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THE STATE OF REAL ESTATE Interest rates are near as low as they’ve ever been or are going to get; house prices remain reasonable, and rents are out of sight. If you’ve been waiting to buy a place to live, you really shouldn’t wait much longer; time is not on your side. (story begins on page 14)

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ALL THINGS BEING EQUAL (AND THEY NEVER ARE) YOU SHOULD OWN THE PLACE WHERE YOU LIVE. THAT MEANS BUYING SOMETHING – ANYTHING – TO GET YOURSELF INTO THE HOUSING MARKET (STORY BEGINS ON PAGE 12) Coming soon. Eight brand new homes close to Santa Barbara. Listed by Michael Calcagno

POTTING PATRIOT P.22 STRIKES LORDP.29 P.14 SAN ROQUE SHOOTOUT P.6DRONE SECRET LIFEFOR OF THE PLANTS Mr. Greenjeans holdsonce this an truth to be self-evident: all soils aren’t created equal questions about theArnowitz Sanctity oftakes Life go together battery acid and holy water. Our Santa Barbara was untamed frontier free-for-all where bandits and– Politics and Green-thumb Randy a cue from like horse and dog whisperers, but hesloves roseinby any name: Juliaand Child, Soul Mate,never or Absolutely lawmakers need tothat readplants the Bible Red letter edition recommended. sheriff faceda off broad daylight, yoga pants went on Fabulous. sale. Seriously. advising arethey’re all earsconstantly when youwaving. talk some horticultural sense into them.

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Content COVER

SANTA BARBARA

SCOTTSDALE

PHOENIX

921 State Street 805 335 2424

Marshall Way 480 941 1707

Kierland Commons 480 443 4030

Real Estate – To rent, or to buy? That is the question. James Buckley ponders whether ‘tis nobler to suffer the slings and arrows of ever-rising rent or to take arms against that sea of inflation by buying a condominium.

P.5

S haron’s Take – Politically speaking, Sharon Byrne isn’t endorsing a specific party or candidate, but doesn’t think good governance and a sturdy infrastructure are too much to ask

P.6

T he Bi-weekly Capitalist – Rich man, poor man: Jeffrey Harding compares what’s in his wallet to the One Percenters, and concludes that billionaires aren’t taking everyone’s slice of the pie

P.7

L etters – Kara Twist Scott takes aim and fires at columnist Jeff Wing’s revisionist history, while Mike (no last name disclosed) sings Wing’s praises; UCSB professor John Ridland sounds off about Ronald Reagan; and William Lockwood keeps it clean

P.8

eer Guy – Zach Rosen raises a pint or three to Carpinteria in honor of B the city’s 50th anniversary, with a salute to the likes of Island Brewing Co, Rincon, and brewLAB

P.9

an About Town – Mark Léisuré reads between the lines at Granada M Books; peeks at Kyle Cease’s comedic routine; Punchlines for Passover among the funny business; Kurt Elling at Lobero; and musical roundup

P.10

The Fortnight – Jeremy Har-bean is brimming with coffee while pointing the way toward upcoming events such as Spring Family Fun Day, Jane Austen Unscripted, and Gardens & Villa concert, and SB Public Market’s Spring Fling

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P.14

State Street Scribe – Jeff Wing notes with interest that a single specialized human cell nearly always commands more respect from our lawmakers than a whole crowd of doomed Pakistani picnickers

P.20 P.22 P.23 P.24

Santa Barbara View – Sharon Byrne has a sweet tooth for Wendy and Morry Fleming’s Deux Bakery on Reddick Street; and Cheri Rae reports it’s “Out with the old” for the home located at 209 East Islay Street

In the Garden with Mr Greenjeans – Randy Arnowitz and his green thumb hold this truth to be self-evident: all potting soils are not created equal

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P.26

Plan B – Briana Westmacott and her husband just aren’t spontaneous enough these days, so it’s time to snap out of the hum-drum routine of everyday tasks such as servicing their cars

P.30 P.33

Girl About Town – Julie Bifano returns to the fold, traversing Santa Barbara’s nightlife and participating in the MAD Academy’s “That’s Amore”

Santa Ynez Valley Snapshot – Eva Van Prooyen prepares for the 3rd Annual Garagiste Festival in SYV, swirls her glass to an array of winemakers and tasters, and rounds it out with a select handful of personal choices

P.34 P.35

I Heart SB – Elizabeth Rose conveys a love story about an acquaintance who ventures abroad to ride horses in India, and meets a Montecitan named John in the bargain

Driver’s Seat – Randy Lioz pulls up to the Murphy Auto Museum in Oxnard to ride along with the L.A. Studebaker Drivers Club’s 30th Annual Winter Meet Car Show

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by Sharon Byrne

take

Sharon’s education in engineering and psychology gives her a distinctive mix of skills for writing about and working on quality-of-life, public safety and public policy issues. Her hyper-local SB View column can be found every other week.

A Call for Good Governance

I

t’s always a critical time in government. No matter what year, election, or issues, it’s critical. Ever notice that?

This week’s column isn’t to advance the interest of any candidates, party, or cause.

The only concern expressed is a call for good governance… on every front. We’re not in some kind of “Bell” state of affairs (i.e., rampant corruption). In the news as of late, there are struggles looming large within our city and county government, and I just hope our elected officials and staff can navigate through them to a good end for all of us.

The recent Point-in-Time Count is disappointing: the homeless count is flat since 2013. As someone who’s worked on that problem, I know people are getting help, including housing. But are we drinking a storm with a teacup, so to speak? Are we putting adequate resources in play to address homelessness? Are there enough Restorative Police here in Santa Barbara? Two cops work darned hard with chronically homeless individuals.

With 893 homeless counted in the city of Santa Barbara this year, and 600+ deemed chronically homeless, are two cops even remotely realistic to tackle this problem?

On the Milpas Outreach Project, we’ve learned 10 chronically homeless individuals can keep 10 of us volunteers pretty darned busy and take months to finally house.

Santa Monica, with a 2015 count of 738 (also flat), has 10 Homeless Liaison Police. Given that State Street is adopting the Milpas model and had to push for Community Service officers, where is the horsepower and leadership from SBPD to seriously address this problem?

The county funds alcohol, drug, and mental health services. That department, ADMHS, is the subject of heavy criticism, and offers annual training sessions for law enforcement on dealing with mental health crises. It stands to reason that SBPD is probably called out to deal with individuals experiencing mental health crises on the streets pretty regularly. So why not flood these training sessions with officers to better equip them?

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ADMHS has tens of millions of dollars available through the Mental Health Services Act (MHSA). Those funds can be used for increased outreach to mentally ill individuals on our streets, supportive housing for them, and other crisis services we clearly need. Can our county supervisors direct ADMHS to prioritize MHSA funds to help reduce the number of severely mentally ill individuals on our streets? Are our city leaders aggressively lobbying the county supervisors in this direction?

ADMHS also has a number of job openings on the mental health side, with a hiring backlog approaching 100 for some time. There is a fairly new emphasis in hiring for cultural competency, but it’s resulting in turning away good people that are not bilingual. Are there not options for translators or bilingual contract staff to close the gap?

At the same time, the flat homeless count was released, the county supervisors’ pay hikes made the news. Pay raises for government officials and staff are always controversial. Taxpayers resent paying increased salaries, and it’s a somewhat poor argument to use salaries in other jurisdictions as the basis for increases, rather than performance, as multiple oped writers have noted. The problem is gaming the system. The first county to increase their pay paves the way for other counties to follow suit, whether warranted

or not. Our county supervisors make less than some of their staff. They’re not rolling in the dough. But the optics, as they say in Washington, D.C., aren’t good.

Infrastructure is a huge challenge across the United States. How is it that at one time we could build all these bridges, roads, and buildings, but can no longer afford to maintain them? I am not a civil engineer, so am admittedly not expert, but it seems to me it’s probably more difficult to maintain a 50 year-old Ferrari in perfect condition than it is to buy a new one. Trying to find parts alone would be an ordeal.

Edison, though not a government entity, is wrestling with 100 year-old infrastructure in our downtown, built when the area was not nearly so densely commercial. That aging infrastructure can’t handle today’s load; witness the blackouts. Edison would likely find it far less onerous to wire up a new downtown yet-to-be-built versus upgrading 100-yearold infrastructure buried underground.

Sometimes, maintenance is just harder than demolish/build new. We’ve built an awful lot of stuff through the industrial era, and I guess we’ve hit critical mass in what it now takes to keep it all up.

Throw in district elections, rental market squeezes, IV, public pensions, and so on – and it’s a critical time, as always.

Consider this a plea for good governance, whatever times we’re in.

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Bi-Weekly Capitalist

by Jeff Harding

Jeff Harding is a real estate investor and a writer on economics and finance. He is the former publisher of the Daily Capitalist, a popular economics blog. He is also an adjunct professor at SBCC.

Do the One Percenters Own You?

I

t’s not fair that Bill Gates has so many billions (79 of them), and I don’t have any.

The Forbes billionaire list just came out to tell us who are the wealthiest people in the world. There are 1,826 billionaires in the world.

Bill Gates once again tops the list ($79.2B), with Carlos Slim (77.1B; wide variety of businesses in Mexico and Latin America), Warren Buffett ($72.7B), Amancio Ortega ($64.5B; Zara department stores in Europe), and Oracle’s Larry Ellison ($54.3B) close behind. The U.S. has the most billionaires (536) and our fair state has the biggest share (135).

As soon as this list comes out every year, we see articles about wealth inequality which lament how these folks are so rich and the rest of us are so… poor, with the implication that their wealth was somehow unfairly taken from us. Or how the One Percenters control 48 percent of the entire world’s wealth, apparently leaving little for the rest of us.

The report that got all the publicity about how much wealth One Percenters control came from Oxfam, which used data on net worth from the Swiss bank, Credit Suisse. So, according to Oxfam, the farmer in China with no debt and 10,000 Yuan in the bank is wealthier than the U.S. doctor with high earnings and high debt, at least according to an analysis by Felix Salmon. You can ignore these kinds of reports because they are meaningless.

So, what does it really mean that the rich own a lot more assets than the rest of us?

The implication from those who say this wealth aggregation is unfair is that the poor are made poorer as a result. But we all know that isn’t the case, because wealth is created; it isn’t a fixed sum which is divvied up by the powerful – at least in capitalist countries. Did Steve Jobs steal his wealth from you? No, he created it because you like iPhones (his widow, Laurene, is worth $19.5B). How

somehow control you, or own you, or manipulate you to gain unfair advantages? I can tell you that they don’t control me and if you think they control you, you are wrong about that.

The idea that they somehow control Congress and the White House has some ring of truth to it. But did Steve Jobs rely on the government to create and sell iPhones? I think not. If they do control our government, then why are our corporate taxes among the highest in the world? Why don’t they roll back harmful regulation? Why didn’t they stop Obamacare?

Cronyism in government does exist in this country, but it has little to do with the rich getting richer. I’ve written extensively about the evils of crony “capitalism” in the past, but that’s not where I am going here.

If you look at wealth owned by these super-rich people, you will see that

The implication from those who say this wealth aggregation is unfair is that the poor are made poorer as a result about Michael Jordan, who apparently just joined the billionaire list? Whose money did he steal?

Wealth in corrupt countries can be unfairly divvied up, but that is because power there grows out of the barrel of a gun. Russia is a good example of such a kleptocracy. Their wealthy oligarchs, for the most part, simply stole the money or the businesses upon which their fortunes are based. It helped a lot to be a Putin crony.

The conclusion here is that billionaires created wealth by creating products or services that we consumers willingly paid good money for. It’s a win-win.

Do you feel that the One Percenters

much of their wealth comes from the stock market value of the companies they created. Mr. Gates’s wealth comes from one company, the one he created: Microsoft. Steven Jobs’s wealth comes mostly from Apple, the company he created. Larry Ellison’s wealth comes from the one company he created: Oracle. The Walton family’s wealth comes from the one company their

father created: Walmart. The Koch brothers’ wealth comes from the companies that they created. Larry Page and Sergey Brin’s wealth comes from Google. Mark Zuckerberg’s wealth comes from Facebook. Jeff Bezos’s wealth comes from his company, Amazon. Do I need to go on?

If you think that these people have some kind of permanent power to tread on the rest of us, don’t worry.

Wealth is not just gained, it is also lost.

Only 23 of the world’s wealthiest were on this list when Forbes started it in 1987. What happened to the other?

All these crocodile tears about wealth inequality reminds me of that Janis Joplin song “Mercedes Benz”: “Oh Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz.

My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.

Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends, So Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?”

The point here is that these people don’t own the world: they own companies or buildings or land or stocks in companies. They don’t own you, your house, your car, your savings, your investments, your IRA, your TV, your phone, or your computer. Somehow, thanks to you, the consumers of their products or services, they have ended up with something of great value. But they don’t control us. As economist Milton Friedman put it, we are free to chose, and that means we are in control.

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Letters

Although you might not believe it, we actually want to hear from you. So if you have something you think we should know about or you see something we've said that you think is cretinous (or perspicacious, to be fair), then let us know. There's no limit on words or subject matter, so go ahead and let it rip to: Santa Barbara Sentinel, Letters to the Editor, 133 East De La Guerra Street, No. 182, Santa Barbara, California 93101. You can also leap into the 21st century and email us at tim@santabarbarasentinel.com.

Twisted Tale

I

f leading the charge against the notorious outlaw Jack Powers’s gang and preventing a lynch mob from hanging a Native American causes Jeff Wing to call the service of Sheriff W.W. Twist “so-so law enforcement,” he and I have a very different understanding of what makes someone a bonafide bad-ass.

My great-great-great grandfather W.W.Twist survived having a knife plunged into his back during The Battle of Arroyo Burro, only to have a carpetbagger named Jeff Wing knife him in the back again 163 years later – this time with a pen.

Shame on you for speaking ill of the dead, especially a man with a name as cool as Twist.

Sincerely, Kara Twist Scott Santa Barbara (Jeff Wing responds: Ms. Twist Scott, thanks so much for your letter!

While writing the piece, I searched in vain for a Twist I could debrief on the details of your cool great-great-great grandfather. I meant no disrespect in my admittedly offhand comment about Sheriff Twist, and my usually flapping jaw is slack at hearing from one of his rock-star descendants. Clearly, it takes more cojones to be a bandit-chasing Wild West sheriff than it does to type a little essay about one. My hat’s off to the righteous Sheriff Twist, and to the eloquent word posse you sent over to slap me around and string me up.

You write an excellent letter, Ms. Twist Scott, and I’m privileged to have received it! You clearly inherited W.W. Twist’s iron attitude, as well as his cool name. – J.W.)

No, Thank You Thank you, thank you, thank you, Jeff Wing. This story should have been years ago (“The Commie Witch Hunt...”, Sentinel #4/5).

Mike Santa Barbara

Emperor’s New Clothes Having witnessed at first hand, as a young faculty member, the havoc that Ronald Reagan wrought on the University of California, in Santa Barbara as well as Berkeley, and his defamation of the university’s

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greatest president, I was delighted to read Jeff Wing’s article exposing the fact that the governor had no clothes on!

Thanks for the detailed reminders.

The fact that Reagan’s savage response to the student protests, which had the effect of egging them on to wilder demonstrations of their frustration, is being forgotten in a glow of mistaken reminiscence of him as a benign grandfatherly president who ended the Cold War, demands exposure such as Wing gave in that article.

John Ridland, Ph.D. Professor Emeritus of English, UCSB (Jeff Wing responds: Dr. Ridland, thanks very much for providing an insider’s remarks on an episode that is, if not forgotten, then certainly fogged over (as you suggest) by Reagan’s later emergence as mayor of the Shining City on the Hill and the older gentleman who, with his bare hands, tore down the Berlin Wall. Many mistakes were made when the U.S.S.R. was a real threat, and it would be disingenuous to suggest we had nothing to fear from Communist Russia at that time. But an American leader’s leveraging of the Red Scare to actually quash individual opportunity is a bitter irony. Thank you again for writing to share your experience of that time. – J.W.)

Dirty Pool Regarding your suggestion that I “discontinue bathing altogether” (Letters, Sentinel #4/4), I’d rather not follow your example, as indicated by your reputation.

William G. Lockwood Santa Barbara

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by Zach Rosen

Come to Carpinteria for Its Beer

Have some beers and food at Rincon

Rincon Brewery is Carpinteria’s newest spot to grab a pint

F

or decades, Carpinteria has been attracting tourists with its stunning beach and small-town charm. This year, the City of Carpinteria celebrated its 50th anniversary. While this is certainly a reason to rejoice, Carpinteria has been giving local beerdoes even more cause for celebration. With Rincon Brewery and brewLAB now opened in the city, this tiny beach town is becoming a destination for beer trekkers around the area.

Island Brewing Co released Golden Jubilee to celebrate the city’s 50th birthday. Their normal Jubilee Ale is a malty, amber brew that takes inspiration from the Scottish style of ales. Golden Jubilee is a brighter beer with honey malt flavors, notes of bread, and aromas of white grapes and golden raisins. This beer is worth seeking out, but don’t be surprised if you haven’t seen it yet.

Golden Jubilee is only being served in Carpinteria, so swing by the brewery while it is still available.

When at the tasting room, make sure to sample some of their other special brews like King Tide. This aggressive double IPA has a caramel-malt backbone with a dense, citrus aroma followed by flowery notes and a piney bitterness that persists in the finish. Big Island is a dry-hopped American-style barleywine that has a full aroma of vanilla and brown sugar bourbon tones with a charred-wood accent. The Variance IPA Series is a line of beers that explores the IPA style.

The third beer in the series is Belgian IPA and combines the fruitiness of hops with the fruity esters of Belgian yeast.

The beer has a gentle malt flavor and a

pulpy body. Exotic aromas of pineapple, mango and papaya with grapefruit and pine highlights give this beer a vibrant character. The next beer in the series will be an Irish Red IPA and will be coming out soon, so make sure to try the Belgian IPA while it is still around.

Good Food and Californian Brews Island Brewing Co is nestled between the Amtrak station and Carpinteria State Beach, making it an ideal spot for visitors. Head up Linden Avenue to Carpinteria Avenue, the city’s main street, and you will find Rincon Brewery off to your right. This is Carpinteria’s only brewpub and has quickly become a popular spot to meet friends for a pint and something to eat.

The stylish décor has a beach vibe, and the long wooden bar has the polished look of a surf board. Guests can watch the game while listening to Pink Floyd, Hendrix, and other classic rock.

It is not just the interior that has a Californian edge. The brewers produce a range of hoppy West Coast-style beers.

Indicator IPA has flavors of grapefruit and orange peel with tropical notes and an underlying hop spiciness. The 17@17 IPA is less fruity and has more pine resin and grassy hop flavors. The Warrior Pride Red Ale has a gentler hop character, focusing more on caramel malt flavors, while the Mac Brown is toastier with a touch of chocolate. One of the most impressive brews in their lineup is La Reina Lager, a Vienna-style amber lager. This type of beer often gets

Zach Rosen is a Certified Cicerone® and beer educator living in Santa Barbara. He uses his background in chemical engineering and the arts to seek out abstract expressions of beer and discover how beer pairs with life.

overlooked by brewers, since they tend to favor the lighter styles of lagers like Pilsners and Munich Helles. The beer has a toasted bread flavor with a spicy, floral aroma characteristic of noble hops. Bombora was another standout beer in their selection. This Belgian-style strong dark ale tastes of toffee with an underlying fruitiness of raisins and dark cherries. It has 9.0 percent ABV and the strong alcohol content leaves a slight warmth in your chest.

While there, make sure to grab a bite to eat. The menu is Californian pub grub such as Fish Tacos, Sriracha Chicken Sandwich, and Fried Cornmeal Dusted Dill Pickle Bites. The menu also offers lighter fare like a Kale Salad that comes with avocado, pepitas, and dried cranberries. The star dish is their RB Burger and comes stacked with an egg, bacon, avocado, fried jalapenos, and shoestring onions, basically all of the accoutrement you could ever want on a burger. Try it alongside their red or brown ale for a satisfying meal on a laidback sunny beach day.

Come into the Lab On a weekend, travel down Carpinteria Avenue to the edge of town and you will hit a small warehouse section. Amid buildings and roll down doors, you’ll find a tiny patio bursting with beer drinkers. The cozy interior is

built out of driftwood and reclaimed materials and hand-crafted by the brewers themselves. This is brewLAB. Brewers and co-owners Peter Gustav, Rob Peed, and Steve Jarmie have all been a part of the local beer scene both professionally and socially.

Over the years, they have established themselves as a powerhouse of knowledge and passion with a thirst for experimentation. Beerdoes have been waiting in anticipation for them to open brewLAB, and since then they have not disappointed.

The brewers are definitely fixated on the saison style and like to experiment with this diverse type of beer. Saisons originated in Wallonia, a Frenchspeaking farm region in Belgium, and are crisp and effervescent with champagnelike qualities. Sometimes referred to as farmhouse-style, these beers were brewed during the cool seasons with an extra dose of hops to help them keep until the warm, summer months when it was too hot and busy to brew.

The harvest and ingredient stores were different each year, so saisons were never the same exact recipe, making them a good fit for brewLAB’s experimental style. The brewers will often go out and harvest local ingredients to put into their beers.

While brewLAB does produce a range of IPAs, Belgians, and even some obscure styles like gruit ale, they are known for their saisons. At any given time, brewLAB will have several on tap. Resilience has a fresh quality with a bright flavor of pears, peaches, and honey malts. On The Farm is yeastier with flavors of green apples and grapes.

Vibrance has a softer carbonation that gives it a gentler edge. It has a flowery nose with a rose-like character and a hint of banana. Llama Saison takes this style in a new direction by blending a saison with cold-pressed coffee from the local Luck Llama Coffee House. The base beer changes depending on what saisons are available at the time. The coffee character is kept light and just adds a touch of roastiness to contrast with the other flavors.

BrewLAB is a nanobrewery, which means that they only produce small batches of beer (for example, the tasting room is only open Friday-Sunday). This means that you can keep returning there and almost always find something new and interesting on tap. The downside to the small batches is that they go quickly, and you will have to visit the place often (oh, darn) if you want to try all of their unique creations. Fortunately, there are plenty of good beers to be found at Island Brewing Co and Rincon Brewery, so Carpinteria will continue to draw beer drinkers back.

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with Mark Léisuré

Mark spends much of his time wandering Santa Barbara and environs, enjoying the simple things that come his way.

A show here, a benefit there, he is generally out and about and typically has a good time. He says that he writes “when he feels the urge” and doesn’t want his identity known for fear of an experience that is “less than authentic.” So he remains at large, roaming the town, having fun. Be warned.

Granada Books’ New Chapter?

G

ranada Books recently sent out a press missive warning residents that the independent bookstore next to the theater might have to close due to financial instability. The storefront bookseller, which opened just 21 months ago, say they need $50,000 as a bridge through the end of the year, and have established a GoFundMe campaign for contributions.

When John Palminteri posted the notice on his Facebook page, the response veered all over the map. Several readers expressed dismay at the possible closing of another community access point – Granada Books has sponsored poetry readings, author signings, music, comedy, and storytelling – most wondered why the book store had ever opened in the current climate, not that long after Borders (which forced out the beloved Earthling) shuttered its downtown doors. “Instead of throwing more money at a concept that clearly won’t be self-supporting, how about just supporting our great long time local book store Chaucer’s?” posed one responder. “What happens at the end of the year when the $50K is used up?” wondered another.

The situation recalled the Sojourner Café’s recent similar plea for cash from the community. Whichever way things go, the crowd-funding cases definitely denote the dawn of a new era in downtown business.

Next up at Granada Books: a book signing, sauerkraut demo and tasting with fermented vegetables expert Kirsten Shockey on March 28.

Great Guys Speaking of the Granada, I slagged off Camelot a couple of issues ago, so I feel like I owe it to Broadway at Granada to say nice things about Guys & Dolls, which isn’t going to be challenging at all. The impressive musical remains as frothy as ever and the current touring production hit all the right notes – both musically and in overall tone. The singing, the dancing, and especially the chemistry – yeah, chemistry – all clicked at the Granada, sending the audience out humming all the popular tunes. So, I’m gonna sit down before my enthusiasm rocks the boat.

Cease-ing with Standard Stand-up It’s been a number of years since comedian Kyle Cease performed in town – an anchoring stand-up slot at one of the earlier generations of Comedy Hideaway at a now-defunct midtown eatery comes to mind. Since then, Cease, who was Comedy Central’s

Comedian Kyle Cease won’t desist at Unity of Santa Barbara

Comedian of the Year in 2009, has solidified his transition to a hybrid of comedian and personal transformation/ motivational expert.

“He’s going to cause you to laugh your way into understanding that deep potential you’ve got locked up in you, “

9

according to a quote from Bob Proctor, who appeared in The Secret. And if memory serves, that was already part of his act back in his last appearance here.

Now Cease is returning to town for a double dose of his stuff, offering his 90-minute “Life is a Playground” comedy routine on Friday night, March 27, and the six-hour workshop “Evolving Out Loud” the following day.

Both events will be held at Unity of Santa Barbara. Cease’s comedy is geared toward illustrating his perspective that not taking yourself seriously not only evokes laughter but also a better life experience. “You aren’t your thoughts or emotions. Just show up. Results will ...continued p.32

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theFortnight M A R C H 2 1 – A P R I L 4 | 2 0 1 5

W W W. S A N TA B A R B A R A S E N T I N E L .CO M

March 21 - April 4

by Jeremy Harbin

Tell us all about your art opening, performance, dance party, book signing, sale of something we can’t live without, or event of any other kind by emailing inthezone@santabarbarasentinel.com.

If our readers can go to it, look at it, eat it, or buy it, we want to know about it and will consider it for inclusion here. Special consideration will be given to interesting, exploratory, unfamiliar, and unusual items.

We give calendar preference to those who take the time to submit a picture along with their listing.

Let’s Talk About Doin’ Stuff in Santa Barbara

O

h, hello. I didn’t notice you there. Please, sit. See, I was just so engrossed in this delicious number 19 here at the downtown Panino that I didn’t even see you walk up until you blocked my sun there by positioning your corpulent body in front of me. Er, I mean… have you lost weight? You’re lookin’ great, friend. Garçon, bring another bag of these delicious potato chips for my friend here! So, friend, there are some great events this week involving the Easter bunny and an improv troupe and some indie rock bands that I need to tell you about. Maybe afterward we could walk over to Handlebar Coffee Roasters, where I could continue to talk about local businesses while telling you about events around town. Sounds good? Then let’s get started…

Saturday

March 21 Smells Like Easter ■ Easter comes earlier and earlier every year, doesn’t it? It seems like as soon as St. Patrick’s Day is over, you turn around, and there’s Easter. It just keeps creeping up. The problem, see, are these greedy corporations that just want to make a buck off of us. They don’t care about the true meaning of the holiday – that a rabbit who loves us all very much hops into all of our homes and leaves baskets full of candy for children. No, these capitalists try to take that away from us

every year by pushing hunts for eggs and pastel colors and those marshmallow chickens. Now, Easter’s just another corporate holiday. I mean, rabbits don’t lay eggs. So why all the eggs? Painted eggs, hidden eggs, chocolate shaped like eggs… it obscures the reason for the season: chocolate rabbits, okay? All chocolate should be shaped like rabbits!

So it’s with excitement that I report that the Santa Barbara Family YMCA is holding Spring Family Fun Day. Sure, there’s no “Easter” in the name of the event, but we know what you’re really up to over there, guys, with your

crafts and games and egg hunts and person dressed up in a bunny costume.

Call it what you will, but it looks a lot like an early Easter celebration to me.

The fun starts at 10 am and ends at 1 pm (no fun allowed after 1 pm!). It all happens at the Santa Barbara Family YMCA at 36 Hitchcock Way. Lunch will be served. It’s free.

Friday

March 27 and Saturday, March 28 Making Up Austen ■ Improvisation. You might not realize it, but it’s what I’m doing right now.

THE

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Each bi-week, I rent a small theater, sell tickets, and – with a slew of press releases in front of me for inspiration – I improvise a show about what to do in Santa Barbara. What you read here in this column is nothing more than a transcript of what I improvised in real time in front of an audience of theatergoers. It’s kind of trippy when you think about it, because I was once on stage ad-libbing this paragraph about being on stage ad-libbing this paragraph. But that’s improv for you.

So, I’m no stranger to the great improvisational arts. And if you, like the regulars to my show, just can’t get enough improv in your life, you’ll definitely want to think about attending tonight’s event at the New Vic Theatre (33 West Victoria Street). It’s called Jane Austen Unscripted and it’s presented

by Instant Karma Improv Comedy.

Here’s how it goes: there’s a comedy troupe of trained improvisers on stage, and they take a suggestion from the audience. From that audience suggestion, Instant Karma will come up with an entire Austen-esque play in front of your very eyes. That’s right: they just make it up. It’s like some sort of magic where they’re able to write a script and then beam it into one another’s minds, but that’s not what it is. It’s all just made

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up. Really, it’s right there in the title: Jane Austen Unscripted.

But not only is it unscripted, it’s actually funny. It’s so funny, in fact, that the Los Angeles Times called it “one of the funniest evenings in town.” Sure, the town that the Times was talking about in that quote is Los Angeles, but I’m pretty sure it applies to Santa Barbara, too. We’re not that far away.

Look, if you like either improv comedy or Jane Austen, tonight’s your night. Or even if you just like theaters or leaving the house, this is for you.

Go to newvictheater.com for more information and to get your tickets. The show plays at 8 pm on Friday, March 27, and at 8 pm on Saturday, March 28.

Thursday April 2

Santa Barbara’s Indie Elite Under One Roof

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who might have removed the pound sign from that last rhetorical question until he read this one and realized that I wanted it there? Could be! (Shout out to James.)

See you at the SOhO (1221 State Street) at 8 pm tonight! Get your tickets at sohosb.com.

Saturday

April 4 SB Public Market’s Spring Fling ■ With a name like Spring Fling, the Santa Barbara Public Market’s celebration figures to be just like its name indicates: by definition, “fling” refers to a short time doing enjoyable and exciting things.

And that’s what the Public Market clearly has in mind for its one-year birthday bash on April 4 when spring is heating up. The milestone gala kicks off at 10 am and stretches until 8 pm with a cavalcade

Breakfast Lunch Dinner High Tea 1106 State Street 805.962.5085

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Doubletree Santa Barbara ■ Tonight at 8 at SOhO Restaurant and Music Club (1221 State Street), it’s Dante Elephante and headliner Gardens & Villa, with DJ Darla Bea between sets. Guys: put on that patterned short-sleeve button-up your ex-girlfriend with good taste bought you, ‘cause even though it’s Thursday, this is a Saturday night-caliber event.

Ladies: however you decide to “do you” tonight, just make sure you’re showing off enough of your tattoos, because this ain’t your day job, baby, it’s the indie event of the year so far, a veritable seeand-be capital-s Scene. National press?

Yeah, Gardens & Villa’s had that. A crate of good records? DJ Darla Bea will have one with her. Fun garage-y rock tunes and #vibes? Dante Elephante will bring both. An editor named James

of events: the Easter Bunny hops into The Kitchen, the Santa Monica Seafood Spring Cooking Demo, Food Tasting Passport, all with a backdrop of live music filling the air from noon until the curtain falls after dark.

The market’s owner, Marge Cafarelli serves up this delicious sound bite: “It has been fun to watch visitors discover the great synergies that exist... We like to think of it as choose your own adventure.” If Marge in Charge can’t sell you on partaking in this fun in the sun, then perhaps you don’t deserve to leave the confines of your home.

After all, the event is free and takes place on a Saturday; there’s also a 99% chance it will be another idyllic day in the neighborhood – specifically 38 W. Victoria and Chapala.

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REALESTATE

by James Buckley

The Condominium Option

Outdoor patio of a condominium at Sevilla, 401 Chapala Street

I

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f, after reading “The State of Real Estate” in Issue 4/4, you still believe you are better off renting and then using the money you won’t have to shell out as a down payment to take advantage of other kinds of investments – precious metals, stocks, bonds, vintage automobiles, baseball cards – rather than buying something to live in, consider this: according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics, actual market rents paid by individuals who do not own the home they live in rose by 3.4 percent in January from January 2014 – the 10th consecutive month of growth above 3 percent.

New York City, for example, has seen a 50.7% rise in rents since 2009. Closer to home, it costs 25.6% more to rent in San Jose than it did in 2009, also according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics.

Have you looked for a rental in Santa Barbara lately?

Still feeling comfortable?

Okay, this is where I suggest you should be looking to buy a condo.

Those who are afraid or even believe they have been “locked out” of the Santa Barbara housing market forever by high prices and/or lack of a down payment, should consider the option of buying a condominium rather than a singlefamily home.

Not only are prices, for the most part, considerably less than a singlefamily home of equivalent size, but condos have the additional attraction of being virtually, or at least personally, maintenance-free.

Condos don’t come cheap in our area, but if you diligently seek out an affordable unit in the neighborhood and/or school district you want to live in, you may actually find something that fits.

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W W W. S A N TA B A R B A R A S E N T I N E L .CO M

STATE STREET SCRIBE

by Jeff Wing

Jeff is a journalist, raconteur, autodidact, and polysyllable enthusiast. A long-time resident of SB, he takes great delight in chronicling the lesser known facets of this gaudy jewel by the sea. Jeff can be reached at jeffwingg@gmail.com

Drone Strikes for Jesus

A

re we blessed creatures, or only a self-impressed residue of the Big Bang? Is life sacred? These questions tend to bring out the worst in us. In Washington, D.C. (this nation’s largest and most lushly appointed Executive Lounge), a pious lawmaker will inveigh sonorously and with great moral gravity against the taking of the Life of the “unborn,” and then turn on his heel and blandly wave into law a drone strike program that splashes Pakistani viscera around like rainwater. Our apprehension of the numinous is childlike, but does not always express itself as poetry.

It’s been a little less than a year since Mr. Bubble dominated the news cycle.

No, not the Mr. Bubble called upon by 1960s parents to hover menacingly over the kids’ baths with his clean-freak chatter and unnerving man-giggle. I’m talking about the “Bubble Ordinance”, the court-ordered rule/attorney catnip that tells Christ’s foot soldiers (and others) how to comport themselves when ministering to young ladies on the steps of Planned Parenthood. The Bubble Ordinance (also known by its lighthearted nickname 9.99.010(D) Section 9.99.020) tells sidewalk Right to Life counselors how far away they need to stand from those they would loudly dissuade from seeking abortions at those clinics that offer the service.

The questions are Big Ones, and the intercession of the courts has only served to add a byzantine layer of legal gibberish and towering billables to the eternally unanswered questions, to which have been added one more: “When delicately parsing the metaphysical arguments for and against the existence of an inviolable and eternal human soul, how close may I stand to you and scream like a bugEARTHQUAKE RETROFITTING 50 + YEARS EXPERIENCE - LOCAL 35+ YEARS

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eyed banshee before my passion for Life becomes legally actionable intrusion?”

This Sanctity of Life thing – it gets people riled.

Luckily, the Supreme Court has solemnly spoken on the matter, and there are few sights more solemn than that of nine bewildered oldsters wading into a room in billowing black Muumuus. As one would expect in a newish country founded by angry runaways tired of being broken on the rack just for saying the wrong thing, the Justices have done their utmost to balance the sacrosanct Right to Free Speech against the more recent

And so it all comes down to the usual, touchingly human attempts to embrace the Eternal through placard-pumping, fistfights, and endless litigation. In the quietude of a lamplit evening, though, the central, driving questions burn like insistent little flames. What are we for?

Is there something in the middle of all this? One gets misty thinking about the millennia of horror, brutality, and bedlam spent simply trying to approach some semblance of an answer to that one.

How we achieved our coveted spot at the top of the food chain is anyone’s guess.

The soul-searching provides our sorryass “lawmakers” in D.C. much comic opportunity. Many of these well-fed clowns seem to actually believe they can untie this ancient Gordian knot with phony, quiet-talking piety, ministerial press conference singsong and Biblewaving. They are National Defense Hawks and Right to Life Crusaders.

How we achieved our coveted spot at the top of the food chain is anyone’s guess constitutional guarantee of the right to an abortion (or “privacy,” to recall Roe versus Wade’s 14th Amendment raison d’être).

What sounds Solomonic, though, is in practice moronic, a surreally choreographed minuet that serves no purpose but to ineptly enforce the letter of two very fundamental human rights: talking and privacy. You can occasionally view the fruits of their wisdom in front of most California family planning clinics on any given day – two opposing mobs yelling like drunks and a terrified woman trying to push her way through and thankfully surrounded by an imaginary, court-ordered protective cordon; eight whole feet of thin air ringing with the guttural cries of narrowly informed First and Fourteenth Amendment loudmouths on both sides.

Constitutional chest thumpers are drawn inordinately to family planning clinics and gun shows. It’s a fact. And whatever happened to that amendment that confers the Right to Ignore ear-splitting Free Speech? Must’ve died in committee.

In our leaders’ under-furnished bobble heads, these mutually exclusive propositions cohabit like two peas in a cozily impossible pod. Between explosive “collateral damage” missteps (Woops!

That was a wedding party!) they have the balls to wave the Bible and preach to us about saving the unborn. Maybe you’re the wrong messenger, dimwit. If there is a special room in Heck for those who cynically leverage scripture, it’s a room that surely needs a huge daily build-out.

True to their on-again off-again desire to end life, certain of these stargazing jackasses on Capitol Hill would put a shield of hope-killing sanctity around the embryonic stem cell, a so-called pluripotent cell whose ability to be teased into becoming any sort of tissue an ailing body requires both promises large-scale relief for the ailing, and makes of the scrap of tissue a magnet for the pious empathies of Sanctity of Life poseurs. When a single unconscious cell trumps a hopeful Parkinson’s patient with a family, loving friends and a life force that is struggling to continue, we have donned our thinking

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caps completely ass-backward. These “Primacy of the Individual” fakes in the legislature have for decades been telling us how to screw and marry. Now they tremble tearily over the hallowed stem cell, attempting to block its use as a healing agent while lustily blowing up innocents abroad with conscience-free aplomb.

Makes the head swim.

Luckily, it isn’t all dour. There are moments of levity from both sides. Take for a start last year’s episode at UCSB, complete with affronted cell phone footage, featuring a Feminist Studies professor angrily grabbing a visiting ProLife protester’s sign and smilingly walking off with it. For those of us who struggled as teens to stay awake in second-period Civics, it is heartening to know you can have dozed with your head on your desk through the whole Constitution chapter and still go on to earn a doctorate. The herky-jerky cell phone-verité footage of this self-satisfied blockhead professor wandering laughingly away with the protester’s sign is as utterly amazing a video document as a grainy film of Nessie humping out of the icy Scottish waters of her famous loch. You can’t quite believe what you’re seeing.

Is Life sacred? No. Life is Prima Facie not sacred. Through the recorded and unrecorded ages, we have been anonymously mown down in our millions by disease, privation, mass murder, hailstones, sinkholes, ungrounded microphones, shipwrecks, faulty brakes, landslides, and dogs. Pediatric cancers spring up like wildflowers in the guts of our children. If this is Life as a State of the Sacred, what on Earth is luckless, ordinary life going to look like? Best not to think about it.

I spent my teens and early college as a Born Again Christian, proselytizing, going to Bible study and worshipping barefoot in a terrific and loving hippie church. I can still reel off Galatians 2:20 (it’s a good one). But I slowly came to understand that folks who take the unvarnished view that we should never kill, never go to war, never ever murder, were seen by my Christian mentors as endearing fringe oddballs, these Jains and Mennonites and what have you, these quaint and curious relics whose greatest contribution is the smiling guy on the box of Quaker Oats.

The awkward fact is, the state of The Sacred isn’t a sliding scale, it’s not a spectrum. It’s binary; one or zero. Yes or no. We are all sacred, or not one of us is sacred. Is a fetus sacred? If the answer is yes, then so is the 18-year-old kid about to be blown up in al Bayda Province, so is the skeletal, fly-covered baby in Somalia, and so is the lady on death row. But I guess we can’t save everybody. That’d be like reaching for the stars.

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One Year Anniversary

SPRINGSaturday, FLING April 4th

A free community event to celebrate Spring and our One Year Anniversary!

Easter Egg Decorating for the kids Easter Bunny Visit Food Tasting Passport

April 4th from 10 am to 8 pm Live Music Prizes + Giveaways

38 W. Victoria at Chapala

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...continued from p.12

Buying a condo versus renting an apartment makes sense if the numbers work for you, even if you end up paying more to own; on the plus side, buying offers at least a threefold advantage: 1) As you gain equity in your living quarters, you are, in fact, beginning to save for the larger down payment requirement on the house of your dreams; 2) owning something – anything – allows you to take advantage of an advancing (pricewise) real-estate market, although, naturally, nothing is guaranteed. Markets go up and down; 3) You get a big fat tax deduction for interest and property tax payments.

The Current Market

I am not in the real estate business and have no stake or interest in anything mentioned in this column, but after a two-week examination of our local condo market here is what I have discovered or learned: 1) There are currently some 97 various condominiums and or PUD (Planned Unit Development) homes for sale in the greater Santa Barbara area; 2) The low-end market (under, say, $400,000) is indeed low end and, as far as I can tell, does not offer much in the way of appreciation or comfort. You are probably better off renting if this is all

1066 Miramonte Drive listed at $465,000

you to save the requisite amount for a down payment on something more worthwhile at the end of that 15-year period. Even after ten years, you’ll have built up a considerable equity in your living space. My advice then? Cash it in as quickly as your finances allow and move up into something more desirable.

The Higher-End Stuff you can afford. But – and this is a big but – that doesn’t mean you should give up looking. There may be a diamond in the rough somewhere out there in that price range. There may be someone with a condo you like who’s asking $500,000 but would take $425,000 if he received such an offer. Who knows?

Keep looking, but don’t settle for crap; it’ll still be crap when it comes time to sell.

3) One caveat: if you are going to live in the Santa Barbara area for a long time (ten years plus), then even at the low end, you may still come out ahead by buying something, even crap. Just be careful of the build-out. At the lowest end, the cheapest materials are used and the lifespan of some of that stuff is short.

If you do buy, what you really should

do is take out a 15-year fixed-rate fully amortized loan. It will be more expensive than renting, maybe even a lot more expensive, but it will force

One observation is that the only area of the condo market in which one could actually enjoy some real price appreciation is at the higher end. The lowend market is likely to track inflation but ...continued p.25

18 West Victoria Street listed at $795,000

Via rosita | Hope ranch

Buena Vista drive | Montecito

lilac drive | Montecito

offered at $3,195,000

offered at $3,495,000

offered at $7,200,000

recently Sold kathleen st. james | (805) 705-0898 | kathleenstjames.com calBre #: 01408798. Sotheby’s International realty and the Sotheby’s International realty logo are registered (or unregistered) service marks used with permission. operated by Sotheby’s International realty, Inc. real estate agents affiliated with Sotheby’s International realty, Inc. are independent contractor sales associates and are not employees of Sotheby’s International realty, Inc.

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Downtown Andalusian Style

EN

SU N

DA Y1

-4

L

ive the Santa Barbara life of your dreams in this elegant, spacious downtown Andalusian style 2 bedroom 2.5 bath condo replete with your own 2 car garage, a/c, handmade tile floors and a private elevator to your living room. The second ensuite bedroom has it’s own exterior entrance with an office or parlor. The Spanish courtyard beckons you for afternoon tea or wine and cheese……..your choice. 531B Chapala.

Offered at $2,795,000.

O SU PEN ND AY BY AP NO P ON T TO 2

Bonnymede Pied A Terre

I

dyllic Montecito beach Pied a Terre just steps to the beach, Four Seasons Biltmore and walking distance to all the restaurants and shops Montecito has to offer.

This single bedroom 1.5 bath also features a dining room with a full window view. Enjoy the pool, spa and tennis as well as quiet walks on the beach. Experience Santa Barbara’s best from your patio where you can enjoy BBQing in the true California lifestyle.

Call for a private tour. Offered at $1,150,000

Call me for a private showing

Pamela Taylor, REALTOR

®

805-895-6541 | WWW.TAYLORINSB.COM Pamela@Taylorinsb.com CalBRE#:01236656 Sotheby’s International Realty and the Sotheby’s International Realty logo are registered (or unregistered) service marks used with permission.

Operated by Sotheby’s International Realty, Inc.

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773 DOS HERMANOS ROAD SANTA BARBARA | 3bd/2ba | $985,000 | WEB: 0113891 CASUALLY ELEGANT HOME IN FOOTHILL SCHOOL DISTRICT

MARILYN RICKARD

Montecito - Coast Village Road Brokerage CalBRE#: 00575869 | 805.452.8284 marilyn.rickard@sothebyshomes.com sothebyshomes.com/santabarbara

Well-designed neighborhood in close proximity to excellent schools, Tucker’s Grove park, shopping and hospital. Conveniently located short distance to downtown Santa Barbara and accessible to the University of California Santa Barbara, professional park, restaurants and excellent public schools. Three bedrooms, plus den, 2-bath floor plan lends itself to serenity and opens to beautifully landscaped back yard. Vaulted ceilings, fireplace, builtin nook in kitchen. Attached 2-car garage, tennis court and lush grounds. Front yard gardening included in low $195 per month HOA dues. Totally enclosed back yard with 2 decks and storage.

Excellent condition and ready for easy living.

Sotheby’s International Realty and the Sotheby’s International Realty logo are registered (or unregistered) service marks used with permission. Operated by Sotheby’s International Realty, Inc. Real estate agents affiliated with Sotheby’s International Realty, Inc. are independent contractor sales associates and are not employees of Sotheby’s International Realty, Inc.

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Sign language has it made in the shade

Santa Barbara’s Online Magazine, Published Twice Daily

sbview.com

Pas de Deux on the Eastside

by Sharon Byrne

L

ooking for tasty treats for your office mates in the morning? Some sumptuous pastries to tempt your French leanings? And would you like them even better knowing they are baked fresh daily, with locally sourced, organic ingredients?

Look no further than Deux Bakery on Reddick Street, just off Milpas.

Owner Wendy Fleming and her hubby, Morry, started Deux as a way to provide Scarlett Begonia with gorgeous daily pastries. Their daughter is the founder of Scarlett, and loved Wendy’s genius with baking, and thus roped her into a bit of a family affair.

Initially, they baked within Scarlett’s premises, but as the restaurant took off, they found themselves squeezed out of space. So they leased the space on Reddick and opened their own bakery.

Initially, it was to be called Scarlett Begonia 2, but the title was too long, and they’d started supplying other shops with pastries, so they simply went with Deux, the French word for “two.”

They’ve been open to the public about four months.

Wendy is a fastidious baker. Every recipe gets put through multiple test rounds and perfected before she deems it good enough to go live and public. There are some real jewels in her offerings, including an incredible sourdough loaf, sliced on request, and delectable chocolate croissant. I sampled this incredible concoction of croissant dough, folded loosely into a

Wendy Fleming of Deux Bakery

standing cylinder, laced with candied orange, and sprinkled with sugar. Holy cow, that was delicious! She’s also got an amazing cinnamon roll made of Yukon gold potato flour, which one would think would “densify” it too much, but she’d perfected it into a sweet, gooey cinnamon delight.

Her daughter set a high bar with requirements for Scarlett Begonia’s baked offerings: ingredients must be organic, no GMOs, and locally sourced.

That’s made some of the ingredients costly, but Wendy holds her baked goods prices on the low side, with many treats coming in at $3 or less.

She and Morry are hard at work at 3 am daily, turning out perfectly baked goodies. The Deux bakery menu sign

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was created by neighbor Freedom Signs, another little jewel in the area. Suzy and Betsy have some serious talent in the Awesome Graphics arena. The place is a hive of creativity and art. They also clean off graffiti on the street, which makes them golden as neighbors.

When you go by, check out Xena out front! (Neighborhood secret: her facial expressions are different front versus back, so check on her before entering!

If she’s scowling fiercely… well, maybe you’d better go get a pastry at Deux!)

This Old House

by Cheri Rae

Waiting for the Wrecking Ball

W

hen does a piece of property become more important than the home that’s built upon it?

Decades ago, when visionary Santa Barbara leader Bernhard Hoffman

spoke of our “community mosaic,” he knew that every piece was part of the whole. Last week, we discussed how a traditional Santa Barbara cottage was replaced by a starkly modern structure, and how it violates the artful cohesiveness of a lovely Westside neighborhood.

Now let’s turn our attention to the east side of town, and a grand old Craftsman home about to be demolished and replaced by a supersized mansion at odds with the character of that neighborhood.

It’s just a matter of time.

On March 23, the Single Family Design Board was scheduled to give final approval to this project that begins with the demolition of a graceful old home at 209 East Islay Street. Built in 1904, it stands on a bit more than a half-acre lot in the heart of the Upper East.

This old house is an enormous one: a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom, 3,817-square-foot gem with the kind of original details you don’t find anymore: elegant woodwork, stained glass, oldgrowth redwood, and fir; decks and porches, an outdoor stone fireplace, plenty of open space surrounding it.

It’s been lovingly cared for and is in fine shape.

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Demolition awaits for this classic 1904 Upper-East Craftsman

But the new owners don’t want the house, only the piece of property on which it stands. And they want to replace it with a new structure more than twice the size.

Current plans call for 5,792-square feet of house above ground, a 2,843-square-foot habitable basement, and a 719-square-foot, 3-car garage – plus a pool and pool building.

Total it all up, and the project’s 9,379 square-feet of new development exceeds the city’s maximum floor-to-area ratio by 123 percent. That’s Planner-Speak for way too much building even on that half-acre lot.

And the city approves. Out with the old, in with the new.

According to the Historic Structures Report, the City Historian, and the Historic Landmarks Commission, there’s nothing historic or worth saving about an original Craftsman-era home that has sheltered several generations of fine Santa Barbara families. And no one sufficiently famous lived here to consider preserving it.

The last time this home was up for sale (in late 2012) it was described on Zillow: “Situated In Prime Upper East, This Charming 1900’s Craftsman Rests On A Rare 1/2-acre Lot. Secluded & Set Back From The St. W/Lush Landscaping & Stone Walls This Wonderful Home Features An Outdoor Fireplace & Brick Pathways.

Historic Features In This 5 Bed, 4 Bath Home Include Leaded Glass Windows, Sun Porches & Classic Woodwork.

Formal Dining, Parlor, Office, And Remodeled Kitchen W/Large Breakfast Area.”

But there was this additional line that may have sealed the deal and the fate of this home: “The lot itself is reasoned to be worth $1.4 million.

Consider some of the stellar homes on the street, imagine the potential of this property…”

Just imagine.

Or just imagine not demolishing a stately, 11-room house and a Santa Barbara family living happily-everafter in a historic home, in a historic neighborhood.

But that kind of imagination seems to be in short supply in modern-day Santa Barbara.

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In the Garden with

Mr. Greenjeans

by Randy Arnowitz “Mr. Greenjeans,” as he is known around

PO Box 234 | Summerland, CA 93067

Santa Barbara, is a gardener, horticulturist and writer. He particularly enjoys working with roses, orchids and sharing the day with his golden retriever Peaches, who faithfully accompanies him in the field.

Contact him at greenjeansmr@gmail.com

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Potting Soil Patriot

“W

e hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.”

The US Declaration of Independence I would say that I’m as patriotic as the next guy. In fact, as a kid, my favorite holiday was the Fourth of July, because we were allowed to light sparklers. And I especially looked forward to the solemn ceremony of putting my hand over my heart while reciting The Pledge of Allegiance in class every morning.

Unfortunately, back then I did have trouble remembering which side of my chest my heart was on, and with which hand to cover it. And further, it wasn’t until eighth grade that I realized that “for Richard Stanz” was really “... for which it stands, one Nation under God” – and not some historical figure.

But getting back to our Declaration of Independence, and without getting too political, I have to argue that even today, all men and women are, in fact, not treated equally.

From a gardener’s standpoint, I can’t help but to think that potting soils are not created equally, either. I’ve gathered from experience that not only are there big differences and inconsistencies between brands of potting soils, but even between batches, or lots within the same brands.

In my opinion, many of the inexpensive brands contain too much peat moss. Black Gold by OMRI, for example, is from 45-55 percent peat moss. The rest of what’s in the bad is comprised of various composted material. That makes for a fluffy and light soil that seems to dry out quickly after watering. In fact, if allowed to dry out too much, peat-based potting soils are difficult to get wet again, and that ain’t good. I used to be a fan of Uni-Gro potting soil because it was heavier and seemed to be made of more substantial ingredients with some sand added.

Then for a while it seemed to change to a lighter, peatier mix without much nutrient material.

As I’ve said here many times, I now

“Julia Child”, alias Soul Mate, alias Absolutely Fabulous. One of my favorites by any name.

You can’t have too much Ocean Forest potting soil.

Cheaper by the pallet.

almost exclusively use Fox Farm Ocean Forest potting soil. It is the choice of many growers and is made from earthworm castings, bat guano, and sea-going fish and crab meal, along with forest humus, sandy loam, and minimal peat moss. If I’m potting up cacti or succulents, I use this soil but add pumice to the mix for better drainage. It makes a wicked chowder also. Kidding, of course. For an expert’s opinion, I went to the knowledgeable Tony Krock at Terra Sol Garden Center in Goleta to hear what his thoughts on potting soil were. He is opinionated, passionate and vehement on the subject, as every good nursery person should be.

He told me that, Recipe 420 by E.B. Stone, also a favorite among growers, contained the most nutrients and would nourish plants for a longer time.

Tony also recommended Bush Doctor ...continued p.27

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CINEMA SCOPE

by James Luksic A longtime writer, editor and film critic, James has

worked nationwide for several websites and publications – including the Dayton Daily News, Key West Citizen, Topeka Capital-Journal and Santa Ynez Valley Journal.

California is his eighth state. When he isn’t watching movies or sports around the Central Coast, you can find James writing and reading while he enjoys coffee and bacon, or Coke and pizza.

Hurry Up and Wait

T

wo upcoming pictures boast intriguing trailers: San Andreas, bursting with earthquake warnings from Paul Giamatti, looks of panic from Dwayne Johnson, and a haunting new-age chorus of “California Dreamin”; and the small horror flick It Follows, whose early buzz is encouraging.

It’s always a comfort, while surfing the waves of premium-movie channels, to get reacquainted with a distinctive, overlooked effort – and I recently had such a pleasure upon watching Inside Llewyn Davis again. With its hapless but determined hero (Oscar Isaac) struggling amid the New York City music scene, an agreeable soundtrack, impeccable acting, and smoky cinematography, the picture ranked among 2013’s strongest. As with any script by Joel and Ethan Coen, its dialogue rings true without being ordinary. The protagonist’s deadpan reply, when a bitter ex-lover (Carey Mulligan) asks if he thinks about the future: “You mean like flying cars? Hotels on the moon?” And though Llewyn Davis is neither as flawless as the Coens’ No Country For Old Men, nor as entertaining as O Brother, Where Art Thou? and Fargo, the film is a masterpiece in its own right.

Within the batch of current features showing around the Central Coast, we have an uncontested winner, a worthy runner-up, and an also-ran:

Heat Of The Night

B

efore actually witnessing the latest Liam Neeson film, the cynic in me assumed it would be another action vehicle that transports our hero through the law-enforcement gauntlet, exchanging gunfire with villains, protecting his loved ones, and so forth.

Be that as it may, Run All Night proves to be the best mainstream feature of 2015, a gritty and beefy crime drama (I’ll refrain from the misleading term “thriller” in this instance) from Spanish director Jaume Collet-Serra, who improves upon last year’s Non-Stop. For that matter, this non-silent Night is a step up from A Walk Among the Tombstones and all versions of the Taken series.

It’s no revelation that Neeson, the world’s most successful action star at the age of 62, portrays an aging hit man named Jimmy; the twist herein pits the rugged loner essentially choosing between his estranged son (Joel Kinnaman) and a mob boss (Ed Harris) who happens to be his best friend (“I don’t make mistakes.”) The kingpin’s pugnacious son (Robert Boyd Holbrook) pushes his luck and appears destined for death, while a frustrated homicide detective (Vincent D’Onofrio) seems on the verge of locking up all scoundrels and their cohorts. If the tale is hackneyed at first glance, it splinters into something deeper, grittier, and profound – with stirring moments involving wives and children, and Jimmy’s father (a haggard and raspy Nick Nolte).

Through the haze of gunfire, smattering of contrivances, and chase sequences (there’s a cool twist as the rogue vigilant pursues the cops), Collet-Serra presides with eagle eyes and savvy. To wit: early on, the camera swiftly pulls backward out of one house, glides above the neighborhood, then swoops down into another home in one slick take. The production is chockablock with nifty nuances and flourishes – some subtle, a few unnecessary (the climactic bullet in slow-motion and 3-D) – that recall Out of the Furnace and Michael Mann’s unparalleled Heat. Wipe away the blood and grime, and you’ll discover Run All Night bubbles and simmers with substance.

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Suite Dreams

T

his critic always defended The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel as an undervalued, deftly acted diamond in India’s rough; its new sequel is essentially the same, with a more cumbersome title, adding the word “Second” (which proves appropriate). I had reservations, if you will, about Richard Gere infiltrating the star-studded cast as a business rival to our Marigold ringleader (Dev Patel, once again with gums flapping and saucerwide eyes). The newcomer, it’s clear, has his cap set for the owner’s defiant mother. We also get a cameo by urbane David Strathairn as a Los Angeles-based executive.

Romantic entanglements trickle down the hallways, pouring into the bustling streets of Jaipur. The biggest spectacle, naturally reserved for the climax, is the young lovebirds’ wedding (featuring Tina Desai, dancing her way into spectators’ hearts).

It would be unacceptable for anyone to complain about seeing Maggie Smith, Judi Dench, and Bill Nighy grace the screen again. This follow-up is an agreeable romp, albeit lighter and less sophisticated – the air of novelty has faded – than its superior predecessor.

Rhymes With Crappy

T

he overhyped sci-fi flick Chappie proves itself wildly uneven, wallowing in limbo between a rough-and-tumble morality tale, and an elementary “black sheep” lesson for teens. The narrative swings from child’s play (the robot learning its first words, trimming a doll’s hair) to obscenities all over the map, gratuitous violence, and a pointless stray TV image of pornography. Here’s what you need to know about the melodrama and actors’ histrionics: Dev Patel, for once, isn’t the most overzealous among them. In fact, the performances – almost across the board – are exasperatingly awful; Sigourney Weaver and her character are both out to lunch, though Hugh Jackman emerges with dignity unbroken.

The punk-rocker couple who take Chappie under their volatile, incapable wings are presented as the ultimate hip, weird, “alternative” individuals – punctuated by contrived signs everywhere (the motley crew’s van license plate reads FUKOFF). Director Neill Blomkamp, whose District 9 was an invigorating breath of Johannesburg air, this time defaults to his documentarian format early on and never regains his footing.

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GIRL

popular that many local restaurants use it in their drinks.”

Bennett also has a reason to celebrate, as the company was recently awarded the “Good Food Award” by the Good Food Merchants Guild for his Jalabeños, pickled green beans with spicy jalapeño brine. More than 150 products in 11 categories were selected from about 1,500 entries for the award.

“It’s exciting for us to be recognized by a qualified group of food experts,” he said. “Having that stamp of approval gives the company credibility in the industry.”

by Kateri Wozny Kateri is an award-winning journalist with a

background in print, online, radio and TV news. A native of Minneapolis, MN, she has written for the Chicago Sun-Times Media Group, Pepperdine University and Acorn Newspapers. She works full time as a public relations manager locally and loves exploring the Santa Barbara fashion scene. Follow her on Twitter @kitkatwozny.

West Coast Picklin’ at Pacific Pickle Works

I

love entertaining at my new place and cooking for friends, who usually come with a big appetite. I knew it was going to be a hot one last weekend – perfect weather for heating up the grill – and decided to serve burgers. While rummaging through Vons looking for burger supplies, there was a new kind of pickle with a Santa Barbara feel: Pacific Pickle Works.

“Pickles are a turn-of-the-century kind of thing,” said owner and founder Bradley Bennett when I toured his shared commercial facility on the Eastside. “Pacific Pickle Works is a new twist with many unique flavors.”

A new twist in pickles? That ought to get everyone’s taste buds dancing!

Bennett, a native of Santa Barbara, began creating pickled vegetables as a holiday treat in 2001. After working

as an architect and software engineer for many years, his parents encouraged him to start his own business. In 2011, Pacific Pickle Works was born.

“The company is unique because it is a West Coast style of pickles,” Bennett said. “It’s something we’re emerging, since there are not many established pickle companies in California that use the kinds of spices we do.”

Pickle Pride

I watched Bennett’s staff go through the process of putting together the jars and learned that more than 100 grocery stores carry the products, from Paso Robles to San Diego. Locally, they can be found at stores such as Lazy Acres, Tri-County Produce, Isabella Gourmet, and Gelson’s.

“I have the most trustworthy and

Santa Barbara Seafood Pasta

Fresh Fish and Succulent Shrimp simmered with tomato, vegies, fresh basil & garlic tossed with Fusilli pasta & topped with shredded Parmesan.

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Customer Appreciation

Bradley Bennett is the official pickle man in Santa Barbara

dedicated crew who work hard to put together the final product,” Bennett said.

To make sure the vegetables are super fresh, Bennett receives his produce from local and organic growers such as Givens Farm and Roots Organics.

“I try and be as California-based as possible when choosing the vegetables,” he said. “So many pickle products are mushy and overcooked. We keep ours super-crisp and make sure the vegetables are pickled the next day from the farm.”

Speaking of the delicious products, Pacific Pickle Works has so many to choose from, which include the Bloody Mary Elixir, Cukarambas and Bread & Buddahs (both of which I picked up for my BBQ), Asparagusto!, Carriots of Fire, Unbeetables, Brussizzle Sprouts, Stokra, Cauli-Flower Power, and Fenn Shui.

“I aim to have a great-tasting product,” Bennett said. “Customers like our products because of the variety of flavors and the different brines that are incorporated into the recipes.”

Prices range from $8.95 for the Bloody Mary Elixir to $10.95 for the Asparagusto!. Shelf-life is about one year.

“The Bloody Mary Elixir is our most unique and popular flavor,” Bennett explained. “It’s a Worcestershire sauce that we make from scratch with other secret spices, and you can mix with it right in the tomato juice. The Elixir is so

Bennett also goes the distance for his customers with the Pickle Club.

The two-level membership allows “Gherkins” to have two jars of the seasoned pickled vegetables four times a year, while “Big Dill” members receive four jars four times a year. Currently, there are about 100 members.

“It’s nice to have a consistent set of customers enjoy the products,” Bennett said. “Club members also get to try out our new flavors; we’re always coming up with new ideas.”

Future Growth

Bennett sees an even bigger vision for the company and is currently searching for a larger production facility. In fact, he even raised about $33,000 through a Kickstarter campaign back in December 2013 for a new lease, kitchen equipment, and building improvements.

“I see us going into a food makers co-op facility, we are expanding more than ever, and the time is now,” he said. “I also see us expanding more into retail stores throughout California and increasing online sales.”

Needless to say, my burgers were an even bigger hit, so I was no longer in a pickle.

Pacific Pickle Works www.pacificpickleworks.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/ pacificpickleworks Twitter: @pacificpickles

Don’t be afraid to drink pink!

Our rosé flight is back!

Everyone’s favorite refreshing summertime drink at everyone favorite watering hole.

Corks n’ Crowns Tasting Room and Wine Shop

32 Anacapa Street in the heart of Santa Barbara's Funk Zone Hours: Monday-Sunday 11am-7pm

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...continued from p.16 458 Por La Mar Circle listed at $1,025,000

1220 Coast Village Road listed at $895,000

not much more. However, if you choose wisely, a higher-priced condo in the right area could move up substantially in price by virtue of its desirability in location and the scarcity of those types of living accommodations in certain areas.

High-end condos ($850,000 and up) are somewhat in demand and offer older folks looking to scale down from a more elegant and extensive property the chance to not only stay in the real estate game but also make their declining years more enjoyable.

Condos, generally speaking, are ideal for childless younger couples or singles, and/or older couples and singles looking to scale down. Virtually nothing I saw would work as a family outpost, and the few that did compared unfavorably to a single-family home in the same price range.

What I Like

If I wanted to become an urban dweller and live in the middle of the city, there are some interesting highend options in Santa Barbara, such as Alma del Pueblo at Victoria and State, Anacapa Villas, Sevilla, and a couple others. I do like, for example, the 1-bdrm, 2-bth Unit 206 at Sevilla, 401 Chapala Street, just around the corner from Santa Barbara Roasting Company and a short walk to downtown and the beach. There is a fountain directly outside the front door of this apartment and a small separate office before you enter the unit, as does nearby unit 203. Accountants, lawyers, and others, should look. There is also a small personal patio outside the office space. Asking: $1,195,000.

If location is your thing, Alma del Pueblo is another option; it’s a long way from the beach, but it is right in the center – the heart – of downtown Santa Barbara, just blocks away from Paseo Nuevo shopping center, and across the street from some of the best and most popular restaurants in town, including Jane, Downey’s, Carlitos, bouchon, opal, Arigato, and Olio é Limoné.

Alma del Pueblo’s LEED Platinum

105 West De La Guerra listed at $2,450,000

units feature strand bamboo flooring, nine-foot ceilings throughout, and all kinds of up-to-the-minute features such as being pre-wired for cable and every conceivable technological breakthrough.

Most too have their own private patios.

These don’t come cheap, but there are still 20 left for sale (17 have been sold) and they are certainly worth a look.

If urban dwelling isn’t your druthers, The Hideaway Bungalows just across from Sandpiper Golf Course off the Winchester Canyon 101 exit are worth looking at. The townhomes start at 1,460 sq ft (Plan 3) and go up to 3,113 sq ft (Plan 7). The smaller units are sold out, but the units that I believe make for the best value are still available: the twostory 2,350-sq-ft 4-bdrm, 3-bath Plan 5 units, of which there were six up for grabs beginning at $862,768. The Plan 6 units, also two stories, aren’t too shabby either: these 3-bdrm, 3.5-bath, 2,696-sqft units are priced from $920,000.

Homeowners Association fees at The Hideaway are from $257 to $350 a

month, depending upon the size of the unit. If you were to purchase something here and decide you won’t need it until you retire or move, I believe it would be an easy rental; whether with VRBO, Holiday Rental, or simply a one- or two-year lease, you are very likely to come out ahead of the game.

one-car garage, there is a carport for another vehicle; inside, the functional kitchen is small but cute. The complex offers a community pool, is near Los Robles Park, and Hope School is not far away. It is being offered at $575,000.

I asked Mark Hunt, a real estate agent with Village Properties who writes a regular real-estate column for Montecito Journal, to take a look on the Multiple Listing Service and pick out some favorites among the 97 listings, which he did; sight unseen, here are his choices: ...continued p.28

Lower-End Example

The 2-bdrm, 2-bth, nearly 1,200 sq ft two-story unit at 4039 Primavera Road comes with a one-car garage that is big enough to include room for a workbench. The property butts up against Routes 154 and 192, so there may be some traffic noise when the front door is open, but the master bedroom (upstairs) and living room with gas fireplace (downstairs) are on the creek side and are quiet and charming; both rooms feature a private patio. HOA fees are $450 per month; the complex was built in 1985 and the composite roof seems to be in excellent shape despite it being 30 years old. In addition to the

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Plan B

by Briana Westmacott When Briana isn’t lecturing for her writing courses

at UCSB and SBCC, she contributes to The Santa Barbara Skinny, Wake & Wander and Flutter Magazine. Along with her passion for writing and all things Santa Barbara, much of her time is spent multi-tasking through her days as a mother, wife, sister, want-to-be chef and travel junky. Writing is an outlet that ensures mental stability... usually.

Get Your Motor Running

“Y

ou need an oil change,” my husband mentioned in a matter-of-fact tone.

“You need a car wash,” I countered without looking up from my coffee.

I hate getting my oil changed. I procrastinate for miles over the number on that little sticker stuck on the lower left-hand corner of my windshield. It’s one of a number of mundane tasks in life that I avoid for as long as possible.

Folding the laundry, sweeping the floor, replying to e-mails – they all make the list. It seems that as the years tick by and the age odometer creeps up, more and more mundaneness exists.

Gone are the days of spontaneity.

We no longer pack our bags on a whim and drive down to Mexico. There aren’t late nights that close with karaoke and dancing (at least not many of them).

The last time I took a “sick day” to power up to the freshly snow-powdered mountains was probably back in the 90s. What happened to us?

Let’s Take a Look Under Your Hood

“Why don’t we get our oil changed together?” my husband suggested one morning.

It was his way of kindly promoting me to quit procrastinating. So on any old Tuesday, we dropped the kids off at school and headed out to Airport

Motors.

We checked both of our cars in with Jeff, the owner, and we set off on foot down the road. Not really sure where we were going to pass the time, we wandered down a small side street that dead- ended on the edge of the runway at the Santa Barbara Municipal Airport.

We took a seat.

“Do you remember when we used to do this in Santa Monica?” I asked.

And of course, he remembered. Before the children, before the wedding, before the bills and the wrinkles and the massive amounts of mundanity, we used to go sit at the Santa Monica Airport to watch the planes take off and land. We would talk about what we wanted to do with our lives. We shared our ambitions, our dreams, our fears, and our wanderlust. We would sit for hours, talking or not talking, as the planes passed us by.

Don’t Forget to Check Your Spark Plugs

Somehow, 15 years later, we had spontaneously ended up alongside a runway. As Jeff lubed up our engines, we gazed at the sky. It was like time had never passed; we stripped years from our old timing belt. With the hum of propellers in the background, we reminisced, we laughed, and we dreamed of far-away lands where the

Don’t I wish this 1964 Alfa Romeo were my car! It’s not. But those are my kids and it is my step-dad’s car.

Wouldn’t it be fun to get under the hood of this one?

next plane might take us.

Jeff called from Airport Motors to let us know our cars were ready, but we stayed seated in a patch of gravel next to the runway. We needed this time to rotate our tires and check our brakes. It wasn’t fancy and many would think it was far from romantic, but it was our time.

That’s just it. Life gets overloaded with all the little everyday stuff, and that little stuff can begin to feel quite heavy if you

don’t step away from it. It’s good to change the routine a bit.

When we had finished our tune-up, we strolled back to get our cars hand-inhand. Jeff chuckled at us and commented that he had never seen anyone walk down old Olney Road, dotted with car rental offices and industrial warehouses, holding hands. We smiled, got in our cars, and drove off to continue on with our regular Tuesday. And we made sure to tend to the spark plugs later.

Briana’s Best Bets Jeff and his crew at Airport Motors have been servicing our cars for years. We are lucky to have found Jeff. He is honest and his prices are quite reasonable. If you are looking for a good mechanic, I suggest you give Airport Motors a call: (805) 681-7297 After watching the planes land, Paul and I walked over to Three Pickles Deli for some sandwiches. Yummmmy. They have so many great lunch options. With two locations, one downtown and one out by the airport, you should definitely go for lunch one day. www.threepickles.com

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Randy’s Quick Pick Fabulous Fungi There are more than 14.000 varieties of mushrooms worldwide with more than 3,000 of them occurring in North America alone. Spend the morning hunting for some of them with Dr. Bob Cummings, the foremost mushroom expert in Santa Barbara County. The walk takes place on Sunday, March 22, from 10:30 am to 12:30 pm at Arroyo Hondo Preserve and the cost is $25. Dr. Cummings is a professor of biology at Santa Barbara City College; word in the field is that he is a wonderful teacher and really fun guy. Register early as this event always sells out. More info at www.sblandtrust.org/fabulous-fungi-dr-bob-cummings-2/

You can’t have too much Ocean Forest potting soil. Cheaper by the pallet.

Coco Loco, which is another Fox Farm product, but added though there was less nutrient content, it retained moisture for a longer time. Tony agreed that my Ocean Forest favorite was the best for all-around planting use and generally, “You get what you pay for.”

In the final analysis, I had to give two gentle green thumbs “down” to Edna’s Best Potting Soil by E.B.Stone as I didn’t really think it was, in fact, the best. Perhaps it should be called Edna’s Best Attempt at Potting Soil.

A Rose by Any Other Name The “Julia Child” floribunda rose is my favorite yellow rose and possibly, my favorite rose of any color. The foliage is dark green and exceptionally glossy.

The warm, rich, buttery yellow blooms have a slightly spicy, licorice-clove scent and after opening, fade to a sunny, then pale shade of yellow. Not only that, but when cared for properly, the darn thing’s probably close to 100 percent diseaseresistant. I can’t speak for everyone,

but I’ve never seen any rust or mildew on a “Julia” when planted in a warm, sunny spot and given enough water and fertilizer.

Oh yeah, most of the information that I’ve read about this rose bush states that it gets to be around 3-and-a-half-feet tall. Hah! Easily four to five feet, so if you’re thinking of planting one, keep in mind that it may grow to those heights.

Why do I bring all this up, you may wonder ? Well, when I Googled this rose, I discovered an interesting fact. But first, to fill you in – this extraordinary rose was hybridized in 2004 and introduced into the U.S. in 2006, as Julia Child.

In that same year, she was named the All-American Rose Selection winner. In 2009, the same rose was renamed Soul Mate when it was released in Australia.

(C’mon, really – Soul Mate?)

Okay, hold on, now for the good part:

one online source said that later, when this Soul Mate-Julia Child floribunda rose arrived in the United Kingdom, it was re-renamed Absolutely Fabulous. If you were as much of a fan as I was, of Edina and Patsy on the 1990’s BBC sitcom by the same name, (aka Ab Fab), you can appreciate my exuberance. However, my exhilaration was short-lived, when further reading revealed that this yellow wonder of a rose was in fact, brought to the UK and renamed by one Mr. Keith Jones of Tarvin in Cheshire. There was no mention as to whether he was a fan of the sitcom Ab Fab. It did say that when Mr. Jones viewed the new, blooming crop of roses in the field, he stated that they looked “Absolutely fabulous.”

Personally, I’m choosing to believe the Ab Fab version of the story and will continue to be charmed by this rose even more because of it.

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...continued from p.25 531 Chapala Street listed at $2,795,000

618 Anacapa listed at $2,500,000

Lower-End Standouts

Two-story 1,084 sq ft 2-bdrm, 3-bth end unit at 5297 Carpinteria Avenue in Carpinteria: asking $565,000; 2-bdrm, 2-bth 1,021 sq ft unit at 5901 Trudi Road just off Patterson in Goleta: $599,000; 3-bdrm, 2-bth 1,233 sq ft unit on 3815 Mariana Way in Santa Barbara: $615,000; 3-bdrm, 2 1/2-bth 1,605 sq ft unit C at 5041 Rhoads Avenue: $655,000.

High-End Standouts

The 2-bdrm, 2-bth 1,020 sq ft condo in the Santa Barbara Polo Club complex at 3375 Foothill: $795,000; 862 Via Granada (a half block to El Encanto, next to Riviera Theatre) features 2 bedrooms, 2 baths, and 1,354 sq ft of living space: $799,000; 3-bdrm, 2-bth, 1,316 sq ft at 555 E. Arrellaga Street: $949,000; The house-sized (1,922 sq ft) threelevel 2-bdrm, 2 1/2-bth unit at 814 Paseo Alicante is also near El Encanto: $975,000.

For anyone looking for a separate home with condominium convenience, the 2-bdrm, 2-bth, 1,900 sq ft listing at 112 Eucalyptus Hill Circle is worth inspecting: $1,145,000.

Montecito Shores and Bonnymede are in the heart of Montecito and are near the ocean, the Biltmore, and Coast Village Road. For location, they can’t be beat. “I really like 1375 Plaza De Sonadores (2 bdrms, 3 bths, 1,540 sq ft),” says Mark. Asking: $1,675,000.

Understanding The Market

For a little deeper understanding of the condo market, I spoke with Adam Black, who heads up New American Funding and has been involved in that market for some time. He was the preferred lender for Bella Riviera, the 100-plus-unit condo complex built by Cottage Hospital on the former site of St. Francis Hospital. Those units sold in the $600,000 to $900,000 range. Adam and his team were also the preferred lender for the 53 units at what is now called Sevilla, 401 Chapala Street.

He controlled the pre-qualification process and made sure potential buyers met the specific condo guidelines, “which,” he says, “can be kind of nich-y.

If a condo project is considered nonwarrantable, it can be difficult,” he points out. Non-warrantable means that neither Fannie Mae nor Freddie Mac, for various reasons, will purchase a mortgage on the unit, which can sometimes mean financing is more difficult.

In terms of demographics, he says that condo buyers do indeed fall into two categories: young first-time homebuyers and empty nesters looking to simplify their lives. Condominium buyers are not looking just because they do not have the financing for a single-family home. Often, the opposite is true. “Right now,” Adam says, “I’ve got people prequalifying with me to buy $2-million condos downtown.” He also recently arranged the loan for one of the condos above the Honor Bar on Coast Village Road. “So, you’re seeing some wealthy second-home condo purchases,” he

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notes, adding that “they want to have a second home in Montecito or Santa Barbara that they can just kind of show up, use it, and then lock up and leave.”

Most importantly, perhaps, is that Adam Black’s company has a dedicated condo department that specializes in helping projects get approved.

He can be reached at New American Funding 805-452-8393; his email address is: adam.black@nafinc.com.

Getting In and Getting Out

Justin Kellenberger, with SG Lending in Santa Barbara offered some insight into financing a condo, which can – but not always – be more complicated than financing a singlefamily home. Justin, who offers all types of residential and commercial financing, says, “Often the condominium market is the first to go down in an off market,” Justin observes, “but at the same time they are also the first to go up when the market comes back.”

He says too that the entry fee is relatively low, especially for first-time homebuyers looking to get into an expensive market. If your loan is more than $417,000 a minimum of 10% down will be required; under $417,000, a minimum of 5% down.

“At the most basic level,” he says, “the minimum down-payment can be as low as 3.5%; those are FHA loans.”

The difficulty in FHA loans, he says, is that the condo association has to be FHA approved and in Santa Barbara a lot of the condo complexes are not FHA approved. “The paperwork can be extensive and can take some time and a lot of the associations do not do it,” he explains. Roughly ninety percent of all residential loans are Fannie Mae or Freddie Mac backed loans, good up to $625,000 in Santa Barbara.

The required debt-to-income ratio is 43% or less, but Kellenberger suggests there is a little flexibility in that number.

“In a perfect world,” he says, “a twentyfive-percent down payment will give you the best interest rate on a condominium.”

He adds too that if your down payment is less than 20%, you’ll be dealing with mortgage insurance. He says that in new lending programs, mortgage insurance is being built into the interest rate, which

could be as little as an eighth of a percent over a rate without mortgage insurance.

“A lot of homebuyers tend to like that for its tax advantages.”

As for red flags, Justin explains that a bank will require a condo certification, which is obtained through the condo association by answering about 20 questions, such as what is the operating budget, how much of that has been allocated to maintenance, how many non-owner-occupied units are in the complex, are there any HOA delinquencies in the complex, etc.

“High delinquencies may be a problem,” he says, “but that will be revealed by the bank on the HOA certification form. Usually, the association has reserves to absorb some delinquencies but only to an extent, so when you are analyzing the budget, you’d look to see how much has been set aside for items such as that. It would be important to know what the reasons were for the delinquencies, and how quickly they could be resolved.”

Mortgage Rates

“Rates fluctuate daily as they trade with the market similar to stocks,” Justin says. On the difference in qualifying, he says “It will be more difficult for a homebuyer to qualify for a 15-year fixed than a 30-year fixed because of the debtto-income ratio required. Principal, interest, taxes, and insurance will be higher on the 15-year loan. So, the amount of income required to qualify will be higher.

Here is his figuring for the purchase of a $500,000 condominium with a 10% ($50,000) down payment: $450,000 15-year fixed at 3.5%, with mortgage insurance built in, payment would be $3,216 per month; $450,000 30-year fixed at 4.375%, payment would be $2,246 per month.

With 25% down ($125,000), those figures change to: $375,000 15-year fixed at 3.00%, payment would be $2,589 per month; $375,000 30-year fixed at 3.625%, payment would be $1,710 per month; Justin can be reached at SG Lending 805-256-1614; his email is: justin@ sgllc.me

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with Julie Bifano Ms Bifano is drawn to micro-fiction and is currently writing her first novel – The Grace Below. She has a B.A. in English with an emphasis in writing from the University of San Francisco and a M.F.A. in Creative Writing, also from the University of San Francisco. More of Julie’s stories and poetry can be viewed on her website juliebifano.com.

MAD about Amore!

M

arch 7 marked the night of the 3rd Annual Gala themed “That’s Amore,” for the MAD (Multimedia Arts and Design) Academy, which is an educational community within Santa Barbara High School. Entering through the massive glass doors of QAD at 100 Innovation Place, I was struck by the breathtaking ocean views. Nearby, there were cured meats, olives, cheeses, and even an

Key sponsors of the event, Lynda Weinman and Bruce Heavin, enjoy the stunning setting at QAD

Board and Gala Committee member Jerrad Burford and wife Jeannie are proud of their daughter, Grace, who is a sophomore in the MAD Academy

Co-chair of the GALA Committee, Maria Wilson, poses with her husband and MAD board member, Monte Wilson

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octopus salad provided by Olio e Limone.

As the sun began to set, I met the director of the MAD Academy, Dan Williams. Dan explained how MAD helps students prepare for the real world by providing project-based learning. He also described the need for financial support, “This year we are investing in our film editing, photography, graphic design, web design, and digital imaging classes.

This investment comes at a cost of approximately $3,000 per workstation and a total cost of $105,000.”

The parental support of the program was evident, as Jeannie Burford chimed in to explain the many tools that the MAD Academy has provided for her own children. She explained that whether a child goes into a creative profession or creative college after high school, his or her life is undeniably enriched by the MAD Academy. One standout team-building activity she pointed out was a group trip to Mexico, where students build houses for people living without shelter.

Matthew Figueroa, the photographer of the event, was a graduate of the MAD Academy. He conveyed how much the program fostered his imagination and creativity aiding him to pursue a career in film and photography. Even the film Dream Big, which provided information about

Director of MAD Academy, Dan Williams special guest Billy Baldwin, and development director Kendra Kenyon raise funds for MAD Academy

Proud moms of their MAD Academy students, Fran Lewbel, Lori Frisbie, and Kristi Lupoli have a blast supporting their kids

MAD Academy shared over dinner, was by a student of the program, Grace Burford, with help from her father, Jerrad.

Settling into a magical evening above the pristine ocean, I indulged in a delicious dinner provided by Olio

e Limone underneath sparkly string lights. All of a sudden, “The Three Waiters” – one French, one Italian, and one American – began an opera singing competition. Hit classics like “It’s Now or Never,” and “Tonight, Tonight,” were sung in three different languages. With

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“Are you hearing well Enough?”

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Director of MAD Academy, Dan Williams and board of directors and Gala committee chair, Melanie Cava get together as the event begins

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A lively group of MAD parents and supporters, Rhonda Henderson, Carlos Plascencia, Bibi Moezzi, and Joanne Funari

Head event planner from Swank Santa Barbara, Mary Anne Contreras, poses with Alberto Morello, the owner and provider of all the food from Olio e Limone, and Olio Pizzeria

the white-and-red checkered tablecloths, wine flowing, and pasta centerpieces it was like being transported back to Roma.

As the evening concluded with the song, “That’s Amore,” sung by MAD Academy students, it was clear this program really was all about love. A journey of love for students, teachers, faculty, business owners, and the community at large that supports innovative programs such as the MAD Academy.

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...continued from p.9

show up when it’s time. Your doubts are an illusion.”

The workshop’s aim is to help participants overcome such obstacles as stage fright, writer’s block, hesitation, and even self-doubt, and improve such areas as money, health, and relationships, through learning to be in the moment.

If nothing else, you should at least get a good laugh.

For details and discounted advance tickets, call 966-2239 or visit www. unitysantabarbara.org.

More Funny Business

The Jewish Community Center’s periodic comedy night is providing Punchlines for Passover. It’ll be a case of “Macaroon & Matzoh Madness” when a headlining stand-up and other comedians from Los Angeles (still to confirmed at press time) join emcee Louise “Weezy” Palanker, and her Comedy Club students in a family friendly night of laughter and levity on Thursday, March 26. Food and drinks are included in the modest admission fee of $8 general, $4 seniors & students in advance ($2 more at the door). Info at 957-1115 or jewishsantabarbara.org/ community-calendar/all-star-comedynight-1421205174.

Instant Karma’s gonna get ya.

Laughing that is, as the Ventura-based Improv Comedy troupe presents the Santa Barbara premiere of Los Angelesbased Improv Theatre’s Jane Austen UnScripted. The troupe creates an Austin-style tale full of “love-struck girls, brooding noblemen, and charming cads” instigated by suggestions from the audience, creating on the spot what they imagine could have been the famous novelist seventh book. The show the Los Angeles Times praised as “A stunning feat of performance and literary wizardry!

And incidentally, it’s hilarious” plays twice at The New Vic Theatre with 8 pm shows on Friday and Saturday, March 27 & 28. Tickets cost $31.75-$37.

Comedian Kathy Griffin – who in 2013 set a Guinness Book record for

writing and starring in an unprecedented 20 televised stand-up specials – provides powerfully provocative punchlines as she pulls no punches in a patented program of patter that serves as her routine. Griffin spares almost no one as she skewers celebrities (Oprah Winfrey was a frequent target the last time Griffin appeared in town) and aims her wicked wit at the red carpet set as well as herself, a combo she perfected on her own Emmy Award-winning reality series Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List. That last local show was at the Arlington; Griffin’s next area gigs take place at 7 & 9:30 pm on Thursday, April 2, up at the Chumash Casino Resort’s Samala Showroom, which now seats only 625 during a new phase in construction. Now those barbs will really be in your face. Info & tickets at (800) CHUMASH (248-6274) or www.chumashcasino.com.

The Walls Came Tumblin’ Down

A sharp protest from a number of Native Americans forced the SBCC art students who had erected a teepee on the school’s oceanfront campus to take down the structure two days earlier than planned. Following a meeting on the lawn beside the 10 foot-high teepee between the class participants and representative of the Chumash and even a Lakota, who all reported great offense at the use of the structure for non-Native purposes, the youngsters dismantled the structure that was also intended to appear at Lucidity Festival next month. No words on those plans as of press deadline.

I have some strong opinions on the subject, but remembering my role as a man of leisure, I’ll keep them to myself. The discussion did provoke some thoughts about how humans can attach meanings to words, events, and things that don’t intrinsically hold those values, and how it’s also impossible to completely understand a community’s culture without having experienced it. So gratitude to both groups for the educational opportunity.

Striking the Wrong Elling-tone

Kathy Griffin laughs it up twice April 2 at the Chumash Casino

He has the voice. He has the looks and the swagger. He has a crack band of talented musicians. And God knows he has the songs – that, at least, is indisputable for this particular concert tour. But somehow the total added up to much less than the sum of the parts when Kurt Elling performed his tribute to Frank Sinatra at the Lobero on March 12.

Elling, who possesses a baritone not entirely dissimilar to Sinatra’s, dove

deep into The Voice’s catalogue, taking on some popular favorites such as “In the Still of the Night” and “Nice ‘n’ Easy” (written by Alan and Marilyn Bergman, who are now Montecito residents) as well as less familiar material including “Day In, Day Out” and “You Are Too Beautiful” (the 1933 Rodgers & Hart song, not to be confused with “You Are So Beautiful” by the recently departed Joe Cocker). He offered up faithful interpretation of Sinatra’s standards and challenging modern arrangements that played with tonalities and harmonies, as in the re-structured “Moonlight in Vermont”.

But it just didn’t connect.

It’s not just your faithful correspondent who thinks so. There was grumbling outside during intermission that the band wasn’t tight, which some postulated might be due to the newness of the show. But Elling has been doing these Sinatra tributes on and off since at least 2012, when the hook then was the 50th anniversary of Ol’ Blue Eyes’ tour of the world that raised money for children’s charities. Sinatra left behind his big band in favor of a stripped-down sextet, which was also Elling’s approach for these days, set to coincide with the 100th anniversary of Sinatra’s birth.

To my ears, the arrangements weren’t an issue, and I found the individual players to be some of the most interesting aspects of the concert, including fine solos from the saxophonist and trumpeter.

It was Elling himself who left me cold, unmoved and even bored, which is hard to do with songs associated with Sinatra.

Maybe that’s hard to do when you’re singing these songs only sporadically, with master classes and standard concerts interrupting the schedule. Reports from a mid-February concert in Oregon raved about stories that put the songs – and Elling’s ardor – in perspective.

But at the Lobero, at least that night, I wasn’t the only one who found conversations with colleagues in the evening chill on the theater’s front plaza a more invited and warmer prospect than going back in after the break.

Up next in jazz: you can Return to Forever with the Headhunters as Chick Corea and Herbie Hancock, two of the most influential pianists in jazz history, come together in concert at the Granada on Sunday, March 22. Earlier that same afternoon, pianist Christian Jacob – best-known in these parts as one of the mainstays and music anchor of singer Tierney Sutton’s band – has his first local trio gig at SOhO.

Lounging with Léisuré

Looking for merry melodies or other non-classical musical mirth with Mark?

Here’s where you might find me this

Santa Barbara Revels and Spring Pub Sing chime in March 23 at Dargan’s

fortnight.

Townes Van Zandt, the late Texas troubadour considered one of the finest songwriters in folk-roots history, was a big fan of the Nashville songsmith David Olney’s. You can hear why when Olney returns to the Lobero Theatre as part of the Sings Like Hell concert series on Saturday, March 21. Three days later, Townes himself will be the subject of the next Songwriters At Play show, which brings together a bevy of local artists in tribute at SOhO. For more folkie-acoustic stuff: Owen Plant and the trio Brother Sun share the bill at the Tales from the Tavern show at the Maverick Saloon in Santa Ynez on Wednesday, March 25... 30-year veteran country music superstars Sawyer Brown concertize at the Chumash Casino Thursday, March 26... Ojai-bred singer-songwriter Emy Reynolds has a record-release date at the Plaza Theater in Carpinteria on Friday, March 27, as part of Ones to Watch and Santa Barbara Music Foundation’s Americana Music Series, with the Lee Koch Band, Max Kasch, and special guest Jesse Grey Seibenberg... Political activistfeminist singer-songwriter Holly Near heads back to SOhO on Sunday, March 29.

Rather participate than watch? The Spring Pub Sing from the Santa Barbara Revels hunkers down at Dargan’s Irish Pub & Restaurant on Monday, March 23, for the eighth consecutive year, but with a new music director. Adam Phillips leads the songs and strums along on the guitar while Gentry Hill, who also made her Revels debut at the Irish Emigrant shows in December, adds fiddle for the selection of Irish tunes, sea shanties, familiar folk songs, traditional favorites, and novelty ditties.

In the pop world, a couple of special gigs stand out. Carr Winery’s free Spring Release Party samples the latest varietals to the manic tunes of Spencer the Gardener on Saturday, March 28, while Gardens & Villas and Dante Elephante, two other Santa Barbara mainstays albeit much more recent ones, share the stage at SOhO on Thursday, April 2.

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SYVSNAPSHOT

by Eva Van Prooyen Keeping a finger on the pulse of the Santa Ynez Valley: what to eat, where to go, who to meet, and what to drink. Pretty much everything and anything situated between the Santa Ynez and San Rafael Mountains that could tickle one’s interest.

Garagiste Festival

H

eralded as a “wildly exuberant and fun wine event,” by the Los Angeles Times, the 3rd Annual Garagiste Festival, a celebration of artisan winemakers, returns to the Santa Ynez Valley Friday, March 27, through Sunday, March 29.

Garagiste, pronounced “garage-east”, is a French term originally used in the Bordeaux region of France referring to a group of winemakers producing “vins de garage” or “garage wines.” This assemblage emerged in the mid-1990s in reaction to the traditional style of red Bordeaux wine, which is highly tannic and requires long ageing in the bottle The annual Garagiste Festival kicks off Friday, March 27, in Solvang to become drinkable.

Founded by fellow garagistes Stewart McLennan and Douglas Minnick, they report their festival aims to “foster the spirit of free exchange of ideas and encouragement that has make California one of the friendliest, most successful, and innovative wine-making regions in the world.”

“The Garagiste Festival is the first and only wine festival dedicated to the undiscovered and under-recognized artisan garagiste producers who are making handcrafted small lot production wines around the world,” says Doug, explaining this three-day event will feature 60 of Santa Barbara wine country’s hard-to-find, cutting-edge, micro-production commercial garagiste winemakers – pioneers, rulebreakers, renegades, and mavericks pouring their wines at grand tastings, engaging in a winemaking symposium, a winemaker mixer, and a friendly peer, blind winetasting competition called Big Red Shoot Out. Launched in Paso Robles in 2011, Doug notes they have also hosted garagiste festivals in Los Angeles and stake claim to the bragging right their non-profit garagiste festivals were the first to focus, flaunt, and shine a revealing light on the American garagiste winemakers and commercial artisan winemakers who handcraft under 1,500 cases a year. “Our festivals have raised the profiles of many of the winemakers nationally for the first time and raised thousands of dollars for the education of future winemakers,” says Doug.

“We could not be happier to be back in Solvang for the third year in a row, with yet another extraordinary more than 20 of whom are pouring at the festival for the first time,” says Doug.

Most of the featured wineries do not have tasting rooms and can’t be found on tour maps. This festival brings them together in one location, so wine geeks, aficionados, and the like can try these limited-supply wines and meet the winemakers behind them. “The main thing is being able to discover wines you’re not going to be able to find anywhere else,” says Doug.

The Grand Tastings are on Saturday and Sunday and will be preceded by one of the festival’s signature tasting seminars, panels, and/or debates. “I am really looking forward to the Sunday debate on alcohol level. We’ve got some outspoken characters, we expect no punches will be pulled, and it is going to be funny,” says Doug adding in full garagiste form, “there isn’t any one way you should be making wine. You don’t listen to the same record everyday, you play a different record. It’s time to get past the dogma. We try to keep everything we do fun and entertaining, and I’m interested in that topic.”

Doug and Stewart are proud to note their events are “full of passionate, knowledgeable, and decidedly un-snobby fans.” Thirty different wineries will be featured on each day, and all festivities will take place at the Mission-style Veterans Memorial Building in Solvang, and proceeds benefit the Cal Poly Wine and Viticulture program. VIP ticket holders get early entry, symposium access, and “late check out.”

The Solvang Veterans Memorial Building is located at 1745 Mission Drive, Solvang.

Ticket packages are available and prices range from $55 - $195 per person. For tickets or more information contact Melanie Webb at 888-71-TICKETS, email info@ garagistefestival.com or visit www.garagistefestival.com.

This year, the festival kicks off with two new events. Here is the rundown:

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Friday, March 27 – 5 to 6:30 pm Happy Yeast Make Better Wine This educational winemaker symposium featuring Cal Poly professor and winemaker Matt Brain of Baker and Brain promises to be “fun” as well as tickle the hungry minds of wine enthusiasts. Sponsored by Laffort – a company created in Bordeaux in 1895, that has played a fundamental role in the developments in enology that followed Pasteur and his initial discoveries.

Friday, March 27 – 7 to 9:30 pm No Repeats: Rare & Reserve Winemaker Miser Maverick winemakers bring out the best of their best bottles for attendees, including Club Only, Library and Pre-Release bottles, and compete in the “Big Red Shootout,” where they blind-taste each other’s wines and vote for the best red in the room.

Saturday, March 28 – 11 am to 5 pm Signature Seminar and Grand Tasting Dan Kessler of Kessler-Haak, Chad Melville from SamSARA Wine Co., and Peter Work from Ampelos Cellars launch this tasting with a panel discussion titled, “The Diversity of the Santa Rita Hills AVA: It’s Not All Pinot & Chardonnay.”

Sunday, March 29 – 11 am to 4 pm Signature Seminar and Grand Tasting This day starts with the sure to be lively debate entitled, “The Elephant in the Bottle: The Great California Alcohol Debate” with panelists Norm Yost from Flying Goat Cellars, Keith Saarloos from Saarloos & Sons, and Stillman Brown from Zeppelin Winery.

Eva’s Top Five Faves:

My personal picks, best bets, hot tips, save the dates, and things not to miss!

“Sweet Talk” – Honey Tasting with Local Beekeeper Come join the buzz of busy bees and honey lovers. Down To Earth Gardening Solutions invite you to a free talk and honey tasting featuring local beekeeper Archie Mitchell. 141 G East Highway 246, Buellton Saturday, March 28, from noon to 2 pm. RSVP to d2e.buellton@gmail.com or call (805) 686-4444 A Taste and Toast of Women’s History Month Women’s History Month is celebrated in March, and Casa Dumez in Los Alamos will host a celebration of Santa Barbara County’s women winemakers, winery owners and managers, viticulturists, enologists, and cellar hands with a tasting of an array of wines made by women winemakers. Saturday, March 28, at 6 pm. 488 Bell Street, Los Alamos. For more information, contact Karen Steinwachs via email at karen@vintegratedsolutions.com or (805) 350-0257 First Annual Easter Egg & Wine Hunt Hop, skip, or jump down Santa Rosa Road to The Sanford Winery & Vineyard, which invites you to comb its Sanford Estate to hunt for carefully placed Easter eggs containing tasty treats to pair with their wines. Tickets are scarce and will sell out fast. Attendance for the hunt will be limited to just 20 guests. $40 per person / $30 club. To purchase tickets, visit easter-egg-and-wine-hunt.nightout.com. Saturday, April 4, from 11 am to 1:30 pm 5010 Santa Rosa Road, in Lompoc (805) 735-5900 Grammy Jill’s Bakehouse Stylishly and deliciously placed on a platter inside the Lucas & Lewellen tasting room, cookie aficionados will find packages of cookies handmade by Jill Lucas – the “Dirtman” Louis Lucas’s wife. The Cowgirl Cookie made with chocolate chips, butterscotch, oatmeal, and coconut – her mother-in-law’s recipe – is a mainstay, but Jill says she mixes it up from time to time with an occasional lavender shortbread or fudgy chocolatey cookie with big chunks of chocolate “that pairs perfectly with our Cabernet Sauvignon.” Six cookies sell for $7. 1645 Copenhagen Drive, Solvang (805) 686-9336 Save the Spicy Dinner Date!

Chef Tim Neenan presents a Creole Cuisine Cooking Dinner paired with Stolpman wines on Thursday, April 16, from 5 to 8 pm at Chef Tim’s Kitchen located at 3498 Willow St., in Santa Ynez. Roquefort cheese soufflés, shrimp etouffee, cheddar-scallion cornbread, garden-fresh “matchstick” salad, and chocolate-hazelnut rum-raisin cake complete the menu. $75 per spicy person, and space is limited to 10 guests.

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IHEARTSB

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by Elizabeth Rose

I Heart SB is a social experiment in dating and relationships through stories shared with and experienced by a thirty-something living in the Greater Santa Barbara area. All stories herein are based on actual events. Some names, places, and timelines have been altered to preserve anonymity and, most of all, for your reading enjoyment.

Submit stories (maximum 700 words) to letters@santabarbarasentinel.com.

California Connection in the Heart of India

A little love story, among friends, passed along to me: was in Jaipur, Rajasthan India, the brought us near the city of Udaipur to upper-west side bordering Pakistan, an old palace on a lake – picturesque and I met a man from Montecito. and amazing.

I always arrive two days early for Our group had completed our my adventures, so I can get the feel of excursion and we bid farewells to new the place before I go into full absorb friends and the great cicerones who mode of the moment. I scope out the lead our great journey. My plans were people in the city, walk the streets, look to continue exploring the country and in doorways, sniff the air, and see if ask John if he’d like to come along. people smile back. I worked my tail off With a big smile, he replied, “I’d love all year at my design business and saved to.” With the images of the ladies in enough money to buy a plane ticket to saris in my mind, we headed for the indulge in my greatest passion: riding nearest market. horses. This time, I headed to India.

Everything in India is so reasonably Just so you won’t think you’re missing priced, you feel rich! I hired a gentleman out, I was nearly 50 when I did these guide, who picked us up in his car. The rides and so were most of the other guide was also a freelance writer for riders. There were six in our group, several local newspapers, which meant including the two cicerones. One he knew everyone and everything, and rider was a handsome, divorcé from spoke perfect English. Among finding California named John. The spark was us an elephant to ride up a winding immediate, and I soon realized my cobblestone road leading to a huge trip would be even more than I had fort (while being serenaded by a fellow bargained for. playing a violin walking along beside us Our troupe rode 250 miles to and our massive four-footed ride), he Udaipur. It was a point-to-point took us shopping. journey where we stayed at different I bought beautiful sari fabric and old Raj palaces (or country homes) rustic and hand-made metal bracelets, each night, got up early, and rode six but hit my soft spot with the rug to eight hours a day. The long days weavers. Choosing two was exciting and tough terrain brought camaraderie fun. Everything except the bracelets, among the group, especially for John I shipped back to the states, somehow and I. After dinner, everyone headed in trusting they would arrive home. The for the night and we stayed up, talking next day, John and I parted ways. Our of our pasts and what we wanted for goodbyes were sweet, more thankful the future. He had two kids back home, to have shared an experience together one graduate from UCSB and one at rather than a sad farewell.

Westmont. Great love and affection About a month after I got back, gleamed in his eyes as he spoke of them, I received notice from the Customs which is one of the things I admired folks at the port. Everything arrived most. He was a good man and someone including one piece I had never before I felt comfortable sharing with. seen. Folded in the saris was a red, I didn’t come to India to engage silk pouch with a beautiful gold horse in a romantic encounter, and our charm. A note inside read, “My Darling interaction wasn’t about that. It was Friend – The night we stayed up under as simple as two people with mutual the stars, there was a moment before admiration. A non-sexual connection, we parted for bed. You stood, adjusting but a type of love just the same. your riding boots, as your hair tangled The next day, our crew crossed over in the wind. In that brief moment, open countrysides, along small dirt I realized a love I have for you. Your roads, irrigation canals, etc. (Think of strength and beauty is a vision that will riding from Palm Springs to Ojai’s rolling live in my heart. A moment in time I hills and eventually up through Big Sur will cherish forever.” with cliffs and tall trees.) Traveling on Twenty-three years have passed, and some dusty roads through tiny villages, I’ve enjoyed having these mementos we were surrounded by colorful, sari- in my life. Especially the gold horse draped women. The mid-range altitude charm from a man from Montecito.

I

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THEDRIVER’SSEAT

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by Randy Lioz Randy is an automotive enthusiast with more than a decade of experience in the industry. Originally hailing from New York, he came to Santa Barbara by way of Detroit to work for an automotive forecasting company. You can regularly find him at Cars and Coffee with his Porsche 911 or Speedster replica.

The Marvelous Murphy Museum

1969 Plymouth Roadrunner 383ci

1963 Chevrolet C-10

I

n recent issues of the Montecito Journal, I’ve told readers about events and exhibits at the Murphy Auto Museum in Oxnard. I was there this past weekend to see the L.A. Studebaker Drivers Club’s 30th Annual Winter Meet Car Show, and while there I got a tour from museum director David Neel, who pointed out some of his favorite cars in the collection.

Here is a look at some of those cars, and what makes them interesting.

The 1961 Lincoln Continental hails From Neel’s personal collection. Viewers of the HBO series Entourage are familiar with this car, especially the black example that stars in the show’s opening sequence. The feature that makes that sequence, and the car itself, particularly striking, is its “suicide doors,” which open from the center.

There are several common stories that illustrate the origin of this moniker, but all speak to the dangerous nature of the feature. One points out that if a rear passenger exits toward the street, a car coming up behind that edges a bit too close would clip the door, closing it on the passenger, with the ugly result that the bottoms of their legs – and in the case of a hard top, their head – are swiftly removed.

The next theory goes to the fact that the side impact protection of the passenger cabin is compromised by the lack of what is called a “B pillar,” the piece of metal to which the rear door would normally be mounted.

But Neel subscribes to the third, which indicates that if you’re traveling at speed in the rear of the cabin and the passenger door has not been fully

latched, the act of trying to grab it as it opens would pull you straight out of the car.

Neel helpfully explained the rationale behind the design, though. The Continental sitting right next to it on the museum floor was the previous generation, and it was the longest car ever produced – longer than a Ford Excursion. The suicide door design helped to take out nearly 17 inches in length.

That previous car had sold few copies, and this fourth-generation Continental was given the arduous task of saving the entire Lincoln brand. Neel’s copy only has 20 thousand miles on it, and is unrestored, making it that much more valuable.

On loan from the Petersen Museum in Los Angeles is a 1938 tractor truck from R.E.O., Ransom Olds’s second company. It’s towing a Curtiss-Wright Aerocar trailer, which had been designed with an interior on par with a Pullman luxury train car. It was used by a wealthy land developer in L.A. “He would take his potential investors around to all his holdings,” says Neel.

Later in its life, it would take tourists around Griffith Park, until it stopped running in 1991. It usually sits in front of the Petersen, but that museum’s remodel brought it to the Murphy.

To get it in its current place “took like five hours,” says Neel, “because it’s so big, it doesn’t have power steering and it’s articulated.” When you see this behemoth in its current spot, you’ll know what he means.

As the Studebaker show was bustling outside, Neel brought us to a Studebaker

1961 Lincoln Continental Convertible with its suicide doors

Avanti in the museum’s main collection.

This version, a supercharged R2 model, was a 1964 model, which had squarish headlight bezels instead of circular ones, the only distinction versus the previous year.

The car was designed by Raymond Loewy and his team with a fiberglass body, integrated roll bar, and aircraftstyle switches in an effort to “design a car that nobody else could touch.”

Studebaker was essentially broke at that time, and the Avanti was a failed effort to save the company.

Andy Granatelli, a tribute to whom had just opened in the room next door at the museum, had helped to tune the car for Studebaker, and he also set several land-speed records in it, some still standing.

The Murphy has a 1969 Plymouth Roadrunner, owned by an accountant in L.A. It was one of the first cars in the collection, in 2002.

“This car was restored in 1980, and it’s never seen the light of day since,” says Neel. “If you look inside that car… it looks like a brand-new car.” It also has several options that make it particularly valuable.

Finally, Neel pointed out another vehicle from his own collection, a 1963 Chevrolet truck.

“I learned to drive on a truck just like that,” he says, echoing a similar notion

to the one that has driven the explosion in classic car values – particularly for muscle cars – in the past few decades.

The baby boomers grew up in the heyday of American automotive excitement, before geopolitical oil issues and safety concerns imposed constraints on power and styling. Now in their prime earning years, many of them have come back to the cars they loved, and driven up prices for these rides to stratospheric heights.

The museum houses cars mostly from private collections, a testament to this desire for nostalgic vehicles. And the Murphy has much more to offer, with not only cars from every era, but also art exhibits, and even an 1,800 square-foot train set created and operated by the Gold Coast Modular Railroad Club.

And there are continuous special exhibits, like the current one featuring Jeeps back to WWII, there until the end of this month, followed by vintage campers starting in April. The suggested donation for admission is $9, free for kids and active military, and for that price you get a look at more than 100 years of automotive history.

Visit murphyautomuseum.org for more info.

If you have a story about a special car or piece of car culture in the local area, email Randy at rlioz11@gmail.com.

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