OF PHOBIAS

Linda Lin

One year ago, Jordan Hall* was “the person who couldn't even step foot outside of the house.” They did not leave their house for two months, aside from going to therapy.

Hall had heard about agoraphobia before, but it wasn’t until their first-hand experience that Hall realized the gravity of the condition.

“There’s a character in my favorite show that deals with agoraphobia. When I watched it before I experienced agoraphobia, I was like, ‘This is so exaggerated; she can’t even go outside her own house.’ Now, looking back, that’s not even an exaggeration…no, it’s very much realistic,” Hall said.

*In accordance with Carlmont Media’s anonymous sourcing policy, Hall’s name has been changed due to safety concerns about their phobia being connected with their identity.

The National Insitute of Mental Health defines agoraphobia as “an anxiety disorder that involves intense fear and anxiety of any place or situation where escape might be difficult.”

For most, being in unpleasant social and physical situations is simply, well, unpleasant.

Kathryn Burton, a teacher at Carlmont High School, has never been a fan of large gatherings of any kind.

“I went to the Castro Halloween celebration once or twice, and it's that kind of crowd that I really don't like, especially if there's drinking or if there's potential for crazy behavior or violence. That makes me very, very nervous,” Burton said.

While Burton does hold concerns about potential dangers that come from crowded situations, these worries do not impact her life beyond causing occasional discomfort, as she tends to avoid these unfavorable circumstances to begin with.

Phobias are a different story. In “Phobias: The Psychology of Irrational Fear,” Irena Milosevic and Randi E. McCabe refer to the cognitive model, which suggests that “individuals develop panic disorder when they interpret their bodily sensations as being dangerous.”

For Hall, this fear is debilitating.

According to “Phobias: The Psychology of Irrational Fear," agoraphobia tends to develop in individuals during late adolescence or early adulthood, with more women diagnosed than men. In addition, the phobia is often linked to other mental disorders, which include panic and anxiety disorders.

Hall cites the COVID-19 pandemic as a major catalyst for their development of agoraphobia. Having lived with social anxiety disorder** and obsessivecompulsive disorder*** for a portion of their life, Hall was aware of the link between agoraphobia and other disorders. Yet, no amount of cognizance prepared them to live with agoraphobia.

“Agoraphobia was my brain’s way of setting up a block, being like, ‘This is too much to handle all at once coming out of this pandemic.’ I left school for the first time. I wanted to go to school, because my social life was lacking from just being stuck at home all day, but it was just too much for me,” Hall said.

“At first, I was so, so afraid. It was such a deep, irrational phobia for me that I couldn’t even think about it. I just avoided everything and didn’t put myself in the exposure therapy context until pretty late on.” Hall said.

An estimated 19.3% of U.S. adolescents aged 13-18 have a specific phobia, with an estimated 0.6% having a severe impairment due to a phobia, according to the National Institute of Mental Health.

Milosevic and McCabe additionally explain in their book that nearly all psychological treatments for agoraphobia also focus on the treatment of panic disorder. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is often considered the first line of treatment; CBT involves both efforts to change thinking patterns and behavioral patterns, according to the American Psychological Association. One specific cited strategy recommends “facing one’s fears instead of avoiding them.”

Beginning exposure therapy was an uphill climb for Hall.

“I told my mom, ‘I want to start doing things, I want to start doing what I want.’ Once I got that motivation to begin exposure therapy, it was actually doing it that made it so much harder,” Hall said.

Every minute outside the safety of home was a battle.

“Just going in the car to go on a 10-minute trip to Target was insanely hard. We've had to turn the car around many times and it's every single time it's this stab, a stab in the chest that makes me really gloomy and rains on my parade,” Hall said.

Hall had to give up activities they loved, such as theatre, but they’re optimistic about the future as they continue their journey with exposure therapy.

“I’ve been trying to find, again, the enjoyment of those activities, in my own way,” Hall said.

Because agoraphobia impedes Hall’s ability to perform, they have taken on other ventures, such as working backstage on hair and makeup, to continue taking part in activities they love.

Hall said, “I’m just trying to do what I can, at this moment right now, to feel connected to my interests and the joy that comes from them.”

The more time Hall spends doing exposure therapy, the more comfortable they feel doing things and going places.

“Now, I'll just go help my mom run errands in places where I've been before that are now safe to me, and I go there no problem. Every weekend, I try to challenge myself and go somewhere new or somewhere for a longer amount of time,” Hall said.

Hall’s progression is far from linear, however. If Hall wants to go outside and eat, it takes immense planning and security on their end.

“I still very much have to be in control, in my mind, of what’s going to happen. I’ve kind of trained myself to let go of it and understand that I don’t know how things are going to go, and that’s okay,” Hall said.

Hall ensures that they are always with someone that is considered “safe” to them, whether it’d be one of their parents or a close friend.

“That support from other people is something that I really do need, just knowing they're there and there's like comfort there,” Hall said. "That's definitely been one of the most helpful things.”

Looking at the past is a mixed bag. Looking to the future, however, Hall remains optimistic.

“There are two sides to the coin, where I look back and I think about all the things I was able to do without the instant panic or fear. It’s like, ‘Gosh, I really wish I could go back to that,’ and I feel sad, but I also get this mixed feeling; I was able to live like that once, what’s stopping me? I can learn to live like that again,” Hall said.

Common Phobias

CLAUSTROPHOBIA

An extreme or irratioal fear of enclosed spaces.

Just going in the car to go on a 10-minute trip to Target was insanely hard. We've had to turn the car around many times and it's every single time it's this stab, a stab in the chest that makes me really gloomy and rains on my parade.

Jordan Hall*

**An intense fear of being watched and judged by others

***A disorder which features a pattern of unwanted thoughts and fears and/or repetitive behaviors

ACROPHOBIA

An extreme or irrational fear of heights.