Saaailing... Takes me Awaaay by Montecito Journal

FALLING STARS

YOUTH SLEUTHS

DON’T CALL ’EM STARFISH; THEY’RE SEA STARS, LADEN WITH LESIONS AND DYING AT AN ALARMING RATE, WARN UCSB SCIENTISTS, P. 22

WATCH OUT FOR THE MAYFIELD BROTHERS, AKA THE PET DETECTIVES, PROWLING FOR CUTE CANINES; THIS TIME SPANKY JOINS OUR GANG, P. 25

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every other week from pier to peak

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SAAAILING… TAKES ME AWAAAY...

CHRISTOPHER CROSS WAS A VISIONARY

’m not exactly what you’d call an experienced boater. I grew up in middle-class Santa Rosa, the son of a telecom/information technology man and a mother who found a week of camping and lakes far inferior to a few nights at the Hotel del Coronado or wherever. That’s not to say I was a deprived child. I wasn’t. In fact, I spent hours and hours as a high schooler getting my fill of the great outdoors, traipsing around the wilderness

15 DAYS A WEEK PAGE 10

of Northern California with friends and backpacks of Keystone Light cans and country music and automotive funnels and all sorts of other gizmos. Fun times. ‘Twas a terrific upbringing. But it’s safe to say that yachting wasn’t exactly on the summer activity schedule. Ever. My fascination with boats – sailboats in particular –

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by Matt Mazza began, perhaps unpredictably, with my wife. In stark contrast to my family, hers spent weeks each year boating and waterskiing and generally frolicking deep in Norcal on Clear Lake, where they kept a modest summer home. She invited me up to meet the family one summer after we’d started dating, it must’ve been 1994 or ‘95, and I anxiously agreed.

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...continued p.5

TIME & TIDE PAGE 22

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Images from The Red Book by C.G. Jung used by permission of W. W. Norton & Company. Inc.

The collection 23 fine art prints from C.G. Jung’s Red Book currently on display at Pacifica Graduate Institute was originally shown at the Venice Biennale in Italy. This is its first showing in the United States. When Jung embarked on an extended period of self-exploration, The Red Book was at the heart of it. It is an illuminated volume that he created between 1914 and 1930 where he developed his theories of the archetypes, the collective unconscious, and

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Content

COVER

Guitar MAY-nia!

Mazza’s Missive – EIC Matt channels Christopher Cross and learns to sail (a real boat!) in a convoluted revenge scheme involving Commodore Skip Abed, the Santa Barbara Sailing Center and a humiliating boating episode at the hands of Matt’s in-laws nearly 20 years ago. Hmmm… meaty.

P.6

I t’s Crimetime – EIC Matt – in a wildly self-indulgent issue – is concerned about the cultural implications of Irish portrayal on St. Patrick’s Day. So the Crimetime writers took the stereotypes and used them as fodder for the column this week to enrage him. Yay.

P.7

L etters to the Editor – Alda prefers homeless shelters to animal shelters and hates all mankind; some large portion of the Sentinel’s purported “readership” is of the canine variety; Mac McGill’s last stand; Santa Barbara = Brooklyn; people who smoke at the public library are lame; Dredge, Baby, Dredge. Fun times.

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P.8 P.10

T he Beer Guy – The only thing that fascinates Zach Rosen more than beer is apparently a certain fire-spewing vehicle with half-naked aerialist dancers that serves beer. Pyrobar is back.

Paul Galbraith

P.12 P.16

Thursday, May 8

P.18

Showcasing Three Incredible Guitarists in May at the Lobero Theatre Experience the technical finesse of Paul Galbraith in the West Coast premiere of his Bach and Mozart program, blues from visionary rootsmusic storyteller Keb’ Mo’ and the work of the endlessly creative Bill Frisell as he takes on the timeless compositions of John Lennon in one action-packed week.

West Coast premiere, Bach and Mozart program

“Exhilarating beyond compare ... a joy.” - Guitar Review

15 Days A Week – This has got to be the funniest comedy calendar on the planet. Wait, what’s that? This is the only comedy calendar on the planet? Well, the two aren’t mutually exclusive… (Nice work Jerry, we got a real laugh out of this one. And we think we have all 15 days planned next week. Cool.)

Santa Barbara View – A few of Sharon Byrne’s favorite Eastside things; Loretta Redd had a deep-seated hatred of Ronald Reagan. (Surprise!) Presidio Sports – San Marcos boys volleyball is kicking ass; Riley Heiduk kicks some ass and wins the Phil Womble Award for 2014-14; Mason Casady, Josh Wang and Rachelle Visser are the kick-ass SBART Athletes of the Week; and the Dons girls hoops is just plain kick-ass. Keep it up, everybody, you’re all kicking ass. (What? Kids use profane language in high school, don’t they?)

In the Zone – Tommie Vaughn steps in for Jeremy Harbin with a little Second Saturday Art Walk pictorial and some Funk Zone gossip. Hey Tommie, thanks for stepping up. You know we gotsta have that Funk.

P.22 P.23

Mad Science – Rachelle Oldmixon talks sea stars with their legs inexplicably falling off. Scientists agree that there are potentially disastrous implications all humankind. (Or something like that.)

Man About Town – Mark Léisuré does his thing. Whatever that is. (Hey Mark, didn’t you, like, party hop and name drop at one point? Can we get back to that? It was fun. Funner than this new thing, anyway. Kidding. Kisses.)

Keb’ Mo’ Tuesday, May 13 “Keb’ Mo’ manages to carry the torch of Muddy Waters and B.B. King while adding spices of his own.” - Buffalo News

All we are saying:

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Explores the Music of John Lennon Friday, May 16

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P.25

The Pet Detectives – This biweek, John and Hudson Mayfield spend some time with Spanky the Shop Dog, who apparently eats his weight in beef jerky daily. (Quick, Jenny Schatzle: Is that a healthy dietary pattern for a reasonably sedentary tiny canine? He needs a life change!)

P.27

Pump It – Jenny Schatzle brings nutritional knowledge from her registered dietician Colleen Hurley. The message? Sugar is bad, like drugs are bad. We strongly object to this line of reasoning.

P.31 P.32

The Weekly Capitalist – Jeff Harding hates groupthink and meritagians. (No he hasn’t lost his mind. Just go read.) The Elevator Pitch – Grant Lepper’s testosterone levels were dangerously low before he sat down with Dr. Owen Stormo, an ER doc turned proactive male medicine evangelist. Now Grant looks like he’s 25, acts like he’s 16 and had his first nocturnal emission in 40 years. It’s a medical miracle.

P.33 P.34

In the Garden with Mr. Greenjeans – Tomatos. Mexican sage eating deer. Concerned Sherman Oaksters. The usual. Cut. Chew. Eat. Repeat. Jacquelyn De Longe guzzles liquor and gets promiscuous at The Bourbon Room. And she likes it. (Kidding. She had one drink (yeah right) and some good food. The Bourbon Room is money. So go.)

P.35

Keepin’ It Reel – James Luksic watches films and gets promiscuous at The Bourbon Room. (Kidding. He watches movies and eloquently reviews them. Then gets weird at a variety of clubs around town.)

P.36 P.37 P.38

Plan B – Briana’s kindergartener daughter has a boyfriend. We’re calling Child Protection Services.

The Santa Barbara Skinny – Yellow forks and breast cancer survival guides. We’re not sure what to say. Food File – Christina Enoch guzzles liquor and gets promiscuous at Trattoria Vittoria. And she likes it. Kidding. She had one drink (yeah, right) and some good Italian food. Trattoria Vittoria is money. So go. (Sorry, we ran out of creative things to day and just copied and pasted that earlier entry. We’re done. And we need a few drinks and a little promiscuity.)

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MAZZA’S MISSIVE by Matt Mazza

...continued from COVER

It’s hard as a young man to walk into that situation. Wendi’s father is no pushover; neither is her older brother (or her mother, for that matter). My thennew girlfriend is the sole daughter and sister in the Wyatt clan, and bringing a cocky young boyfriend to Clear Lake was not taken lightly. So I did what any self-respecting college boy might: I looked for common ground. And, despite my boat-less childhood, that common ground came out on the water. I tried like hell to seem like I had some idea of what was happening out there in the little outboard power boat they loved so much; I put every single ounce of energy I had (that was a lot back then) into learning to single ski quickly and respectably; I helped where I could; I didn’t vomit. Et cetera. And it went reasonably well, I think. I soon counted Wendi’s brother as a friend (still do) and her father began to see a few vaguely redeeming qualities in my otherwise manic personality. That was what I thought, anyway, right

up until they got me out on their sailboat. It was an old (and only questionably seaworthy) Hobie Cat, and I don’t think they knew too much about driving the damned thing. Regardless, following an afternoon drink (or two), we got the beast off the beach and out into the middle of Clear Lake – rigging, banging and clanging everywhere, lines in the water, where the winds were actually quite strong. It was my first sailing experience and I loved it, despite the relatively motely crew. We were flying along, laughing and talking, pushing the boat harder and harder into the wind. Wendi’s father suggested – innocently, I think – that I get myself into the “trapeze kit” and really hang out over the windward rail to leverage more speed from the dilapidated jalopy. I agreed, eager to impress, and quickly prepared myself for the task at hand. But rather than eloquently position myself appropriately, I quickly lost my balance and slipped on the hull of the boat.

The crew: That’s Captain Jason Burke (left) with classmates Joe Williams and Jenn Kennedy. Ahoy mates!

I was promptly dragged around Clear Lake, in a rather compromised rear- end first position, until we could figure out how in the hell to get me back on board under 15 to 20 knot winds. Let’s just say that my new friends seemed to take their time. There may have even been a smile or two as they “accidentally” paraded me around in front of their friends and, of course, Wendi back on the beach. They seemed to actually enjoy my humiliation, even revel in it.

I’ve had the privilege of re-living my ass-first Hobie Cat drubbing for the better part of 20 years now, and every time the story is told, it just gets funnier and funnier for old Don and my brotherin-law Rod. I laugh, sure, and it was hilarious (I’m leaving lots out here in the interest of brevity – wait, I’m already at 650 words?), but I’ve always planned my reprisal. Revenge, as they say, is indeed a dish ...continued p.14

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It'sCrimetime...

...with the SBPD

A variety of crimes are committed every day in Santa Barbara; most of these crimes are petty but they do offer a window into if not the soul of the perpetrator, at least his or her thought process. Our following (and totally unsolicited) thoughts, observations and comments are put forth for your consideration.

EIC Matty’s Down on St. Patty’s

7PM EVE RYDAY !! $10 SPECIA L EAT & DRI NK 3PM TO

his’ll be old news by the time you read it but that’s ok – we just couldn’t help ourselves. Editor-in-Chief Matt Mazza, a generally amiable and gregarious guy, has been a little, well, grumpy lately. He’s an Irishman, you see, “at least fifty percent,” he often proclaims. “Hell, my family owns a damned pub just off Grafton in Dublin. How much more Irish can a kid born in San Francisco’s Sunset District get?” (A lot, if you know anything about the Sunset. We digress.) It’s not the fact that he claims Irish descent that has him all flustered, though. It’s the way the (belligerent, drunken, potato-eating, jovial) Irish are portrayed on St. Patrick’s Day that has his clover-covered underpants all in a bunch. “It’s not right,” he tells those who will listen (numbers are dwindling there, Matt). “I mean, can you imagine another ethnic, cultural, ancestral, racial or religious group being subjected to the ridiculous and frankly harmful stereotypes that are so callously tossed around on St. Patty’s? It’s unbelievable. We need another Easter Rising for Christ’s sake.” Please no, Matt, really. Instead, we think you might better lighten up, old friend, and go have yourself a drink like any other self-respecting half-Irishman. In fact, make it a Bushmills. On us. After that, enjoy the following celebration of all things uniquely Irish – they all happened over St. Patrick’s Day weekend. Be proud. And may the cat eat you, and the devil eat the cat. (Or something like that.) • A 21-year-old UCSB student was “stumbling aimlessly through the parking lot and thought he was in Isla Vista” around 2am one fine morning. He wasn’t in Isla Vista, of course, he was somewhere just outside Dublin. (Actually, this guy is from Jamaica, not Ireland. But they didn’t find any marijuana on him. Wait… luck o’ the Irish!) • A 42-year-old leprechaun was found sleeping on his pot of gold in the number 2 lane of West Carrillo just after midnight. May the road rise up to meet you, et cetera, dude. • A 51-year-old local porn-junky was discovered passed out in the back of an “adult bookstore” around 10pm. He was cleared by Cottage Hospital after doctors removed a rubber Blarney Stone from his… oh, forget it. • A drunken 55-year-old man was rolling around in some bushes on upper State and screaming Irish lyrics just before 2am one morning. He couldn’t answer simple biographical questions – Are you from County Kerry or Cork? – or follow simple commands. • A 23-year-old man from Tustin attempted to enter a closed business on Chapala. When officers arrived, he told them that he trying to get into his friend’s house. In Huntington Beach. Sláinte, friend, have another Guinness! • After being denied entry to the Wildcat for extreme intoxication (we’ll say), a 26-yearold Isla Vista man attempted to get into an undercover ABC agent’s vehicle and was quickly arrested. Oops. That’s one unlucky Irishman. • Officers observed a 50-year-old transient man guzzling a bottle of Bacardi 151. Like Francis Soyor, also known as Psycho, he became confrontational when touched. Lighten up, Francis, it’s St. Patrick’s Day.

@T H E N E I G H B O R HO O DS B #H OO DB A R8 05

Ok, all right. That’s all we got. There was plenty of drunken driving and drunken fighting and drunken pooping and peeing and drunken vomiting and drunken groping, but we’re done. You’ve heard it all before anyway. Peace everybody, and may the saddest day of your future be no worse than the happiest day of your past. (Or something like that.)

• QUOTE OF THE BIWEEK • “I fell down the stairs.”

- A young man visiting from San Diego in response to officers’ questions about how he came to have a “small, fresh bruise” under his left eye after SBPD was called to address a midnight disturbance between him and his 23-year-old bartender girlfriend in a local motel. Nice try, dude, but that’s probably the worst abuse-victim protective response on the planet. (It’s even in a Suzanne Vega song about child abuse.)

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Letters

Although you might not believe it, we actually want to hear from you. So if you have something you think we should know about or you see something we've said that you think is cretinous (or perspicacious, to be fair), then let us know. There's no limit on words or subject matter, so go ahead and let it rip to: Santa Barbara Sentinel, Letters to the Editor, 133 East De La Guerra Street, No. 182, Santa Barbara, California 93101. You can also leap into the 21st century and email us at letters@santabarbarasentinel.com.

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Hypocritical Society

oday, in this overly litigious politically correct disposable society, we choose to lend a deaf ear to the cries of the homeless, viewing them with indifference as outcasts not worth our time, our effort, and our help. We rather choose an easy, more popular cause. A cause that doesn’t create waves of controversy, rock the boat of indignation from the sources we want to impress to retain our positions in the society we live in. We choose to build multi-million dollar animal shelters while human beings are suffering out in the cold. Where is the logic? Do animals take precedence over humans? Are we going to reach the time where we euthanize the outcasts and the unwanted? Our indifference, our ignorance, our fears are obfuscating and controlling our judgment. So we take the coward’s way out; we wash our hands; we cross the street; we look the other way. At best, we throw a few crumbs to ease our conscience. We are hypocrites for we never fully commit to a human solution. We are to be pitied, shunned and forgotten. Let’s remember to do unto others as we wish to be done unto us. Alda Guala May Santa Barbara (Editor’s Note: Give me a second please, Alda, I’ve got to wash this handful of antidepressants – a powerful and rather effective combination of Zoloft, Lexapro, Prozac and Paxil – down with my terrific Santa Ynez Valley Syrah. There. I can continue. (For the next ten or 15 minutes, anyway.) I appreciate your note and your obvious concern for the less fortunate among us. I really do. My general feeling, however, is that we do quite a bit for the homeless here in Santa Barbara County, and that we are actively working on collaborative efforts to make even further progress. (Check out C3H, for example.) Things ain’t perfect, there’s no doubt, but there is a large and tireless consortium that’s trying. And they are moving the needle in measurably positive ways. Isn’t that worth something? I guess the thing that stands out the most

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Going to the Dogs

Matt, thank you for the great work you and your staff are doing with the Sentinel. And thank you also for the recommendation for Paul Chesne at Fig Mountain on March 15 – we loved them!

Cheers, Wesley 3849 State St. – Santa BarbaraBob • (805) 845-5247&

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Look Publisher Tim, more readers!

I’ve attached a pic of one of our pups enjoying your paper in front of Chuck’s Waterfront. Keep up the good work. Randy Copperman Santa Barbara (Editor’s Note: Thanks Randy, I really wanted to make the Paul Chesne show at Fig but had another commitment; I’ve heard from a few folks that it was a great time. Thanks for that one belong to our very own Tommie Vaughn (nee American Girl, now pinch-hitting for Jeremy Harbin, In the Zone), who put together a quick and dirty little piece about the whole Paul Chesne production in no time last week.

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to me about your letter is the fact that there is lots of shame and blame rhetoric without anything constructive or, frankly, substantively meaningful. I don’t think your intentions are wrong, per se, but I do think that your rant adds little to the conversation. (And I must say that I don’t share your perspective that building animal shelters and, I assume, anything other than more low-income housing makes us hypocritical brown-nosers to be pitied, shunned and forgotten. But that’s just me.) In any event, Alda, thanks for reading and for writing in. You certainly seem to care quite a bit… the question is, what are you going to do about it? –MSM)

www.SBFineEstates.com Marsha6@me.com 805.565.4014

...continued p.26

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by Zach Rosen

“BABY WE WERE BORN TO RUN” - BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

The Pyrobar Revisited

The Pyrobar. It’s alive!

unday was living up to its name as I walked through heat-soaked Eastside streets to the corner of Nopal and Reddick. Squinting through the sunlight, I saw sparks flying through the air and heard the whir of grinders cutting through the clangs and cries of

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crane and flutter his or her limbs among the flames. That is how the Pyrobar normally appears. Right now, however, the Pyrobar exists only in concept, with its pieces strewn throughout the yard of this Eastside metal bending shop.

The Pyrobar’s Past Zach Rosen is a Certified Cicerone® and beer educator living in Santa Barbara. He uses his background in chemical engineering and the arts to seek out abstract expressions of beer and discover how beer pairs with life.

the middle of the lot. Chinese lanterns, metal frill and the glittering jingle of bells decorated the truck like the battle armor of an ancient – and admittedly rather eccentric – warhorse. This is the Pyrobar. The “bar car” is actually a truck that has been converted into a mobile bar. The bed is lined with benches so that guests can sit and have a drink while gazing out at sights. A crane juts out of the back, and with a click of a button it can let loose a fireball that would intimidate a dragon. An aerialist dancer can dangle from the

Almost exactly a year ago I wrote a Beer Guy column (Vol. 2, Issue 9, for those interested) on the Pyrobar and its caretakers, Mark Goerner and Corinna Schmidt. When driving it back from Burning Man in 2012, the Pyrobar lost two wheels. Fortunately, the courageous Corinna was at the helm and able to steer the fire-breathing steed to safety. She and Mark got it home, but the beast needed a major overhaul if it was to live on. Mark and Corinna organized a Kickstarter campaign for $10,200 and were able to raise the money needed to rebuild the Pyro Bar. Success. Over the past year, they have been using these funds to source the pieces they needed and are now beginning to reassemble the much-loved fire-spewing ...continued p.23

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The Pyrobar, a truck-turned-mobile-bar, casts a considerable shadow.

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15•Days• a•Week We Ain’t Got Nothin’ But Love, Babe…

by Jeremy Harbin

Want to be a part of Fifteen Days A Week?

Space is limited, but if you have an event, exhibit, performance, book signing, sale, opening, trunk show or anything else interesting or creative that readers can attend, let us know at 805-845-1673 or email us at tim@santabarbarasentinel.com. We’ll consider all suggestions, but we will give extra consideration to unusual events and/or items, especially those accompanied by a good visual, particularly those that have yet to be published.

Saturday

Thursday

Folk for the Whole Family

A Tony Time

March 22

Welcome back, calendar fans. As you diehards know, this is an open space where we all gather to love each other, to be positive, to open our third eyes – heck, even our fourth and fifth ones when we can. You’re free here, friends. So what says “positivity” and “goodness” and “wholesomeness” more than family? Not too much. Therefore, I hereby officially recommend you boogie on down to Westmont’s Family Day: American Folk Art Festival. From 10am to 4pm around the Ridley-Tree Museum of Art and the Adams Center, there’ll be art, crafts, music, dancing, food and a lot more for the whole fam. It’s free to attend.

Sunday March 23

Jazz Age Jams

Does anyone else out there think popular music from the 1930s and ‘40s is creepy? I mean, they should use old big band music more in horror movies. Imagine: A character’s exploring an abandoned cabin and there’s nothing in there except an old phonograph playing a scratchy jazz record. Scary right? Is it just me? It is? Fine; consider that the last time I ever let my guard down with you people. Since you all love this music so much, you should probably go to the Granada Theatre (1214 State Street) today at 3pm for In the Mood: A 1940s Musical Revue. They’ve got singers, dancers, an orchestra and all the jams from the late 1930s and ‘40s that’ll take you to another time. Get your tickets at www.granadasb.org.

Monday March 24

Work to Eat

It’s a new workweek. That means a new week of having to decide where to eat lunch each day. Lucky for you and the small clique of coworkers that you can actually stand to go out to lunch with, Finch and Fork (31 West Carrillo Street) kicks off its Restaurant Week today. It lasts through Sunday, March 30. You can get a special two-course lunch for $20 or get down there when you get off the job for a three-course dinner for $35. Mmmm… that openfaced steak salad sounds good. Hope the boss won’t notice me falling asleep at my desk at about two o’clock.

Tuesday March 25

The Murican Riveria

This might be Santa Barbara, but it’s still ‘Murica, gosh dang it. And what do us ‘Muricans like more than donating money to charity? Eating. (Obviously. We like eating more than most things on the planet. Shout out to Michelle Obama. “Let’s move?” More like “Let’s move into the buffet dining room and stay there as long as we’re legally allowed.”) So let’s all head to the Wine Cask (813 Anacapa Street) for lunch any day during the month of March and mention the Junior League, so the restaurant will donate ten percent of our check to the charity. They’re open for lunch Tuesday through Friday from 11:30am to 2:30pm.

Wednesday March 26

May Madness Prep

It’s spring, ladies and gents. So as part of your spring cleaning, you might consider taking all the stuff out of your house that you don’t need and dropping it off at the Music Academy of the West (1070 Fairway Road). You can do just that between 11am and 3pm on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays until April 17. At that point, the drop-off hours change, but let’s save that thrill ride of a detail for another calendar. Call 805.969.4726 for more information on what they’re looking for and what won’t be accepted.

March 27

It won some Tony awards, so you just know it’s got to be good: Metamorphoses, written and originally directed by Mary Zimmerman, gets the Ensemble Theatre Company treatment starting at 8pm at the Vic Theatre (33 West Victoria Street). Get tickets and more information at ensembletheatre.com. If you like what you see, head to the Santa Barbara Public Library (40 East Anapamu Street) at 5:30pm on April 2 for a discussion of the play coordinated by the Theatre Book Club.

Friday March 28

Temporary Secretary

Appropriate for a calendar (that used to be) named after a Beatles song, tonight’s event at the Marjorie Luke Theatre (721 East Cota Street) is called Beatles Fan Club Night. There will be a screening of Good Ol’ Freda, the recent critically acclaimed documentary about the band’s secretary. Some Beatlemaniacs attend entire weekend-long conventions that are less interesting than this (a guy who delivered pizza to the studio while George Harrison was recording Cloud Nine might constitute a big draw, for example), so if you’re a fan, check it out at 7:30pm.

Saturday March 29

Go Native, Save Water

So it rained a couple weeks ago. That means we’re out of the drought, right? No? Are you sure? I mean, it rained real hard. Well, I guess I should stop washing my car and dog every day. Another thing I can do to conserve and be more sustainable is remove the multiple dolphin fountains that adorn my estate and install drought-tolerant native plants in their place. You should do that too with your rare marble and gold fountain sculptures. Helping us with this project is the Santa Barbara Botanic Garden (1212 Mission Canyon Road). The Garden kicks off its Spring Plant Sale today, which runs through May 4. You can shop from 10am to 5:30pm every day, and you won’t be charged admission if you’re just shopping.

Sunday March 30

Shen Yun for You

If you love Chinese dance and music as much as I do – and that’s a whole lot, my friends; I practically live and breathe this stuff – then Shen Yun is for you. They’ll be at the Granada (1214 State Street) today. They know all the classical moves and bring along an orchestra that uses both traditional and western instrumentation. Learn more about Shen Yun at www.shenyun.com, and get your tickets there or at www.granadasb. org. There are two shows today at 2pm and 7pm, and there was one Saturday at 7:30pm.

Monday

March 31

Spring Madness Pics

All right, this event doesn’t actually take place until tomorrow. So sue me. (Disclaimer: Opinions herein do not reflect those of the Santa Barbara Sentinel or even the writer of this calendar. The expression “So sue me” is just an expression, and by reading this you agree to not sue me. [Hey EIC Matt, can you legalese that up for me a lil’ bit?]). It’s called A little Madness in the Spring: Photographs by Aline Smithson and Amy Stevens, and it opens tomorrow at Wall Space Gallery (116 East Yanonali Street). The reception is this Friday and the artists will be on site this Saturday. For more information, go to www.wall-spacegallery.com. The gallery is open tomorrow from 11am to 5pm.

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Tuesday

Friday

Eat Your Books

Out-of-Sight Night

April 1

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April 4

If you jokers are all done pranking each other with “hilarious” fake poo and lapel pins that squirt water and hand buzzers and whatever else you’re using to celebrate the World’s Most Forgettable Holiday, April Fool’s Day, then let us eat cake. In SBCC’s Luria Library today from 2pm to 4, the Edible Book Festival returns to delight people who love cakes decorated to look like books, folks that like cakes with designs inspired by books and, of course, anybody who just likes looking at cake and eating it, too. It’s free and open to the public.

Wednesday April 2

Call Me Ishmael, Rover

This afternoon, you could take your child to the Carpinteria library so that he or she can read to a dog. No, it’s not for the sake of the dog. (Dogs don’t understand English; I can’t believe you just asked me that.) Apparently, studies show that kids can build confidence and develop their reading skills by reading to dogs. The same program operates at the Goleta branch on Tuesdays and Thursdays and at the Santa Barbara one on Tuesdays. For more information about registration for this free program, head to your local library or visit sbplibrary.org.

Thursday April 3

Night at the Museum is Ben Stiller’s greatest filmic accomplishment, and it’s also a phrase that could describe your Friday evening. While the exhibits at the Santa Barbara Museum of Art (1130 State Street) won’t be coming to life like in the movie, you will be able to interact in other ways. The event is called Moons, Mapping, Memory and Fantastic Machines. It will feature modern dance performances, a board-game-esque dice rolling experience that will have you exploring the grounds and winning prizes, a vodka bar that infuses tastes from around the world, the UCSB Middle Eastern Ensemble and food. This night of fun costs $25 for members and $35 for non-members. Three ways to get your tickets: email tickets@sbma.net, call 805.884.6414 and go to www.sbma.net/atelier. And I’m not saying I’ve heard anything, but it is possible that Ben Stiller might be there.

Saturday April 5

Pacific Ocean Blue

Clean water: Almost all American citizens prefer it over dirty water. When I conducted my own poll of Santa Barbarans around the office, 100 percent of the participants enthusiastically replied, “Of course, you &*%$#@ weirdo, now get out of my office!” So if you love clean water as much as the staff around here, consider attending the Santa Barbara Channelkeeper fundraiser that they call the Blue Water Ball tonight at the Montecito Country Club (920 Summit Road), from 5 to 9:30pm. There will be a reception, dinner, auction, keynote address from Dr. Wallace J. Nichols and music by the Doublewide Kings. Get your tickets and more information at www.sbck.org.

Every Year from Peak to Pier

Young and Free

Here’s a fun thing to do at tonight’s exhibition of art prints from Carl Jung’s The Red Book: Try to make conversation with as many strangers as possible, saying things like “You know, this work by Jung might be the most influential unpublished work in the history of psychology” and “We’re so lucky to have this form of Jung’s visions, inner experience and confrontation with the unconscious here in Santa Barbara.” But, here’s the thing, you pronounce “Jung” with a “J” sound each time. Pause after you say it and stare at the intellectual PHD-type you’ve cornered, challenging him or her to correct you. It’s on display now, but tomorrow is the last night, so check it out at the Pacifica Graduate Institute (801 Ladera Lane) while you can.

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You’ve got to respect events coordinators who boldly declare “first annual” on their fliers and other promotional materials. It shows a certain confidence in the event and its inherent interestgenerating and crowd-pleasing abilities. Beyond that, it seems to shout, “We haven’t even done this once yet, but we’re going to do it every year for the rest of forever, so get on board or get out of our way!” Am I reading too much into that? Crown the Town’s first annual Fork Fest is a friendly food competition between 15 SB food spots, with the winner decided by you, the attendee. It happens tonight in the Funk Zone on Mason Street between State and Anacapa. The $55 ticket is available at www.letsgetforked.com (and it includes, per the press release, “unlimited adult beverages”). And if you can’t make it, there’s always next year.

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Santa Barbara’s Online Magazine, Published Twice Daily

sbview.com

Milpas on the Move: A Few Eastside Jewels

Sharon Byrne

by Sharon Byrne

ne of the most delightful aspects of a great neighborhood is uncovering its many hidden jewels. It’s like an urban treasure hunt. There are so many in the Milpas-Eastside that I can’t possibly write about them all. So perhaps I’ll just do a few at a time, so as not to overwhelm. The Santa Barbara Body Therapy Institute – I almost hesitate to write this, because I like being able to get lastminute appointments there! I found them years ago, sitting discreetly at 516 N Quarantina, unobtrusive, quiet – you could drive right by and never notice them. But just inside the door of this interesting little building is a place of incredible healing. They teach massage, but not just any old massage. Reflexology, acupressure, trigger point, cranio-sacral, Qigong, lymph drainage, and myofascial therapies are all taught here. Best of all, you can receive a one-hour treatment from students studying these modalities for the bargain price of $30. As a recipient of many of these sessions, I can attest that this is a valuable component of my Obamacare program. Whenever I am feeling a little off my game, I go there. Melissa at the Body Therapy Institute sends out periodic emails for upcoming clinics, and discounts the price to $25. Call right away and you can still get in. At this point, I think I’ve tried all of their therapies, and can tell you that this is one of the best little secrets of the Eastside, hidden away in an industrial area, a little oasis of healing. I find acupressure, reflexology and cranial-sacral modalities to be particularly effective at clearing aches, toning the system, and increasing one’s sense of wellbeing. Eat fresh fruits and veggies from Tri-County Produce, ride the bike to work, walk on the beach, and get regular treatments at the Body Therapy Institute. That’s my healthcare plan. There is a lot of great healing going on at 516 N. Quarantina Street for a very affordable price. Check out www.sbbti. com. Last night, I popped into Los Agaves with my family for dinner. We can all practically recite the menu by heart. I saw they’d resurrected their incredible molcajete dishes as a special, so I ordered the seafood one. This is what Lucy delivered to my table: The big black bowl on legs is a molcajete. They heat it white-hot by flipping it upside down over flames, and then fill it full of spicy broth, lobster, shrimp, halibut, salmon, clams, mussels, nopalitos (cactus) and veggies. It’s a hot, steaming bowl of seafood goodness! Carlos Luna, the owner of Los Agaves, is

Giffin and Crane employees on site to board up the burned home.

Sharon Byrne is executive director for the Milpas Community Association, and currently serves on the Advisory Boards for the Salvation Army Hospitality House and Santa Barbara County Alcohol and Drug Problems.

sbview.com residents, were they members of our organization? This was our first time meeting them. But we’re a community here on the Eastside. That’s what communities do: pull together to help one another. Cheri Rae, who went with me to deliver donations from the area to the Red Cross, noted that people always have extra stuff, inventory, and/or skills, and want to help but just need to know how. What was amazing was the lightning-swiftness of the offers to help, and the sheer number of people who stepped up to pitch in. This is a really generous, caring community.

Crazy for Reagan by Loretta Redd

a cuisine genius, and a really nice guy to boot. Never skimpy on the ingredients, his flavors are fabulous, and the visuals are eye-popping. His specials are his really top-notch creations. And no, I could not finish the Molcajete Mariscos. Too much! But oh, so good. A little story of many sparkling neighborhood jewels: During the rains a few weeks back, a family on the Eastside suffered a house fire in the middle of the night. I was driving down Milpas when John Palminteri broke the story on KJEE around 7:45am. I realized I was a couple of blocks away from the fire, so I stopped by. I met the family and the Red Cross, who were already on site to assist. I introduced myself and asked what they needed. The Red Cross asked me who I was again, and I explained that the Milpas Community Association has members in the construction, restaurant and market industries, hotels and more, so if the family needed some emergency provisions, we could help. The Red Cross team blinked, and then exclaimed they wanted to live in this neighborhood! So they gave me a short list: plywood and someone to nail it up because the house was now unsecured from the fire. They could use some food provisions and some bedding. I sent out the word to the neighborhood. Could we wrap our arms around this family as a community, and help? A deluge of responses poured in from all over the neighborhood immediately: Jack’s Bistro - Have they had breakfast?

Matthew Lavine from the Fess Parker with bedding for the family burned out of their home.

We can send it over! The Fess Parker – We’ve got bedding. Santa Barbara Plumbing – We’ve got plywood. Giffin and Crane were on-site within the hour to board up the home. John Dixon from Tri-County Produce – We’ll donate a shopping trip. The Fresh Market wanted to help. The Shop Café donated a gift card for the family to come eat there. Sal’s Pizza, McDonald’s, The Habit and El Bajio wanted to feed them, on the house. Residential neighbors called, emailed and Facebooked: Do they need clothing, bedding, towels, furniture, or cookware? Should we pick up food for them? Here’s a Trader Joe’s gift card, towels and blankets. Inside of one hour, we had everything needed, and a lot more, for this family. They had homeowner’s insurance and most of their belongings were intact. They will stay with a relative nearby while their home is repaired. But their two tenants were completely burned out, losing everything in the fire. We’ve offered additional assistance as they get back on their feet. The Red Cross was stunned and delighted. They asked if we knew these

With the Young America’s Foundation on State Street, and the Reagan Library not far down the road, there is a concentration of those who revere old Ronnie as some sort of past presidential god. I, on the other hand, would like him to come back to earth so I could walk him through Pershing Park or into the waiting room of Cottage Hospital at 3 in the morning, and show him the chaos and broken lives he helped create. While Reagan was imploring Mr. Gorbachev to “Tear down this wall,” he was busy destroying the last vestiges of our nation’s psychiatric safety net. And we have paid dearly for it ever since. In a recent Mother Jones article, author Mac McClelland reminds us that over a half million people lived in mental institutions back in the 1950s – that’s one in every 300 citizens. Those were the days when a psychiatrist could lock you away for good, when families used “insane asylums” to dispose of troubled teens or troubling wives. By the 1970s activists, therapists and politicians demanded that we deinstitutionalize our population, dropping the number of people held in psychiatric facilities to a fourth of what they had been. Proponents of citizens’ rights, with their social and legal efforts to protect people from misapplied “imprisonment” in mental institutions, were well-intentioned. But their vision was never implemented, because state and national government proceeded to divert the funding for mental health to other projects. “Today, there is one public psychiatric bed per 7,200 people,” writes McClelland, “the

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Loretta Redd’s diverse background includes being a psychologist, business owner, non-profit director, Air Force officer, writer, speaker, and executive coach. Loretta has served on several Santa Barbara city committees and has been a candidate for public office.

Loretta Redd

sbview.com

same ratio as in 1850.” A joint commission of the American Psychiatric Association and the American Medical Association declared in 1961 that the mentally ill would be better served if they were integrated into society, where they could live in their communities in transitional facilities, or even to at home with appropriate psychiatric support. In 1963, Congress passed a law funding that intention. Unfortunately, more than one psychiatric patient “flew over the cuckoo’s nest” as states quickly downsized their hospitals and closed facilities. It was far too rapid a change for communities to absorb those whom had been hospitalized, were in crisis, or needed mental health support to find a workable safely net. “Between the Vietnam war, political crisis and economic strain of the times, the money never came.” Fortunately, in 1980 thanks to President Carter, the Mental Health Systems Act was passed

in order to bridge the gap of funding. And that’s where the Gipper comes riding in; not to save the day, but to gut the Mental Health Act less than one year later by reducing Federal spending for mental health to almost half. Once again, the onus of caring for the mentally ill was shifted to financially strapped states and local governments. Even though Reagan took a bullet at the hands of a psychologically deranged John Hinkley Jr., the president failed to promote better care and oversight of those with mental illness or addictions. The result is what you see on our streets and parks today, along with the lost lives at the hands of those suffering from psychotic disorders who end up with delusional plots in their heads and loaded guns in their hands. Indeed, we continue to reap what Reagan and other federal budgetary saviors helped to sow: the destruction of the mental illness treatment system. “Collectively, states have cut $4.5 billion in public mental health since 2009,” writes McClelland. Today, that leaves close to two million mentally ill people housed in the same place they were in the 1800s: Prison. Sadly, that trend continues to be played out in our own backyard, where the number of acute psychiatric beds for Santa Barbara County (fewer than 20) is minuscule in comparison to the numbers incarcerated in our jails and prisons.

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2nd Annual Track & Field Meet Sunday, April 6 San Marcos High School

Open to all 3rd - 8th grade boys and girls in Santa Barbara CountySchool-Based (no club teams, please) Brought to you by the La Cumbre Junior High School Foundation Promotes educational and social programs at the school and the Santa Barbara Westside Community at large Cost to participate is $18.00 and includes a tee shirt commemorating the event Contact your school's sport administrator for pre-registration Walk-In registration welcome Questions: clifflambert@comcast.net

Instead of discussing the construction of a new “North County” jail, we should be demanding the construction of a group of dedicated facilities for inpatient psychiatric, addiction or dual-diagnosis patients. Unfortunately, the prisons and various law enforcement groups are represented by unions who have both collective bargaining power and political election muscle.

The costs of deinstitutionalization in this nation may well reach the trillions, when considering the private and public costs of mental illness, substance abuse and homelessness. But this is about far more than budgets... it is about public safety, family security and community conscience. As Reagan’s shameful legacy has taught us, willful neglect hasn’t served anyone well.

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presents

santa BarBara Count y

saturday » april

pm That’s my friend and neophyte sailing nemesis, Rob Stoll. Rob took the class just before I did and has been challenging me to a race, loser to buy what will undoubtedly be a lavish meal with post-sail drinks at Brophy’s. I accept your challenge, Mr. Stoll, and can’t wait to dine on steamed local mussels and garlic-baked clams over a sinfully expensive yet light local Pinot Noir. On you.

best served cold. And it’s being plated up right now by a terrific guy named Skip Abed down at the Santa Barbara Sailing Center (SBSC).

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The truth is that I’ve had this bizarre quasi-voyeuristic love affair with the idea of sailing for many years now. Yeah, sure, I’ve been on quite a few boats, I’ve enjoyed the Wet Wednesday races and had a burger and a cocktail up at the Yacht Club after. I’ve talked boats. In fact, I relate reasonably well to the boating community, and perhaps especially its near-evangelical pursuit of a good time both on the water and off. But I never really knew what was going on out there. I never really paid attention. Until now. After years of thinking about it and talking about it, I finally signed up for the Basic Keelboat Sailing ASA 101 course

down at SBSC. It’s a three-day class that is designed to not only get you familiarized with sailing theory and lingo but, more importantly, to get you out on the water and sailing with some confidence. It works. “Our mission at the Sailing Center is to make the whole sailing and ocean experience as welcoming as possible,” Skip, who actually owns the Sailing Center, told me over a cup of coffee before the first morning of the class. “I want people to come on down, get on board a few boats and check them out, have some fun and enjoy the experience. There’s this perception, I think, that sailing is exclusive and expensive and difficult. But it’s not. And that’s what we’re all about down here on the docks.” Skip’s been in and around the sailing scene in Santa Barbara for a couple decades, and has literally sailed all over the world. There’s a real passion in him for the sea, and he definitely practices what he preaches. The entire SBSC crew – from the boat captains and instructors

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MoViE & MeAd tAsTiNg Jenn Kennedy, looking comfortable at the helm. (Maybe too comfortable – did she throw the rest of the crew overboard?)

to the folks in the office and everybody in between – is quick with a smile, hugely friendly and knowledgeable. They do indeed make what can be an intimidating new experience rather comfortable and easy. “I want to make it fun,” Skip smiled. “I want people to experience Santa Barbara from the water – there’s no better way to see town – and I want to help cultivate a real love for not just sailing but the

1-855-617-6624

Captain Jason is one salty seadog and he’s got the ink to prove it. (Wait a second, is that a Disney character in there? What about that tiny moustache on your index finger? Sorry man, couldn’t help myself.)

Channel and the Harbor and everything the waterfront has to offer. It’s a special place, and it should be shared with and enjoyed by everybody.” I’m telling you, Skip’s onto something here. It’s infectious. And by the time I left his office on the dock, I was good and ...continued p.28

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lIvE mUsIc & wInE tAsTiNg fRiDaY, 3/7 4:00-6:00pM

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                      

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www.presidiosports.com Presidio Sports is a provider of local sports news and information for the Santa Barbara community. Founded in 2008, the small team at Presidio has covered hundreds of local sporting events and published thousands of articles connected to Santa Barbara’s athletic community. Please visit their website for more local sports news and information.

Press Luncheon:

San Marcos Unbeaten with Strong Starting Six by John Dvorak Later on Monday, the Athletic Round Table hosted former UCLA men’s basketball coach Ben Howland, pictured with event MC Rick Wilson, during the annual Prelude to March Madness event at the Cabrillo Arts Pavilion. Also offering predictions on the NCAA Tournament brackets were UCSB basketball coaches Bob Williams and Carlene Mitchell, and Westmont’s men’s basketball coach John Moore. (Presidio Sports Photos)

he starting lineup for San Marcos’ boys volleyball team is a tight unit, using not just talent but great chemistry to go undefeated so far this season while winning a pair of tournament titles. Royals head coach Roger Kuntz doesn’t want to mess with success, so the entire Royals starting six attended the Santa Barbara Athletic Round Table press luncheon on Monday. “I’m really excited about the six players I brought today,” Kuntz said. “These guys, when other teams have to walk on the court, this is our starting six, so they have to come through these guys to win anything or get any points. And so it’s hard for me to break them up, and so I didn’t. I brought all six today.” Joining Kuntz were opposites Shane Hauschild and Baker Johnson, middle Taylor Mann, libero Sean Estabrooks,

setter Christian Widmer and setter Nick Rockwell. Estabrooks is a two-sport athlete and the captain of the soccer team. Mann, though undersized for a middle, makes up for it with a 38-inch vertical leap and is bringing in two kills and two blocks per set this season. Opposites Shane Hauschild and Baker Johnson also with a 38-inch vertical are crushing balls set from Widmer – the DPI’s Most Valuable Player – and Rockwell, an all-state player from Arizona who transferred for his senior year. Next up for the Royals (14-0) is Arroyo Grande on Tuesday, followed by a big Channel League match with Dos Pueblos. Originally scheduled for Thursday, the DP match has been changed to Wednesday. Monday’s luncheon happened to be held on St. Patrick’s Day, which made it

easy for Santa Barbara High to be in the holiday spirit. The school colors of green and gold have been filling J.R. Richards Gym, as the Dons’ girls basketball team continues its marathon season into the California Interscholastic Federation (CIF) State Regional semifinals. “It’s the season that never ends,” said Dons head coach Andrew Butcher as he arrived at the podium. Santa Barbara High, the No. 1 seed in Division 3, hosts Mt. Miguel on Tuesday. “They’re bigger than us, faster than us, stronger than us and maybe better than us,” Butcher said. “But it’s in our gym and we’re kind of on a roll, and I would bet on us if I were able to bet on high school sports.” Santa Barbara High’s baseball team is off to a 5-0 start by playing outstanding defense. Dons’ assistant coach George Rempe brought Harry Parker, Daniel Davis and Tim Stickles for this very reason. Parker, who plays third base, and Stickles, at second, have not made an error yet. Davis made a big-time catch in the outfield on Saturday that propelled the Dons to victory. “However, the real show starts tomorrow when we play DP in the Channel League,” Rempe said. “DP has played a very tough preseason schedule with great competition, and they have great hitters. We’ll find out how good our 5-0 record is when we play them tomorrow.” Being that it was St. Patrick’s Day, Rempe noted that Parker has been accepted to Notre Dame. “All three of these seniors are hugely important to our team chemistry, and they all have a great work ethic,” Rempe said. Speaking of that difficult schedule, Dos Pueblos’ head coach Nick Katzenstein was encouraged by the report from UCSB men’s golf coach Steve Lass. The Gaucho golf team had struggled for much of the season, but Jordan Epstein’s late-season surge put a smile on Lass’ face.

NUTRITION TIPS FOR ATHLETES Don’t Go Too Nuts

arch is National Nutrition Month at Sansum Clinic. The Cancer Center of Santa Barbara with Sansum Clinic’s registered dietitian, Sarah Washburn, shares with us the important role nuts play in an athlete’s diet. Nuts of any kind are chock full of healthy unsaturated fats, fiber, protein, antioxidants, vitamins and minerals. When paired with lean proteins and complex carbohydrates, healthy fats such as nuts play an important role in an athlete’s diet, providing sustainable fuel for optimal performance. Continue reading the article at:

www.presidiosports.com/nutrition

“Thanks for the reminder that it’s not how you start, it’s how you finish,” said Katzenstein, who brought senior pitchers Josh Tedeschi and Daniel Burrato. On top of a tough schedule playing in the Easton Tournament, the Chargers have been dealing with injuries and too many defensive miscues. But if the Chargers can turn around their season like Epstein and the Gaucho golf team, then good things are to come. “It’s been a very disappointing season up until two weeks ago,” Lass said, before recounting Epstein’s past two tournaments. At an 11-team tournament hosted by Long Beach State, the Gauchos all of a sudden were in the hunt for the team title but settled for 2nd place. Epstein missed a birdie putt to win it and Lass said he was devastated, but the senior came back a week later in the same situation and eagled the final hole to bring the Gauchos their first title of the season. It was Epstein’s first collegiate individual title. Christine Ramos reported for UCSB’s softball team, which is off to the best start in program history. The Gauchos (18-6) went 3-1 at the Gaucho Classic II over the weekend, which featured an inside-thepark home run by Kristen Clark. Jeff Swann took the podium for San Marcos’ softball team. He started by thanking those that helped install roughly $50,000 worth of upgrades to the Royals’ softball facility during the offseason. “I just wanted to share how fortunate we all are to live in such a great community,” said Swann. “We’re just so indebted to this community for the support that we got with our project, so we’re able now to reap some of the benefits of that.” With Coach Swann were senior captains Veronica Villarreal and Stephanie Swann. Villarreal has been invaluable to the team by manning the hot corner on defense and setting the table on offense. Villarreal and Swann have scored more than a quarter of San Marcos’ runs so far this season. Swann can play every position in the field and is batting .500 with an onbase percentage of .593. Santa Barbara High’s softball coach Victor Alvarez said the Dons are excited after winning 3-of-4 games last week. Alvarez brought his Sensational Sophomores’ Delaney Smith, Olivia Striker Harris and Jasmine Manson. The biggest moment from the Dons’ week came when Manson delivered a walk-off two-run home run on Saturday to beat Carpinteria. The Dons started 0-3 but have rallied and are now 4-4. Santa Barbara City College Sports Information Director Dave Loveton stepped up to the plate and reported for the Vaqueros’ sports teams. The baseball team is ranked No. 3 in Southern California with a record of 15-5. A big part of the success are former local prep players Connor McManigal, Trey Barrett and Jimmy Brakka.

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UCSB’s baseball team is another squad finding early-season success on the diamond. The Gauchos took 2 of 3 from Wichita State and were ranked in the top 25 last week for the first time since 2001.

all his guidance through the years. I’m so honored to receive the Phil Womble Award, and I’d like to thank my parents and my brother for being such a great guidance.”

San Marcos Makes Riley Heiduk Its Phil Womble Awardee

Athletes of the Week

by John Dvorak

Visser, a native of Holland, has been a star for the first-year SBCC swim team. Visser was triumphant in the 50 free, 100 fly and 100 back. Honorable Mentions included Christian Widmer, San Marcos volleyball; Grant Sexton, Bishop Diego volleyball; Justin Jacome, UCSB baseball; Amber Melgoza, Santa Barbara High basketball; Kristen Clark, UCSB softball.

Joshua Wang

Dons can’t be stopped, advance to CIF State Regional finals by Barry Punzal

ount Miguel had the size, the speed and athleticism, but all those qualities weren’t enough to stop Santa Barbara High’s incredible and historic postseason run in girls basketball. The Dons fought back with a pressing defense, good rebounding and the scoring of Amber Melgoza to defeat the San Diego Section team, 60-50, in the CIF State Division 3 Regional semifinal Mason Casady

Rachelle Visser

The Chargers also won matches Thursday and Friday over Buena and Arroyo Grande in which the pair was undefeated. Santa Barbara City College’s Visser won three events at Friday’s Western State Conference swim meet in Santa Monica.

Santa Barbara High’s girls basketball team has reached the CIF State SoCal Regional Championship on Saturday with a chance to play in the State Championship in Sacramento the following week. Amber Melgoza, pictured shooting between two defenders, scored 34 points in the semifinal win over Mt. Miguel from San Diego.

ason Casady, Josh Wang and Rachelle Visser were named as Athletes of the Week at Monday’s Santa Barbara Athletic Round Table press luncheon held at Harry’s Plaza Cafe. Casady and Wang represent Dos Pueblos’ top doubles team that swept three sets in the Chargers’ historic victory over Santa Barbara High last Tuesday. Dos Pueblos’ 10-8 decision marked the first time a team has beaten Santa Barbara High in a Channel League match since 2000. Casady and Wang won their three sets 6-1, 6-0, 6-0.

Riley Heiduk

n the pool, in the classroom, or in the community, Riley Heiduk has made a name for herself as a student leader at San Marcos High School. At Monday’s Santa Barbara Athletic Round Table press luncheon, Heiduk was recognized as the Royals’ Phil Womble Award recipient for the 2013-14 school year. The Round Table presents the Phil Womble Ethics in Sports Award to studentathletes who demonstrate the highest standards of ethics and sportsmanship. Each school selects a junior on an annual basis. Award presenter Dave Pintard of Investec shared comments from Heiduk’s aquatics coach at San Marcos, Brian Roth, about the complete package that Heiduk brings to the table. “Brian describes Riley as one of those athletes who makes big impacts in quiet ways,” Pintard said. “She would be the first to credit others or pass on an award of recognition. She always plays sports because she loves to compete and she always wants to win. More importantly, Riley understands the core values in sports. She is ethical, honest, hard-working, dedicated, and a humble student-athlete.” The junior is a team captain for the girls water polo team and competes for the swim team in the spring. Her accomplishments and resumé include being active with the AAPLE Academy, National Charity League, National Honor Society, Teddy Bear Cancer Foundation, and the California Scholarship Foundation. Heiduk holds the title of president for San Marcos’ chapter of the Dream Academy. Heiduk, accompanied by her parents, Coach Roth and San Marcos administrators, took a moment at the podium to give thanks. “Being surrounded by such wonderful people makes it easy for me to follow in their footsteps,” Heiduk said. “I’d like to thank ‘Chuckie’ for being such an important role model in my life and

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game at a raucous J.R. Richards Gym on Tuesday night. Top-seeded Santa Barbara (295) advances to the Regional Final on Saturday, March 21, and will play No. 3 Santa Margarita in a 6 p.m. game at Colony High School in Ontario. The winner advances to the CIF State Finals the following week in Sacramento. Santa Barbara is the CIF-Southern Section 3AA champion while Santa Margarita is the 3A champ. Melgoza poured in 34 points, making 11 of 27 shots. It was her third time in the post season the sophomore sensation has scored more than 30 points in a game. But the Dons proved once again they are much more than one player. Jocelin Petatan had 14 points and eight rebounds, including three on the offensive boards. Kimberly Gebhardt fought for a teamhigh 10 rebounds, Desirea Coleman handed out 10 assists to go with seven points, and Jada Howard had three steals and five points.

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INtheZONE with TOMMIE VAUGHN

Gotsta Have That Second Saturday Funk

eremy Harbin is not dead. He’s just living somewhere in Europe. And so, with an admittedly monumental hole to fill, the powers that be approached little old me to cover the latest and greatest down in our beloved Funk Zone. To get things started, I spent a recent afternoon wandering the Zone’s Second Saturday Art Walk and, rather than spend the next 2,000 words talking about things I came across in my ramble, I thought I’d just show you. In pictures. That I took. With my own camera. Enjoy.

Longtime Funk Zone artist Michael Irwin next to one of his many pieces in his studio above Stand Up Paddle Sports. Definitely worth a visit.

Erika Carter is all smiles in the main room of The Greenhouse Studios. She shares the converted space with three other local artists (Donna Ayschough, Ashley Dart and Virginia McCracken), and I’ve already made a mental note to follow up with all of them for a story. Will definitely be fun.

When I met Fatima Rahmanovic and her son Andrion Hallstrom outside The Art Foundry, they were selling these homemade necklaces for $5. 10% of all profits go to the Indigenous Soccer Club; philanthropic Andrion believes that everybody should be able to play the beautiful game. I got one and so should you at the next Art Walk!

That’s Virginia McCracken in The Greenhouse Studios. Absolutely loved the place and the art and the artists. Highly recommended.

Neal Crosbie puts the finishing touch on his work in the parking lot out in front of the Arts Fund Gallery, another great stop on the Saturday Art Walk. (Don’t lose the rectangular-headed coyote, Neal, the inspiration is contagious!)

It was a perfect day for some music and dancing under the trees. Gotsta have that Funk!

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Join Us in Santa Barbara for a One-Day Introduction to Pacifica’s Degree Programs

The Pacifica Experience SATURDAY, MARCH 29

Artsy tic-tac-toe! Hugh Margerum’s exhibition was collaborative and fun, perhaps especially for Audrey and Lulu Aurell, adorable sisters and future artists.

That’s Hugh Margerum himself, showing off a recent art-filled, tic-tac-toe win. (Or was that a loss, Hugh? Xs seem to have it!)

Masters and Doctoral Degree Programs in Clinical and Counseling Psychology, Somatic Studies, and the Humanities The special day-long program on March 29th includes classroom presentations, meetings on the individual degree programs, detailed information on admissions and financial aid, campus tours, and time to interact with faculty, students, and staff. The $60 registration includes breakfast, lunch, and a $25 gift certificate at the Pacifica Bookstore. I finished my day off with a couple pints at Fig Mountain and was lucky to catch The Caverns blowing everybody away (again). I know Jeremy wrote a column about these kids awhile back, but I’ll reiterate anyway: They are truly amazing. Go see them at Fig soon!

The Grapevine

I’m happy to report that the Funk Zone rumor mill is alive and well and its whispers found me. It seems the Zone will have some new tenants in the near future with Lafond Winery opening in April at 111 East Yanonali Street, and a tasty new vision from a Funk Zone darling will take root in the now vacant Avelina Wine Co. building at 131 Anacapa Street, Suite C. (More inside scoop on that goody soon.) For those of you entrepreneurs out there, I also heard that the Bay Roadhouse and Grill is up for grabs. With the hot (hot) location of State and Yanonali, it’s sure to be an excellent investment for someone with a clear vision. Is that you? Get down to the Funk Zone, everybody, and have some fun. I’ll see you there.

Register for the March 29 Pacifica Experience online at pacifica.edu/experience or call 805.969.3626, ext. 103 NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS FOR SPRING & FALL 2014

www.pacifica.edu

Pacifica is an accredited graduate school with two campuses near Santa Barbara offering masters and doctoral degrees, all of which are informed by the rich tradition of depth psychology.

249 Lambert Road, Carpinteria, California 93013 Request a copy of the Pacifica Viewbook at pacifica.edu/info Pacifica is accredited by the Western Association of Schools and Colleges (WASC). For U.S. Dept. of Education Gainful Employment Information, visit pacifica.edu/GainfulEmployment.

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by Rachelle Oldmixon

Sad Scientists Study Sea Star Sickness

hen your editor sends you an email with only the words “Sea Star Wasting Syndrome” and the name of a postdoctoral scholar at UCSB, you don’t ask questions. You go interview the postdoc. That postdoc is Dr. Alice Nguyen, who works in Dr. Gretchen Hoffman’s lab in the Department of Ecology, Evolution and Marine Biology at UCSB. She sat down with me and explained sea star wasting syndrome in a way that makes me very glad I am not a sea star. Sea stars, often incorrectly referred to as starfish, are disappearing from our intertidal environments. Well, actually, disappearing is the wrong word. They are dying. A sea star afflicted with sea star wasting syndrome will develop small lesions on its top surface of one arm. The lesions then spread, causing a sea star’s arms to fall off one by one. Eventually, the sea star’s body will start to lose turgor, or body tension. This causes the sea star to ultimately die. Honestly, I can’t think of a worse way to go than getting too squishy to survive. While the syndrome sounds completely devastating to sea stars, it isn’t anything new. Every few years – generally El Niño years – several species of sea stars begin to show symptoms of wasting syndrome. It begins in the warmer, southern waters of the west coast and then spreads north as the seasons move toward summer and the waters warm. The populations of affected sea stars drop, but almost never disappear. And within a few months, sea stars begin to repopulate the affected regions. At least that’s how it normally goes.

Outbreak

This time, nearly everything is different. The syndrome was first seen in the cold waters of Alaska in June. It appeared in Santa Barbara in November. And by the

That’s one healthy starfish… er, ah, sea star.

That’s one very sick sea star. If you see this, or some apparent version of it, be a “citizen scientist” and report it!

Dr. Alice Nguyen with a leather star in the UCSB marine biology lab. Photo by Dr, Goeff Dilly. A self-professed science nerd, Rachelle has her B.A. in neuroscience from Skidmore College in upstate New York, and is working towards her Master’s in psychology at UCSB. In her free time, she blogs at www. synapticspeculations.com. She never could quite understand why she had to choose just one area of science; they are all fascinating. Especially when paired with some classic rock.

middle of February, researchers were hardpressed to find a single live sea star (of the affected species) in the intertidal areas on Santa Barbara’s coast. As the sea stars have become harder to find, healthy or sick, local environmental experts have become concerned. Without these sea stars, the intertidal community of wildlife will be thrown off balance. One of the affected species, the Ochre Sea Star, is a particularly key player in maintaining the homeostasis of the intertidal waters. It feeds off mussels, keeping the beds of those shellfish in shallower waters, leaving room for other species to thrive at greater depths. Without the Ochre Sea Star, the mussel

beds will march downward, crowding out other important species. With the threat of environmental instability imminent, Dr. Nguyen, her fellow lab mates and several other labs on campus and around the country are studying sea star wasting syndrome. You see, up until now, this sea star affliction has caused no concern. It was natural, cyclical and certainly not devastating. But that appears to have changed. And we need to know why. With that being the case, it’s a good thing that Dr. Nguyen studied under Dr. Armin Kuris, a parasitologist at UCSB, during her years as a graduate student. Dr. Nguyen is an expert at studying pathogens and other causes of diseases. She carefully studies and tests samples of sick sea stars looking for the culprit, or culprits, behind sea star wasting syndrome. So far, her tests have been inconclusive. But, she says, that isn’t terribly surprising. There are many possible causes for this wasting syndrome, and it is better to methodically cross possible causes off the list rather than stab wildly in the dark for the perpetrator. She and other members of Dr. Hoffman’s lab have all but eliminated metazoan parasites, a large category of possible causes. They have even started genetic analysis of all the bacteria that reside on a sea star’s surface, looking

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Citizen Scientist If you see a sea star with sea star wasting syndrome, be a “citizen scientist” and report it! Your reports will help scientists track the spread of the syndrome and keep an eye on the population of many sea star species. Go to www.pacificrockyintertidal.org and click on “Sea Star Wasting Syndrome.” You will be directed toward a page with a link to “Document Observations.” It will ask you for a lot of information you probably won’t know (you’d have to be a marine sciences expert to answer all the questions!), but try to record where you were, what kind of environment you were in and how deep you were diving (if you see the sea star on a dive).

SURF MAGAZINE • DEEPZINE.COM

ere we go, folks: classic Santa Barbara H spring conditions. Mild to moderate southwest winds midday will make point and

beach breaks messy all over the place. This weekend’s swell is going to be too north for local breaks, but there’s a potential silver lining: Keep your eyes on wind speeds in North County for signs of late-afternoon wind swell. Those pesky southwest winds can be side-offshore at select beach breaks, making for some fun corners if you’re willing to hunt. See you in the lineup.

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for bacteria that may be opportunistic, much like Staph is among humans. Dr. Nguyen is hopeful that they may find a cause in the next six to nine months, if they don’t face any major unforeseen problems. Once they do find a cause, the lab can focus on figuring out how sea star wasting syndrome is transferred from individual sea star to individual sea star. While an answer to the mysterious syndrome is possible to find, Alice is not sure they will find it soon enough. The sea star species that are impacted are almost completely decimated in every affected area, not just Santa Barbara. Unless there are a few hidden pockets of survivors the researchers haven’t found, we may not see those sea stars in our waters for a very long time. But if Dr. Nguyen and the other researchers can figure out why this case of sea star wasting syndrome was so uniquely devastating, they may be able to determine if our human activities played any part in exacerbating the problem. If they did, then we will have the chance to change our behaviors and prevent future outbreaks. One last thing Alice wanted me to let you know: You can’t catch sea star wasting syndrome as a human. Neither can the local seafood harvested from our waters. But if you do touch a sea star affected by the syndrome, you might as well wash your hands just to be safe. You should do that whenever you touch wildlife anyway.

-Surf Country Doug

For a more in-depth daily report call Surf Country, 805-683-4450

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...continued from p.9 beast. The original Pyrobar was built from a ‘75 Chevy RV, but after the accident Mark and Corinna knew they needed a stronger chassis. A ‘56 Ford C600 is doing just fine. Mark suspects it was originally used as a lumber truck and this monstrosity of metal leaves little doubt that the new Pyrobar will be able to conquer roads, mountains or whatever challenge comes its way.

New Curves

The next big task was to rebuild the crane, and this is what I walked into on the aforementioned sunny March day. The previous crane had a straight framework that gave the appearance of a radio tower that had been hacked off at its base. But with some time and love, Mark, an industrial designer by trade, has given life to the static, straight edges of the old crane. The new crane is a luxurious combination of curved metal and appealing triangles. As you walk around it, each angle brings out a new shape and gives the impression of a metallic tail feather flowing in the wind. Creating this curvature is very difficult work that requires specialized machinery. Owner of True Radius Bending, Tim Rochlutzer, was gracious enough to open up his shop to Mark. When I arrived, Mark was there with fellow artists and metal workers Scott DeLarvin and Justin Harmon. Together

From the inside, the “bar car” resembles a bare-bones tavern where you can feel the breeze.

they were cutting, grinding and welding pieces of the crane. After checking out the progress, Scott gave me a small tutorial. Then I jumped in to start helping fit truss pieces into the crane. Over the next hour or two, I watched the crane come to life. Seeing its assembly was like witnessing a slow-motion video of a phoenix being born from flames.

Come to the Flames

There is still a lot of work that needs to be done, but they are on schedule for the (new) Pyrobar’s debut at the Lucidity Music Festival, Friday April 11-14 at Live Oak Campground (tickets available at lucidityfestival.com). If you happen to be

going to Lucidity, then definitely seek out this fire-friendly creature. Mark and Corinna will be there to show off its new curves. Also make sure to seek out the Lucid City University on Sunday, April 13, from 6 to 6:50pm. I will be giving a presentation titled “The Beer Universe: Perception in a Bubble,” where we will explore everything from the philosophical topics of beer to even the sacred geometry found in beer foam and ingredients.

New Beginnings

The afternoon was wearing on and I had other obligations to fulfill. As I was leaving, several other pyro-minded people pulled into the parking lot, including

Tracy Beeler, a local bronze and marble sculptress. She quickly grabbed some gloves and goggles and started smoothing out the welds with a grinder. I walked off with my mind aflutter from the sounds of machinery and visions of what the Pyrobar undoubtedly will become. Looking back at the crane, I saw the three trusses I helped fit. It was a miniscule effort but that is what the Pyrobar has always been about. It is a creature of the community and many local artists, engineers and craftspeople have all lent a hand, no matter how small, to its construction. I headed around the corner to 410 North Quarantina Street to check out another work-in-progress, Pure Order Brewing Co. Co-owner and brewmaster, James Burge, was hard at work there as well. Pure Order is not open to the public yet but will be very soon. We talked over a sample of his Red Eye Wheat. The bready, caramelraisin notes combined with a light body and refreshing finish that helped soothe my thoughts of fire and metal. And yet off in the distance, I could hear the crackle and pops coming from True Radius Bending. There I stood, talking with James, enjoying his blossoming Red Eye Wheat, and yet still thinking of the fire-breathing beast coming to life around the corner. I’m excited to see what these two pieces of art will become.

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W W W. S A N TA B A R B A R A S E N T I N E L .CO M

with Mark Léisuré

Mark spends much of his time wandering Santa Barbara and environs, enjoying the simple things that come his way. A show here, a benefit there, he is generally out and about and typically has a good time. He says that he writes “when he feels the urge” and doesn’t want his identity known for fear of an experience that is “less than authentic.” So he remains at large, roaming the town, having fun. Be warned.

A Most Memorable Day

inter springs away with the vernal equinox as this issue goes to press. So it’s about time to catch up on last season’s hot moments. I’ve been awfully busy this winter, which may seem strange for a guy with my last name, but this column is called Man About Town after all. Just don’t expect much detail. Or much of a report at all. Not only did the events take place awhile ago, Mr. Léisuré also doesn’t bother with a whole lot of note-taking. (Pens are so 2007, and folks get mad when you whip out your iPhone to tap away during a concert or play, much less use Siri as a scribe.) So here in my recollection of the best single day of the quarter. Or at least a strangely connected one... Sunday, March 2, which began with a truly transcendent afternoon of poetry and music out at UCSB as Coleman Barks, the 76-yearold poet whose loose translations of Rumi

helped make the 16th-century Sufi mystic the best-selling poet in America, read a few Rumi gems, a smattering of his own pieces and just talked to us rapt listeners in the way only a man at peace with himself can, all the while accompanied by the empathetic cello sounds from David Darling. Next up was the first part of the Academy Awards broadcast in hi-def at the Arlington – where we got to see 2014 Santa Barbara International Film Festival honoree Jared Leto pick up an Oscar in the early going. After an interruption for the first half of the It’s Magic show at the Lobero, featuring some silly comedy and some sly slight of hand, we caught the rest of the Oscars over at Red’s (where yours truly claimed the top prize in the contest, correctly picking 21 of the 24 winners, though I have yet to receive my prize – hint, hint). Now you might be wondering how these three events were connected other than by chance of timing, but it’s

not that big of creative leap to see the storytelling thread between them. The poetry reading has a bit of magic to it, the magic show is really about telling you a story you can’t believe with only your eyes and Hollywood is all about telling stories with the magic of film. Ugh! All that stretching has given me a crick in my neck. So, alright, alright, alright (to quote a catchphrase from the newly minted Oscar winner Matthew McConaughey), time to get down to where you might see Mr. Léisuré doing his Man About Town thing over the next two weeks:

No Charge I love me some freebies, so there’s a good chance I’ll drop by these locations: Carr Winery’s new release party on March 22. The glasses of wine from the new barrel releases aren’t free, but there’s no charge for the converted barracks atmosphere supercharged by music Latin-pop party band Spencer the Gardener. Also at Carr: Stiff Pickle Orchestra, the funky acoustic blues duo of singersongwriting-slide guitarist Tom Murray and drummer/ singer Rod Rolle, who is also a papparazi-style photog you saw all over the red carpets at SBIFF (March 28), and jazz-rock guitarist Al Vafa (April 4)... Classical music gets even more interesting when you go behind the scenes to hear how they do it and what makes it better, so a March 25 master class with violinist Lynn Blakeslee, who taught at Eastman School of Music and toured as a soloist around the world and is now an artistic advisor for Santa Barbara Strings, is a special treat, especially considering it’s at Weinman Hall at the Music Academy, where Blakeslee was a student herself back in 1954.

Atelier Goes Ethereal Not free but awfully darn fun, partly because it’s interacting rather than passive

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entertainment, is the next installment of the Santa Barbara Museum of Art’s Atelier series. The intimate, artier version of currently defunct NIGHTS on April 4 goes by the intriguing title of “Moons, Mapping, Memory and Fantastic Machines” and features explorations of mock-logical systems, time, space, the celestial and the sensory. Events include Los Angeles’ most innovative dance group Strange and Elegant, the Golden Goose Gallery Game, a Botany Bar, Interplanetary Playlist and Constructing Constellations, and cosmic cuisine.

Society Pages Two of Santa Barbara’s long-running music societies are in action the same weekend: The SB Blues Society presents Sugaray Rayford, the charismatic lead singer of The Mannish Boys, fronting his own band at Carrillo Recreation Center

on March 29, while the Jazz Society has booked Yankee Wailers for its monthly Sunday afternoon slot at SOhO the very next day.

Be-bopping Outta Town After a slew of jazz shows seemingly all in a row, things slow down again over the next two weeks, or at least after this Sunday afternoon. But first there’s a donot-freaking-miss-this concert with the stunning vocalist Tierney Sutton at

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the Lobero on March 22, when she’ll be offering her deeply personal and inspiring take on Joni Mitchell’s music backed by a wondrous quartet including a cellist. The next afternoon the 1940s musical revue “In the Mood” recreates the Swing Era at the Granada. Then the downbeat shuts down for a couple of weeks.

Hoofin’ Hiatus Dance also gets the short shrift this fortnight, with nary a performance worth noting in town. But the choreographic cognizati can begin checking out Dendy Company – this year’s DANCEworks artists in residence – on Friday, April 4, the first of three weekly rehearsals that are open to public viewing via a special pass.

Laugh it up Or at least put on a fake wan smile as comedians of all levels of success hit area stages. The Plaza Playhouse in Carp is bringing back Underground Comedy Night featuring seven L.A.area acts that have played some of the big shows and more off-the-wall joints (March 22), while the Chumash Casino’s Samala Showroom hosts Jeff Dunham – considered one of the nation’s most popular stand-ups – for two shows of his persona-filled, dummy-spurred comedy on March 27. Meanwhile, UCSB Arts & Lectures has booked former The Daily Show correspondent John Hodgman for a show at Campbell Hall on April 1.

The Club Scene Carlene Carter – June Carter Cash’s daughter, Johnny Cash’s stepdaughter, and Mother Maybelle Carter’s granddaughter – ends an extended recording hiatus with Carter Girl, an album that pays tribute to her heritage. Songs made famous by her family’s bands are all over the CD, and likely to be a big part of her set at SOhO on March 23.... John Corbett, who just did the solo thing up at the Maverick Saloon in Santa Ynez, brings a full band in a bill shared with local country-rock singer-songwriter Wil Ridge at SOhO on March 29. That same night Dana Cooper, one of the best performers in Trinity Backstage’s history, returns to inaugurate the coffeehouse’s new truncated quarterly series on March 29.... Danny Schmidt and Eric Taylor share the stage at the Maverick for a Tales From the Tavern gig on April 2... The L.A. jam band Particle hits SOhO on April 4. No fooling.... Finally, Annabelle Gurwitch reads from her funny writings at Granada Books on April 2.

Theatrical Thicket Nary a full moon, or even a lunar cycle, goes by without some sort of interesting play or musical showing up

on the boards. This fortnight, Lit Moon revives its version of Shakespeare’s Hamlet at Center Stage March 2729...Busy actor-playwright-director Ed Giron stays Connected, which is the title of an evening of five of his one-act plays featuring directors Joseph Beck, Robert Sanchez, Jerry Oshinsky, Ivy Vahanian and Ghislaine SopherPhillips plus cast members George Coe, Mila Wizel, Josh Lampert, Aden Hailu, Morris Danhi, Julie Allen and Trina Imami. You can connect with the show at Plaza Playhouse in Carpinteria March 28-April 6...Ensemble Theater Company’s third show of its inaugural season at the New Vic gets all up into classic myths with Metamorphoses, Mary Zimmerman’s adaptation of the myths of Ovid synthesizing ancient and contemporary storytelling, staged as a series of vignettes set in and around a pool of water with a cast of nine portraying 40 characters. The winner of several Tony Awards (and also a nomination for Best Play) should provide a pretty good challenge for the new venue and its production team during the March 29-April 13 run.... It ain’t no play, but Garrison Keillor is a whole mess of whimsical drama unto himself; the Woebegone wizard returns to the Arlington on April 2.... Out of the Box, the local ensemble dedicated to presenting ultra-modern quirky and offbeat musicals with area performers, debuts Bonnie & Clyde, the Musical at Center Stage April 3-13.... Finally, Rubicon Theatre Company winds up its run of Eugene O’Neill’s classic Moon for the Misbegotten down in Ventura through April 6.

Focus on Film The Marjorie Luke Theater is getting ready for its big 10th anniversary celebration with The Beatles tribute band Fab Four on April 26, and a March 28 screening of Good Ol’ Freda – a documentary about the Beatles’ longtime secretary, who worked for them for 11 years even though they only stayed together for a decade; should get things started nicely.... On the other side of the spectrum, Spike & Mike’s Festival of Animation, featuring edgy, risqué and otherwise fringy animated shorts, screens twice out at UCSB Campbell Hall on April 4.

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M A R C H 2 2 – A P R I L 5 | 2 0 1 4 | 2 0 1 4 |

THE PET DETECTIVES by John and Hudson Mayfield

Hudson (9) and John (7) are brothers and students at Montecito Union School. Hudson loves boats and the ocean, he can be found sailing around the harbor in his free time. John enjoys Minecraft, dogs and all kinds of animals. John is often spotted making new friends with dogs all over town.

Spanky the Shop Dog

panky is a shop dog, but not the usual kind of shop dog. He works at a dog store. Spanky has to go to work in a tie. He is paid in treats and gets up to 25 small treats per day. Beef jerky is his favorite. He is six years old but only as big as your two hands put together. You can visit Spanky at George in Montecito Country Mart!

Ask Jason

Have home energy questions? emPowerSBC’s Energy Coach Jason Scheurer is a free and trusted resource for Santa Barbara County homeowners. Jason is available to: • Provide expert advice on home energy efficiency • Conduct a site visit to evaluate your home and recommend solutions • Help you take advantage of emPowerSBC financing and utility incentives

If you are looking to make home energy upgrades, contact Jason today

Call or email Jason at (805) 568-3514 or emPowerSBC@co.santa-barbara.ca.us

www.emPowerSBC.org

This Program is funded by California utility ratepayers and administered by Pacific Gas and Electric Company, Southern California Edison and Southern California Gas Company under the auspices of the California Public Utilities Commission.

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...continued from p.7 (“Paul Chesne Is Riding into Town,” Vol. 3, Issue 5.) As for the photo of your dog and the paper, well, I’m not sure what, exactly, to make of it. On the one hand, I’m flattered to have another reader; on the other, it’s unclear whether a burgeoning canine demographic will drive advertising and sales. Whatever, at least he’s reading out in front of a terrific spot (and longtime Sentinel supporter) at Chuck’s. Come to think of it, I could really go for a grilled artichoke, some steamed mussels, maybe a bowl of award-winning chowder, an Alaskan Halibut (Chuck’s Style, of course) and a frickin’ high-grade Prime Top Sirloin Steak, followed by a respectable and quite civilized Death by Chocolate. Toss a glorious red wine in there – skip the antidepressants mentioned above – and I’m in good shape. Even really good shape. Wait a second, maybe that whole canine demographic has value after all. Publisher Tim, let’s go with it – we can really push that new Pet Detectives column written by grade school kids. (Child labor laws be damned!) There’s definitely something there. Thanks again for writing, Randy, see you at Chuck’s. –MSM)

More Mac McGill

Mr. Mazza, I doubt anyone is particularly surprised to see me writing to your paper in response to Sharon Byrne’s coverage of the recent Homelessness Convention that happened here in Santa

W W W. S A N TA B A R B A R A S E N T I N E L .CO M

Barbara. You might find it surprising that I had to read her article twice before determining exactly what it was that I disagreed with. To my mind, at least, this indicates that I have made great progress, and your paper may be educable after all. It is good that we may be able to get to the heart of the issue in a reasonable manner because it makes it much easier to prove that I have, of course, been right all along. Ms. Byrne’s biggest objection, as well as the objection of many business leaders who apparently walked out in a huff, was that the issue of homelessness was couched as a civil rights issue. Granted, that isn’t nearly as much fun as making it all about personal responsibility and substance abuse but strikes me as correct. The only part of the U.S. Constitution conservatives seem to have no use for is the clause where the government is specifically charged with “the General Welfare.” Those Founding Fathers capitalized it and everything. In fact, it isn’t mentioned just once but twice. Personally, if the government doesn’t exist to help people, why do we have one? To subsidize oil companies? So we can blow things up on the other side of the world? If that’s all you think the government should be doing, maybe a little soul searching is in order. Many of you want to look at me and my circumstances and blame me for everything and decide that you don’t like

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me. Fine. I don’t like you either. We’re even. However, not everyone out here breaking the law every time they go to sleep is like me. There are little old ladies out here. There are children out here. There’s that guy with no freakin’ legs out here. People so crazy they really do believe the Capitalist is an evil lizard person. Instead of addressing those issues, what little assistance that does exist is being cut. Our socialist president recently signed a Farm Bill that will cut Food Stamps by billions. In that same bill are increases for subsidies to corporate agriculture, some of which will benefit the very Congressmen who wrote them. If you’re cutting food assistance to poor children in order to line your own pocket, there is a word for that. That word is “evil.” I can’t think of any word that’s more appropriate than “evil.” Can you? Calling it “fiscally responsible” is not only demonstrably incorrect, since spending is increased, it’s sort of like describing Hitler as an “ethnic enthusiast.” We spend a lot of money on things we shouldn’t, but trying to pull ahead of Romania on our rate of child poverty does not seem like one of them. We aren’t willing to do that, though, because someone like me might also get some help, and that is simply unacceptable. Unless of course, housing and other aspects of human dignity are seen as part and parcel of my civil rights. Before this all got started for me, after a faulty alternator cost me my job and I couldn’t find a new one, it really wouldn’t have taken very much to prevent all this from happening. Unfortunately, I admitted to the social worker for whom I had waited hours to see that I had $50 in my pocket. That admission instantly disqualified from assistance. Rather brusquely I was escorted to the elevator and told to leave. I had to come back a different day so I could be rejected for a different reason. All in an effort to get the government to give me a lousy $3 a day which I actually still don’t get. The 100,000 Homes Project is something about which I have my own criticisms, but it does make a few good points about how stupidly we dispense aid (apparently just so we can be mean to each other), since we don’t save any money the way we do it now. Although thankfully it hasn’t happened yet, being homeless greatly increases the likelihood that I will eventually wind up in the emergency room, at which point any money the taxpayer may have saved by forcing me to live illegally on the street will be spent anyway on a night or two at the hospital. Perhaps the hope is that by desperation or stupidity, I will do something that will land me in prison, at which point the taxpayer will quite gladly put up $50,000 a year. Really, I’d settle for an efficiency or even a studio for a fifth as much. It doesn’t even have to be close to the beach. Whatever happens it will take an enormous amount of energy to get me off

the street at this point, and I am almost certainly unable to be able to do so without getting help from someone or somewhere. Seems like getting it from the government would make the most sense and be the easiest on everybody, but that’s just not how we do things in America. Instead, you’ll all begrudgingly throw down just enough to keep me chronically homeless, and berate me the whole time until some horrible thing inevitably happens to me. Mac McGill, Has Left the Building Santa Barbara (Editor’s Note: Mac, you consistently – and apparently inadvertently – make the case against assistance for the homeless. Arguing that simply giving an intentionally unproductive member of society (i.e., you) a studio so that the folks working day and night to support their families don’t have to pay for him or her (you) to go to the ER or jail is just silly. Your ego and delusions of grandeur are doing a disservice to your “comrades.” I’ll be blunt: Get a job and quit living off of the responsible folks who are out there busting their asses every single day to provide for themselves and their families. You see, Mac, we are the government that is charged with protecting the General Welfare. And believe me, it is highly unlikely, given the historical context and practical reality of life in the late 18th century, that the Founding Fathers were thinking about giving handouts to freeloaders like you (yeah, I said it); they were talking about ensuring that those who at least attempted to participate – or were genuinely unable to participate due to circumstances beyond their control – in a productive society, free of tyranny, were provided certain inalienable rights and standards of living. Your own words demonstrate clearly that you don’t fall into either of those categories. Some in your shoes might be ashamed of themselves, Mac, but I don’t suspect you are. Either way, I don’t think I’m going to respond to any of this anymore. People can find you and your blog online if they wish. It’s been fun. Sharon, anything? –MSM) (Sharon’s Note: Mac, I R Confused. Aren’t you the same guy who a few months back extolled your homeless lifestyle, and how much you enjoyed it? Who does it hurt, and all that? Now you’d like a nice taxpayer-funded studio, close to the beach preferably, or else... and you threaten going to prison, which you figure will cost those taxpayers far more than your bargain studio. Perfect. You want something for nothing. Thanks for making that clear. Let me suggest you stop writing incoherent spew letters, and Get A Job. Really. Be productive, man. And for the record, I object to anyone self-aggrandizing their mission by pretending their work is equivalent to that of Dr. Martin Luther King. My umbrage was about ego, pal. And true to form, Mac, you’re wallowing in yours. – Sharon Byrne) ...continued p.30

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PUMP IT

M A R C H 2 2 – A P R I L 5 | 2 0 1 4 | 2 0 1 4 |

By Jenny Schatzle

N.A.S.M, Kickboxing and SPIN Certified, Jenny Schatzle is known for changing bodies and changing lives. Her approach to fitness is about not only “getting fit” physically but also how, through exercise, nutrition and a positive motivational environment, you can change your lifestyle for the better. Jenny’s program and the results she consistently achieves have made her one of the most sought-after experts in Santa Barbara.

Sugar Junky

constantly get emails from readers asking questions about “nutrition,” so I thought I’d change it up this week. Here’s a segment from the nutrition part of my program about sugar, written by our staff registered dietician Colleen Hurley. Enjoy. SUGAR: Like any addiction, it’s a series of highs and lows. When carbs or sugars are refined, they are stripped of any redeeming quality they once possessed and hit with a slew of other nasty chemicals. The refining process actually results in molecules that shoot straight into the bloodstream and cause a rapid spike in blood-sugar levels. This results in an equally rapid spike in insulin – our bodies’ sugar regulator. The problem is that after consuming refined sugars – such as, let’s say, a can of soda or a gummy worm – our blood sugar drops as fast as it spiked. Sadly, our insulin can’t move that fast. And all that excess insulin in our bloodstream over time leads to weight gain and potentially insulin resistance (aka, type-2 Diabetes). Like with many illegal drugs, for example, our tolerance (read: sweetness threshold) increases and we need an increasingly sweeter taste to “satisfy” our cravings because our taste buds are dulled. How do you get off the wheel and break free? I hate to say it, but cold turkey is the best method here! (Note: If you want more information or next steps, let me or the Sentinel know by email. If the interest is there, then I will make that my column for the next issue! In fact, I’m happy to write about issues that concern you, so feel free to write anytime. And thank you Colleen!)

WORKOUT The workout this week is one of my favorites: 100 to 10! Don’t let it intimidate you. Even if you have to modify, half a workout is better than no workout. The mile after each round is optional, but I highly recommend doing it if you are able, as it really adds a dimension. WARM-UP One lap around your block or just a 5-minute brisk walk or jog. (Advanced folks should do a one-mile warm-up) ROUND 1

- 100 jumping jacks - 90 mountain climbers (regular) - 80 crunches - 70 mountain climbers (twist) - 60 high knees - 50 side lunges - 40 squat jumps - 30 jump lunges - 20 frog jump squats - 10 jumping jacks Run 1 mile (optional)

ROUND 2

-100 jumping jacks - 90 mountain climbers (regular) - 80 bicycles - 70 mountain climbers (twist) - 60 plank (tap hips side to side) - 50 side lunges - 40 shoulder taps - 30 regular pushups - 20 tricep pushups - 10 tuck jumps Run 1 mile (optional)

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That’s it this biweek, everybody. Have fun with this one and don’t forget to write with any questions! jenny@jennyschatzle.com.

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IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING THAT THERE IS RISK OF INJURY ASSOCIATED WITH ANY AND ALL PHYSICAL ACTIVITY, WHETHER STRENUOUS OR NOT. IF YOU HAVE ANY RELATED CONCERNS AT ALL, THEN PLEASE MAKE SURE TO SPEAK WITH YOUR PHYSICIAN BEFORE ENGAGING IN THE EXERCISE PROGRAM ABOVE. AND IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT PARTICULAR MOVEMENTS, THEN PLEASE CALL OR WRITE JENNY SCHATZLE DIRECTLY SO SHE CAN ANSWER THEM. REGARDLESS, HOWEVER, AS A RESPONSIBLE HUMAN BEING, BY PARTICIPATING IN THE FOREGOING EXERCISE PROGRAM, YOU ASSUME ALL OF THE RISK OF DOING SO AND VOLUNTARILY RELEASE, TO THE FULLEST EXTENT ALLOWED BY LAW, ANY AND ALL CLAIMS AGAINST JENNY SCHATZLE BOOTCAMP AND/OR THE SANTA BARBARA SENTINEL.

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M A R C H 2 2 – A P R I L 5 | 2 0 1 4

W W W. S A N TA B A R B A R A S E N T I N E L .CO M

...continued from p.15

Early morning at the Sailing Center. (I took this right before I banged on the side of the Jenny Lane to wake Joe up.)

Mesa yo! Everything looks so peaceful up there from the water.

ready to batten down the hatches, cast off the ropes, grab hold of that wooden thingy that steers the boat and do some nifty sailing. Thank goodness for Captain Jason Burke, sailing instructor extraordinaire.

Dick and Dolly Lawrence serve up the single finest jumbo tubesteak in town at the Boat Launch MiniMart. Just ask recent customer Dwight Howard. (Tubesteak, for the less civilized among us, is a more refined term we connoisseurs like to use to describe the regal Hot Dog, an American sailing delicacy that is best consumed early in the pre-sailing morning hours, over a large cup of jet-black coffee.)

When the Wind Is Right You Can Sail Away, Find Tranquility Captain Jason is another nice guy with loads of sailing knowledge. After a few minutes spent getting to know a bit about his background and my classmates – Jenn Kennedy, coincidentally, a local marketing and brand professional who I’d dealt with in connection with this very rag, and Joe Williams, an Arizona born former paramedic in Afghanistan who recently quit his job and is here learning to sail for a week (and living aboard the Jenny Lane, a Catalina 50’ in the SBSC fleet) before heading to the south of France for some down time – we got right down to it. As part of the ASA 101 course, students are provided with a Sailing Fundamentals

Thar she blows! Get over to the Sailing Center and check it for yourself. You’ll be glad you did; it’s a terrific local resource.

text that is to be read and, yes, even studied a bit before the actual sailing portion of the class starts. It’s really designed to get you familiar with the boat and its

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rigging, and to help with the terminology barrier that can get in the way of efficient communication. Jason took us through our J 24’, pointing out boat and sail parts and getting us to call them by name (i.e., spreaders, shrouds, luff, leech, head, tack, clew, boom vang, etc.). Then he went over the various points of sail and other more conceptual pieces of sailing that are important to understanding what in the hell is going on out there (like, for example, how the damned boat can sail into the wind and not go backward or sideways). It was hugely accessible and informative right away, and it only took an hour or so on the docks before the four of us hopped on the boat and took off. I’m not going to spend the next few thousand words describing the sailing experience. In a word, it’s exhilarating. (And yet relaxing at the same time. Interesting paradox. That’s more than a word. Sorry.) We took the boat way up the coast, into the wind, talking back and forth like deranged sailing lunatics, and then ran back down to the (recently reopened) Harbor mouth, with the wind, jibing carefully and talking sailing and boating and politics and old war stories and everything else you might talk about on a long day sail in moderate winds and bright sunshine. I loved it. It’s particularly cool being on board

with other neophyte sailors. We all had questions, of course, and were all struggling to learn the language and figure the whole thing out. There’s knowledge in numbers, and both Jenn and Joe’s learning process was part of mine, too. By the end of that first day, I actually felt like I could sail. Imagine that. We spent the next couple days doing the same thing, gaining confidence and knowledge, learning from Jason and one another. Then there was a written test (we all passed!) and a required demonstration that we could both “heave to” and pick up a dummy in a mock crew overboard drill – both are safety maneuvers that every sailor must learn – and then a fair amount of high-fiving and general merrymaking. We all earned our Basic Keelboat Certifications, which anoint us capable of day sailing up to a 27’ boat in reasonable conditions. (Congrats Jenn and Joe! Thanks Jason!) Although you shouldn’t be, you might be concerned to know that I can now rent a sailboat anywhere in the world and am confident enough that I will actually do so. In fact, I’m planning on taking the family out this weekend, and my wife – heretofore highly skeptical of my boating abilities in light of our history up at Clear Lake – is actually going for it. It’s funny how three days of instruction can change two decades of distrust. But whatever. Kids, get on the boat!

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Oh, The Canvas Can Do Miracles, Just You Wait And See Here’s the absolutely glorious icing on the cake: Once I’ve sailed a bit more on my own and mastered the basics, I will make the call I’ve been waiting patiently to make for almost 20 years. The one in which I casually invite my father and brother-in-law down for a relaxing day sail on the calm waters of the Santa Barbara Channel aboard a perfectly seaworthy vessel. That’s going to drag their sorry asses out to the damned islands and back. Thanks Skip!

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STUFF I LIKE I love the Santa Barbara Sailing Center, which, anecdotally, has one of the largest American Sailing Association schools in the nation and has been named ASA School of the Year for two years running. There is way too much going on down there to discuss in detail here. Commodore Skip Abed and his crew don’t just do sailing instruction and sailboat rentals and charters, they also do whale watching and coastal cruising aboard the Double Dolphin, kayak and SUP rentals (my wife has a punch card for cheap and easy access to SUP boards and paddles and cruises around the Harbor and Wharf ) and all sorts of other stuff. There’re classes and camps for kids, too, and they are already filling up for the summer. The bottom line is that it is spring in Santa Barbara, and perhaps the best sailing weather of the year is happening now and in the near future. So get down to the Sailing Center, talk to Skip or manager Ian FitzGerald, and get yourself going. You’ll be happy you did. Santa Barbara Sailing Center, 133 Harbor Way; (805) 962-2826; www.sbsail.com. See you on the water. I know I mentioned it last issue, but I wanted to reiterate my affection for the Elings Park 5K Terrain Series. I ran the race last week with my wife and visiting father and really had a terrific time. The post-race tunes, brews and food were great (that lasagna was delicious!), and I will definitely run again soon. As I said,

I’ll just come out and say it straight: Commodore Skip Abed and his crew make sailing approachable, affordable, enjoyable and a hell of a lot of fun down at the Sailing Center. (Thanks Skip, I had a great time!)

last time, this one’s worth it, y’all, it’s a fun little community event and you really should check it out, each and every Wednesday for the foreseeable future. $20. Get to the park at 5:30pm to register. www.elingspark.org. Support Elings and have a blast. Two more, quickly: I like the Santa Barbara Zoo. (We had a family membership for years when the kids were younger and still like to go from to time. If you haven’t been for a while, go.) And I was glad to hear that the zoo is celebrating the opening of its new $7.5 million Discovery Pavilion education center on March 22 (the day this issue hits the racks). There’s lots happening at the Pavilion, which will really serve as the hub of the zoo’s many education and outreach programs, including a new series of talks by conservation experts called “At the Watering Hole” and lots of other new additions. Like I said, if you haven’t been recently, go. The kids and I are headed over soon. www.sbzoo.org. Finally, I absolutely love NPR’s A Prairie Home Companion and its host, Garrison Keillor. If you don’t know the program – and you should – then tune into 102.3 on your FM dial (KCLU), Saturdays from 4 – 6pm and Sundays from 10am – noon, and listen for some great piano music and something about a dude named Guy Noir or a place

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called Lake Wobegon. It’s wonderfully entertaining. USCB Arts & Lectures is bringing Garrison to the incomparable Granada Theatre on April 2, at 8pm, and I am basically pissed off that I will have to miss it. (More on that another time.) Please go. And please write in and tell me how much I missed, so I make sure to be here next time the show comes to town (fingers crossed). Call (805) 893-3535 or go to www.artsandlectures. ucsb.edu for tickets and information. Have a great time. That’s plenty from me this week, folks. Enjoy the biweek.

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...continued from p.26

Santa Barbara = Brooklyn

Hey Matt. The Funk Zone got steamrolled for a week recently by the Ralph Lauren and photo guru Bruce Weber fashion shoot. The whole thing was a pretty good shot in the arm for the Zone and SB at large: The crew rented 50 rooms at Bacara, 50 at the Four Seasons and 50 more at the Canary, rented the whole of Municipal Winery on Anacapa as their base and used most of the local businesses as backdrops. They also set up their own 100x100ft five-star eatery in the parking lot across from the carousel. (I ate there once and had to sit next to Billy Baldwin.) They brought multiple trucks loaded with props from canoes to vintage motorcycles and even a dozen miniature Australian Shepherds, which looked pretty cool dragging a 6’4” model down the alley (she only weighed around 100lbs, so it wasn’t as labor intensive for the dogs as you might think).

The Funk Zone stood in for Brooklyn in a recent Ralph Lauren shoot. Ain’t SB cool?

In the attached photo, Bruce Weber (under the umbrella) is setting up the shot at the Sea Horse Gallery under the Bohemia sign. He put a guy and gal in full winter dress on this 1932 Indian motorcycle with a little wind machine to get their hair blowing. According to the production brothers Will and Luke Adler, they wanted the city shots to look like Brooklyn, and their mountain and lake shots (Zaca) to look like the

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Adirondacks. Never dull in the FZ. Jim Mahoney Santa Barbara P.S. Went to La Colina Junior High School for their production of Oklahoma! Penny aced it as Ado Annie.) (Editor’s Note: Thanks for keeping me in the loop, Jim, right on. For the record, I find old Billy Baldwin to be an engaging and nice guy. I imagine lunching next to him would be a hoot. –MSM)

Quit Smoking Around the Library Already

Dear Matt, it seems clear to me that smoking has been prohibited at the public library since Santa Barbara Municipal Code 9.20.030 was enacted long ago. Unfortunately, that law has simply not been enforced. I have grown to love our library over the past two years, and enforcement of SBMC 9.20.030 is a simple way to improve the atmosphere and make it a more welcoming place of free knowledge. I smoke and this is still a no-brainer – there are plenty of public places to enjoy tobacco. The library shouldn’t be one of them. Please help make the library a more familyfriendly place and see

to it that SBMC 9.20.030 is enforced. Thanks. Library Fan Santa Barbara (Editor’s Note – Thanks Library Fan, I actually looked up SBMC 9.20.030 (Regulation of Smoking in Public Places). And it does appear that smoking in certain non-enclosed public places – including the public library – is in fact expressly prohibited. (See Section 9.20.030(A)(12).) So hey smokers: Stop smoking in front of the damned library already. Thanks for writing. – MSM)

Dredge, Baby, Dredge

With a regatta in the foreground and the Channel Islands in the distance, this is what sailors were hoping to enjoy before the harbor got clogged by our recent storms. There has been a heavy economic impact. Fishermen have lost valuable days. A scheduled luxury liner could not visit. Whale watching and sight seeing boats could not leave the harbor. Let’s hope the harbor is dredged and regattas can begin again quickly if they have not already completed the job by the time of this publication. Sadly, regarding potential tourist revenues and their economic impact, my urge to make haste getting proper art and photography showing our scenic wonders and annual events on the bare walls of our airport (public hearing televised March 20), is a problem that has persisted for three years now. It’s high time to clear away the mud of bureaucracy and any

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impediments to selling our city at either of our ports, sea or air. Both heavily impact tourism, our city’s main source of revenue. Approximately three million travelers have passed through our airport since it opened on June 17, 2011. That’s a lot of lost marketing targets who saw no pictures of our splendors and attractions coming into or leaving from our airport. (I now speak as a marketing specialist, my profession, not just a photographer.) Think about it. Should I add “Write, call or email your local representative?” Ron Atwood Santa Barbara (Editor’s Note: I think not, Ron, you’ve made your point. Love the whole “mud of bureaucracy” and “impediments” thing; nice play on the clogged harbor. Thanks, too, for the great shot. Keep them coming, man. – MSM)

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The Weekly Capitalist by Jeff Harding

Jeff Harding publishes The Daily Capitalist, a blog on economics and finance. He is the president of Montecito Analytics, LLC, and is a real estate investor who lives in Montecito.

Why Groupthink Is Killing Us

ou may have noticed that I get angry about how the world works (actually how it doesn’t work) and that drives my biweekly rant here. I’m not very good at swallowing hard and counting to ten, or at being content to float along on a wave of conventional wisdom. I believe we all want the same things for society: freedom to pursue our own interests; a healthy economy that provides good jobs; a social infrastructure that provides us with all our material needs (including great health care); a clean, healthy environment; and a rich cultural community. My problem is that conventional solutions are pushing us further away from those ideals and I want to do something about it. That’s why I’m angry. What I am most upset about (at least this week) is groupthink. Groupthink is the phenomenon where people are more concerned with group consensus and conformity in decision-making, instead of debating difficult ideas and entertaining dissenting views. The goal is conformity and group cohesion rather than truth. The group usually thinks they are intellectually and morally superior to nonmembers. It’s a deadly trap. You might check out Wikipedia on this topic for a rundown of policy errors our groupthink-prone government has committed.

The Dreaded Inflationary Meritagians My favorite groupthink target is economists. There is very little dissent among economists with the general precepts of mainstream economics. This is especially true within academia. The current economics mainstream is a “meritage” (a wine term relating to a blend of red wines) of neo-Keynesian/ neo-Classical/neo-Monetarist thought. The Fed employs about 2,000

economists and, to my eye, they are all meritagians (that’s not a wine term; in fact, it’s not a term at all). Why is that bad? Well, for instance, the Fed was wrong about the housing bubble, the collapse of Lehman Brothers, the collapse of the real estate bubble, quantitative easing (money “printing”) to cure it, unemployment, inflation and the direction of the economy, just to name a few things. Most people just swallowed whatever former Fed chairman Ben Bernanke said, even though he was consistently wrong in his calls about the economy. Time magazine actually heralded him as the savior of the economy. That is total BS. There is no evidence that he or the Fed saved anything, unless you think coincidence is proof of something. Let’s use inflation as an example of conventional economic wisdom from meritagian economists. These conventional wisdom experts say that in order for an economy to grow you need “modest” inflation, which is something around 2% per year. Too little is bad; too much is bad. And they know what is just the right amount of inflation. They think the economy grows because people spend money rather than save it. In order to induce consumers to spend, just jack up inflation and they will spend, thus creating economic growth and jobs. The fly in this ointment is that it doesn’t work. In fact, inflation, despite the Fed’s efforts to the contrary, is declining – which they say is a bad thing. The usual definition of inflation is “rising prices of all goods” caused by “too much money chasing too few goods.” That’s not it. Inflation is when the central bank (i.e., the Fed) “prints” money and shovels it into the economy. It’s the money printing that is inflation. Rising prices are just one of the negative effects of inflation. There are others that are more harmful, but the meritagian

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economists are ignorant of those effects. The fact is that inflation doesn’t cause lasting organic growth. It ultimately hinders growth and robs people by cheapening their purchasing power. The truth of this is revealed to us when the Fed stops or slows the money printing. We find that the growth was fake and the artificially created wealth disappears. This became very obvious to us in the dot-com collapse (2000) and in the collapse of the housing market (2008).

“You folks saving for retirement are just saps, suckers, dupes and dopes.”

This is happening again. Since 2008, the Fed has been printing money at an unprecedented rate (about $3.3 trillion worth to date). They keep interest rates at almost zero. Their goal is to stimulate the economy. The result is that money is plentiful, cheap to borrow, and they’ve created another stock market boom (I say bubble) and another housing boom (the coming bubble). Why would this boom end up any different than the ones in 1980, 1990, 2001 and 2008? It won’t. And then there is the other effect of inflation: a declining dollar (prices increase). Why is 2% inflation a good thing? Or, to put it differently, why is having a dollar worth only 98¢ today a

good thing if it was worth $1 last year? Or, to look at it another way, if you had $100,000 in savings in 2008, it’s only worth $92,600 today. To take an even longer look, if you had $100,000 in 1980, it would be worth about $33,000 today (actual price inflation was 3.3% annually). Yippee! You folks saving for retirement are just saps, suckers, dupes and dopes. But hey, the Fed and all its economists know better, just keep that in mind. Your government likes this situation, since it is the world’s biggest borrower. They can spend what they want without making you pay for it today by borrowing the money at cheap rates. You, or your children and grandchildren will pay for it – someday. That’s why the Fed really can’t stop printing. If they do, interest rates will rise and the government’s debt cost will rise, and we’ll enter the world of the Grecian Formula of bankruptcy and social chaos. Which is why I am p.o.’d. Inflation causes the destruction of savings and capital (real wealth and fake), the economy stagnates, unemployment remains high and we all become poorer. Except maybe the One-Percenters and crony capitalists to whom our Fed and government pay obeisance. We need to change the dialog. It all comes back to groupthink, which is just another word for intolerance to ideas you don’t understand or agree with. Where in the University of California system are there economics professors who advocate these contrary ideas? Okay, maybe someone can point out one or two, but they are but a whisper in a crowd. Try getting an Austrian Theory economist appointed to any econ department in a UC school. The word quixotic comes to mind. They don’t tolerate dissent and that is wrong. And we suffer.

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Turning Back the Damned Clock

ife transitions seem to come in two speeds, fast and slow. Dr. Owen Stormo is familiar with both. As an Emergency Room Physician at is you’re overweight, you smoke, your Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital for the cholesterol is high and you’re on blood past 31 years, he’s seen life transition daily pressure medicine – you’re a poster child for his patients, who range from teenagers for a heart attack.” air-rescued from an auto or motorcycle Talk about a bedside reality check. accident to the 50-year-old suffering with “It’s all stuff that could’ve been chest pains and many others. prevented if they’d started on it 10 or 15 “In the E.R., I do crisis management,” years ago,” he’s shaking his head. “Now Dr. Stormo explained. “People come in here they are, having their first heart sick, I do diagnostics to figure out what’s attack today; they’re about to become a going on and then manage how best to ‘patient,’ and they’ll be a ‘patient’ the rest treat it.” It’s a right here, right now world of their lives.” of reactive medicine. So I get it, an ounce of prevention is Lives can change quickly in the worth a ton of cure, and that is what this Emergency Room. doctor is prescribing out of his new offices Now, though, after three decades of the within the Sports Medicine Center on the fast-paced and adrenaline driven E.R., Dr. Longtime Cottage Hospital ER doctor Owen Stormo fringes of the Funk Zone off of Calle Cesar Stormo’s ready for a slower transition, this is changing gears from reactive medicine to proacone into the world of proactive medicine tive approaches to help keep men younger, healthier Chavez. But what does that actually mean? and more active longer. Break it down for me, Doc. and his new venture, StormoHealth. “We start with an initial consultation. “Our clientele,” the doc told me, “is my 20s, I remember thinking how much We’ll talk about stuff like, sports and about age 40 through 65 to 70, both male of a stud the old guy was. That’s how I saw myself aging. exercise you’re into, what your diet’s like, and female. If you ask any group of people Boy, I’d better get on it. surgeries, injuries, current issues and meds. as they age, ‘How many of you want to Then we do a comprehensive overview of go to a nursing home?’ nobody raises their where your body is empirically at now, hand.” Be Healthy, Be Happy (Picture me, a 40-something who So, how does StormoHealth help which includes a complete blood workjust went through a reasonably serious boomers and early Xers keep charging up, a neuro-cognitive test, a DEXA Scan injury to my Achilles tendon, nodding in through life as they’ve become body-fat analysis, a VO2 max text and a fitness test.” complete and total agreement.) accustomed? Simple. I like it. I could use a little overview of “Yet that’s where many of us end up.” “I keep people healthy,” the good Dr. Stormo leaned forward for the glass of doctor continued. “If I can get to them where things stand. “From those results, we design and wine I just poured him. “If you do things before it’s too late, they can act like they’re right, though, you can be one of the lucky in their 40s and feel like they’re 35 in their put our clients into specific, medically ones going out on the ski slope at age 90 later years with our medically supervised supervised plans, which, beyond working for your next run.” exercise, nutrition and hormone directly with me, also include a physical trainer (his wife, Alexia) and our (More nodding. Happier nodding.) replacement program.” Warren Miller, ski filmmaker “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had registered dietitian, Chantal Gariepy.” “Prospective clients have to have the extraordinaire, comes to mind with that to sit at the bedside of somebody who’s comment; I believe he’s still cruising at 90. my age now,” he went on, “and tell ‘em, desire to change. But it takes more than I know first-hand that he was perfecting ‘Yeah, that chest pain’s real, you’re having desire; it takes work and commitment.” How much of a commitment? his water starts and jibes windsurfing at a heart attack.’” The rugged 50-something “That depends where you’re starting,” Kanaha Beach on Maui at around 70 doc sips his red wine. “And they look up Mortgage Solutions he replied. “But what we’re really about is years old – I was his instructor. ThenSolutions in and say ‘Me?!’ The answer I have to give Mortgage

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assisting you in creating a new lifestyle.” The mission, according to Dr. Stormo, “is for you to live a happier, healthier life, free of disease, vigorous and full of vitality.”

His Own Best Client Dr. Stormo doesn’t just dispense medical/lifestyle advice to others; he’s perhaps his own best client. In fact, it was his own personal experience that motivated him to take the plunge into being an entrepreneur in proactive rather than reactive medicine. “I started feeling crappy,” he divulged. “I was losing muscle mass and feeling weak. As a doctor, I starting thinking I had Lou Gehrig’s Disease or some other nasty thing. But after all my bloodwork, it turned out my testosterone levels were really, really low.” He blamed this on the genetics passed down from his father: “I remember my dad going from this really robust man, to this guy with no muscle mass and a pot belly who ended up dying of heart disease.” Since there weren’t any local options for proactive men’s health at the time, Dr. Stormo explained he went south to Los Angeles to get checked into a program. “Today I’m much healthier, happier and stronger, and that’s why I’ve decided to do the same thing for people here in Santa Barbara.” Sounds great, Doc – looking forward to seeing you on the slopes in 2047 and beyond! Boy, does that seem like a long time away; of course, so did 2015, when Doc Brown programmed the DeLorean back in 1985. Just saying.

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In the Garden with

Mr. Greenjeans

by Randy Arnowitz “Mr. Greenjeans,” as he is known around

Santa Barbara, is a gardener, horticulturist and writer. He particularly enjoys working with roses, orchids and sharing the day with his golden retriever Peaches, who faithfully accompanies him in the field. Contact him at greenjeansmr@gmail.com

You Say Tomato, I Say Plant Now

ven with our drought situation and water restrictions, I’d imagine that most of us could accommodate a tomato plant or two in our gardens this season. If you don’t want to turn on the hose for your tomato garden, collect the cool water that normally goes down the drain before the tap water turns warm for dishes, or save the discard that usually gets poured out when filling your dog’s water bowl with fresh water. Also conserve by growing tomatoes in large containers so water (and food) goes directly to the roots without unnecessary runoff. If you use a large, 15-gallon, black plastic nursery container, slip that pot into another container so the sun isn’t beating directly onto the sides of the pot and cooking the roots inside. Keep in mind, when buying tomato plants for containers, that determinate types such as Yellow Taxi, Oregon Spring and Black Sea Man work best because they are genetically programmed to stop growing at a certain height. Indeterminate varieties, on the other hand, keep growing and vining until they cover your house like a kudzu vine and are best grown directly into your garden soil. To get his take on the wonders and joys of tomato growing, I asked Oscar Carmona of Healing Grounds Nursery to share a few of his notes on the subject. Since it is important to grow varieties of tomatoes (or anything, really) that do well in our particular location and climate, Oscar has listed his top ten favorite tomato varieties for our area based on plant vigor, adaptability to our prevailing variable weather conditions, productivity and – of course – flavor. Judges? • Pineapple • Black from Tula • Japanese Black Trifele • Stupice • Black Krim • French Connection Trio -Jaune Flamme/Dona/Carmello

This tall-growing ceanothus “Ray Hartman” (center) is usually deer resistant as are many other types of ceanothus.

some good bagged amendment from the nursery. • Oscar has more than 50 varieties of tomato plants for sale at the farmers market. Buy local!

list you decide to work from or which plants you choose, many factors come into play as to how resistant any given plant may be to the deer. The time of year, how hungry the deer are and – interestingly enough – and how much water the plants have had all have an effect on what they’ll eat and what they won’t eat. This is further explained on some websites. Also, some sites rated plants as to degrees of “deer-proof-ness.” As you’ve probably discovered, plants like roses and strawberries are the caviar of deer food, and therefore not deer proof at all but rather delicacies. Conversely, many California natives are deer-proof, but then again, not always and not all species within a given genus. Depending on how much land you have, you may consider fencing off your property. I’ve learned that deer are as likely to crawl under as they are over a fence, and it’s important to anchor the bottom securely to the ground as well as choosing an effective height. I know I sound like I’m skating over the issue, but you’ll probably have to pick and choose plants to see what works in your particular area. As with everything else, the more you study up on the subject, the better off you’ll be.

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Oscar also offers these miscellaneous tips for growing tomatoes:

• Choose midsize or smaller varieties if you live on the Mesa, in lower Montecito or Carpinteria or IV. • If you grow Beefsteak, consider south facing walls for reflective heat or anywhere that utilizes cement to gather and retain heat. • Containers are great options, especially if you have soil viruses. • A consistent watering program is essential. Uneven watering leads to Blossom-End Rot and other detrimental tomato diseases.

I might add:

• Get your plants and fruit off the ground. Use the single-stake method or shape 6”x6” hardware wire into trellises or large towers to keep fruit safe and away from bugs and off of moist soil. • Before planting, remove the lower set of leaves and plant lower in the ground. Extra roots will grow from these buried leaf nodes. • Amend your garden soil with homemade compost if you have it or

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Dear Mr. Greenjeans, I Iove your articles in the Santa Barbara Sentinel. (My daughter is in school in SB.) I was wondering if you knew what plants and trees are not interesting food for deer. We are in the Sherman Oaks hills in L.A. and have families of deer that love our grounds for eating and resting, etc., especially with the ongoing construction happening on the nearby 405 freeway. Over the last two years, they have eaten all the ground ivy on the hills, rose bushes, orchid, etc. Any thoughts and recommendations from your experience would be appreciated. Thanks in advance! Lorraine R. Dear Lorraine, Your deer question was very interesting but, unfortunately, not so simple to answer. I hate to pass the buck, but I can only recommend to you what I did myself, and that is to Google the heck out of the subject and hope for the best. Here are a few that I found informative. There are many others: www.laspilitas.com/easy/deer.htm www.laspilitas.com/easy/deerfire.htm http://sierrafoothillgarden.com/plant-lists/ tried-and-true-deer-resistant-plants-forcalifornia-foothills/ Also, if you have one of the later editions of The New Sunset Western Garden Book, there is a “Plant Finder” feature in the beginning that has a “Deer-Resistant” section that offers a few pages of suggestions for planting in areas where deer are a problem. Keep in mind that no matter which site or

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by Jacquelyn De Longe

As a writer, busy mother of two toddlers and Pilates Instructor at P.U.L.S.E., Jacquelyn De Longe finds her fast-paced life often keeps her out of the kitchen and frequenting area restaurants. New to Santa Barbara, she explores treasures of the local culinary scene with a fresh, honest and entertaining perspective.

The 411 on 4444 Hollister: Bourbon, Beef and Beautiful People

That’s Anastasia’s Mad Hatter. She wants another one. Now.

There’s my Mashup. I want another one, too. Now.

Athena likes her Glass Slipper. A lot.

complemented with mashed sprigs of cool fresh cilantro and lime and house made sweet and sour, while Athena’s Glass Slipper was sweet and fruity with Lillet Blanc, vodka, peach purée and lemon. My Mashup, a combination of a Whiskey Sour, a Manhattan and an Old Fashion, is so popular that it is soon to be a regular on the drink menu. (Warning: This is a particularly powerful and delicious cocktail, like a bourbon version of a Long Island. Drink at your own happily assumed risk.) Did I mention they make their own bourbon-soaked cherries, which finished off my cocktail beautifully? (Well, they do. And it did.)

Big Al behind the bar can really mix up a quality cocktail.

ucked away in a crook of The Creek Side Inn parking lot is a mystical oasis known as The Bourbon Room, a place with tasty food and amazing cocktails set in cozy Parisian chic decor. (Yep, Parisian chic, right by The Creek Side.) A large, carved “Welcome” sign over the thick wooden beams and stone walls greets visitors. Inside dark ceilings, velvet curtains, textured walls and vintage B&W photos ooze moody cool. There is a distinctly relaxed vibe here (maybe it’s the bourbon, the cool crowd or both), and meals can easily last a few hours. I have to give credit to my close friend, Anastasia Hill (artist, grad student, intellectual and all around amazing gal), for introducing me to this culinary treasure. She and I have known each other since our early college days at Art Center College of Design (BFA, baby!) and, since we share similar levels of taste and aesthetic, when she recommends a restaurant, I trust her. Anastasia didn’t disappoint. I was surprised I’d never heard of this place (bourbon? I’m in!), and without her I never would have found it. But there it is, set back behind The Creek Side in a Hollister Avenue parking lot without a sign. Despite its location (or perhaps because of it?), The Bourbon Room has been slam-packed since opening its doors in January 2013; so packed, in fact, that they haven’t even had a chance to get

Not Just Booze. Booze and Food.

Co-owner Anna Louise Stacks doing her thing, well.

their website up. They only got as far as a Facebook page (address below), which they do update with new concoctions and special events. At the restaurant, we were met by Anastasia’s friend Athena Tan. Our threesome grabbed a table; each of us ordered up a specialty cocktail. (Don’t be fooled by its name: The Room may have over a dozen bourbons but also has many other liquors and a thoughtful wine list. And they make a Cocktail du Jour that is posted on their FB page.) Anastasia’s Mad Hatter was delightfully spicy with habanero-infused tequila

What goes better with cocktails than artisanal pizza and house ground burgers or immaculate quality? Kelly Joe, our server, took care of us right, bringing us an order of Kale chips with Parmesan to share while we waited for the rest of our grub. These tissue-thin fried crisps melt on your tongue and are incredibly addictive, yet so airy they can’t spoil your appetite. We special ordered a thin-crust cheese pizza with grilled Brussels sprouts. (Ca’ Dario Pizzeria has some competition!). Then we shared the house ground sliders, two 2”x 2” squares of meaty goodness with tomatoes and a spicy aioli on Hawaiian buns. (They went quickly.) We finished ourselves off with dense and creamy rum cake topped with fresh whipped cream. (Trust me, this dessert can serve as your digestif.) Every bite of the meal and every sip of

my cocktail coaxed my taste buds to the brink of overload, seriously sexy. I can’t say enough of how delicious everything was. Definitely worth the trip. In the midst of the bustling night, I stole a few minutes with one of the owners, Anna Louise Sacks. Bubbly and beautiful, Anna gave me the quick rundown. It’s a family affair here, with Anna’s siblings supporting her. One of her sisters, Laura works as a server; her other sister, Erika, is the pastry chef, and even her little brother is the dishwasher. And remember those B&W photos on the wall? Those people are Anna’s ancestors. Maybe that’s why you feel at home when you are here. When she and partner, Alvaro Rojas, of Alcazar, Milk & Honey and Spare Parts Bistro, came together, the magic that is The Bourbon Room began. Their progressive sensibility keeps them sourcing locally with citrus from trees on the property, shopping at farmers markets when menu items are in season and getting their meat from familyowned Premier Meats, a local supplier emphasizing ethical treatment of grassfed animals with no antibiotics. Deemed “the best fillet in town” by patrons, this restaurant is quickly becoming known as an amazing steak house. As Anna says proudly, “It’s comfort food with a cocktail.” You just can’t beat that. The Bourbon Room is located at 4444 Hollister in Goleta. (805) 265-3788; www. facebook.com/TheBourbonRoom4444. Get in there and have a great drink and meal you won’t soon forget.

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by James Luksic A longtime writer, editor and film critic, James has

worked nationwide for several websites and publications – including the Dayton Daily News, Key West Citizen, Topeka Capital-Journal and Santa Ynez Valley Journal. California is his eighth state. When he isn’t watching movies or sports around the Central Coast, you can find James writing and reading while he enjoys coffee and bacon, or Coke and pizza.

No Safety in Numbers

he sequel 300: Rise of An Empire is cobbled from Frank Miller’s graphic novel Xerxes, so I’ve been told, and follows the blockbuster 300 from eight years ago. The series, let’s be clear, hasn’t aged well. Evidently, director Noam Murro (responsible for Smart People) assumes the only thing cooler than a slowmotion sequence is an infestation of them. It’s as if cinematographer Simon Duggan spent most of the movie conducting a lesson in freeze-frames and camera adjustments, capped off with unnatural lighting. At any rate, the story follows a Greek general (Sullivan Stapleton) who unites his country against Persian forces led by a feisty commander (Eva Green) and a mortal-turned-god (Rodrigo Santoro). When the latter character first emerges, he appears to be wearing a gold-plated jock strap while boasting abs so perfect they’re more indicative of a modern-day INSANITY workout than 480 B.C. Thermopylae. (In fact, the supporting soldiers and crusaders appear to be fresh from filming Magic Mike or performing on a Chippendales stage.) As the soft and lovely Queen Gorgo, Lena Headey looks more prepared to slide into a warm bed or bubble bath, not a raging warzone with savages twice her size. The narration and dialogue seem ripped from the pages of a cheesy Harlequin romance (“His eyes burned like scarlet coals”) or worse: While observing a gathering storm, Artemisia sneers, “It’s just some crazy Greek weather.” But then, that sounds like something a woman who decapitates people – and holds their severed heads, actually kissing one – might say. The only truth to be gleaned from this production’s comicbook, video-game essence is that it will never be confused with real history.

Perry Predictable

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book – whose estranged husbands leave much to be desired. One day at a school meeting, they agree to collaborate on a project to help their kids. The ladies decide to create an enchanted forest and – because this is mainstream Hollywood fare that springs from the mind of Tyler Perry – the ensuing coincidence is the size of Atlanta: One of their boyfriends (Perry, lo and behold) owns a production company that handles lighting and staging, while another beau – it so happens – is a maintenance man with carpentry skills, which leads to shameless double-entendres about wood. As the screenwriter, Perry can’t resist overkill: Rather than toss one or two puns and quickly move on, his banter beats audiences over the head with loads of lumber. The main question that can’t be shaken, can’t be dismissed: Why do these successful, determined women – who form a friendly group for bonding and drinking purposes – each feel the overwhelming need to secure a man? (One of the girls has a boyfriend throughout.) The heroines’ “go it alone” ambition – couldn’t any of them remain single? – falls short of the film’s 110 minutes. A more accurate title: The Needy Moms Club.

Take A Detour

Dreamworks, with director Scott Waugh serving as its ramrod, has steered the topselling “racing” video game Need for Speed onto the silver screen. The movie wants to be a throwback to the old-school, Halcyon days of car-culture road flicks; no coincidence a stray clip of Bullitt is shown at a drive-in. With such aspirations, this flick stalls due to excessive use of high-tech gadgets and implausible antics. The paper-thin plot is marginal at best: A mechanic (Aaron Paul) known for rebuilding muscle cars – and racing them upward of 200 mph – makes a business deal with an exNASCAR driver (Dominic Cooper, too talented for this rubbish on wheels). Despite the presence of charming Imogen Poots as a British broker, any romance takes a back seat to vengeance, redemption and irrationality. The zenith of time-killing idiocy: One minor player does a striptease in his corporate office, strutting around nude and embracing a colleague, while nobody objects or even thinks of contacting Security. Uh huh. The only participant on cruise-control is Michael Keaton, who hams it up as an online radio host and founder of the climactic race. The veteran actor looks all too smug in his above-the-fray ivory tower, clearly feeling no need to get his hands dirty on the streets below. If there’s any reason to endure these two hours of mindless mayhem, it’s the impressive camerawork and cinematography: All the dangerous and illegal openroad contests must’ve looked like garbage on the page, but they’re brought to life with undue zest and sharp-eyed vitality.

INTERMEZZO & A MOVIE +

What sort of man goes to see The Single Moms Club? I do, I’m afraid. The name refers to a handful of mothers – one of whom (stellar Nia Long) is an aspiring author writing the titular

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Plan B by Briana Westmacott When Briana isn’t lecturing for her writing courses

at UCSB and SBCC, she contributes to The Santa Barbara Skinny, Wake & Wander and Flutter Magazine. Along with her passion for writing and all things Santa Barbara, much of her time is spent multi-tasking through her days as a mother, wife, sister, want-to-be chef and travel junky. Writing is an outlet that ensures mental stability... usually.

Rolling on a River

was late. As I hurried around the corner of the hallway at my daughters’ school, I heard Lila (my littlest) squealing and giggling. Ah, she’s having so much fun. I thought as I picked up my pace in anticipation of seeing her. I scanned the kindergarten yard and there she was, rolling around in the grass, happy as a pig in the mud, entangled in the arms of her classmate… River. I froze. What’s this? A boy? Lila’s laughter continued to bubble up in the air. There was a different tone to this laugh, a bit more pitch in the giggle. She caught a glimpse of me and scrambled out of River’s arms to race over, her arms outstretched like she’d been lost for years. River gave me a quick wave and took off across the lawn. What’s this? A boy? It kept replaying in my head. So did that new giggle.

Crushing Kindergarten River has become quite the name in our household. When Lila lists off her lunch mates from school, he’s always in there. I suppose it goes back to the very first day of kindergarten when they discovered their nameplates stuck to the top of two side-by-side desks, Lila and River. (His last name starts with an A and hers with a W, so they bookend the roll-call list.) Their mutual fondness for freeze tag does not go unnoticed. River was the only boy among 14 girls invited to Lila’s Zodo’s

Yes, Lila is a head taller than River (and most of her kinder-classmates). High heels are a curse anyway, Lila!

I continued to dig. Turns out, I’ve been writing for a long time. I started journaling in the third grade and haven’t stopped. In fact, there are 19 journals in a bin in my garage. (Yes, my husband has considered turning me in to Hoarders.) And it’s a good thing I keep them because in one of the early books I found it, scribbled inside a big lopsided heart on the pages of a petal pink diary with a lock… Shawn. My first crush was on a Shawn. Who was yours? River and Lila, sitting in a tree…

Bowling in your PJs birthday party. We hear a lot of River this and River that. I think it’s safe to say we have a kindergarten crush going on. My kindergarten teacher was named Mrs. Bianci. She had a tendency to wear a lot of burgundy polyester – this I remember well; however, I have no recollection of any crushes (besides, of course, my faithful dog Buffy). So I dug out the baby book and read that my first great friend was a Rhonda (those who know me well may get a laugh from that fact). No boys were documented in my baby book.

A (Friendly) Roll in the Hay? Now, back to kindergarten. It has an innocence that I would love to bottle up and preserve forever. It consists of an honesty that is so pure it is impossible to comprehend, mixed with too much loyalty and love to measure. And everything, yes every single ailment that exists in this world, can be cured with a hug and a kiss from your parents. Ahhh, to be six years old with a crush; I hate to say this, but not long after six, relations between boys and girls change. At six, you can still roll around giggling in the grass with a boy and no one bats an eye. At six, you can share your snacks and your stories and your time climbing

trees with a boy, and no one says a thing (unless, of course, you have a mom like me who writes a column about it). But once you hit eight years old, the whole thing changes. My eight-year-old daughter now has “boy radar,” which means she tends to keep herself as far away from the boys as possible. Of course, this will only last for so long and then I’m sure we will have a whole other set of boy issues on our hands. I can only hope that those teenage years will still involve some tree climbing. I’m not even sure I should start in with the 40-year-old boys. My husband, Paul, and I have had the classic When Harry Met Sally... argument about men and women and their ability to maintain platonic friendships. I side with Sally on the issue. Can men and women be strictly friends? My answer is yes, and I believe no one can reasonably dispute that. Well, at least in kindergarten. So keep rolling around in the grass with River, dear Lila. Just be sure to leave the Show and Tell up to the teacher and absolutely no k-i-s-s-i-n-g!

Briana’s Best Bets I haven’t had any birds and bees talks with Lila (maybe I should!), but Elli is getting older and I felt we needed some, ah, mother/daughter time. A couple of weeks ago, I took her on a lovely date to see Opera Santa Barbara at the Granada. We got dressed up. We lunched at Tupelo Junction. We had some good food and good talks about boys and girls and birds and bees. And we really enjoyed the Italian opera Falstaff. The show was wonderfully entertaining for both of us. We finished off our date with a gelato from Spoon and a ride down State Street on the Waterfront Shuttle. I recommend doing any (or better yet all) of these things on your next free Sunday afternoon, even if you aren’t ready to have “the talk” with your youngster.

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ARTS & CULTURE A Bosom Buddy

by Sylvie Butera Rich shared story can help and heal many. Hollye Jacobs, with courage and grace, continues to heal herself and others through her beautiful and telling book, The Silver Lining. An uplifting and informational read for all of those touched by breast cancer, Hollye (a nurse herself ) provides a perspective that is both medical expert and patient, giving the reader comfort and support from both sides. The Silver Lining is a wonderful resource for anyone who has journeyed down this difficult path or wants a deeper understanding. We commend Hollye for her strength, bravery and sincerity. Order your copy of this beautiful book at www.thesilverpen.com.

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by Christina Enoch

Owner Sofia Gallina with her son, Johnny Morosin. You’re doing a great job, guys, please don’t stop. Ever.

Delizioso Italiano! Told you it’s charming. Come on in!

verybody has at least one restaurant in town where he or she has a great experience each and every time they go. It’s that place where ambience, food, drink, people, energy and general gastronomic joie de vivre makes you forget your hard day at work or the stress at home or whatever. Yep, it’s that one you’re thinking about calling for a reservation right now. Well, I too have a few little secret spots that just don’t miss around town. And while I almost don’t like the idea of sharing one of them, here goes: Trattoria Vittoria. The place just does me right every time I walk through the doors and belly up to the bar. They don’t do much advertising, and they aren’t too loud and boisterous. You won’t find Trattoria Vittoria in any travel magazines, so if you’ve already found the place (I know, many of you have – it’s a consistent local favorite), consider yourself lucky. I’m a bona-fide regular and I can say, beyond the shadow of a doubt, next time you are walking by the charming, cozy entrance just a short jaunt off State on East Victoria Street, don’t hesitate. Stop and get your behind in there. Owned by Sofia Gallina and her husband, Giovanni Comin, this delightful Italian eatery has been serving Santa Barbara for around seven years. You’ll see Sofia at the corner of the bar, where she eats her lunch almost every day, proudly watching over her son, Johnny Morosin, who manages the restaurant for her. (Yet another culinary family affair… I’m telling you that this is almost always a good sign.) Sofia used to own a small Italian deli on State Street that everybody loved (remember it?), but when the space on East Victoria became available, she and Giovanni decided to open the restaurant. They scouted out young talent straight from Trieste, Italy: Chef Stephano Cepax and Sous-chef Roberto Prelazzi. “The talented kids,” as Sofia calls them (though

… and there it is on my plate. Don’t even think about it; get your own. After years of working full time for an ad agency, Christina found her passion in cooking and food. Now armed with her newfound title, “Culinary School Graduate Food Blogger,” she writes and shares her passion for food, cooking, restaurants, photography and food styling in her popular blog, black dog :: food blog. Christina’s a proud mommy of not one but two shelter dogs and lives here in Santa Barbara with her husband. She’s also an avid Polynesian dancer, beach lover, traveler, swimmer, snowboarder and most of all, a lover of anything edible and yummy. Check out her ramblings here and at www.blackdogfoodblog.com.

Triple Dark and White Chocolate Mousse Cake. I couldn’t help myself: I took a small bite out of it pre-shot. Sorry.

Tortellini Con Panna e Prosciutto. And don’t forget the Chianti. (After an Ivo special, of course. That’s the civilized way to dine.)

me. And I couldn’t agree more.) But enough talky talky. Let’s get to it.

That’s my Spaghetti allo Scoglio in the pan…

they aren’t necessarily kids anymore) have been with her since she hired them all those years ago. “I’ve never worked anywhere that has a more perfect ensemble than this,” Johnny explained, filled with pride. “My mom and Giovanni own the place, I manage the business and operations side of it, two talented chefs runs the show in the kitchen, and our well-loved wait staff takes care of our customers. Oh, and Ivo Pee, our mixologist, is in charge of the bar. I don’t have to ‘manage’ anything.” Enough said, Johnny. Even I’d be happy working here. Chef Stephano and sous-chef Roberto are both classically trained in Italy, and they serve up some simply delicious Italian fare. (“The simpler, the better,” Stephano told

Here’s the delicate little arugula salad I mentioned. Nice way to start things off.

These Are a Few of My Favorite Things Spaghetti al Ragu with a simple homemade tomato meat sauce is my favorite. I make damn good meat sauce – straight up – but this one is in another league. There’s something really special about the frankly humble pasta and sauce dish, and I can only chalk it up to chef’s magic. Homemade Tagliatelle con Funghi Misti is thin-ribbon pasta with mixed wild mushrooms and light cream sauce. It’s smooth and velvety, mushroomy, soothing, comforting, flavorful… satisfying. That’s my second runnerup, though it’s a close race. My typical solution is to order the Spaghetti al Ragu for myself and then force my dining companion to order the Tagliatelle con Funghi Misti under threat of grave injury. It’s an effective strategy, even if I have to keep finding new victims… er, ah, guests.

Spaghetti allo Scoglio is spaghetti with sautéed clams, mussels, calamari, shrimp and salmon in a tomato sauce. Another can’t miss. Tortellini con Panna e Prosciutto – yeah, that’s right – is homemade veal tortellini in a cream sauce with sliced ham. Oh, and that delightful Arugula salad with baby artichokes and grilled shrimp in a light lemon. Too much good stuff. Don’t forget the Bruschetta. I’ve been known to order it twice. In the same meal. (What? I was hungry and it was amazing, okay?) You’d better slow down, because some amazing desserts are waiting for you. I vote for Triple Dark and White Chocolate Mousse Cake created by Souschef Prelazzi. It’s dreamy. There’s nothing else to say. Get it while supplies last. When you sit at the bar – and I suggest you consider doing just that; there’s really something to it – make sure to ask for Ivo, the mixologist, to make you a special drink. (He will.) Everyone loves him. (You will, too.) Then sit back, start to unwind your busy day and order the Tagliatelle. And don’t forget to share with the girl eating spaghetti down the bar. Trattoria Vittoria is located at 30 East Victoria Street. It’s open for lunch Monday through Friday from 11:30am to 2pm; dinners are seven nights a week from 5pm to close. Check out www.trattoriavittoria. com or call (805) 962-5014. Tell ‘em the Sentinel sent you.

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SANTA YNEZ VALLEY LISTINGS

UNDERSTATED ELEGANCE | WEB: 0621589 | $2,775,000 Petie Kern 800.239.7377

SANTA YNEZ VALLEY RETREAT | WEB: 0621593 | $1,475,000 Patricia Castillo 805.570.6593

THE ALISAL RANCH REDONE | WEB: 0621577 | $787,500 Patricia Castillo 805.570.6593

SANTA BARBARA AREA BROKERAGES | sothebyshomes.com/santabarbara | sothebyshomes.com/santaynez MONTECITO COAST VILLAGE ROAD | MONTECITO UPPER VILLAGE | SANTA BARBARA STATE STREET | SANTA YNEZ VALLEY Sotheby’s International Realty and the Sotheby’s International Realty logo are registered (or unregistered) service marks used with permission. Operated by Sotheby’s International Realty, Inc.