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theNEWSPAGE

JEFF HARDING

UNDERGROUND ECONOMY, YAY!

FREE: TWO GOOD HOMES

Shakespeare wrote that the first thing to do would be to “kill all the lawyers”; he should have suggested removing government regulations instead. (p.6)

SNAPSHOT

THIS CHARMING EARLY 20TH-CENTURY BUNGALOW AND ITS GUEST COTTAGE CAN BE YOURS GRATIS; ALL YOU’VE GOT TO DO IS MOVE ONE OR BOTH (p.12)

SANTA YNEZ - SB VINTNERS WEEKEND - GETTING DIRTY IN SYV - CHUMASH EARTH DAY - LOS OLIVOS ART PARK - “SHAVE” THE DATE

MURDER, HE WROTE . . .

Randy Lioz goes for a spin in a Ferrari and uncovers an intriguing tale of fraud and homicide, South African style, involving Uwe Gemballa’s wheeling and dealing. (p.30)

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COMMUNITY ENVIRONMENTAL COUNCIL

EARTH DAY FESTIVAL APRIL 18-19, 2015 ALAMEDA PARK, SANTA BARBARA SATURDAY, 11-7PM • SUNDAY, 11-6PM

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10:40 AM

Page 1

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Dr. Kurt N. Ransohoff, CEO and Chief Medical Officer & The Women's Council of Sansum Clinic invite you to

Strive for 95 A Symposium on Immunity for Our Community Thursday, April 16 7:00 pm Lobero Theatre Presented by

To protect our community – including infants, immunocompromised patients, and even healthy children – from contagious diseases, we need to increase our community’s protective immunity to at least 95%.

Content

Steven Barkley, MD

S haron’s Take – Word on the street is, Sharon Byrne is mad as hell about gossip and isn’t going to take it anymore; she details the dangers of rumors and hearsay

P.7

S tate Street Scribe – SBCC’s thematically bold yet lighthearted plywood teepee takes the cake and the 2015 General Custer Sensitivity Prize. Jeff Wing adds his voice to the culturally conflicted cacophony.

P.8 P.9

L etters – Kathleen Roig on moral issues on campus; Edmund Geswein on affordable housing and red tape; and Ken Beisser pitches in about tuition

P.10

The Fortnight – Jeff Wing is armed with his little black book and April calendar, to describe and preview upcoming events around SB and vicinity: Record Store Day, Westmont College Choir activities, Westmont Downtown Lecture Series, the Women of Inspiration luncheon, and then some

T he Bi-weekly Capitalist – Jeffrey Harding puts on his bifocals to scrutinize corruption, exploitation, licensing, minimum-wage increase mandates, and unemployment

eer Guy – One year later: Zach Rosen pours a brew while reminiscing about B the genesis of Pure Order Brewing Co. and getting to know its co-owners, James and David Burge

NewsPage – Lennon James details two homes on West Pueblo on the verge of demolition; reminiscing about Ted Kennedy; the significance of your master bedroom’s closet; goodbye to Granada Books; DUI blotter; Gabi Finlayson’s dress; and a smattering of short takes

P.14

Chief Pediatric Medical Officer, Cottage Children’s Hospital; Medical Director, Neonatal Intensive Care Unit

P.5 P.6

P.12

Panelists

Santa Barbara View – Sharon Byrne delves into the Milpas/Eastside business region to start a Business Improvement District

Daniel Brennan, MD

Up Close – Jacquelyn De Longe smiles for the camera, while focusing on traumatic photographic stress disorder and photographer Doug Ellis

Charity Dean, MD, MPH

P.18

Pediatrics Department, Sansum Clinic

Health Officer, Santa Barbara County Public Health Department

David Fisk, MD

P.20 P.21

Infectious Diseases Department, Sansum Clinic; Medical Director of Infection Prevention and Control, Cottage Health System

Mary-Louise Scully, MD

ShopGirl – Kateri Wozny harbors grape expectations while visiting The Grapeseed Company and sampling CEO Kristin Fraser’s skin products

You Have Your Hands Full – When it comes to her kids, Mara Peters is on the defensive; she finds it difficult to just say “yes” to her son Jackson’s requests – and then Operation Smile Cambodia came about

Infectious Diseases Department; Director, Travel and Tropical Medicine Center, Sansum Clinic Introduction by Janet Wolf, Chair, Board of Supervisors

FREE and Open to the Public. Adults only, please.

Reservations Required. RSVP by April 10, 2015. rsvp@sansumclinic.org or (805) 681-7787.

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P.24 P.25 P.27 P.28

Food File – Christina Enoch finds a soulmate in chef Nikki Dailey, thanks to her Immaculate Heat Culinary Kitchen in Carp

Behind The Vine – Hana-Lee Sedgwick partakes of the two-day, 15th annual World of Pinot Noir gala at Bacara

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Santa Ynez Valley Snapshot – Eva Van Prooyen makes a run for it, over the river and through the extreme conditions with Dave Henrey; she also previews Chumash Earth Day, Los Olivos Art in the Park, and additional Valley events

P.30

Driver’s Seat – Randy Lioz takes a turn into a tale of intrigue and murder in South Africa, thanks to a message from Archie McLaren involving Uwe Gemballa’s cars and financial wheeling and dealing

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by Sharon Byrne

take

Sharon’s education in engineering and psychology gives her a distinctive mix of skills for writing about and working on quality-of-life, public safety and public policy issues. Her hyper-local SB View column can be found every other week.

The Horrible, Destructive Power of Gossip

T

he Spanish word for gossip is chisme. In its most destructive form, it can ruin reputations and destroy livelihoods. From casting aspersions to deliberate misinformation spread to maligning people with longstanding good names, I feel like I’ve seen it all on the gossip front recently.

Gossip is a natural human tendency.

Some of it is done under the pretext of sharing news and information that builds cohesiveness in a community – “I heard Fresh & Easy is closing stores in California. What’s going to happen to ours? Oh it’s staying open – good!” “Our school principal is out on medical leave – we should do something for her.”

But sharing news that’s personal… if someone wanted me to know about his divorce, well he’d tell me, wouldn’t he?

Besides, gossips are surely going to also gossip about me to others. Best to steer clear of them.

Ever notice how people seldom question gossip? They scrutinize cable news commentators more closely than

they do the source of wild gossip. Gossip is granted instant believability that leads to its rampant spread.

Even more insidious is the intentioned indefensibility against gossip. The one gossiped about is never granted the luxury of presenting a defense. Gossip lets you destroy someone’s reputation without the risk of revealing yourself as the destroyer.

There is no honor in maligning someone under the guise of anonymous gossip.

Gossip moves like water in a stream, whispering past the rock it accuses, touching it only briefly, moving quickly on, while the rock has no ability to respond to the water. Smaller rocks can be swept away in a torrent. Larger rocks are eroded over time. Gossip destroys good people without large public stature who can resist such assaults. Good names that took decades to build can also be badly damaged by gossip.

In some parts of our community, gossip is aggressively dealt with as “ratting” out.

An affronted subject, having learned of rumors being spread about them, will

A P R I L 4 – 1 8 | 2 0 1 5

hunt down the source and confront them.

Punishment can be swift and harsh. That’s the street way, but you get the point.

Unchecked, gossip can be very hazardous.

Here’s how dangerous: • A wonderful police officer was accused of spreading a rumor. He was stunned and hurt. The gossip attributed the rumor to him deliberately in order to lend it more credibility. They also sought to bring down his good name in order to elevate their own stature.

• A businessman was the victim of a protest intended to shame him as a race traitor. His crime? Supporting the creation of a business district to make the area more welcoming for families. Sadly, the racial shaming stuck. All his good works for years for the Latino community were dismissed on the spot. The perpetrators defend what they did as social justice, and got in their cars back to UCSB or L.A., never stopping to think for second about the destruction they’d wrought on a man, his family, and his business.

• Chisme that started as mutterings about late-night money transfers quickly transformed into wild rumors of jihad and terrorism. These rumors incited the murder of a store clerk for the “crime” of talking on his phone in Arabic on a dark street late at night while walking home from his job.

Gossip lets us cast aspersions over what others are doing while providing zero

evidence, safely cloaked in the gossip’s anonymity. We can reframe good works as nefarious enterprises with sneaky aims.

We can ruin someone’s reputation, their livelihood, their relationships, and their lives – things that took decades to build – in seconds.

A gossip has two nightmares: the first is confrontation. It’s why they start off with, “Don’t tell anyone I told you this...”. Stop the would-be-gossiper right there, turn the lens back on them, and ask them what they think they’re doing. Why would they set out to ruin someone this way?

The gossip’s second-worst nightmare is becoming the target of gossip. In order to inoculate themselves against this fear, they first pretend this will never happen to them, but of course they know subconsciously they are lying to themselves. So, they trade lies about others like currency, in the vain hope that by being a source of gossip, they can control against becoming the victim of what they perpetuate.

Gossip now manifests online in anonymous comments sections.

Anonymity breeds a particularly loathsome version of it in these forums.

When you’ve been maligned, you will long for some sort of due process to combat it. With gossip, there isn’t any.

The only defense is aggressively halting its spread. Seek to do that whenever possible.

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Bi-Weekly Capitalist

by Jeff Harding

Jeff Harding is a real estate investor and a writer on economics and finance. He is the former publisher of the Daily Capitalist, a popular economics blog. He is also an adjunct professor at SBCC.

Are You Corrupt and Exploitative?

E

very year, you people take advantage of low paid, under-insured, illtreated workers. You take the cheapest bid from unlicensed contractors.

You pay low-income workers in cash to do jobs at your home. You patronize restaurants that exploit workers. Your government now wishes to re-educate you so that you understand that you are being exploitative, unfair, and corrupt.

Oh, you are also cheating them out of billions in tax revenues.

This tirade comes from your state’s Milton Marks Little Hoover Commission, which just issued a report on the evils of the so-called underground economy. I am happy to report to you that aside from a brief flurry from our local prosecutors, this will all drift away and be forgotten. They said the same thing 30 years ago and nothing happened then, either. They didn’t have the money or manpower then to pursue these activities, and they still don’t. Despite the evils they declaim, the world as we know it still stands and even prospers.

This year’s report is a typical product of a government agency trying to justify its existence by turning out a shoddy product based on poor research, bad economics, anecdotal scare tactics, and a failure to see the real problem.

First of all, they define the “underground economy” as something

other than what we all know as the “underground economy” – which is the black market, or to put it another way, consensual economic activities made illegal by the government: recreational drug use; consensual paid sex; sale of counterfeit goods; purchase of untaxed goods, such as cigarettes; the sale of firearms. In other words, a black market is where you go to buy and sell things you want or need, but the government prevents people from them selling legally.

In California, it apparently also means economic activities between willing buyers and willing sellers, who freely agree on the price and delivery of certain goods and services without complying with all government regulations.

Whether it is recreational drugs, prostitution, home hair-styling, lemonade stands, unlicensed contractors, or off-book labor services – if people want it, they will get it. As long as humans have had a history, these black markets in goods and services continue to exist despite draconian attempts by government to shut them down. Just look at the futile war on drugs and the havoc it has created throughout the world. Kofi Anan, former Secretary-General of the U. N., recently admitted that drug legalization is the only solution to the problem.

In other words, governments create underground markets.

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Instead of seeing the obvious – the regulations themselves – the report says we need more enforcement to protect us.

Their first complaint is against unlicensed contractors, unlicensed home hair stylists, unlicensed photographers, unlicensed car washers, unlicensed art dealers, unlicensed taxis, unlicensed print shops, or any unlicensed business.

There are tons of these laws in California.

And they serve no purpose, other than to protect those who get licenses and who wish to keep out low-cost competitors.

“Hey, I comply with the law and it’s unfair competition from those who don’t.” So, businesses lobby for more laws and regulations in an attempt to solve the “problem.” The problem is the regulations themselves; they only serve to restrict competition. Economic studies show that it is the increased cost of the regulations that create these “underground” activities because lowcost providers can’t afford the cost of complying with them. If they lowered the threshold to entry into a business, then these “crimes” would disappear. It would be better for consumers, as lowcost providers could legally compete in the market.

Licensing and Laws

Licensing is just a modern-day version of medieval guilds that were formed to keep out competition. Hundreds of these guilds paid their ruler to prevent competition from non-guild tradesmen.

In Paris, you couldn’t make a nail without belonging to a guild. In modern times, contractors complained to legislatures that consumers would be hurt by poorly trained, unlicensed tradesmen, and legislation ensued. It was an attempt to reduce competition. Licensing doesn’t prevent bad workers. I think we can all say that we have been wronged by licensed contractors at some point in our lives, so their argument is specious.

The commission also says that “wage theft” is a serious problem. Those crimes are: not paying the minimum wage ($9 per hour), not paying overtime (1.5 X wages in excess of 8 hours), and a host of things where employers actually do cheat employees by not paying them for work done (i.e., fraud, against which we already have laws).

The justification for enforcing minimum-wage violations is that it lifts low paid workers out of poverty.

I have written extensively about this, and the overwhelming consensus of the economic data is that all it does is eliminate jobs for the least skilled workers – a result exactly the opposite of what its proponents wish.

Another argument they raise in favor of more enforcement is that these laws promote the health and safety of workers

and the public. And to prove it, they cite rules regulating the number of hours that truck drivers are allowed to work: “A NELP survey of Southern California drivers found 10 percent report working 72 or more hours weekly, representing a risk not only to themselves but to Californians on the roads.”

NELP is the National Employment Law Project, an organization supported by labor unions and progressive groups to foster a “living wage,” promote unionization of workers, increase unemployment and other welfare benefits, and the like.

Despite the scare tactics and despite this “dangerous” activity, traffic fatalities have dropped dramatically in the last 40 years: 1973 – 25 per 100,000; 2013 – 10 per 100,000. So, where’s the beef?

The report finally makes the bold assertion that: ”Allowed to run unchecked, [these violations] feed a downward economic spiral in which licensed, legitimate businesses lose bids and customers, then downsize and lay off employees.”

The Root of Unemployment

Well, I hate to tell them this, but actually California’s economy has grown significantly for the past 30 years and any downward spiral has nothing to do with the underground economy. If anything has caused unemployment, it is the anticompetitive and useless regulations that bar low-cost providers from complying with the regulations.

These people don’t know what they are talking about.

What is really behind all of this?

Money! No surprise there. The government feels it is getting cheated out of tax revenues. According to the commission, the state is “losing” about $8.5 billion in tax revenue every year because of your support of these horrendous activities. We aren’t talking about drugs and floozies, here: it’s all about economic “crimes” which the government invented to protect certain constituents. This is a number which someone simply made up, because no one really knows what the actual “loss” really is.

The “underground” economy is actually beneficial for all of us consumers and has helped California’s economy to prosper. These “unregulated” service and labor providers who are willing to work for less than what the government says they should save consumers money and provide jobs for those who would be otherwise unemployed. The commission obviously fails to see this, because they are a part of an establishment that wishes to protect certain businesses from competition. I say abolish the Little Hoover Commission. It’s useless.

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STATE STREET SCRIBE

by Jeff Wing

Jeff is a journalist, raconteur, autodidact, and polysyllable enthusiast. A long-time resident of SB, he takes great delight in chronicling the lesser known facets of this gaudy jewel by the sea. Jeff can be reached at jeffwingg@gmail.com

SBCC Advances Discourse with Unveiling of Brady Bunch Teepee

A

t six years old, I was jug-eared, huge-headed, large-assed, and had a lazy left eye; western civilization’s Master Race in a nutshell. I would sit crosslegged on shag carpet for hours in front of the Idiot Box (yesterday’s version of the soul-sucking iThing) with a glass of Bosco and a peanut butter sandwich, my pasty and asymmetric little face aglow with the received wisdom of that night’s commercial sponsors. A television set in the halcyon 1960s was about the size of a foreign car and the second heaviest appliance in the home after the refrigerator. I was a willing student of this momentous slab of talking furniture, which would grow hot to the touch the longer you watched it, an enormous, buzzing cathode ray tube wrapped in wood veneer and propped up on four deformed little legs, just so a little air could circulate under the beast and stop the floor catching fire.

There was no laptop surfing in those days. A 1966 console TV set placed on your lap would shatter your pelvis and smash your lifeless body down into the house’s foundation. The family TV in that time was more like the Tycho Monolith in 2001: A Space Odyssey; a large, mysteriously hollering object around which apes gathered.

And gather we did. I knew the weekly TV schedule as Magellan knew the night sky, and similarly depended on it as my lodestar for navigation and progress. For instance, I learned all I knew about Indians from 1960s television. Indians lived in teepees, wore feathers and loincloths (except for the lady Indians, who wore fringed buckskin pantsuits); Indians yodeled in victory by dancing knee-to-chest and fluttering the flat of the hand against an open mouth, and never used definite articles when speaking. What else is there to know?

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Top-Ranked Community College Puts Foot in Buffalo Poop

When on March 4, Santa Barbara City College art students smilingly erected a jaunty plywood teepee on their oceanfront West Campus, an affronted Native American student at the school placed a call to a local representatives of the American Indian Movement and some mild hell broke loose. What might have become a fruitful or at least revealing discussion on why a mock teepee is a slur to Native American cultural history, and a sprawling 190,000-square-foot Casino whose success relies largely on man’s avarice is not, dissolved quickly into an obsequious and vaguely apologetic retreat by the school, which was truly the only option available.

A City College faculty member speaking on her own behalf publicly lamented

The family TV in that time was more like the Tycho Monolith in 2001: A Space Odyssey; a large, mysteriously hollering object around which apes gathered the episode’s kneecapping of the First Amendment, a sentiment that briefly caught on and aroused a supportive Constitutional murmur from a community seemingly unaware of how helpless a legal instrument the Constitution had actually been to prevent the wholesale pillage and murder of the original Americans by its pious authors. In backing away from the toxic history-and-blood-soaked stink bomb that promised to go off in their faces, were the teepee debacle to devolve to actual discussion, SBCC’s administration performed a very public Check of its Privilege, and stood down.

It happens, and is not altogether a bad thing in this case (in my view), though that the Check Your Privilege fad is these days generally odious and mostly used by inarticulate Lilliputs to cauterize their crummy, hemorrhaging discourse. “Well, um… look... just... Check yer Privilege, man!” It’s become a favorite of yammering numbskulls. Sometimes, though, a bit of genuine Privilege Checking, a way of

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Letters

Although you might not believe it, we actually want to hear from you. So if you have something you think we should know about or you see something we've said that you think is cretinous (or perspicacious, to be fair), then let us know. There's no limit on words or subject matter, so go ahead and let it rip to: Santa Barbara Sentinel, Letters to the Editor, 133 East De La Guerra Street, No. 182, Santa Barbara, California 93101. You can also leap into the 21st century and email us at tim@santabarbarasentinel.com.

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1

n his thought-provoking article “Drone Strikes for Jesus”, (Sentinel 4/6) Jeff Wing raises a number of serious moral issues, each of which is so important that it’s difficult to know where to begin.

Let’s start with his observation that demonstrators outside abortion clinics are like “two opposing mobs yelling like drunks.” While some pro-life demonstrators pray silently in front of abortion clinics, Jeff is certainly right that peaceful demonstrations aren’t always the case. Nowadays calm, rational discourse on the topic of abortion seems almost impossible. Why is this so?

One reason is that each side is approaching the problem from a fundamentally different starting point.

The pro-life position is that human life is sacred from the moment of conception until the moment of death, so that abortion is tantamount to murder, whereas the pro-choice position insists that a woman has the right to choose and regards any attempt to interfere with that right as intolerable. When the fundamental starting points are as radically different as these, people often become emotional and start to shout. Unfortunately, this is the way we Americans deal with most serious issues nowadays, whether it’s abortion or Obamacare or illegal immigration.

Instead of trying to put emotion aside and discuss matters rationally, and instead of trying to understand that our opponents sincerely believe in the rightness of their position, we assume that we’re right and they’re wrong, and then we vilify and demonize them, refusing even to give them a hearing.

There’s one place where such irrational behavior is totally out of place and where any and all topics should be open to discussion and debate: the university campus. What happened at UCSB when a feminist studies professor ripped an anti-abortion poster from the hands of a young woman who was peacefully demonstrating in a designated “free speech zone” is a chilling example of the way in which arrogance and selfrighteousness are undermining the very reasons for which the university exists. Before retiring, I taught both at UCSB and at SBCC. Sometimes students expressed opinions with which I strongly disagreed, but my job as an instructor was not to make them be quiet and go away, much less to call

them names. Rather, it was to give them a learning opportunity by asking them to organize their thoughts and to spell out their reasons for their viewpoint in a logical, coherent manner. Instead of challenging the pro-life demonstrator to explain her reasons for being opposed to abortion, the UCSB professor called the young woman a “terrorist” and seized her poster. This is the very antithesis of the way a professor should behave.

Furthermore, if it’s true, as I’ve read, that no university administrator has apologized to the demonstrators whose right to free speech was so flagrantly violated, then the administration has behaved as disgracefully as the professor.

Incidentally, why does the campus need a designated “free speech zone”? Shouldn’t the entire campus be a place where free speech exists, since the campus is located in the United States, where free speech is constitutionally protected?

Jeff asks if life is sacred, and then declares that it is not because disease, privation, mass murder, natural disasters and all manner of evil have mowed it down throughout the ages. What he says shows that life is vulnerable but not that it isn’t sacred. Knowing that Jeff is a loving, caring father, I suspect that if asked whether the lives of his children are sacred, he’d answer with an emphatic yes. Perhaps what he means to say is that if there were a personal God who cared about us, such horrible things wouldn’t happen to us, but since they do happen, God doesn’t exist. It’s a difficult argument to refute.

When confronted with the extent of evil in the world, some people decide that God doesn’t exist, while others steadfastly believe in God despite being subject to terrible personal suffering.

Rabbi Harold Kushner, one of my heroes, comes to mind. As a young rabbi just starting out in his career, he learned that his only son had progeria, and he watched his beloved child age rapidly, suffer terribly, and die in his early teens.

Rabbi Kushner kept his faith, believing (as we Christians do) that God is with us in our suffering and that rather than asking why bad things happen, the right question is, “What can I do about them?” In his old age, he wrote a brilliant, insightful commentary on the Book of Job that would be excellent reading for anyone who has difficulty reconciling the extent of human suffering with the existence of an all-loving, all-merciful,

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by Zach Rosen

One Year of Beer at Pure Order Brewing Co

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wo brewers and two writers walk into a bar. This isn’t the set-up to some great joke, it was how four friends first got together.

Over two years ago, Sentinel cofounder Matt Mazza and I were at Eureka! Burger to meet two cousins we had heard about that were opening up a brewery in town. The SB Sentinel was only a few months old, and it was the first time Matt and I were meeting in person. We sat at the bar getting to know each other while waiting for the other two. The conversation rolled on and we both lost sense of time. Realizing we were almost an hour past our meeting time with the prospective brewers, Matt picked up his phone to call one of them. Across the room, a cheerful man stood up and answered his phone.

We quickly realized that both parties had been sitting there, waiting for the other. The ice sufficiently broken, Matt and I walked over to the cousins, all of us laughing at the snafu. The laughs did not stop, and we spent the meeting drinking beer and discussing their ideas and hopes for the soon-to-be brewery.

This was the first time I met with James and David Burge, the future owners of Pure Order Brewing Co. A lot has changed since that meeting, but James and David’s enthusiastic and bright attitude has not. Over the next year, I kept in touch with them. Visiting the brewery and photographing it in its different stages of development. Each time I met with them, there were new stories about the trials and tribulations that come with building a brewery.

From messed-up equipment delivery dates, the cumbersome permitting process, to even just getting the power turned on, they met each challenge with optimism and a calm demeanor. In early 2014, after more than two years of development and construction, James and David opened Pure Order Brewing Co. – and on Saturday, April 11, they will celebrate its anniversary.

from their original setup, including a filtration system that allows them to produce crystal clear beers and, most recently, a bottling line. Keep an eye out around town for 12-ounce six-packs of their flagship Santa Barbara Pale Ale, the banana-themed Crooked Neck Hefeweizen, the rich Red Eye Wheat, and the refreshing Santa Barbara Common Ale. When I first visited the brewery, the

inside was bare. The drains had just been installed, and you could just start to see the brewery layout taking James (left) and David Burge holding imaginary beers

...continued p.26

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On Pure Order’s first batch of beer, brewer and fellow certified cicerone Kevin Pratt and I joined them for the celebratory day. We toasted the brewery and the batch of beer with a glass of wort (unfermented beer) blended with whiskey, a Czech brewery tradition.

Over the past year, I have seen the brewery make incredible progress

Zach Rosen is a Certified Cicerone® and beer educator living in Santa Barbara. He uses his background in chemical engineering and the arts to seek out abstract expressions of beer and discover how beer pairs with life.

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theFortnight

APRIL 4 - 18

by Jeff Wing

Tell us all about your art opening, performance, dance party, book signing, sale of something we can’t live without, or event of any other kind by emailing inthezone@santabarbarasentinel.com.

If our readers can go to it, look at it, eat it, or buy it, we want to know about it and will consider it for inclusion here. Special consideration will be given to interesting, exploratory, unfamiliar, and unusual items.

We give calendar preference to those who take the time to submit a picture along with their listing.

Spring Fever Engulfs SB

A

h, summer. The surf breaks gently below Shoreline Park… <Shhh! I’m on the air… what? Oh, sh*t! Right!> AAAAAAH! SPRING! Father Winter reluctantly takes his leave and the last of the long icicles loosens its grip and falls crashing to the frost-dappled lawn, barely missing dear old Mrs. Faversham, who nevertheless recovers sufficiently to borrow her umpteenth cup of flour. What is she baking, a whole-wheat SUV? But it wouldn’t be right to complain in this, the season of renewal. Yes, dear ones, the world is once again filled with birdsong, trees reawaken in a verdant burst of leafy yelling, and the neighbor’s Labradoodle fastens itself to your right leg with renewed ardor. Love is in the air. And fastened to your right leg.

Speaking of spring bounty – herewith a happy hodgepodge of goings-on in our beauteous and blessed Selfie-by-theSea. From High Art to the Romance of Bus Travel to Record Store Day. A little something for everyone!

Records, Choir Tour, Lectures, and Inspiration

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ocal lovebirds/purveyors of fine vinyl (it’s not what you’re thinking…or is it?) Leigh and Kurt of The Warbler remind us to shrug off the bytes and take up the groove on Record Store Day, Saturday, April 18! These mod rockers (not mutually exclusive terms despite Quadrophenic claims to the contrary) will have exclusive RSD releases for sale, including a few surprises in the new arrivals bins with LPs from Kurt’s personal collection. Don’t be a digital dope when you can be an analog avatar.

Nuf said. On the flip side of the party platter, the Santa Barbara Audubon Society rolls out the red carpet for Californian plant-eating stick insects (don’t blanch, they’re cute!) as Dr. Patrik Nosil comes all the way from Sheffield in the UK to hold forth on the nature of ecological communities and the effect of genome splicing on these studies. Farrand Hall, Santa Barbara Museum of Natural History 2559 Puesta Del Sol, doors open at 7 pm. But why Santa Barbara, of all places? The good doctor is a long way from home. Funny you should ask.

One of the leading stick-figure bugs in the study is Timema cristinae, first described by and named for Dr. Cristina Sandoval, director of Coal Oil Point Reserve at UCSB. Artist Wallace Piatt will be figuratively waving his arms and literally showing his bold canvases opening Friday, April 3, at the aptly named Warehouse 120 (formerly the Foundry). Piatt’s pieces will be sharing the cavernous space with vintage automobiles in a gesture that, as of press time, had not been explained to me. But it sounds pleasantly strange, and Piatt’s stuff is delicious eye candy besides. Meanwhile, the Westmont College Choir (for

Tuesday

April 14, at 7:30 pm ■ Beau Sia, Slam poet and Tony winner once a throng of hollering undergrads making a beautiful racket) throws down some sacred sonics with a Central Coast California tour from April 1012. They’ll be singing the night birds from the trees at 7 pm on Sunday, April 12, at First United Methodist Church, 305 East Anapamu Street in a program heavy on American composers, including a ringing new work by Eric Whiteacre. Check this one out. Whiteacre’s music will have you blushing at the beauty, and these bitchin’ young voices raised in praise = happy, happy power. And segueing now to another sort of whooping, Steve Julio, associate professor of biology at Westmont, will explain research aimed at improving the whooping cough vaccine in a free public lecture on

Thursday, April 9, at 5:30 pm at the University Club, 1332 Santa Barbara Street. The talk is part of the part of the Westmont Downtown Lecture Series, which brings Westmont’s faculty down from the hill and into our salons and parlors to engage us in discussion on the issues of the day, across a colorful array of disciplines; a cool series for those who like to think and discuss. That’s all of us, right? Go Ask Alice. What will you ask her?

“Which way to the Rabbit Hole?” of course. On Friday, April 24, Santa Barbara Festival Ballet will perform its surreal Alice in Wonderland from 7 to 9:30 pm. Center Stage Theater, 751 Paseo Nuevo. Don’t be late for this very important date. On April 15, United Way of Santa Barbara County (UWSBC, if that makes it any easier to remember) is hosting a discussion on support techniques for parents dealing with the new Common Core State Standards. The meeting takes place in The Fess Parker Reagan Room, 633 E. Cabrillo Blvd Santa Barbara. Note to posterity; High School Theater Geeks Rule! Exhibit A: San Marcos High School’s production of Crazy For You. Ryan, Lana, Kellen, Courtney (any relation to Bobby?), Emma, Kaitlyn, Sommer, Avery, Olivia, Brooklyn, Geoffrey, Ricardo, Ryan, Adam, Jace, Eli, Kai, and Nick – break a bunch of legs! Director Riley Berris has high hopes. I’m sure they’ll be realized. An evening at a San Marcos production is an evening at must-see theater. Check it. Thursday, April 30, May 1, 2, 7, 8, and 9 at 7 pm at San Marcos High School Theater, 4750 Hollister Ave. The Santa Barbara Music Club throws a classical shindig in the Faulkner Gallery on Saturday, April 4, with Andrea, Trey and Neil showcasing Madeline

Thursday

April 16, at 8 pm ■ Glenn Kurtz shares Three Minutes in Poland Dring’s piece Trio, and some lovely Brahms tossed in for good measure.

Santa Barbara Rose Society fills the Louise Lowry Davis Center at 1232 De La Vina with olfactory ecstasy (you heard it here first) as members show the fruits and petals of their labor. Program begins at 7:30 pm and includes light refreshments. Please, don’t eat the roses. Girls Conquer All! Girls Inc. of Carpinteria will host its annual Women of Inspiration luncheon on Monday, April 13, at 11:30 am, featuring a powerhouse of “strong, smart, and bold” women and girls, including drinking water angel of mercy, featured speaker Saran Kaba Jones, the founder of FACE Africa, who has made it her mission to get safe drinking water to the dispossessed in the Dark Continent. Three Minutes in Poland is the name of an extraordinary document, three minutes of ordinary

Friday

April 3 Opening ■ Wallace Piatt at Warehouse 120

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GRANADA BOOKS A COMMUNITY BOOKSTORE

Granada Books Says Thank You and Goodbye

Sunday

April 12 at 7pm ■ Westmont College Choir embarks on Central Coast California tour life in a small, predominantly Jewish town in Poland on 16mm Kodachrome color film. Glenn Kurtz’s grandfather shot the home movie footage in 1938 and Kurtz spent four years of interviews and searching for the people who wander into the camera’s field.

This free event offers an unvarnished snapshot into a lost moment before a cataclysm. Thursday, April 16, at 8 pm in UCSB’s lovely and intimate Lotte Lehman Concert Hall. Former local rock legend and current nature boy Leo Downey will be at Granada Books Saturday, April 4, and at SOhO on Saturday, April 11 (where hell also let fly with some music), where he’ll sign his book Soultracker – Following Beauty. Leo was a onetime fixture in the regional music firmament and went through the ringer, as they say. He once communed with Playboy Bunnies but traded them in for a herd of Buffalo. Believe it. Don’t miss this homecoming, or this journey.

Speaking of tunes you can whistle, Karen Tanaka, Erich Korngold, and Antonin Dvořák all came to the States, from various personal circumstances, to compose, Korngold becoming a

Despite a most wonderful community response, we could not reach our goal.

Granada Books will be closing in May. (see GoFundMe.com/granadabooks for more information)

Thursday

April 30, May 1, 2, 7, 8, & 9 at 7 pm ■ San Marcos is Crazy For You film composer here. Santa Barbara Symphony’s “The New World” features their works that will be held in the Granada Theatre on Saturday, April 11, at 8 pm and Sunday, April 12, at 3 pm. Public input requested.

MTD (the Bus People) are proposing some changes to the services they offer and want to know what you think. Faulkner Gallery April 9 at 2pm; IV Theater April 9 at 6pm (960 Embarcadero del Norte, Isla Vista); Carp Library April 14 at 6pm; Goleta Valley Community Center April 15, 6pm; MTD offices April 16 at 6pm (550 Olive St.).

Slam poet and Tony winner Beau Sia takes the stage at hipster grotto Muddy Waters on Tuesday, April 14, at 7:30 pm, presented by the UCSB Multicultural Center. This is a free event. Remember at these Beat happenings: snap, don’t clap. Unless you’re a square.

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theNEWSPAGE

February DUI Roundup

by Lennon James

Homes Sweet Homes

The main home and its guest cottage on West Pueblo can be yours for the asking

T

he wooden bungalow at 526 West Pueblo was built in 1905 and has 1,353 square feet of living space; the cottage next door (at 524 W. Pueblo) was built in 1926 and is less than half the size, at some 636 square feet. They are in the Oak Park area and are destined for demolition unless someone takes them away.

Both are being offered for free by Dick Drew of the Cancer Center of Santa Barbara with Sansum, who has placed ads on Craigslist and in the Santa Barbara News-Press. Go by and take a look if you like; Mr. Drew will help you figure out how to move them to a location of your choosing. It probably won’t be cheap to move them, but it will likely be cheaper than building something new onsite.

Plus you’ll get a couple of attractive homes built with turn-of-the-20thcentury workmanship.

A number of years ago, approval was granted for a new cancer center, and the developer is finally preparing to go ahead with construction. “The historic structures will either be relocated or demolished,” director of Organizational Initiatives Lindsay Cortina tells us via a short telephone conversation. “[The buildings] have been used over the years for support groups and one-on-one counseling sessions,” she says, adding that, “They’ve been great for us, but unfortunately they don’t fit into the master plan of the new building.”

One of the nicer things about these two houses on West Pueblo is that you can claim both (first come, first served), whereby you’ll not only have your main house, but also a guest cottage (with two fireplaces).

Remembering Teddy

At a recent commemoration of the life of the late brother of President John F. Kennedy and a U.S. Senator from Massachusetts, Edward Moore “Ted” Kennedy, Senator Ed Markey called him “the greatest senator of all time,” and president Barack Obama asked, “What if we carried ourselves more like Ted

Kennedy? What if we worked to follow his example a little bit harder?”

There were those who wondered what exactly following “his example” would mean in the real world. Would it mean, for example, taking a young and impressionable campaign worker (Mary Joe Kopechne) for a midnight ride over a small bridge connecting Chappaquiddick to Martha’s Vineyard, crashing one’s car into the water, swimming away, leaving the young lady behind under eight feet of water while one walked home and waited until morning to report the incident?

Or perhaps, it means carrying a C average in high school but entering Harvard as a “legacy” student, and then being booted out ignominiously for having hired someone to take a Spanish test Kenedy was fully unprepared to take.

Funny enough, two years later, he was allowed to re-enter Harvard and graduate.

Ted Kennedy had a reputation for what was once called “womanizing” but would now probably be referred to as “sexual harassment;” he was also known for his ability to “handle” prodigious amounts of alcohol, so maybe that’s what President Obama and the large crowd of Kennedy admirers saw in the red-nosed, rotund reprobate whose namesake Kennedy Institute they were dedicating in Boston.

Coming out of the Closet

It’s time to put your house on the market and you’re thinking of making some upgrades that will help you sell it quickly. Village Properties recently highlighted a Wall Street Journal graph that indicates the most important feature of a home, at least as far as married couples are concerned, is... a walk-in closet in the master bedroom. Yes, new kitchen appliances, absence of stairs and high ceilings have their supporters, but a walk-in closet in the master bedroom, according to the graph, is what almost half (42 percent) of married couples believe is a “very important” amenity.

The good news on that is that it qualifies

as one of the least expensive updates one can make. No appliances, no fixtures, no counters, just a little extra space somewhere within the confines of the master bedroom to put one’s clothes...

Hello, Goodbye, Granada Books It didn’t last that long and there were many who thought it wouldn’t, couldn’t. After all, the thinking went, if Barnes & Noble, Earthling, or Borders couldn’t sell books while paying Santa Barbara rent, why should a small startup succeed? Granada opened to great fanfare in June 2013, so its run will turn out to have been less than two years, but we admire the effort and genuinely grieve with its growing customer base that there isn’t a full-service bookstore in the downtown corridor.

Granada hopes to go out with a bang that includes a celebration of National Bookstore Day (Saturday, May 2; the store will close the following day) with, they promise “many fun activities for families and customers.” The owners tried to raise enough money to stay open through 2015 via the Internet site gofundme.com and there were donations, but not enough. “Any support that was donated via the page: www. gofundme.com/granadabooks can be refunded directly from the site. If funds are left in the account, they will be used for employee salaries,” Granada Books owners report. Between then and now, a continuing sale will take place, offering a 40 percent discount on pretty much everything in the store. If you have a gift certificate, you are advised to “use it NOW!” We are also told there will be one more gathering for The Poetry Zone on Saturday, April 11, beginning at 4 pm, during which a visiting poet and a resident poet will read from their latest output. An open mic session follows.

On the upside: Chaucer’s continues to thrive at Loreto Plaza, as does Tecolote in Montecito’s upper village...

In February, officers from SBPD made 37 arrests for driving under the influence. The following is information on a few of last month’s cases.

Feb. 1 at 11:26 pm: Reckless Fool 1 (age 37) was observed driving at night without lights by Officer Rapp.

Officer Rapp conducted a traffic stop on 1700 State Street, contacted Munoz, and noticed that he had slurred speech, an odor of alcohol, and red watery eyes. Officer Rapp asked Munoz if he had been drinking, and Munoz stated that he had consumed several glasses of champagne prior to driving. Officer Rapp conducted a DUI investigation, and subsequently arrested him for DUI. Feb. 6 at 4:13 am: Reckless Fool 2 (age 25) was involved in a singlevehicle hit-and-run collision when he struck a fire hydrant at 2800 Cliff Drive, shearing off the hydrant and sending a geyser of water 35 feet into the air. Strand fled the scene, prompting passersby to call 9-1-1. Officer Ingram located Strand, who smelled strongly of alcohol, and Officer Tudor responded to conduct a DUI investigation. Strand initially denied being involved in the collision; however, later acknowledged that he had backed into the hydrant and then fled the scene. Strand stated that he had consumed one 12-ounce Budweiser beer prior to driving.

Officer Tudor determined that Strand was too intoxicated to safely operate a motor vehicle and was placed under arrest. He registered a BAC of .28 and .28, more than three times the legal limit. Strand was booked at County Jail for DUI and hit-and-run.

Feb 9. at 9:39 pm: Reckless Fool 3 (age 41) was observed by Officer Barriga weaving, lane straddling, and striking the curb on 900 Chapala Street and 100 W. Carrillo Street.

Officer Barriga conducted a traffic stop and upon contacting Cruz noticed that he smelled strongly of alcohol. Officer Rapp arrived and they had Cruz step out of his vehicle, and the officers discovered Cruz was on probation for DUI and was only permitted to drive vehicles equipped with an ignition interlock system, which was not present in the car he was driving. Cruz completed a voluntary Preliminary Alcohol Screen (PAS) test, which registered his BAC at .19. Cruz became uncooperative with the investigation and even attempted to unzip his pants and urinate on the street in full view of the public.

Officer Rapp and Officer Barriga attempted to take Cruz into custody when he violently resisted, prompting four other officers to respond to assist.

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Cruz was eventually handcuffed and transported to Goleta Valley Cottage Hospital and was booked into County Jail for DUI, violation of probation, ignition interlock required, and resisting an officer with violence or threat of violence.

Feb. 18 at 4:17 am: Reckless Fool 4 (age 20) was the subject of a 9-1-1 call when a citizen on Canon Drive thought she heard the sound of a motor vehicle collision. Officer Gaston arrived on scene and noticed that numerous trashcans in the area had been knocked over; however, the involved vehicle was nowhere to be found. Approximately 15 minutes later, a similar 9-1-1 call was received from Calle Noguera, where a citizen observed a vehicle being intentionally driven into trashcans. Officer Gaston responded and conducted a traffic stop on the vehicle operated by Cronshaw, who displayed symptoms of intoxication and stated that he was hitting trashcans because he was “trying to be funny.” Cronshaw stated that he had consumed six to eight beers prior to driving and further elaborated that he felt “hammered.”

At the conclusion of the investigation, Cronshaw was placed under arrest for DUI.

The Cold Shoulder

but... she was stopped at the door to the gym and was told she couldn’t join the crowd unless she “put on a sweater or coat to cover her (bare) shoulders,” which she did.

Short Bits

Uncovered shoulders of Ms Finlayson’s dress were too much to bare at Lone Peak High School formal affair

High schooler Gabi Finlayson bought a classic cream dress on a family trip to Paris she believed would be just perfect to wear to an upcoming formal event at her Lone Peak high school in Utah. The dress features beaded lace and a high neckline; the hem is below her knees and the shoulder strap adhered to the school’s “2-inch minimum” rules. But,

Jeri L. Wright, daughter of reverend Jeremiah Wright, President Obama’s former pastor, famous for his “God Bless America? No, no, no. God Damn America” rant following the 9/11 attack on the World Trade Center, was sent back to jail after she allegedly violated the terms of her supervised release from serving a sentence for money laundering. The new charge: ghost payrolling.

Elizabeth Harrington of the Washington Free Beacon reports that hotel accommodations for First Lady Michelle Obama’s two-day trip to Cambodia required 85 rooms and cost taxpayers $242,500, according to a government contract released Friday.

Mrs. Obama traveled to Siem Reap, Cambodia, on March 21 to promote a “girls education initiative.” The first lady and a delegation of senior high-level U.S. government officials stayed at the luxury five-star Sofitel Angkor Phokeethra Golf and Spa Resort, according to a justification

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and approval document for the visit.

The trip required 85 single rooms, five office suites, five sleeping suites, and one conference room for 14 nights.

Mrs. Obama herself only stayed in Cambodia for two days, leaving on March 22.

Luke Rosiak of the Washington Examiner reports that Verde Point, a selfdescribed “luxury apartment” complex with a rooftop pool and “personal wine storage,” is currently accepting public housing assistance recipients, “who will live there practically for free, courtesy of the taxpayers – at least until they become gainfully employed and their incomes rise. That’s when the pool parties and wine tastings end, and they will have to downgrade to a more middle-class abode,” he writes.

Another nearby luxury apartment building is the Gramercy, “where holders of the federal vouchers formerly known as Section 8 can live, taking advantage of its ‘massage room and sauna’ and ‘clubroom with bar.’” Also included, according to its promotional materials, are a “first-class sports club,” “theater/ screening room,” and computer room.

There are 20 residences at the Gramercy set aside as “affordable,” and where taxpayer-subsidized Section 8 vouchers can be used.

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Santa Barbara’s Online Magazine, Published Twice Daily

sbview.com

Milpas on the Move

by Sharon Byrne Fluctuations in Eastside Business Area: A Function Of Market Forces, Really

T

here is an effort underway in the Milpas / Eastside business area to create a Business Improvement District (BID). Numerous BIDs have been formed in California and other states, as they provide a mechanism for businesses to pay for services that the city can’t and won’t provide them, like picking up litter off sidewalks, graffiti removal, and promotion and special events to draw new patrons to the area. (Jeffrey Harding wrote a really good piece on the Eastside BID in March.)

It is typical for a minimum 20 percent of businesses to oppose forming a BID. For a variety of reasons, some business owners will just never sign up. It’s also typical for BID formation to bring out the best and the worst in people, rather like ballot initiatives. As you can tell from my column on the destructive power of gossip and the PODER protest of El Bajio, the worst can be pretty darned ugly.

Jeffrey dealt with the red herring of gentrification quite well in his column; I’ll only add that the example thrown

around of Fresh Market is a poor one.

There is no BID, and they moved in.

They provided Christmas lights for us in 2013 (a $9,000 expense). They put on fun events for kids, like cookiedecorating contests. They handed out goodies at the Milpas Holiday Parade.

Their intent was to draw Whole Foods and Lazy Acres customers, and it worked.

They went profitable six months ago at the Milpas location. Some whined it wasn’t a neighborhood store, but Fresh Market employed many former Scolari’s employees. Eastside neighbors shopped there. They had a brisk lunch trade from employees at nearby businesses.

Interestingly, Scolari’s also exited the state of California for the same reason Fresh Market did: expensive distribution issues. California is a very tough state to do business in.

I’ve had phone calls asking what’s going in the Fresh Market space that go like this: They should put in a market that’s for the neighborhood this time, like there’s some central government planning committee

UP CLOSE

Sharon Byrne

Sharon Byrne is executive director for the Milpas Community Association, and currently serves on the Advisory Boards for the Salvation Army Hospitality House and Santa Barbara County Alcohol and Drug Problems.

sbview.com somewhere that decides which market goes in each neighborhood. But that’s not how it works. That space rents for $55,000 per month. A business that can meet those terms leases it, transforms it to suit their needs, and attempts to prosper there. Some things make it in this town. Some don’t. It is the landlord’s prerogative as to which business moves in, and they aren’t required to check in with any Central Neighborhood Approvals Committee before leasing their property. We’re not a centrally planned economy such as China. Free market still reigns in America.

I am happy to report that some of the Fresh Market employees were picked up

by Tri County Produce, and Wells Fargo is recruiting some as well. This is what you do in a community. You take care of one another.

Another myth perpetuating about the business improvement district is that this is some sort of takeover of the area.

A takeover of a business area… by the businesses within it? Aren’t takeovers usually external? The businesses in this

district will govern the BID. They’ll decide which services to provide themselves with BID assessments.

That’s not a takeover. It’s the spread of democracy within the business community.

Fresh Market’s departure creates another heartburn: empty storefronts are blight magnets. A business improvement district could seek out tenants for vacant storefronts. Some do. A BID could get also creative about attracting the type of business the community wants. A small town with empty storefronts painted the windows to make it appear that an ice cream store had opened, and a cheese shop, among other things. Sure enough, someone started similar businesses in those empty storefronts.

Fresh & Easy is also going through tumultuous times as a corporation. Ours on Milpas is staying open, thankfully.

The old Milpas Post Office has been leased to Lumber Liquidators. East Beach Tacos has opened at the batting cages. The ambience is great, and the Asian-fusion tacos are excellent.

Change is happening all around this district and it will keep happening.

The BID didn’t cause those things, as it doesn’t exist yet. But by providing a more welcoming area and drawing more patrons to businesses here, existing businesses will find it easier to prosper. There are lots of mom-and-pop businesses in this neighborhood that make it special. Why wouldn’t we want them to succeed?

BY JACQUELYN DE LONGE

Doug Ellis’s unconventional spin on classic wedding photography

Taking a closer look at the people, places, and things that make Santa Barbara so unique. This freelance writer’s credits include newspapers, magazines, and copywriting. When Jacquelyn is not writing, practicing Pilates or yoga, you can find her chasing her two kids and dogs around Santa Barbara. Contact Jacquelyn at www. delongewrites.com

Focus on Overcoming TPSD

I

t is as though the lens of a camera has other worldly powers when it points in my direction. Magically, I’m teleported back to the moment of those awkward elementary school pictures, the ones with lopsided ponytails, feathered bangs, crooked shirt collars, and shiny metal smiles. My mother still has one of my most fashionable years hanging on her entry way wall when I made the smart choice of alternating purple and turquoise rubber bands on my braces.

(Yah, because color was really going to make them look stylish.)

I feel as if a camera’s telescopic gaze amplifies every flaw for outside judgment and in a defensive response, my face morphs into some goofy grin

Ellis specializes in what he jokingly refers to as TPSD – traumatic photographic stress disorder

or smirk, preventing me from wearing my “normal face.” I spend much of my time hiding behind the camera taking pictures, terrified of being seen but I know, as a professional, I have to put a face to my name sometime. Since I started writing, I’ve been using character sketches, a vegetable face, anything not have to take a portrait – but it is

finally time. I’m getting published more and more, have a website now, and just need to get over this ridiculous fear while realizing I’m not alone.

Many professionals need a portrait of themselves for their online networking and business cards; chefs, bankers, fitness instructors, dentists, therapists…

It’s not just real-estate agents, actors, and models.

When I sought out a portrait photographer, the goal was anyone who could be understanding about discomfort or at least be able to snap

a picture of me without a deer-inheadlights grin. Miraculously I found just the man, a kindhearted soul named Doug Ellis, a former marketing agent turned photographer who specializes in what he jokingly refers to as TPSD – traumatic photographic stress disorder.

Given his sense of humor, I’d found my man.

Working as a photographer for more than 10 years, Ellis has traveled the world taking pictures of breathtaking ...continued p.23

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looking at the curved mirror in a way that mitigates the distortion, can be helpful.

Sometimes it is right to tip the fixed scales of history the other way, a little bit.

The Singing Ames Brothers Introduce Us to the Cherokee Nation

RECOGNITION

Back in the awesome ‘60s, though, when Corn Pops were still called Sugar Pops and everything was of a piece, there was no scale-tipping, only bland truthtelling, and it all came from the Idiot Box. I watched the TV show Daniel Boone uncritically, little guessing at how thoroughly it laundered the subjugation of the Native American and inoculated little beetle-bodied white kids like me against the awful truth. I mean, what subjugation? Boone’s best pal and sidekick was a feather-sporting Cherokee guy who spoke like a midwestern school teacher! I don’t remember many Boone episode specifics, but I remember the show’s intro. While the theme song played around a frontier-template plunky-plunk banjo (“Daniel Boone was a man, yes, a biiiiig man! With an eye like an eagle and as tall as a mountain was he!”), a collage showing Daniel Boone-doings would march across the screen, painting the great man with a few deft strokes; Daniel Boone gingerly crossing a little stream and almost falling in, his arms up like a suburban dad caught out camping, Daniel Boone carefully setting a toothy steel trap for some animal to step into and later gnaw off its own leg escaping, and Daniel Boone girlishly throwing a little tomahawk at a tree, which splits obligingly right down the middle.

Boone was played by a little-known actor named Fess Parker who, through the popularity of his TV character and the success of the program (along with of course

Congratulations to Wade Hansen, who represented the seller in the sale of 277 Middle Road, in Montecito, offered at $1,600,000.

I learned all I knew about Indians from 1960s television.

Indians lived in teepees, wore feathers and loincloths (except for the lady Indians, who wore fringed buckskin pantsuits), and never used definite articles when speaking.

WADE HANSEN

the fame and fortune that came with his earlier role as Davy Crockett, “King Of The Wild Frontier”), was able to parlay his time in the spotlight into a real-estate and vineyard empire that would eventually run a wee bit afoul of the Indians he had so earnestly embraced on the small screen. But that’s a story for another day.

His Native American sidekick in the show was a bronze, handsome ponytailed guy named Mingo, and was played without irony by pop singer Ed Ames, a second generation Ukrainian immigrant (Edmund Urick) who made a name with his singing siblings, The Ames Brothers, and then as a solo act had hits with “My Cup Runneth Over” and “When the Snow is on the Roses.” Having conquered radio and the nightclub circuit, naturally Ames’ next stop was to portray a Cherokee Indian on television. These miscalculations and the crimes they sanitize periodically come back like acid reflux, and it burns. Just ask SBCC.

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The Nutty Sliding Scale of Oppression

While in some truly benighted and savage parts of the world today, swarming weaponized oppressors disenfranchise their victims by setting them afire or slowly sawing their heads off, in the well-to-do U.S. the oppressor class is a blank-faced, power-dulled administrator wandering tipsily through a cultural sensitivity mine field whose perimeter is defined by enormous blinking neon signs. Who lost the memo that should have raised the red flag on this teepee thing? Our culture wars are today fought over high school mascots in full-feathered headdress, NFL millionaires with a backbench of slavering attorneys, and a plywood teepee that, with its grinning students gangling happily out its “windows,” could have been built on The Brady Bunch set. It’s a crazy world with a nutty sliding scale of oppression. Although, of course, if you are the oppressed there are no “degrees” of oppression.

As word of SBCC’s teepee episode spread, the local chat room switchboards were lit up by the usual Deep Thinking. Many people wondered why the Native Americans’ “panties were in a bunch” over this teepee business, genuinely mystified at the pushback despite it being public knowledge the SBCC campus is partly built on sacred Chumash burial grounds. Sacred. Burial. Grounds. What an idea.

“Sacred burial grounds” sounds quaint and old-fashioned and charming in a prime-time ‘60s TV sort of way when applied to Native Americans, but it’s as if a well-meaning but misguided group of German art students assembled a brightly painted mock Higgins Boat in the middle of the Normandy D-Day graveyard on the bluffs over Omaha Beach. Heeeyyy, why get your panties in a bunch? And that justly sanctified graveyard is in France. The Chumash burial site on whose bones SBCC and its teepee rest? It’s in what was once the Chumash front yard, or in plainer language, their home.

I mean, duh.

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with Mark Léisuré

Mark spends much of his time wandering Santa Barbara and environs, enjoying the simple things that come his way.

A show here, a benefit there, he is generally out and about and typically has a good time. He says that he writes “when he feels the urge” and doesn’t want his identity known for fear of an experience that is “less than authentic.” So he remains at large, roaming the town, having fun. Be warned.

Razzle Dazzle ’em

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litz and glamour abound during the first week of this issue’s theater calendar, including the great Bob Fosse musical Chicago, based on a 1926 play of the same name by reporter Maurine Dallas Watkins about actual criminals and crimes she reported on. Set in Prohibition-era Chicago, the story pokes some fun at the concept of the celebrity criminal, presaging such situations as last month’s six-part HBO documentary titled The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst, which actually contributed to the heir to a real estate fortune getting arrested (though we doubt he’s engendering as much sympathy as the high-stepping prison gals of Chicago.) The touring version of the hit Broadway show – the 1996 revival is still playing in New York – hits the Granada on Tuesday and Wednesday, April 7-8.

Prohibition is also the timeframe for The Wild Party, which gets its Santa Barbara debut courtesy of Out of the Box Theatre Company April 8-11 at Center Stage Theater. The musical is based on Joseph Moncure March’s steamy booklength poem written during the same time frame, adapted (and with music and lyrics) by Andrew Lippa, who later wrote three new songs for the Broadway version of You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown and was the composer for both The Addams Family and Big Fish. Party won the Outer Critics Circle Award for best Off-Broadway musical while Lippa also won the 2000 Drama Desk Award for best music. Out of the Box is doing a cabaret-style concert version of the show, meaning there will be seating on stage right next to (and even amid) the performers.

But wait, there’s more! The Roaring Twenties will also be the backbone of Puttin’ on the Ritz, a rollicking, twohour variety show that features singers, dancers, and musicians aged 55 and over (along with a few multi-generational acts and special celebrity guests). Formerly known as Seniors Have Talent, the show comes from The Center for Successful Aging and will be directed by Rod Lathim. Check out just how well our community elders can still huff it and belt out the tunes in the afternoon show on Saturday, April 11, at the Marjorie Luke Theatre.

Fast-forward several decades to find the soundtrack for Woyzek, a musical conceived by Robert Wilson based on a mid-1830s German play, with lyrics and music by Tom Waits and Kathleen Brennan featuring songs drawn from Waits’s Blood Money album. Ensemble Theatre presents the Santa Barbara premiere of the piece April 16-May 3 at the New Vic.

Want Some Pizza?

Piper Kerman – whose book Orange is the New Black is this year’s subject of Santa Barbara Reads – won’t be on campus herself until April 15 (see below), but UCSB’s TeleTalk series is screening an episode of the award-winning TV series set in a women’s prison at the Pollock Theater on Wednesday, April 8. “You Also Have a Pizza”, the sixth episode of the second season, which aired last year, was directed by Allison Anders, the pioneering indie filmmaker (Border Radio; Gas, Food Lodging; Mi Vida Loca; and Grace of My Heart) who has also been a film professor at the university since 2003.

Got Something to Say?

Malala Yousafzai is the teenager who at 15 stood up to the Taliban in Pakistan, not only defying their edict barring girls from school, but also serving as an advocate for other girls’ education.

Targeted by the Taliban, she was shot in the head when a gunman sought her out on her school bus, but somehow survived the brutal attack. The incident brought her worldwide attention, but it was her continued efforts to speak out on the importance of education and equality that last year earned the Nobel Peace Prize. At 17, she is the youngest winner in history.

UCSB Arts & Lectures is presenting a talk by Yousafzai – who now studies in England – on Saturday, June 27, at the Arlington Theatre, the city’s largest indoor venue. A Q&A session with the audience follows the presentation.

Any tickets that weren’t snapped up by UCSB students, A&L Producers Circle members, other donors, and subscribers go on sale Monday, April 6, at 10 am via phone at 893-3535 or in person at the A&L ticket office on campus.

UCSB’s highly active lecture series

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continues this fortnight with Matthew B. Crawford, a research fellow at the Institute for Advanced Studies in Culture at the University of Virginia who is also a motorcycle mechanic.

The author of the 2010 bestseller Shop Class as Soulcraft: An Inquiry Into the Value of Work has just published the follow-up, The World Beyond Your Head: On Becoming an Individual in an Age of Distraction. He’ll speak at UCSB on Tuesday, April 7.

Conservative New York Times political and cultural columnist and PBS NewsHour commentator David Brooks gets his turn at Campbell Hall’s podium on Wednesday, April 8. Finally, Piper Kerman, the author whose memoir about a year spent in a women’s prison was turned into the hit SAG and PGA Award winning series Orange is the New Black, talks at the same venue on Wednesday, April 15. (Kind of a shame she couldn’t be here a week earlier for the episode screening at the Pollock.)

Top of Pops

Folk rock lovers will want to be at the Lobero on Friday, April 17, for Will The Circle Be Unbroken – The Stories & Songs, which opens with Nitty Gritty Dirt Band founding member (and onetime Montecito resident) John

McEuen relating the story of the band through live music, historic photos, and film leading up to the recording of the 1971 album that brought together Maybelle Carter, Earl Scruggs, Roy Acuff, Doc Watson, Vassar Clements, Merle Travis and others. McEuen will be joined by Johnny and June’s son, John Carter Cash, before the latter delves into his own family through more songs, stories, and photos. The full cast (NGDB member bassist Les Thompson, fiddler Laura McGhee, mandola/guitar player Matt Cartsonis, and guitarist Dave Daeger) then performs songs from the Circle album against photo-montage backdrop from the sessions.

Paul Barrere and Fred Tackett, guitar gods in Little Feat since 1972 and 1987 respectively, have formed an acoustic duo that will play a lot of songs from that catalog and beyond at a benefit for Safety Harbor Kids at the Lobero on Saturday, April 18. Also on the bill are three members of 1990s hitmaking Santa Barbara band Dishwalla (Rodney Browning Cravens, George Pendergast, and Justin Fox) who will also perform acoustically, plus Van Dyke Parks, Albert Lee, and The Bird and the Bee’s Inara George. ...continued p.22

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GIRL

Many scented lotions and potions are available

by Kateri Wozny Kateri is an award-winning journalist with a

background in print, online, radio and TV news. A native of Minneapolis, MN, she has written for the Chicago Sun-Times Media Group, Pepperdine University and Acorn Newspapers. She works full time as a public relations manager locally and loves exploring the Santa Barbara fashion scene. Follow her on Twitter @kitkatwozny.

The Grapeseed Company

I

love my red wine – Pinots, Cabs, Syrahs – I can never choose which one is my favorite. After doing a tasting at Armada Wine & Beer Merchant and buying many bottles of Pinot Noir, I found myself walking down Ortega. Immediately, the scents from The Grapeseed Company – wherein I learned from CEO Kristin Fraser that she uses red wine waste in all of her skin products – drew me in.

This is a perfect equation that is too good to be true.

“Red wine waste is a great antiaging that has antioxidants and is the first byproduct of our local industry,” Fraser explained. “We source from Santa Barbara, Napa, Sonoma, and Willamette Valley in Oregon.”

Sailing Adventure

CEO Kristin Fraser holds her newly released serums: Argan, Avocado, and Rosehip Grapeseed facial oils

We Are

Santa Barbara

Fraser’s love for creating organic products began after taking a two-year sailing trip in 2000 from Boston to the Caribbean. A former teacher in Boston, she had also just finished her master’s degree and saved up enough money to live on $500 a month. To cut costs even further, Fraser began developing salves, soaps, and lotions out of a coconut oil base.

“It was an amazing way to travel and bring your own home environment with you,” Fraser said.

After selling the boat in St. Thomas, Fraser said “bon voyage” to the East Coast and came to Santa Barbara, where she taught for the Goleta School District and began developing sugar scrubs, lip balms, and massage oils as a fun hobby for bachelorette parties and selling them publicly at the Sunday Arts & Crafts Show. After receiving rave reviews from people, picking up wholesale accounts, and developing a website, Fraser left her teaching job and opened The Grapeseed Company in 2010 by using $2,500 of her own money – no loans. That’s impressive.

“My business is more of a lifestyle for me; I don’t consider it work,” she said.

“My team is also awesome.”

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With more than 100 different organic products in various sizes, I didn’t know which to try or where to begin! The Grapeseed Company carries skin care for the face, body products, soap, hair care, home fragrance, soy candles, reed diffusers, hair care lines for men, women and babies, and even has a line for man’s best friend: Dirty Dog Organic. Shelf life is between 12 to 18 months.

“Your skin is the largest organ of the entire body,” Fraser explained. “When you apply something topically onto the skin, the skin absorbs it. That’s why it’s important to care what’s in your regimen.”

Prices range from $4 for lip balm to $32 for a 2.5-oz glycolic peel. I found a Rose & Grape anti-aging facial serum, which is also the most popular product sold.

“Our skincare is constantly evolving,”

Fraser said. “The ingredients are great for your body that customers can afford.”

And it doesn’t stop there: Fraser also hosts a variety of parties in the store where guests can make their own creation from a variety of oils, such as mist, body wash, and perfume.

“Our team loves having groups in the store for Scent Bar parties, both in our Santa Barbara store and offsite at the Bacara and other venues in wine country,” she said.

Worthy Cause

When she’s not developing new products, Fraser makes sure she gives back to the community. Ten percent of sales from the Pink Champagne Wine Bar are donated to Breast Cancer Research during the month of October, and other proceeds also benefit local animal shelters, the Dream Foundation, the Teddy Bear Cancer Foundation, local schools, and nonprofits throughout Santa Barbara.

“It’s important for businesses to give back to the community,” Fraser explained. “The community is what builds a business, and we like to show our appreciation for the causes they believe in.”

Future Endeavors

Even with all of the growth in retail chains such as TJ Maxx, Home Goods, Marshalls, Whole Foods, regional and national press exposure, Fraser sees an even bigger opportunity coming her way.

“I love what I do, and I see the company building in the next three to five years,” she said. “By then, I either want to sell it or take on a partner that can take it to the next level.”

Fraser packed me up with additional samples to go, including a Pinot Dreams Wine Bar. Now I can drink wine and smell good doing it!

The Grapeseed Company

21 W. Ortega Street; (805) 456-3655 Learn more and sign up for the newsletter at: www.thegrapeseedcompany.com Hours: Monday-Friday: 10:30 am to 6 pm; Saturday: 10:30 am to 5 pm Follow on Facebook and Twitter

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You Have Your Hands Full

21

“Are you hearing well Enough?”

by Mara Peters Former editor for the fashion/lifestyle section of the New York

Post, Mara moved to London and worked as a contributing editor for the Daily Mail’s You Magazine, freelancing for Look Magazine, NY Post and the Style Magazine for The Sunday Times. To remain sane during diaper years she writes a mommy blog, You Have Your Hands Full – www.handsfullsb.com.

March is National Better Hearing Month

The Challenges of Yes

C

an I open an Instagram account?

No. Can I hang out with friends on State Street?

No. A bunch of kids are going to the beach, can I go?

Will there be girls?

Yes. No. And so goes middle school. Every day, he asks questions, seeks permission, pushes me to let him do things. Every day, I push back. Everything out of my mouth is no. I’m constantly in the defensive position and it wears thin, on all of us.

“Mom, why won’t you let me do anything? Why do you say no all the time?” My seventh grader challenged me a couple months back. And that was when it hit me: I’m uncomfortable with everything that is happening when it comes to him.

“Jeez, Mom, I am not a bad kid. I never get in trouble,” he told me.

“This is not about you, this is about me,” I explained to him one night. It was an epiphany. “It is really hard for me to let you grow up.”

I’ve thought back a lot on those conversations. You see, I finally said yes. Jackson left for Cambodia with his grandmother to do Operation Smile (a nonprofit that funds doctors to fix cleft palates). That was two weeks ago and, as I write this, he is due to walk through the front door in a couple of hours. This kind of experience was something my mom has always wanted to do with her grandchildren. And when she brought it up to me, I immediately jumped on it.

A loud YES. But the day they left, I sat on his perfectly made bed and cried.

“Yes” is not an easy word.

From the moment he left, I wondered and worried about him. Was it too soon for such a big trip? Would he be able to

handle such an emotional experience?

Was he too young, too immature? That was when I started to get the emails. The first from my mom: “To see these babies come in with holes for their entire mouth and see the surgeon start to go to work and work and work, sometimes for several hours and suddenly there would be a stitch and then a mouth!

Nose! A normal face begins to emerge – it was like magic and every time standing on my feet for several hours that stitch would fall into place and I would cry. The first surgery for Jackson was a shock in that he had to stand very still – it is very emotional to see these grossly deformed babies. He got calmer and one surgery that he was able to watch longer was a man under a local who had a fatty tumor in his back –was fascinating to watch.”

It was fascinating to read. I was starting to see my own child in a new light. Did I ever think he could stand on his feet for hours, no fidgeting, watching a surgery? Or the other experiences, such as touring S-21 Tuol Sleng Prison where the Khmer Rouge imprisoned and tortured hundreds of thousands of Cambodians? My mom was seeing (and treating) him as a young man; something that I have fought ever since he entered middle school.

That was when I got his email: “Hey mom, it’s me, Cambodia has been a blast, I’m having so much fun. I miss you guys so much and I’m really excited to show you pictures and tell you about all the amazing things we have done.”

He sounded so good. So grown-up.

And then, another update: They took a boat ride from Phnom Penh up the river to Siem Reap. It was supposed to take six hours and it took 10. In stifling heat. With one dim sum to savor. Such is travel. Unpredictable. Hard.

To counter the experience, my mom wrote, Jackson had left for the day on a dirt bike expedition with a guide. Alone.

For a moment, my mind screamed no.

Peters’ Pick I am not writing about anything new. This is just a reminder that the Rose Garden is heartbreakingly beautiful right now. And the tradition in our family to picnic there on a warm Sunday night is a good one. The kids pick up friends as Alpha and I laze on our blanket taking in the view. Make it easy on yourself. Pick some items up at Gelson’s deli; grab a loaf of fresh French bread and a beautiful bottle of Chardonnay. I swear, it’s the best restaurant going.

Hearing Services of Santa Barbara

Jackson at Operation Smile Cambodia

My god, at 13, he’s in Cambodia all by himself for the day? Then the irony of the whole thing crashed on me: I don’t even let him hang out at Paseo Nuevo.

Waiting for him to come bursting through the door, I know something may need to give.

My son, whether I let him or not, is growing up. And it is going to be okay.

It is time to say yes. And watch him embrace adventure, learn the merits of patience and flexibility, and experience his life without me.

And such is the bittersweet life of a parent.

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More folk-rock is in store with The Littlest Birds, a quirky folk duo that can sound old-timey or modern as heck, returning to SOhO on Thursday, April 9.

The next night at the same venue, it’s folkrock on a much larger scale, as legendary Santa Barbara-bred David Crosby takes a slot in SOhO’s 20th anniversary series, a benefit that aims to raise funds to help the club itself. Also, now 80-yearold Canadian troubadour Ian Tyson performs at the Maverick Saloon in Santa Ynez for the Tales From the Tavern series on Thursday, April 16, which is the same night Hawaiian slack-key guitarist Led Ka’apana returns to SOhO. Other best bets for this fortnight include Steely Dan, perhaps the world’s most technically proficient band capable of complicated jazz-tinged charts and literate rock ‘n’ roll, returns to the Santa Barbara Bowl on Wednesday, April 15, one day after the critical fave indie rock band Alt J opens the season at the outdoor amphitheater at the top of Milpas Street, a downtown outdoor jewel.

Also, Switchfoot/Fiction Family lead singer-songwriter Jon Foreman does a solo gig at the Lobero on Friday, April 10, Built to Spill plays at SOhO on Monday, April 13, the same night indie folk-rock band Lord Huron takes the stage at the Lobero.

Close-by Clarity

Here’s the thing about the Lucidity Festival – it’s entirely what you want it to be. Your experience depends almost exclusively on you.

Hop to it!

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DP Healing Dome is part of the Lucidity Festival at Live Oak Camp

Lucidity fest features the Monk Dance (photo by David Pricco)

Yeah, sure, they say that about Burning Man, too. But aside from the fact that I’ve never been there, Burning Man is a zillion miles away, held in a big,dusty desert with harsh conditions. Lucidity takes place right here in Santa Barbara, at Live Oak Camp, just halfway up the San Marcos Pass, a mere 15-20 minute drive.

Proximity is great, and so is the size, if you ask me, anyway. Where Burning Man is big beyond measure, Lucidity is much more intimate yet still expansive enough to offer a real variety of choices – though it is true that its limited confines do lead to a little bit of “noise pollution.” But that’s a small price to pay for having this immersive, exciting,

and participatory weekend right here in our backyard.

Lucidity hits year four on its six-year cycle the weekend of April 10-12, its self-described “epic saga of personal and collective transformation (that)… explore six major chapters of the mythic journey.” Not sure I know what all those words mean – and I’m also not sure I understand the concept of Kindred Quest, which is this year’s theme.

There’s a whole paragraph explanation on the website (which all kidding aside, might be the most comprehensive one of these things I’ve ever seen, a wealth of information that might take longer than the weekend itself to wade through) but I didn’t read that more than once and

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got lost about halfway through anyway.

“How do we live in a world in right relationship with ourselves, each other, and the planet?” said James Bernard, the fest’s marketing manager who goes by Jaymo, by way of explanation.

“We’re just posing the question. We don’t have the answers. We’re all in this journey together. The intention is to bring forth... and honor where we come from... in a way that celebrates our diversity as well as our connections.

As a planet, we’re learning how to do that. This is an opportunity for people to explore that.”

The point is that this festival is much more than just mindless entertainment or even high-brow fun. “It’s an opportunity to create community through participation in the arts and learning,” Jaymo said. “We build a temporary city, and a lot of people like to come for the celebration. But once you’re there, there is so much going on, including 200 different workshops, including ones to improve relationships, create gray water systems, yoga, massage, sound healing. There’s something for everyone.”

There are seven different “villages” at Lucidity, each curated separately and each offering a distinct emphasis – from Goddess Grove, which features the jaguar as the totem of the untamed feminine, to the Warrior’s Playground, where the exploration and cultivation of physical, mental, and emotional powers come together; to the more selfexplanatory Healing Sanctuary, Lover’s Nest, and Family Garden.

Each village also has different environments, including perhaps a stage, a dome, and arts and crafts area and more, all connected to the theme that, as Jaymo put it, “falls under the auspices of the totem and spirit of that village.”

And we haven’t even got to the music, yet, which is a big part of Lucidity.

There are three stages full of all kinds of tunes going all day long. Honestly, I’ve never heard of the vast majority of bands playing this year, but that doesn’t mean anything because you probably have.

It doesn’t really matter. It’s about the groove, the beat, the energy, the feeling, and the connections – that’s where the transformative power lies.

Last year, in need of some inner tuning, I spent most of Saturday in the healing sanctuary, chanting Hare Krishna and doing yoga and meditation, plus making new friends during the Peace Sticks workshop. My system realigned, I was more than ready to head out to the main stage for some pumping electronica and dance music deep into the night, with body, mind a spirit in synchronicitous joy. What’s your path?

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...continued from p.14

Thanks to Doug Ellis, I’ve got a new professional headshot

This professional portrait shines bright with the natural light and skill of the subject and photographer Ellis

landscapes, recording life’s memorable moments, even capturing the iconic Dalai Lama, David Byrne, and Cindy Sherman. Before settling in Santa Barbara, he spent a few years in Ojai, where he developed his artistic photography recording sacred ceremonies and spiritual events. His close work with enlightened and openminded organizations such as Esalen Institute in Big Sur, one of his corporate clients, reflects the spiritual intention in his craft, “It’s about capturing character.

I aspire for that birthless/deathless moment, the part that’s you when no one is looking. I try not to intervene in the moment and just let it happen.”

It is a two-part process working with Ellis as he tries to find a way around the uneasiness of portraiture. In preparation of shoots, he does a little coaching in an effort for people to make friends with themselves. It is more of a heart-and-soul session where he takes the opportunity to make a direct connection with his subjects, set an intention for the shoot, and maybe even uncover where their fear is coming from.

A few days before our photo shoot, Ellis emailed me a style guide for my clothing and gave me the option for professional hair and make-up. He also sent a handful of questions that made me have to take a deeper look within: Q. Who inspires you and why?

A. Women who speak their mind and see vulnerability as a strength not a weakness.

What would the outcome of a wildly successful portrait session together be?

To be comfortable being looked at and get a portrait that captures personality and not just facade.

Do you have any features you would like to showcase? Any features you prefer

Portraits aren’t the only subjects Ellis has mastered, as you can tell by this breathtaking landscape

were quiet, and the early-morning clouds were providing the perfect filtered light. There were a few wasted shots for me to ease into it, but soon Ellis started catching my honest moments when my guard was down. Just as tension would creep across my face and tighten the chest, he’d do a quick wiggle and dance with me to shake it out and capture a candid laugh as I loosened up. There were a few poses, a few walks toward the camera, a change of clothes and one change of location to a courtyard across the street. He’d make suggestions on what I could do with my hands, where I should look, how I should sit. He was invested in the project with me and was patient with an amateur like myself.

When we wrapped up that morning, I felt good about what we’d done but was still hesitant. A week later, our hard work

Finally, a portrait full of personality

appeared to pay off: I saw a confident, professional woman with personality and spirit, all of my intentions from the pre-session inquiry. It was hard to choose which photographs to use, not because my selection was limited but because Ellis had done such an amazing job that I had dozens to pick from.

Can’t say I’ll never cringe again upon seeing a camera pointed in my direction, but I now have the tools to take a decent picture. Doug Ellis’s coaching will help me through it: “Relax, look down, reset your eyes, and when you’re ready look up and let yourself be seen.”

dougellis.photoshelter.com

Ellis’s quick camera captures a candid moment

to minimize?

I’m secure with all my features. More uncomfortable with the occasional blemish or baggy tired eyes What aspect of yourself has been missing from photographs you have had in the past?

I have a posed or still smile, my energy is low and I seem to fade to neutral.

If the feeling of your photograph was a song, what song or musician/group would it be?

I have a strong sense of duality in most aspects of my life. So I have two artists for you: Phillip Glass and Amanda Palmer (modern classic/fearlessly outspoken) These weren’t necessarily easy questions, and I was surprised by some answers but I wanted this portrait so I trusted Ellis and answer honestly. He was digging for a greater understanding of how to work with me and that helped me start to let go of fear.

We met for our scheduled shoot a few days later at his downtown office on an early Saturday morning. We both packed light, me with my three changes of clothes, him with one camera and step stool, and automatically I felt less pressure with the informal set-up. The courtyard was deserted, the city streets

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by Christina Enoch

Cory Bair, one of the “regulars” here

Heating up Kitchens, One Class at a Time Nikki Dailey, one of the hardest-working and ambitious chefs I’ve ever seen Emi Umezawa and Naomi Shirozaki making marinade.

Friends who cook together, stay together.

A

s I sip on my second glass of wine somewhere in Funk Zone, I see this girl inside of a food truck busy serving up burrito bowls to the hungry crowds. We all know how it feels on our second/third round of drinks: ask your Über to take you to any available food truck.

Of course, I peeked inside of the Heat Culinary Kitchen food truck and gave her a wine-stained smile. An instant connection. In a constant search for a BFF (If you see me talking to you at random places such as Trader Joe’s bathroom stalls, then pardon me), I imagine braiding her hair on a Saturday afternoon while eating a pint of ice cream and Oreos.

I gotta get to know this girl.

Her name is Nikki Dailey. This is one culinary-ambitious Californian.

Her passion for food started when she was only 15, working as a prep cook.

After training at The Culinary Institute of America in New York, Nikki traveled around the world, soaking up culinary diversity. Killing it in the world of commercial kitchen where it could be intimidating, she surprised her husband

After years of working full time for an ad agency, Christina found her passion in cooking and food.

Now armed with her newfound title, “Culinary School Graduate Food Blogger,” she writes and shares her passion for food, cooking, restaurants, photography and food styling in her popular blog, black dog :: food blog. Christina’s a proud mommy of not one but two shelter dogs and lives here in Santa Barbara with her husband. She’s also an avid Polynesian dancer, beach lover, traveler, swimmer, snowboarder and most of all, a lover of anything edible and yummy. Check out her ramblings here and at www.blackdogfoodblog.com.

Sizzling spanish garlic prawns

by starting a food truck, catering, and cooking classes. Hello, workaholic – this girl does it all. Hello, Superwoman.

I showed up at her immaculate kitchen in Carpinteria that looks as cozy as a home. Tonight’s cooking class is Spanish tapas. ‘‘I love teaching, and want to create a very comfortable home-kitchen environment. You can bring your own wine/beer and completely feel right at

home,” Nikki says.

People started to roll in, with a big plastic container. Nikki likes to make more than they needed; better to have leftover than run short. The class starts and Nikki puts on her game face. I’m so impressed... she is so knowledgeable. I learned more than in any other cooking classes. Heat culinary kitchen heats up as the evening goes on.

The sound of chopping, sizzling,

simmering, chatting, and laughing makes this Friday night much more interesting than a night out in town.

Toasted marcona almonds are up, Sizzling Spanish prawns are smoking, red wine sauce, and blue cheese cream sauce is simmering – and everyone’s faces are flushed and excited. Something about cooking and eating with bunch of people makes food taste better.

How about single’s mix night at Heat Culinary, huh? Couples who cook together, stay together. (Pretty good tagline, isn’t it?)

Need an inspiration for your daily cooking? Stop Pinterest-ing and get yourself to her kitchen. I’m down for her next pastry class and will be bringing two plastic containers.

Check out Nikki’s cooking class schedule (awesome lineup, by the way) – go with your date, spouse, girlfriends, co-workers. And Heat Culinary Food Truck now serves finger-licking waffles.

Who can resist that? www.heatculinary.com

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BEHIND THE VINE

by Hana-Lee Sedgwick Hana-Lee Sedgwick is a digital advertising executive by day and wine consultant and blogger by night. Born and raised in Santa Barbara, she fell in love with the world of wine while living in San Francisco after college. Hana-Lee loves to help people learn about and appreciate wine, putting her Sommelier certification to good use. When not trying new wines or traveling, she can be found practicing yoga, cooking, entertaining, and enjoying time with friends and family. For more information and wine tips, visit her blog, Wander & Wine, at wanderandwine.com.

Pinot Noir by the Sea

S

anta Barbara was overflowing with Pinot Noir drinkers at the 15th Anniversary World of Pinot Noir (WOPN) event, which took place at the beautiful Bacara Resort & Spa. Given the rise of Pinot Noir’s popularity after the movie Sideways, filmed in Santa Barbara County, it’s only fitting that WOPN was held in our beautiful city yet again! Pinot Noir was of course the star of the event (sorry, Merlot), bringing together producers and enthusiasts for two days of educational tastings, luncheons, events, and winemaker dinners.

The weekend kicked off March 6 with a seminar moderated by the highly respected wine critic and journalist Jancis Robinson, who led tasters through a variety of Pinots from different regions of the world. Hey, it’s not called

“World” of Pinot for no reason. Other events included a Pinot pairing with typical and not-so-typical pairings like mushrooms and sea urchin, An American Wine Story movie screening, and an educational Burgundy seminar.

That evening, guests could attend one of several intimate winemaker dinners with guest chefs such as David Rosner of Wine Cask and Frank Ostini from the Hitching Post II. On Friday and Saturday afternoons, a few thousand people filed into the Bacara’s Grand Ballroom for a fullfledged Pinot Noir extravaganza. More than 225 producers and winemakers poured their wines for thirsty wine enthusiasts and experts... and if the line out the door was any indication, it was the place to be!

Friday’s tasting showcased a select

Cheese display from C’est Cheese

group of 100 wineries, such as Baker & Brain, Dragonette, Lioco and SeaSmoke.

The Grand Tasting brought together an additional 100-plus wineries, including producers from California and Oregon, New Zealand, South Africa, Austria, and even Michigan! Kosta Browne, Erath, Copain, Margerum, William Selyem, and Tyler Winery were just a few of the participants. Tasters enjoyed bites of Santa Barbara cuisine from chef David Reardon and team, as well as delicious samples of specialty cheeses from C’est Cheese. You can’t have a wine event

without good cheese, right?

The weekend wrapped with several dinner options Saturday night, such as the Rock Stars of WOPN dinner honoring Jim Clendenen and the Vintage Burgundy Dinner with the Court of Master Sommeliers. There, master sommelier Fred Dame presented vintage wines throughout the six-course meal. Sounds like a great evening!

If you like Pinot, are looking to learn more about Pinot, or just like tasting wine, there’s no better place to be than at World of Pinot Noir! If you missed it, there’s always next year… cheers!

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...continued from p.9

...continued from p.8

they will be serving a special-edition wine barrel-aged version of their porter. Swing by and grab a pint, and make sure to congratulate James and David on all of their hard work (and good beer).

Upcoming Events and Beers

Removing grain from the mash tun

shape. Unopened boxes were strewn around the room, containing draft beer and refrigeration equipment that they would spend the next few months installing. Outside, the overgrown lot was full of tufts of grass and scraggly rocks. James pointed to different areas, describing to me his vision of what the finished tasting garden would look like.

Today, you can see his dreams have come to fruition. A big lawn with picnic tables and umbrellas provide a warm environment to enjoy the sun while having a pint. Monster Jenga, Corn Hole, and other games make this an ideal space for friends to get together. A dried rock bed separates the beer garden from their hop yard.

Anyone at the brewery last summer and fall would have certainly noticed their thick, bushy hop vines growing on their property. These hops were harvested and used in their Hometown Brown, a well-balanced malty brew with the gentle citrus notes of their house hops.

Inside the brewery, James and David have made use of every last square inch of the place. Tanks and pallets are systematically squeezed together.

The brewhouse is sandwiched between the cold storage and wall. In the front part of the room, a majestic wooden bar faces a small gift store with breweriana and crafts curated by James’s wife, Megan. Over the year, they have transformed the brewery and tasting room into a welcoming atmosphere that fits their familyowned approach.

Their First Year Anniversary will be held on Saturday, April 11, from noon to 7 pm. Come for a brew and a bite to eat while listening to live music, including performances by Sol Tree, Joey Almeida and Friends, and One Two Tree. To celebrate the occasion,

As you are making beer plans for the upcoming weeks, don’t forget to mark Dia de Las Obscuras on your calendars. This event will take place at Telegraph Brewing Co. on Sunday, May 3, and feature a full lineup of their Obscura series of beers. Obscura is a Latin word that means dark or shadowy, obscure, or from unknown origins. Telegraph’s Obscura line features their wild, sour, and barrelaged beers. Each batch is unique, and these complex brews have received some of the most prestigious awards in beer competitions.

This unforgettable event will feature 10 rare Obscura beers. Tickets are $30 and include 10 tasting tickets that are good for one 3-ounce pour of any of the Obscura beers being served. Additional tickets are available in increments of five.

The event will be held in two 3-hour sessions that are limited to 100 people each. Tickets and more info on the event can be found at www.telegraphbrewing. com/obscura.htm Dia de Las Obscuras is a month away, but tickets are on sale now and will sell out before the event. In the meantime, visit The Brewhouse to taste their newest batch of Baseball Saison. This brew is coming out just in time for baseball season and on Opening Day on Monday, April 6, they will be offering The Double Play, a goblet of Baseball Saison and a shot of Cutler Artisan Spirit’s Silver Whiskey, which was distilled from a previous batch of Baseball Saison. In addition, they will soon be releasing More’s Landing Strawberry Blonde, a Belgian ale infused with local organic strawberries from Por La Mar Nursery.

Also, look on the beer shelves for Surfer’s Point Springtime Bock, the second beer in the Seasonal Lager Series from Surf Brewery. The springthemed maibock style of beer is a strong but refreshing, brew that combines the light fragrance of noble hops and the toasted bread notes of European malts. Surf Brewery was expanding last year and they had temporarily stopped brewing lagers, which take extra time and tank space to produce, so it is nice to see that they are producing them again. The Surfer’s Point Springtime Bock embodies this time of year and highlights the stellar lagers that Surf produces.

all-powerful God. I believe that life is sacred from the moment of conception until the moment of death. My mother was a Parkinson’s patient for 32 years, and I watched as the disease slowly and inexorably destroyed her mobility, her speech, and then, when she could no longer swallow food, her very life. When confronted with such horror it’s tempting to ask, as Jeff does, why a single unconscious cell trumps a hopeful patient with a family and friends.

We so desperately want a cure for the people we love that we forget something fundamental: Jeff and I and Jeff’s beautiful children started out as a single unconscious cell, and we’re here because our parents chose not to destroy that cell before it had a chance to blossom.

Even at the earliest stage of life, we’re talking about human life, which should never be a means to an end, even if the end is a noble one like helping a suffering patient. I’m sure there are those who will scoff at these words, just as I’m sure that as long as we continue to scoff at and vilify those who disagree with us, rather than giving one another a fair and courteous hearing, we as a nation are in serious trouble.

Kathleen Roig Santa Barbara

No Place Like Home

When I read the Sentinel article “The Condominium Option” (issue 4/6) it got me thinking about the economy and shortage of affordable housing. For some middle-income earners, a condo is a great small property option, but for singles stuck in low-wage jobs, they’re just not small enough. That is, cheap enough. I guess low-wage earners could sort of consider themselves property owners if they buy a cemetery plot, but unfortunately, those are not useful until after you kick the bucket.

With all the jobs moving into the urban hubs where real estate is most expensive, developers need to start thinking outside the box – or perhaps more accurately, inside the box. It’s time for the emergence of sleep cubby communities.

“What!” you exclaim. Well, let me elaborate. On the Internet, you can

Each month, Figueroa Mountain Brewing Co. selects a local non-profit organization as its Charity Tap Handle.

Every Wednesday of that month, the nonprofit receives 50 percent of the tap room revenue received from a single beer of the organization’s choosing.

After working together on the Santa Barbara Beer Garden in February, Figueroa Mountain chose the Santa Barbara Botanic Garden to be the Santa Barbara Charity Tap Handle

find information about “capsule motels” in Japan. They are space-efficient and economical because occupants sleep in small compartments (a.k.a. capsules, pods, cubbies, etc.) just big enough to lay down or sit up with your feet out in front. There is a see-through glass door, but a shade can be drawn for privacy (apologies to the claustrophobes who are freaking out right now). As one would expect, a communal bathroom is located down the hall just like a college dorm. Extra features like storage and recreation areas are sometimes provided.

The interior of the capsules is actually quite nice with its temperature control, lights, WiFi, TV monitor, mattress, etc.

(Check it out on YouTube.)

I’m surprised that this style of motel has not become popular in major U.S. cities. The concept should be extended to the model of apartment complexes and condominium communities. One could rent or make payments toward ownership of their sleep pods. Some people are so busy at work and being active in their free time, that they’re hardly ever home. Mostly all they need is a safe and legal place to sleep. It seems that sleep pod facilities would be a perfect fit for the Santa Barbara area, considering all the students, vacationers, and people who are tired of commuting from Ventura or Lompoc to work here.

I think it would be a win/win for both tenants and landlords, as long as the bureaucratic red tape doesn’t interfere.

Edmund Geswein Lompoc

Tuition Fruition

I very much enjoyed your column [“The Commie Witch Hunt...” Sentinel 4/5] about Kerr Hall at UCSB, and about the larger issue of communists and tuition.

My tuition went from $89 a quarter, as I recall in 1967, on up while I was at UCSB. That was expensive; the state colleges were $50 a quarter even in 1975. Of course, those days are gone.

Your article is very well-told. There will be a lot to write about in the coming couple of years – keep it up!

Ken Beisser Santa Barbara

for the month of April. Swing by on Wednesdays this month to meet with garden staff, talk plants, and drink beer while supporting the gardens. And keep an eye out for a special firkin tapping of Hoppy Poppy with hummingbird sage harvested from the gardens.

Best wishes from the Sentinel staff to Pure Order Brewing Co. on all that they have accomplished over the past year. We look forward to watching you grow.

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CINEMA SCOPE

by James Luksic A longtime writer, editor and film critic, James has

worked nationwide for several websites and publications – including the Dayton Daily News, Key West Citizen, Topeka Capital-Journal and Santa Ynez Valley Journal.

California is his eighth state. When he isn’t watching movies or sports around the Central Coast, you can find James writing and reading while he enjoys coffee and bacon, or Coke and pizza.

Maika Monroe Leads the Way

W

ho could’ve known the second-best mainstream picture of 2015 would be a small horror flick with a cast of no recognizable actors? On the heels of Run All Night comes the intriguing It Follows, penned and directed

by David Robert Mitchell, whose keen, understated splash recalls that of M. Night Shyamalan and The Sixth Sense.

Santa Barbara’s Maika Monroe – who exhibits unappreciated Chloe Sevigny’s grace and effortlessness – is not only a revelation as the targeted, frightened heroine, she was born for the role. At first glance, her player relaxes in a backyard pool and wouldn’t seem to have much going on.

That’s until the young lady goes out with a guy, has a weird sexual encounter (though the moment is, rest assured, nothing like 50 Shades of Grey), and develops ghastly visions and an unshakable feeling that someone is following her. The close-knit clique of friends and a pair of neighbors come into play, struggling to make heads or tails about the heroine’s curse.

Many spectators will wait until the movie appears on Netflix or cable, whereupon some will opine the pace is “too slow,” and the overall effect “isn’t scary enough.” I have no response to such inevitable complaints related to their TVs and domestic distractions. All I know is, the picture gradually builds a sense of uncertainty and dread, an eerie feeling throughout its economical 100 minutes.

Despite its perilously thin script and modest amount of scares, It Follows succeeds because it exudes a distinctive essence, a singular style to call its own. Mitchell serves up startling images, takes an unconventional approach with visual framing and camerawork; I especially enjoyed the methodical, 360-degree movements to reflect the lay of the land – and to reveal whether “It” is approaching.

Tris Cross

I

nsurgent, as anyone who cares about the Divergent series already knows, unspools in futuristic Chicago, where Shailene Woodley returns as Tris, whose unusual name is still more common than Four, portrayed again by Theo James.

They’re on the lam, hunting for answers and allies while being hunted by the greedy Erudite leader (Kate Winslet). Clearly, time isn’t on their side – and frankly, it’s difficult to discern who might be.

Characters in the form of young adults come and go, as the narrator of Stand By Me once observed, like busboys in a restaurant.

By now, the talented Miles Teller (Whiplash) seems bored and less focused, while Ansel Elgort, reunited with his ill-fated lover in The Fault in Our Stars, somehow lacks the same presence and charisma. Perhaps that’s because Elgort is relegated to the shadows of Octavia Spencer, Winslet – and Woodley herself, who demonstrates that she has broad enough shoulders to carry the responsibility. But giving our heroine a considerable assist, as Four’s estranged mother, is Naomi Watts; she is dialed-in, all in, and provides gravitas with unexpected ease. Buoyed by sleek visuals and muscular action segments, the capable actresses salvage a skeletal plot and surpass Divergent – in addition to last fall’s Hunger Games installation – in the bargain.

Get Lost

T

he double-entendre comedy Get Hard supplies a double-dose of comedians in the form of Will Ferrell, as a unjustly condemned banker, and indefatigable Kevin

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Hart, who runs a car-cleaning business. After the wealthy executive is sentenced to prison but given 30 days “to get his affairs in order,” he employs Hart’s gum-flapping participant (mistakenly presumed to be an ex-con) to prepare him for San Quentin.

Meanwhile, the corporation’s mogul (Craig T. Nelson) vows to clear his future son-in-law’s good name – a subplot that evolves into something at once corny and contrived.

At least director Etan Cohen (not to be confused with the unrivaled Ethan Coen) has the sense to step back and let his co-stars amass chuckles at their own expense. The few belly laughs come courtesy of Ferrell, whose poker-faced utterances can pay sweeping dividends, no matter how vulgar. Hart, by contrast, maintains his played-out shtick (not unlike Chris Tucker in the Rush Hour series) of speaking loudly and rapidly.

Both performers push the boundaries of humor, along with limits of credibility, and wear out their welcome before the movie’s halfway point. Evidently, Cohen and his screenwriters don’t believe that brevity is the soul of wit. Whether you blame the actors or their source material, finding genuine laughs is the hardest thing about Get Hard.

Off the Mark

I

n The Gunman, Sean Penn appears to be channeling the pre-Interstellar version of Matthew McConaughey, roaming around as the titular marksman while rarely wearing a shirt. It’s true Penn has an impressive, bulging-veins physique for a man of 54 (or any age) – but it becomes a constant distraction when most scenes seem to be part of a commercial for Axe Body Spray. The actual tale, in any case, pits Penn as an ex-Special Forces combatant determined to absolve himself of a volatile endeavor “years ago” as his associates like to point out. Javier Bardem operates a corporation after marrying the hero’s former lover (Italy’s enchanting Jasmine Trinca); the upshot is a personal conflict that never ends.

Clothed or not, Penn takes himself too seriously here, though it’s balanced by a sturdy stable of supporters, including thick-accented Ray Winstone (Noah and Hugo). Under the watch of Taken overseer Pierre Morel, however, The Gunman can’t get out of its own contrived way. Various details are too often reiterated and spelled out; the quartet of writers – at least two too many – rarely are on the same page.

Levity is almost non-existent. When a promising metaphor – involving a bullfight in the heart of Spain – is conjured up, it’s presented in such a condescending manner as if to ask viewers “Are you getting this – do you see the connection?” That obvious tactic had me seeing more red than the bull.

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SYVSNAPSHOT

by Eva Van Prooyen Keeping a finger on the pulse of the Santa Ynez Valley: what to eat, where to go, who to meet, and what to drink. Pretty much everything and anything situated between the Santa Ynez and San Rafael Mountains that could tickle one’s interest.

Join in the muddy cannon-balling on Saturday, April 11

Calling All Hotshots: Here’s Mud in Your Eye

P

roclaimed as the “mother of all mud runs,” Dave Henrey, founder of American Hotshots Extreme Run invites extreme athletes, weekend runners, everyday people, kids, and anyone wanting to play in the mud and feel a sense of accomplishment to join the second annual American Hotshots Extreme Run on Saturday, April 11.

“Everyone can do it,” says Dave, explaining that in addition to Figueroa Mountain Brewing Co. and Fireman’s Brew, the event is sponsored by the Santa Ynez Band of Chumash Indians and will take place on their 1,390-acre ranch and vineyard known as Camp 4. “There is a ten-mile, a six-mile, a three-mile, and two kids’ runs,” says Dave who is also the owner and founder of All Sports Fitness Center in Buellton, a 12,000 square-foot, 2014 American Hotshots Extreme Runners swing over full-service gym and youth gymnastics mud pits and ponds to claim the bragging right of center. “It was one of Michael Jackson’s becoming an American Hotshot storage facilities I converted and opened the doors about four years ago,” says Dave.

Born and raised in the Santa Ynez Valley and standing 6-foot-5, Dave says he’s always been athletic. He reports he played a year of football in high school, skipped college, and at the age of 21, became the youngest stockbroker in 125 years for Edward Jones. “I eventually got bored of doing that. I wanted to be an athlete, so I resigned, moved to Arizona, and said, ‘I’m gonna go play pro-football.’ I had enough resources to just work out and hang out at gyms in the off seasons,” says Dave, adding he used that time to meet pro footballers, worked-out with them, got to know them, and learned about becoming a professional player – and ultimately secured an agent.

From there, Dave became one of five people at the time to make an NFL

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roster without playing in college. “I played for the Houston Outlaws – a regional football league, signed with the Canadian Football League as a starting safety, and then signed with the NFL Indianapolis Colts as a wide-receiver,” says Dave, noting that during training camp he dislocated his shoulder, stayed on the injured reserve list, and when a new coach came on, he “brought his own guys” – so Dave went on to his next adventure.

“I became an EMT and then went into the fire academy,” says Dave, explaining while there, he passed out in class and was “misdiagnosed” with vertigo. A few years later he learned about “plumbing and electrical issues with my heart,” and Tammy Misner, mother of fallen Granite Mountain Hotshot Sean Misner, with American Hotshots in the last month has had two cardiac Extreme Run founder, Dave Henrey surgeries – cardiac ablations to be exact – to correct the problem…all while getting this run together. Dave reports his wife, Catherine, and their daughter, Jayda (9), and son, Cole (7), will be running.

Doctor’s orders stop him from being able to train as hard as he would need or want to for three months, so he’ll be cheering from the sidelines.

“I wanted to be in the fire department, I met so many great people, and wanted to be involved. We are proud to say we are giving 100 percent of the profit to the Wildland Firefighter Foundation,” says Dave. “This was started because of the 19 Hotshots killed in the Arizona fire last year.” One of those firefighters was Sean Misner, of Santa Ynez, a member of the Granite Mountain Hotshots Crew (of Prescott), who lost his life in heroic efforts to put out the Yarnell, Arizona wildfire.

“I coached him at Santa Ynez High School in football,” says Dave. “Our mission now is: ‘To give big to the children and spouses of fallen firefighters. To encourage people to go beyond their boundaries, and overcome both physical and personal obstacles.’ This run started as kind of an idea and morphed into a fundraiser because of Sean and his family.”

Dave says The American Hotshots Extreme Run staff are all big fans of Tough Mudder™: “We’ve attended many different obstacle runs. The big two – Tough Mudder™ and Spartan Race™ – are the undisputed industry leaders. We want to provide obstacles similar in quality and magnitude, minus the electric shock, with a few unique twists of our own.”

Dave says, “If you are scared, nervous, or just unsure if you will finish… well, you should be. However, you can do it, you will do it, and you will be overcome with a Take a trip to South Africa with our latest International Flight, highlighting wines from the region. Kicking off Friday the 17th from 6-10pm enjoy specially paired South African menu prepared by Nimitas Cuisine (available for purchase).

Corks n’ Crowns Tasting Room and Wine Shop

32 Anacapa Street in the heart of Santa Barbara's Funk Zone Hours: Monday-Sunday 11am-7pm

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feeling few people ever experience.” Anyone can sign up. “We will take reservations all the way up to the event and expect about 1,000 runners,” he says, adding there are more than 26 obstacles – including a massive slide that deposits you in a pond, big mud mounds, rope climbs, monkey bars, challenging mud crawls, a zip line over a reservoir, and something maze-like with smoke machines simulating a structure on fire.

With nearly 1,400 acres to play with, runners will enjoy a playful and challenging course through the Camp 4 vineyards. At least five of the obstacles will be right in front where spectators can watch, including the “Quarter Pipe we call Fig Mountain,” says Dave, describing it as a “17-foot high sloping wall that is really fun and pretty much vertical at the top. Only twenty-percent make it up, but when they do, it becomes an opportunity for camaraderie, and runners and teammates help one another over.”

The race entrance and Camp 4 is located off Highway 154, after the 246 interchange and roundabout in Santa Ynez. “The reality is that everyone can do it, and they have a great time,” says Dave. “We will see you at the starting line, and if you shed a tear as you are about to begin this challenge, we will understand. That feeling is being poised and ready to become an American Hotshot.”

All Sports Fitness Center is located at 85 Industrial Way, building J, in Buellton; (805) 691-9096. For more information on American Hotshots Extreme Run, visit www.hotshotextreme.com.

Los Olivos Art in the Park Painters, sculptors, and artisans flaunt fine art and handmade objets d’art under the shady trees of Lavinia Campbell Park and the adjacent Grange Hall in the center of Los Olivos. Sip, shop, mingle, and meet the craftsmen and women of these fine works – and get to know their process and inspirations. Saturday, April 11, from 11 am to 5 pm.

Eva’s Top Faves:

Santa Barbara Vintners Spring Weekend April 23 – 26 Four days of wine, food, and fun throughout Santa Barbara County with a Grand Tasting at the Vintners Festival on Saturday, April 25, where wine goers can sample wine from all 120 plus Santa Barbara Vintners wineries along with savory and sweet tastes from Valley restaurants, catering companies, and gourmands from 1 to 4 pm at River View Park in Buellton. Music, art, and wine-related booty round out the festivities. Throughout the entire weekend, select wineries host their own events, ranging from winemaker dinners, library tastings, new wine releases, and barrel tastings. Contact Santa Barbara Vintners (805) 688-0881 info@sbcountywines. com www.sbvintnersweekend.com

My personal picks, best bets, hot tips, save the dates, and things not to miss!

Chumash Earth Day The Santa Ynez Chumash Environmental Office invite residents of the Third Rock from the Sun to “celebrate Earth Day by giving back to Mother Earth.”

Earthlings and friends will gather at the Elder’s Lawn behind Tribal Hall and plant trees around the tribal grounds, and can learn how to make seed bombs and cordage at one of the workshops. Raffle prize tickets will be given to those who participate.

Saturday, April 11, 100 via Juana Lane, Santa Ynez 10 am to 2 pm. For more information, contact Erik Martinez at (956) 222-5901.

Succulent Vertical Garden… and Wine Design and plant your own seven-inch succulent living wall frame at Kenneth Volk Vineyards with Dreamland Horticulture, a pop-up succulent nursery on California’s Central Coast. $45 per person gets you in the door and includes a wine tasting, succulent crafting instruction, stained wooden frame, and 30 succulents.

Kenneth Volk Vineyards is located at 5230 Tepusquet Road in Santa Maria, as you wind your way up Foxen Canyon Road. Email rikki@dreamlandhort.com or call (805) 938-7896 for more information. Saturday, April 11, from 11 am to noon.

“Shave” the Date Demonstrations of sheep shearing and how wool was processed and used during Mission times will be held Saturday, April 25, from 11 am to 2 pm at La Purisima Mission State Historical Park, Lompoc. Ewe don’t want to miss this.

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THEDRIVER’SSEAT

The name Testarossa, or “Redhead,” stems from the red paint on the cam covers, but also the company’s penchant for comparing its cars to beautiful women

by Randy Lioz Randy is an automotive enthusiast with more than a decade of experience in the industry. Originally hailing from New York, he came to Santa Barbara by way of Detroit to work for an automotive forecasting company. You can regularly find him at Cars and Coffee with his Porsche 911 or Speedster replica.

A Troubling Phone Call

I

get occasional notes from readers telling me about interesting cars and owners in town. The cars will have an noteworthy tale of provenance, or the owner will have a nice personal story attached to it. But the email I got recently from Archie McLaren went beyond these elements. He laid out a tale of a super-rare and exotic looking car, shady financial dealings… and murder.

Uwe Gemballa (pronounced “OOHvay”) made a career of modifying highend cars, particularly Porsches, with

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performance equipment and radical body mods, and giving them names like Mirage, Avalanche, and Tornado.

Operating from his shop near Stuttgart, Germany, he also included interesting innovations that car companies themselves would later ape, such as steering wheel accessory controls and telecomm gear.

In 1987 he took one of the hottest cars around and made it even more extreme.

The Ferrari Testarossa (fun fact: it means “redhead” in Italian) was one of the most lust-worthy cars of its day, aided by a starring role in the hit show Miami Vice. The design was already radical, but Gemballa took the super-wide car and widened it by nearly five inches.

He also replaced the Testarossa’s signature side strakes with a split air intake for better breathing. He added custom wheels, and naturally he restyled the front and rear, complete with spoilers, in addition to shrinking the side-view mirrors. To compensate for the latter change, Gemballa pioneered a technology now somewhat ubiquitous on modern cars: the rear-view camera.

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McLaren’s 1987 Gemballa Ferrari has only around 7,700 miles on the clock

and steering wheel controls. The engine remained stock, but Gemballa’s exhaust had a unique six-pipe arrangement.

Including the donor car, the final product cost the equivalent of around $200,000 at the time. And he did this conversion only three times, with only two of those cars reportedly surviving to present day.

Several years ago, McLaren heard one of the cars was available in New York, and flew out there in the middle of winter.

“It was being shown in a very upscale, hip clothing store in SoHo,” McLaren recalls. “Didn’t just buy the car, I bought a really nice coat in that shop.”

McLaren owned the car for several years before the intrigue began. In

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January 2010, he got a call from the man himself. Gemballa wanted to buy back his car. He claimed there was a client of his who wanted to open a Gemballa museum. While McLaren wasn’t much interested in selling, he indulged the builder with a price that he believed was fair, given its rarity and pedigree.

“There was a hesitation, a silence, and then he said, ‘Well, I was hoping to get it for a good deal less than that,’” recalls McLaren. At that point, they were the only Ferraris that Gemballa had ever modified.

“He said, ‘Well thank you, I can’t do that.’ And then a month later, he disappeared.”

McLaren believes that phone call came from Europe, but he went missing in South Africa, where he was later found dead, that October.

Contemporaneous news reporting laid out a money-laundering scheme that Gemballa had been roped into involving his cars. His business was on the verge of a bankruptcy filing, and to escape his precarious finances he was convinced by a Czech crime boss hiding in South Africa, Radovan Krejčíř, to smuggle money inside the cars.

It was reported that one vehicle, a Porsche Cayenne, had actually been

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couldn’t even find a single mention of the founder, whom McLaren describes as “a very gracious guy.”

“He was nice, there was nothing arrogant or intimidating about him,” he says.

For this story, I met McLaren at his condo in downtown Santa Barbara.

He showed me the car in the ground-floor garage, The interior boasts a custom wheel with controls and a screen for the and it’s quite a sight. One rear camera of the most striking features sent from Germany to South Africa is the diminutive side mirrors, a high with €1 million, but the money went contrast from the extra-long originals. missing along the way. Shortly before he The rear-view monitor sticks out of the disappeared, Gemballa called his wife to dash prominently, since Gemballa had request that she place a large amount of no access to flat LCD screens in those cash in his account right away. days, but it is still nicely integrated to McLaren explained that Gemballa the interior design. “spoke to her in English, which he And the sound that emerged from the never, ever did,” likely tipping her off car when he cranked it up was magical. to the precariousness of the situation.

McLaren’s own story is quite McLaren believes it’s highly unlikely compelling as well. that she complied because they didn’t “I was born in Atlanta and moved to have access to any significant quantities Memphis the next day ‘cause the music of cash. Like other tuners in Germany, was better.” His career in legal publishing Gemballa’s business was suffering from took him to the western U.S. and all a major slowdown in the high-end over eastern and southeastern Asia. In market, and he was desperate to save the retirement, though, the real fun began, company he’d built. with deep involvement in the worlds of Eventually, the South African fine cuisine and rare wine. authorities did manage to arrest, try, He has been involved in several and convict a man, Thaibiso Mpshe, for organizations in the wine world, and the murder, all in the course of a single even founded the Central Coast Wine day.

Classic, a prestigious food and wine Regarding the phone call that McLaren event more than 25 years old. The event received, he believes that Gemballa was has also raised more than $2.5 million trying to get the car “for a song” so that over the past decade to support the he could turn around and sell it for the healing, performing, and studio arts. real market value to pay off Krejčíř, or Beyond these activities, McLaren’s bio perhaps just give it directly to the man is too long to adequately capture here, as payment. It seems that Gemballa but suffice to say he spends his days theorized that he could use his name and traveling the country and the world the story about the planned museum, to helping out with charity auctions, appeal to McLaren’s sense of pride, and chairing events in the wine and food pry away the car for chump change. industries, and studying subjects like Since that time, the company language, art, music, and anthropology. has emerged from bankruptcy, and He has also done some writing on topics continues to make radical conversions like multiculturalism and women’s of a wide range of cars, from Porsche to rights.

McLaren (the British supercar builder, A renaissance man, I suggested. not our friend Archie) to Mercedes“I don’t know about that,” he replied, Benz. Not surprisingly, there’s no mentioning his liberal leanings. “I don’t mention of the company’s tumultuous know if I’d have been well accepted in history on its website. Sadly, though, I the Renaissance.”

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