More reports about Mad Vlad Putin

“PUTIN SET TO MAKE IT HARDER FOR RUSSIANS TO AVOID MILITARY CALL-UP

AS FEARS GROW OVER NEW MOBILIZATION WAVE”

The message is clear to 20 million men throughout Russia: Get out now!

Because in addition to conscripting 500,000 more of them for sacrifice to his vanity, Mad Vlad Putin is set to impose travel restrictions to prevent those of military age from leaving the country.

Moreover, we have learned that President Putin also has plans to freeze the bank accounts of all those called up to service, thereby making it more difficult for them to flee, along with suspending driving licenses, banning real estate transactions and prohibiting loans.

These tactics are geared to ensure they have no choice but accept a one-way ticket to President Putin’s frontline meat grinder.

“SOLDIERS MAKE SECRET PACT TO ‘DESTROY’ PUTIN’S EMPIRE FROM WITHIN”

The Chechens are finally remembering that 20 years ago Mr. Putin did to them what he’s now doing to the Ukrainians: Conducting bloody atrocities against civilians, including women and children.

As Russia steadily weakens, the Chechens will finally take their revenge. And Russia, like the Soviet Union before it, will be split into pieces (some of which China will happily help to itself).

“LEAKED PENTAGON DOCS: KREMLIN PLANS TO ‘THROW’ PUTIN’S WAR WHILE HE’S GETTING CHEMO”

When you have Russian National Security Council Secretary Nikolay Patrushev and Russian Chief of the General Staff Valeriy Gerasimov against you, the end is nigh for Vlad — if cancer doesn’t claim him first.

According to a reliable source, General Gerasimov put it this way: “When that f----- dies, this hellish war will end.”

The sooner the better for all humanity.

The word is new therapies for President Putin’s various maladies are not working — and he’s turning into a big baby.

Power, palaces, billions of dollars, yachts and expensive wristwatches are no match for poor health and the Grim Reaper.

What goes round comes round so perhaps putrid Putin is paying the price for all the misery he has caused.

Speaking of which…

“PUTIN’S RIVAL BEING ‘SLOWLY POISONED’ IN PAINFUL ASSASSINATION AS HE LOSES 18 LBS IN DAYS & SUFFERS SEIZURES”

Alexie Navalny, the man who should be ruling Russia, is politically imprisoned by President Putin on trumped-up charges.

It is not the first time Mr. Navalny has been poisoned by Mr. Putin’s goons. Three years

Pedestrian hit by train near park

GAVIOTA — A male pedestrian was struck Friday morning by a train near Gaviota State Park. The man was declared deceased at the scene when authorities arrived.

This incident caused the trains to stop until the Santa Barbara County Fire Department and law enforcement could evaluate the ago the FSB slipped a chemical nerve agent called Novichuck into Mr. Navalny’s underwear. Alexie needed treatment from doctors in Germany to recover. And when he returned to Russia, President Putin had him imprisoned for violating probation (on an earlier trumped-up charge) for having left Russia to seek proper medical attention.

“PUTIN CRITIC JAILED IN TREASON CASE FOR 25 YEARS”

Who: Vladimir Kara-Murza, a 41-year-old opposition party politician and father of three.

Where: Moscow.

When: April 17.

Why: For criticizing President Putin and his war on Ukraine.

“FED UP WITH L.A. POTHOLE, ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER FILLS IT HIMSELF”

The larger government grows, the less it does. Whether terminating a pothole or defending your home, it is do-ityourself time.

Next thing we’ll hear is that the governator has been arrested for improving public property, perhaps a felony in Los Angeles while assault and battery are lessened to misdemeanors and offenders quickly are released without bail.

“HOW ROBERT F. KENNEDY JR.’S HISTORY OF DRUG ADDICTION AND WOMANIZING MAKES HIS RUN FOR PRESIDENT A LONG SHOT”

Translation: Neither Joe Biden nor Gavin Gruesome are happy about this candidacy, and the knives have already come out.

It doesn’t seem to faze Bobby. Officially announcing his candidacy at a rally in Boston, he told a crowd of enthusiastic supporters, “I’ve got so many skeletons in my closet that if they would vote, I could be king of the world.”

Former congressman Dennis Kucinich of Ohio introduced RFK Jr. as the “Paul Revere of our time.”

Anyone who opposed the COVID-19 lockdowns and vaccines for kids is most definitely (and defiantly) one of the heroes of our time. RFK Jr. doesn’t just question authority, he stands up to it — and even to establishment-adoring members of his own family.

I don’t generally like the idea of political dynasties. But RFK Jr. is a genuine profile in courage, and I hope his father and uncle are looking down with pride.

Just watch as mainstream media try to do a takedown of this outsider trying to end kleptocratic collusion between corporate America and big government.

“DALAI LAMA APOLOGIZES OVER VIDEO ASKING CHILD TO ‘SUCK’ HIS TONGUE SPARKS OUTCRY”

Even Buddhism is not immune from these acts.

Call a spade a spade, no excuses, not even a “cultural” defense.

And speaking of which …

ROBERT ERINGER

“ROMAN POLANSKI’S VICTIM DEFENDS DIRECTOR WHO RAPED HER WHEN SHE WAS 13”

This was not an isolated incident for Roman Polanski. He was doing his serial “thing” right, left and center with underage girls — and finally got caught, tip of the iceberg.

I knew a girl growing up in West Hollywood who got snagged by Mr. Polanski’s web of shenanigans. She is no longer alive, having turned to drugs like so many innocent young girls do after succumbing to the desires of pedos like Roman Polanski.

To hell with him — or at least exile to France, let the French sanction perverse antics.

Your daughters and granddaughters have been safer for the last 45 years without Mr. Polanski lurking around.

“B.O. COULD TRIGGER HOSTILITY TOWARDS REFUGEES”

Body Odor will henceforth be politically acceptable because it is now associated with refugees — and refugees are the Democrats’ most precious darlings, as in future voters expected to tilt elections in their favor.

So suck it up and get ready to hold your nose more often. Or lose your deodorant and join the party. Because it is your complaint and not the stink that will soon be considered offensive.

“FBI WARNS CONSUMERS NOT TO USE PUBLIC PHONE CHARGING STATIONS”

News you can use: Always carry your own charger, and use it only in a normal electrical outlet. NEVER use a public charging station, or you run the risk of having all your data stolen and used for ID theft.

“FEDERAL OFFICIALS WARN OF NEW ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE SCAM”

You receive a telephone call supposedly from a loved one pleading for money to get out of some kind of situation (a kidnap scenario, jail). It is actually a voice-cloning program created by artificial intelligence.

Sign of a scam: The cloned voice requests a wire transfer, cryptocurrency, gift cards or credit card numbers with PINs.

Don’t fall for it. Track your loved one down. Chances are, everything is just fine.

And this: California’s Department of Financial Protection & Innovation is

TRAFFIC, CRIME AND FIRE BLOTTER

situation.

The cause of the accident is currently under investigation.

— Annika Bahnsen

Car collides with tree

SANTA BARBARA — Late on Thursday, a vehicle collided with a tree and caught on fire on Cathedral Oaks Boulevard in the