f oundat ion
Imagine a world where every child has a safe loving home.
Believe it can happen!
Find Us On imaginebelieve123.com
What is the Foster Care & Adoption Boutique? * The Imagine and Believe Foster Care and Adoption Boutique is simply a room in the Searcy Living business office that we have dedicated for use in helping foster & adoptive families, and sometimes emergency situations. Our awesome Searcy Living readers bring in donations, enabling foster parents to be able to ‘shop’ for what they need for foster, adopted and disadvantaged children, at no cost. Our office is located at 812 S. Main Street in Searcy. We welcome gently used or new items. Thank you, Searcy, for your generosity and time spent to support the Foster Care Boutique!
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Imagine a world where every child has a safe loving home. Believe it can happen!
2 Your Hometown Magazine
Hope Believe
“As I am sitting in this room full of so much generosity and love, I am overcome with emotion. As a foster parent, I simply cannot imagine how I could possibly provide clothes, shoes, socks, toys and other necessities for our two foster girls. I am beyond grateful and blessed by the love in our community and by the incredible people at Searcy Living. I knew our family could not afford to foster children with the quality of care we wanted to give them on our own. But we took a leap of faith, and lo and behold we found the Foster Care Boutique. Prayers answered.”
~ Lori M. ~ Foster Parent
■■ Diaper wipes ■■ Diapers ■■ Socks ■■ Underclothes ■■ Volunteers to sort (Just stop in between 1-5 pm most any week day.)
Thank You to Volunteers & Donors!
SHS BETA CLUB help volunteer for Foster kids! SearcyLiving.com 3
A Special Thank You to the Elks Lodge! Pam Boggan, Mona Coots, Don Coots E.R., Anita Varnell
“Sometimes finding a family “mission” or ministry to be involved in together can be difficult, especially with younger kids. However, there’s likely an opportunity there in your own church that only requires simple things, but that makes a significant impact - and the whole family can participate. Find a foster family and commit to serving them. Don’t simply ask them if you *can* serve them - that gives them an opportunity to say, “Oh, that’s very kind but we’re okay.” Instead ask them specifically *how* you can serve them - and if they still give you the run-around, ask them what you need to do to become babysitters, because that is a simple way your family can serve theirs in a HUGE way. Maybe it’s also taking the kids to dinner once in a while, perhaps on the foster parents’ busiest evening of the week, just to lighten the burden a bit. Simple things go a long way. The list could go on.”
~ Jason Johnson - Foster Parent
4 Your Hometown Magazine
Thank you to the Searcy Beauty College!
Thank you to Claudette Smith!
“Foster care is a crazy, but amazing journey. What
a blessing it is to be joined by others giving much needed items like diapers, clothes, etc.! Thank you to all who join and give to these precious kids. It matters! � Jamie Taylor, Foster Parent
SearcyLiving.com 5
by Christine Walker
Once upon a time I was living my life, minding my own business and occasionally doing a good deed. I knew I had a lot of growing to do, but I just had no clue how much. Then one day a school called me and submitted a name for a teen girl to be our Searcy Living makeover. That phone call changed the course of my life. It was suggested by the school at a later time that the magazine allow that child to job shadow. With great reluctance I agreed, and a two year journey that could fill hundreds of pages ensued. From raising office hamsters, to buying her first business suit, to taking her to the Rotary Christmas party one year, that child became a part of my life. And although it was never my plan, because of her I eventually became a foster parent. But before my foster parent licensing, there were days I hit my knees and begged God to help this child’s situation. I was willing to buy her clothing, take her on outings, visit her at various locations. But become a foster parent? That was just not for me. It was not for me until the pain of seeing another human being suffer out-weighed my stubborness. It was not for me until God made it so clear that this intersection in my life was so orchestrated by Him. Not everyone is meant to be a foster parent, but with no doubt the calling was mine. I felt ill-equipped to help, to say the least, but I did my best and learned along the way. And, I felt sure at the time there was only that one child whose life I was to mentor. That’s it. Just one. And I was scared to death. Then I got a second phone call. Could I take a child just for the weekend? They already had another foster home for her, but the family was out of town for the weekend and they just needed me to fill in. Little Brianna was precious. She came with nothing, of course, so I took her clothes shopping and loaded her up. Several outfits. (Check.) PJs. (Check.) Toothbrush, socks, underclothes and a stuffed animal or two. (Check, check.) The two days she spent with me added up to over $200.00 in expenses. But I was ok with that; it was a tithe. I was like a modern day good Samaritan, right? When I brought her to the other foster home I was surprised at the sadness I felt. What started off as just helping out for a weekend, ended up breaking my heart. Not so much that I had bonded that much in two days, but that she had bonded with me. I was the first person to rock her and hug her after leaving her family and siblings. And now in a 6 Your Hometown Magazine
matter of days this tiny angel had lived with three different families. She was understandably scared when I left. And I was heart broken for not helping more. I could have kept her. But I didn’t. That was just too much. And don’t judge me, because you didn’t take her either. I was so worried about her I asked her case worker about her the next week, who assured me she was in an amazing foster home full of love. And she was. But then I was told she’d had a visit later that week with her two siblings who were in a different foster home, who were sad because she had come to the visit in one of the new outfits I had gotten her, and they did not have any new clothing. The case worker explained to me that the other foster home had agreed to take both of her siblings, in order to keep at least two of the three children together. However, that foster home already had two other children, and had not had the time or the resources to shop for them yet. Before you judge those foster parents, please try to imagine suddenly getting two children late in the day. You can’t miss work the next day, and you now have yourselves and four children to feed, bath, register for school, etc. So besides the extra money to run out and get clothing, school supplies and other things, where would they even have the time? You may ask yourself, “Why did those foster parents take those children if there were that many obstacles?” I can tell you why: There was nowhere else for them to go, and you and I wouldn’t take them in. I was too scared, busy, or something, and I am sure everyone else was, too. Sorry if that hurt, but the truth is the truth. We can’t judge them if we are not willing to do it ourselves. Foster parents often feel a false sense of guilt and judgement for not doing more, so that had to be said. There is a reason for all of this background information that ties into the current story here, I promise. Because then, at that point in time, God planted an idea in my heart and mind that would be yet another life changer. The Searcy Living office had a room that I was only using for storage. So I cleaned it out, called the Harding Home Economics Dept., and asked them to take on a small decorating project. We turned that small room into a happy, colorful place that to this day houses the Foster Care Boutique. It’s a place where our
readers bring donations of used clothing and new diapers, venture that was divinely inspired, but I never realized just etc.; and where foster parents just come and get whatever what an impact it had until a few months ago when, at least they need. Free of charge. That project has been a journey 7 years later, I had a nurse tell me how much the seminar in itself. And just a fun fact: The Foster Care Boutique was had impacted her life and how she had actually encouraged almost named Brianna’s Closet, but it just made more sense friends to travel to see that speaker when she found out the to have a descriptive name. speaker had come back to Arkansas. That situation ties into In hind sight, I would like to this story also. say thank you to Hays Casual The years of fostering have flown by and I cannot even and Western Wear for making our begin to explain the hardships and miracles I have witnessed second donation (an entire pickover the years. I have comforted children who have been up truck full of new clothing!), abandoned and abused in ways that are unbelievable. I have which really helped start it. seen a few happy endings, where families just lost their way The first donation was a little and needed a little help. There are a few that I will never Dora the Explorer outfit that an on this side of Heaven know how things turned out, but acquaintance of mine donated in I know seeds were planted. I have experienced both joy honor of Brianna. It has been the most amazing project ever. and frustration to the extreme, but have learned there really At the start, I was so nervous that we wouldn’t have any is a reason for everything. I have learned that the old ads donations. But you - our readers and local businesses and and billboards that used to advertise “You don’t have to be organizations - stepped up. Because of your generosity, we perfect to be a foster parent” (usually with a picture of a have handed out over 3,000 bags of clothing and needed lopsided birthday cake or something silly along those lines) items in the few years it has been open. It has blessed so are true. I used to think I had to be Mary Poppins or June many foster children. Groups small and large have helped Cleaver all the time. Then the reality of getting a child at 2 sort clothing over the years. Then we added diapers to the a.m. and having to still work and take care of several other list of things we have to offer foster parents, and you helped children the next day left no time or energy for that. The with that also. This community has stepped up and made reality of taking care of a houseful of kids with the flu one this project a total success. Thank you for loving these kids. year, then getting it myself, taught me to finally ask friends Several years into this phase of my life there was a little for help - and to beg for Sprite and soda cracker delivery. girl who’s situation I really grieved over. The magnitude There are times I would have quit fostering years ago if of what she had been exposed to in her little life was just it had not been for other foster parents giving me a break overwhelming to me. So much so that I really felt a need for a few days here and there and sometimes taking a few to put together an educational seminar for the community. months in between placements to regroup. There is no doubt in my mind that this seminar was a God thing. In approximately six short weeks of planning, we (Searcy Living) put together an event that filled up a conference room at Harding with about 200 teachers, nurses, law enforcement officers and clergy from three counties. We called it the Child Abuse Awareness Seminar and, with the help of generous sponsors, brought in a top of the line speaker from Texas. I knew the 200 attendees were not there by accident, and it had to be a situation that was beyond my understanding when the advertisement for it almost solely consisted of me driving around three counties handing out flyers. I really cannot put into words what drove me to do that because, in reality, driving around handing “There have been times I have felt so indescribably, out flyers and having no idea if anyone cares is honestly kind incredibly alone on this journey, but more often there of depressing. The attendance were times I have felt God’s presence in my life to a from doing just that in itself point that is just unexplainable.” was amazing. I always felt like that seminar was a successful SearcyLiving.com 7
There have been times I have stepped SO out of my comfort zone. At least twice that I can think of, a child that I fostered came back into care a few years later, only the second time I was asked to take in a couple of that child’s siblings, too. One of those times the little girl who had first lived with me when she was three came into my home two years later. She immediately ran up to me when the case worker brought her in, hugging me and saying, “Momma I’m home! Can I stay this time? I missed you so much!” To this day it amazes me that her three-year-old self remembered me two years later. She is now nine and her current guardian allows her to stay with my family for some holidays and part of summer. But, that second time she lived with me she came with several more siblings. I had room to keep three out of four of her little family, bringing my home to five children literally overnight. The night they placed this precious family in my home I made it clear that I could not keep one of the smallest children, who was only 19 months old, for more than the weekend. I personally had a rule that I only helped with babies in diapers for very short amounts of time, and usually just to help out other foster parents. Changing diapers was just not on my agenda. However, some friends of mine were visiting the evening of the placement and they talked me into keeping this little boy. He had no muscle tone and could not even walk. He even crawled abnormally. With the encouragement and some evenings of help from these friends, my little troop of five absolutely thrived. I could not have done it alone, but just these friends stopping by once a week and helping for a few moments made such a huge difference. The two older kids had the best time helping me help the baby every evening with walking lessons. The rest of the time he pretty much lived on my hip and was my sweet little buddy that I just adored. (I made it through the diaper changing, somehow.) And yes, six months later when those children returned home, that baby was not just walking, he was running. We even climbed Sugarloaf Mountain on a beautiful fall day. He made it all the way to the base of the bluff at the top then decided it was my duty to carry him down. The pictures of the smiles and giggles from that day are now among my most treasured possessions. Time ran on and one day I received a call to take in a eight, almost nine, year old little girl. The funny thing was she had actually been featured in the magazine a year before and she remembered me from the day of the photo shoot. About six months rocked on and then one day the state took 8 Your Hometown Magazine
her to an adoption picnic. They didn’t give me a report on how well that went, which I thought was a little odd, but I didn’t really give it too much thought; I was a little busy. Then about a week later I received a call from the adoption specialist wanting to meet with me. So there we were, sitting at my kitchen table, and he is telling me he didn’t even ask this child which pre-adoptive family she liked the best at the picnic, because he knew she would say she wanted to stay with me. She had already made that clear, apparently. I nicely explained to him that she was a precious child and I did love her very much, but I felt she deserved a whole family, not a half one. This was not about me, it was about her, and she deserved a mom and a dad; not just a mom. He assured me that out of ten or so foster placements and one almost adoption, he had really never seen her so well adjusted and happy before. It was a nice compliment, and on his way out the door I promised I would pray about it, but assured him I was pretty sure she needed that whole family scene, not just me. But I did say a quick prayer that night. So the very next day I was brushing her hair before school and she said, “Momma, will you be my momma forever? I want you to adopt me.” To which I replied, “Of course! I’ll call Mr. Allen this afternoon and we will get that going.” Wow, does God answer prayers quickly sometimes! That child, by the way, has become such an incredible blessing in my life and is so my mini-me. That was another day of miracles, and I learned during that season that sometimes great rewards follow obedience. A few months after my daughter’s adoption I took in a five year old little boy. It was just for a week, as I was leaving town for two weeks and could not bring him with us, as it was a trip out of state that had been planned for a year. They placed him in a group home [an hour away] with his three year old sister, and I promised him if they were still there when I returned they could both come and live with me. I kept my promise and suddenly once again, overnight, my family grew to four. The grandparents of these kids had immediately started the process to get custody of the children, but it was a process that took awhile as they were from another state and had to move here to help the children. I was given the authority to let them have visits with me present until the proper paperwork and background checks were complete. So, most weekends I just invited them to come and join our family on our many weekend adventures, which included quite a few trips to Mountain View for picnics, kayaking, short hikes and zip lining. During the two
“Sometimes you will never
know the value of a moment
until it becomes a memory.” –Dr. Seuss
If I told you my story
you would hear Hope that wouldn’t let go And if I told you my story you would hear Love that never gave up And if I told you my story you would hear Life, but it wasn’t mine
If I should speak then let it be of the Grace that is Greater than all my sin Of when Justice was served and where Mercy wins Of the Kindness of Jesus that draws me in Oh to tell you my story is to tell of Him ~ My Story - by Big Daddy Weave
SearcyLiving.com 9
months of those adventures, we became friends. As a result, when the children left to live with them it was an awesome transition with them attending my church and keeping the kids in the same daycare. We continued group river floats and picnics, and the children thrived as they had become so attached to my family. Because of this friendship they did not have just a sudden departure from my family, but a smooth transition: a combined effort to do what was best for them. Shortly before those children departed, two more children showed up at our home - and two years later they decided to stay forever, too. While we only occasionally foster now, I am so proud of the compassion my three kids show to other children in our home. I said it in a previous article, and it is so true: They have taken their own hurt and trauma, and not only worked hard to move past it, but rally around other hurting children like a mercy team. They have shown such a maturity about helping, that I can only stand back amazed. They even granted permission to be mentioned in this article because “it will help foster kids.” We are not a perfect family by any means, and there are plenty of obstacles and some very frustrating days, but there are also amazing days and plenty of amazing moments that make it all worth it. However, even among the miracles, adventures and laughter, again, I have to stress there were plenty of hardships. There were times I was in desperate need of a short break here and there. When I asked for help from the state, I was informed that phone numbers of foster parents are confidential, yet I was expected to find my own help from another approved family in order to take a break. Sometimes I was able to get a break from foster parents I knew, and I also tried to return the favor when possible. It was those kinds of situations that started making me realize this was a system that could be very discouraging. I also had a season when I had two minor outpatient surgeries. They may have been outpatient, but the recovery was excruciatingly painful. It was also difficult to find help during those times, and it was even harder to ask anyone for help… but God used those lowest of the low difficulties to open my eyes to His plan for the project I am about to tell you about. As the lyrics of singer/songwriter Laura Story’s song Blessings say, “What if the trials of this life are [God’s] mercies in disguise?” If there is one thing I regret I did not have the energy to do while fostering, it is having kept a journal. There have been days I did not think I would survive, and days I saw miracles that literally left me astounded. There have been times on this journey I have felt so incredibly, indescribably alone; but more often 10 Your Hometown Magazine
there were times I have felt God’s presence in my life to a point that is just unexplainable. But the times I felt alone during this journey I know were just preparing me for things I cannot yet comprehend. And those times were also preparing me for now. For this article; for this next phase of serving; for this exact moment; for such a time as this... About seven years ago another thought was planted in my heart concerning the need for an organization to maybe help raise awareness of foster care and the needs for foster homes. The idea was something I did not keep to myself. I asked a class at Harding to help brainstorm and plan, our Art
Director at Searcy Living came up with an amazing logo, and I started an idea drawer. But the paperwork to become a non-profit was just too overwhelming for me to really grasp. Paperwork is just not my thing. Over the years, as this idea came to the forefront in importance and then was put to the side several times, I started to see why the time had not been right for so long. Reason 1: The focus of what we needed to be was changing. Plus, we were already creating an awareness with the magazine about foster care. Reason 2: With the Searcy Childrens Home here, and The Call spreading throughout the state, a lot of recruitment needs that used to be unmet were coming about through those organizations. Why recreate the wheel? Reason 3: The times I experienced personally that made fostering so difficult, actually created an awareness in me that I had not noticed in the first few years of fostering. In speaking to other foster parents, those difficulties were a common theme throughout the foster parenting community, not just here, but across the state. So what are those difficulties that I am referring to? The list is endless and I will give you some examples soon, but the problem that these difficulties produce is a lack of foster parent retention. Last year alone, our state lost over 500
“The only time you should ever look back, is to see how far you’ve come.”
SearcyLiving.com 11
foster homes. When we lose a seasoned foster home, we are losing homes that have accumulated experience in helping children with trauma. Yes, we need to continually recruit new homes, but we also need to find ways to keep the homes we have - homes that are experienced in helping children that newer foster parents may not be able to help. We also need to help new foster parents feel connected and supported. We need to create a community of support that could overcome the stress, loneliness and abnormal obstacles that come along with fostering. Building a community of support around each foster family needs to be done in a planned, intentional, organized way: connecting existing resources in the community, as well as building new resources, helping to make each family’s fostering experience something that is a long term ministry. So, a year ago I finally called in a CPA and an attorney, and started the paperwork for this new non-profit organization. Of course, I was still trying to fit this in between running a magazine and single handedly raising my three recently adopted children, as well as occasionally providing respite for other foster parents. Therefore, the months dragged on, and I still kept putting this new project aside. Then one day I was asked to speak in Little Rock at an assembly the state was holding. While there, I ran into the founder of an amazing foster parent recruiting organization. In talking to her, I became aware that retention of foster parents seemed to be a bigger issue than I even imagined. It was all really making sense now. While group homes have staffs which allow the house parents to usually be able to take days off on a regular basis, a private foster home is usually on their own for a respite break. This is just one of many things explaining why retention is such an incredible problem. Because when investigations are done, when emergency interviewers and counselors have had their hours of helping, when a child’s entire world has fallen apart, when the process of rebuilding starts, when the comforting is needed, when
12 Your Hometown Magazine
the craziness of trauma work is started and appointments for everything under the sun begin, it is the foster parent that steps in and tries to put the pieces back together - sharing their personal space and giving up almost every last shred of free time. Most do this while working a full time job. Some have given up one of two incomes in order to make it a full time ministry, making the sacrifice of living on a lesser income. I personally know of two families who have taken on larger mortgages in order to upgrade to larger homes to be able to house the children. I know seven families who sold paid-for vehicles, upgrading and adding a payment to buy an SUV and mini vans to accommodate children. These families would NEVER tell you that or ask for your help, but I promise you, the clothing and diapers you have donated to the Foster Care Boutique have made their sacrifice for those things more feasible. Sometimes that is a really tough and frustrating place for a foster parent to be. Foster parents are normally givers, and receiving is very difficult to do. (See the Laundry Basket article in this issue.) Having said all that, the idea of a more organized community support team that would include recruiting respite care and mentoring would be amazing. It would allow weary foster parents to regain their strength and continue longer. It would bring joy not only to those on the front lines, but even more joy and security to the little ones we are trying to help. I think so often we look at the foster care scenario and we immediately think of all the “professionals” involved. Yes, they are important. Very important. Just like your biological children’s teachers and soccer coaches are important, and downright irreplaceable. But at the end of the day, how much do the teachers and soccer coaches know about the children you are raising? Enough to make life decisions for them? I think it is a lot like that with fostering. Yes, the attorneys, case workers, CASA volunteers and counselors have very important jobs that come with lots of power and decision
making authority; and, if they choose to, they can have an incredible positive impact on those children’s lives. But at the end of the day, it is still the foster parent who is there day in and day out. It is the foster parent that, yes, has very joyous moments, but also very frequently works with meltdowns that are almost indescribable, stemming from grief and sometimes years of no healthy boundaries. It is the foster parent who may not always have the perfect solution, but is doing their best to deal with and help the trauma, drama and tears that are left behind. The professionals can be the best in the world, but are obviously not at a foster parent’s home during melt downs, during sickness, during a child’s acting out after counseling or a family visit. And it is usually the foster parent who takes the children to unbelievable amounts of appointments. Without a support team, sometimes quitting seems like the only option… and many understandably do. The world of fostering, to my knowledge, has not had a dedicated, organized system to focus on help and retention. However, we live in an amazing community that is so willing to help. We just need to connect the dots. I know in my own personal journey I would not have made it without people like Bill and Ruth Williams, who not only saved my sanity so I could grocery shop for an hour alone one day, but have also cooked with my children and have taken them for a farm outing. Or Charlotte Jones, for folding socks when I had a group of five and matching socks was the one thing that almost sent me over the edge. Larry and Carolyn Nokes for taking my son golfing and stepping in as “adopted” grandparents for Upward Basketball Grandparents Day AND for taking my daughter to the Snowflake Ball. The Wilsons for giving me a much needed break and the seven other families it took that week to run them to all their appointments and activities. Ray and Rebecca Montgomery for taking my son fishing and being brave enough to let him drive their golf cart. Daniel and Megan Brooks for taking him fishing. Ann Robertson for mentoring my little girl and doing art projects with her. Betsy Ridout for taking adoption pictures. Kimberly Brackins for taking a group picture that will hang on my wall forever. (We managed to get the perfect picture, even if it was like “herding cats” lol) April Odem for the awesome horse-themed birthday party for a child and a miniature pony day extravaganza another time. Kathy Lightle for the many, many times she was just there for me. Beano for the horse riding therapy. The Fishers for coming over at 5 a.m. when I had to take a visiting family member to the emergency room. Janet Wright for coming over at 2 a.m. to sleep on my couch while I made an emergency trip to Little Rock to pick up a former foster child who had just come back into care. The fellow foster parents who have given me much needed breaks. Marty and Ashley Bayne for the many times they helped me pray through situations. Bailey DeGroat for coming over on several Sunday mornings to coordinate church outfits and secure hair bows. Brooke Bennett for talking me into keeping that sweet baby for more than a weekend. Jana DeGroat for taking care of my children when I had the flu and could not even crawl out of bed. And many more over the past years who have been a part of helping with the more than 70 children who have lived in my home at one time or another, be it for several hours, several months or forever. I could not have done it without you. As I said earlier, my time of fostering is slowing down now. I have three awesome children that have been born from it. I hope to continue to help with emergency situations and
“I struggled to write this article, and even lost some sleep over it. It is hard to be vulnerable. But, it is necessary for the cause, and the children are worth it.”
SearcyLiving.com 13
“The two most important days of
your life are the day you are born and
the day you find out why.” –Mark Twain
continue to give other foster parents breaks occasionally. And yes, I still need breaks occasionally, too. But the new Imagine & Believe Foundation is on my heart, and I cannot wait to see how you will be a part of it. I struggled to write this article, and even lost some sleep over it. It is hard to be vulnerable. But, it is necessary for the cause, and the children are worth it. Several months ago, I was asked to speak at a Searcy Board of REALTORS® meeting. They wanted to know more about the foster care system, and especially the Foster Care Boutique and Imagine & Believe Foundation. They then let me know that they had voted to make our new nonprofit the recipient of half of their fundraiser this year. Well. It was obvious that God was prodding me to get the nonprofit started and going. The Board of REALTORS® gave the Imagine & Believe Foundation our very first official donation to the tune of $5,000. It is those funds that opened our bank account, that will serve foster families, and that will be a start toward addressing our first priority and most important need: hiring a Volunteer Coordinator. It will also help with other needs such as diapers, crib mattresses, etc. A very special thank you goes to Marc Burkett, Paul Petty and Debbie Elgin for helping complete the paperwork to make this a reality. Also, thank you to Marc Burkett, Debbie Elgin, Karen Churchwell and Mike Hart for agreeing to serve on the Foundation’s Board of Directors. More board members will be announced at a later time. The Imagine & Believe Foundation will have free office space and utilities at the Searcy Living office as long as needed, allowing the Foundation to concentrate on using financial resources for employees who will meet with foster parents, find out their biggest needs for a support system, and match your volunteer efforts to those needs as well as others. Some families may just need something as simple as someone packing a bag of clothing for a child from the Foster Care Boutique, some may need respite, transportation for a child or just someone to help cheer for a child at a ball game. The ideas are limitless and I know this wonderful community will step forward and make them a reality. I Imagine a world where every child has a safe and loving home. And I Believe with your help it can happen. This is not the end of the story but the beginning...
foundati on
Thank you to my grown foster children who gave me permission to publish pictures of our memories, and to the guardians and other powers that be for granting permission to publish the other pictures from our family album. 14 Your Hometown Magazine
foundation
Volunteer Coordinator to Connect Community
Resources to foster and adoptive families
Educational
Foster Care Boutique
Seminars for foster parents and the community
Imagine & Believe Foundation P.O. Box 2042 • Searcy, AR 72145 Phone (501) 593-5263
Find Us On
imaginebelieve123.com
Imagine & Believe is a Non-Profit 501(c)(3) • Donations are Tax Deductible SearcyLiving.com 15
Connecting Your Talents to Foster & Adoptive Families
You
Community Resources (programs that kids can participate in) Sort clothing at Foster Care Boutique
Be a weekend family once per month
Connect church groups wanting to help
Volunteer transportation to child’s appointment
Emergency babysitting
Write a note of encouragement to a foster family or to the children
Help decorate/set up a child’s room
Lawn mowing
Educational seminars
Donate clothing, diapers or funds
Babysitting Respite, respite, respite! Be available for emergency situations Your time for whatever is needed Tutoring
f oundation
Your Resources Connected to Foster & Adoptive Families
Give foster parents a date night Packing clothing bags
Volunteer to help with organizing a closet Be an encourager to the biological children of a foster family Sponsorships for camp
Donate diapers Meal
16 Your Hometown Magazine
Take a child to sports activity/ practice
School supplies
Let Imagine & Believe know about your community event that a foster/ adoptive family could participate in Fold socks
Help with laundry
Pray
Take a child out for a Coke and just let them know you care Play catch or paint a picture with a child Be available to help a family with a new foster child placement by packing a bag of clothing from the Foster Care Boutique
Attend a child’s sporting/ band/choir events and cheer them on House cleaning Teach your children to not tease children in foster care Clubs and groups wanting to help
Take a child to dinner once a month
Help with a birthday celebration
One of the main goals of Imagine & Believe is to match community volunteers and resources, connecting them to the foster and adoptive community. You contact Imagine & Believe and tell us your talent, and we will find a family you can serve. If there is paperwork required in order for you to be directly involved with the children, we will direct you to the proper forms the state provides and assist you in following up, if needed. Our dream is to help you surround foster and adoptive families with love, support and kindness, creating resources to retain families to care for these precious children.
f o u n dat i o n
Find Us On imaginebelieve123.com Imagine a world where every child has a safe and loving home. Believe it can happen! Please send donations to:
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Imagine & Believe is a Non-Profit 501(c)(3) • Donations are Tax Deductible 501.593.5263 SearcyLiving.com 17
By Lisa Jacks on
T
he first time I met “my” foster mom, it was because I had volunteered to do laundry to help lighten her load. You see, I had attended a real estate luncheon at the Country Club, and Christine Walker was the guest speaker. The stories she told of the families who foster and adopt children really tugged at my heart strings. I have a cousin who has adopted 4 children besides her 3 girls, so I have kept up with her and see a glimpse of what it’s like. I also have 5 children, so I understand the chaos of a big family. When I volunteered, I was excited to help. I was also afraid of the commitment. I work such long, crazy hours as a real estate closing agent for White County Title that I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing by offering to help. What if I couldn’t pull it off? What if I let a family down? In my heart, I knew I could do it. I don’t really slow down at night either, so working at home is the perfect time to do laundry. I really just felt the need to give something of myself to help. It really seems selfish to worry about myself when there are so many loving foster parents that have given so much to help so many. Besides, four of my children are grown and gone on to live their lives, so with only one child left at home I really didn’t feel that there was any reason or excuse not to help. Christine Walker is really an amazing lady. I first met her when my daughter, Haley, was working on a project in high school for an EAST program. Christine really helped build the kids up and put their story out there. We got the opportunity to see her life at home one day, and I really admire her commitment to helping others. When she spoke at the luncheon it was so moving. I asked her how I could help, and she really did a great job of pairing me with a wonderful lady. Back to “my” foster mom: Her name is Dorjeanne Bechhoefer, and she has the biggest heart. This lady (and her husband) have adopted many children that she has fostered. With 8 children, 7 of whom are still at home, her days must seem long and her load heavy. She works 3 days a week and takes care of so many, doing a little bit of laundry for her seems like a tiny drop in the bucket! I thought it was a zoo with 5 kids. Can you imagine what it’s like to have 8? The laundry, dishes, meals etc. must seem endless. I really am not a fan of laundry. When my kids were growing up, there were days it seemed like we would drown in dirty clothes - clothes that needed to be washed, clothes that needed to be hung up or folded and put away. Something Christine said is what pulled
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me back in – socks. These families have so many children to love and care for, the socks often get neglected. No pairing them up when you are a busy parent. The socks got me. I sent Dorjeanne a text, and we finally got together to set up a “laundry date.” She brought me a basket and we agreed to meet up again in a couple of days. I took that basket home and worked on it between my files and life in general. The first load that finished drying was dumped in the basket and I hauled it to the couch. An amazing thing happened to me while I folded that laundry. I turned little shirts right side out. I folded little underclothing and pants. I mated up swimsuit pieces and folded up towels. Suddenly I felt that warm, mom feeling. I remembered folding my babies’ clothes. I remembered the smell of little shirts, little shorts, little socks. It took me back so quickly to that time in my life when I had little ones. Back when I thought I would drown in clothes. I didn’t get to enjoy it back then, because I was too busy working, cooking, cleaning and taking care of babies. It was just a daily grind, other than the joys of watching the kids grow and learn. Those proud moments we all have. As I sat there folding clothes, I realized how much I missed it. Little tiny shirts. Little tiny underwear. Little tiny socks. I felt a
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warm peace that I haven’t felt in a long time. I knew that God had found a way to give me something I had been missing. He placed Dorjeanne in my life to remind me of something I had forgotten. You see, I set out to try to be of help to another mom. What I gained was something I really needed, and didn’t even realize it. And of all the socks in the basket, only 3 pairs were made. All the rest were missing their mate, and it didn’t really matter. I got blessed more than I could possibly bless Dorjeanne and those little ones. I’m looking forward to our next laundry date.
“You see, I set out to try to be of help to another Mom. What I gained was something I really needed, and didn’t even realize it.”
by Dorjeanne Bechhoefer
he phone rang. Christine Walker was on the other end and told me that she had a request. She had recently given a talk about fostering and adopting out of foster care to a group. She had told them various stories about things people had done to help and she encouraged them to step out and volunteer to help those who do foster and adopt, if they themselves didn’t feel called to foster or adopt. I had heard this appeal many times and even made it to friends and family myself. I absolutely think there is so much to do besides being the fostering family. Then came the question, “Would you be willing to let a really sweet woman help with your family’s laundry?” And my immediate, unequivocal answer was... “No.”
“By not accepting help, I was being prideful and stealing someone else’s blessing, and mine as well. I am not saying that I am good at receiving yet, but I am working on it!” My husband and I fostered over 35 kids between May 2011 and July 2015. We loved fostering. It was the most difficult and the most rewarding thing I had done up until that point in my life. In July of 2015 we adopted a group of 3 sisters, and followed that by adopting 2 brothers in September of 2015. We are a family of 12, with 7 of our children still living at home with us. So my gut reaction of, “No, you cannot do my laundry,” was not because I didn’t NEED help. It is just so very hard for me to ACCEPT help. I am accustomed to being the one to offer help, to notice the need and step in, even when I can’t see how I can add one more thing to my plate. God equips if we step out in faith. I am not someone who asks for help and often I decline when it’s offered. I fear
people are only offering because they feel compelled, not by God, but by sympathy; and I don’t feel that I am in need of sympathy. I am, however, in need of a friendly helping hand on occasion. After talking with Christine and grappling with the question of IF I am willing to accept help, I reluctantly agreed. Christine reminded me that if we continually ask for help and then decline it when it’s offered, we end up with helpers who feel we weren’t genuine in our need, and parents who are stressed and overloaded. So, ok. Yes, I agreed she could give the person who volunteered to help with laundry my phone number. Secretly, I hoped she wouldn’t call. It felt awkward and very humbling. She called, and was wonderful. Somehow her wonderfulness made it harder to accept help! We agreed that I would bring my kids’ laundry to her at her job on a Tuesday, and I would pick it up on Thursday. When Tuesday came, I felt sick. I went through the basket twice to make sure none of my clothes or my husbands clothes were in it. I took some clothes out and put them in the washer myself, really feeling that I didn’t want to give her too much. After all, that would be greedy! I finally took the laundry to her. She was still wonderful, gracious and kind. Two days later she texted me that the laundry was done and I stopped by to pick it up. We had a conversation that day that really opened my eyes. My new friend began to tell me what a blessing it was to her to be able to help my family. She told me how much she enjoyed folding little clothes, remembering when her babies were little and matching little socks (the bane of my existence!). She thanked me for letting her do this for me. She thanked me for letting her give. Acts 20:35 says “… ‘it is more blessed to give than to receive.’” By not accepting help, I was being prideful and stealing someone else’s blessing, and mine as well. I am not saying that I am good at receiving yet, but I am working on it! What I thought of as a one time blessing, has turned into a weekly ministry for both of us. I cannot express how much I appreciate the help and I am equally blessed to know how much she enjoys doing it. Thank you Lisa Jackson! SearcyLiving.com 19
A HUGE thank you to the Searcy Board of REALTORS®! The money you raised will help get Imagine & Believe started! You gave and we didn’t even ask. Thank you for your kind hearts.
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by Michaella
My name is Michaella.
I grew up in Arkansas and now live here in Searcy with my husband and two sons. God has blessed me with a wonderful life, but it wasn’t always this way. I am a former foster child. Growing up was really tough. Before entering foster care, my two brothers and I were beaten, underfed, and emotionally and sexually abused by a family member. We were left by our mother when I was 16 months old. My father, Daryl, moved us back to Arkansas from Texas where my parents lived. Shortly after that he met Debbie, who was to become the mother my heart needed. They married when I was three years old. We were told she was our real mother and were too young to remember Kathy. Daryl and Mom fought a lot all through their marriage. Daryl seemed very angry most of the time. We strived every day to be the best we could be, but always fell short of our father’s expectations. His anger consumed his life and ours. When I was five my twin siblings were born, my brother Bryan and sister Alexa. The fighting still continued in our home up until Daryl and Mom decided to get a divorce. I remember being taken into our room and Daryl telling us never to call her Mom again. Daryl let Kathy meet us shortly after that. We now had this new Mom we didn’t know, and we had to call her Mama now. She stayed in our lives for about a year after meeting her. She and her husband Mike, and my half brother Clinton, moved back to Texas where they were before. Daryl got remarried again after three weeks of knowing Stephanie. She was pregnant and had a five year old daughter already. We were made to call her Mom almost immediately after meeting her. She was nice at first, but then quickly became as abusive as my father. Her daughters were the exception to the abuse. Those days were full of fear, hunger, and hating myself for never being able to measure up.
August 25th, 2002 is a day I will never forget. It’s the day we went into foster care. My father beat my brother and almost suffocated him to death. My siblings and I stayed together for about a month and a half and then were split up. That was the worst part for me. I was used to caring for my siblings and always making sure they were okay. I was on my own from then on out. We never lived under the same roof again. I was heartbroken, and scared. I began to act out and as a result moved around a lot. Bouncing from home to home for three years, I never felt like I had stability until I came to the Searcy Methodist Girl’s Home where I met Mr. Chris and Mrs. Melinda. They were so kind and caring and treated me with respect. They quickly became parent-like figures to me. That was up until they decided to stop working at the home. I understood, because that kind of job takes a lot out of you. Being yelled at by the other girls and constant battles everyday of all sorts can be a big stress. New people were brought in to replace them, but it was as if my world was shattered again. I had grown to love these two wonderful people, and now they were gone. For the next almost two years I bounced around again and again. Through my foster care journey I found people who truly cared, and I will remember them for as long as I live. I ended up being reunited with (my step mother) Kathy in Texas, who I hadn’t seen since 3rd grade. We had a rocky relationship, and I ended up being kicked out while still going to school. I lived with friends and was even homeless for a while. I ended up getting together with an abusive man and having my first born son, Landon. After Landon came along, caring for him gave me the courage to leave. When Landon was one and a half years old, we left on a bus and stayed with my brother for six months while I got divorced and on my feet. I then met Brian and the rest is history. We got married
“Through my foster care journey I found people who truly cared, and I will remember them for as long as I live.”
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after two years of dating, and had Grant together. We have been happily married for over three years and together for five. I feel so blessed to have this life with the good and bad stuff. Several months ago I started a GoFundMe account to buy diapers for the Foster Care Boutique. This is a place foster parents can come get items for new foster kids, who come into their homes with sometimes nothing but the clothes on their backs. God has given me a heart for this ministry. I want to give back to the system that helped make me who I am today. I had many bad times, but so many good times in foster care, too. Please help me give back to those kids who are hurting and the amazing foster parents who step up each and every day to make their world a little bit brighter. I hope reading my story will inspire you. Bad things happen in life, but you can overcome anything!
“Please help me give back to those kids who are hurting and the amazing foster parents who step up each and every day to make their world a little bit brighter.�
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Our front cover models are Ethan and Brody. They are brothers and are currently up for adoption. For our big cover shoot day my family picked the boys up and we took them for hair cuts at Great Clips. Then we went to Hays and not only did they donate outfits to both boys, but they also accomodated them with personal shoppers! Thank you Emily and Abby! We then went to the photo shoot where Maggie Hendrix got the spectacular shots. We ended our day at the restaurant of Ethan’s choice, which was Fuji’s, to celebrate his birthday. Right before Ethan blew out his birthday candle, the host at Fuji’s asked him what his birthday wish was. He did not miss a beat when he answered “to be adopted.” I truly hope that someone in our Searcy Living reader family feels called to be Ethan and Brody’s forever family. If you do, I can promise my family will be your support team. Although my family just met little Brody that day, we have known Ethan for over two years and I know you would love him as much as we do! For information on adopting these two precious boys call 1-870-732-5170 Ext. 170 or go to AdoptArkansas.org ~ Christine
“I
want a family that a can be a part of
forever. I want to be adopted with my brother Brody. I want to belong somewhere.” ~Ethan
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Our memorable day for the front cover photo shoot
A trip to Great Clips for hair cuts. Thank you to Tanya Murphy and Courtney Knox.
Photographer Maggie Hendrix donated her talents to capture our cover photo of Ethan and Brody.
Hanging out with their personal shoppers Emily and Abby at Hays.
A trip for dinner at Fuji’s for Ethan’s birthday was our last stop. As Ethan blew out his birthday candle the host at Fuji’s asked him what his birthday wish was. He did not miss a beat when he answered “to be adopted.”
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Mom’s Legacy By Brenda Henry
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om was born the eighth of eleven children. Her dad, Henry Milton, was the son of a Methodist preacher. Grandpa might have known his Bible, but to help support his family, he also knew how to make corn liquor. Mom said she always wondered why he grew so much corn and bought lots of sugar until he had to serve three months in jail, then she figured it out! Her dad and mom showed love for each other and all the children, and provided for them the best they could. She could only remember two “whoopings” she received and stated she really deserved them both. She married in 1941 to Henry Herman Hall when she was nineteen and they had eight children. They weren’t the best of years, but she stayed with her marriage for 42 years, until Dad’s death. To her, marriage was a solemn vow and she was devoted to her family. For several years we had only wood heaters and cookstoves. She made a lot of good meals with that stove, most of the time cooking for eleven. Our paternal grandparents mostly lived with us until their deaths. Mom thought she was “uptown” when she got a wringer washing machine. If you have ever seen or used one you would wonder why she thought that! She canned hundreds of vegetables grown in a large garden, and fruits such as blackberries, peaches, pears or whatever we would find to feed our large family. For years Mom would get up earlier than anyone else and build the fires in both stoves, cook breakfast, then go to the fields to pick or chop cotton with the older children, come home at lunch time to fix that meal, go back to the fields until it was time to come home, chop wood for the cookstove so she could fix dinner and do what housework she could, and start all over again the next day. I remember waking up one morning at almost daylight to hear mom singing an old gospel song while hanging out clothes on the line. I don’t think they make people that strong anymore. Mom went through World War II and the Great Depression. I once asked her how hard the Depression had been on them, and she laughed and said no different than any other time, they didn’t even realize there was one. Mom made our clothes out of feed or flower sacks with no pattern to go by and on an old Singer sewing machine that you had to pedal to make it sew. Diapers were made out of torn up clothes, blankets, or any old material she could find.
When I was about seven years old, Mom told Daddy that she wanted to provide more for her family and she was getting a job instead of working the fields, and she did just that. When I was young and it was my time to say the blessing, I always asked for bologna. So the first week she got a paycheck she bought a three pound stick of bologna that I could slice as thick as I wanted. Trouble was, we all liked bologna, so every week she would have to buy some more. She made sure I got my fill of bologna. She never got a store bought dress until years into her marriage. She got her first hand mixer when Richard, her second child, was old enough to get a job and bought her one. She thought she was “uptown” again. Mom never complained about her circumstances, she just did what she had to. When we were older and could help her, she would always thank us and told us we had done a good job. Mom was always more concerned about her children than herself. On her last day, she opened her eyes to see my sister standing over her bed with tears streaming down her face, and sis said she looked at her with such compassion and said, “Oh Mary.” She was more concerned about Mary’s pain than her own. Mom knew she was going to heaven, but always told me she hated to leave her family. What if one of us got sick and she would not be there? Now Mom was 94 years old, not much she could do, but she would have tried her best and she could always pray. She was always reading her Bible and praying. I would get up in the middle of the night to check on her and she would be sitting on the side of her bed reading her Bible. She did that a lot when she couldn’t sleep. I don’t think they make people that faithful anymore. She always gave at least a tenth of her earnings to the Lord. She said it was all His anyway and she wanted to give back all she could. Even when she was on Social Security she gave her portion. Even after she wasn’t able to go to church anymore, she asked me to send her tithe to the church. One day I was telling her about the Foster Care Boutique at Searcy Living Magazine and she felt moved to give her tithe to the Foster Care Boutique. She said those children aren’t to blame for their circumstances and they need someone to love them. So every month I bought a carload of diapers and wipes and some socks (because she didn’t want their feet to get cold) and
“Mom never complained about her circumstances, she just did what she had to.”
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carried them to the Foster Care Boutique. Sometimes I would be too busy one month or let it slip away, but she made sure I bought twice as much and went! I don’t think they make people that loving and caring anymore. So I’m late again this month too, but I’m going to bring them in for Mom. She passed away on August 2nd and I know for certain she would want me to do this for her one last time. I truly wish we had a world full of wonderful people like Mom who have so much love and compassion to give. We should earnestly pray that we would show love and care for the least of these because no child should be needy and hurting as long as there are people who will care. Faith in the Lord and love in our hearts is the only way to live. I had a great example, and you would be a much happier person if you followed her example, too.
Ethel Hall’s Legacy Eight children Twelve grandchildren Twenty-six great grandchildren Four great-great grandchildren And Countless Children Helped in Foster Care
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