DICTIONARY
of Him SAVANNA POLLARD
ABCDE IJKLN STUVW Dictionary of Him
DICTIONARY OF HIM
EFGH NOPQR WXYZ Dictionary of Him
SAVANNA POLLARD
Dictionary Him Dictionary of of Him
This is what I know about him before we begin our first conversation
Dictionaryof ofHim Him Dictionary
He has smooth blonde hair, combed back on the top and slightly shorter and darker on the sides. He has a warm face and wide open eyes that seem to be trying to convince you he is absorbed and truly listening at all times. He has an inviting smile and short, genuine laugh. He has great taste in handbags: slick and square in a fluorescent shade of chartreuse.
A
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ns
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wers
1 Noun a : something spoken or written in reply to a question b : a correct response
The following pages are filled with alphabetized anecdotes, opinions, and commentray taken from Conor’s answers to the questions I decided to ask, during the short time I spoke to him and he spoke to me.
7
B
B
Dictionary of Him
BISCUITS (& GRAVY) noun | bis·cuit \bis-ket\
a : a small quick bread made from dough that has been rolled out and cut or dropped from a spoon
His favorite thing to have for breakfast is coffee. “I could eat nothing, but I need lots of espresso.” If it’s brunch on the other hand, a bloody mary over mimosa. He likes mimosas too, but he loves bloody marys. If he is going all out, biscuits and gravy and eggs and bacon. I tell him I am from the South, from Alabama, so I understand the love. “So, savory over sweet?” I ask.
“So,
savory over sweet?
”
“yeah.. I suppose so. I mean, chicken and waffles are good sometimes, but they can also be very badly done.” I find myself wholeheartedly agreeing with this simple statement and feeling embarrassingly connected from an opinion that we can’t possibly claim between us.
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believe in “ Isomething bigger.
CATHOLIC (SCHOOL)
C
”
adjective | cath·o·lic \kath-lik\
a : often capitalized : of, relating to, or forming the undivided Christian church or a church claiming historical continuity from it
He went to Catholic school until fourth grade. My father went to Catholic school until college. Neither of them really believe “in that stuff anymore”. Conor says, “but I’m not, not religious. I believe in something. Not the Catholic version of God, but something bigger.” He narrows his eyes and tilts his head to the left. “The Bible was written by people, and people have biases and can say things are wrong or right, without actually writing down what God believes.”
D
Draw Dictionary of Him
noun | draw路ing \dro(-)ing\
1 : an act or instance of drawing; especially : the process of deciding something by drawing lots 2 : the art or technique of representing an object or outlining a figure, plan, or sketch by means of line
Dictionary of Him
that “ so, worked out for me. ”
wing
Drawing, drawing, drawing. He was always drawing. That's how he knew he wanted to be an artist when he grew up. “So that worked out for me. I mean, I didn’t know about being a designer.” “Yeah no one thinks I will be a graphic designer when they are little,” I tell him. He brings up his father again. “My dad took me to painting classes. that's something we'd do together. On off weekends I’d stay with him, but I don't really paint now. I like to write though.”
E Dictionary of Him
at verb \ēt\
1 : to take in through the mouth as food : ingest, chew, and swallow in turn 2 : to destroy, consume, or waste by or as if by eating
Dictionary of Him
yeah, “ Sopotatoes. ” “Mashed Potatoes. That’s my favorite thing to eat at Thanksgiving.” I tell him that’s funny because it is such a common, plain food. “Well, my grandmother’s mashed potatoes, I guess that’s what you should know.” He explains. “I am Irish, so yeah, potatoes.”
f
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noun \fish\
a : an aquatic animal b : any of numerous cold-blooded strictly aquatic craniate vertebrates that have typically an elongated somewhat spindle-shaped body terminating in a broad caudal fin, limbs in the form of fins when present at all, and a 2-chambered heart by which blood is sent through thoracic gills to be oxygenated
ish
Dictionary of Him
A fish. But not just any. An exotic or unique or not-just-some-old-bass kind of fish. That is what he would be in animal form. He likes to swim, he likes the water. I like to swim, I like the water. I used to believe I wanted to die in water. Not drown, or fall off a boat or anything, just be placed in a body of water if I was close to death. I see now that the logistics of that request would not allow it, but I still think it would be a nice way to end. His answer of “fish” catches me off guard and he sees this and says “well, not a gross one. Fish are gross. But I mean a cool one.” He says that swimming makes him feel free, it gives him an awesome feeling and I agree. Being a fish would be wonderful for at least a while.
G Dictionary of Him
GAY adjective \gā\
a : happily excited b: sexually attracted to someone who is the same sex
On coming out to his mother as gay:
“ I always had to pretend to be something I wasn’t but then again I didn’t really know who I was to begin with because I was too busy trying to be whatever I thought other people wanted me to be. I couldn’t take it anymore and I just needed that freedom to say look this is who I am. I can’t change it and I wouldn’t want to anyway. I was scared because I couldn’t imagine what would happen if my mom freaked out. I knew no matter what she would still love me and be there for me but so much was unknown that it was really scary. I was in a super deep depression at that time and it was like I knew it couldn’t get any worse even if my mom reacted negatively.”
“I just
needed that freedom
”
“Ultimately, her opinion was the most important to me, and when I did come out she was like “No! Are you sure?” And I was like mmmm yeah I’m pretty sure! Then she said she didn’t really care about anything except how she was afraid I wouldn’t ever be able to be as happy as I could be if I was straight. She didn’t want things to be more difficult for me than they already were.”
Dictionary of Him
HIPPIE (MUSIC)
H noun | hip·pie \hi-pē\
a : a usually young person who rejects the mores of established society and advocates a nonviolent ethic; broadly : a long-haired unconventionally dressed young person
That’s what his parents listened too. Hippie Music. Bob Dylan. Janis Joplin. Led Zeppelin.
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I
adjective | im路prov \im-pr盲v\ a : of, relating to, or being improvisation and especially an improvised comedy routine
mprov
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“‘hah it’s He says, “I’m so good at it but I hate it.” I say, “my friend Alice does improv. It is very stressful to watch sometimes.” I take deep breaths in and out. “Watching it makes me nervous, like, ‘hah it’s funny!’ but what if its not?...”
He says, “yeah, that's the thing, everyone was like ‘but you are so good!’ But I hate it. I couldn’t sleep the night before if I knew i had to do something like that. But after it's over and you did really well, it's like (he sucks in air through his nose) the best high ever. You feel on top of the world. You overcame it.” Pride shows in the lift of his cheeks. “But if i hate it I’m not going to do it, you know?”
funny!’ but what if it’s not?
”
J Dictionary of Him
“have you ever been in love?”
acob noun | Ja·cob \jā-kob\
1 : a son of Isaac and Rebekah, the twin brother of Esau, and heir of God’s promise of blessing to Abraham 2 : the ancient Hebrew nation
“have you ever been in love?” “Yes. I am right now. And I have been before. I’ve been lucky” He beams, I do too. “oh my god that's so awesome! that is really cool.” “thank you. Its pretty great.”
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I might have been in love. I might be in love. Or something close, something that holds the possibility. I ask him, “how do you know if you are in love?”
Some of my questions have caused him to pause, to tilt his head to the left and raise and lower his eyelids, but this is not one of them. He answers this one as soon as i’ve asked it. “I don't doubt it. there is no question. I don't worry. I don’t have to worry, ‘if I do this or say this will be leave me?’ I could do anything
His name is Jacob, he is twenty eight and he has salt and pepper hair. He tells me he cannot imagine being without him. I ask if he wants to get married and he says yes, to Jacob. I ask how old he is and he says “ohhh I knew this question was coming.” He is thirty and although he says it with eyes preparing for debri to be
and it would be ok. Well, obviously not cheating, but you know.”
blown around them, he also says “But i'm not embarrassed. I actually love it. I know myself better. I know what I want. No wonder he is in love. I hope I will be when I am thirty as well.
K B
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KILL
verb \kil\ a : to deprive of life : cause the death of
“What is the one thing you have to do before you die?” “oh, Before bed... well I have to” I cut him off. “No not before bed. Before you die. Like, if someone was about to kill you what would be the one thing you thought oh but I never got to do that” ”Ohhhh! Well... oh.. that is different. I mean, I’ve been pretty lucky to travel, but I think that’s what I’d want to do the most. Later, I think about how much I want to know what he was going to say he has to do before bed. Maybe brush his teeth? I think that is what i’d say. Or take off my pants maybe.
“if someone was about to kill you...
”
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LIAR
L noun li·ar \ lī(a)r\
a : a person who tells lies
“I am not a liar.” He says with sincerity in his eyes. “Not that anyone says I am... but I really am not. I mean, white lies, ok, if they are not harmful, maybe, sometimes. But I really believe honestly is so much easier. It’s too complicated and messy to get tangled in all your lies.”
Dictionary of Him
“
a stupid, little, ten dollar Magna Doodle.
M MAGNA DOODLE
”
noun | mag·na·dood·dle \mag-nu-dew-del\
a : Magna Doodle is a magnetic drawing toy, consisting of a drawing board, a magnetic stylus, and a few magnet shapes. Invented in 1974, over forty million units have been sold to date.
“My Magna Doodle was my favorite toy. I loved it. I would be sitting their for hours drawing things and making a little story from it. I was the easiest kid to buy toys for. I didn’t want big expensive things just a stupid little ten dollar magnadoodle. I just loved to draw and then wipe it all away over and over.”
B
N
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NERD
noun \nerd\
a : an unstylish, unattractive, or socially inept person.
I looked “like Alfalfa
“What is the worst haircut you have ever gotten?” “Oh.. wow..” He looks down at the carpet and then lifts his head back up, clearly ruminating on his answer. “Well. This isn’t really a haircut, but it made me look like a nerd. When I was younger, I had this piece of hair that stuck up right here.” He pulls up a piece of hair towards the back of his head. “I looked like Alfalfa, I swear. But thankfully that went away. It really made me look like a nerd. I mean, I wasn’t a nerd, but it made me look like it.”
”
O B
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ONE (N) adjective \wun\ a : being of a single unit or thing
When I ask for his email to send him an essay I wrote on Jeffrey Dahmer, he spells his name and adds “with one N.” I say “oh! me too! well not one N, actually two Ns, but no H.” We talk about people consistently misspelling our names and how drastically it can change the feel and personality of a name simply by adding or subtracting one letter.
“actually, two N’s. ”
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and “ sooutweird there and funny.
P PEE WEE
”
adjective | cath·o·lic \kath-lik\
a : often capitalized : of, relating to, or forming the undivided Christian church or a church claiming historical continuity from it
His face lights up in a mishevious manner. “Pee Wee’s Playhouse is my favorite cartoon. Well, I know it’s not really a cartoon, but that was my show. It was just so weird and out there and funny. An adult could watch it. I could still watch it now and really enjoy it.” I remember watching Pee Wee when I was younger, sitting in bed in between my parents in the mornings. I remember the couch that had a face and the man painted blue who lived inside a small gold lamp.
q B
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uestions adjective | im路prov \im-pr盲v\
a : of, relating to, or being improvisation and especially an improvised comedy routine
s
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like these “ Iquestions.
”
“What is your favorite thing... To eat for breakfast” “To eat for Breakfast.” He says the last four words along with me, reading along off my computer screen. “I like these questions. I was afraid or getting asked really boring questions, but these are good.” I laugh and tell him that honestly, I was a bit woozy from wine and just typing out every question that came to mind. I am glad he is enjoying answering them and I am glad I am enjoying asking.
RadioDictionary of Him
adjective | ra·dio \rā-dē-ō\
head noun \hed\
a : an English rock band from Abingdon, Oxfordshire, formed in 1985. The band consists of Thom Yorke, Jonny Greenwood, Colin Greenwood, Phil Selway and Ed O’Brien.
Dictionary of Him
there with “ Up Led Zepplin. ”
He is unafraid to compare Radiohead to “The Greats.” Up there with “Led Zepplin and The Beatles.” I don’t know how many people would take offence to that statement, but he justifies it with this point: “They are always doing something different. Coming up with new sounds. They are just so good.”
Sleeping Dictionary of Him
noun \slēp\
Beauty noun | beau·ty \byü-tē
a : a princess of a fairy tale who is awakened from an enchanted sleep by the kiss of a prince
g y
Dictionary of Him
sleeping beauty is his favorite disney movie. I tell him I think that's an interesting one, since it is very old and very slow and how the one scene where the horses are walking up the stone path to the castle is drawn out and so long, but beautifully drawn. We talk over and under each other's observations. Him: “Maleficent!” “she is so scary” I agree, “she is scary. She burns to the ground, doesn’t she?” “and she’s like made of fire. She’s the craziest villain” “And her creepy bird...” He says, “this shows that my parents should’ve known, early on, that I was gay, because my favorite thing ever, in that movie, was when she is dancing around” “in the dress?” I add to his sentence and he continues it “and they change the color of the dress all the time” “Me too. That was my favorite too. and the cake.” He interjects, “i just loved that. it was the best” “what color did you want the dress to be?” I aks “ahhh i don’t know. that's the thing they were all good!” we both rock backwards and let out one long laugh.
B
T Dictionary of Him
TATTOO verb \kil\ a : to deprive of life : cause the death of
I was going to ask if he liked tattoos, but I see he has one on his arm, a small line with points and other markings across it. “The three little bars are my mom and sister. My parents got divorced when i was in 3rd grade. I didn’t hate my dad or anything but growing up it was just the three of us.” The compass arrow could go anywhere star is like my future like, my dreams” he iterates in a heavy voice, purposefully calling out the drama of the words. “something unknown.”
“I didn’t hate my dad or anything...
”
Dictionary of Him
UNCLE (JESSE)
U
noun un·cle \unk-kel\
a : the brother of your father or mother or the husband of your aunt
The first celebrity he ever had a crush on was Unlce Jesse from Full House, Along with Zach Morris from saved by the Bell. He didn’t know it was a crush exactly. Just that he particularly enjoyed the scenes when Uncle Jesse, or Zach were on the screen.
V B
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anis verb | van路ish \van-ish\
a : to disappear entirely without a clear explanation b: to stop existing
sh
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person you “ the knew is gone. ”
Paris asks him, “do you think people can really dissapear without a trace?” Her question makes both of us pause; share a moment of silence. I take the question literally: “Well I don’t know if people can ever dissapear without any evidence. Unless their bodies are disolved in acid, or maybe from alien abductions or something..” Conor takes the question differently. He says, “I know that people can change. They can discard their former selves, kind of dissapear. I mean they will still physically be there, but the person you knew is gone.”
Dictionary of Him
“
W WORLD
a stupid, little, ten dollar magnadoodle.
”
noun \wer-old\
a : the earthly state of human existence
“My Magnadoodle was my favorite toy. I loved it. I would be sitting their for hours drawing things and making a little story from it. I was the easiest kid to buy toys for. I didn’t want big expensive things just a stupid little ten dollar magnadoodle. I just loved to draw and then wipe it all away over and over.”
X
X-TATIC
“
“
noun | ex-tat-ic\
“There is this song called X-Static Process. It’s by Madonna.” My roommate, Kane, listens to Madonna quite frequently, but I don’t think I’ve heard this particular song. “It was playing in the car while I was driving with my mom, and I just knew that I had to come out to her. It was a sign.” I can tell he is one of those people, same as I am, who looks at the universe as a force and an energy. “For me it was like the lyrics were speaking to me. I came out to her a few hours later.” He shakes his head and rolls his eyes “I know, so stereotypical. Madonna. She did play guitar in it, though, so I guess that’s a little better.”
Dictionary of Him
‘m not myself when you’re around I’m not myself standing in a crowd I’m not myself and I don’t know how I’m not myself, myself right now Jesus Christ will you look at me Don’t know who I’m supposed to be Don’t really know if I should give a damn When you’re around, I don’t know who I am I’m not myself when you go quiet I’m not myself alone at night I’m not myself, don’t know who to call I’m not myself at all
”
– X-TATIC PROCESS, Madonna
Dictionary of Him
Yahtz adjective | im·prov \im-präv\
a dice game made by Milton Bradley, which was first marketed as “Yatzie” by National Association Service of Toledo, Ohio, in the early 1940s
a:
Dictionary of Him
“I loved He says his favorite board game is Yahtzee, even though there is no board involved. He played it with his mother, sister and grandmother often. I tell him my favorite was Sorry, even though I am easily startled, I still love pushing in the dented metal covered by a plastic bulb to make the loud pop.
zee
pushing in the dented metal.
�
Zip
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up
1: to close or connect (something) with a zipper 2: to use a zipper to fasten someone's clothing
Dictionary of Him
the one item of clothing that he wears the most often is a grey zip up sweater with a cowl neckline. Comfortable, casual, practical and the best part is the color. Such a light and neutral shade will not be as memorable or district as, say, clementine orange would. He can wear this sweater day after day without any worry of his peers referring to him as “that guy who wears that one sweater all the time every class..�
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TYPE SPECS
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Dictionary of Him