February 11, 2013
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www.sezariworld.com A WEEKLY FAMILY FAVOURITE Vol.22 No. 6
Mumbai, February 11, 2013
Cardinal Cleemis Nominated to Two Key Vatican Panels Pope Benedict XVI nominated the cardinal to Pontifical Council for Inter-religious Dialogue and the Council for Eastern Congregations. Thiruvananthapuram: Cardinal Baselios Mar Cleemis has been nominated from India to two important panels of the Vatican. Pope Benedict XVI nominated the cardinal to the Pontifical Council for Inter-religious Dialogue, of the Vatican and the Council for Eastern Congregations. The Council for Eastern Congregation oversees the affairs of those hierarchies in the Catholic fold that follow eastern traditions, including the Syro-Malankara and the Syro-Malabar churches. A church spokesman in Thiruvananthapuram here said the Council for Inter-religious Dialogue, formed in 1964, was entrusted with the
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task of promoting understanding between the Catholic Church and other religions. The pontifical council would also promote studies on all other major religions of the world and train churchmen to engage themselves in meaningful dialogue with those following different traditions of faith. Mar Cleemis, 53, was elevated to the status of cardinal in November last year. He is one of the youngest cardinals in the apex body of the Catholic Church, entrusted with the power of electing the Pope when a need arises.
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Jesuits Fight Corruption In Gujarat Food for the poor is being profiteered, say Jesuit activists Ahmedabad: Food meant for poor villagers in Gujarat are being siphoned off through the state government's own food distribution system, leaving the people with poor quality produce, say a group of campaigners. Grains and other staple foods, aimed at people living below the poverty line, are sold through the government's own Fair Price Shops, which receive them from its public distribution system. Eleven Jesuit organizations in the state, in collaboration with the Jesuits in Social Action welfare group, have investigated the scheme through their Right to Food campaign which they launched two years ago. In that time, they have conducted field studies, semi-
nars, rallies and public meetings, making people aware of their right to decent food. So far they have covered across 900 villages across the state. The campaign's managers told ucanews.com on January 30 that in more than 75 per cent of the villagers covered, people complained about the poor quality of food they receive. Villagers also told them that most Fair Price Shops open for only one or two days
a month, though they should remain open for six days a week. Frequently, villagers are told that supplies have run out and they will have to wait till fresh supplies arrive. But it is widely suspected that shopkeepers siphon off the subsidized food and sell it at a profit on the open market. Jesuit Father Xavier Manjooran of Rajpipila Social Service Society (RSSS), (Contd.. on p. 6)
Where Jesus Walked - A Memorable Journey The Secular Citizen and Divo Weekly Group Organising
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HOLYLAND PILGRIMAGE Jordan, Israel & Egypt
Highlights: Mt. Nebo, Madaba, Nazareth, Cana, Sea of Galilee, Jerusalem, Golgotha, Way of the Cross, Palm Sunday Route, Tiberias, Jericho, Mount of Beatitudes, Capernaum, Mt. Calvary, Bethlehem, Mt. of Olives, Last Supper, Garden of Gethsemane, Bethany, Dead Sea, Mount Carmel, Mount Sinai, Monastery of St. Catherine, Egyptian Church, Nile Cruise, Sphinx, Pyramids, Egyptian Museum, etc.
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February 11,11, 2013 February 2013
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A Man for All Seasons:
Dr. Anthony Sequeira
St. Joseph Parishioners Cup 13
Inter Community Ring Football Tournament
Dr. Anthony J. F. Sequeira, on 21 st January 2013 received the prestigious Hirwai Sanman award from Dr. Sandya Kamath, Dean, GS medical College & KEM Hospital, for the year 2013, in recognition of his contribution to the cause of sports in particular, and youth welfare in general, through his generous endowments to his Alma mater. An alumnus of the 1952 batch, Dr. Sequeira took over his father s medical practice including a maternity and surgical nursing home in 1959, for a period of 42 years. and was a visiting medical officer of the DMET and the Lal Bahadur Shastri Nautical & Engineering College for 10 years. Where he shone brilliantly however, was on the athletic field. At the tender age of 13 he was awarded the best sportsman s prize, at St. Mary s School and while still a student at St Xavier s college, he represented his college in intercollegiate hockey tournaments becoming the youngest to ever do so. Twice he was the winner of the 15,000 meter walk event. After joining GS Medical College he once again created history by becoming the first student of the college to break a Bombay University athletic record. Captain of the college athletics, hockey and football teams he won the prestigious Thakoresaheb of Limbdi cup resulting in the College Gymkhana awarding him the highest honours - the college blazer and tie. He also represented the Bombay university hockey team. Ultimately his love for sports drew him into freelance writing as a sport reporter with Indian Express and Bombay Chronicle, and to encourage students to carry his baton he instituted a number of trophies along with cash prizes. From medicine and sports, to law, Dr. Sequeira is a man of many parts. He
was a member of the Bombay Tenant s Association, where he rose to be an office bearer and for sometime its officiating president. Being the perfectionist he is, he studied the Bombay Buildings Repairs and Reconstruction Board Act of 1969 in great detail, and thanks to his interventions, 33 dilapidated buildings in ward E were successfully repaired. Several amendments to the Buildings Repairs Act as well as the Bombay Rent Act originated with him, and his citation regarding the decision of the Bombay High court, which appeared in the All Maharashtra Law Reporter is a witness to his expertise in this field. Dr. Sequeira has received civil honours as Justice of Peace and Special Executive magistrate, and is the only non-Muslim to be appointed as Chairman, Minorities Cell. Well known for his philanthropic work he was a driving force behind the success of the Dr. Ernest Borges Memorial fund raising venture and has been a generous donor to Kripa Foundation. When the Supreme Court dismissed the activist s plea to terminate the life of Nurse Aruna Shanbagh, Dr. Sequeira organized a meeting to felicitate then Director Dr. Sanjay Oak, Matron, and staff of the ward on behalf of the Archdiocese of Bombay, and made a generous cash endowment to the KEM Nurses Welfare Fund. To encourage medical education Dr. Sequeira was instrumental in initiating one of the most prestigious orations in memory of Dr. Duarte Monteiro, Professor of Physiology, G.S. Medical College. He has also instituted the Dr. Sanjay Oak Best Resident Award and the Dr. M.L. Kothari Best Student Award, each with cash prizes of Rs 1 lakh. The Catholic community is indeed proud to count Dr. Sequeira among its own.
St. Joseph Parishioners Cup is an inter community open category ring football tournament for members registered with the parish. Budding as well as experienced players participate in the tournament. This year saw 28 teams competing against each other. The qualifying rounds were held from the 16th of January to 18th of January, followed by the quarter finals, semi finals and finals played on 22nd, 23rd, 24th, 28th and 29th of January 13. The tournament whittled down these 28 competing teams to just four for the winners, runners up, and the hardliner s cup. The games played on the 29th of January for the hardliner s cup between Our Lady of Valankinni and St. Andrews, and the finals played between Ave Maria and Mount Mary were quite interesting. The amount of precision in both teams
passing and control made the game a joy to watch for anyone passionate about football. However, the final game was deadlocked with no goals scored by either
Money were handed over to the winners. Rev. Fr. Dominic handed over the Winners trophy and prize money to Ave Maria, while the best disciplined team,
teams. The winners were determined by penalty shootout time, which was quite pressurizing for Ave Maria as well as Mount Mary, and Ave Maria emerged as the winners of this tournament. A beautiful prize distribution ceremony was organized by Fr. Agnello and his team. The priests and other guests were given a variety of flowering plants. Trophies and Prize
highest scorer, best player and the 1st scorer of the final match too bagged trophies. The tournament and the evening ended with a vote of thanks by Carl and Natasha to the Parish Priest and his team, the referees and the ball boys for their dedicated service, and last but not the least to all the participants and the viewers.
BrainBang Closing Ceremony on 25th January 2013 25th February 2013 saw the end of another successful year, in fact the 8th year of the accelerated learning course of FOCC educational wing BRAIN BANG. The closing ceremony was as usual like all other closing ceremonies - vibrant , fun filled and full of happy memories. Brain bang is a support group under the umbrella of F.O.C.C. ( Friends of Cry Club) Kuwait. Friends of CRY Club is a group of dedicated volunteers in Kuwait in service of the deprived children in India. Friends of CRY Club was established in November 2003 in Kuwait with the objective of having sustainable, result oriented, well founded organization which will continue to be in service of the deprived children of India with synergic participation of a cross section of people in Kuwait. In line with this aim and to help children of Kuwait the support group of Brain bang was started with the group headed by Mr. Javis Jerald and a team of dedicated volunteers of Akila, Anamika,
Janis, Nisrin, Ramiya, Rose, Sara and Sushant. The ceremony got off to a start with the usual brain gym exercises and affirmation which is a part of each brain bang class. Then a quick recap of the years activities. This year was all about discovering ones personality and learning type. At Brain Bang one discovers that everyone has
some talent. Some discover it faster as some slower than others. The name of this years talents are Syed Ali Reza, Dayita Jerald , Khushi, Prashanthi, Lenora, Aditya , Joel, Karan , Someshwar and Dora. They sang melodious songs, danced on Arabic, English and Hindi songs, asked lateral thinking riddles as well as told some hilarious jokes.
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February 11, 2013
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A WEEKLY FAMILY FAVOURITE
Vol.22 No.6 February 11, 2013
Rs.5/-
99, Perin Nariman Street, Fort, Mumbai - 400 001. Tel: 2269 35 78 / 2265 49 24 Fax.: 2264 0996 E-mail : secular@vsnl.com, secular@sezariworld.com Website: www.sezariworld.com www.secularcitizen.com Editor-in-chief : LAWRENCE COELHO
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HAPPINESS
The Best Gift We Can Create
Editor: PHILIP MYABOO
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The best time to think about retirement is before your boss does.
Catholic Leader Blames Clergy Inaction For Attacks
Mumbai: A retired high court judge says Christian leaders' inaction should take some of the blame for the increasing number of attacks on their people. The Christian community has become a soft target because our cardinals, bishops and clergy are not willing to protest strongly to the government, said Michael Saldanha, a Catholic and retired judge of the Bombay and Karnataka high courts. He added that if senior clerics were to stand firm and "maintain zero tolerance" against attacks on Christians, "the rising violence against Christian communities could be curbed drastically, he told UCA recently. Saldanha also supported the demand to ban Hindu radical groups Sanathan Sanstha (Eternal Forum) and Abhinav Bharat (New India), claiming they are behind a series of attacks on Christians in Maharashtra. Catholic lay leaders on Sunday urged federal home minister Sushilkumar Shinde to ban the groups in view of the rising attacks against the Christian community in the country. Both organizations are affiliated to the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS) the umbrella body of rightwing Hindu organizations that works to make India a Hindu nation. Saldanha said hierarchs "want to remain in good books of the government and want us to put our neck out and do the dirty work. "Last Sunday, I told RSS chief Mohan Bhagwat at the Mangalore airport that they will not be able to win the next general elections due next year, if they continued to attack Christians, Saldanha said. He said Bhagwat and he were on the same flight from Mumbai to Mangalore and both met at the airport briefly, when the Hindu leader asked him to join a national rally in Mangalore that day, which Saldanha refused. Saldanha said he has been supporting the Muslims, in their struggle to contain Hindu violence against them in the Mangalore-Karwar coastal belt in Karnataka and succeeded to curb it by filing police cases. Recently after he threatened to file a criminal case against a national daily for publishing a picture of Jesus smoking with a glass of beer in Bangalore, the management called him, apologized and said it had sacked the editor. RNI No. 56987/92 Registered No. MH/MR/South-139/2012-14
As I lie in bed and hear the ticking of the clock in the silence of the night I realize that each moment is unique, it has something to offer an experience, an emotion, a thought, an idea. Yet as my eyes fall on the calendar a different picture emerges. We are already way into 2013. The days just zip past like the stations when you look out of the window of a super-fast train. The pace of time doesn t change but whether we see it as moving at a steady pace or speeding along depends on our attitude. I flash back to 2012. Disasters were predicted, the end of the world was forecast, the sun would destroy the earth. Nothing happened. Someone had got the arithmetic wrong. The achievement of 2012 was that we survived. On 1st January 2013 we wished each other Happy New Year as if happiness is something we get from outside, a gift to us by others, by society, by the environment. Yet we find that what the world has to offer is only misery, problems, unhappiness. Happiness is what we create, the gift we can give ourselves, nobody gives it to us. When I think of my purpose in life there is just one goal To be Happy. My whole life is a search for happiness. I search for happiness in whatever I do. I work on a report. I do my best, painstaking research, forgoing rest and relaxation, checking and testing everything
to ensure that I have got nothing wrong. Yet at the end it is not accepted, nobody will show what is wrong, they can t, but they prefer to accept the opposite view which is widely accepted and hence easy to go along with. Are you are a moron for trying to change the world? You have justification to be sad, frustrated, depressed. But on the other hand you gift yourself
- Francis Lobo happiness and peace of mind. You did your best. You stood up for justice, truth and the welfare of others. Someday what you have said will be respected and accepted. You can gift happiness to others when you recognize good and selfless work, when you recognize honesty, justice, stand up against exploitation, go against the tide for the benefit of the underdog, solve problems. Human beings have an infinite capacity within them to create happiness. But they also have the power to create immense misery and suffering. Can you think of a moment when you are not faced with problems and difficulties? We have countless reasons to get angry, lose our tempers, get frustrated The maid servant doesn t show up, the stuff you want is not available, the train is late, you have an allergy, prices have gone up again, the litany goes on and on. How we react is the gift we give ourselves. We can convert disadvantages to advantage,
problems into opportunities, situations into occasions to Praise the Lord. We can believe that everything has a purpose. We can make the difference by the choices we make to accept, to cope or to change. Disappointment comes from working for the appreciation, praise and reward from others. There will always be those who doubt your motives, who fault your decisions, who criticize your style . Even Jesus and Gandhi were not spared from these perverse attacks. Doing what is right doesn t mean that it will be accepted and praised. Unfortunately there are also those who do evil, hurt others, push their own agenda and claim that they are following their conscience. The test is to evaluate whether it is adding to the Happiness Quotient in the world. Is it for the greatest good of the greatest number over the longest period of time? One can only give what one has. One can spread happiness if you have it yourself. An unhappy person can only spread depression and misery. A smile brings on a smile; cheer brings cheer; success brings more success. As I hear the clock tick I realize that I can master the future The days weeks, months and years ahead If I live each moment making the right choices, being happy in the present and accepting with joy whatever comes my way.
February 11, 2013
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P r of ess Your Fait h T he Passion of the Christ, the movie made famous by Mel Gibson, opened in North America on Ash Wednesday, and it was seen by 35 million people. That was in 2004. Over the years ; across the world many people still go on talking about the Passion of the Christ. Today, in the Year of Faith we are reminded of the Second Vatican Council in 1962-65, when Ash Wednes-day was called for the renewal of Lent, bringing back its old baptismal significance. Our Year of Faith (2013) gives the call to share the Faith : therefore, let us profess our belief at Ash Wednesday. The start of lent is a time for all Christians to focus on the gospel : to avoid sin, and with the imposition of ash to profess the faith. We must always remember to embrace Jesus in the journey of our lives. The Easter sacraments will lead us in preparation to renew our baptismal promises at Easter. The Christian spring of
faith will succeed. The fact that evil throttles the sane world , also it increases the turnover of good. There is a reading from the prophet Joel where he sends us the message to return to God who is gracious and merciful . He tells us to seek the Lord with fasting, and
- Melvyn Brown weeping and mourning. We must at all times trust in God, His son Jesus and the Holy Spirit. This is the beginning to the season of renewal. At the opening of the 11th century an abbot by the name Aelfric wrote that it was a custom for believers to pray and fast on Wednesday before lent and that was complete with the putting on of ashes. It was, eventually Pope Urban 11 who made the use of ashes on the forehead a part of Ash Wednesday ser-
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on sackcloth, roll in ashes. (Jer 6:26). You will find reference to ashes in the Book of Judith : And all the Israelite men, women and children who lived in Jerusalem prostrated themselves in front of the temple building, with ashes strewn on their heads (Jdt. 4:11; 4:15;9:1). We wear ash on our forehead to profess that we are sinners, and that we are a community of Christians who
vice. Earlier men would sprinkle ashes on the head and women on the forehead. In the 12th century a method of burning palm branches to make ash has since become the mode for preparing ash in all churches before lent starts. Parishioners are requested after Mass to bring palms of the previous year. Jesus had spoken of ashes as a sign of repentance. (Mat. 11:21). In the Old Testament, Jeremiah the prophet, asked the people to repent, O daughter of my people, gird
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wish to reconcile with God. We also declare to all others outside the fold that we are Christians, God s chosen people. Lent is also a time to indulge in works of charity . The fruit of our faith is to proclaim Christ: His suffering, sacrifice, death and resurrection. What better time to do this than at Easter , and throughout the year. God s word wants us to join in conversion to the Saviour.
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February 11, 2013
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Common Misinterpretations In The Bye Laws Of Housing Societies
parking space to those in need of the same by asking for applications. If the demand exceeds the availability, then allotments must be made by drawing lots in the presence of the applicants. This procedure needs to be carried out every year. As for the amounts payable by the allottees must be in accordance with bye laws 80 to 85.
Many Housing Societies, either through ignorance or in trying to be over zealous fail to interpret the laid down byelaws both in letter and spirit. Very often the impact of such a wrong interpretation affects many a member when rectification is found to be too late.
Some of the common errors affecting members are:
Transfer fees payable in respect of transfer of ownership of flats.
The status of an Associate member. It is generally assumed that an individual whose name appears second or third as the case may be in the purchase agreement is automatically an Associate member . This concept is wrong. Bye law 3 under interpretations/ definitions vide para (xxiv) (a) clearly states that a person must own shares jointly with the first member to be an Associate member . A person who does not comply with this requirement can also opt to be an Associate member by making use of Bye law 19B. The important thing is to comply with the requirement. Another belief is that an Associate member automatically becomes an owner after the death of the first member if there is no nominee. Bye law 58 in fact strips the Associate member of all his rights when the original member ceases to be a member, which includes his demise.
The status of joint owners Unfortunately, though the Maharashtra Ownership Flats Act [MOFA] permits joint ownership, neither do the bye laws nor the MSCS Act have any provisions to define the status of joint owners. Though sale agreements are made out with joint owners to a respective flat, it is still unclear the status that will occur especially if the first named dies intestate. Until a definite law is framed or a competent court of law provides answers, the status of joint owners is actually risky.
The status of a nominee.
A nominee has no rights, title or interests in the property he/she has been nominated to look after the death of the original owner. The nominee is merely a care taker and cannot even sell the property while in his/her care. Rights and titles are created only after all legal heirs decide on the ownership through the procedure laid down. No specific bye law covers this but the Supreme Court has ruled accordingly.
The supremacy of the General body. This is a commonly flouted law, often to protect the interest of the managing committee and sometimes out of sheer ignorance. Bye law 111 which defines the supremacy of the general body is also clear that this supremacy is restricted to the laid down laws. In other words, no general body has the powers to adopt a resolution outside the framework of the laws. Common violations one sees are resolutions adopted to over charge in the payment of non occupancy charges which is clearly specified vide bye law 43(2) ©. One society had the reputation of adopting a resolution of imposing a levy of Rs.500/= per month on non members residing in the premises. Strange as it may seem, no registered society has any jurisdiction on non members but all payments applicable to members apply to non members. Yet another society adopted a resolution which restricted members under threat of a strict penalty if they (members) sought legal redressal if they
found their managing committee guilty of any violation. In short the general body is only empowered to authorize the managing to adopt laws that need to be enforced for the effective running of the society albeit within the framework of the law.
Monthly deductions commonly known as outgoings. A society is expected to run on a no profit a loss basis and to this extent bye laws 68 and 69 have been prescribed.
- Jude Chaves These laws are quite comprehensive and should enable a society to run effectively. However, the unexpected can happen and thus a provision has been made for the general body to allow further deductions, provided they fall within the framework of the law. Now what determines a legitimate collection, since there is no ruling on this. Logically, any amount which is needed to enhance the functioning of a society in its operations can be considered legitimate. Thus a fine imposed on members who flout the law and put other members at a disadvantage is a legitimate levy. But a levy imposed to say, celebrate festivals is a luxury and cannot find way for compulsory deductions. Such collections are best, if made on a voluntary basis. How many members actually scrutinize a balance sheet which sometimes shows a surplus between expenditure and income? The surplus is an indication that
members are somewhere being overcharged. This often goes unchallenged and members continue to be over charged since managing committees normally don t like embarrassing questions.
Parking of self owned vehicles in the premises of the society. This may come as a shock but it is now a reality that even if you purchased a stilt or open parking space with a registered agreement you have been divested of all rights of ownership and have no lien to the said parking space. This is in conformity to The Supreme Court s ruling (2010) that such properties cannot be sold and such purchases are deemed to be illegal. One may assume that this may not apply to purchases prior to 2010? The sad part is that it is. For one must understand the implications of the ruling. The court has not and cannot create a law; it has merely ruled that an existing law be implemented. All available parking spaces are now the property of the Society. Thus managing committees are now compelled to allot
This is governed by bye law 38 (ix).The current maximum limit is Rs.25000/= plus a transfer fee of Rs.500./= (vii) Also a membership fee of Rs.100/= is payable. It is common knowledge that certain managing committee members in particular demand additional amounts under the garb of donations and refuse to receipt the same. These amounts are totally illegal and they are absorbed by those who demand it, making it a corrupt practice. Members faced with such dilemmas must not fail to report the same to the Dy Registrar of societies of their area who will take prompt action. The above are a few of the bye laws that need the correct interpretation and if members continue with their apathy and unconcern it is only they who have to suffer. Note: The writer (Jude Chaves Ph - 28942659) has specialized in the study of Co-operative societies laws and is currently appointed as a Consultant in seven societies. The information given above is based on his experience and expertise, using the current byelaws [2009]. However any interpretation if challenged can always be subjected to a court ruling.
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CSI to hold Bishops' Council in Dubai Dubai: The Church of South India (CSI) will hold its bishop council in Dubai for the first time, in an effort to better involve its people in the Persian Gulf countries in the Church's programs. All the 22 bishops from Church of South India and some 2,000 delegates from Gulf countries of Oman, Qatar, Bahrain and Kuwait and UAE are scheduled to take part in the three-day event that starts tomorrow. Besides the bishops from south India, a bishop from Sri Lanka would also attend the meet, said M. Durairaj, organizer of the event. The common service with the holy communion will be arranged for the entire CSI congregation from the UAE and Gulf countries on Feb. 1 Friday at the Holy Trinity Church, Dubai, said Durairaj. A general meeting of the believers will be held at 4pm on Friday in which over 2,000 representatives are expected to participate, he noted. The council will discuss further cooperation in bringing all believers together as well as future plans associated with humanitarian efforts of the church through their Good Samaritan Fund, Durairaj added. The organisers are
chartering 100 buses to transport believers from around camps in Dubai and Northern Emirates for congregations held at the Trinity Church. There are 22 CSI dioceses in India and one in Sri Lanka with more than five million members, he said. Among the 22, six dioceses are in Andhra Pradesh, four in Karnataka, four in Kerala and eight in Tamil Nadu. Durairaj said that in the UAE, the church members exceed 100,000, the second largest after Roman Catholics. The CSI group in the UAE is largely involved in charity and humanitarian activities such as helping prisoners, visiting labor camps, helping dead body repatriation and medical support. The group is running over 2,000 schools, over 125 colleges and 104 hospitals in different Indian states. One of the most prominent hospitals where even Arab nationals frequently visit is the famous Vellore Christian Medical College Hospital in Tamil Nadu. The Church recently started a new ministry for marriage counseling, a task held by the wives of the bishops.
A Woody Joke......
What wood happen if you had a wooden car, with wooden seat, wooden tyres...... and a wooden engine??? It Wooden't start ....!!!
Jesuits Fight Corruption In Gujarat a campaign collaborator, said there are "a lot of mafias involved in the public distribution system, preventing it from operating properly." Father Stany Pinto of Adivasi Kheti Yojana, based at Bhiloda, said that people needed to be told that the rations they receive through the scheme is their right, not a favor from the government. In the course of their investigation, the campaigners found that 78 per cent of the shops did not have their stock register updated and stock records displayed as regulations demand. The suspect dealings spread to non-food items.
Over 75 percent of the villagers surveyed said they do not get their quota of kerosene regularly but have to buy it at a higher price at other shops. The campaigners, however, concede that there is "little margin" for FPS operators and hence they resort to malpractice and corruption. According to most reesearchers, Gujarat is a highly food insecure state. The government's own report shows a statewide under-nutrition rate of 47 percent, despite claims that it is India's fastest growing industrial center.
Fr Robin Gomes Appointed Diocesan Catechetical Commission Head KOLKATA, (C.M. Paul) Archbishop Thomas D Souza of Calcutta has appointed popular media priest and radio evangelist Salesian Fr Robin Gomes head of Kolkata archdiocesan Catechetical Commission. The official nominations of the Secretaries for various archdiocesan commissions are listed in the archdiocesan weekly The Herald dated 1st February 2013. My immediate priority is to implement Catechetical instruction programme in the diocese, particularly in schools, parishes and families, says Fr Robin. He also intends to promote Vatican II lectures scheduled to start soon at Goethals s Auditorium in St St Xavier s College Kolkata. Fr Robin who has
served as youth director of Darjeeling and Krishnagar dioceses and originator of popular youth catechetical event Gospel Melody in Darjeeling diocese in the early 1980s is currently co-pastor at Auxilium parish Kolkata. Serving six years as Rector of Don Bosco Catechetical and Media Cen-
tre Kolkata, Fr Robin (62 year old) also a six year term as the head of Calcutta archdiocesan Media Commission till 2011. Fr Robin s radio ministry started 22 years ago in 1991 as programme producer and later director of Radio Veritas Asia Bengali Service in Manila, the Philippines. He is currently on air every Sunday morning and evening with his weekly programme entitled: Robibashoriyo (Sunday Affairs) presenting the Sunday Gospel in the popular idiom for the believers of all faiths. Besides Radio ministry Fr Robin is also a television personality with Christmas and easter programs on DD Bangla, morning inspirational programmes on ETV Bangla, Om Bangla and other channels.
MahaQuizzer Middle East - Kuwait on 1st February, 2013 MahaQuizzer Middle East - Kuwait, the solo written quiz competition organized by National Institute of Technology Calicut Alumni Association Kuwait chapter (NITCAA Kuwait) in association with Karnataka Quiz Association (KQA), Bengaluru will be held on 1st February, 2013 from 2:00 pm to 3.30 pm at Indian English Academy School (Don Bosco),
Salmiya and Fahaheel Al Watanieh Indian Private School (DPS), Ahmadi simultaneously. The registered participants should report at the test centers chosen by them before 1.30 pm as informed by the organizers. Participants, please note that the Reporting Desks at the test centers will start functioning from 1:00 pm We have an overwhelm-
ing No. of 296 persons of 6 Nationalities registered for the test. This includes 196 children from 13 schools. The participants will be attempting 100 questions in 90 minutes. Participants are advised to visit the website www.nitcaakuwait.org for further details. Gasper Almeida
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February 11, 2013
7
Is The Party Over For The BJP?
Pakistani Girl Nominated For Nobel Peace Prize
Infighting could tear it apart. Panaji: Is the party over? That was the headline splashed across the cover of a local magazine as far back as July 2005. At that time, the notion that India's Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP-Indian People s Party) might be in terminal decline seemed little short of ludicrous. It was the second largest party in parliament and the main opposition to the ruling coalition led by the Congress Party. On a springboard of Hindutva ideology or Hindu cultural nationalism, the BJP had catapulted from two seats in the 545-member parliament in 1984 to form the coalition National Democratic Alliance (NDA) government in 1998. But despite its meteoric rise, it crashed to a surprise defeat to the Indian National Congressled coalition of the United Peoples Alliance (UPA) in the general election of May 2004. Out of power, the BJP began to splinter within almost immediately. The party's crash seemed as precipitous as its rise. Was this a family squabble, as they claimed, or the beginning of the end for Hindu nationalism as the ideological base of the party? The BJP is the political face of a Hindutva legacy, which is promoted by the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh (RSS). Besides the BJP, the 4.5 million strong RSS family includes the Vishwa Hindu Parishad World Hindu Council - whose unabashed aim is establishing a Hindu state and Hindu glory. Many in the BJP believed that with a focused Hindu-only approach, the BJP would never occupy the dominant position in Indian politics that the Congress once enjoyed. They blamed the BJP's poor electoral performance in part on the bloody anti-Muslim pogrom in 2002 in Gujarat, a BJPruled state, whose government was accused of complicity in the violence. The BJP s association with hard line Hindutva, it was argued, cost votes. However, RSS leaders argue the exact opposite: the problem was that while in
office, the BJP was not Hindu enough. To forge a governing coalition in the NDA, the BJP had agreed not to pursue the three big Hindutva demands: the building of a temple in Ayodhya, where Hindu zealots demolished a controversial mosque a matter it left to the courts; the adoption of a uniform civil law to supplant Muslim family law; and the revocation of the special constitutional status of Kashmir, India's only Muslim-majority state. The BJP s failure to deliver results on these demands alienated the
- Desmond D'Souza BJP's core voters and demoralized its activists. In hindsight, now in 2013, the BJP is going through more than a bad patch. Its continuing quarrel with its parent organization, the RSS, calls into question the party's purpose. Was the party s main aim to win elections or to promote the RSS ideology of Hindtuva? The parent was making it clear who calls the shots. This is the backdrop of the sordid struggle between the RSS and BJP. The BJP s problems are compounded today. Its vote bank has always been the urban middle class. They favor liberal economics, and a growing majority firmly believes in greater equality between the sexes. But the BJP s instinctively anti-Western stance that women should remain housewives according to RSS chief Mohan Bhagwat, or should not cross the Lakshman Rekha - line of freedom - set by men, according to another BJP politician is hopelessly anti-modern. The divisions within the BJP represent the existential dilemmas of coalition party politics. It is wracked by rebellions from political heavyweights within the party. Their power mongering differences in Karnataka, where they are in power, are on display. The collapse of the BJP coalition in Jarkhand this January is
yet another disaster for the party. Even Narendra Modi s thumping third successive victory in Gujarat the only bright spot in their otherwise dark political fortunes has caused more consternation than elation within the BJP leadership, as other parochial leaders jockey against him for national prominence. While the BJP is forced by its RSS connection to consolidate its Hindu vote bank, the Congress in the UPA tries to gain political mileage by its inaction. They reckon the minorities will be forced to vote Congress, but, at the same time, Hindus must not be antagonized. This is called soft Hindutva. As a result, law and order has come a cropper in the face of expanding Maoist insurgency, widespread state terrorism, increasing fundamentalist terrorism, and militant parochial politics that thrive on sons-of-the-soil ideology in places like Maharashtra. Nine years of incumbency as leader of the UPA has left the Congress numbed and fatigued. If the decline of the lumbering, corruption-ridden and inept Congress-led UPA is a cause for consternation, a more startling political phenomenon is the debacle of the main BJP-led NDA opposition, which has failed to gather any momentum when the opportunity has presented itself. The disintegration of the two alliances the UPA and NDA may well spell disaster because local state issues will become national imperatives and the nation will be torn asunder. The BJP has to discard its narrow, exclusivist Hindu-only approach and reinvent itself as a genuine secular alternative to the Congress, if it is to occupy a dominant position in Indian politics. Otherwise it will melt down. Redemptorist Father Desmond D'Souza formerly served as the executive secretary of the Office of Evangelization in the Federation of Asian Bishops Conference. He was closely associated with the Churches in Asia from 1980 to 2000. He is now based in Goa.
This year's award will be announced in early October, but speculation was already underway as the deadline for nominations ran out on February 1. Oslo: Malala Yousafzai, the Pakistani girl who was shot in the head by Taliban, is known to have been nominated for this year s Nobel Peace Prize. "A prize to Yousafzai would not only be timely and fitting with a line of awards to champions of human rights and democracy, but also ... would set both children and education on the peace and conflict agenda," said Kristian Berg Harpviken, head of the Peace Research Institute of Oslo. This year's award will be announced in early October, but speculation was already underway as the deadline for nominations ran out on February 1. Yousafzai, 15, was shot by a Taliban gunman at point blank range as she travelled on a bus to school in October last year for promoting girls' education. Others known to have been nominated are human rights activists whose names have been mentioned in previous years, including Belarussian human rights activist Ales Belyatski, currently in jail, and Russia's Lyudmila Alexeyeva. Belarus, which former US President George W. Bush's administration quali-
fied as the "the last dictatorship in Europe", is governed by authoritarian President Alexander Lukashenko, who has cracked down even further on opponents oflate, rights groups allege. In neighbouring Russia, authorities "unleashed the worst political crackdown in Russia's post-Soviet history," according to Human Rights Watch (HRW). Trying to predict who will win the Nobel Peace Prize is a difficult task, complicated by the fact that the list of nominees each year is kept secret for 50 years. But thousands of people are eligible to nominate candidates, including former laureates, members of parliament and government around the world, some university professors and members of certain international organizations, and they are allowed to reveal the names they have put forward. As a result, it is known that French, Canadian and Norwegian MPs have all separately nominated Yousafzai. Beliatsky's and Alexeyeva's names have meanwhile been put forward by two Norwegian lawmakers.
Money growing Tree
Mom: Money doesn't grow on trees Son: Mom!Money is made from paper and paper comes from trees. Therefore your argument is invalid......
Bill Settled
While praising the moustache of an erstwhile prince, the hotel manager said, What a fine moustache you have. Each bristle is worth a thousand rupees. When the bill was presented, the prince plucked off two bristles of his moustache and said to the manager, Settle the bill and keep the change. --- Jubel D'Cruz, Dombivili
February 11, 2013
8
Mother Teresa More Trusted Than Mahatma Gandhi: survey
Mumbai: Blessed Mother Teresa is more trusted personality in India than Mahatma Gandhi, father of the nation, shows a survey on brand trust. The survey, titled The Brand Trust Report 2013?, carried out by the Trust Research Advisory, however, placed the nun at ninth position and Mahatma Gandhi at the 12th position. The number one--most trusted person in the country is Anna Hazare, who inspired a nation wide campaign against corruption last
BRIDES MUMBAI : Mangalorean R. C. Spinster, 35 yrs., 5 6 , Fair Complexion, Edn. Post Graduate, working for a Foreign Bank Seeks a suitable match. Contact Email : replytosender2013@yahoo.com (Regd. No. 5879) MUMBAI : Mangalorean R. C. Spinster, 26 yrs., 5 4 , Wheatish Complexion, Edn. M.Sc., Micro, working as a Officer in Nationalised Bank. Seeks a suitable match. Contact Email : belindabarnz@gmail.com OR 9769485550 (Regd. No. 5878) UDUPI : Mangalorean R. C. Spinster, 26 yrs., 5 4 , Fair Complexion, Edn. BDS, Lecturer by profession. Seeks a suitable match. Contact Email : nerycornelio@gmail.com or 9448480469 (Regd. No. 5876) MUMBAI : Mangalorean R. C. Spinster, 30 yrs., 5 6 , withan average build and fair complexioned, Edn. PG and MBA (HR) working as a Manager in an MNC in Mumbai, seeks a suitable match who is well educated, tall and a cheerful disposition. We are open to grooms from other denomination (East Indian, Goan, South Indian etc.,) Contact : 9892191359 / 65721172 and send details to plethora0161@yahoo.com
year. Hazare retains his position for the second consecutive year now. The survey lists country s 1,100 most-trusted brands spanning 211 categories, including personalities, personal gadgets, consumer products, retail, technology, banking, government institutes, telecom, airlines, among others. Interestingly, second and third positions go to Bollywood actors Aamir Khan and Salman Khan respectively and fourth comes business tycoon Ratan Tata.
R
EADER'S
ID cards to feed strays
The Animal Welfare Board of India it is learnt, is in the process of issuing ID cards to animal lovers to serve as a licence to feed stray dogs and cats in the open without the fear of incurring the wrath of some. And according to one official of the organization, it is also the Constitutional duty of every citizen to feed strays .If this be the case, then, whose Tata, who hung up his boots last year after serving Tata Group as its chairman for 21 years, jumped to the fourth position from sixth last year in the survey. For the first time, the name of legendary industrialist late Dhirubhai Ambani also featured in the list. He was ranked second in the business category. Source: Navbharat times
V
duty may we ask is it to protect and save precious life when a person is bitten by strays , children are mauled, and residents of an area are terrorised by a gang of rabid and ferocious strays? If there is so much love and concern for strays, why isn t the Animal Welfare Board and other animal welfare Organisations working to ameliorate the conditions of strays by feeding and sheltering these unfortunate creatures? Stray cattle and stray dogs pose a
(Regd. No. 5873) MUMBAI : Mangalorean Roman Catholic Spinster, 26 years, Ht. 5 7 , Wheatish Complexion, Edn. March Environmental Architecture, Architect by profession. Seeks a well settled Mangalorean bachelor preferable from Mumbai. (Regd. No. 5872) MUMBAI : Mangalorean Roman Catholic Spinster, 30 years, Ht. 5 4 , Wt. 52 kgs, Fair Complexion, Edn.B.E., (Computer Engg.,) working as a Senior Consultant. Contact : seema.machado@ gmail.com / drrashanmachado@ gmail.com (Regd. No. 5871) MUMBAI : Goan Roman Catholic Spinster, 23 years, Ht. 5 5 , Wheatish Complexion, Edn. B. Pharm., working as a Trainee, Seeks a suitable match. Contact Email : ra29137@gmail.com OR 8097033180 (Regd. No. 5870) MUMBAI : Mangalorean Roman Catholic Spinster, 48 years, Ht. 5 3 , Wt. 42 kgs, Wheatish Complexion, Edn. HSC, employed as a Office Executive. Contact Email : sairafleur@yahoo.com OR 9870356752 / 9773466716 (Regd. No. 5868) MUMBAI : Mangalorean Roman Catholic Spinster, 27
Grooms on page 4
great danger to society. While stray cattle are the cause of road accidents and nuisance to motorists , stray dogs pose a serious threat to the lives of people. In this respect, the Goa govt has shown us the way by taking on the responsibility of impounding stray cattle in farms. Why does the Animal Welfare Board not emulate their example by impounding stray dogs? A. F. Nazareth, Alto Porvorim
Happy Valentine s Day!!
Valentine's Day is a festival that celebrates love and romance. The day falls on February 14 every year and is celebrated in several countries across the world, including India. Though the festival commemorates the martyrdom of a Christian saint called St. Valentine, the festival as it is celebrated today, has very little religious significance. In present times, Valentine's Day has assumed a secular and global flavour and is celebrated by people of all ages and races. Another noticeable factor in Valentine's Day celebration is that the festival celebrates love in all its forms and is not just restricted to romantic love. People therefore exchange Valentine's Day greetings with their parents, teachers, siblings, friends, sweethearts or anyone special or close to them. Jubel D Cruz, Dombivili
MATRIMONIALS years, Ht. 5 4 , Wt. 54 kgs, Fair Complexion, Edn. B.E., M.B.A., working as a Marketing Professioanl, Well settled, Seeks a suitable Mangalorean boy, below 30 years, Well qualified. Contact Email : theo_valli@yahoo.co.in OR 8452870455 (Regd. No. 5867) MUMBAI : Roman Catholic Spinster, 25 years, Ht. 5 6 , Fair Complexion, good looking, Edn. B.A., CPL., working as a Pilot, Seeks a well qualified preferably Doctors/Civil Services/Businessman below 30 years. Contact Email: royaltyping.2010@gmail.com OR 9820092831 (Regd. No. 5866) UDUPI : Mangalorean Roman Catholic Spinster, 27 years, Ht. 5 6 , Wt. 68 kgs, Wheatish Complexion, Edn. MBBS, MS., Doctor by profession. Seeks a suitable match. Contact : joycepascalrozario@gmail.com OR 9880702121 (Regd. No. 5865) UDUPI : Mangalorean Roman Catholic Spinster, 24 years, Ht. 5 4 , Wt. 65 kgs, Wheatish Complexion, Edn. B.E. (Tele com) Working in
IEWS
BANGALORE. Seeks a suitable match. Contact Email: helenandrade79@gmail.com OR 0820-2546093 (Regd. No. 5864) MUMBAI : Mangalorean Roman Catholic Spinster, 25 years, Ht. 5 4 , Wt. 59 kgs, Fair Complexion, Edn. B.E. (IT) MS working as a Software Engineer. Contact Email: dawdsouza@ gmail.com OR 9869036355 (Regd.No. 5862) MUMBAI : Mangalorean Roman Catholic Spinster, 36 years, Ht. 5 61/2 , Wt. 64 kgs, Wheatish Complexion, Edn. B. Sc., working Associate Manager in Foreign Bank. Contact Email: mail2jans@yahoo.com (Regd. No. 5860) MUMBAI : Roman Catholic Spinster, 25 years, Ht. 5 2 , Wt. 52 kgs, Wheatish Complexion, Edn. B. Com., (MBA), working as a International Sales coordinator. Contact : 9819715377 (Regd. No. 5858)
MUMBAI : Mangalorean Roman Catholic Spinster, 28 years, Ht. 5 2 , Wt. 60 kgs, Wheatish Complexion, Edn. B. Com., Diploma in Journalism. Working as an Asst. Editor. Seeks a simple, graduate and well settled bachelor. Contact Email : daisy_dsouza2008@yahoo.com OR Mob : 9768515457 / 9833662998 (Regd. No. 5854) AURANGABAD : Mangalorean Roman Catholic Spinster, 23, 5 4 , Wt. 58 kgs, Fair Complexion, Edn. M.Com., M.B.A. Student, having own Business. (Beauty Therapist) Seeks a suitable match. Contact Email: robertaurangabad@ gmail.com OR Mob.: 9370707116 (Regd. No. 5852) 5830. VALSAD : Goan + Mangalorean RC Spinster, Godfearing, faithful and understanding, aged 27 years, Ht. 5 5 , Fair Complexion, Edn. D Ed., BA, B.Ed., Teacher by profession. Contact Mob.: 09377099024 (12 a.m. to 2 p.m. & 6 p.m. to 10 p.m.) (Regd. No. 5830)
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February 11, 2013
9
The Great Music Quiz Book
Women in today s world Women and men have always had conflicting differences since the beginning of creation. But the women of today are not the women of yesterday --- they are not just mothers and housewives, but executives, Prime Ministers and Presidents of nations. They have attained the position they could not even think of about few years back. In today s advanced and modernized world, women are marching ahead in every field. They are matching their steps with
By Verus Ferreira BOOK REVIEW
by Ladislaus L D Souza
Can you imagine life without music? Verus Ferreira is one guy who can t! Well, who ever can, really!?! Here is a book [from BETTER YOURSELF BOOKS] produced through a simple, if tiresome, process of errors and eliminations, with questions and answers concerning an array of music styles, bands and singers by Verus, the whole of whose young life has been literally and figuratively steeped in music. Spanning almost all genres of music, THE GREAT MUSIC QUIZ BOOK - divided into 17 chapters, each with a set of Questions, the Answers at the end of the given chapter - is a delight to handle as there is something between its attractively designed cover-fold for music lovers of all age groups. You have the best of Western pop music, musicals, movies, rock, love, instrumental music, jazz, country, musicians who made it big in the last few decades or so and three handpicked legends of music, not forgetting our very own Bollywood and Indi-pop music, all so well documented as to disappoint no one! As Rahul Sharma, the renowned Santoor player, says in his Foreword , I am happy he has not ignored, dismissed or relegated any particular genre of music (p 11). Both informative and interesting to the point of being thoroughly absorbing, the book would also prove a great companion for parties and picnics or even as a resource text for
a music quiz programme. Not to be missed are the hosts of music related quotes and quips, and even a few riddles and puzzles to rib you. Indeed, no matter how much you think you know about music, you ll find plenty of amazing facts here to challenge your friends with. Given Verus musical proclivities, you ll find him taking you on a pleasure trip down memory lane as you leaf through the 176 pages of THE GREAT MUSIC QUIZ BOOK [Rs 150/ -]. And what a trip that will be! The rarest of the best pictures [some 57 to be precise, of which 15 have been clicked by Verus himself, besides 2 cartoons] of those who ve rocked the world one way or another with their music give you the feel of walking down the hall of musical fame, making the book a treat you can t afford to deny yourself! And hey! Don t be surprised if, in the process of browsing through, you find yourself thinking in terms of gifting copies of it to friends and others a gesture that would unarguably be worth every penny and all appreciation! To conclude, while you are on your excursion through this book, here s a tip from Verus himself who is confident that you will enjoy every moment of : Put on some music, move to the music and feel the music! Oh yeah! That s what music is all about: you don t just play it, or merely listen to it you gotta feel it! (p 10)
- Jubel D'Cruz, Dombivli
men and have successfully taken over them in fields which were previously thought to be their monopoly. A few generations back, women were not treated equally with men and were considered inferior to them. It was thought that they cannot do any productive work other than household chores. They were not allowed to step out of their
5 steps to make a good confession
1. Examine your conscience thoroughly. 2. Be sincerely sorry for all your sins. 3. Confess your sins to a priest. 4. Resolve to amend your life. 5. After your confession, do (pray) the penance the priest assigns you. Jubel D Cruz, Dombivili
homes to work. The prime duty of a woman was to look after the children and to take care of their homes. They were also deprived of all their rights. They were not provided education, so they remained ignorant about what was happening all around them. But now things are quite different. Women have made a mark in every field today. In many cases, they have fared better than men too. Education and greater opportunities have brought about a revolution in the lives of women. It is now accepted that women have excellent management skills and thus, given a chance, they do commendable work. Women do their work so diligently that even men are surprised at the end result. Today, we have women who are bus conductors and auto-rickshaw drivers. Some of them even work in garages and petrol pumps. A few years ago who could have imagined that women would excel
in such kind of jobs which were held by men? Today, women are also playing an active role in politics. Look at Sonia Gandhi, Priyanka Gandhi, Mamata Banerjee, Sheila Dikshit, Sushma Swaraj and Pratibha Patil. These women have carved a niche for themselves in the society and also have become a role model for others. Women like Chanda Kochar, Naina Lal Kidwai, Priya Paul, Preetha Reddy, Swati Piramal, Mallika Srinivas and Kiran Mazumdar Shaw have excelled in the corporate world too. Thus women are playing a significant role and are contributing immensely towards the development of the nation. We also have film actresses like Zeenat Aman, Hema Malini, Waheeda Rehman, Pooja Bedi and Simi Garewal who have made it big on the silver screen. Then we also have women directors and choreographers like Farah Khan and Saroj Khan.
Corruption Elliott and merill defined corruption " is a wilful failure to perform a specified duty in order to receive some direct or indirect personal gain.'' A corrupted person is more harmful to the society than a criminal. The causes for corrup- Docval tion are : Lawman 1. Increasing value of money. 2. Insufficient salaries. 3. Political structure. 4. Lack of heavy punishment. 5. Ignorance of low. 6. Cheating and misleading advertisements. 7. Competition in commercial field. 8. Deformities of an individuals. Remedies: The punishment and penalties should be very strong. Getting person merely transferred, is not desirable and reasonable. The punishment should provide terror in the hearts of criminals. Cicely M .Craven says" capital punishment aims to prevent crime by causing the fear of death.''
February 11, 2013
10
Inspirations!
How To Move Past Life's Roadblocks
Laughter,
the best theraphy
Laughter helps one forget the worries of the future and the pains of the past....
People often store negative emotion, such as anger, fear, and sorrow instead of expressing them. Laughter help to release these emotions in a natural and harmless way. Laughter has been known for its therapeutic value for ages. It has only been sometime since the value of laughter has been scientifically realised. Today laughter clubs and yoga camps help to acts as strees busters. The benefits of laughter are many: *It helps the immune system. *Prevents hearts diseases. *Reduces the incidence of high blood pressure by reducing the release of stress related hormones. *Reduce depression, anxi-
ety and psychosomatic disorder. *Alleviates pains and fosters a sense of well-being releasing endorphins, the body's pain killer hormones. *Gives the internal organs of the body a good workout. *Induce good and a sound sleep. When people laugh together, it brings them closer and improves realationship. It also helps to enhance communication. Go on, laugh out loud!
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by E. S. Best Life has a way of throwing roadblocks in our paths. You don't get that promotion at work you were sure was yours. A family member gets a shocking medical diagnosis. Your partner is having an affair. All life altering for sure, but as with most unwelcome surprises, the key to moving forward and not staying stuck in the setback is how you react. How do you navigate around them and stay on track? Healthy-Life consulted Fairfield County counselors on their different approaches to help steer you in the right direction: Lisa Fraidin, a cognitive behavioral therapist in Wilton; Tammy Nelson, a licensed therapist in Ridgefield; Connie Cusick, a certified life coach in Southport; Donna Sweidan, a clinical career counselor in Stamford; and Patricia Singer, an ordained interfaith minister in Westport. "Day to day issues can seem minor, but they do add up, whether at work, school or home," says Fraidin. "For a mom, trying to be a good mom while attempting to get things done can be stressful. She's got to figure out how to take care of herself and do something positive, even relaxation techniques and deep breathing exercises." Sometimes just a shift in a negative pattern is all it takes to remove a roadblock, Fraidin says, adding, "Get off the couch and go to the grocery store." This Cognitive Behavioral Therapy approach creates positive reinforcement and can offer quick results, she says, but points out results can be a bit more elusive if that negative thinking pattern has been ingrained over time. "The way we think impacts the way we feel," Fraidin says. "No matter what happens, there are always different ways of looking at the situation. If traffic is making you late to work, you can either have a negative thinking pattern and say, `Oh, my gosh, I'm going to be late and might get fired' or say, `OK, I'm not usually late. I'll just call my boss and explain.' The trick in those situations is to say to yourself, `I don't have to think this way.' It's a matter of choice and that process takes practice." Fraidin offers an exercise to review your reactions. First, write down one of the automatic thoughts that might occur in a situation that makes you upset. Second, explore another way to look at it. Chal-
lenge your black-and-white approach and come up with something new. "Serious events, like a death in the family, are harder to deal with in the beginning and may require traditional therapy if someone is extremely depressed," she says. "But once the initial shock is over, the process is the same. Even finding out your partner has had an affair can be approached in this way. After you digest the news, you can always find another way of looking at things. Maybe it happened for a reason." If you have a serious setback, such as a betrayal or loss, Nelson advises being mindful of unrealistic expectations you may have of yourself. Setbacks that are serious usually include shock, denial, anger, acceptance of the loss and grieving the loss of a vision. "It takes a good year to grieve a loss of anything -- a job, a home, a faithful partner. Give yourself time," she says. "It doesn't matter how spiritually, physically, nutritionally well-balanced you are. It will take you the same amount of time as the guy sitting on the couch eating doughnuts." Even though the time factor is integral to healing, Nelson says most of us can handle setbacks better than we think. "What we don't do well is regroup and create a new vision," she says. "The secret to long-term success with setbacks is seeing and sticking to a vision of what you want -seeing yourself cross the finish line and win the race. Setbacks don't have to be negative. If your partner has an affair, it may be a wake-up call for the relationship." "When you have a setback, you can either allow in it forever or get out of that state of mind by taking steps forward, whether big or small," says Cusick. Although as a life coach she doesn't dig into her clients' past, she says if someone is extremely depressed or anxious, they may need a traditional therapist until they are ready to move forward. Cusick recommends the following strategies to deal with setbacks: Identify the setback. Realize that it's your choice to go
in whatever direction you choose. Ask yourself what are the positive actions you can take. Even cleaning out a closet! Look at your past successes and write down three of your strengths. Take action on 10 things -a class, exercise, go on a trip or out with your friends. Meet up with someone new, possibly someone you've been meaning to call. Focus on where you want to go, not the problem, and don't use excuses. Sometimes we create our own setbacks and get consumed in the problem without seeing the possibilities. "Roadblocks are opportunities to go in better, different directions," says Singer. "If you're on a diet and you want to eat chocolate, that may not be the best choice. It's about seeing your choices at that moment and going towards your vision of self." Singer encourages those she counsels to notice their own patterns, or roadblocks, so they can get to know themselves, go in new directions and eventually feel free, no matter what setbacks may happen. By making a new, better choice repeatedly, you create a new pattern. If losing weight is your goal, each time you choose lean protein and vegetables instead of a hot dog and French fries, you are creating a path toward the vision of yourself that you want. "In order to change, we have to change," she says, "and that's the challenge. You have to do the work." Sweidan, who is trained to help clients deal with the psychological aspects of career management, says the confidence and self-esteem that are key issues in the career arena are inseparable from the challenges of everyday life. "There is a huge learning curve to becoming confident, and it's essential to being proactive for whatever you are seeking to do," she says. Whatever roadblocks may come your way, "You've (gotten over them) before, you can do it again."
February 2013 February 11,11, 2013
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February 11, 2013
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