Editorial: Toxic positivity causes more harm than good

“Everything happens for a reason,” “look on the bright side!” and “stay positive” are all common phrases people hear in times of loss, distress, or anger.

They are often regarded as comforting phrases — those that are meant to soothe and relieve. However, in extreme cases, they tend to have the opposite effect by disregarding people and dismissing their struggles.

In times of hardship, many go to peers, family members, or trusted friends for comfort and to confide in them and explain their situation. This process can be challenging to tackle in itself, as many struggle even to be vulnerable enough to open up to others.

Yet such positivity disguised as comfort becomes toxic. It leaves the individual feeling more alienated and disconnected than before they reached out. Through seemingly small and harmless phrases, this practice merely dismisses an individual’s problems and provides them with false reassurance.

Toxic positivity can often be challenging to recognize as people believe they inspire positivity in others during hard times. However, claiming that “everything happens for a reason” after someone has experienced extreme loss is not only insensitive but also dismissive of their emotions. Since many are taught that positivity at any cost is a good thing, people tend to perpetuate this habit without even noticing.

To better recognize if you are perpetuating toxic positivity, make an effort to analyze how you approach situations when people are in times of need. If your go-to comfort phrases are similar to those listed above, re-evaluate the impact those words can have on others. Ask yourself, “are my words truly providing validation and comfort to this person?”

Beyond this, make an effort to be genuinely empathetic — put yourself in their shoes, and try to understand how you would feel if someone comforted you in the same way.

Some risks of toxic positivity include ignoring the actual harm of the individual facing a particularly dangerous or hopeless situation. By “always looking on the bright side,” those with the best intentions may encourage others to overlook serious issues.

Toxic positivity further promotes low self-esteem while encouraging others to ignore their emotion. According to a University of California, Los Angeles study, verbalizing emotions helps relieve people of intense pain or sadness and fosters various other benefits in the process. By suppressing the feelings of others, people may discourage the process of releasing emotions in a healthy manner.

Instead of saying, “things will work out,” try saying, “this must be hard right now — is there any way I can support you?”

By doing so, you offer support rather than dismissal and can work to be a truly reliable source of comfort for many. Validation is a vital selection of the process in any situation involving comfort. Avoid minimizing the problem and emotions the other person is experiencing, and instead provide hope in an understanding way. Not every situation has a positive spin; some things can be sad or frustrating, and that’s okay.

While positive outlooks can undoubtedly benefit by forming a sense of hope, they can cross a line if consoling a person in times of need. By recognizing that negativity is a regular part of life, people will be able to comfort others in a much more empathetic way.