The American Dream, SB Style by Montecito Journal

MANLY MAINTENANCE

LIZZIE IBERTI SETS THE HAIR-STYLIN’ STANDARD WITH NECK MESSAGES AND A WET BAR AT THE STANDARD MEN’S SHOP, WHERE ONE CHAIR FITS ALL AND CUSTOMER IS KING (STORY BEGINS ON P. 20)

SANTA BARBARA

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photo: Kelly Mahan

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THE AMERICAN DREAM, SB STYLE

THE BUTCHER AND THE SAILOR BY JEREMY HARBIN

hen Jerry Shalhoob started grinding it out in his one-man butcher shop on Groundhog Day 1973, he wasn’t without a backup plan. “His whole philosophy was that if it didn’t work out, he’d close the doors up and he’d go sailing.”

HEAD GAMES PAGE 5

CRACK SOME NUTS PAGE 7

SHOP TILL YOU DROP

NOW THROUGH DECEMBER 24

S TAT E S T R E E T B E T W E E N H O P E AV E A N D L A C U M B R E R D SHOPLACUMBRE.COM

That’s Jerry’s son, John, explaining the origins of the Funk Zone’s Shalhoob Meat Co., from the comfort of the expanding shop’s newly installed patio tables. He sits next to his wife, Michelle, who’s been working in this family business since college when John would bring her paperwork. Next to her, there’s their son, LJ, and daughter, Leeandra – both finally sitting down as the sun sets on another workday. ...continued p.14

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BIRDMAN SOARS PAGE 29

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Content COVER

The American Dream – Jeremy Harbin joins the Shalhoobs in the Funk Zone, where the Shalhoob Meat Co. is much more than a beef-selling family affair

P.5 P.6

S haron’s Take – Sharon Byrne’s latest report is on the money when paying mind to the mentally ill and what can be done to help their cause

P.7 P.8

S tate Street Scribe – Jeff Wing dissects the history of The Nutcracker ballet, which features everything from the Bolshoi to the fall of Baghdad

T he Weekly Capitalist – Jeffrey Harding takes the Service Employees International Union to task for claiming an hourly wage of $15 is significant enough for low-skill workers

1 5 Days a Week – Jeremy Harbin is in a festive mood for the likes of the Holiday Festival of Trains, Parade of Lights, Monday Funday, Humbug: A (Lit Moon) Christmas Carol and some laughs at Comedy Hideaway

P.9 P.16 P.17 P.20 P.22

Beer Guy – Zach Rosen pours a variety of brews in separating the wheat from the chaff and striving for a winter of our contentment

Shop Girl – Kateri Wozny satisfies her sweet tooth at Webby’s Candy Company, courtesy of vice president Jonathan Michael Webby

In The Zone – If you’re struggling to find a unique Christmas gift, Tommie Vaughn says the price is right at Bird Dog Mercantile

The Andersen’s Danish Bakery & Restaurant (805) 962-5085 1106 State Street, Santa Barbara andersenssantabarbara.com

Stylin’ & Profilin’ – Megan Waldrep pays a visit to The Standard Men’s Shop, where Lizzie Iberti and masculine maintenance reign supreme

Mad Science – Rachelle Oldmixon has a lot on her mind about heliocentrism and geocentrism that’s out of this world, but the whole point is the barycenter

P.24

Santa Barbara View – Sharon Byrne gets to the root of what “community” means; Cheri Rae chronicles the Pearl Chase Society’s latest crusade and also counts her blessings while recommending that everybody strives to simplify

P.26

Man About Town – Mark Léisuré catches up with Randall Lamb prior to his December 16 show at SOhO; takes a look at The Best Boys; tunes into A Tune Christmas; and previews the sounds of music

P.27

Behind The Vine – Hana-Lee Sedgwick pours a glass with Seth Kunin of Kunin Wines and focuses on AVA Santa Barbara tasting room and The Valley Project label

P.29

Keepin’ It Reel – James Luksic reviews two of a kind – The Theory of Everything and Birdman – that are essential viewing; the same can’t be said for Horrible Bosses 2

P.30

CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE BECOME A MEMBER

Hands Full – It’s a piece of cake: Mara Peters insists she isn’t Scrooge, even if it may appear that way once the hectic holidays roll around

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by Sharon Byrne

take

Sharon’s education in engineering and psychology gives her a distinctive mix of skills for writing about and working on quality-of-life, public safety and public policy issues. Her hyper-local SB View column can be found every other week.

Let’s Do Something for the Mentally Ill

wrote earlier this year on Prop 63, the Mental Health Services Act (MHSA), passed in 2004. To refresh: Prop 63 levies a one-percent additional tax on the wealthiest Californians, earning more than $1 million annually. The MHSA directs these tax dollars to counties to care for the most acutely mentally ill. Since passage, the MHSA has collected $7.4 billion in revenues. I know what you’re thinking: $7.4 billion... and we have mentally ill individuals wandering our streets, homeless? With that kind of money available to help them? Everyone has encountered someone mentally ill and homeless at this point, right? People love to complain about it. I complain, to wit: I was on an early-morning beach walk Tuesday and heard shouting. A disheveled man across the street was shouting the odds at 6 am. To himself. Or the train. Or me. Or the sidewalk. I’m not sure what exactly wound him up like that, actually. One of the key components of the MHSA is this: Community Services and Supports

(CSS) – provides funds for direct services to individuals with severe mental illness. Why is my Shouting Man of the Early Morning not serviced by the MHSA? This is precisely who it was intended for. If he’s not in need of direct mental health services, then who the heck is? MHSA provides funding for outreach on the street. It provides funding for treatment, housing, including supportive housing, where he could receive mental health services and remain housed, rather than living on the street and screaming to himself, and the rest of us, at 6 am. What?? They should do something, darn it! Amen, brother, but “they” is we, and “we” can do something. Santa Barbara County Alcohol, Drug, and Mental Health Services (ADMHS) determines the services it will provide with MHSA funding. Every year, the department proposes programs to address the county’s needs for mental health and seeks stakeholder input on them before applying for MHSA funding from the state.

Who is a stakeholder? We all are. Anyone interested in mental health, alcohol and drug services provided in Santa Barbara County should be providing input. And if we want our county to get serious and apply all available resources to solving the problem of severely mentally ill individuals living on our streets, then we’d better get moving. Because right now, the proposed MHSA from the county is not nearly robust enough to adequately address this problem.

So here’s what you can do:

1. Attend the stakeholders meeting: Tuesday, December 16 from 9 am to 12 pm; Ballroom at the Marriott in Buellton. RSVP to ccontreras@co.santa-barbara. ca.us. Think you need more info? Learn more about the MHSA services on offer currently here: cosb.countyofsb.org/admhs/ admhs2.aspx?id=37228&id2=38600 2. If Buellton is too far to go to a long meeting, here’s one that’s closer and requires significantly less time: Mental Health Commission meeting: Friday, December 19, at 1 pm; Santa Barbara Children’s Clinic; 429 N. San Antonio Road in Santa Barbara. You can speak for a few minutes at the beginning, during public comment, on the importance of providing increased services for the mentally ill in this county – including outreach, supportive services, and housing.

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Since there is a bucket of funds allocated by Prop 63 for this purpose, we should expect them to be used to the fullest extent possible to resolve the problem of seriously mentally ill individuals living on our streets. The current plan needs bolstering. The only way that will change is if enough of us make it clear that bolstering it is a top priority. 3. I gotta work… or… another meeting is just too much for my already crammed schedule. It is the holidays, after all. Fair enough. Email your county supervisor and express your thoughts to them. That will take you all of five minutes. Supervisors are not hard to get hold of, and they’re usually pretty responsive. The good news is we live in a democracy, whatever you might think of its present state. You can talk to your elected representatives about this topic, and others, that concern you. You can participate in the public process to help determine the shape and scope of programs like the MHSA that address a specific community need. And you can make a difference. You can even nudge someone who says “They ought to do something, darn it!” to do something, darn it. If we want to ensure the resources available to us are used to the fullest extent possible to help the most severely mentally ill among us... well, we can do that. So, let’s get on with it.

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The Weekly Capitalist by Jeff Harding

Jeff Harding is a real estate investor and a writer on economics and finance. He is the former publisher of the Daily Capitalist, a popular economics blog. He is also an adjunct professor at SBCC.

Minimum Wage Hysteria

f minimum-wage workers are not making enough money to live on, it’s your fault. Before I lay the blame and shame on you, we’ve got to ask why this has all of a sudden become a national issue. The news is full of reports on demonstrations around the country where people are demanding a “living wage.” Protestors say, “We can’t survive on $8.25.” Last week, there were demonstrations in about 190 cities across America. The reason for all this agitation about a living wage comes from the SEIU (Service Employees International Union), which is seeking to unionize low-wage workers such as those in fast-food restaurants. They are sponsoring all those protests. “’The Fight for $15 movement is growing, as more Americans living on the brink decide to stick together to fight for better pay and an economy that works for all of us, not just the wealthy few,” said Mary Kay Henry, president of the Service Employees International Union, which has been backing the protests. Those selfless union leaders must really care for low-paid workers in America. Do they really? If they believe that wages can be mandated by law, why stop at $15? What’s stopping them from advocating a higher minimum wage? Go for the moon. A $15-per-hour wage for a full-time worker adds up to only $27,000 per year, before taxes and other deductions. If deductions are about one-third of that, then take-home pay would be about

$18,000. That’s a “living wage”? Don’t we need to aim higher? Here in Santa Barbara County, the median income is about $63,000. To get there, a worker would need $35 per hour. Why doesn’t the union go for that? Don’t these workers need that to live decently? Doesn’t the union care about workers? First of all, the economy doesn’t run that way. Pay based on what workers need has been tried many times and has failed miserably every time. “To each according to his needs” is a Marxian principle for a communist society. When I say “the economy” doesn’t work that way, I mean that people don’t work that way; it’s not in our nature. We just celebrated Thanksgiving to memorialize that point. The Plymouth colony was starving because it was based on an early form of socialism. They assumed a citizen would diligently put into the common pot everything from his labors and honestly take out only what he needed. That led to starvation and death. It wasn’t the Native Americans who saved them. They survived because they ditched the communal thing; they let people work their own plots and – shazam! – abundance followed. Need is not a good basis on which to run an economy. Don’t be silly, you might say, we’re not talking about socialism here. We just want to help people. Sure, everyone knows you can’t just raise wages that high – we just want a small raise. It won’t hurt anyone, and everyone will be better off. Low-wage workers will have more money to spend;

they can live more comfortably. Businesses can afford to give workers a little more. This brings me to my opening statement that low wages are all your fault. It’s your fault because you set wages by making decisions every day in what you buy. You go to fast-food restaurants because you like the food and because it’s cheap. You can get a Big Mac, fries, and a Coke for $5.69 (according to fastfoodmenuprices.com). You don’t even have to leave a tip. If those kids behind the counter are paid $15 vs. $7.25, would you pay more for the burger? Your Big Mac meal would cost about $7.50 just to keep profit margins even (about 10 percent for McDonald’s). Or would you pass up the meal and bring a bag lunch?

A $15 per hour wage for a fulltime worker adds up to only $27,000 per year, before taxes and other deductions Most businesses that pay low wages, such as fast-food restaurants, have tight margins and can’t absorb the cost. In the fast-food business, profits average about two to three percent of revenues. The reason margins are tight is because there is intense competition for your dollar. Competition drives down prices. You vote for the lowest possible wages every time you buy a Big Mac. Let’s say all fast-food restaurants

were mandated to pay $15 per hour. Wouldn’t that make everything even? No. Research, the overwhelming consensus of such research, has shown that when you mandate wages higher than what the market (you) sets, unemployment results. Some restaurants are more efficient than others and can afford to keep prices lower than others. If their competitors cannot offset the higher cost of labor they will try to raise prices, but that will reduce customers and revenue because at some points you will say “too expensive” and go elsewhere. Many restaurants will lay off workers to reduce labor costs. Some restaurants will automate functions, like having automated ordering and payment (being tried now) in order to reduce labor costs. Some will go out of business. Bottom line: unemployment results. Most workers are paid a minimum wage because they do not have sufficient skills to get higher-paying jobs. Low-skill workers are willing to accept low wages in order to get a job, to learn job skills, to work while going to school, or to bring in extra income for their families. If wages are artificially higher than what the market has set for these jobs, some workers will be deprived of these opportunities to better their lives and they will end up being unemployed. So, I charge the SEIU for not caring about low-skill workers because wages set artificially high by minimum wage laws will deprive them of opportunities to work. If they really cared about lowskill workers, they would support marketbased wages that provide the greatest opportunity for all workers.

Publisher/Editor • Tim Buckley | Design/Production • Trent Watanabe Managing Editor • James Luksic Contributing Partner Opinion • sbview.com Columnists Shop Girl • Kateri Wozny | You Have Your Hands Full • Mara Peters Plan B • Briana Westmacott | Food File • Christina Enoch Commercial Corner • Austin Herlihy | The Weekly Capitalist • Jeff Harding Man About Town • Mark Leisure | In The Garden • Randy Arnowitz The Beer Guy • Zach Rosen | Elevator Pitch • Grant Lepper Girl About Town • Julie Bifano | In The Zone • Tommie Vaughn Mad Science • Rachelle Oldmixon | Keepin’ It Reel • James Luksic Stylin’ & Profilin’ • Megan Waldrep | 15 Days • Jeremy Harbin State Street Scribe • Jeff Wing | Holistic Deliberation • Allison Antoinette Up Close • Jacquelyn De Longe | Behind The Vine • Hana-Lee Sedgwick Advertising/Sales Tanis Nelson • 805.689.0304 • tanis@santabarbarasentinel.com Sue Brooks • 805.455.9116 • sue@santabarbarasentinel.com Judson Bardwell • 619.379.1506 • judson@santabarbarasentinel.com Kim Collins • 805.895.1305 • kim@santabarbarasentinel.com Published by SB Sentinel, LLC PRINTED BY NPCP INC., SANTA BARBARA, CA Santa Barbara Sentinel is compiled every other Friday 133 EAST DE LA GUERRA STREET, #182, Santa Barbara 93101 How to reach us: 805.845.1673 • E-MAIL: tim@santabarbarasentinel.com

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STATE STREET SCRIBE by Jeff Wing

Jeff is a journalist, raconteur, autodidact, and polysyllable enthusiast. A long-time resident of SB, he takes great delight in chronicling the lesser known facets of this gaudy jewel by the sea. Jeff can be reached at jeffwingg@gmail.com

Tchaikovsky Turns 40 – Sort of

EVENTS • BAR • LOUNGE

Mechanical Party Favors add a surreal flavor

ear the end of 1890, and fresh off the box office success of his ballet The Sleeping Beauty, Pyotr Tchaikovsky (we’ll call him Peter) was saddled with a commission that would nearly kill him. The director of the Russian Imperial Theatres asked that Tchaikovsky re-team with his Sleeping Beauty partner; choreographer, principal ballet master, arguable Father of Russian Classical dance, and maddening fussbudget Marius Petipa. They got to work. As had been the case with the Sleeping Beauty project, Tchaikovsky left the selection of source material to Petipa and was both pleased and surprised when the choreographer told him the “festive” new ballet would be based on the E.T.A. Hoffman story The Nutcracker and the Mouse King. Hoffman, the Stephen King of his day, had written a typically macabre story dealing with the strange fate of a nice guy named Hans Peter, the nephew of the Mr. Drosselmeyer whose appearance opens the ballet. Through a series of bizarre reversals, Hans is trapped by an evil spell in a huge-noggined, grimacing Nutcracker (It’s telling that the grimacing blockheaded Nutcracker has come to be cozily associated with the season, but began that holiday association in the Hoffman story as a hideous golem. Go figure). Tchaikovsky was a huge fan of Hoffman’s

writing, and his interest was piqued at the idea of adapting such oddness to a ballet – until he read Petipa’s treatment, at which point the composer’s shoulders slumped. Much of the strangeness and charm had been drained from Hoffman’s fever dream by Alexandre Dumas’ more populist translation, from which Petipa had created his narrative. Dumas’ version reduced the Mouse King’s heads from seven to a more publicly palatable one, for instance. Added to that bummer was the tightly wound choreographer’s exacting list of dance intervals to which the composer’s score would need to cleave like a glove. Tchaikovsky saw little room for musical invention and began to wrestle with the material, complaining so loudly at one point the Imperial Theatre’s offices nervously apologized for having commissioned the thing. Progress absolutely crawled, complicated by the composer’s omnipresent lifelong neuroses, and the sudden breaking off of a 15-year epistolary relationship with a woman with whom Tchaikovsky had never stood in the same room. A longplanned trip to the U.S. – to conduct the opening of Carnegie Hall – fell right in the middle of the writing and threatened to further bog the project down. Then in April 1891, while traveling

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15•Days• a•Week We Ain’t Got Nothin’ But Love, Babe…

by Jeremy Harbin

Want to be a part of Fifteen Days A Week?

Space is limited, but if you have an event, exhibit, performance, book signing, sale, opening, trunk show or anything else interesting or creative that readers can attend, let us know at 805-845-1673 or email us at tim@santabarbarasentinel.com. We’ll consider all suggestions, but we will give extra consideration to unusual events and/or items, especially those accompanied by a good visual, particularly those that have yet to be published.

Saturday

part? The model trains work and actually chug around on a track! The even better part? It’s free, if you can believe it!

December 13

Boat Parade

Crabs for Christmas

Welcome back to another installment of 15 Days a week, my friends. We’re deep into December now and should all be feeling the Holiday spirit, spreading love and joy to our neighbors – Hey! Get the &$#@ outa my lane, jackass! Whoops. Sorry everybody. I write this calendar using dictation software while I drive, so things like that are bound to happen from time to time. Anyways, what was I saying? Love, joy, spreading good cheer to your fellowman… you get it, right? Of course you do. So here’s a tip: One way I like to spread good cheer is to give gifts to my friends and family. Maybe you could adopt that practice in your own celebration this year. But where, oh where, to get those gifts?! I’ll tell you: local artist Kate Canon’s open studio. Today from 9 am to 3 pm, she’ll have the doors of her 3711 Fortunato Way studio wide open as she peddles her crafty, handmade wares. She’s got bead embroidery, jewelry, photography, restored vintage pins, and Crab Cats. What’s a Crab Cat, you ask? Oh, just a Blue Crab shell painted to look like a cat’s face. You don’t pull something like that out of a stocking every day.

Sunday

Poor Santa Barbaran children. What a sad childhood they have. Sure, they’ve got the beach and the mountains and great schools and never-ending activity and stimulation. But they’ve never seen the snow. Aww. Poor little Santa Barbarans. If only someone could step up and rectify this sad situation. Enter the Stearns Wharf Merchants Association and the Santa Barbara Harbor Merchants Association. Today at 3 pm, they’ll bring the best fake snow they can muster to Stearns Wharf so that the kids of this city can have a proper holiday for once. Santa and his elves will be there, too, and the first 200 children will receive goody bags. Then, at 5:30 pm, the main event begins: it’s the 29th annual Parade of Lights, in which boat owners deck our their boats in all manner of festive décor and we watch, candy canes in hand and warm feelings in our hearts. After that, the main, main event: fireworks! It’s all free to attend.

Monday December 15 Monday Funday

December 14 Chugga Chugga

Do you love the holidays? Do you love the library? Do you love model trains? If you answered “yes” to all three of those questions, then boy oh boy, do I have the event for you. Today, you’ll be able to take advantage of the Santa Barbara Public Library’s Holiday Festival of Trains at the Goleta branch (500 North Fairview Avenue). The best

Does anyone care about the things you say? Do you ever find yourself politely waiting for another person to stop talking so you can take your turn again? Do you ever try to express yourself in a meaningful way, or do you just speak in a mixture of vague aphorisms and downright clichés? Have you surrounded yourself with people who look at you like you’re insane whenever you venture from the social script handed down by generations of teachers and cops and TV writers and parents and cool kids? Some people just talk and talk without ever stopping (some write heavy-handed, overlong calendar entries) to even consider the possibility that they’re not ...continued p.10

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by Zach Rosen

always stated that the beer is not intended to be aged. I have tried several aged OSAs and have to say that I agree with Anchor. Enjoy Our Special Ale during this season.

Better Than Milk and Cookies

Winter Beers This Year

ith the advent of refrigeration, beers that were originally seasonal are now able to be brewed yearround. This means that we have lost our sense of seasonal brews, though there is one seasonal style that still remains: winter warmers. These beers are not really a style, per se, but rather fall into a general category. Many of them are higher in alcohol and brewed with winter spices, herbs, and other flavors to give them a celebratory complexity. While stylistically these beers may jump around, one thing is for certain: this is the only time of year that you will get to drink winter warmers and Christmas beers.

gives it a refreshing character. In the past, I suspected such additions as chiles, chestnuts, cranberries, and a myriad of other wintery foods. This year’s edition seems to have a more straightforward, traditional spicing. On my first taste, there seemed to be some nutmeg and ginger in the nose. The next day, I opened up a another bottle and the aroma seemed a little more minty, possibly spruce or pine tips. Who knows? By the end of the sixpack I might be picking up on notes of

Zach Rosen is a Certified Cicerone® and beer educator living in Santa Barbara. He uses his background in chemical engineering and the arts to seek out abstract expressions of beer and discover how beer pairs with life.

beard hair and hints of reindeer. With all of the holiday celebrations about, make sure to pick up a magnum of Our Special Ale. The 1.5L bottle can be found for about $20 and is always a hit with people at parties. Some beer-does talk of aging OSA, Anchor Brewing has

...continued p.13

Weekly Happenings in Santa Barbara:

The First Beer of Winter

Winter beers are usually imagined as a strong, malty brew, but the original U.S. winter warmer is on the lighter side. Winter warmers were reintroduced to the U.S. by the craft beer pioneer, Fritz Maytag of Anchor Brewing. Back in 1975, Fritz was aware of beers being brewed for special occasions and seasons and wanted to resurface this tradition. He chose to brew an English-style brown ale that had been dry-hopped with Cascade hops. He called it Our Special Ale (OSA) and a legend was born. The label featured a giant sequoia that had been drawn by a local artist, James Stitt. The first OSA did not have a printed neck label and was instead hand-signed by Maytag and his family. In 1987, Maytag brewed a spiced bridal ale for his wedding. It was so popular with the guests, they decided to add spices and herbs to Our Special Ale that winter, and the beer has been spiced ever since. The recipe for OSA changes each year with different spices, herbs and fruits being added. The recipe has never been released, and the mysterious flavors of this beer result in an annual guessing game by beer-does from around the world. The tree on the label changes each year as well however they are still drawn by artist James Stitt. This is the 40th anniversary of OSA and the 2014 label features a giant sequoia, the same type of tree that adorned the first label. The magic of this beer is that it seems to change every time you try it. Buy a sixpack and open only one a day. Each day you will pick up different flavors, leaving you guessing as to what is in it. The 2014 OSA pours a translucent garnet red with a tuft of khaki-colored foam on top. The beer has a mild caramel sweetness with a resiny finish. Despite the intricate flavors, this beer is typically light-bodied, which

Milk stout is one of my favorite beers during the winter months. It is hearty, warming, and goes well with gazing out the window during a rainy day (well, at least during the few rainy days that we get here). This sweet stout is brewed with the addition of lactose. This sugar is derived from milk and is unable to be fermented by yeast. When lactose is used in brewing, the sugar remains in the finished beer, adding body and a mild sweetness to the brew. Dark beers have been found to be help nursing mothers lactate. Milk stouts

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...continued from p.8 saying anything of any significance beyond themselves – or beyond their own need to soothe themselves with the sounds of their own voices. And that’s fine, even necessary. Sometimes we’re not talking or writing or drawing or cooking or adding or subtracting, or doing whatever it is we’re doing for any other reason other than to satisfy an urge to be louder than the sound of the existential truth of reality – that unnerving and constant hum reminding us that every human move is futile, and not only that, but worse, could be our last! And that’s what there is to do this Monday: make a conscious effort to see how close you can get to that reality and see if your conversations, your activities, your thoughts – your life – take on a different hue.

Tuesday December 16

Happy Hanukkah

I should just be completely honest here. I grew up in a small commune of Aetherius Society members in the middle of Texas in the late 1960s. I was sheltered from a lot of things – two of those being Christianity and Judaism. So when it comes to discussing the traditions associated with the holiday season, I’m useless. I know; I really should do some research, if only because I haven’t been associated with any UFO-based cults for nearly three years now and need to assimilate into mainstream society. But here’s what I do know: no matter how you’re celebrating the first night of the Festival of Lights tonight, whether it be with candles or gifts or fried foods, you should do it with the ones you love… I’m pretty sure, anyways. Happy Hanukkah!

Wednesday December 17

Back to Yesterday

If it’s today already, then you missed it, Jack. That sinking feeling you’re experiencing right know like your heart dropped to the bottom of your stomach? That’s the feeling of missing out, of having not been where you could have been to say, “I was there.” No, you’ll have to explain to your grandkids that instead of attending the last Winston’s Roost of 2014 in the McCune Founder’s Room in the Granada Theatre (1214 State Street), you were… what were you doing last night? Watching

Gilmore Girls on Netflix and twiddling your thumbs? Just think: You could have been dancing the night away on a real dance floor to live music, drinking wine or cocktails and taking in the scene of Santa Barbarans in the know at this recreated 1940s/50s party. If you can figure out a way to go back in time to attend this event that went down last night (12/16) at 7 pm, then go to granadasb.org for your tickets or just get them at the door.

Thursday December 18 Play It Again

Grateful Dead fans were famous for traveling with the band from city to city to see the show – or just party in the parking lot – each night. Could Humbug: A (Lit Moon) Christmas Carol become the Grateful Dead of local Christmas productions now that the Lit Moon Theatre Company is staging their take on the classic play today, tomorrow, and the next day? Will Santa Barbarans gather each night outside Westmont College’s Porter Theatre to eat grilled cheese sandwiches and to “get their minds right” before the curtain goes up? Probably. This version features five actors playing 20 characters. Plus: puppets! Trippy, man. Tonight’s show starts at 7:30.

Friday December 19 A Funny Thing

This time of the year can get a little heavy for some people. If you’re sitting there, all disheveled, eating your oatmeal and trying not to get tears on this page, then you’re probably one of those people who starts to feel a little sad around holiday time. Either that, or you’re like this yearround. Doesn’t matter; either way, you’ll benefit from a little bit of laughter courtesy of some professional comedians. Sure, you usually just read this calendar for your giggles, and isn’t that enough? Well, usually it would be, yes, but like I said… the holidays. You need to employ the road-tested material of hardened stand-up comics – people who get laughs on stage for a living. So head to the Comedy Hideaway tonight at 532 State State above Apero Bar & Tapas. Check out sbcomedy.com for more information.

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Saturday December 20

And Everything Nice

Dance the Season Away

“FELIZ NAVIDAD!” - JOSE FELICIANO,

Guitar: Taylor Custom BTO “Ultimate Couch Guitar” Sherry Villanueva, THE FUNK ZONE (The Lark, Lucky Penny, etc.), 93101

What do you guys think this is, exactly? Don’t answer; I’ll tell you: a calendar of events written by one person – me, Jeremy Harbin. Go ahead and check out the top of this page. See my name up there? I write this. Do I consult press releases? Of course. I appreciate – and in fact rely on – your press releases. But are any of these entries copied and pasted from those press releases? Clearly not, as a cursory glance at any given paragraph will reveal. So, PR people, stop sending me write-ups and asking me to use your text verbatim. It’s cute how you try to match my whip-smart and ohso-hilarious tone, but you folks always betray your public-relations roots in one way or another. That’s why – well, among plenty of other reasons – I never have and never will use PR copy for this calendar. That’s not what happens here. What I really want from you is the what, where, and when of your event. It’d be great if you attached a picture. That’s really it. I’ve never broached this subject so overtly here before, but that’s changed now. Here’s why: I received an email from one of the Sentinel’s own, Megan Waldrep, explaining that she has a signing for her children’s book, Spice and Little Sugar. Megan included in her email a prewritten blurb ready for me to command-v right onto this page. Well, no can do, Waldrep. You want me to tell people your book is a fun read for kids with a great story and vibrant illustrations and that an autographed copy with a personalized message would make a great gift this holiday season? Well, you’ll just have to tell them yourself when they all come to your signing at Curious Cup Bookstore (3817½ Santa Claus Lane, Carpinteria) today from 11 am to 2 pm. This season is a time to get together in the light and love of family. It’s a time to feel the warmth and cheer of those who raised you, those who’ve watched you grow. It’s a time to catch up and reconnect and to make memories together. But then again… who needs family when you’ve got DJ Darla Bea? She’ll be spinning all the holiday hits you crave at the Santa Barbara Art Foundry (120 Santa Barbara Street) from 7 to 11 pm, and she won’t be alone. She’ll be there with food – including a latke and donut bar – dreidels, a Menorah lighting, silent auction, and – Happy Hanukkah, indeed – an open bar. It’s the eighth annual Vodka Latke, presented by the Young Adult Division. Get your tickets at yadsb.org.

Sunday December 21

Happy Winter Solstice

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...continued from p.11 saying they’re obscure in a good way; in a Revels show, you’re getting an entertaining evening and a history lesson combined. Consider today’s 2:30 pm presentation of An Irish Celebration of the Winter Solstice some sort of fictional contraption that can transport you to another time, a vehicle capable of moving you back to the early 1900s, to a boat full of Irish emigrants telling stories and singing songs and dancing. It all happens at the Lobero Theatre (33 East Canon Perdido). Get your tickets at lobero.com. If you can’t make it today, get in that time machine of yours and see it yesterday (December 20) at either 2:30 pm or 7:30 pm.

Monday December 22

Holiday Wine Time

Just because there’s a holiday and a holiday eve coming up later this week doesn’t mean we need to vary from our normal routine. Sure, you still have to buy presents and plan meals and ready your house for guests, but that can wait until tomorrow. Tonight, it’s Monday Night Flights at Les Marchands Wine Bar (131 Anacapa Street), and I know you’re used to showing up there based on my recommendation. So don’t let some dumb traditions stop you. All that festive stuff’s for kids, anyway, and kids can’t even drink wine. Dumb kids. So get yourself down to the Funk Zone and drink some wine paired with food while someone who knows way more about it than you ever will explains things about wine you’ll inevitably forget. Cheers!

Tuesday December 23

Last-Minute Market

Well, we’re definitely getting closer. Don’t you have a cocktail party or something to attend tonight? No, you’re right… who has a Christmas party this close to Christmas? Here’s the answer: you do! Go to the Early Bird Flea Market today at Earl Warren Showgrounds (3400 Calle Real) to pick up all the trimmings you need for a little party of one. Some antiques? They’ll have those. Tools? That’ll have ‘em. Produce? Count on it. Jewelry? Definitely. Clothes?

ON THE FIRST DAY...

Maybe. Just think: you could pick up any last-minute gifts you need. Did you forget about old Aunt Judy? Maybe she wants an old watch or some fresh produce. Doesn’t old Aunt Judy deserve something nice?

Wednesday December 24 O Holy Night

It’s that special night again: movie night! Navigate your way to the proper Metropolitan Theatre and bask in the warm glow of the silver screen. Look on in amazement at… The Interview, which is released today. You already know that there’s one thing on the minds of kids all over Santa Barbara County this evening… what will Sentinel movie critic James Luksic think of The Interview? He hasn’t been overly kind to certain Rogan and Franco vehicles in the past. He found himself wishing the crude slapstick of This is the End would, in fact, end sooner than it did. But which way will his mop flop on the picture that’s got Kim Jong-un so riled up? We’ll have to wait until 2015 to find out, but you can make up your own mind today.

Thursday December 25 Merry Christmas

Let’s see, what to do today? What… to… do. Well, I mean, you could, if it’s your kind of thing, celebrate Christmas. I’m in no way suggesting you actually do such a thing or assuming that the typical reader of this calendar would be so inclined. I only mention it here because you should be reminded of the end-of-December holiday as an option that is available to you. I thought about just not mentioning it, but I wouldn’t want to do readers who depend on this calendar a disservice by not bringing it up. A lot of people consult 15 Days in the morning to know what to do with themselves; some of them might like to know that they can celebrate today if they’d like. They might have no other way of knowing. That’s all. But, you know what? Maybe I need to be using this space to encourage everyone to not celebrate, in a political gesture expressing our outrage over the institutionalized systems that insidiously stand in the way of true equality. Or we could go see another movie.

Friday December 26

Food with the Fam

Family lingering even though Winter Gift Exchange Time is now officially over? Well, we live in Santa Barbara, so who can blame them? They’re probably dreading getting in the car or boarding a plane to travel back to wherever they’re from that’s not here. If they’re still hanging around, though, you might as well take ‘em out. I say you bring the gang to a meal at Chuck’s Waterfront Grill (113 Harbor Way). Not only will they love the food, but, I mean, it’s right there in the name… waterfront. They can’t eat like that back home. While they decide between the surf (Dungeness crab linguini, perhaps?) or the turf (a teriyaki ribeye, maybe?), you could sneak back to your house and pack their bags for them.

Saturday December 27

Wind Down with Wine

It’s been a whole bi-week of Santa Barbara, so how about we take things up to the valley for just one day? Solvang is a little place where you can eat and drink and shop while pretending you’re in Denmark. Some might describe the town as “cute.” I would describe it as so myself, but I’m not the kind of guy that can pull off using such a word. I tried to call something cute once, and everyone looked at me like I had just cursed in front of a child. My point is: not everyone can call things “cute” and sound natural. No, wait, my point is: the Sevtap Winery (1576 Copenhagen Drive) has live music in their tasting room tonight. So go, enjoy some wine, wind down from the holidays, gear up for New Year’s, and we’ll see you next time.

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...continued from p.9 used to be recommended by doctors as part of the standard diet for a new mom. The milk stouts brewed by Pete Johnson over at The Brewhouse are some of my favorite beers he produces and are always a shining example of the style. Swing by and try their current version, Milkman’s Handshake. The beer is poured off of nitrogen gas (think Guinness) which gives it a soft mouthfeel that complements the fuller body. The beer has a milk chocolate flavor with a fruity undertone and a lasting roastiness. This year, skip the milk the night before Christmas and leave a growler of the Milkman’s Handshake alongside the plate of cookies. Something tells me Santa will be more appreciative of this pairing. If you are feeling like something more festive while at The Brewhouse, then definitely check out Plum Crazy. This beer was first produced for a Lotusland event. Pete received the plums from the astounding Montecito botanic garden. He then froze them before blending it with their Vow of Blindness, a Belgian-style quadruple. Freezing the fruit ruptures the cell walls and helps infuse the plum character in the beer. There are still some plums left in his freezer, so keep an eye out for another crazy beer with plums. Plum Crazy is definitely fruit forward with a ripe plum aroma filling the glass. It has a juicy quality that makes it a little too easy to forget the beer is about eight to nine percent ABV. The Vow of Blindness’s character is subdued and adds a touch of toffee and a light, bready yeast note. I suggest trying it alongside their fried-chicken sandwich. The crispy patty is rolled in buffalo sauce and topped with gorgonzola. The buffalo sauce contributes a tangy character that pulls out more of the brown sugar and spice flavors of the base beer. Blue-style cheeses always go well with Belgian-style beers, and this pairing is no exception. The gorgonzola is heightened by the plum flavors and adds a sharpness that cuts through the beer.

Santa Barbara Winters

In Santa Barbara, when I think of winter beers, Telegraph Brewing is always the first to come to mind. Their Winter Ale plays off of the spiced, Mexican-style hot chocolate. It is brewed with cinnamon, allspice, sweet ancho chiles, and a touch of vanilla. Over the years, the brewers have played around with the amount of spices they use and they seem to have gotten it just right this year. The caramel malts are more prominent and are gently accented by a woodsy cinnamon note. The chiles add a roasty component that warms the slight sweetness in the finish, with a subtle vanilla tone smoothing over the other flavors. Winter Ale is on tap at the brewery (418 N. Salsipuedes Street), or you can head around the corner to Muddy Waters and pick up a pint of it there. The quirky coffee shop’s colorful back patio is a relaxing place to cozy up with a book. I suggest Christmas Beers by Don Russel. This is the most extensive book you will find on holiday beers from around the world. It covers the history of winter warmers and has plenty of photos, tasting notes, and even a recipe section in back. No matter which beers you taste this winter, make sure to get them now because they only come once a year.

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INBUSINESS

Michelle Shalhoob and Leeandra Shalhoob

by Jeremy Harbin ...continued from cover

Although they work together six days a week, this isn’t a rare sight. “We love each other so much,” Leeandra says, “that we even hang out on the weekends.” It shows. The Shalhoobs are a jovial bunch, easy to smile and quick to laugh. They chime in with agreement and finish each other’s sentences. This new outdoor area might have once been a harsh, concrete space where semi-trucks would back up to the building, but it’s now a pretty friendly environment. Jerry never went sailing. In fact, he still comes into the shop to take care of “all his little pet peeves,” as Leeandra puts it, like making sure the windows are washed or telling LJ he needs to shave. “He was real loose about how much pressure to put on himself,” John says, “and everything just worked out.” Indeed: the coincidental closing of some other area butcher shops and the word-of-mouth entry into the wholesale market contributed to the family patriarch’s never having to trade in the

butcher’s apron for the sailor’s cap. “His one-man butcher shop,” John explains, “became about a ten-man butcher shop in a matter of months.” But Jerry still didn’t know he was starting a business that would stay in the family for generations of Shalhoobs to come. He didn’t even know he’d get into selling to restaurants until one asked him to bone some pork legs. Even though it’s been predicted for years, he didn’t think he’d ever see the neighborhood around his longtime Funk Zone location grow into the arts and entertainment district that it is now. And there’s no way he could have foreseen what his family has planned for Shalhoob Meat Co. next.

A Big Patio in the Funk Zone

At some point in 2015, you’ll have another dining option in the Funk Zone: Shalhoob Meat Co. The patio is ready with several oversized communal tables. Chef Nathan Heil has crafted a menu.

ON THE second DAY...

They’re already licensed to pour local wines and craft beers. Funk Zone revelers need a place to set their drinks. So what are they waiting for? “We want it to be perfect before we do it,” John tells me, explaining that the exact opening date is yet to be determined. This new venture into the restaurant business started with an idea from LJ – which stands for Little John – who is the heir apparent to the flat-iron throne. He seems to be the most serious, businesslike Shalhoob. During our interview, he’s careful to ensure no one says too much about the shop’s methods or what’s going to appear on the restaurant’s menu. “If I give you a sneak peek and it goes to press,” he half-jokes when I ask for some specifics on what I might be able to order here next year, “then that means one of these other restaurants will beat me to it and throw it on their menu.” The family breaks into laughter. Just like his dad, LJ says he always knew he’d work in the family business. He started EARTHQUAKE RETROFITTING 50 + YEARS EXPERIENCE - LOCAL 35+ YEARS

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working as a nine-year-old – “folding boxes and boning out chicken breasts” – because he wanted to buy the new Sony PlayStation. But that initial taste of the business changed him: “Once I got that first paycheck, I realized, when you have time off, why just sit at home? From that day on, every Christmas vacation, summer vacation, spring break, I was in here at 6 am working.” Even after receiving a scholarship offer to play basketball (“Little” John’s not so little) in Wenatchee, Washington, he chose to stay in Santa Barbara. “I sat down with my dad and my grandpa, and we decided that this,” he says, tapping the table, “would be my college.” So, if Shalhoob Meat Co. is college, then consider hanging out with friends in the Funk Zone a co-requisite course. That’s what LJ was doing when the restaurant idea first struck. “It’s a shame to be inside on a Saturday in the afternoon,” he says, explaining the circumstances that led to his epiphany. “We want to go onto a patio. There are no patios available, and if there are, they’re tiny. And I was jockeying for position and I said, man, somebody needs to open a big patio restaurant in the Funk Zone.” Then it came to him: “And I said, ‘Wait,’” he tells me as his family laughs, knowing what’s coming, “I have a big patio in the funk zone.” That was nine months ago. So here’s what I did get out of the Shalhoobs about what to expect: part of the menu will be called “Simply Shalhoob,” and will feature barbecue. But LJ says he wants to surprise people: “there’s also going to be very intricate sandwiches, salads – a very foodie type of menu, because that’s the demographic down here.” They also told me a bit about the burger; it’s going

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Choices!

to be a blend of tri-tip, brisket, and chuck – each patty hand-pressed. I also had a taste of bacon jam, but as to how it’ll be used on the menu, we’ll have to wait until sometime in 2015 to find out.

Back to Their Roots

The Shalhoobs aren’t just biding their time until the new year. They’re utilizing Chef Heil in an expanding catering operation, and they’ve already undergone a remodel of the lobby. That remodel turned what John calls “an informal entrance into the business” into a spacious, welcoming area that showcases what Shalhoob has on offer for customers new and old. There’s a jerky rack by the door, a large glass-door cooler for cold drinks, and a grocery section with “the common stuff that people come in and ask for every single day,” Leeandra explains. “So much

that the guys restock it two or three times a day.” If you do have to wait for a custom cut, there’s a TV and a place to sit. The old push-button cash register is long gone; that’s a computer on that new countertop. “People would come in and say, ‘Can I buy something from here?’ Michelle sums up. “Now people say, ‘Oh, there’s a butcher in town.’” Why change things now, I wondered, after so many years? According to the Shalhoobs, the neighborhood’s evolution necessitated the makeover. “Every day, it seemed like we would see a new customer saying ‘Hey, can I buy meat here? I didn’t know we could buy meat here.’ So that’s when we started thinking,” LJ says, “we need to expand this lobby, go back to our roots, and change our business so we can appeal to the walk-in customer now.” With that, LJ has explained why this

L.J. Shalhoob, Jerry Shalhoob, and John Shalhoob

recent remodel might signal something more than just that it was time to clean the lobby up. It takes Shalhoob Meat Co. back to the mode it started in – selling straight to the customer, the way it was back when it was a one-man butcher shop. When you add in branded products like jerky and spices, it’s an old-school idea executed in a new-school way. In doubling the lobby’s square footage to appeal to increased Funk Zone foot traffic, the Shalhoobs have moved into the future by taking inspiration from their past. Shalhoob Meat Co. has a tagline: Santa Barbara Style. To explain what that means, I’ll let the Shalhoob family have

the last word. Here they are, out on their patio, nodding their heads in agreement with one another: John: “Santa Barbara style is casual. It’s comfortable. It’s come as you are.” LJ: “Yet it’s elegant at the same time.” John: “It’s not pretentious.” Leeandra: “It’s things done well.” Michelle: “It’s classy.” LJ: “Santa Barbara style is locals taking care of locals.”

Shalhoob Meat Co 220 Gray Avenue, Santa Barbara, CA 93101 (805) 963-7733

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GIRL

Vice president of operations Jonathan Michael Webby gets his fill of Jelly Bellys

by Kateri Wozny Kateri is an award-winning journalist with a

background in print, online, radio and TV news. A native of Minneapolis, MN, she has written for the Chicago Sun-Times Media Group, Pepperdine University and Acorn Newspapers. She works full time as a public relations manager locally and loves exploring the Santa Barbara fashion scene. Follow her on Twitter @kitkatwozny.

The Candy Man Can

love the Santa Barbara nightlife and often frolick around State Street for a unique experience. I was en route to a dinner date with a friend and stumbled (literally) into Webby’s Candy Company. It was the best accident that could’ve happened. I immediately felt like a giddy kid. There’s a saying “Don’t eat candy before dinner,” but my mouth was watering from seeing so many morsels! “We’re gearing toward the Wonka kid in a candy store type of thing,” said Jonathan Michael Webby, vice president of operations. “We opened on November 1.” Next door to The Natural Café, I thought it was bizarre that a candy store would be alongside a health-food restaurant, but Webby says this hasn’t been a problem.

“Everyone laughed at us, and my opinion is that opposites attract,” Webby said. “Natural Café’s customers are also intrigued to come in and buy candy.” With brands such as Mars, Nestlé, Jelly Belly, Dick Taylor, and Sweets’ Taffy, Webby’s Candy carries a variety to satisfy anyone’s sweet tooth, including oldfashioned cotton candy in five flavors, Hawaiian Shaved Ice in 16 flavors, and chocolates and candy from 10 different countries (soon to be 50). Webby’s also carries sugar-free bonbons such as Cavalier, a non-GMO chocolate. “We’re getting more into nutrition and vegan candies,” Webby said. “We try to fill most or all of our customers’ requests on products they would like to see in the store.”

ON THE third DAY...

You’ll feel like a kid in a candy store with all these selections

Prices range from 25 cents for gumballs to high-quality, wine-pairing chocolates for $10 or more. I’m a sucker for chocolate truffles and purchased a few Sacramentobased Le Grand Confectionary Chocolate Truffles at $2.69 a piece. “They’re our most popular seller,” Webby said.

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The Webby family has deep roots, with business owners dating back to the 1800s. Webby’s Candy originally started out in Brockton, Massachusetts, with Webby’s father running the business. “My dad started a candy store when he was 10 years old, and I used to be a cashier,” Webby said. “I always saw myself as an entrepreneur but never imagined it would be a candy store!” With his uncle Thomas being originally from Santa Barbara, Webby moved out west to establish his first shop. His uncle is also the president. “I think it’s exciting, and having a location on State Street is perfect,” Webby said. “With the traffic and cruise ships, the only way a candy store can survive is

from walking traffic.”

Candy Flow

Soon, Webby’s will be adding even more treats: a fondue machine to dip marshmallow sticks in and hot chocolate. “We’re pretty excited and think it will be a hit with customers,” Webby said. And it doesn’t stop there. One goal is to have the candy store become international, with 20 more stores being built within the next three years. “I see it heading into more of an established franchise of stores and with a large online presence,” he said. Webby’s Candy is located at 506 State Street. Hours are 10 am to 10 pm, seven days a week. For more information, visit www.webbyscandycompany.com. Don’t forget to follow on Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest! Customers can also keep up-todate by learning about candy craft ideas on Facebook.

Webby’s Candy Company, 506 State Street (805) 770-5600

We’re making a run for the naughty list at our ﬁrst GAME NIGHT! Think Cards Against Humanity, Jenga, and Heat Culinary Food Truck! As always, an amazing selection of craft beers and wine with special discounts, mulled wine and more! The event is FREE to anyone 21+ come solo, bring friends! It’s a LATE night and we will be open until10pm.

Corks n’ Crowns Tasting Room and Wine Shop

32 Anacapa Street in the heart of Santa Barbara's Funk Zone Hours: Monday-Sunday 11am-7pm

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INtheZONE

with Tommie Vaughn Tommie adapted her love of the stage to the

love of the page. As lead singer for the band Wall of Tom, she created This Rock in My Heart and This Roll in My Soul, a fictional book series based loosely on her experiences in the L.A. music scene. Now she’s spending her time checking out and writing about all things Santa Barbara. Reach Tommie at www.TommieV.com or follow her on Twitter at TommieVaughn1.

One-of-a-Kind Gift Buying

Bird Dog Mercantile is the place to shop for that unique gift

here is always that one person on your Christmas list who is impossible to buy for. You know the one: unique from head to toe. This person broke the mold and wherever he or she goes, people know it. If only there was a place to shop where you knew that special someone, was sure to thrill at the sight of a one-of-a-kind gift under the tree. Bird Dog Mercantile (BDM) is just that store you have been searching for. Newly opened smack-dab in the Anacapa project in SB’s Funk Zone, BDM is a vintage lover’s dream come true, where literally everything is unique and for sale. You like that wine barrel, crate display,

or rolling teacart? It’s yours, and for a respectable price tag, so you don’t break the bank but know that your gift is not only a quality purchase but one that will be appreciated and enjoyed for many years to come. This Sunday, December 14, come in from 3-5 pm to meet celebrity chef and co-owner of BDM, Cat Cora, who will be on hand with her favorite cocoa recipe and special gift ideas, photos, and much more!

38 W. Victoria Street #119, Santa Barbara, CA 93101 Phone: 805.845.0745 Market: M-Sat 10am-9pm, Sunday 10am-8pm Café: M-Sat 11 am-9pm, Sunday 11am-8pm www.smseafoodmarket.com

Bird Dog Mercantile, 131 Anacapa Street, suite C, Santa Barbara (805) 450-2473

Have you started planning for the holidays? Stop by our Seafood Market and choose from a wonderful selection of fresh fish and shellfish. If you’re out shopping and need a break, pop in for a restorative bowl of Cioppino! CERTIFICATES

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MID-CENTURY MODERN RETREAT | SANTA BARBARA $1,495,000 | WEB : 0632298 THE STRICKLANDS 805.455.3226

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We sell all kinds of jewels.

We celebrate the rare, the beautiful and the exceptional in all things. Including the most desirable homes in the world. We curate them. We showcase them. We present them as no one else can — to attract the most qualified buyers. Whether they are just down the street or a world away. Chances are we already know them. And they know us. Let us show you.

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by Megan Waldrep Megan is a writer with a fashion designer past.

After 10 years designing for her own label, she started writing because “it just felt good”. Now a freelancer for various publications, she loves interviewing people to learn how they got from point A to present day. She co-authored the children’s book Spice & Little Sugar. The literary world is home, sweet home. www.meganwaldrep.com

One-on-one treatment takes place in the only chair in The Standard Men’s Shop

A Gentleman’s Affair

iquor flows. The aroma of mysterious homemade sweetness fills the air. Sitting in a vintage leather chair, you feel the muscles in your neck and shoulders melt away by the touch of a gentle massage. Within the first five minutes, personal boundaries are crossed and emotional boundaries follow suit. “I can’t believe I just told you that,” you say. She smiles. She’s heard that a time or two. The stress of the day, week, and month melt away, and you declare to yourself, “I feel good.” And that’s exactly the way owner Lizzie Iberti wants you to feel. Santa Barbara can claim The Standard Men’s Shop as an acquisition for a gentleman’s paradise. Located down a A sign off West Ortega Street offers your first clue

ON THE fourth DAY...

Lizzie Iberti, owner of The Standard Men’s Shop, sits in a throne of her own (Photo by James Hanna)

discreet and inviting alleyway off West Ortega Street, the building – a former housing facility of military weapon parts – is most suitable for a guy’s retreat. Open since May 15, the shop is an informal yet deluxe place for men to come and get a little time for themselves. We have barbershops, of course. Great ones, in fact. But there was a hole in the market for masculine maintenance, if you will. After all, men’s fashion and grooming have done major shifts. Grooming products, dress shoes, and shirts have become fitting for everyone to wear, not just for the super-tailored gent. After five years of doing hair in Santa Barbara, and a stint at Oscar Blandi in NYC (a big deal), Iberti created what our city was missing: a full-service men’s salon. The Santa Barbara native reflects, “I wanted to create a place that wasn’t emasculating for men to do facials, waxing, nails, hair. I think they will do it as long as they feel comfortable in the environment.”

Single and Loving It

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The single-chair setting retains warmth and rapport. The result is a one-on-one encounter where full attention is to the customer. As a client, you are free to choose the music you want to listen to and channels to watch on flat screens, all part of a setting to unwind. Iberti’s first thought of opening a locale came in February of this year. By the end of the month, the ink had dried on a lease. “I had a small business plan when I started, and it just become this miraculous thing that has taken off.” With currently 160 clients a month, and five-star Yelp reviews, she’s doing something right. Word-of-mouth has

been instrumental in building a clientele base and by the second and third month, sales had doubled. Sure, having multiple stations would equal more money, but a revolving door of clients every half hour does not appeal. Having one station makes enough capital to keep the personal aesthetic and she prefers it that way. “I really want to keep the integrity of what I’ve created,” Iberti expresses. “I love hair, I like doing hair, and I enjoy people. If someone is looking for a quick cut, I recommend them to the barbershop across the street. They’ll get you out in 25 minutes and you’ll look great. It’s just not what I do,” Iberti explains, respectfully.

The Standard Men’s Experience

Booking one person on the hour, each client get 45-60 minutes of exclusive “me time.” Come in, have a drink (beer, wine, liquor, coffee, tea, soda, water), receive a consultation while enjoying a five-minute neck and shoulder massage, then begins the cut. Lizzie shampoos after, so you are free from a haircut aftermath – little hairs. Next comes a hot steam towel to relax you into oblivion, then a couple of homemade cookies to top it off. After two-weeks, you have a free pass to come back and receive a clean-up, all included in the price of a cut. Firsttimers get an eye-brow wax on the house. (A very slight and natural eyebrow wax, she assures.) “I don’t want people to look like they just got a haircut; I want them to look good all the time,” she says. “It carries over. You feel more confident when you wake up in the morning, and

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you look good.” (Book services at www. thestandardmansb.com.) Become a member and pay just $55 a month for two haircuts and two cleanups a month. “I don’t think guys take time to do these things for themselves. It’s a luxury, but at a price point they can do every month.” Offering a referral program, clients receive cards to pass on whereby each party is awarded $15 off the next cut. “I know that it’s a higher price point than barber shops, but I like the experience and that’s what I’m going for,” she explains. A new set of patrons have emerged. Shorter-hair gentlewomen indulge in her comprehension of a boyish cut. Where

they do not feel comfortable going to a barbershop, they are welcomed to the single-station setting where they are assured not to impose on “man time.” Iberti just wants you to feel special. “You work really hard all week, all month long,” she explains. “To have an hour to yourself that’s about you and making you feel good, all of a sudden that $45 is kind of irrelevant because you leave feeling better than when you walked in.” Sounds like a great deal to me.

The Standard Men’s Shop 633 Chapala St, suite B, Santa Barbara (805) 452-0511 www.thestandardmansb.com

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by Rachelle Oldmixon

Barycenters: The Point of it All

o you know what is absolutely crazy? The planets do not actually orbit around the sun itself. When I found out, this blew my mind. Discovering that the solar system was heliocentric (with the sun at its center), and not geocentric (with the Earth at its center), was a turning point in science. It changed the way we thought about our entire universe and is used in classrooms as an example of how scientific knowledge evolves as we observe more things more accurately. And now, physics is telling me that heliocentrism is wrong, too?! After a few hours of voraciously reading all I could find on heliocentrism and its wrongness, I finally found the answer to why it is not the most accurate description of how our solar system, and every solar system, works. When two objects are placed on either end of a plane, there is a point along that plane where the two objects

A self-professed nerd, Rachelle has her M.A. in psychological and brain sciences and she occasionally appears as a co-host on a science and innovation TV show. While her degree focused on the brain, Rachelle never could settle on one area of science. So she shares her love of all things science here and on her blog: www.redhotsci.com. Now, go do some science!

are perfectly balanced. And that point is called the barycenter. It’s a hard concept to simply define, so here’s an example from the playground: Say we have a seesaw with two children on either end. Unless these children are the exact weight, one of them will sink to the ground and the other child will rise up into the air. Now, if I could move the center of the seesaw up and down the length of the bar, eventually I would find a point to place the “center” such that the heavier child and the lighter child were

ON THE fifth DAY... My true love gave to me… 5 monarchs on a milkweed... 4 blooming manzanita... 3 sage chocolates... 2 Botanic Beer Garden tickets... ...and a kiss under a native oak tree.

both suspended. Of course, this “center” is no longer placed at the center of the seesaw. Instead, it is significantly closer to the heavier child than the lighter one, making the former the “primary” mass. And that point where the new “center” balances the children’s disparate masses is called the barycenter. Okay, so a barycenter might be a fun concept to play with when we are talking about seesaws and scales. But how does it apply to solar systems? Barycenters, as it turns out, are relevant when talking about gravity. Every object

complicated when more than two objects are involved. When it comes to our solar system, we have the sun (which is almost 99.9 percent of all mass in the solar system); the planets, Pluto (poor, demoted Pluto); several moons; many more dwarf planets; and countless asteroids. Each object exerts a force on each other object. Then, as they move, the gravitational pull changes. So, the barycenter of our solar system moves as the celestial bodies do. However, since the sun is 99.9 percent of all the mass in the solar system

Barycenters are relevant when talking about gravity. Every object exerts a certain amount of gravitational pull on every object around it. exerts a certain amount of gravitational pull on every object around it. Here on Earth, day-to-day objects cannot compete with the gravity of the Earth itself, so everything gets pulled downward (like Newton’s apple). But in the solar system, everything is on a much larger scale. For instance, the Earth (the larger and primary mass) exerts a gravitational pull on the moon, but the moon also exerts a noticeable gravitational pull on the Earth, too. So, the point where both gravitational pulls are equal must be found. And it is that point around which both objects will orbit. The barycenter of the Earth and moon is not the center of the Earth, instead, it is about 2,896 miles from the center. Barycenters get a little more

(making it the primary mass), and therefore has the strongest gravitational pull, the barycenter almost always stays within the sun itself. Much like the Earth (in relation to the moon), the barycenter of the solar system almost always stays within the sun, just not at its exact center. The sun is at the center of our solar system, just not the exact center – which moves around from time to time as the larger planets orbit around the barycenter. All in all, heliocentrism is a pretty darn good approximation for a phenomenon that is extremely complex and somewhat difficult to explain. It may not be the most exact explanation, but it is one I happily accept as a great way to introduce everyone to astronomy and astrophysics.

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Santa Barbara’s Online Magazine, Published Twice Daily

sbview.com

Milpas on the Move

by Sharon Byrne

What is Community?

Sharon Byrne

ften we hear the term community used in casual conversation. “I’m doing this for the community.” Or “We give back to our community.” I looked up the word community to see where it came from. The oldest roots are, not surprisingly, Latin. The word communitas probably evolved from communis: common, public, general, shared by all or many. There is also communitatem: fellowship, community of relations or feelings. Communitas means things held in common, an organized society, a free city. Rome was a giant, ancient metropolis, of course, but the empire spanned across Europe, and included villages of people living together, in communitas. The next iteration is old French, 14th century, communete. That evolved to communité – everybody, commonness, community. I’ve also read this definition, which I like the most, though I think it’s questionable as to correct etymology:

Sharon Byrne is executive director for the Milpas Community Association, and currently serves on the Advisory Boards for the Salvation Army Hospitality House and Santa Barbara County Alcohol and Drug Problems.

sbview.com

Community: The origin of the word “community” comes from the Latin munus, which means the gift, and cum, which means together, among each other. So community literally means to give among each other. That’s certainly how it feels on Milpas, with getting our holiday lights up, raising a Christmas tree in the roundabout, and putting on the big holiday parade! It feels like we’re giving among each other, in community, and that is a very sweet experience.

Firefighters and MCA volunteers anchor the Christmas tree in the roundabout.

ON THE sixth DAY...

The Big Christmas Tree crew

2013 grand marshal Monique Limon crowns 2014 Milpas Holiday Parade grand marshal Rick Feldman

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Milpas Elves cleaning the post office for the Holiday Party

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Speaking for the Trees

by Cheri Rae hat would Pearl Chase do? It’s the question that is asked often by members of the Pearl Chase Society, founded in 1995 to continue the work of its namesake who made the protection and preservation of Santa Barbara her life’s work. So when the Italian Stone Pines that line Anapamu Street began to suffer from the combined effects of the drought – a beetle infestation and the intrusion of modern life into their living space – the Society decided to move into action. After all, Miss Chase is on record for standing up to Southern Pacific Railroad and Standard Oil to protect the Moreton Bay Fig Tree from being chopped down; for the designation of the Norfolk Island pine as the community Christmas tree at the corner of Carrillo and Chapala; and, in fact, these same Anapamu Street trees, according to accounts in the book Pearl Chase: First Lady of Santa Barbara. If ever there was a time to honor Miss Chase’s legacy, this was it. Alarmed that five of the city Historic Landmark trees on Anapamu died in the last year and were recently removed for public safety, the Society turned concern into action. The board voted to donate the sum of $14,560 to the City of Santa Barbara for the purchase of 56 slowwatering systems known as “irricades.” Twenty-five of the light-green devices have already been put into service along Anapamu Street, and they’re already having an effect on the health and welfare of the trees: some of them are showing new growth high above the ground. An additional 31 will be delivered and installed in the next month. “The Pearl Chase Society is pleased that we are able to assist the city in protecting the Italian Stone Pines along Anapamu Street,” said board president Barbara Lowenthal. “These trees are important to our built environment, as they are a visual testament to our city’s enduring history and beauty.” Attached to each big water container is a slow-release soaker hose that brings muchneeded water to each tree in a way that allows it to be most efficiently absorbed by the roots. Wood chips surrounding the area keep the moisture from evaporating. Since the city will not plant any more new trees during this extended drought, it’s more important than ever that we save the ones we have, particularly these gentle giants that offer silent shelter on a busy street. Their presence brings a feeling of intimacy that slows traffic, muffles sound, and reminds passersby of life in a forest – just a few short blocks from downtown Santa Barbara’s bustling business district. “The Italian Stone Pines provide a majestic presence in Santa Barbara and represent a key foundation of the city’s urban forest. The Parks and Recreation Department applauds the leadership and generosity of the Pearl Chase Society. Trees

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Italian Stone Pine canopy found on Anapamu Street

Cheri Rae

Cheri Rae is the senior editor and columnist for sbview.com. Known for her civic activism and insightful chronicles of the local scene, Cheri has a hard-won reputation for writing about issues that other Santa Barbara-based writers are reluctant to tackle.

sbview.com

A slow-watering system known as an “irricade” on Anapamu Street

are a significant environmental, social, and economic resource that takes many years to develop,” stated Jill Zachary, assistant Parks and Recreation director. Thanks to the Pearl Chase Society, this urban oasis has been granted a reprieve. With any luck, our rains will continue and the irricades will be put into storage for the next time they’re needed. Established in 1995, the Pearl Chase Society is an all volunteer, not-for-profit conservancy dedicated to preserving Santa Barbara’s historic architecture, landscapes and cultural heritage. The mission of the Pearl Chase Society is to preserve and celebrate Santa Barbara’s historic sites and structures. Individual memberships start at $30 a year. www.pearlchasesociety.org/

I’ve tried to be deliberate about my interactions, and simple blessings have come my way: • In the bank, the teller told me about how he used to play football for Dos Pueblos High School, and had hoped and planned to play at an elite level in college until he was injured, and he was glad that he had some grounding in business to fall back on. • During an appearance at the Shop Small Business Saturday at the Book Den, fellow author Chris Messner shared his interesting stories about his off-thebeaten-path travels in Cuba – as recorded in his book, Cuba, Open from the Inside. We found common ground in discussing Cuba – I had researched the social order in post-revolutionary Cuba as part of my Political Science studies in college. When I showed him my book, DyslexiaLand, he told me about his own challenges with dyslexia – something he even wrote about in the introduction of the book. The chance meeting seemed meant to be. We both expressed our gratitude to owner Eric Kelley for scheduling us at the same time. • In the post office, letting the

gentleman with two canes get in line ahead of me had the effect of every other person in line letting him go ahead, and finish his transaction much more quickly, and much more comfortably. “I just can’t stand too long anymore,” he noted, expressing his thanks to the whole queue. We all felt good about that. And when the woman behind me needed a pen, I told her to keep it. Turned out, the purple pen was her favorite color. • In the grocery store, the young woman ahead of me was buying a nice cake and candles to celebrate her grandmother’s birthday. The discussion continued with the boxboy who talked about his grandmothers – one who is fun and the one who isn’t – but who inherited “the longevity gene,” as he called it: good health and good teeth, even at 93. It reminded me of my own grandmother, and how much I loved her and still miss her to this day. • The city worker filling the “irricade” watering devices along Anapamu Street – which were purchased for the City by the Pearl Chase Society – who expressed his gratitude for the innovation and the generosity of members who love the trees as much as he does. Slowing down, expressing gratitude, and having the presence of mind to remain in the present has been a great gift – one that keeps on giving. You might want to give it to yourself – and the rest of the community! Happy holidays!

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The Present of Being Present

by Cheri Rae implify, simplify,” wrote Henry David Thoreau in his classic meditation, Walden. Of course, he could have simplified the statement by reducing it to simply “Simplify.” The recent passing of my neighbor who lived in his van got me to thinking about the notion of simplifying the holiday season, of slowing down and becoming conscious of the moment – of making a real practice of connecting with people and being conscious of places encountered during the holiday season. Instead of rushing about and being preoccupied during every moment,

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with Mark Léisuré

Mark spends much of his time wandering Santa Barbara and environs, enjoying the simple things that come his way. A show here, a benefit there, he is generally out and about and typically has a good time. He says that he writes “when he feels the urge” and doesn’t want his identity known for fear of an experience that is “less than authentic.” So he remains at large, roaming the town, having fun. Be warned.

Going Out on a Lamb at SOhO

emember the old IQ tests, or any of the more recent online logic games, where they’d show you a bunch of pictures of items that were apparently similar and ask which one doesn’t belong? Well, we’ve got a version for you right here: Check out this list of singer-songwriters and pop musicians, all of whom have been honored with tribute nights at SOhO: Bob Dylan, Joni Mitchell, The Beatles, Jackson Browne, Neil Young, Leonard Cohen, and Randall Lamb. Stumped? Lamb’s not. “That’s not lost on me – as I hurdle from the deep unknown to the outer ring of obscurity,” Lamb said over the phone recently from his home in Buellton about the show coming up at SOhO on Tuesday, December 16, in which a dozen or so of

his local singer-songwriter peers will be playing his songs for paying folks. “It is a weird sort of thing. Nobody knows who the hell I am. But I’m deeply touched and impressed and thrilled that these people respect and admire my music and are learning to play my songs. It’s great, because I’m not burdened by any sort of ambition. (The show) is just like a peer review.” It’s that sort of clever wordplay, though, that actually makes Lamb worthy of such the honor that will be bestowed at SOhO come this Tuesday. Simple turns of phrases that still turn the head are rampant throughout his material, which by now have filled four CDs in his decade-plus of recording songs he describes as “simple truths and existential blues.” As he himself admits, they’re not much more than three chords and some words, but that’s a

ON THE Seventh DAY...

n o s a e S e h T s i ‘T

formula that served some of his influences pretty well, too – folks like Woody Guthrie, Hank Williams, Ramblin’ Jack Elliott, and Townes Van Zandt. Those are the folks he grew up listening to, on the radio and in person, in El Monte down east of Los Angeles and not too far from Orange County when there were still a lot of the trees that gave the place its name. “It was a town of working stiffs and lowrider biker gangs back before the orange groves and vineyards turned to stucco,” he recalled. “I grew listening to the hipster radio guys in the early 1960s, alongside the Dust Bowl people who came to work in the aircraft plants.” It’s not hard to picture Lamb in that clichéd picture of the balladeers of the era, a guitar slung across his back, old blue jeans, and a worn coat. In fact, he held a lot of odd jobs (he drove a snow plow, for example, and spent a decade each working as a technician in a photo lab and driving a school bus) before landing at UCSB in the early 1980s. That was long after he’d already settled in Isla Vista back when it more about protest than parties. But it wasn’t until the late 1990s, right around when he moved to Buellton, that Lamb started making music for others to hear. “I had a guitar for a long time, but I wasn’t very good at covers,” he recalled. “They weren’t credible, because they were kind of weird around the edges.” He had written some originals and played them mostly for friends. In 2001, facing surgery for lung cancer, he went into the studio with friend Daniel Lower “just to record some songs for posterity in case things didn’t go well.” That was his first album. Then, spurred by Santa Barbara folkie Rebecca Troon, he attended Penny Nichol’s SummerSongs, the local enclave/ retreat for singer-songwriters. That’s where he met Kenny Edwards, the longtime bassist/singer with Linda Ronstadt and Karla Bonoff, who lived in Montecito for years until his death two years ago. “I knew him socially, but he didn’t know I could play,” Lamb said. “I went through the performance workshop and played a song for him. And his quote was ‘You should do this.’” Encouraged, he started playing out more, frequenting such joints as Jensen’s Mainstage and coffeehouses from Carpinteria to San Luis Obispo. “I had

my first paid gig at 60,” he said. All those experiences have accounted for the nature of his songs, which veer between political and social commentary (“Right Wing Jesus”, “Too Big to Fail” and “Can the Rich Get to Heaven?”) and living a basic life (“I Like the Way that I Feel”, “Memories, That’s All”). Coming up with them is not something he spends a lot of time analyzing. “I grew up listening to raw country music, and I like things that are really simple. So I just strip away everything that’s not the song,” he explained. “Under the right circumstances, everything lines up and you don’t know where they come from. Then the curtain closes. It’s just mysterious and ancient, so I don’t overthink it.” Sometimes others want him, too, though. He played “Memories” for Chuck Cannon, the well-known troubadour who has played for Sings Like Hell at the Lobero several times over the years. “He liked it, but he said he was expecting another verse,” Lamb recalled. “But there wasn’t one. It was complete for me. I was thinking, ‘You could write one.’ But I didn’t want to always be a smart aleck.” So, Lamb continues to just play his songs for the people who show up, with no ambition of doing anything more than that. The formula suits him just fine. “One of the beauties of existing in musical obscurity is you can just do what you want. Nothing matters. You only have to answer to your own personal aesthetic.” He makes a new album when the songs have reached a big enough number that it makes sense to record, not because somebody tells him it’s time, or contractual demands. “Mostly I just give them away anyway because I want people to hear the songs. I’ve got no illusions that I’ll be buying a big tour bus out of the sales.” But Lamb has surely immersed himself in the local singer-songwriter community. “It’s really remarkable,” he said. “It provides a lot of people an opportunity to play, which is important to develop your skills. People were so inclusive and nonjudgmental. You make connections, and things happen that trigger your personal songs.” Now, it’s many of those same folks who will pay tribute to Lamb at SOhO this week, including Nichols, Lower,

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BEHIND THE VINE

Soil from Santa Barbara’s different AVAs

by Hana-Lee Sedgwick Hana-Lee Sedgwick is a digital advertising executive by day and wine consultant and blogger by night. Born and raised in Santa Barbara, she fell in love with the world of wine while living in San Francisco after college. Hana-Lee loves to help people learn about and appreciate wine, putting her Sommelier certification to good use. When not trying new wines or traveling, she can be found practicing yoga, cooking, entertaining, and enjoying time with friends and family. For more information and wine tips, visit her blog, Wander & Wine, at wanderandwine.com.

Fine Wine with Smilin’ Seth

Seth Lunin at AVA Santa Barbara in the Funk Zone

f you’ve lived in Santa Barbara for five minutes, you’ve probably heard of or have met Seth Kunin. He has been featured in the Sentinel before and is involved with many local and regional wine events on a regular basis. Chances are, if you’ve been to either of his wine-tasting rooms in the Funk Zone, he has probably poured his wines for you. Seth is, in a nutshell, just one of those guys that seems to know everyone and be everywhere! Originally from New York, Seth moved to California to attend college at UCLA. While working in the restaurant industry, he soon realized he had a passion for wine, which led him to Santa Barbara to work for Doug Margerum as general manager of the Wine Cask. After six years, he went on to apprentice in Santa Ynez before starting Kunin Wines in 1998. At Kunin, Seth focuses on producing high-quality Syrah and other Rhone

varieties ideally suited to Santa Barbara County’s unique terroir. He sources grapes from some of the finest vineyards in the area and seeks to find a perfect balance of fruit, terroir, and elegance in his wine, without an exorbitant price tag. Seth has mastered the beachside wine-tasting experience with his breezy, California cool Kunin Wines tasting room off of Cabrillo Boulevard, but it’s his other venture that has deepened his passion for Santa Barbara County wine. Last year, Seth and his wife, Magan Eng, opened the bright and minimalist tasting room, AVA Santa Barbara, showcasing the wines he produces under the label, The Valley Project. All of these wines are labeled with the AVA from which the grapes come, since the SB county regions have such diverse climates and terrains. The tasting room itself is part wine-tasting room and part education

center, complete with soil samples from the vineyard sites and a wall-sized, chalkart mural displaying the different growing areas and microclimates. The chalk map is fun and impressive, but it also allows people to explore Santa Barbara’s wine regions while they sip the wine. Whenever I have friends and family in town, I always make a point to take them to AVA Santa Barbara... not only because the wine is good, but because the visually appealing mural helps them understand the lay of the land. I just love it. I caught up with Seth the other day to taste through his latest line up of wines at AVA Santa Barbara. They recently switched over to their winter tasting list, which includes staples like the 2012 Santa Maria Chardonnay. With aromas of clementines and lemon peel, there’s a vibrant yet soft acidity that is quite appealing from this cooler-climate Chardonnay. Another good white for the cooler months is the 2012 Ballard Canyon Viognier, with its hint of

minerality and full mouthfeel. I’m a fan of the 2012 Santa Rita Hills Pinot Noir, which has delectable raspberry and dark fruit aromas, complemented by briary red fruit and herbs on the palate. The 2013 Ballard Canyon Syrah is savory with a lingering finish, and the 2012 Santa Ynez Valley Cabernet has enticing olive and spearmint aromas with a smooth finish. A great selection that are all good representations of each growing area. No one can question Seth’s passion for wine and dedication to Santa Barbara County’s wine regions, but I especially appreciate that he makes wine that he truly believes in – wines that are not only easy to enjoy but are sincere expressions of the region. Plus, he does it all with a smile on his face. Cheers!

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...continued from p.7

Local actors react to presumed oddness

through Paris on the way to his American gig, Tchaikovsky received the news that his beloved little sister, Aleksandra, had died. He slid immediately into a deep depression, from whose depths he asked for a deadline extension on the Nutcracker project, which was granted. He returned from the States and continued his depressed attempts

at fulfilling the Nutcracker commission. But then something turned. As he dwelt endlessly on Aleksandra and their youthful Christmases together, Tchaikovsky began to identify the Nutcracker’s Clara with his departed sister, his adored “Sasha.” His paralyzing grief began to find form in the Nutcracker project, and he turned to the task with a

ON THE eighth DAY...

Guess who?

new enthusiasm, spinning from the pain of a bereaved brother a lush score with all the melodic longing and melancholy and bittersweetness he was otherwise unable to express. He completed The Nutcracker with a flourish. Two years later, the starcrossed composer was gone.

40 Years Under the Midday Stars

Drive past Santa Barbara’s eccentric Arlington Theatre a couple weeks into any given December and you’re likely to see a mob of ruffians thronging the box office

and agitating for sugarplums. Yes, these are the mean streets of Santa Barbara. You better watch your ascot. This December performance promises to be particularly aglow as it marks the 40th anniversary of Santa Barbara Festival Ballet’s Nutcracker at the Arlington, which is to say the Mouse King and the Nutcracker have been dueling each other in the Arlington’s dusky Spanish Colonial village since Mary Tyler Moore ruled prime time and the threadbare animatronic chicken on Stearns Wharf still had feathers. How ...continued p.34

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ext on my December agenda are Foxcatcher and Wild, which are said to propel Oscar nominations for Steve Carell and Reese Witherspoon, respectively. Both pictures are showing in downtown Santa Barbara, so excuses are null and void. For now, two films I decidedly recommend trump one mainstream misfire:

Although the picture’s narrative, based on Jane’s memoir Travelling to Infinity: My Life with Stephen, stalls a bit, lingering on the hero’s everyday minute-to-minute struggles, it doesn’t – I’m happy to report – get bogged down with scientific minutiae. Any intricacies are touched on, skirted over just enough to get the point across and make Hawking’s vision clear, without boring laymen in the audience. Every element of the movie is on point, from the glorious cinematography, the camera angles (never too intrusive except when an intimate moment calls for it), to the actors – with praise specifically reserved for Charlie Cox and David Thewlis, neither of whom exudes a trace of insincerity nor vanity.

Flying High Again

Not So Bad

by James Luksic A longtime writer, editor and film critic, James has

worked nationwide for several websites and publications – including the Dayton Daily News, Key West Citizen, Topeka Capital-Journal and Santa Ynez Valley Journal. California is his eighth state. When he isn’t watching movies or sports around the Central Coast, you can find James writing and reading while he enjoys coffee and bacon, or Coke and pizza.

Holiday Cheer N

n retrospect, I’m ashamed for having waited a few weeks before tracking down Birdman or (The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance), starring Michael Keaton, long a personal favorite. The early buzz had, in general, heralded the cast’s fine performances while referring to the story as “weird”, which seems a disparaging and unfair adjective. Creative, uncommon, exhilarating – those are words that more precisely describe director Alejandro Inarritu’s dark comedy and refreshing slice of cinema. The engrossing story at hand: a washedup actor named Riggan, renowned for his blockbuster portrayal of the titular superhero who churned out box-office gold, reinvents himself by mounting and launching a Broadway play, to the chagrin of a New York Times critic (ideally cast Lindsay Duncan) who holds theater productions as sacred. With help from his manager and publicist (Zach Galifianakis, playing it straight for once), his recovering-from-drugs daughter (Emma Stone), and the blonde co-star (Naomi Watts), our main man proceeds assertively. Until, that is, a last-minute replacement (Edward Norton) takes the stage by storm and literally flips the script. Another player who gums up the works is Riggan’s alter-ego, narrated by the deep-voiced winged creature, always the devil’s advocate (“You had it all.”) In such an intoxicating endeavor, there will be traces of indulgence – including a daydream-like sequence of our hero gliding above the Big Apple’s traffic-choked canyons, and a close-up of Stone’s face while she unloads a barrage of bitterness (“You’re not important!”). As might be expected when peeking behind the scenes of Broadway, streams of motive and mood flow in a loose yet intense manner. Keaton’s reactions run rampant, but that’s the point of his emotional journey. Although everyone involved deserves his or her own Oscar award, it is Norton – impossibly likable as the arrogant peacock – who seizes the day and the play. The brains behind 21 Grams and Babel has outdone himself with Birdman (whose subtitle refers to a newspaper headline), wherein I didn’t detect one misstep, one false note. The filmmaker has unveiled a palpable world of theatrics, inhabited by fascinating personalities, and mapped it out with a profound sense of time and place within Times Square. From the protagonist’s crucial bit of spontaneity during the play’s climax, to the intermittent beat of drums and cymbal clashing that keep us tuned-in, Inarritu knows exactly what he’s doing. It is one of those ultra-rare pictures that I wanted to see again straightaway. Inarritu is an unequivocal genius.

All The Best

he Theory of Everything follows the scientific and romantic footsteps of physicist and cosmologist Stephen Hawking – author of the titular book and A Brief History of Time – and his marriage to fellow Cambridge student Jane Wilde, with whom he ultimately raises a family. As the hero, who at 21 learns he has a devastating disease, Eddie Redmayne (an amiable revelation in My Week with Marilyn) embodies the role’s required aptitude and physicality with effortlessness; he glides through without a wink of pretense. And Felicity Jones couldn’t be more lovely and watchable as his patient spouse and mother of their children.

n Horrible Bosses 2, Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, and Charlie Day return as three miserable workers who create a “Shower Buddy” for which they strike a deal with a wealthy businessman (Christoph Waltz) and his cocky, mercurial son (Chris Pine, at his best). Impediments to wealth and success ensue when the trio’s invention is usurped and all law-breaking hell breaks loose. When the action slows, all too often sexual innuendos – some of which appear to be pinched from, say, Austin Powers or a Farrelly brothers’ flick – take over. Jennifer Aniston, as the dentist with a sweet tooth for sex, somehow plays it straight enough to be taken seriously, though Waltz is on cruise-control, using the same demeanor he employed to greater effect in Django Unchained and Inglourious Basterds. By default, he fares better here than the frenetic Day, whose obnoxious delivery – often with a screech redolent of comedian Gilbert Gottfried – registers few chuckles. I can only presume Kevin Spacey, reprising his role from the original, got a kick out of portraying a profane prisoner behind a glass partition. Pine seizes and nails his role with relish; Jamie Foxx, as the bumbling criminals’ profane and cocktail-sipping confidante, is a close second. Their honest performances are just about the only reasons to waste your precious time on such an overwrought, slapdash sequel.

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You Have Your Hands Full

school is going to have a talent show, the kids need to rehearse, practice, and work hard to get it right. I know my view doesn’t solve the overwhelming and frenetic days of the holiday season. That, in truth, it does make things more complicated. I always have the best intentions to simplify – not get trapped in the stress of it. To resist making my life a checklist. Every year, I have lofty ambitions until I get into the thick of it and go wilding. “I am making this cake, because I have always made a cake,” I told my friend. “My kid is becoming a teenager. By making this cake from scratch, I can process what that means and reflect on how I got here.” “Right. Before or after you carpet bomb Teddy’s head with lice shampoo?” she asked sarcastically.

by Mara Peters Former editor for the fashion/lifestyle section of the New York

Post, Mara moved to London and worked as a contributing editor for the Daily Mail’s You Magazine, freelancing for Look Magazine, NY Post and the Style Magazine for The Sunday Times. To remain sane during diaper years she writes a mommy blog, You Have Your Hands Full – www.handsfullsb.com.

I Refuse to Get Scrooged

“I

am not sure why you choose to go down that path every time. You knew this was all coming,” my best friend was telling me. “Just get a cake at the bakery and call it a day.” I was frantically mixing the flour with the eggs at the time. You see, I was in the midst of a moment. Jackson was turning 13 tomorrow and I needed to finish his birthday cake; Alpha’s mom had just landed from Savannah to see Olivia and Teddy in tonight’s variety show; I had

scheduled a visit to the dentist a year ago and today, of all days, was the day all four had to get their teeth cleaned. (God forbid you cancel; no appointment is available until mid-July.) To add to the day’s planned chaos, there was the unplanned. Teddy woke up complaining about itchy head. Leaving no room for any variables (we had four notices from school that lice was going around), I promptly shaved his head with the buzzer before 8 am.

ON THE ninth DAY...

Christmas card reflective of our year. Check.

The signs were all there. It must be December. I can only function in checklists. Christmas card. Check. Teachers’ gifts. Check. Birthday. Check. Trip to the Post Office. Check. Christmas Tree. Check. Variety Show. Check. Christmas Sing. Check. Another trip to Post Office. Check. Office Party. Check. Lice. Crap. Check. Happy F---ing Holidays. Check. “You bring this all on yourself,” that friend was telling me. “I really question why you aren’t looking to make things easier. Stop making the cake from scratch; believe me, no one notices, least of all the kids.” I am not Scrooge. I want the holidays to mean something. When my kids race to see what kind of cake I have made for them for their birthday before they reach for presents, I know I’ve done something right, something that leaves them with a memory the gifts won’t. If I am going to make the effort to send a card out to our closest friends around the world, I want it to be reflective of our year, not just a regurgitation of Facebook posts. If the

I always have the best intentions to simplify – not get trapped in the stress of it “After.” I could cut corners. I could not do half the things I set out to do. But then the holidays wouldn’t feel like the holidays. In short, maybe my reality is that December is one giant marathon, and I just need to go into it knowing the only objective is to survive. It’s true just finishing is a win. Soon enough, I will kick back on the sofa with my eggnog, chomping on the sugar cookies I had made with the kids for Santa and realize that we have made it through another amazing year. My oldest is on his way to adulthood as my youngest looks for Santa’s footprints in the soot of the fireplace. The carrots will be out, the presents will arrive under the tree, and all will be right with my world.

Peters Pick The Granada is having two amazing events that would make for great stocking stuffers for the whole family. I just got tickets for the incredible Peking Acrobats on January 11 and Stomp on February 9. We have been to the Peking a few times now. When you have a 3 year-old mesmerized for two hours you know it’s a great one to watch. And Stomp? Well, I have a soft spot for that show. It was my first New York Broadway experience back in the day. For more information, visit www.granadasb.org or call (805) 899-2222.

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...continued from p.26 and Troon along with Edward Tree, Susan Marie Reeves, Steve Werner, Ted Waterhouse, Bruce Goldish, Erin Inglish, Paul Nelson, Kathy & Kevin Kelly and Grover Anderson. Lamb himself will close out the night with two or three songs that the others have omitted. And if somehow the show brings him more attention than he’s accustomed to, and he finds himself a bit less obscure? “Oh, it’s fine,” he said. “I don’t have the issues of what it means that young people might. If people want me to play, I’m happy to. I love to play.”

Best in Show

You know you’re seeing a comedy when pretty early on we hear about the death of a woman who gets crushed by an drunk and severely obese drag queen named Pina Collada at a Gay Pride parade. Sounds like the stuff for a gross-out screamer, or at least a madcap farce, right? But The Best Boys, which is having its U.S. premiere at the New Vic via Ensemble Theatre Company, is much more than a vehicle for appealing to the lowest common denominator. There are many big themes being addressed, from issues of sibling rivalry, to how parents can relate to children with different

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personalities, and what it takes to mend fences and reach a level of brotherhood. The Best Boys, which is one of the most successful plays from Torontoraised author Daniel MacIvor – who is something of a theatrical hero up North but virtually unknown in the states, is about Kyle and Hamilton Best, who are dealing with the aftermath of the death of their mother – and nearly all of the story lines have something to do with her funeral and beyond. Kasey Mahaffy and Michael Polak play the brothers and are not only brilliantly cast but also expertly directed by Brian Shnipper, who has become a favorite at the Ensemble in recent years (he helmed Red earlier this year.) This is the kind of show that would have been perfect back in the company’s old digs at the Alhecama Theater, which was a much more intimate 100-seat place, rather than the gleaming technical marvel that is the New Vic. It’s basically a one-man show – a MacIvor specialty, by the way – times two. Each actor has monologues and each also variously plays the mother in reminisces that are cleverly staged in front of a curtain that covers the set, even though the only evidence of a scene change is a different picture representing the view outside. (Come

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Tuna J Tanner hams it up in A Tuna Christmas

to think of it, that wouldn’t have been possible back at Alhecama, after all.) It’s not a revelatory piece, but it is funny and quirky and if the story isn’t exactly surprising, the journey is a lot of fun. Check it out before the short run ends on Sunday, December 21.

Something’s Fishy in Tuna

Rubicon Theater’s holiday show went through one of those life-imitating-artimitating-life sort of things about a week before A Tuna Christmas opened on stage in Ventura last weekend. Clifford Morts – the veteran stage actor just starting to get a toehold in Hollywood – had to leave the production because the Coen brothers’ schedule for shooting their latest film, in which Morts has a career-boosting supporting role, got moved up. Filling his shoes was a pretty tall order, because – just like with The Best Boys – Tuna is a two-man show but with far more action, like five-second costume changes and 10 characters each. Fortunately, director Brian McDonald, Rubicon’s associate producer, was able to step into the part opposite Broadway veteran Jamie Torecellini, and, as they say, the show must go on. We haven’t heard any reports yet, but it’s a darn funny show and McDonald is a consummate pro, so things will probably turn out just fine. And if they don’t, the mess-ups might make for even bigger laughs.

Lounging with Léisuré

Looking for merry melodies or other musical mirth with Mark? Here’s where you might find me this fortnight: If Christmas-themed stuff knocks down your December doldrums, the biggest

‘cracker of them all takes place all weekend at the Arlington (December 13-14). That would be Festival Ballet’s mammoth undertaking of the Tchaikovsky classic The Nutcracker, complete with a full orchestra, and community members covering lots of acting roles.... This same weekend also finds Santa Barbara Choral Society presenting The Hallelujah Project at the Lobero, with lots of good cheer and Handel’s famous singalong.... On the pop front of the holiday, R&B siren Lois Mahalia plays two Christmas concerts at Center Stage on Sunday afternoon, December 14, one geared more toward families while the evening promises to funk up your holiday. On the other hand, if Yuletide doesn’t rock your world, the California Honeydrops return yet again to SOhO at the same time frame, December 13-14, a two-night stand this time, which should be just the right amount of rabble-rousing from this eclectic outfit that always gets the place jamming... An early show Thursday, December 18, brings Willie Watson, the former founding member of Old Crow Medicine Show who was last seen in town a couple of month’s back in that Dave Rawling’s Band concert at the Lobero. Watson, out promoting his solo debut Folk Singer, Vol. I, will also be at Standing Sun Winery in Buellton on Saturday, December 20. Stick around SOhO on Thursday, though, for the annual Ugly Sweater party at SOhO. Back on the holiday front, and back at SOhO, too, Venice does its annual Christmas concert at the club, replete with the sweetest four-part harmonies outside of a choral choir you’re ever likely to hear. That’s on Friday, December 19.

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...continued from p.28 did this “Nutcracker at the Arlington” thing get started? It shouldn’t surprise anyone that the four-decade run of this Nutcracker has its own unexpected back story, one whose elements include the Bolshoi, Broadway, the movies, Mickey Rooney, and the fall of Baghdad. It makes for a bracing libretto. And it’s still being written.

A Big Year

1962 was a year to be reckoned with. The U.S. and the Soviets tussled over missiles in Cuba and nearly came to nuclear blows, Warhol put a stop to all the abstract expressionist fuss and painted a soup can, and Robert and Carol Hanlin began planning a Next Move. In separate careers with the storied American Ballet Theater (ABT), whose founding DNA connects it directly to the near-mythic Bolshoi, the Hanlins had been leaping and swirling and Arabesque-ing (likely not a real word) in theaters around the world. Retiring from ABT in different periods, they went their separate ways. When Robert suffered a performance-hindering knee injury on the film set of 20th Century Fox’s experimental cowboy plié, Oklahoma!, he turned to teaching. Elsewhere, so did Carol. When they were individually offered, and separately accepted, teaching positions at Madam Olga Ziceva’s Dance Academy in San Mateo, their eyes were opened at last, they fell for each other (one imagines cinematic lifting and twirling and laughing in a heavily doctored shaft of sun), and began the pas de deux that continues to this day. Naturally the pair,

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who had artfully gamboled in the sterling company of some of dance’s greats – Balanchine, Robbins, DeMille – hatched a plan to begin their own school of dance, in Goleta of all places, and by 1962 they’d brought their dance cards and outsized dreams to The Good Land, at that time a rolling landscape of orchards interrupted by somewhat occasional neighborhoods. By 1964, they’d rented a spacious if humble walkup on Magnolia in Old Town Goleta, and opened their doors. So began an era. Val Huston, today senior lecturer at UCSB’s Department of Theater and Dance, was an early beneficiary. “Bob and Carol came from extremely cosmopolitan backgrounds,” she says. “Their knowledge and aesthetics of the dance crossed generations and styles. They taught a beautiful style of classical ballet that offered students a strong technique and at the same time opportunity for musical expression.” Huston, herself a renowned and much-honored choreographer and onetime director of the Valerie Huston Dance Theatre, grabbed the Hanlin magic with both hands and made her way on the strength of those early influences. “Olga Ziceva trained them to teach a syllabus she developed, which was a fusion of Russian, Cecchetti and Balanchine techniques. The school produced a long line of dancers, choreographers, and teachers. And yes, I am one of those on the list.“ Diana Replogle-Purinton, another early adopter of the Hanlin school and presently a teacher at Santa Barbara Festival Ballet (SBFB), remembers Bob Hanlin’s Achilles’ Heel, literally. “I know

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Early Hanlin protegés begin rollout of Balletic Invasion

that Bob had damaged his Achilles. He had done something awful and his tendon, as he described it, rolled up like a window shade.” She blanches at the imagery. Earlier that decade, Replogle-Purinton had been taking a pastiche of personal improvement classes from a neighborhood iconoclast and jazz age child star, a Mrs. Taylor, whose own dance creds dated to her having performed with the thenfamous Meglin Kiddies of Los Angeles; a 1920s novelty troupe of precocious dancing and singing tots, among them Judy Garland (when she was still known as little Frances Gumm), Mickey Rooney, Ann Miller, Shirley Temple, et al. Taylor conducted the Goleta lessons in a specially outfitted garage. “She lived around the block from us. I took ballet, tap, acrobatics, and hula and modeling from Mrs. Taylor. It was all thrown together,” Replogle-Purinton laughs. “At a certain point, Mrs. Taylor says she had taken me as far as she could, and recommended I check out the Hanlins. So we did.” Enter The Nutcracker. In 1970, the Santa Barbara Symphony came calling. Under conductor Ronald Ondrejka (1967-79), the symphony began appealing to the Hanlins and their well-regarded school for dancers – Tiny Tots concerts, productions of Peter and the Wolf – and for excerpts of Tchaikovksy’s ballet The Nutcracker. Then in 1973, conductor Ondrejka suggested the Hanlins’ school and the Santa Barbara

Symphony partner in producing a big, brash, full-blown Nutcracker. The Hanlins had to decline. They didn’t yet have a full enough complement of experienced dancers, not to mention the costuming and set-building resources, to meet the rigorous demands of a large-scale, professional Nutcracker production. In 1975, the Hanlins did manage to fully partner with the symphony in a sparkling production of The Nutcracker that wowed the audience and participants alike. A star was born; Nutcracker at the Arlington. Denise Rinaldi, a spunky and determined dance devotee, had meanwhile been busily commuting to L.A. and training in the Cecchetti Method of classical dance instruction under (the late) Sheila Darby, head and founder of Cecchetti USA. Rinaldi would eventually become a Fellow in Cecchetti, a certified examiner of the method’s student practitioners, and finally executive director of Cecchetti USA. She also holds a Fellowship in the Imperial Society of Teachers of Dancing. When the Hanlins decided it was time for them to move on, Rinaldi and Michele Andersen stepped up. The Goleta School of Ballet (no relation whatsoever to the school that uses that name today) relocated to downtown Santa Barbara and became the Santa Barbara Ballet Center, its performing arm a distinct non-profit entity called Santa Barbara Festival Ballet (SBFB). In

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2006, Rinaldi became sole proprietor of the operation, and the beat goes on. Over the four decades of the run, about 1,000 dance students from the Goleta and Santa Barbara periods of the school have swirled across the Arlington stage in a hallucinatory parade of mechanical dolls, churlish rats, hula-hooping candy canes, and snowfall beneath an astronomically approximate canopy of indoor stars. You gotta love the Arlington! The show has been many things to many people. Sean Crawford, today the co-artistic director of the SBFB, began her involvement through her mother’s rekindled friendship with an old pal. “My mother was a professional dancer in television and film, and my father was an actor in film, and so I was naturally exposed to performance and dance at a very young age. My mother’s dance training was with Eugene Loring of the American School of Dance in Hollywood, and there she met a dancer by the name of Carol Brotherton, and they grew to be friends. Eventually, they moved and pursued their dance careers in separate parts of the U.S. Later on, when my family moved and established us in Santa Barbara, my mother was searching for a dance school for my siblings and me. She came across Robert and Carol Hanlin’s Goleta School of Ballet. It turned out that Carol Hanlin was formerly Carol Brotherton, her friend. I was signed up immediately and my early training began.” Aimee Lopez, SBFB’s associate artistic director and another foot soldier in the Sugarplum Army, knows the production like a second home. Or a first. “The Arlington Nutcracker has been a long tradition in my family,” she says. “My mom has performed in the show, she’s also a very talented seamstress and has sewn many of the costumes being used today. I’ve performed with my mom in the party scene, my sister in the corps de ballet, and even my grandma made an appearance one year as… the Grandma, of course.” Hmm. Typecasting. “And now I’m performing alongside my partner in life, Eric Franklin. The tradition carries on.”

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Des in 1987

And the Santa Barbara Festival Ballet family continues to grow and evolve, and boasts a blue-chip menu of dance instruction. SBFB resident choreographer Valerie Huston has been a force in the regional dance firmament for years. Preballet maestro Emmy Lou Crawford (Sean’s show-biz mother) was already teaching jazz dance for the Hanlins when Rinaldi and Anderson took over the school, and is especially adept at harnessing the energies of the littlest students. “She is a brilliant teacher of creative movement and pre-ballet, Rinaldi says. “She works with the children in such a way that they not only learn to dance, but they learn about sharing, taking turns, and manners, all while having a great deal of fun and exercise.” And while some of history’s most celebrated ballet conquerors have been men, some boys seem hesitant to take the Grand Jeté into ballet. One young man who didn’t get that memo was Eric Replogle-Purinton. He debuted in the Nutcracker at the Arlington at 8 months old and grew up in the dance school and on the Nutcracker stage. Much later, he was a Marine in the early invasion forces that pushed into Iraq. “Lots of sleepless nights. And Denise and Michelle were completely on top of developments over there in Iraq,” Diana Replogle-Purinton still marvels. “The school is a family.” Eric returned safely and returned to the Nutcracker stage, wielding a sword. At 40 years, there will be goodbyes from faces some in the audience have grown up with. This will be the last year that Diana Replogle-Purinton takes the stage in the production; she’s been along for the whole of the four decade ride. And Des O’Neill, the heavily rouged Mother Ginger from under whose parachute-sized skirts the littlest Ginger Snaps emerge in a flurry of excited, stumbling dance, is hanging up the petticoats after 24 years. Graceful Grace Barker will be playing Clara in her own SBFB denouement, as the teen prepares to hit the road and find her own dance. (To see a listing of SBFB alums who spun off into careers, visit santabarbaranutcrackerballet.com/

alumni-dancers/.) But what’s it like to be up there on that stage for, you know... a civilian? There are a handful of nondancers cast in the Nutcracker, and they can be seen convincingly milling about the stage, dressed to the nines as the curtain rises in the opening party scene of this annual pageant. Non-dancer Eric Franklin lays out a short list of the attendant terrors. “Last year, when I took part in my first rehearsal for the party scene, I was light years out of my comfort zone. Being a party dad, it turns out (he’s talking about the character here) involves far more than just strutting around on stage in a snappy vintage suit. I was required to learn four ballroom dances and two grand toasts, not to mention creating pantomimed conversations in between one’s dances,  reacting to everything happening on stage, and some lifting of inert but quite alive Drosselmeyer dolls. This is a controlled chaos. If I hit all my marks, no one gets hurt.” And speaking of hitting the marks, Val Huston has some thoughts on where the Santa Barbara Festival Ballet is headed next, as the Hanlins’ dream continues to bear fruit and gather young creators to the

school. “During the coming year, I hope to bring Olga Ziceva’s sense of community and the importance of the art of ballet to the forefront of the Santa Barbara Festival Ballet mission. I am encouraging board members to establish a permanent scholarship fund so that any student – no matter financial resource- can train in classical ballet.“ Art for art’s sake. What an idea! Aimee Lopez knows great art and tells a moving little story by way of illustration. “One year I was performing as the Snow Queen and my partner and I had just stepped onto the stage, we hadn’t even started our pas de deux yet. I managed to trip over my own feet while walking to greet Clara and the Nutcracker. There is nothing graceful about falling down in a tutu.”

Performances will be held at 2:30 and 7 pm Saturday, Dec. 13, and at 2:30 pm Sunday, December 14. Tickets are $25 to $55 and are available at the Arlington box office at (805) 963.4408. For group tickets, call Megan at (805) 708.2299. For information about the Saturday Eve Reception & Alumni Gala, call Julie at (805) 966-0711.

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