A Note From Chaplain

The Beauty of Forgiving

A number of years ago, I had a friend and colleague who I felt had sinned against me. For years, I harbored a lingering sense of bitterness towards her. Every time her name was brought up, I was filled with anxiety, sadness, and anger. Every time she would contact me directly, those feelings were magnified. I had said in my head that I had forgiven her, but with the continued bitterness, I realized that I had not forgiven her. My unforgiveness wasn’t hurting her, just myself.

I recently came across this article that addresses forgiveness in times when it is especially difficult. You can find the full article here: https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/ifyour-brother-sins-against-you , but I’m summarizing a few points here that I think are important for all of us.

From the start of God’s relationship with His people, forgiveness was expected. We are to no longer hold their sin against them. You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him.

You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord. (Leviticus 19:17–18)

This passage reminds us that: We respond to someone’s sin externally and internally. Both are important for us to think about! We sin if we respond inappropriately, and God is concerned with our present and future sins, not just theirs. A lack of forgiveness will destroy our community.

The author of the article gives these suggestions for how to let go and forgive: Speak with the other person privately instead of gossiping or posting about it. Don’t go to him to hurt or take vengeance or build your grudge even more. Do the heart work to get to a place of peace before going to him, but don’t put it off too long. Instead of hating them, reason plainly with clear explanations of what you believe has happened. The author of the article says “I wager that silent resentment has done even more harm among us than contention following plain speech.” Love your neighbor as yourself. We all hope to be forgiven, and in fact regularly forgive ourselves of the ways we mess up our own lives. Let us forgive others as well.

The sins of others don’t have to ruin our own souls. If after talking with our neighbors, they refuse to repent or apologize, we can still choose in our hearts not to hold bitterness. It ends up affecting us more than them.

Since truly forgiving my friend (though she never actually apologized), I have found peace.

Our friendship is not perfect or deep, but I no longer hold resentment towards her regarding what happened in the past. Sometimes, I have to remind myself that I have forgiven her, otherwise I may end up right back in the anxiety and sinful bitterness that I used to live in.

On the other hand, if we realize (on our own or when confronted) that we have sinned against someone else, let us humbly apologize and ask for forgiveness and seek reconciliation.

(Rachel Feather, Chaplain)