small Ukrainian town. His life is irrevocably altered, as he attempts to save himself and his younger brother.

Things won’t be the same either for farmer’s daughter, Yasia, who has to confront harsh truths about her family, and for German engineer, Pohl, who finds himself making impossible choices. Spare, elegant and devastating.

LIVING IN THE ‘NOW AGE’

“For those of us who have ever questioned whether fashion actually matters, feel bored of their sought-after careers, or find themselves asking, ‘Is this it?’, Ruby Warrington’s book ‘Material Girl, Mystical World’ is a funny, honest introduction to living in the ‘Now Age’ and our growing fascination with all things mystical in order to uncover our soul’s calling”

‘Material Girl, Mystical World’ by Ruby Warrington (Harper Thorsons, £12.99)

Clear quartz gold necklace, £26.50, The Colourful Dot Boutique

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Next month in

Transform your life with yoga

Discover the secret to success and happiness

Plus…

PHOTOGRAPH: STOCKSY

Gap years for grown-ups

‘It’s all your fault!’

●

●

Why it’s never too late to have an adventure

Are you a blamer or a ‘blamee’?

Could you change your pattern?

Live long and prosper!

●

The lifestyle practices that unite the world’s oldest living people

Don’t miss the AUGUST issue – on sale 16 June PSY_JULY_CNM.indd 113

03/05/2017 13:35

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living

the retreat

SCANDI STYLE

Be inspired by the cool, calm interiors of Scandinavia, where homes are flooded with light and every item has a function, even if it’s to create an illusion EDITED BY LUCYINA MOODIE PHOTOGRAPHS JAMES GARDINER

A Danish PK22 chair by Poul Kjærholm, with sheepskin throw, is the perfect reading spot. A gallery wall shows off flea-market finds – and notice the trompe l’oeil effect of the poster behind the sofa, adding a ‘room’ J U LY 2 0 1 7 P SYC H O LO G I E S M AG A Z I N E 115

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With a lick of paint, this wall-mounted plate rack, which was a vintage bargain from India, now acts as a practical storage space for everyday crockery, china and glassware

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S

living

the retreat

candinavian homes are renowned for their precise lines and muted colours; for being aesthetically pleasing while also highly functional. Scandinavian style is practical, driven mainly by necessity. Long summer days satisfy the yearning for natural light, seen in a preference for pale wood floors and white walls and ceilings, which reflect sunshine around the home. Houses tend to be open plan, with large windows to harness daylight.

‘In many homes, be they urban or rural, you will find only a few beautifully crafted, quality and iconic design pieces – antiques and flea-market discoveries made from natural, sustainable resources,’ says Niki Brantmark, author of The Scandinavian Home: Interiors Inspired By Light (CICO Books, £19.99). ‘It’s better to layer rooms with items that tell a story and have a purpose.’

A clean-edged wooden desk by Børge Mogensen and a KEVI chair are bathed in light in this spacious home office

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Classic Scandinavian chairs are gathered around a home-made dining table, and natural fibres add texture and interest to the family space

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the retreat

living

Forks, Washington framed print, £57, Red Candy

Mallard industrial metal pendant, £189, Alexander & Pearl

Carl Hansen Cuba chair, from £469, einrichtendesign

Artificial monstera vase, £189, Cranmore Home

Stelton Theo teapot, £74.95, Black

By Design

Ferm Living set of four Ripple tumblers, £36; Ferm Living Ripple carafe, £36, all Amara

Bring nature indoors Scandinavian style truly embraces nature, and classic Nordic interiors are often layered with natural materials such as wood, leather, sheepskin, linen and wool, which break up the sharp lines of their fuss-free furniture, while adding texture and warmth.

‘To achieve real Scandinavian living, you must surround yourself with nature,’ says Brantmark.

‘In a world in which it gets more and more difficult to switch off, this allows you to breathe more deeply – and that is the very essence of the Scandinavian home.’

So, keep textiles natural, furniture functional and use colours from nature’s palette to enjoy the long, light days of summer the Scandi way.

Hand-crocheted and woven cushion, £90, Nutmeg and Sage

Hand-embroidered Fig and Chartreuse LeWitt cushion with feather pad, £100, Hutsly

Merino wool chunky grey throw, £150, KSL Living

Frederick table lamp, £66, där

READER OFFER Psychologies readers can buy The Scandinavian Home for the special price of £14.99, including p&p (RRP £19.99), by calling CICO Books on 01256 302699 and quoting reference KF8.

FOR STOCKISTS, SEE PAGE 127

Sheepskin rug, £59, The Rug Seller

Vittorio sofa in amethyst, £799, Made

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“A field of 4,000 marigolds in the Weleda gardens, gently undulating in the breeze, petals opening in the sunshine, warms the heart and lifts the spirits”

ABOVE Drifts of calendula brighten quiet corners of the allotment to attract pollinators ABOVE LEFT Harvesting the vivid calendula flowers in the Weleda gardens LEFT Gardener, Alistair Clark, checks the health of the plants in the maturing crop

The living is easy

It’s summertime, and days in the garden are proving fruitful, with vibrant calendula taking centre stage. Led by experts from Weleda’s gardens, Paul Rushton celebrates the humble ‘pot marigold’ – putting it to good use at home, and on the allotment

T

he days are long, receding slowly from the summer solstice, and the rising is early in the Weleda gardens. The prolific, valuable weeds continue to be plucked and heaped for use.

Biodynamic silica preparation, made using quartz crystals, is sprayed: a sprinkling of natural light and crystalline vigour for growing plants.

Green manures, such as clover and rye grass, are sown on vacant ground and the harvest continues. Mature willow and fern leaves are gathered.

Vivid orange calendula, a boon for insects and other pollinators, is

harvested to produce a calendula extract that goes into creams, oils, ointments, lotions, soaps, shampoos and toothpaste, which make effective use of its healing properties.

Calendula has been used medicinally since the 12th century, and long incorporated into traditional Indian, Arabic and Greek medicine.

Its antimicrobial, antiseptic and anti-inflammatory properties are balanced by its gentleness. It is an understanding, soothing treatment for unhappy skin, and wounds and burns in need of nursing.

The mature flowers hold the highest

concentration of medicinal properties so, once they’ve been open for a few days, they can be collected, preferably on the morning of a ‘flower day’, and dried – out of the light, in a well-ventilated spot, not in an oven.

Pots of gold

The dried flowers can then be used to make a tea, or put in the stew pot – hence their common name of ‘pot marigold’. The attractive orange petals can also be pulled off and used fresh to garnish salads.

It is a crop we have in common. At our little allotment plot, the calendula

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LEFT Long evenings with the family at the allotment BELOW LEFT The calendula harvest has healing and culinary uses BELOW Summer’s abundant crops

PHOTOGRAPHS: WELEDA; ISTOCK; JONATHAN BUCKLEY/ GAP PHOTOS; HOWARD RICE/GAP PHOTOS

“The edible orange petals add vibrant life to a summery garden salad” we sowed last year has happily self-seeded; we winnowed seeds from the dried flower heads for good measure and we are plotting its uses; both healing and culinary. Their colour is a languid stretch of sunset between the raised beds – and I am in agreement with those ancient herbalists, who believed that just looking at the flowers can soothe the mind and banish destructive forces.

Flavour-wise, calendula can be a little divisive; with its tangy, peppery and grassy notes. It will soothe a rough throat taken as a fragrant tea just as nicely as it will spike a salad of water-rich summer crops. It will no doubt also find its way into those simmering, lazy casseroles which, when served with torn sourdough, are perfect for outdoor communing. The more we pick, the more calendula obliges.

The garlic crop hangs in our kitchen and potatoes sleep in the soil to pull as we need. Tomatoes ripen steadily

Product of the month

the retreat

FLORAL BALM

living well

In partnership with Weleda

Discover the soothing, healing properties of delicate calendula oil ‘I have long loved the Weleda Calendula Baby Oil, £9.95, and Weleda Calendula Bath, £12.95, both of which have been my loyal “baby-fellows” since my children were born. But I hadn’t realised how simple and satisfying it would be to produce my own calendula oil until Weleda gardener, Claire Hattersley, shared her simple recipe with me. I urge you to try it – you’ll end up with a beautiful, gentle oil that can be used all over, and is also ideal for calming dry, irritated or sore skin (great after too much sun).’ Eminé Rushton

with the month; spinach, kale, chard, lettuces and rocket provide our daily greens – plentiful and perfect as they always are when eaten in season.

Giving and receiving

Inspired by the rhythms and ritual of biodynamic growing, we continue to feed our plants with infusions of nettles and weeds in rotation.

Weeds take a great deal from the soil, but they can put back, too. When submerged in water for a couple of weeks, their roots are no longer viable, and they can be composted while the diluted liquor nourishes our hungry cauliflowers and brassicas. Just like that, we have made our peace with the weeds and they are a part of our happy, symbiotic plot. We have clover sown on spare ground, nippers busy in the sandpit and long evenings to enjoy. We have vibrant, satisfying, nourishing dinners at sunset, savouring our colourful calendula. @mrpaulrushton; @thebalanceplan

Make your own Half-fill a clean, dry glass jar with dried calendula petals.

Fill the jar with your carrier oil of choice, leaving 3cm of oil on top of the petals (to keep out airborne bacteria). Place in a sunny spot to infuse for four weeks. Then, drain the petals from the oil and store the oil in a clean container with a lid for up to one year. Simple, satisfying, salubrious – enjoy! @eminerushton; @weledauk; weleda.co.uk

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The melting pot In her latest book, Nicola Millbank draws inspiration from Europe, Scandinavia and the East, to embrace eclectic, fusion food

A

RECIPES NICOLA MILLBANK PHOTOGRAPHS SUSANNA BLÅVARG EDITED BY DANIELLE WOODWARD

ctress and devoted foodie Nicola ‘Milly’ Millbank’s new book celebrates delicious food that will satisfy and inspire. She says she wanted to ‘create recipes using accessible and affordable ingredients, the best of British grub cooked to perfection and embracing Scandinavian, European, Mediterranean, Asian and Middle Eastern cuisines’ all inspired by her grandfather’s favourite saying: ‘A little bit of what you fancy does you good’.

Milly asks the question: ‘Why do we need guilt-free alternatives? This surely perpetuates the notion that we have something to feel guilty about. Why should we feel guilty for eating the food that we enjoy?’

We hear you, Milly! Chapters of her book include Fridge, Freezer and Cupboard Essentials, Brunch, Light Bites, Puddings and Sweet Treats, and Sides, Snacks and Sauces, so there’s plenty of easy-to-make ideas for everyone to try.

BANG BANG CHICKEN SALAD

Satay chicken is a love of mine and this salad is in homage to that, but teamed with lots of crunchy veg to freshen it up. This recipe lends itself well to being served as a layered salad, or go American-style and dice everything up.

Accompany with lashings of Tangy Peanut Dip* and plenty of crispy wonton.

SERVES 6 l

1 tbsp vegetable oil

l

6 boneless, skin-on chicken thighs

l

6 wanton wrappers (or 1 white tortilla wrap if you can’t get hold of them)

l

1 Chinese lettuce

l

½ red cabbage

l

Large handful of mangetout, sliced into strips

l l

2 spring onions, finely chopped Handful of fresh coriander leaves, chopped

l

3 tbsp Tangy Peanut Dip*

l

2 tbsp salted peanuts, crushed

l

Lime wedges, to serve

1 Heat the vegetable oil in a large frying pan over a medium-high heat.

Season the chicken skins with salt and fry the thighs, skin-side down,

for 5-6 minutes until crispy. Turn over and cook for a further 3-4 minutes or until cooked through. Remove the chicken from the pan and slice into strips. Allow to cool.

2 Shred the wanton wrappers (or tortilla wrap, if using) into 1cm strips, add to the chicken pan and fry for a couple of minutes on each side, until crispy. Remove from the pan and drain on kitchen paper.

3 Shred the Chinese lettuce and red cabbage, then put in a bowl with the mangetout, spring onion, coriander, Tangy Peanut Dip* and most of the crushed peanuts. Toss together and transfer onto a serving platter. Top with the sliced chicken and wanton strips and the remaining peanuts, >>> then serve with lime wedges.

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>>>

FLOURLESS PIZZA — HOWEVER YOU LIKE IT This pizza has loads of cheese, but without the stodge. Who knew cauliflower would be the solution to that?

SERVES 1 l

1 small cauliflower

l

1 egg

l

1 tbsp freshly grated Parmesan cheese

l

2 tbsp freshly grated hard mozzarella, plus more for sprinkling

l

1 tsp dried oregano, plus more for sprinkling

l

1 tsp dried thyme

l

1 garlic clove, crushed

l

Olive oil

l

2 tbsp tomato purée, loosened with some water

l

Any toppings of your choice (I like fresh mozzarella, my Kale and Pistachio Pesto*, prosciutto and freshly grated Parmesan)

3 Lay down a piece of baking parchment and rub in some olive oil to stop the pizza base from sticking.

Make a ball with the mixture, then pat it down into a circular pizza shape, approximately 3mm thick.

Remove the hot baking tray from the oven, then carefully place the pizza base and baking parchment onto the tray. Cook in the oven for 10-12 minutes, until lightly golden brown.

4 Remove the base from the oven, gently spread on the tomato purée and sprinkle over the mozzarella.

Add a sprinkle of oregano, salt and pepper, and any other toppings (like

prosciutto and grated Parmesan), then pop in the oven for another 5 minutes until the cheese has melted. Leave to stand for a few minutes, then cut up and dig in.

Milly’s Real Food: A Little Bit Of What You Fancy Does You Good by Nicola Millbank (HarperCollins, £20)

* FOR RECIPES NOT SHOWN HERE, VISIT THE FOOD CHANNEL ON PSYCHOLOGIES.CO.UK

1 Preheat the oven to 220°C (200°F) gas mark 7, then pop in a large baking tray to get piping hot. Remove the florets from the cauliflower and grate or pulse in a food processor until you get a couscous consistency.

Pop the cauliflower into a bowl, cover with clingfilm and cook in the microwave on high for 4 minutes.

Once done, pour the cauliflower onto a clean tea towel and leave to cool for a few minutes.

2 Gather up the tea towel and wring out the excess water, until you are left with a dry mixture. Tip into a bowl. Add the egg, Parmesan, mozzarella, oregano, thyme and garlic and give everything a good mix.

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HOT SMOKED SALMON, WATERCRESS AND DILL POTATO CAKES This is a nice alternative to the ubiquitous smoked salmon on toast. You can use any potatoes you have, although I prefer the texture of Désirée potatoes for this. Equally, if you can’t get hold of hot smoked salmon, then regular slices of smoked salmon will work just as well. An easy but elegant dish.

SERVES 4 l

200g Désirée potatoes, scrubbed

l

1 tbsp dill, finely chopped

l

1 tbsp olive oil

l

100g hot smoked salmon

l

Lemon wedges and watercress, to serve

1 Using a vegetable peeler, shave the potatoes into long ribbons. Pop them in a bowl, season with a pinch of salt and stir well. Gather up the potato ribbons and squeeze out any excess water.

Discard the water, return the potatoes to the bowl, along with some black pepper and the dill, and stir well.

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2 Heat the oil in a large frying pan over

a medium-high heat. Divide the potato ribbon pile in four, and, using a round pastry cutter, create four potato cakes in the pan. If you don’t have a pastry cutter, mould the cakes with your hands. Push them down and cook for 4-5 minutes on either side, until golden brown.

3 Once cooked, remove the potato cakes from the pan and drain on kitchen paper. Top the potato cakes with the salmon, place the watercress alongside, and serve with a lemon wedge and sprinkle of dill.

05/05/2017 12:35

feasting

the retreat Brighten up the kitchen with a vibrant design. Tea towel, £4.99, The Oak Room

Smile as you prep your meal. Shark peeler, peeler £3.95, Dotcomgift shop Smart and striking.

Midnattssol birchwood tray, £28, ISAK

Nurture a herb garden.

Orla Kiely pots and tray tray, £44.95, Black By Design

Great for opening fizz. Parrot corkscrew, £32, Alessi

Add spice to your dishes. Chilli herb infuser, £9.99, Totally Funky

Ideal for chips ‘n’ dips.

Handmade triple metal bowl, £25.99, Zara Home

The subtitle of Milly’s Real Food is ‘A little bit of what you fancy does you good’, and it’s an ethos we subscribe to wholeheartedly at Psychologies – food can make you happy. The amino acid tryptophan increases levels of serotonin in the brain, leading to those happy feelings, so aim to eat a balanced diet, including carbohydrates, as they help boost tryptophan levels. Omega-3 fatty acids (found in oily fish) may help to keep your mood stable, and a recent study* showed that selenium can ease depression, too. Foods high in this include shellfish, nuts and seeds, lean meat, whole grains and pulses.

GIVE IT A GO! New and recent books to give you food for thought in the kitchen

1

2

3

4

1 How To Eat Better by James Wong (Mitchell Beazley, £20) 2 Tree Of Life: Turkish Home Cooking

by Joy E Stocke and Angie Brenner (Burgess Lea Press, £19.99) 3 The Happy Kitchen: Good Mood Food

by Rachel Kelly (Short Books, £14.99) 4 All Day Café by Stuart McKenzie (Murdoch Books, £16.99)

Blogger spotlight

Vicki Psarias, aka Honest Mum, is a multi-award-winning blogger, vlogger TV director and filmmaker. Her food and lifestyle blog, honestmum.com, is home to many quick, easy and nutritious family recipes, with a particular focus on gluten-free dishes, such as her chicken and leek pie, carrot cake, gluten-free cheesecake and fluffy American pancakes.

Vicki’s debut book ‘#Mumboss’ published

by Piatkus/Little Brown, is out in March 2018.

PHOTOGRAPH: STOCKSY. *TEXAS TECH UNIVERSITY, 2014.

FOR STOCKISTS, SEE PAGE 127

Feel-good food

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03/05/2017 12:51

directory

Stockists

Find out where to buy the products featured in this month’s issue

A

Alessi alessi.com Alexander & Pearl alexanderandpearl.co.uk Amara amara.com

B

H H&M hm.com Harrods harrods.com House of Intuition houseofintuitionla.com Hutsly hutsly.com

Beauty Mart beautymart.com Black By Design black-by-design.co.uk

ISAK isak.co.uk

C

L

Cranmore Home cranmorehome.com.au Cuckooland cuckooland.com The Colourful Dot Boutique thecolourfuldotboutique.com

L’Occitane uk.loccitane.com Lola’s Apothecary lolasapothecary.com

D där darlighting.com Dotcomgiftshop dotcomgiftshop.com Dr Bronner’s bodykind.com Dr Organic hollandandbarrett.com

E einrichten-design einrichten-design.co.uk Etsy etsy.com/uk

F FaceGym facegym.com

G Green People greenpeople.co.uk

I

K Kinn kinn-living.com KSL Living ksl-living.fr

M Made made.com

N Naomi’s Kitchen naomis.kitchen.com Neal’s Yard nealsyardremedies.com Nutmeg and Sage nutmegandsage.co.uk

O The Oak Room oakroomshop.co.uk The Organic Pharmacy theorganicpharmacy.com

P Phytodensia phyto-haircare.co.uk Pretty Little Thing prettylittlething.com Prezzybox prezzybox.com

R Red Candy redcandy.co.uk REN renskincare.com Roques O’Neil roquesoneil.com The Rug Seller therugseller.co.uk

T Totally Funky totally-funky.co.uk

V Very very.co.uk

W Weleda weleda.co.uk Wyldsson wyldsson.com

S

Z

The Sports Edit thesportsedit.com

Zara Home zarahome.com/gb J U LY 2 0 1 7 P S Y C H O L O G I E S M A G A Z I N E

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05/05/2017 14:50

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Throughout the year it runs five major writing competitions – Short Story, Flash Fiction, Poetry, Poetry Pamphlet, and Novel writing – with a prize-pot of over £10,000. It also produces an annual writer’s diary to keep your creativity scheduled all through the year, and publishes Indie Presses 2016/17 the most comprehensive guide of small and independent book publishers available anywhere. Unique in content and approach, Mslexia offers a supportive platform for women writers. women’s

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Discover your own inner self.

You’ll need two years experience of working professionally with children and able to study at post graduate level.

PG Certificate and Diploma courses - five three day weekends. 13 convenient venues all over the UK. The only courses that qualify for the Register of Play and Creative Arts Therapists. The register is accredited by the Professional Standards Authority.

Find out more - attend our: One-day Introduction to Play Therapy course. Phone for 28 page career and training guide

Dee Rose, APAC Tel: 01825 761143 Email: mokijep@majemail.com www.playtherapy.org.uk www.playtherapyregister.org.uk

NATHALIE JABBAR HOMEOPATH & BUSH FLOWER ESSENCE PRACTITIONER I have a huge passion and commitment for health and wellbeing and believe that healing comes from within. My particular interest is in the treatment of emotional issues for women including stress, depression, grief and anxiety related conditions.

My integrated approach is individually tailored to your needs by prescribing bush flower essences which provide a gentle way to address a range of emotional states and work beautifully alongside homeopathic remedies which stimulate the body’s natural immune responses together with dietary and lifestyle advice to help you on your path to better health.

BECOME A RELAXATION TEACHER OR JUST LEARN TO RELAX YOURSELF THE ART OF FINDING STILLNESS AND CALM Relaxation and Daily Awareness Workshop A unique one day certificated teachers workshop with Buddhist monk Ven. Lama Ngedon Drime (shri sadhu dharmavira) This unique workshop contains all the relaxation techniques needed to experience the wellbeing that comes through a life that is stress and anxiety free.

This course was created for those who wish to teach others to be stress free. But, anyone who would like to attend for their own personal wellbeing, is very welcome.

Booking now for workshops in London.

To ensure quality teaching, workshops are limited to a maximum of 8 participants To receive full details about the workshop and its benefits, please telephone: 01723 862 496 (calls taken between 8am - 6pm, 7 days a week)

PENNINGHAME PROCESS 6 DAYS TO SHINE The Penninghame Process is a unique and powerful retreat, set in the private grounds of a beautiful Scottish Mansion. We are passionate about deep personal development and developing self-awareness. We believe everyone has the right to live in joy and that healing is possible in every circumstance. Whoever you are, we hold the intention to support you to re-claim your life.

Next course is 16-22nd September 2017 -Is it your time to shine?

Max 16 participants FOR MORE INFORMATION ● Web www.penninghame.org

FOR MORE INFORMATION: ● Neal’s Yard Remedies 124B Kings Road, London SW3 4TR ● 0207 225

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● 07909 222 408 ● www.innergold.co.uk

TO ADVERTISE IN ESSENTIALS PLEASE CALL 01342 824051

HAPPINESS BOOK CLUB

CAN FEELING BAD BE GOOD? This month, Vanessa King of Action for Happiness and author of 10 Keys To Happier Living, recommends The Positive Power Of Negative Emotions by Tim Lomas

ILLUSTRATION: LESLEY BUCKINGHAM

E

veryone wants to be happy, but does that mean never experiencing the less pleasant emotions, such as sadness, anger, worry, guilt, loneliness and envy? Instead of suppressing or pushing away ‘negative’ emotions, Lomas argues that we should face them and learn to harness what they are showing us.

Anger and guilt are both ‘moral’ emotions that can serve as a compass, guiding what we really believe in or care about. When we experience them, it’s a clue that there’s injustice or unfairness, our values have been crossed or that we have done something wrong. Left unchecked, both can be destructive. However, when used correctly, each can propel us to helpful action. For example, tuning into feelings of guilt when we’ve hurt someone can lead us to apologise and explain why we behaved that way, and so protect and deepen our relationships.

Sadness can be a signal that we feel vulnerable because we’ve lost something or someone we cared about and need to take care of ourselves. We can use envy to help us see things we’d like to improve in ourselves or our lives.

Feeling anxious is our ‘alarm system’ for when we feel danger (be it real or imagined), while boredom can be harnessed to facilitate creative insight.

So, while we wouldn’t choose to experience these uncomfortable emotions, perhaps they can give us clues that can lead to personal growth and potentially a more fulfilling, happier life.

Questions to discuss at your book club What’s an unpleasant emotion you’ve experienced recently? ● How could you use it to learn more about yourself or take helpful action? ● What happens when you suppress difficult emotions? ● When was the last time a ‘negative’ emotion led you to make a positive change in your life? ●

The Positive Power Of Negative Emotions by Tim Lomas (Piatkus, £8.99)

Next month, we’re reading ‘Solve For Happy: Engineer Your Path To Joy’ by Mo Gawdat (Pan Macmillan, £14.99)

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02/05/2017 13:10

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