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The Balancing Act: When I couldn't walk away Sarita Rajiv moved from sun-kissed India to snow-topped Denmark. Having hopped from east to west, she finds herself performing a balancing act between her old and new lives. A freelance writer and gifting specialist, she blogs at www.orangegiftbag.com
November 8, 2014 07:00 by Sarita Rajiv
A year ago, I’d read about the six phases of the Expat Curve. At the time, I was in the third phase of the curve, called ‘superficial adaption’, dreading the move to the next: ‘complete culture shock’. But it never
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came. Something else happened. I was forced to confront my true feelings about Denmark. I had to hop off the fence of indecision; I had to stop being a ‘Fence Sitter’. Bash, love, uncertain Based on my (measly) two and a half years’ experience of living in Denmark and numerous episodes of expat watching, I’ve come to the conclusion that there are roughly three main groups of foreigners in Denmark. First, there are the ‘Denmark Bashers’ who hate anything and everything about the country. They troll the internet in this part of the world to spew their venom in the comments sections of any article that has the word Denmark in it. Next up are the ‘Denmark Lovers’ who view the country through rosetinted glasses and take umbrage at anyone who dares to question the perfection that is this happy country. And then there is the third group, the ‘Fence Sitters’, of which I was a part of until a few months ago. (I’ve of course deliberately left out the good majority of foreigners with balanced views – people who’ve had both good and bad experiences in Denmark and who understand that every country has its share of positives and negatives. They just don’t make for good copy, and frankly, this article doesn’t concern them.) The luxury of uncertainty If you asked me a year ago about Denmark, I’d hem and haw my way through a monologue of what was good about Denmark and what was not so great. My response was clear, logical and sterile. I liked Denmark enough to enjoy my life here, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to live here in the long term. But all that changed a few months ago. I was busy going through the motions of life in Denmark when there was an unexpected change in my husband’s work situation. A change that meant we had to choose between going back to India immediately or staying and working our way out of a stressful, frustrating period of uncertainty. We chose the more difficult option of staying. I had always assumed that I would decide if and when I wanted to leave Denmark. I would be the one to end the relationship … to walk away. I never imagined it would be thrust upon me. The true litmus test But when it happened, it was like a fog had lifted. My perspective changed. I kept thinking about everything I loved about living here: about how Denmark had begun to feel like home. My feelings were guided by raw emotion, untarnished by logic or reason, banishing the uncertainty in my mind. I found myself wanting to stay. For those of you with a complex relationship with Denmark, I’ll tell you this. To understand how you really feel about this country, think of your gut reaction if you were told to pack your bags and go back to your home country. If you feel unabashed joy or a lightness of being, you will know that Denmark is not your future. On the other hand, if you find yourself feeling lost, upset and sad, you will know how you truly feel about Denmark.
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