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GE’S JACK WELCH AND ME

A Terrifying Corporate Tale Told Out of School

BY JPV OLIVER, GENT

Jack Welch was for 20 years, the feared and fearsome chairman of the General Electric Company and, when he retired, he received a severance payment of $417 million, the largest such payout in history up to then. A senior HR executive at the company told me the company’s computer programs were incapable of calculating the stunning enormity of his stipend. The payments were mind-blowing in their excess (GE paid for his toilet paper, socks, flower arrangements and nail clippers) and he got one of the firm’s Boeing Business Jets for his personal travel - think Air Force 1 for corporate poohbahs. When The Wall Street Journal broke the story, an uproar ensued and much of the money was clawed back. In my nearly 20 years as a speechwriter, media spokesman and dogsbody at GE Capital, I encountered Jack more than once. There is, alas, only one story I can reveal without jeopardizing my pension. Welch was renowned for ruthlessness and a giant brain. Fortune Magazine declared him the greatest corporate manager of the 20th Century and he created a host of practices now commonplace in businesses around the world. The “Force Fit” HR program was one such. It required that managers put staff in one of three groups every year - Promote, Develop and Sack - and it was strictly enforced. The number of people in each category was controlled, so every year some group arbitrarily got the boot. In GE-speak, it was, “Rank and Yank.”

Jack wasn’t all work. At business conferences, he’d be in the hotel bar chatting up wide-eyed administrative assistants till time was called and then be up at 7 am for a jog. He terrified even seasoned executives. I witnessed one division president become unwell in the men’s room moments before his presentation to the chairman. Another poor unfortunate was in the middle of his PowerPoint pitch to a large group when Welch turned to a vice chairman and shouted, “This asshole’s gotta go. He has no idea what he’s doing” at which moment the exexecutive decamped to spend more time with his family. To have a long career at GE, you must be a continuous learner. Prior to one promotion, I had to spend three weeks at the company’s corporate business school in Crotonville, NY, in an MBA-style course organized by the Harvard Business School and taught by the best academics from the US, the UK and France. It was the most demanding academic experience of my life - and I went to graduate school in England - I know demanding. To be promoted, I had to get a grade of B or better. With my unprepossessing intellect, this seemed highly unlikely. Like Mike Pence, a lot of business executives don’t know what charisma is. Jack was an exception. The apex of the three-week slog was an appearance by The Holy of Holies, John Francis “Jack” Welch, Ph D, who, by then, had only days left at GE. The effect of his presence on the 170 students and faculty was - forgive the expression - electric. When I say it was as if Mick Jagger had just popped in, I do not exaggerate. His purpose was two-fold, to discuss each business unit represented in the 150-member class and to troll for talent not yet spied by the HR operatives. Sitting in a far corner, this he did with every student, and, in every case, he knew more than the executive did about his or her own division. He did so sans notes, advisors, or a computer. It was dazzling. Welch cited facts, arcane financial details, products, weak points, and things he wanted done differently - and did so effortlessly 150 times. It had all been jolly enough, until he got to the chap next to me, an MBA of enormous ability and accomplishment. There’s no nice way to put this - Jack eviscerated the guy, and, by the end, the victim’s hands were shaking so badly, he was unable to write for the rest of the day. It was gruesome to watch so successful a person with his entrails splashed about the place. For me, this was exacerbated by the fact that I was next. The mood in the hall turned grim, with people taking a sudden interest in their shoes. Witnessing this corporate execution, my heart began to race, and I expected to be flayed too. As a media spokesman, if I got something wrong and was quoted in the Wall Street Journal or the Financial Times, the GE Board of Directors, every senior leader, shareholders, analysts, competitors and, of course, Welch himself, read it. It was a job with long stretches of boredom punctuated by moments of high terror. Summing up my every molecule of courage, I said, “Mr Welch, my name is Oliver and I’m the spokesman for GE Capital.” The room went deathly quiet with another Christian about to eaten by the lion. At long last, JFW growled, “I know who you are. Keep doing what you’re doing. Next.” That wasn’t the happiest moment of my three weeks. The happiest moment was when I got a B and passed the course. To this day, I have no idea how such a preposterous thing happened.

From Chris:

Anything regarding Jack Welch fascinates me and I love JPV Oliver’s style! His first book was laugh out loud funny and this memoir of his time with Jack just flies across the page – I can’t wait for his next book!

Saratoga Springs resident, JPV Oliver, Gent’s, new memoir, I Know This Looks Bad: Errors and Graces in a Louche Life, is available in bookshops and online.

More at LoucheLife.substack.com.

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