The Brick Magazine | August 2018 by The Brick Magazine Ann Arbor

BRICK

THE

AUGUST 2018

MAGAZINE

HOW TO OVERCOME YOUR GREATEST BARRIER TO SUCCESS INNER ALCHEMY PACK LIKE A PRO

PLUS! TOYOTA SHOWS THEIR COMMITMENT TO COMMUNITY

Angela

Harrison

HOW MY CAREER CHOSE ME

ANN ARBOR

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THE

BRICK MAGAZINE

AUGUST 2018

Publisher • Sarah Whitsett

Assistant to the publisher • Jillian Fraioli

Art Director • Jennifer Knutson

Copy Editor • Angelina Bielby

Marketing Director • Steve DeBruler

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CONTENTS

Cover Photographer • Anna Petoskey

Contributors >>

Bridget Baker Erin Cantrell Millie Chu Kristen Domingue Madeleine Forbes

Jillian Fraioli Angela Harrison Sharon Lawlor Tanya Penny

Lisa Profera Praveena Ramaswami Randi Rubenstein Stephanie Saline Maria Sylvester

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6 | The Brick Magazine

How My Career Chose Me Doing What You Love Where You Love with Angela Harrison

How to Create a Toned Body

Spicing Up the Grill

22 26 28 32 36 38 42 44 46

however, we cannot make any claims as to the accuracy of information provided by advertisers or editorial contributors and will accept no

Clear Your Clutter Make Room for What’s Important

Let Go of Your Dull Complexion and Let Your Radiance Shine Through I Lost My Phone and I Don’t Care On Freedom and Letting Go Let That Old Story Go How to Overcome Your Greatest Barrier to Success Inner Alchemy Pack Like a Pro Your Summer Vacay Wardrobe City of Good Neighbors Toyota Shows Their Commitment to Community Letting Go & Creating the Healthy, Happy Life You Desire Bring Order to Your Home By Letting Go of Perfection

AN HONEST, ARTFUL AND DOCUMENTARY APPROACH TO WEDDING, FAMILY AND PORTRAIT PHOTOGRAPHY FOR SOUTHEAST MICHIGAN & BEYOND

h e a t h e r n a s h p h o t o g r a p h y. c o m h m n p h August o t o @2018 g m a i|l . 7c o m

CLEAR YOUR CLUTTER

MAKE ROOM FOR WHATâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;S IMPORTANT by Bridget Baker

8 | The Brick Magazine

of being present in the joy around you. You don’t need to raid the Container Store for more storage systems; you may find that when you let go of what you don’t need, you won’t need to buy anything new at all.

I think we have it backward. We think we just need to get organized, but it really begins with letting go and starting to explore life with less. I don’t just mean less “stuff” in the sense of physical items, but less on your to-do-list, less to worry about, or less urgency; less that gets in the way

This process of getting organized begins with decluttering in order to get to a place where there is less to worry about, less to have to clean, and less to manage. Be gentle with yourself in this process, but know that it will take diligence and perseverance to sift through what’s not essential, to get to the heart of what is. Rather than organizing what you have, take a look at what you really need first, and then getting organized becomes much more straightforward.

e wonder what our life would look like if we were just more organized. Would we have Pinterest-perfect homes? Would we be more successful or happier? When we think about getting organized, it often gets pushed back further and further on our list. We know we would feel better, but we don’t know where to start.

August 2018 | 9

I am one of those people who actually likes to organize and have since I was young. I used to label my dresser drawers and tell my mom to clean her room. This led to a career as a professional organizer, helping people declutter their homes and make space for what they wanted to create. Through decluttering, I turned a hall closet into a photography studio, a garage into an art studio, and a storage room into a guest room. There was hidden square footage in people’s homes, and when we got rid of what wasn’t important, we made room for what was. Do you have a closet filled with clothes you never wear? Those extra clothes in your closet are causing what’s known as decision fatigue. Too many choices actually have us feeling like we have “nothing to wear,” when in fact we just may have clothes that we either think aren’t adequate or don’t fill our lifestyle or personality. Be straight with yourself here. If

10 | The Brick Magazine

you’re not wearing it, let it go. Someone else can get much more joy from an unworn item than it will be collecting dust in your closet. You don’t need more clothing racks, shoe bins, or storage baskets — you most likely just need less clothing. It may work to set a rule for yourself here that to buy something new, you have to get rid of something old. Do you have a kitchen with gadgets galore (cue “The Little Mermaid” soundtrack here), leftover from wedding registries, failed canning experiments, or lofty goals of making your own yogurt? If you are not using them, they are getting in the way of the items you do use and are causing visual chaos when you go searching for a thing you actually need. You may have even found yourself buying duplicates, thinking you didn’t have a wooden spoon, and then you see you have several of them. The best way to get organized is to pare down first, rather

than think you need to buy a bigger house so you can just have more “cabinet space.” Less stuff means less to organize in the first place. Keeping counters cleared and items put away makes cooking and cleaning up even more effortless. Is your office an archive of old materials and former careers? Are you saving files and folders from old businesses or jobs that no longer apply to what you are doing currently? If you really want a record of the past, scan those files digitally with your phone, store them online, and set your office space free. Giving yourself breathing room creates a more peaceful and present you, and keeps you focused on what is essential. Start by focusing on what you want and what is important to you, and let go of what doesn’t match that or what gets in the way of that. When you let go of old or outdated

versions of you, then you can make room for what you want to create next. You can then get organized, and choose to stay or organized. Keep clutter at bay by establishing some ground rules, either with yourself or your household. Clean up after you make a mess right away. Make your bed every day. Think twice before buying something new. Do clutter clearings weekly, monthly, and yearly and create a routine around organization, so it becomes a habit.

Bridget Baker web presence sherpa | productivity hacker Bridget Baker | freelance blogger digital nomad web presence sherpa | productivity minimalist adventurer | speaker hacker digital nomad | freelance blogger full-time RVer minimalist adventurer | speaker www.instagram.com/travellightlife/Travellightlife.com full-time RVer www.instagram.com/travellightlife/Travellightlife.com August 2018 | 11

Photo by Anna Petoskey

12 | The Brick Magazine

HOW MY CAREER CHOSE ME Doing what you love where you love with Angela Harrison by Kristen Domingue Photography by Anna Petoskey

In our conversation with Angela Harrison, we watched how a gnawing childhood passion turns itself into a career. While there are many paths to fulfillment with lots of uncertainty and twists and turns, the unencumbered certainty that drove Harrison is an inspiration to behold. Her conviction about the way every woman should feel in her clothes (and in her own skin) showcases her true gift: delivering self-love to everyone she touches.

efore I even knew what “styling” meant, I was a stylist.

Barbies were always swapping tops and bottoms instead of wearing their assigned outfits. My childhood dress-up outfits featured my mom’s flower-print dresses and platform shoes from the ‘70s and ‘80s. Clothing and accessories have always been part of my life. I was constantly warned to not run on the hardwood floor in plastic baby kitten-heels (why were those ever considered a good idea? What diva two-year-old needs clear glitter kitten-heels?). Purses were a major deal for me too, every outfit as a child needed some sort of purse. Even though these purses were totally empty except for maybe a Lip-Smacker chapstick, I needed to

have a purse for my outfits. I really don’t know where it all started, probably just growing up watching my mom and grandmothers when we went out. I always needed to be part of the outfit selection and I knew what I liked: side ponytail with bow, Princess Jasmine tunic covered in big jewels, matching crossbody bag, done and done! As the years went on and school dances rolled around, I was always the second-opinion for dress-shopping with friends; they trusted my suggestions and really loved anything I suggested they give a try. Even though I didn’t really know how to name what I did, I had a natural eye for color, texture, and proportion. Eventually, I decided to major in fashion merchandising at Western Michigan University and see where this could go.

August 2018 | 13

I loved that program. The professors were women who were visual merchandisers for the Dayton Hudson Corporation and Saks Fifth Avenue, creating window displays in a time when brick-and-mortar retail was alive and well. My mentors were buyers for Marshall Field’s and Victoria’s Secret; they were the ones who decided what these stores were going to carry. I sharpened my trendspotting skills from the best in the business. It was such an inspiring time. While in school, I worked at a boutique in downtown Kalamazoo owned by two women who took me under their wing. They let me create merchandising plans, took me to Chicago for buying trips, and had me choose pieces for the store. It was a dream-cometrue for a 20-year-old. I got to implement everything I learned in the classroom in the boutique after school. I knew by then what a stylist was and that’s what I wanted to be. Television programs like The Rachel Zoe Project on Bravo, with their red carpets, celebrities, and front rows at fashion shows, confirmed this was a real profession. The only thing left was to make it work exactly the same in Michigan. Fun fact: it doesn’t work the same.

Photo by Anna Petoskey

14 | The Brick Magazine

After merchandising for an international retailer and not enjoying the hectic life of retail, I decided to create a styling

business that would make sense for life in the Metro Detroit area. I didn’t see why only celebrities needed help creating a wardrobe — everyone should have help with this! I wanted to style for everyday life and everyday people. Five years later I’m still at it, styling clients from all backgrounds, ages, and professions for photoshoots and national commercials, while at the same time getting back to my roots with visual merchandising for local businesses and retailers.

time to sell your

home?

THE REALITY OF BIG AMBITION IN A SMALL TOWN: CHOICES I know it can sound glamorous, even in Michigan. But the reality of this lifestyle can have unintended consequences. It forces you to answer The Big Questions early. I always envisioned myself in a place like New York or Los Angeles, working in fashion, being fiercely single, living at an office and willingly giving twenty hours a day to my career — you know, that workaholic life we equate with success!

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But then, at 21, I met my significant other, a guy who unexpectedly opened my eyes to what it really means to have a successful life, the side of life we often neglect. Meeting someone who I cared about and wanted to make different life choices for was something I’d never done, nor wanted to do. My choices were always made based on my dreams or what I wanted, and for that to change because of a relationship was new for me. My best friend and I always found strength in knowing who we were as young women; we didn’t need relationships to validate our self-worth, and that hasn’t changed. But when you grow up and experience a relationship that makes such an impact on your life, you start to look at the dreams you had more realistically. What does moving to New York with no job and no family or friends look like? What does this relationship’s future look like? What can I do to have both? I had to ask myself the real “grown-up” questions of what do I value most: life at work, or life when I get home?

This was a major challenge for me, and I think a lot of women face this. We feel there’s a choice to be made between professional fulfillment and personal. This wasn’t good enough for me. I need options — that’s why I’m a stylist. So far, I’ve chosen to stay in Michigan, a choice I’ve made a hundred times over. But I’ve found a way to do what I’ve always seen as my path. I brought styling to my neighborhood of people, which then grew a little here and there, and has lead me to work on awesome projects and meet incredible people — all while still being in my relationship seven years later. When I consider what’s true for me personally, I wouldn’t be able to get through work struggles without my family. I often wonder what my career would look like right now if I did go to a major city and work with big names, running on little sleep and high adrenaline. But I also like the freedom of creating my own styling niche and having balance in life. It’s nice to have both, we all deserve both.

August 2018 | 15

WHEN TO EXCEED EXPECTATIONS AND WHEN TO LET THEM GO When I look back at my life so far, I’ve noticed that I’m really hard on myself. I don’t excuse my mistakes, I always blame myself, always demand more. When I’ve messed up on internships or accidentally ruined a wedding gown (it was saved and 100% perfect, don’t worry!), the disappointment in myself is something I carry with me from that point on. Even though I’m tough on myself, I regret not giving myself a break here and there. As you get older, you realize things have a way of working themselves out. It’s hard to keep perspective in the moment, to not think all is lost and ruined and irreversible, but there’s usually a solution in the end. If I could give younger Angela one piece of advice, it would be this: Any friend who walks

away because you’re trying to better your own life isn’t a friend. When I was younger my friends were everything, so I held back exploring things they didn’t want to do. I’m a very empathetic person and I read people well, which serves me in my professional life, but before I knew better, I would take my friends’ pain and stress as my own. What’s worse is that there were many times I held myself back from experiencing life because I thought it would upset a friend or make them feel like I didn’t care about them. I wish I could tell my younger self to be a little more selfish and to stand behind her choices, even if she thought a friend might feel slighted.

LOVING WORK THAT LOVES YOU BACK What I love most about my work is that moment when a client can’t help themselves and feels excited about how they look in the mirror. As a stylist, when you nail it and make

Photo by Anna Petoskey

16 | The Brick Magazine

Photo by Anna Petoskey

someone see themselves in the way they want to be seen, it’s overwhelmingly exciting. And when it’s a total slay and they can’t hide their smile, or maybe even laugh in shock at how good they look, the experience is beyond. Everyone deserves to feel that way; everyone is important enough to feel good about themselves. Styling is much more than clothes. For me, it’s about learning someone’s taste and making choices as if I were them. It’s about using my expertise to guide them down their own personal style path. It’s about showing someone a simple way of dressing that changes everything — their comfort level, how they carry themselves. It’s something I want everyone to have. There really are gorgeous clothes for every woman and every body type; there’s a solution to any problem you may have with dressing,

there are many amazing stores and tailors out there ready to assist you in achieving the wardrobe of your dreams. Helping people get to a place where they feel good in something they’re wearing is a proud moment for me.

Our conversation with Angela Harrison highlighted the necessity of balancing dreams with what the heart wants. Watching how Angela honored her passion every step of the way and made room for love in her life is a triumph of modern feminism. Have your cake and eat it too, ladies.

Kristen M. Domingue is a copywriter and content marketing consultant in the New York City area. When she’s not delivering on client projects, you can find her cooking up something gluten-free or in an internet rabbit hole on entrepreneurship or astrology.

August 2018 | 17

HOW TO CREATE A TONED BODY by Erin Cantrell

Photo by Bruce Mars

toned body is a term we hear a lot from our clients when they step into one of our studios. To be â&#x20AC;&#x153;tonedâ&#x20AC;? is to have more muscle and less fat, which means a lifestyle change to incorporate strength training, cardio, and a clean diet. Changing your body composition will not happen overnight or even over a few weeks, but

18 | The Brick Magazine

when you reach your fitness goal, you will realize the hard work was worth it. You can achieve this new body and lifestyle in several different ways, but a favorite of mine is to lift weights 8-12 reps per exercise and doing 3-4 sets per exercise. When

fruits, veggies, fish, and meat. Eating clean every few hours will keep you feeling light and energized. Maximizing muscle gain and fat loss can also be done with high-intensity workouts or weight training with little rest under 30 seconds between exercises. We offer these workouts with private sessions and with our TRX HIIT classes, using body weight and weighted exercises in circuits with less rest and high reps. With weight training, it is always best to work with a professional trainer or consult one for proper form and exercise programs. A simple full-body weight training workout should include: • Squats • Split squats • Deadlifts • Pull-ups (can be assisted) • Squat overhead presses • Push-ups • Chest presses • Rev. lunges or walking lunges • Back rows Photo by Tim Mossholder

you lift weights for the 8-12 rep range, you should be hitting failure. Failure means that you cannot do the rep after the last because your muscles are too fatigued. Cardio is also a portion of your program you can’t miss in order to get a toned body. We offer cardio programs to our clients just like our weight training programs because you can’t do the same cardio every day and see results. Mixing up the type of cardio and intensity is important; for example, you should incorporate a long run day if you prefer running for cardio. You can also cycle, walk, or swim for cardio. Incorporate a speed day each week that is shorter in duration, but more intense. Then there is your diet….this is the most challenging part for many people. The key here is to take small steps toward a healthy diet so you are not overwhelmed. Our diet plans include eating REAL FOOD — eat like your grandparents or great-grandparents (depending on your age)! Avoid packaged, processed food and stay with fresh

• Planks & side planks Using weights that are heavy enough so you can hit failure in that 8-12 reps range with good form will build strength and muscle, and if you want to achieve more intensity or a cardio state in this workout, give yourself less rest (30 seconds) between exercises. These exercises are compound exercises, using multiple muscles per exercise to build strength and burn more calories in less time than working one muscle group at a time. There are no gimmicks or secrets to having a toned body; it takes hard work and care for yourself. Eat well, sweat daily, and build strength. These tips are the basics, what I consider to be the foundation of a healthy lifestyle. Erin Cantrell is the creator of Erin Cantrell Fitness in Ann Arbor. She opened two boutique studios in the last three years that focus on inner and outer strength-training — all while raising her two boys and welcoming her newborn daughter this year. www.erincantrellfitness.com

August 2018 | 19

SPICING UP THE GRILL

hen the thermometer ramps up into the red zone, we either turn towards “picnic dinners” (consisting of crudités, finger foods, cooling dips like hummus or raita, and lots of fruit) — or we turn on the grill. My grandfather used to say, “Drink hot tea in summer, not iced tea.” And if you’ve traveled to hot and humid countries, you will know they hand you hot drinks and spiced foods on the hottest of days. Hot drinks and spices in the summer can actually cool you down; this is due to an effect known as “evaporative cooling” — they make us sweat, which cools down the body. Our favorite hot day grill-up is my “infamous” sambal chicken thighs, grilled broccolini tossed in cilantro chimichurri, grilled pineapple, and watermelon coolers (strike the booze, if you wish). The chimichurri and watermelon juice balance your palate using cooling spices like cilantro, mint, cumin, and coriander. 20 | The Brick Magazine

by Jillian Fraioli

Sambal Chicken Thighs with Grilled Pineapple 4 Servings | Marinate Time: 12-24 hours for best results Note: you can use chicken breasts here, but you’ll have to adjust your cooking time. We prefer the thighs, as it takes on the heat well.

For the Marinade: •

1/2 cup (packed) dark brown sugar

•

1/2 - 1/3 cup Sambal Oelek (use more for those who like heat)

•

1/4 cup Mirin (or unseasoned rice wine vinegar)

•

3 TBSP Coconut Aminos (or use a light soy sauce, low sodium if possible)

•

3 TBSP fish sauce (such as our fave, Red Boat)

•

1 TBSP finely grated peeled ginger

•

2-3 scallions, greens and whites, sliced in thin rounds

•

2 pounds skinless, boneless chicken thighs, trimmed of all available fat.

Mix together all of the marinade ingredients in a bowl. You can pop the chicken directly into the bowl, or put the marinade and chicken in a gallon Ziploc. For best results, you want the chicken to marinate overnight (in the fridge!), or at least 2-4 hours in advance. Remove the chicken from the fridge an hour before cooking. On a hot (450 degree) pre-heated grill, cook the thighs on one side for four minutes, keeping the lid closed during cooking time. Baste, turn, and cook on the other side another four minutes. They may be done at this point, depending on your grill; if not, baste and turn again, and grill for 2 more minutes. Total grilling time should be around 8-10 minutes. If you prefer to temp, your instant-read thermometer should reach 165 degrees. Grill the pineapple while you grill the chicken! We put them on about 10 minutes before the chicken, as they take about 8-10 minutes a side. We drizzle fresh pineapple slices (at least 1/2- to 3/4- inch thick) with olive oil and then grill, flipping when you flip the chicken the first time, and letting them finish. After removing them, we drizzle with honey and spritz of lime, or even some spices like cinnamon and cumin. You can make it your own by adding your favorite spices and no one will be disappointed!

Grilled Broccolini with Cilantro Chimichurri 4 Servings 2 bunches broccolini, toss in a generous amount of olive oil We grill these before everything else, as we prefer them room-temperature, to release the best flavors of the vegetables. They take about 5-6 minutes a side. You want them to get a little crisp at the flower end, and a little charred everywhere else.

Cilantro Chimichurri about 1 1/2 cups •

1½ cups cilantro, leaves and stems, loosely chopped and rinsed (you can use all flat-leaf parsley, or half cilantro and half parsley, if you have cilantro-itis)

•

3 scallions - loosely chopped

•

1/4 - 1/2 cup olive oil (measure a half, use only what you need)

•

1/4 cup lime juice

•

3 (or 4 if you love garlic like us) cloves of garlic, peeled

•

Watermelon Cooler Makes 4-6 Cocktails •

2 1/2 pounds seedless watermelon cubes

•

1/2 pound of stemmed strawberries (optional)

•

1/3 cup Tequila (we use blanco, anejo would be good if you like smoke)

•

1/4 cup Cointreau (or other sweet orange liqueur like triple sec)

1½ tsp tsp ground cumin (if you can find roasted, use it)

•

1/4 cup lime juice

•

1 tsp ground coriander (again if you can find roasted, use it instead)

•

fresh mint for garnish (and feel free to muddle some into the drink as well!)

•

1/2 tsp salt

•

1/2 tsp fresh ground pepper

Shove all the ingredients in your food processor, EXCEPT the olive oil. Put it on “chop” or “mix” and as it starts to grind up, slowly add in the olive oil. You want this to be a thicker paste, not really soupy; sometimes you only need a quarter cup of olive oil, sometimes you’ll need the full half. Once you’ve achieved a nice loose paste, you’re done! Don’t forget to try it — you might need to add more salt and pepper to taste. Once the broccolini is off the grill, toss it in a generous 1/2 cup of the chimichurri to serve. But what do you do with the leftover cup of chimi? Everything! We put it on eggs, in soups like a pistou, use it like pesto on pasta, beef up the last tablespoon or two with olive oil and marinade steak or pork chops for the grill, dip veggies in it. Believe me — it’s magical and we often are found making double or triple batches. This will keep up to 10 days in your fridge when sealed.

Blend the fruit and lime juice. Pass through a fine meshed strainer if you wish to have “no pulp”. Then stir in the booze, pour over ice. Pro-tip: if you freeze the watermelon cubes and strawberries in a flat layer on a half sheet pan, and don’t care about straining the juice, you will come out with a more delightful slushy type of cocktail. This is what we prefer, adding in a few ice cubes. Think margarita. You can also nix the booze and add some pineapple juice or finish with fizzy water for a delicious mocktail! Jillian moonlights in her own kitchen as Executive Chef. She comes from a long line of at-home chefs, making Sunday sauce and homemade pasta as soon as she was knee-high with Grandma Fraioli. Jillian used to work at such illustrious restaurants such as Emeril’s Fish House in Las Vegas (where she was a Pastry Chef), and both in the front and back of the house of Serafina and Tango in Seattle. She ended her career in restaurants many lives ago, and now supports women-owned businesses, including The Brick Magazine as assistant to the publisher. You can follow along with her cats and knitting (and sometimes food), if that’s your jam, on Instagram @yarnologie. August 2018 | 21

LET GO OF YOUR DULL COMPLEXION AND LET YOUR

RADIANCE SHINE THROUGH by Lisa Profera MD

re there times when you feel like your inner self is as dull as your complexion? The two are inexorably linked. If you look good on the outside, you feel good inside, and vice versa. Poor health and nutrition plus a dash of stress is a recipe for an unhealthy you. By addressing the connection between skin, body, and soul, you can unlock the secret to true radiance. 22 | The Brick Magazine

Photo by Abby Rose Photo

Now there is a special place in Ann Arbor to cast away your dullness and shine like a precious gem. Your skin can be polished and rejuvenated along with your body and soul at K West. â&#x20AC;&#x153;Supporting true connection to self and community for a most radiant lifeâ&#x20AC;? is the mission at this new spa owned by Katie Westgate. K West is a fusion of effective and holistic skin care with total immersion of the mind and body for ultimate relaxation and elevation. Katie has

drawn upon her experience as an aesthetician in New York City and added her passion for nourishing the skin, body, and soul to create the K West experience. Here, you will find a unique approach to supporting nutrition and lifestyle â&#x20AC;&#x201D; the keys to healthy skin and a healthy you. There are many options for skin rejuvenation to address all of your concerns. Book a consult and create a custom facial. Firm and lift facial

muscles with microcurrent. Clear pores and exfoliate with Silk Peel. Build collagen and elastin with PRP (Platelet-Rich Plasma). Boost your skin matrix with LED (LightEmitting Diode) treatment for your face and/or your whole body. Botox and fillers reduce the appearance of wrinkles and restore volume lost with age. Try K Westâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s proprietary line of clean, effective skincare products inspired by Ayurveda and essential oils.

Awaken and revitalize your body with massage and Ayurvedic treatments. Energize your body and promote inner healing by improving circulation with a session on the BEMER (Bio Electro Magnetic Energy Regulation), a bio-energy medical device from Europe. Enhance your mind-body connection with Kundalini yoga (new yoga studio coming soon), and learn more about improving overall health with the educational workshops offered on site.

August 2018 | 23

Photo by Abby Rose Photo

During the meditative manicure (coming in Fall 2018), you can get your nails polished with a non-toxic sheen while listening to a guided meditation by wearing noisecancelling headphones. The crystal pedi-detox will not only leave your feet looking fabulous, your system will benefit as well. You will also experience one of the best foot massages youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve ever had. This is more than just your average mani-pedi. The high-achieving, multi-tasking woman in me loves these ideas! K West is located in the newly renovated Thomas Earl House (built 1860) at 415 N. Main Street in Ann Arbor. This place has its own special vibe. The serene atmosphere is invigorating and uplifting. I instantly feel happy as I enter the building. Soothing scents pervade the space as you gaze upon the clean, calm color palette, and the rich organic textures of the dĂŠcor. Just walk through the door and the rest of the world melts away. You need to schedule time for yourself to totally relax. Whether you experience a shirodhara (Ayurvedic calming oil) treatment or spend time in the Self-Care Room (with access to the full body LED bed and a menu of calming, enriching activities), this is time devoted to you! As I have stated in previous articles, self-care is of the utmost importance. Carving out some time for you will not 24 | The Brick Magazine

only make you a better version of yourself, but it will also make you better able to support those you love. Make a commitment to yourself to work on improving the inner and outer you. You can find more information at https://www. kwestskinbodysoul.com/. Let go of the things that are dulling your radiant self and take care of your skin, body, and soul. Raise your luminosity up a few notchesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;you deserve it!

Lisa Profera MD Owner and Founder of PROJUVU MD Aesthetics and Lifestyle Medicine Please note that the information in this article has been designed to help educate the reader regarding the subject matter covered. This information is provided with the understanding that the author and any other entity referenced here are not liable for the misconception or misuse of the information provided. It is not provided to diagnose, prescribe, or treat any disease, illness, or injured condition of the body. The provider of this information shall have neither liability nor responsibility to any person or entity concerning any loss, damage, or injury caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly by this information. The information presented is in no way intended as a substitute for medical counseling or care. Anyone suffering from any disease, illness, or injury should consult a qualified healthcare professional. These statements have not been evaluated by the FDA.

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August 2018 | 25

I LOST MY PHONE AND I DON’T CARE On Freedom and Letting Go By Madeleine Forbes

lost my phone last week. It was there, charging in the car. We visited friends and stocked up on groceries, and then it was gone.

I searched for it, at first casually and then frantically. Retraced my steps. Asked the friends to search their house; eventually went back to do the same, convinced my sense of need and willingness to upturn the sofa would be more effective at locating it. It was not. There was a week of slightly awkward communication, as I directed people to my husband’s number, explaining mine was out of action. I felt a thrum of anxiety that I had not been able to check Instagram, that I would be unable to take part in family Whatsapp groups. And then something strange happened. My immediate circle got used to contacting me via other people, or email. The anxiety subsided, and was replaced with a feeling I couldn’t place at first. Eventually I identified it as this: indifference. “You don’t care?” asked my friend as we Skyped that Friday. “You know that sounds crazy, right?”

way of anyone reaching me. It felt transgressive, somehow. I was getting lazy about ordering the replacement handset. Most significantly, I’d stopped feeling angry with myself for losing the damn thing and stressed about the prospect of replacing it. It just… was. Letting go is becoming something of a hobby of mine these days. After all, 2017 was the year I lost my home to wildfires. I wasn’t the only one; in California alone, around 10,000 “structures” were consumed. Our little family was lucky. The house that burned was a temporary stop for us, and our belongings, though treasured, were mostly secondhand. The financial hit we took was minimal. It’s the little things I miss now. The kitchen utensils. The summer clothes I think instinctively about unpacking, before remembering they are gone. The items we’d carefully stored and selected to make our new home are vanished. We forget, even now. “What about that blue and orange rug?” my husband insisted, as we debated floor coverings last week. “That’s perfect”. There was a beat, while I let him remember. “Oh. Right.”

I’d explained to her that there were some things I likely wouldn’t be able to get back. I’d deleted the backups from my laptop in an effort to save space on my beleaguered hard drive. So the photos on my phone – many from my first year of my son’s life – were gone.

I’ve mourned the loss of my childhood journals, years of photographs, books. The necklace of beads gifted by our loved ones before our son’s birth, almost all my clothes.

“That’s right”. By then I’d stopped reaching for my phone. It was kind of freeing. I’d drive to the supermarket with no

Organizing and letting go are two sides of the same coin, it seems to me. We organize our possessions so we

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A phone with a few snapshots on it? I’m already over it.

None of these, it turned out, were invincible. I joked after the fire that of the two big events of that year, it was birth that was the most challenging to deal with. It helped that we’d been out of the country when the fires struck our region, escaping the direct trauma of those terrifying days. But I do believe that the more and more I recognize loss as a part of life, the better I become at letting go. And organizing takes on a different flavor. In our new place, I place things where I can find them, use them. I do not have boxes of the “best” things that will be saved for the right time. I wear the clothes I love most, never mind that they grow threadbare and muddy. I wish I’d worn the clothes I once had more. It’s seductive, isn’t it, to pretend that everything’s within our control. That by having a tidy house, labeled drawers, and a capsule wardrobe, we can fend off the chaos of existence. But I’m starting to see being organized as a way to cultivate mindfulness of the present, not ward off what’s to come; to ensure we are fully present in each moment, able to commit ourselves most effectively to the tasks at hand using the tools we need in that instant. We can make ourselves more resilient when the storms hit us, if our boats are well-kept and our cupboards stocked and tidy. But we cannot avoid the storms.

Photo by Graham Hunt

won’t lose them. Won’t have to let them go. But the fire didn’t care that I’d carefully stowed in labeled boxes the bedding to be used in our “forever home”. It reminded me: everything in our lives is temporary, even the things we can’t bear to let go of. The year before the fires, I had a miscarriage. It was early on, not that it really matters. There was a potential there. We’d told my parents, counted months on our fingers. I’d given up wine. Begun to talk and sing and whisper secrets to the little cluster in my belly. Until it wasn’t there any more. The miscarriage was the beginning of my education in the reality that what I value most is not given special dispensation by the universe. When I finally did give birth, that was confirmed. My identity, my time, my body. Sleep.

Everything goes, eventually. And at the same time, in the midst of all this loss are goofy baby smiles, and sunny Sunday mornings. Coffee, salted caramel, new books to read, warm blankets to snuggle under. Beautiful ceramics that fit into my hand just so, new dresses, new boots. Letting go of the other clutter makes space for what matters to exist right now, in the only moment we can ever savor it in. Soak it up, my loves. It’s all we have. Madeleine Forbes is a writer living off-grid in the hills of central Portugal. As an immigrant and former city-dweller, she started The Seasoned Year as a space to share her journey into the landscape, and help others deepen their connection to seasonal cycles. You can sign up for free Letters from the Land and follow Madeleine’s blog via her website; or follow her on Instagram and Facebook.

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LET THAT OLD STORY GO by Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC

All that we are is a result of what we have thought. ~Buddha

ime to rewrite the script, I remind coaching clients who come feeling stuck, frustrated, and unable to move their lives forward. Often we have clear goals and aspirations, plans and 28 | The Brick Magazine

grand intentions. We strive toward these dreams while at the same time subconsciously believing we are “not good enough,” “unworthy,” “invisible,” “going to be rejected,” or any number of negative tales we

spin about ourselves. We are likely to sabotage our endeavors unless we change such negative subconscious chatter. Until the subconscious becomes conscious and is altered, we are preprogrammed to continue

Photograph by Martino Pietropoli

collecting evidence to support our false stories or limiting beliefs. The result: we hit a wall, feel helpless, and act in dysfunctional ways, often confused about why our ship always seems to be sinking.

I love to reassure my coaching clients that worlds of possibility and lifeinspiring changes await, if one can first identify and then take a firm stand against the negative thoughts which perpetuate these crazy little

stories weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve often lugged around since childhood. So, what is your three- or four-word story? It will be a simple story because that is how we made sense of whatever happened to us in childhood, at a time when August 2018 | 29

Our reality and our perceptions are created by what we attend to. Attention can either reinforce what we want, or what we don’t want. Reset your negative story, focusing instead on what is true about yourself. For instance, begin by embracing the fact that at your core, your very essence is enough. You were born perfect and pure, simply by existing. Photograph by Faith Enck Your authentic self is rich in potential, skills, beauty, power, and love! If you can accept this reality, recognizing –Deepak Chopra your strengths and appreciating yourself from a caring place, you will no longer reality, you then have the option, behave in ways that continue because your thoughts are now collecting evidence for negative conscious, of taking a firm, dare I say, self-beliefs. As you integrate ferocious stand against your negative positive truths about yourself, programming. Time to reset! Some of how you act and show up in life the most powerful, moving moments changes dramatically for the in my coaching practice occur when better. You begin having different I’m able to help clients let go of false results. You become magnetic, beliefs they’ve been carrying, helping and your goals, plans, and dreams them live, instead, from the truth of will flow fully into glorious who they are. For when we live from manifestations. So, go ahead and our truth, we become magnetic! We let go of that old story! step into and radiate our essence. We

In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself. we aren’t capable of making abstract meaning out of traumas. Instead, we concluded something was wrong with us, and believe it as fact. To identify your old story, think about a time when you’ve felt really disappointed. It is especially at times of disappointment that we are inclined to slip into a negative story. You may even feel younger in that moment, perhaps the age you were when you got confused about your worth. For example, you might think: “See, I wasn’t chosen for the position because I’m just not ______.” We fill in the blank, literally and figuratively; your blank could be “good enough,” or “valuable,” or something else. And the act of talking to yourself in this fashion is guaranteed to keep you stuck, limiting what you can create and attract into your life. Once you are aware of what dark path you tend to go down to explain 30 | The Brick Magazine

stand taller, talk more confidently, trust ourselves more deeply, and feel more alive and fully expressed. So, how does one transform deeplyentrenched negative beliefs that have come to feel like core truths? You must go back to honoring yourself. Be committed to being mindful of your thoughts, clearing away the limiting ones and embracing your authentic self. For thoughts are just energy, and you can always change your energy!

Maria Sylvester, MSW, CPC is a certified Life Coach in Ann Arbor, MI who loves empowering adolescents, adults, and couples to live from the HEART of what really matters to them so that they can bring their fully expressed, vibrant selves into the world. She has a special gift for helping women reclaim their feminine power, and embrace their radiant, sensual, sexy spirits. Their lives transform. They soar into their mid-life magnificence! LifeEmpowermentCoaching.com Complimentary First Session 734.717.7532

A private practice integrating Aesthetics and Lifestyle Medicine to help you look better and feel better Specializing in â&#x20AC;&#x153;Proactive Rejuvenationâ&#x20AC;?

Dr. Lisa Profera www.projuvu.com 1-844-PROJUVU drprofera@gmail.com

Photo by Jens Lindner

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HOW TO OVERCOME YOUR GREATEST BARRIER TO SUCCESS by Millie Chu

s an entrepreneur or business professional, do you feel like you are on the verge of starting the next amazing chapter in your life, but you’ve been stuck on the same page for a while? Perhaps you could see yourself living the life you want, and it’s so close you could almost grab it; but, your physical self is running out of breath. You chase, you work hard, you fight, and you’ve given it all you’ve got. At times, you feel as if you’re at the tipping point, about to go insane. Then, you gather yourself together because you are resilient and you hang onto the glimmer of hope and light. It’s barely there, but it’s just enough to keep you going one step further. I understand because I’ve been there. I have advised over 400 organizations and launched over 60 businesses for my clients. Through these experiences and my own, I have identified common threads of what leads an individual or company to success, stagnancy, or disaster. In the next few paragraphs, I will reveal the number one barrier that may be holding you back and what you can do to eradicate it. August 2018 | 33

The number one barrier I have identified through working on myself and my clients is fear. Fear surfaces in several forms. Fear of failure is when you are choosing to not take that step because you are afraid it won’t work. Or perhaps you feel that you are not good enough, and the thought of attempting the task gives you anxiety. You are afraid of the unknown and constantly think about downsides to your “what-ifs.” You may fear you are over-stepping boundaries, and your role or title doesn’t give you the authority or confidence to make it happen. You might also fear what others will think of you, your ideas, or your actions. You don’t want to be known as the foolish and stupid one, so you decide to do nothing. You are also afraid to suffer the embarrassment of failing. Those a just a few types of fear-myths plugging away in your head.

over the fireplace at his home. Astaire said, “When you’re experimenting, you have to try so many things before you choose what you want, that you may go days getting nothing but exhaustion.” And the reward for perseverance: “The higher up you go, the more mistakes you are allowed. Right at the top, if you make enough of them, it’s considered to be your style.”

Now that we have identified fear as the number one barrier to success, here are two solutions you can implement right now and begin doing something about it.

Thomas Edison’s teachers said he was “too stupid to learn anything.” He was fired from his first two jobs for being “non-productive.” As an inventor, Edison made over 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the lightbulb. Some say he failed 4,000 times, 5,000, 9,999 times — anyhow, he failed a lot. When a reporter asked, “How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The lightbulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”

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Change your perception: Failure is how you learn. Realize failure is part of your journey to success. Shift your perception of failure. Every time you fail, you learn what not to do, and get closer to how to do it.

Here are some examples of people we know who have persevered regardless of rejection or fear of failure: After Fred Astaire’s first screen test, the memo from the testing director of MGM, dated 1933, read, “Can’t act. Can’t sing. Slightly bald. Can dance a little.” He kept that memo

Twenty-seven publishers rejected Dr. Seuss’s first book, To Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street. Beethoven handled the violin awkwardly. He wanted to play his own compositions instead of improving his technique. His teacher called him “hopeless as a composer.” Then he wrote five of his greatest symphonies.

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Exposure Therapy: The more you do what you fear, the less you will fear it each time, and it will eventually go away. In psychology, this is called exposure therapy. For example, if public speaking is somehow involved in your work or helps elevate what you do, you must expose yourself to occasions that get you on stage. The more you put yourself in front of an audience, the more comfortable you will become.

Photo by Brooke Lark

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Many years ago when I was in my early twenties, I was a volunteer for an event to benefit youth in the community. The producer rented a high school auditorium and seats were filled. The producer ran over to me in a panic. She said, “Millie! The emcee isn’t coming! Will you take his place?” Before I could say “no,” she gave me the program and said, “Here you go! You have five minutes!

Thank you!” I was so terrified. I’d never done this before. I said to myself, “Well, either look like an idiot, or act like I was meant to be here.” I looked out into the audience and could barely see with the bright lights in my eyes. It seemed like there were a million shadowy heads, but it was probably more like 100. I took a deep breath and mustered up fake confidence and told myself I belong on this stage. When it was over, a reporter interviewed me and one of his questions was, “Where are you appearing next?” I said, “Oh, I don’t usually do this.”

step out. When you choose to fully believe and trust, you release emotional desperation and worry. When one door closes, another opens because it is simply creating room and carving the pathway for the kind of success you’ve envisioned. Remember, you become what you think about. Believe and trust that each experience will lead you closer to your fulfillment. The roadblocks that you think are roadblocks are not. The universe is telling you, “No, this is not the best path for you. To do the great thing you want to do, go here instead.” When you believe and trust, your life will transform organically.

Over the course of my life, I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve spoken in front of an audience but I estimate in the ballpark of 500 plus. And plenty of those times, I walked away thinking, “I sucked!”, but people kept asking me to do it again. Maybe my self-perception was incorrect. Maybe I don’t suck, maybe I’m actually pretty good at this, and that standing ovation means I’m a badass.

Get ready to soar, dear one.

What it boils down to is, the reason you’ve been stuck on the same page is you. It’s your fear. Believe in yourself and

Millie Chu is an entrepreneurship consultant, speaker, and executive educator who creates entrepreneurship ecosystems, programs, and training for public and private organizations in the United States and across the globe. She is also known as a mentor and complex problem solver helping CEO’s and their organizations identify problems and offer solutions to disentangle their greatest challenges. A2LEAP.com | Mchu.A2Leap@gmail.com

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Photo by Harry Laps

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at CHANGE.” —Wayne Dyerr

brought it to help ground me in whatever emotions lie dormant within me as they were being unleashed in such a gentle, loving manner. My friend was sharing his wisdom with us, guiding this room full of others I did not know, to bring awareness of different organs within. I was on my own inner journey, even though everyone heard the same words. Our experiences in life are different, and held in the body differently too.

You see, each organ is associated with its own emotions. For instance, love and joy in the heart, or discernment in the small intestines. One is a yin and one is a yang organ. Both of these are a part of the fire element in Chinese Medicine. Each element has a color, as well as a healing sound. These help when visualizing and bringing attention to our bodies in such an intended, detailed way, opening our awareness. How can something shift, change, or heal unless we actually SEE it and are aware of it? If we don’t consciously know it’s there, ready to be tapped for its innate wisdom, then it cannot be transformed.

INNER Alchemy by Sharon Lawlor

he other day, I went to a Five-Element Guided Meditation. My friend, Jason Blackman, was facilitating. It was an interactive visualization incorporating colors and breathwork to help move stuck and stagnant energy. And boy, did it move! At different stages of the meditation, I was in tears. I was letting go and releasing trapped emotions within the cells of my being. I was lying on the ground atop my favorite yoga mat, draped with a special rose-colored blanket adorned with golden roses that I brought. It was, in a sense, my security blanket protecting me; a safe, familiar energy. I

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There is a sense of alchemy or magic that transpires. I find that beautiful! Even though I was engaged in this transformative experience in a quiet external manner, there was quite a stir happening internally. Bringing attention to my body in such a way led to a natural state of empathy, compassion, and love. I gently showered grace over my soul for all that it’s endured from these emotions that rose to the surface

“Awareness is like the sun. When it shines on things, they are transformed.” —Nhat Hanh that were ready to be released. I found myself moving my body in gentle waves to guide the release of stagnant emotions. Freeing them. Letting go. Releasing. The heaviness of emotions like grief, sadness, worry, fear, or shame lifted. I walked through a doorway to the other side, giving space for other, more desirable emotions to FLOW through my being. How lovely would more flow be in your life? As we experience it within, our external world and life experiences begin to shift as well. I see it as rippling out from a pebble breaking the surface of water. The rippling happens with even the smallest pebble. One step in awareness can be a small pebble. It can be gentle, all the while rippling out in great shifts. My heart was craving something different in my life. I felt I was being squeezed tightly with so much, all at the same time. That immense pressure was building within, and I did not have space or flow for new truths or desires to come into my life. I desired more ease, flow, and magic. I also understand when I am tight with life happenings, it builds a wall instead of opening my arms to welcome new possibilities. This Five-Element Guided Meditation is one way, one step, one pebble to help dismantle the wall and release the immense pressure, and to shift. It is a practical tool, and I am so grateful for it. I was first introduced to this ten years ago from the same teacher, Jason, when I was a new mom. Same immense pressure, different circumstances that led me there. It helped me then and continues to assist me today. I am so totally grateful for this magic that continues to transform my life.

I know for me, it is a continual journey of letting go of what is not serving me any longer, or what I am ready to face, and walking to the other side. It’s continually creating space within my being, whether on the mental, emotional, physical, or spiritual levels for grace, flow, ease, and magic to enter and energize my life. When I am resisting or feeling that squeezing pressure, I know more letting go needs to happen. What I am talking about here is an internal journey, but that same ripple can happen from working on the actual physical material in one’s world, too, and affect the internal world all the same. Wherever you begin, I am fully supporting you on your journey. I truly believe it will help transform the self, or even entire communities, countries, and eventually the world. Sharon Marie works holistically within the bodymind-spirit framework of her clients to reawaken them to their own innate tranquil being and feel a new sense of peace. She’s artful in working with the elements to create more flow, spaciousness, ease, and magic while deepening her clients’ connection to self through healing bodywork, mindful dialogue, and experiential journeys. Sharon Marie is the Founder and Energy Alchemist at Tranquil Being. Connect with her through email here: connect@tranquilbeing. com or call 734.761.8753. website: www.tranquilbeing.com facebook: www.facebook.com/tranquilbeing instagram: www.instagram.com/tranquil.being twitter: www.twitter.com/tranquilbeing

Because of the introduction of this transformative work many years ago, I mentored in a Chi Nei Tsang program in 2012. I learned more about the five elements to assist others through bodywork and visualizations to release the physical stuck-ness that emotions can create. What needs to be released within your being or within your life? What will it open up for you? Imagine these possibilities, because it IS possible!

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PACK LIKE A PRO: Your Summer Vacay Wardrobe by Angela Harrison

he best part about summer is vacation! Everyone loves a good summer getaway — time with friends, fam, sunshine, and nature. With a trip comes packing and trying to organize all of the things you want to wear without bringing the whole closet. And while we all deserve to pack enough for three costume changes a day, life is so much easier when it’s simplified. You can pack just the basics and still be able to turn out a fully fabulous vacation wardrobe.

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No matter where you go this season, whether it be a fun getaway up north or lounging seaside, this wardrobe capsule will show you how to build a functional wardrobe for any week-long adventures you’re taking. Every great working wardrobe starts with easy basics, interchangeable layering pieces, a chic dinner look, and fun accessories to dress up any moment. Regardless of your style, everyone can use this footprint as a sure way to keep your vacay looks fresh and the packing easy.

BASICS:

CREATING THE CANVAS Your basics are the pieces that create the foundation for your looks. These are neutral pants like denim, white denim, black pants, jean shorts, linen pants — anything solid and in a muted color. Basic tops are tees, tanks, button-downs — pieces that can be great backgrounds for fun layering pieces. These kinds of simplistic looks are perfect for daytime touring. All of these pieces can be paired with a more dressed-up top or bottom to create an entirely different look. When it comes to packing your basics for the week, stick to around three to four jeans, pants, shorts, or whatever makes sense for your style. These will be your go-to bottoms for daytime looks and then spruced-up for evening activities. Pack four basic tops, whether they’re tees or tanks; these can vary in color, but keep it muted.

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L AY E R I N G :

DAY TO NIGHT Layers are the easiest way to pull together any kind of look. Daytime or evening, it can all be done with a simple layer. For your basic daytime looks, try a loose linen blouse with the shirttails tied over your tank and jeans (or shorts, tees — you get it). This creates an easy vacation look and also makes a nice style moment, taking your standard button-down shirt up a notch. Another easy daytime layer is adding a denim jacket, any color or style, to finish off a look. For dinners out and evening excursions, try a colorful kimono with your denim or layer over a dress.

EVENING:

DINNERS & NIGHTLIFE Evening looks on vacation are usually more causal than we imagine, unless you’re going somewhere with a formal dinner or event planned. I find I can always get away with a classic black dress (which can also be worn daytime with a denim jacket), and dressed-up tops to pair with basic white or dark denim. For a standout moment, bring a fun jumpsuit along; these also look really fab with waist-length denim jackets and long duster cardigans. Both layers can be re-styled with daytime shorts or pant-looks and additional evening options. If you’re not a dress person, try one of our summer-trend items like print wide-leg pants and a solid tee or tank tucked in. 40 | The Brick Magazine

SHOES AND ACCESSORIES:

DON’T PILE ON Don’t overthink your shoe choices. Make your travel shoe the same shoe you wear for daytime touring — something light but supportive, like a slip-on espadrille or Birkenstock-style sandal. For beach time, throw on a metallic thong sandal, and for dinner, pack a low block heel like a mule or double-strap heel. You don’t need to load up on footwear; two daytime walking-around shoes, one beach, one evening pair, and you’re covered. As for sunglasses, hats, and jewelry, do what feels like you. Accent your daytime and evening looks with a few colorful earrings and a couple necklaces. Bring a scarf that can double as a shawl. If you’ve got the space, pack a smaller purse for dinner and nights out. Make these packing tips your own by subbing in pieces that are more you — dresses and skirts instead of pants and shorts, or vice versa. The universal key is keeping your base neutral, whether it’s dark or light, and bringing in prints and color with summer layering pieces like tied shirts, kimonos, and denim jackets. Take the guess and stress out of packing and start your vacation early! Bon voyage! *All photos belong to Nordstrom.com

Angie Harrison received a BS degree in fashion merchandising from Western Michigan University, and after merchandising for a large retailer, went on to start Angela Harrison Style; a personal, print, and film wardrobe styling service. Her experience has led her to build a loyal client list of people from all backgrounds and professions. Angie has also worked in wardrobe on local and national tv commercials and has started a visual merchandising branch of AHStyle, providing styling and merchandising expertise to Michigan retailers. August 2018 | 41

WOMAN ON THE STREET

CITY OF GOOD NEIGHBORS by Stephanie Saline “And who will take care of your male?” my neighbor Margaret said. She’d crossed to my side of the street, and we were talking about her upcoming trip to Nantucket and mine to the north woods of Minnesota.

I thought I misheard her. “My WHAT?”

“My what?” I said

She gestured towards our front porch, where Mark was laying on the outdoor couch.

“Who will look after your male?”

“Your male.”

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Surely, this older neighbor whose husband had died fifteen years ago wasn’t talking about who would take care of my own. I looked at her, utterly confused. I could hear what she was saying, but I couldn’t make sense of it.

But I haven’t had much experience asking strangers who happen to live nearby to help a gal out.

Thank goodness for her tenacity. She saw that I wasn’t getting it, so she added, “Do you have someone taking in your mail while you’re out of town?”

I’ve long fantasized about having this layer of relationships in my personal universe. Where you know the people on your street. Where people see you in the yard, watering your flower beds, and call out to you as they turn into their own driveway. Where a neighbor (who — let’s keep it real — has been rumored to call the cops on other neighbors for leaning shovels against their shared fence, and called the new postman ‘Oriental’ — a word best used to reference rugs, not people) offers to take in your mail.

That’s how my neighbor offered to take care of our mail. This spring, we put in three raised garden beds. We planted kale, tomatoes, carrots, spinach, sugar snap peas, strawberries, basil, rosemary, marigolds, nasturtium, and zinnias. And then, we decided to leave town for a week. I trodded over to the next-door neighbors and asked if they’d water our garden for us. Side bar: As someone who has maintained a nomadic lifestyle for the past twenty years and just bought her first house last summer, I’m not used to asking my neighbors for help, or receiving it. It feels unfamiliar and old-fashioned at the same time. I’m more used to asking my parents to take the dog, or driving my houseplants across town to a friend’s place. You know, relying on people who I know well, and who know me.

Photo by Bruno Martin

I find it oddly exhilarating, actually.

I’m exhilarated by how the building of our lives can be woven together by neighbors building theirs… but I also must admit: I don’t know how to do it. One of the things that moving has afforded me is the ability to physically leave groups of people who don’t share my sensibilities, values, or preferences. By letting my neighbor take in our mail, I’m letting her into my world a little bit. And the truth is, I’m a bit nervous about that. I’ve grown used to avoiding (read: shunning) people who don’t see the world like I do. Or who vote for people I don’t respect. Or who behave in ways that I don’t like. I’m not knocking that approach — it has served me well, and was useful for that part of my life. But the dance is changing, and it’s time for me to let go of childish things. The game now is to explore what it is to accept Margaret’s offer to take in our mail, even as I hear stories from the neighbors about her less-than-neighborly behavior. The game is to accept her invitation to drink coffee with her on her porch, even as I sense that the way I look at the world might seem totally alien to her. The game is to bring her chocolate chip cookies when the spirit moves, and to accept her grape jam, because we don’t have to agree on everything to be neighbors, to be in a relationship, to be a contribution to the other.

A teacher and advertising writer based in Buffalo, Stephanie Saline spent one decade on adventures in Japan, Seattle, and Montana, and another decade building a popular copywriting business. She now leads writing workshops where women become the hero in the story of their own lives. “We live in a world where we are all heroes now – and that’s a great thing.” Find out more about her work at www.stellaorange.com.

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TOYOTA SHOWS THEIR COMMITMENT TO COMMUNITY by Praveena Ramaswami

Photography by Jennifer Sansbury

Toyota Motor North America Research and Development Center (TMNA R&D), headquartered in Ann Arbor, Michigan, continues to reinforce its commitment to giving back in areas where their Team Members live and work. Toyota shifted their focus from working with multiple organizations to seeking out engaging and impactful community partnerships instead of traditional sponsorships. Two current Toyota partnerships include Ann Arbor Summer Festival and the Habitat for Humanity of Huron Valley.

oyota and the Ann Arbor Summer Festival are working together on the Festival Footprint Initiative to reduce the environmental impact at the festival and encourage community awareness and action through arts and education. The Ann Arbor Summer Festival is an independent non-profit dedicated to presenting a three-

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week world-class celebration of arts and entertainment that enriches the cultural, economic, and social vitality of the region annually in June. Along with Toyota, they partnered with multiple organizations to take significant action that aligns with the initiative. The Ann Arbor Summer Festival Footprint Initiative encourages safe waste removal,

ridesharing, compostable cornbased cups, and adopted additional partnerships with food vendors that use compostable and recycled products. Through these actions, the partnership believes they can turn the Ann Arbor Summer Festival into a zero-waste festival within the next five years. “Toyota continues to be a key partner of the festival, encouraging and supporting unique programming that stimulates social impact. We’re grateful for this opportunity to host community conversations around an issue that has such far-reaching impact,” said Festival Executive Director Mike Michelon. “This funding allows us to partner with well-respected organizations, such as the Huron River Watershed Council and the Ecology Center, to find new ways of approaching the issues facing our community while laying the groundwork for our own zero-waste implementation. We are lucky to have such an innovative funder who sees the benefit of ensuring this community event is here for generations to enjoy.” For over ten years, Toyota has been involved with Habitat for Humanity of Huron Valley, an organization that develops affordable housing for lower-income families in Ypsilanti, Michigan. Toyota’s partnership includes executive-led teams of 25 volunteers working eight to ten hours every Saturday for twelve weeks to build two neighboring homes. Toyota has provided more than $500,000 in funding for full-house renovations as well as more than 19,400 employee volunteer hours. “We’re not talking about a fresh coat of paint and some minor repairs,” says Praveena Ramaswami, Toyota R&D Community Relations. “It’s a full gut-and-go, all the way down to the studs of the frame. It’s helpful to have engineers on hand to do this work. They measure three times before they cut anything. They make sure everything lines up. When inspectors come back a year later, the Toyota houses are always right on the mark.” Toyota has been renovating in one Ypsilanti neighborhood for over eleven years, helping add to a vibrant community. “The continued commitment of Toyota to help renovate homes is invaluable in our work toward creating affordable homeownership in Washtenaw County,” says Sarah Stanton, executive director of Habitat Huron Valley. “Toyota’s investment in our organization has

made a tremendous impact on our communities.” This initiative has helped many hard-working, deserving families, including single parents trying to work and raise children. It’s nourishing to have corporate citizens and organizations band together to help members of the community flourish in what becomes a safe and supportive community environment. Toyota believes that the best way to create meaningful and sustainable community partners is to focus its investment dollars on programs designed to make a significant impact on the communities where they live and work. Many people know Toyota as a car company, but they’re so much more than that. They are passionate about serving the communities where they work, live, and play. Toyota helps by giving their time, knowledge, and resources to support local organizations. And they go beyond meeting their partners’ day-to-day needs — they work with them to create tangible, sustainable solutions that address societal challenges.

Praveena Ramaswami leads the Community Relations at Toyota Motor North America Research & Development headquartered in Ann Arbor, Michigan. She works on developing impactful strategic partnerships with communities in Michigan with which they can have a 360-degree engagement — a combination of dollars, volunteerism, and sharing of Toyota know-how. She is engaged in the community in Washtenaw County both professionally and personally.

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LETTING GO & CREATING THE HEALTHY, HAPPY LIFE YOU DESIRE by Tanya Penny, OTR, Health Coach

e are often told by others to “just let it go.” The question I always asked was “HOW?!”

Like most people, I was not taught how to let things go. I had a father who was very critical and controlling — the opposite of letting go. My mother would constantly bring up things that happened years (or decades) prior, and was also a hoarder (she still has my elementary school projects and prom dress). So, letting go was not something that was modeled for me while growing up. From a young age, I struggled with anxiety, depression, headaches, and excess weight, but it wasn’t until I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis that I started to look more deeply at what I needed to change in my life or “let go of” so I could heal, be healthy and happy again. One of the big things I had to practice letting go of was judging, criticizing, and beating up myself. I had a super strong, perfectionistic inner critic — something I had picked up from my dad. It didn’t matter what I did 46 | The Brick Magazine

or didn’t do, it told me I wasn’t good enough. It held me back from doing some things I really wanted to do, like write a book, because I was afraid I would fail, be criticized or embarrassed. It also created most of the headaches, anxiety, and depression I felt. To let go of this unhealthy pattern, I started to talk to this part of me daily. I told her that she was good enough, didn’t have to do things perfect, that it was okay to make mistakes or even fail. Any time I noticed the voice in my head being critical, I would acknowledge it, and then start speaking the kind, accepting, loving truth. Over time, this part of me started to believe it. She stopped “shoulding” me, stopped feeling shame when a mistake happened, stopped rehashing negative things I did in the past, and she even let me start writing my book. The depression and anxiety began to lift, I no longer needed my medication. I woke up feeling peaceful, happy more days than not. I also noticed that I had a strong tendency to pretend I was superhuman. I would overschedule myself to the

point that I barely had time to go to the bathroom (no, seriously, I did that), I worked too many hours, I took on other people’s problems, and I tried to do everything by myself, rarely asking for support. I would go, go, go until my body said STOP with debilitating fatigue, plus weakness and numbness in my right arm or leg — my MS symptoms. Again, I had to gently tell this part of me every day that she didn’t need to push herself so hard, or prove her worthiness by over-doing, or fix others. I told her that it was not weak to ask for support. I started to schedule more time between activities and rest blocks, set boundaries around the amount of time I would work, listen to others but let them fix their own problems, and ask for support from friends, coworkers, and family. After months of practicing this, the MS symptoms began to decrease in severity, and eventually they disappeared (only coming back when I fell into the old pattern again). The last pattern I realized I needed to let go of to heal and be happy was people-pleasing. I learned from a young age to do what my parents wanted, to make them happy, so I would get their approval, attention, time, and love. As an adult, my automatic response was “Yes” when someone asked me to do something, even if I didn’t have time, hated the thought of doing it, or the small voice inside was screaming “NO.” I even stayed in unfulfilling and even abusive relationships because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings and thought I just need to try harder to please them, so they would love me, treat me better. I stuffed my emotions of stress, sadness, and anger with food or alcohol, and the number on the scale continued to creep upwards. Honestly, this pattern has been one of the most challenging for me to let go of, and I still often slip back into it. Even something as simple as telling my sweetie where I want to go for dinner can make me anxious.

pattern is changing, slowly being let go. I now express my emotions (even if it makes someone else uncomfortable or unhappy), and rarely stuff myself with food or alcohol anymore. I’ve maintained a healthy weight for over eight years. This practice of letting go has not always been easy, but it has been worth it. I am grateful to have my health and happiness back. If you would like to let go of any of these patterns (or others), know that it is possible. It just takes learning and practicing your tools daily, receiving support from others, plus lots of love and compassion for yourself. Tanya Penny is an author, occupational therapist, and Vibrant Body & Abundant Life Coach. She teaches and empowers you to heal past trauma and chronic illness using her mind-body-spirit methodology. In 2004, Tanya was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. That was her wake-up call. Tanya believes there is a place and a time for doctors and Western medicine, but if you are 100% committed to healing all areas of your life, your soul is called to go on a journey as well. Now, she teaches the Therapeutic Meditation Process® (TMP) and the 10 Keys to a Vibrant Body & Abundant Life®, trusting that it will find its way into the hearts and lives of those who need it and are ready to take the journey. Find out more about Tanya and her work at www.TanyaPenny.com. www.facebook.com/TanyaPennyHeal/ www.twitter.com/PennyPassion39 www.instagram.com/Pennypassion/

So, I continue to work on shifting the belief that I have to please others to get love, and if I say “No” then I’m selfish, that it’s my job to make others happy, and people will leave me if I don’t do what they want. I do this by planting the seeds of truth that people love me for who I am, not what I do; that saying “No” is selflove; and that I am only responsible for my own happiness. I do this through journaling and using my guided therapeutic meditation practices. This August 2018 | 47

BRING ORDER TO YOUR HOME

BY LETTING GO OF PERFECTION by Randi Rubenstein

“I was total scary mommy this morning. I had a fit about Henry getting chocolate breakfast bar on the couch. Like a total Mommy Meltdown! I know I’m focused on the wrong thing. I’m choosing neatness over what’s really important...people. I feel super guilty after these meltdowns. How do I realistically maintain order and also begin letting some things go?”

There is a sweet spot for moms when it comes to taking pride in your home without driving your family crazy. The need to maintain order and cleanliness in our homes is frequently the catalyst for many a Mommy Meltdown. So how DO we show our kids that we value people over “stuff” while also teaching them to take care of their “stuff” and OURS?

Photograph by Sue Zeng

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#1: INVESTIGATE WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON FOR YOU. Behind every meltdown is a triggering thought. Get curious and ask yourself what’s really going on. Your need for order in your home represents the need for more control in your life. You’re looking to control what you can. Take that in. Breathe. I know we might be in a fight for ten minutes after saying it out loud. Where do you feel out of control in your life? Is your voice heard at work? What about with your spouse? Do you feel out of control when it comes to your body or food? Really ask yourself WHY you’re using your physical environment as your outlet to feel more in control of your life. Now stay with me. I promise this query is powerful and can lead to some big “Aha!” moments and pattern changes. We want our homes to be peaceful. We want a cocoon that envelops and protects us after a hard day. We often envision creating a beautiful retreat. Sort of like a home spa. That’s why we put those lavender diffuser things in our bathroom. That’s why we watch HGTV or DIY decorating shows until the cows come home. AND as we all know...when your family feels peaceful, when your connections have depth, when home is everyone’s soft place to land — well, that’s when the messy feels beautiful and the need to control diminishes. That’s when you look at your child’s “C” written in red marker on your garage door a decade from now and smile. That’s why you may even tell your hubby that if he paints over the “C,” it might be grounds for divorce. Cory with a “C” is now twelve and you’re counting the minutes before puberty. August 2018 | 49

#2 REALITY OVER FANTASY... ALL. DAY. LONG. As moms, we have a fantasy family. That fantasy family doesn’t fight. The kids are best friends. They make their beds every day. They hang their wet towels from actual hooks. Sounds dreamy, right? Wrong. That fantasy doesn’t truly exist. Okay, maybe you’ve got a component of that scenario. And the truth is, maybe you don’t care about those specific details. You want the feeling it represents. Photograph by Liana Mikah You want a close family that gets along. You know it’s the #3: CLEAN IT UP YOURSELF. foundation of a beautiful life. You want to raise non-entitled responsible “Kids learn from our example, not people. The type that treat their our opinion.” I love this quote by siblings and parents with respect. novelist Paulo Coelho. Once you’ve investigated and uncovered your And every time you see evidence that need for control, you can tackle that you’re not the mom that raises these area of your life instead of getting types of people, it feels like your crazy. Once you’ve replaced the dreams are being slowly dismantled. fantasy family with realistic thinking, This is why the wet towels, chocolate you can embrace your connected on the couch, and undies on the family’s imperfections. floor send you spiraling into Mommy Meltdown mode time and time again. And now that you’re clean and clear, you’re still saying, “I simply like a And here’s the reality: Kids make clean and beautiful home. I don’t messes. They get our “stuff” dirty. want to give up on that and don’t feel They leave toys all over the place. like I should have to!” They almost NEVER clean their rooms on their own. Trust me, I get it. This is where it’s time to stop talking and start doing. Your perfectly imperfect reality is Come up with a plan. Discuss it where the love lives. It’s the messy red with your family at a non-relevant “C” stories that will continue to create time, i.e., not during the heat of the the feeling you’ve always wanted. moment as you enter your teenage

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daughter’s cyclone of a room. Decide what spaces in the home are “yours” and your rules. Create systems like a “lost and found” box or a Sunday night bedroom cleanup. Close the doors to your kids’ rooms. Make family rules. Repeat them often. Follow through consistently. And when you find yourself about to go into Mommy Meltdown mode because your people are “doing it wrong”...duct tape your mouth shut and simply step into action by cleaning it up yourself. Your kids will see you being an example. Become helpful mom rather than nagging mom. There will be plenty of time LATER to discuss ways your kids can become part of the solution too. Productively talking about it after you’ve cooled down is how you teach your kids to step into action too. This is how you get the big results where you build your family dream team. THIS feels way better than searching for control by maintaining a pristine house. Promise! Randi helps parents, particularly ones with a strong-willed kiddo, learn tools to raise confident, kind, and self-motivated kids by improving the conversations in your family. As the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap, Randi helps parents keep cool and replace old patterns. Randi’s parenting motto is: “When our thoughts grow, the convos in our home low.” To learn more, go to www.randirubenstein.com

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