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Are you looking to reconnect and rejuvenate the passion that once defined your relationship? Craig Lambert is a San Diego marriage therapist helping couples strengthen their relationships and improve communication. Find out how he can do the same for you. Marriage counseling DOES work for La Jolla and San Diego couples.
A couples counselor for more than 30 years, Craig Lambert, LCSW, has helped hundreds of frustrated, hurting couples gain new understanding of themselves, their partners and even the world around them. Proven, gentle strategies like Mindfulness exercises and Imago Therapy let individuals recognize when they’re bringing issues from past relationships —and particularly their family of origin—into present relationships. Craig’s clients gain new insights, relief and peace when they understand the often unconscious underpinnings of relationship conflict. Craig uses practical but powerful strategies and exercises to get to the heart of dire communication issues and even devastating events like addiction, infidelity and violence. Contrary to some public perception, couples and marriage counseling does not require years before improvement begins. Most couples report a sense of relief and clarity within a few weeks. Pre-Marital Counseling
Now, La Jolla and San Diego parents and couples can give themselves or a child’s or other loved one’s marriage the best shot from the beginning. An extensive study from the University of Denver’s esteemed Center for Marital and Family Studies found that couples who’ve invested in premarital counseling lowered their divorce rate by 31%! Premarital education gives couples crucial tools to cope with expected and very normal marital challenges, starting with the post-wedding-bell blues when the big day has finally passed. More, it helps partners deeper their understanding of and appreciation for each other as well as the relationship itself. Craig is a staunch believer that not only are "we meant to be in relationship," but "we are here to grow and connect through the miracle of human love." Marital & Couples Workshops
Craig Lambert Couples Therapy offers several workshops throughout the year. Those looking to deepen their relationship with their partner and even understand some of the unconscious underpinnings of the mysteries of love and connection enjoy Couplehood as a Spiritual Path and The Mindful Couple: A Journey to Real Love and Wholeness. Aimed at singles, Getting the Love You Want helps those determined to find a nurturing, healthy relationship examine their own needs and desires. Only when you become your best self can you attract an ideal partner. Get announcements about Craig’s workshops by liking our Facebook or Google+ page! Senior Marriage & Couples Counseling
Sustaining intimate relationships and deepening loving connections requires commitment, skill and perseverance at any age. Craig Lambert Couples Therapy senior marriage counseling targets the unique challenges and opportunities seniors converted by W eb2PDFConvert.com
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Can a Happy Marriage and Individual Growth Co-Exist? A La Jolla Marriage Counselor Says YES! Craig Lambert | Monday, July 14th, 2014
In his popular New York Times article, “The All or Nothing Marriage,” researcher and Northwestern University psychology professor Eli Finkel claims that that the goal of marriage in the 21st Century has shifted. Finkel asserts that most couples now find the 20th Century’s “companionate marriage”—which fulfilled individual needs for love and intimacy—inadequate. At this point, partners assume the marriage must provide not only love, but also “a vehicle for self discovery and individual Do these divisions make sense to you? growth.” Termed the “selfexpressive marriage,” this demanding union has the best chances of being considered a happy marriage. In other words, the marriage of 2014 and beyond must not only serve needs for support AND love, it must help each partner achieve individual goals in career, hobby and other areas or be considered unsatisfying . . . not a happy marriage.
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Finkel concludes it’s impossible to achieve a marriage meets both the goal of great connection AND the mutual support that ends in ultimate selfactualization. People should either aim to be a support partner, sacrificing their own growth and career achievement, OR reconcile with the fact that their marriage will be somewhat empty while each partner toils away after his or her own career, hobbies and emotional growth.
Not So Fast, Dr. Finkel . . . As a La Jolla Marriage counselor for over 30 years, I reject this conclusion. Finkel expresses a very narrow perspective, an extreme point of view. More, he generalizes one finding to the entire population. Both are always red flags for me. His conclusions an all or nothing, black and white. Time and energy allotted to individual growth and time and energy allotted to a close relationship are not mutually exclusive. First, you can’t stop individual growth. It’s a natural process that occurs often without the individual even realizing it’s occurring. More, however, Imago relationship theory firmly asserts that personal growth happens as we nourish our partners and the relationship. Caring for and understanding others creates emotional growth. It broadens our capacity for compassion, even compassion for ourselves and the children of the union. The act of nurturing your relationship grows you as an individual.
The Happy Marriage: Balancing Individuality and Union Both connection to another and private time can feel incredibly nurturing. Relationships are a dance between maintaining an identity as a separate individual and experiencing a sense of oneness with your partner, a two-step converted by W eb2PDFConvert.com
that can get tricky. Striving for both individual growth and relationship growth may appear on its surface to be two different things. However, in a mindful relationship, the partners learn that caring, compassion, intimacy, sensitivity and vulnerability are all qualities of personal growth. Inherent in sensitivity and compassion is the idea that, at times, one’s own needs and desires need to be put on the back burner for the good of the relationship. While perhaps an immediate goal is lost, a more powerful one is gained. Couples who practice mindfulness in marriage learn to lessen their focus on “what can this relationship to for me,” and put more energy into, “what can I do for this relationship?” For this reason, they’re able to care for their relationship AND themselves. In a mindful relationship, loving your partner means committing to giving him or her what he or she needs without asking for anything in return. That may mean playing cards with the friends shifts from every week to once a month, going to the gym twice a week instead of four. Partners who consider these changes as sacrifices have an even bigger challenge ahead. Mindfulness in relationship encourage a “no strings” commitment to the welfare of our partner. The ultimate practice of mindfulness is non-attachment or giving without expecting anything in return. In this way, we learn to love unconditionally. At the same time, we’ve achieved the ultimate in personal growth.
Mindfulness Counseling for Marriage in San Diego and La Jolla Curious about the power Mindfulness can bring to your marriage? I share a few tips in previous posts: 5 Ways Mindfulness Training Prevents Infidelity in Marriage 3 Great Mindfulness Exercises Couples Can Do Together If you are interested in mindfulness training for your relationship, contact me at craig@craiglamberttherapy.com. You can also consider attend a Mindful Couples Workshop my colleague therapist Nichole Kahn and I hold 4 times per year. Keep in mind, too, that I post daily reminders of mindfulness in relationship on my Facebook page. You’ll receive these in your newsfeed when you “like” the Craig Lambert Therapy page.
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