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features | kelsie realf (sub-editor) georgia hick (sub-editor) anis lutfi (sub-editor) halligan quinn (sub-editor) sport | jessica drummer (sub-editor) rizal redzuan (sub-editor) arts | nicholas o’hara (sub-editor) antony scholefield (sub-editor) david simmons (sub-editor) james jeffree (sub-editor) graphics |ashleigh sullivan
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facebook mood for the ashes may the odds bond impressions arts photos sport posters
from the
editor
Caroline Stanley
from the
Corporate Relations Director Emilie Soust
Hi Bondies! Welcome to Week 10! I feel like I say this far too often but I cannot believe how far along in the semester we are! Exams are just around the corner and I feel like there is still so much to do this semester.
A big congrats to the HMSA who threw a great party on Friday night (as I understand it). I must confess that I The BUSA Deals program provides Bond students with exclusive missed it because I was sunning it up in discounts on the necessaries in life. The BUSA webpage displays all Noosa but it sounds like it was a great the BUSA Deals that are currently available, so be sure to visit our the night. Welcome back to all the athletes webpage to find out what discounts you can redeem. There are a variwho spent last week in Brisbane for ety of BUSA Deals available. And these deals are ever growing. RecentNorthern University Games. As the ly we have had Toni and Guy, Broadbeach, come on board offering Uni Sports pages for this week make very student deals on haircuts throughout the week. We have also had 2 For clear, it seems to have been a very 1 Wednesdays. When signing up to this meal card, annually, you receive out-of-control week for all involved 2 for 1 meals at restaurants all over the gold coast on Wednesdays. This and I think we can safely say that is an offer that shouldn’t be missed. The best part is that you can purchase what happens in Brisbane certainly this card with 30% off, just because you’re a Bondie!! Head to our webpage hasn’t stayed in Brisbane. to find the link that will source you good food at the cheapest prices. Also, keep an eye on Student Daily Digest to find out about these recent additions The final State of Origin match to the BUSA Deals and for more in the future. tonight is shaping up to be a very exciting one - Tony will Here are the deals that BUSA currently offers to students, you can find them have Don’s all decked out in on the website at www.busa.com.au/busa/deals: his classic ‘origin’ style and I hope to see lots of you there 1. Hub - 10% off for bond student for what is sure to be a very 2. Krish - 10% off or BondSpecial Meal rowdy night. 3. Lake - Lake specials monday and tuesday nights 4. OMG Hair Bar - 15% off tuesday through friday Having had so many friends 5. Ambrella Fine Foods - 5% off run so successfully in the 6. Cucina - 10% off GC marathon last week7. Hugos - 10% off end - I have decided to 8. CocoMousse - 10% off run every day for a month 9. O-Sushi - 10% off starting yesterday. See if 10. Jamroc Chicken - 10% off you can find something 11. Gold COast Suns - uni student deals cheaper tickets (varying week to week) to challenge yourself 12. Tweed seaports - discounted scuba diving trips - enquire with scuba club with for the rest of the 13. Teriyaki Mate - 10% off semester - to keep 14. Experience Oz - cheap adventure activity tickets processed through BSUA. things interesting and 15. Toni and Guy Broadbeach - Uni student deal haircuts (20% off) mon-thurs to keep yourself sane. 16. 2 for 1 Wednesdays - 30% off the car, usually purchased for $67.90 to receive 2 for 1 meals on Wednesdays Love, Caro x
F
acebook
A social network or social nightmare? I don’t have a Facebook profile. Why? you ask. It is defi-
nitely a little bit because I enjoy seeming mysterious, but for the most part I’ve just…never been bothered to get one, much in the same way I haven’t been bothered to install any Apps onto my phone. And although my life would probably be enhanced by it, I am quite content to wait for this whole “social networking” thing to just blow over… Unsurprisingly, my explanation that I am effectively “too lazy to even procrastinate properly” doesn’t really satisfy anyone who asks. But there was one person, about 3 years ago, who decided that my lack of Facebook was so chronic that they would take a special interest in my life. They decided to make a Facebook profile for me without permission. Yes, this is the story of how someone stole my online identity. Sort of. Part 1: The innocent beginning The culprit lived on the floor below me during my time at a Melbourne residential college. For the sake of anonymity, let’s call her Anna. Anna De Flayid. From Brunswick. Ahem. Having literally just met her, I took Anna up on her random offer to accompany her to a club so she could meet up with a friend. The friend never showed up and we enjoyed a night of seriously awkward conversation. Little did I know that this would be the person who would steal my online identity. Part 2: The betrayal Anna and I hung out on and off for about 3 months afterwards. She really fixated on me not having Facebook, and my stubborn refusal to get it. Although I can only speculate, I imagine it churned her into an all-encompassing berserker rage.
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When she offered to make me a Facebook profile I politely refused. I also refused to provide her with a photo of me so she could just make me one. She decided to punish my indifference by making me one anyway. It was a somewhat inaccurate portrayal of my life. The profile picture was of a zebra’s bottom. My favourite hobbies list included underwater blowjobs, pink socking and cycling...(I didn’t even cycle!) My About Me section read: “I’m a really fun and interesting person. LOL, just kidding, I’m Hal”. My favourite movies included Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants, The Winx Movie, Barbie in The Nutcracker and Heathers (actually a really good movie). Showing a little less effort, she listed her own email address in the contact details, and my birthday was Christ-
mas Day. At the time I thought it was funny, unaware that, right from under my nose, she had stolen my online identity. Part 3: The Reckoning I was somewhat to blame for my own downfall. She gave me the log-in details on a piece of paper, and I lost the piece of paper. Such were the perils of the bad old days where people actually used paper for things. Anna then apparently decided that she liked having complete control over my (virtual) life, because she refused all other requests to give me the details again. Truly, she was an evil genius. Meanwhile, people started to add me on Facebook. Within a couple of months my fake profile had 80 friends, which is more than the number of actual friends I had at the residential college. A couple of people left me messages which fake-me didn’t reply to. Everyone wished me a happy birthday….on Christmas. Unbeknownst to be, my life was slowly being colonised by an unfavourable lie…
To make matters worse I moved to Queensland, which meant Anna could just ignore all my requests to give me the password. She would occasionally use fake-me to write weird stuff. One update was something about cereal and pubes. After 18 months, I took the unthinkable (yet incredibly obvious) step of reporting it to Mark Zuckerberg himself…or whoever else fields these issues. And after providing two scanned photo IDs, my nightmare was over. What did I learn from this? I learned that even if you don’t have social networks, you can’t afford to ignore them. I learned that people can be unspeakably cruel. And I learned that, in fact, it is not possible to sue someone for $100 billion over this sort of thing. Yet.
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Part 4: The Nightmare Ends I finally realised how far things had gone 1 year later, when a friend told me about it. My friend had already left messages on my wall saying it was fake, but by then it was too late. My number of friends had increased 12.5% to 90! And some of these friends were friends from my high school, who would no doubt think that I had gone to university and fallen in with the wrong crowd. A crowd that was into girly movies and…cycling.
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How to get in the mood for the Ashes (if you hate cricket) were keen to perpetuate a practice that would allow them to not From mid-July up until the 25th of August, England and Aus-
have to deal with their husbands for 5 days at a time.
But what if you don’t know about, care about or even like cricket? How will you deal with this smorgasbord of highlights and batting statistics? Well, you could just ignore the whole thing. Or you could read this primer on the steps you can take to get in the spirit for cricket.
Remember it could be worse There are plenty of sports stranger than cricket. How about Turkish wrestling, where two men in leather shorts douse themselves in body oil and try to pin each other to the ground? Or Buzkhashi, a Central Asian sport, which is like polo except, according to Wikipedia, for the fact that “polo is played with a ball, and buzkashi is played with a headless goat carcass”? Or that English cheese-rolling festival, which the Sydney Morning Herald summed up as “twenty young men chasing a cheese off a cliff and tumbling 200 yards to the bottom, where they are scraped up by paramedics and packed off to hospital”?
tralia will be participating in one of the world’s oldest sporting rivalries in order to determine which country is best at the world’s most boring sport. That means that, until August 25th, there will be news about cricket, there will be talk about cricket and over 25 long, glorious days, there will be people playing cricket.
Know the rules For those who don’t know them, I will not be explaining the rules of cricket here. Wikipedia’s article on the “Laws of Cricket” runs to over 4000 words, not counting the additional article it links to in order to explain unfair play. Happy reading! But all you really need to know about cricket is that one team of 11 tries to knock over some sticks that are balancing on some… other sticks. And the other team defends the sticks with bats. If this makes cricket sound awesomely violent, remember that it is a non-contact sport, and takes 5 days. I think there may also be a ball involved.
…actually, on second thought, all those sports sound much more entertaining than cricket. Well, disregarding that, remember that cricket itself used to be worse. Cricket “test matches” (that is, any match lasting longer than 3 days) used to have the option of not having a time limit. The longest match on record went for 9 days. If Ashes test matches were that long, it is likely that many fans would drop dead from alcohol poisoning.
Watch some cricket movies Erm…for whatever reason, there haven’t been that many movies made about cricket recently. Would you be interested in the 80s TV miniseries Bodyline? The stellar Bollywood “epic musical sports drama” Lagaan? Stephen Curry’s Save Your Legs!, which Know the stakes came out last year? Yeah, I’m stumped. India has made plenty of Cricket is extremely popular in South Asia (India, Pakistan, Bangladesh and Sri Lanka), which has a combined population of cricket movies according to Wikipedia. Go watch those, I’m sure about 1.6 billion. Take off a generous 25% of that number to ac- they’re great. count for that one friend everyone on Earth has that just doesn’t like sport, and you still have 1.2 billion people who like cricket Just enjoy it Cricket is a rare thing in the 21st century. In an era of instant at least a bit before you even count the rest of the world. Can gratification, it rewards patience. In a world where everyone that many people really be wrong? wants to win, cricket can make playing 5 days for a draw seem heroic. And when the stakes seem as high as they do in The AshEven disregarding that, the Ashes is the oldest sporting event Australia has ever been involved with. According to legend, the es, cricket can become genuinely, unbearably exciting. So think about this whilst you watch, and you might be surprised. But, title refers to an urn presented to England’s cricket captain in 1893 to commiserate “the death of English cricket”. The fact that you know, just make sure you have something else you could be a group of Victorian women did the presenting suggests that they doing at the same time in case you get bored.
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May the Odd’s Be Ever in Your Favour
Resident Irish leprechaun Niamh RAMSAY gives us the skinny on how to maximise your luck…
Whether you’re still waiting for your mid-sem results to come out, or you’re planning to head out to Jupiters this weekend, at the end of it all we could all do with a little extra luck. Superstition, hocus pocus or truth, here’s some ways to get us leprechauns to look upon you favourably.
Forget the witches, the black cat’s got your back! In Germany it is believed if a black cat crosses you path from right to left you will have really favourable times, yet if it’s the other way you can expect misery and death in your life… So it’s a little 50/50, but probably worth the risk though right? Kicking or tripping on your right foot when on your way to visiting a friend will bring you good luck. So make sure you visit your buds a real lot to increase your chances of stubbing that right toe, tripping over, breaking your foot and falling off the side of the building granting you eternal good luck or perhaps a profitable law suit… either way a happy ending. If your right hand itches, you will earn money. Whether you cover your hand in honey then ants or finally use that bloody annoying late-night buzzer of a mosquito to your advantage, here’s a tip to get rich lucky quick. If you put a mirror just across the door, you will have good luck. This one probably stems from the fact that you’ll leave the house in a somewhat decent form, avoiding eternal shame of turning up with food in your teeth or lacking pants, but don’t slam that door too hard or you’ll get seven years bad luck. It’s riskaaay business. If you put the sugar into the cup first, before the tea, you will have good luck. As if you needed another excuse to kick the coffee habit, nothing like an Earl Grey buzz! To grant a wish, win a wishbone Ensure your wishes come ever more true, and keep KFC happy, by making sure you munch through your chicken and give your little fingers the ultimate work out to win the wishbone.
Wear a rabbit’s foot for luck When desperate times call for desperate measures, I guess you’ve always got this one up your sleeve. Forget the diamonds and gold, a scabby foot is always the best amulet. Remember, the older the foot the better!
WEEK 10, SEM 132
The gift of the ladybug While a ladybug in your house only means you will soon find money, no promises of luck are sent your way unless it lands on you. While this may seem a little far off, it has been heard on the grape vine that ladybugs are easily bribed with stalks of coriander but don’t tell anyone.
Horseshoes keep the luck This Celtic superstition works best when the shoe is lost by the horse and found by you - a great excuse to head to the races! Yet beware, unless hung up with the open end facing upward your luck will fall out! Added bonus – it is thought that a horseshoe might also prevent witches from entering your humble abode, talk about spoilt with luck! Now with a little persistence, luck shall be yours in no time. Failing that, you’re in for a bit of a bumpy ride.
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After living in such fascination and curiosity about Bond University; I decided to meet up with an old, old friend who id you know that the Gold Coast has this expensive university? Like, really, really expensive? And no, not had close buddies studying there. And I was also in luck; she Griffith! I heard that it’s sort of like a university in Beverly was going to take me on an exclusive tour to Bond University Hills, Natalia. Like, very posh and all; with glossy Bentleys with her Bond friends. and tinted Auto-Bavarias” Samara uttered; in between Oh GOD I have never been more wrong in my whole entire sips of her fruit punch. life. “They HAVE a university in Beverly Hills?” I replied; The university was NOT situated in the heart of Gold Coast. almost choking on my salad and feeling rather confused It was somewhere in Robina and it wasn’t ANYTHING like with the topic of conversation a friend had proposed at the Buckingham Palace. It was similar to the university I atthe dinner party I was hosting. It was a chilly Tuesday tended; except it had this gorgeous lake with rows of small night and I had just come back from my first ever trip to cafes which looked like those colourful, old-fashioned cafes the Gold Coast the weekend before and of course, being a girl, I had to tell my girlfriends how astonishingly beau- in Europe. It was nothing like I had in my mind. It was very, tiful Australia’s favourite playground was; with its beauti- very surprisingly, normal. And they had a bus station! Smack right in front of the university entrance! Just like the one I ful beaches and community and how I wished I could attended! And I swear the first car I saw as I walked through study there if they had a university. the parking lot was a 1998 Toyota Camry. The rest were a mixed bag of old Hondas, a few Holdens and of course the Following the lengthy discussion we all had, I came to have this impression about this sort-of-like-Beverly-Hills- E-class Benz. expensive university. Bond University (that’s the name) Then, when I thought it all couldn’t get any better than all is a private university situated in the heart of Gold Coast I’ve seen; it did. I met up with the locals who studied there and had a similar layout as the Buckingham Palace; only and hey I can tell you for one thing they were all in dire need bigger and more modern-looking with water fountains of new surf shorts and Havaianas thongs! I also met people everywhere. Glossy Bentleys, Maseratis and Rolls Royce could be seen cruising slowly through the roads with rich, who had failed papers after papers since the standards were exotic Italian opera music playing in the background. The too high; I mean these situations occur everywhere; private kids who studied there were all non-commoners; proudly or public! carrying family names of which were highly respected and known in all sorts of fields. This university was indeed That day, I realised that there was so much more when it comes to private universities; and that money won’t guara rich kid’s playground; their one-way ticket of cheating antee you a degree. Life isn’t as easy as that; just like how to obtain their degrees. hard work is needed in every aspect of life. Of course, there wasn’t any doubt that a degree from Bond wasn’t going to And it didn’t help that my mates at the university who were locals here kept feeding me with even more bizarre be cheap, but rest assured it saves a lot of time compared to other universities and with its hands-on approach it seems ideas. “They only allow you to apply if your family earns a minimum per annum of $1M. And these kids they don’t like every student who works just as hard has great if not good opportunities to be just as successful as anyone else do work at all. Have you ever watched Gossip Girl? It’s from other universities. almost like that; with their Alexander McQueen stilettos and Ferragamo cocktail dresses at a 3pm class and tweeting almost every second about how ‘the weather is nice’. Hearing and listening to others’ and oh so quick to judge! I feel ashamed with myself for having such impressions and Their lecturers get ignored, they never do their work. preconceived ideas about something I have no understanding Don’t bother alright, mate.” and information about. I still had mixed reactions to these bizarre impressions So this is my apology in black-and-white, dearest Bond Uniand ideas people fed me with; I mean it’s a very interestversity students! I am very sorry and thank you for teaching ing overall idea when you think about it. Laid-back Australians in Ferragamo shoes and expensive designer heels me to look at the bigger picture in life. You’re all cool ☺ Xx from Jimmy Choo at a 3pm class? It all sounded a little Natalia Adams over-the-top now; with more exaggerations of that these UQ student 2013 Bond university students change their MacBook Pro laptops every 6 months when these laptops decide to install updates. It sounded like this university was just a big play- P/s: I still want to study there if I could; with or without the Buckingham Palace outlook! And I still think ground for the rich, ultra-beautiful bimbos and not-sointelligent jocks with a dozen abs, which just didn’t make Bond University is posh since the houses there look sense at all. WHY would the Australian government agree like they’re from MTV Cribs to such a thing that is so unbeneficial to the community?
Impressions of Bond
By Natalia ADAMS
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Arts
Pulp, ‘This is Hardcore’ Retro Review By Antony SCHOLEFIELD
Pack your bags kids, we’re going on a feels trip. We’re
driving back to 1998 and hopping out in March to see Pulp release This Is Hardcore, their second/sixth album - depending if you’re a popular DJ or a hipster in for the long haul. Wedged between Oasis’ pretentious reflection and Blur’s kooky exuberance, Pulp leapt into the limelight with 1995’s ‘Common People’, and things only got better.
MUSIC
Glass Towers, ‘Halcyon Days’ – Review
Over three years, Pulp slowed down and stripped back their emotional alt-pop, laying greater emphasis on Jarvis By David SIMMONS Cocker’s voice: choked-up, emotional, sublimely British, melancholy in the verses and inspirational in the choruses. hen I first heard Glass Towers’ single ‘Halcyon’ I was The guitars and keyboards are subtle and well-orchestrat- immediately hooked by their unique sound that fits into a ed, but the feels-laden lyrics really sustain the album. space between pop-punk and indie-rock. It was a sound I
W
As a lead single - as any popular song - a title such as ‘Help The Aged’ is a gamble. Pulp, however, make it work with earnestness unencumbered by straightforwardness. ‘Dishes’ is a similar example: the sparkling guitar unashamedly grabs listeners’ heartstrings, while lines such as “I’m not Jesus / Though I have the same initials” keep it far from formulaic.
had been waiting for – being an avid indie lover and a somewhat closeted lover of pop-punk. To make it even better, Glass Towers are an Australian band!
Their debut release Halcyon Days doesn’t really disappoint. The hybrid sound continues throughout the album. ‘Jumanji’ is one track that demonstrates this. With an opening guitar riff that sounds like it could’ve been composed by fellow Aussie indie rockers Last Dinosaurs, and a chorus that is If there is a formula, it’s gulped verses followed by soaring both dreamy and punchy, it could very well be the highlight choruses. Opener ‘The Fear’ is an exemplar, but latetrack on the album. album X-factor ‘Sylvia’ is beyond exemplary. The coldest cynic might spot the clichés, but for anyone else, it’s beau- There isn’t really a dull moment on the album as every track tiful and empowering. Then there’s ‘Party Hard’, a funky has merit. The band is incredibly good with chorus hooks misnomer filled with shallow, churning guitars and dark, and poppy guitar melodies. Tracks like ‘In This City’, ‘Castles’ whispered vocals. Another personal favourite. And ‘Tonight’ are great examples of Glass Towers’ unique This Is Hardcore winds up with some surprisingly catchy pop-rockers (‘Glory Days’, ‘I’m A Man’, ‘Day After The Revolution’), and then a quiet 10-minute outro to remind us that Pulp can do whatever they like and get away with it. Thank Christ they do. This isn’t hardcore; this is clever and gorgeous alt-pop. Enjoy. Top Track: ‘Sylvia’ Rating: 8/10
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song writing ability and show off the gloomy lyrics featured on the album. ‘Gloom’ is another great track on Halcyon Days. It echoes the spacious sounds of grunge superstars The Smashing Pumpkins with a droning, shoegaze-style, guitar wail underneath which adds an element not dissimilar to that My Bloody Valentine are so critically acclaimed for. The second half of the album is perhaps not as strong as the opening first 6 tracks, but is compensated for by the rumbling closer ‘Foreign Time’. The song is a melancholy experience that recalls the depressing sounds of Girls or Spiritualized. It is an excellent piece to end the album on and captures that youthful sadness the album seeks to explore. Halcyon Days is an excellent springboard for newcomers Glass Towers. I haven’t been hooked by a debut album like this since Last Dinosaurs released their debut last year.
Rating: 7/10 Best Track: Halcyon Scope Magazine
Arts Inferno Goes Up In Smoke
By Joshua MAY
OK everyone, I have a confession.
WEEK 10, SEM 132
I’m a pretty big fan of Dan Brown’s works. I am the annoying person who read The Da Vinci Code three times, proclaiming its value as an ancient conspiracy. I’m the guy who went and saw Angels and Demons, then loudly complained how unlike the book the movie was (I maintain nevertheless that Tom Hanks’ hair in that movie is more than a sufficient reason to see it. Anyway). Naturally, when I picked up Brown’s new novel, Inferno, I was expecting something special, a feeling that I had been chasing since I (regrettably) turned the last page in The Lost Symbol. It was at this point in time, dear reader, I realised what I had become: a Dan Brown junkie. And, like most crippling addictions, I only realised that I had it when the latest fix just wasn’t enough. That is Inferno in a nutshell. At the end of the day, there is nothing particularly missing from Inferno. When compared to Brown’s other work, it will be a runaway success. I have no doubt that it will sell millions, and suddenly every soccer mum from here to Darlinghurst will have some idea who Dante Alighieri actually was. The biggest problem that I have with Inferno is that it is, well, more of the same. Gone are the days when Brown used to reach into the fringes of modern science in order to spin a compelling tale (Angels & Demons involved both the titular entities AND the Large Hadron Collider AND MASSIVE EXPLOSIONS), and cometh are the days of backordered paperback fiction and *yawn* yet another “ancient conspiracy that will change mankind’s perception of history”. We get it, Mr Brown: history doesn’t always happen the way Wikipedia says it does. But, guess what? It doesn’t always happen your way, either. Maybe that’s it, then? Maybe the lesson has finally dried up, our brains so saturated in it that we just cannot comprehend it anymore. I myself, not a known sceptic, (I’ll try anything once, including The Brassiere’s butter “chicken”) found difficult to believe that in this economic climate, a shadowy fringe organisation has the ability or the care to kidnap a Harvard Professor, just to stop him from revealing to the world a secret that he can neither remember, nor does anyone else care about. I find it somewhat more of an affront that the only people who can assist him in his mission are essentially blonde bombshells with exotic names. Since that’s the case, then full credit to the Harvard Modern History faculty: I wish that we all had your giant budget. Alright, perhaps I’m being too harsh. Inferno was, after all, enjoyable. And, read alone, without the other books in the series, it may actually be quite a well written book. But unless Brown starts getting seriously innovative with his Robert Langdon series, I postulate that he is in serious risk of becoming the next James Patterson – and there are only so many times that a character can be told he’s brilliant, and then have someone try to kill him. Dan Brown’s Inferno is available from fine bookstores everywhere. Read it if you’re a fan of the series, or if you’ve ever wanted to know what the Kardashians find “mysterious”.
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MOVIES natural Californian drawl mid-sentence.
Review
by Peter LOUDON
Among these one-dimensional characters is the innkeeper’s beautiful daughter who (for another completely unknown reason) looks exactly like his recently departed girlfriend. Steven falls head over heels for her and promptly agrees to assist the misfits in tracking down and killing Dracula, who has been preying on the local occupants. This is exactly what he proceeds to do for the rest of the film, with the aid of Dr. Van Helsing. Unfortunately, Dracula proves to be a tough adversary, and thwarts every attempt they make on taking his life – which ranges from candlesticks and stakes to explosives and arrows. As such, much of the movie’s 1.5hr running time is made up of Steven and Val Helsing either creeping up slowly and painstakingly towards Dracula’s castle, or running (or in one memorable scene, abseiling) back towards the inn?/hostel?/ house?/shop?.
While this is undoubtedly one of the worst films ever released, it manages to retain just enough plot elements and visual and sound quality to not only render it watchable, but also hilarious. Highlights include the opening scene
It is extremely difficult to provide a brief synopsis of the plot of “Die Hard Dracula”, as not much of it really makes any sense. Deep in the heart of the good old US of A, Steven Hillman’s girlfriend is killed in, quite literally, a freak boating accident. Steven (with as much stage presence as Stephen Hawking asleep) decides to pack up his things and take a brief hiatus from life in Europe. Here, seemingly random travel holiday footage is provided to presumably add 15 minutes onto the feature length, and detail (what seems like in real time) the touristy section of Steven’s vacation. The story then takes a dark turn when our American hero crashes his car and for some inexplicable reason decides to hike off into the Transylvanian forest, where he soon stumbles upon an inn?/hotel?/house?/shop? inhabited by an eclectic group of oddballs who have the understated ability to smoothly shift from a pan-European accent to a distinctly more
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where Dracula flies inside his coffin across the countryside to “The Ride of the Valkyries”, a sex scene with about as much eroticism as Mr Bean, and one of Steven and Van Helsing’s numerous assaults on Drac’s castle in which Dracula shoots Microsoft Clip-Art lightning from his fingertips. More amusing when it’s not trying to be, and than Will Farrell when he is trying to be, “Die Hard Dracula” is more entertaining than the majority of films released at cinemas this year. Definitely worth a If you go into this film expecting Bruce Willis, you’ll not be watch. disappointed. Bruce isn’t in, or in any way affiliated with, this film, however the number of laughs that “Die Hard Dracula” can generate makes up for his absence. The amazing thing about this movie is the lack of any redeeming qualities. The storyline is absurd, the acting is appalling, the sets are dismal, the music is inappropriate, and the special effects are on par with the Ed Wood classic “Plan 9 From Outer Space”.
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week seven Photographer: Ben Thangkam Events: The Physical | BIG Titans of Industry Forum
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3rd July 2013 The official day 136 student athletes received their gear and outfits for the Northern University Games 2013. Fitted with Kooga Gear, Bondies rushed to change certain sizes of their uniform due to the confusion in sizes especially among the girls. Jen Younger and Jackie Heffernan who were set to be our team managers helped the athletes to manage it together with the Bullsharks’ Captains James Mulholland and Zoe Kaesehagen. After getting our photos, students then were then sent back to their respective classes. Certain student athletes could be seen proudly wearing their limited edition NUG2013 jumpers. Basketball Point Guard and Water Polo Driver Corey Wedding and Rob Sheppard respectively said that the jumpers were so warm to be in because of the wool fabric.
SPORT Diary of Northern University Games 2013
WEEK 10, SEM 132
7th July 2013 Teams set out to Brisbane and I was lucky enough to leave with the golf team comprising of my old former schoolmate Kieran Goodall, Morgan Ashford and Corey Wedding. I personally packed so much stuff that I had to put some of my stuff in the other golfer Matěj Slivoník’s car. The 4 of us left for Brisbane at around 1pm and 2 hours later, we #NUG2013 #Bullsharks arrived at the Oaks Festival Towers, which was going to be the home for 136 Bondies. The hotel was a 4 ½ star and the rooms were large and fantastic. Kudos to Jackie and Jen for By JBronze Medalist Golfer Rizal REDZUAN booking such a great hotel located in central Brisbane! Although initially feeling frustrated living on the 7th floor of the building and away from the other teams, the golfers 8th July 2013 finally felt good about themselves when we found out that After a good night’s sleep and rest even though I was woken we were staying on the same floor as the hockey girls. up by one of my roommates and another person of the opposite gender the night before, the first day of golf started After personally attending the team captains meeting, I set for me. The moment that I had been waiting for and been out to get ready for the night with the golf boys. Little did bragging about on Facebook and Instagram was finally here. we know that other teams were having pre-drinks in their I steadied myself all day to shoot a reasonable round of golf respective rooms and when we walked to Cloudland for that left me with a smile on my face at the end of the day. In the official opening ceremony, no Bondies were visible. fact, I managed to hit a good golf shot which was taken by We then decided to head to the local pub to have $6 steaks one of the official photographers. and were joined by one of the hockey girls. As the three of them ended their $2 jelly shots (because I didn’t drink), After the round, I then headed back to the hotel together we headed back to Cloudland to join up with the other with the golfers and had the first team captains after Day 1 athletes. As I was walking back from the pub, I noticed a of events. Interesting results were heard with the infamous Facebook status about how other teams were booing our Bond Touch Club giving out the best results among the other Team Captain as he walked up on stage. Clearly Bond is sports. not one of the most loved Universities! In individual sports such as Tennis, we had some decent players who had played well. With a fellow Bondie, I decided to leave the party at At the meeting, I received an invite by the touch captain 10.00pm with a cab because I had to prepare myself for Ben Green to go up to the touch club’s floor for pre drinks. the first round of competition thus missing out on a week I also received an invite by some of the netball players for long of partying and people getting loose and hammered. the same sort of event. This was when it came to my realization that there was a rivalry between the touch and netball clubs. This was proven when I woke up the following morning to two separate videos from the clubs making fun of each other on Instagram.
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After being kicked out of the netball party room by the infamous hotel receptionist because there were over 40 people in a 4-bedroom apartment, we headed to the Onesie party. Due to the fact that we reached the club late, I decided to leave with a fellow golfer around 12.30am for an early night.
9th July 2013 Another satisfying round of golf was met by the usual team meeting, which followed later that day. Having late lunch or early dinner by fellow Bondies at Nando’s, which was located at the ground floor of the hotel, was seen as a norm. More teams produced better results than the first day and overall the atmosphere was calm in the team meeting. As my two roommates decided to head to the local casino, I decided to hang out and meet new friends with the Basketball players at Starbucks. It was a good casual session in which we would be on certain girls’ Facebook profiles (not mentioning names to save faces of the Basketball players) just checking them out to know who they are. 10th July 2013 It was a chilly and wet Wednesday morning. This weather had an impact to the golfers’ performance and so did so for other sports. Although the weather was not the best of conditions, Kieran Goodall and myself played the best golf of the day and he took the lead for his category. I had the best round of golf in my life. After the round, I bumped into New Zealand born Australian International Wallabies fly-half Quade Cooper at my favorite store Culture Kings.
Quotes of the week:
“Best of luck to all Bondies going to Uni Games.” Please don’t bring back any fresh STDs.” “Fuck the touch club!” “Fuck the netball club!” “I don’t know how I got through NUG, I get puffed singing the national anthem.” “NUG is a week long of partying. That is the reason why I came to it.”
The team had a team dinner at the end of the night and Zoe and James led the thanks to Jackie and Jen for being our responsible caretakers for the week. 11th July 2013 After being charged the $300 fee for a lost room key, the golf team and myself headed out for the final day. A significant number of Bondies were also seen in the hotel lobby checking out of their respective faces and mostly with tired faces due to a long night of partying the night before.
At the end of the week, Bond returned with: 2 Gold (Tennis and Golf) Notable NUG moments: 1 Silver (Golf) - QUT’s womens hockey team getting official complaints 4 Bronze (Squash, Water Polo, Golf, Hockey) from Bond and Griffith for singing “ You dirty rotten sluts!” at the end of their team huddle. - A couple of lawn bowl players getting a complaint from the infamous receptionist for peeing on the balcony and getting their urine on the pedestrians of Charlotte Street. - A netball player having to hook up on court with her opposition because she had been hooking up with him all week. - A rower waking up one morning to a touch boy who she had never met in her life. - The incredible number of hook-ups amongst Bondies the entire week!
WEEK 10, SEM 132
IT WAS DEFINTELY A WEEK TO REMEMBER. MOST OF US ARE ALREADY SUFFERING FROM #POSTNUGSYNDROME.
At the team meeting it came to my attention that certain sports had finished their sporting commitments for the week and was keen to get even drunker than before. Amongst this were the hockey girls and water polo boys who obtained bronze medalist honors in their respective sports.
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Northern University Games saw thrills on the field and spills
in the clubs! Some call it schoolies for uni students, others call it a life choice and some turn it into a lifestyle!
SPORT
The Touch Club sent four teams (2 mixed, 1 mens and 1 womens) up to Brisbane this year. With a total of 48 participants we were one of the largest contingents of Bond athletes. The camaraderie and fellowship of the Touch teams was one to be rivaled. Looking to back up it’s 2nd place in the Mixed division at AUGs last year, they started the first day undefeated, including a 21-1 victory! Although, with a steep increase in the level of competition (and being up against Australian team players) we walked away with: Mixed 1: 4th Mixed 2: 7th Mens: 5th Womens: 6th Uni Games isn’t all about the sport. The Touch Club added their own element to the social programs. The first installment was the Touchy Talent Show, which saw performances of the the Cat Daddy, backflips, beverage consumption prowess and freakish bodily abilities. And of course there is the Gecko Law that all Touchies must abide by. Failure to comply with this law results in penalties such as push ups and went as far as seeing James Right glad wrapped to a pole in his underwear for an entire match! Highlights of the week include Leonidas getting onto the bar and pronouncing the touch club, Lucille telling the referee how to do their jobs, McLovin being McLovin, and the Griffith Grommie being taken to PERROdise!
NUG 213: Touch Club #touchclub
A week where you make too many memories to count and friends for life, NUG 2013 was one we will never forget!
GC Marathon
By Anna LANE
Over the last few months you may have noticed a higher quotient of sweaty, gym-gear clad, tomato-faced people on campus. They split their time evenly between hogging the treadmills at the gym and carbo-loading at the bra. These people were a group of 65 Bondies who competed in the Gold Coast Marathon. There were four races to choose from; the 5.7km, 10km, half marathon (21km) and, yes, some people were crazy enough to give the full marathon (a brutal 42.195km) a crack. The work these runners put into their training was incredible, you’d hear stories of casual 20km jogs or, more shockingly, choosing sobriety at mid-sem bash to avoid a hangover come race day. I know on my part, training involved about 80% googling half marathons, 15% pondering why I was going to voluntarily put my body through that ordeal and 5% running.
WEEK 10, SEM 132
Fortunately for me, the race itself didn’t even slightly resemble training. There’s something about running alongside 10,000 people that motivates you to keep going, I think it’s the appearance of a slight competitive streak mixed with the fact that you don’t want to be judged for stopping (especially when there were runners who were old enough to have been present at the first moon landing.) Bond did an amazing job overall with Moritz Auf Der Heide taking out 21st place in the marathon and Sophie Walker taking out 2nd place in the 10km. But some of the runners couldn’t be stopped at the finish line; a handful went on to compete in a week of sport at Northern Uni Games. To all the runners: congratulations! You’ve well and truly earnt some time off and maybe a cheeky kit-kat crunchy, or five. And to anyone who didn’t compete: I can’t recommend it highly enough. You’ve got a year to psych yourself up for the next one, so why not give it a go?
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heads down. bums up. do some work.