Tide Guide Rage Against the Machines

with Les Firestein

Les Firestein writes about houses and sometimes builds them. Before this, Les was a 5X Emmy nominated writer for TV. Had he won Thanks To the Internet of Things, one, he probably would not be with us today.

It’s Always Open Mic Night at Su Casa

Humanity may never have been more disjointed, tribal, and disconnected but our stuff, thanks to the Internet of Things, is thriving wirelessly and virtually everything has been Wi-Fi enabled, or, in today’s parlance, is “smart.”

It’s my observation that most things with the “smart” moniker are now made of “metal look” plastic instead of sturdy metal so they’re less expensive to ship from Saipan to Santa Barbara. And because these things are metalized plastic in addition to being overly complicated, they are cheaper (for you) and fail sooner (for them). So, to review: lower price point, delivered to you by drone, failing one day out of warranty so you buy them twice – that’s what Alexa calls smart.

Moreover, all our stuff talking to each other has formed a gossipy U.N. of things that works, sadly, much better than our hominid United Nations. And what is the result of all our devices communicating in the same language with a shared goal, without the petty human conflicts of race, border, and religion? I mean other than putting out enough EMF in your living room to cook a hot dog with additional radiation left over so you can toast s’mores indoors?

The result is our stuff has open mics and cameras and location trackers everywhere, creating little satellite branches of the NSA under our roofs. It’s a dystopic Pixar movie written by Orwell and directed by Putin, where the things have taken over and the E in Wall-E stands for Evil.

You’d be surprised how much networking you’ve inadvertently opted in to and how much sensitive info you may not know you’re sharing. You may also not realize how much stuff you needed to actively opt out of, lest your silence be interpreted as legally binding tacit approval.

If you think I’m some Luddite or paranoiac, let me tell you what happened just the other day.

Upon waking, I go to swipe open my iPad but noticed it had updated a few apps, which I decided to check out because maybe I lied about not being paranoid. Amongst the various apps that updated, one was Pinterest which I took a closer look at because I’m let’s say adequately versed in the Nerd Arts & Sciences.

Going back through my iPad’s time machine, I learned that in the dead of night Pinterest had given itself permission to open my camera so it could take pictures of my home. “This will allow us to greater customize the marketing we send your way,” enthused the Pinterest bot. That certainly aroused my Pinterest! Ever wonder how you browse a new pillow or just talk about a new pillow… then suddenly you’re being carpet bombed through all platforms with pillow ads with timebomb discount codes? Thanks to passive opt-in permissions, it’s always open mic night... and day… and open camera… at su casa. The Internet of Things says party at your house!

SUNDAY!

Special Thanks to:

EARL MINNIS PRESENTS

A PAY-PER-VIEW CONCERT EVENT

You Watch Your TV A Few Hours A Day. It’s Watching You 24/7

Ever wonder why good flat screen TVs dropped in price from thousands of dollars to just a few hundred? Was it the economy of scale? Or did we win a trade war or something? If only.

Turns out the TV manufacturers changed their business model. To, like, the way cell phone subscriptions used to work. They’ll basically give you the TV for near free in exchange for the right to access your private info plus the infotech mother lode: easy access to the rest of your web enabled Things. That means your inexpensive TV has access to your profile as a consumer, your spending habits, viewing habits. It’s info they sell again and again yes to other corporations but really to anyone who’ll pay for it – it’s a little like The Producers – they’ll sell as many shares as there are buyers.

So, yeah, maybe you only paid a few Benjamins for a decent quality TV. But your TV is getting the better end of the deal and they’ve probably got you on at least some form of low-grade subscription – so they can track you going forward.

To make matters worse, any device

RAGE Page 204

Water Quality Continues to Meet or Exceed Standards!

KENNY LOGGINS

2019* ANNUAL DRINKING WATER CONSUMER CONFIDENCE REPORT

Available online by July 1st, 2020 at: www.montecitowater.com/doc/ccr2019

SUN. JUNE 28, 7 PM PST $15 PPV TICKETS AT LOBERO.ORG

Produced and Directed by Byl Carruthers Kenny Loggins’ songs have left his musical imprint on the soundtrack of our lives. Join us to help save live music and Santa Barbara’s historic Lobero Theatre.

A socially distanced, unplugged performance on the Lobero stage. Tickets $15, proceeds benefiting the Lobero Theatre. *The prior year’s results are released annually by July 1st. THIS REPORT EXPLAINS where your water comes from, provides information on water quality and how it is measured, and presents the District’s 2019 test results which show that drinking water met, or was better than, state and federal water quality standards. TO RECEIVE A PRINTED VERSION please email info@montecitowater.com, or call us at 805-969-2271. ATTENTION LANDLORDS, BUSINESSES, SCHOOLS AND OTHER GROUPS: Please share this information with tenants, students, and other water users at your location who may not be customers receiving communications directly from Montecito Water District.