CREATIVE MINDFULNESS
School of Modern Psychology Issue 2 October 2014 AU $7.95
Inside this issue: FREE Creative Mindfulness Course Articles & More
CREATIVE CONTENTS Page 3 Catalyst for Change Page 5 Mindfully Now Page 7
The Art of ‘Seeing’
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Enquire, Evolve, Etch, Embrace
Page 11 Practicing Self-compassion Page 13
Twin Peaks: Procrastination and Perfectionism
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A short story
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Detoxing the Brain
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Resistance is Futile
Page 21 Become a Member www.schoolofmodernpsychology.com.au
MINDFULNESS EDITORIAL Welcome to our second edition of Creative Mindfulness. It’s a privilege sharing ideas with people from around the world who are on a journey of discovery into how they can bring more creativity into their lives and use this method of enquiry to become more mindfully aware of how to reach their goals and embrace possibility. Currently we’re running courses with people from Australia, New Zealand, the UK and Canada. It’s an exciting time that we live in, with the internet providing a platform which was not available a few decades ago. The power of connection is around the community we’re attracting – like-minded people sharing a creative urge – whether they’re familiar with brushes, paint and pencils – or not. And that’s the beauty of what we do – helping people gain greater skills in expressing emotions or thoughts that sometimes have no words to express what it’s really like – yet with the power of creativity, the awareness of our deeper selves, and our subconscious ‘knowing’ we can tease out issues and be mindfully aware of what we need to do, what our values are and to believe in ourselves so that we can move forward. We’re offering another free introductory course this month – see the back page of this journal for more information. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy this month’s edition of Creative Mindfulness. Barbara Grace Director barbara@schoolofmodernpsychology.com.au
Catalyst for Change
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A colleague recently experienced one of those life-changing moments. The sort brought on by a crisis that resulted in him being admitted to intensive care for three days. Thankfully the crisis has passed and his blue eyes returned to their natural warmth. His skin is pink and showing signs of healthy blood flow and his mind is clear and lucid again. This crisis was a wake-up call for him. It will mean significant changes to his lifestyle. Thankfully he’s still young enough to heed the warning and take this second-chance as an opportunity for change. Change can be a difficult thing to initiate. It’s easier to stay the same, do the same things – enjoy the same view from your comfy spot on life’s merry-go-round. Yet change is one of the few constants in our lives and if we don’t heed the warning calls and make the personal choice to change then occasionally a crisis steps in and provides the catalyst. It’s often said that there are only three reasons to change: a crisis, a random chance or a conscious choice. The message here is what’s the cost of not changing? And is waiting for a crisis or a random act of chance to move away from the comfortable spot on your own merry-go-round (where you may be able to ignore the signs for a while) really the best way of taking responsibility for yourself? Making choices that will provide a fuller and more rewarding life often need a catalyst. So what’s yours going to be?
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Mindfully Now Researchers tell us that over 80% of our thoughts are recycled, in other words we’re re-hashing past events and planning routine tasks. ’Mind wandering’, as it’s known, is generally symptomatic of disengagement. Most of us do this at one time or another. Who hasn’t driven to work and not remembered the journey or finished an article only to realise you haven’t remember a word? In 2010 two psychologists developed an iPhone app that contacted the owner at random moments during a typical day and asked them how happy they felt, what they were doing and whether or not their mind was wandering. Results showed that about 47% of the time, people’s minds were ‘elsewhere’. The psychologists concluded that “a wandering mind is an unhappy mind” as when we’re “mindlessly wandering” and lost in our thinking we can lose touch with our present environment. While at times this may be useful to counteract boredom, we’ll more often than not have also filtered out the positive things happening around us – not to mention the opportunities that cross our path to grow or challenge ourselves. I grew up in the “multi-tasking generation” – a useless catch-cry for attempting to be an ‘over-achiever’ who had it all, did it all and gave it all – only to reap the reality call of burn-out until finally facing the fact that I enjoyed focusing on one thing at a time and doing it to the best of my ability. So it’s interesting to see mindfulness practice as a serious topic that’s included in many therapeutic programs such as positive psychology, acceptance commitment therapy (ACT) and compassion-based practices. This makes sense – be attentive to what’s going on around you, have an enquiring mind and explore your environment with curiosity while giving yourself the same compassion you readily give others. It’s probably worth a try if you haven’t done so already. Most programs we run at our School use mindfulness practices as it’s when we focus on what we’re doing, how we’re doing it and what we want to achieve from it that we receive a richer and more fulfilling life – something I rarely felt from multi-tasking.
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CREATIVE The Art of ‘Seeing’ While using our cameras or ‘smart phones’ to capture images we want to recall later is an action that most of us do, I wonder if there’s a time that we could leave these handy devices at home and invest some time in ‘learning how to see’. This is best described by John Ruskin (1819–900), a leading art critic, watercolourer and writer: ‘Let two persons go out for a walk; the one a good sketcher, the other having no taste of the kind. Let them go down a green lane. There will be a great difference in the scene as perceived by the two individuals. The one will see a lane and trees; he will perceive the trees to be green, though he will think nothing about it; he will see that the sun shines, and that it has a cheerful effect; and that’s all! But what will the sketcher see? His eye is accustomed to search into the cause of beauty, and penetrate the minutest parts of loveliness. He looks up, and observes how the showery and subdivided sunshine comes sprinkled down among the gleaming leaves overhead, till the air is filled with the emerald light. He will see here and there a bough emerging from the veil of leaves, he will see the jewel brightness of the emerald moss and the variegated and fantastic lichens, white and blue, purple and red, all mellowed and mingled into a single garment of beauty. Then come the cavernous trunks and the twisted roots that grasp with their snake-like coils at the steep bank, whose turfy slope is inlaid with flowers of a thousand dyes. Is not this worth seeing? Yet if you are not a sketcher you will pass along the green lane, and when you come home again, have nothing to say or to think about it, but that you went down such and such a lane.’ To read John Ruskin’s book on drawing free online, go to: http://www.gutenberg.org/files/30325/30325-h/30325-h.htm
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‘Seeing’ is also about opening our eyes to our own strengths and weaknesses and being aware that our ‘power’ can at times also be our ‘kryptonite’ that holds us back. This art work is by Rose who is currently studying with us - the following is her insightful response to this creative project: “It's all about trying to find balance by offsetting positive and negative outcomes, by not fearing failure, by enhancing strengths over weaknesses and by knowing what it is that you/I want and taking action to make it happen. See the beauty in imperfections.” Rose.
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etch embrace As part of our new Creative Mindfulness Coach program that commences in February 2015, we’re using the Enquire, Evolve, Etch and Embrace philosophy to introduce people to the concepts of Modern Psychology, Creativity, Mindfulness and Coaching that we use. If you’re interested in joining a free 2-week mini-coaching course to find out more about what’s involved, then register for our upcoming program (it’s free and starts on 3rd November) by copying and pasting the link below into your web browser: http://bit.ly/1tLwsH5
Practicing Self-compassion I regularly hear messages about being ‘happy’ and in a perpetual state of bliss that sometimes I want to shrink from these overly positive mantras littering my personal Facebook page. While they have a feelgood factor, I feel I should be swanning through a garden in a skimpy dress with a flock of red balloons aloft. Life isn’t always joy and bliss. Life has a nasty way of slapping any of us back into reality and popping every one of those red and rubbery balloons. One day all is zooming along well, the next you’re in a ditch wondering how to climb out. Happiness, bliss and joy are super easy to experience when we are healthy and have dollars in our pockets and loving relationships to share the joy (and the dollars) with. Yet it only takes a few reality bumps to shatter anyone’s positive approach to life. It’s during these times that we can feel most vulnerable as nothing prepares you for the grief of losing a loved one, the illness that saps all energy or the stress that feels like you’re sinking in quick sand. At times like these, it’s easy to feel alone because our society doesn’t readily have the tools to help each other get through difficulties. As a result many end up carrying a back-pack filled with grief that just gets heavier as time goes by. But there are ways to help either yourself or someone you know – because while emotional pain may feel overwhelming at times, acknowledging it and being mindfully aware of its presence is part of the process needed to manage it. The best gift you can give yourself during these times is selfcompassion to counteract the unhealthy layers of guilt, self-blame and shame that can accompany emotional pain. Know that you can put down the back-pack and take a moment to give yourself the love that you possibly share so readily with others. And sometimes, at times like these, a few red balloons wouldn’t go astray either.
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CREATIVE Twin Peaks: Procrastination + Procrastination and perfectionism are twin shields we often wear to protect ourselves from facing issues we may be burying. On a recent online course we had hundreds of people from across Australia, New Zealand, the UK and Canada sharing their needs - and the one thing that united everyone was a fear of failure, of feeling guilty and of not being good enough. It’s only in groups like these, that we can raise issues and finally realise that we’re not alone – that the fears we face about rejection and of not meeting inflated expectations are what we have in common – no matter where we live, what our experiences have been, how much we earn or what title we label ourselves with. These fears seem part of the human condition. Yet why is this? Because most of us grew up with the belief that exposing our vulnerability and showing our imperfections are signs of weakness. And with this false knowledge millions of people hide behind the mask of fierce and stoic self-denial, which ultimately leads
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to keeping our fears and inadequacies deeply hidden. This wouldn’t be a problem if it didn’t translate into a sense of worthlessness, sadness and dissatisfaction with the life being led. Essentially there are only two ways to change this. One is embracing vulnerability as a strength, the other is valuing our imperfections because aiming for perfection may sound lofty – but in reality not one of us can ever achieve it. Bettering ourselves, improving our skills and aiming for goals – yes – as long as they’re approached with a healthy assessment of what’s required and how you can work towards your aspirations. Perfectionism though is a movable feast – similar to playing a game of football where the goal posts keep shifting – it’s unwinnable. If you feel you’re shrinking behind either procrastination or perfectionism consider what’s holding you back from getting what you want. And in the process, practice a little selfcompassion.
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CREATIVE A short story ... Two young brothers lay under a tree. Above them clouds drifted aimlessly in the midday heat. “I’m thirsty”, says Peter, flicking a fly from his face. “My mouth’s dry. What I wouldn’t do for a coke right now. Wish I had 20 of them – I’d drink every one right up.” Paul propped himself up and imagined the coke thirsting down his throat. “Hey Pete, if you had 20 cokes, could I have ten of them?” he says. Peter squints out the corner of his eye, the fence at the end of the park was shimmering just like a mirage. “Nope.” he finally says. “Awww com’on Peter!” Paul pushes out his bottom lip. “Then what about five, can I have five – you’ll still have heaps?” “Nope,” saysPeter. “You’re mean!” Paul thumps the ground beside him. “Then what about two?” “Nope,” says Peter again. “Peter I’m gonna tell on you. Stop being mean!” Paul slumps onto his back. “What about just one?” His high-pitched hope sounding more like the whine their dog, Macey, made when she was hungry. “Nope,” saiysPeter again. Paul stands up hands on hips, peering down at his older brother. “You’re not just mean, you’re horrible! Imagine not even giving your own brother one of your cokes!” “Why won’t you give me even one!?” Peter covers his eyes against the glare and smirks up at his brother. “Why? Because you’re so lazy you won’t even WISH for what you want!!!!”
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CREATIVE Detoxing the Brain Have you ever been in a challenging situation where difficult thoughts led to feeling anxious, frustrated, worried about the future or concerned that you’re ‘not good enough’? While these feelings are normal, very few of us enjoy them hanging around, and often do whatever it takes to diminish or remove them. Sometimes it’s as if we’re ‘fused’ with our thoughts – as if we’re plugged into a socket that when switched on buries us under a tsunami of emotional current. At other times we can become isolated, less positive, unfocused or feel like giving up. While these thoughts and feelings are unpleasant or painful, reminding you of memories, sensations or cravings – it’s time to remind ourselves that essentially they aren’t the problem – it’s in how they’ve become toxic and problematic that’s important. Avoiding painful thoughts and feelings in itself can be overwhelming – yet if we can accept that it’s not the thought or emotion we need to concern ourselves with, but the relationship we have with them, then we have an opportunity to change our perspective and gain more awareness around how to manage these thoughts and feelings rather than reacting in self-defeating ways. Generally, we have two ways of responding: Get caught up emotionally or struggle to break free
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– in other words ‘fuse’ with painful thoughts or ‘avoid’ them. If you’re pushing away and ignoring painful emotions and beginning to feel less energetic or positive, then consider whether the energy you’re using to ‘squash’ these feelings is worth the price. Sometimes the effect of denial can pop up elsewhere, such as in poor health – often masking its true source. Similarly, we can feel deluged and unable to focus on anything else. This can limit our ability to see anything good in us or the world around. Yet, if we can imagine placing those thoughts and feelings externally, for example, resting them on our hands and be mindfully aware that they’re there, then we’ve begun to alter the strategy we normally use and begin the process of offering ourselves ‘self-compassion’. Emotional pain can be overwhelming, yet if we treat it as if holding a young child in pain – then we have an opportunity to turn down the volume in a meaningful way. It’s often in how we disconnect thoughts – literally de-fuse them and mindfully remain in the present moment that painful thoughts and emotions stop being toxic. They may still be painful – yet not life-distorting, allowing us to re-gain the chance to live more richly and with greater fulfilment.
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A ‘Chrysalis Mom During my son’s teenage years, his Borg battle cry: “Resistance is futile” (Star Trek fans will know this line) was often heard whenever a clash of wills arose – as it often did. He was usually right – his relentless will had me seeking peace in another galaxy early on.
From these clashes I learnt to ‘fight the battles worth fighting’. Most issues my son and I faced merely involved his metamorphosis from childhood to manhood in claiming his rite of passage. This got me thinking about managing personal change and avoiding Borg-type battles between ourselves. Research says the biggest barrier to change is usually resistance to change itself.
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This can happen because we haven’t updated our values and beliefs to support the actions we want to take.
The humble caterpillar offers a great analogy. Caterpillars have cells that evolve during their metamorphosis that form legs, wings and a body inside the chrysalis. Essentially, these cells devour the caterpillar during its transition to moth. Even though this is an evolutionary inevitability, the caterpillar still rejects the initial cells. (Who wouldn’t protest at being eaten alive even if the result was emerging as a higher species!) Similarly, for us to emerge as a more highly functioning person with more skills to manage emotions, think at higher levels and act in ways that support our values, we must
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rough a metamorphosis-like process to way for new growth.
work with leaders and people from all of life, I often find people caught in I call a ‘Chrysalis Moment’, cocooning selves against change through fear of an own future that reinforces a rigid way of ing which keeps them stuck.
sn’t an effective process for growth – on a personal or a professional level.
e cocoons may be a safe place for ge to occur, facing fear and embracing morphosis can help us reach our tial – it just depends where you are on volutionary path of resistance.
Images are by Linda Andrews, a student in our Applied Creativity Program, which represent how she “realises the true colour of potential” – the metamorphosis that we each must take to achieve real growth and maturity. www.schoolofmodernpsychology.com.au
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Creative Minds Membership If you’d like to remain connected with the School and receive great activities and reflections each week, including a monthly webinar – we offer a value-packed bundle where you can become a Member of our Creative Minds group and be part of our wonderful community. Copy and paste the link below to check it out.
http://bit.ly/1vSAZWb Creative Mindfulness Course
FREE three-week mini-course. Copy and paste the link below into your browser for more information. Starts 3rd November 2014.
http://bit.ly/WsJwn4
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