PACT Newsletter - June 2015

June 2015

MESSAGE FROM THE PACT TEAM We ar e pr oud to shar e w ith you our final PACT New sletter of the year. This w as a year in w hich w e w or ked har d to incr ease the im por tance of PACT (Par ents Ask Call Talk) in our school com m unity. Our goal w as, and continues to be, to r each out to our school com m unity to str engthen the bonds of com m unication betw een par ents and childr en, par ents and par ents, and par ents and the school.

Shar e your PACT f eedback wit h us PACTFeedback@SARHighSchool.org

Along w ith our GLCs, par ents and Adm inistr ation, our PACT team has w or ked to m anifest these goals thr ough both our gr ade level par ent pr ogr am s and these new sletter s. Par ents w er e invited to school for evenings of education and discussion.

Pr ogr am m ing included:

INTHIS ISSUE M ESSAGE FROM PACT M ANAGI NG FI NAL EXAM W EEKS SCENARI O DI SCUSSI ON REFLECTI ONS ON SUM M ER W ORK M ANAGI NG RI SKY BEHAVI OR DURI NG THE SUM M ER M ONTHS

PACTLEADERSHIP COMMITTEE RABBI TULLY HARCSZTARK

- PACT staff facilitated discussion w ith ninth gr ade par ents using r eal life scenar ios to explor e opening lines of com m unication about decision m aking and under standing differ ent fam ilies? appr oaches to teen par enting - An inter active evening w ith tenth gr ade par ents shar ing w hat students ar e lear ning in their Health and Beit M idr ash classes r egar ding sexuality, w ellness and good decision m aking - An eleventh gr ade evening for students w ith Ber nie Hor ow itz w ho shar ed a pow er ful stor y about his exper ience as a par ent and about adolescent substance abuse her e in the River dale Jew ish com m unity - A senior par ent for um on par enting a child w hen he or she is em bar king on independent adult life Additionally, our new sletter s have sought to educate our school com m unity on str ategies and cur r ent liter atur e r egar ding the life of teens. Thr ough topics such as the digital life of teens, alcohol and substance abuse, sexuality or sim ply how teens spend their fr ee tim e, w e hope our new sletter s have ser ved as a spr ingboar d to fur ther r eflection and com m unication on how w e par ent and guide our teens and find that fine balance betw een giving them both independence and super vision.

RABBI AARON FRANK DR. RUSSELL HOFFM AN DR. M I CHELLE HUM I NURSE RUSSI BOHM M R. M I CHAEL COURTNEY M S. CARI COHEN LAYOUT EDI TOR: GI LA KOLB

W hile ther e ar e too m any to m ention by nam e, I w ould like to thank our har d w or king staff and all of the par ents w ho displayed their com m itm ent to PACT thr ough volunteer ing to speak , shar e, w r ite and coor dinate our pr ogr am s.

In the com ing year, w e look for w ar d to m or e new sletter s, guest speaker s, panels and other oppor tunities for lear ning and conver sations. As alw ays, w e w ould love to hear fr om you. Em ail us w ith ideas for new sletter s or pr ogr am m ing suggestions. Have a safe, r estful and r elaxing sum m er !

- Rabbi Aar on Fr ank and the PACT Team

By: Ms. Leah Sil vera, SLC Support Program Coordinat or

PARENT GUIDE FOR MANAGING FINALEXAM WEEKS

As finals ar e fast appr oaching, your child m ay be feeling m or e str essed than usual. A cer tain am ount of str ess is healthy and nor m al but too m uch str ess can im pact a student's ability to per for m on their final exam s. Below ar e som e sim ple suggestions to help your child m anage their w or kload and r educe his or her str ess w hile studying.

1) Tim e m anagem ent - Encour age your child to use his/her planner and develop a study schedule. This w ill allow him /her to focus on one subject at a tim e r ather than becom e over w helm ed by a ver y long list of exam s and pr ojects. W hen developing a study schedule, it is im por tant to be r ealistic about how m uch tim e is necessar y to pr epar e. W hile scheduling 20 m inutes per subject is pr obably not sufficient, scheduling 10 hour s per subject is also not necessar y.

2) Envir onm ent - Students study in differ ent w ays. For one, m usic or other w hite noise m ay m ake pr ocessing infor m ation sm oother w hile for the next, a distr action fr ee envir onm ent is necessar y. Take a m om ent to talk w ith your child about w hich envir onm ent is r eally best for him /her.

Have your child think about an exam that w as successful and w hat kind of envir onm ent facilitated that success.

3) Technology - M any of the students at SAR par ticipate in online study gr oups and contr ibute to online study guides. Ther efor e, telling students to r em ain offline is not alw ays the best advice. How ever, it m ay be in their best inter ests to keep the technology in a public space to avoid the tem ptation to get caught up in the social aspects of social m edia and not stay focused on the academ ic ones.

4) Active lear ning - One of the m ost com m on m isconceptions am ong students is that r eading class notes is studying. Reading notes is a passive activity. It does not r equir e the br ain to engage in any m eaningful w ay.

Ther efor e you should encour age your child to include other active str ategies along w ith note r eading. Re-w r iting notes, teaching the m ater ial to a par ent, sibling or pet, engaging in study gr oups or cr eating quizlets ar e just som e suggestions for active lear ning.

5) Sleep - As alw ays, sleep is vital for teenager s and m or e so dur ing final exam s. Talk to your child about r ealistic "shut dow n" tim es. Encour age him /her to log off com puter s and even tur n off phones w ell befor e the tim e set to go to sleep so that he/she gets as m uch uninter r upted sleep as possible.

6) Study gr oups and r eview sessions - Encour age your child to take advantage of r eview sessions r un by teacher s and to m eet w ith classm ates in school w ho ar e putting together study gr oups.

7) Br eaks - Rem em ber that br eaks should be built in to any successful study r egim e. Scheduling br eaks can r educe the tem ptation to get distr acted by other activities. It also ser ves as a r ew ar d for r em aining focused for a per iod of tim e. It's often easier to push thr ough the last 15 m inutes of a task w hen you know that you have a 20 m inute br eak com ing up to catch up w ith fr iends, play a gam e or eat a snack .

8) Stay calm - If you becom e anxious about the am ount of tim e or the m anner in w hich your child chooses to study, you need to be thoughtful about how you com m unicate these w or r ies to your child. Your anxiety can becom e their anxiety. Fighting w ith your child w ill m ost likely have a negative r esult as w ell. W hile discussing these suggestions and str ategies w ith your child can be pr oductive, it is im por tant to allow him /her the r oom to figur e out how to m ake studying w or k . In the end, w hile finals ar e im por tant and help develop valuable skills, the final exam gr ade is only a per centage of the final gr ade for the cour se and w ill not dr astically change a student's aver age.

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SCENARIO: ENTRIES INTODISCUSSION WITH YOUR CHILD This section addresses how parents navigate the challenge of parenting with respect to the academic life of their children. In the hopes of leading toward more reflective lenses as finals are upon us, we asked a number of our faculty to respond to the following scenario:

AFAMILYTHERAPIST was speaking with the parents of a high school student. The parents expressed frustration that their teenager was not putting forth adequate effort on his studies and extracurricular activities. The parents lamented, ?We just don?t understand why he won't give his best effort!

If you are doing something, why not do your best?!?

The therapist replied, ?I would never tell a child to ?do their best?or ?try their hardest?in such a broad way. If he tries to do his best on everything, he?ll burn out. I would tell him to do his best for the things that matter the most to him, and to do good enough on the rest.?

SAR PERSPECTIVES in response t o t he t herapist : Dr. Mark Shinar

Mr. Michael Court ney

Dr. Russel l Hof f man

Direct or of General St udies

Direct or of Col l ege Counsel ing

School Psychol ogist

W hile I think ther e is cer tainly a m or e elegant w ay in w hich the ther apist could have offer ed his advice, I see a nugget of w isdom in his w or ds. The tr uth is that high school is one of the only tim es in students?lives w hen they ar e asked to be good at ever ything - to excel in m ath and sciences, the hum anities, Judaic studies and extr acur r icular activities. Once students m ove on to higher education and car eer s, they

I disagr ee w ith the ther apist?s advice and believe that this guidance goes against the philosophy of SAR High School and our unique gr ading scale.

We never tell our students that they m ust be the best at ever ything; r ather, w e str ess that they m ust tr y their best in ever ything. As SAR str esses a student?s level of r esponsibility and com m itm ent thr ough ?Investm ent in Lear ning,? w e have cr eated a cultur e w her e w e value effor t and aw ar d

(continued on pg. 4)

(continued on pg. 5)

On the w hole, I agr ee w ith the ther apist?s position in this scenar io.

One of the things that I like about his bit of advice is that it is r ealistic. It str ikes a balance (or, at least, it aim s to str ike a balance) betw een aspir ing for gr eatness and r ecognizing one?s lim its. Som e people feel that these tw o concepts ar e incom patible, that str iving for gr eatness m eans going all out or going past one?s lim its.

Per sonally, I think that these tw o (continued on pg. 5)

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SCENARIO (continued from pg 3) (Response fr om Dr . M a r k Shina r ) tend to specialize, to hom e their attentions in on their passions and talents. In that w ay, the ther apist in the scenar io is cer tainly hitting on a valuable notion w hen advising the student to ?do his best for the things that m atter m ost to him .?

Ultim ately, how ever, I think the advice is too easily m isinter pr eted and r uns the r isk of sending the w r ong m essage to the student. Ter m s like ?do your best? and ?do good enough? ar e platitudes w ith no specific guidelines or benchm ar ks for success. How do you know w hen you ar e doing your best? W hat exactly does ?good enough? look like to a teenager ? Even m or e concer ning: is it r easonable to ask high school students to deter m ine w hat m atter s m ost to them at this developm ental stage in their lives? Ther e ar e m any w ays in w hich a student m ight identify w hat m atter s m ost. Som e of those w ays m ight be thoughtful - a passion, deep inter est, or pr oclivity. Other students, how ever, m ay m ake that decision in a m or e w him sical w ay - a teacher they like or a cour se that ?looks better ? on a tr anscr ipt.

special pact pr ogr am!! cl ick her et o r sv p/ buy t he book

So, w hat should the advice her e be? The fir st piece of advice should be pointed tow ar ds the par ents. It?s im por tant for them to r eflect ser iously about w hat is fr ustr ating them so m uch about their child?s behavior s. Is it because the child has a pr oblem or because they have a pr oblem ? Ar e they fr ustr ated because their child is not doing w ell, or ar e they fr ustr ated because their child is not living up to their ow n set of standar ds and expectations? These ar e har d questions to untangle, but they ar e cr itical, nonetheless. Som etim es, teenager s need to be given the autonomy necessar y to m ake their ow n decisions and live w ith the consequences. We can advise and guide, but w e cannot for ce. Doing so w ill r ar ely yield the r esults that w e hope for.

Once the par ents under stand their ow n m otivations, they can then tur n their attention tow ar ds their child. We should never set low expectations for our childr en, but w e should be thoughtful about asking the r ight questions and finding the best r esour ces to help guide them to find their passions. Resum e building and padding w ill not inspir e the outcom es w e ar e hoping our childr en w ill achieve. Rather, the m or e w e, our selves, m odel and expose our childr en to w onder ful volunteer oppor tunities and activities and show them the beauty of lear ning and discover y, the m or e likely they w ill be to put for th m or e effor t to identify and pur sue their ow n passions.

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SCENARIO(continued from pg 3) (Response fr om M r . M icha el Cour tney) students?w or k ethic and m iddot via a separ ate gr ading categor y. We ar e all aw ar e that our school?s m antr a is ?It?s not just w hat you lear n. It?s w ho you becom e.? This slogan aligns w ith the Investm ent in Lear ning ethos. SAR str ives to cr eate a cultur e w her e students see the big pictur e and r ecognize that their actions have an im pact beyond the building and year s 14-18 of their teenage lives. Students her e r eceive a high school education that is m or e focused on investing in their studies r ather than expecting str aight A?s in Quality of Wor k .

Consequently, I have no pr oblem advising students that they should attem pt to achieve str aight A?s in Investm ent in Lear ning. We cannot expect ever y pupil to be equally str ong in liter atur e, histor y, m athem atics, science, Hebr ew language, a second for eign language, Talm ud, Tanakh, M achshevet Yisr ael, and physical education. But w e can expect ever y student to r ecognize w hy it is im por tant to tr y in each of these subjects. Ther e is obviously a value in being educated in both the secular and Judaic cur r icula. To pick and choose w hich subjects to pr ior itize is not setting the stage for r eality: it is akin to an em ployee of an or ganization believing that he/she can select w hich pr ojects to give their 100% and w hich ones to shir k in hopes of just getting by. I believe that alw ays tr ying to be r esponsible is the education w e?d like to im par t as w e m entor students to be successful adults at 18, 28, and 38.

Fur ther m or e, college adm ission offices appr eciate the Investm ent in Lear ning categor y. They see it as offer ing a fuller pictur e of the student r ather than the m echanized singular gr ade that they ar e accustom ed to r eview ing. They r ecognize that the gr ading scale at SAR m ir r or s the over all exper ience at our institution w her e teacher s pay attention to the unique needs of ever y student.

The extr acur r icular ar ena is another question. As a coach in the high school, I str ess that in ever y pr actice or gam e, a player m ust tr y his har dest. Over t detachm ent lands a player on the bench as this behavior em phasizes the individual per son over the com m unity; quite sim ply, it goes against the m eaning of team ! W hile I can never expect ever y player on my basketball team to be equally skilled, I do expect ever y player to be equally invested in better ing the team . A student need not be engaged in a laundr y list of extr acur r icular activities; instead, w ithin the few that he/she is par t of, he/she m ust com m it and contr ibute to the success of the activity.

The high school year s ar e incr edibly for m ative and developm entally im por tant. Of cour se, one can change his/her w or k ethic if said student m atur es after high school. But it is our r ole as educator s to tap into the potential of ever y pupil and ensur e that the bur geoning young adult has established the skills to becom e successful beyond SAR. Ultim ately, pr ior itizing one?s w or k ethic should not be com pr om ised.

(Response fr om Dr . Russell Hoffma n) seem ingly contr adictor y ideas ar e both equally necessar y for success. It is equally im por tant for m e, on the one hand, to know my str engths and know w her e I can pr obably excel, and, on the other hand, to acknow ledge and under stand my w eaknesses and know how and w hen they m ight under m ine m e. This is the key to success - having aspir ations, and str iving to achieve those goals by str ategically har nessing my str engths to w or k ar ound the ar eas that can potentially obstr uct my effor ts. That is a gener al pr inciple that I think is at the hear t of leading a balanced life and is fundam ental to a balanced appr oach to education.

In the scenar io, the ther apist is suggesting that the par ents apply this gener al pr inciple to the tr icky task of teaching teenager s how to budget their tim e and choose their pr ior ities. I think that is a fine m essage to send a teenager : ?You don?t have to be a per fect student, but w e do expect you to be a conscientious and str ategic student.?

The tension at the hear t of this scenar io is not lost on m e. The par ents ar e fr ustr ated by their child?s seem ing lack of effor t (or m otivation or investm ent or initiative? ). If the par ents?expectation of their child is that they w ill invest all of them selves in their academ ic and extr a-cur r icular pur suits, then this conflict is inevitable. (Im agine the r ighteous indignation w e w ould feel if our em ployer s and/or fam ilies expected 100% investm ent fr om us at all tim es.) How ever, the ther apist?s suggestion r ecasts the par ent-child conflict in a differ ent - and, I w ould suggest, m or e constr uctive - context. Now the tension is not so m uch about m otivation/investm ent as it is about setting pr ior ities and consider ing the value judgm ents that infor m how w e allocate our tim e. That is still shaky gr ound for m any par ents and childr en because of the gener ation gap - par ents and childr en do not alw ays shar e the sam e values and pr ior ities. But now this is a conver sation - not an all-or -nothing ultim atum . And even w hen par ents and childr en do not see eye to eye on the r elative im por tance of com peting dem ands on their tim e (i.e., an ar t pr oject vs. a histor y essay, m ath hom ew or k vs. ultim ate fr isbee, SAT pr ep vs. updating my blog, etc.), they can hopefully agr ee on the need to be discr im inating and to think about their r elative im por tance. This is a cr ucial life lesson for teenager s, and it is one for w hich par ents ar e often the pr im ar y teacher s.

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r ef l ect ions on summer homewor k

BY: RABBI AARONFRANK, ASSOCIATEPRINCIPAL

Ther e w as once a tim e w hen sum m er w as sum m er and the lessons w e lear ned w er e fr om the neighbor hood pool, ar ound the cam pfir e or the cam p baseball diam ond. Sum m er know ledge w as not culled fr om our school textbooks. Those w er e used fr om Septem ber thr ough June and school w or k w as not a par t of the sum m er r outine. But I have lear ned, both as a par ent and a school adm inistr ator, that sum m er w or k in 2015 is sim ply par t of life.

In r eflecting upon and r eading about the topic of sum m er w or k (1), it seem s that it falls into one of the follow ing categor ies: 1-Sum m er Head Star t--This type of w or k is pr epar ator y w or k for the com ing year. Reading the fir st novel for English class, lear ning the Per ek of M ishna that w ill be used for Gem ar a, or m aster ing the fir st tw o chapter s of a science AP all allow teacher s and students to begin in Septem ber hitting the gr ound r unning.

2--Review Wor k--This ser ves to keep the skills lear ned in the pr evious year shar p and fr esh.

Review ing Hebr ew gr am m ar or keeping up w ith Physics pr oblem s gives the assur ance to the com ing year ?s teacher s that the students w ill be pr epar ed to face the cur r icular challenges in the com ing year.

3--Keeping in the Gam e of Lear ning--This type of w or k often pr esents m or e options for students. Reading one of a selection of books, lear ning the student?s choice of M ishnayot or r eading thr ee ar ticles fr om any Hebr ew new spaper all aim for students to under stand the value of lear ning subject m atter w hile, at the sam e tim e, giving them the autonomy to choose their ow n m ater ial w ithin cer tain disciplines.

W ith these differ ent m odels in m ind, schools aim to assign constr uctive and valuable w or k .

Cer tainly, m any of the questions that ar ise w hen assessing the value of hom ew or k altogether em er ge w ith thinking about sum m er w or k . Yet, sum m er w or k also has som e unique challenges.

Schools m ust be especially car eful to m onitor the am ount of sum m er w or k given. They m ust m ake the challenging decision of w hich disciplines can give sum m er w or k and w hich type they assign. It is never ok to over w helm students w ith too m uch hom ew or k and this

is especially tr ue in the sum m er.

In thinking about sum m er w or k , schools m ust also acknow ledge that r ising senior s have added pr essur es in addition to schoolw or k over the sum m er. If our college guidance depar tm ents ar e encour aging polishing up the college essay or w or king on applications, teacher s m ust keep this in m ind w hen evaluating the sum m er w or kload.

Additionally, w hile ther e ar e alw ays exceptions, ther e ar e obviously m any m or e bar r ier s to academ ic m otivation over the sum m er. Under standably, som e students ar e sim ply less m otivated, if at all. Also, som e ar e only m otivated w hen they ar e given tasks that seem differ ent fr om those dur ing the school year.

Teacher s and par ents alike m ust r ealize that expectations in the sum m er cannot and should not be the sam e as dur ing the school year. They m ust also r em em ber that teens often r espond best to autonomy and choice. This is even m or e tr ue in the sum m er.

The m or e choice w e give w hen it

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REFLECTIONS ONSUMMERHOMEWORK (continued from pg 6) com es to sum m er assignm ents, the m or e that students m ay find the differ ence r efr eshing and ther efor e be m or e m otivated to apply them selves to their sum m er w or k .

Finally, follow thr ough is key. W hile som e sum m er w or k counts for gr ades and other sum m er w or k counts for extr a cr edit, all too often, students feel that their sum m er w or k is not tr uly gr aded and counted as pr om ised. If w e give sum m er w or k , w e m ust be clear about w hat it is w or th and m ake our conver sations in the fall r eflect the ar ticulated expectations.

If w e ask schools to r ealize that sum m er w or k pr esents differ ent challenges, par ents m ust also r ealize this as w ell. W hile par ents m ust know w hat m otivates their kids dur ing the school year, they m ust also adjust expectations w hen it com es to the effor t they expect fr om their childr en dur ing the sum m er.

Teens m ight pace them selves differ ently in the sum m er, for a w hole host of r easons, given their var ious plans and activities. If a child is leaving for an intense sum m er tr ip or cam p exper ience for nine w eeks, the schedule and expectation of tim e investm ent m ay be differ ent than those of a teen w ho is not going aw ay at all.

In the tr ue spir it of PACT, com m unication w hen it com es to sum m er w or k w ill lead to success. Cer tainly open com m unication betw een par ents and teens is key. Par ents should m ake a plan w ith their teens at the beginning of the sum m er as to the m ost r ealistic and efficient w ay to appr oach their sum m er w or k .

Once your child r eceives his/her sum m er assignm ent fr om SAR High School, w hich he/she w ill soon, please also feel fr ee to r each out to the school w ith any questions or concer ns.

Talking to our childr en, to the school and m aybe even other par ents about how to best tackle the w or k in June, m ay allow m or e buy-in and success com e Septem ber.

(1)?Summer Homework: Yes or No http://www.greatschools.org/students/homework-help/4260-sum m er -hom ew or k-yes-or -no.gs

From academi c to soci al ch al l enges, i n th i s f i nal new sl etter of th e year, w e are f ocusi ng on parenti ng duri ng th e summer month s.

To v i ew an arti cl e by EM POWERI NG PA RENTS on h ow to h andl e summer probl ems, Cl i ck Here Although this article refers to "troubled children," the advice is valuable to parents of all children.

Now th at summer i s h ere ? sl ow dow n and use th e ti me to communi cate w i th your ch i l d.

Watch your emai l f or SA R Hi gh Sch ool 's Summer Readi ng A ssi gnments to arri v e mi d-June.

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PACT NEWSLETTERj une2015

ADVICEFORPARENTS: HOWTOMANAGERISKY BEHAVIORINTHESUMMER MONTHS - Shar e your r ules and expectations w ith your child about cur few, com m unicating hom e w hen going out, and know ing his/her w her eabouts.

- Have conver sations about your fam ily values ar ound dr ugs and alcohol.

- Let your child know that if they ar e in a danger ous situation they can call you for a no-questions r ide hom e.

- Continue to m onitor your child?s w her eabouts. Confir m plans in advance w her e s/he?ll be, w ith w hom , and at w hat tim e s/he?ll be hom e.

- Be aw ake w hen your teen ar r ives hom e so that you can obser ve any signs of alcohol or dr ug use.

- M aintain fam ily r ituals such as eating dinner together.

- Find cr eative alcohol/dr ug- fr ee w ays for your teen to feel ?cool? and have fun.

- Sum m er is a gr eat tim e for you and your teen to take a class, volunteer, or exper ience som ething new together.

- Have a ?conver sation jar ? - discuss differ ent scenar ios and ask for your son or daughter ?s opinions and offer r eal decision-m aking oppor tunities.

Just because sch ool i s out, PA CT i s sti l l i n!

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