IN OUR DAUGHTER’S EYES
(A MONODRAMA OPERA)
LIBRETTO: MICHAEL J MCQUILKEN (2019-2022)
Score in C
DURATION: ~75’ mins
Commissioned by Beth Morrison Projects
Developed in collaboration with Nathan Gunn
First performance: April 13 2022, RedCat, Los Angeles Los Angeles Opera – Off Grand
Music Director Kamna Gupta
Stage Director Michael J McQuilken
Man Nathan Gunn
CAST
SYNOPSIS
Told through the perspective of a new father, In Our Daughter’s Eyes shows the journey of the protagonist as he wrestles with truly becoming a man that his daughter would be proud of. He imparts passages from the journal he keeps a gift for his unborn daughter as the moments of this journey unfold before him. The story traces his wife’s joyful and fraught pregnancy, the legacy of the family’s past, and his personal demons that he vows to vanquish before assuming the role of a father. Along the way, mounting complications take the story through unexpected and sobering turns that test our flawed hero as he discovers a strength of self and purpose that he never imagined possible.
Composer’s Note
This is a piece from me wishing to honor the good role models in my life, other than my mother: my father, my grandfather, and his father.
It is important for women, at least for me, to hear about men’s vulnerabilities, their journey of falling apart, mending, and moving forward. The flawed societal masculinity often obstructs that vulnerability and forces men to hold in, not listen, and hide sensitivities.
Without my father’s family’s silent support, an inter-generational effort, really, I would not have had musical training from an early age. No one in the family studied music. We were farmers and factory workers. My father bought me my first piano with five gold bars that my grandfather made from his coffin-making job. My grandmother hid the gold and passed them along to my father, at her deathbed, to use for my education. I was not born then.
Much of this music was written in a pandemic, a decline of my father’s health, and some personal choices in my life. I wish to honor all of us while we are here.
I’m glad to see some of my family's stories are reflected in the libretto, so are Michael’s and Nathan‘s. It gives me great joy to work with these two men who happen to be great fathers themselves. I hope this kind of story continues to be told from all perspectives.
-
Du Yun (2022)
Duration: ~ 75’ mins
Overture / No. o Intro
No. 1 Ultrasound
No. 2 Grocery Store…………………………………………………………………………..
No. 3 The Lake …………………………………………………….……………..…………....
No. 4 Admission……………………………………………………………….………………..~6’20”
No. 5 Second Ultrasound
No. 6 Legacy
No. 7 The Five Year Old You
No. 8 & 9 Several Weeks Pass / Floorboard I……………….………..……………
No. 10 Third Ultrasound……………………………………………….……………………
No. 11 The Bar……………………………………………………………………….………….
No. 12 & 13 Our Decision / Joy
No. 14 Prelude 3’36”
No. 15 & 16 Delivery / Our Girl…………………………………………………………….
No. 17 Floorboard II………………………….……………………………….………………
No. 18 Our Daughter’s Eyes………………………………………………..…….…………
Instrumentation
Cl/B.Cl/Saxes
Tpt
E. Guitar
Percussion/Drumset/Drumpad/Electronics
Vln
‘Cello
Percussion Four Stations
Station 1:
Glockenspiel / Tamtam/ Bass Drum/ Sus Crash Cymbal / Bells Jingle Tree
Station 2:
Ocean Drum with contact mic / Woodblock / Modular synth / Moog Mother-32 / 2
Windup toys
Station 3:
One-octave Crotales (with bass bow) / Upside-down snare drum with styrofoam dome and a small China cymbal placed on its top / 2 Windup toys
Station 4:
Drum kit*/ Taishogoto (Japanese autoharp)* / Small percussion table with 2 high Woodblocks / 1 Japanese festival bell ( or a comparable bell sound ) / Metal Crasher / heavy Bundt Pan / SPD Drum pad
* Drumset kit: Kick drum with double kick pedal, snare drum, 1 rack tom, 1 floor tom, hi-hat, crash cymbal, China cymbal
*Taishokoto ( in the case of no taishokoto, a zither can be replaced)
( NB: the stations layout was taken from the premiere production, performed by and worked out with Shayna Dunkelman
Libretto
by Michael Joseph McQuilken
inspiration:
We Spent Months Bracing and Preparing...
by Royce Young
OVERTURE
(A hanging silk, as wide as the stage and reaching up beyond our view, gently ripples in silence. Images come to life upon it : a YOUNG BOY sleeps in his bed, then a misty apparition separates from his sleeping figure a double, which looks exactly like the boy. He floats up above the bed.
He looks around his room : posters on the walls of outer space, model planes hanging from above, glow-in-thedark-stars fixed to the ceiling, blue carpet, quilted bed cover, clothes and toys and homework strewn on every surface.
He looks down at his sleeping self. Then flies out of his room.
Through the walls.
Down through the floor to the dining room.
MOM is reading there. She doesn’t see him. He moves closer as she turns a page. He looks up at her face and moves very close to her eyes. She blinks. So close to her left eye now. Brilliant blue cornea.
The YOUNG BOY flies into the family room. Dad sleeps on the reclining chair. An old movie plays on the television, black and white cars race down turn of the century streets. The boy flies into the 1960’s television set and enters a cluster of wires and tubes and buzzing television guts.
He floats through the TV, then the wall and into the front yard. Looks down the street. And up to the sky. And begins to float up. The BOY watches his house shrinking.
We zoom out from his small suburban neighborhood and into the clouds. And up and up. We see the whole of the town, the state, the country, the continent. We enter a billow of nighttime clouds. The screen is dark.)
NO. 0 INTRO
She crept back into bed Wrapping me with her arms and legs
The early morning confirmation Of what she’d suspected
A luminous blossom between her belly and mine
NO. 1 ULTRASOUND
Already at six weeks Your mother has so adoringly Become the protector of your body
I have decided to become The protector of your story
This journal Is a gift for you And your mother
I will be an honest reporter Of who we were Before you As we become new Beside you
On your first birthday I will tuck my gift away into a drawer I hope we will venture back together When the time is right To remember the birth of our family
~ This morning
We met you On the ultrasound Your heart! Your mother asked me: How is it possible That she already loves you so much? She is convinced you will be a girl We wept together
Listening
NO. 2 CRAVINGS
She wants flax and coconuts
She wants sweet potato fries
She wants pickles and sour cream
She wants cauliflower rice?
Specifically dill pickles Whole For spooning up globs of sour cream
Specifically organic
Yesterday was sweet potato fries and mayo And paleo bread to help with the morning sickness
A very specific bread Almond flour bread In the frozen section
Supposedly And avocado mayo And an assortment of salamis
Specifically organic And Moon Pies
A seven store excursion
But I found it all
NO. 3 THE LAKE
Last night I had a dream
At a frozen lake
Your mother is there
And you should be too But you are not Mom is crying
You are a little over a year old You have just begun to walk
“What is it?” I beg You have fallen through the ice
I dive in after you Into the dark wintery water Burning pain everywhere I don't see you
Looking up... there’s your mother
Through the break in the ice
I know I should continue my search but I am drowning
I head back up Clawing for air Gasping, choking
I can see your mother’s face: Terrified shapes I have never seen before
A rush of shame makes the cold water sting less And I go back under I know now I’ll hold my breath forever If that’s what it takes to save you
NO. 4 ADMISSION
I am a flawed man Too often an immature man
Who wishes to become worthy Of my family
I will become worthy Of my family
Your mother says: She fell in love with a charming boy Who is becoming a great man
I know when I’ve made her joyful And when I’ve hurt her heart
I have Hurt her…
My work Keeps me traveling On the road
I am undeniably A charming boy
The center of the party Wherever the party may be
Drinking too much
With two personalities
And one of them adores being adored For becoming the party For becoming the affair
Blacking out
Sickness Repetition
~ As a boy I dreamed Of flying Of freedom
Of late I’ve become trapped Holding too tightly to boyhood
How can a boy become your father?
I am making you and Mom this promise:
I will become a man worthy Of my family
NO. 5 SECOND ULTRASOUND
Your heartbeat is louder now
You are the size of a raspberry Mom remains convinced you’re a girl
At the doctor’s office
Your mother knows every one’s name She always knows every one’s name
Your heartbeat is louder now
NO. 6 LEGACY
I wish to record for you
The story of your grandfather Your mother’s father:
It was his dream to create the perfect bedrock For his daughter
Your infant mother
He earned less than six dollars a month As a factory worker But he was given a treasure From your great-grandmother
The inherited family fortune
Hidden under the floor
A nest egg
To be spent Only On raising his girl
It was your great-grandmother’s wish
Your toddler mother became obsessed With the piano at preschool And begged for her own
Eventually, your grandfather could see Truly Music was your mother’s lifeblood
Five small bars of gold
Bought the upright piano And a metronome And cassettes And lessons And a life of creativity was nurtured
~ Your Grandfather is so much the reason That your mother became a musician
The reason I met her at university Where she studied composition And I studied engineering
I am
Beholden
You have made me realize How I wish to live up Or at least pay proper respect To your grandfather’s legacy
I am Beholden
To the humility and sacrifice Of these lives leading to you
NO 7. THE FIVE YEAR OLD YOU
Last night I dreamed of flying
With the five-year-old you
Through walls and floors
My first flying dream In so many nights
My daughter… Your mother’s influence?
A precocious Hilarious Confoundingly delightful Five-year-old girl
DAUGHTER
A boy at school says If I want something from mommy I should command her
Wow… Is that so?
Yeah
Well give it a shot
Let me know how it goes
DAUGHTER
DAUGHTER
What is command?
Commanding is telling Instead of asking Politely
Like… Gimme video game time!
… That is a command
Anything that begins with “gimme” Is a command
Gimme me a gummy shark!
A gummy shark?
I saw a gummy shark
“Gimme” isn’t exactly polite Don’t you agree?
Why?
“Gimme” is such boring music
Why it’s boring music?
HERO
DAUGHTER
HERO
DAUGHTER
HERO
DAUGHTER
HERO
DAUGHTER
HERO
DAUGHTER
HERO
Don’t you think that “Excuse me, most beautiful and intelligent mother If it isn’t too much bother As I know you toil so tirelessly on my behalf Could I please have a snack?” Is better music than “Gimme a gummy shark!”
DAUGHTER No way!
HERO No way?
Gimme a floppy bunny!
A floppy bunny now?
DAUGHTER
HERO
DAUGHTER
I want a floppy-eared bunny called Giorgio Apostrophe!
HERO
… Did you just make that up?
… Yeah
DAUGHTER
HERO
That’s just… It’s a really good name for a floppy-eared bunny
I know
Well done
DAUGHTER
HERO
DAUGHTER
So we get one? NO. 8 & NO. 9 SEVERAL WEEKS PASS / FLOORBOARD I
NO. 10 THIRD ULTRASOUND
Three weeks since the last entry
Since the day we learned you are a girl… The day we learned you won’t have a long life to live…
We might have you for five seconds
Maybe five minutes
Maybe an hour
~ Your condition is Your brain and your skull Won’t finish growing
Your condition is Rare
Our doctor said the words: Incompatible with life
~
I shared our secret And told Mom of this journal Told her that I’d stopped writing in it
She said:
“Please keep writing”
~
I can only think three things:
One… I am powerless
Two… I am to blame
Three… I want to get blackout drunk
NO. 11 THE BAR
I dreamt I was inside a bar Unfit to pull my eyes apart From a bottle
At once so full of lust for drink And certain a demon a reptile was winking And smiling Upon my state
Waiting to slither back into me Wriggling over my teeth
I’m glued in place with one hand free
To take the bottle up and seize
The rest of me paralyzed
I am the frail the rotten vine
The boy the child the concubine
Of weightlessness Of flying dreams
The iron paralysis of liberty Wriggling over my teeth
Taunting me for my cowardice
For my immovable soma
My puerile idiocy
My my cowardice
My immovable soma
My lack of a legacy
It must’ve been me It could only be me It was me, it was me…
I was gasping in my sleep
When I felt your mother’s hands upon my face
Awakening me
She said:
“This isn’t your fault”
And held me while I shook
I have always considered myself the stronger one
Your mother has strength I can’t even imagine
NO. 12 & NO. 13 OUR DECISION / JOY
Your mother asked About gifting parts of your body To other infants also born sick
Of course we considered Ending there
But your mother was sure She’d rather endure The twenty remaining weeks If your body could save another
Your kidneys Your lungs
Your heart May live
Last night I dreamed Your mother’s eyes were singing to me Of the life you would live:
A powerful healer
A savior
An opened hand With fingers stretched across the map
Reading Playing Singing Alive
This picture of you This picture of your life Fills us with such joy
We’ve named you Emma Meaning: Healer
We’re so excited to meet you To hold and to kiss you For however long we may have you
Our daughter You have a mighty purpose
I haven’t had a drink in seventy-eight days I’d lost track Till I looked back To survey the distance we’ve come
NO. 14 PRELUDE
As we draw Nearer to your week Nearer to your day Nearer to you
The prelude Becomes much faster Becomes much louder Beckoning you
We’re meeting With all the nurses With all the doctors Working for you
We keep on With our day to day With the new routine We’ve built for you
We hold tight To the kind days
To the calm days To dreams of you
We are holding on To you
NO. 15 & NO. 16 DELIVERY / OUR GIRL
I awoke to find your mom
Pacing the kitchen
Terrified
Her face as in my dream at the icy lake She was certain something was wrong And told me you weren’t moving
We rushed to the hospital And into the doctors’ care
Mom already knew She already knew
Your heart Had stopped Stillborn
The nurses Swaddled you in blankets
Positioned the hat Mom knitted for you Over your head and your brow
No need to take you away You’re too small to gift
Your kidneys Your lungs Your heart
You were placed into your mother’s arms
We saw your face Your mother’s and mine merged Into one Perfect Girl
We didn’t notice at first…
Our doctor had received a message
She told us with some hope There was a newborn close by Who needed eyes
She told us
Unlike other parts of your body Your eyes could still be given
We looked to see the color of your eyes
Only the pink of your closed eyelids ~
I stood between your mother and the others “You’re not taking her until she is ready”
Your mother touched my elbow “It’s alright… I am ready”
I stepped aside And they carried you away
Of course
There was only one answer
Of course
We want your eyes to see the world
NO. 18 OUR DAUGHTER’S EYES
Hi
Hello
It’s nice to meet you
GIRL
GIRL
It’s nice to meet you too GIRL
Thank you
My mom says I have magic eyes
Hello
It’s nice to meet you
It’s nice to meet you too
GIRL
Thank you
My mom says I have magic eyes
It’s true! They are So pretty
What was her name?
b o w b u n p a n repeat occassi onal l y - U p s i d e d o wn c r o t a l e s wi t h b u z z + c r o t a l e s - B e l l Tr e e - J i n g l e Fa n U U U U p u t t h e c r o t a l e s o n t o p o f t h e S t yr o f o a m d o m e s , wh i c h a r e p l a c e d o n t h e wi r e s o f t h e u p s i d e d o wn s n a r e d r u m q u i c k l y r o l l i n g
n m
( r e s t ) M &
E f f e c t s : Tr e m e l o p e d a l à o ve r d r i ve ve r y l o w, à l o n g d e l a y % m i x % f e e d b a c k m i l l i s e c o n d à s h o r t d e l a y, m i l l i s e c o n d , % m i x % f e e d b a c k à r e ve r b s e c o n d d e c a y % m i x à vo l u m n p e d a l à l o o p e r Ú Ú ? Ú Ú & Ú a s a d r o n e, rot at i ng t he drone not es al t ernat i ng b et w een cl u st er and si ngl e not es, at t i mes, ev er so v ery occassi onal l y, a flu rry arpeg
Ú Ú ¿ ¿ ¿ œ ¿ œ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ ¿ w w w
C larinet in B b
A d r e a m ， Wi s tfu l to p a i n t a s i l e n c e , AS M R , s p a r s e 3 p p o 3 4
o p+ o q=c a c 6 8
a l t e r n a t e b e t we e n s u l I & I I h a r m o n i c g l i s s ,
C
4 4 4
w t h e b a r i t o n e &
O ve r d r i ve C o m p r e s s o r t o h e l p t h e s u s t a i n , à O ve r d r i ve à Tr e m e l o, wi t h i n t e n s i t y, % s p e e d à D e l a y wi t h % f e e d b a c k , % m i x à R e ve r b % m i x wi t h d e c a y ?
b o we d o n t h e b r i d g e c i r c
b o we d o n t h e b r i d g e c i r c u l a r b o wi m g
C larinet in B b
3 4
Ba s s C larinet in B b
s ion
o w
n s o
Percus
E G tr
&
Ba s s C larinet
ion
q=c a c 6 4
H e s i s ta n t O n S i l e n c e pp ppp
o n g e r o n e
t e r à r e ve r b m i x d e c a y wi t h m u c h d i s t o r t i o n
Ten
