AMPING UP ANACAPA

PREP IT UP

HOW TO HANDLE AN EAST COAST DRESS CODE WITH A SANTA BARBARA CLOSET, P.40

GETTING GRITTY

ARTIST WALLACE PIATT PARTIED, GOT PAID, LOST IT ALL AND LIVED TO TELL ABOUT IT, P.12

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once a week from pier to peak

W W W. S A N TA B A R B A R A S E N T I N E L .CO M

AMPING UP ANACAPA

by MATT MASSA

Confessions of a Wannabe Rock God

T

Hindu SCHOOLED

BY FATHER FOR THEmonastics FOLK FINGERER OR THE PUNK PICKER, OF resistance flexibility RESULTs AXEMAN JAMIE FALETTI STRINGSget THEM, STRUMS THEM AND SERVES THEM UPMUST AT GUITAR BAR THAT EVEN AGNOSTICS ACKNOWLEDGE 8 DAYS A WEEK PAGE 10

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VALLEY GIRL PAGE 35

he rock and roll lifestyle has always appealed to me.

Creative collaboration, touring, jamming, raising hell… it just feels like my thing. I imagine that it would generally satisfy my insatiable wanderlust, keep me busy and out of serious trouble (ha!) and just be something I could really sink my teeth into and nail.

But instead I’m a lawyer. The damned antithesis of rock and roll.

So where did it all go so wrong?

Easy. It was the fourth grade. It went to hell in the fourth grade.

I remember it like it was yesterday. I absolutely loved music; I loved talking about it, I loved listening to it, I loved playing it. I even loved reading it.

I also loved the trumpet. The very loud and potentially hugely obnoxious trumpet.

Unfortunately, I didn’t exactly love authority as much as I loved all things music. (Rock and roll, baby.) And so, one day in band class, during a quiet moment when the quite strict, quasimilitant teacher was working with the string section, I blew hard into that ...continued p.5

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SEPTEMBER 13 – 20 | 2013 |

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CAR RACKS Content FREE INSTALLATION

COVER

Mazza’s Missive – Great. Now Matt wants to be a rock god. (Don’t tell his wife.) And, unfortunately for his legal career, Jamie Faletti has the tools to get him there at Guitar Bar, the latest addition to the Funk Zone. Check it out.

P.6 P.7

It’s Crime Time – No crimes were committed this week in Santa Barbara. (We’re kidding.

Absurd crimes of all sorts were committed far more frequently than you’d guess.)

Letters to the Editor – Book Ends Café looks great… but when in the hell is it open?; Alan Hurst asks some downright bizarre questions (and EIC Matt gives some commensurately bizarre responses); Planned Parenthood sets the record straight on candidate endorsements; and Jim Mahoney is stalking Matt. (Get your pepper spray ready, big guy.)

P.8

The Beer Guy – Which is a better vessel for storing beer: Bottles or cans? The debate rages on this week in Zach Rosen’s column. (Can you guess where Zach comes out?

CAN you?)

P.10

Eight Days A Week – There are only seven days in a week, Jeremy, so what is this whole Eight Days a Week thing? We don’t get it. And we don’t like stuff that we don’t get. We do, however, like all the calendar entries you keep doling out, so keep it up.

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P.12 © Photo courtesy of THULE RACKS

BASIC RACKS • BIKE • CARGO • SNOWSPORTS WATERSPORTS • SURFBOARDS • LUGGAGE

In the Zone – Jeremy Harbin sits down with Sentinel friend and Funk Zone denizen artist Wallace Piatt, and talks through a range of interesting subjects in The Wallace Piatt Guide to Grit. (Nice work, Jeremy (and Wallace!), great new perspective for the paper on the Funk Zone. Keep it coming.)

P.14

Santa Barbara View – Sharon Byrne brings more of what’s right with Santa Barbara in her column this week about Michael Merenda and his bread delivery service; Ray Estrada is back and talking shop about business-related happenings around town.

(Thanks Ray, great to see you again.)

P.18

Presidio Sports – Local sports are getting underway again and Presidio is, as usual, right on it. This week, read about athletes to watch this season, SBART Athletes of the Week, SBCC football and all sorts of other tidbits. Here we go again, sports fans!

P.20

The Weekly Capitalist – Jeff Harding doesn’t believe President Obama on Syria. Let’s just say that Jeff feels like he’s heard it all before… and already knows the reasonably likely outcome if we do go in. (Terrific piece, Jeff, thanks.)

P.26

Man About Town – Mark Leisure wanted to write about the Funk Zone but the whole damned paper is already doing that so he moved on. (Hey Mark, we swear we will tone down the near-constant Funk Zone content going forward. A little bit, anyway.)

P.27

Pump It – Schatzle doesn’t want you to diet in the conventional sense. She wants you to change your eating habits, yeah, but she doesn’t want you to diet. Confused? Good.

Go read her column and get pumped on nutrition, fitness and health!

P.28 P.35 P.36

Mad Science – Rachelle Oldmixon is controlling our collective brain. And she’s making us do some wild shit. (Rachelle, please stop making us use such offensive language.)

Valley Girl – Porta-potties? Come on, Jana, really? Portable toilets?

Keepin’ It Reel – Jim Luksic. We missed you, man, really. And we think we’re skipping every movie you reviewed this week. Thanks for saving us a few bucks… and keep writing you handsome bastard!

P.38

Girl About Town – Julie Bifano loves boating. And descriptive adjectives. So the Yacht Club’s 9th Annual Charity Regatta on a flawless Santa Barbara day was a perfect venue for her. (Nicely done, as usual, Julie. What’s next?)

P.40

You Have Your Hands Full – Ex-East Coast preppy blue blood Mara Peters keeps it real out here in California. And she wins the love of her children by doing so. (Right on, Mara, no gingham here!)

P.41

LOVEmikana – Environmentally conscious surfboards, hand-crafted wire sculptures that support air plants (yep, you read that right) and delicious jarred concoctions. And the Weekend Guide. Thanks, beautiful birds, for the skinny.

P.42

Residential Real Estate – Santa Barbara’s favorite meteorologist Michael Calcagno and sidekick Justin Kellenberger forecast blue skies and smooth sailing for the residential real estate market. Better get your raincoats on and batten down the hatches.

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MAZZA’S MISSIVE

SEPTEMBER 13 – 20 | 2013 |

The Good Life awaits you

open house Sunday

SEPTEMBER 15 from 2-4

by Matt Mazza ...continued from COVER

Jamie Faletti behind the guitar-stacked bar at Guitar Bar. (When are we jamming, man? Come on!)

horn and rolled my tongue like a like a flamboyant Spaniard in an effort to impress some friends.

The teacher wasted no time.

He jumped out of his seat – my annoying Spanish power blast probably shocked him to near cardiac failure – pointed at me furiously and then pointed at the door.

I was never able to return. My budding music career had been killed by a beat up old trumpet, a cranky elementary school music teacher and a short-lived infatuation with juvenile delinquency.

Damn. What a waste.

That was how it stayed, really, until I moved in with a bunch of guys who played lots of guitar and surfed like crazy in Isla Vista. They were basically ambassadors of rock and I quickly got interested. Then I got a guitar and they taught me some chords.

(The sky was the limit. Get it?)

I found a real love for the guitar over the years, particularly the acoustic variety.

I’ve written (mostly bad) songs, I’ve jammed (hard) with friends, I’ve played some campfires, I’ve sang my kids to sleep. I’m not good by any stretch of the imagination, but I absolutely love the damned thing.

And thanks to my new friend Jamie Faletti, now I have a place to hang out and profess my love. A place to see and touch some wildly gorgeous guitars, and actually learn how to play them from guys and gals who really know.

Hell, I might even reconsider that run at rock and roll immortality. (Don’t tell my wife.)

Get ready, Santa Barbara.

Guitar Bar is here.

A Lifetime in the Guitar Business

“I got my first guitar when I was ten,” Jamie, now 46, reminisced, smiling. “My mom gave me this old acoustic and I knew right away that I needed an electric.

There was some sheet music in the case – “House of the Rising Sun” – and she told me that she would take me to get an electric when I could play that tune. I sat in the yard for a few days, learned it, played it for her, and she took me down to a pawn shop on State to get this $15 electric and a $10 amp. I was off to the races.”

Jamie took some lessons and played (well) in a few bands in his school years in town. He got his first job in a music shop when he was 18 or 19.

“I started working at Fancy Music on State, ostensibly making around $4 an hour. Then pay day would come and it was like a negotiation – it was never clear if I would get paid for my time. It was just a rock and roll gig, we had a blast for sure but the money wasn’t exactly steady.”

(Hmmm, the whole lack of money thing could be a problem for my rock ‘n’ roll ...continued p.16

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It'sCrimetime...

...with the SBPD

A variety of crimes are committed every day in Santa Barbara; most of these crimes are petty but they do offer a window into if not the soul of the perpetrator, at least his or her thought process. Our following (and totally unsolicited) thoughts, observations, and comments are put forth for your consideration.

Assault With A Deadly Desktop Knickknack

A

64-year-old homeless woman entered an Eastside place of business and became aggressive when she didn’t get her way with office dwellers. (Our guess is that the office dwellers in question provided some sort of service to the woman but didn’t or couldn’t comply with the woman’s demands on this particular occasion. But we’re just guessing.) She eventually became so upset that she “began to grab and throw things that were on [the victim’s] desk for decoration.”

First, she picked up and threw – overhand like a baseball – a rock of some sort, which struck the victim in the chest from six feet away. She also threw a “plastic cube,” which hit the victim in the face.

Was this poor old homeless woman arrested for assault? Oh no, no way. She got hit with an “assault with a deadly weapon” charge, and the rationale seemed to be that the rock could have hit the victim in the head and killed her.

Look, we get it. Rocks can be deadly weapons. But don’t officers need to take into account the ability of the person throwing it? Come on, how many steaming mad 64 year olds do you know who could kill somebody from six feet with a rock thrown like a baseball… on purpose? Maybe we’d believe it if she had wound up like one of those college softball co-eds and hummed an underhand bullet at the victim’s dome. But overhand? Like Roger Clemens?

Please.

(Oh wait, she did hit the victim in the head with a decorative plastic cube. Maybe we should reconsider…)

Biker Bewildered By Boy Brandishing BB Gun This is one for the record books.

A 25-year-old Santa Barbara man (boy?) whipped out one of his BB gun replicas of a Heckler & Koch submachine gun early one morning last week and pointed it squarely

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Columnists

Valley Girl • Jana Mackin | She Has Her Hands Full • Mara Peters Plan B • Briana Westmacott | The Dish • Wendy Jenson Journal Jim • James Buckley | Real Estate • Michael Calcagno Commercial Corner • Austin Herlihy | The Weekly Capitalist • Jeff Harding Man About Town • Mark Leisure | In The Garden • Randy Arnowitz The Beer Guy • Zach Rosen | The Mindful Word • Diana M. Raab Girl About Town • Julie Bifano | In The Zone • Jeremy Harbin Mad Science • Rachelle Oldmixon | Keepin’ It Reel • Jim Luksic Pump It • Jenny Schatzle | Faces Of Santa Barbara • Patricia Clarke

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at some poor guy riding his bike to work. After the terrified biker got a safe distance away (and probably cleaned his riding shorts), he called SBPD and officers responded immediately to what was believed to be a crazed lunatic with a powerful military-style weapon somewhere on the Westside.

The suspect, who was probably as scared as the biker by this time, was detained at gunpoint. (He probably had to clean his shorts too.) He quickly explained that the firearms aren’t real, just BB gun replicas (picture him laughing nervously and talking to the cops, who are in full battle gear with weapons drawn). Not surprisingly, nobody found this particularly funny… and the man was arrested for brandishing a replica forearm. (Sheesh, we have laws for everything these days.)

Ill-Mannered Officers Refuse To Let Unlicensed Driver Talk On Phone A 35-year-old Santa Barbara woman was pulled over by SBPD for illegal cell phone use while driving. After she admitted to not having a valid driver’s license, officers asked that she please exit the vehicle.

“No, wait,” she responded. Then she picked up her cell phone and made a call. Officers kept rudely interrupting, and she kept ignoring them right up until they dragged her sorry behind out of the car and handcuffed her for resisting.

Must’ve been one important telephone call.

It’s A Family Affair A drunken 34-year-old local man was arrested for public intoxication late one night last week after he steadfastly refused to get in the car with his family and go home. Officers reported that the man declined to follow directions “to the point where he could not make the rational decision to go home” and “was fighting with his family.”

We don’t purport to speak for anyone but, ah, let’s just say that it’s not always irrational to refuse to go home with family members. In fact, it can be downright rational to try to get away from those dysfunctional bastards. Hell, jail probably didn’t seem all that bad when the alternative was a night of drunken brawling about how bad daddy treated everybody and why momma turned to the bottle.

Peace, quiet and a dry ham sandwich that tastes better than what you used to get at home.

Not bad. Not bad at all.

Beanie Babies Apparently Not Soon For World Reserve Currency A 33-year-old transient man entered a local convenience store, grabbed a drink and some “sweet bread,” slammed his shirt down on the counter and yelled at the clerk, “Call anybody and I’ll hurt you.” Then he walked out.

The clerk called the cops – so much for that threat having any meaningful effect – and they arrived just in time to find the man nearby with the stolen goods. A search incident to arrest led to the discovery that the man had no cash. (We know, shocker.)

He did, however, have a Beanie Baby in his pocket (“Hey, is that a Beanie Baby in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”) and could have traded it, we suppose, for the food and drink.

Officers – and the clerk, for that matter – apparently disagreed, finding instead that the man had no means to pay the store. Hey Ty, any thoughts on the value of the Beanie Baby and its potential use as a substitute reserve currency? (The dollar is in the crapper, after all.)

Crime Time Double Team We love these double arrests. This week we have a 53-year-old homeless man who was arrested for public intoxication first on September 7 at 1:45pm after he was seen stumbling into downtown traffic and babbling incoherently. Then he was picked up again, also for public drunkenness, at 7am on September 9 – just over 40 hours later – after he was found passed out in a bush in a parking lot.

We see this guy in the reports every week. Can’t somebody just convince him to get some damn help? Do we just keep arresting him until he dies? Is this the best we can do?

Doesn’t it only demonstrate clearly how ineffective the system actually is? What gives?

Whatever. Have a great week.

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Letters

Although you might not believe it, we actually want to hear from you. So if you have something you think we should know about or you see something we've said that you think is cretinous (or perspicacious, to be fair), then let us know. There's no limit on words or subject matter, so go ahead and let it rip to: Santa Barbara Sentinel, Letters to the Editor, 133 East De La Guerra Street, No. 182, Santa Barbara, California 93101. You can also leap into the 21st century and email us at letters@santabarbarasentinel.com.

Book Ends Botch

H

i Sentinel folk, I’m writing because I wanted very much to visit the Book Ends Café at Antioch College. It was a great write up – made me salivate – and I know just where it is, but I didn’t know what times or days it is open. (See Feeling the Love, Vol. 2, Issue 32.) I thought I’d ask you to include that information whenever you tell us about a new restaurant you like. Thanks.

Lee Neill (One of your sentient Sentinel readers) Santa Barbara (Editor’s Note: Well, Lee, I’ve got to admit, I really dislike this one. We brought you right where we’d hoped to – fully salivating over our paper – and then left you hanging without hours of operation. (We did, for the record, provide address and telephone number. That’s not an excuse.) It’s funny how sometimes the simplest failures can be the most disappointing. I take full responsibility here and gladly accept the consequences of my oversight, no matter how cruel

and horrifyingly draconian they may be.

(Almost sounds like I’m some kind of masochist. Weird.)

Anyway, Book Ends Café is open Monday thru Thursday from 8am to 6:15pm, and Friday and Saturday from 8am to 2pm. Get in there and gobble a Pickled Beet Sandwich or a Brisket Bahn Mi. Don’t forget the cookie. Oh, and say hi to Dominic and Carmen for us, they’re terrific people. – MSM)

Alan’s List of Socratic Questions Is Bizarre Dear Matt, since we the readers and citizens are going to argue endlessly about all the stupid politics and bad decisions that everybody is blaming everybody else for, why don’t we argue about something worthwhile – like WISDOM? Can’t we shape at least a little discussion around what’s good for us all? I’ve tried to get people to speak up.

Don’t you all want to say anything? So for a topic, here’s my list of questions this week – molded around (in my own words) the quotations of Socrates, who lived long ago.

Hey Dominic, can we get hours of operation on that sandwich board? Better yet, can you make the sandwich board out of pickled beets or brisket?

1. B y needing very little, a person becomes rich.

(Isn’t this what really makes us happy – just a few simple pleasures?)

SEPTEMBER 13 – 20 | 2013 |

Nature’s goal – and God’s goal – is to make you happy.

2. I am the happiest person in the world because I know one thing – I know how to make myself happy. That’s easy.

Refine the pureness of your needs.

3. First, go crazy and wreak havoc impulsively. Then you will come back to your more balanced goodness.

4. Politics is lying. Admit it. Why else would you wear that silly suit?

5. You got money? Show me how you use it.

Alan Hurst Santa Barbara (Editor’s Note: Great to hear from you, Alan, even if this one is a little bizarre.

Regardless, since I haven’t heard from you in some time, I’ll take a crack, on behalf of the reading public, at responding to your questions in the order in which they were posed.

1. Simple pleasures, baby. All daddy needs is some fast cash, a fast car and a fast woman. And last I checked, I’ve got all of those. (Actually, no I don’t. I have an ancient Volvo station wagon with the engine light on and a wonderfully patient and mellow wife. I work reasonably hard for my money, which seems to come painfully slow at times. ...continued p.30

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by Zach Rosen

SOUND CHECK

SOFT LAUNCH SATURDAY 9/14

NOW OPEN DAILY 12-6

A Canned Debate

C

anned beer is the epitome of crap beer. That’s how most people see it, anyway.

In actuality, canned beers have major benefits over bottled ones. It is just that the expense and size of canning systems have long made canned beer an unreasonable option for smaller, quality brewers.

Fortunately this is changing. Canning systems have become more affordable and now there are around 200 small brewers replacing the crap beer in cans with craft beer.

Oskar Blues Brewery was the first craft brewery to take advantage of the can’s benefits. In 2002 they hand-canned their Dale’s Pale Ale, a solid example of the American-style Pale Ale style that possesses a pale copper color accompanied by a grapefruit and grassy-floral perfume with a toasted caramel sweetness. Since then they have become the leading voice for canned craft beers.

Compared to bottles, cans make a much sturdier vessel. Glass can be an elegant, sparkling sight but, alas, it is fragile. Have you ever dropped a bottle of beer? Time slows as you watch it fall. Then there’s the impact. You see countless pieces fly to unknown locations as you watch the two bodies collide. The bottle’s insides splatter across the floor like a gruesome crime scene.

A single tear forms in your eye.

This painful event could have been easily avoided with just a simple can of beer. Cans are a challenge to “break” and the average trip downwards may dent them but will not rupture them (although I would not suggest drinking the can of beer immediately after dropping it).

Cans’ durability further allows them to be brought to beaches, parks and other areas that might not allow glass on their premises.

Thank goodness.

Sustainability Aluminum cans also provide a lighter weight and more compact container than glass bottles. This allows more cans to be

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Beer cans. (Unconsciously arranged in a frankly inappropriately phallic configuration. This is a beer column, right Zach?)

packaged in shipping containers and less fuel to be used when transporting them.

All of which saves money for the brewery but, more importantly, provides a greener form of shipping beer.

This fact has been taken advantage of

by Maui Brewing Co., which has to ship its beer all the way from the Hawaiian Islands. Brewery owner Garrett Marrero, with his congenial personality and sunkissed complexion, is one of the most recognizable figures at beer events. He is also one of the leading advocates for canned beer.

Garrett’s beers can be found around town and I suggest seeking out their soothing Bikini Blonde Lager or roasty, dessert-like CoCoNut PorTeR. Right now they have a specially released Lemongrass Saison, brewed in conjunction with Lost Abbey Brewing, so look for it on local beer shelves. (You won’t regret it. Trust me.) This farmhousestyle beer fills the glass with a mellow yellow color. The lemongrass aroma is brisk with a hint of mint. These elements are accented by a black pepper note and bubblegum undertone from the Saison yeast. The beer has a light, sweet-biscuit flavor that is gently carbonated to give it a soft finish.

Two words: Maui Wowee.

Flavor The ecological benefits of cans are only some of their advantages over bottles.

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Think about how a beer bottle is closed. A “crown cap” is pried over the bottle’s glass opening. Even though there is a PVC lining underneath the cap that acts as a gasket, this form of closure allows a minute amount of air to pass through, introducing oxygen to the beer and reducing its shelf life.

In comparison, cans are completely sealed vessels that allow zero oxygen through, preserving the beer’s flavor longer.

This is best represented in hoppy beers because the hop aromatics are the first things to degrade in beer flavor. Sculpin IPA, from the San Diego-based Ballast Point Brewing Co., is now available in both bottles and cans. Try them side-by-side to see the difference. In cans, this masterpiece of the American IPA style has a sunset golden hue and is laden with mango, Meyer lemons and pit fruit aromas. There is a touch of pine from the hops, which gives the beer a resinous, malty-sweet taste. The bitterness is robust but neither harsh nor unpleasant, and really rounds off the beer’s finish.

In the bottled form, however, Sculpin’s bitterness is a little sharper and the hop aromatics have a sulfurous-tinge to them. (Also swing by Eureka’s One Year Anniversary event this week to try a special edition habanero-spiced Sculpin IPA. Again, you won’t be disappointed. Trust me.)

Anecdotally, and speaking of hoppy beers, there is a reason why beer bottles are brown.

The bittering compounds found in hops are light-sensitive. When beer is exposed to UV rays, 3-methylbut-2-ene-1-thiol (MBT), a sulfurcontaining compound, is released and gives the beer a “skunky” aroma. This reaction happens quickly. It is considered to go to completion within one minute of direct exposure to light. Brown glass absorbs nearly all of the harmful rays and protects the beer from skunking but it is still not perfect. Similarly, dark beers (like stout and porter) absorb the light and the reaction can not take place in the liquid.

But then why are some beers in green or clear (flint) glass?

Marketing. Green bottles provide little protection and clear bottles provide none. Beers packaged in green or clear bottles will sometimes have “modified hop products.” Miller, for example, back in the ‘50s, developed a process that extracted the bittering acids from the hop matter and then further processed them into a form that would not react in the presence of light. This allowed them to construct a light-stable beer that could be packaged in clear glass, better displaying “The Champagne of Beers.” These hop products are suitable for beers with next-to-no hop content but they cannot completely replace the hops in stronger flavored beers.

Zach Rosen is a Certified Cicerone® and beer educator living in Santa Barbara. He uses his background in chemical engineering and the arts to seek out abstract expressions of beer and discover how beer pairs with life.

their flavors. An epoxy resin lining is added to the inside that separates food from metal. In neutral (pH) food products, like beans,

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non-BPA linings can be used. But acidic foods, like beer, need to have a BPAhardened lining (stainless steel does not change beer flavor so kegs do not need a lining). The harmful effects and exposure limits to BPA are still hotly debated but it is still a good thing to be aware that this lining is present in cans.

Despite these points, cans still make a wonderful vessel for preserving beer’s freshness, and I advocate this option when available. The rise of canned craft beer illustrates the industry’s drive towards quality, ecology and just changing drinkers’ perceptions of canned beer.

Halelujah.

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Canning Concerns But cans are not perfect, either, and there is an argument against them.

While many people call cans “mini kegs,” there is a fundamental difference between the two containers. Kegs are “recycled” by being returned to the brewery, cleaned and sanitized, then refilled. Since the container continues to be reused without alteration (some kegs last several decades before being retired), strong, durable stainless steel makes a better material choice for their extended use.

Cans are recycled by being melted down and then recast. Aluminum is one of the most abundant elements on the planet, very easy to recycle, and its structural properties make it better suited for cans than stainless steel.

Recycling aluminum requires 20 times less energy than it takes to produce virgin aluminum but most cans are not made entirely of recycled aluminum. One of the rising concerns is that the environmental harm from bauxite (aluminum ore) mining may undo the other environmental benefits from cans.

In response, brewers have started trying to use only 100% recycled aluminum cans.

There is one more major argument against canned beer.

Aluminum cannot be exposed to food products without altering

SEPTEMBER 13 – 20 | 2013 |

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8•Days• a•Week We Ain’t Got Nothin’ But Love, Babe…

by Jeremy Harbin

Want to be a part of Eight Days A Week?

Space is limited, but if you have an event, exhibit, performance, book signing, sale, opening, trunk show or anything else interesting or creative that readers can attend, let us know at 805-845-1673 or email us at tim@santabarbarasentinel.com. We’ll consider all suggestions, but we will give extra consideration to unusual events and/or items, especially those accompanied by a good visual, particularly those that have yet to be published.

Friday

Monday

Jazz Hands

Life is Pain

September 13

A lot of people like their jazz like they like their Sentinel calendar writers: smooth. If you fall into that camp – which you obviously do if you’re reading this – then you’ll want to show up to the Granada Theatre (1214 State Street) tonight at 8pm for a performance from three leaders of the contemporary smooth-jazz scene: Peter White, David Benoit and David Pack. Respectively, that’s one acoustic guitarist, one pianist and one member of ‘70s soft-rock outfit Ambrosia. Get tickets by calling 805.899.2222 or by visiting www. granadasb.org.

Saturday September 14 Art, Sweet Art

NECTAR is a quarterly art happening that brings together professionals from all sorts of mediums to perform, present and play under the banner of a chosen theme. The theme for this evening, “Open,” is ripe for interpretation. While past events have benefitted local non-profits, ticket sales and silent auction proceeds will help to establish NECTAR founder Cybil Gilbertson’s Little Bee Children’s Art Festival. Among tonight’s many performers are dancer Mathew Nelson, songwriter Valarie Mulberry and artist Rachel Simone Wilkins, who the crowd will watch complete a painting in real time. Some luxurious massage therapy packages highlight the auction offerings. The show starts at 7pm at Yoga Soup (28 Parker Way) and ends at 10pm. It costs $20 to get in, $10 for kids under 12 years old.

Sunday September 15

Big Band, Short Drive

If you went to the Granada on Friday and you’re dying for more jazz, here’s an event for you: the Swing Shift Big Band at the Channel Cities Jazz Club. The catch? The club is at the Pacific Corinthian Yacht Club, which is in Oxnard. But hey, you said you were dying for it, so a quick trip south shouldn’t stop you. The Swing Shift Big Band plays the classics from legends of jazz like Duke Ellington, Count Basie and Benny Goodman. The 18-piece group is known for getting the crowd up and dancing. Program 2600 South Harbor Boulevard, Oxnard into your GPS and get ready for the music from 3 to 4pm. An open jam session starts before the show at 1pm.

September 16

Jackie Ruka is a self-proclaimed “happyologist,” real-life psychotherapist and owner of the Montecito company Get Happy Zone, Inc. Citing the scientific evidence that ranks America as the 17th happiest world nation, she’s holding the Happiest Photo Contest that begins today. If you’re the type that thinks an abstraction like “happiness” can be scientifically measured, you’ll want to find your old point-and-shoot and start snapping away at puppies and fruit salads and rainbows and kids jumping through sprinklers ASAP. Post those photos to www.facebook.com/ gethappyzone. There, participants will vote for a winner, who will receive a watch. Get more information at www.gethappyzone.com or by emailing gethappyzone@gmail.com. The contest runs from today until October 14.

Tuesday September 17 Benefitting SOL

The SOL Food Festival will soon hold its fourth downtown Santa Barbara extravaganza, but in order to do so, they need your support. That’s where tonight’s benefit comes in. Hosted by Santa Barbara Green Drinks at the Environmental Defense Center (906 Garden Street), the event will offer attendees food, drink, music and a silent auction. The highlight this evening is the speaker, Margaret Cafarelli, founder of the soon-to-open Santa Barbara Public Market. It all begins at 6pm and goes until 8; $15. Call Cristina Cook from SOL partner LoaTree at 209.430.7927 for more information.

Wednesday September 18 Tree Meeting

Do you have opinions about trees? If so, you might consider attending a community workshop tonight hosted by the City of Santa Barbara Parks and Recreation Department. From 6 to 8pm at the Louise Lowry Davis Center (1232 De La Vina Street), you’ll have the opportunity to learn about and discuss the city’s Urban Forest Management Plan that’s currently under development. The plan deals with issues like canopy cover and aesthetics; it calls for a wide range of solutions like an adopt-a-tree program. Everyone is invited to attend. Call 805.564.5418 for more information.

Thursday September 19

What’s in a Name?

It is called the Funk Zone, so this monthly music event is especially appropriate for the neighborhood. Throwback Thursdays at Seven Bar and Kitchen (224 Helena Avenue) feature the retro funk and soul sounds that will make you feel nice – like sugar and spice. Tonight, KCSB’s DJ Darla Bea spins your favorite jams from Motown, Stax and more. The party starts at 9pm; 21+; free.

Friday September 20 FORE! for a Cause

T h e G r av e ya r d S h i f T BoHenry’s · 1431 San Andres Street

It’s been said that “the children are our future.” So play golf twice today, won’t you? First, hit a tournament that benefits the Boys & Girls Club of Santa Barbara. It takes place on the greens of the Glen Annie Golf Course (405 Glen Annie Road, Goleta) and starts at 10:30am. There’s a wide range of sponsorship levels available; see more information at www.boysgirls.org. Then, starting at 5pm over at the Sandpiper Golf Club (7925 Hollister Avenue) directly following the Movegreen Futures tournament, is the Sunset Soirée at Sandpiper. The $100 ticket will get you open bar access, food from local restaurants like FisHouse, music from DJ Scott Topper, an invitation to participate in two auctions and the peace of mind that comes with knowing you contributed to the Santa Barbara Teacher’s Fund, which donates needed supplies to local elementary and middle schools. Go to www.nightout.com/events/sunset-soiree for more information and to get your tickets. Please; it’s for the kids.

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SEPTEMBER 13 – 20 | 2013 |

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W W W. S A N TA B A R B A R A S E N T I N E L .CO M

UCSANTABARBARA

EXTENSION Your Pathway for Learning

Discover. Experience. Grow.

INtheZONE with Jeremy Harbin

The Wallace Piatt Guide to Grit Wallace Piatt at his Funk Zone studio, deep in Containerland.

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How Not to Buy Art

A

s a general rule, refrain from fanning cash out on a table in front of the artist whose work you’re interested in. While this method of art collection may impress dates, results, as they say, may vary.

Take an example from the limit-testing

life of Wallace Piatt, the Santa Barbara artist known for his bursting, vivid imagery and excitable, open-book personality.

After one would-be buyer tried to sway him by laying down currency, everyone was insulted and the art lover had to go home empty-handed.

“I’m buzzed,” the artist admits, recalling

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SEPTEMBER 13 – 20 | 2013 |

13

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Santa Barbara Native,

“It doesn’t even feel like you’re in Santa Barbara,” Wallace says.

the failed transaction, “and I’m a little boisterous when I’m buzzed.” From where he was seated, he could see two of his own pieces – silkscreens on large sheets of metal, one cowboy and one horse – hanging on the walls of Seven Bar and Kitchen.

The bills – large ones – added up to twelve hundred dollars. “I’ve seen hundreds before, bro,” Wallace says, approximating his original reaction, “It’s not like I’m homeless anymore.” The money was brandished by a local bar owner that Wallace refuses to name. “Pick one,” the artist told the entrepreneur, trying to convey that the sum on the table was the going price for one artwork. The businessman dug his heels in; this was his offer for both pieces, firm.

Wallace bucked: “This ain’t no two-forone f***in’ Walmart sale.”

Neither horse nor cowboy came down that night.

“When I go into his bar, I’m going, ‘a jack and coke, actually, give me two and I’ll pay for one,’” Wallace pleads, “I would never do that!”

How to Make it in Santa Barbara To obtain success here, find your niche.

For Wallace and his business partner, it was denim. “We would get, literally, for a 1940s, 1950s jacket, you’d get like fifteen hundred dollars,” Wallace says, “No one knew about this shit. I mean, it was so underground. Guys would come in with suitcases of cash; it was like drug dealing.”

Growing up in Santa Ynez, Wallace preferred the beach to his parents’ horses, so he spent a lot of time in Santa Barbara.

He went to school here, both at City College and UCSB. He got kicked out of UCSB, but was bored by his business classes anyway. After writing a letter to ask back in, he graduated with a degree in biology, which he “kicked ass in,” as he puts it.

Back in Santa Barbara after two consecutive summers traveling in Europe, he met Jill Johnson. “We got married but we’re divorced now, but we’re best friends still,” Wallace summarizes. They currently share a Funk Zone studio and he does design work for her bunnyjackson.com project.

With Jill, he owned True Grit, a

vintage clothing store that over its lifespan had three locations around town, and by Wallace’s account, did very well. “I was a thrift shop junky for years,” he says, “It was all Americana, old cowboy boots, old denim, old leather jackets. The whole scene was kind of grunge but it was a little more Melrose-y.”

The proprietors eventually moved into new clothing and also produced “two or three” lines themselves. “So that’s where the art started,” Wallace explains, “I started doing graphics on t-shirts.”

He opened up a second store called Particle and there unknowingly began what would turn into his art career: “I took one of the graphics and I put it on a canvas and it sold immediately in the store.”

The transition from boutique owner to artist was a rough one for Wallace; the stores would close and he’d go down a self-destructive path that led through stints with homelessness and the hospital.

But he never lost the entrepreneurial spirit.

Relegated to a south side warehouse, his businesses closed, he continued on: “We’d sell clothing and paintings, and it was very upscale for what it was because we had the clothing store prior to that, so we knew how to merchandize. It was exactly what the Funk Zone is now, but way before.”

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How to Break into the Art Game Though we can’t recommend it as a reliable way into the arts scene, Wallace had a heart attack.

“I think you kind of have to lose everything to really gain an artistic experience,” Wallace opines, before quickly reconsidering. “Not necessarily you have to, but for me… it f***in’ helped.”

While neglecting his business and his health, he immersed himself in art; he practiced and he partied – too much.

“We lost both stores, got my Porsche repossessed,” he deadpans, “It was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.”

Then, about four and a half years ago, the lifestyle proved itself unsustainable and culminated in the cardiac event that ...continued p.32

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W W W. S A N TA B A R B A R A S E N T I N E L .CO M

Santa Barbara’s Online Magazine, Published Twice Daily

sbview.com

Rising to the Occasion on State

by Sharon Byrne

Sharon Byrne

Sharon Byrne is executive director for the Milpas Community Association, and currently serves on the Advisory Boards for the Salvation Army Hospitality House and Santa Barbara County Alcohol and Drug Problems.

sbview.com

Michael Merenda (right) loads up with Tom Boone of D’Angelo’s.

M

ichael Merenda has long disagreed with the way we handle the working poor, the homeless and the disabled. He jokes that people struggling economically but without addiction issues need to pour a bottle of whiskey over their head and check into the nearest homeless shelter to get on the fast track to housing and services. It’s a strange setup when those barely getting by must become destitute before they can get assistance through the revolving door here.

He refuses to lie down under the system run by the “poverty pimps,” as he calls it, but instead takes matters into his own hands and helps others in a sensible way.

Michael distributes bread to the working poor to help them out.

How does he decide who’s working poor, when the County Supervisors are only just receiving a study on that? “If you live in Santa Barbara, and you’re working, you’re poor,” he says.

Well, there are people here with jobs that do fine, but I get it: They’re not typically working around State, where Michael does bread distribution. He wants to help those who are productive, yet struggling financially. So why not the homeless? Michael rolls his eyes. “Sure, give it to guys spending thirty dollars a day on drugs, cigarettes and alcohol. They

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already get all the resources, courtesy of the Alcohol/Drug Failure Machine. That system is based on failure. More failure equals more money for the machine.

Why don’t we help those who need it, like seniors and the disabled, so they don’t become homeless? Why not support the people who are productive and don’t want to be in the revolving door?”

We’re at D’Angelo’s on a Friday afternoon. The staff is happy to see him, and likes his answer for their leftover bread rather than putting it on the compost pile. They’ve tried giving it to homeless shelters, but can’t deliver it, and it seems the shelters can’t arrange pick-up.

It’s a sad fact, but cheap food is primarily crap food. A box of highly processed and artificial ingredient-laden mac ‘n’ cheese mix costs $.79, but it’s lousy nutrition.

Same with mass-manufactured, highly processed breads.

D’Angelo’s breads are made from high quality ingredients and baked fresh daily.

Michael loads up the day’s leftovers in a giant duffel, and sets off on his delivery rounds. Robin Bread has taken to the street.

First stop: Marge, a senior citizen who says she was evicted from a nursing home for making too many complaints on substandard conditions. She’s at the Sally, on a two- to six-year waitlist for housing.

If she were drug or alcohol addicted, the wait is supposed to be shorter. She’s been at the Sally for a year. The max stay is two years. If a housing slot doesn’t open up for her in the next year, then what?

Regarding Marge’s situation, Michael sighs. “You can’t escalate issues within the poverty industry in this town if you’re poor. They make you powerless.”

Next stop: the Greek place on the corner of Haley, a postage-stamp sized operation.

The cook and owner are busting their

behinds to stay afloat and welcome the bread deliveries. The restaurant business here is brutal, subject to peaks from tourists, and slumps otherwise. It’s also become victim to the capriciousness of Yelp and other online reviews, where anonymous posters can tank you and you can’t do anything about it, but potential diners access those reviews off their smart phones to decide where to eat.

We then stopped at CHANCE, advocates for those with Autism and Down’s Syndrome to find housing and supportive services. It is a particularly difficult challenge. Many are adults supported by aging family members. What happens when their caregiver, usually a parent, passes away? The answer often is to place them in the same facilities with those coping with addiction issues, coming out of homelessness, some with felony records, even sex-offenders. Shella, a CHANCE advocate, points out they’re not eligible for General Relief or food stamps. When contemplating placing them somewhere they’ll be co-mingled with a potentially more aggressive population, she frets over their safety. “They’re very vulnerable,” she says.

I had to leave Michael as he headed over to see the housekeepers at the Faulding.

Michael makes many more stops on his distribution route, helping those struggling to make it here by giving them something perceived to have no value: leftover bread.

I admire those struggling to break out of poverty, and finding a way to help the community with their efforts. This is a great example of how a business can contribute to meeting a community need that benefits both parties, without taxpayerfunding. Michael and D’Angelo’s are doing something really good here, a great example of what’s right with Santa Barbara.

Business Beat

by Ray Estrada

Pianos on State Street Tuning Up The annual Pianos on State program is getting ready to roll. The donated pianos will be painted Oct. 4, 5 and 6 at Blueline

by Ray Estrada

Ray Estrada is a writer, editor and media consultant who has worked for newspapers, radio news, wire services and online publications for the past 40 years. He has taught journalism at the University of Southern California and now runs his own consulting business based in Santa Barbara.

sbview.com

Paddle Sports and Wheel Fun Rentals in the Funk Zone.

The pianos will appear on State Street at various downtown locations for anyone to play from Oct. 10 through 21.

Organizer Laura Inks said the program still is seeking artists.

Submissions can be uploaded at www. creativecollaborationnetwork.net.

Senior Expo The Senior Expo of Santa Barbara will mark its silver anniversary at Earl Warren Showgrounds from 9am to noon, Oct. 2.

The expo offers free flu shots donated

by Cottage Health System for men and women who are 55 years of age and older.

Admission is $5. More than 90 business and nonprofit exhibitors will be on hand to discuss their products and services.

“We have a diverse senior population in this community, and for 25 years now the Senior Expo has been offering new and creative ways to meet the needs of seniors, their family members and their caregivers,” said Jeanne West, one of the organizers of the expo. “We have programs for active seniors who are looking for everything from new fitness programs to financial services, or information and tips for those who need assistance getting around safely and affordably.”

The expo is sponsored by Cottage Health System, Sansum Clinic, Visiting Nurse & Hospice Care, Easy Lift Transportation, Bragg Live Foods and Senior Programs of Santa Barbara, a nonprofit organization. This has allowed event organizers to reduce the cost of admission to the event and make it more accessible to area seniors, West said.

Hearing testing and free parking also are offered. Valet parking is available for those with a blue placard. For more information, visit www.seniorexposb. com.

Goleta Aims for Silver in Green Effort Goleta officials said this week the city plans to become the ninth municipality in the state to qualify for “silver” status as a California Green Community.

The City of Goleta’s staff and city council prides itself in taking a leadership role in creating a green community,” Mayor Roger Aceves said. “We have incorporated many policies and believe our transportation and green building

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practices are probably the best in the area.”

Eight other cities have achieved this recognition to date: Ventura, Claremont, Monrovia, Riverside, Simi Valley, Santa Clarita, Culver City and Santa Monica.

Representatives from USA Green Communities, Green Seal and Southern California Edison Co., who are founding partners in California Green Communities, officially welcomed Goleta to the program at its regular council meeting.

“We created California Green Communities to show how cities are improving the quality of life for their residents through smart planning and sustainable practices,” said USA Green Communities President Hal Conklin, a former Santa Barbara councilman.

“Goleta is setting an example for other cities in the region to follow.”

California Green Communities encourages cities to adopt environmentally sound practices involving energy efficiency, waste reduction, water conservation, renewable and alternative fuels, efficient transportation and other measures. Cities develop plans to identify projects and activities to reach silver, gold and platinum status in the program.

To achieve the silver level, Goleta must accomplish at least one major change in each of 10 sustainability areas. The achievements will be evaluated by other member cities in a peer review. Once Goleta arrives at the silver level, the city

will be able to move on to the gold and platinum levels, with the achievement of two and eventually three activities in each of the 10 sustainability areas, respectively.

Created four years ago, California Green Communities is an environmental recognition program that fosters ways for cities to reduce carbon emissions and energy consumption, while building sustainable communities.

More State Street Happenings After just opening earlier this year, the Anchor Woodfire Kitchen & Bar, 119 State St., has abruptly closed. The high-end eatery was designed by chef Jason Tuley and chef de cuisine Charlie Fredericks. A sign posted Thursday outside the restaurant read “Anchor Woodfire Kitchen has closed.”

Located next to the new Hotel Indigo, the restaurant was open Wednesday night, serving its wild-game menu along with fruit-flavored cocktails. No other details were immediately available.

Also due to close within two months is the Halloween costume and supply shop in the old Territory Ahead Outlet Store at the corner of State and Gutierrez streets.

The temporary store opened right around Labor Day. The site had been vacant for more than a year.

SEPTEMBER 13 – 20 | 2013 |

15

The Winehound is

MOVING to La Cumbre Plaza!

3849 State Street

(next to See’s Candies) • More Wines!

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• More •Wines!

• Easy Parking!

Opening in October!

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– Cheers, Bob Wesley & the Winehound Crew

3849 State St. Santa Barbara • (805) 845-5247

READY TO START MOVING SANTA BARBARA IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION ON DAY ONE. GREGG HART 2013 FOR SANTA BARBARA CITY COUNCIL Paid for by Gregg Hart for City Council 2013 FPPC #950748

Let’s Work Together for a Better Santa Barbara

www.Hart4SB.com Experience Santa Barbara City Planning Commission (1988-1995) Santa Barbara City Council 1996-2003 California Coastal Commission 2000-2004 Santa Barbara City Council Finance Committee Chair Community Action Commission Board of Directors Mental Health Association Board of Directors Sustainability Project Advisory Committee Citizens Police Academy Graduate Downtown Organization Board of Directors

Accomplishments Clean Creeks and Beaches – Authored Measure B Clean Creeks Initiative Open Space Preservation – Lead City Council effort to create the preservation of the Wilcox Property/Douglas Family Preserve as a city park Solutions for Homelessness – Helped establish programs such as Casa Esperanza, Transition House, Low-Income Housing Public Safety – Provided more resources for public safety to address aggressive pan handling, vagrancy and other nuisance crimes Sustainability & Innovation – Increased recycling and promoted energy efficiency through Compact Florescent Light Bulb Exchange Program

Priorities

Experience, Accomplishments, Judgment

Safe Productive Opportunities for our Youth Improved Public Transportation & Less Traffic Long-Term Fiscal Planning Housing for Working Families Public Safety

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...continued from p.5 aspirations. Don’t tell my wife.)

Perhaps not surprisingly, Jamie soon wanted a bit more, so he quit Fancy and went to work at Castle Music.

“Castle was Fancy’s main competitor in town and decided to open a shop on State as well, up by the Granada. I went to work over there – it was less rock and roll but they actually paid me. And I really started learning a lot about guitars and the industry in general. It was a good job, a nice foundation.”

Eventually Jamie left Castle, though, too, and went to work in a new shop called Sound Advice.

“That was a pure commission job, so I not only had to know everything about every guitar we sold but also how to actually sell them. We sold equipment to the Dave Matthews Band right as they were starting to go crazy, just before they were huge, to the Eagles and lots of others… it was a serious learning experience and a lot of fun.”

At the same time, Jamie was playing in a band called All Star. “We were playing in L.A. a lot, had some label interest. And I just thought we’d be opening for Stone Temple Pilots any day. So when Sound Advice broke up, I wasn’t too concerned. I was focused on playing music.”

But Jamie’s success in the guitar sales business hadn’t gone unnoticed by other store owners. And soon he was

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Santa Barbara’s Guitar Mecca

Told you Jamie’s got some very cool equipment. (And that’s the repurposed Koa wood in the background. Slick.)

contacted by a store in Thousand Oaks, Instrumental Music, about opening and running a new shop in Santa Barbara. “‘Maybe I’m going out on tour,’ I thought, ‘but I could use some money in the meantime.’ So I took the job and basically helped start and grow Instrumental in SB. I was there for fifteen years and really went as far as I could in somebody else’s business. It was a good run.”

Jamie left Instrumental after a long and successful run in late 2011.

“I didn’t know exactly what I was going

to do,” he chuckled sheepishly.

Thankfully, he figured it out.

“I really knew the industry, had lots of contacts and was watching the trends pretty carefully while I was at Instrumental. I knew that if I was going to stay in the business that I would have to do something different, and do it well.”

“I knew that I wanted to focus on guitars, and I knew that the only way I could succeed would be to create a shop that is the place to buy them in town. It’s a simple idea, really.”

And with that, Guitar Bar was born.

“I really wanted to create a place where people can cruise in, feel welcome, feel comfortable, sit down and chop it up with other guitar players,” Jamie explained coolly as we sat talking in the shop at the corner of Yanonali and Anacapa. His casual demeanor (almost) hid his vast guitar knowledge and experience. “That’s Guitar Bar, at its most basic level.”

The truth is Guitar Bar is that… and quite a bit more.

From a design perspective, Jamie has knocked it out of the park (like The Lark, Les Marchands, Lucky Penny, Figueroa Mountain, Riverbench Wines, Cutler’s Artisan Spirits and other tenants in the development project around the old Bay Café). He’s built a comfortable and approachable shop that makes you want to get in there and check it out. The bar – which, for clarity, serves no alcohol, only beautiful guitars and related equipment – is gorgeous and a perfect place to sit and survey the scene. Opposite the bar, in the corner of the shop where Anacapa actually meets Yanonali, there is a full stage with more guitars and gear on it.

“I built the place to feel like a venue, even though it really isn’t in the traditional sense. Don’t get me wrong, we will take ...continued p.21

That’s local musician and teacher Hector Hurtado’s hands killing this gorgeous Fano relic Jamie just busted out of nowhere. (Hector rips. Period.)

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www.presidiosports.com Presidio Sports is a provider of local sports news and information for the Santa Barbara community. Founded in 2008, the small team at Presidio has covered hundreds of local sporting events and published thousands of articles connected to Santa Barbara’s athletic community. Please visit their website for more local sports news and information.

Who To Watch

by Barry Punzal

T

he high school fall sports teams have started their quests to capture league championships, earn postseason berths and vie for CIF section and state titles.

In every sport, there are those special athletes that can push a team to play at a higher level and make a run at a championship and the playoffs.

Presidio Sports has put together a Who to Watch list of the athletes who have what it takes to lead their teams to greater heights.

Girls Volleyball San Marcos coach Erica Menzel has a special group of players who made headlines last season by leading the Royals to their first Channel League title since 2002. Returning for their senior years are setter and all-Channel League first-team pick Andie O’Donnell, opposite Katie Kim, outside hitter Anastasia Kunz, middle Carly Yarnell and libero Clare Holehouse. Junior Anika Wilson, who earned a “AAA” rating on the beach this summer, will get to display her all-around game as she moves from libero to outside hitter. Sophomore Chloe Allen made an impact as a freshman, and coach Erica Downing is excited about ninth grader Gabi Peoples. “She is the best freshman in Santa Barbara County,” Downing said.

Dos Pueblos has a couple of impact juniors in 6-foot McKenna Goss and 5’10” Natalie Klapp. “I’m excited about her potential,” coach Todd Garrett said of Klapp. On Goss, he said, “She’s a very coachable kid and a delight to have on any team.”

Second-team all-league outside hitter Tessa Dewell leads a trio of seniors for Santa Barbara. The others are libero Bailey Roach and middle Lucie Simmons. “They set the tone for us,” said coach John Gannon. The Dons also have a talented setter in Lexi Rottman.

Laguna Blanca and Providence are small schools, but each program has potent players. At Laguna, senior setter Clara Madsen and senior opposite/ middle Grace Woolf are coming off AllCIF junior campaigns. Both are fouryear varsity players. Olivia Barroca has been leading Providence since she was a freshman. As a senior, Barroca is moving from outside hitter to libero. “She is just tapping into her volleyball and leadership potential – she has an exciting future ahead of her,” said coach Laura Newton. Another player with a bright future is junior Ozie LeSage.

Girls Golf Former Channel League champion Isabella Doub returns to Santa Barbara for her senior year after spending her junior year attending golf school in Florida. “She wants to be a teaching professional and will go to golf school for college,” said Dons coach Ryan Throop.

The Dons have a foreign exchange student, Eleonora DiCarlo of Milan, Italy, who is a strong player and will share the No. 2 team spot with junior Claudia Fanaro, last year’s fourth-place finisher in the Channel League finals. Melissa Jewkes returns for her senior year at San Marcos.

Boys Water Polo

Girls Tennis

Santa Barbara High’s Mattea Kilstofte has been a Channel League finalist the last two years.

Royals’ Alfaro, SBCC’s Harris Honored as Athletes of the Week

by Barry Punzal

E

steban Alfaro, a running back/ linebacker on the San Marcos High football team, and Brandie Harris, a forward for SBCC women’s soccer, were honored as Athletes of the Week on Monday during the first Santa Barbara Athletic Round Table luncheon of the San Marcos running back Esteban Alfaro made some big plays down the stretch to help the Royals rally for a 31-30 win over Rio Mesa.

Kelsie Bryant of Carpinteria led her team to a CIF championship last fall.

Carpinteria’s Kelsie Bryant and Mattea Kilstofte of Santa Barbara, a pair of juniors, are the top tennis players in the area. Bryant led her team to the CIF championship last year and had a streak of 65 straight wins. “I think Kelsie is unique in that she is an ‘all-court’ player,” said her father and coach Charles Bryant. “She has incredibly fast reflexes and ‘great hands’ at the net and loves to play doubles. But in singles she is comfortable playing pushers or players who drive the ball. She can hit as hard as anyone or just work on caressing the ball around the court.” Kilstofte has been a Channel League finalist the last two years. “She is definitely one of the top athletes in her sport in our area,” coach Greg Tebbe said. Kilstofte is ranked 42nd in the USTA Southern California 16s rankings. “Kelsie and Mattea play a lot of (USTA) doubles together and have a great time on the court with each other,” Charles Bryant said. “Besides the fact that they are a very tough team, both are vegetarians so they are known as the veg-heads.”

Renee Handley is the top singles player at San Marcos. She helped the Royals win a division title at the California Classic.

Andrew McGuan, Tyler Bradford and John Greening.

The Santa Barbara girls have five returning runners who ran at CIF as freshman, led by Miranda Bartell and Bailey Wolf. Bradley Apodaca leads an experienced boys team. Gustavo Bello is coming off a strong track season and Tanner Munizich is a consistent performer, says coach Olivia Perdices.

Blake Parrish of Dos Pueblos is one of the top junior water polo players in the country.

Water polo in this area continually produces strong players. Dos Pueblos has a gem in junior Blake Parrish. He recently returned from the Junior Pan Am Games in Argentina, where he played for Team USA and earned a silver medal. San Marcos has a solid, experienced team that will be in the thick of the Channel League race. The Royals, ranked No. 10 in the CIF-SS Division 2 preseason poll, are led by seniors Shane Hauschild and Spencer Kemp. The 6-5 Hauschild, also a volleyball star, has a wicked shot. Kemp spearheads the defense. Junior Kameron Bebb is a strong utility player and freshmen Miles Cole and Spencer Wood are expected to make an immediate impact.

Santa Barbara, a CIF finalist last year, has two strong returning drivers in Skyler Matthews and Tyler Heffernan.

Cross Country San Marcos returns its top two runners from last season, seniors Eric Salas and Ryan Sorenson. They led the Royals to the CIF Finals. “Both seniors have been working hard for this season,” coach Lawrence Stehmeier said. “Both are realizing the importance of balance in training. As a coaching staff, we are excited to see what they can do. On the girls side, San Marcos returns its top three runners, Adilene Aldapa, Jewel Fisher and Juliana Logan.

Dos Pueblos has its two top girls returning, senior and defending league champion Addi Zerrenner and junior Elaine McClure. The boys have experience with seniors Cole Smith,

Brandie Harris of SBCC recorded a hat trick to lead the Vaqueros to a 4-1 win over L.A. Valley. It was the second hat trick in four games for Harris.

2013-14 school year.

Alfaro racked up 218 total yards as the Royals (2-0) rallied from a 30-3 first-half deficit to stun Rio Mesa 31-30. The 5-11 senior captain rushed 17 times for 65 yards and caught seven passes for 153 yards.

Harris, a sophomore from Dos Pueblos High, had a hat trick in Friday’s 4-1 win on a scorching day at L.A. Valley. She scored in the 15th, 76th and 83rd minutes.

It was her second hat trick in four games this year for the Vaqueros (2-2) and the third of her college career.

Honorable mention choices for the award were Bryson Frazer and Jonathan Esqueda of Carpinteria High football, Christian Pearson of Bishop Diego football, Ramon Harper of Santa Barbara High football and Morgan Nevin of SBCC football.

The female honorable mention picks were Renee Handley of San Marcos tennis and Natalie McClure of Dos Pueblos cross country.

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Coach’s Daughter Deserves an Assist in Big SBCC Victory

by Barry Punzal

C

raig Moropoulos was sitting in his house last Friday night, pondering how his SBCC football team would fare in Saturday’s season opener at Hancock.

“It’s been twenty-one years since we beat them and eight years since we won a season opener,” Moropoulos told the Santa Barbara Athletic Round Table audience at Harry’s Plaza Café during Monday’s first press luncheon of the 2013-14 season.

“There were a lot of things against us.

“It was about 10:30pm and I’m thinking about how Hancock is always so big and physical. My eleven-year-old daughter, Elyse, is sitting next to me, writing something. I told her, ‘Hey you need to go to bed, let’s go.’ She keeps drawing and I’m getting a little testy.

“Then she hands me this paper and said, ‘Dad, I made this for you.’ It had a big Vaquero on it and it said, “Dad I know you can do this. I believe in you.’

Oh my God, that puts it in perspective.”

Moropoulos said his heart sunk and he decided “to give her another ten minutes” before bedtime.

The next day, the Vaqueros rallied from a 14-3 third-quarter deficit to upset No. 24 Hancock 15-14.

“Their D-line probably averaged three hundred and twenty pounds,” he noted.

“I usually don’t bring stats up here when I speak but that game was kind of a blur.

I’ll never forget that night. I was part of a great win over Canyons four years ago and this game tops that.

“Everything was stacked against us, but no one told our players that. Our defense was outstanding, led by Morgan Nevin, who had fifteen tackles and two fumble recoveries.”

The Vaqueros host East L.A. in their home opener on Saturday at 1pm.

Prep Football San Marcos is 2-0 after a stunning 31-30 comeback victory at Rio Mesa. The Royals trailed 30-3 in the second quarter. “I’m thankful that I shave my head because if I didn’t, I would have been yanking my hair out,” said second-year coach Anthony Linebaugh. “At halftime (down 30-10), we talked about having very little margin for error. There was a very positive vibe in the locker room. It’s an interesting game and sometimes we make mistakes but we had the opportunity to make amends, which we did.” The Royals make their home debut on Thursday night when they host Beverly Hills.

Santa Barbara evened its record at 1-1 with a 42-13 rout of Beverly Hills on Saturday. “We exerted our will on them,” said coach Doug Caines. “But we still have a lot of room to grow.” The Dons travel to Atascadero on Friday night, where they’ll

be seeking revenge for last year’s tough 3531 loss in the closing minutes.

Bishop Diego has won its first two games by a combined 97-0. “We’re playing really well but we have a lot of room for improvement,” said assistant coach Ralph Molina. “Eight teams on our schedule are ranked in the top ten in their divisions.” Molina introduced lineman Joe Salcedo, who’s already received scholarship offers from San Jose State, UNLV and Cal Poly, along with middle linebacker Christian Pearson, who had two interceptions in a 49-0 win at Santa Ynez. The Cardinals host La Salle (10-1 last year) on Friday in a 7:30pm game at La Playa Stadium.

Dos Pueblos will be seeking its first win when Cabrillo comes to town on Thursday night. “When the going gets tough, we just gotta get a little tougher,” said coach Nate Mendoza.

Carpinteria is off to a 2-0 start, including a 42-20 win at South Torrance last Friday when they racked up more than 500 yards. Coach Ben Hallock, who’s been coming to the SBART luncheons for over 40 years, introduced a trio of three-year starters in quarterback Ian Craddock, tight end Duncan Gordon and linebacker Kevin Stein. The Warriors host Nipomo in their home opener on Friday.

Laguna Blanca rebounded from an opening loss to Orcutt Academy by walloping Hillcrest Christian 51-6. They

SEPTEMBER 13 – 20 | 2013 |

19

play eight-man football and have one of the smallest rosters (14 players) in the CIF.

College Soccer Westmont got its first win of the season, a 4-2 home verdict over Whittier.

Assistant coach Tovi Eliasen said a couple of local players – Muhammad Mehai of Carpinteria High and Marcos Lopez of SBHS – have been outstanding on defense.

The UCSB women are 3-2-1, thanks to the strong play of sophomore goalkeeper Beth Ritter. She’s only allowed one goal in three games.

Water Polo The UCSB men are ranked No. 6 in the preseason and associate head coach John Abdou says, “We’ll be in the mix for a conference championship and a national championship.”

San Marcos is ranked No. 10 in Division 2. The Royals edged Arroyo Grande 12-11 and No. 8 Damien 9-7 last week. Shane Hauschild had eight goals in the AG win and five against Damien.

After reaching the CIF Division 2 final last year, Santa Barbara coach Mark Walsh says this is going to be a rebuilding year. “We graduated twelve of fifteen players and most of them are at Division 1 programs,” he noted. “We got our butts kicked in a spring league and our new motto is, ‘Don’t worry about the score, let’s just keep getting better.’”

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The Weekly Capitalist

by Jeff Harding

Jeff Harding publishes The Daily Capitalist, a blog on economics and finance. He is the president of Montecito Analytics, LLC, and is a real estate investor who lives in Montecito.

This Time Is Different, We Swear

I

’ve seen this movie before. You know, the one where the bad guys kidnap a bunch of nice people and threaten to kill them if they don’t get what they want and the hero has to save them. But just as he is ready to take out the bad guys, the arch villain comes out holding a little girl and pointing a gun at her head. Save the kid or the others? What a dilemma! It all ends well and the little girl is saved and at the same time the hero takes out the bad guys, usually ending with him going mano-a-mano against the arch villain.

Everybody is happy.

Fade to black.

That, unfortunately, is not the way it happens in real life. In real life, only most of the bad guys are killed, and so is the little girl, her brothers and sisters, parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts. The arch villain almost always gets away.

I am of course referring to war and the wonderfully deceptive phrase “collateral damage.” Other catch phrases to think

about are “unintended consequences” and “Pandora’s box.”

So here we are again with a president about to make his decision to start a war. I’ve seen this before many times: Vietnam (Kennedy), Vietnam (Johnson), Vietnam-Cambodia-Laos (Nixon), Lebanon (Reagan), Iraq I (Bush, Sr.), Somalia (Bush, Sr.), Serbia (Clinton), Sudan (Clinton), Afghanistan I (W. Bush), Iraq II (W. Bush), Afghanistan II (W. Bush), Pakistan (W. Bush), Yemen (W. Bush), Afghanistan surge (Obama), Libya (Obama).

Now it’s Syria.

I would like someone to tell me in which one of those wars were the outcomes the ones we were told were going to happen when we went in. Well, you can’t. Wait… there was Grenada (Reagan). We can pick some nits here and there, but in almost every case, the outcomes were bad. Bad for us and bad for the folks on the ground.

It’s tIme to

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In fact in every case, especially the major wars (Vietnam and Iraq II), our presidents lied to us or consciously suppressed the negative consequences of which they were fully aware. Anyone who has watched The Fog of War – in which Robert McNamara cynically admits they knew we couldn’t win yet he continued to push war as a solution – knows it. And it’s enough to make one ill.

Again, with W. Bush in Iraq II, he lied about the presence of WMDs by stringing together an argument out of the thinnest of incidents (yellow cake, aluminum tubes, al Qaeda connections). OK, the guy had mustard gas but that was no threat to the U.S.A. The point is that our presidents lie to us about casus belli. That is, when they

The lessons of past campaigns are: • Presidents will lie to us about the situation in order to build a case for invasion or attack.

• We never have enough correct information about the situation on the ground when we go in.

• We always underestimate the problems on the ground.

• Civilians, lots of them, innocent or not, get killed.

• We are unable to create liberal, democratic civil societies in the Middle East.

• We do not have the patience to stay long term; we leave before the situation has stabilized.

• The underlying forces that have historically dominated a country can only be temporarily suppressed and

“Presidents will lie to us about the situation in order to build a case for invasion or attack.”

think the U.S. ought to start a war or attack someone, they will stretch the facts to fit their reasons or even outright lie to us. It’s not a Republican/Democrat issue, it’s a fact borne out by history.

The problem with all that is, starting with Vietnam, none of the wars, invasions or attacks we committed has achieved the promised goals.

Vietnam is old history you say?

What about the modern Middle East?

Iraq I? OK, we kicked Hussein out of Kuwait. But Bush, Sr. wisely decided to not extend the war by marching on Baghdad. Iraq II? I can almost rest my case here. The country is fractured and falling apart as Sunnis (old Baathists) and Shia (Iran) battle for dominance.

When we leave, the country will be in full civil war.

Afghanistan? OK, we fought the good war there post-9/11, but we took our eye off the ball when we attacked Iraq. When we leave Afghanistan the country will fall apart, the warlords in the north will continue to control there, the Taliban will probably take over in the South and East, including Kabul. Pretty much the same as before we originally went in.

Can you think of any positive changes to a country we attacked or invaded?

The answer is: Not one. Libya? Chaos.

Yemen? No change. Lebanon? We wisely withdrew. Somalia? We ran.

Pakistan? Not even the Pakistanis dare tread in the tribal areas. Serbia? It was good for the ethnic Albanians but very bad for the ethnic Serbs who remained in Kosovo. It is not to say that these consequences are our fault, but things have never worked out as we had hoped.

will eventually re-emerge.

• The expected outcomes of our campaigns never occur.

Now President Obama is asserting his case for attacking Syria, if diplomacy fails.

If we do nothing, the slaughter on both sides will continue. If we attack, the slaughter on both sides will continue. There is no reason to believe that the outcome will be that Assad’s forces will cease using gas or any other creative way of killing his fellow citizens.

There is no reason to believe that any other petty dictator will be deterred from using “illegal” weapons. In fact bombing Syria will change absolutely nothing, except dragging us further into a civil war that will likely have no good outcome regardless of who wins. It will do nothing to advance national security.

There is a larger, more important issue here for Americans. And that is our expanding military involvement in the world. David Stockman puts it this way: “[The] American Imperium – five decades of incessant meddling, bullying, and subversion around the globe that has added precious little to national security but left America fiscally exhausted and morally diminished.”

(From The Daily Beast.)

There is almost no place in the world where we do not have some military involvement. You cannot argue that it is necessary for national defense to have troops in Australia or Gabon. One could argue just the opposite, that our increasing involvement decreases our national security by creating a backlash against an American presence.

So why do we keep doing it?

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...continued from p.16

Local ukulele junky Angelo Secco stopped by to check out Guitar Bar before it was even open. He left with a sweet t-shirt and a promise to return for some jamming and chilling. (I made the same promise. And I intend to keep it.)

advantage of impromptu opportunities to have some friends come through and play a set or two, but I really built the stage with our customers in mind. I mean, you can stand up there with a guitar you like, look out over the shop, at the bar, and really get the feel that you are up on stage, playing a gig. How cool is that?”

Very cool. (Especially for we lawyer types who have never played a gig.)

And Jamie’s concepts for “impromptu opportunities” are amazing, so stay tuned.

In fact, there are all sorts of cool touches throughout the shop. From the Edison Bulb chandelier to the intricate wood work, the place just looks great. Straight up.

“My wife, Jami, really made all this possible. In fact, none of it would have happened without her. She came up with the name and the idea for the repurposed guitar wood and lots of other things.

We’ve been together for twenty-five years now and she never ceases to amaze me.”

The repurposed guitar wood concept from Jami involved Jamie (yes, they share a name but spell it differently) calling his industry contacts to see if they had any wood he might use in the shop.

Taylor Guitars came through with some beautiful old Koa wood that Jamie and his people used brilliantly under the bar and on the Anacapa wall, as well as some African Mahogany (Sapele) that really makes both guitar demo rooms shine.

There’s also four lesson rooms, couches, amps, accessories and all sorts of guitarrelated equipment.

And, of course, there are guitars.

Unbelievable guitars. All curated and put together by Jamie. All killer.

“It can be hard to start a music shop,” Jamie again patiently explained, exuding a real love for the business. “New shops often have to start with lesser models from

Those Teye Guitars are just amazing, totally handcrafted, totally unique. (And they’re the Brand of Gypsys too, which is awesome.)

lesser manufacturers and work their way up. But over all the years I’ve spent in the business, I’ve cultivated some pretty solid relationships. So I was able to get some pretty solid guitars.”

He took me through a bunch of his inventory and it was like Christmas morning every time he’d pop another case. It’s hard to describe, frankly, many of the guitars I saw are as much works of art as they are musical instruments.

He’s got absolutely stunning handcrafted Teye Guitars from Austin,

the whole range of Taylors, gorgeous Suhr Guitars, amazing relics designed

by Fano Guitars to look like killer old beaters that sound unreal, a huge range of Paul Reed Smiths and lots of others.

It’s wild, man, and it is definitely worth a look.

For me, personally, I was completely hooked from moment one, touching and playing everything I could get my hands on. ...continued p.24

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...continued from p.21 “Go ahead,” Jamie would say as I salivated over yet another shiny axe. “It always turned me off when sales people told me I couldn’t touch a guitar in the shop. I like to let everybody pick up that one guitar and play it, feel it in their hands. When I know what they like, I can help them get something with similar characteristics at any budget. I love every guitar sale, but my favorites have always been those special rare guitars and the kid getting his first one, just like I did in that pawn shop all those years ago.”

(I’m actually contemplating buying a guitar at this point in the “interview.”

Don’t tell my wife.)

“I’ve got all kinds of guitars and amps that lots of people won’t have ever seen.

And I want those people to walk out of here knowing that they made a good decision based on solid expertise and a range of quality equipment.”

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There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that Jamie and Guitar Bar will provide that experience. I’m personally thrilled about the place, and am confident that Santa Barbara will receive it well.

But I’ve said enough already. Get down to Guitar Bar – it is opening on September 14 – and see for yourself.

And don’t forget to let Jamie know that some boring old lawyer sent you. Some boring old lawyer with a bad ass guitar and a history of trumpet-related debauchery.

Rock and roll, baby.

Rock and roll.

STUFF I LIKE

I know, I know. It’s obvious. I like Guitar Bar and owner Jamie Faletti a lot. I could have rambled on for another thousand words about Jamie’s vision for seminars and clinics and lessons and shows and charitable collaborations (maybe with the Sentinel!) but it’s time for me to go run through a few scales and work on my soloing. Guitar Bar is opening on September 14, so head over to 137 Anacapa Street, Suite A or call 805.770.7242 and check it out for yourself (www.sbguitarbar.com). You won’t regret it.

I think everybody knows that I like weird collaborations. Like, say, pickles and ice cream. (No, I’m not pregnant, that’s just the first thing that came to mind and I am tired.) Or fitness guru Jenny Schatzle, the American Heart

Phil Cota and Kami Punzal, happily married and crushing the dance floor back behind the Santa Barbara Historical Museum.

(Looking good, guys, looking real good!)

Association and booze and food at Seven Bar & Kitchen. Join Jenny at her facility (590 East Gutierrez) on Monday, September 16, for a group fun run from 6 to 7pm, followed by appetizers and drinks at Seven (224 Helena in the Funk Zone).

All donations - it is a donations only event - go to the American Heart Association.

Right on, nice collaboration for a great cause, see you there for sure.

Everybody also knows I love food and wine, so here’s a food/wine event that is way out but worth taking note of.

(Frankly, I only know of it because of my recent staycation at Bacara (Paradise Found, Vol. 2, Issue 33).) The Foley Food & Wine Society is having its official launch party at Bacara Resort & Spa on Saturday, September 28, from 3 to

6pm. There will be select Foley Family Wines available, lots of spa cuisine pairings and, well, all the splendor that is Bacara. This one should be good, folks, and I will be there. Check out www. foleyfoodandwinesociety.com or www. bacararesort.com for details (under the Dining and Wine Tasting Room tabs).

There are room packages available.

Finally, I like happy marriages and true love, and friends Phil Cota and Kami Punzal – daughter of Presidio Sports writer and Sentinel contributor Barry Punzal – just tied the knot with huge smiles. Congrats, you guys, we here at the Sentinel are stoked for you and wish you nothing but love and happiness.

That’s a perfect spot to stop. So peace, y’all, see you next week.

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SEPTEMBER 13 – 20 | 2013 |

First Period: Physics Second Period: Latin Third Period: Rock!

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Also in Theater

with Mark Léisuré

Mark spends much of his time wandering Santa Barbara and environs, enjoying the simple things that come his way.

A show here, a benefit there, he is generally out and about and typically has a good time. He says that he writes “when he feels the urge” and doesn’t want his identity known for fear of an experience that is “less than authentic.” So he remains at large, roaming the town, having fun. Be warned.

Over the Hill

I

’d like to write about the Funk Zone. It would be great to sit around a drink drafts at Figueroa Mountain, quaff quality wines at Les Marchands or even savor something sumptuous at Seven. Last time I was down there, I even took some photos of that upcoming teenage band The Caverns and the prog-jazz trio The Dead Man on a sunny weekend afternoon, figuring I’d use them in a future column. But then, being a man of leisure, I didn’t get around to it fast enough, and now everybody’s writing about the Funk Zone in the Sentinel.

So that leaves Mr. Leisure with some more distant destinations to cover, because I know it’s tough for the busy folks around this joint to find the time to drive up over the hill to Solvang or Santa Ynez, or out to Ojai, or down to Ventura.

Clinging to Cline It’s well worth the trip north to Solvang to catch Always... Patsy Cline in the final outdoor show of the year at the Festival Theater through this weekend. Kitty Balay fairly channels Cline in her turn as the late country singer, but Suzy Newman is a revelation as Louise, the Houston single parent who befriends the singer before a concert one night and becomes her lifelong confidant via letters and phone calls. She’s the tour-de-force in the production, whipping up the audience fervor, enticing unsuspecting guests to dance with her on stage and whooping it up like nobody’s business. Definitely try to see it at the intimate amphitheater in Solvang, but if the schedule doesn’t work, the show has a one-night-only encore at the Chumash Casino on September 21.

Tom Dugan performs his one-man show Robert E. Lee: Shades of Gray at the Rubicon through September 29.

All the ongoing stuff also takes place out of town this week. SENGA Classic Stage Company’s presentation of Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest, directed by Francisca Beach, opens in Ojai on Friday night and plays through October 6 at The Ojai Valley Grange (info: 805-646-4885 or www. sengaclassicstagecompany.com).

Tom Dugan’s one-man show (he’s the writer and star) about the Civil War enigma, Robert E. Lee: Shades of Gray, continues at the Rubicon Theatre in Ventura through September 29 (805-6672900 or www.rubicontheatre.org). By the way, the Rubicon originally announced that The Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe would fill that slot; I guess they couldn’t find any and went back to the drawing board. (Just kidding. Dugan is a brilliant writer and thespian and we’re lucky to have him in our backyard.)

Back here in town, Lit Moon’s 2013 summer tour through Albania and Macedonia ends at home on Saturday when the company brings Shakespeare’s The Tempest back to the Center Stage Theater for a single performance.

Details at 805-963-0408 or www. centerstagetheater.org.

Let’s Roll to Rock A couple of the better shows in pop music – or more accurately folk and singer-songwriter genres – require a bit of a schlep, too. The veteran Quebecois band Yves Lambert Trio plays an afternoon gig at the family homestead known as Dancing Oaks Ranch on Sunday as part of the Ojai Concert Series. Devon Sproule and A.J. Croce (yes, he’s Jim’s son) kick off the new Tales from the Tavern series at the Maverick Saloon in Santa Ynez on Wednesday. Thursday brings blues-rock stalwart Robert Cray to the Chumash Casino. It’s even a solid 12 or so miles out to Live Oak Unitarian Universalist Church to see the solo acoustic symphony maestro Joe Craven, who will actually be playing with his trio. At least that’s a bit closer than his annual emceeing duties at the Live Oak Music Festival every June (hmmm... something in the name, here?). It’s about the same drive down to Carpinteria, where Todd Hannigan and his band Sleeping Chief (featuring the great Ventura-bred keyboardistdrummer-guitarist Jesse Seidenberg) headline a multimedia event at the Plaza Playhouse Theater that also includes solo sets from Ron Hargrave and Chris Laxamana (producer for the Adam Carolla Show) plus screenings of Dan Malloy’s Slow is Fast and Keith Malloy’s Come Hell or High Water; the Thursday night show should go a long way toward waking up the sleepy beach town.

We’ll Go! Hopefully you’ve picked up your copy of the Sentinel early, because tickets go on sale this Friday at 10am for a rare solo concert by Wilco’s Jeff Tweedy on December 13 at the Granada. If you’ve seen any videos of Tweedy playing solo, you know he gets deep into the heart of the craftsmanship behind Wilco’s panoramic sound, remaining as spellbinding as he is with the full band while allowing our own interpretations to fill in the gaps.

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GET PUMPED

by Jenny Schatzle

Fitness Professional/Life Motivator Jenny Schatzle runs the popular Jenny Schatzle Bootcamp right here in Santa Barbara. N.A.S.M , Cardio Kickboxing and SPIN Certified, Jenny was recently awarded Best Outdoor Fitness Program in town. Her motivation, energy and enthusiasm have created a community and program of all ages and fitness levels that cannot be described. It has to be experienced! Free on Saturdays at 8:30am. Go to www.jennyschatzle.com for details.

Breaking the Diet Cycle

F

ollowing a new diet has always been an interesting thing to me. My experience is that people who commit to any particular diet are usually really just trying to make a limited change for a limited time.

That’s not me, people.

The Jenny Schatzle Program is about creating and living a new lifestyle that incorporates healthy eating, fitness and positive thinking into your whole scene. Most people today are either “dieting” or “bingeing” and have forgotten or don’t know how to just eat healthy, as a lifestyle. Let’s work this week on breaking the diet cycle and instead on making healthy lifestyle changes and choices.

Now that’s me, people.

Here are a few things to keep in mind as we get started:

1. Carbs are not bad. (I’ll say it again. Carbs are not bad.) It’s all about the types of carbs you consume and when you consume them. That’s what makes the difference.

2. There is a difference between various sugars and how your body breaks them down.

3. You don’t have to deprive yourself of everything that tastes good and is fun to eat.

With that said, the greatest thing in my life is feeling good. Nothing feels better than being full of energy, sleeping well, having great workouts, looking terrific and thinking clearly, and this all comes from what you fuel you body with. It’s all about choices.

I don’t want to overwhelm you so let’s start simple this week. Here are three basic steps that you can START DOING RIGHT NOW.

Step 1: Clean out your kitchen. Someone that is trying to quit smoking isn’t going to keep a pack of cigarettes, so why do you keep ice cream, chips and processed foods in the house? So you can have a little cheat? When have you ever had eight chips and walked away? Take the time and get rid of bad stuff.

Step 2: R ead the Ingredients. If it reads like a NASA project, let it take off! And if you can’t pronounce the ingredients, then your body can’t either. Think whole foods, simple foods. Then buy them instead of the heavily processed stuff.

Step 3: C hange your thinking! Before you over-indulge ask yourself, “How is this going to make me feel when I’m done?” Think of the aftermath. You never say, “Boy, I really wish I would have eaten more pizza.” But if you forego that pizza, you will say, “Boy, I feel great that I made one healthy choice today!”

That’s it. Anybody can eat healthy, and those three steps will get you going in the right direction.

But enough of all that. Let’s workout.

Warm-up: Jog in place Jumping jacks Plank Alternating side lunges (Do each movement for 30 seconds for a total of three rounds (thus, a sixminute aggregate warm-up.)

Workout: Set a timer for 20 minutes and do as many rounds of the following exercises as possible: Squats – 20 Push-ups – 20 Crunches – 20 Pop-ups – 20 Dips – 20

Email me with your round totals!

Intermediate folks can set the timer for 30 minutes and let it rip; masochists should set the timer for 40 minutes. (But that borders on ridiculous if you are working hard.) Do it as many days as possible this week and you’ll feel a change by week’s end, I promise.

And, as always, if you have any questions about any of the exercises or anything else (or you need a little motivation), please feel free to contact me directly at 805.698.6080 or jenny@jennyschatzle.com.

Write Jenny a letter (letters@santabarbarasentinel.com) or contact her directly with any questions at jenny@jennyschatzle.com. And go get ‘em, the Sentinel is rooting for you.

IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT THERE IS RISK OF INJURY ASSOCIATED WITH ANY AND ALL PHYSICAL ACTIVITY, WHETHER STRENUOUS OR NOT. IF YOU HAVE ANY RELATED CONCERNS AT ALL, THEN PLEASE MAKE SURE TO SPEAK WITH YOUR PHYSICIAN BEFORE ENGAGING IN THE EXERCISE PROGRAM ABOVE. AND IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT PARTICULAR MOVEMENTS, THEN PLEASE CALL OR WRITE JENNY SCHATZLE DIRECTLY SO SHE CAN ANSWER THEM. REGARDLESS, HOWEVER, AS A RESPONSIBLE HUMAN BEING, BY PARTICIPATING IN THE FOREGOING EXERCISE PROGRAM, YOU ASSUME ALL OF THE RISK OF DOING SO AND VOLUNTARILY RELEASE, TO THE FULLEST EXTENT ALLOWED BY LAW, ANY AND ALL CLAIMS AGAINST JENNY SCHATZLE BOOTCAMP AND/OR THE SANTA BARBARA SENTINEL.

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Ask Jason

Have home energy questions? emPowerSBC’s Energy Coach Jason Scheurer is a free and trusted resource for Santa Barbara County homeowners.

Jason is available to: • Provide expert advice on home energy efficiency • Conduct a site visit to evaluate your home and recommend solutions • Help you take advantage of emPowerSBC financing and utility incentives

If you are looking to make home energy upgrades, contact Jason today

Call or email Jason at (805) 568-3514 or emPowerSBC@co.santa-barbara.ca.us

www.emPowerSBC.org

by Rachelle Oldmixon

Invasion of the Mind and Body Snatchers

A

s you may have heard, scientists at the University of Washington have successfully created the first brain-to-brain interface. I don’t normally talk about research going on outside of our beautiful campus here at UCSB, but I couldn’t help myself here. I just can’t help but think it’s important to take a step back and examine the implications of one human brain “controlling” the activity of another.

Even if it’s not my beloved Gauchos who are leading the proverbial charge.

But before I can do that, I should probably stop those of you who are about to immediately go and throw out everything that might let someone control your mind. Please rest assured: At this point in the course of human history, and for the foreseeable future of humanity’s existence, another person will not be able to control your brain.

Without your consent, anyway.

Weird Science This Program is funded by California utility ratepayers and administered by Pacific Gas and Electric Company, Southern California Edison and Southern California Gas Company under the auspices of the California Public Utilities Commission.

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The scientists at UW used electroencephalography (EEG) and transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) to implement their “Vulcan mind meld.”

In reality, one scientist wore a cap full of electrodes and thought about making hand movements (without actually making them). The electrodes read the electrical signal resulting from his brain activity and sent the data to a computer with a program specifically written for the experiment. The program then converted the data into a command that was sent – via the internet – across campus to a TMS device. The TMS device had been carefully placed exactly over the second experimenter’s left motor cortex, specifically the portion of the cortex that directs the movements of the right hand. The commands were interpreted by the TMS and magnetic pulses were emitted, directing the second experimenter’s finger to move.

And they did.

Mind Control Is Heavy

I tell you the foregoing steps for two reasons.

The first reason is the most important: This whole thing is awesome. I mean, really, really awesome. Think about it. We have the technology to transmit information directly from one brain across the internet and into another brain. That says so much about our technology and its capabilities.

Humanity is impressive.

The second reason is to show you just how hard it would be for someone to control your mind without your knowledge (at this point and as far as I know, anyway).

So, now that we’re not all running for the hills and have ceased throwing away all internet-connected devices, I think it’s worth contributing to the many discussions about

A self-professed science nerd, Rachelle has her B.A. in neuroscience from Skidmore College in upstate New York, and is working towards her Master’s in psychology at UCSB. In her free time, she blogs at www.synapticspeculations.com. She never could quite understand why she had to choose just one area of science; they are all fascinating. Especially when paired with some classic rock.

what human brain-to-brain interfacing means for our future.

It is possible that one day brain-to-brain interfaces could be used to help the disabled convey their needs or help guide laymen in expert tasks, as the scientists who conducted the experiment hope. However, that future is a long way away. Right now, any brain-tobrain communication is confined to a lab, not even ready to be tested on participants in a more extensive study (you know, with more than two people). So far, all we have is proof-of-concept.

That proof-of-concept does force us, however, to question the ethics of one brain controlling another. For instance, the scientist whose mind was being controlled described the experience as feeling like he had a nervous tic in his finger. Tics can be suppressed. Could he have suppressed the action? If he could have suppressed the action, is mind control really more like a strong suggestion than a command?

But on the other hand, TMS, the technology that was used to give the receiving brain commands, is often used in experiments to temporarily “shut off” parts of the brain, such as Wernicke’s area, which controls language production. When TMS is applied to Wernicke’s area, the participant cannot speak, no matter how hard they try.

This would indicate that brain-to-brain interfacing would not be a suggestion, but a command.

What gives?

If, for the sake of argument, brain-to-brain interfacing is more like a suggestion, are some more receptive to the suggestion than others? And, if by some chance brain-tobrain interfacing does develop to the point where it can be done without the consent of both parties, who would be responsible for the receiving individual’s actions?

Is someone controlling my brain right now?

Can I be held responsible for my actions?

(Oh wait, I think I see a new legal defense developing. Great.)

As you can probably tell, I have more questions on the topic than answers. I’d be thrilled to hear your opinions.

As long as they are actually your opinions and not someone’s who is controlling your brain.

How can we be sure?

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...continued from p.7

Oh well, I’m a happy guy anyway.)

2. I definitely know how to make myself happy, no problem there. I wouldn’t say that I’m spending a lot of time “refining the pureness of my needs,” but my liver spends a reasonable amount of time refining some pretty damn well-made red wines. Does that count?

3. “Go crazy and wreak havoc impulsively.”

Ah… check. It’s the whole return to “balanced goodness” that has me stumped.

4. I f everyone who wore silly suits lied to you, then how would you ever trust a used car salesman? A lawyer? A banker? Oh forget it, none of those are particularly good examples. But that

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aside, you can trust politicians, Alan, come on. Just look at Anthony Weiner or Eliot Spitzer. Both of them wear silly suits… most of the time, anyway.

5. What do I do with my money? How much of it do I have? This is an inappropriate personal question that I will respond to only because I feel the need to set the record straight. I have piles of money and gold bars just lying around the house, sort of like Chevy Chase’s character in Caddyshack. (His name is Ty Webb, in case you thought I didn’t know.) We use the bars as paperweights or door stops and the cash to start fires.

Now… what the hell did any of that have to do with Socrates, “who lived long ago?” I’m puzzled. Thanks again, Alan, keep reading. – MSM)

Planned Parenthood Considers All Candidate Endorsements Equitably Dear Editor, the Planned Parenthood Action Fund is a 501(c)(4) non-profit, non-partisan, advocacy organization with a long tradition of endorsing candidates who demonstrate a commitment to protecting access to the full range of reproductive health care services and information for women, teens and families. Viable candidates from all parties who meet the criteria are either designated or endorsed through an extensive candidate endorsement process.

The Action Fund’s endorsement policy requires that any committee member with a decision making role in a candidate’s campaign recuse themselves from the candidate endorsement process.

This helps ensure that the endorsement process is fair and balanced and conducted independently of any and all campaigns.

To learn more about the Action Fund’s endorsement process, please visit www. ppactionca.org/local-info/sbvslo/aboutppafsbvslo.html Anne Schowe, Chair Planned Parenthood Action Fund of Santa Barbara, Ventura, and San Luis Obispo Counties, Inc. (Editor’s Note: This is terrific, Anne, thanks for writing. I assume your letter is in response to Sharon Byrne’s comment that “Planned Parenthood” has “board members that also work on Democratic Party-endorsed candidate campaigns,” and the implications therefrom (Let the Games Begin, Vol. 2, Issue 33).

Fairness and balance in the candidate endorsement process for any organization is paramount, lest they lose credibility.

With that said, I don’t think it is any mystery that Planned Parenthood likely tends to endorse socially left-leaning candidates supporting a woman’s right to (reasonably) choose rather than socially right-leaning Christian conservatives

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Cowboystar Guitars. (Hey Jamie, maybe you should ask Jim for a killer vintage axe from his old shop.

Could be a fun bit of FZ history…)

who are, for example, hell bent on ridding the world of evil abortions.

That, of course, is your organization’s prerogative (especially given its mission and mandate), regardless of endorsement processes and recusals. In other words, even setting aside the endorsement process, Planned Parenthood has a vested interest in particular issues and will endorse candidates who are similarly inclined. So, then, does the recusal process matter all that much beyond the mere appearance of fairness to all party candidates? Probably not. The same can be said of any activist-type organization, and I don’t mean it in a negative way.

I say it only for at least some clarity (maybe) on the issue. Thanks again for taking the time to write. – MSM)

Jim Is A Voyeur Hey Matt – I saw this week that you are doing a story on Jamie Faletti’s new place, Guitar Bar – yay! He’s a good guy; his store will rock. Here is a little informational tidbit – Guitar Bar will be the second guitar store in the Funk Zone since 1983. I started Cowboystar Guitars here then, and it lasted up to 2000. Here is a picture of the logo (above) that is still on the wall. Thanks for the ink.

Jim Mahoney Funk Zone (Editor’s Note: No problem on the ink, Jim, I enjoy the correspondence and the photos. But there is a problem we need to address right away: How in the hell did you know I was doing the Guitar Bar story this week? Are you stalking me? (Kidding, I know how you knew.) Anyway, Jamie is indeed a terrific guy and I – together with all sorts of area businesses – wish him the very best. I was in the shop extensively while putting the story together, and I’m quite sure that he will have tremendous success. The place is bad ass. Thanks again, Jim, keep reading. – MSM)

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...continued from p.13 now serves as a clear dividing line. “After the heart attack, I stopped partying, I mean, I still drink,” he makes clear, “but I got into surfing. I got really serious about art. Stuff cleaned up.”

Wallace has the words “order” and “chaos” tattooed, one on each forearm. It’s a decent template to begin to understand his artistic sensibility. “It’s still chaotic.

The paintings are still chaotic,” he says of his life and work post-heart attack, “but I’m not so chaotic, so I can put more energy into the painting.”

And that he does. “These are time consuming,” Wallace explains, surrounded by his art at his Funk Zone studio, “They’re a pain in the ass. But I love them.”

He works in two different styles; one involves layers of paint with a top coat of black being sanded down to reveal what Wallace calls a “ghost image.” “So you kind of get that sculpture aspect,” he adds. The other technique, a layering of silkscreens, is more methodical and a bit cleaner.

Of course, some works incorporate both styles. The product of either is dense and colorful, busy but balanced. “It’s almost like a story in a weird way,” Wallace says.

Viewed that way, it’s a story both universal, in that he uses easily recognizable logos and icons, and personal, in that alongside the pop images are handmade designs from his past: old screens he used to sell

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on t-shirts at Particle or tags he used to post around town. “It’s like Warhol meets,” he thinks aloud, “I don’t know, my own style.”

How to Survive in the Funk Zone “We used to put on these raging parties,” Wallace remembers, betraying a bit of nostalgia. “This was before cops were even in the Funk Zone. There were no meter maids; there were no cops. It wasn’t Disneyland.”

In the bowels of the place Wallace calls “Containerland” – an area of the Funk Zone few visiting for dinner or drinks will ever see – is Wallace’s studio, which is really an old shipping container. It’s filled with art. On the same dusty path is a metal shop, some port-a-potties, a cigarette-smoking property manager telling Wallace who’s on the shit-list and soda. “We have a coke machine,” Wallace half-jokingly beams, as if forgetting that he can now walk down the street and order up almost anything he wants.

“I think they did a great job in the Funk Zone,” Wallace posits. His outlook is surprisingly even-tempered considering his past pessimism about area development (one of his murals once begged, “Look what you’ve done to State Street… don’t destroy my Funk Zone, too!”). “Have you ever been to the wine place in the back of The Lark? How well designed is that?

Brilliant, old-school, hard,” he praises,

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Join the author of Free For All and Sweet Charity? for The Future of Hunger: An Evening with Jan Poppendieck.

Thursday September 12 7:00 PM Marjorie Luke Theater 721 E. Cota Street

Healthy Food Trucks at 5:15 PM

Poppendieck will address food systems and hunger in America with local Foodbank CEO Erik Talkin and School Food Initiative Director Kathleen de Chadenèdes. Arrive early to enjoy the new face – and taste – of school food from SBUSD’s Mobile Cafes.

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Wallace sees a “raw elegance” in horses that he’s drawn to; here he stands with (from left) Seven Feet of Freedom, Posilipo and Lover.

“And then Lucky Penny with all those pennies? I think that’s so neat.”

Still, he’s not about to help anyone move in. Asked what he sees in the neighborhood’s future, he knee-jerks flatly: “Starbucks.” Also quick to recall injustices artists working in the area have been subjected to, it’s with an eye-roll and air-quotes that he relays the City’s reason for evicting a group of artists – including one who used to make custom clothing racks for True Grit – from Gray Avenue a few years ago: “because ‘the electrical wasn’t up to date.’” Skeptical, he continues, “You want the Funk Zone to be this cool place with artists, but you kick out thirty people? Come on. And if you go down there right now, it’s just a big gigantic asphalt nothing.”

So, new developments, but only if they’re thought-out, designed right, offer something of unique value and remain consistent with the area’s urban, industrial vernacular: that’s not too much to ask for, right? Wallace Piatt and others making their art, lives and livelihoods in the Funk Zone don’t think so. “Everyone can be bought,” he levels, imagining a Funk Zone gone wrong, “but, I think there’s already a feeling that nobody wants to do that, because they want to keep it gritty, because they want to keep in with the ‘new mainstream.’”

His use of the term “new mainstream,” he says, “is not saying ‘mainstream’ in a bad sense, but everybody’s kind of using the old, reclaimed stuff. I mean, it’s been done for years, don’t get me wrong, but for over here it’s a new thing, which I think is great. Like that wine merchant place. I would love to have a piece of art in there; god I would love it. That’s the kind of place I want.”

As different as Containerland is from other parts of town, you won’t forget where you are. From nearly every vantage, you can see the mountains to the east and palm trees toward the beach. “Cities like this,” Wallace sighs, “it’s inevitable that it’s going to be beautiful.” That word –

beautiful – coming from Wallace, with his romantic sentiment for the wild, sketchy, un-policed Funk Zone of the past, sounds almost pejorative.

“Not that I love danger and all that shit, but I think the Funk Zone has become really clean – but I think that it’s also really well done. I think it’s neat,” he says earnestly, but he can’t help himself: “I wish there was more art in the wineries.”

How to Take it Easy These days, Wallace enjoys the life of an artist hitting his stride. He seems confident, at ease, content. “It’s definitely not the money,” he offers, “I mean, I made more money at True Grit and everything.

I started this because I really love it.

“I wake up in the morning. I have my coffee. I could paint today if I want to, I can go to the beach today if I want to,” he says, “If I’m inspired I’ll crank out for a full month straight. And it doesn’t even feel like I work.”

The long-time resident of downtown Santa Barbara recently moved to Montecito. “When I walk into Pierre Lafond, people are like, what is this ruffian?” he laughs. But the relocation is helping him stay out of trouble and it’s benefitting his work: “It’s so nice not going out all the time now. I’m getting so much more shit done.”

And with his Funk Zone studio a short trip away, he enjoys access to the best of both worlds. “I sit on my patio, and I have all my art around me, and I’m just like…” he says as he opens his arms wide, closes his eyes and exhales a long breath. “Then I go down to hell, which I love.”

“My art now is way better than when I was f***ed up,” Wallace reflects, and it seems like he’s finally found a good balance of chaos and order.

Look Wallace Piatt up online at www. wallaceisart.com. Search Instagram for #wallaceisart. He has two pieces up now at Seven Bar and Kitchen at 224 Helena Avenue.

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The Urilift keeps urine off the streets of London and where it belongs. In the Thames, untreated.

(That’s a joke, we think.)

by Jana Mackin

A journalist and a poet, Jana has lived everywhere from New Orleans and Butte, Montana to Saudi Arabia, where she taught English to children.

Her articles have appeared in numerous publications, including The Washington Post and San Francisco Examiner. She now lives in the Valley.

Tour du Port-o-Let

P

ortable Toilets.

Now that’s a quality column topic.

By whatever name you know them – porta-potty, porta-loo, port-o-let, Andy Gump, honey bucket, thunder box, spiffy biff, Johnny-on-the-Spot (better than Johnny-come-Lately) – PTs are as inherent a part of the American experience as rugged individualism and manifest destiny.

Here is a true American icon that bespeaks the sociology of need unapologetically married to America’s love affair with the car. For what is port-o-let if not a portable outhouse on wheels?

A miracle of form and function. A perfect canvas for culture and art.

Who knows, maybe someday a mathematician will divine that the portapotty shares the same golden ratio and sacred geometry as the Great Pyramid of Giza. Perhaps future discoveries of Egyptian hieroglyphs will suggest that long ago aliens gifted the portable toilet to mankind.

Anyway, I didn’t know squat about porto-let until MarBorg Industries Liquid Waste Division graciously offered me a tour of their Santa Barbara facilities, where portable toilets of every persuasion are displayed, inspected, cleaned and sanitized… and are available for rent. As someone from Montana, I had envisioned a portable toilet as a horse-drawn outhouse replete with crescent moons.

Oh how wrong I was.

What I learned about these “simple portable enclosures that are typically used as a temporary toilet for construction sites or large gatherings” was encyclopedic.

MarBorg offers the full range of portable restrooms with models including everything from their basic Elite and wheel chair accessible restrooms all the way up to the 20’ Fantastic Suite Restroom Trailer. I was flushed with excitement as I walked into this five-star posh facility that would rival the Ritz. For $2,500 you can rent this black marble and maple finished unit complete with surroundsound music, private stalls, separate gender entrances, air conditioning and heating, hot/cold running water, sinks, mirrors, lights, waterless urinals, interior design and decorating, electrical wall plugs, paper towels, soap seat covers, exterior and interior lighting and mirrors.

Restroom attendant is optional.

This toilet on wheels does everything except offer a velvet-gloved, retractable robotic hand to relieve one from the burden of wiping. (And you might even be

I think of this as the traditionalist model, although one could really spice up the description for the modern environmentalist. “Repurposed barn wood and recycled water make the Urban Farmer Portable the right choice for any backyard party with a rustic-chic feel.”

able to buy that if you look hard enough and don’t mind coughing up a few bucks.)

“You’ve really got to see it to believe it,” said Mario Anthony Borgatello III, General Manager for MarBorg Industries Liquid Waste Division. “Portable restrooms have evolved immensely. They started out being simple outhouses. But the name has evolved with the structure.”

“And we want people to know they are not just outhouses anymore.”

A Sordid History of the Portable Toilet The ancient Egyptians used portable toilets some 3,500 years ago. Basically, theirs was a stool with a hole in the middle over a clay pot. The Chamber Pot was used from the Middle Ages until about 1800. British Army officers overseas used the Campaign Toilet – how British is that? – in the mid 1800s. (This version featured a porcelain bowl and fresh water pump – again, how British is that?) This flushing portable toilet could also be used by nobility who didn’t want to crap with the commoners.

Speaking of crapping, during World War I, U.S. infantrymen in England would use portable toilets with the name T. Crapper printed on them, which referred to the

That’s Marborg Office Manager Roberto Medina-Barajas, looking dapper in Marborg’s Cadillac of mobile bathrooms.

relevant plumber and company founder.

Out of this, “crapper” as slang was born.

In the 1940s, the forerunner of the modern portable toilet was born when Long Beach shipbuilders created a wooden cabana with a drainable waste bin. From there, an entire industry grew. In fact, Southern California played a seminal role in portable toilet development. In the 1950s, for example, an ordinance was passed that required portable restrooms on construction sites. Since Massena “Andy” Gump had a septic pump truck, he soon decided to build wood portable toilets, using scrap plywood, and then started renting and servicing portable restrooms under the name Mission Sanitation in 1956, according to granddaughter Nancy Gump, Vice President of Andy Gump Inc. (Nancy also is also a member of the board of directors of Portable Sanitation Association International.) Although Ms. Gump wasn’t absolutely positive, she said that it’s possible her grandfather built the very first construction site portable toilet units in Los Angeles County.

Subsequently, “Andy Gumps” evolved into the Southern California vernacular for portable toilets. Sources report that the modern plastic portable toilet, invented

by Michael Jaskierny of Wisconsin, has been manufactured since the 1960s. Other sources report that the first U.S. patent for a polyethylene plastic portable restroom was issued in the 1960s to George Harding,

co-founder of PolyJohn Enterprises Corporation, along with Ed Cooper and George Hiskes.

But who gives a shit about any of that.

By the 1970s, portable toilets evolved into fiberglass structures, then into polyethylene plastic. The portable toilet continued its metamorphosis to its ultimate expression in the luxurious restroom trailers of today.

In 2011, estimators counted 1.4 million portable restroom rentals worldwide.

In Europe, the Urilift, a pop-up urinal, has been employed in the war against “wildplassen” or wild peeing that has run amuck by late-night men partying and pissing in public. There is also the Urilady for those on-the-go women who have the same needs. (Sources Wikipedia, A Royal Flush, Don’s Johns, D & J Septic Tank, howtogrowamoustache.com, and others.

I’m nothing if not thorough.)

“What we have done is raise the bar and provide VIPs, Very Impressive Portables, that are environmentally friendly,” Nancy told me. “California really sets the tone for the rest of the U.S. We are all about recycling and a being green-friendly state.”

That’s right, Santa Barbara, you heard it here first. California leads the way in environmentally conscious pooping on the go. Cue government subsidies and tax-rebates to encourage additional instate porta-potty manufacturing and commerce.

On Portable Toilets and Life As I researched portable toilets, I expected I might quote academics since they sometimes suffer from diarrhea of the mouth. Wrong. Whether ex-lax-adaisical, suffering from irritable bowel syndrome or just too anal retentive, most crapped out on interview requests.

I guess all of them poo-pooed my scholarly work.

All of them except for one, that is. An intrepid UCSB research staff assistant who, as a Zen master of portable hygiene, understood the importance of my work.

“Life is like a port-o-let,” said B.M., who wished to remain anonymous (obviously).

“You get out of it what you put into it.”

Words of wisdom, folks.

Think about them next time you’re sitting on the portable throne.

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by Jim Luksic

A longtime writer, editor and film critic, Jim has worked nationwide for several websites and publications – including the Dayton Daily News, Key West Citizen, Topeka Capital-Journal, Las Cruces Sun-News and Santa Ynez Valley Journal. California is his seventh state. When he isn’t watching movies or sports around the Central Coast and Los Angeles, you can find Jim writing and reading while he enjoys coffee and bacon, or Coke and pizza.

Wake Me Up When September Ends

A

side from reliable Woody Allen’s impressive Blue Jasmine, it hasn’t been exactly a stellar summer at the cineplex. The immediate horizon appears equally dry; perhaps Green Day was onto something by singing, “Wake me up when September ends.”

In fact, the trio of films to which I look forward the most are spread over the final three months: Captain Phillips starring Tom Hanks (October); Martin Scorsese’s The Wolf of Wall Street (November); and Dallas Buyers Club, a true story showcasing Matthew McConaughey as a cowboy with HIV (December).

Until then, we have a pair of misfires and one noble effort:

Getaway and Stay Away An absurd, redundant and downright dull “action” film that’s more like somebody’s cellphone footage of a driver wreaking havoc on the streets. Ethan Hawke stars as a burned-out racer who, after his wife gets kidnapped, is coerced by a stranger – Jon Voight, via videophone on the dashboard – to traverse Bulgaria. If that isn’t bizarre enough, our speedster almost gets carjacked by a young lady (Selena Gomez) who, like most Hollywood computer hackers, wears a ballcap and hoodie.

The visual gimmicks and inconsistent images give the impression Getaway used several cinematographers, one of whom clearly has a goatee fetish: Audiences are subjected to gratuitous close-ups of mouths and facial hair. Courtney Solomon (who?) directs as if overseeing the world’s longest car commercial – a dizzying array of burning rubber, fender-benders and tail lights. The overall effect is that of a demolition derby with police cruisers.

Closed Circuit This high-profile, low-octane thriller based in London, involves ex-lovers (Eric Bana and Rebecca Hall), an explosion at a market, a manhunt for terrorists – and the mother of all trials. England is suitably represented in modest proportions, under soapy skies; there will be no tourist-like excursions around The Eye or Big Ben. The sprawling plot’s tentacles reach far and wide, testing the participants’ loyalties, not to mention their lives. The underpraised director John Crowley – who gently guided Michael Caine through Is Anybody There? and capably juggled Intermission’s ensemble – manages to toe the line between descriptive and boring. There are boatloads of conversations, some that go overboard spelling out details, but most of the talking

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As the attorney general, Jim Broadbent – right at home, as he was in The Iron Lady and TopsyTurvy – periodically surfaces to make heads or tails of it all. His final scene, whereupon he addresses the hero during breakfast in a café, reminds us why Broadbent is one of the most revered (and busiest) actors in the business.

You’re Next If nothing else, this bloodbath inadvertently proves how pathetic the genre has become – and how bloody low expectations have slipped in the bargain. Early buzz emphasized the story had a “fresh” take that would “reinvent” the horror canon – though it’s unclear on what planet the likes of home-invasion killers wearing masks and wielding axes would be viewed as unique.

The murders are the result of an “inside” job – an extension of a dysfunctional family vacationing at a secluded mansion in the woods (how’s that for originality?) – which does little to boost the creative quotient. When tedium sets in, audiences desperately need humor, but Simon Barrett’s script lacks teeth and a funny bone. The unintended laugh comes from Information Listed for Friday thru Thursday - September 13 - 19 co-star Sharni Vinson, an Australian dancer, www.metrotheatres.com who displays fine physicality as the877-789-MOVIE resourceful heroine: It’s when the petite actress suddenly  Denotes ‘SPECIAL ENGAGEMENT’ Restrictions begins slaughtering everyone with the greatest of ease that you can’t be expected to keep a Do You Know About BARGAIN TUESDAYS? straight face.

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with Julie Bifano Ms Bifano is drawn to micro-fiction and is currently writing her first novel – “The Grace Below.” She has a B.A. in English with an emphasis in writing from the University of San Francisco and a M.F.A. in Creative Writing, also from the University of San Francisco. More of Julie’s stories and poetry can be viewed on her website juliebifano.com.

Yachts of Love Brenda Blalock, Rick Keith and Alan Porter at Yachts of Love.

Local heroes including first responders and safety personnel at the Charity Regatta.

O

n Saturday afternoon, September 7, the stifling humidity cleared from the air and a cool breeze swept through the Santa Barbara Yacht Club (SBYC). I was attending the 9th Annual Charity Regatta, which benefitted Visiting Nurse and Hospice Care.

Soaking in the sunshine and mingling with attendees, I eventually bumped into President and CEO of Visiting Nurse & Hospice Care Lynda Tanner and SBYC Board of Directors and President of the Hutton Parker Foundation Tom Parker.

Lynda expressed, “It is fun and rewarding to see all the volunteers and Yacht Club members working together to benefit Serenity House – VNHC’s in-patient hospice house. Proceeds from the Regatta support Serenity House operations and help provide the significant charitable care that is provided to those patients and families who need it.” (Volunteering is, of course, what aids organizations like Visiting Nurse & Hospice Care to continue to provide support and care for those individuals and families in need (www.vnhcsb.org).)

The tropical island sounds of musician Ross Harper’s steel drumming soon shifted my focus, however, and I wandered inside the Yacht Club.

The exclusive silent auction items were enticing and unique. Some of my favorites were a VIP elephant encounter at the Santa Barbara Zoo; a SBYC Scuttlebutt newsletter cover, where the winner could pick whatever photo he or she wants to display on the cover; and brunch for four at the Biltmore. Next year’s enthusiastic Chair, Robyn Parker, explained that this was the first year they decided to have a silent auction. She also explained that the winner of the Regatta

Cheryl and David Bench enjoy the view from the harbor.

Vice Commodore Larry Leveille and Cori Rampton soak in some sunshine.

Musician Ross Harper sets the mood with the tropical sound of the steel drum.

Lee Carlander and Danielle Bolster.

Robyn Parker and Dennis Boneck at the Yacht Club.

Race would receive the Yachts of Love trophy and that the real winner of the day would be the boat who brought in the most donations in relation to the size of the boat. I was looking forward to viewing the race!

As crowds of attendees were escorted to their respective racing and spectator vessels, I grabbed a couple of delicious homemade cookies with PR Coordinators Samantha Jessup and Jennifer Zacharias.

Samantha and Jennifer warmly asked if I would like to view the race from Adam Firestone’s boat, Katharina. Without hesitation, I agreed.

On the gorgeous Katharina, I struck up a conversation with a woman named Shirley who expressed how supportive

Lynn Sturgeon and Donna Ibarra pose for a quick shot before getting back to their appetizers and wine.

Visiting Nurse & Hospice Care had been when her husband passed away last year.

When we returned to land, my sea legs steadied, and I indulged in the BBQ offered (especially notable was the Yachts of Love salad dressing by Il Fustino).

Sitting among new friends with a satisfied soul and belly, John F. Kennedy’s memorable words came to mind and summed up the day, “We are tied to the ocean. And when we go back to the sea, whether it is to sail or to watch, we are going back from whence we came.”

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30 East Figueroa Street, Suite B Santa Barbara, California 93101 President and CEO of Visiting Nurse and Hospice Care Lynda Tanner with SBYC Board of Directors and President of the Hutton Parker Foundation, Tom Parker.

Investment Services Since 1890 Captain David Sadecki with wife, Jo, at the Yacht Club.

Samantha Jessup and Enrique Medina pose for a quick shot.

The FDIC-Insured Bank Deposit Program provides up to $2.5 million of FDIC coverage (or $5 million for joint accounts as defined in the Insured Bank Deposit Program Terms and Conditions brochure), subject to any limitations. You should request and read the Terms and Conditions brochure carefully before choosing to partcipate in this program. FDIC insurance coverage pertains only to bank products available through Stifel Nicolaus. Investment products offered through Stifel Nicolaus are not FDIC-insured, not bank guaranteed, and may lose value.

Stifel, Nicolaus & Company, Incorporated | Member SIPC and NYSE

IT’S NOT THAT YOU DRINK; Regatta donor Adam Firestone mans his impressive boat Katherina for an epic ride.

The lovely Jennifer Zacharias enjoys balmy breezes aboard the Katharina.

Elizabeth Adams, Susan Campbell and Vanesa Wendler about to enjoy some delicious BBQ.

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You Have Your Hands Full

So, ah, that’s what gingham looks like.

(Nice call, Jackson, have a great time back east. Just talk about your mad lacrosse skills and everything will work out just fine.)

by Mara Peters Former editor for the fashion/lifestyle section of the New York

Post, Mara moved to London and worked as a contributing editor for the Daily Mail’s You Magazine, freelancing for Look Magazine, NY Post and the Style Magazine for The Sunday Times. To remain sane during diaper years she writes a mommy blog, You Have Your Hands Full – www.handsfullsb.com.

Deconstructing East Coast Preppy

“T

he attire is preppy,” my sisterin-law informed me about her wedding in Boston. Biting my tongue, I said, “Gotcha!” while my inner voice was simultaneously screaming, “Since when was that even a dress code?”

I’m used to Black-Tie, Cocktail or Casual.

To me, preppy was plaid patchwork pants in a soft lime green and pink with yellow button-downs and bow ties. Or collared shirts in nautical navy color with anchor belts and khakis.

None of which, of course, is in our wardrobe.

Let’s be honest. Santa Barbara is the antithesis of preppy. After moving out here from New York, I joyfully threw out the constricting Ralph Lauren collared shirts, anything that was remotely plaid and all the Polo 3-button shirts. Our kids don’t remember the days that they weren’t in skinny jeans and t-shirts. Instead of penny loafers, we’ve embraced SeaVees, the local Santa Barbara shoes that scream Southern California style like no other.

But that doesn’t seem to stop my panic every time we head to the East Coast for the occasional family trip. Because “preppy” is not just attire, it’s a lifestyle that includes golf activities, tennis games and croquet. (Being good on the boogie board or mountain bike doesn’t seem to hold much merit back there.)

And then there are the nephews, who simply refuse to call me Aunt Mara. “Thank you Mrs. Peters,” they say with impeccable boarding school manners. I look for flaws every morning as they bounce down the stairs before breakfast but their matching (and always very clean) outfits, perfectly groomed hair and incredible golf game only further add to their state of total and complete perfection.

It is truly awe-inspiring.

A Run for the (Truckloads of Blue Blood Preppy) Money Always the competitor, however, I thought I would give this year’s visit the

Santa Barbara RAPE CRISIS CENTER

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Shining Star Honorees

Santa Barbara County Sheriff’s Investigative Unit Charlotte Ellen, Community Activist and Donor Susan Trescher, Donor (posthumous)

Join us for a Wine & Cheese Reception

Thursday, September 19, 5–7pm • Rooftop Perch, Canary Hotel 31 W. Carrillo Street, Santa Barbara, CA $45 per person RSVP by September 12 by mail, online or call 805.963.6832 Drawing for Trip for 2 to ARUBA! See website for details.

SBRCC • 433 E. Cañón Perdido St., Santa Barbara, CA 93101 • sbrapecrisiscenter.org

old college try. I figured that if I planned ahead, and truly focused, maybe, just maybe, we could compete against the cousins at the wedding. I started small a couple of months ago. “Kids, from now on, I want you to stop calling people by their first names, I want Mrs. And Mr., you got me? We are going back east for a big trip and I need everyone to practice better manners.”

Olivia, my only daughter, was completely game. When our neighbor came over to get some eggs, I overheard her say, “Let me just get my mom for you, Mrs. Friden.”

“What are you calling me Mrs. Friden for?! I am Fernanda, you silly girl,” our neighbor replied, surprised, but laughing.

“We are preparing for our preppy trip,” I explained to her. “Please, try to encourage them to have some manners so their cousins don’t smoke them at the wedding.”

“Jeez, Mara,” she retorted, “are you nuts? Besides it makes me sound old and there is no reason for it!”

Enter the box from J. Crew. Identical blue gingham shirts for the boys that color coordinated with the boating flower girl outfit Liv would be wearing. Khakis, similar belts and cute shoes. “We’re going to look good. Really good,” I kept repeating to myself as I laid out each outfit.

Jackson Peters Keeps It Real “Whoa, hold on a sec,” my 11 year old, Jackson, gasped in horror as he spied the three outfits on his bed. “Are you trying to tell me I am wearing the same outfit as Teddy and Charlie? Is this some kind

of sick joke you’re playing on me? And what’s with a belt? It will feel too tight. It might even make my stomach hurt.”

One of his best friends’ mothers was over and quickly sided with him. “I think you will cause irreversible damage,” she said, apparently channeling her inner child psychologist. “I still resent my mom for making me and my sisters wear matching outfits. I felt like a complete moron.”

Reluctantly, I looked at the outfit on the bed. But what about the cousins? Without a doubt, they would be matching. I bit my lip and weakly tried to justify, “We are talking about one day here…”

Then my gaze sheepishly shifted to Jackson and I knew – case closed. My argument was thin and he knew it. And he knew I knew it. How could I expect them to embrace something I completely rejected? If I shoved them into the starched outfits they’d be awkward and uncomfortable the entire time. None of us would have been ourselves and we wouldn’t enjoy the trip at all.

So together we rifled through their closets and came up with a compromise.

Anything with a collar would do. We got some tribal prints going with skinny cords, Levis and bright orange shirts.

They all grinned and Jackson voiced it for the whole crew, “Mom, now you are coming to your senses.”

Their broad smiles told me I had evolved.

And as I looked at them, all dressed in their unique styles, I realized that this was just the reason we had left in the first place.

And what the hell… I’ve always hated golf, anyway.

Peters’ Pick

I

f it was Taylor Swift, it would be a no brainer. I would just say no. The tickets are too expensive. Easy convo when your daughter is turning double digits. But she doesn’t want to see Taylor Swift for her birthday. She wants to go see Itzhak Perlman, the world famous 68-year-old violinist, at the Granada. And, one week before the show, the tickets are outrageous.

There is a lesson here.

Plan ahead. Have a look at the Granada’s schedule and notice that England’s Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, Brazil’s amazing Bahia Youth Symphony Orchestra and Yo-Yo Ma are coming to town. Plan ahead and recognize how amazing it is that Santa Barbara gets some of the best musicians in the world to play here. www.granadasb.org.

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GREEN SCENE

SEPTEMBER 13 – 20 | 2013 |

weekend guide

41

by

• LOVE IS FREE What: Meet Your Makers Where: 130 East Cota, between Anacapa and Santa Barbara streets When: This Saturday, September 14, and next Saturday, September 21, 10am – 3pm Why: We know, we’ve told you plenty of times to go... but seriously, there are only a few markets left this season.

How: Get out there and meet (and be inspired by) some really awesome local artisans including Stabiles, Asher Market and more!

.com

by Courtney Dietz

Surfboards for Your Soul

What’ll It Cost Me: Free to attend.

Shopping will cost you.

• LOOSE CHANGE What: Parker’s Picnic Series Where: Fess Parker Winery & Vineyard, 6200 Foxen Canyon Road, Los Olivos When: Saturday, September 14, 12 – 4pm Why: It’s the perfect place for a picnic.

How: Enjoy live music by ‘80s cover band, The Molly Ringwald Project, sip wine and chow down on grub from Georgia’s Smokehouse on the gorgeous Fess Parker grounds.

S

anta Barbara is a surf town. From Rincon to the Ranch, we have some great spots that offer a diversity of waves for a diversity of people. And while there are a number of ways to love your Mother (Earth, that is), surfing is a pretty soulful way to do it.

Unfortunately, more often than not, a surfboard is 100% toxic. From the foam to the resin to the fiberglass, producing a surfboard is not usually so ecologically inclined.

Thankfully for all of us, local surfboard company Timberline is doing it differently.

They use 100% recycled foam blanks (the core of the board) surrounded by a veneer of Paulownia wood, which is incredibly fast growing and durable, enabling them to use less glass. In addition, they use an eco-based resin, not often a standard in the industry.

But word on the waves is that these boards sacrifice neither weight nor performance.

And in just case it matters – and we think it does – they are simply beautiful. www. timberlinesurf.com.

What’ll It Cost Me: Free to attend. Wine and food will cost you.

• HEY BIG SPENDER What: Santa Barbara Underwater Film Festival Where: Arlington Theatre, 1317 State Street When: Saturday, September 14, 7pm Why: It’s a tribute to local Ernie H. Brooks, one of the legends of underwater photography.

How: Sea and be seen at this picturesque show.

What’ll It Cost Me: $38 – $150

ARTS & CULTURE Down to Earth

(crafty planters, if you will) that complement the little playful plants.

We are all for foliage that doesn’t need an entourage – and who needs roots when you have art to lift you up? Check them out locally at Coastal Collections, Island View Nursery or Tide Pools. You can also just go to www.stabilessantabarbara.com.

By Sylvie Butera Rich ell, yes, they are definitely low maintenance, but it’s true that actually no soil at all is needed for these mini air plants called Tillandsia. They just need air, a little light and a weekly soak.

That’s it.

Samuel Guzman, a creative local artist, recognizes the unique nature of these lively little wiry plants and has created Stabiles,

W

WINE & DINE Rockin’ Jars

By Eve Sommer-Belin olks, it’s time to get your pantry shelves rockin’.

Leave the processed foods and corporate hoopla behind and dive into one of Rock Rose Provisions’ delicious jarred concoctions. Changing with the seasons or even more frequently, Rock Rose’s jars can hold anything from pickles to jam to coconut ginger cashew butter! Their focus is on handmade goods using only high quality ingredients in small batches – homemade and straight to you. Right now they’re all about mustards and nut butters creating mouthwatering combinations, so much so that it’s hard to choose which to take home. Find your favorites and snatch them up, as they’ll be changing things up often.

Discover their delicious inventions at Meet Your Makers or other artisan markets in town. Trust us, you’ll want to rock the night away enjoying a jar of chocolate espresso peanut butter! www.rockroseprovisions.com.

F

hand-crafted wire sculptures that support Tillandsia air plants. Guzman does not use any glue and does not weld, but instead uses balance and counter weight with inventive bindings and pressings to make these pieces

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REAL ESTATE

3080 Calle Madera

by Michael Calcagno

Michael has consistently been ranked in the top 1% of Sotheby’s agents worldwide. Shortly after joining Sotheby’s, he partnered with Nancy Hamilton to form one of the most successful real estate teams in Santa Barbara. Michael can be reached at Michael@ HomesinSantaBarbara.com

Market Heat Still Rising

T

he weather this past week has reminded us that we are still in summer despite the fact that Labor Day weekend just passed by. While fall seems to be just around the corner, it looks like the real estate market might keep the heat on for quite some time. It no doubt sounds redundant week after week, and it feels that way writing it, but I can’t control the numbers and the fact that the market is clearly on the rise.

In the areas East of State, West of State and Hope Ranch in the price range of $400,000-$1,700,000 there were 21 new listing this past week. Out of those 21 listings two have already closed escrow, meaning they were sold before hitting the open market.

In the same areas and price ranges there were a total of 17 properties that closed escrow and 17 that went pending.

Let’s take a look at two new listings that I am guessing will not be on the market very long at all and are worth checking out this weekend.

3080 Calle Madera is a charming, cottage-like three-bedroom, two-bath home at the end of the street in San Roque. Both baths are remodeled, so is the kitchen. There’s also a spacious fenced rear yard with a deck and patio.

3005 Paseo Del Refugio is another charming three-bedroom, two-bath San Roque home. The one offers hardwood floors, a detached two-car garage and large rear yard.

This is the first time the property has been on the market.

Go check them out!

Neither Mr. Calcagno nor Sotheby’s International Realty is necessarily the listing broker or agent for any of the properties on this page.

Mortgage statistics provided by Justin M. Kellenberger, Senior Loan Officer at SG Premier Lending Group, Inc. Justin can always be reached at justin@sgpremierlending.com.

Note: The foregoing economic breakdowns do not include potential tax benefit analyses since that will ultimately depend upon a number of additional factors. But home ownership can indeed have tremendous tax-savings potential and should be considered with your realtor and/or tax accountant as part of the ownership decision.

ADVERTISE

Purchase price: $858,000 Down payment (20%): $171,600 Loan amount: $686,400 Loan payment: $3,477

(30 yr fixed rate at 4.5% (4.57% APR))

Property taxes estimate: $786 Home insurance estimate: $80 Total Monthly Payment: $4,343

3005 Paseo Del Refugio

8 05.845.1673

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Purchase price: $849,000 Down payment (20%): $169,800 Loan amount: $679,200 Loan payment: $2,617

(10 yr fixed rate at 4.625% (4.68%APR))

Kevin O’Connor President

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Property taxes estimate: $778 Home insurance estimate: $80 Total Monthly Payment: $3,475

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OPEN HOUSE GUIDE

SEPTEMBER 13 – 20 | 2013 |

43

SUNDAY September 15

Downtown

18 West Victoria #308 12-5pm $2,600,000 2bd/3ba Alma Del Pueblo Sales Team 845-4393 Village Properties 18 West Victoria #205 12-5pm $1,459,000 1bd/2ba Alma Del Pueblo Sales Team 845-4393 Village Properties 2224 De La Vina Street 2-4pm $1,450,000 3bd/3ba Vivien Alexander 689-6683 Village Properties 18 West Victoria #108 12-5pm $1,100,000 1bd/2ba Alma Del Pueblo Sales Team 845-4393 Village Properties 18 West Victoria #109 12-5pm $855,000 0bd/1ba Alma Del Pueblo Sales Team 845-4393 Village Properties 1219 Gillespie Way 2-4pm $788,000 3bd/3.5ba Joe Parker 886-5735 Prudential California Realty 1719 Chino Street 1-3pm $735,000 2bd/2ba Jennifer Berger 451-5484 Sotheby’s International Realty 236 Por La Mar Circle

By Appt. $595,000 1bd/1ba John Sirois 455-6277 Village Properties

516 East Micheltorena Street 1-3pm $1,589,000 3bd/2ba Sandy Lipowski & Daniela Johnson 403-3844 Sotheby’s International Realty 504 East Arrellaga Street 2-4pm $1,395,000 3bd/3.5ba Whitney Schott 680-3640 Village Properties 504 East Arrellaga Street 2-4pm $1,395,000 3bd/3.5ba Whitney Schott 680-3640 Village Properties 2653 Glendessary Lane 1-4pm $1,380,000 4bd/2ba William Reed & Rose Marie Reed 896-3002 Sotheby’s International Realty 729 East Anapamu #B 2-4pm $1,349,000 3bd/2.5ba Lee Walsh 886-0660 Village Properties 1818 Olive Avenue 1-5pm $1,295,000 3bd/2.5ba Ron Harkey & Richard Naiman 886-9871 Village Properties 1800 Garden Street 1-4pm $1,248,000 3bd/2ba David Hekhouse 455-2113 Village Properties 23 Chase Drive 2-4pm $975,000 3bd/2ba Mark Goetz 895-9836 Coldwell Banker 400 East Pedregosa Street #I 1-3pm $850,000 2bd/2ba Ed Kaleugher & Stephanie Wilson 963-1391 Sotheby’s International Realty

4693 Via Bendita 12-2pm $4,299,000 5bd/5.5ba Adrienne Schuele 452-3960 Village Properties 785 Carosam 2-4pm $2,850,000 5bd/4ba Pamela Regan 895-2760 Village Properties 3963 Laguna Blanca 1-4pm $2,395,000 2bd/2ba Linda Lorenzen-Hughes 886-1842 Coldwell Banker 2620 Tallant Road 2-4pm $1,750,000 4bd/4.5ba Jan Dinmore Banister 455-1194 Prudential California Realty 3021 Hermosa Road 2-4pm $1,495,000 4bd/3.5ba Robert Heckes 637-0047 Sotheby’s International Realty 550 Carriage Hill Lane 2-4pm $899,000 3bd/2.5ba Isaac Garrett 729-1143 Prudential California Realty 4124 Modoc Road 2-4pm $769,000 3bd/2ba Michael Pearl & Gail Pearl 637-6888 Sotheby’s International Realty 124 Romaine Drive 1-4pm $749,000 2bd/1ba Bill Urbany 331-0248 Prudential California Realty 4154 Via Andorra #D 1-4pm $475,000 2bd/2ba Christopher W Hunt 453-3407 Village Properties

1409 Shoreline Drive 1-5pm $5,000,000 4bd/4ba Gene Archambault 455-1190 Sun Coast Real Estate 1927 Camino De La Luz 1-4pm $3,395,000 3bd/2ba Ken Switzer 680-4622 Prudential California Realty 129 Palisades Drive 2-4pm $1,175,000 4bd/3ba Tracy Nelson 246-7288 Prudential California Realty 2323 White Avenue 1-3pm $750,000 3bd/2ba Alan M. Chierici 680-0501 Prudential California Realty 955 West Carrillo Street 1-4pm $749,000 2bd/1ba Yolanda Van Wingerden 570-4965 Prudential California Realty 1074 Miramonte Drive #1 1-4pm $519,500 2bd/1.5ba Kathy Hughes 448-4881 Prudential California Realty

1213 Viscaino Road 1-4pm $1,999,999 3bd/2ba John Comin 689-3078 Prudential California Realty 10 Rincon Vista 1-4pm $1,995,000 4bd/3.5ba Wilson Quarre 680-9747 Sotheby’s International Realty 15 Loma Media 2-4pm $1,599,000 2bd/2ba Nancy Hamilton 451-4442 Sotheby’s International Realty 1102 East Canon Perdido Street 2-4pm $1,495,000 3bd/2.5ba Nick Svensson 895-2957 Sotheby’s International Realty

3310 Los Pinos Drive 2-4pm $1,895,000 5bd/4ba Marta Weeks 689-0410 Village Properties 3761 Lincoln Road 2-4pm $1,695,000 5bd/3.5ba Wanda Livernois 963-1391 Sotheby’s International Realty 325 East Alamar Avenue

By Appt. $1,098,000 4bd/3ba Rich van Seenus 284-6330 Sotheby’s International Realty 3666 Eileen Way 1-5pm $1,050,000 3bd/2ba Joy Bean 895-1422 Sotheby’s International Realty 3888 Nathan Road 1-3pm $915,000 3bd/2.5ba Reyne Stapelmann 705-4353 Prudential California Realty 3639 San Pablo 1-4pm $850,000 3bd/1ba Marguerite Taylor 705-0957 Coldwell Banker 3617 San Remo Drive

By APPT $799,500 3bd/2ba Bill Coker 689-7415 Coldwell Banker 3708 Greggory Way #2 1-4pm $749,000 3bd/3ba The Easter Team 570-0403 Prudential California Realty 2639 State Street #V1 2-5pm $599,000 2bd/2ba Linda Havlik 451-8020 Prudential California Realty 2821 Miradero Drive #B 2-4pm $549,000 2bd/1.5ba Sandy Stahl 689-1602 Sotheby’s International Realty

East Side Upper

Hope Ranch Area

Mesa

Riviera

San Roque

KEY FEATURES Purchase financing for the Self Employed

SELF EMPLOYED? We have the loan for you!

The Bank Statement loan is designed for a buyer who has been self-employed for a minimum of 2 years.

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Minimum credit score 720.

12 months personal or business bank statements.

Personal use total deposits, business use net deposits.

Cash reserves 12 months PITI owner occupied and 2nd home.

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GUARANTEE MORTGAGE 1736 State Street Santa Barbara, CA 93101 (805) 687-6282 www.gmwestsb.com

Licensed by the Department of Business Oversight under the California Residential Mortgage Lending Act. Loans will be arranged pursuant to the Department of Business Oversight California Finance Lenders Law License. Commercial and private lender loans are arranged under the Bureau of Real Estate, Department of Consumers Affairs.

Guarantee Mortgage NMLS ID 2527 and BRE #01370741.

Programs Subject To Change Without Notice.

nOTAble OceAnfROnT eSTATe | web: 0592563 | $32,000,000 Michael Calcagno 805.896.0876, Nancy Hamilton 805.451.4442

OceAn vIew OppORTunITy | web: 0113662 | $9,750,000 Kathleen St James 805.705.0898

luxuRy RAnch | web: 0592555 | $6,495,000 Adam McKaig 805.452.6884, Christopher Page 805.284.8422

True Global Reach A sophisticated marketing approach. A world-renowned auction house. A global real estate network.

STunnInG OceAn vIewS | web: 0113635 | $4,995,000 Suzanne Perkins 805.895.2138, Vivienne Leebosh 805.689.5613

feRnAld pOInT lAne | web: 0113715 | $4,950,000 Suzanne Perkins 805.895.2138

hISTORIc OjAI hAcIendA | web: 0592628 | $4,500,000 Jay Krautmann 805.451.4527, Darcie McKnight 805.637.7772

dOwnTOwn penThOuSe | web: 0592632 | $1,695,000 Nancy Hamilton 805.451.4442, Michael Calcagno 805.896.0876

OceAn vIew cOTTAGeS | web: 0592651 | $1,599,000 Nancy Hamilton 805.451.4442, Michael Calcagno 805.896.0876

mOunTAIn vIew hOme | web: 0632082 | $949,000 Peggy Olcese 805.895.6757, Maureen McDermut 805.570.5545

SpAcIOuS luxuRy ReSIdence | web: 0592597 | $750,000 Nancy Hamilton 805.451.4442, Michael Calcagno 805.896.0876

weSTSIde chARmeR | web: 0113741 | $735,000 Jennifer Berger 805.451.5484

New LiStiNg

plAyGROund pARAdISe | web: 0592641 | $5,500,000 Adam McKaig 805.452.6884

SAnTA bARbARA AReA bROkeRAGeS | sothebyshomes.com mOnTecITO cOAST vIllAGe ROAd bROkeRAGe | mOnTecITO uppeR vIllAGe bROkeRAGe SAnTA bARbARA bROkeRAGe | SAnTA ynez vAlley bROkeRAGe Operated by Sotheby’s International Realty, Inc.