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here. People are notoriously bad at predicting how they’ll act in stressful, unexpected situations. And the power differential in a job interview creates ideal conditions for passivity and submission to authority. Still, I’m willing to bet that the outcome would have been different if the participants were men. The particular circumstances may have pressed the mute button for those women, but why did they have that button in the first place? Where did it come from? The short answer is: everywhere. It’s so much a part of our culture that we fail to recognize it. We think we’re treating boys and girls equally, and yet we hold them to different standards and expectations. One way to shine a light on this is to play a gender-switching game in your mind. The next time a girl seems bossy, arrogant, strident or impolite, imagine the same behavior in a boy. Does it feel different? How about a boy who seems too timid, quiet or submissive? Would you think of a girl in the same way? Children are incredibly sensitive to social cues — they’re hardwired that way. To survive as the weakest members of the pack, they intuit its unspoken rules and its implicit expectations. Girls are especially astute this way — they read adults like open books. We may talk a good game about girl power and gender equality, but words aren’t what counts for them. They’re focused on the subtle, more reliable clues that betray our emotions. How does their behavior affect the room around them? When do we smile? When do we seem annoyed? How often do we ask their opinion? How often do we ignore them? We can’t fake our way through this one. The answer isn’t to say the right words or to buy the right toys — it’s to really walk the walk. Women who can speak out for themselves start out as little girls who do the same. Let’s make sure we really want to hear what they say. ABOUT OUR COLUMNIST
Jeff Lee uses antlers in all of his decorating in Seattle.
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