Benjamin Fry

Can you have Trauma and a Great Relationship

Benjamin Fry

Abuse

I need to control someone

Abandonment

Fixed by Power Neglect

I need someone next to me

I need someone's attention

Fixed by Love

Fixed by Attention

Abuse

I need to control someone

Abandonment

Fixed by Power Neglect

I need someone next to me

I need someone's attention

Fixed by Love

Fixed by Attention

Abuse

I need to control someone

Abandonment

Power

Love

I'm going to make you do what I want

I'm going to get you to fall in love with me

Attention

I'm going to be more fun than you

What makes me feel safe with you

What makes me feel loved

How I want to have fun with you

I'm going to make you do what I want

What makes me feel safe with you

Love

I'm going to get you to fall in love with me

Attention

What makes me feel loved

I'm going to be more important than you

How I want to have fun with you

I'm going to make you do what I want

I'm going to get you to fall in love with me

Attention

What makes me feel safe with you

What makes me feel loved

I'm going to be more important than you

How I want to have fun with you

Eddie and Faye What makes me feel safe

Eddie

• Money

• Respect

• No hysteria

• Personal phone calls

• Questions about my interests

• He shares his feelings

• He is vulnerable

• Secure housing and finances

• Promises are kept

• Change is carefully managed

Faye

Eddie and Faye Backstory

Eddie

• Alcoholic mother

• Very volatile home life

• Volatile finances, which suddenly improved aged 10

• Controlling older sister

• Both hypervigilant about drinking

• Sister and mother hysterical

• Very young mother 22 when she was born

• Single mother when she was three years old

• At six often left alone to look after the baby

• Once found wandering the streets with the baby looking for help

• Mother in volatile relationship

Faye

Bob and Anne What makes me feel loved

• Anne

• Inclusion

• Forgiveness

• Desired

• Trusted

• Supported

• Appreciated

• Forgiven

• Understood

• Heard

• Desired

Bob and Ann Backstory

• Afghan refugee at age nine

• Father was very critical

• Huge pressure to succeed in both education and sports

• Fear of failure

• Nothing was ever good enough

• She was bad however hard she tried

• Strict religious code in upbringing

Bob

Anne

India and Jason How I have fun with you

India

Jason

• Someone to share joy and difficulties

• Plan a future

• Humor and jokes

• Discover new things

• Intellectual discussions

• Sex

• Travel

• Feel good about myself

• Travel

• Food

• Sex

• No loneliness

• Laughter

• Humor

Abuse

Abandonment

I need to control someone

I need someone next to me

Neglect

I'm going to make you do what I want

I'm going to get you to fall in love with me

I need someone's attention

I'm going to be more important than you

I'm going to make you do what I want

I'm going to get you to love me

What makes me feel safe with you

What makes me feel loved

How I want to have fun with you

Something

for me I'm going to be more important than you

Something

for you

Something

for us

www.benjaminfry.co.uk