r56un r5 by selenafresgo

THIS MONTH IN COSMO

COVER STORIES

From

COVER PHOTOGRAPH ERIC RAY DAVIDSON. STYLING AYA KANAI. HAIR KRISTIN ESS. MAKE-UP KELSEY DEENIHAN AT THE WALL GROUP. PROP STYLING DANIELLE VON BRAUN. PRODUCTION CRAWFORD PRODUCTIONS. EMMA WEARS: TOP AND SKIRT, ZIMMERMANN. CLAIRE’S PHOTOGRAPH SARAH BRICK. HAIR AND MAKE-UP JOLANDA COETZER AT LHA REPRESENTS, USING URBAN DECAY AND SACHAJUAN. ADDITIONAL PHOTOGRAPHS INSTAGRAM/@OHVERLEE, GETTY IMAGES

the

editor

have spent about two weeks putting off writing this month’s letter. Why? Because I have felt tired, overwhelmed and not in the right place mentally to put on a happy face and muster enough positive words to fill this page in the way I normally would. But today, I decided to write it anyway. I am one of the lucky ones. I have a job working with a brilliant team. I work at a company that provides copious mental health support. I have a loving network of friends and family. I can afford to go to therapy. I have a body that is healthy enough to do yoga and go running. And still, I have days when it all feels too much. Demand for mental health support has skyrocketed of late, and Samaritans data shows the suicide rate for females under 25 in England and Wales increased by 93.8% between 2012 and 2019. Meanwhile, budgets are being cut and hospital beds decrease. So this summer, over several weeks, features director Catriona Innes investigated the scope of the problem. From shadowing charity volunteers and speaking to healthcare workers to

spending time with families impacted by suicide, her special report on p86 uncovers the reality of those on the frontline. Her findings are both heartbreaking and eye-opening, but there’s also much to find solace in. The relentless dedication of those who are providing support, the kindness and understanding that permeated every conversation, and perhaps most of all, the commitment we can all make to open communication and removing stigma around mental ill health and suicide. Because perhaps the most powerful thing we can all do is to talk. And so that’s what I’m doing here. Talk with your friends, your family, your colleagues, your boss, a helpline, a text service, a doctor… but talk. And whether you’re talking or listening, know you’re not alone, and help is out there.

CL A IR E HOD GS ON Ed itor-i n - C h i ef

Keep in touch by follow ing me on Twitter @ C la ir e _H o dge and Instagram @ C la ir e _H o dge

What to buy and wear next season

Emma Chamberlain: the most popular girl on the internet

The other pandemic

Inside a political scandal

The art of saying no

104

Your ultimate acne guide

INSIDE

PLAY

GLOW

MOVE

STYLE

EARN

RELAX

READ

121

LOVE

127

EXPLORE

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C O S M O P O L I TA N

This month at No, you’re having too much fun enjoying summer. (OK, we are, and we bring you this issue as proof)

MILO PHOTOGRAPH LEO ACKER. PET HATES DOG TOY, LOVEMYHOUND.COM

Winner, winner …chicken dinner – or lunch, more accurately – on our fashion shoot (see page 110). Models Maggie, Gemma and Oma tuck into some hard-earned grub in between shots.

Bye-bye, BoJo Dog Milo took a shine to the Boris doll on set for our feature The Women Secretly Running The Country (page 92). Such a shine, in fact, that it appears Milo still has some of the hair in his mouth. But how can we be cross? Just look at that face.

Friends reunited Nope, not an AbFab remake (although we are here for that), but entertainment ed Dusty and senior designer Alice seeing each other for the ﬁrst time in aaaaages.

New digs Features director Catriona Innes needed a change of scene to write her brilliant report on suicide rates in the UK (page 86), so she worked from this gorgeous Airbnb in Bristol. Change is as good as a rest, right?

Walking on sunshine Going the extra mile (literally) to road test a backpack for our Try Before You Train feature on page 42, art editor Jessica shows the lengths we’ll go to in the name of research. The upshot? It can carry a huge amount of snacks. C O S M O P O L I TA N

RANDOM QUESTION OF THE MONTH… What’s your wild business idea?

CLAIRE HODGSON Editor-in-Chief

Executive Editor (Print) AMY GRIER Executive Editor (Digital) JESS EDWARDS (maternity) Acting Executive Editor (Digital) ZOE SHENTON Creative Director STUART SELNER

A small pen-like device that you can scan food with in a restaurant and it will tell you the exact recipe. Why is my cooking never as good at home?

ENTERTAINMENT Entertainment & Special Projects Director LOTTIE LUMSDEN Acting Entertainment Editor DUSTY BAXTER-WRIGHT Acting Senior Entertainment & Lifestyle Writer DANIELLA SCOTT

FEATURES Features Director CATRIONA INNES Senior Editor CYAN TURAN (maternity) Sex & Relationships Editor PAISLEY GILMOUR Features Editor CATRIONA HARVEY-JENNER Acting Senior Editor MEGAN SUTTON Features Writer JENNIFER SAVIN

DESIGN Art Editor JESSICA LOCKETT Senior Designer (Digital/Motion) ALICE COWLING Designer KATIE WILDE

Advent calendars for every month (especially January as it’s bleak, cold and everyone’s skint). It’s the little things that get you through. Right?

PICTURES Picture Director CAT COSTELLOE Picture Editor JODIE MCEWAN

An app where you take a picture of a bird and it tells you what kind it is. I swear I saw a falcon in my garden the other day (probably, maybe) and am always googling “bird with yellow neck” etc when I see them. Yes, I am 99 years old.

PRODUCTION Chief Sub-Editor HANNAH JONES Deputy Chief Sub-Editor REBECCA HASTINGS

BEAUTY Beauty Director VICTORIA JOWETT Beauty Editor CASSIE POWNEY Senior Beauty Writer KATE PASOLA

FASHION Fashion Director AMY BANNERMAN (maternity) Acting Fashion Director NATALIE MICHAELIDES Fashion Editor NATASHA HARDING Bookings Editor SOPHIE LEEN Acting Shopping Editor MADDY ALFORD

SOCIAL & VIDEO Social Media Manager SOPHIE BOYDEN Video Lead ALEX HERING (maternity) Acting Video Lead EDIE JEFFERYS Snapchat Editor FIONA HAYWARD Junior Video Editor/Producer TYRA CHUCK

A restaurant called The Gravy Boat, where you order different meals served in Instagrammable boat-shaped bowls and you can select if you want your food “drowning”, “swimming” or “floating” in gravy. Can you tell I’m northern?

CONTRIBUTORS AMANDA STATHAM (Travel) KEEKS REID (Beauty) KALPANA FITZPATRICK (Finance) LAUREN NICOLE COPPIN CAMPBELL (Fashion) Group Managing Editor CONNIE OSBORNE Editorial Business Manager STACEY TOMLIN Production Manager ALICIA GRAY

C H I E F I N T E R N AT I O N A L B R A N D O F F I C E R , H E A R S T U K

MATT HAYES Executive Assistant to the Chief International Brand Officer TANYA STEWART Group Brand Director STEVEN MILES

H EARS T U K Chief People Officer, Hearst Europe SURINDER SIMMONS Finance Director, Hearst UK JULIEN LITZELMANN Digital Development Director MATT HILL

C LI EN T DI V IS IO N Client Director, Health & Wellness NATASHA BAILEY Client Director, Beauty LEE BAILEY Client Director, Fashion EMMA BARNES Client Director, Motors JIM CHAUDRY Client Director, Finance PETE CAMMIDGE Client Director, Travel DENISE DEGROOT A DVER T IS ING D IVISI O N Chief Commercial Officer JANE WOLFSON (jane.wolfson@hearst.co.uk) Head of Partnerships MARK MCCAFFERTY Head of Clients OLLIE LLOYD Head of Digital Sales RYAN BUCKLEY Branded Content Director ALI GRAY Head of Classiﬁed LEE RIMMER (lee.rimmer@hearst.co.uk) Head of Business Management LUCY PORTER Business Manager BETH RONAN (beth.ronan@hearst.co.uk) COM M U N IC AT I ONS & PR Director, PR & Communications EFFIE KANYUA Deputy Head of PR BEN BOLTON

Silent food packaging for the cinema! The food inside said packaging would also need to be silent, like marshmallows, of course. No more getting aggy towards rustling cinema-goers…

CO N SU M ER S A LE S & M A R KE TI NG Chief Consumer Revenue Officer, Hearst Europe REID HOLLAND Head of Consumer Sales & Marketing JAMES HILL Head of Subscriptions JUSTINE BOUCHER Head of Marketing Promotions AOIBHEANN FOLEY Digital Marketing Director SEEMA KUMARI HE A RS T M AG AZ I N ES IN T ER NAT I O N A L President, Hearst Magazines DEBI CHIRICHELLA Senior Vice President/Editorial & Brand Director KIM ST CLAIR BODDEN Deputy Brands Director CHLOE O’BRIEN Editor-in-Chief, Cosmopolitan (1965-1997) HELEN GURLEY BROWN IN TER NATI O NA L ED ITI O N S Bulgaria, China, Croatia, Czech Republic, France, Germany, Hong Kong, Hungary, India, Indonesia, Italy, Japan, Kazakhstan, Korea, Lithuania, Mexico, Middle East, Netherlands, Philippines, Romania, Russia, Slovenia, Spain, Sri Lanka, Taiwan, Ukraine, USA

For all advertising enquiries, go to Hearst.co.uk. For all PR enquiries, email pressenquiries@hearst.co.uk. For all event enquiries, contact hearstevents@hearst.co.uk. Already a subscriber? Visit Hearstmagazines.co.uk/managemyaccount to update your contact details, renew your subscription and ﬁnd out when your next issue is due to be delivered. Contact us at Hearstmagazines.co.uk/contact-us. Call us on 01858 438439. Lines open weekdays, 8am-9.30pm; Saturdays, 8am-4pm. Please note: You can also contact us regarding new subscriptions and back issues.

Cosmopolitan UK is printed in Poland by Quad/Graphics Europe and distributed by Frontline Ltd, Peterborough (01733 555161)

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Cosmopolitan is a member of the Independent Press Standards Organisation. We abide by the Editors’ Code of Practice and are committed to upholding the highest standards of journalism. If you think we haven’t met those standards and want to make a complaint, contact complaints@hearst.co.uk or visit Hearst.co.uk/hearst-magazines-uk-complaints-procedure. If we are unable to resolve your complaint or you’d like more information about IPSO or the Editors’ Code, call IPSO on 0300 123 2220 or go to Ipso.co.uk.

6·

C O S M O P O L I TA N

COMPILED BY JENNIFER SAVIN

I think sober karaoke bars – my extreme sport of choice – could have excellent business potential. Ginger tea on tap for the vocal chords, energy bars served so you can sing till 3am. Who’s with me? *Tumbleweed*

WORDS DUSTY BAXTER-WRIGHT. PHOTOGRAPH ALAN MARKFIELD/20TH CENTURY STUDIOS

play

Fr e e G u y h i t s the big screen Popcorn at the ready for this Hollywood blockbuster, starring all your faves. The ﬁlm follows banker Guy (Ryan Reynolds), who discovers he’s a background character in a video game and starts to rebel against his programmed actions, causing predictable chaos. Jodie Comer and Stranger Things’ Joe Keery play the programmers responsible for the glitch that allows Guy to realise his world is fake. Sounds fun but complicated. Anyone else think we might need to watch this twice? In cinemas 13th August

C O S M O P O L I TA N

play tv

It’s an important question for our time. Walk this way to find out where you could get your 15 minutes of fame (or, er, shame)

RT STA

1. It’s time to update your vision board. What are you manifesting? A

Finding my soulmate and then travelling the world together.

More Instagram followers, a viral TikTok, and anything else that will build my personal #brand.

HERE

Tapping into the most creative part of my brain and making something tangible to share with the world.

4. Now, put on your Brutally Honest SelfAwareness Hat and answer this: What’s actually your biggest ﬂaw?

2. You’re saving up for something luxe. Which side hustle do you take on to earn extra £££? A

Running the social accounts of a local business.

Renting out your spare room on Airbnb. Yeah, you have a spare room.

Selling beautifully made DIY things, because you’re crafty like that.

People have accused me of being selfcentered. I question it, but whatever.

Er, honestly, kind of the same as my answer to question 3.

3. What’s your go-to weaknessthat’s-secretly-astrength answer in a job interview?

When Tinder j u s t i s n’t cut ting it

“Sometimes I take on more than I have time for and stretch myself too thin.”

“I can be too honest and direct when I give feedback – but it’s only because I hold everyone to high standards.”

“I can get too caught up in perfecting details and forget to focus on the big picture, especially when it’s a project I really care about.”

I get intense FOMO and have been known to get a little extra when insecurity strikes.

5. Which petty regret are you positive will still haunt you years from now? A

The time I was 43 weeks deep in my ex’s Instagram grid and accidentally double-tapped.

Sharing an Instagram Story that was a little too intimate.

The almost-perfectlycrafted tweet with the glaring typo that I didn’t notice until someone had already retweeted it.

MOS TLY A

Love Island You long for Your Person, so you’re (probably) here for the right reasons. You might also get pied off or dumped from the villa, but all’s fair in love and reality TV, right?

MOS TLY B

The Real Housewives Of [Insert Your Town Here] Some people need challenges and rivalries to achieve satisfying levels of drama, but your life is already something we’d binge-watch.

MOS TLY C

The Great British Bake Off Yeah, you have a competitive streak, but it only comes out when you’re passionate about something – otherwise, you’re almost too chill for television. Which makes you the perfect next contestant to joke about Paul’s handshake.

WORDS KAYLEIGH ROBERTS. PHOTOGRAPHS MARK BOURDILLON/CHANNEL 4, MATT FROST/ITV/SHUTTERSTOCK, JAMES SHAW/SHUTTERSTOCK, ITV/SHUTTERSTOCK

Which reality show would you truly thrive on?

SWER AN KEY

play celebrity

ASK ME ANYTHING

Anthony Ramos The singer, actor and star of Hamilton talks to us about date nights, riding a scooter and lounging

WORDS EMMA BATY. PHOTOGRAPH JOE PUGLIESE

Odds he can sing us a very good love song?

around in his pants (not all at the same time) Twenty-nine-yearold Ramos had the breakthrough of all breakthroughs when he starred in LinManuel Miranda’s hit musical Hamilton on Broadway back in 2015. (Y’know, casual.) Now, between modelling for Calvin Klein and releasing music (please see his single Mind Over

Matter), he’s getting used to being everyone’s favourite movie star since the release of musical drama In The Heights. Another Lin-Manuel masterpiece, ICYMI, In The Heights follows the lives, struggles and relationships of a Hispanic-American community in the Washington Heights neighbourhood of New York City. We tracked Anthony down to answer a few crucial questions... What are you wearing right now? I just worked out. I’m wearing some orange shorts and a shortsleeved shirt. That’s it. Is that your go-to outfit for lounging around at home, trying to be comfy? I mean, to be honest, I’m usually chilling at home in my underwear. We’re doing the minimum. Hey, less is more!

What have you and your fiancée (fellow Hamilton star Jasmine Cephas Jones) been doing for date nights during the pandemic? We rock our masks and we go out, we try to have dinner, outdoor dining mostly. She and I have these scooters, so sometimes we’ll take our scooters and just ride around Brooklyn [New York]. So we’ll stop in Red Hook, we’ll stop in Dumbo… We’ll take our scooters, fold that shit up, and then we’ll stop to eat something. We do these little adventures. Wait, that sounds fun. You mean electric scooters? Yeah, the Segway Ninebot. They go, like, 20 miles an hour. You fold it up and just put it next to you. We might need one of these… Do it! I’m telling you. You will not regret it. Anthony Ramos stars in In The Heights, out now

C O S M O P O L I TA N

play movies

Your very comprehensive guide to

all the film revivals happening right now Because it feels like everything we’re about to see, we’ve actually seen before

hy, you ask as you sit through another trailer for a film you could have sworn you’ve already seen, does Hollywood seemingly have no new ideas? Because, well, money. It’s a lot safer financially to make something based on nostalgia, that audiences know and love, than to take a chance on something totally new. It’s a bit like buying yet another T-shirt from your favourite brand, but in a different colour to the five you already own. Not super-groundbreaking, but there’s something comforting about coming back to a world you know. And when it comes to films with potentially bigger budgets and even bigger stars, sometimes the re-do might just be better than the original. Here are the new films and musicals (based on old films and musicals) we’re looking ahead to right now, and everything you need to know about them – including which ones are, erm, maybe best to skip…

14 ·

C O S M O P O L I TA N

Cinderella (AUTUMN)

S n a ke E ye s: G. I . J o e Origins (18/08) Did you know there were two separate G.I. Joe movies in both 2009 and 2013? Wild! A shock! This will serve as, you guessed it, the origin story for the Snake Eyes character, who apparently exists. The biggest selling point is Henry Golding in the lead role. That might be enough, honestly. How badly you need to see it:

/10

H e ’s A l l T h a t ( 2 7/ 0 8 ) File this under: things no one asked for. Netﬂix will release a genderswapped remake of the classic Freddie Prinze Jr ﬂick, starring Addison Rae. The good news? It was directed by the same guy who did Mean Girls, so maybe there’s hope. How badly you need to see it:

/10

No, you’re not hallucinating – Disney did just make a live-action Cinderella in 2015. But this one is different, apparently – Camila Cabello will make her acting debut as the princess, and Billy Porter will play a gender non-conforming fairy godparent. The real question is, could anyone ever top Richard Madden as the prince? TBC. How badly you need to see it:

/10

D e a r E va n Hansen (22/10) This is the cinematic adaptation of the Broadway musical about a teenager with social anxiety who, at the request of his therapist, starts writing letters to himself. Ben Platt, who had left the Broadway show after originating the role, will reprise it here. How badly you need to see it:

/10

(12/11) Not to be confused with the 2016 Ghostbusters, starring Melissa McCarthy and Kristen Wiig, which this project will reportedly ignore completely. This is meant to be the third ﬁlm in the original (circa 1984) Ghostbusters lineage. Not confusing at all! It stars Bill Murray and Stranger Things’ Finn Wolfhard. How badly you need to see it:

/10

( 1 9/ 1 1 ) Do you feel the need? The need for… a reboot? It’s been way too long since the world got to watch Tom Cruise in a cockpit, but thankfully we don’t have to wait much longer. Other people involved include Miles Teller, Glen Powell, Manny Jacinto, Jon Hamm and Jennifer Connelly… need we say more? It does seem like a real missed opportunity not to release this before Halloween, though – think about all the ﬂight suits we could have seen! How badly you need to see it:

/10

The Matrix 4 (22/12)

We s t S i d e Stor y (10/ 12) This is basically the ultimate Venn diagram of reboots – it’s based on a 1957 musical, which itself was sort of based on Romeo And Juliet, and the musical was then adapted into a 1961 ﬁlm version. A magical trifecta. Ansel Elgort and Rachel Zegler play the leads in this new ﬁlm – we can’t wait to see Elgort attempt to dance. How badly you need to see it:

Details on this are so hard to come by that the title hasn’t even been announced yet, so it’s really unclear what the plot of this will even be. But Keanu Reeves will be there, and you know that’s the only thing you care about. How badly you need to see it:

/10

( 1 7/ 1 2 )

Dune (22/10)

/10

S p i d e r - M a n: N o Wa y H o m e

In this sci-ﬁ ﬁlm of epic proportions, a battle to control the desert planet Arrakis unfolds. It follows in the footsteps of the 1984 version, and both are based on the 1965 novel of the same name. Timothée Chalamet, Zendaya and Jason Momoa all star, which is reason enough to go to the cinema, TBH.

Yep, you guessed it! Another Spider-Man ﬁlm is in the works, with Tom Holland returning as the web-slinging superhero. No Way Home sees Peter Parker’s true identity at risk, while he’s also being held responsible for Mysterio’s destruction. HRH Zendaya also stars. How badly you need to see it:

/10

How badly you need to see it:

/10

Ghostbusters: Afterlife

To p G u n: M a ve r i c k

play books

THIS SUMMER’S

gripping new thrillers

VELVET WAS THE NIGHT

THE DAMAGE

MY BEST FRIEND’S MURDER

ROCK PAPER SCISSORS

by Anita Sivakumaran

by Caitlin Wahrer

by Polly Phillips

by Alice Feeney

out 17 August

out now

out 19 th August

The lowdown It’s 1970s Mexico City, and there’s political unrest. We meet Maite, a self-styled bore who lives vicariously through the characters in her romance comics, and Elvis, a gangster with a soul who (ironically) hates violence. As the lives of the two become entangled when Maite’s neighbour goes missing, things quickly get tense – and you’re never sure who you can really trust.

The lowdown When the former wife of the British Foreign Minister becomes the fourth high-proﬁle woman to be murdered in Bangalore, DI Vijay Patel is sent to India to assist in the investigation. Patel is a Leicester-born son of Gujarati immigrants, and his ﬁrst proper introduction to India and the culture makes this a really insightful and interesting read. Cold Sun is an exciting start to what should be a super-gripping new thriller series from Sivakumaran.

The lowdown In a small New England town, a family battles with the after-effects of a brutal sexual assault, as the case plays out in the courts (and the court of public opinion). A suspenseful family drama, with each chapter told by a different person involved in the case, it draws you in right from the get-go and constantly leaves you guessing and questioning – sometimes even shouting at the page.

The lowdown This debut from Polly Phillips, centred around toxic friendships and relationships, has all the ingredients of a great thriller, including a host of characters you’ll love to hate. Bec and Izzy have been best friends since their school days, but Bec is becoming frustrated with Izzy’s manipulative behaviour. After an explosive argument, Bec returns to Izzy’s house to ﬁnd her body sprawled at the bottom of the stairs – and knows that when the police begin the hunt for a killer, she’ll be the prime suspect.

The lowdown Screenwriter Adam and his wife Amelia win a weekend away in remote Scotland, so they head there to celebrate their wedding anniversary… and to see if they can save their marriage. But both of them are hiding a lot of secrets, which begin to unravel throughout the weekend as it becomes clear that their holiday destination holds more signiﬁcance than either of them could ever have known. Could the mysterious woman living in the nearby cottage hold the answer?

by Silvia Moreno-Garcia th

Twist rating Pacy enough to keep you hooked – as it reaches its climax, so will your heart rate.

Looking for a paget u r n e r?

16 ·

COLD SUN

C O S M O P O L I TA N

Twist rating You’ll be kept guessing as to the killer’s identity throughout, and DI Patel’s ability to wholeheartedly throw himself into danger will have you totally hooked.

Twist rating The pace and the threat of violence from Tony – the older brother of the assault victim, Nick – gathers towards the ﬁnale, leading to an explosive ending you will not see coming. If you’re reading it around friends or family, expect to need to ignore them for a few hours while you ﬁnish it.

Twist rating With what feels like hundreds of twists and turns, this book will have you constantly questioning who the true victim is. Prepare for a lot of late nights – it’s super-addictive.

Twist rating Adam having prosopagnosia, a brain disorder that means he can’t recognise people’s faces, means the reader never quite knows who’s telling the truth about who they really are.

WORDS AMY GRIER, REBECCA HASTINGS, FIONA HAYWARD, CAT HARVEY- JENNER, CATRIONA INNES. PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES

We can’t think of a better feeling than losing ourselves in a suspenseful storyline. Here’s our verdict on these hot-off-the-press reads…

Before they were famous Even Hollywood stars have to start somewhere. Here’s what your favourite A-listers did before they hit the big time…

Whoopi Goldberg

Channing Tatum

Morgue beautician She’s now an Oscar-winning actress, but once Whoopi made up the deceased. She’s said: “I did hair and make-up on dead people. It’s a rough gig. You have to be a certain type of person. You have to love people in order to make them worthy of a great send-off.”

Stripper You know Magic Mike? Yeah, well, it’s loosely based on Channing’s time as an IRL male stripper. “I was an 18-year-old kid… On a normal night [I’d make] $150. You’d only work for about an hour and a half... [My stripper name] was kind of lame – Chan Crawford.”

Chris Pratt

Meghan Markle

WORDS DUSTY BAXTER-WRIGHT. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES

Door-to-door salesman The actor sold coupons and even had his own van. “I was good! There are major lessons to be learned in door-to-door sales that you use as an actor. Dealing with rejection and walking into a room full of strangers.”

Megan Fox A dancing banana Forget that successful modelling and acting career – the Transformers star’s ﬁrst job was selling smoothies in Florida. “Once a week, someone had to dress up as a piece of fruit and go and stand out by the highway. I was a giant banana.”

Hope those are chafeproof

A n n o y i n g l y, she can pull this of f

Wedding calligrapher Before she made it big on Suits or married into royalty, Meghan did all sorts of jobs to support her early acting career – including fancy calligraphy. “I [did] the invitations for Robin Thicke and Paula Patton’s wedding,” she has said.

Gerard Butler Trainee lawyer And you thought his greatest achievement was PS I Love You. Nope, he’s also a legal whizz. Kind of… “The reality set in that this was not for me. I ended up becoming the first trainee lawyer in the history of the Scottish legal system to be fired before he qualified.”

C O S M O P O L I TA N

glow BS -FREE BEAUTY THAT WORKS FOR YOU Beauty director Victoria Jowett on this month’s #empties USING UP Y S L L IB RE E AU DE TO I LE TT E , £ 1 04 (9 0 ML )

WORDS VICTORIA JOWETT. PHOTOGRAPH MARTINA LANG. FLOWERS REBEL REBEL (REBELREBEL.CO.UK)

I’ll admit it, I love a ﬂoral fragrance. I know what you’re thinking: ﬂorals are so… basic? But YSL’s newest eau de toilette is anything but. Creamy jasmine notes are lightened with a sharp dash of mandarin orange and fresh lavender. The dry-down is warm and rich, with calming musk and vanilla. It smells like bare skin in summer – just a spritz and it takes me back to lazy afternoons in the park on a hot day.

USING NEXT GUCCI FLO RA GO RG EO U S G AR DEN IA EAU DE PA RFU M , £ 1 05 ( 10 0ML ) OK, forget for a second that this bottle is the most beautiful thing you’ll ever see and let me tell you how in-credible the scent is. White gardenia notes mix with pear blossom to give an instant freshness, while a touch of brown sugar leaves a sophisticated sweetness that lingers on the skin. It’s a guaranteed crowd-pleaser that’s fast become my most-complimented perfume.

C O S M O P O L I TA N

Beauty lab

Crease-free cream eyeshadows Searching for blendable colour that doesn’t gather in your eye creases? Sounds like a job for beauty editor Cassie Powney…

Smashbox Always On Cream Shadow, £18 (15 shades) If shimmer’s not your thing, check out this eclectic mix of pack-apunch matte brights and reserved neutrals. The primer-infused formula makes it particularly good for oily eyelids – I used a neutral one as a base for my powder shadow and it was a game-changer on a hot day. Trinny London Eye2Eye, £18 (30 shades) These shimmering and satin formulas have the perfect amount of slip for precision lash-lining and all-over lid colour. I applied it in seconds using my ﬁnger, and there was minimal fade by the end of the day. Stop here if you consider yourself a make-up novice and want to swipe and go.

PICK EDITOR’S

Cosmetics À La Carte Luminous Cream Shadow, £28 (17 shades) I was obsessed with this metallic veil of colour as soon as I swiped it on. It has a gloss-like ﬁnish, but with a colour laydown that people won’t blink and miss (and you won’t blink off throughout the day). With more ﬁnely milled sparkle than its Trinny London doppelgänger, it’s up to you if you can stretch to the extra £10.

LOVES 2021

Byredo Colour Stick, £26 (19 shades) Fragrance fave Byredo has moved into make-up, and these clutch-bag-friendly sticks of joy can be used on eyes, lips and cheeks. I found the “dewy-creams” easier to apply than the iridescent “dry-creams”, which required a bit more expert blending and faded to a (still gorgeous) glitter ﬁnish by the end of the day. Babi [right], a gentle coral, will stun on all skin tones.

glow

CREAM SUPREME Make-up artist Jo Lorrimer* shares her tips for extending the life of creamy colour

1 FIGHT FADE “The movement of any eyeshadow is caused by oil produced by the mobile part of your eyelid rubbing against the upper part,” says Lorrimer. “Try using an eye primer ﬁrst and setting your cream shadow with powder.”

For more of our favourite cream eyeshadows, go to Cosmopolitan.com/ UK/creameyeshadows

Morphe 2 Jelly Eye Shimmer, £10 (6 shades) With the sheerest colour pay-off on the page, but plenty of high-impact sparkle (we’re talking glitter-ball eyes in certain light), this will divide cream-shadow fans. The bouncyto-touch formula glides on easily and sets quickly, but the ﬁnish is more of a subtle tint than a noticeable colour.

Vieve Eye Wand, £21 (6 shades) I was worried these chubby pencils were too solid for easybreezy application, but the texture was surprisingly creamy. Not quite as blendable as the creamy pots on the page, but great if you want to combine colours for a more deﬁned smoky eye (the neutrals on offer go together like the Biebers).

MAIN PHOTOGRAPH BRI JOHNSON/GALLERY STOCK. CASSIE’S PHOTOGRAPH SARAH BRICK. HAIR AND MAKE-UP JOLANDA COETZER, USING URBAN DECAY, ANASTASIA BEVERLY HILLS AND SACHAJUAN, AND JENNI DAVIS, USING MAC AND KENRA, BOTH AT LHA REPRESENTS. *JOLORRIMER.COM

RE-BLEND Prone to oily eyelids? Lorrimer points out that if oils do come through the cream throughout the day, it becomes re-blendable. “Simply pat out creases with your ring ﬁnger and add a little more product if needed.”

3 OWN IT “If your eyeshadow creases no matter what you do, embrace it!” Lorrimer urges. “There’s nothing sexier than a broken-down creasy and greasy eye.” Try experimenting with the undone look using a darker cream shadow for a dramatic evening look.

4 CREAM CARE Remember to screw your pot lids on tightly and click the lids of shadow sticks down properly. “You can rescue a dried-up pot of cream shadow with a smidge of oil, moisturiser or setting spray mixed in with a clean spatula,” Lorrimer says. “But go easy – add a grain-of-sand amount at a time.”

C O S M O P O L I TA N

AIR-DRY or HAIR-DRY? T ha t i s th e qu e st i o n From lockdowns bringing about opportunistic styling breaks to the unstoppable reprise of bed-head hairstyles, it seems we’ve all got heat-free hair fever. But is air-drying really better for your tresses? Kate Pasola finds out

eat-tool addicts, I’ve got news for you. If you didn’t succumb to the temptation of trying out an air-dried hairstyle last year, rest assured, there’s still time to get involved this summer. Thanks to celebrity trendsetting (hey, Rihanna!) along with rising temperatures, the desire to wash and go has never been stronger. Couple that with the proliferation of heat-free curl TikTok trends (ICYMI, wrapping your hair in a bathrobe belt was a 2020 lockdown rite of passage), and it’s easy to see how the argument for heat-free styling is forming so quickly. As someone with 2a type hair (or perhaps a wavy 2b on a good day), I’ve found myself

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C O S M O P O L I TA N

enviously eyeing up the spectrum of air-dried shag styles, with non-committal-fringe-andlayering combos at one end, and sweaty, Miley-esque mullets at the other. And after a year spent in the comfort of my own home, I’ve become particularly partial to letting my mane dry au naturel. But here’s the thing: I assumed this styling break would do my hair the world of good. I thought there’d be some sort of trichological pay-off for spending 2020 looking like an auburn Hagrid 95% of the time. But following my hair-tool abstinence, were my cuticles smoother? My strands stronger? My ends magically repaired? No. They categorically were not. So what gives, ﬁckle follicles? i

CUT BA

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HE AS

The more you expose your hair to water, the greater the risk it’ll lose amino acids. So, deployed in moderation, good-quality dry shampoo can lend a helping hand if you’re keen to extend the life of a blow-dry or wash your hair less often. For curls, we love Airfro 00.3 DFY Curl Refresh, £14.95, and for straight or wavy hair, try R+CO’s Spiritualized Dry Shampoo Mist, £26.

ay fro

o n’ t t r a n s f o r m i t ” ools w he t mt

“If your hair is alread

y d am

i pp

“We know that at a chemical level, your hair is weaker when it’s wet,” says Dyson’s senior design engineer Siona Tebbutt. “The hydrogen in water reacts with the hydrogen in the bonds between the proteins in your hair. So it makes the hair more malleable, stretchier, weaker.” Robert Weatherly, director of science and innovation at GHD, compares the delicacy of wet hair to “tissue paper”. And according to both, the longer your hair is wet, the longer it’s in a weakened state. Ergo, the faster you can dry your hair after washing, the better for its health. Both heat-tool experts I speak with hasten to add that when drying your hair, the type of heat you’re using is an important factor. “We know that temperatures above 150°C start to affect those bonds at a more permanent level in the hair,” Siona tells me. “So we need to make sure that our products are engineered so that they don’t exceed that temperature.” In other words, if you’re using a heat-safe hair tool, it’s likely not the heat itself harming your hair – just the way you’re using it.

,s te

Wetter means weaker

A tt itu de c hec k Hair educator Zoë Irwin is of the opinion that sticking to your hairdryer could actually help maintain the state of your hair, provided you’re using it in an “engaged” way – AKA not blasting the highest heat with one hand while absentmindedly scrolling on your phone with the other. “The quicker you take hair from hot to cold, the better the hair sets in place. So using the GHD Helios Hair Dryer, I can take even 4c hair from very kinked to smooth by switching between a medium and cool heat setting when blow-drying.” In other words, there are ways to speed up drying time without blasting your hair with high temperatures, and they may even make more trichological sense, sealing cuticles and keeping hairstyles in place longer, and meaning you might feel less of an urge to frequently wash and restyle.

Reli ev i ng the te nsio n So what about that TikTok bathrobe-belt moment we saw in 2020? Well, Irwin goes as far as to say that safely deploying warm and cool air to create and set a curl is 26 ·

C O S M O P O L I TA N

a better option than relying on tensionbased heat-free styles like bathrobe curls or overnight plaits. According to Oribe Haircare educator Adam Livermore, the same goes for tying hair back into buns, ponytails or other tight styles post-shower. “Remember, hair is more elastic when it’s wet, and naturally constricts a bit as it dries,” he warns. “So if you tie your hair in a super-tight ponytail or something while it’s wet, you’re likely to get some breakage or traction alopecia over time.” Does all that mean my evenings spent sleeping on wet hair or experimenting with heat-free curl styles have gone to waste? Possibly, yes. But that’s not the whole story. Air-drying enthusiast Heather Dapaah,

pro hairstylist and hair expert, isn’t necessarily anti-heat-styling – she believes it “has its place”. But if clients express an interest in air-drying, she’s eager to help them – aware that often, those embarking on an air-drying journey must harness the right products and techniques to do so in a way that creates real results for hair health.

What a bo ut heat-free brea ks? Most of us are non-committals at heart, preferring to hit the heat tools hard when needed, then take a break when we’re out and about less often, or on holiday

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in warm temperatures. So I begin to wonder if heat-styling breaks – perhaps for a week or a month at a time – might help my hair health. Both Livermore and Dapaah’s responses are encouraging, though Dapaah cautions me against expecting miracles. “If your hair is already heat-damaged, stepping away from the tools won’t transform it,” she warns. “Using the right shampoos, conditioners and hair masks can help improve this [just] as well as not using heat tools.” Irwin isn’t entirely convinced either, reminding me that with haircare, consistency is often key. “What interests me is the approach that people take when they have a styling break,” she tells me. “They tend to leave their hair longer without washing, and that’s not a great thing for your scalp… they don’t hydrate their hair, or strengthen their hair, or even use a styling product.” To Irwin, more effective than a styling break would be “spending a month actually treating your hair – going from a protein mask to a moisture mask and doing that twice a week, using products that are sealed into the hair using heat”. That, she assures me, will have a “far greater effect”.

PHOTOGRAPHS STOCKSY

So wh a t n ow ? After hours of conversations, the frustrating yet helpful conclusion I’ve come to is that, in short, it all comes down to personal preference, your ability to commit to certain products and techniques, and managing your expectations. However, heat tools are not the devil. In fact, to achieve the Miley mullet, it’s likely you’ll need to get a little heat involved. Just make sure you’re deploying it responsibly, using heat and UV protection products, and trying not to “pass” over the same strands of hair multiple times. Keen to get into air-drying? The main lessons are: a) Your hair won’t improve overnight, and if it’s already damaged, heat abstinence alone won’t ﬁx things – you need trims, masks and serious TLC. And b), if you’re going to do it, do it properly (see the tips on the right). But whatever you choose, one thing’s for sure – the odd blow-dry with a heat-safe dryer and adequate protection is not going to be the end of the world. Phew. V

Your heat-free hair toolbox Detangle first

Upgrade your rinse

Make a start on knots before your hair gets wet – that way, there’s less risk of damage when you’re detangling. Add an oil or serum, and don’t worry about going overboard – it’ll protect your hair from losing too many amino acids when you wash it. Try GHD Dramatic Ending Smooth & Finish Serum, £18.

If your hair is ﬁne, or if your strands aren’t super-thirsty, you might ﬁnd your rinse is the perfect time to add a nutritious boost. If you haven’t tried L’Oréal Paris’s much-hyped Dream Lengths Wonder Water, £9.99, now’s the perfect time.

Bulk up on protein

Deploy a mask

“If your curls lack deﬁnition, try a proteinrich conditioner,” says Dapaah. “A moisturising shampoo and conditioner during the washing process is key to soft and nourished hair that will look frizz-free and healthy once dry.” Try Pureology Hydrate Shampoo And Conditioner Duo, £45.55.

If your hair is curly, or is suffering from mechanical or chemical damage, bring in the big guns with a protein-rich mask like the Chris Appleton + Color Wow Money Masque, £38.50. This is also a great opportunity to do a second detangle with your hands or a wide-tooth comb.

Get some clarity

Dry off

Don’t underestimate the beneﬁts of a deep-cleanse. “If you’re seeing a lot of product build-up in your hair, use a clarifying shampoo,” says Dapaah. We’re obsessed with the Ouai Detox Shampoo, £24, which strengthens the hair post-cleanse with keratin.

Using a microﬁbre towel drastically reduces frizz and speeds up drying time. This is a particularly important piece of kit for curly hair, but straighter tresses can beneﬁt from it too. Aquis’s Waffle Luxe Hair Towel, £35, is a great option for all hair types.

Make serum a habit

Wrap it up

“Serum smooths the cuticle for a silky ﬁnish,” says Dapaah. “KeraCare Silken Seal Liquid Sheen, £12.25, is excellent for afro hair. It’s nongreasy, a really good detangler and makes drying coarser hair types an absolute breeze. And Kérastase Discipline Fluidissime Spray (left), £26, is my favourite for wavy hair.”

According to Dapaah, a silk turban will reduce friction on wet hair and helps prevent breakage. She recommends Olew’s Satin Sleep Bonnet, £10 – we also love Silke London’s Hair Wrap (left), £50, and Slip’s Leopard Turban, £70.

HEAT-SAFE TOOLS WE LOVE

L’O r é al Profe ss io nn e l S te amp o d 3. 0, £ 235

T 3 C u rl I D, £1 89

D y son C orr ale , £399. 99 GHD H el ios Profess io nal H air D ry er, £159

Sign atu re By Dion n e Smith Midi Strai gh tener & C u rl er, £8 0

C O S M O P O L I TA N

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My life in

beauty Camila Mendes on her Riverdale character’s nail polish and the school perfume she still wears Sunday Riley Auto Correct Brightening And Depuffing Eye Contour Cream, £60 I always wake up puffy on days after I shoot emotional scenes. As a depuffing cream, this is great.

Alumier MD Retinol Resurfacing Serum 0.25, £69.50 Retinol is a staple in my skincare routine. I use it every other night.

Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion, £19.50 Something that’s always been in my make-up bag since junior high. I can’t stand it when my shadow creases.

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Davines Invisible Serum, £17.50 You can often see my ﬂyaways if I’m backlit on set, so I use this to smooth them. My best-kept secret.

Olaplex No.6 Bond Smoother, £26 I’m quite low-maintenance with beauty – one squeeze of this tames my waves and really makes an impact.

OPI Nail Polish in Lincoln Park After Dark, £13.90 For Riverdale, I have to pick one single nail colour every year. First there was this, then Malaga Wine for season two.

Angela Caglia La Vie En Rose Face Roller, £45 I keep this in my fridge and grab it every morning on the way to making coffee.

AS TOLD TO KATE PASOLA. PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES

Marc Jacobs Daisy EDT, £60 [50ml] All the cool girls wore this. It’s still my signature. Maybe I should evolve, but I’ve apparently chosen not to.

,y o

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ANSWERS

START

How ambitious are you when it comes to removing body hair?

Usually just large areas, like my legs or arms.

Tbh, everywhere – I like to get my face, pits, legs, the works.

4 I’m… not? I’ll pluck a few rogue ones if and when I need to, and that’s kind of it.

I’ll do whatever it takes to get the job done.

2 Is your skin sensitive?

Nope. Honestly, it’s unusually resilient.

A thousand times yes. I’m prone to bumps, cuts and ingrown hairs.

3 Would you rather spend a long time removing hair for longer-lasting results, or spend less time but need to retouch often? I can get super-antsy, so I prefer something quick.

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C O S M O P O L I TA N

I’d rather go all in. I want to be hair-free for as long as humanly possible.

5 Let’s talk pain – how much can you handle?

As long as it works and gets rid of my body hair, I can handle it.

I’m actually kind of a wimp.

SUGARING 1

LASERING

TRIMMING

It’s pricey, but a good laser will help destroy hair follicles. Just be ready for some intense pinching and heat. Philips Lumea Prestige IPL Hair Removal Device, £439

WAXING

6 Would you spend more £££ if it meant your hair would grow back slower?

Not if it means cutting into my future car/house/ wine-fridge savings.

Deﬁnitely. My ambition knows no bounds.

Waxing won’t stop your hair from ever growing back, but it will keep your skin soft and smooth for up to six weeks – for a very affordable price. Rio Total Body Waxing Hair Removal Kit, £39.99*

Smooth the paste over your skin and quickly pull it off to remove hairs. Sugar Coated Full Body Hair Removal Kit, £12.99†

EPILATING

Epilators work by plucking out hairs at the roots, and are great for biggersurface areas. Braun Silk-épil 9 Flex, £279.99

SHAVING

For dolphin-smooth skin in 10 minutes, shaving is your go-to. Use a gentle razor. Estrid Starter Kit, £7.95*

A good method for managing bikiniline hair (if you want to), without pain or irritation. Look for a cordless trimmer that targets the speciﬁc area. Remington Cordless Bikini Trimmer, £21.99

TWEEZING

If you can’t really be bothered (and who can blame you), it’s best to stick to the basics: tweezers. A pair with slanted tips will help you grab stray hairs more easily than other kinds. Tweezerman Slant Tweezer, £21.95

WORDS RUBY BUDDEMEYER. *LOOKFANTASTIC.COM. † FEELUNIQUE.COM.

Which areas are your number-one priorities for hair removal?

The

Black girl’s guide to

SPF Words AMA KWARTENG

No matter your skin tone, you still need sun protection every single day

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It’s always gone without saying – at least, for me – that BLACK LIVES M AT T E R . It’s also clear that some folks need to be reminded of this, as they did when the world came together over a year ago to protest against police brutality and racism.

hile a story on SPF might seem minor in the fight for equality, it’s important to see self-care as a pretty revolutionary act of self-preservation that shouldn’t be taken lightly. I also know a lot of you are probably thinking, “Do Black people really need SPF?” Absolutely, 100% yes, we do. Let me break down exactly why that is. While it’s true that Black people are less likely to get diagnosed with skin cancer than other racial groups, when they are diagnosed, the outcome is often worse. According to The Skin Cancer Foundation, the five-year melanoma survival rate (AKA the likelihood that you’ll still be alive five years after diagnosis) is 67% for Black patients, versus 92% for white ones. There are a million frustrating factors behind this statistic, but there is one universal and relatively accessible thing that can help us: SPF. Ask any dermatologist (literally any in the entire world) and they’ll tell you that the best way to prevent skin cancer – no matter your skin colour – is by using sunscreen.

1 IN 3 BLACK WOMEN NEVER, EVER WEAR SPF

Except, according to a recent Cosmo poll,* one in three Black women never, ever wear SPF. So don’t feel ashamed if you don’t have any on – this is a widespread issue. And the idea that we don’t need it – that Black and brown skin is immune to the sun’s harmful rays – is a myth that’s been perpetuated for way too long. Not helping: sunscreen ads and skin-cancer warnings that don’t reﬂect, or aren’t directed to, people of colour, which further pushes the idea that we don’t need to worry. Also not helping: all the thick,

white lotions that don’t even come close to blending into our beautiful brown skin. Look, I know that it feels like the world is moving at a mile a minute, and it’s easy to get wrapped up in everything going on around us, but using daily SPF is a small (and pretty damn signiﬁcant) way to take care of yourself and show your skin some love. So keep reading to ﬁnd out why every Black-person SPF myth is BS, how to check your skin for moles and marks at home, and the best sunscreens for melanin-rich faces and bodies. i C O S M O P O L I TA N

( T H AT A R E A C T U A L LY F I C T I O N ) MYTH MELANIN OFFERS NATUR AL PROTECTION AGAINST UV R AYS

Nope. Melanin alone is deﬁnitely not enough to protect you, says dermatologist Dr Saya Obayan. Studies suggest that the darkest skin tones may have a built-in SPF of up to around 13, explains dermatologist Dr Shani Francis. But that’s not even close to the recommended daily SPF30 or higher. MYTH YOU DON’T NEED SUNSCREEN IF YOUR SKIN DOESN’T BURN

Just because you don’t turn red doesn’t mean that your skin isn’t being damaged. “UV rays can still mess with the genetic materials in your skin cells,” says Dr Obayan. If you get enough DNA damage, your cells can start to grow out of control, which can lead to cancer. MYTH “BLACK DON’T CRACK”

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but Black does crack – as in, it wrinkles – it just happens a little later than in other racial groups. If you want to invest in your future self’s skin (why wouldn’t you?), protecting yourself with daily SPF is the way to do it. “In time, UV damage breaks down collagen and elastin – the proteins that keep skin ﬁrm and smooth – leaving you with leathery-looking skin,” says Dr Obayan. And there’s also the hyperpigmentation thing. “Melasma, which causes large, shadowy skin patches, and post-inﬂammatory hyperpigmentation (the dark marks and scars that linger post-breakout) are both common in people with more melanin in their skin – and they’re exacerbated by UV exposure,” says dermatologist Michelle Henry.

Yo u r q u i c k , e a s y g u i d e t o a n

a t-h o m e ch eck-u p

Black people are less likely to get skin cancer – but diagnoses still happen, and by then, the disease is usually in an advanced stage, meaning it’s more deadly and harder to treat. In an ideal world, we’d all have regular skin checks from a doctor, but I get it. A global pandemic, fear and myths around access to dermatologists are among the reasons people don’t get checked out. Which is why you should at least know how to check yourself each month at home, according to dermatologist Dr Shani Francis.

“DON’T FORGET YO U R SCALP”

STEP THREE

Keep moving your body, making sure you check everything, from under your ﬁngernails to the soles of your feet. Sounds weird, but the proportion of skin cancers that occur in non-sun-exposed sites is actually greater in populations with darker skin, which is why you have to be thorough.

STEP ONE

Start by checking your face for anything new, changing or unusual (think: a wart or scab that won’t heal, a bump that’s grown in size, or moles that are darker than other moles you might have). Include your lips, mouth, nose and behind your ears. Use a full-length mirror and a hand mirror to get an extra clear look.

STEP FOUR

If you see anything on your skin getting darker, changing in size or shape, itching or bleeding, make an appointment to get it checked out by a pro ASAP. If booking an in-person appointment isn’t possible, schedule a virtual consultation.

STEP TWO

Don’t forget about your scalp. Grab a hairdryer to move your hair out of the way and thoroughly inspect each part. If you’re rocking a protective hairstyle – and depending on how long it is – this method won’t be as easy. Ask your hairstylist to give your scalp a good check before they start styling your hair.

THE SUN-CREAM CHECKLIST At least SPF 30 or higher. Anything less won’t give you adequate protection. Broad-spectrum coverage to protect your skin from both

UVA (ultraviolet ageing) and UVB (ultraviolet burning) rays (both can cause skin cancer). A non-comedogenic formula, meaning it

won’t clog your pores or cause acne. A “clear” or “sheer” label, which basically means it won’t leave your skin looking chalky or ashy.

ADDITIONAL REPORTING KEEKS REID. ILLUSTRATIONS JADE PURPLE BROWN. *COSMOPOLITAN US POLL. †FACETHEFUTURE.CO.UK. ‡CULTBEAUTY.CO.UK. **CANDOURBEAUTY.COM

3 SPF “FACTS”

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FIND YOUR PERFECT FORMULA:

sunscreen edition TRY

START

What’s your skin type?

Oily

Dry

Do you stare at a screen all day (as in, you live in front of inﬂammatory blue light)?

Do you have dark marks or hyperpigmentation?

Combo

Yes

Yes, for hours and hours and hours

No Ultrasun Face Anti-Aging & Anti-Pigmentation SPF50+, £32

Thankfully no

TRY

Are you prone to breakouts? Yes

No Supergoop! Unseen Sunscreen SPF30, £30‡

TRY

Would you rather tap on a powder or spritz on a spray? Powder

Spray

Glossier Invisible Shield SPF30, £20

TRY

Black Girl Sunscreen SPF30, £23**

TRY

Garnier Ambre Solaire Over Makeup Super UV SPF50, £6.50

Colorescience Sunforgettable Total Protection Brush-On Shield SPF50, £39.99†

Is your skin sensitive?

TRY

Do you want a mineral sunscreen? Yes No

La Roche-Posay Anthelios Invisible Fluid SPF30, £17.50

Yes (as long as it doesn’t leave me ashy)

No Fenty Skin Hydra Vizor Invisible Moisturizer SPF30, £32

Paula’s Choice Extra Care NonGreasy Sunscreen SPF50, £21 V

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A lazy person’s guide to:

Foolproof DIY nail art Step one? Get on the nail sticker trend

REAL DEAL

SMOOTH IT OUT

Stickers made from actual nail polish or a pre-cured gel look more natural, lie ﬂatter and last longer than plastic or ﬁlm stickers.

Even out your look by ﬁling away any excess overhang using a medium-grit nail ﬁle.

OIL IS

MAKE ’EM SHINE

THE ENEMY

Add a layer of clear polish. Your stickers will stay in place way longer, and you’ll get a glossier ﬁnish.

Applying straight to the nail? Clean the nail bed ﬁrst with alcohol-based nail-polish remover. According to Zuzana Benkovska at Rawr beauty salon, tweezers are also a must when applying, because the oil in your ﬁngertips breaks down stickiness. Bonus points if you abstain from hand cream for a while.

TIP: If you’re applying stickers over polish, let it dry fully beforehand. Otherwise, the stickers won’t bond properly.

WORDS AMA KWARTENG AND KATE PASOLA. PHOTOGRAPH AARON DURALL

3 FIT CHECK

Prep your cuticles to widen your nail canvas, and ensure your chosen wraps are the right ﬁt for your nail. Once they’re on, let them bend to your nail’s natural curve. To push in place without leaving ﬁngerprints, rub a sandwich bag over them (trust us on that one).

NAIL ART TOOLKIT •Ciaté The Cheat Sheets Garden Party, £16 •Mallows Beauty Fruity Nail Stickers, £8 at ASOS •Maniko SelfAdhesive Nail Polish Strips, from £14 •Tweezerman Midnight Strike Slant Tweezer, £23 •Sally Hansen Miracle Gel 2.0 Top Coat, £9.99 •Kure Bazaar Tassel Nail File, £6

C O S M O P O L I TA N

move

WORDS JENNIFER SAVIN. PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES. *PUBLISHED BY THE JOURNAL OF THE AMERICAN MEDICAL ASSOCIATION

STRETCH YOUR BODY AND YOUR MIND

The biological clock myth When it comes to fertility, there’s a whole lot of fearmongering that goes on. Ever heard that by the age of 35, a woman’s chances of conceiving plummet so rapidly it’s basically game over? Well, a new study* has disproved that scary-sounding myth. Researchers found that the number of reproductive years women have has increased from 35 to 37.1, and the age at which they’re entering menopause is increasing too – meaning we have more “fertile” years than ﬁrst thought. Quality of eggs is a different ball game, but still – if you do want children, you can silence that deafening tick for a little longer.

C O S M O P O L I TA N

move

body... long COVID

with

Claire Twomey, from County Meath, Ireland, caught COVID-19 in 2020 and is still experiencing symptoms as a long-term illness

s a professional coach, trained yoga teacher and sea swimmer, I initially wasn’t too worried when I tested positive for COVID-19 back in March last year. I didn’t think I was vulnerable, and apart from some sportsinduced asthma, I didn’t have any underlying health conditions. I knew a lot of people who’d contracted it and bounced straight back. I was sure I’d be ﬁne. The illness itself was challenging for about ﬁve days – I had a high

3 THINGS T H AT H E L P

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C O S M O P O L I TA N

fever, a cough and shortness of breath, even when I was sitting down. It was a few weeks later, though, that I started noticing my recovery journey was looking different to those of other people I knew. Almost two months after ﬁrst contracting COVID, I made an attempt to return to work, but after just two days, I was incredibly ill. I started experiencing migraines, which I’d never had before. I found it difficult to concentrate for longer than two hours without

MINDFULNESS Practices like earthing (walking barefoot in the grass) really helped me to stay grounded, while breathwork and meditation helped me to keep a positive mindset.

needing to sleep. I had no choice but to take some more time off, and I spent the next month in bed trying to recover. After many attempts to try and return to my jogging and yoga practice, I experienced several relapses. I was severely fatigued all the time, lost my appetite, experienced gastro issues and developed a rash, and my fever returned. I tried again to

return to work after a few months, but I realised I couldn’t work the same way I used to. I was then referred for tests and further treatment. Even hoovering my room can mean that I have to lie down for a few hours.

LISTENING TO MY BODY My body was talking to me, telling me it hadn’t recovered. Not pushing myself to do things I thought I “should” be able to do and resting when I needed to was really helpful.

KNOWING MY TRUTH Plenty of people asked why I wasn’t back at work, and why I was still sick. Even medical professionals gaslighted me. But I insisted that something else was going on.

AS TOLD TO CHARLOTTE MOORE

Life in

When I realised I wasn’t recovering, there wasn’t much information out there on people like me who had COVID symptoms long after the initial illness period. I began searching the internet for any information about what we now know is long COVID. When I found a UK support group, it inspired me to start one here in Ireland, and as 30 people joined, I ﬁnally felt this sense of relief – just knowing I wasn’t alone. Now, the group has 2,100 members. As I am doing some limited work with private clients, a normal day for me looks like waking up early – it could take me up to an hour to get out of bed. I do some meditation before breakfast. After everything I do, I need to rest for an hour or so, otherwise I’ll crash. While I’ve been lucky enough to have access to a post-COVID clinic, not everyone is. Thankfully, we are learning more about long COVID every day, so I just have to hope that at some point, I’ll be back to my old self. It was hard not to worry when nobody had the answers and there was no end in sight, but I’m focusing on the things I can do and I’m hopeful for the future.

move

PSA:

This is why you might feel more anxious in the

summer Just because it’s sunny

S a m e, tbh

doesn’t mean you’ll feel positive on the inside…

WORDS CATRIONA HARVEY- JENNER. PHOTOGRAPH STOCKSY. *ACCORDING TO WEBMD

ummer: ’tis the season of park picnics, long evenings and buoyant moods… or so you may be led to believe. But if you feel less than radiant in the warmer months (and no, not just because of the pandemic), you’re not alone. Seasonal affective disorder (SAD), the mental health condition that negatively impacts people during the darker, colder months, can work both ways. Around 10%* of those with SAD ﬁnd themselves struggling in summer too. Even if you don’t think SAD is the issue, there are plenty of other reasons to feel anxious and low at this time of year. Here’s why… FEELING THE FOMO

Anxiety can arise from the fear of missing out. “As the temperature rises, so does the number of sun-drenched images on our feeds,” points out Katie Brown, head of psychological content at Psychological Technologies. This was true even last summer, after the ﬁrst COVID-19 lockdown had eased. “Social media is a hotbed for comparing the messy realities of our own

lives to the highlights of other people’s.” Cue feelings of inadequacy and anxiety. How to manage it: “Focus on what you’re grateful for in your own life, ask yourself what you really want and what matters to you, and remind yourself it’s not a competition,” advises Brown. SOCIAL STRUGGLES

Whether it’s a picnic in the park, a day on the beach or a rosé-fuelled pub garden session, the invites come in thick and fast at this time of year. But what if, for you, this spells fear? “Summer is usually a time of more social engagements, and if you have social anxiety and constantly feel uncomfortable around others, this can be a nightmare,” says Chloe Brotheridge, a hypnotherapist and founder of the app The Anxiety Solution – Daily Calm. As pandemic restrictions ease and invites to social events return, you might feel this even more acutely. “We’re also more likely to be around alcohol in the summer months, and anyone who’s ever experienced ‘beer fear’

after a big weekend will know that it can be difficult to shake off,” Brotheridge adds. How to manage it: “When it comes to social events, instead of imagining what could go wrong, start to imagine what could go right,” says Brotheridge. “Create a positive image in your mind of yourself feeling calm and conﬁdent at a party, and try to manifest those feelings into reality.” SUMMERTIME SADNESS

Summer’s longer days could also be contributing to how you feel. Isabel Leming, senior technician at mental health clinic Smart TMS, says the onset of SAD symptoms may be a result of our body clocks being thrown off-kilter. The increase in heat and humidity may leave us dehydrated, and not getting enough water can lead to the body feeling stressed. How to manage it: “Block out as much sunlight as you can when you’re trying to sleep,” recommends Leming. “Exercise also helps relieve stress and anxiety, both of which can increase SAD symptoms.” C O S M O P O L I TA N

move

Try before you train...

Ve r y m u c h o u r, e r, b a g

backpacks From gym trips to long country hikes, team Cosmo test out the best bags to accompany you on all your adventures Comfy carrier

Fjällräven Tree-Kånken, £120 This new Tree-Kånken model is made from 100% plant-based fabric. I used it as a gym bag – there are straps at the bottom for attaching a jacket or yoga mat, loops on the front for a bike light and a reﬂective logo. It’s got a large main compartment, front section and side water-bottle pocket, but I’d have liked a few smaller pockets as well. C l a i r e, E d i t o r- i n - C h i e f

Eastpak Padded Pak’r, £45 Where was this backpack when I was a student? Not only does it feel like it’ll last for years, the price is great, too. Its padded shoulder straps meant I could stay surprisingly comfortable carrying a lot of camera gear. I do wish that it had an additional compartment inside to keep things a bit more organised, though. Ty r a , J u n i o r V i d e o E d i t o r/ P r o d u c e r

Rains Rolltop Rucksack, £89 Not only does it keep your belongings bone-dry – perfect for unpredictable weather – this bag also looks undeniably chic. It has an extra cross-body strap to help evenly distribute the load, plus a secret compartment at the back designed for storing your valuables. While the top clip is a little ﬁddly to open on the go, it does add extra security. Natasha, Fashion Editor

The North Face Borealis Backpack, £90 I could pretty much fit my entire self into this bag. It has two large, deep compartments, a fleece-lined sunglasses pocket, a removable waist belt, reflective details for safety, a quick-draw smartphone access pocket and external bottle holders. Plus, it comes in four different shades, including this lush “Green Mist”. J e s s i c a , A r t E d i t o r

Patagonia Arbor Roll Top Pack 30L, £110 The Arbor’s vast main compartment rolls over and fastens with a clip – more streetwear than youth hostel. It’s got padded straps, zipped pockets for small items and loops to clip extras onto. I hate it when backpacks don’t have a side pocket for a water bottle, but this had two – so one extra for a small baguette. Or just me? Hannah, Chief Sub- Editor

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C O S M O P O L I TA N

Millican The Core Roll Pack 20L, £80 I love this bag so much I have it in two colours – the sky blue is perfect for summer. It’s spacious, with a large main compartment, an inner laptop sleeve and lots of hidden pockets. I can confirm it’s faced both grubby pub floors and long hikes, and comes away from both unscathed. Oh, and it’s made from 100% recycled materials, too. Sophie L , Bookings Editor

Sandqvist Forest Hike, £179 This number has all of Sandqvist’s minimalist style creds, handy sleeve pockets and – most importantly for us serial over-packers – loads of space. As someone who likes to take a three-course meal, water, blister plasters and a change of top on most of my hikes, having this much room, as well as padded straps to stop chaﬁng, is the dream. A m y, E x e c u t i v e E d i t o r

Vans Karina Corduroy Backpack, £37 This is the perfect everyday backpack – it’s got a laptop sleeve inside and an organiser pocket at the front (you’ll never lose your lip balm again). It ﬁts all my essentials, and I love the gorgeous rust shade. A word of warning, though: the soft cord material might not hold up well in the rain. R e b e c c a , Deput y Chief Sub- Editor

COMPILED BY SOPHIE LEEN. PHOTOGRAPH MILLICAN

Cool cord

move

So you want to…

do a 20-minute workout? Exercise needn’t take ages, says Ryan Baronet, head of strength at Psycle London Can you really work out in 20 minutes?

In short, yes.“If you’re time-poor, incorporating big, compound exercises alongside short bursts of HIIT training with minimal rest will spike your heart rate and work multiple muscle groups, so your whole body gets a workout.” Think burpees, jump squats, kettlebell swings, sprints and push-ups. If I’m exercising for 20 minutes, how often should I do it? “Depending on

your ﬁtness experience, I would advise doing between three and ﬁve workouts per week,” says Baronet. What should I eat before and after a short but intense exercise session? “Beforehand, I’d advise

MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS AND PUSH-UPS Start in a push-up position. Keep your core braced, bring one knee towards your chest and return it to the starting position. Alternate legs for 8 reps, do 4 push-ups, and repeat until end of round.

BURPEES Start in the position you did for the squat and lower into a half squat – place both hands on the ﬂoor under your shoulders. Jump back into a high plank, then jump forward so your feet land under your shoulders. Stand up straight and repeat.

eating a form of fast-acting carbohydrate one to three hours prior to training – think bananas, dates or mango,” says Baronet. “Post-workout, opt for carbs and a protein shake.” Ready to go? Do three rounds of

COMPILED BY CYAN TURAN. PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES

each of the exercises on this page, aiming to do each move as many times as possible in the allocated time period. Round one: 40 seconds on, 20 seconds off. Round two: 30 seconds on, 15 seconds off. Round three: 20 seconds on, 10 seconds off. Rest between sets for 45 seconds to one minute.

JUMP SQUATS Start with your feet shoulder-width apart, hands by your sides. Bend your knees and squat, getting your hips and knees parallel, and raise your arms to shoulder height. Jump and pull your arms back to the starting position.

PLANK GET-UPS Start in a push-up position with the hands directly under the shoulders and the legs stretched out behind, hip-distance apart. Lower down to the elbows, one elbow at a time. Press your hands into the ﬂoor one at a time to return to the push-up.

BUTTERFLY SIT-UPS Lie on the ground and bring the soles of your feet together, letting your knees fall out to the sides. Extend your arms overhead, tap the ﬂoor, then roll up. Reach your hands toward your feet. Gently lie back down and repeat.

AB BICYCLE Lie ﬂat on the ﬂoor and engage your core. Lift your head and shoulder blades off the ground and support your head. Lift your legs just off the ground and bring your right elbow to your left knee in a “crunch” motion. Repeat on both sides.

JUMP LUNGES Stand with one foot in front of the other. Lower yourself into a lunge, then jump up so both feet leave the ﬂoor. Switch leg positions in the air, landing with one foot forward. Lower back into a lunge. Repeat with alternate legs.

KICKTHROUGHS Start on all fours, knees lifted. Lift your left arm, rotate your body to the left and kick your right leg through, pulling your left elbow down to your left hip. Bring your hand and foot back to the starting position. Repeat on the other side.

C O S M O P O L I TA N

Cosmopolitan promotion for Philips

Converse All Star high-tops, £57 I’m a ﬁrm believer in only wearing what makes you happy. These are so comfortable and go with everything.

Gymshark sports bra, £30 Fitness has played a huge role in my body-conﬁdence journey. I take pride in feeling strong.

My confidence-boosting

essentials

Fitness coach Sophie Butler on the everyday items that help her feel invincible, from comfy trainers to megawatt make-up

Fenty Beauty Gloss Bomb Universal Lip Luminizer, £17 This lipgloss from Rihanna’s range makes me feel like a 10 out of 10. I have one in every handbag.

44 ·

C O S M O P O L I TA N

Philips Lumea IPL device, £449 I used to feel like I always had to be hair-free. Now, I only de-fuzz for me. The Lumea keeps my underarms smoother for longer.

Revolution Skincare SPF30 Protecting Boost, £10 I’m acne-prone, so using products I trust, like this oil-control SPF, is key to boosting my skin conﬁdence.

ike the rest of us, Sophie Butler finds her confidence levels ebb and flow. “I’ve grown in self-assurance this year, but I still have bad days,” she says. “I’m often the only disabled woman in the room, which can make me feel inadequate.” Her coping mechanism? A whole lot of self-love. “If I’m hung up on an insecurity, I’ll tell myself, ‘Your worth is not rooted in your appearance.’ Instead, I try to appreciate my body for what it can do, not how it looks.” Do body hair your way with the Philips Lumea, available at Philips.co.uk/lumea

EDITED BY ROBYN MUNSON. MAIN PHOTOGRAPH RACHELL SMITH. STILL-LIFE PHOTOGRAPHS LUCKY IF SHARP

Sitting Pretty by Rebekah Taussig, £11.99 This was the ﬁrst book I read by a disabled author. It felt like someone saying, “You’re not alone in this.”

Pr e p s c h o o l What do you get when you cross The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air with Princess Diana? Meet Rowing Blazers, the celeb-favourite New York brand that’s been redeﬁning preppy since 2017. Yes, that is Lady Di’s famous “I’m A Luxury” jumper – Rowing Blazers has teamed up with its original designers Gyles & George to reissue it. The brand is also re-releasing Diana’s iconic red sheep jumper, news of which prompted a chorus of gasps at the Cosmo fashion desk. Mix it all up with neon caps, Sperry sailing shoes and ’90s gold jewellery.

WORDS MADDY ALFORD. PHOTOGRAPH SAM DAMESHEK, C/O ROWING BLAZERS. MODEL CARIS SHELTON

Shop the latest at Rowingblazers.com. Prices r a n g e f r o m £ 3 5 t o £ 495 .

C O S M O P O L I TA N

Yo u r A / W 2 1

REPORT We’re well into our first year of the new roaring ’20s – and the post-lockdown wardrobe party isn’t stopping Football j e r s e y, £ 24, Urban Renewal at Urban Outfitters

D r e s s , £ 2 9.9 9, Reser ved

Tr o u s e r s , £ 49.9 9, Mango

CARROLE S AGBA

M A E TA N

B a g, £ 3 9, Urban Outfitters

Tr a i n e r s , £13 0, N e w Balance

style N E W YO R K STREET ST YLE

T- s h i r t, £ 2 9, U r b a n Outfitters

Earrings, £ 5 0, M a t h e

B r a c e l e t, £ 42, H o l a Amor at July Child Leather j a c k e t, £145, French Connection

B a g, £ 69, A rket

Dress, rent f r o m £7, B.Fleurs at By Rotation

As a winter spent in dressing gowns looms large in our memory, it’s time to embrace wardrobe joy. Wear one juicy colour head-to-toe, or just add a pop to ease yourself in gently

R i n g, £ 2 5, July Child

J u m p e r, r e n t f r o m £ 6; t r o u s e r s , rent from £6, P a l o m a Wo o l a t By Rotation

Boots, £ 3 5, S c h u h

H a t, £ 2 5, Baileys B espoke Store at Etsy S o c k s , £ 2 9, Kur t Geiger

C O S M O P O L I TA N

B l o u s e, £ 45, R i v e r Island

S h o e s , £149.9 9, To g a A r c h i v e s x H& M Collec tion

N e c k l a c e, £12 5, Pandora T- s h i r t, £ 27, U r b a n O u t f i t t e r s

Whether you prefer the classic jeansand-a-nice-top combo or a denim jacket thrown over a dress, there’s no denying this is the hardestworking material in our wardrobes right now Earrings, £76, July Child

H a i r c l i p, £ 2 2, Anisa S ojka at Khoeo

S k i r t, £75, L e v i’s

J e a n s , £75, Boden J a c k e t, £ 2 0, George at Asda

BRIANNA BECK WITH

R i n g, £ 45 .95, Seol + Gold

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PA R I S FA S H I O N W E E K

B o o t s , £ 9 9, Of fice

style B a g, a r o u n d £ 4 3, J W P E I

E a r r i n g s , £ 6 0, Scream Pret t y

K n i t t e d v e s t, £ 2 0, M o n k i

N E W YO R K S T R E E T S T Y L E

Dress, £ 5 0, River Island

Knit ted v e s t, £ 6 0, L e v i’s H a t, £ 26 , Urban Outfitters

S c a r f, £ 59, Kur t Geiger

Granddad vests. Kitschy jumpers. Bucket hats. Have fun with your knits this year – as Cady Heron would say, “The limit does not exist” A fashion i c o n, t b h

C a r d i g a n, £ 95, F r e n c h Connection

N e c k l a c e, £15, M a r k s & Spencer

L e g g i n g s , £79.9 9, To g a A r c h i v e s x H&M

Tr o u s e r s , £ 4 0, N a s t y Gal

To p, £ 3 8 , River Island

To p, £ 45, Nast y Gal

C O U RT N EY Q U

S hoes, £ 3 4 .9 9, Ego

IN N

R i n g, £110, July Child

Now that we’re allowed out-out, we’re raising a glass to sequins, shine and look-at-me minidresses (and not going home until the lights come on) Tr o u s e r s , £ 45, N a s t y G a l

BELL A HADID

D r e s s , £ 2 2, ASOS

Earrings, £ 3 4 .9 9, To g a Archives x H&M

PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES, INSTAGRAM @WATCHINGNEWYORK

B r a l e t, £7. 5 0, George at Asda

B a g, £75, Roop

style Earrings, £ 69, Ania Haie

C o a t, £169, Whistles

J a c k e t, £ 3 9.9 9, TK Maxx

Sunglasses, £ 27, & Other Stories

J a c k e t, £18 8 , F r e e People

D A FA T R A O R É

Good news: cosy puffer jackets are still very much a thing this season. Bright colours and XXL silhouettes make the perfect comfort blankets for unpredictable British weather

B o o t s , £ 95, O f f i c e

C o a t, £79.9 9, Mango

TA M A R A K

S c r u n c h i e, £18 , Jessica Russel Flint at Khoeo

A LI N IC

C o a t, £ 269, G e o x

C o a t, £ 59.9 0, Uniqlo C O S M O P O L I TA N

style

break out? A dermatologist explains the science to help you deal with this summer wardrobe dilemma

t hurts, but it’s true: “Acne mechanica” – or irritation and blemishes caused by the friction of your favourite outﬁt against your skin – can happen to anyone, says Dr Michelle Henry, a dermatologist at Laser & Skin Surgery Center of New York. And yes, that’s regardless of skin type (though if yours is on the oily side, you might be at higher risk). But it’s all going to be OK. Here’s everything you need to know… IM-PORE-TANT INFORMATION Each one of the pores all over your body

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C O S M O P O L I TA N

releases sebum, an oily substance that keeps you nice and moisturised. But when that sebum gets trapped – along with any dirt and sweat hanging around – by a layer of clothing, it can cause your pores to freak out. Ever get a cluster of breakouts that seems to outline exactly where your waistband was? Sebum is the culprit.

YOUR BACK AND CHEST ARE USUALLY FIRST TO BREAK OUT “We have a higher concentration of oil glands there relative to other areas,” says Dr Henry. This type of breakout has been known to hit the legs and bum hard too. (Quick pause for a “you’re not alone” note: a whopping 98% of our readers have had to deal wih the delight that is bum acne in the past. Fun!)

LOOSE, BREEZY SILHOUETTES ARE YOUR FRIEND Tight-ﬁtting clothes that rub against your skin are a large contributing factor, so try laying off the leggings for a bit (we know, sorry). Instead, opt for roomier

MATERIALS MATTER TOO Clothes with synthetic fabrics like polyester, acrylic and nylon are more likely to cause spots because they tend to really trap in all that oil and grime (lovely). This is true even of moisturewicking materials that draw sweat away from the skin – their tightness still makes it harder for your pores to breathe. Better, more breathable alternatives include cotton, Iinen and silk. GENTLE EXFOLIATION IS THE KEY Can’t stop wearing your trusty yoga pants? We get it. Just make sure you’re washing and exfoliating your skin (Dr Henry recommends an exfoliating body sponge or a benzoyl peroxide wash) to remove any excess oil and debris – especially right after you exercise, so you’re not sitting there in your own sweat for hours. Tempting, we know. But resist, and you’ll soon be reaping the bump-free rewards.

“Opt for roomier tops and trousers”

WORDS LAUREN ADHAV. PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES

Are your clothes making you

pieces like wide-leg trousers and boxy tops to cut down on agitation and give your skin a break.

style

ONE WOMAN’S DESPERATE PLEA TO SPORTSBRA AND SWIMSUIT

remaining counterpart is all, “I dunno, don’t look at me.” I’ll admit that if they were sewn into place, these things may actually serve their purpose a little more. But emphasis on the “may”, because I think we all know they’d still mutate or shrink or otherwise make even the most symmetrical pair of boobs look wonky as hell. So maybe don’t put pads in and see what happens? If anyone misses them after they’re gone, I’ve got a whole pile going spare.

DESIGNERS TO

please stop using removable pads

PHOTOGRAPH AARON DURALL

RA ds

C H E L TO R G

I think we can stop playing this game we play. The one where you jam squishy, triangle-shaped pads into all my bikinis and workout tops and I take them out immediately after I’ve purchased them. It was fun at first, honestly, but now I have a mountain of floppy beige things in the top of my chest of drawers that serve literally no purpose. Before you ask, yes, I’m too lazy to find out how to dispose of them correctly. And no, I am not interested in repurposing them as stuffing to maintain the

We hate them.

shape of my tall boots. (Let's be real – it would be too gross to see them aII spiII out whenever I got dressed.) Also, guess what? Every person with boobs agrees with me (submitting here for evidence every single conversation I’ve had with anyone on this topic – and I start most of my conversations with this topic). Although we concede that your intentions were good – it was a nice thought to add a little extra shape, volume and nip coverage – these pads have never really worked. Most are

too thin to add any oomph, or to prevent showcasing how cold seawater – or the air conditioning at the gym – really is. Instead, they introduce questionable geometric elements to already tricky outﬁts and, most disturbingly, seem to have minds of their own. You just never know what they’ll get up to.

To wit: I have seen not one removable pad stay where it’s meant to be. After one trip through the wash, they’re bunched in a random corner or folded in half, or else they’ve escaped completely, never to be seen again. Or just one of them has, and its

D r a m a t i c? U s? N e v e r…

C O S M O P O L I TA N

Is “deshopping”

killing the

Wo r d

s NA TA S H

A HA RD

ING

We’ve all thought about it, but for a select few, buying something, keeping the tags and returning it after it’s been worn is a full-time job. It also happens to be fraud. Here’s everything you need to know about this practice ›

style

C O S M O P O L I TA N

Jemima* looked in the mirror one last time. “Almost ready,” she thought, as she tucked the bulky cardboard tag back into her bleached white jeans. The morning sun streamed through the bedroom window onto Jemima’s slight frame. A black crop top skimmed her stomach. “There’s something missing…”

E r, i t ’s j u s t essentials, honest

questionable at best, but did you know that it’s also illegal? Deﬁned as “the deliberate return of goods for reasons other than actual faults in the product”, deshopping is, in its purest form, “buying something with no intention of keeping it”.** This is different to changing your mind about a dress when you

get home from the shops – it’s planning to return the dress before you have even bought it. The behaviour is premeditated and equates to gaining “pecuniary advantage by deception”, an offence under The Theft Act 1968 (c.60). The thing is, proving that someone is planning to return an item before

they’ve paid for it is, as you can imagine, quite tricky – so it’s a bit of a legal catch-22. “They think it’s just a little bit naughty, these people wouldn’t shoplift,” explains Dr Tamira King, co-author of the article “When the customer isn’t right”, published online for Harvard Business Review. For a small

PHOTOGRAPHS ALAMY, STOCKSY. *NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED. † ACCORDING TO A CIFAS REPORT. ‡ACCORDING TO AN APPRISS RETAIL REPORT.

she mumbled, as she quickly scanned her room for inspiration. Then, her eyes fell on an unworn black bucket hat, the same colour as her hair, perched atop a pile of folded clothes. She reached for it, plonked it on her head with one hand while she grabbed her tripod with the other, and dashed out of the door for a day of shooting. She would return the whole outﬁt the following morning, just like her spreadsheet said. It’s a well-rehearsed routine for the 29-year-old Londoner, who has turned the process of buying, wearing and returning clothing into something of a science. And she’s not alone. Deshopping, serial returning, wardrobing – whatever you call it, shoppers have been returning worn clothes for years. Chances are, you’ve either done it yourself or you know someone who has. Research indicates that one in every 20 adults in the UK has engaged in deshopping.† In the US, it’s estimated that return fraud costs retailers a whopping $27 billion (£19.6 billion) annually‡ – a number only expected to rise with the uptake of online shopping. According to Royal Mail, 75% of customers purchasing women’s clothing online returned an item within the last three months. So we know that serial returning is widespread and, well,

style

This process is called “mood repair” – a pick-me-up strategy to make the individual feel better about the situation. But for the majority of wardrobers, returning clothes is less about “winning” and more a case of “trying their luck”. “I remember feeling this sense of shame,” admits Jemima, bemused. “I’m quite an open person, but it’s not something that I would go blabbing about to most people.” Building her Instagram proﬁle on the side of a full-time job, Jemima’s once-minimalist ﬂat now resembles the stock room of a high-street clothes shop, with plastic packaging and return slips sitting in roughly organised piles pushed up against the walls. “When I’m shopping, I’m like, ‘OK, I need this. I need to wear something like that. Let me just get this quickly.’

discourage shoppers from exploiting their free returns policy. Missguided now attaches tags to the front of its garments instead of the side, which, once removed, mean the item cannot be returned unless faulty. Meanwhile, Marks & Spencer has set up an independent department specially trained in identifying return fraud. The problem is that making returns policies stricter and pricier also runs the risk of turning away genuine customers. Contrary to what you might think, Jemima doesn’t wear the clothes for nights out with her friends, which, she says,

“It just doesn’t make sense to keep things that I know **FROM “DESHOPPING: THE ART OF ILLICIT CONSUMPTION”, PUBLISHED IN THE INTERNATIONAL JOURNAL OF RETAIL & DISTRIBUTION MANAGEMENT, 1999

I’m not going to wear again” number of deshoppers, there’s an addictive side to returning used goods, similar to gambling. “Someone will say to me, ‘When you’re handing out your money, you’re losing, when you’re returning, you’re winning,’” explains Dr King.

And if all goes well, I’m going to return it,” explains Jemima. “I’m at the Post Office every week returning things.” Retailers are starting to crack down on customers cheating the system. In 2019, ASOS started blacklisting “serial returners” to

would be “really rude” and “unfair”. Instead, she deshops because she feels she needs to. As a content creator and aspiring model, she says there’s a constant pressure to look good online. “People share things on social media every

day and nobody wants to see the same outﬁt ﬁve times. So it’s this sense of, ‘What’s a new look? What’s a different look?’” Notably, since what we wear sends a message to those around us, Dr King says that deshoppers are effectively “getting all the symbolic value out of items without actually paying for them”. But it’s not long before this near-insatiable desire for newness becomes unsustainable. “As much as it is, for the most part, cheap clothing, it does add up. And the only thing that makes me feel better is knowing that I’m planning on getting that money back,” says Jemima. She admits she would still deshop even if she won the lottery. “It just doesn’t make sense to keep things that I know I’m not going to wear again.” Deshopping, though, is bigger than people like Jemima returning worn jeans or brands tightening their policies – it’s symptomatic of a fashion industry that has run away with itself. The life cycle of trends is now mere weeks, and retailers, consumers and the planet are all struggling to keep up. The system is broken, and deshopping is just one of the results. Perhaps only once we stop thinking of fashion as “fast” – and, ultimately, “disposable” – will deshopping truly become a thing of the past. V

Eco-friendly ways to make your wardrobe feel “new” again 1 Shop pre-loved Whether it’s Depop or your local charity shop, secondhand fashion is a guilt-free way to update your look. 2 Organise a mini clothes swap Get a group of friends together and trade items you no longer wear for something that feels brand new to you. 3 Upcycle what you have Reinvent your existing pieces by getting creative – think tie-dyeing or sewing on patches. 4 Try renting Fashion rental services are cropping up across the UK, so why not give one a spin for the next event in your diary?

C O S M O P O L I TA N

THE MAGIC OF THE CELEBRITY

outfit

(So you can officially feel better about wearing the same dress in your last two Insta posts…)

repeat With stylists and designers on speed dial, A-listers seem to have an endless supply of new clothes. But occasionally they love their outfits so much they deem them

worthy of another outing. To celebrate Secondhand September, here are some iconic reworn looks.

Meghan Markle Royals are major fashion savants, with Meghan donning this blush Nonie trench around London in 2018, and again for the royal tour of South Africa in 2019.

Kate Middleton Kate loves reworking her best looks – this Catherine Walker coat dress from Christmas 2018 made another appearance at the Commonwealth Day service in 2020.

Selena Gomez A woman after our own hearts, Selena reinvented this powderblue Rouje dress while running errands around NYC in 2017.

style

Jennifer Lopez

The dress that broke the internet

J.Lo reworked her Versace jungle dress from the 2000 Grammys to walk the designer’s runway at Milan Fashion Week in 2019.

Hailey Bieber

WORDS NATASHA HARDING. PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES

Making the case for rocking loungewear around Paris in 2017, Hailey wore this chocolate set two different – yet equally chic – ways.

Kirsten Dunst Like a total style pro, Kirsten stepped out repping her 2004 lace Oscars gown 13 years later at Paris’s Théâtre du Châtelet.

earn

WORDS MEGAN SUTTON. PHOTOGRAPH ADAM VOORHES/GALLERY STOCK

WORK SMARTER, NOT HARDER

Do you need a savings partner? A problem shared is a problem halved, so if you’re struggling with saving, the solution could be to link up with someone like-minded. “It might be a family member, a friend or someone with a similar goal to you,” says Kia Commodore, a personal ﬁnance guru and founder of ﬁnancial literacy platform Pennies To Pounds. “You can check in, ask questions and keep each other accountable.” Boosting our savings just by having a chat? We’re sold.

C O S M O P O L I TA N

As offices reopen, we show you how to maximise the pros and mitigate the cons

›

Wo r d s M E G A N S U T TO N

C O S M O P O L I TA N

or lots of office workers, 2020 was the year “WFH” ousted “BYOB” from the most-used-abbreviation top spot, but after months of taking meetings from the kitchen table, many are now facing another seismic shift as their offices reopen. While it’s welcome in some ways (hello, indulgent Pret lunches), it can also be a daunting prospect, with a lot of pressure to embrace the “new normal” seamlessly. So what can you do to make the transition work for you? We’re here to help – yes, we’ll even show you how to tell your boss in person that you can’t take on that extra project…

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Make the most of… FACE TIME WITH YOUR BOSS

Make the most of… COLLEAGUE COMMUNITY

For people who haven’t seen their boss IRL for ages, this is a chance to remind them what you bring to work. It’s important to be strategic, says Harriet Minter, career coach and author of WFH (Working From Home): How To Build A Career You Love When You’re Not In The Office. “If you’re in a hybrid workspace [a mix of office working and working from home] where not everyone’s going to be in the office at the same time, try to do at least half a day [each week] with your boss,” she suggests. “Organise a catch-up over coffee, or suggest lunch if you’ve got a good relationship.” Use the time to show off your ideas – you might want to pitch that project you’ve been dreaming up. “Your enthusiasm is going to come across a lot more when you’re face-to-face than it will do over a video call,” says Minter. “Prep so you’re ready with what you want to say – you won’t necessarily have as much time to chat as you might have if you were all in the office ﬁve days a week.”

Even with Zoom socials, WFH can be a lonely business. Office working offers a chance to feel a stronger connection to our colleagues again. “At heart, we’re all social beings and we want to collaborate,” explains Elizabeth Uviebinené, author of The Reset: Ideas To Change How We Work And Live. “I believe the future of work includes people tapping into that community spirit – coming together, working out people’s values and building a community within work.” This could involve anything from book clubs to cooking classes, and while it’s the role of senior staff and HR to foster a good company culture, you could take it into your own hands to set up activities that allow colleagues to get to know each other. According to Uviebinené, the first step is to get talking. “Otherwise, how are you going to learn that your colleague loves sci-fi films, too? It’s so important that people ask questions.”

C O S M O P O L I TA N

Make the most of... LEARNING FROM OTHERS

Watch out for... FEELING THE PRESSURE

The return to the office is a great opportunity to get back in the loop with colleagues in other departments. You could arrange to spend time sitting near and having meetings with teams you haven’t spoken to in a long time. “Find out what they’ve been up to and what’s interesting in their department, because that might be something you want to move into or work with later on,” advises Minter. As well as learning about other people’s projects and thinking about the bigger picture, you can maximise office time to get different perspectives on your work, too.“If you’re working on a client project and it’s really interesting, but you’d like another team’s feedback on it, say to them: ‘I’m going to be in the office, I would love to talk to you about this project, can we ﬁnd a time to do that?’” suggests Minter. “Be really clear about what the project is, what you need help on, what you think they can bring, and how long it’s going to take. Use that as proper collaboration time so you’re not going into the office just to answer your emails.”

A quick scroll through postlockdown Instagram will show you endless photos of people having a whale of a time now that we’re allowed to, y’know, go outside. But if you’re feeling anxious, don’t let that fool you into thinking that literally everyone else is super-excited. “A lot of people will ﬁnd it overwhelming because many of us have been able to control our environments for quite a while, tapping out of things and adjusting our routines,” says Shahroo Izadi, behavioural change specialist and author of The Kindness Method. So if a post-work sauvignon blanc at the pub next door isn’t ﬂoating your boat these days, how should you communicate that to your colleagues? “We rarely have the opportunity to check in with our habits and how they do or don’t serve us. Once you’re clear on that, you can communicate it to other people,” Izadi says. “More and more now, people are saying things like ‘I don’t have the stamina I had before’, or ‘I never realised how much good rest affected me as a friend, partner and employee’. Knowing yourself and what’s

Work shifts? Here’s how to make the most of your downtime… For those who don’t have a 9-to-5 job, the past months have been busier than ever, and self-care is super-important.

best for you is rarely met with too much challenge – and often, if you’re honest and vulnerable, other people will relate.” If being in the office generally is making you uncomfortable and you’d like to spend more time working from home, it’s key to be honest with your boss. Izadi says it’s all about focusing on the positives. “Show how [working from home] is beneﬁting you productivitywise,” she says. “Speak to your boss and say things like ‘I’m able to order my day differently, and as a result I’m more efficient’, or ‘I’m able to incorporate exercise or mindful practice into my day and have more work-life balance, and as a result I’m more present with my colleagues’.”

Watch out for… T H E G U I LT O F S AY I N G “ N O ” Ever worked unpaid overtime, through lunch or when you’re unwell, more to show you’re working hard rather than to be truly productive? That’s presenteeism, and it’s an easy work habit to fall into. Now is a good time to start setting boundaries in the office. Minter advises being clear in your calendar about when you’re in the office and when KEEP

TALKING

Talk to your loved ones about your challenges at work so they can support you, and make sure they know your shift patterns so they can coordinate social plans for when you’re free.

EAT

WELL

Regular light meals and snacks are less likely to make you tired than a single heavy meal, and easily digestible foods like pasta, rice, salad and veg are a good shout. Oh, and remember: stay hydrated.

SLEEP

S O U N D LY

Make sure your sleep space is optimum (think blackout blinds and a sunrise alarm clock) and try to keep the amount of sleep you get consistent, no matter what time of day you’re catching those Zs.

WFH (Working From Home) by Harriet Minter, The Reset by Elizabeth Uviebinené and The Kindness Method by Shahroo Izadi are all out now.

C O S M O P O L I TA N

PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES

“Balance t h e b o o k s? Ye p, o n i t ”

you’re not, and sending your boss a weekly update with three things you achieved and how they made an impact. “Know what your boss’s goals are for you, then regularly and repeatedly show how you are achieving them or the steps you’re taking towards that. If we do that, we counter the necessity for presenteeism,” she says. The idea of your boss catching you in the corridor and asking you to take on another piece of work you don’t have time for might seem like an impossible situation, but it doesn’t have to be. “The sentence for that is: ‘So pleased that you thought of me for that, but right now I’m at 100% capacity’,” says Minter. “If it’s something you want to do, you could say ‘I’m going to have capacity when this project ﬁnishes at this time, can it wait until then?’, or ‘I would be able to do X if I can move Y onto someone else in the team, is that possible?’” As for the pressure to answer work calls and emails late into the night and at weekends? “In the spirit of honesty, say: ‘I’m trying to be on my phone less now that I’m back in the office again’,” Izadi suggests. ”Remember, the snapshot your colleagues have of you will be where they left you, so it’s on you to know yourself and have those discussions.” V

FIVE FAST LESSONS…

How to leave a ob without burning bridges It’s a normal part of working life, but

Awkward.

quitting graciously is an art form

new job that you’re absolutely going to accept, but in order

BE DILIGENT DURING YOUR NOTICE “Being cordial as you work down your notice period is great, but the best thing you can do is be diligent about leaving your projects in good shape and create a solid transition plan,” says Saujani. “People aren’t going to be thrilled about picking up your work, so make it easy for them. Doing that shows respect for your position and for everyone around you – it’s a classy move.” As your leaving day draws closer, think about writing cards to the people who have shaped your experience. “And once you’ve left, stay in touch – shoot people casual emails every once in a while with an article or anecdote that reminded you of them.”

to take it, you’re going to have to resign from your current role. There’s no getting away from it, but you don’t want to royally annoy your current boss either (after all, former colleagues are an important part of your network, and you’ll never know when you might want to call on them again). But don’t worry – it is possible to leave your job and still have your former boss think you’re ace. Reshma Saujani, founder and CEO of Girls Who Code and author of Brave, Not Perfect, explains how…

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DITCH THE GUILT

MAKE A PLAN

If you feel bad about resigning, it’s time to stop people-pleasing, says Saujani. “As women, we’re so busy trying to be liked that we can lose sight of what we want, but if you’re keen to move on to a new role, own it.” At the same time, be realistic that it may be awkward. “I always say bravery doesn’t necessarily feel good – you might feel it in the pit of your stomach – but that doesn’t mean you’re not doing the right thing.”

How to tell your current employer you’re accepting a new role? First up, write a mini communications plan. “Think about your key messages (why you’re leaving) and how you will respond to any questions,” advises Saujani. “Decide what you’re comfortable answering, and what’s none of anyone’s business. Once you have that down, think about the order you’ll tell people in, starting with your manager.”

C O S M O P O L I TA N

EMPHASISE THE POSITIVES

YOU CAN’T MAKE EVERYONE LIKE YOU

If you haven’t been in your current role for long (say, less than a year), you can mitigate the situation with your employer when you say you’re leaving. “Highlight the positives of your experience at the company. Frame your decision around doing what’s right for you in your career instead of what was lacking in your current role and organisation,” Saujani says.

If your manager seems angry or doesn’t take the news well, it’s important to remember that you can’t force them to like you. “Recognise that their reaction says more about them than it does about you. Maybe they are worried about replacing you, or jealous that they’re not able to go with you?” says Saujani. Listen to them, but don’t take it personally.

COMPILED BY CYAN TURAN. PHOTOGRAPH BEN GOLDSTEIN/STUDIO D. BRAVE, NOT PERFECT: FEAR LESS, FAIL MORE, AND LIVE BOLDER BY RESHMA SAUJANI IS OUT NOW

You’ve been offered a great

Spend it

like a... model After a decade in the fashion industry, London-based Mel,* 28, has seen her work grow to include inﬂuencer posts. But how does the money compare? £2,950

WHERE THE MONEY GOES

The mortgage and bills for my ﬂat, which I own. I live alone.

£20 0

A lot of beauty and fashion brands gift me products, so I don’t spend loads on myself. I love Zara.

£ 3 00

I do my food shopping at M&S or Sainsbury’s and get around 10 takeaways per month.

£1 , 68 0

I’m currently saving for a bigger place, so after a good month of work I was recently able to put a chunk towards that.

52%

£1 5 0

30%

Teenage dream

AS TOLD TO JENNIFER SAVIN. *NAME HAS BEEN CHANGED

…IS MY ANNUAL SALARY My take-home varies each month, but last year 65% of it came from modelling and 35% from my posts on Instagram.

I don’t spend much on nights out, as a lot of restaurants, clubs and bars give models free entry, meals and drinks. I tip the staff generously and pay for my own taxis.

I got my big break after appearing on a reality show at the age of 18. Although I didn’t win, I signed with an agency after the show. They take 20% of my fee from any jobs they get me, including sponsored Instagram posts.

£70k

£320

This covers my phone bill (£60), gym membership (£60) and all my travel (£200).

WATER WAY TO MAKE A LIVING My first shoot, a decade ago, was for a shoe brand. I earned £150 for three hours’ work. The most I’ve ever been paid for a job was £4,000, when I shot a campaign with a designer swimwear brand, on location in Miami Beach, Florida. For swimwear, the rate is generally higher.

BEST TO WORST BUYS HE L L YES

A Mini Cooper for £25,000, which I bought outright. I had to cut back to afford it, but it was a car I’d wanted for years. HE LL N O

During the pandemic, when most of the shops were closed, I spent £93 on a foundation online. It was the wrong shade and non-returnable.

In 2017, I realised the value of having a big Instagram following and started working with brands. I make between £200 and £3,000 for a grid post (I charge less for clothing brands I like, as they often gift garments as well).

T HE RI G H T RAT E

When choosing which shoots to do, it depends on how clear my diary is, the rate on offer and the job itself. If it’s a job that requires me to colour my hair and it pays under £1,000, I’ll likely decline it – unless I really love the company or they’re a regular client. C O S M O P O L I TA N

Cosmopolitan promotion for Kwik Fit

Did someone say

road trip? If you’re holidaying in the UK this year, it’s the perfect time to hit the road

ho doesn’t love a road trip? Some of our favourite ﬁlms feature them: Little Miss Sunshine, Thelma And Louise, Magic Mike XXL… There’s nothing quite like piling into the car and heading out on the open road, and as 2021 is the year of the staycation, it’s the perfect opportunity to buckle up and start exploring the UK. So here’s how to pull off an epic road trip (Channing Tatum not included. Sorry).

Set the satnav

A road trip is all about the journey, and luckily the UK has lots of great coastal drives, including Scotland’s answer to Route 66, the North Coast 500. The 500-mile round trip from Inverness travels right through the heart of the Highlands. Or head along the Atlantic Highway, which winds through Somerset, Devon and Cornwall, taking in surf spots and salty beach towns along the way. If you prefer to go off-grid, you can create your own route with sites such as Roadtrippers.

Start your engine No one wants to be sat there waiting for a tow truck on the M1 two hours into their trip, so make sure your car is road-ﬁt before you set off. Kwik Fit offers a free vehicle safety check, so you don’t have to worry about knowing your dipstick from your alternator. Trained technicians will check your car tyres’ tread depth and pressure, test the battery, top up the coolant and screen-wash levels if needed, plus inspect your wiper blades and bulbs to ensure they’re in working order. With more than 600 centres across the UK, you can easily book your car into your nearest Kwik Fit centre, giving you total peace of mind before you start your journey.

Make sure your car’s ready for the road by booking a free vehicle safety check at Kwik-ﬁt.com 68 ·

C O S M O P O L I TA N

One of you wants Little Mix bangers; the other wants indie-rock classics. We recommend letting each passenger play DJ for a leg of the journey, and giving everyone one veto to use wisely during the trip. On a long drive, you’ll also have time to get hooked on a new podcast. Our picks? Every Little Thing, hosted by Flora Lichtman, sheds light on some of life’s little mysteries; Caroline O’Donoghue and Dolly Alderton’s Sentimental In The City is great for a bit of nostalgia; and comedy agony aunts Dear Joan And Jericha will provide the laughs if you get stuck in traffic.

WORDS ALISON LYNCH

Prep your playlist

relax

CHILLING OUT NEVER LOOKED SO GOOD

WORDS MEGAN SUTTON. PHOTOGRAPH STOCKSY

Yo u r s u m m e r r o s é ’s going green Not literally green, but both M&S and Aldi have brought out their own Vinho Verde rosé – mixing the freshness of Vinho Verde (“green wine”) with rosé ﬂavours – so it’s safe to say it’s a new wine trend. Federica Zanghirella, vice president and course director of the UK Sommelier Association, says it pairs well with paella and ﬁsh and can be used as a base for fruity cocktails. Make ours a large one, please.

C O S M O P O L I TA N

relax

This, to your left, is still entirely delicious – even if you don’t have the bacon and toast. Enjoy!

START

Exactly how many eggs do you have?

Two. Did I lose this game?

Between four and 10. I’ve got to check.

You own non-perishables, yes?

One last pack of instant noodles.

*Sighs audibly* 7

I’ve deﬁnitely got some brown rice or quinoa. 1

Dig around in your fridge a little more.

My long-lost brick o’ cheese!

Hello, Diet Coke.

Anything else we can work with?

You’ve got a carton, as well as a couple of other

What is in your cupboards right now?

There’s pasta in here?! Nice.

How do you like your eggs? fridge orphans. Let’s make something great…

It’s come to the ends of the bread again – and tinned tomatoes.

Some coriander and part of an onion.

Wo r d s A S H L E Y O E R M A N

A random bottle of maple syrup. 4

Made it just in time to save a potato and a carrot. 5

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A BRUNCH BOWL

EGG DROP SOUP

L O W- K E Y SHAKSHUKA

FRENCH TOAST

A F R I T TATA

KINDA CARBONARA

Prep those whole grains and season them with a sprinkling of salt and pepper. Then top with poached, soft-boiled or fried eggs, and some hot sauce.

Whisk eggs in a bowl. Then boil some water and your noodles, add in that ramen ﬂavour packet, and use a fork to drip the eggs into your soup. Done!

Sauté the onion, add the tomatoes, stir, then add three to ﬁve eggs. Cover and cook on a medium heat until the whites are solid. Top with coriander and serve with bread.

Mix milk, two eggs, cinnamon (if you’ve got it), and a pinch of salt in a bowl. Dunk in those bread stragglers until they’re coated. Fry in a pan with butter. Drown in syrup.

C O S M O P O L I TA N

Sauté every veggie you own in an oven-safe pan. Whisk four to 10 eggs in a bowl, pour into the pan and bake at 175°C until your egg cake is solid.

Boil pasta, strain and reserve the water. Whisk four or ﬁve egg yolks, add salt and pepper and 250ml pasta water. Add pasta and grated cheese and stir until creamy.

PHOTOGRAPH STOCKSY

ANSWERS

LEV

relax

Even you can make this

indestructible herb garden

WORDS SARAH WELDON. PHOTOGRAPH ALLIE HOLLOWAY

Congratulations on becoming a plant parent! It’s not always this easy! There’s nothing like fresh basil on a pile of tomatoes and mozzarella – but it takes patience to raise an entire herb plant. And now, because nature, water and these instructions exist, you can create a simple (and very cute) herb garden in just 10 minutes. Here’s how… ST E P 1 Take some sprigs of almost any herb (think: basil, chives, mint, thyme, oregano) and pluck the leaves off their lower stems. Then cut each stem base at a 45° angle. S T EP 2 Stick your sprigs in cups or jars of tap or ﬁltered water so that the stems are fully submerged. Place them in a spot with lots of sunlight and wait a couple of weeks for your

teeny stalks to magically grow roots and more leaves. Pro tip: swap out the water when it starts looking gross. ST E P 3 Move your herbs to larger vessels as they grow (eg those 291 random jars in your cupboard). S TE P 4 Snip as needed for cooking and cocktails.

C O S M O P O L I TA N

relax

TO GET RID O W F HO

pointless junk on your iPhone WITHOUT DELETING ANY PHOTOS No unused apps were hurt in the making of this article EP 1:

Back up your phone to your computer or iCloud. (You can literally just search “backup” in Settings.) Really, you should be doing this anyway so you don’t lose your best-ever Candy Crush score and all those precious photos of brunches you’ve eaten and cute dogs you’ve seen. ST

No t rash, all tre asure

Reset your phone to its factory settings. Yes, really. Tap Settings, General, Reset, then Erase All Content and Settings. Basically, douse it in metaphorical bleach and trust everything will look the same on the other side. Set up your “new” device and then, when prompted, Restore! That! Backup! ST

or everyone plagued by the ambiguous “Other” taking up precious GBs on your phone – despite the fact that you’ve resorted to deleting texts, my god – we’re here to tell you that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And that light is newly freed-up memory space. That’s right – follow this advice and never get a “not enough storage” notiﬁcation again…

72 ·

C O S M O P O L I TA N

EP 2:

Backup

iCloud

BACKUP iCloud Backup Automatically back up data such as your accounts, documents, Home configuration, and settings when this iPhone is connected to power, locked, and on WiFi. Back Up Now

General

Reset

Erase All Content and Settings

EP 3:

Hit Settings, General, then iPhone Storage to see for yourself how all that “Other” nonsense (the cache from that random recipe you searched for, Siri accents, etc) has bibbidibobbidi-booped out of there. And you’re done! Go forth and take all the selﬁes your heart desires. The world needs to see them.

General

iPhone Storage

22 GB of 64 GB Used

iPhone Apps

Photos

System Other

WORDS SARAH WELDON. PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES/EYEEM

relax

What fancy splurge item are you to your very core? Alexa, play Glamorous by Fergie. On repeat. For the next several hours MOSTLY A A designer handbag Someone who overuses the word “chic”, attracts eyeballs and knows the importance of exclusivity is basically a human Birkin bag.

It’s time for a Netﬂix binge. What are you diving into? a Bridgerton. Again. b Anything that involves baking. c The latest truecrime doc. Lights off, volume up. 1

You get a “Hey” text from the fool who ghosted you. Your response? a No response. (Though I do have my read receipts on.) b “Sorry, who’s this?” c I blatantly call them out. No rest for the wicked! 2

You’re moving into a new ﬂat next month. What’s your packing strategy? a I’m hiring a luxe 4 Your date just moving company called and they’ll to come and take be 20 minutes care of that. late. What are b A little every day. you going to do? I heard slow and a Call it off. I wait steady wins the race. for no one. c I’ll just tackle it the b Hover outside the week before the restaurant, aimlessly move. I’m still cycling through living here! Instagram, TikTok, Facebook… please get here soon. c Chill at the bar with a nice glass of vino. It happens!

MOSTLY B Silk sheets A natural homebody with a 9pm bedtime and enough discipline to brew cafetière coffee every morning, you make introverts everywhere proud.

WORDS KIM DUONG. PHOTOGRAPH STOCKSY

6 You’re out for And now said dinner with friends. date has cancelled. What type of water You are… a Not going to let this will wash down your meal? expensive mascara a A glass of sparkling go to waste. Table water with ice – for one, please. b R-E-L-I-E-V-E-D. and a lime wedge, of course. Now I have the entire night to myself. b A cold, crisp bottle of still mineral water, Honestly, thank you. c Bummed. But if it’s a fancy meal. c Wait, water? Come whatever, that’s life! on, bring me the Who else is free? wine list and stop wasting my time. 5

MOSTLY C A Peloton bike You’re up with the sun and down for anything. Beyoncé dance party at 2am on a Tuesday? Sure! Time is money, so you won’t spend it on the sofa.

C O S M O P O L I TA N

Cosmopolitan promotion for NatWest

The secret to (sweet)

success b

ack in her bedroom in Dubai in 2014, Lungi Mhlanga could never have dreamed that seven years later she’d have opened a permanent shop in Hackney, East London, for her DIY doughnut business. Or that she’d be named on Forbes’ 30 Under 30 list. “I didn’t know what I was doing. I think anyone who says they know what they’re doing when they launch a business is lying!” she laughs. So how did she get here? It’s all thanks to an unfulﬁlling job, which led Lungi to start baking as an outlet for her creativity. Word soon spread about her delicious desserts, and she made the move to London in 2018 to make The Treats Club a success. It’s safe to say she’s smashed that goal – and then some. “It was a steep learning curve to manage everything, from marketing to accounting, but now it’s gone from being just me to a team of six

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C O S M O P O L I TA N

Thinking of starting your own business? Take inspo from Lungi Mhlanga, who’s dominating Insta feeds with her delicious desserts

people, hand-making everything we sell. My team are my favourite people,” she says. Lungi will always be involved in what makes her business stand out, but now 90% of her role is more than the food side. “I didn’t know that before I started,” she admits. “I’m responsible for making

“Leave your ego at the door because you’ll need to ask everybody for help” sure people get paid. I never thought I’d be talking about people’s pensions at 28!” Having been mentored by a number of people in the food industry, she stresses the importance of reaching out to others to build your knowledge. “I always tell people starting a business, ‘Leave your ego at the door because you’ll need to ask everybody for help.’ I’ve never been turned down. It’s an incredible community. When one person wins, we all win.” But her biggest challenge was taking the leap in a man’s world, especially as i

Seek out support “Surround yourself with people who can bring your idea to life and keep you motivated,” says Lungi. “There are plenty of communities out there where entrepreneurs-inthe-making can get in touch, including through NatWest Business Builder.”

Boost your knowledge If you’re just starting out, check out the free online NatWest Business Builder course. It can help you discover what it takes to grow your business, market products and handle demand.

C O S M O P O L I TA N

Cosmopolitan promotion for NatWest

a female-led business run by Black girl magic. “The food industry is very maledominated, which is hilarious, because when you hear people talk about the food they grew up with, they always mention Mum and Grandma’s cooking, right? But somehow, it’s the complete opposite in the

“No matter what happens, I’ve got so many tools under my belt now” industry; we’re not taken seriously. I can’t count the number of times people have spoken to me and asked, ‘How long have you been working here?’ and I’m like, ‘Oh, I’m the owner,’ and they’re surprised. “I tell the women around me, ‘Do not let men make you feel like you don’t belong here. Don’t let them speak over you. If they call you bossy, say thank you, because it means you’re doing something right. Never let people silence your voice.’” Lungi worries that a lack of education around money is preventing more young

Plan for the unexpected Lungi’s biggest challenge was that there’s no handbook for managing your business ﬁnances. However much money you think something will cost, you should double it – that way you won’t get any surprises and can reinvest spare cash into your business.

76 ·

C O S M O P O L I TA N

Leave a legacy

*TENENTREPRENEURS.ORG/RESEARCH/HERE-AND-NOW. WORDS SOPHIE THOMPSON. EDITED BY ISABELLA SILVERS. PHOTOGRAPHS VICTORIA ADAMSON. STYLING CHLOE KING. MAKE-UP SANDRA RODRIGUES. ART DIRECTION DALJIT KAUR BABBER

“I don’t want the business to be about me,” says Lungi. “I want to empower my team, so it’s a great lesson to learn that I’m not the only one who can do things – it’s good to let go.”

women from going into business. In 2020, just 13% of equity investment went to women-led firms.* “Nobody teaches us how to manage finances or how to get a mortgage,” she says. “Algebra is not going to help me right now! What we need to know is how not to get into debt.” Despite working long hours now that she has a permanent shop – 9pm is usually the earliest she can go home, before heading back at 5am – Lungi still finds it extremely rewarding. “People assume that because you’re new, it means you don’t know what you’re doing. You might not know about paying VAT, but that doesn’t mean you don’t know about your product or what customers love,” she says. “I’ve been told ‘no’ so many times that opening that store was the proudest day ever for me. You have to believe in your sauce! “There’s so much to juggle, but it’s an amazing feeling. The great thing is that no matter what happens, I’ve got so many tools under my belt now.”

Ready to start your own business? Search NatWest Business Builder to sign up

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I T ’ S O N LY B E E N 90 SECONDS AND I’VE ALREADY BEEN

uen ced I’m now getting a light-green manicure – a tint I never would have picked out – because Emma Chamberlain offhandedly said she liked it. We’re at Chamberlain’s West Hollywood mani-pedi spot, and, with her seal of approval, the colour beckoned. So I asked for Hint Of Mint on my ﬁngers and my toes – after doublechecking with Chamberlain to make sure that going matchy-matchy isn’t uncool. (The night before this interview, I frantically texted my little sister, aged 24, to ask what I should wear. “What if the young people make fun of me?” I wrote, half-joking. “They probably will,” she responded.) 80 ·

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In case it’s not already glaringly obvious: I have no idea what qualifies as cool these days. I follow all the right influencers and subscribe to all the right Pinterest boards, but being truly cool in 2021 is a tricky thing to pull off. If anything, the more uncool something seems (visible roots, ugly shoes, grandma jumpers), the more Likes it gets. “I think the word ‘influencer’ is kind of disgusting,” Chamberlain, OPENING SPREAD Coat, Stella McCartney. Earrings, Sylvia Toledano. Shoes, Nicholas Kirkwood. OPPOSITE Dress and boots, Dior

who is an influencer, tells me. “Let’s use me as an example: if someone is calling me an influencer, they’re saying that my job is to influence, and I don’t think that’s true. I prefer to entertain and be a friend. I don’t want to influence.” (I look down at my nails and blame them for being so easily swayed.) But whether or not Chamberlain, who recently turned 20, thinks she has powers of persuasion (she does – sorry, Emma) isn’t really the point. Whenever I try to explain her staggering success – over 13 million Instagram followers, astronomical numbers of YouTube views, a fashion partnership with Louis Vuitton, the fainting spells she causes in people like my sister whenever she debuts a new video – the main question is: “OK... but why her?” What is it about this seemingly average girl from San Mateo County, California, that captivates teenagers all over the world – so much so that it’s catapulted her into internet superstardom? The answer to this question doesn’t just baffle me – even Chamberlain doesn’t know. “Why do certain people connect and others don’t?” she asks. “I’m like, ‘Why has this worked?’” T H E R E’ S A LOT T H AT ’ S N O R M A L about Emma Chamberlain, things she has in common with most of her young followers. She has a crush on Timothée Chalamet (“Curly hair ruins me!”); a subtle but experimental personal style (she’s wearing a polo-neck with layered necklaces); and a minor infatuation with the Jonas Brothers. “I’ve just been a huge fan since, I mean, day one,” Chamberlain gushes, recounting how starstruck she was meeting Joe Jonas and Sophie Turner at Paris Fashion Week. “I’ve been obsessed with them, so that was super-cool. I don’t think I got to explain to him how much I loved him, but we didn’t have a lot of time.” i

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Indeed, Chamberlain’s beginnings as a YouTuber sound a lot like those of the hundreds of thousands of other young girls who try to become vloggers from their bedrooms. Chamberlain started out with a few channels while she was at school and abandoned them when they didn’t get much traction. But, encouraged by her musician dad, she decided to try again. “It was summer. I didn’t want to do my summer reading. I had to tap into other new territories in my brain because I was so bored. So every day, I was making videos.” After a few more failed experiments (this time with beauty vlogging), Chamberlain ﬁnally went viral with “We all owe the dollar store an apology”. In case you missed it, think of YouTube’s high-priced-haul videos, but instead of going through a luxury shop, Chamberlain essentially enthuses over plastic knick-knacks from the equivalent of the local Poundland. “I just made that video because… I don’t even know what I was doing. I don’t know what went through my head. I was super-excited about it though. I was thinking, ‘This is actually going to be fun for me to fake through this haul,’ and apparently other people were excited about it too. And it was like, ‘Alright’.” The response made Chamberlain realise something crucial: being her funny, awkward, easily excitable self was her strength. So she played to it, leaning in to harmless mockery of vegan pizza, her own spots, and more faux iterations of YouTube staples

THIS PAGE Blazer and shorts, both Vivetta. Top, Fred Segal. Sunglasses, Stella McCartney. Shoes, Dr Martens OPPOSITE Dress and boots, Valentino. Shoes, clockwise from floor, Jimmy Choo, Fendi, Wandler, Amina Muaddi, Jimmy Choo, Tory Burch (2)

“T HIS PAS T Y EA R FOR ME HAS BEE N A HU GE PER IOD OF

mental growth” (make-up tutorials but terrible; pumpkin-spice product reviews but with choking). Chamberlain is, in other words, fully in on the joke – the joke being herself: someone who built her brand by parodying the very thing she is. “I mean, I make fun of YouTubers and I am one. I think of it as, ‘Why not play into it?’ If you can’t beat them, join them.” Basically, she stopped playing the game and came up with her own. And that, I realise, is the ﬁrst ingredient in the “Why her?” recipe: rejecting standard YouTube #content for a fuck-it kind of irreverence. Others started copying her shooting technique, so Emma invented an even more unique style. She dropped out of school, moved to LA, and was soon talking to the press and going to events, mostly because she was lonely and struggling mentally. “It’s a bloodbath,” Chamberlain says, point-blank, about the aesthetically obsessed culture she found herself in. “Living in LA, if you’re at an unhealthy weight, that’s normal. That’s really, really, really a mindfuck, for sure.” Unlike certain social-media stars, Emma refuses to advertise weight-loss

products. “Your grind is your grind, and I’m not going to get in the way of that. I just think that growing up on social media gave me eating issues as a kid. I have literally struggled with that my whole life. Almost every person I’ve met has had some form of an eating disorder. I mean, I’ve had… I don’t want to trigger anyone, but so many.” She’s spoken before about how her all-night video-editing sessions gave her extreme anxiety, but she mentions to me now that staring at herself for all those hours also led to a severe case of body dysmorphia. “I’ve been fully not at a healthy weight and I thought I was obese multiple times. It’s awful,” she says. “My whole family was telling me I looked terrible. They were like, ‘You look like you’re dying.’ I was like, ‘I think I look great.’” This is one of the reasons she’s vowed never to use Facetune or photo-manipulation software. “I refuse to do that because nobody needs to think I look like that,” she explains. “I look the way I look.” So how has she looked after her mental health during the pandemic? “There’s deﬁnitely been highs and lows. This past year for me has been a huge year of mental growth. I’ve i

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done so much self-reflection – infinite amounts, probably too much, if I’m honest. But I’ve learned a lot about myself. “I’ve really tried to stop going on social media as much, especially in the last two months. I’m finding more of a balance – I’ve started reading books, journalling, exercising every day. I started partaking in healthy habits and implementing those into my life – I had extra time to build those habits.” HITTING 10 MILLION S U B S C R I B E R S would be overwhelming for anyone, though. “Sometimes I definitely overthink. I get anxious a lot, so my brain might go there and think about the weight of that. But generally I have a lightness about it. My

philosophy is ‘every single person watching is just a singular person’. I don’t have to compare it to a stadium or whatever, because that’s not the reality of it. It’s me and one individual interacting. That keeps me sane.” Chamberlain is used to hearing rumours about herself in her line of work. Some are can’t-conﬁrmon-the-record-but-true. Others… “People think I don’t shower,” “I HAVE

one life. WATC H MY V IDEO S

– IF YOU H AT E I T, GO WATCH T HE N EW S ”

Chamberlain says, sipping an oat-milk latte. “I made a joke about it on Snapchat and then they took it seriously. I was like, OK!” When I was younger, if millions of people thought there was a chance that I didn’t shower, I would have immediately booked a one-way ticket back to my parents’ home in the suburbs and never contacted the outside world again. Chamberlain just laughs it off. And this is where the final secret to her success finally hits me: she truly does not care whether or not she’s cool. “I don’t take it too seriously,” Chamberlain says. “It’s like, I have one life. I’m not going to waste my time being all, you know, ‘Take me seriously as a YouTuber!’ I don’t care, you know what I mean? Watch my videos – if you hate it, go watch the news or something, I don’t know. Like, have fun, but I don’t care.” It’s the things she does care about – her personal life, her romantic life – that she sees as her next challenge. “What’s going to inspire me? Is it fashion? Or my coffee company? Is it my podcast? My YouTube channel? Or is it my personal life? I’ve been struggling with knowing what gets me out of bed in the morning at the moment. My goal is to find new goals. But who knows where my life will be in three months?” Of course, if anyone actually does know what the world will look like in three months – or even three years – then it’s probably Chamberlain. The rest of us are just following along, enjoying the deeply entertaining ride. V

OPPOSITE Jacket, top, skirt and socks, all Fendi. Sunglasses, Anna Sui Hair Kristin Ess. Make-up Kelsey Deenihan at The Wall Group. Prop styling Danielle von Braun. Production Crawford Productions

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The suicide figures for women are slowly rising. At a time of great strain on our mental health, what does this mean for the future? Catriona Innes meets those on the frontline to find out ›

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i They’re all currently speaking to strangers. Each ping signifies someone waiting for them, someone in distress. The keyboards rattling are their words flying into the night, lighting up pockets across the UK. The women will never meet those they’re speaking to, they won’t be in contact again. But these one-off conversations, conducted through text messages, are vital. They’re saving lives.

’m sitting in on an evening shift at Shout 85258 – the free, 24-hour mental health text support service. The majority of those reaching out to the service are under the age of 25, with 79% of Shout texters identifying as female, and 35% as LGBTQ+. It’s completely anonymous, and while I can’t see the exact conversations the volunteers are having, they are talking me through what’s being said (changing any identifying characteristics as they go). Through this, I’m hoping I can gain some insight into what’s really going on with our generation’s mental health. What I ﬁnd is scary stuff. Since the coronavirus pandemic broke out, there’s been talk of a second, “hidden” mental health pandemic: the toll this period will have on our psyche is predicted and feared, but as yet unknown. But these women are on the frontline. Before the virus struck in early 2020, Shout saw an average of around 750 conversations per day. This rose to an average of 1,400 in early 2021 – with the peak happening around major news events. “It’s quite drastic. You watch the news and then you come on the platform and see how busy it is,” says Imogen Wade, 23, who has

been volunteering with Shout since September 2020. “You’re seeing the impact play out in real time.” The platform’s busiest period was 20th December 2020, just after the Christmas plans of Tier 4 areas were sent into chaos. The number of conversations shot up to 5,174 over 24 hours. And the topics discussed? They vary widely, but within the ﬁrst 15 minutes of the evening, three of the volunteers I’m shadowing are speaking to people experiencing suicidal thoughts. In statistics recorded over the platform’s ﬁrst 500,000 conversations (held between May 2018 and November 2020), suicide was the most common issue among texters, with 18-24-year-olds the most likely to discuss it. There were also 57,246 conversations involving self-harm, 84% of which were with women. This worrying pattern was emerging even before the country was sent into disarray. Data collated by Samaritans shows the suicide rate for females under 25 has increased by 93.8% since 2012, reaching its highest level in 2019. But with suicide being associated more with men (something that is still a huge problem – it’s the single biggest killer of young men under the age of 45), when it comes to women it is rarely discussed. So what’s happening? And is there anything we can do to slow it down or – even better – halt it in its tracks?

SAFE SPACES

As I stand on the doorstep, I can feel the energy of those who have been here before me. People who have rapped on this mint-green front door and waited for the beginning of their salvation. I’m visiting Maytree, a residential

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respite centre for those who feel suicidal. It’s a homely place, set over four floors in north London. There are patchwork quilts on the beds and colourful paintings hung lovingly on the walls. “Most of the art is from former residents,” says Elisa Booker, an operations co-ordinator for the centre, who is showing me around, with her colleague Sadia Ahmad. There are lots of butterflies, rainbows and messages in handwriting proclaiming how we are all loved. Pre-COVID, this house welcomed four people for free five-day stays. “If we think of suicidal ideation as a spectrum, then Maytree is for those who are in the middle,” says Sadia, as we settle around a table in the garden. “Someone who needs more than a one-off conversation with a helpline but perhaps isn’t at the medical intervention stage just yet.” Through a series of phone calls, the team assesses whether Maytree can

help and, if not, they signpost them to other services. The pair estimate that around 70% of those who come to stay with them are women. The programme involves a “lot of talking”, with guests having multiple conversations with different trained volunteers each day. The guests also speak to each other, with everyone dining together – during which, Sadia and Elisa tell me, there’s also a lot of laughter. “The hope is that [the stay] will reconnect them to who they are beyond their suicidal thoughts. They don’t have to worry about bills, cooking, cleaning… they can just focus on themselves.” The programme is guest-led, meaning those staying choose what they want to explore. “There’s nothing off-limits, no judgement.” When I ﬁrst started researching this piece, there were a couple of moments where I felt I was perhaps the wrong person to take on this

subject. I found it incredibly hard in early interviews to even say the word “suicide”. I worried that I’d be allowing the darkness in somehow. This, I soon learned, is a common misconception. Alongside the Shout volunteers, I also interviewed Samaritans phoneline operators and multiple experts, who all told me the same thing: speaking about suicide does not increase the likelihood of it happening. If anything, it’s the opposite. “It allows it to be out in the open, alongside the possibility of exploring the root of those feelings,” Sadia tells me. “I think we tend to think of suicide outside of the realm of other feelings, but if you’ve had a lifetime of distressing events, it may actually be appropriate to feel like you can’t go on. That doesn’t mean you should act on that feeling. It’s just about accepting [suicidal thoughts] as part of the realm of human emotion. That makes it less scary. It takes away the shame. If the feelings stay inside, then they’ll just grow and grow.”

OPENING UP

The television was on, blasting out a show that Addy was barely watching. Blurry-eyed, she was messaging Samaritans, telling them she was suicidal. “Everything was spiralling,” Addy, 30, says, reﬂecting on the time three years ago before she went to rehab for depression and an eating disorder. “I was going above and beyond to act like everything was ﬁne. It had become so mentally exhausting that I felt I couldn’t go on – and that was when I reached out to Samaritans.” Messaging meant Addy could open up in a way she hadn’t felt able to before. “The person was just asking warm questions,” she says. “There was no judgement, more ‘Why do you feel that way?’ They allowed me to empty my brain.” Being able to speak to a stranger helped. “Before all this, I wasn’t i C O S M O P O L I TA N

able to express myself,” Addy says, as we discuss how there’s often a misconception that one reason behind the suicide gap (men are, on average, three times more likely to die by suicide than women)* is that women talk about their problems more. But how often do we tell our friends how we are really feeling? And do we want to portray ourselves as “superwomen” who can handle everything? “Women put on a mask. We can feel weak if we come across something that we can’t handle,” Addy muses. One common question Shout volunteers are trained to ask those texting in is “what support looks like for them”, as many feel they have no one to turn to. “I think it’s more the fear of the reaction,” says Lorraine Roper, a volunteer who also works in the mental health sector. “[Women tend to] say, ‘Everyone’s got their own problems to deal with.’” “I’ve found a lot of teenage girls who text in say, ‘I told someone and they say I’m causing drama,’” adds Imogen. “It’s a stereotype and then their feelings aren’t validated. We all have internalised attitudes in society that play out in our relationships with others, [but] the starting point should always be ‘I believe you and it’s OK to feel this way.’”

LIFE AFTER LOSS From September to December, there’s always been one guarantee in the Marshall family: that they’d all

“How often do we tell our friends how we are really feeling?”

be watching Strictly Come Dancing. So when Clara Amfo scooped two 10s for her Charleston in November last year, the first thing Sara Marshall did was pick up her phone. She had to message her big sister, Rebecca. Then she remembered. “It’s something that comes in waves,” she tells me over a video call, her sister Esther (the eldest) beside her, nodding. “During lockdown, I kept thinking this hasn’t happened,” she adds. “Because we weren’t seeing each other face-to-face, there was no empty seat at the dinner table…” In February 2020, aged 28, Rebecca died by suicide. Both sisters are keen to stress that particular wording. “She didn’t ‘commit’ anything,” Esther says. “You say that about crimes, about murder. If we’re being specific, she died from an illness called bipolar. When someone dies from cancer, you say that.” Rebecca first began showing signs of her illness in high school. She was diagnosed eight months before her death, after six years in and out of

hospital, and given medication that seemed to help. “She wrote in her note that she felt like pieces of her had been chipped away,” says Sara. “But we could see she was getting better.” The family feel the diagnosis came too late; that those six years had a lasting impact on Rebecca, who – like her parents – was an NHS doctor. “I think the system she gave her life to, ultimately, she lost her life to,” says Esther. “She gave all she could to every patient she had. But the stigma and the lack of funding in the NHS ultimately meant she couldn’t get the care she needed.” Both sisters remember one occasion when Rebecca was admitted to hospital during a psychotic episode, then sent home to Esther’s. “They called and said, ‘She’s having suicidal thoughts, so we need you to prepare your ﬂat [to prevent that happening].’ It was ﬁve days before they found her a bed. I always wonder what would have happened if they could have got her one earlier. We will never know. It’s not fair that we have to sit with that question.” When Annie Arkwright suggested to her daughter she come home for a few days, in October last year, to “recharge her batteries”, Annie knew something was wrong. “There wasn’t a massive change [in her],” Annie tells

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me over the phone. “Her light just shone a little less brightly.” In her second year studying history at Cardiff University, Lily was enjoying her course. Then lockdown hit. “Everything moved online. Lily was living in a shared house, but struggled to acclimatise to the restricted conditions.” Annie says her daughter “felt trapped, seeing the same four walls days after day”. During her visit home, Lily took her own life. Understandably, Annie is not able to talk about the grey days and nights that followed. “Lily and I were close,” she tells me. “I felt that if she needed me, she would reach out. But I was unaware that so often we don’t see signs.” She is now spreading the message that “no one is immune. Don’t think suicide is something that wouldn’t happen to you. Reach in. Don’t wait until someone reaches out to you.”

PHOTOGRAPHS STOCKSY, GETTY IMAGES, RICHARD MAJCHRZAK. *ACCORDING TO SAMARITANS. † ACCORDING TO THE GUARDIAN. ‡RESEARCH BY SHELTER

CIRCLING ROUND The top floor of Maytree has views that stretch past terraced houses, a maze of overgrown gardens that lead to a skyline peppered with tower blocks. On my visit, I looked out and thought about how suicide might live in those homes. How it will live in the minds of the people I passed in the street. Yet it is rarely spoken about in tones that are not ones of hushed horror. Suicide is cloaked in shame, causing those who feel its pull to keep that to themselves. But if those thoughts are muffled up inside, they become deafening. Everyone I spoke to agreed that the normalisation of the conversation around suicide was desperately needed – to save those who feel that they’re lost and have nowhere to turn. They do. There is so much help out there. Everyone I spoke to was testament to that. But, unfortunately, there still isn’t enough. When I set about writing this, I wanted to find out what specifically could be behind the rise in women’s

suicide. Are our attempts to reach out for help dismissed as “attentionseeking”? Could a year of isolation have hit us harder? Yes, it’s likely on both counts. But, truthfully, suicide is way too complex to ever get to the bottom of why the people behind those statistics took their lives. It’s often a cocktail of factors – factors that they then take with them. Yet there was one thing that came up again and again: a lack of funding. Over the ﬁve years I’ve worked on this magazine, it’s an issue I’ve seen crop up constantly across the breadth of subjects that we cover. It’s a frustrating conclusion to come to, so out comes the red pen as I try to ﬁnd something more tangible that you, our readers, can perhaps recognise and have control over.

Useful contacts Not sure where to turn? These services can help you however you feel

Samaritans Anyone can contact them, for free, 365 days a year, on 116 123, or email o@samaritans.org or visit Samaritans.org.

SHOUT Text “SHOUT” to 85258 – they are there for you 24/7 and are completely free, conﬁdential and anonymous.

Papyrus The national charity dedicated to the prevention of young suicide. For conﬁdential advice, for you or someone you know, reach them on 0800 068 4141.

Maytree

Residential stays are opening up later in 2021. They currently offer email and telephone support, and can be reached on 020 7263 7070 (there is a landline cost).

Switchboard The LGBT+ helpline is open 10am-10pm daily, on 0300 330 0630. They also have a chat service on their website – Switchboard.lgbt.

Because, other than donating what we can to the many organisations doing incredible work across the board, funding is not something your average person can inﬂuence. But it seems impossible to ignore this time, as all roads lead here – that a lack of funding impacts lives in a devastating way. Not just in mental health services (the number of mental health beds has dropped 25% since 2010, despite an increase in demand for treatment),† but other sectors, such as housing (one in ﬁve adults in the UK suffer from mental health problems due to their living situation)‡ or when someone can’t get the help that they need to leave an abusive relationship (Women’s Aid have said they are facing a “funding crisis” and there have long been links between suicide and domestic abuse). It’s hard not to feel drawn down by that thought, as if I have no control or way to help those suffering. But I do. We all do. We can support those around us as best we can, we can listen, and we can open a dialogue. We can bring suicide out of darkened corners and into the daylight, safe in the knowledge that we won’t cause any harm by voicing our feelings and concerns. And we can remember that help is just a text message away. V

BEHIND THE SCENES

Catriona Innes “Lots of the people I spoke to used Samaritans when they didn’t feel suicidal but simply needed someone impartial to speak to during a tricky time. There’s so much help out there, but if you think the risk of suicide is imminent for yourself or someone you love, it’s best to call 999.”

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WOMEN G N I N N RU COUNTRY The

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They’re the brains behind our most powerful politicians, but Westminster’s high-flying female advisers spend their days in a bubble of misogyny and elitism. Is their rarefied world all it’s cracked up to be? Tara Jane O’Reilly investigates › A d d i t i o n a l r e p o r t i n g C YA N T U R A N

Photographs LEO ACKER

A row of pre ss photographe rs stand hungri ly at the back o f a central Lon don conference ro om. he lights are dimmed everywhere aside from the top table, where the country’s most powerful politicians are bathed in a spotlight. Across the floor sits a sea of banking CEOs and prominent businesspeople in sharp tuxedos and silk ballgowns. The man they’re here to see is Chancellor Philip Hammond, arguably the UK’s second most powerful politician after the Prime Minister at the time. He’s also 28-year-old Sonia Khan’s boss. It’s her job to make sure his speech – the one she’s spent weeks perfecting – goes off without a hitch. Then, without warning, a door creaks open. Khan flinches – doors don’t just open when the people inside are the country’s most protected and powerful. Men and women in equally resplendent eveningwear storm in and race to the front, throwing mysterious cream packages under the tables. The room erupts into panic. Khan runs towards the door to stem the flow of people entering, 94 ·

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but with disruptors and invited guests wearing similar outfits, no one can distinguish between them, and Khan is manhandled towards the exit. After successfully protesting her innocence, she flies into action, corralling staff into helping her force the door closed, making sure no one – least of all her boss – is hurt, directing security teams, and checking the packages under the tables. The invaders turned out to be Greenpeace protestors and the packages merely scrolls of paper, but Khan didn’t know that then. “It’s my job to think, ‘What’s the worst-case scenario?’” she reflects. As a high-flying adviser, putting out political fires while new ones sparked in the background was a daily occurrence. From August 2018 until August 2019 (when Khan was unceremoniously fired, more of which later), she served as a special adviser, or “spad” – first to Hammond and later to his successor, Sajid Javid. All MPs have staff who assist them, but spads are in an elite league, advising those at the very top. They’re hired to serve cabinet ministers and are the magic behind the

scenes, making sure their employers are well-briefed, well-caffeinated, and don’t become a meme. In effect, they are the gatekeepers to the country’s most powerful people, and their inﬂuence is mighty. They have salaries to match, with some earning over £140,000. And in the case of Boris Johnson’s former special adviser, Dominic Cummings, they can make headlines themselves. Of the 108 spads in government,* well under half are women. In the past year, we’ve seen more than ever how decisions made by politicians directly impact our lives – from the COVID crisis to Brexit –

press officer, and, yes, security guard. For every potentially life-threatening incident, there’s a lighter one: Khan recalls bribing Hammond’s two dogs into position for his Christmas-card photo. “I went from working on tax policy to trying to arrange tinsel around a dog’s collar in just a few minutes,” she says. Being a spad is allconsuming: Khan was permanently glued to her phone and slept with a notepad by her pillow in case she was called by a journalist at 2am (she was exiled to the sofa of the one-bedroom ﬂat she shared with her partner

most critical work period, a time of vending-machine runs and intense focus. But these times were also the most rewarding. Ahead of the 2019 Budget announcement, Khan had spent weeks ﬁghting to have free sanitary products in schools included in that year’s plans, a task that entailed “explaining how periods work to rooms of greying, middle-aged men”. The measure was still being debated the night before, so Khan ransacked her contacts book, rallying people who might support it. She succeeded. “To be one of a tiny team of people who made that happen felt amazing,” she recalls.

The struggle is real

“BEING A FEMALE SPAD CAN HAVE A KNOCK-ON EFFECT ON YOUR MENTAL HEALTH” but they don’t make them alone. Who are these women secretly sitting alongside those running the country, and behind the gloss and power, is it all it’s cracked up to be?

Never off-duty Khan became a special adviser after ﬁve years in the civil service, and worked on government policies including Brexit funding and period poverty. But the job can also entail being a PA, interior decorator, travel agent, family mediator,

more than once). She often worked from 5am until midnight, with little time for a personal life. Khan’s family mocked her for always being on two phones, even at Christmas. “I’d position myself at the back of weddings and christenings so I could duck out and take my boss’s calls. You never switch off.” The job, though, gives you inﬂuence over the laws and policies that affect all of us. As a spad working for the Chancellor, the annual Budget was Khan’s

I know the pressures that come with the job. Though not a special adviser myself, I was Keir Starmer’s candidate aide during his campaign to be Labour leader. In that time, I found myself in a state of panic multiple times a day. Holding down a high-stakes role and being one of the only women doing it means being a female spad can have a knock-on effect on your mental health. Many eventually burn out. What makes it especially difficult for women in Westminster is that politics can feel like it’s wired against them. The culture is oriented around starched suits in stuffy bars, and you often have to deal with sexual harassment and abuse. I’ve had to fend off handsy men, and have consoled so many friends i

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W h o’s p u l l i n g t h e s t r i n g s?

Afoko’s experience of feeling like an outsider was enhanced by the fact she grew up in social housing as part of a singleparent family. “If you’re from any background that isn’t traditionally part of the ruling elite, you feel a constant sense that you don’t belong,” she says. “If you’re the only young woman in a meeting, it’s assumed you’re there to make tea and take notes.” Parliament itself is intimidating, too. “I never stopped feeling overwhelmed,” she says. Her brother once visited for lunch wearing jogging bottoms. “I had no idea if

new-joiner welcome and networking event. Khan, who went to a Birmingham comprehensive and whose father is a taxi driver, says that when you’re dealing with policies that affect the whole population, having people with different perspectives is critical. Once, a group of ministers were discussing a report that indicated many people don’t have ﬁve pounds to spare. “They found it preposterous: ‘How can you not have savings? Who doesn’t have shares or investments?’ I had to remind them that many people do live hand to mouth.” These instances

“IT’S SUCH A SMALL WORLD THAT IF YOU SPOKE OUT, YOU’D KILL YOUR CAREER” that was OK, but in the end I didn’t care,” she says, her voice tinged with deﬁance. When I reached out to the House of Commons, they told me that “the Members’ Services Team provides an HR advice service for Members and their HR proxies that advises and supports Members on all aspects of employment”. They also added that they offer engagement and pastoral support to all MPs’ staff, and that they make early contact with new starters in MPs’ offices, with an invitation to a monthly

showed Khan how rare, and therefore valuable, her voice and inﬂuence were. She developed her mantra, “Never leave a meeting without speaking” – even if that meant interrupting other people’s conversations. “I felt responsible: if I didn’t put across the perspective of someone who went to a ‘normal’ school, it would never be heard.”

A risky business As the Queen’s plane lifted off the runway, Lauren McEvatt sat across the aisle from then Prime

Minister David Cameron. A wing commander served her tea in a china cup and offered a plate of assorted biscuits. McEvatt picked up a Jammie Dodger. She had made it. Moments of ﬂeeting glamour happen as a spad. But once you’ve got the job, there’s no guarantee you’ll be around for long. Your employment is entirely dependent on, well, your boss’s: if they lose an election or the Prime Minister drops them from the cabinet, you lose your job. McEvatt, a former special adviser to the Conservative MP and then Welsh Secretary David Jones, knows this all too well. Because Jones was responsible for ensuring Welsh interests were taken into account, McEvatt had something to do with every brief in government, but after her boss was ousted in a reshuffle, she lost her job. “Post-spad life is tough, especially if you don’t leave voluntarily,” she says. As she had worked with every department, she was slapped with a two-year ban on being employed by the government after leaving, and was turned down for a job at a big tech ﬁrm because she wouldn’t be allowed to talk to

MODELS ANESU M AT HIRED HANDS MODELS, JESSICA LOCKETT.

after they were screamed at by their boss or touched inappropriately that I’ve lost count. We rely on whisper networks to keep one another safe. Carys Afoko, 35, is a former political adviser for the Labour party, who began working as a volunteer for Chuka Umunna in 2009 and eventually became a “pad” (the equivalent of a special adviser, but for the opposition party) to Lisa Nandy MP a few years ago. Before she even began working in Westminster, at 23, an older MP with a reputation for lechery made a pass at her. Afoko has worked outside politics for most of her career, and says Westminster is far behind most modern workplaces. “I’m a Black woman, so I’ve experienced sexism and racism nearly everywhere I’ve worked, but in politics it’s especially bad. It’s such a small world that if you spoke out, you’d kill your career. It’s rarely in your interests to complain because you’d be seen as a troublemaker.”

PET HATES DOG TOYS, LOVE MY HOUND (LOVEMYHOUND.COM) – NOT PICTURED AS SOLD. PUPPET STRINGS HAVE BEEN ADDED FOR THE PURPOSES OF THE PHOTOGRAPHS. *CABINET OFFICE REPORT ON SPECIAL ADVISERS. †AS OF MAY 2021

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politicians. Eventually she found a job working in international politics. In the cut-throat world spads operate in, falls can be brutal – and public. On 29th August 2019, Khan’s day began as any normal day in her not-sonormal job would, but just hours later she was escorted from Parliament by a police officer. After a disagreement with Dominic Cummings, she was ﬁred. It made

headline news. “I had no inkling it was coming,” Khan reﬂects. “I’d worked with the press for so long – now I was the news.” The months that followed were rocky. She couldn’t leave her house because the press knew where she lived. Her younger sisters were forced to hide when they were pursued through a supermarket, and her partner, who’d previously had three brain tumours, began to get headaches. “I’d

think, ‘Is this stressing him out or is the brain tumour back?’” she reflects. Khan claimed unfair dismissal, and in November 2020 she was reportedly paid a hefty settlement. She now works in public affairs and has time to live her life – her partner is grateful her phone no longer rings at 3am. While being a female spad may be gruelling and the work/life balance isn’t for everyone, a career at the heart of government is dizzyingly exciting. “It isn’t something many people have on their LinkedIn profile,” Khan says. “Leaving the role can be tricky – nothing compares to it.” But it’s not just a thrilling job for those doing it: we need women like Afoko, Khan and McEvatt in politics because the fewer women there are working in government, the fewer voices there are representing us. So what can be done to make life easier for every woman in Westminster? There are no silver bullets, but with each general election, the number of women in parliament increases (220 out of 650 MPs,† up from 143 after the 2010 election). “Women gain confidence from seeing others like them – especially if those women have worked in other offices and know what’s normal,” adds Afoko. I often share “argh” WhatsApp messages with Marie Le Conte, a writer and author of Haven’t You Heard?: Gossip, Politics And Power, and she also believes

the answer is getting more women and non-binary people into politics’ upper echelons. “If women remain a minority in political workplaces, they will keep getting tokenised and treated as relevant solely on women’s issues.” She also says that assuming we only need more female political advisers for the sake of gender parity misses the point. “How can we make effective policies if the people coming up with them aren’t representative of their country?” she asks. From my experience of the Houses of Parliament, it’s mainly men who are considered part of the “inner circle”. But if things stay that way, we all lose out. As Khan says, “Representation is at the heart of making Westminster – and the country – a better place for women. I tried to open politicians’ minds to life working a minimum-wage job and advocated for minorities. Would those people have had a voice otherwise?” V

BEHIND THE SCENES

Tara Jane O’Reilly “I used to have a blanket under my desk so I could take naps when I was tired from meetings and events, or hungover from Westminster drinks the night before. The MP I shared an office with saw me napping once and just laughed.”

C O S M O P O L I TA N

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e b I les n a s C of a

PEOPLE PLEASER? After spending her lifetime bowing to others’ expectations, Harriet Thurley has had enough. Can the gobbiest people in the UK teach her (and us) to be a bit more selfish? There’s only one way to find out… ›

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take a seat on the wooden kitchen chair pointed out to me. The shiny black hairdresser’s cape drapes over my shoulders like I’m a superhero. The mirror balances on the kitchen worktop, angled a little too high so only my forehead is in view. Not ideal when you’re having your hair cut. Still, I trust the hairdresser, whose house my mum has brought me to. It’s the first time I’ve met her, but I’m foolishly optimistic that she can turn me into the model on the page I’ve torn out of Just Seventeen magazine. I’m 14 – so this is 20 years ago. Friends is at its peak and layers are “in”. My goodness, layers are in. I remain quiet as the hairdresser – I don’t remember her name, or I’ve repressed it through trauma – snips, feathers and ultimately massacres my mid-length brown hair. I have no idea what’s going on because I can’t see a darned thing – until, an hour later, she’s finished and I’m ushered towards the mirror for my first glance. I wanted “The Rachel”. I got Worzel Gummidge. “Is that OK, Harriet?” she asks. “No,” I think. “I hate what you’ve done. No one will ever fancy me again. You’ve ruined my life.” But instead: “Yes… great… loads better,” tumbles out of my mouth. Mum pays – plus tip – and I bolt for the front door. And I’ve been pleasing other people, sometimes at my own expense, ever since. I’ve stayed up late into the night, baking brownies I’d promised to colleagues, even though I was exhausted; I’ve endured a fivehour dead-end date, knowing that I wasn’t interested within the first five minutes; I’ve ordered chips from the menu instead of a healthy side salad because everyone else at the table did; and I’ve refrained from giving my honest opinion

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“ Wo m e n s a y ‘just ’ three to four times as m u c h a s m e n”

about a ﬁlm I’ve seen in case it’s different to that of my friends. And to what end? It’s Harriet 0, No One 1, really. “Pleasing other people all the time does no one any good,” says behavioural scientist and personality specialist Professor Philip Corr. “Doing things for others for fear we will be criticised or punished is not healthy or ‘grown-up’ behaviour. It is important to please oneself as well as others.” The real question, though, is can I change, or am I wired this way? To ﬁnd out, I look beyond similarly minded friends to those who could never be mistaken for people-pleasers. While I might not agree with their politics, or ever hold their celebrity status, can they teach me something about how to be more outspoken? I knew just the man to ask…

MEETING MR MARMITE Piers Morgan has made a career out of saying… well, whatever the hell he likes. He has 7.9 million Twitter followers and admits he has a dogwith-a-bone personality. His latest book, Wake Up, is a controversial account of a “world that’s going absolutely nuts” – his words – and, in it, he admits he’s been called racist,

sexist, homophobic and transphobic. On ITV’s Good Morning Britain, millions tuned in every day to see him rant and rave about everything from our government’s handling of the pandemic to vegan sausage rolls. Until, that is, he stormed off set during a heated debate about Meghan Markle. He later told his online followers: “Freedom of speech is a hill I’m happy to die on. I’m off to spend more time with my opinions.” Even Cosmopolitan has been on the receiving end of his sharp tongue and no-holds-barred opinions regarding the people we choose to put on our covers. So, unsurprisingly, not everyone is on his page. I want to know: does he care about what people think of him and how his opinions impact others?

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WHAT MAKES A

PEOPLE-PLEASER?

M e, p r e t e n d i n g to love ever y haircut I ’v e h a t e d

“I’ve spent my life speaking my mind,” Morgan tells me on the phone. “Some people like me for it, others don’t. What’s the alternative? It’s not speaking your mind. Then you don’t give honest opinions about anything.” Professor Corr tells me “peoplepleasers” come in ﬁve different types: the Family Pleaser, Reacting Pleaser, Management Pleaser, Defensive Pleaser and Personality Pleaser. I fall into at least two of these categories (Reacting and Defensive, if you’re interested); surely Morgan has dipped his toe into at least one? “I don’t think anyone could follow my daily trajectory and think my one burning desire is to please people,” he says. “Nor do I have any desire to. I’ve got the skin of a thousand rhinoceroses. I’m very selfconﬁdent. I don’t mind being trolled.”

But do I really want to be less like myself and more like someone with the skin of a thousand rhinos (even if my feet already aren’t far off)? I turn to Professor Corr for advice and ask whether “peoplepleasing” really is as negative a trait as some clearly think it is. “There is an inverted U-curve relationship here, and at the extreme ends, this behaviour is seen as negative,” he explains. “With little pleasing, the person is perceived as uncaring and perhaps hostile. At the other end, pleasing people will be seen as an ‘easy touch’ and lacking appropriate self-respect. There is a location in the middle where pleasing is appropriate and beneﬁcial to the person doing it, and to the ones on the receiving end.”

The people-pleasing I’ve been talking about – struggling to be assertive, fearing negative emotions, worrying about inconveniencing people – is not solely in my actions, but my language too, as was recently brought to my attention by Loose Women presenter and journalist Jane Moore. I should mention my day job is senior producer on the ITV daytime talk show, where I work alongside those who aren’t afraid to speak their minds. One day, we were getting ready to go live on air at 12.30pm but I had a question for Jane. I knocked on her dressingroom door. “Hello?” she called. “It’s just Harriet,” I replied politely. “Come in, JUST Harriet,” she said, pointedly. Schooled – for a four-letter word. Interestingly, former Google exec Ellen Petry Leanse investigated the word “just”, having noticed that in emails, conversations and meetings, women’s use of it exceeded men’s by around three to four times. Leanse wrote on the Woman 2.0 website: “It hit me that there was something about the word I didn’t like. It was a ‘permission’ word – a warm-up to a request, an apology for interrupting, a shy knock on a door before asking, ‘Can I get something I need from you?’” Leanse realised this usage wasn’t just about politeness, but that the word was often used as a form of subordination, deference or selfeffacement. “I realised that striking it from a phrase almost always clariﬁed and strengthened the message.” Leanse contacted her teammates and banned its use. Perhaps there’s another factor at play: my gender. Morgan thinks so. “Women are naturally apologetic about demanding stuff, and I think that needs to change,” he says. “Half the battle is exuding an air of selfconﬁdence about your own abilities.” With that in mind, I wanted to i C O S M O P O L I TA N

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WAKE UP BY PIERS MORGAN (HARPERCOLLINS, £20) IS OUT NOW. LOOSE WOMEN AIRS WEEKDAYS AT 12.30PM ON ITV. CATCH UP ON THE ITV HUB. HONEY ROSS’S PODCAST IS CALLED THE BODY PROTEST. PROFESSOR PHILIP CORR IS A MEMBER OF THE BRITISH PSYCHOLOGICAL SOCIETY. FIND OUT MORE ABOUT HIS WORK AS A PERSONALITY SPECIALIST AT BESPOKEPERSONALITY.COM. PHOTOGRAPHS ALAMY, SUPERSTOCK

consult someone a little more like me. So I sought out 24-year-old positive body-image spokesperson, plus-sized writer and activist Honey Ross. She has successfully campaigned for #freeperiods, securing £1.5m from the government to support period poverty, and helped push a bill through parliament to have female genital mutilation included in the Children Act. She also has two very successful parents (more on them later). “I think, in our society, women have been conditioned to try and make themselves small in every way – shrinking our bodies, shrinking our opinions… anything to make ourselves more digestible.” She has a knee-jerk response: “Well, f*ck that! We think it’s easier to people-please,” she says. “But it’s actually not. If you don’t speak your mind, the only person you’re hurting is yourself. You’re saying, ‘I prioritise someone else’s comfort over my own.’ As we get older, we attach so much of our identity to our own beliefs. We’re very rigid and hold on to them. I think that’s where a lot of people’s defensiveness comes from when people challenge their views.” So how does she feel when her views are opposed? “I don’t take it as a personal attack if somebody doesn’t agree with me,” she explains. “Because I know that has everything to do with them and nothing to do with me.” I think about my own reservations about giving my opinions ﬁrst on ﬁlms I’ve seen. Why don’t I simply put my head above the parapet and give my critique? If my opinion differs to my friends’, does it really matter? They may think I’m dumb or have missed the point because I haven’t digested the movie in the same, seemingly superior, way they have – but that’s their problem, not mine. I make a promise to myself: don’t do it again. And Ross has my back: “It’s about getting to a point in yourself where you’re like, ‘No, my opinion is valid.’” If you’re one of Ross’s 48,000-plus Instagram followers, you’ll know that,

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“ H e l l o, how may I inconvenience m y s e l f t o d a y? ”

when it comes to being outspoken, she often lets her body do the talking – and it’s these images that can cause the most controversy. “A lot of the conversations I have around ‘fat phobia’ really get people riled, but that’s because our culture is so inherently fat-phobic. Seeing a fat body will instantly make them tense because it’s not something they’ve been taught to consume. If I post an innocuous photo of me in lingerie that any of my gorgeous thin friends would post, they’d just get ‘Yaaas’. I do get a lot of that too, but I also get negativity.” I put myself in Ross’s shoes. Would I keep posting, knowing cruel comments could be coming my way? “Of course I question it,” Ross says. “I’m

human and I think, ‘Do I want to bring this attention into my life?’ But it comes back to that feeling: I know myself, I like myself, I like the things I post, and it’s OK that other people don’t. That’s what’s so nice about the internet: you can keep scrolling; you don’t have to stick around on my page if it offends or upsets you.” Both Ross and Morgan hold their upbringings responsible for creating the outspoken and conﬁdent people they are today. Ross remembers: “I came up in my early twenties through such an amazing activist space. I feel really lucky that I had the privilege to hear so many opinions and be part of exciting conversations.” Hardly surprising, given that she calls

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R TH

EE PIECE S OF

getting to the point

ADVICE I LEARNED

w h e r e y o u t h i n k , ‘ N o,

Reframe what it means to be “liked”

“ I t ’s a b o u t

my opinion is valid’”

“The word ‘like’ is rather weak. There are far stronger words, such as ‘admire’, ‘aspire to’, ‘inspire’, and so on. Maybe you should want to be seen as ‘inspirational’ rather than ‘liked’.” Professor Philip Corr

Think of what matters to you Kick-Ass screenwriter and producer Jane Goldman and television presenter Jonathan Ross mum and dad. As for Morgan: “I come from a family of very strong, opinionated women. That was the environment I grew up in. I’ve got two brothers and a sister, and we were always encouraged to be vocal and speak our minds. Christmas lunch at our place is like World War III sometimes. I say that I’m the least opinionated member of my family and I’m only half-joking.” A person’s individual relationship with people-pleasing is nuanced, based on how they move through the world. It’s worth noting that Ross and Morgan (and indeed myself) are operating from a privileged position, looking through a white British lens. Women of colour, and Black women in particular, often have a fraught relationship with the concept – living in a society where any assertiveness, strength or conﬁdence they exhibit has to battle against stereotypes and micro-aggressions. I consider my own upbringing. Dinner time was never explosive. And while I wasn’t discouraged from sharing my opinions, we weren’t the sit-around-the-dinner-table-anddebate-the-privatisation-of-the-rail-

network kind of family. My dad is nothing of a people-pleaser, while my mum – as the family peacekeeper – probably falls into all five of Professor Corr’s categories. I still don’t think her selflessness is a negative trait, but she definitely made personal sacrifices. It’s thinking of this that makes me realise I’m not sure I want to stop people-pleasing altogether. Nor do I want to see it as entirely a bad thing. As Professor Corr said, there are some positives to being one, if you find the right balance and nestle comfortably in that inverted U. However, Professor Corr, Honey Ross and – words I never thought I’d say – Piers Morgan have equipped me with some insight, which I’ve packed away into a mental toolkit. While I may never be divisive, I am learning to be more assertive. I feel it’s important to tell you that I’m not a total pushover, and in my line of work – dealing with brilliant, opinionated and vocal people every day on Loose Women – I can’t afford to be. But I do need to learn to let go of the guilt and get better at saying no, as long as it’s balanced with personal integrity and feels authentic to me. But next time I get a dodgy haircut, I promise I’ll take a deep breath and be honest. I owe it to myself – and to Rachel Green. V

”Getting to a point where you can be outspoken is actually just honouring your relationship with yourself. Take a breath and change the narrative before acting on a behaviour that you know will be some kind of betrayal. You have that power.” Honey Ross

Learn to say no “Here’s the bottom line: you’ll never please everybody all the time. You may think you’re pleasing people but you’re pleasing some people. Ultimately, be true to yourself. I’ve learnt that there’s nothing more powerful or satisfying than the simple word ‘no’. And don’t always feel the need to apologise. Just say, ‘I can’t do it.’” Piers Morgan

BEHIND THE SCENES

Harriet Thurley “Before I agreed to write this article, I texted the people who know me best. ‘Quick question: do you think I’m a people-pleaser?’ I had to know I was the woman for the job. What if someone read this and thought, ‘Harriet? A peoplepleaser? Pah!’ In hindsight, the clues were there.”

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All the truly good

all in Whatever your level of blemish, we’ve got the intel you need right here

Wo r d s L AU R E N B A L S A M O

’RE TRY IN TO

Ditch your make-up wipes Sorry, but they can’t effectively break down pore-clogging dirt, oil or make-up – at least not as well as a cleansing oil can [try The Body Shop Camomile Silky Cleansing Oil, £12]. Any gunk left on the skin overnight is a recipe for spots. Plus, all the rubbing and tugging that comes with wipes can aggravate already acne-prone skin.

Stick to sulphatefree face cleansers So wipes don’t do enough, but harsh surfactants like sulphates (AKA sulfates, and often labelled as “sodium lauryl sulfate” or “sodium laureth sulfate” on a product’s ingredient list) do too much. Along with erasing dirt and grime, they can strip away your skin’s natural oils and deplete its protective barrier, making it more susceptible to excess oil production and acne. A solid sulphate-free choice: Dr Sam’s Flawless Cleanser, £16.

U O Y

Wash your face and body last in the shower Hair conditioners are usually loaded with heavy oils and butters that can trigger breakouts when they linger on your skin. So condition your hair, rinse it thoroughly, throw it in a clip, then wash your face and body as normal (remember, ideally with something sulphate-free) to get rid of pore-clogging residue.

Cut out anything with fragrance Scent – synthetic or natural – is an irritant that can exacerbate acne. Opt for fragrance-free skincare products where possible, and switch to fragrance-free laundry detergent too. Perfumed particles in the scented kind can get stuck in the fabric of clothes, towels and masks, and irritate sensitised skin.

Keep your hands off your face Not just in COVID times – when bacteria from your ﬁngers mixes with oil on your skin, it’s a one-way ticket to breakouts.

5 foundations that will cover your spots …but won’t break you out

Skin type: combo with acne scarring Charlotte Tilbury Airbrush Flawless Foundation, £34 Keeps the T-zone matte without sucking the life out of dry patches, and hides month-old scars.

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C E L E B R I T Y T R E AT M E N T S T H AT L I V E U P TO T H E H Y P E LAURA HARRIER

Shani Darden Skin Care Retinol Reform, £80 W H Y I T W O R K S : A combo of retinol and lactic acid boosts cell turnover and gently exfoliates skin to prevent future breakouts and minimise existing ones.

KYLIE JENNER

Mario Badescu Drying Lotion, £15.50 W H Y I T W O R K S : The blend of calamine and salicylic acid is dabbed directly onto blemishes to break down dead skin cells that clog pores. Not only does it work to clear the pore, but it also soothes redness and inﬂammation.

CHRISSY TEIGEN

Dr Dennis Gross Alpha Beta Universal Daily Peel, £19 for a pack of ﬁve W H Y I T W O R K S : These peel pads are soaked with a blend of acids, retinol and vitamins to dissolve the glue that holds together dead skin cells and fade post-inﬂammatory pigmentation.

HAILEY BIEBER

Starface Hydro-Stars, £11.99 W H Y I T W O R K S : These clever hydrocolloid pimple-patches are clinically proven to absorb oil, shield spots from outside bacteria and prevent skin picking.

JORJA SMITH

Nip+Fab Glycolic Fix Daily Cleansing Pads, £16.95 W H Y I T W O R K S : Soaked in exfoliating glycolic acid to decongest pores, and witch hazel to help tone and smooth the skin, these daily pads help put a stop to breakouts before they even start. 2

Skin type: oily with jawline spots Fenty Beauty Eaze Drop Blurring Skin Tint, £25 Smooths out bumps and uneven texture while keeping excess oil and shine in check too.

Skin type: dry with cystic breakouts Beautyblender Bounce Liquid Whip Long Wear Foundation, £32 Blend over spots for full coverage, dilute with moisturiser elsewhere.

Skin type: sensitive with large pores It Cosmetics Your Skin But Better CC+ Oil-Free Matte, £32.50 One of the very best highcoverage foundations that keeps skin matte and won’t settle into open pores.

Skin type: combo with whiteheads Shiseido Synchro Skin Radiant Lifting Foundation, £41 A lightweight, glow-giving foundation that isn’t so packed with oil it’ll break you out. i

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YO IF

’

B AT T L I N E R G

Pre-stick your spot stickers Zit stickers are a godsend when you’re breaking out, but the adhesives they’re made with can be irritating. Before you pop one on, lightly tap it on the back of your clean hand. This lessens its sticky powers just enough to minimise the risk of redness without making it fall off your face.

Sing your ABCs (twice) while you wash your face This ensures your acne cleanser stays in contact with your skin long enough for the active ingredients (like sulphur or salicylic acid) to work their blemish-clearing magic.

Area-treat with your retinoid Most directions will tell you to apply a pea-size amount all over your face, but you can also just area-treat to avoid a full face of dryness. So if you

tend to get hormonal acne on your chin and jawline, use your retinoid there only. Seeing whiteheads on just your forehead? Stick to retinoid in that area.

Spot-treat like a pro Do your skincare routine as normal ﬁrst, then take a wet cotton bud and gently clean the skin on and around your spot. Then – and only then – may you dab on your spot treatment. Wiping the area guarantees that (1) the ingredients in your spot treatment can penetrate your skin, and (2) said ingredients don’t react badly with your other products.

“Bake” your spot with concealer Some people bake their under-eyes (hi, Kardashians). At Cosmopolitan, we bake our spots. To disguise a breakout, apply a thick layer of your favourite cream or liquid concealer (try NARS Soft Matte Complete Concealer, £24)

on your blemish, then make a coffee, check your emails, etc. Ten minutes later, use a dampened make-up sponge to blend it all in.

Target body breakouts If you’re dealing with stubborn body acne (see page 52), treat it in the same way as the spots on your face – with targeted actives. Ditch the heavy lotions and switch to a fragrance-free shower gel, then apply a salicylic acid treatment to clean skin to help de-clog pores (try Murad’s Clarifying Body Spray, £38).

Make an appointment Struggling with adult acne long-term? It’s worth booking an appointment with your GP or a dermatologist. They might be able to recommend a prescription acne treatment to target stubborn breakouts and help clear up the skin for good.

’RE DEA U LI N YO W I T H F

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W A I T, B E F O R E Y O U G O ! A few important t h i n g s t o r e m e m b e r…

Heal raw, red skin with good ol’ Vaseline You used All The Things in an attempt to wage war on your breakouts, and now? The top layer of your skin is dry, ﬂaky and sensitive. Smooth on a thin layer of Vaseline Healing Jelly Original, £2.99 – it’ll create a protective shield over your skin, helping it to rebuild – and then wait. Your skin takes about 28 days to regenerate, so healing will be a process.

PHOTOGRAPHS STOCKSY, GETTY IMAGES

Smooth a crusty old pimple Run a clean flannel under warm water and hold it over your flaky spot to soften the skin. Then, dab a little moisturiser on top to prevent any make-up from clinging to the flakes. Use a small, thin make-up brush to apply concealer just to the red mark in the centre of the old blemish (avoiding the dry skin around it). Wait a minute, then use your

clean ﬁnger to pat the concealer, diffusing it into the skin.

Replace your acne actives with brightening actives Once your breakout has healed and, annoyingly, left you with a dark mark, put away the salicylic acid and start treating said mark with niacinamide or azelaic acid instead. Both are anti-inﬂammatory and help regulate melanin to fade hyperpigmentation.

Load up on sunscreen Post-inﬂammatory hyperpigmentation (AKA the dark marks from old breakouts) gets way darker/more noticeable when exposed to UV rays. Your best bet: SPF30 or more every morning (yep, even when it’s cloudy). Try La Roche-Posay Hyalu B5 Aquagel SPF30, £34.50 – it’s fast become our beauty team’s favourite SPF for acne-prone skin.

LESS IS MORE

Newsﬂash: you don’t need 10 steps and 100 products to get good skin. Just focus on the basics: cleansing, treating and protecting with SPF. And make it a point to introduce only one new product at a time. This creates less room for reactivity and will make it easier to determine what’s working for you and what’s not.

YOUR E VERYDAY HABITS M AT TER

Going vegan, running a marathon or relocating to a yoga retreat in Costa Rica won’t erase your acne. But living a generally healthier lifestyle (e.g. eating a balanced diet, moving your body and sticking to a regular sleep schedule) will most deﬁnitely make a positive difference to your skin health, and that’s really the end goal, right?

ACNE. IS. NORMAL.

In fact, it’s one of the most common skin conditions – an estimated 80% of ALL PEOPLE deal with it at some point during their lives. So please, next time you’re breaking out, take a deep breath and know that sh*t doesn’t deﬁne you. V C O S M O P O L I TA N

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G e m m a ( l e f t ): S w e a t s h i r t, p r e - l o v e d at Goldsmith V intage. Dress, Ninet y Percent at T h e O u t n e t. E a r r i n g s and trainers, both m o d e l’s o w n . M a g g i e (r i g h t ): C a p, M a n o r s . J a c k e t, M o n k i . To p, M c Q Alexander McQueen a t T h e O u t n e t. Tr o u s e r s , D i c k i e s . Tr a i n e r s , A d i d a s at Schuh

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O m a ( l e f t ): N e c k l a c e, vintage Chanel at Susan Caplan. J u m p e r, G o l d s m i t h V i n t a g e . S k i r t, Burberr y at S erotonin V i n t a g e . L e f t s h o e, O m a ’s o w n . R i g h t b o o t, T h e K o o p l e s . M a g g i e (r i g h t ): J a c k e t, S c o t c h & S o d a . T- s h i r t, T h e K o o p l e s . S k i r t, S h u s h u/ To n g . S h o e s , m o d e l’s o w n

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S c a r f, B e l l e m e r e N e w Yo r k . C h e c ke d b a g, B a g g u x M i l k To o t h . S t r i p e d b a g, A c e & P r i n c e . C o a t, Goldsmith Vintage. Jeans, The Ragged P r i e s t. Tr a i n e r s , New Balance

M a g g i e ( l e f t ): D r e s s , Cecilie Bahnsen at Browns Fashion. Bracelet a n d b a g, b o t h P u r a U t z . G e m m a (m i d d l e): Dress, MSGM at The O u t n e t. B a g, B y F a r. Rings, Urban Out fit ters. O m a (r i g h t ): E a r r i n g s , Rachel Jackson. B l a z e r, J o s e p h . Dress, S cotch & S oda

O m a (l e f t): E a r r in g s, Wo l f & G y p s y. J u m p e r, G o l d s m i t h V in t a g e. Tro u s e r s, J o s e p h. R in g, J u l y C h il d. Tr a in e r s, N e w B a l a n c e. G e m m a (r i g h t): S h ir t, G o l d s m i t h V in t a g e. L o n g - s l e e v e d t o p, L e s G ir l s L e s B oy s . J e a n s, L e v i’s . E a r r in g s, m o d e l’s o w n. R in g s, U r b a n O u t f i t t e r s, J u l y C h il d. Tr a in e r s, A d i d a s

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M a g g i e ( l e f t ): J u m p e r, R o w i n g Blazers. Dungarees, Paul & Joe. S hoes, m o d e l’s o w n . O m a (r i g h t ): C o a t, S u p e r d r y. H o o d i e, Pangaia. Jeans, CD Femme. Earrings, Wo l f & G y p s y. S h o e s , m o d e l’s o w n

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To p, R o w i n g B l a z e r s . Tr o u s e r s , D i c k i e s

M a g g i e (l e f t): B l a z e r a n d s k i r t, b o t h Z a r a . Earrings, Susan Caplan. S h o e s , Va g a b o n d . G e m m a (m i d d l e): To p a n d s k i r t, S h u s h u/ To n g . E a r r i n g s , m o d e l’s o w n . R i n g, L a r s s o n & Jennings. S hoes, Zara. O m a (r i g h t ): B l a z e r and trousers, both Zara. To p, We e k d a y. E a r r i n g s , Wo l f & G y p s y. N e c k l a c e, Dinny Hall. B oots, Roker

O m a ( l e f t ): To p, H i l d u r Ye o m a n . Tr o u s e r s , M i l o M a r i a . E a r r i n g s , Wo l f & G y p s y. R i n g s , U r b a n O u t f i t t e r s . B o o t s , R o k e r. M a g g i e (s t a n d i n g): To p a n d s k i r t, b o t h G C D S . G e m m a (r i g h t, s e a t e d ): To p, P a u l a K n o r r. S k i r t, We11d o n e a t B r o w n s F a s h i o n . S h o e s , P i n ko M o d e l s G e m m a a t Z e b e d e e, M aggie at IM M Models, Oma Benjamin. Hair Josh Knight a t C a r e n, u s i n g B u m b l e A n d Bumble. M ake -up M egumi M a t s u n o, u s i n g S u q q u. P h o t o g r a p h e r ’s a s s i s t a n t s Andrew Rankin and Desiree Adams. Fashion assistant Zuli A l a o. W i t h s p e c i a l t h a n k s t o D a z z o t; D e z a E x p r e s s; L a F r e s h N a i l s (@ l a _f r e s h_ n a i l s); T h e B e e h i v e p u b, To t t e n h a m (@ b e e h i v e n17 ); C h i c k- S t o p

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WORDS PAISLEY GILMOUR. PHOTOGRAPH SAVANA OGBURN/REFINERY29 FOR GETTY IMAGES, POSED BY MODELS

SINGLE? SETTLED? WE’VE GOT YOU COVERED

Are daters becoming more honest? Dating has long been about presenting the best possible version of ourselves (even if it wasn’t, erm, entirely accurate), but the Tinder tides have turned. A report by the app found its users are being more truthful and vulnerable than they were pre-COVID. Mentions of “anxiety” in bios grew by 31%, and “normalise” by more than 15 times. But will being honest actually land you a date? Absolutely. 48% of Gen-Z users said they’re looking for a partner who’s authentic and truly themself. So go on, let it all out.

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love

best sex ever

was...

A cockpit encounter had Emma* flying high in more ways than one... I had been on a few dates with Andrew*, and although there was chemistry between us, our flirtation had never really gone anywhere. He was an airline pilot, so his work schedule always came first. Still, we remained in touch occasionally. I enjoyed perving on his Instagram shots from the cockpit and the odd picture of him looking outrageously fuckable in uniform. I’m a frequent flyer for work, and spend most of my disposable income on weekends away. On one of our dates, Andrew had told me to text him whenever I was flying on his airline, in case he was the pilot. Every time I found myself rushing towards Heathrow, I would drop him a message and hope that his shift would correspond with 122 ·

C O S M O P O L I TA N

my sun-seeking escapism. It never happened. Until it did… As I was boarding a flight to Barcelona, my phone pinged. I looked down to see his name lighting up my screen. “Flight 484, Emma? Welcome on board.” I tried to maintain my composure as I was greeted by an air steward, who upgraded me before handing me a pre-take-off glass of champagne. Mid-flight, Andrew announced that we would be landing into glorious 26°C heat in under an hour. I suddenly wasn’t sure I wanted the flight to end. We touched down on the runway rather abruptly, making everyone jump (myself included). Safely back on solid ground, I tipsily gathered my belongings, preparing to disembark into the Spanish sunshine. Then, an air

steward lightly touched my arm and said, “Ma’am, could you hang back for a second? The pilot would like a quick word.” As the last of the passengers exited, I was ushered into the cockpit. There he was, laughing and joking about the noticeably bumpy landing with his co-pilot. “I'll give you some privacy,” said his second-in-command, retreating with a grin.

“He spun me round, pushing me against his pilot’s seat” The door swung shut. “Great landing,” I whispered. “That was your fault, your presence distracted me,” he deadpanned, and informed me that we didn’t have long and I’d have to be quiet. I felt my nipples harden as he undid the buttons on my shirt, and

I reached down to loosen his belt, unzip his fly and unleash his sizeable cock. He spun me around, pushing me against his pilot’s seat. Kissing my neck, he prised my legs apart and took me doggy style, one hand pressing into my lower back to arch it, the other over my mouth, muffling my screams. The fact that air traffic control might have been indulging in a spot of voyeurism only heightened the thrill. We both came, then collapsed in a sweaty mess as a message on the cockpit’s radio rudely brought us back to earth. Rushing to get dressed in such a confined space was a comical conclusion to our encounter, but as I went to leave, Andrew pulled me back towards him. “Fly with me again soon,” he smiled. With that, I turned and half-floated out into the fading Mediterranean heat. They say life is about the journey, not the destination... and for once, I had to agree.

AS TOLD TO CYAN TURAN. PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES, POSED BY MODELS. *NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED

with a pilot

love

My date came to pick me up and arrived in a van advertising colonics. It was his family’s business.

AS TOLD TO JENNIFER SAVIN. PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES, POSED BY MODEL. *NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED

JESSICA, 28

After a break-up, my mum dragged me out to a film. I threw on some old trackies and had greasy hair, so was relieved to see there was nobody else in the screening… until I went to the lobby to buy a drink and saw my ex. A minute later, he walked in with this stunning girl, made awkward eye contact and laughed at me. The four of us ended up being the only ones in the theatre throughout the entire film.

Your

not-so-secret

single behaviour Bad dates, disastrous DMs and everything in between... Sam* Fr id a y

10.06 Sund

JENNI, 29

r ve n t

5.10P

a y, 1 6 .4 0 P M

Co s I th breat ink you’re htak i ng p re d i c ting . I’m an un 15.10 matc PM

It’s the contin uous follow ing it up for me. Siobh

an, 22

Got a dating nightmare to share? Email your tales of woe to singlebehaviour @cosmopolitan.co.uk or Tweet, Insta or DM us with your single stories @CosmopolitanUK

ilatin

I hop e yo u ’re CP cer tif R ied... 1

MEGAN, 23

I went back to a guy’s house after a great date, and to “create ambience”, he draped a red T-shirt over his bedside lamp. It promptly caught fire and smoked the room out.

d a y, 1 1 .2 7

* hy p e

Lucas* I am super jealous of your big heart Ellie Haha why?

Because it’s throbbing inside of you and I’m not

Noooo

It’s actually got a hole in it. Maybe find out more about pre-existing conditions before trying to use them as a chat-up line…

0 .0 1 P M D o yo u h av e an asthm ai 1 9 . 0 5 nhaler? PM Satur

We were chatting away about why I was on the shielding list, prevaccine (I have a heart condition), and a guy on an app said this…

ELLIE, 28

When the bill came, he took a pen out of his bag and circled all the things I needed to pay for, then slid it across the table to me. LIZZIE, 23

After a crazygolf date, the guy ghosted me. I wasn’t bothered as I didn’t want to see him again… only he messaged me a fortnight later asking if I’d be interested in a threesome – and if so, could I find the third person? ELLEN, 28

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First love Each month, we send two exes on a (virtual) date to see what happens

“He made me feel special in a way I hadn’t experienced” Daria, 22, is a student from Vienna Raphaël approached me first when we met in a London nightclub in September 2018. I thought he was cute – not like the typical guys you meet in clubs. He was interesting and funny, and I was intrigued. We texted a lot after that, then met up for walks as friends. The more time we spent together, the more we realised we liked each other. Raphaël made me feel special and happy in a way I’d never experienced before, and I think I fell in love after just a few months. He’d surprise me with plans – a walk around the city, a dinner, or travelling. One time, he even flew to Vienna, where I was staying with family, arriving unannounced. He just showed up and rang the doorbell! Our relationship had its ups and downs, but we’d always manage to make up after an argument. In January 2019, after only a few months of dating, Raphaël asked me to move in with him. I found it hard, and needed my space, which I think played its part in the break-up. The decision to end it came when I went to Vienna to visit family, while Raphaël stayed studying in London. We realised that we didn’t miss each other in a romantic way. We were both so young and wanted to do our own things. It was a mutual decision, but still tough. After not seeing each other for over a year, I was happy to speak to Raphaël again on the video date. He’s still the same great person he was. We talked about everything that’s been going on in our lives, and I think we’re Daria and genuinely happy for each other. Raphaël in 2019

WOULD YOU SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN? Our chat ended on good terms, so I wouldn’t mind seeing Raphaël again for a casual conversation, but it’d be as nothing more than friends.

love

If in doubt, wear black

“We weren’t meant for each other ” Raphaël, 22, is a student living in London

WOULD YOU SEE EACH OTHER AGAIN? I enjoyed our call, but I’d rather keep my relationship with Daria friendly and over the phone for now, rather than meeting in person.

I thought Daria looked gorgeous when I first saw her. I loved her brown eyes and her superbright smile. I wasn’t at a point in life where I was looking for commitment, but after getting to know Daria better, I knew I enjoyed her company and felt we connected on an emotional level. Soon we were seeing each other more and more often. At the beginning, our relationship was carefree. We were both young and wanted to experience what life had to offer. We went out, had parties and travelled together – even as far as LA, which was my favourite trip. When we moved in together, things started to feel more serious, and that’s when I realised I was in love. After a year living as a couple, it got to the point where we were always arguing. I was at university and Daria hadn’t started yet, so I didn’t have as much free time to spend with her. I was self-centered back then, and now I know I didn’t treat her well. I’d often “hide” our relationship, avoiding posting it on social media. I didn’t open up enough emotionally, either. In the end, we realised we weren’t meant for each other. I think it worked out for the best. It felt weird seeing Daria on the video date, but it brought back old memories. She still looks as pretty as when we met, and she said my hair looks better than before! She prefers living in Vienna for now, rather than in London, so I’m happy that she’s happy. Want to be reunited with your ﬁrst love? Email us at ﬁrst.love@cosmopolitan.co.uk A S TO LD TO EM I LY GULLA . PHOTOG RA PH S GETT Y I MAGE S. FO LLOW R A PHAË L @RA PH AE LDM A R C A ND DA RI A @DAR IA LELIUK ON I NS TAGR A M

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Wanderlust

VIBES

Longing for your next holiday? Malta has something for everyone Lounging beside a huge pool, soaking up new sights, sipping sundowners on the beach… Oh, how we’ve missed holidays. There’s no better antidote to endless Zoom calls than satisfying our wanderlust – and when it comes to our next trip, we’ve got our eyes on the Mediterranean archipelago of Malta. Just a three-hour ﬂight from the UK, with more than 300 days of sunshine a year, an epic coastline and cobbled streets steeped in history, it makes for a dreamy getaway, whatever your holiday style.

BEACH LOVERS If you’re all about catching rays, the islands of Malta are the perfect place to kick back, offering year-round warm weather, turquoise waters and stunning shorelines. The golden-red sands of Ramla Bay on Gozo have seen it named one of the most beautiful beaches in the world, while the secluded rocky bay of Ghar Lapsi on Malta is a local favourite. For an Insta-worthy gem, don’t miss the Blue Lagoon on Comino (between Malta and Gozo) – it’s an ideal spot for a chilled-out day trip.

CULTURE VULTURES With Malta’s strong heritage and historic sites, there’s plenty of rich culture to enjoy. Surrounded by fortiﬁed walls, Europe’s smallest capital Valletta is a UNESCO World Heritage site with fascinating

museums, churches and grand palaces to explore. Pick up some handmade souvenirs in L-Għarb, one of Gozo’s oldest villages, which is renowned for its traditional crafts. And for a slice of prehistory, the Megalithic Temples of Malta, scattered across the island, are well worth a visit.

FOODIES It’s said that the best way to get a taste of a destination is through its cuisine, whether that means nabbing a table at one of Malta’s five (yes, five!) Michelinstarred restaurants or scouting out the pastry delicacy kannoli at a street stall. For rooftop views, head to the striking walled city of Mdina to dine at De Mondion, which has a Michelin star; as does Bahia, located in a 200-year-old townhouse on a narrow, winding street in Lija. If you’re a seafood fan, catch the Sunday-morning fish market in the harbour town of Marsaxlokk.

ADVENTURERS Looking for an action-packed vaycay? Then Malta has you covered, with everything from scuba-diving and jet-skiing to kayaking and rock-climbing to get your heart pumping. For something a little more mellow, head for the islands’ lush valleys and coastal paths, which offer some incredible scenic hiking trails. There you can spot local wildlife (hello, shaggy-coated goats) as well as ancient ruins and rustic farmhouses. Cosmopolitan readers can save up to £100 on 2021 holidays to Malta with Travel Republic. Visit Travelrepublic.co.uk/malta-cosmo or call 020 8974 7200 quoting ‘Malta Cosmo’. For latest entry requirements, check Visitmalta.com/covid-19

explore

WORDS AMANDA STATHAM. PHOTOGRAPH STOCKSY

BECAUSE LIFE’S ALL ABOUT THE 5-9

Get on board From canal barges in Wales where you can sip G&Ts with your friends (Black-prince.com) to private yacht charters with Below Deck vibes on the river Solent (Borrowaboat.com), holidays on the water are, er, ﬂoating our boats. Get seasick easily? You don’t have to be on the move – try Sunborn’s luxury superyacht hotel, safely anchored in London’s Royal Victoria Dock (Sunbornhotels.com). Alternatively, check out Airbnb’s buoyant options – you could stay on a cosy motor boat at Port Forum in Barcelona, or check into a stylish “ﬂoating house” in Amsterdam. Ahoy there.

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Europe’s best beaches all come with a bonus, like an amazing restaurant, a hidden sea cave or even a city break nearby… and we’re here for it

Word s A M A N D A S T A T H A M

explore

BLACKPOOL SANDS, DEVON

his is the kind of spectacular beach you’d expect to find in Mallorca or Ibiza rather than, er, south Devon. Reached via a drive through pine forests, Blackpool Sands is a magnificent crescent of coarse, golden sand with some of the clearest water you’ll find off the UK coast – the turquoise hues are more Dominica than Dartmouth. Bookended by rocks that keep it sheltered, it’s a lovely place for a dip on a hot day – there’s usually a floating pontoon boat that you can swim out to and dive off. If you’re feeling adventurous, you can even hire a kayak or paddleboard and explore further along the coast.

BEACH BONUS The Venus Cafe overlooking Blackpool Sands is the heart of the bay. Locals and tourists ﬂock here, attracted by the grass-fed Devon beef burgers, homemade falafel and hummus wraps, king prawn tacos, wakame seaweed salad and Salcombe Dairy ice cream on the menu. It’s part of The Venus Company’s small chain of sustainable restaurants, which aim to be the greenest

cafés in the UK (Lovingthebeach.co.uk) – so leave the disposable wipes at home and don’t even think about a plastic straw with your organic elderﬂower ﬁzz. WHERE TO STAY

THE UPPER DECK

There’s a New England vibe to the nautical-inspired blue-and-white decor in this converted barn, which sits within 30 acres of tranquil gardens, woods and ﬁelds. Everything you need for a comfortable stay is provided, including an outside area with a barbecue and sun loungers, access to a tennis court and even beach towels, so you can travel light. From £75 per night; Airbnb.co.uk.

GARA ROCK

Devon’s coolest hotel lies on a remote, wild and windswept clifftop, but inside it’s all velvet cushions, wood-burning stoves, freestanding baths and sheepskin rugs. When you’re not lounging on the beach or trekking along the South West Coast Path, you can enjoy the heated indoor and outdoor pools, the spa, the cinema room and the restaurant serving local dishes like Salcombe crab. Choose from suites or self-catering apartments – each has a balcony or terrace with spectacular sea or garden views. From £299 per night; Gararock.com. i

GAR A ROCK

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LA CONCHA BEACH, SPAIN

BEACH BONUS La Concha’s proximity to San Sebastián means you’ll get a beach holiday and a city break all rolled into one. Win-win. Famous for its amazing food scene, San Sebastián lays claim to a lot of Michelin stars. Book a table at Arzak (Arzak.es) for cutting-edge Basque cuisine (think dishes like lobster topped with edible wild ﬂowers) by a world-renowned female chef. For cheap bites, hit the pintxo bars and order tasty tapas. Ganbara (Ganbarajatetxea.com) in the city’s old town is a local favourite.

WHERE TO STAY LASALA PLAZA HOTEL

It’s all about the outdoor rooftop pool at this hotel, which has panoramic views of La Concha and San Sebastián. When you’re not Instagramming yourself ﬂoating above the city or sipping cocktails on the terrace, there are plenty of other make-your-friends-drool photo opps. The bedrooms come with city or sea views, vintage black-and-white photos on the walls and cloud-like bedlinen, while restaurant La Jarana Taberna overlooks the port and serves cake and sparkling wine at breakfast. Just saying. From £106 per night; Lasalaplazahotel.com. L A S A L A P L A Z A H OT E L

CASA NICOLASA

Pretty guesthouse Casa Nicolasa is located in the city’s historic old town, just a ﬁve-minute walk from La Concha Beach, and boasts 11 beautifully styled bedrooms with exposed-brick feature walls, wood ﬂoors and elegant white bathrooms. It’s not a hotel, though, so don’t expect breakfast in the morning – though there is a coffee machine at reception, and your mini bar will be stocked with free water, soft drinks and cava. Don’t mind if we do. From £135 per night; Pensioncasanicolasa.com.

PHOTOGRAPHS GETTY IMAGES, STOCKSY. PLEASE CHECK CURRENT GOVERNMENT GUIDELINES FOR YOUR DESTINATION BEFORE BOOKING OR TRAVELLING

orget the crowded Costa Del Sol – northern Spain is where it’s at. In particular, the ﬂat golden sand of La Concha Beach in San Sebastián. Lapped by gentle waves and overlooked at either end by the forested mountains of Urgull and Igueldo, this sheltered stretch of sand is regularly voted one of Europe’s best beaches. In the middle of the bay lies the rocky island of Santa Clara – if the water’s calm, it’s possible to swim there – and there’s a long promenade to meander down, too.

explore

PRAIA DE BENAGIL, PORTUGAL

beach within – go at sunrise or sunset to see it at its best. A word of warning, though: be careful of cliff jumpers between the beach and the cave. WHERE TO STAY

he Algarve is famous for its soaring ochre-coloured cliffs, golden sand and crashing waves – and this stunning beach has all of this in abundance. When you run into the Atlantic after a sun-drenched morning sprawled out on the sand, it feels as though you’re a million miles away from all your responsibilities.

BEACH BONUS Algar de Benagil, a secret sea cave along the coast that you can access via a boat tour – on a calm day, you could even swim there, or rent a kayak or paddleboard to reach it. It’s a natural wonder, with a circular hole in its ceiling, two spectacular arches and a secluded

VILLA RUBY

Villa Ruby in Carvoeiro lies 15 minutes along the coast from Praia de Benagil. It’s a whitewashed dream of a villa, with a pool, two bedrooms and bathrooms and a pretty courtyard with an outside barbecue and dining area. Seven nights from £579; Jamesvillas.co.uk.

TROPEA BEACH, ITALY

his gorgeous beach in Italy’s Calabria region has more than two miles of glistening white sand, sloping gently to a shimmering blue sea. You’d almost think you were in the Caribbean if it weren’t for the cliffs topped with uneven stacks of ancient houses – unmistakably Italian.

Tropea village, lined with piazzas, restaurants and boutiques – you’ll feel as though you’ve walked onto a ﬁlm set. WHERE TO STAY

BEACH BONUS The Sanctuary of Santa Maria dell’Isola, a monastery set high on a rocky promontory, which you can reach via steps carved into the rock. It’s a slog to get to the top, but you’re rewarded with gobsmacking views of the coastline and across to Sicily’s Aeolian Islands. We also love the cobbled streets of

L A DOLCE VITA A TROPEA

This hotel is dazzling, from the terrace overlooking the coast to the sophisticated bedrooms with ’50s-style decor. Breakfast is so big and plentiful – think pastries, olives, cheese and cakes – that you might not even need lunch. From £97 per night; Ladolcevitatropea.it. V C O S M O P O L I TA N

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ST Y L E E DI T Look your best HEROYNE Heroyne jewellery is dedicated to the modern woman with feminine statement designs and a true commitment to sustainability. Designer Theresia Schick combines new and traditional techniques such as 3D printing and highquality casting to create timeless and unexpected statement pieces. Committed to an ethical and sustainable manufacturing process, all pieces are thoughtfully handcrafted in Germany from recycled gold and silver. Heroyne is an exciting new brand with an uncompromising approach to sustainability and a new everyday luxury. Visit www.heroyne.com and @heroyne on Instagram

TWENTY COMPASS Canadian jewellery brand Twenty Compass offers trendy yet timeless pieces at fair and accessible prices. Available worldwide, this woman-owned company proposes minimalist and timeless wearable designs in solid gold, sterling silver and stainless steel. To learn more about the brand, visit www.twentycompass.com and on Instagram @twentycompass

SUZETTE First a professional ballet dancer, Suzette studied jewellery making, created her own label using aesthetics from years on the stage, her rich Laotian, Norwegian and French ancestry, and her love for nature, she designs and creates bespoke wearable art. Pendant of natural butterﬂy wings placed between rock crystal cabochon, framed in 18k gold on a traditional 22k gold chain braided by Lao craftsmen, a ‘give work’ jewellery project Suzette began in Luang Prabang, Laos. Where all proceeds stay in Laos. See more at www.suzette.eu IG: suzetteoneofakindjewelry

DIS IS IT A cultural commentary up and coming streetwear brand founded by two relatives that had a vision, that vision then manifested and became Dis Is It. We have a range of unisex clothing and accessories that we are always working on and expanding, to provide something for everybody. www.disisit.uk

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S TY L E EDIT Look your best

TRANSATLANTIC CHIC

NO MORE SUMMER CHAFING Embrace the heat of the season without the discomfort of burning thighs. The Big Bloomers Company’s Anti Chaﬁng Slip Shorts are the ultimate summer solution. Designed in Britain and made in Italy using seamless technology, they’re extremely soft, lightweight and breathable – so much so, you’ll barely know you’ve got them on. Sizes UK 8 – 36+ Call 01326 373268 or order securely online at www.thebigbloomerscompany.co.uk

La Femme Apéro is the perfect mix of French chic and New York cool. Founders Léa Enderlin and Sarah Lequimener offer a curated wardrobe of elevated and easy-to-wear pieces, made in recycled fabrics and produced in small quantities. Designed in NYC by a Parisian duo, the line is feminine, cheeky and sustainable. Visit www.lafemmeapero.com and follow on Instagram @lafemmeapero Photographer: Stefano Ortega.

EMMA ALTMAN Emma Altman is a NYC based brand that is sexy, cute, diverse, vegan and cruelty free. All products are ethically made in the USA and each collection incorporates digital prints, rhinestones, and glitter. Emma is a contributing artist/educator for the non-proﬁt Artolution where she teaches sewing and fashion design to refugee women internationally. The brand’s mission is to empower women through what they wear so they can take on any challenge in life. See more at www.emmaaltman.com and Instagram: @emmaaltmanapparel

KERN BEYOND Kern Beyond is not your average streetwear brand. They design the most versatile and comfy high-quality pieces. The best part, they put sustainability ﬁrst and only use materials such as recycled PET bottles from the oceans and recycled cotton. The great attention to detail shows the work and time the Swiss label puts into each piece. Streetwear sustainably made in Portugal for you and the world. www.kernbeyond.com

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E SS EN TIAL S E DIT This month’s top tips HYGE BEAUTY Hyge Beauty creates a gorgeous range of products which are all cruelty free, vegan friendly and dermatologically tested. Their philosophy is to create and supply a unique range of safe, specialised and successful skincare products whilst eliminating any overcomplications. See here their Vitamin Infused Serum, a multivitamin complex blended with carrot infusion. Designed to manage acne and creating a younger, more radiant skin. Visit their instagram @hygebeauty to ﬁnd out more.

LOOK YOUNGER LONGER REGENTIV SPECIALIST SERUM (WITH RETINOL) This delicate and oh so effective serum for lines, wrinkles, crepey eyes and neck, vertical lip lines, sun damage and much more. Unique formulation of retinol palmitate, aloe vera, vitamin E, SPF, moisturiser – perfect to use twice daily. 35ml £29.95, 50ml £44.95, 105ml £79.95, 200ml £149. To receive exclusive 15% reader discount apply code COSMO15 when ordering. www.regentiv.com or call 01923 212555 for advice or to order. Please see website for full range and special offers.

EDOBIO SAKETERNAL SKINCARE SERIES USES A SPECIAL JAPANESE INGREDIENT TINA LIP KITS Tina Lip Kits is a velvety kiss proof, waterproof and long lasting matte liquid lip kits in your favourite shades from pinks, nudes, browns and a classic red lip. Tina Lip Kits is cruelty free, vegan and paraben free matte liquid lipstick with matching lip liner in one kit. Perfect for any occasion from date night or a night out providing long lasting wear and a deﬁned fuller look. Web: www.tinalipkits.com TikTok: @tinalipkits YouTube: Tina Lip Kits

Sake lees are an ancient Japanese superfood. EDOBIO has focused on the nutrients in sake lees (peptides, amino acids, vitamins, yeast, etc.) and applied them to anti-aging care. The sake lees created during the production of sake are already fermented, but EDOBIO has developed their own proprietary ‘lactobacillus-fermented sake lees extract’ by adding BiProGE lactobacillus; fermenting and cultivating it for the proper period of time, so as not to compromise efficacy. This skincare series uses innovative technology to rejuvenate the skin and address signs of aging for men and women of all ages. www.edobio.com @edobio.japan

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ES S E NTIA LS EDIT This month’s top tips

SUPERCHARGE YOUR SKINCARE ROUTINE IN ONE EASY STEP! The GLOU multi-functional facial brush ampliﬁes your favourite cleansing products to remove more dead skin cells, dirt and excess oil – revealing fresh, radiant and glowing skin beneath. Each brush delivers 6500 sonic vibrations per minute to gently loosen all impurities. This means fewer breakouts, increased skin detoxiﬁcation and an optimal base for serums, creams and makeup. Visit www.glouskin.com @glouskinco

BERRI-CLEAR SKIN Berri-Clear Skin is a woman-owned plant-based beauty brand inspired by old school Trinidadian culture where ingredients for home made remedies are used to provide women with youthful, radiant, healthy-looking skin. Berri-Clear+ is the Original 5 Berry Superfruit serum that aims to tackle uneven skin tone and stubborn dark spots. Shop today at berriclearskin.com

CC GLOW SERUM BY AUGUST & LEO SKIN Get glowing with August & Leo Skin’s CC Glow Serum This powerhouse formula contains a gentle yet effective dose of 5% Vitamin C that evens skin tone, ﬁghts signs of ageing, reduces breakouts and enhances overall skin health. The addition of Hyaluronic Acid hydrates and plumps for a brightened complexion, while Citrus Stem Cells stimulate collagen production. August & Leo Skin is all vegan, paraben free, gluten free, cruelty free and eco-friendly. Shop their products at AugustandLeoSkin.com and follow @AugustandLeoSkin

BOTANIXX Hi my name is Andrea. After my mother’s battle with colon cancer resulting in her passing, I discovered most household soaps and moisturisers contain synthetic detergents and hazardous cancer causing chemicals. So I decided to create Botanixx – an all natural, vegan based, line of personal care bath items. A portion of proceeds go to the conservation of endangered species and recyclable packaging is used. Every product is handcrafted with love. Please enjoy these products! Visit www.Botanixx.co and follow @Botanixx.co

one last thing...

Remember this?

AUGUST

2001

21 SECO NDS TURNS 2 0

WORDS DUSTY BAXTER-WRIGHT. PHOTOGRAPH GETTY IMAGES

Cast your mind back to August 2001 and you might remember a summer when So Solid Crew rapping about having 21 seconds to go was all you heard on the radio. The hip-hop collective featured the likes of MC Harvey, Asher D (AKA Ashley Walters) and Lisa Maffia, and the song reached number one in the singles chart. “We had no idea it was going to be so big,” Maffia says. “We still get royalties every six months.” Not bad two decades later.

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